brain broken, in the bad ways
. . . this morning. My suspicion is that it's been building up for a while, and that fragments of the day yesterday brought everything up to the surface. I'd like to be able to shrug and say it's nothing major, but it is -- or rather, they are.
My doctor did suggest therapy, last fall, when I mentioned the things going on in my life over the past two years or so (which, for anyone coming into this story late, include the final decision to separate from/divorce my partner of twenty years, a shift in job position, getting into a new relationship [which has since apparently ended in that form, but who knows? I sure as fuck don't], getting involved with Soren [after a fifteen-year crush], falling in love with Soren, getting engaged to Soren, my mother setting herself on fire and spending about seven months in the hospital, several of them unconscious, dividing property, finding a new apartment, moving, moving Soren in, helping Mark move, sorting through my mother's belongings, September, dealing with my idiot brothers, finding out that my plans for making music with a beloved friend were not going to come to pass, work stress, settling in with Soren, eating lima beans, getting a gym membership, getting sick repeatedly, meeting Soren's family, trying to write again, coming to terms [ha!} with my current body, trying to start a new relationship. . .), and I keep wondering where I'll find time and money.
I'll probably be more cheerful tomorrow.
My doctor did suggest therapy, last fall, when I mentioned the things going on in my life over the past two years or so (which, for anyone coming into this story late, include the final decision to separate from/divorce my partner of twenty years, a shift in job position, getting into a new relationship [which has since apparently ended in that form, but who knows? I sure as fuck don't], getting involved with Soren [after a fifteen-year crush], falling in love with Soren, getting engaged to Soren, my mother setting herself on fire and spending about seven months in the hospital, several of them unconscious, dividing property, finding a new apartment, moving, moving Soren in, helping Mark move, sorting through my mother's belongings, September, dealing with my idiot brothers, finding out that my plans for making music with a beloved friend were not going to come to pass, work stress, settling in with Soren, eating lima beans, getting a gym membership, getting sick repeatedly, meeting Soren's family, trying to write again, coming to terms [ha!} with my current body, trying to start a new relationship. . .), and I keep wondering where I'll find time and money.
I'll probably be more cheerful tomorrow.