too many emotions

I just posted some of this as a comment to someone else, and something similar in another online community...

I work in the West Village, and get out of the train at the south end of the West 4th street station. This morning, the sky was blue and serene and cloudless, with a faint haze at the south end of the island -- and I realized that I don't look up as I walk the half-block south, before turning west any more. I don't want to see the southern sky of Manhattan. And I can't decide whether seeing nothing hurts more than seeing the towers in flames.

I am not going in to work on Wednesday -- I have enough trouble convincing myself to take the subways each day as it is, and somehow, the prospect of taking trains away from Soren and home this year on the 11th keeps freezing me.

I am not sure what I feel right now. Too many emotions. I know that I will not watch any of the memorial services on the news if I can avoid them, nor will I listen to the radio.

Maybe I'll write, or cook, or do something productive. Or perhaps I'll sit and wait for things to wash over me.