maybe it is September

blue sky morning, red sky night
sailor take warning when the eagle takes flight
if i had wings
i would delight
and fly away
black cloud riding
on the cotton fields back home
everyone's an island
in the desert of their soul
take to the sky --
there's nowhere else to go
and fly away
Things worth remembering:

* I believe that words have power, and that people who recognize the importance of power know this, and use their words carefully.

* I am unlikely to be an exception to the rule of other people's behavior. I learned this with X, who told me, "I've lied to all the other women in my life, but I'm so honest with you." That lesson stuck: thus it makes it unlikely that if someone tells me, "I am a master of this type of manipulation/this sort of treatment of others," that I will believe that they won't use that manipulation/treatment with me.

* I bitterly resent being put into situations where my choices are to remain silent and hurt, or to speak about my feelings and then be told how much I've hurt someone else/how much someone else is hurt by my speaking my truth.

* All the expressed respect in the world doesn't mean jack-shit if the actions don't match. If you're hitting me with a baseball bat, it doesn't matter how you feel about me -- what matters is that I have to get out of range until you put it down.

* I am tired of being the one to reschedule myself around others, who take it for granted that I will always adapt myself to them.

* I am more tired than I can express of being the one to do the work at maintaining friendships, the one who calls, who emails, who suggests and schedules activities. And it hurts when I see that the people for whom I do this can call anyone else, can schedule activities with anyone else, but never with me, that unless I do the work, they would never interact with me.

(Aside: some of you reading this probably think you know a specific incident/person that this all refers to. Guess again.)

Still, the sun is out, the sky right now is blue, and clear, and there are things to do.

when I get the courage to be flying blind
I'll fly too high
to find my way home