I walk alone...

As usual, I lose.

2010-08-20T04:14:26Z

Yes, ladies and gentlemen: I quit LJ, if you haven't read the comment I gave to my awesome sis, lexivee .
You all keep misunderstanding me to the point where I really can't say what I want to here.
Not anymore.
I'm being misunderstood and now slaughtered.
I feel like I have to be defensive, and walk on egg shells.
I'm sorry, but that's not the path I choose to live.
I know someone will mistake this entry, too.
But... all is well at home now, why the fuck would it matter here?
It didn't.
Goodbye LJ.
And no, this isn't a guilt trip.
Jeez.

Sigh.

2010-08-19T23:25:16Z

Mike just left, and I see I'm a horrible person. So all in all, I'm sorry. ~~But there, this is a nicer tbg note. Peace.~~

And even if I wish I could erase this all, I can't. Staying. In hopes of a better tomorrow, and a much more distant past... sigh.

faith: collapsing.

J-Rock time.

2010-08-18T03:06:12Z

Visited JPopAsia to get some translations and stuff. I finally started watching more LM.C videos, something I haven't done in a long, long time. I usually just listened to the music and if it had a good beat, I would just love it right off the bat. But now I'm watching videos, looking for translations, and even thinking about learning Japanese again. XD; I'm so lazy, though. Hurm.

LM.C - "Punky Heart" [vid] has got to be my favorite. The lyrics are cheerful, and so is the video itself! Maya and Aiji are both adorable in it. Go check it out!

"Punky Heart"
By: LM.C
From: http://www.jpopasia.com/play/19718/lmc/punky-heart.html

Worthless glass marbles spilled out from our palms
We gathered them up like diamonds and laughed,those never ending days.

They called us fake but nobody had the guts to look us in the eye
Our story is shining brighter than any treasure

We trusted the strength we couldn’t see and set out
It doesn’t matter where we end up

Spreading our tiny wings, we look up at this sky that’s way too high
But we'll never make any excuses or be sad that we can't fly-because thats not the kind of person we are

Accepting and rebelling, we’re not doing it for anyone else
We’ll sing with distorted beats and broken chords-Viva★stupid songs.

Someday we’ll grow up and before we know it, we’ll have lost them
Those melodies will be left behind, echoing deep in your heart

You’re crying all alone but if you can just smile
Then it doesn’t matter if the whole world’s your enemy

Our indescribable, ephemeral emotions vanish with the wind
But we’ll never give up and go to sleep or make excuses for not flying

We set out to gather a bit of light so the feelings in our fingers wouldn’t end
Nothing’s for certain but we’re not afraid at all

Spreading our tiny wings, we look up at this sky that’s way too high
Our shining memories and unchanging emotions won’t fade as time goes by

"My Soul To Take" [trailer]

2010-08-18T01:46:34Z

Another movie by Wes Craven. Looks pretty damn sweet, if ya ask me.

First job: possible published comic book artist?!

2010-08-15T09:43:19Z

Okay, okay! It was about damn time I posted it here on LJ for all to see, as well. I have posted it on my deviantART journal entry here, as well as my Twitter here. So what is the story behind all of this? I'll tell you.

My friend on dA named OfOneSoul wrote a journal entry in the NEWS section of DA. She's trying to find a comic artist since she already has the story done, copy-written and all! At first I was hesitant, as you can see in the comments... (I'm Vigilante88.) But Mike convinced me that this is a one chance in a lifetime! Why not take it? So, I asked if I was applicable... she said I was! What, wow?!?!?! Awesome! She's noting me about the details tomorrow.

Why is this more awesome than just any other "comic" out there?

SHE'S TRYING TO GET PUBLISHED!!!!

Man... I'm just... Wow. I hope I get hired and can maintain focus, I'm so psyched.

A big thank you to all of the people who told me my art was good and awesome, they loved it, were fans of it, or just told me to keep trying and practicing. A big fuck you, however, to people who hated my art or said I half-assed it when I TRIED. Or just told me to give up; art wasn't "for me". Proved your asses wrong, much?

I hope I get this place, and if so? I might need some critic help; even if you don't "consider" yourself an artist. I need even harsh critic, and I need to be more on top and perfectionist with my work.

That's it. Just excited, man. Wow... Who have thought me, of all people, would be applicable for something this... awesome?

"The Crow" (Quotes)

2010-08-15T04:11:04Z

“Because we do not know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustable well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood? Some afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you can’t even concieve of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps not even that. How many times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.”

“A building gets torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that was true about everything. families, friends, feelings. But now I know, that sometimes, if love proves real, two people who are meant to be together— nothing can keep them apart.”

"People once believed that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the land of the dead. But sometimes, something so bad happens that a terrible sadness is carried with it and the soul can’t rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes, the crow can bring that soul back to put the wrong things right."

“Little things used to mean so much to Shelly - I used to think they were kind of trivial. Believe me, nothing is trivial.”

And, my favorite...

"It can't rain all the time..."

OOMPH! - "Labyrinth" [music vid]

2010-08-14T22:20:40Z

OOMPH! - "labyrinth" on youtube. Click here!

It's an Alice in Wonderland-type video, and the lyrics are great. I'll post a translation if anyone needs it... I just thought I would share this with you all, because it's one of my all-time favorites.

So, I'm obsessed with Dero again, the lead/drummer of OOMPH! Does anyone know where I can find icons of'im?

A deeper meaning:
I feel like the Mad Hatter, and Mike would be Alice... I feel as though I brought him into some crazy void with no escape, and ... I dunno, I feel horrible about my sanity... err, lack of? I hope I'm not as destructive as I come across to be sometimes...

Batman: Arkham City [video game info.]

2010-08-14T16:59:54Z

A new Batman video game for PC, 360, and PS3 is coming out!!! Here is the official site. I'm excited! The graphics look kick ass!

Now Arkham Asylum is a whole city, and Two-Face wants to execute Cat Woman (unsure of why). Batman must break into the prison to save Cat Woman. Can it get any better?!

Tons of villains are in this new video game, including Hugo Strange, who was created before The Joker himself!

Again, here's the official site. You can register for the game's sweepstakes. Five 1st place winners will win a black and white Batman statue by DC, after the model used for the video game itself. Ten 2nd place winners will win the graphic novel, Arkham Asylum, which I already own and it is awesome! So either way, you win. And on that page, you can apply for updates from the official site! WIN!?

A much more informative and longer entry is out in this month's Game Informer, so go to Gamestop and pick it up!

Writer's Block: Happy happy joy joy

2010-08-14T07:29:15Z

My friends or my fiancee / soul mate, Mike. And if none of them are around (which does happen, guys), then my music. Or my fandoms.

3AM? Exhausted.

2010-08-14T07:15:12Z

I listened to the whole Matrix Soundtrack just an hour or so ago. It was great to finally listen to good music. Mike also played some of the Batman Forever Soundtrack, which is well-done, but not my kind of music; even if the songs were good. (No offense to anyone!) Good stuff, now me and Mike are just relaxing to the radio station, The X, which is for alternative rock / metal in Ohio.

I noticed I have been feeling apathetic all day; from the time I wake up until I fall asleep. Every single day. This is bad, right? Right. I'm worried... I'll always tell myself, "Tomorrow, I'll do this, this and this to make up for today." I end up not doing that, though. I gotta put my foot down, shit. Apathy and me get along a bit too well, and I want to burn that bridge, most definitely.

I played more Pokemon Platinum yesterday. That was somewhat fun without codes and all. I'm so lazy these days, I swear. I might quit that one, though; and start Pokemon Heart Gold again. The person who wanted me to play Platinum is no longer in my life, therefore it doesn't seem that... "important".

Tons of art to draw, I know! I'm not forgetting... Not even with my eyes burning here at 3:11AM, lmao.

Also? aqua_crescent is drawing me Neo from The Matrix as a 22nd Birthday gift! Awesome...!!!

And to end this entry, I plan on writing fanfiction for:
- The Matrix (when I finish watching the third one; FML)
- Shutter Island (when I gather more information from Wiki, and possibly read the book?)
- The Crazies (when I finish it, God this is sad)
- Johnny the Homicidal Maniac [comic]
... more in thought.

Shutter Island: first fanfiction I ever read (for this movie) was awesome!

2010-08-14T03:23:32Z

I think I would be good at writing Shutter Island fanfiction, personally. Anyway...

Sanity by Magical Shovel at FanFiction[dot]Net was a well-written short-write/drabble, which intrigued me from the title and forth. It is for the movie Shutter Island, an amazing psychological thriller movie from 2010.

This drabble was about the character, FBI Marshall Teddy Daniels, who was acted by Leonardo DiCaprio. Magical Shovel's preview of "Sanity" was:

"A small, little drabble pertaining to the questionable sanity of FBI Marshall Teddy Daniels."

Although being only three paragraphs long, it really makes you question who is sane, and who is not? It doesn't even spoil the movie!

10/10; it kept my attention, even with me being an ADHD patient. Lol.

I recommend any of the author's works, though. She has a great selection of fandoms she wrote for.

Also, I reviewed her story as "Raining Ashes" (with a typo included for free! /shot). She wrote me back, and she enjoyed my review. And she was glad that I pointed out his questioning of himself, and what sanity was. Awesome.

And stop haunting me!

2010-08-14T02:30:49Z

Earlier I was watching Ghost Adventures on the Travel Channel with Mike. They were at this state hospital and school... It was horrible! The conditions, as I would expect, were poor; especially for the mentally handicapped kids that went there! If you were a patient that bit one of the staff twice or three times, they would rip out all of your teeth... And most kids were just... dropped off here; abandoned. It reminded me of something from my past: Crownsville State Hospital. Ugh. Will get into that another day; it's too painful too remember atm. I mean, this place was from 1978 (the hospital/school the show was at), and... supposedly, conditions in mental hospitals, etc. have gotten "better"? IS THIS JUSTICE? I certainly don't think so! I just... feel like I can relate. Wandering spirits of sick innocent people, children included, still there... It's sad.

I sketched some of The Phoenix as an Elven-type Sorceress/Swordswoman, at least. I don't want to scan it, though; it's horrible. And I've got too many pictures to finish/start anyway.

And after listening to Miss Ankh's advice on my Birthday... The sexual abuse ended years ago, you're right; and... I don't want to be a victim anymore, so I won't be.

This year? I'm going to enjoy my Birthday.

22nd Birthday = 09/09/10!!

w00t.

33. Bless the enemy.

2010-08-13T22:37:31Z

I have such a long list of art I need to draw or finish for people ...

LIST:
- Finish Persephone for darkalessa
- Finish outline + CG of Cairo for tungs
- Draw Ryo from the J-Pop group NEWS for nekoshoujo
- Draw Nero from the harsh electro band Psyclon Nine for Bjarki.
- More Tori x Jeb for lexivee ; using this as one example / ref pic.
- Draw Lara Croft for aqua_crescent
- Re-outline + CG + finish Rorschach for the masked vigilantes group via DA.
- More Mike x Heather = OTP art.
- Finish up old art pieces, mm'kay.
- Search for pics of The Phoenix, Gryphons, Dragons, etc. references!
------ compilation originally from here. (Old plurk.)

Lots of stuff to do.

Books to find/buy:
Vampire Diaries
Remember Me by Christopher Pike
Beautiful Dead
City of Glass [saga]
Ghost Girl [rest]
Blue Blood [all novels]
Fallen by Lauren Kate
Evermore
The Immortals
......

Lots to do.

Also, if I forgot anyone... lots of shit is going on, so just remind me. Sorry ahead of time, tho.

32. [This Sacrifice]

2010-08-13T22:15:55Z

I am proud of what I sacrifice & I am proud of what I save.

30. Angry Nintendo Nerd reviews Friday the 13th video game. [vid]

2010-08-13T19:37:18Z

lmfao.

29. Unlucky 13.

2010-08-13T19:05:23Z

Listening to a good CD, with classic horror themes. I listened to the original Friday the 13th theme, can't wait for Halloween. It's now playing a Nightmare Before Christmas theme. Awesome...

I was depressed really bad earlier, that I kind of... got very dizzy. Nearly collapsed, so Mike talked me down; he also helped me get downstairs to eat. I just.. I don't know wtf is going on with my body. It's probably the heat + Lupus + stress... But don't worry, man. I'm doing better. I ate 3 bowls of cereal to catch up on the energy.

I'm feeling weak, but I'm determined to stay strong; not to mention persistent. I will maintain stability for Lexi and my other friends. They need me right now; my body needs me. Mike needs me. My Mom needs me.

I need me.

I won't fall, I can't. I've got too much riding on this. I just won't think of next month; I'll live in the present day. And in a way? This is helping me cope with that sexual abuse anniversary of next month...
I'll never surrender.
I'll always fight & defend.

I also have to do that gift art I posted a link to (don't worry Riri & AC & everyone else; never forgot!) ...
And Lexi will be surprised with gifts when she gets back.
I also have to watch Scream 2 soon.

ilu guys, man. Stay strong, and never give up the fight.
It gets tough, but trust me... Justice will prevail; and you will win.
If you don't give up.
Hang in there, Lexi. (And everyone else.)
I'll be here for you.

"And in this moment,
I am for you.
Though better men
Have failed;
I will give my
Life for love."
- CXS

28. The One.

2010-08-13T17:51:31Z

I'm feeling so down.
Mike is right, I'm overwhelmed.
I'm worried sick.
But I have to carry on.
I feel like...
I'm a shitty friend.
I'm dizzy right now,
From being blinded.
By everything positive.
I can only see the blurs
Of light shining through
This eternal darkness...
You know the feeling?

With a now ex-friend pulling this now, with me being worried about one of the best people on the face of this EARTH...
With everything that's going to happen next month?! What an awful Fri. the 13th. Sigh...

I just....
I want this to end.
It's getting too painful.
But a little voice inside breaks through this corruption and rage and confusion--
"For the ones I love."

I'll never surrender.
For you.

The pillars are sustained.
This citadel will not fall.
Never again.
I'm here to protect,
Not fall.
I'm here to carry you,
And not let you fall.
For you, and for you all.

27. Promise...

2010-08-13T17:07:24Z

I'll wait forever.
And I'll do it for you.
I'll never leave my post,
I'll do it all for you.
Because you're different than most;
You're a good person, not a monster.
I'll wait forever if I have to.

I swear I'll be here.
I promise.

I have faith in you.
You're not a monster.
You're an angel.
And if anyone says different?
They're full of lies.

I'll be here, and I'll remember you for what you really are: the kindest person I know of. Not a monster.

xoxoxoxo

25. Been busy... sorry.

2010-08-13T05:35:54Z

I compiled a to-do list for gifts for everyone who requested or I thought could use the uplifting: here. It's public.

Anyway... I've been down or irritable as of late. I know why, but I don't know how to solve it. FML.

Also, umm. DeviantART is awesome? Eh, heh...

*waves*

Also...

HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!
JASON VOORHEES IS HOT, YES.

24. Random update.

2010-08-12T18:16:06Z

Michael Myers can do ace tricks! SRS.
I love this video, and Myers himself. lol What a cutie. *morbid and twisted bitch*

That's all for now...