{"id":25471,"date":"2023-06-15T07:30:00","date_gmt":"2023-06-14T23:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/?p=25471"},"modified":"2023-06-15T13:30:01","modified_gmt":"2023-06-15T05:30:01","slug":"having-a-kid","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/personal\/having-a-kid\/","title":{"rendered":"From Dual Income No Kids to Dual Income One Kid: A Thought Process"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_83 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/personal\/having-a-kid\/#Who_says_one_have_to_have_kids\" >Who says one *have* to have kids?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/personal\/having-a-kid\/#Like_it_or_not_hormones_drive_our_behaviour\" >Like it or not, hormones drive our behaviour<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/personal\/having-a-kid\/#I_knew_I_would_only_have_a_child_if_I_was_financially_stable\" >I knew I would only have a child if I was financially stable<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/personal\/having-a-kid\/#Pregnancy_Ambivalence\" >Pregnancy Ambivalence<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/personal\/having-a-kid\/#Tasks_that_kept_me_distracted_and_busy\" >Tasks that kept me distracted and busy<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/personal\/having-a-kid\/#Planning_the_financial_side_of_having_a_baby\" >Planning the financial side of having a baby<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-7\" href=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/personal\/having-a-kid\/#Having_realistic_expectations\" >Having realistic expectations<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-8\" href=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/personal\/having-a-kid\/#Last_thoughts\" >Last thoughts<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\"><\/div>\n<p>Amid all the congratulary posts on baby Mika&#8217;s arrival on 19 May 2023, I received a thought-provoking question via DM, pic below. I thought it deserves a full post, so shoutout to this person for inspiring this article \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img data-attachment-id=\"25535\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/personal\/having-a-kid\/attachment\/ready-to-become-parents\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/ready-to-become-parents.jpeg?fit=1024%2C936&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1024,936\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"ready-to-become-parents\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/ready-to-become-parents.jpeg?fit=300%2C274&amp;ssl=1\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/ready-to-become-parents.jpeg?fit=1024%2C936&amp;ssl=1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1024\" height=\"936\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/ready-to-become-parents.jpeg?resize=1024%2C936&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-25535\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/ready-to-become-parents.jpeg?w=1024&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/ready-to-become-parents.jpeg?resize=300%2C274&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/ready-to-become-parents.jpeg?resize=768%2C702&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/ready-to-become-parents.jpeg?resize=560%2C512&amp;ssl=1 560w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/ready-to-become-parents.jpeg?resize=600%2C548&amp;ssl=1 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>The questions are (1) how I changed my mind and be open to having a baby, and (2) How I planned the finances for it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>These are not easy questions to answer, but I will start with this: Some people have always known they want to become parents. Me, I questioned it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It&#8217;s not like I <em>reject<\/em> the idea of children. I just didn&#8217;t want to become a parent &#8216;because that&#8217;s what people do by age X\/ after getting married&#8217;. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I want the decision to have children to be a lot more intentional than that. I have long believed it is better to regret not having children than regret having children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Let me explain my thought process, starting with..<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Who_says_one_have_to_have_kids\"><\/span>Who says one *have* to have kids? <span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>First of all, I see motherhood or parenthood as optional. You don&#8217;t have to have children if you don&#8217;t want to. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8216;But what about&#8217; &#8211; who cares? People are going to judge your choices either way &#8211; working mother, SAHM, no children, have them early, have them late, number of children, parenting style etc. So do what you want, as long as you don&#8217;t hurt other people, all good. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Additionally, being childless is a non-issue for me. I would be happy to continue being one half of a DINK family &#8211; dual income, no kids sounds fun as heck. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To be honest, I already have a complete and joyful life with no baby. I&#8217;m not looking to fill a missing piece in my life or anything. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But all that &#8211; that&#8217;s the &#8216;rational&#8217; part of my brain talking. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Like_it_or_not_hormones_drive_our_behaviour\"><\/span>Like it or not, hormones drive our behaviour<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>There&#8217;s a reason why the human race have survived, nay, <em>thrived<\/em> until there&#8217;s like 8 billion of us worldwide: <strong>we&#8217;re all driven by hormones, which means <s>sometimes<\/s> all the effing time we do things that are not particularly rational. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In my case, the fact that I love my partner meant that I was open to have a child with him, despite knowing there are SO MANY downsides to doing so, especially for the mother. This is so well-documented that there&#8217;s even a term for it: <strong>the motherhood penalty<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The below is a snippet of how motherhood penalty looks like. Sucks, right? (Note: Data is not from Malaysia, but this is a universal experience)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img data-attachment-id=\"25536\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/personal\/having-a-kid\/attachment\/motherhood-penalty\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/motherhood-penalty.jpeg?fit=957%2C1253&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"957,1253\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"motherhood-penalty\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/motherhood-penalty.jpeg?fit=229%2C300&amp;ssl=1\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/motherhood-penalty.jpeg?fit=782%2C1024&amp;ssl=1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"782\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/motherhood-penalty.jpeg?resize=782%2C1024&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-25536\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/motherhood-penalty.jpeg?resize=782%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 782w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/motherhood-penalty.jpeg?resize=229%2C300&amp;ssl=1 229w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/motherhood-penalty.jpeg?resize=768%2C1006&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/motherhood-penalty.jpeg?resize=560%2C733&amp;ssl=1 560w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/motherhood-penalty.jpeg?resize=600%2C786&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ringgitohringgit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/motherhood-penalty.jpeg?w=957&amp;ssl=1 957w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 782px) 100vw, 782px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>So if things are so bad, why have a kid anyway? I actually wondered to myself &#8211; why the heck am I still open to motherhood even after knowing the consequences? Why put myself in a more vulnerable position? Why give myself less pay?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-twitter wp-block-embed-twitter\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"550\" data-dnt=\"true\"><p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">How do career women who want children come to terms with the data that says women&#39;s income tend to drop significantly after having a child and never recover? <br><br>Forget husband pay etc. How do YOU cope when high income is part of your identity and you may lose that forever?<\/p>&mdash; Suraya: bestselling Bergaji &amp; Pokai book (@surayaror) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/surayaror\/status\/1579663084838621184?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">October 11, 2022<\/a><\/blockquote><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>At 1 month pregnant, I asked the above question publicly, and in the end concluded &#8211; <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">the best I can hope for is to be the outlier to the statistics.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Stop working is not even an option. Of course I will continue to work after having a child &#8211; I like my work, I&#8217;m good at it, as it&#8217;s practical as heck in this economy. Already explored this thought in the <a href=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/personal\/dating-and-money\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">How Money Affects My Dating Life<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/personal\/thoughts-on-marriage\/\">Thoughts I Have About Marriage (and Money Management)<\/a> articles)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Overconfident, overoptimistic, call it what you want to call it. What can I say. <strong>Love makes us stupid<\/strong>. As my good sis Selena Gomez once said, <strong>the heart wants what it wants. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>HOWEVER! I may be in love and stupid, but I still have some rational sense in me. That&#8217;s why&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"I_knew_I_would_only_have_a_child_if_I_was_financially_stable\"><\/span>I knew I would only have a child if I was financially stable<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>A huge reason why I decided to have a baby is because I am financially stable and have a comfortable amount in savings. Note: MY savings. Not my partner, not my family&#8217;s. MINE. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I NEED to be financially stable before even considering a child because:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>It costs money to raise a child. Duh. Six, even seven figures in total, easy. <\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You need to pay for pregnancy, childbirth and baby stuff. As per my own calculations, it is possible to <a href=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/shopping\/baby-cost-breakdown\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">have a baby under RM10k,<\/a> or even under RM5k if you want (or have) to, but it&#8217;ll be stressful<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>If anything happens to my partner\/relationship, I want to be able to take care of my child financially. You can shout nafkah and responsibilities but it&#8217;s risky to 100% depend on it. I also don&#8217;t trust the Syariah system to execute the order<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>I am self-employed, but employed women have more to think about:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>Employers aren&#8217;t technically allowed to fire employees due to pregnancy or children, but it happens anyway. Sure one can sue but that&#8217;s a whole process that not everyone can or want to go through<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Some employers also might be hesitant to hire pregnant women (or even married women). The problem isn&#8217;t long maternity leave, but short paternity leave.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Don&#8217;t ever gloss over this issue. Many caregivers including working mothers get so pressured by inflexible work demands and end up quitting, preferring to be self-employed instead. That&#8217;s why only 55.5% of Malaysian women are in the labour force. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-instagram wp-block-embed-instagram\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<div class=\"sbi-embed-wrap\"><blockquote class=\"instagram-media sbi-embed\" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/reel\/Cjx8LlkJvqq\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" data-instgrm-version=\"14\" style=\" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);\"><div style=\"padding:16px;\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/reel\/Cjx8LlkJvqq\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" style=\" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;\" target=\"_blank\"> <div style=\" display: flex; 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font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;\">View this post on Instagram<\/div><\/div><div style=\"padding: 12.5% 0;\"><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;\"><div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);\"><\/div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;\"><\/div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"margin-left: 8px;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"margin-left: auto;\"> <div style=\" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);\"><\/div> <div style=\" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);\"><\/div><\/div><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;\"><\/div><\/div><\/a><p style=\" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/reel\/Cjx8LlkJvqq\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" style=\" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none;\" target=\"_blank\">A post shared by Suraya Zainudin (@surayaror)<\/a><\/p><\/div><\/blockquote><script async src=\"\/\/platform.instagram.com\/en_US\/embeds.js\"><\/script><\/div>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Related:  <a href=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/earning-money\/before-you-quit-your-job\/\">7 Things to Do Before You Quit Your Job to Become A Freelancer\/Self-Employed<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So anyway, I was open to being pregnant, I have the savings for it, then I got pregnant. What followed was a very confusing 9 months.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Pregnancy_Ambivalence\"><\/span>Pregnancy Ambivalence<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Most of the time I was pregnant, as in the whole 9 months, I had mixed feelings; happy, surreal, sad, worry, grief, grateful, I felt it all. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It was weird because my pregnancy was both wanted and planned, so why the negative feelings? It was disorienting, confusing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But then I found out the term to describe this feeling: Pregnancy Ambivalence. It&#8217;s defined as \u201c<strong>unresolved or contradictory feelings about whether one wants to have a child at a particular moment<\/strong>\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ah, that explains it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When I dug into it, I found out <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">pregnancy ambivalence is very common<\/span>. The sample size is small (n = 84), but a 2017 study found that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.today.com\/parents\/pregnancy\/pregnancy-ambivalence-rcna81221\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">55% of women &#8220;described feelings of ambivalence&#8221; about their pregnancy<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Pregnancy Ambivalence was also the reason I kept a low profile about being pregnant. Our families were informed, some friends as well, but that was it. Unless necessary or for work purposes, no one else knew. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Even when I did have to disclose my pregnancy, it felt weird. I heard the obligatory &#8216;Congratulations!&#8217; and more often than not had to fake being happy because that was expected of pregnant women everywhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Don&#8217;t get me wrong. I did feel happy, sometimes. It&#8217;s just mixed with other, equally strong feelings. There&#8217;s <strong>grief<\/strong> for sure &#8211; I knew motherhood is a commitment, and I found it hard to say goodbye to my responsibility-free, life. But I also felt <strong>intense curiosity <\/strong>towards the motherhood experience. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Like I said, confusing. I would&#8217;ve gone crazy if not for a couple of therapy sessions (cost: RM500++), as well as having&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Tasks_that_kept_me_distracted_and_busy\"><\/span>Tasks that kept me distracted and busy<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>There are a LOT of things to do to prepare for a baby&#8217;s arrival. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, my organised side started planning. In fact, one of my early journal entries was a to-do list. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>These checklists included things like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>Research things I should eat \/ stop eating \/ do \/ stop doing<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>List of things to buy for myself and for baby<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Places to get check ups and schedules suitable for both of us<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Pros\/cons list of having a baby<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Useful apps to download<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Calculating estimated costs and expenses <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Expanding on that last part..<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Planning_the_financial_side_of_having_a_baby\"><\/span>Planning the financial side of having a baby<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Ngl, doing research and making plans didn&#8217;t just keep me sane. I also found it the most fun aspect of the whole experience. I got to do cost\/value-for-money comparisons between different maternity\/baby products, make a new expense category just to track baby-related stuff, things like that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Much of the info was compiled in the <a href=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/shopping\/baby-cost-breakdown\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Baby Cost Breakdown<\/a> article, so go check that out if you are expecting, or simply curious \ud83d\ude42 I&#8217;ve listed products and services we paid for, and ways to save costs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Additionally, my husband and I also had a lot of chats about the financial side of things. Some of our conversations and activities:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>Going to various baby expos to check out deals and offers<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Listing out maternity and baby expenses and deciding who covers which expense\/purchase<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Initial discussions on estate-planning and insurance<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Opening SSPN (yes, both Mom and Dad can individually open SSPN account and make individual deposits to max out the RM8k tax relief)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Claiming the Itizam Anak Selangor initiative<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-twitter wp-block-embed-twitter\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"550\" data-dnt=\"true\"><p lang=\"in\" dir=\"ltr\">Siapa duduk Selangor &amp; ada lahirkan anak tahun 2022 ke atas? Boleh claim RM100 setahun untuk 5 tahun (total RM500!) untuk masuk SSPN!<br><br>Syarat permohonan in pic. Apply di <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/cw9fZx35yT\">https:\/\/t.co\/cw9fZx35yT<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/jwdY2vbXtC\">https:\/\/t.co\/jwdY2vbXtC<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/RmStPTJVPt\">pic.twitter.com\/RmStPTJVPt<\/a><\/p>&mdash; Suraya: bestselling Bergaji &amp; Pokai book (@surayaror) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/surayaror\/status\/1656229932446662658?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">May 10, 2023<\/a><\/blockquote><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>One amazing thing that I re-realised in this whole process is how both me and my husband are conscientious people. Ngl, this increased my love. I&#8217;m happy I married my person &lt;3<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-twitter wp-block-embed-twitter\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"550\" data-dnt=\"true\"><p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">Marrying a conscientious &amp; organised person who can track and pull out data whenever asked &gt;&gt;&gt; <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/sCa03n1LBD\">pic.twitter.com\/sCa03n1LBD<\/a><\/p>&mdash; Suraya: bestselling Bergaji &amp; Pokai book (@surayaror) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/surayaror\/status\/1666613755927756801?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">June 8, 2023<\/a><\/blockquote><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Having_realistic_expectations\"><\/span>Having realistic expectations<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Look, I had Mika at 35 years old. At this age, I&#8217;ve learned it&#8217;s practical to be realistic rather than idealistic. I knew parenthood is hard and exhausting, not easy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It&#8217;s ok not to gloss over the hard part. Many of you confirmed it as well (click to see replies) (I was 2 months&#8217; pregnant here)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-twitter wp-block-embed-twitter\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"550\" data-dnt=\"true\"><p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">Parents, how exhausted are you every day? Macam mana korang cope? <br><br>Tak payah nak sugarcoat nampak anak penat hilang semua. I just want to know the truth<\/p>&mdash; Suraya: bestselling Bergaji &amp; Pokai book (@surayaror) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/surayaror\/status\/1590186628521549824?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">November 9, 2022<\/a><\/blockquote><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Aside from asking the audience, I also scoured the internet and read all the horror stories, like <\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>pregnancy&#8217;s toll on the body (morning sickness, hair might fall out, hormonal acne, etc), <\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>how having a kid negatively impact a couple&#8217;s relationship, <\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>spending way more than expected, <\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>possibly dying during childbirth&#8230; <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>I may have freaked myself out a little, but I don&#8217;t regret it. The good thing about expecting parts of pregnancy\/motherhood to suck is when it does, I&#8217;m like, OK this matches my expectations. So when I do experience blissful and happy moments, I get super grateful for it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>No wonder they said parenthood is basically like going on an emotional roller coaster \ud83d\ude42 I get it now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Last_thoughts\"><\/span>Last thoughts<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>All in all, I can say I satisfied my curiosity on the pregnancy experience. I made a human in my body. Like, <em>I literally made a human in my body<\/em>. Isn&#8217;t that cool!!! <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As for the motherhood experience&#8230; well that&#8217;s a lifelong journey now, isn&#8217;t it? As of time of writing, I&#8217;m still in &#8216;babymoon&#8217; phase, so I&#8217;m in a pretty happy place. It&#8217;s too optimistic to think this will last forever, and I know I will face lots of challenges, but I hope I have the strength in me to overcome them as it happens. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Or hope my savings can prevent or solve those problems. That works too)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I think, this is where I end this article. It&#8217;s messy and long &#8211; I didn&#8217;t know how to answer in a shorter way. Hope you enjoyed this personal post and until next time &lt;3<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Amid all the congratulary posts on baby Mika&#8217;s arrival on 19 May 2023, I received a thought-provoking question via&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":25542,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>From Dual Income No Kids to Dual Income One Kid: A Thought Process - Ringgit Oh Ringgit<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/ringgitohringgit.com\/personal\/having-a-kid\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"From Dual Income No Kids to Dual Income One Kid: A Thought Process - 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