as always, really long.

rickasaurus — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 07:11:00 GMT

day one - introduce yourself.
I'll introduce myself as Nhi, but my full first name means pretty little one. I was born at an ungodly hour in the middle of the night on October 29th, 1993 so I am almost 17. I've lived in Texas my entire life and I'm Vietnamese American, but somehow, I have a low heat toleance. I have one little sister who is two years younger than me whom I love and cherish. My parents are still together. More on them some other time. All my grandparents were dead before I ever met them except my father's mother, who lives with us. My family history is complicated and for that reason I find it difficult to trust adults in my family and adults in general...more on this some other time.

I am happy with who I am, I've accepted who I am, and I really want to grow to become even more satisfied with who I am. I refuse to change who I am simply because someone else wants me to.

"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." (Carl Rogers)

I'm more concerned with who I am as a person than my own appearance, but that is not to say I like to let everything go and not dress nicely or not shower. I don't have much of a strong desire to look a certain way. I'd say "skinnier" because it seems like a lot of people, particularly women, want to be that, but that doesn't really apply to me...more like curvier. I have no tits; I have no ass. I don't have that soft, round womanly shape (therefore, I'm not "a real woman"). And I'm not drop dead gorgeous and at best, I'm probably "kind of pretty" or "cute." That's okay with me, and I strongly wish it were okay with everyone else, but it's not, so sometimes I get really annoyed with people for that even though I know a lot better than to do that.

I know a lot, but do and feel a lot of stupid things. I really dislike that, but it's the human condition.

I really think I need to learn to know less because sometimes we all have to let go, you know?

My childhood.
I look back on it sometimes and wonder how that resulted in what's going on now. It was the time when I knew exactly who my best friend was and who my other friends were, when I said, "Good night, I love you mommy and daddy" every night without feeling like I was lying, when I would be hugged without slightly wincing, just...things seemed happy. Simple. Honestly, that isn't different from most people because this age is when most people have unconditional love for their parents and most people look back on certain details of being a kid with pleasant nostalgia.

I was a mean kid. The time out corner was my home. "Needs to learn how to keep her hands and feet to herself" was a comment on I got on my report cards often, up until third grade anyway (funnily enough, I got a lot of praise for being a plesant and good kid back then, too). In third grade, I walked in with glasses (I remember being silly in first grade and promising that I would never get glasses because "glasses are ugly"). That changed everything because all of a sudden, my best friend was no longer my best friend, and I somehow learned not to beat people up over stupid things like not letting me play Power Rangers because I am a girl.

I changed schools in 4th grade and from then on, I was the one being bullied instead. This school was different from my old one. There were less Asian kids and I had crooked ass teeth. I was deemed Asian, ugly, and a know it all. This went on through middle school, which I only vaguely remember.

I'm a junior in high school now and I'm obviously not like the insecure person I was back then. I still have my insecurities, of course, but I have yet to know of a single human who doesn't.

I have a lot of interests. I love art and have felt that way since I first accidentally drew on the breakfast table when I was little. I had wanted to be an artist. I don't draw much nowadays and I want to change that soon but for some reason keep pushing it off. I love music (I probably have a cassette tape of three year old me singing along to Celine Dion or Whitney Houston, I was in choir for a year before the director got pregnant and left, I exceled at violin even though I only played for two years, I am teaching myself guitar right now), psychology, reading, math, science, sports and...just a lot of things. So many things are just interesting and/or fun to me. I'm a Golden Brained person. Both my left and my right hemispheres in my brain are strong. This often makes me indecisive on what my passions are. I still don't really know and feel a lot of pressure for not knowing exactly what I want to do with my life.

I'm a giant nerd.

My family is Buddhist and Catholic. Catholic coming from my mom's side, Buddhist from my dad's. I'm not religious and personally find it not to be important, but I respect others' beliefs and am interested in learning what they are and what they are about. I don't know what I would identify myself as really, but I've named myself agnostic and at another point atheist. At this point, I don't know and like I've said, don't find it to be too significant to myself.

I'll stop now because this is way too long. If you're curious about something, ask. I'll answer because like a lot of people, I like to talk about myself not only because I think someone out there truly gives a damn but also because it helps me figure out myself by noticing what I reveal and don't, what I realize and don't, and so on.

× hey young world, i'm the new slick rick.

as always, really long.