On a pedestal of false omnipotence

Day 10: what's my best physical feature

2013-12-02T19:12:46Z

Not to be obvious, but I've got pretty nice tits. I've also been told by more than one person that I have very interesting eyes. They do that thing where the inside of the iris is a different color than the outside.

One physical feature I have that isn't in any way exceptional is my ankles. Don't get me wrong, they're perfectly serviceable, but they're also not anything special as far as ankles go. I bring this up because in LM Montgomery's book The Blue Castle, a book that I love wholeheartedly/maaaassively overidentified with, Valancy gets told she has nice ankles as part of her transformation from miserable doormat to beautiful wood nymph, and younger me was convinced that I also was going to grow up to have beautiful ankles. Of course, ankles aren't the source of titillation and desire today that they were in 1926, either.

Card time!

2013-12-01T14:59:30Z

I hope I can be forgiven for punking out on the post a day meme for Thanksgiving, and I hope I can continue to be forgiven for not getting back to it today either. See, I want to make my Christmas card post and making two posts a day seems mighty excessive in this day and age.

So, give me your addresses and I will send you mail! Let me know if you prefer extra-Christmassy or super-not-Christmassy type cards or what have you. Also, because of something shihadchick said, if you tell me where your misandry levels are at, I will do my best to combine the holiday spirit with man-murdering for your card. Comments are screened and all that jazz.

Day 9: what are my worst habits

2013-11-27T19:34:21Z

I'm an inveterate procrastinator and a terrible self-motivator. idk, I feel like people who spend a lot of time with me would be better equipped to answer this one. I haaaaaaate doing dishes and if I didn't live with two other humans I would pretty much never do it. This is borne out by the time I didn't live with any other humans and would just shove all the dirty dishes in the oven whenever anyone came over. I'm pretty judgmental, but I mainly only hang out with people who are judgmental about the same things, so that works out. I'm bad at making decisions, as a general rule.

Ugh, this meme involves so much talking about your feelings and like, introspection. I am not into it.

Day 8: what's in my purse

2013-11-26T18:58:27Z

Here's a crappy work picture of the contents of my purse. First off: not pictured is at least a year's worth of pay stubs and receipts and accumulated useless papers. Also a tube of mints that I somehow missed.

Top row: my wallet, my kindle, an umbrella, a shopping list notepad, emergency tampon, nail file, hair clip and hair binder.

Next row: two fold-up-able shopping bags, my sunglasses, a little notepad/pen/mirror combo that was a gift from my grandma, two pens.

Third row: a USB to phone/kindle type USB cord, an LED flashlight, a packet of tissues, my birth control, a thing from my insurance where if I record how many times I go to the gym they reimburse my gym membership fees, a small mirror in a little gauze bag (also a gift from my grandma), a tiiiiny mirror and a mostly empty lip balm.

Bottom row: December SEPTA card, November SEPTA card, the earrings I was wearing yesterday that I forgot to take out of my bag when I got home from the gym, my keys, a 1 GB USB drive from when I worked at CHOP, a tiny Sharpie.

Day 7: my pet hates

2013-11-25T21:56:49Z

My cat hates it when she's on one side of a closed door and when people that are not her are getting fed. Eh? Eh? Pet hates, geddit?? :D?

But seriously folks, I hate when people walk too slowly in such a way that it's also difficult to pass them. Currently it's driving me nuts that my morning train conductor takes a total of four seats in the quiet ride car to do some sort of timetable thing, so I have to squish next to someone. In fic, the phrase "he went instantly, blindingly hard" makes me want to set the author on fire every time. Wearing turtlenecks or too many layers makes me feel squirmy and itchy all day.

People who touch their teeth to the fork when they're eating and make that horrible metal-on-bone scraping sound. Audio and visual being in any way out of sync. When a webpage takes more than 0.4 seconds to load. People who use anything other than the default font style in their emails. All men.

Day 6: my five senses right now

2013-11-24T14:25:11Z

I can't really taste anything, other than a little morning mouth, I guess.

I can hear the heater running as well as the wind tossing the branches around outside. Not excited to go out there for yoga this morning.

I feel cinnamon bun toasty warm in my bed, except for my arms which are getting cold from typing. Also I feel like I really have to pee, which is warring with my toasty warmness.

I can see mostly the ceiling, my laptop and my knees under the blankets. A little bit I can see the two Cavashawn posters I have up over my dresser and my towel where it's draped over the radiator with my sports bra on top, where I set it to dry out when I came home from the gym Friday.

Oh, now I can hear my cat whining to go upstairs. Tough shit cat, I'm not moving yet.

It smells cold, which my phone is telling me it's in the 20s outside, so not unreasonable. I have a candle on my bedside table that smells like "Tahitian vanilla, spun sugar and coconut cream." There's also a reed diffuser on my mantle that smells like something weird. Oatmeal Rice Milk or something, I can't be assed to get out of bed and check.

Day 5: 10 songs I love right now

2013-11-23T22:26:43Z

1. Nothing Feels Like You by Little Mix. Love a song about finding a dude with the perfect shaped D. Many songs on this album are currently my jam, but I'mma limit myself to one.

2. We Own the Night by The Wanted. I am fully a sucker for all kinds of "I love everybody in this bar" songs. Also real talk, The Wanted cater much more to what I want out of pop music than One Direction. (aka NO ONE WANTS AN ACOUSTIC BALLAD EVER. PARTY JAMS ONLY.)

3. Somebody to Love by Queen. Brenna Rubdown posted this on tumblr recently and it reminded me that this is probably my favorite Queen song. (Though don't tell Brian May, but I'm pretty sure the first time I heard it was when Anne Hathaway sings it in Ella Enchanted.)

4. Bad Reputation by Joan Jett. This song is on my workout playlist and I never get bored of it like sometimes happens with songs.

5. Brave by Sara Bareilles. (Or alternatively Katy Perry's Roar, I guess). I am super into both of them right now.

6. If I Didn't Know Better by Scarlett and Gunnar on Nashville. Team Carriage House is constantly screaming about this show, and physically bought both soundtrack albums they put out so far with our own money.

7. Super Bass by Nicki Minaj. Like two years later and it's still pretty much my ultimate jam.

8. The Beating of a Lifetime by The Appreciation Post. I didn't know if I was going to find this one on youtube, but of course they put it up themselves. Did you guys know they're apparently putting out new music soon?

9. Candy Cane by The Loved Ones. I gotta admit, I picked this one kind of at random out of all the Loved Ones songs. Any one of them is pretty great.

10. The Smidge by The Hold Steady. il all Hold Steadies as well. I have a playlist that's just all of The Loved One, Gaslight Anthem and The Hold Steady and I listen to it at least a couple times a week.

Day 4: what am I afraid of

2013-11-22T22:29:34Z

At that one point where you've got one foot on the jet bridge and one foot on the plane, I'm afraid that the jet bridge will pull away suddenly and I'll fall onto the tarmac. I don't have this fear on train/subway platforms, though. I'm afraid of spiders/bugs being on me, which is a shame because as a kid I was always scooping up spiders and putting them somewhere else at like, Girl Scout camp or wherever. I'm afraid I'll forget not to jump if I'm standing at the edge of a cliff etc. (In a l'appel du vide way, not a suicide way.) I'm afraid that I failed to live up to my potential and that my not wanting to live an extraordinary life at the tip of the rabbit's fur is in fact just me not trying because I'm afraid to fail. I'm afraid of bothering people, or disappointing people, or people being displeased with me. I'm afraid of cold calling people. I'm afraid of sharing my opinions/feelings first in case other people find them objectionable. I'm afraid to put my hands in places I can't see. I'm afraid of bees. I'm afraid of scary movies. I used to be afraid of RL Stine books until eventually I actually read one. Sometimes at night I convince myself someone's in my bedroom with me, just standing in the dark watching, and I get afraid of that.

I'm afraid this is Too Heavy of a post for a Friday afternoon.

Day 3: my favorite quote

2013-11-21T19:18:11Z

Ugh, this is hardest one of these, I'm pretty sure. One because I don't deal well with absolutes like "favorite" or "best" in the first place, and two because I don't really collect quotes on any sort of conscious basis. I like this quote from my dad where he says "Ehhh, I suppose I'm quite fond of you too" every time I tell him I love him on the phone. Then he makes a kissy noise and hangs up. Dads are the best.

I just don't know. This question is really stressful for me. See you all tomorrow. Bye.

Day 2: 20 facts about me

2013-11-20T21:17:48Z

1. I was born in Ithaca, NY to parents who had recently emigrated from England. As a kid I just accepted this as my origin story, but now that I am nominally an adult it completely blows my mind that my mother, 8 months pregnant with her first child, moved 3,000 miles away from all her friends and family support ‘cause my dad got a job at a new university. That is seriously intense.

2. The rest of my family still lives in England, with the exception of a couple of cousins who live in Holland. They’re the only cousins I’m Facebook friends with, but also they only post in Dutch, so it kind of comes out a wash.

3. I have one younger brother, A, who I forced to play “school” a lot as a kid. We fought a lot as teens but now we have a good relationship. He’s a pretty hilarious dude and him and his girlfriend often do matching cosplay at the local cons so clearly we have similar sensibilities.

4. I played the viola for 10 years all through school. Violists are the best part of any orchestra.

5. On more than one occasion I have not noticed that I was dating someone and had to have it pointed out to me. Sometimes in fandom I see this criticized as a beyond unrealistic plot point, but I am here to tell you folks, it IS possible to be that oblivious.

6. Sometimes I think about the afternoon I spent pacing my bedroom debating with myself whether to reply to quettaser’s post offering a free ticket to see Gym Class Heroes at the Liacouras Center and how my life would be different if I hadn’t decided to go for it.

7. Somewhat relatedly, I have a lot of anxiety about being a bother to other people, even people who I know like me or I know require things from me. This makes me really bad at keeping up correspondences with people, even though I also know that being the one to initiate conversations all the time is a drag. Brains! \o/

8. The first time I was an unaccompanied minor on an airplane was before the days of seatback monitors and my main recollection of the trip was that the inflight movie was Shakespeare In Love. In my mind that is the raciest movie of all time because I was so beyond glad that my parents weren’t with me to watch it.

9.   mmeguilotn and I go to the same hair salon and after our most recent haircut I think my hairdresser thinks the two of us our dating. Like, she asked me what I was doing for Thanksgiving and I said I was spending it with mmeguilotn’s family, because that is what I am doing, and then she was like “Oh, how long have the two of you been together?” and I thought to myself that that was a weird way to put it but I told her that we’d moved into a house together about 2 years ago. Then I talked about how mmeguilotn and quettaser used to live together by themselves but then they wanted to get a bigger house so I moved in with them as well, so now who knows what she thinks.

10. Every time I go to a hockey game I get a Bud Light Lime, because if I’m going to pay $11 for a beer, I might as well go for broke. I’ve actually developed quite a taste for it.

11. A thing I have been doing lately is subscribing to various subscription boxes where they send you food or makeup or whatever every month. I feel a little silly about it sometimes, but it is fun to get packages in the mail on the regular. What is also a lot of fun is reading the blogs of the hardcore subscription fan people, who subscribe to every box under the sun and post what’s in them every month. Way cheaper for me just to read their posts, plus sometimes there is hilarious subscription box drama.

12. My parents tell me that the other names they were considering for me beside the ones they eventually chose were Hepzibah Angharad and I have never been able to figure out if they’re being serious or not. Also my dad put in a fully coordinated effort to make my first words be “intergalactic coordinates” because he is a hyper nerd.

13. I was the kind of kid who skipped recess in elementary school to help shelve books in the library, so it’s been a bit of an adjustment to my self-image that I’m now a person who goes to the gym three times a week plus takes one or two yoga classes. That’s so much more physical activity than I thought I wanted! And while I can’t say running on the elliptical is my absolute favorite part of my day, I have enjoyed doing Zombies! Run/having an excuse to watch trashy TLC programming.

14. My college boyfriend bought me Flash Gordon because he was worried about how depressed I was and thought having to take care of a cat might help draw me out of it. Didn’t work 100% as he’d hoped, but I got a pretty sweet cat out of the deal.

15. I have a tumblr (I’m josiepye) which I enjoy, but I’ve developed some tics about how I use it. Like, I won’t reblog anything with more than 1,000 notes unless I’ve got something really important to say about it, and I don’t reblog things with fewer than 1,000 notes if I’ve already seen it in my feed three or four times. Wouldn’t want to bother all my friends who have probably already seen it by now! Also I still mostly tumblr through my rss feed instead of the dashboard. Super normal stuff.

16.   I also have a spreadsheet in Google docs with all the nailpolishes I own and the date I last used them, so I don’t end up overusing one color and then never getting around to another.

17.   A couple of months ago my bedroom ceiling started leaking underneath where the bathtub is upstairs, which was pretty worrying. We eventually determined the leak was behind the tiles on the wall, which is probably going to involve ripping down the whole wall to replace. So as a stopgap measure until he has the time/knowledge to fix it, our landlord has installed a second shower curtain in the tub to protect the tiles from getting water in them. It does lend an air of serial killing to our morning shower routines, I have to say.

18. I got my first grey hair at sixteen, a fact I can blame my father for, since he’s pretty much full grey in all my toddler photos. Right now it’s all concentrated in kind of a salt-and-pepper Rogue streak which I think looks pretty cool.

19. I’m double-jointed in my left thumb.

20. There was a set of wooden stairs in the house I grew up in, and the bottom step had a knot on it that looked to me and my brother like the face of a ghost. As a consequence, we refused to step on that stair in case the ghost got us, and to this day I habitually skip the bottom stair on most staircases.

Day 1: introduction and recent picture

2013-11-19T19:00:02Z

Hello! Bet you never thought this was going to happen again!

So, it's me. I'm Caroline, I'm currently 27 and I live with quettaser and mmeguilotn outside Philadelphia. I have a stumpy little black and white cat named Flash Gordon who has to share her life with Beth's two great beasts, Havoc and Chaos. I've been in fandom since I was 13 and my two best friends showed me this website where people were writing stories about Mulder and Scully falling in love. (And also occasionally stories where Krycek raped Mulder and they cried about it. It was ff.net after all.) I'm not really in a fandom right now, so much as it's just that fandom is where I hang out on the internet.

I grew up mostly in Minnesota with one younger brother and then moved to Philadelphia for college. Now I have a degree in biochemistry that I use to great effect at my job as a paralegal for a medical malpractice lawyer. Is that enough for an introduction? I don't want to use up all the information about me, as I notice tomorrow I have to come up with 20 whole new facts.

Oh yeah, here's a picture from ~6 weeks ago.

2. 20 facts about you
3. Your favorite quote
4. What are you afraid of?
5. 10 songs you love right now
6. Your 5 senses right now
7. Your pet hates
8. What's in your handbag?
9. What are your worst habits?
10. What's your best physical feature?
11. List 15 of your favorite things
12. What's inside your fridge?
13. What is your earliest memory?
14. If you won the lottery...
15. Timeline of your day
16. What's at the top of your bucket list?
17. What is your most proud moment?
18. The meaning behind your blog name
19. What do you collect?
20. A difficult time in your life
21. Your 10 favorite foods
22. The best thing to happen this year
23. Your dream job
24. Your favorite childhood book
25. Your 5 favorite blogs
26. An old photo of you
27. Post your favorite recipe
28. What are you looking forward to?
29. Where have you travelled?
30. What's in your makeup bag?
31. Why do you blog?

It's give me your personal information time!

2012-12-04T01:52:38Z

If you want a Christmas/holiday card (from me) leave me your info in the comments! They are screened.

Too many feelings

2012-06-12T18:15:30Z

So I have a lot of emotions regarding the Kings winning the Cup last night, and I get real guilty about posting to tumblr too much (#normal?) so instead I will make an lj post. This picspam is divided into basically two sections: hockey players being adorable with their tiny children and Richards and Carter being married shitshows. Not a whole lot of thematic overlap there, but I bet you'll forgive me.

Most of these pictures come from tumblr, obvs, and One Girl, One Puck who is super hilarious all the time.

Dustin Brown has so many babies!!

He does not have the face of someone old enough to have three children.

It is super cute, though.

Too adorable.

That bb is eating the Cup. :O

But sorry Dustin Brown, bb!Quick is the best babby.

Seriously, what a ridiculously adorable baby.

Look how little Scuderi has the same outfit on as little Quick. Some wives must have made matching jersey dresses, which is too cute for words.

I think I have about 8 versions of this shot.

At least two, anyway. Whatever, it's a great shot.

Gagne!!! No lie, I teared up at this moment and am getting a little misty just looking at this again. What a great guy.

Richards!

Tumblr filters!

Carter!

Middle finger to the haters, Jeffie!

Hold on for a sec while I go smother myself to death.

The hand-off in from afar.

Pretty much every place I've seen this picture has made reference to a marriage or an engagement. The hockey world is as one on this issue.

Here's the caption that came with this pic:
There's no "dry island" to worry about in Los Angeles, at least not on this night. Carter and Richards made a point of taking this photo. Not shown: Stanley Cup.

Carter in a toy crown! CABBIE!!! I was afraid that since he doesn't work for The Score anymore he wouldn't be working the ice, but I should have known TSN wouldn't let a gem like that go to waste.

:DDDDD

The King of Slovenia!

He's never been so happy!

There's nothing homoerotic about sports.

Mike Richards, you are really into that.

And I am shamefully into you.

Carter obviously has to get in on the action.

Double fisting the Cup and a Bud Light. Carter typical.

All of a sudden, every minute in Columbus was worth it.

Murder me.

Soaked in champagne, holding each other and the Cup. Living the actual dream.

&Flyers West;

No one doesn't ship Carter and Richards

2012-05-30T16:00:39Z

I'm sure everyone who cares about Richie and Carts already has Imp's Broken Bromance open in a tab, but if not, you should immediately do so. It's great. (Uh, if you have a great affection for the city Columbus, OH, be aware that nobody in this fic agrees with you.)

Because yesterday was Cup Final media day, Tim Panaccio wrote his own 4-part version for CSNPhilly today, which you can find starting here, but probably you don't even need to bother, since I've excerpted so much of it

Another ex-Flyer, Simon Gagne, said when Richards arrived in L.A., he was angry.
“You could see it,” Gagne said. “I had a chance to go through it the year before when I got traded to Tampa.
“Basically, what he was going through was similar stuff. I tried to talk to him a couple times. At the same time, he's old enough and he's the type of guy that likes to figure it out on his own.”

Living for Gagne trying to talk Richie down from his rage, because he'd gone through basically the exact same thing a year before. &Gags; And of course Richie was to stubborn to be comforted. Mike Richards cherishes his anger close to his heart.

While Mike Richards grew to enjoy life in L.A. this season, Jeff Carter seemed to be dying a slow death in Columbus and didn’t hide his unhappiness.

DYING A SLOW DEATH. LOVE YOU, TPANOTCH.

Carter has said repeatedly since arriving in L.A., that for as bad as things were last June – he barricaded himself in his Sea Isle City shore house – he couldn’t be more happy to be reunited with Richards – this time living in Richards’ house in Manhattan Beach, minutes from the Kings’ practice facility.

barricaded himself in his Sea Isle City shore house

“We didn't expect it, but things have worked out pretty good here for us. We're both happy to be in L.A. We love the situation we're in.”
“We couldn't even sign [with] each other [as future free agents] for a long time, so we didn't expect this,” Richards said. “But we're both excited. Jeff was extremely excited to come to L.A. and the rest is obviously history.
“We're happy right now. Jeff's living with me. We're having a good time in L.A. ... The trade was frustrating at first, but I couldn't be happier now.”

I love the idea of them STILL planning on signing to a team together in 15 years or whenever their contracts were finally up. So tragic! Probably they're actually going to buy houses next door to each other when they retire.

“The fact that we were as good as friends as we were, there's a lot of communication of trying to build chemistry, whether it's him telling me what I want to do with the puck or me telling him where I need him on the ice.
“I think that built chemistry a lot quicker. When you have a guy coming to a team that's new, you can sometimes have a guy being a little bit shy and not speak up as much, which might take things a little bit longer to know each other's hockey styles. But the fact that we knew each other, helped a lot.
“We always envisioned winning together and not too many people get that second opportunity, but we definitely have that now and we have to take advantage of it.”

Tell me more about Jeff Carter telling you what he wants you to do, Mike Richards. Also, I legit have a ton of feelings about how I want them to be happy and win a Cup together and be best friends for life.

Oh, and now Frank Seravalli has gotten in on the action too. It contains such paragraphs as

For the first time since that fateful June 23 day last year, Richards did not flinch when asked about the Flyers. The wounds are no longer fresh. When he returned to Philadelphia for the first time last October, he squirmed like a jealous ex-boyfriend, insisting the grudge match was nothing more than a "regular game."

Stunning.

Things about which I am thinking

2012-05-25T00:03:41Z

I had a headache today and for once I successfully remembered to take drugs for it, so I spent the rest of the day feeling like a super genius for my ability to take care of myself. I am a functional adult, you guys.

The building I work in had its annual local businesses block party yesterday, so mmeguilotn and I went and availed ourselves of a bunch of free food and pens and bumper stickers. There was also free local wine or Bud Light Lime, so we of course grabbed some of each. I'm always so surprised at how decent Bud Light Lime is, considering it's, you know, Bud Light Lime. And fortunately, in stark contrast to last year, the restaurant attached to the building didn't burn down this time, so that's always a positive!

Ever since just_katarin posted this picture of Carey Price rocking the glass cutters, all I've been wanting is fic where PK discovers this sensitivity sexually. Like, hobviously he's aware of it since they share a locker room and everyone enjoys ribbing Carey over it, and sometimes when the two of them wrestle PK will catch him there and cause him to flail hilariously. But the first time they have sex for real, not just drunken handjobs, PK brushes his thumb over a nipple and Carey just about loses his mind, shuddering super violently. PK of course then takes extreme advantage, licking and biting at his chest while Carey thrashes around and generally loses the ability to think. And it goes on like that.

Claude Giroux has great taste in suits

2012-05-20T20:32:18Z

I started compiling this picspam when someone maligned Claude's taste in formal dress and then it kind of expanded to any picture of him in a button-down shirt. Please no comments on how embarrassingly gingersexual this entry reveals me to be.

This is the suit that started me actively going out and collecting pictures.

He looks good, okay? Danny certainly is having a moment over it.

;_______;

This photoshoot from The Fourth Period magazine is perhaps the best showcase for his affinity for plaid suits.

Also how bad he is at styling his own hair.

As you can see, he owns several plaid suits.

You'd think I'd be able to find a better picture of this one, since it was on 24/7, but apparently I didn't.

Giroux me on it. (bonus ex-step-son in the background there.)

lololol he looks terrible here.

And if he's not in a plaid suit, that just leaves him free to try on a plaid shirt instead.

The team last season in Montreal.

No matter what his suits look like, at least they always fit well. (Also, there is no haircut that looks good on JVR.)

Of course, there are those rare times when he combines a plaid shirt with a plaid shirt, to great effect. The polka dot tie really brings this look together.

He loves plaid so much, you might even say... he never met a Czech he didn't like. *sunglasses*

Claude's other sartorial staple is the pink shirt. His toothlessness is so charming /o\

Giving us some All-Star Game realness.

With a vest! And Matt Read repping the plaid suit this time.

He's the best-dressed man in this picture!

I can't tell if this shirt is actually pink, or if it's just a reflection off that tie.

Giroux's love of pink shirts is not a new phenomenon. Thankfully he's grown out of his bleached hair days. And his hanging out with Brad Marchand days.

Incidentally, he loves all his World Junior teammates.

Sometimes he wears purple instead for a good cause.

And sometimes he wears purple just for funsies.

This is from two Movembers ago, and it is one of my favorite pictures of him. What a total creeper.

Giroux does occasionally dress in a more traditional manner. God, he looks like such a baby here.

Giroux's letting Danny take the role of interesting dresser on this one.

Look, he won an award! Probably not for being a snappy dresser, though :(

Hockey players are stunning models of beauty and suavity.

I saved this picture as "chesthair.png" so clearly that's what I wanted you all to notice.

This is not a suit by really any definition, but you're just going to have to deal.

Look at Carbomb's beautiful feathered hair if you're mad.

el oh el Danny Briere.

While I was looking for all these suit pictures, occasionally I got a bit distracted, so here are some pictures I thought you should look at, even if they don't technically contain any suits.

looooooool

Claude Giroux looking like he's having a great time.

Look at those shoulders, though.

Okay bye.

Let's chat

2012-05-11T23:17:34Z

Hay lj, I'm currently sitting on my back deck, watching my cat watch birds and drinking iced tea + iced tea vodka, aka the the pinnacle of human contentment. I have never been more smug about my circumstances on a Friday night. I am so stoked for all the summer nights in my future.

Speaking of summer, now is about the time that all the year's big summer jams start getting released and I die of happiness because there is basically no music I love more than giant, bouncy, beat-ridden ultrahits. What are the songs you guys most love blasting at max volume in your cars/bedroom dance parties? Quality pop music is always something I want more of. (If you're thinking about telling me about One Direction, joke's on you because I already downloaded their album after hearing that one song on the radio once.)

In the last week I have on the same day seen The Avengers, which was vastly entertaining, and Pirates: Band of Misfits, which was very cute and Aardman-y, and spontaneously gone to the last Flyers game of the season, which was both fun and a bummer. I'm excited to see what new directions Avengers fic goes in now that there's an actual movie to go off. By which I mean the amount of time I have spent daydreaming about the Clint/Natasha Eastern European backstory movie is large.

btw, I have all my teeth back now

2012-04-17T22:54:43Z

Clearly Cabbie loves me because his podcast the night before I fly halfway across the country is with Scott Hartnell and Wayne Simmonds. I expect it to be full of gems.

Can we take a minute to talk about how the Flyers apparently think it is the height of hilarity to name hoagies after each other and then eat them in a sexually suggestive manner/joke about eating each other's meatballs?

Hockey players are a fount of wit and refinement, you guys.

I have barely calmed down from the last Pens/Flyers game, just in time for there to be another one tomorrow. If things happen that could happen, but that I'm not going to talk about, I don't know what I will do with myself. Drink alcohol, I expect. I don't bet that it will be anywhere near as bananas as the last game, but then again, that's also what I thought after game 2. Let's just aim for fewer disciplinary hearings at the end of it.

In conclusions, I want to wear Kimmo Timonen sneakers.

Wawa had no mac and cheese tonight, so everyone's getting murdered

2012-04-10T23:14:40Z

So here's a fun story about me. When I was 11 or 12, I chipped off a good quarter of my front tooth on the bottom of a swimming pool, which was horrifying to me at the time, but it got fixed pretty quickly and I mostly never think about it. Except for today when I bit into a chocolate caramel at work and the false tooth part stuck to it. So now I have an appointment with the dentist on Friday, and until then I will have to try not to bite through my lip with my newly sharp tooth.

You may not have been aware of this, but the playoffs start tomorrow omg. I am not going to be able to handle it. It's weird, but I can't decide how well I actually think the Flyers are going to do. Like, two years ago everyone was happy when the Flyers even won a game in the first round, and last year they were the second seed and had just been to the finals. But this year, even though they technically have the third-most points in the conference it's not that hard to imagine them losing to Pittsburgh in the first round. OHHHHH WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?

Other than the games, though, my favorite thing about the playoffs is the blogs that various media outlets make some poor players write. They are universally super boring because a) hockey players aren't professional writers for a reason and b) the lives of hockey players during the playoffs is shockingly super regimented and focussed. I love reading them so much.

This year it's Matt Read's turn.
I even had to give a little speech before we showed a video for the crowd there.

I didn't even know I was going to talk, but as far as I know Lavi asked Claude Giroux who was the best speaker, and I guess he said me for some reason - I took public speaking in college and didn’t do very well.

Protip, Matt: it's because you went to college.

And here is Zac Rinaldo's.
With all of the emotions facing Pittsburgh, discipline will be huge. It’s always big in the playoffs, in every series. I think it works to our advantage. In the regular season, refs are usually calling the Philadelphia Flyers more than any other team.

It just means I can probably get away with a little bit more.

lol Zac Rinaldo. You're going to get your face pounded. And then suspended.

One week until I'm in Chicago! I am the most excited, even though I have to do every single thing at work before I go. mmeguilotn and I made some plans for some touristy things to do (the Field Museum, the Art Museum, Rick Bayless's cheapest restaurant) while Team Chicago has jobs and school and things, but we are more than open to being told what else we shouldn't miss. Otherwise we might end up just sadly wandering the loop Nick Leddy style.

#needaroomate

2012-03-29T01:52:42Z

I assume that everyone who's in hockey fandom knows who Cabbie Richards is, but in case you don't he is technically a member of the hockey media, but mostly he is extreme bros with most hockey players in the NHL. Like, he goes out looking for girls with them and crashes on their couches and everything, which means he knows the best questions to ask them when he interviews them. Youtube all his interviews if you haven't already. Anyway, he has a podcast now for TSN where he basically just calls up his NHLer friends and gets them to tell stories. He asks the questions we all want to know the answers to, like when Baldzlaf is going to finally shave his head and which month Joffrey Lupul would be in an NHL pinup calendar.

His most recent episode is with Dustin Penner and Mike Richards. And omg, you guys, if you care anything at all about the true love of Richie and Carts, you must listen to it. Richie's half starts around 36:30 if you don't care about Dustin Penner and his pancake injuries. Cabbie legit asks him if being in Columbus was killing Carter's soul. Other highlights include the exact circumstances of Richie learning about Carter to the Kings, lots of talk about Arnold, and a description of text conversations between Richie and Carts. Richie may be sullen and passive aggressive with most media, but Cabbie is his boy and so he can trust he won't write critical stories about him.

This is the iTunes link or you can listen on TSN.

Wayne Simmonds gets shit done.

2012-03-27T01:42:45Z

This Flyers/Lightning game is going stupidly, so I've decided to talk to the internet instead. (In addition, really, who am I kidding.)

Can I just say, getting natacup82 to move in across the driveway from us will stand out as one of the shining accomplishments of Team Carriage House. We can go visit without putting on pants or having to finish our drinks, it is the perfect life.

Everyone should stop what they are doing and go watch this video of TPanotch meeting Fake TPanotch. If you're not a Flyers fan and as such have not has as much exposure to noted beat writer/professional grumpy old Italian Tim Panaccio, he has been covering the Flyers basically since they were invented and is somewhat crusty in personality. He and Pronger used to get into very entertaining verbal sparring matches before Pronger died (;_;) and his twitter is a highly enjoyable combination of Flyers news and updates on the kind of wine he's drinking the antics of his cat (also named Pronger). He has a distinctive way with words and his tweets can be very... idiosyncratic. FakeTPanotch is a twitter parody of such perfection that it is often impossible to tell who is real and who is fake. Check out this sporcle quiz for an example of their twitter stylings. So at the last Flyers home games the two finally met, and somehow managed to avoid the implosion of the known universe. I feel like this paragraph is not super clear because the Flyers have tied the game so it took me like an hour to write, but I have confidence in all your close reading skills.

Speaking of Chris Pronger, he surprise showed up at the Flyers/Habs game the other night looking like this:

I am so pleased he is well enough to leave the house and sit in a loud, bright arena for any length of time, I can't even tell you. Also, look at his fabulous mane of hair. He looks like a pretentious English professor with his beard and his glasses. Even if he never does play hockey again, I am hopeful he will also not have to spend the rest of his days lying down in a darkened room.

Hockey N Heels recap

2012-03-18T19:37:04Z

Beth and I got to the arena last Monday and ended up waiting in line for an hour, which brought back many memories/flashbacks. We did get to watch two girls in a Poulin Hawks jersey and an old Lemieux Pens jersey get majorly side-eyed, though. Once we got in everyone was divided up via colored wristbands, and we headed straight to the bar. The fact that the drinks line was before the food line, plus the heavy hand of the bartender, meant that we were perhaps not fully sober at the start of the first event. I think this worked out though, because it meant we did not mind looking like fools.

On-Ice Activities:
Our first event was the stuff on ice level - learning to shoot a puck, playing ball hockey, taking pictures with cardboard cutouts etc. We ignored the ball hockey and the zambonis in order to run up to Sarah Baicker, one of the Flyers beat writers, and make her teach us things. She showed us how to shoot a puck on the ice, which we did with varying degrees of success. In addition to being a beat writer, she's a member of a ladies charity tournament team, the Philly Honor, who were there to demonstrate and instruct on the ice.

Then we wandered off and started goofing around with the cutouts they had sitting on the bench, that you could take pictures with.

Originally they had Claude and Danny at opposite ends of the bench. We of course rectified this.

We climbed into the between-the-benches spot where Pierre McGuire and Steve Coates hang out. It was full of peanut shells and old crab fries. Coatesy is affectionately regarded as being the drunk old uncle of the Flyers organization, so we posed appropriately.

They sounded the goal horn every thirty minutes, to signal that it was time to move on to the next station, and that horn, at ice level in an empty arena might be the loudest sound I've ever heard. I jumped every time.

Virtua Health:
The next event we did was split into 2 parts: half doing a zumba routine and half Q&A with Flyers trainer Jimmy McCrossin. The zumba thing was... over quickly at least, though it did have the one actual use for the ice girls who were wandering around all night, in that they could lead the routine from the group. The Q&A part was super fascinating though. Jimmy McCrossin just seems like a guy who has a so many feelings about fitness and training, and loves talking about them all. Here is a list of things he told us during the 10 minutes or so we got to talk to him.

- They make all the Flyers wear these Zeo sleep headgear that monitor how much sleep they're getting, and how deep of sleep and stuff, and they make each player record their "zeo score". Then they use that to help the team plan better for jet lag and long roadtrips etc. I read an article I think last year that the Canucks do this too, and probably other teams do too.
- They weigh the players before and after every practice, and they can drop 8-10lbs in between just from sweating. Brian Boucher was famous for losing a ton of weight, sometimes 13 or 15lbs. That is so crazy, guys! This is where those crazy slushie machines come in.
- Oh! We asked him where he got that crazy tiger alcohol from 24/7, right? And he said he had a patient he was treating who he wouldn't accept payment from, for whatever reason, so the guy gave it to him as a gift. He described it as a combination of Vicks Vaporub and alcohol, that you're supposed to take medicinally. So now we know!
- The trainers also measure the specific gravity of the players' urine quite often, to check if they're getting dehydrated. Like if a guy comes up to Jimmy and says, "Man, my legs feel heavy and I'm tired," he'll tell him, "Next time you pee, save me a cup."
- They also work with players to help them skate more efficiently, wasting less energy and conserving their joints. Jimmy was super into the biomechanics of skating, and how sports science can be used to help players improve without radically changing their games.
- The Flyers cater dinner after every game, to get food into the players as quickly as possible, to help get their energy back and replenish all their nutrients and stuff. They also have a bunch of extra salt sitting out at every meal, since sodium is the electrolyte players lose the most when they're sweating.
- Beth asked if other teams do pretty much the same kinds of things as the Flyers and McCrossin shook his head emphatically. He said that guys come in from other teams sometimes and look at him like he's crazy when he explains all the stuff they do. Now McCrossin is very much a company man, but he said the Flyers are very focussed on players having a life after hockey, as opposed to some organizations (he didn't name names) who are only concerned with getting the most out of their players now, regardless of how their bodies hold up when they're done.
- Teams are apparently not required to provide much stuff to the visiting team in terms of training equipment etc. Like I think he said it was one stationary bike and not much else. The team doctor will only visit away team players between periods, so if a guy gets injured, McCrossin will do everything he can to fix him up on the bench, so they don't lose him for the whole period. He said he'll only send a guy to the locker room if he's gone through three tubes of Dermabond and a bunch of steristrips, and the referee is like, "Jim, he's bleeding everywhere, he can't come on the ice, bud."
- Someone asked who was in the best shape on the team, and he said other than Jagr, who is in crazy shape for a 40-year-old, it's probably Couturier. He benefits a lot from living with Briere, just as Giroux did last year. He didn't say what methods Briere used on these young things, but they clearly are effective. >:)
-McCrossin also trains the guys who stick around the area in the offseason, and he's really into getting them into stuff like pilates and yoga and various martial arts. So those are some amusing mental images for you to think about.

Women in Sports:
This event was just Lisa Hillary, a CSNPhilly Flyers anchor/reporter, doing a Q&A about anything related to her job, and being a woman reporter etc. A lot of it was dumb "How do I get into this industry" type questions, but we did learn some interesting things.

- Bryz apparently hates her. Last November, when the Coyotes came to town, Derek Morris and Adrien Aucoin said some things about how Bryz was a bad teammate and not a good person to the Phoenix media. Hillary, being a reporter and having a relationship with Derek Morris from covering him on the Flames, took the opportunity to ask Derek if he wanted to elaborate or anything. He said not really, so she asked what specifically about Bryz was so bad and apparently he just responded, "You'll see." So anyway, Bryz apparently saw the news segment that came out of that and the next day when she saw him in the hall and said, "Hey Bryz, how's it going?" he replied with, "I don't know, ask Derek Morris." And he's hated her ever since. So now even though she usually gets to ask first question in every media scrum, she lets other reporters go first with Bryz so his grudge against her doesn't salt the scrum.
- So here's a thing. The NHL Network is moving to Stamford, CT next season and they're going to start collecting video pieces from local stations and air them in longer form. The example she gave was if she does a sit down interview with Jagr, and they talk for a half hour, CSNPhilly may only use 3 minutes of that for a segment, but they can send the whole interview to NHLN, and then they air a much larger part of it. And if every market is doing this, hopefully the NHL Network will get some interesting stuff, and not just 4000 replays of Oil Change.
- Bob's English is apparently totally fine now. His wife teaches Russians to speak English as a profession, so he really has no excuse, and yet he still won't talk to reporters without his interpreter. Lisa is dying (as are we) to get a long sit-down interview with him in English. Tell us your secrets, Bob. She also said that if he was playing more games and still refusing to speak, they would probably ask the NHL to intervene.
- Giroux and JVR are both super nervous in front of the cameras, and will ask for do-overs on questions. Giroux in particular is really self-conscious about his accent and will ask for re-dos, even when she tells him she can understand him just fine.

Hockey 101:
So then we moved on to Hockey 101, which was Ian Laperriere and Steve Coates answering questions about how hockey works. Some of the questions were dumb, like a lady who wanted to complain about her son's hockey coach, but I was actually surprised at how good Coatesy and Lappy were at explaining things. For a guy known for his drunken, incoherent rants on broadcast and an esl guy with very few of his own teeth, they managed to answer most questions to everyone's satisfaction. They clearly know a ton about the game, and are excited to share their knowledge. There were a couple of times where they perhaps knew too much about the game, like when a lady asked them to explain pinching and they stumbled around "it's when the defensemen... pinch in..." a little bit. They had a tv that was playing highlights and there was clearly a guy somewhere controlling it, but they had a real hard time coordinating it to show what they were talking about.

Someone asked them to demonstrate the difference between boarding and crosschecking, so Coatesy had Lappy stand up against the wall and proceeded to check him with an old stick a bunch of times. Then someone wanted to know what a one-timer was and Coatesy got super excited about demonstrating, but they wouldn't let him shoot a puck in the atrium. He was bummed about not getting to try and break things. One lady asked Lappy who he hated the most in the league, from being a fighter and a grinder, and he said Sean Avery, no question. He said when they were teammates and after, he just thought he was a bad teammate and not a good person, and he doesn't care who knows it. lol Sean Avery. Lappy also talked about learning which guys are going to go after your knees every time they're on the ice and then learning to notice when they do take a shift, so you aren't caught unawares. He's been mentoring Zac Rinaldo and teaching him how to "manage" the refs, aka suck up to them so they give you the benefit of the doubt.

Locker Room Tour/ Flyers Wives Q & A:
After that, we went and sat in front of the area where Laviolette gives all his post-game pressers and listened to the wives do a Q&A. It was the wives of all the coaches, the GM and the assistant GM, plus Mrs. Coburn. This was the least interesting Q&A of the evening, at least for me, just because I don't care that much about how the wives have to schedule their lives around the NHL season. Nadine Coburn did talk about how on game days gets about half an hour with Braydon before he goes to the rink and another half an hour after he gets up from his nap, and other than that she doesn't see him. But then she was talking to one of the other wives who was like, "blah blah blah, hubby's playing with the kids" and Nadine was like, "he's not asleep???" so I guess Coburn naps more than most guys. I also laughed when she was talking about Braydon telling her that Zac Rinaldo always eats the exact same thing every game day and she said, "So... now I know more about Zac's pregame routine that I would have thought." They also have a tiny 5-month-old baby and she is very unimpressed when he takes care of her for a couple of hours and then says he's exhausted. Also when he tells her they're out of eggs and she just went shopping the day before. She said, "It's me, Braydon and a five-month-old, and I have to buy the 18-pack of eggs."

Mrs. Holmgren and Mrs. Hanrahan, aka Mrs. GM and AGM, told a story about how the trainer Jimmy McCrossin called Homer while he was in the car to say that one of the guys wasn't going to be able to play in the next game, so Homer called Hanrahan, who was at his son's hockey tournament, who was immediately on the phone with like six guys in Glens Falls trying to find a call up in time.

After that it was time for the locker room tour, where we basically walked down the hall and looked through the doors into every room. The lady in charge of the tour did tell us that the reason the Flyers have those slushie machines is that Chris Pronger really likes slushies, and made the team go out and buy them. Captain Elbows, more like Captain Slushie, amirite?

I drew you an extremely detailed diagram of the layout, for those of you who might find it useful.

The "Captain's Room" where they take off their suits and put on their underarmor. Back in the old Spectrum, they didn't have a separate changing room, so players were always complaining that their suits smelled like lockerroom, aka ball sweat.

The locker room, which was smaller than I had thought. Notice these stalls are set up Briere, Couturier, Jody Shelley, Giroux. Clearly they need the team heavyweight to keep Claude away from his old flame with his new squeeze.

vir tu' Mini Spa:
We skipped this one. Instead, we snuck back down onto the rink and just shot the shit with Sarah Baicker for the last rotation. She was kind of over teaching shooting for the past three hours, so we just hung out on the blue line and chatted. Have some more bullet points:
- She had "appropriated" Matt Read's stick for the evening and let us fool around with it a little. It was so light! And probably cost $300.
- She said that Hartnell is much nicer this year, now that there's no Richards and Carter. I also wonder if it has anything to do with his having a career year and his divorce being another year behind him. But she did say that the locker room was legit much looser this year, whatever the reason.
- She was just about to go to Long Island to cover a game, and was saying that there's only one hotel by the Coliseum, so the media and the team both stay there, which she finds super weird when she goes down to breakfast and finds them all there. She tries very hard to avoid meeting the team in social situations.
- One of her Philly Honor teammates asked her who was the nicest guy on the team and she said that Voracek is surprise really funny, and so is Jagr. Jagr likes to show up for his postgame interviews wearing his weighted vest and ankle weights and then be like, "Guess I should stop wearing these during games, huh?" What a weirdo. But she said there were no jerks on the team this year.
- We were talking about the Wives Q&A and that led to talking about hockey players' dating habits, Sarah's assessment of which was, "Canadians are weird."
- Oh, for people who have curly hair and are jealous of Scott Hartnell's hair, she did ask him one time how he got his hair like that and he just laughed, but she was like, "No, I really want to know!" (She also has curly hair, though she straightens it most days) but he just said, "idk, gel and stuff?". She also told us that his hair even looks that good as soon as he gets out of the shower, then immediately heard what she said and had to clarify that she only knew that in a professional capacity. But she told us she would try and get a better answer out of him, since we all really wanted to know. And sure enough, she tweeted after the Islanders game that Scott Hartnell refused to divulge his hair care regimen, because it's a secret. What we've chosen to take away from this is that he secretly uses some $300 designer product and is embarrassed to admit it.

So that was the evening! Here are two different recap videos, one from CSNPhilly and one from the Flyers website. We definitely show up in the background of a couple of shots.

I don't know if we're the lady hockey fans this is aimed at

2012-03-09T02:35:48Z

Look at this awesome description of the activities me and mmeguilotn will be participating in next Monday when we go to the Flyers "Hockey N Heels" event next Monday.

Hockey 101: Philadelphia Flyer Ian Laperriere and Broadcaster Steve Coates will be leading Hockey 101. This station will focus on the X’s and O’s of hockey. Learn about the different rules and regulations that govern the game and the sport, along with an insider’s view on how the Flyers put together the best team for you the fan! Learn everything you want to know about the Flyers and hockey to impress your friends or family!
Virtua Health: Flyers Athletic Trainer Jimmy McCrossin and Virtua Health Doctors and Fitness experts will lead the Virtua Health station. This station will focus on Heart Disease awareness, Osteoporosis prevention and nutrition tips. We will even show you a Hip-Hop dance that helps you shed some pounds! McCrossin will offer an insider's look at how the Flyers stay strong during an 82 game NHL season.
Locker Room Tour/ Flyers Wives Q & A: Get a behind the scenes look at the Flyers locker room! You will get an exclusive sneak peek at where your favorite Philadelphia Flyers prepare for home games at the Wells Fargo Center. After your tour, you will gain some insight about the life of an NHL family from Flyers Wives Kristen Laviolette, Doreen Holmgren, Rhonda McCarthy, Linda Mullen, Lisa Hanrahan, Elaine Reese and Nadine Coburn.
Women in Sports: CSN Anchor and Reporter Lisa Hillary will lead the Women in Sports station, along with Vice President of Marketing for the Philadelphia Flyers Lindsey Masciangelo. This station is designed to enlighten you about the different roles that women play in the sports industry. Find out about how they got their start in sports and their journeys throughout the world of hockey and television broadcasting as well as what it’s like to be a female professional in the sports industry today.
On-Ice Activities: Flyers Ambassador of Hockey Bob “Hound” Kelly will lead the On-Ice station. This station is designed to allow you access to multiple activities on the ice including a chance to shoot on goal, take pictures from the team bench and penalty box.
vir tu' Mini Spa: Sit back and relax and allow professionals from the vir tu' spa to pamper you. You will be able to select from chair massage, hand massage, Yoga session, and meditation. Also, everyone will be able to experience the relaxation of the aromatherapy bar. PLEASE NOTE: Services for each group are filled on a first come, first served basis. You can select your mini-spa experience at the registration table starting at 6pm.

I am genuinely looking forward to this, because even if it turns out to be condescending and terrible, it will still be super entertaining in a different way. My only sadness is that they're making us pay for our alcohol. :((( They did specify that we shouldn't actually wear heels, despite the name of the event. Although if they taught us how to walk on ice in enormous banana heels à la Mrs. Sopel, I would not turn down that knowledge.

I don't even really LIKE tea!

2012-03-02T19:01:01Z

I have been reading a lot of fic set in England recently, what with Sherlock, some Harry Potter, a little Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, and getting super irrationally mad at characters who don't know how to make tea correctly. I mean, I know that the way I was taught to make tea is not the only way to do it, or even the only way British people do it, but let's be serious here, the milk goes in first. >:(

Unfortunately for you all, that is about the most interesting thing that is going on in my life right now. mmeguilotn, quettaser and I are a week behind on pretty much every show we watch, so I can't even talk about Top Chef or Revenge or Southland etc. Actually, we caught up on White Collar after the game last night, so I guess I could talk about how enjoyable and silly that show is. It's very enjoyable and silly, fyi.

The Not-So-Tragic Tale of Jeff Carter and Mike Richards

2012-02-26T19:02:04Z

So this is Jeff Carter. HE DEFINITELY DOESN'T DYE HIS HAIR!

And this is Mike "Awkward" Richards.

Together, they are a model of poise and composure in the league.

They were drafted 3rd and 4th overall respectively in the OHL draft in 2001and played against each other for 2 years until they were drafted 11th and 24th together by the Flyers in 2003, aka probably the deepest draft class in the last 30 years. (No, seriously. Look at that first round.)

They were part of the 2004 and 2005 WJC teams for Canada.

2004 was in Helsinki, and these two 18-year-old boys clearly went sightseeing. Oh, those haircuts.

They won gold together in 2005.

Along with a baby Corey Perry and a future Offensive Dynamo Danny Syvret.

They spent the lockout year with the Philadelphia Phantoms and won the AHL Calder Cup together.

Carter looks like such a baby. And bonus Patrick Sharp!

When they got to the NHL for the 2005-2006 year, they were quickly crowned as the future of the franchise and did all the sorts of things that good hockey players do. Richards scored a goal in his first ever NHL game and Carter led the team rookies in points on the season.

I assume this picture is from Flyers Rookie Camp one year, but possibly it's just them down the shore looking like babies.

2006-2007 was a terrible year that Flyers fans generally try to forget happened, but then in 07-08 the formation of the Old City Gang was cemented with the arrival of Joffrey Lupul. Carter, Richards, Lupul and Scottie Upshall were famous for shutting down Old City bars and crashing local university Greek parties, like the college-aged kids that they were. Scott Hartnell was there too, but he was married at the time and thus less involved in the drunken skirt-chasing.

(Side note: did you know Joffrey Lupul's name is Joffrey because his parents were taking a college class on Chaucer at the time he was formed, and they liked their professor's "authentic" pronunciation of Geoffrey. This has no bearing on anything, but I think it's a hilarious story.)

A DRUNKEN MONTAGE:

The first picture that comes up when you google image search Mike Richards.

No Jeff Carter in this one, but Uppie and Lupes are holding down their end.

Mike Richards does not look good with longer hair.

Young and dumb and full of alcohol.

You're just jealous 'cause they're young and in love.

Hanging down in Sea Isle with Lupes. Carter apparently used to hang a giant Canadian flag off the deck of his beach house.

New Year with Baldzlaf for some reason.

So anyway, they bro'd down constantly and eventually when the Flyers failed to with the Stanley Cup for a couple of years the team got mad and broke up the party by trading away Lupul and Upshall (and also because they wanted Chris Pronger, but w/e, details.) But Richards and Carter continued to be bff and Richie got named captain and Carter scored 46 goals and a good time was had by all.

They went on dates to Sixers games.

And they hung out at Eagles games with Joffrey and dated the cheerleaders.

Tim Panaccio took notes as Richards considered the advantages of a hockey butt.

They were maybe not the most studious dudes in practice.

But not everything was peaches and cream. Turns out Richards is kind of a quiet, reserved guy when he's not boning every lady and doesn't so much enjoy talking to the media. Now, when you are a Philadelphia sports figure, you don't have much choice about talking to the media daily, double especially if you're a captain. So Richie was kind of a passive-aggressive bitch to the media and in return the media wrote stories about what a terrible leader he is and it kind of overshadowed anything he did on the ice - which was a lot of really good stuff. I mean, he holds the NHL record for most 5-on-3 shorthanded goals.

Before the Olympics in 2010, the Flyers were not a good hockey team. They got rid of their coach John Stevens, who had mentored Richards and Carter up through the Phantoms and was a great favorite, at the beginning of December. At one point they were last in the East. And as is the case any time a team is going through an extended bad stretch, the "issue" of a locker room rift arose. You see, Mike Richards and Chris Pronger were clearly in a bitter fight for control of the locker room, the young appointed captain versus the veteran hardass. The rest of the team was divided between them, and that's why they couldn't buy a win. Then Richards and Pronger both went to the Olympics and won the gold medal and magically healed their differences, resulting in the team pulling it together and making the playoffs. It makes for a good narrative, right?

Of course, you have to ignore the parts where they only made the playoffs by winning in a shootout to the NY Rangers in game 82 and ran through 7 different goalies over the course of the season and how both Mike Richards and Chris Pronger are more professional than to let any personal differences affect the team. But in any case, the Flyers made the playoffs and beat the Devils in the first round, which was about as good as anyone expected. Unfortunately, Carter, who had been playing on one broken foot, took a Pronger point shot to the other foot during the series and broke that one too. Bummer.

People got mad at him for going down the shore while the rest of the team was still in the playoffs, but if two broken feet at the same time isn't an excuse to drink, you've got higher standards than me.

So the team was Carterless (and Gagneless) against the Bruins in the second round, and promptly dropped the first three games. Most fans were disappointed but resigned that their season was about to end, but in game 3 Mike Richards, in a display of great on-ice leadership/gutless dirty play (depending on your perspective), broke David Krejci's wrist. What's funny is although the play led directly to a goal just then, it changed the makeup of the series and paved the way for the Flyers to win four in a row and complete a comeback that only three other teams in the history of major professional sports have done.

Riding high off their game 7 victory, the Flyers took on the Habs, who had conveniently dispatched both the Capitals and the Penguins. This shift by Richards in the first game while shorthanded doesn't add a whole lot to the story of Carter and Richards as bros, but it's super bananas awesome, so you should watch it.

So they won that series and faced the Blackhawks in the Cup finals and Carter came back to play even though his feet were still mostly broken, but the Hawks won anyway and that was that. :(

The 2010-11 season was much better in terms of winning games and not having to fire any coaches and they ended the season as the two seed in the East, but then they got swept by the Bruins for real this time in the second round. Mr. Snider, the Flyers owner, got super mad and told GM Paul Holmgren to go get a legit goalie or he was going to murder everyone. So on June 23, Holmgren traded Carter to the Blue Jackets for Jake Voracek and first and third round picks. Everyone was stunned because while there were always rumors about trading Carter, he had just that season signed an 11 year contract extension, in part because Richards also had a long-term deal and they wanted to lock up their futures together. But Holmgren wasn't done and not even 45 minutes later it was announced that Richards had been traded to the Kings for Brayden Schenn and Wayne Simmonds. So many shits were flipped in Philadelphia that day. The team Captain and the leading goal scorer gone in less than an hour, in order to sign Ilya Bryzgalov to be the goalie savior the Flyers had so desperately been needing.

The fans and the media weren't the only ones flabbergasted. Carter and Richards were apparently texting each other back and forth, confused about what was even happening. In Mike Richards' conference call with the media after he was traded, he talked about how Jeff was his best friend and they had planned to play the rest of their careers together, and I swear at one point you can hear his breath get shaky over it. He said the hardest part of getting traded was not being able to go through it with Jeff, together. ;___; (The whole call is about 20 minutes long, the stuff about him and Jeff starts around 10:00 if you want to skip to it.)

At this point I would link you to Carter's corresponding media call, but uh, he didn't give one. He was so upset at the trade, and feeling so betrayed by the Flyers for trading him after they had intimated to him that they wouldn't, that he went down to his shore house and refused to talk to anyone for four days. Like, not anyone from the Blue Jackets organization, not anyone from the media, Philly or otherwise, barely even his agent. Eventually the Blue Jackets had to send their GM, their coach and Rick Nash down to south Jersey to physically convince him that playing in Columbus was not actually worst than death. Jeff Carter, what even are you. The articles written around then are kind of hilarious in how the beat wirters were even perplexed at how Carter was acting.

A couple days after the trade, Richie took to his twitter to do what he does best, be passive-aggressive and sullen.

I maybe shouldn't love his obvious bitterness so much, but oh how I do.

But the summer passed and the new season started, and by the grace of the scheduling gods the fourth game of the season was Kings at Flyers on October 15. So Richie and the media didn't have long to wait for their tearful reunion. Watch how he makes it super clear that he totally doesn't have any extra feelings about playing his old team. In fact he's barely even thought about it. What team is his next game against again, he's forgotten? He's so moved on, you guys.

Jeff Carter's first game back came on November 5th, but sadly he had broken his foot (again) and so had to watch the game from a suite.

This is the face I imagine him making pretty much the whole time he was in Columbus.

So the Blue Jackets totally failed it up as a team and the Kings had great defense and goaltending, but couldn't score a goal to save their grandmothers and the inevitable trade rumors started swirling. Unfortunately for Carter, his bad attitude had not noticeably improved over the season and it was apparently scuttling trade opportunities. He was literally too sad to trade.

So all seemed lost, and Richie and Carts seemed doomed to cry and pine for the next 10 years, until about a week ago when Carter's name began to be connected to the Kings. It was talked of as a bit of a long shot, but people asked Richards about it and he told them about how he and Carter still talk 3 or 4 times a week and obviously he'd love to be reunited.

He even commented about it on twitter.

And then, on February 23rd, 8 months to the day since their worlds came crashing down, Carter and Richards once again became teammates (and poor Jack Johnson had to go live with the Blue Jackets, but whatever. This is no time for sadness.)

John Boruk, a Philadelphia sports anchor, tweeted this the day of the trade, before it was finalized. I cannot thank you enough for this, Boruk. Also, what Flyer is standing around giving quotes about the Richards/Carter relationship???

#needaroommate. #needaroommate.

Basically the entire hockey world was rejoicing that Jeff Carter and Mike Richards had once again found happiness. There were many many jokes ("jokes") about Richie picking Jeff up from the airport, and when Richie had a "maintenance day" and skipped practice the morning after Carter got into town it was generally assumed to be a hangover recovery day. And the number of articles written about how Richards has a spare room for Carter in his LA house is more than I can link here. I will link this article though, where Richards says they both watch each others games (and pine, I think is implied) and talks almost exclusively in the couple we. Also where he accuses the Philadelphia media of making up stories about him, because never let it be said Richards passes up an opportunity to be a grump.

Speaking of old media stories, Kings GM Dean Lombardi had to give basically an entire press conference about how young single guys, especially rich and minorly famous ones, like to go out drinking and sometimes get their pictures taken doing it, but it doesn't mean they are party-obsessed alcoholics who will ruin the team. Luckily for them, no one in LA will care about Carter and Richards like they did in Philly, so they should be free to pick up girls together and bang them in the same room while totally not listening to the noises the other one is making to their heart's content.

Carter was much happier to talk to the media this time, for some reason. He and Richie never thought they would get to be together again! And now they're on the same line and killing penalties together, and hopefully will be for the next 10 years. For real this time.

In conclusion:

So happy togetherrrrrrr!