FIC: Maybe Definitely, YanaKiri, NC17, 6/7
Title: Maybe Definitely (6/7)
Author: Ociwen
Wordcount: Long
Rating: NC17 overall
Disclaimer: Everything you can possibly think of, and then some. Spoilers for 40.5 and the entire series, including ShinTenipuri.
Warning: Girl parts, and then some. Crude humour. Misogyny. The usual.
Summary: Renji wakes up as a girl.
Author's Notes: This is a one-shot fic related to Dénoument, We'll Always Have Kanagawa, Accidentally All Right, Push/Pull, and Big Brother. The fics can be read separately, but they make more sense together.
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7]
If you like/love/loathe, please leave a comment to let me know.
Instead of cram school, his mom signs him up for another evening class.
She frowns at Renji's jeans and t-shirt. "You don't look very pregnant," she says. She tosses the haramaki at him, along with a flowery sack top of his sister's.
Renji holds it up and says no.
His mom gives him the stink eye. Renji slinks into his room. The top hangs off his body in all the wrong ways. His reflection shakes his head in the mirror.
"Do you want a drive?" his mom asks. Renji says no.
"You don't want to get cold. Take a jacket. And your sweater."
Kirihara meets him at the street corner. "Uh…" he says.
Renji tugs at Kirihara's t-shirt. He's got two layered over jeans. Renji peels off his jacket and the sweater, and the floral print mumu too. Kirihara glances around. "Here? It's really…"
Renji purses his lips. He pulls off Kirihara's Gundam tshirt. Kirihara licks his neck.
"What are you doing?" Renji asks.
Kirihara laughs. "Um, sex in a public place?"
Renji says hm. "It's too hot for that." He pulls on Kirihara's t-shirt, and stuffs his clothes into his bag. The air is thick with ozone. It'll be the rainy season soon.
"Aren't you cold?" Kirihara asks. He rubs Renji's arms on the train.
Renji says he's fine.
"But…" Kirihara touches Renji's stomach. His jeans are tight, but they still zipped up.
"It's fine," Renji says. Then he sighs. He sweats under the haramaki. Kirihara leans back on his heels, and hangs on the hand holds. He has a satisfied smile.
The building where the class is held is big, with a long corridor of rooms overlooking a suburban street. "Room 2D," Renji says.
Kirihara squeezes Renji's hand. His voice squeaks when he says, "Okay."
Renji slides the door open. A dozen women look up from mats on the floor. A small lady in a pink jumpsuit says, "The babysitter's course is in room 2A." She starts to close the door on Kirihara.
"No," Renji says, "We're signed up for this."
***
The jumpsuit woman talks about cervixes and mucus and softening. Renji stops writing in his notebook. Kirihara turns green.
"Gross," he mutters.
They share a shudder.
***
On Friday, Renji goes to the municipal offices downtown. He registers the pregnancy with his family's register. Kirihara waits in the lobby. The municipal worker doesn't ask him whether he's here for his mother, or if here's here on a dare from friends. The worker hands Renji a packet, glances down to his middle, and continues to type the information.
He shakes Kirihara's shoulder. Kirihara wakes up, and drops the bottle of Calpis. Renji offers him a Kleenex for the drool. They walk along one of the wide boulevards lined with cafes and high-rise condos. Renji's stomach growls.
"Ne," Kirihara nods up. Renji follows his gaze, in the approximate direction of Landmark Tower. "One day, we'll live there."
"Those buildings are mostly offices," Renji says.
Kirihara laughs. "I mean, around there. You know, in a real apartment and stuff."
Renji says nothing. One of the red gates to Chinatown sits kiddycorner across the street. Renji sniffs the air. His stomach continues to gnaw on his sides. The baby kicks at his liver. He grabs Kirihara's hand, and says, "Let's go."
***
His father looks up from the newspaper.
His mom looks over from the kitchen sink. "And where did you go?"
Renji tosses his shoes into the corner. "For ramen."
"It's nine o'clock," his mom says. She folds the dishtowel three times, and sets it down on the counter.
"Genichirou and Seiichi were there. We were talking for a while," Renji lies.
His mom purses her lips. Renji closes the door to his bedroom. He lies on top of his bed, and rubs his stomach. He and Kirihara sat in the park by the harbour. The sky was filled with the far-off lights of airplanes, and the smell of ocean hung in the air. They held hands, and necked for a while. That was it.
He pulls on his pajama shorts as far they go. Under the sheets, he listens to the first patters of rain on his window outside. He reaches between his legs, but the ache is too deep.
***
Jackal storms through the clubhouse in his skirt and heavy-duty sports bra. Yagyuu finishes dressing extra fast. Yukimura doesn't notice—he's too busy arguing with the captain about training regimens. Marui's voice echoes in the shower.
"WHERE ARE THEY?" Jackal shouts.
Renji raises his eyebrows. He looks at Niou. Niou stops rubbing his flanks.
"…balls?" Niou offers.
Sanada makes a noise. Renji looks at him. Sanada resumes peeling off his grey socks.
Jackal slams his locker door. He shouts Marui's name in the highest pitch Renji has heard yet.
Marui saunters out. His towel barely wraps around his waist. "Yes?"
Jackal clenches his jaw. His face shakes. His knuckles crack. "Where ARE THEY?"
Marui blinks.
"Do not make me say it!" Jackal hisses. "BUNTA!"
Marui blinks twice more.
Jackal takes a deep breathe. His breasts swell. A smirk curves across Renji's face. He shares a glance with Niou.
Jackal shifts his eyes. "My—my panties are missing!"
Every head in the dressing room turns. Jackal flushes a shade of purple. Marui raises his hands.
"I am totally, totally innocent," he says.
Jackal's eyes pop out.
Marui strokes his chin. Then he looks down. "So…that means you're…not wearing anything underneath that skirt?"
Jackal takes a moment to process. Marui is quicker. He dives. Then Jackal runs for the door. Marui chases him around the tennis courts.
The captain sniggers. "Guess I don't need to give them any laps." He elbows the vice-captain. "You can see her ass cheeks when her skirt flips up a bit."
***
Marui says, "I swear I knew nothing."
"The likelihood of Jackal forgiving you is approximately one in a billion," Renji says.
Niou flops down on the grass next to Yagyuu's bento. He picks at his nails. He picks at Yagyuu's lunch. "Shoot," Niou says. "It was Sanada's panties I meant to string up the flag pole."
Marui chases Niou around the tennis courts. "I HATE you!" he screams. "You ruin everything for me, you BASTARD!!"
Yukimura laughs hard enough to show the shiso stuck between his teeth. "That's more laps than I've seen Niou do in months."
Renji counts seventy before Niou collapses on the bench.
***
Niou doesn't show up for morning practice.
Yagyuu disappears, too, after his phone rings. His face drains of colour. He forgets his school bag in the locker room. Sanada scowls, and calls Yagyuu lazy, and Niou worse things.
"He should be afraid!" Marui says. "I'll whoop his ass for what he did to me!" He punches the air around himself. Jackal keeps a wide berth, and brings extra pairs of underwear in his bag.
At lunch, Niou smirks to himself. Renji thinks about asking. He keeps his mouth closed. Jackal asks if anyone wants to do a quick Familymart run for chocolate.
Marui stands up. He offers his arm, and his wallet.
Jackal asks, "Does anyone else want to come?"
Marui bounces from foot to foot. Niou fakes a yawn. Renji works on his literature notes between bites of his cutlet. Sanada doesn't even look up from Yukimura's eyes.
Jackal sniffs. "Fine!"
Marui follows. He skips along, and sings an impromptu acapella version of Beyoncé. He makes it as far as the school gate before Jackal turns around to yell.
"See, they’re fine," Niou says.
Sanada smacks him on the ear.
***
Niou and Yagyuu argue behind the clubhouse shed.
Renji takes his earbuds out.
"—not funny, Niou-kun!"
"And what you did was?"
There is a long pause. Renji creeps closer.
Yagyuu touches the side of Niou's face. He pulls Niou close for a kiss.
Yagyuu whispers, "You know I'm sorry."
Niou doesn't look him in the eye.
***
cum 2 the clubhous at 6
Renji phones him back. "In the evening?"
"No, tomorrow morning."
"That's very early."
Kirihara hums. "…yeah, but—"
"I didn't say I wouldn't come."
***
He rolls out of bed at quarter past five. The only person up at this hour is Sanada. The bus is empty, and the streets are dark. Renji yawns. His body feels stiff and crusty.
There are no lights in the clubhouse. He buys himself a coffee milk from the conbini across the road from the junior high buildings. Kirihara waits by the stands. His hair is a mess. His shirt is buttoned up wrong.
He throws his arms around Renji's neck. "Happy birthday," he says.
Renji breathes in the shampoo smell of Kirihara's hair. His nipples tingle at Kirihara's body brushing against his. "You could have told me later than six," he says.
Hot fingers crawl up his ribs. Renji gasps. Kirihara has a crooked smile. A set of keys jingle in his hand. "Yeah," he says, "but what about this?" He unhooks Renji's bra. Renji bites his lip. Kirihara pushes him against the door of the clubhouse.
His cunt burns as he hooks his leg around Kirihara. He rubs his body into Kirihara's hips. Kirihara's lips move against his neck. The door lock clicks. Renji sighs into Kirihara's mouth.
He's bigger than last time. The logistics are awkward on the narrow bench, and the moist tile floor. Kirihara slides two fingers up inside. Renji practically comes before Kirihara has his pants undone.
"I missed you," Kirihara says. He groans. He pushes deeper.
Renji digs his nails in harder.
***
Renji sets the big bunch of purple irises in a glass pitcher wedged between piles of paper on his desk.
Yukimura storms into the clubhouse. "Sacrilege!" He moans. He stumbles. Sanada turns white, and yells at Yagyuu to call for an ambulance.
"It's not me," Yukimura says.
"Oh." Sanada flushes. He bats his eyelashes a little. "Sorry."
"Someone RUINED my garden at junior high—you know, the one I planted in the autumn on the rooftop, with hostas and irises and astilbes?"
Renji says, "It must have been a vandal."
"A flower thief!" Yukimura pants. Marui offers a paper bag.
"Out to get you," Renji says.
Yukimura groans. He rubs his temples. "All my hard work! My legacy!"
"The Nationals weren't?" Sanada asks.
Yukimura purses his lips. No one speaks.
Marui claps Yukimura on the back. "No worries, Yukimura. They're flowers. They grow back."
***
During laps, Jackal jogs up to Renji. "Kirihara was asking what flowers you liked best last week. I…maybe said something I shouldn't have."
***
Rain flushes out practice. The courts are a swamp of mosquitoes when they rally. The new, taught nets start to sag. Marui complains that his balls aren't the same. Yukimura complains that his form is off anyway.
Renji does fewer laps. He starts to wheeze at fifteen. At twenty, his back burns. He makes it to twenty-five, red-faced and gasping. Sanada shakes his head. Renji sits on the bench during the rest of practice. He doodles faces in a notebook and estimates the fetus is 2700 grams and 45 cm in length. The doctor warned him that he's gained too much weight.
Renji polishes off a super-sized bag of American-style potato chips. It gives him heartburn all morning.
The rain starts again after lunch.
They huddle in the clubhouse. Sticky skin glues them together. Renji peels his arm off Niou.
"At least we're inside today," Niou says. He sits on the bench, and rubs his ankles. Renji looks at him.
"Ball collecting makes them swell," Niou says.
Jackal nods. "Girls seem to retain water. When I'm about to get my per—"
Marui claps his hands over his ears. "LA LA LA!"
Jackal sniggers. "Serves you right." As soon as Marui takes his hands away, Jackal says, "Vagina!"
Marui jumps three feet—vertical.
Niou grins. "Yeast infection!"
Marui turns white. He slinks to the other side of the locker, near Sanada and Yagyuu.
"Can’t we use the workout room?" Yukimura whines.
Renji pulls out his novel.
"The basketball team called dibs," the captain says. "We have to share in high school."
"You're just not being forceful enough," Yukimura grumbles. Renji looks up and says nothing. His insides bubble. The baby has gas, or maybe hiccups.
"This is so boring!" Marui says.
No one disagrees. Especially not when he suggests the new Kamen Rider movie, playing at the cinema in 3D HD.
Renji phones Kirihara and invites him along too.
"But you don't like that stuff," Kirihara says. He bounces. He walks into the cinema wall. Renji grabs the 3D glasses from his face.
Renji says, "There's nothing else to do during the rainy season."
***
Sadaharu says, "I have calculated that your performance will have decreased by forty percent."
Renji frowns. "Thirty, if you must know. I am not an invalid."
"However, as a regular on Rikkai's tennis team, their overall team performance is down over twenty percent."
"You math is wrong, Sadaharu. One divided by eight is twelve point five."
"I was taking other factors into consideration."
"Such as?"
Renji can hear Sadaharu push his glasses up. "Yukimura's distraction by Sanada's…" Sadaharu coughs. He mumbles something about breasts. "…combined with Sanada's reduced performance due to gender increases the net reduction in Rikkai's efficiency by twenty one point five percent."
Renji thinks for a moment. He rubs his back. His flanks are sore. His spine cracks when he shifts. "You know that statistics don't always accurately reflect the truth."
"You are incorrect, Renji. Statistics reflect the facts."
Renji hums. "Remember that when Rikkai whoops your ass at Regionals."
He hangs up, and emails Sanada. Renji goes to the bathroom. It's uncomfortable to sit down on the toilet. His back still aches.
His cellphone flashes. Sanada's email is incomprehensible, and filled with angry red emoticons. Two minutes later, Yukimura sends an email, too. Renji chuckles.
Renji emails Sadaharu. Seigaku is 'dead meat' (^__^)メ
***
Kirihara walks him home.
"Akaya," Renji says.
Kirihara holds the umbrella for him. "I don't trust you on these streets by yourself." He looks around. So does Renji. The streets are packed with gated houses, and the occasional bicycle forgotten in the rain.
Renji snorts.
Kirihara carries Renji's tennis bag, too. Renji opens the gate. Kirihara bites his lip.
Renji raises his eyebrows.
"Your parents…kinda hate me," he mutters.
Renji says, "You forgot your umbrella at school. You'll get wet."
Kirihara's brow scrunches up. He slinks in behind Renji. His mom gives Kirihara a terse hello.
They start to walk upstairs. His mom says, "Keep your door open."
Kirihara hangs his head lower. He sits on the far edge of Renji's bed. He wrings his hands.
Renji leans on his pillows. He reaches for Kirihara, and pulls him close. Kirihara stares, upside-down. Renji peels off his damp socks. He flexes his toes in the a/c. Rain splotches blur the window.
"Do you…ever wonder if something really wrong happens?" Kirihara asks.
Renji combs his fingers through the hair above Kirihara's ear.
"If something bad might happen?"
"No," Renji says. His hand goes to his middle. Kirihara hovers his palm above Renji's navel. It sticks out now.
"Don't worry," Renji says.
When Kirihara leaves, Renji cranks his window open wide. The rain is gone, but the wind picks up errant droplets. Renji wraps his arm around his belly. His pulse races so fast he can hardly breathe.
***
The fetus moves around forty percent less. Renji pokes his sides. He prods his navel. He double-checks his notebook. The fetus has been still for five hours and thirty-two minutes.
Sharpness pangs between his breasts. He clutches his cellphone with a sticky hand. Kirihara will be running to make the bus for morning practice, if he's awake.
His skin prickles all over. He flushes hot. Renji waits at the bus stop, and counts his breathing. An old woman with a push cart asks if he's all right. Renji opens his mouth, and nothing comes out.
He catches the thirty-eight express instead of the 103B for school. No one stands up for him. He doesn't really care.
He runs for the clinic. The receptionist's smile falters. "Don't you have school, Yanagi-chan?"
Renji takes a deep breath in. The words come out in a rush. He clears his throat. He fans his face with his hand. "Please."
The doctor takes one glance at Renji's file. She feels around. She presses a stethoscope to Renji's skin. Renji digs his nails into the tissue cover on the examination table.
"Is it…" Renji swallows. The room spins.
The doctor smiles. "No, it's fine. There's not much room anymore for the fetus to move. That's completely normal for the baby to be less active in the ninth month."
Renji blinks.
"Oh."
He makes it back to school by lunch.
"Where the hell were you?" Sanada asks. "You have school!" Then he glances down. "I mean, unless you..." Sanada mutters something about hospitals.
Renji says nothing. Kirihara races across the campus grass. He plows straight past Renji and into Sanada's chest.
Sanada is horrified. Kirihara stares at his hands as if they are covered in napalm.
"An object in motion stays in motion," Renji says.
"Are you okay?!?” Kirihara grabs Renji hard and shakes him. He squeezes too tight. Renji coughs. Kirihara squishes his breasts, too, and they're sore.
"Yes," he says. Kirihara touches his hands all over Renji's middle. Sanada turns pink.
"Can’t you take this elsewhere?"
The baby has fluttery hiccups under Kirihara's palms. Renji feels like a fool.
***
A large box arrives at home. His mom answers the door. Two delivery men drag it inside the house, and into the middle of Renji's bedroom.
He looks up from his novel.
His mom grabs one of the magazine stacks from the floor. She has a garbage bag in her hand.
"What are you doing?" Renji grabs the magazines.
His mom frowns. "You need to clean your room, Renji."
Renji looks around. Snack wrappers and dust balls litter the corners. Dirty clothes and musty uniforms are spread across the floor, along with piles of books and magazines. A paper pile envelops his desk. His bookcase is packed two-deep with novels and the occasional manga confiscated from Niou or Marui. His filing cabinet spews folders and handouts onto a segmented cube shelf.
"There's nothing wrong with it," he says.
His mom shovels a paper stack into the bag. Renji clenches his jaw. She pulls a thick folder from the filing cabinet and throws it in, too.
"What are you doing!?" he says. His voice is shrill.
His mom put a hand on her hip. She nudges the large box. "Where's the baby going to sleep?"
"I don't know," Renji says.
"Where are you going to change diapers?"
"I don't know," Renji says.
She lifts her eyebrows.
He stacks all his tennis notebooks and magazines in his closet. His mom takes out two bags of clothes, all for boys. Renji's chest aches. So does between the legs.
The tennis posters are tacked up over one corner of the room. His filing cabinet disappears into the garbage collection area. So does the cube shelf, and a box of old novels. His mom pins up padded fabric animal shapes. She vacuums under the bed. Renji dives for the magazines crammed under there. His mom pulls the vacuum hose up.
"Why do you have your sister's bra?"
Renji purses his lips. His face is hot.
The crib takes up too much room. He can barely close his door.
"You'll be keeping your door open," his mom says. "If you'd kept it open beforehand, you wouldn't have this problem."
***
Marui takes Jackal to the Justin Bieber concert in Tokyo.
Jackal shows up to school with new buttons on his school bag. He's busy emailing someone. Niou grabs his cellphone.
"Hey!" Jackal shouts.
"I…love…you…Bunbun…" Niou says as he types. Jackal snatches it back, and deletes it. His face is red.
"That's not funny Niou!"
"So…" Niou says.
"So what?"
Renji lobs a ball over the net to them. Niou doesn't bother to pick it up. Renji lobs three more. He aims the last for Niou's middle. Jackal sighs. He hands a ball to Renji. The felt is damp from the ground.
"Niou says his back is sore today," Jackal says. Renji glances over. Niou is busy mooning a senpai, who flubs his serve into a roofball.
Renji rolls his eyes. "How was your concert?"
Jackal says it was good. Great.
"And Marui?"
Jackal blinks. "Oh! Um...he's fine, I guess. Minimal groping once I told him I was on my period. He's harmless."
Niou skips over. His mole twitches. "What about last week, when he serenaded you over morning announcements and the head teacher called you both down to his office over the PA?"
Jackal sputters. He plays with a stumpy pigtail. "Well…" They shift their eyes to Marui, across two courts. He has a tennis ball half-wedged into his mouth. Yagyuu tells him that the vice-captain won't appreciate the saliva.
"He's mostly harmless," Jackal says. "It's not like he's the sort to sneak up on me and rape me in my sleep or anything."
Niou stiffens. Renji watches him. Jackal keeps talking. In a thin voice Niou says, "He's still disgusting", and walks away.
Jackal looks at Renji, and shrugs. "What's his problem?" Then he pulls his cellphone from his pocket. It buzzes with a message.
Renji raises his eyebrows. "Important?"
Jackal avoids his eye. "Naw, it's nothing at all.
***
28/06
Weather: 32 degrees, variable clouds, 78% humidity, precipitation during pre-dawn
Jackal: 15 suspicious emails during practice (1 hour, 20 minute duration in afternoon) Possible relationship?? Unable to observe at lunch.
Niou: Acting strange after jokes (made by Jackal). Possible history of abuse by family?? Gropers on trains??
Sanada: Unable to locate at lunch. Yagyuu reported strange noises from washitsu. Sex with Yukimura third time this week (Yukimura not present at lunch). Hypocritical behaviour.
Note: washitsu vacant at lunch + second period. Tell Akaya.
Captain scratched his crotch 27 times during practice, increase of 20% from 27/06. Suspect crotch rot. Told Yukimura to make habit of washing his uniforms.
***
Renji alphabetizes his novels. He rearranges the ball canisters in his clubhouse locker, then he dusts the trophy cabinets too. Marui lounges on the clubhouse bench. Niou fans himself with an uchiwa. Jackal types 21 more emails on his cellphone. The soft click of his typing is the only sound, other than Yukimura making stupid noises into the oscillating fan.
"Do you think the rain is worse this year?" Yagyuu asks.
Renji says no. Sanada says yes. He wipes at his forehead with a towel. Then he dabs at his neck, too. When he thinks no one is looking, Sanada stuffs the towel down his shirt to wipe his cleavage too.
Renji wipes above the lockers. Dust balls drop onto the floor. Yukimura picks one out of his hair. "Do you mind?" he asks.
"Not really," Renji says.
"My mom did the same thing," Marui says. "Before she punched out my youngest brother."
"Did what?" Niou asks. "Was preggers?"
Marui pops a bubble. "Cleaning. Like, obsessive cleaning and shit. I only remember because that was the last time my room was vacuumed."
"That's disgusting!" Sanada says.
Marui shrugs.
"Well, you need to hurry up and have it," Yukimura says. "For team security and all. I figure two weeks' leave is enough."
"Technically my due date was yesterday," Renji says.
"Yeah, and you're being late," Yukimura says. "I took two weeks' leave after my surgery, so you won't need any more than that. I told the captain he can add you to the line-up for the Nationals."
Renji bites his lip. "Did you?"
Yukimura nods. "But since it's your first baby, the captain should probably just have you play easy positions like doubles with Sanada." Sanada tenses his shoulders. Yukimura smiles at him. "Sanada can pick up your slack, Renji. I don't trust the senpais. They're lazy."
"It's true," Yagyuu says. "When practice was cancelled, they all went home."
"The rain will let up soon," Yukimura says. "Then we can go finish our laps."
Renji cracks open the door. A thick sheet of rain pelts his feet. He closes the door.
It rains all night.
***
Then the rain stops.
The sun comes out, along with hoards of cicadas, which follow him to school. He used to be able to run away. Now, he can hardly waddle. His back aches all the time. His stomach is heavy, and he sweats more than Marui and Yukimura combined. Renji sprays himself with deodorant in the school bathroom. The cicadas hum through the open window.
His face breaks out. He looks like a pizza. Kirihara still walks him home after school. He reaches for Renji's hand, like always. Renji yanks his hand away.
"It's too hot!" he says.
Kirihara grinds his sneakers into the pavement. He kicks at cicada shells on the sidewalk. "You're really grouchy like fukubuchou," he mutters.
Renji stops. The baby pushes on his liver. Renji sucks a breath in. He leans forward. Kirihara catches his arm.
"Are you all right?"
Renji pushes him away. His skin drips. His hair burns under the sun.
"I'm sorry if I said something," Kirihara says. "Really really."
Renji cranks the a/c in his room down to twelve degrees. He can't get comfortable in bed. The baby sinks back onto his kidneys, or down to his bladder. He gets up to go to the toilet thirteen times before midnight—before he stops counting. He paces his room. He flicks on the light and stacks his tennis magazines in ascending dates. His knees creak. His back cracks when he lies back down. He yawns, but he still can't sleep.
He visits the doctor on Saturday. "If the baby hasn't come by Wednesday, we'll have to induce you."
Renji's fingers go numb. He takes a deep breath, and thanks the doctor for her time. He walks back into the lobby. Kirihara throws his magazine on the floor. He hops from foot to foot.
"Is everything—?"
Renji nods.
Kirihara presses his face to Renji's middle. Renji picks at a pimple on the side of his face. "Ne, you can't stay in there forever," Kirihara says.
There is an email from Yukimura waiting on his phone.
38 days until Natls
Kirihara asks why he's frowning. Renji deletes the message.
"Soba for lunch?"
***
He wakes up on Monday at 1:52am. His clock ticks softly. The fridge and the a/c hum. Renji clutches his belly, and squeezes his eyes tight. The pain is sharp, and deep, and brief. His body aches for sleep. His mind races.
He doesn't know what else to do.
So he calls Kirihara.
His muscles contract again. Renji bites his lip. He makes a noise, and Kirihara says, "I'm coming right now!"
At the twelve minute mark, his insides seize up. Renji digs his fingers into the edge of the mattress. He clenches his jaw. Sweat beads along his hairline. He tries to remember how to breathe. He tries not to curl into a ball and start to cry. It hurts more than the day his parents told him they were moving.
The cramps release after a minute, or maybe a little less. The pain stretches like forever. Light shines on the street below his window. Renji opens the edge of his curtain. Kirihara slams the passenger side door of a Toyota. Then he trips on the pavement.
Renji rushes to the door. He yanks it open. Kirihara's finger hovers over the buzzer.
"Are you ready?" Kirihara asks. His eyes are wild. His hair is too.
Renji shakes his head. He waddles to the car anyway. Kirihara's sister sits in the driver's side. He gives him a curt nod. Her hair is an afro, and she's got bloodshot eyes.
"This is the only time I do this, you hear?" she says.
Renji climbs into the back.
Kirihara stands on the curb. He keeps blinking. He scratches his head. He looks back at the dark house. "Aren't…your parents coming?"
Kirihara's sister puts the Toyota in drive. "Retard, get in now!"
He runs to the other side, and climbs in next to Renji. His sister accelerates. The car jumps on the road. Renji bumps the back of the passenger seat. His muscles seize up in a cramp again. He grabs Kirihara's hand.
Kirihara screams at the crunch of cartilage.
***
Kirihara's sister—Ayaka—runs four red lights, and dodges an off-duty police cruiser down an alleyway. Kirihara whoops. Renji breathes hard through his nose. He squeezes Kirihara's hand harder. His body shudders all over. His insides are turning themselves inside out.
"You look like you're dying," Kirihara says.
Renji whips his head around. He glares. Kirihara winces. He pats the back of Renji's hand, and says asinine things in a simpering voice: you're so awesome, you're number one, this'll be way easier than winning the Nationals.
"We lost the Nationals," Renji says.
Kirihara laughs. "Oh yeah."
The hospital glows between the high rises of downtown. Renji takes a deep breath. His heart pounds. He turns to Kirihara. The city lights reflect in his pupils. Renji feels cold all over.
There's no contraction, but he holds Kirihara tight.
Ayaka slams on the breaks in the middle of the Emergency Pull-Up. She has a crooked grin in the rear-view mirror, and a thumbs up.
"No turning back now, you dumb morons," she says.
Kirihara runs out. He runs around the trunk to open the door for Renji.
"Good luck!" she calls out. "And next time, use a condom, seaweed head!"
The car swerves out of sight toward the underground parking entrance. Kirihara sniffs.
"I hate her," he says.
Renji's smile is broken by another contraction.
A nurse tries to whisk him inside in a wheelchair. Renji walks. Another nurse stops Kirihara at the ward doors. Renji doubles over. A nurse supports his side. He lets go of Kirihara's sticky grasp. The last he sees of Kirihara is a red-eyed tantrum. The double-doors close behind him.
They prod him with an IV. They hold up a blue dressing gown. Renji closes his eyes, and holds his arms up. A cold draft tickles his naked backside. The nurse tells him to spread his legs wide.
Renji wants to crawl under the beeping machines and stay there until the fetus slides out. His head aches. The smell of chemical antiseptic makes the room spin around him.
"Only four cm," the nurse says.
Renji's shoulders sink. He closes his eyes. His body feels strange. The bed is uneven. He grips the edge hard.
She wraps a cuff around his arm, and tightens it. She stares at a screen. Renji tries to look over at it. "Please stay still," the nurse whispers. Her lips are white. She doesn't look at him.
A second nurse comes in. Her eyes flick to the monitor. "I'll get the doctor." She runs out.
For the briefest moment, Renji knows. He can't think of anyone else except Kirihara. Sadness floods through his body. The staccato of the machine increases. The sounds blur together. He opens his mouth to say Tell Akaya I—
He never finishes.
Author: Ociwen
Wordcount: Long
Rating: NC17 overall
Disclaimer: Everything you can possibly think of, and then some. Spoilers for 40.5 and the entire series, including ShinTenipuri.
Warning: Girl parts, and then some. Crude humour. Misogyny. The usual.
Summary: Renji wakes up as a girl.
Author's Notes: This is a one-shot fic related to Dénoument, We'll Always Have Kanagawa, Accidentally All Right, Push/Pull, and Big Brother. The fics can be read separately, but they make more sense together.
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7]
If you like/love/loathe, please leave a comment to let me know.
Instead of cram school, his mom signs him up for another evening class.
She frowns at Renji's jeans and t-shirt. "You don't look very pregnant," she says. She tosses the haramaki at him, along with a flowery sack top of his sister's.
Renji holds it up and says no.
His mom gives him the stink eye. Renji slinks into his room. The top hangs off his body in all the wrong ways. His reflection shakes his head in the mirror.
"Do you want a drive?" his mom asks. Renji says no.
"You don't want to get cold. Take a jacket. And your sweater."
Kirihara meets him at the street corner. "Uh…" he says.
Renji tugs at Kirihara's t-shirt. He's got two layered over jeans. Renji peels off his jacket and the sweater, and the floral print mumu too. Kirihara glances around. "Here? It's really…"
Renji purses his lips. He pulls off Kirihara's Gundam tshirt. Kirihara licks his neck.
"What are you doing?" Renji asks.
Kirihara laughs. "Um, sex in a public place?"
Renji says hm. "It's too hot for that." He pulls on Kirihara's t-shirt, and stuffs his clothes into his bag. The air is thick with ozone. It'll be the rainy season soon.
"Aren't you cold?" Kirihara asks. He rubs Renji's arms on the train.
Renji says he's fine.
"But…" Kirihara touches Renji's stomach. His jeans are tight, but they still zipped up.
"It's fine," Renji says. Then he sighs. He sweats under the haramaki. Kirihara leans back on his heels, and hangs on the hand holds. He has a satisfied smile.
The building where the class is held is big, with a long corridor of rooms overlooking a suburban street. "Room 2D," Renji says.
Kirihara squeezes Renji's hand. His voice squeaks when he says, "Okay."
Renji slides the door open. A dozen women look up from mats on the floor. A small lady in a pink jumpsuit says, "The babysitter's course is in room 2A." She starts to close the door on Kirihara.
"No," Renji says, "We're signed up for this."
The jumpsuit woman talks about cervixes and mucus and softening. Renji stops writing in his notebook. Kirihara turns green.
"Gross," he mutters.
They share a shudder.
On Friday, Renji goes to the municipal offices downtown. He registers the pregnancy with his family's register. Kirihara waits in the lobby. The municipal worker doesn't ask him whether he's here for his mother, or if here's here on a dare from friends. The worker hands Renji a packet, glances down to his middle, and continues to type the information.
He shakes Kirihara's shoulder. Kirihara wakes up, and drops the bottle of Calpis. Renji offers him a Kleenex for the drool. They walk along one of the wide boulevards lined with cafes and high-rise condos. Renji's stomach growls.
"Ne," Kirihara nods up. Renji follows his gaze, in the approximate direction of Landmark Tower. "One day, we'll live there."
"Those buildings are mostly offices," Renji says.
Kirihara laughs. "I mean, around there. You know, in a real apartment and stuff."
Renji says nothing. One of the red gates to Chinatown sits kiddycorner across the street. Renji sniffs the air. His stomach continues to gnaw on his sides. The baby kicks at his liver. He grabs Kirihara's hand, and says, "Let's go."
His father looks up from the newspaper.
His mom looks over from the kitchen sink. "And where did you go?"
Renji tosses his shoes into the corner. "For ramen."
"It's nine o'clock," his mom says. She folds the dishtowel three times, and sets it down on the counter.
"Genichirou and Seiichi were there. We were talking for a while," Renji lies.
His mom purses her lips. Renji closes the door to his bedroom. He lies on top of his bed, and rubs his stomach. He and Kirihara sat in the park by the harbour. The sky was filled with the far-off lights of airplanes, and the smell of ocean hung in the air. They held hands, and necked for a while. That was it.
He pulls on his pajama shorts as far they go. Under the sheets, he listens to the first patters of rain on his window outside. He reaches between his legs, but the ache is too deep.
Jackal storms through the clubhouse in his skirt and heavy-duty sports bra. Yagyuu finishes dressing extra fast. Yukimura doesn't notice—he's too busy arguing with the captain about training regimens. Marui's voice echoes in the shower.
"WHERE ARE THEY?" Jackal shouts.
Renji raises his eyebrows. He looks at Niou. Niou stops rubbing his flanks.
"…balls?" Niou offers.
Sanada makes a noise. Renji looks at him. Sanada resumes peeling off his grey socks.
Jackal slams his locker door. He shouts Marui's name in the highest pitch Renji has heard yet.
Marui saunters out. His towel barely wraps around his waist. "Yes?"
Jackal clenches his jaw. His face shakes. His knuckles crack. "Where ARE THEY?"
Marui blinks.
"Do not make me say it!" Jackal hisses. "BUNTA!"
Marui blinks twice more.
Jackal takes a deep breathe. His breasts swell. A smirk curves across Renji's face. He shares a glance with Niou.
Jackal shifts his eyes. "My—my panties are missing!"
Every head in the dressing room turns. Jackal flushes a shade of purple. Marui raises his hands.
"I am totally, totally innocent," he says.
Jackal's eyes pop out.
Marui strokes his chin. Then he looks down. "So…that means you're…not wearing anything underneath that skirt?"
Jackal takes a moment to process. Marui is quicker. He dives. Then Jackal runs for the door. Marui chases him around the tennis courts.
The captain sniggers. "Guess I don't need to give them any laps." He elbows the vice-captain. "You can see her ass cheeks when her skirt flips up a bit."
Marui says, "I swear I knew nothing."
"The likelihood of Jackal forgiving you is approximately one in a billion," Renji says.
Niou flops down on the grass next to Yagyuu's bento. He picks at his nails. He picks at Yagyuu's lunch. "Shoot," Niou says. "It was Sanada's panties I meant to string up the flag pole."
Marui chases Niou around the tennis courts. "I HATE you!" he screams. "You ruin everything for me, you BASTARD!!"
Yukimura laughs hard enough to show the shiso stuck between his teeth. "That's more laps than I've seen Niou do in months."
Renji counts seventy before Niou collapses on the bench.
Niou doesn't show up for morning practice.
Yagyuu disappears, too, after his phone rings. His face drains of colour. He forgets his school bag in the locker room. Sanada scowls, and calls Yagyuu lazy, and Niou worse things.
"He should be afraid!" Marui says. "I'll whoop his ass for what he did to me!" He punches the air around himself. Jackal keeps a wide berth, and brings extra pairs of underwear in his bag.
At lunch, Niou smirks to himself. Renji thinks about asking. He keeps his mouth closed. Jackal asks if anyone wants to do a quick Familymart run for chocolate.
Marui stands up. He offers his arm, and his wallet.
Jackal asks, "Does anyone else want to come?"
Marui bounces from foot to foot. Niou fakes a yawn. Renji works on his literature notes between bites of his cutlet. Sanada doesn't even look up from Yukimura's eyes.
Jackal sniffs. "Fine!"
Marui follows. He skips along, and sings an impromptu acapella version of Beyoncé. He makes it as far as the school gate before Jackal turns around to yell.
"See, they’re fine," Niou says.
Sanada smacks him on the ear.
Niou and Yagyuu argue behind the clubhouse shed.
Renji takes his earbuds out.
"—not funny, Niou-kun!"
"And what you did was?"
There is a long pause. Renji creeps closer.
Yagyuu touches the side of Niou's face. He pulls Niou close for a kiss.
Yagyuu whispers, "You know I'm sorry."
Niou doesn't look him in the eye.
cum 2 the clubhous at 6
Renji phones him back. "In the evening?"
"No, tomorrow morning."
"That's very early."
Kirihara hums. "…yeah, but—"
"I didn't say I wouldn't come."
He rolls out of bed at quarter past five. The only person up at this hour is Sanada. The bus is empty, and the streets are dark. Renji yawns. His body feels stiff and crusty.
There are no lights in the clubhouse. He buys himself a coffee milk from the conbini across the road from the junior high buildings. Kirihara waits by the stands. His hair is a mess. His shirt is buttoned up wrong.
He throws his arms around Renji's neck. "Happy birthday," he says.
Renji breathes in the shampoo smell of Kirihara's hair. His nipples tingle at Kirihara's body brushing against his. "You could have told me later than six," he says.
Hot fingers crawl up his ribs. Renji gasps. Kirihara has a crooked smile. A set of keys jingle in his hand. "Yeah," he says, "but what about this?" He unhooks Renji's bra. Renji bites his lip. Kirihara pushes him against the door of the clubhouse.
His cunt burns as he hooks his leg around Kirihara. He rubs his body into Kirihara's hips. Kirihara's lips move against his neck. The door lock clicks. Renji sighs into Kirihara's mouth.
He's bigger than last time. The logistics are awkward on the narrow bench, and the moist tile floor. Kirihara slides two fingers up inside. Renji practically comes before Kirihara has his pants undone.
"I missed you," Kirihara says. He groans. He pushes deeper.
Renji digs his nails in harder.
Renji sets the big bunch of purple irises in a glass pitcher wedged between piles of paper on his desk.
Yukimura storms into the clubhouse. "Sacrilege!" He moans. He stumbles. Sanada turns white, and yells at Yagyuu to call for an ambulance.
"It's not me," Yukimura says.
"Oh." Sanada flushes. He bats his eyelashes a little. "Sorry."
"Someone RUINED my garden at junior high—you know, the one I planted in the autumn on the rooftop, with hostas and irises and astilbes?"
Renji says, "It must have been a vandal."
"A flower thief!" Yukimura pants. Marui offers a paper bag.
"Out to get you," Renji says.
Yukimura groans. He rubs his temples. "All my hard work! My legacy!"
"The Nationals weren't?" Sanada asks.
Yukimura purses his lips. No one speaks.
Marui claps Yukimura on the back. "No worries, Yukimura. They're flowers. They grow back."
During laps, Jackal jogs up to Renji. "Kirihara was asking what flowers you liked best last week. I…maybe said something I shouldn't have."
Rain flushes out practice. The courts are a swamp of mosquitoes when they rally. The new, taught nets start to sag. Marui complains that his balls aren't the same. Yukimura complains that his form is off anyway.
Renji does fewer laps. He starts to wheeze at fifteen. At twenty, his back burns. He makes it to twenty-five, red-faced and gasping. Sanada shakes his head. Renji sits on the bench during the rest of practice. He doodles faces in a notebook and estimates the fetus is 2700 grams and 45 cm in length. The doctor warned him that he's gained too much weight.
Renji polishes off a super-sized bag of American-style potato chips. It gives him heartburn all morning.
The rain starts again after lunch.
They huddle in the clubhouse. Sticky skin glues them together. Renji peels his arm off Niou.
"At least we're inside today," Niou says. He sits on the bench, and rubs his ankles. Renji looks at him.
"Ball collecting makes them swell," Niou says.
Jackal nods. "Girls seem to retain water. When I'm about to get my per—"
Marui claps his hands over his ears. "LA LA LA!"
Jackal sniggers. "Serves you right." As soon as Marui takes his hands away, Jackal says, "Vagina!"
Marui jumps three feet—vertical.
Niou grins. "Yeast infection!"
Marui turns white. He slinks to the other side of the locker, near Sanada and Yagyuu.
"Can’t we use the workout room?" Yukimura whines.
Renji pulls out his novel.
"The basketball team called dibs," the captain says. "We have to share in high school."
"You're just not being forceful enough," Yukimura grumbles. Renji looks up and says nothing. His insides bubble. The baby has gas, or maybe hiccups.
"This is so boring!" Marui says.
No one disagrees. Especially not when he suggests the new Kamen Rider movie, playing at the cinema in 3D HD.
Renji phones Kirihara and invites him along too.
"But you don't like that stuff," Kirihara says. He bounces. He walks into the cinema wall. Renji grabs the 3D glasses from his face.
Renji says, "There's nothing else to do during the rainy season."
Sadaharu says, "I have calculated that your performance will have decreased by forty percent."
Renji frowns. "Thirty, if you must know. I am not an invalid."
"However, as a regular on Rikkai's tennis team, their overall team performance is down over twenty percent."
"You math is wrong, Sadaharu. One divided by eight is twelve point five."
"I was taking other factors into consideration."
"Such as?"
Renji can hear Sadaharu push his glasses up. "Yukimura's distraction by Sanada's…" Sadaharu coughs. He mumbles something about breasts. "…combined with Sanada's reduced performance due to gender increases the net reduction in Rikkai's efficiency by twenty one point five percent."
Renji thinks for a moment. He rubs his back. His flanks are sore. His spine cracks when he shifts. "You know that statistics don't always accurately reflect the truth."
"You are incorrect, Renji. Statistics reflect the facts."
Renji hums. "Remember that when Rikkai whoops your ass at Regionals."
He hangs up, and emails Sanada. Renji goes to the bathroom. It's uncomfortable to sit down on the toilet. His back still aches.
His cellphone flashes. Sanada's email is incomprehensible, and filled with angry red emoticons. Two minutes later, Yukimura sends an email, too. Renji chuckles.
Renji emails Sadaharu. Seigaku is 'dead meat' (^__^)メ
Kirihara walks him home.
"Akaya," Renji says.
Kirihara holds the umbrella for him. "I don't trust you on these streets by yourself." He looks around. So does Renji. The streets are packed with gated houses, and the occasional bicycle forgotten in the rain.
Renji snorts.
Kirihara carries Renji's tennis bag, too. Renji opens the gate. Kirihara bites his lip.
Renji raises his eyebrows.
"Your parents…kinda hate me," he mutters.
Renji says, "You forgot your umbrella at school. You'll get wet."
Kirihara's brow scrunches up. He slinks in behind Renji. His mom gives Kirihara a terse hello.
They start to walk upstairs. His mom says, "Keep your door open."
Kirihara hangs his head lower. He sits on the far edge of Renji's bed. He wrings his hands.
Renji leans on his pillows. He reaches for Kirihara, and pulls him close. Kirihara stares, upside-down. Renji peels off his damp socks. He flexes his toes in the a/c. Rain splotches blur the window.
"Do you…ever wonder if something really wrong happens?" Kirihara asks.
Renji combs his fingers through the hair above Kirihara's ear.
"If something bad might happen?"
"No," Renji says. His hand goes to his middle. Kirihara hovers his palm above Renji's navel. It sticks out now.
"Don't worry," Renji says.
When Kirihara leaves, Renji cranks his window open wide. The rain is gone, but the wind picks up errant droplets. Renji wraps his arm around his belly. His pulse races so fast he can hardly breathe.
The fetus moves around forty percent less. Renji pokes his sides. He prods his navel. He double-checks his notebook. The fetus has been still for five hours and thirty-two minutes.
Sharpness pangs between his breasts. He clutches his cellphone with a sticky hand. Kirihara will be running to make the bus for morning practice, if he's awake.
His skin prickles all over. He flushes hot. Renji waits at the bus stop, and counts his breathing. An old woman with a push cart asks if he's all right. Renji opens his mouth, and nothing comes out.
He catches the thirty-eight express instead of the 103B for school. No one stands up for him. He doesn't really care.
He runs for the clinic. The receptionist's smile falters. "Don't you have school, Yanagi-chan?"
Renji takes a deep breath in. The words come out in a rush. He clears his throat. He fans his face with his hand. "Please."
The doctor takes one glance at Renji's file. She feels around. She presses a stethoscope to Renji's skin. Renji digs his nails into the tissue cover on the examination table.
"Is it…" Renji swallows. The room spins.
The doctor smiles. "No, it's fine. There's not much room anymore for the fetus to move. That's completely normal for the baby to be less active in the ninth month."
Renji blinks.
"Oh."
He makes it back to school by lunch.
"Where the hell were you?" Sanada asks. "You have school!" Then he glances down. "I mean, unless you..." Sanada mutters something about hospitals.
Renji says nothing. Kirihara races across the campus grass. He plows straight past Renji and into Sanada's chest.
Sanada is horrified. Kirihara stares at his hands as if they are covered in napalm.
"An object in motion stays in motion," Renji says.
"Are you okay?!?” Kirihara grabs Renji hard and shakes him. He squeezes too tight. Renji coughs. Kirihara squishes his breasts, too, and they're sore.
"Yes," he says. Kirihara touches his hands all over Renji's middle. Sanada turns pink.
"Can’t you take this elsewhere?"
The baby has fluttery hiccups under Kirihara's palms. Renji feels like a fool.
A large box arrives at home. His mom answers the door. Two delivery men drag it inside the house, and into the middle of Renji's bedroom.
He looks up from his novel.
His mom grabs one of the magazine stacks from the floor. She has a garbage bag in her hand.
"What are you doing?" Renji grabs the magazines.
His mom frowns. "You need to clean your room, Renji."
Renji looks around. Snack wrappers and dust balls litter the corners. Dirty clothes and musty uniforms are spread across the floor, along with piles of books and magazines. A paper pile envelops his desk. His bookcase is packed two-deep with novels and the occasional manga confiscated from Niou or Marui. His filing cabinet spews folders and handouts onto a segmented cube shelf.
"There's nothing wrong with it," he says.
His mom shovels a paper stack into the bag. Renji clenches his jaw. She pulls a thick folder from the filing cabinet and throws it in, too.
"What are you doing!?" he says. His voice is shrill.
His mom put a hand on her hip. She nudges the large box. "Where's the baby going to sleep?"
"I don't know," Renji says.
"Where are you going to change diapers?"
"I don't know," Renji says.
She lifts her eyebrows.
He stacks all his tennis notebooks and magazines in his closet. His mom takes out two bags of clothes, all for boys. Renji's chest aches. So does between the legs.
The tennis posters are tacked up over one corner of the room. His filing cabinet disappears into the garbage collection area. So does the cube shelf, and a box of old novels. His mom pins up padded fabric animal shapes. She vacuums under the bed. Renji dives for the magazines crammed under there. His mom pulls the vacuum hose up.
"Why do you have your sister's bra?"
Renji purses his lips. His face is hot.
The crib takes up too much room. He can barely close his door.
"You'll be keeping your door open," his mom says. "If you'd kept it open beforehand, you wouldn't have this problem."
Marui takes Jackal to the Justin Bieber concert in Tokyo.
Jackal shows up to school with new buttons on his school bag. He's busy emailing someone. Niou grabs his cellphone.
"Hey!" Jackal shouts.
"I…love…you…Bunbun…" Niou says as he types. Jackal snatches it back, and deletes it. His face is red.
"That's not funny Niou!"
"So…" Niou says.
"So what?"
Renji lobs a ball over the net to them. Niou doesn't bother to pick it up. Renji lobs three more. He aims the last for Niou's middle. Jackal sighs. He hands a ball to Renji. The felt is damp from the ground.
"Niou says his back is sore today," Jackal says. Renji glances over. Niou is busy mooning a senpai, who flubs his serve into a roofball.
Renji rolls his eyes. "How was your concert?"
Jackal says it was good. Great.
"And Marui?"
Jackal blinks. "Oh! Um...he's fine, I guess. Minimal groping once I told him I was on my period. He's harmless."
Niou skips over. His mole twitches. "What about last week, when he serenaded you over morning announcements and the head teacher called you both down to his office over the PA?"
Jackal sputters. He plays with a stumpy pigtail. "Well…" They shift their eyes to Marui, across two courts. He has a tennis ball half-wedged into his mouth. Yagyuu tells him that the vice-captain won't appreciate the saliva.
"He's mostly harmless," Jackal says. "It's not like he's the sort to sneak up on me and rape me in my sleep or anything."
Niou stiffens. Renji watches him. Jackal keeps talking. In a thin voice Niou says, "He's still disgusting", and walks away.
Jackal looks at Renji, and shrugs. "What's his problem?" Then he pulls his cellphone from his pocket. It buzzes with a message.
Renji raises his eyebrows. "Important?"
Jackal avoids his eye. "Naw, it's nothing at all.
28/06
Weather: 32 degrees, variable clouds, 78% humidity, precipitation during pre-dawn
Jackal: 15 suspicious emails during practice (1 hour, 20 minute duration in afternoon) Possible relationship?? Unable to observe at lunch.
Niou: Acting strange after jokes (made by Jackal). Possible history of abuse by family?? Gropers on trains??
Sanada: Unable to locate at lunch. Yagyuu reported strange noises from washitsu. Sex with Yukimura third time this week (Yukimura not present at lunch). Hypocritical behaviour.
Note: washitsu vacant at lunch + second period. Tell Akaya.
Captain scratched his crotch 27 times during practice, increase of 20% from 27/06. Suspect crotch rot. Told Yukimura to make habit of washing his uniforms.
Renji alphabetizes his novels. He rearranges the ball canisters in his clubhouse locker, then he dusts the trophy cabinets too. Marui lounges on the clubhouse bench. Niou fans himself with an uchiwa. Jackal types 21 more emails on his cellphone. The soft click of his typing is the only sound, other than Yukimura making stupid noises into the oscillating fan.
"Do you think the rain is worse this year?" Yagyuu asks.
Renji says no. Sanada says yes. He wipes at his forehead with a towel. Then he dabs at his neck, too. When he thinks no one is looking, Sanada stuffs the towel down his shirt to wipe his cleavage too.
Renji wipes above the lockers. Dust balls drop onto the floor. Yukimura picks one out of his hair. "Do you mind?" he asks.
"Not really," Renji says.
"My mom did the same thing," Marui says. "Before she punched out my youngest brother."
"Did what?" Niou asks. "Was preggers?"
Marui pops a bubble. "Cleaning. Like, obsessive cleaning and shit. I only remember because that was the last time my room was vacuumed."
"That's disgusting!" Sanada says.
Marui shrugs.
"Well, you need to hurry up and have it," Yukimura says. "For team security and all. I figure two weeks' leave is enough."
"Technically my due date was yesterday," Renji says.
"Yeah, and you're being late," Yukimura says. "I took two weeks' leave after my surgery, so you won't need any more than that. I told the captain he can add you to the line-up for the Nationals."
Renji bites his lip. "Did you?"
Yukimura nods. "But since it's your first baby, the captain should probably just have you play easy positions like doubles with Sanada." Sanada tenses his shoulders. Yukimura smiles at him. "Sanada can pick up your slack, Renji. I don't trust the senpais. They're lazy."
"It's true," Yagyuu says. "When practice was cancelled, they all went home."
"The rain will let up soon," Yukimura says. "Then we can go finish our laps."
Renji cracks open the door. A thick sheet of rain pelts his feet. He closes the door.
It rains all night.
Then the rain stops.
The sun comes out, along with hoards of cicadas, which follow him to school. He used to be able to run away. Now, he can hardly waddle. His back aches all the time. His stomach is heavy, and he sweats more than Marui and Yukimura combined. Renji sprays himself with deodorant in the school bathroom. The cicadas hum through the open window.
His face breaks out. He looks like a pizza. Kirihara still walks him home after school. He reaches for Renji's hand, like always. Renji yanks his hand away.
"It's too hot!" he says.
Kirihara grinds his sneakers into the pavement. He kicks at cicada shells on the sidewalk. "You're really grouchy like fukubuchou," he mutters.
Renji stops. The baby pushes on his liver. Renji sucks a breath in. He leans forward. Kirihara catches his arm.
"Are you all right?"
Renji pushes him away. His skin drips. His hair burns under the sun.
"I'm sorry if I said something," Kirihara says. "Really really."
Renji cranks the a/c in his room down to twelve degrees. He can't get comfortable in bed. The baby sinks back onto his kidneys, or down to his bladder. He gets up to go to the toilet thirteen times before midnight—before he stops counting. He paces his room. He flicks on the light and stacks his tennis magazines in ascending dates. His knees creak. His back cracks when he lies back down. He yawns, but he still can't sleep.
He visits the doctor on Saturday. "If the baby hasn't come by Wednesday, we'll have to induce you."
Renji's fingers go numb. He takes a deep breath, and thanks the doctor for her time. He walks back into the lobby. Kirihara throws his magazine on the floor. He hops from foot to foot.
"Is everything—?"
Renji nods.
Kirihara presses his face to Renji's middle. Renji picks at a pimple on the side of his face. "Ne, you can't stay in there forever," Kirihara says.
There is an email from Yukimura waiting on his phone.
38 days until Natls
Kirihara asks why he's frowning. Renji deletes the message.
"Soba for lunch?"
He wakes up on Monday at 1:52am. His clock ticks softly. The fridge and the a/c hum. Renji clutches his belly, and squeezes his eyes tight. The pain is sharp, and deep, and brief. His body aches for sleep. His mind races.
He doesn't know what else to do.
So he calls Kirihara.
His muscles contract again. Renji bites his lip. He makes a noise, and Kirihara says, "I'm coming right now!"
At the twelve minute mark, his insides seize up. Renji digs his fingers into the edge of the mattress. He clenches his jaw. Sweat beads along his hairline. He tries to remember how to breathe. He tries not to curl into a ball and start to cry. It hurts more than the day his parents told him they were moving.
The cramps release after a minute, or maybe a little less. The pain stretches like forever. Light shines on the street below his window. Renji opens the edge of his curtain. Kirihara slams the passenger side door of a Toyota. Then he trips on the pavement.
Renji rushes to the door. He yanks it open. Kirihara's finger hovers over the buzzer.
"Are you ready?" Kirihara asks. His eyes are wild. His hair is too.
Renji shakes his head. He waddles to the car anyway. Kirihara's sister sits in the driver's side. He gives him a curt nod. Her hair is an afro, and she's got bloodshot eyes.
"This is the only time I do this, you hear?" she says.
Renji climbs into the back.
Kirihara stands on the curb. He keeps blinking. He scratches his head. He looks back at the dark house. "Aren't…your parents coming?"
Kirihara's sister puts the Toyota in drive. "Retard, get in now!"
He runs to the other side, and climbs in next to Renji. His sister accelerates. The car jumps on the road. Renji bumps the back of the passenger seat. His muscles seize up in a cramp again. He grabs Kirihara's hand.
Kirihara screams at the crunch of cartilage.
Kirihara's sister—Ayaka—runs four red lights, and dodges an off-duty police cruiser down an alleyway. Kirihara whoops. Renji breathes hard through his nose. He squeezes Kirihara's hand harder. His body shudders all over. His insides are turning themselves inside out.
"You look like you're dying," Kirihara says.
Renji whips his head around. He glares. Kirihara winces. He pats the back of Renji's hand, and says asinine things in a simpering voice: you're so awesome, you're number one, this'll be way easier than winning the Nationals.
"We lost the Nationals," Renji says.
Kirihara laughs. "Oh yeah."
The hospital glows between the high rises of downtown. Renji takes a deep breath. His heart pounds. He turns to Kirihara. The city lights reflect in his pupils. Renji feels cold all over.
There's no contraction, but he holds Kirihara tight.
Ayaka slams on the breaks in the middle of the Emergency Pull-Up. She has a crooked grin in the rear-view mirror, and a thumbs up.
"No turning back now, you dumb morons," she says.
Kirihara runs out. He runs around the trunk to open the door for Renji.
"Good luck!" she calls out. "And next time, use a condom, seaweed head!"
The car swerves out of sight toward the underground parking entrance. Kirihara sniffs.
"I hate her," he says.
Renji's smile is broken by another contraction.
A nurse tries to whisk him inside in a wheelchair. Renji walks. Another nurse stops Kirihara at the ward doors. Renji doubles over. A nurse supports his side. He lets go of Kirihara's sticky grasp. The last he sees of Kirihara is a red-eyed tantrum. The double-doors close behind him.
They prod him with an IV. They hold up a blue dressing gown. Renji closes his eyes, and holds his arms up. A cold draft tickles his naked backside. The nurse tells him to spread his legs wide.
Renji wants to crawl under the beeping machines and stay there until the fetus slides out. His head aches. The smell of chemical antiseptic makes the room spin around him.
"Only four cm," the nurse says.
Renji's shoulders sink. He closes his eyes. His body feels strange. The bed is uneven. He grips the edge hard.
She wraps a cuff around his arm, and tightens it. She stares at a screen. Renji tries to look over at it. "Please stay still," the nurse whispers. Her lips are white. She doesn't look at him.
A second nurse comes in. Her eyes flick to the monitor. "I'll get the doctor." She runs out.
For the briefest moment, Renji knows. He can't think of anyone else except Kirihara. Sadness floods through his body. The staccato of the machine increases. The sounds blur together. He opens his mouth to say Tell Akaya I—
He never finishes.