Keep on Sailin'

Art: Hands-on

remivel — Sat, 01 Feb 2014 17:41:16 GMT

Title: Hands-on
For spn-reversebang
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Warnings:none
Rating: G
Fic: Position of Authority by brightly_lit

Original prompt:

Edited for the fic:

Scene art (spoiler):

That's it! Thanks a bunch to my author who was kind enough to pinch hit for my art. I hope I was able to do justice to your story. :)

-Ren.

Fanart: Believe

remivel — Fri, 28 Dec 2012 21:27:33 GMT

As a healthy SPN fan, I get Team Free Will and Destiel feels in almost anything. So, I watched Rise of the Guardians a couple weeks back, and I just couldn't resist putting my feels into art. So yeah, here's the result.

Click to go to deviantart to download in full size. :)

Cas as Jack Frost, constantly watching over Dean and the other kids even if they can't see them... and Dean being the only kid who believed in him at first. And the cute but kinda troublesome little ~~sister~~ rother would be Sam. Let me just curl up into a ball and roll around in all these feels.

Happy New Year!

Strange and Beautiful Part 8

remivel — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 22:48:37 GMT

Part 8

Then:

Lawrence, Kansas 1998. Summer.

“Where’s Sam?” Cas asked as he hauled the last of his bags in the car. He was taking an afternoon flight to New York, and Dean was at his house to see him off.

“I told him you were leaving today, but he said he was busy,” Dean said. “You know that kid, once he starts doing something, he can’t leave it alone until he’s done.”

“Right,” Cas said in agreement. He can’t help but feel disappointed that Sam wasn’t there to see him off. “Give this to him for me then…” he said, pulling out a small box from his coat pocket and handing it to Dean.

“What’s this?” Dean asked.

“It’s a really late birthday present. I forgot to give him one this year.”

“Oh, okay,” Dean said as he pocketed the box. “You ready to go?” he asked.

Cas nodded. “I’m ready.”

New York, 1998. Autumn.

“Is Sam there?” Cas asked while he was on the phone with Dean.

“Yeah, he’s here. He’s doing some homework in the dining room. You know he only grew an inch this summer? Most of his classmates are starting to tower over him.”

Cas smiled as he looked out of his window. “He’ll grow eventually. I mean, you grew tall too.”

“Yeah, but when we were that age, we were taller.”

“He’s a baby moose, remember? He’ll grow.”

Lawrence, Kansas. 1998. Autumn.

“Where’s Sam?” Cas asked Dean as they sat around in the Winchesters’ living room.

“He’s out with his friends,” Dean said. “Won’t be back until midnight.”

“Oh,” Cas said, trying not to sound too disappointed.

“Dude, will you be back for Christmas?”

“It depends,” Cas said. “Maybe Dad will just fly out to New York. Spend the Christmas there instead. He actually gets along really well with my uncle.”

“Oh, okay. So you and your dad got plans for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow or…?”

“Yeah. I’m cooking for my dad. As usual.”

New York, 1999. Spring.

“Sam scored a goal in the Championship game? That’s great,” Cas said happily over the phone. He flipped through his book uninterestedly as he listened to Dean.

“Yeah. Kid’s got talent for the sport. Definitely better than me,” Dean said proudly.

“I wish I could’ve watched the game…”

New York. 1999. Autumn.

“Sam and Ruby?” Cas asked.

“Yeah,” Dean confirmed.

Cas felt a pang in his gut… like he had lost Sam for good. He didn’t know why he felt that way. He should be happy for Sam. Happy that he found somebody else…

“I never liked that Ruby girl. She looks like trouble,” Dean said.

“I’m sure...” Cas paused, moving his phone from one ear to the next and trying quell that uneasy feeling in his stomach. “I’m sure she’s great. Sam did pick her.”

“Meh,” Dean made a noncommittal sound. “He could’ve done much better.”

New York. 2000. Spring

“She left Sam… for a guy named Alistair?” Cas asked incredulously.

“I know. Who even names their kid Alistair anyway?” Dean asked. “I knew that girl was trouble.”

“How is he handling it?” Cas asked. He felt sorry for Sam, but at the same time, oddly relieved that Ruby didn’t turn out to be the perfect match for him. And now he felt terrible for even thinking that. He didn’t know what was wrong with him.

“He was angry for a little while… but he seems to be taking it really well,” Dean commented. “Seems like he doesn’t even care.”

“Huh.”

Lawrence, Kansas. 2001. Spring.

Cas saw Sam from afar. He wanted to eat burgers at his favorite place, but the moment he got there, he spotted Sam sitting at a booth by the window, laughing with his friends.

He watched him for a little while, admiring how much he had grown since he last saw him. If he stood up, maybe he was almost the same height as Cas. He felt proud, for some reason. And oddly saddened. “You’ve grown a lot, baby moose,” he said to no one in particular.

He didn’t end up getting any burgers.

+++

He ran into Sam later that day, and the surprised look on his face made his heart ache. He suddenly realized how much he missed Sam, and how much he wished he could turn back time and become friends with him again. Memories of all the times they spent together, watching TV, doing homework, or kicking the ball in the yard, it all came flooding back, and Cas felt like he never wanted to leave again.

Then Sam’s friend called out to him and the spell was broken.

They could never go back. He lost Sam a long time ago.

Now:

Dean was visiting for the weekend.

Sam and Cas decided to treat him to a steak dinner at Carver’s Place. The look on Dean’s face was priceless when he saw the menu.

“$160? Dude, are you kidding me? What is this, meat from cows fed with gold plated grass? I might get indigestion from this.”

“Relax, Dean,” Sam said, grinning. “You’re not paying for any of this, so chow down.”

Dean looked at the two of them skeptically. “Well, alright,” he said before taking his first bite. He groaned obscenely, “This is… ugh, this is heaven.”

Cas smiled as he sipped his wine.

“Perks of having a lawyer brother and a lawyer friend, huh?” Dean asked, as he ate another piece enthusiastically.

“Cas and I are dating,” Sam suddenly blurted out.

Dean choked on his steak. “What?!” he managed to get out before chugging down a glass of water.

Cas frowned as he looked at Sam. “I believe when you said you were going to take care of this, that you actually had a plan instead of just randomly blurting it out.”

Sam shrugged. “I know my brother, okay? He’ll think you’re joking unless you say it straight to the point,” Sam said.

“Wait, wait, wait, just wait a minute here…” Dean said, waving his hands wildly in front of him to stop the two from talking. “You’re going out? Seriously?” he asked with a comically incredulous look on his face.

“Seriously,” Sam said.

Dean looked at Sam’s expectant face, then at Cas’ serious one, back and forth like he was still trying to process what they were saying. “So. You two?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Sam confirmed. “So, are you gonna give us your blessing or not?” Sam asked.

“Blessing?” Dean said in disbelief. “Why the heck would you need my blessing? You’re free to do whatever you want, man.”

“Does this mean you’re fine with me having a relationship with your brother?” Cas asked.

“Sure!” Dean said, his face splitting into a wide grin. “This is awesome news, man!” Dean said, reaching across the table to pat Sam and Cas on the shoulder. “I mean, you couldn’t have picked a better person. Cas is great!”

“Thank you for your vote of confidence, Dean,” Cas said seriously.

“Oh shit!” Dean cursed all of a sudden.

“What?” Sam asked in concern. Dean didn’t suddenly remember a reason why he’d have to object to Sam and Cas’ relationship, right? The look of alarm on Dean’s face made Sam feel cold all over.

“Lisa’s got the seating arrangements all planned out for the reception. Now she’s gonna have to do it again so you two can sit together,” Dean said, dread painting his face white with each word. “This is gonna be hell.”

Sam breathed a sigh of relief and chuckled. “You’ll figure something out,” Sam reassured Dean.

“You don’t understand,” Dean mumbled, even as he continued eating. “Lisa get’s this possessed look on her face when it comes to the wedding preparations… oh this steak is so good…”

Cas smiled, and Sam sensed his posture relax a bit when Dean reacted positively to their news. “This is going better than you expected?” Sam asked Cas quietly.

“I imagined he’d do a whole ‘you make my baby brother cry and I’ll kill you’ speech, but this is much better indeed,” Cas answered, voice soft enough for only Sam to hear.

“Come to think of it,” Dean said as he turned to Cas, “I should thank you actually because for a long time I was worried Sam wasn’t gonna find anyone, you know? ‘Cause none of his relationships ever lasted. Bunch of one night stands… It was terrible.”

Sam gave Cas an embarrassed look and turned to Dean, “Okay, Dean, we get it…”

“He even slept with his law school rival once. Brady, was it?”

“Dean please!” Sam said in alarm.

“Brady?” Cas said, frowning. “Isn’t that—“

Sam chuckled nervously. “I was a first year. Not my brightest moment,” Sam tried to explain.

“And I guess I never realized until now why you always asked about Sam when we talk on the phone, Cas,” Dean went on.

It was Cas’ turn to be embarrassed, and Sam couldn’t help the amused smile that tugged at the corner of his lips. “You asked about me?” he asked him.

“Oh yeah, he asked about you a lot. I remember how heartbroken he was when you two fought or something and you started avoiding him,” Dean revealed.

“You were?” Sam asked in disbelief.

The embarrassment on Cas’ face increased tenfold and Sam had to stop himself from grabbing Cas and dragging him to the comfort room so he could explain while Sam got him naked and had his way with him in the stall.

“How come I never knew about this before?” Sam asked Dean.

But before Dean could answer, Cas had presented him the only thing that could shut him up. “Dessert menu, Dean? They have a great selection of pies.”

Dean’s face absolutely lit up. “Pie?”

Sam looked at Cas with an amused expression. “He’s not even finished eating yet, why are you showing him pie?”

“Dude, gimme that,” Dean said, grabbing the menu from Cas’ fingers and perusing the pie selection, the earlier track of their conversation long gone from his mind.

Sam leaned back in his seat and chuckled in defeat. “You win this one,” he told Cas.

“Don’t worry,” Cas said as he continued eating his own meal. “I’ll make it up to you later at home,” he said, and just then Sam felt Cas’ hand rest against his thigh.

“I’m counting on it,” Sam said with a smirk that only got bigger when Cas’ hand started moving up his thigh.

Now he couldn’t wait to get rid of Dean and go home. Maybe he can get away with letting Dean sleep in his apartment while he slept in Cas’ tonight. It was a challenge he was definitely more than willing to go through.

THE END.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading this fic! I'm going to be honest and say I wanna write more of this verse, so if you're interested, please do come back some time for another visit. :)

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Strange and Beautiful Part 7

remivel — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 22:41:51 GMT

Part 7

Then:

Lawrence, Kansas. 2001.

It wasn’t so bad living without Cas.

Sometimes he thought about him, what he was doing, what college was like for him. Sometimes while watching some TV show, he’d find himself thinking that Cas would really like the plot or the characters, and wondered if Cas was watching that show too.

Other times, he hardly thought about Cas at all. He became someone Sam knew a long time ago, simply an old friend that he remembered fondly if he allowed himself to. He didn’t think he missed Cas, not the way you’d miss someone you were in love with… so maybe Cas was right. Maybe he was too young then to know what love was really like. He almost convinced himself of this too, except when Dean talked on the phone with Cas and Sam found himself trying hard not to listen in. Or when Dean told him about an embarrassing thing that happened to Cas in college that involved bees and someone’s car and Sam pretended he didn’t care, even as he silently wished he would’ve seen that for himself instead.

It wasn’t unbearable, that much was certain.

He went on with his life, dated Ruby for a few months until he found out she was cheating on him with a guy named Alistair (who the heck would even named their kid Alistair?). They broke up soon after, and he realized he wasn’t as upset about it as he should have been. He won two championships with his high school soccer team and got early admission to Stanford. He spent the last few months of high school just coasting along, readying himself to leave Kansas for the first time in his life and make it on his own in college. It was like he was walking on clouds. Life had never been better for him.

Until he saw Cas again.

It wasn’t even some life-changing reunion or anything like that. He was walking to a bus stop with a couple of friends when he ran in to Cas.

Although Sam had grown a few inches, Cas was still taller than him. He looked a bit older, but the messy hair was the same and so were those big blue eyes that stared back at him in surprise. And suddenly all of the feelings and memories rushed back to him, as if Cas had never been gone.

“Sam,” Cas gasped.

“Cas,” Sam said in return. “You guys go on, I’ll catch up,” he told his friends as he stopped in front of Cas.

Cas smiled tentatively, as if he wasn’t sure if Sam would be happy to see him. “It’s nice to see you,” he said.

“Yeah, you too,” Sam said. It wasn’t a lie. “So what’re you doing back here in Lawrence?”

“It’s spring break… I thought I’d visit my dad for a few days,” Cas said.

“Oh, right. Will you be staying long?” Sam asked.

“No, I’ll be leaving this afternoon,” Cas said, and he actually looked really disappointed about that.

Sam, on the other hand, tried not to let his own disappointment show. “Oh, that’s…”

“Sam!” Andy, one of his friends, called out.

He looked to their direction and saw the bus had arrived. He thought about staying behind, about catching up with Cas. They weren’t friends anymore, not by a long shot, but maybe they could be again. Maybe they can put everything behind them and—

“Sam, come on!” Andy called. They were about to get on the bus.

Sam looked at Andy, then back at Cas, who just smiled and said, “You should go.”

“Right. Goodbye, then,” Sam said, though he felt a dull pain in his chest when he said that.

“Goodbye,” Cas said, a bittersweet smile forming on his face.

Sam nodded and started walking away, despite his mind screaming for him to turn around and get back to Cas. He didn’t know what it was that ultimately made him climb onto that bus. Maybe fear, fear of being rejected by Cas again, fear of going back to being a mess and always thinking about Cas, fear of losing Cas yet again.

So he stayed on the bus, and looked out the window to watch Cas as he walked away. Even as the bus began to move the opposite direction, his eyes remained on Cas until his figure was nowhere to be seen. He convinced himself this was better for both of them. Cas was better off without someone like Sam in his life, and Sam was better off forgetting the failure of his first love. He didn’t want to go back to that again, he thought. He liked how he was right now. He had moved on.

Except even that was a lie. He never really moved on. He just wouldn’t realize it until years and years later, when the sight of those big blue eyes would trap him again and make him wish he never let him go at all.

Now:

Sam was a professional. He did all his work quickly and efficiently, but he would be lying if he said that having that talk with Cas later that day was not at the forefront of his thoughts. He was beginning to think their talk wasn’t going to happen at all, until the call came from Cas’ office at 7:30.

It wasn’t even Jo who called him. Jo had probably gone for the night, and all that Cas said to him was, “Let’s talk.”

Sam braced himself as he walked down the hallway to Cas’ office. The glass walls were transparent that time, and Sam could see Cas sitting in his desk looking through files even from far away. When he entered, Cas didn’t look up from his reading, but Sam refused to be deterred so he stood in front of Cas’ desk until he looked up.

“You called?” he said in lieu of a greeting.

Cas closed the folders in front of him and set them aside on his desk. “Have you finished your work for the day?” he asked.

“You’re still going to ask me about work, huh?” Sam asked. “Yes. I’m done with my work.”

“Good,” Cas said with a nod. He leaned back and crossed his legs in front of him. He seemed to take in Sam’s appearance for a few seconds before saying, “I’m sorry.”

The abruptness of the statement startled Sam for a moment. “What?”

“My behavior today was inexcusable. I apologize,” he said.

“Oh.”

“I was the one who came on to you at your celebration, and it was entirely my fault that things got… out of hand that night.”

Sam scoffed. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Out of hand? Are you kidding me?”

“You were drunk. Even a blind man could see you were inebriated. I was probably intoxicated myself, which was why I took advantage of you and—“

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up a second here…” Sam said, gesturing with his hands for Cas to stop. “You took advantage— Cas what are you talking about? Did you forget the part about me telling you that was the best sex of my life earlier today?”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, appearing self-conscious all of a sudden. “I was aware of that… but if we did anything you regretted that night, I apologize completely. It was my fault you didn’t end up going with that woman. The sound of her laughter was grating on my nerves and I found the brazen way she kept her arm on your thigh to be very distasteful,” Cas explained.

“Wait a sec,” Sam said. “Let me get this straight. You were jealous. That’s it. You were jealous of her.”

Cas blinked, as if what Sam had said was a startling revelation. “Perhaps,” Cas said. “But that’s not the point. The point is—“

“The point is we had sex. You liked it. I liked it. That’s all that matters, right?” Sam asked.

“I suppose…” Cas said, unsure. “You aren’t mad about it then?”

“Am I mad about it? No, I’m not mad about it,” Sam replied. “I’m just pissed you suddenly decided to act like it didn’t happen. We’ve gone through this in high school. I thought you were ignoring my feelings for you again…”

“That was not my intention, Sam. I’m sorry,” he said. He stood up from his chair and walked around his desk. He leaned a hip on the edge like he usually did and placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “For what happened today, and for what happened back then. It seems I always end up hurting you,” Cas said, a bittersweet smile on his face.

“It’s not your fault,” Sam told him.

Cas withdrew his hand and folded his arms in front of his chest. “When you confessed to me in high school… I was in love with your brother.”

Sam tried not to flinch. He already knew about Cas’ feelings, but hearing it straight from Cas’ mouth still felt like a knife to the gut. But Sam kept silent, and Cas continued.

“I was confused and I didn’t know what to do. I thought you were still too young. You didn’t mean what you said. You didn’t know what love was.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Sam said, “I knew what love was. I was in love with you—I still am,” he admitted. He didn’t think twice about saying it because it was the truth. He needed Cas to know it was the truth.

Cas smiles that same smile full of pity… and guilt. Always so full of guilt. “I know. And I was too blind to see.”

“Damn right you were,” Sam’s voice was rising a bit in volume. He was beginning to see where this was going.

“You’re like a younger brother to me, Sam. You’ve always been like a brother to me.”

Oh. He felt the color on his face start to fade. He understood it now. He knew this feeling very well. Grief. He was being rejected again. A bitter smile formed on his face. “Got it. You don’t need to tell me twice,” he said.

“You’re like a brother to me, Sam,” Cas repeated. “I keep telling myself this, but it’s not working. I wonder why.”

Suddenly, confusion overtook his grief and hope started to bloom in Sam’s chest. “What are you talking about?”

“When I saw you again… it was different. I tried telling myself you’re still the same kid I knew before. But you’re not. I can’t see you as a younger brother anymore,” Cas said, looking at Sam’s face with eyes bright with emotion.

And again, Sam understood it.

“You like me,” Sam said in disbelief.

Cas frowned and cocked his head to the side . “Of course I like you.”

“No,” Sam corrected, a smile beginning to form on his face. “Cas… you like me like me.”

Cas laughed. “Like you like you?”

Sam wanted to jump and scream. “Yes! You do!” he said, face brimming with joy. “Unless you wanna say you love me, instead… coz if you do—“

Cas suddenly grabbed Sam’s tie and yanked him down for a kiss.

It was like being hit with a bolt of lightning, the feeling so intense it left Sam shocked for a full second… until his brain started functioning again and he kissed back, grabbing Cas’ waist with both hands and crowding him to his desk until Cas had nowhere to go but to sit on it while Sam devoured his mouth.

This was so much better than that kiss in the alley, and Sam wanted to tear Cas’ suit away and just have him on his desk right then and there, make him scream loud enough for the whole office to hear.

He nipped at Cas’ bottom lip and thrust his hips experimentally, making Cas moaned into the kiss. He was already half hard just from the kissing, and he could feel Cas getting there as well. Just a little more and—

“Not to cockblock or anything…” Jo’s voice rang through the room, startling both Sam and Cas and making them break away abruptly. Cas still had his hand around Sam’s tie as he glared daggers at the intercom on his table as Jo went on. “…but you do know your windows aren’t set to privacy mode,” Jo informed them.

Both men looked to the glass wall to see Jo waving at them from her desk, a mischievous grin on her face.

“Not that I mind the show, you know… because man have I been waiting for this for weeks! But you might wanna spare other people from the visuals, hmm?” she said.

“I thought you had left for the day,” Cas said. “What are you doing back here?”

“I forgot my wallet,” Jo said, waving her wallet at them. “No, seriously guys, feel free to continue… just don’t forget to press that tiny button that makes the glass go white. Michael Milton just walked by and nearly saw you two… do you really want your uncle to see you two making out? Yeah, I thought so.”

Cas was still looking at Jo with an unimpressed expression that Sam found comical. He chuckled. “Thanks, Jo,” Sam said.

“Oh no, the pleasure was all mine,” she said with a wink.

Cas hopped down from his table and walked toward the wall switch. “Goodbye, Jo,” Cas said before pressing the button and making the glass opaque. He also went to his door and locked it for good measure.

Sam’s heart started pounding faster in anticipation as Cas turned around and walked toward him.

“Now where were we?” Cas asked, before pulling Sam down again for another kiss.

Part 8

Strange and Beautiful Part 6

remivel — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 22:39:20 GMT

Part 6

Then

Lawrence, Kansas. 1997-1998

“Ruby was calling me a midget all through gym. Was it bad I wanted to throw the ball at her face the whole time?” Sam asked Dean as they walked out of the locker rooms after soccer practice.

“Depends, dude, did you do it?” Dean asked.

“No,” Sam said, scrunching his face. “I’m not gonna hit a girl. Even if I’m pretty sure she’s a demon.”

“Who’s a demon?” Cas asked.

Sam was startled by Cas, not because he appeared out of nowhere, but because he was there at all. Amanda’s birthday party happened yesterday, and Sam thought Cas’d be mad, or at least uncomfortable being around Sam. But he just smiled and started walking with them to the bus stop, like they always did.

“This Ruby chick. She has a crush on Sam,” Dean revealed.

“She doesn’t,” Sam insisted. “Unless you call picking on someone because they’re short something you’d do to your crush.”

“You’re not short, Sam,” Cas said, patting Sam on the back. “You’ll grow tall eventually.”

Sam blinked. Why was Cas being so nice to him?

“Yeah, you eat like a ton yet you don’t get fat. It has to go somewhere, right?” Dean added.

“You know, when a baby moose is born in spring, they weigh 25 to 35 pounds. That’s about the size of a two-year old person. Compared to adult moose, that’s tiny. But, they eventually end up growing around 300 to 400 pounds by their first winter.”

“So you’re saying I’m a moose?” Sam asked incredulously. He was still stuck surprised that Cas was here, talking to him like nothing happened. And then it hit him. Cas was doing it on purpose. He was pretending nothing happened. Sam didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“I’m saying that you just haven’t started growing for your winter yet. But you will,” Cas explained. “And then maybe when you do you can stick it to that Ruby girl, huh?”

“Stick it to that Ruby girl? Why Cas I never thought you had it in you to be so lewd,” Dean joked.

“Everything sounds lewd to you, Dean,” Cas retorted. They joked around all the way to the bus stop. Sam, however, remained quiet for the most part. He kept staring at Cas, wondering why he was acting like nothing happened. Did he think Sam wasn’t being serious? Did he think it wasn’t worth losing sleep over? Or feeling uncomfortable over? Sam felt miserable. This was worse than being rejected. His feelings were being ignored.

+++

Things weren’t the same between them ever since Amanda’s birthday. Cas didn’t confess to Dean, and he pretended Sam didn’t confess to him either. At first, it didn’t bother Sam. He didn’t want to talk about it—didn’t want to be reminded of that day. So he allowed Cas to pretend and he didn’t mention anything about it at all. Cas still came over even when Dean wasn’t around. He still helped Sam with homework, and still spent weekends doing movie marathons and kicking the ball in the yard with the brothers.

As the days passed, however, Sam grew more and more uncomfortable. At times, he could almost forget it happened. He could almost make himself believe that Cas still didn’t know about anything, about Sam’s feelings for him, or about Sam knowing Cas had feelings for Dean instead.

But there were times when little things bothered him so much he wanted to grab Cas by the shoulders and shake him until he came to his senses and stopped pretending everything was okay. Those times when Sam was in the room, and Dean would plop next to Cas on the sofa, half draping himself over Cas’ legs, and Cas would look up at Sam for a split-second, like he was guilty. Like it was his fault Dean sat beside him. Like he was worried Sam might look at it the wrong way. And then he’d remember himself and look away, remember that he had nothing to feel guilty about and that this was normal for friends. Sam wanted to scream. He didn’t know what he wanted Cas to do, but pretending things were the same was not one of them.

It went on for two weeks. By then, Sam had enough.

“Stop being so nice to me,” he said while they were doing homework on the dining room table.

Cas chuckled like it was a ridiculous statement. “What do you mean?” he asked, not looking up from his writing.

“You know what I mean,” Sam said, dropping his pen on the table and crossing his arms on his chest. “I told you I like you. I forced you to confess to Dean… so why are you still here? Why are you still pretending to be okay with everything?”

“I don’t understand what you want me to do, Sam,” he said, putting his pen down and looking back at Sam.

“At least stop pretending that me saying ‘Hey Cas, I love you,’ didn’t happen.”

“ How do you want me to react then? Do you want me to get mad at you for saying that? Do you want me to ignore you from now on?”

“Yes! I don’t know. Maybe punch me in the face. Tell me to stop liking you because it’s stupid. Tell me I’m too young to know—“

“You are too young, Sam,” Cas said, shaking his head. “You don’t love me… not like that.”

Cas finally saying something about his confession was like a dam breaking. Sam was waiting for this to happen. Waiting for Cas to talk to him about how young and foolish he’s being. Waiting for Cas to put a nail on his coffin.

“Yes I do!” Sam insisted.

“You’re 14, Sam. You’ll find someone—“

Sam had to laugh at that. “Finally, finally you’re turning me down! You know, this is so much better than you just pretending I didn’t say anything. Because at least now I know my feelings mean something to you…”

Cas face fell. “What are you talking about? Of course your feelings mean something to me!”

“But not enough to acknowledge them, until now, when I told you to,” Sam accused, pushing his chair away from the table with a vicious scrape. He stood up, placing both his palms on the table. “You know? I didn’t think you could be that cruel, Cas,” he said, although the terrible feeling in his stomach told him otherwise. ‘You’re the one who’s cruel Sam. Not Cas.’

“That’s—“ Cas started, choking on the words. “—that’s not true, Sam. I just wanted… I just wanted things to remain the way they were,” he said with pleading eyes. “Can’t we just go back to the way things were?”

Sam smiled bitterly. “I can’t,” he said, before turning around and locking himself up in his room. He didn’t come down when Dean called him for dinner, and he never spent time alone with Cas again after that.

Cas stopped coming whenever Dean wasn’t around, and in the times that he was at their house, Sam would excuse himself and retreat into his room, or go out with his friends instead. Sometimes, just so Dean won’t suspect too much, he’d watch movies with them, and he’d ride the bus home with them, too. But words exchanged with Cas were few and far between, mostly because every time Cas tried to talk to him, Sam answered him in monosyllables. By the time Cas and Dean graduated that spring, Sam had almost convinced himself he made the right choice. That distancing himself from Cas was the best way to forget about him and stop himself from getting hurt any further. He thought finally, he was okay with not having Cas in his life.

But he came home one day, and Dean handed him a small, neatly wrapped present, and he realized he was not okay. He never was.

Cas left him a present. He left for college that day. Got accepted to Columbia, like everyone expected. Dean invited him to see Cas off that morning, but Sam lied and said he was busy. He regretted saying that now. Even if he didn’t get to talk much with Cas the past few months, he still missed him. He saw him every now and then, and he was always close so he never really felt like Cas was away. But now he was really gone, off to live in a city miles and miles away. The gravity of the situation started to weigh heavily on Sam’s shoulders. He may never see Cas again.

With his heart pounding in his chest, he locked himself in his room and opened Cas’ present. There was no note, only Sam’s name written on the box in Cas’ slanted handwriting. And in the box was a silver pendant in the shape of a moose.

Sam felt like crying, but he didn’t. Instead, he sat there on the foot of his bed, just staring at the pendant nestled in his palm. There was an eerie calm around him, like the feeling you get after losing a big game. You lost. You did your best. There was nothing else you could do.

But this wasn’t a game. And Sam knew he didn’t do his best. He lost Cas before it was even over.

Sam huffed out a bitter laugh as he traced the moose antlers with his fingers. If this was how his first love was going to end, well, it sure was a painful way to go.

Now:

This was a joke, right?

Or wait, maybe Sam was still asleep. Dreaming. Because that was not a woman lying naked in his bed. That was Cas.

Cas.

Naked.

Like Sam was right now.

“Fuck!” Sam cursed as he hurriedly yanked his pants up to try and cover himself. His foot got caught somewhere inside and in his haste, he slipped and fell on the floor with a loud thud.

He heard Cas groan again, and shit, that was really Cas on his bed. So that must mean…

“I wasn’t dreaming?” Sam whispered in shock. Flashes of his not-dream came back to him. Cas going down on him, Cas riding him, Cas moaning loudly as he came—

“What time is it?” he heard Cas say again, and Sam scrambled to get up. He stole a glance at Cas. He had kicked the blankets away so now he was completely naked, finger-shaped bruises on his hips and—wow, now was not really the time to ogle Cas. He glanced away quickly, and reached for the small alarm clock on his side table.

“Uh… 10:30,” Sam announced. He stole another glance at Cas and saw he was now getting up and okay, totally not self conscious as he stretched his arms over his head. Well, if Sam thought about it, Cas really had no need to be self-conscious with that body and that face and that everything. Sam watched, mesmerized as the muscles on Cas’ back flexed with the movement of his arms. Even his ass was—

“Do you mind if I use your shower?”

“Huh?” Sam asked, tearing his gaze away from Cas’ ass.

“Shower? Do you mind if I shower?”

“Uh, no, yeah sure go right ahead,” Sam answered quickly.

Cas nodded and trudged to the bathroom, leaving Sam still gaping in shock and unable to form a coherent thought.

Sam stared at the bathroom door, then glanced back at the mess that was his bed, at the scatter of clothes on the floor… and at a used condom lying discarded near his closet. Sam frowned. But there was another condom in—oh. Oh he needed to lie down for a while. He could already feel his blood going south at the memory of what they did last night, and the possibility of other things they may have done that eluded him at the moment.

This was… big.

Sam ran a shaky hand through his hair, and glanced at the closed bathroom door when he heard the shower start.

He slept with Cas. His boss, which wasn’t so bad. Except it was Cas. The guy he had been pining after ever since he came to the firm. No. The guy he had been pining after ever since he was in 6^th grade. Friggin’ 6^th grade! That was 17 years worth of pent up sexual frustration and unrequited love and all the other stuff that came along with it.

This wasn’t just big.

This was very big.

Sam released a shaky breath. “I think I need coffee…”

+++

Cas came out of the bedroom wearing his pants and nothing else. Sam tried not to spill his coffee all over himself.

“Do you mind if I borrowed one of your shirts?” Cas asked. “I’d wear mine… but it’s currently missing all but one of its buttons.”

Sam’s face flushed. He remembered tearing that shirt open the night before. “Right, sorry, I’ll get you a shirt,” he said, rushing past Cas (who smelled of Sam’s soap and shampoo) and into the bedroom. He went through his closet to find something that would fit Cas better. Not that Sam wouldn’t love the sight of Cas in one of his really big t-shirts, but Cas might not appreciate wearing a purple greyhound shirt with his slacks and suit jacket.

While searching, Sam wondered why Cas was so calm about everything. He wasn’t freaking out like holy-cow-I-slept-with-my-associate kind of freaking out. He was just his usual self, which was good since at least Sam was the only one who didn’t know exactly what happened the night before. But still, Cas’ own calm behavior only managed to make Sam more nervous and on edge. Was this not that big of a deal for him? Did he sleep with his associates all the time? No, that’s not like Cas at all. But why was he so friggin’ calm like didn’t he have Sam’s cock up his ass last night? Shouldn’t that count for a little bit more reaction from him now?

“Jesus, Sam, pull yourself together,” Sam chastised himself before finally picking out a shirt from his closet.

He emerged a little later with one of his old flannel shirts and gave it to Cas, who thanked him and proceeded to put it on right there by the door.

It took a lot of effort to not just stand around and watch Cas put on his shirt. The vee of his hipbones as it disappeared into his slacks was captivating, and for what seemed like the tenth time that morning, Sam felt his blood migrate south.

“Coffee?” Sam croaked out, adjusting his eyes to Cas’ face.

“I’m sorry, but I have to run,” Cas said. “I have a lunch meeting…”

“Uh, yeah sure!” Sam said before he led Cas to his front door. He thought they’d have a talk before Cas left, but since he was in a hurry, this actually saved Sam from the possible embarrassment of admitting he remembered probably less than half of what happened last night (and what he did remember, he thought was just a dream at first).

Cas picked up his suit jacket that was haphazardly draped over the couch the night before and slung it over an arm. “I will see you on Monday,” he told Sam as he stepped out into the hallway.

“Yeah, see you on Monday,” he said, acting as casual as he could.

Cas nodded and walked away.

Once Cas disappeared around the hallway, Sam shut his door and leaned his back on the wood. That was not as awkward as he had first thought, though Cas did leave before they even got to talking. Sam wondered if this changed things at all for them, and what would it be like come Monday. More importantly, he wondered what he could do to remember as much of last night as he could, and what he needed to do to make it happen again. Soon.

+++

Sam didn’t know what to expect when he went to work that Monday, but he probably shouldn’t have been surprised anymore when all he got was more of the same thing.

Jo called him just before lunch sounding more chipper than usual. “So I heard someone had fun this weekend,” Jo said.

Sam released a nervous huff of laughter. “What? What are you talking about? What fun?” Sam asked quickly. She couldn’t possibly know, could she?

“Chuck and Becky,” Jo clarified. “I heard they’re going out now. I mean, Becky was always eyeing you saying you were hot and everything…”

“She did now?” Sam asked in amusement and relief.

“Uh-huh… but I guess she realized Chuck isn’t such a bad guy so she finally said ‘yes’ to him,” Jo said.

“That’s… that’s great. But you didn’t call me just because of that, did you?”

“Why? Can’t a girl call up her boss’ man-slave to gossip from time to time?” Jo asked, when Sam didn’t answer, she sighed. “Oh fine. Spoilsport. Cas wants to see you in his office right now.”

“Cas wants to see me?” Sam asked, rising from his seat. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place?”

“Well, I just said it, didn’t I? Get your butt up here right now. Chop chop!”

Sam dropped the phone back to its cradle and started walking briskly down the hallway. He tried to brace himself for what was going to happen. Because this was it, Cas was gonna talk to him about that night… maybe set some boundaries at work, or maybe politely let him down and tell him it was a onetime thing.

The whole weekend, all Sam did was replay in his mind what had happened, and even then he still couldn’t believe it. He remembered coming up to Madison, chatting her up for a little while. A few more drinks and they were making out in a booth alone. It was a great way to forget Cas—but then Cas just showed up at the booth and asked to see him.

“Cas?”

“We have very urgent business to attend to,” Cas told him, his face grim and serious. “Could I talk to you for a minute outside?”

Sam looked at Madison and back at Cas. He didn’t even have to think about that decision. “He’s my boss… I gotta go. I’ll be back in a short while,” he said, excusing himself from the table. He was a bit guilty when Madison shot him an incredulous look, but hey, Cas needed his help with work. Though he doubted he could be of much help when he’s more than half way to wasted.

They stepped outside and he followed Cas to the alley beside the Roadhouse. He was about to open his mouth and ask what ‘business’ Cas was talking about when Cas pushed him against the wall and kissed him. And everything fell into place after that.

What Sam really wanted to know now was why Cas kissed him. He thought at first that maybe he was the one who came on to Cas in his drunken state. But no, it was actually the other way around, and that just made him feel all jittery inside, like a teenage girl getting asked out by her crush for a date. Or well, in his case, getting asked out by his crush and pulled to an ally for a really hot make out session.

He made his way to Cas’ office with every intention of finding out what Cas had to say about that—when he spotted Cas leaving his office just as he was arriving.

“Whoa, hey, I thought you called me up here?” Sam asked.

“Oh, good, you’re here,” Cas said. “Follow me.”

Sam frowned. Cas was his usual professional self. Perfect. “Where are we going?”

“Conference Room A. Negotiations with the lawyers of Green Room about the terms of the merger,” Cas explained as they made their way down the hall.

“Wait, Green Room? Merger? You mean the one with Carver’s Place? But that was like ages ago. I thought everything was good to go?” Sam asked.

“Carver is a great man, but he has trouble making up his mind. Now we’re entering new negotiations with Green Room. Won’t be too difficult. Carver wants this merger no matter what the cost. Even if they wanted him to chop off his leg and arm in exchange for this merger—not that I’d let them demand that—Carver will still do it,” he said before he stopped by the door to the conference room and looked back at Sam. “Let’s just not make it that obvious,” he said, plastering on a fake smile before opening the door.

“Castiel!” a man with possibly too much hair product on his head greeted with a practiced smile.

“Nice to see you Harvey,” Cas returned the greeting with the same fake smile on his face (that possibly looked real if you didn’t actually know that Cas never smiled like that, not ever).

“You’re looking well!” Harvey said. When his gaze fell upon Sam, his eyes grew wide. “And I didn’t know you employ bodyguards now, Cas, or I would’ve brought one instead of my scrawny associate. Just in case things get a little too hairy,” he said with a wink.

“Hey! I resent that,” his associate complained. He was a thin man possibly a little older than Sam was. His big blue eyes (though not as big and not as blue as Cas’, Sam thought quickly) were honest and held a certain naiveté about them that had long been gone from those of his boss, and seemed to be gone in Cas’ eyes as well.

“Actually, this is my associate, Sam Winchester,” Cas said. “This is Harvey Specter and his associate, Mike Ross, if I’m not mistaken?” he asked.

Mike smiled. “That’s correct.”

Sam shook their hands and as they were sitting down, Harvey commented, “So which senior partner did you have to fight to get your very own personal bodyguard…I mean associate, Castiel?”

“Sam’s not mine,” Cas said. “Not exclusively anyway.”

Sam tried his very best not to bristle at that. Either Cas meant nothing when he said that, or Cas meant exactly what Sam thought—like it was a declaration that what happened to them was nothing important.

Harvey laughed. “Nobody’s exclusive these days, Cas,” he said, and the familiar way he said Cas’ name made something burn in the pit of Sam’s stomach. “Though with the right price, someone could be.”

“Of course,” Cas said with that same fake smile. “Everybody has a price,” he said, and Sam has a distinct feeling they weren’t talking about him anymore.

The smirk that formed on Harvey’s lips held too much meaning for Sam to just ignore. He didn’t like this Harvey guy. He seemed dangerous. “Let’s get started, shall we?" Harvey said.

+++

Like Cas said, it wasn’t very difficult to get through the negotiations. By the end of their meeting, the merger’s details had been finalized at no additional cost to both companies. It was the first deal he had been really involved in, and Sam was actually so proud of himself when he stepped out of that conference room that a dopey smile started forming on his face.

Jo looked up from her typing when Sam reached her desk. “You look like you just inhaled some happy gas.”

“Negotiations are finally done,” Sam beamed.

“Where’s Cas?” she asked.

“Oh, still in the room talking to Harvey.”

She froze at the sound of that name. “Harvey? Harvey Specter?” she asked, her attention now fully focused on Sam.

“Well, yeah… they seem to know each other,” Sam said.

“What did Harvey say?” she asked.

“Why do you wanna know?” Sam countered, though by this time, he too, was intrigued.

Jo retreated, composing herself. “Nothing. I was just curious,” she said, trying to act nonchalant.

“If I tell you about it, would you tell me how they know each other?”

“It’s a deal,” Jo said with a wide grin.

+++

It turned out Harvey and Cas had butted heads several times before in a few cases, and Harvey was so impressed with Cas he actually had the nerve to recruit him for his firm way back when Cas was still an associate. Cas refused, of course, despite the astronomical salary he offered, but ever since then, they’d had this sort of ritual where Harvey would propose a ridiculous amount of money as salary for Cas to join their firm instead and Cas would always refuse.

“What happens if Cas suddenly up and accepts his proposal?” Sam asked.

“You really think there’s a chance in hell of that happening?” Jo asked.

“No. Milton Adler is more than a firm to Cas. This is his family’s—no, his mom’s legacy. He’ll never leave.”

“Exactly. And they both know it,” Jo said. “Though sometimes it almost feels like they’re flirting when they do this, you know? Like Harvey goes all out on his charm, and Cas stands firm and plays hard to get. It’s like foreplay.”

Sam’s stomach dropped. “Foreplay? That… that’s ridiculous,” Sam chuckles awkwardly. No way was that guy making the moves on Cas. That’s just wrong. Cas will never choose a guy like that.

Jo’s eyes actually sparkled at that. “Why, Sam? You jealous?”

“No. I just think that Harvey guy is a slimeball,” Sam said with a serious expression. “You can never trust a guy who uses that much product on his hair, he almost looks like one of those plastic Ken dolls with perfect plastic hair.”

Jo nodded. “Right, because freely flowing locks is so much better,” she said, eyeing Sam’s hair with amusement.

Sam grinned proudly. “Of course.”

+++

Sam waited for Cas in his office after his little talk with Jo. First of all, Cas was acting all calm and composed like nothing happened. Then Sam found out about this Harvey guy and what he may or may not mean to Cas and… Sam just couldn’t bear the thought of Cas being with someone else. He should be with him. Nobody else knew Cas the way he did, and if that night was any indication, nobody else could make Cas scream like that as well.

It made Sam feel insanely jealous, and at the same time, insanely frustrated that Cas didn’t seem to be thinking about that night at all. It was like nothing even happened, and this was starting to feel too much like high school all over again. Cas was ignoring Sam’s feelings, pretending nothing happened. And they both know that didn’t go over so well before. Sam would be damned if he let it ruin things this time around.

So he waited quietly in Cas’ office, thinking of all the things he had to say, and all the things he wanted Cas to say.

Cas was startled when he entered his office and saw Sam there, and Sam was secretly pleased to know that at least Cas wasn’t as calm as he led everyone to believe. He wasn’t, however, delighted with what Cas had to say. “Shouldn’t you be at your desk working?”

“I thought I’d ask you a few things before I go back to my desk and not see you for the rest of the day,” Sam told him.

Cas looked at his watch before he sat behind his desk. “Very well. I have five minutes before I meet with another client.”

This uncaring attitude made Sam infuriated. “Are you pretending nothing happened again?” Sam asked.

Cas visibly stiffened in his chair. “What are you talking about?” he asked, and Sam huffed out a frustrated sigh.

“Come on, Cas. This isn’t high school,” he said, standing up from his seat and moving toward Cas’ desk. “We’ve gone through this before. You pretending nothing happened between us is really not the best way to go,” Sam told him.

Cas looked up and leveled Sam with a stare. “Very well, how do you want this to go then?”

“Let’s start by you telling me exactly why you kissed me by the alley that night.”

Shifting in his seat, Cas seemed to think about his words for a second. “Isn’t it enough that it happened? Does it have to matter why I kissed you?”

“Damn right it has to matter!” Sam said, slamming his hands on Cas’ desk. “I’ve been in love with you for 17 years. 17 fucking years man! That’s more than half my life. And then you go and kiss me and that lead to this mind blowing sex that, honestly, was probably the best I’ve ever had… and now, now you’re acting like it was nothing. Like that didn’t mean anything to you. So yeah, of course it matters. It matters to me. Even if it doesn’t matter to you.”

Cas stared wide-eyed at Sam, like he was surprised by Sam’s outburst and the passion in his words. “Sam… I…” he said. It seemed like a challenge for Cas just to get those words out. “I—“ he tried again, standing from his seat.

Sam was holding his breath. Cas’ face was suddenly filled with so much intensity, he didn’t know if Cas was about to punch him or kiss him. He was hoping it was the latter.

“I don’t—“ Cas began.

“Cas, Mr. Walker is here to see you,” Jo’s voice through the intercom rang in the room.

“Tell them you’re busy,” Sam suggested. He was determined to get an answer from Cas. A client could wait.

Cas reluctantly tore his gaze away from Sam and pressed the intercom button. “Give me five minutes,” he told Jo.

“He says he needs to see you right now. He’s got a plane to catch…” Jo replied.

“Cas,” Sam insisted.

Cas seemed to contemplate his options for a couple of seconds. He looked at Sam, then back at the intercom and sighed. “Send him in,” he said. “I have work to do,” he told Sam.

“Sure,” Sam nodded, his annoyance evident in his voice. “Work always comes first, right?” he asked bitterly.

Shaking his head, Cas told him, “Not now, Sam.”

“Then when?” Sam asked.

“I have work to do,” Cas repeated. “If you can compose yourself enough to get back to your own work, we can discuss this some other time. Tonight, perhaps. But not right now.”

Sam grinded his teeth. “Fine,” he finally relented. “Tonight,” he said.

“Tonight,” Cas confirmed.

Sam walked to the door and passed my Mr. Walker on his way out. He had a feeling Cas might try to avoid talking to him again later, but he won’t let him. He couldn’t wait another 17 years again, not now that he knew Cas may like him too. He found Cas again, and this time, he would do everything he could not to lose him again.

Part 7

Strange and Beautiful Part 5

remivel — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 22:36:32 GMT

Part 5

Then

Lawrence Kansas. 1997

Sam felt like a horrible person.

He loved Dean a lot. He may not agree with Dean all the time, but he loved his brother with all his heart. Sometimes though, Dean could be stupid. Emotionally stunted and very stupid.

How his brother never knew that Cas liked him was a mystery, when every glance Cas threw his way was filled with longing, and everything Cas did, he always did for Dean. He tolerated all of Dean’s shortcomings, and looked at Dean like he was the most fascinating creature he had ever seen.

It was so obvious that Cas was in love with Dean. Yet Dean didn’t know. Or he knew, yet he didn’t seem to care.

Which made Sam feel like a horrible person for wanting to punch Dean in the face after he invited Cas to Amanda’s birthday party to meet her ‘hot British cousin’.

“Come on Cas, think about it!” he said as they got off the bus and started walking to their house. “We can go on double dates if you score Amanda’s cousin. Amanda always wanted to try going on double dates. It’d be perfect!”

The scared look on Cas’ face said it all. “…Dean,” Cas said pleadingly.

“Do you even know this ‘hot British cousin’?” Sam chimed in.

“No, but Amanda assured me she was pretty. Besides, what’s the harm in meeting someone new, huh Cas? You might finally get a girlfriend.”

“I’m not looking for a girlfriend, Dean,” Cas answered.

Dean laughed. “You’ve never had a girlfriend in high school. You could sure use one. Help you lighten up a bit,” he said, elbowing Cas teasingly.

Sam had to remind himself that this was Dean, his brother, and not some insensitive dick that was picking on Cas. And it wasn’t Dean’s fault he didn’t know. Not entirely his fault, anyway.

“I’ll get into a relationship when I find the right person,” Cas told him. “And not because my best friend thinks I have to ‘lighten up a bit’.”

“Well, at least come to the party with me. You’re both invited. You don’t even have to talk to anyone British there.”

Cas frowned. “But how will I know they’re British if I don’t talk to them?”

Dean burst out laughing and Sam just tried to hide his snickering while Cas looked at them in confusion.

“Dude, I have no idea,” Dean said as his laughter died down. “Maybe they smell like tea or something.”

+++

“Bela didn’t smell like tea,” Cas said as he sat down beside Sam on the steps of Amanda’s front porch. The party was in full swing in the Heckerlings’ backyard area and most of the guests were Amanda’s relatives and friends.

“Amanda’s British cousin?” Sam asked, giving him a sympathetic look and offered his plate to him. “Cake?” he asked.

“Nah,” Cas said, shaking his head. He sipped Coke from his plastic cup as they watched the people walking from their cars to the side of the house. It was very sunny autumn day, and though there was a definite chill in the air, that didn’t stop Amanda from having her barbecue/pool party, or for her guests to enjoy it in their swimsuits. “She wasn’t so bad,” Cas told him.

“You didn’t like her,” Sam said. He didn’t phrase it as a question because he knew the answer already.

Cas chuckled. “Nope. And she didn’t like me, which was really fortunate. Otherwise Dean would’ve insisted on that double date.”

“You could always say ‘no’ if he does it again,” Sam advised.

“I know. And I did say ‘no’,” Cas said. “I’m… I’m not like Dean. I can’t see myself with someone unless I’m absolutely certain I’m in love with them,” he revealed. “Dean would call me a ‘hopeless romantic’.”

Sam glanced at Cas and was struck by the sadness in Cas’ eyes. He was in love with Dean, but Dean didn’t love him back and he probably never would. That sadness, that heartache in Cas’ eyes disturbed Sam. Because that look right there was something Sam knew very well. It was the same look he saw in the mirror, and the same look he was probably giving Cas right now.

Glancing away, Sam ate a piece of his cake in silence. He watched a little boy run naked across the yard, his mother running after him shouting ‘Jesse put your trousers on!’

“You think you’ll ever find that person?” Sam asked. “Not just someone you’re in love with, but someone who actually loves you back?”

“I don’t know,” Cas sighed. “My dad thought he found that with my mom, but you know how that went,” Cas said with a roll of his eyes.

In the yard, little Jesse was still being chased by his mom, and his sister had joined in the chase, too. They went in circles and it looked really silly. Nobody was getting anywhere.

And that’s when Sam decided he’d had enough.

“You should tell him,” he said, turning to face Cas, his heart hammering wildly in his chest.

Cas looked at him in bewilderment. “Tell who what?”

“Dean. Tell him,” Sam said.

Cas stiffened immediately. He masked the terrified look on his face quickly and smiled, “Tell Dean what?” he asked.

“I know, okay?” Sam told him. “You don’t have to hide it from me. You’re in love with my brother.”

The forced smile on Cas’ face faded, along with all the color on his skin. He opened his mouth to speak, but he just ended up staring at Sam with wide, unblinking eyes.

Sam tried to shrug, to make it look like it wasn’t a big deal, even if it was. “I’ve known all along, Cas. And don’t worry, I won’t tell my brother,” he reassured him. “But you have to tell him.”

“Why—” Cas voice failed him and he cleared his throat a couple of times just to get the words out, “Why would I do that?” he asked, placing his cup on the floor and crossing his arms in front of him as if to shield him from what Sam was about to say. “And you knew… all this time? But you didn’t say anything?”

Sam swallowed the lump in his throat. “What am I supposed to say? You didn’t say anything either. But that’s not the point. You know nothing’s going to happen until you tell my brother you’re in love with him.”

“Dean would never—“ Cas said, shaking his head.

“You never know…”

“No, you don’t understand, Sam,” Cas insisted. “I know Dean. He would never… never return my… f—“ Cas stopped, unable to form the words. “He’s my best friend Sam, I can’t destroy that.”

“Bullshit!” Sam said, standing up from his seat and walking down to the lawn.

“Sam,” Cas said breathlessly, surprised at Sam’s cursing, and the venom behind it.

“You wanna be happy?” he asked, turning to look down at Cas still sitting on the steps. “You tell the person you love that you love them. What’s so difficult about that? If he says he loves you, then great! You get what you want,” Sam said, even as his chest grew tight at the idea of Cas being together with Dean. “If he says he doesn’t love you, then okay, at least you know for sure and you can move on…” he continued.

“It’s not that easy, Sam,” Cas tried to reason out.

“Oh really? It IS easy. You’re just too scared to do it,” Sam told him. The look of shocked hurt on Cas’ face made Sam’s chest grow tight, but he ignored it and went on. “You wanna see how easy it is?” Sam asked. He took a deep breath. There was no going back now. “I love you,” he admitted.

“Sam…”Cas said breathlessly, surprised by the honesty and sincerity in Sam’s voice. His first thought was that Sam was showing him how to say his feelings to someone. But Sam’s voice as he said it, and his eyes, focused and determined and burning with emotion told him all he needed to know. Sam was telling the truth. Sam loved him. Love. It was almost too much to comprehend. “Sam…” he said again.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with you for a long time,” Sam went on. “And before you tell me I’m too young, you’ve been in love with my brother ever since you were my age. So don’t tell me I’m too young to know what it means.”

“Please tell me you’re kidding,” Cas said in disbelief. He didn’t know what else to say. Sam was in love with him? It couldn’t be. “You’re just saying this to—“

Sam was affronted. “You think I’m kidding? Do I look like I’m kidding?” he asked. He tried to keep his voice down, but a couple of guests were starting to look their way.

“I’m sorry, Sam. I didn’t mean it like that,” Cas said, and Sam immediately felt guilty for making Cas feel bad. That wasn’t his intention at all.

Sam sighed. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I just… I’m so tired of this already. I’m so tired of looking at you and seeing you so hung up on Dean and he has no idea. I keep thinking… I keep thinking…” Sam said, as if unable to find the right words to express how he felt. “I keep thinking why couldn’t it be me?” Sam finally asked, and just like that, it felt like all of his energy was gone and he gave Cas an utterly defeated look. “If-if we’d met… if you were my classmate and we became friends instead of you and Dean… would you… would you have picked me instead?”

Cas stared at Sam for one long, silent moment, before he whispered, “Oh Sam…”, so quietly his voice hardly carried in the air.

Sam’s eyes started to water when Cas said his name again. Because in that instant, he saw all he needed to see. There was understanding and concern and guilt in Cas’ face. Guilt that he never knew about Sam’s feelings, and guilt that he would never be able to return them. He didn’t need to say anything else, it was clear.

“I get it,” Sam said. He forced a smile on his face. “See? That wasn’t so hard. I got my answer. I don’t have to wonder—“

“Sam,” Cas said, reaching a hand out to try and comfort him, but Sam stepped away.

“It’s…” Sam sniffed. “It’s your turn.”

“Sam, please?” Cas said, standing up from the porch. “I don’t know what to do… please don’t cry?”

“I’m not,” Sam said indignantly, even as the tears started falling down his cheeks. He hated the way Cas looked at him now. Like he was someone to be pitied. He took a few more steps back. “Tell Dean. Or you’ll regret it,” he said, and with that he turned around and ran away. Ran as fast as he could away from Cas. He didn’t care where his feet led him, he just needed to run.

+++

Now:

“How about her? She looks smokin’,” Garth, one of the paralegals, pointed out over drinks.

“Her? Pretty sure that girl’s name is Madison,” Ash, one of the guys from IT, told Sam.

The Roadhouse was up to capacity with people that night. Half of the crowd was from Milton Adler, taking advantage of the free booze courtesy of Sam, while the other half were regular patrons of the pub. The people from the firm had already been there drinking for a while, a lot of them well on their way to a massive hangover the next day, and Sam was no exception.

Which was probably why, despite himself, Sam checked out this Madison girl that the guys had been pointing out. She was a petite brunette having drinks with a couple of her friends. Sam liked brunettes.

“Bad idea,” Chuck said, shaking his head. “That’s Nate Mulligan’s secretary. You know, from Mulligan & Mueller?”

“So? It’s not like you’re sleeping with her to get information on her boss,” Ash said.

“No, you know what? That’s a great idea. Sleep with her to get information on her boss,” Garth chimed in.

Sam chuckled. “Will you guys cut it out? I’m not picking her up. I’m not picking anyone up for tonight, you got that?”

“I don’t know man, what’s a celebration without a little booze and booty, eh?” Ash said, winking at Sam.

“Oh dear, she’s here,” Chuck suddenly said.

“Who?” Sam asked, turning to look at the door. A petite blonde walked in, and Sam recognized her instantly. “That’s Inias’ assistant, right? Becky?” Sam asked.

“I asked her if she was coming… she said she wasn’t. But she’s here,” Chuck said, sounding nervous.

“Well, go ahead!” Ash said. “Talk to her.”

Chuck chugged the rest of his beer and squared his shoulders. “Alright, I’m talking to her.”

“That’s the spirit!” Ash said happily as they watched Chuck weave his way through the tables to get to Becky. “What did I say? Huh? Booze and booty,” he said with a wink.

Sam just chuckled and continued drinking. They’ve been relentless in telling him to pick someone up that night, and every time a woman so much as glanced at Sam’s direction, they immediately told him to talk to them. He wasn’t really interested in them. His attention was mostly on Cas. He was seated by a secluded table drinking beer with Inias, and Sam had been so busy trying to entertain his guests (and making sure they don’t order ridiculously expensive wine) that he didn’t really get a chance to talk to Castiel all night. Their earlier conversation about why Cas became a lawyer was still stuck in his mind. Now, he wanted to learn more about Cas’ life after he left Lawrence more than ever. He wanted to learn everything.

When Inias stood up from the table and walked to the bar to chat with Alfie and a couple other associates, Sam found his opening. He stood up, grabbed his beer, and excused himself from the table. Now that most of his guests were sufficiently buzzed and entertaining themselves, it was the perfect time to try and talk to Cas again. It didn’t matter that Sam was probably sufficiently buzzed as well.

“Hey, enjoying the night so far?” Sam asked as he took the seat that Inias vacated.

“Yes. The food here is excellent. And so is the beer,” Cas commented.

“You ate the cheeseburger, didn’t you?”

Cas chuckled. “You seem to know me well.”

“Not as much as I hoped to,” Sam admitted. “Wow,” Sam grinned. “I’ve been wanting to say that for a long time.”

The look on Cas’ face was something like fondness, or tolerance. Either way, Sam liked it. “What do you want to know?” Cas asked.

“Everything,” Sam said, gesturing with his hands. “I wanna know everything.”

“Okay,” Cas said, surprising Sam. “Where do you want me to start?”

Sam contemplated for a moment. “Let’s start with Dean.” And whoa, okay, he may have jumped to that way too soon, and by the look of surprise on Cas’ face, Cas seemed to think so, too.

Cas cocked his head to the side. “Dean? What about him?”

“You still like Dean?”

“He is my friend,” Cas answered.

“Not like that. I mean like, as in do you still like like Dean,” Sam clarified, though he didn’t know if he got his message across.

Cas leaned across the table. “Sam?”

“Yeah,” Sam asked, blinking.

“You’re drunk.”

“No, I’m not,” he said before leaning on the table so that his face was mere inches from Cas’ “Cas?” he asked.

“Hmm?”

“Answer the question.”

Cas’ brow twitched and he leaned back on his seat. It took him a few seconds to form a reply, eyes never leaving Sam’s face in that span of time. Sam refused to blink, looking at Cas like they were in a staring match to the death. Until Cas blinked and it was all over. “No, I don’t,” Cas finally replied. “I found out during college that I could stand being away from him. My life moved on, even if Dean wasn’t there. I moved on. So no. I don’t like your brother like that anymore. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Sam frowned. “Depends. Do you mean it?”

“Of course,” Cas said with a serious face. “Though I could hardly imagine why it would matter now. That was more than a decade—“

“I didn’t,” Sam interrupted.

Cas took a moment to comprehend what Sam meant. “You didn’t what?”

Sam grabbed his wallet from the back pocket of his pants, and with shaky fingers, he pulled out the small moose pendant inside. “I didn’t move on,” Sam said, placing the pendant on the table between them.

Cas looked down at the pendant with wide eyes, then back at Sam’s face. Sam held Cas’ gaze, hoping that what he couldn’t say, Cas could see in his eyes instead. “I thought I did… but I was wrong. I see you again… and suddenly I’m back to being a kid… looking at you and wishing you’d look at me.”

“Sam…” Cas said, and Sam saw it again. There was understanding and concern and guilt in his face. So much guilt.

Sam had to laugh. “And now I feel like I’m 14 again, shaking in my boots as I confess my love to you at some girl’s birthday party,” he said before taking a long swig from his beer. “Still as pathetic as I used to be.”

“Don’t say that,” Cas told him. “You were never pathetic.”

Sam waved a dismissive hand. “It’s cool,” he said, trying to smile. “You were always so nice to me. And what did I do? I pushed you away. I did that, right? I pushed you away,” he said before he pocketed his wallet and stood up from his seat. “I just wish I had enough sense not to make the same mistake again, huh?” he asked, before turning to walk away.

Cas grabbed at Sam’s wrist and Sam stopped and looked back at him.

“And now you’re running away again,” Cas told him. “Stay and we’ll talk,” he said, picking up the pendant from the table and handing it back to Sam.

Sam took the pendant and smiled. “Dude, I gotta piss. I’ll be right back,” he explained.

“Oh,” Cas said, dropping Sam’s arm. “I will wait for you then.”

Sam nodded. He weaved his way through the tables and went to the comfort room. He opened his hand and stared at the pendant. He was holding it so tightly that it left a red mark on his palm. He sighed as he carefully placed it back in his wallet.

When he came out, he grabbed a beer and passed by Ash and Garth’s table. “I’ll think I’ll try my luck with Madison,” he said, grinning as the two men cheered him on.

He never went back to Cas’ table.

+++

Sam was dreaming.

Part of having a very active imagination was that Sam often had very vivid dreams. Usually these dreams happened when he had a long, deep sleep, which was rare in law school, and even rarer now that he was working.

Tonight, however, he was having one of his vivid dreams.

In this dream, he was kissing Castiel out in the alley beside The Roadhouse. He had him pinned to the cold brick with his body while Castiel’s arms were wrapped around his neck, his long fingers carding through his hair. Sam pushed a thigh in between Cas’ legs, and hiked his knee up, earning a gasp from Cas when Sam ground against his erection. “You’re hard,” Sam said with laughter, kissing Cas’ mouth again before moving to mouth at his jaw.

“So… so are you,” Cas answered before a groan was torn from his throat as Sam began to thrust his pelvis against Cas’, the friction of their clothed cocks sliding against one another so delicious and so overwhelming yet so very lacking at the same time. “Sam…” Cas gasped as one particularly hard thrust left Cas dizzy and clinging to Sam’s arms. Sam captured his lips in a kiss again, then his jaw, then his neck, and it was like he couldn’t get enough of his taste, of the heat of his skin against his fingers, of the grip of Cas’ hands on his biceps. And god, Cas was so gorgeous like this, flushed and panting and covered with Sam’s body. Cas wasn’t a small man, but pinned against the wall and clinging to Sam like this, he almost looked tiny compared to Sam, and it made Sam’s blood boil. Made him want to pin him to the wall harder, pull him up so his legs wrapped around his waist, make him take Sam’s cock like that over and over again.

“God, Cas… want you so bad,” Sam moaned, thrusting against Cas again and making the smaller man shiver. One of his hands danced over Cas’ lower back before dipping in to the waistband of Cas’ pants and underwear and grabbing one firm globe of his ass. With a jolt, Cas pushed against Sam’s chest, effectively stopping Sam’s hand and teasing fingers from going further.

“What?” Sam complained. “If you tell me to stop now—“

“Your place or mine?” Cas asked, voice rough and heavy and Sam had to laugh at his luck tonight.

“Unless you can get to your place in less than five minutes, we’re going to mine.”

The next thing Sam knew, they were stumbling into his apartment, and as soon as the door closed behind them, Cas was pulling Sam’s suit jacket off and Sam was trying, and failing to get Cas’ shirt undone. “I’ll pay for it,” he said, and before Cas could ask what he meant, he gripped the fabric in both hands and tore it open, buttons flying everywhere as Cas looked at him incredulously.

“I could’ve done it,” Cas said in disbelief.

Sam just chuckled and kissed Cas to silence any other protests.

Cas was having none of it, and bit Sam’s bottom lip in retaliation. Sam groaned, grabbing Cas by his waist and half dragging, half carrying him into the bedroom. He pushed Cas onto the bed, intent on pinning him once again with his body.

This time, however, Cas had other plans, and he pulled Sam down on the bed and turned him around so he lay on his back while Cas made quick work of his pants. The moment Sam’s cock was released from its constraints, Sam stroked at it, and was pleased when Cas stopped undressing long enough to watch Sam jerk himself off. Sam was big. Like the rest of him, his cock was impressive, and Cas licked his lips as he watched Sam’s hand go up and down his length. Sam stopped to grip himself tight at the base, keeping himself from coming at the sight of Cas divesting himself of the rest of his clothing and crawling towards him on the bed. “Jesus, Cas,” Sam breathed, and Cas placed his hand above Sam’s and started stroking up and down Sam’s length.

When Cas bent down and took Sam in his mouth, it was a miracle Sam didn’t come right then and there. It was an even bigger miracle he didn’t come even when Cas started licking him and sucking him in earnest. Cas couldn’t swallow him whole, his girth stretching Cas’ mouth obscenely wide, but he took all that he could, and withdrew before he started to gag. It was the hottest thing Sam had ever seen.

Cas took one last lick at the head of Sam’s cock before rising back up to his knees. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he moved to straddle Sam’s thighs, and Sam’s breath hitched as Cas slid forward and forward until he sat on Sam’s stomach. And dear god, Sam could come from the sight of Cas alone, flushed and panting, his cock jutting upwards to his stomach. He had his hands braced on Sam’s chest as he scooted backward a bit until Sam felt it, a sweet, hot friction on his cock and realized Cas was sliding his ass up and down Sam’s length, the precome and saliva Cas left behind barely easing the movement.

Sam’s hands flew to Cas ass, kneading and gripping the firm flesh as he started thrusting up between Cas’ cheeks. Cas moaned, rocking back on Sam’s erection, and shuddering violently every time the head of Sam’s cock glided deliciously against his hole.

“Sam…Sa-am,” Cas moaned brokenly and Sam’s vision began to white out. Cas may have said something, and he may have answered, but he couldn’t remember what it was, until Cas’ weight was off of him abruptly.

He tried to focus, but as dreams went, he wasn’t really able to comprehend this part very well. The next thing he remembered was Cas’s weight back on top of him, and, oh, he was sinking down on him. It was hot and tight, so tight and so, so good that Sam thought it was impossible to feel this much pleasure. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, until he heard Cas’ moan again and his eyes snap open. He wanted to watch this, wanted to brand the image in his memory. He kept his eyes wide open and watched Cas lower himself inch by agonizing inch down his cock. Cas paused midway to take a deep breath, and Sam was struck by the concentration on his face.

“You okay?” he asked, and Cas nodded in response.

“You’re—“ Cas began, an amused smile forming on his face, “You’re… bigger… than I… anticipated,” he said, his thighs trembling as he lowered himself a fraction of an inch more.

“Go slow,” Sam advised, his hand settling on Cas’ thigh and stroking gently to soothe him. He brought his other hand to glide over Cas’ chest, pausing to worship a nipple.

Cas shuddered as Sam’s fingers toyed with the hardened bud before moving to its twin and giving it the same treatment. Then Sam’s hand moved down his stomach and finally to his cock, where Sam stroked him slowly, making him shudder and his thighs tremble all the more. He took a deep breath and rose up barely an inch before sliding back down further. The sensation of Sam’s cock moving inside him definitely outweighed the discomfort and Cas tried again, bouncing up a bit before sinking lower and lower until he was fully seated on Sam’s cock.

“God that’s—“ Sam stopped when Cas rolled his hips and the sweet, sweet feeling of his cock buried deep in Cas became too much to bear. “Fuck Cas—I’m not gonna last,” he choked out.

Cas even had the nerve to smile and ‘tsk’ at him, choosing instead to continue the slow rolling of his hips that drove Sam wild.

Sam’s hands moving to either side of Cas’ hips to spur him on, and Cas relented, finally rising up and sinking back down on Sam. Slowly at first, then picking up his pace, until he was bouncing on top of Sam eagerly. And god did Sam love his dream version of Cas, frantic with lust and wild abandon. Like the calm and composed lawyer was just a ruse and this was what Cas was really like—wild, and passionate and starving for Sam’s cock.

Bending his knees and putting his feet flat on the mattress for leverage, Sam began meeting Cas’ up-down movement with thrusts of his own. They established a rhythm soon after, Sam thrusting up to Cas’ tight heat as Cas impaled himself on Sam’s cock.

When Cas’ hands encircled his own cock and started jerking himself off in frantic strokes, Sam knew it was all over. Cas sank himself completely on to Sam and came with a loud moan, bursts of his come splattering between his fingers and on to Sam’s chest.

Sam followed a split second later, the fluttering of Cas’ inner muscles throwing him off the edge and his orgasm punched out of him, leaving him unable to breathe as he shot his load deep inside Cas. His orgasm took forever, like a form of torture meant to drain the life out of him. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, couldn’t hear anything but static and couldn’t see anything but stars and galaxies and Cas, lying down boneless on top of him, looking every bit like a debauched fallen angel. And then even that faded from his vision and all he saw was nothing.

+++

Sam hated hangovers.

The reason he rarely allowed himself to get drunk was because he hated having hangovers the next day. He woke up the morning after his drinking party with a pounding headache. His vision was swimming as he focused all his energy on getting up and making it to the bathroom before he threw up. He barely made it, too, and spent the next five or ten minutes just making the toilet seat his new pillow.

Eventually, he got up, took a really nice, long piss and rinsed his mouth in the sink. He nearly tripped over the waste basket on his way out, and noticed a used condom inside it. His eyebrows shot skyward. ‘How did that happen?’ he asked himself. He peered through the bathroom door and saw a hint of someone’s smooth, slender back from under the blankets. ‘Madison, right…’ Sam remembered.

He relented to his co-workers’ teasing and chatted her up. She was really into him, and he remembered making out with her, which was good, because Sam remembered close to nothing after that. At least he was almost positive he didn’t force her or anything. Not that he’d do that to anyone, but the possibility that he did scared him a bit. When he made his way back into the bedroom, he picked up his pants lying on the floor and started pulling them on as quietly as he could. He didn’t remember last night, but maybe he could make up to her by fixing up some breakfast.

Then Madison stirred, groaned low and turned around. “Ugh…what time is it?”

And Sam stopped from putting his pants on and froze with his foot in the air. He turned his gaze toward the bed, and felt his world stop spinning.

“Cas?!”

Part 6

Strange and Beautiful Part 4

remivel — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 22:32:24 GMT

Part 4

Then:

Lawrence, Kansas 1997

Mother’s Day was celebrated in the Winchester household by a visit to Mary Winchester’s grave followed by a special dinner prepared by John, Dean, and Sam. John cooked Mary’s favorite chicken fried steak, while Dean and Sam prepared anything they could. As kids, it was usually something instant: cream of mushroom soup from a can, microwavable mac and cheese, sometimes even store-bought slices of pie that the kids just decorated with M&Ms or Oreos.

As they grew up, Sam learned to cook tomato rice soup (another of their mom’s favorites), and Dean continued to buy pies and decorate them with candies. It didn’t matter that Sam was too young to remember their mother, or that Dean had to look at old photo albums just to be reminded of Mary’s face. Every Mother’s Day was celebrated happily.

Cas never once celebrated Mother’s Day. He grew up without his mother, and though he was tight-lipped about things that involved his mom, Sam and Dean could tell she wasn’t dead. She just wasn’t there.

So on Mother’s Day of 1995, a week after Sam’s 12^th birthday, the brothers decided to invite Cas to spend Mother’s Day with them. Cas went with them to Mary’s grave and said a short prayer, and when he arrived at their place for dinner that night, he brought with him a container of Mac and Cheese (not the instant kind) that he cooked himself.

For the next couple of years, Cas celebrated Mother’s Day with the brothers as if he were one of Mary’s own children. They never asked about Castiel’s own mom, and Cas never mentioned her.

Mother’s Day of 1997 went off without a hitch, but what happened a few months after that was something Sam would never forget.

+++

Sam was more excited than nervous to enter high school. Cas told him several times that just in case he didn’t have a place to sit come lunch time, he could sit with them. He was kind of short for his age, and Cas was afraid he might get bullied, but Dean just laughed at Cas’ worries since he was positive Sam could take care of any bully. And if Sam couldn’t take care of them himself, Dean would just step in and ‘rip their lungs out.’

But Sam didn’t have any problems making friends on his first day, and though there were the occasional bullies here and there, he wasn’t bothered by them much. He made a lot of new friends during the first few weeks of high school. He spent lunch breaks with them and every afternoon he waited for Dean and Cas so they could catch the bus together. When Sam made it onto the soccer team with Dean, it was Cas who waited for them to finish practice. After Cas’ regular Journalism Club meetings, he’d sit by the bleachers and do some homework while they practiced.

One afternoon, though, Cas didn’t show up to watch them during practice. Dean was going out on a date with Amanda Heckerling, a pretty blonde girl in his History class, so he went on ahead. Sam took the bus alone. He didn’t think too much about Cas not being there. And with Amanda’s sticky sweet glances directed his way, Dean didn’t even seem to notice Cas was gone.

+++

Sam had just gotten out of the shower and changed into sweats when the doorbell rang. Hair still dripping wet, he rushed downstairs to open it and found Cas on the other side.

“Hey, where were you—“ Sam was about to ask, but he stopped when he saw Cas’ face. He was smiling, but his eyes looked puffy and his voice waivered when he said ‘Hi.’

Sam pulled him inside and had to almost drag him to sit on the sofa. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “You didn’t get a C on your paper, did you?” he asked.

That actually got a chuckle out of Cas. “No,” Cas scoffed. Then when his eyes fell on Sam’s concerned face, something broke in him and he cried.

In that moment, when Cas’ face crumpled, Sam felt his world dissolve, and the only thing left was this boy, older and taller, but still a boy, crying his heart out in front of him. He hugged Cas and let him sob on his shoulder for what seemed like an eternity. He tried asking what was wrong, but Cas couldn’t form words. When Cas lost his energy, he fell asleep on Sam, and Sam stayed there until he woke up half an hour later.

Only when Cas asked why Sam’s eyes were red did Sam realize he had been crying as well.

He tried to ask Cas what was wrong, and as if remembering why he was crying in the first place, Cas’ face fell. This time, though, he finally had the energy to speak. “My mom…” he stopped to take a deep breath, and from there, the words came tumbling out of his mouth. “She died. This morning. My dad was talking to my uncle on the phone. I have an uncle. I didn’t even know I have an uncle. An uncle, Sam! And he has a family. I have cousins,” he said, standing up from the sofa and pacing back and forth, like he had to move, to release the extra energy that was now suddenly coursing through his body, all the while tears continued to flow down his face. “Now I have a mom, too, or I had a mom. She’s gone now. I mean, I never got to see her but I always hoped, you know? I always wanted to see her. See what she’s like. What her life is like. I’ve always imagined I’d meet her someday. I have this whole speech planned out too. I’d ask her why she left dad and me. I’d ask her… I’d ask her why she wasn’t happy with us. Why we were never good enough for her.” He stopped pacing, but his hands were shaking, and choking on the words, he turned to Sam. “Why I wasn’t good enough for her.”

Sam opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t find the words. What do you say to someone whose world was falling apart before you? “Hey, you know it’s not your fault, right? Cas, it’s not your fault,” Sam finally said.

“Dad said she’d been sick for a year now. Cancer,”Cas continued, this time he started pacing again and biting his nails. “Sam,” Cas said with pleading eyes. “She knew she was dying. She knew. Yet she didn’t even bother to tell us. She didn’t even want to see me before she died.”

Sam heard enough. He stood up and pulled Cas’ hand from his mouth to stop him from biting his nails. “That’s not true, Cas. Come on. You shouldn’t be thinking like that right now.”

“Then how am I supposed to think, Sam?” Cas asked.

“Like yourself,” Sam answered. He pulled Cas’ jacket up where it fell from one shoulder and zipped it. “Like Cas. Who thinks of other people before himself. And who always thinks the best of people, even when they don’t deserve it,” Sam said with a smile, before grabbing Cas’ hand again and pulling him.

Cas blinked and wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his free hand. “I’m sorry,” Cas apologized. “I’ll stop now. I shouldn’t have stormed in here and cried on you like that.”

When the front door clicked shut behind him was when Cas registered they were already outside the house and Sam was leading him somewhere. “Where are we going?” he asked in confusion.

“Burgers,” Sam said. “We’re getting burgers.”

“Sam…” Cas pleaded as the boy who was 4 years younger and half a foot shorter than him lead him off the lawn and onto the street.

“I don’t know how else to make you stop crying. So we’re gonna go and eat burgers because burgers make you happy,” Sam explained. “And we’re gonna eat them at the restaurant so you’d think twice about crying in public.”

“Sam, you don’t have to do this. I’ll… I’ll be fine eventually,” Cas reasoned out.

Sam looked back, even as he continued to drag Cas down the street. “Yeah, I know you’ll be fine. But until then, I’m keeping you company,” he said, looking in front of him again. He swallowed and gripped Cas’ wrist tighter, but not tight enough to hurt. If Cas wanted, he could rip his hand away. He could tell Sam to shove it and he could leave. But he didn’t, and soon enough he stopped letting Sam drag him and started walking beside Sam.

“You can let go of my hand now. I won’t run away,” he said, offering a weak smile at Sam’s concerned face.

He let go of Cas’ wrist and apologized. Cas just shook his head, and for a few minutes they walked in silence until they reached the burger joint.

It was only after they were seated on the bright red booth in the restaurant that Cas spoke again. Sam watched him unwrap his burger and take a large bite out of it. Then Cas sighed and looked at him from across the table. Eyes still red but dry of tears, and smiling despite the half-masticated food in his mouth, Cas said, “Thanks, Sam.”

And that, right there, was the moment Sam would never forget. The moment he knew for certain that this wasn’t just hormones or infatuation or some teenage crush.

It was love.

He was in love with Cas.

+++

Now:

Sam was getting his cherry popped.

At least that was what Jo affectionately called Sam’s first case: a pro bono wrongful termination suit, assigned to him by Castiel himself.

Cara Roberts entered a relationship with the CEO of her company, Carl Monroe. Carl ended up divorcing his wife for Cara, but then ‘Dave happened,’ and by Dave, Cara meant the hot intern that worked in the Marketing department. When Carl found out, he fired her from the company. It was almost like a story tailor-made for soap operas, and was eerily similar to a plotline from Dr. Sexy MD. And no, he didn’t watch the show. Not willingly, at least. He was forced to endure marathons of it whenever Dean crashed at his old apartment. It hadn’t been easy for him.

After they got Dave to testify on Cara’s behalf, the case was a piece of cake and Sam won a nifty little settlement for Cara, plus got her reinstated in the company. She was thankful, of course, and possibly too thankful, with the way she smiled sweetly at Sam and kept on touching him unnecessarily. “You don’t need to thank me. It was part of the job,” Sam said awkwardly when she hugged him outside the courthouse and refused to let go for one uncomfortable minute.

“Still, Sam, I wouldn’t know what to do know if it weren’t for you. Thank you so much,” she said again, finally peeling herself away from Sam. “And, uh,” she began, sounding embarrassed all of a sudden. “Dave and I, we’re not together anymore. If you want some company…” she said, batting her long eyelashes at him, “you know my number.”

Sam chuckled awkwardly. “I don’t sleep with clients, sorry.”

“Well, I’m not your client anymore,” she argued. “Think about it,” she said with a wink, before she turned around and walked down the stairs with a little more sway in her hips.

“Looks like your case went well,” Sam heard Cas say before he saw him.

Cas walked down the hallway towards Sam, briefcase in hand, following Cara with his eyes.

Sam looked at Cara then back at Cas and laughed nervously. “That was… yeah, that was…” Sam tried to explain, but Cas fixing his serious gaze on him was too unnerving. “…she was really thankful,” Sam finished lamely.

“I saw that,” Cas said. A pause, and then, “You can’t sleep with—“

“I know!” Sam blurted out. “You didn’t really think I’d…” Sam said. “I won’t, okay. I’m not that stupid.”

Cas nodded, seemingly pleased with Sam’s reaction. “Good. Now let’s go. I have a class action to win.”

Like a light bulb, Sam’s face brightened when he realized Cas wasn’t even supposed to be at court with him. “You were waiting for me to finish?” he asked.

“No,” Cas answered, and Sam was disappointed he still couldn’t get past Cas’ poker face and tell whether he was lying or not.

“What were you doing while I was in there, anyway?” Sam asked.

“I had business to attend to. Less talking and more walking, Sam,” Cas said. Sam followed obediently.

+++

“I need to what?” Sam asked incredulously. Jo cornered him in the bullpen and delivered the surprising news.

“Celebrate your first time,” Jo repeated happily. It seemed she just loved being the bearer of bad news.

“By taking everyone out for drinks? Is that right?” Sam asked.

“That’s right,” Alfie, one of the other associates, chimed in. He was the rookie before Sam came to the firm, and though he looked almost like a teenager lost in the office, he could recite the constitution while doing a handstand on a table (there was video proof; it went viral at the firm). “It’s a tradition. When I won my first case, I had to treat everyone for several rounds at this bar. Blew a chunk of my salary on that.”

Sam cringed. “Eeesh. I had no idea… when do we have to do this?”

“Tonight. It’s a Friday, and it’s a celebration so it’s always better to have it immediately,” Jo told him. “You could have your cherry popping party at the Roadhouse. My mom will give you a special discount,” Jo suggested. “You up for it?”

“Do I have a choice?” Sam asked.

“Great!” Jo beamed. “I’ll tell everyone,” she said, whipping out her phone to do just that. “You don’t mind if Adam comes, do you?” she asked.

“Why not?” Sam agreed. “Wait... by everyone, does that include the partners?”

“Yup,” Jo answered distractedly as she typed on her phone. “You could invite them but most of the older guys won’t go anyway.”

“Will, uh… will Cas go?” Sam asked, looking at something on his computer screen to make it seem like he wasn’t too concerned about Jo’s answer.

“Oh yeah, definitely,” Jo said. “It’s his precious Sam, of course he’d come,” she said with a wink.

Sam smiled awkwardly at that. He didn’t know whether to be happy that Cas would be coming, or worried that Jo seemed to know more than she was letting on.

“If he’s in a partying mood or not remains to be seen, though…” she said, biting her lip as she thought about how Cas’ class action was going.

“He’ll win the case against Niveus Pharmaceuticals, you’ll see,” Sam said with confidence.

Jo laughed. “That’s the spirit. He said something like that to me earlier today too. ‘Sam will win his case, you’ll see’,” she said in her usual gruff Cas-voice. She looked at her watch, “They should be done by now, though. You wanna go see if they are?” she asked Sam.

“Yeah,” Sam said, rising from his seat quickly.

“I thought you were confident he’ll win this? Why are you looking so worried now?” Jo teased as they made their way to the conference rooms.

“I’m just afraid if we lose, people might go depressed-drinking. It would cost me a fortune tonight.”

+++

Jo’s timing was perfect.

Just as they were approaching the conference room, the doors opened and old men in suits from Niveus Pharmaceuticals rushed out, followed by some of the plaintiffs sharing handshakes and cheerful pats on the back. It was obvious Cas won.

Cas stepped out of the conference room and Sam walked up to him, eager to congratulate him on his win.

“Congra—“

“Sam Winchester,” a familiar voice interrupted him. “Didn’t think I’d see you here.”

Sam stopped and watched as Brady, his old law school classmate (or arch-nemesis as Dean once put it) stepped out of the room, followed by a slimy looking old man that looked less like a lawyer and more like one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

“How have you been, Brady?” Sam asked, trying to keep his tone as polite and neutral as he could.

“I’ve been better,” Brady said. “You’re an associate here? I didn’t realize you’d already landed a job.” Which, in Brady speak meant more like ‘I didn’t think anyone would even hire you.’

“Yes, he is one of my best associates,” Cas interjected.

Brady smiled. “I’m sure he is. Sam here is pretty skilled,” he said, which actually meant ‘he’s good at bending over for people.’ It made Sam’s skin crawl.

“You never know, Brady,” the older man spoke. “It could be purely based on connections that he got his job. Lots of cases like that these days, undeserving people getting jobs because they’re related to someone high up,” he said.

Sam thought the man was insinuating that he only got his job because of Cas. But then again, he couldn’t have known they knew each other before Sam got the job. Plus, his sneer was pointed at Cas, and Sam was surprised by the glacial stare Cas threw his way.

“You can’t get by without connections nowadays, Green,” he said, and though his tone was level, Sam knew Cas must’ve been seething inside.

“Words you live by, huh? Castiel?” he said with a pleased smile.

Cas squared his shoulders and returned Green’s smile with one of his own. “Yes. I keep telling myself that every day. Thank god for connections, otherwise I won’t be here to wipe the floor with my opponents’ faces. I do love being able to crush the gigantic egos of lawyers twenty years my senior.”

Sam’s jaw dropped. He didn’t know who was more surprised—Green, at being burned so bad by Cas, or Sam, at witnessing that Cas actually had it in him to be vicious towards someone. That was something the younger Cas would never do. Not that Sam minded it. Because Cas putting dicks like Green and Brady in their rightful place? Definitely one of the hottest things Sam had seen in a long while.

A pleased smile formed on Sam’s face as Green glared at Cas before turning around and walking away. Brady gave Sam a glare of his own, and Sam just nodded, “See you again sometime.”

“Looks like your case went well,” Sam remarked to Cas, mimicking Cas’ earlier words to him.

“Of course,” Cas said as they walked back to his office.

“I hope you didn’t make the old men cry, Cas,” Jo chimed in.

“A few tears were shed, I’m afraid,” Cas said.

“What were they on about anyway? Connections? Are they serious?” Sam asked with a scoff. When Jo stiffened and Cas didn’t even react, Sam stopped. “Wait… you mean…?”

“I think I have a few calls to make,” Jo said, promptly scurrying to her desk.

“Cas?”

“It is not of import,” Cas said as he walked into his office.

“Hey!” Sam said in protest, following Cas inside. “Was Green telling the truth? Was that why you were so angry at him earlier? You can tell me, Cas.”

Cas occupied himself with looking through the folders on his desk. “I wasn’t angry,” Cas said.

Sam scoffed. “Sure you were.”

Cas stopped messing with the folders and looked at Sam. “Yes I was,” Cas admitted. “You didn’t get this job because of me, Sam. You got here of your own merit.”

“Wait, what?” Sam asked in confusion. “You were angry because he insinuated I got my job through knowing you?”

Cas nodded. “You are a very competent associate, Sam. I do not want you to think otherwise.”

Sam didn’t know what to say to that. Cas wasn’t angry because Green tried to insult him. He was angry because Green tried to insult Sam. It made him feel light headed. “I… I’m fine,” Sam managed to say. “I wasn’t insulted… and I know you didn’t get me this job.”

Cas’ brows furrowed in confusion. “You do?”

“Yeah. Nobody could fake that shocked expression on your face when you saw me again," Sam said with a fond smile, recalling his first day at the office.

It was Cas’ turn to smile. “I don’t take surprises very well after a 13-hour flight,” Cas said. “And I’m glad there’s no confusion about the reason you were hired.”

“Yeah, we’re cool there. But seriously? You weren’t mad Green was saying all that stuff about you?” Sam asked.

Cas shrugged. “I’m used to it.”

“Used to it?” Sam repeated.

“Yes. Green spoke the truth.”

“About what?”

“My mother was a Milton. She founded this firm. Michael Milton is my uncle,” Cas revealed.

“Your… mom?” Sam asked in disbelief.

“Yes. You asked why I became a lawyer before, right? This is the reason. I wanted to know about my mother, and I found this,” Cas said, gesturing to the office in general. “My mother’s legacy. I’m here to continue what she started.”

Sam stared at Cas’ face for a few seconds before huffing out an awed sigh. “So you did reconnect with your mother’s family…” Sam said thoughtfully. “I never knew. I mean, you always said you’d try… you actually did it.”

“Yes,” Cas said. “It was… difficult at first. I resented my mother for a lot of things… as you were well aware.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, I remember.”

“But I got over them eventually. I grew up,” Cas told Sam. “I realized it was… unproductive… to be mad at someone who can’t defend herself from my criticism,” Cas paused, before sighing and leaning his hip on the edge of his table. “Now you know.”

“I get it,” Sam said. “Thanks… for telling me.”

Cas shrugged. “You would have discovered it eventually. I just hope you did not lose faith in me as a superior.”

Sam scoffed. “That’s ridiculous, why would I do that?” Sam asked in confusion.

Cas cocked his head to the side in apparent confusion as well. “Because many believe that I am only a senior partner in this firm because I am a Milton. It is a very understandable assumption, one that I am used to hearing, as I am the youngest senior partner in the history of this firm.”

“Come on, Cas. You’re a helluva lawyer. I’ve seen you work. You got your job because of your skills,” Sam told him. “Anyone who believes otherwise is lying.”

“Thank you for your confidence in me, Sam,” Cas said, smiling once more.

“No problem,” Sam said with a grin. He stood there just looking at Cas for a few seconds. He always noticed how different this older Cas was from the younger one, but now he could see all the ways they were the same. This was the same boy that celebrated Mother’s Day for somebody else’s mom, and the same boy who loved a mom he never knew. He had grown up and worn a suit, but he was still the same.

And Sam was still in love with him.

Part 5

Strange and Beautiful Part 3

remivel — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 22:29:30 GMT

Part 3

Then:

Lawrence, Kansas. 1996.

It was all Dean’s fault.

First, their dad told him to replace the batteries to the TV remote, and he said he’d do it but he ended up forgetting all about it. That was a minor mistake on his part. No harm done. Except, he also left a certain questionable video tape lying around.

Cas came by to watch a few rented movies with Sam, and while Cas grabbed the chips from the pantry, Sam popped a tape inside the player. Cheesy music started playing from the TV and the title ‘Casa Erotica’ flashed on the screen. Now, Sam wasn’t stupid. He knew what ‘erotica’ meant, thank you very much. What he didn’t know was why Cas would pick a video like that for them to watch.

A few seconds later, Cas appeared with a big bag of chips and some sour cream dip and asked if he’d missed anything.

“Just the credits,” Sam said, and on the screen little Billy’s very voluptuous babysitter put him to bed.

Beside him, Cas frowned as he opened the chips and started munching on it. “Did you put the right tape in?” he asked, just as the babysitter in the screen opened the door for the pizza man.

“I’m sure,” Sam said, reaching his hand out to the bag of chips on Cas’ lap. Cas offered him the dip and just when Sam was about to dunk his chips in the bowl, both boys froze, eyes glued to the TV as the babysitter onscreen went down on her knees and started unzipping the pizza man’s pants.

Fat drops of sour cream fell on the couch between them, and Cas was the first to find his words through the moaning sounds that filled the room. “…I don’t think this is Jumanji,” he said as if in shock.

The pizza man had the babysitter’s ass up in the air and with the first slap of his hand on her rear, Sam snapped out of his stunned state. He jumped from his seat and scrambled for the remote and started stabbing at buttons with his fingers to try and make the video stop. Each slap was like a bolt of lightning straight through Sam’s body and with one final ditch effort, Sam stepped on the table and lunged at the video player and pressed eject.

The slapping and moaning sounds stopped and the picture went blank as the player dutifully ejected the videotape. He looked back at Cas still sitting stunned on the couch, eyes wide and mouth agape. “It wasn’t me. I swear!” he gasped, raising both his hands in a gesture of surrender.

Cas turned to look at Sam, blinked and closed his mouth. “Uh…” he said, the sound of his voice a little rough. He licked his lips, and Sam found his eyes glued to the movement. “…I—I should go,” he finally said.

Sam was baffled. Was Cas angry that they watched that? But it was an accident. He opened his mouth, about to accuse Dean of leaving the tape there when his eyes fell on Cas’ lap… and the undeniable bulge of an erection there.

Sam knew he shouldn’t be staring (especially since he’s suffering from the same problem at that very moment) but he just couldn’t believe Cas reacted to that. He thought—

“Oh jeez, Sam!” Cas said in embarrassment, reaching for the throw pillow and covering his lap with it. “Stop staring, okay?”

“I’m not,” Sam said, quickly looking away, and placing both his arms on his lap as he sat on the floor by the TV.

They stayed like that for what seemed like eternity, each not quite willing to move from where they sat. Sam tried to steal a glance at Cas every now and then, feeling too awkward to look at Cas again but too intrigued by the blush that stained the other boy’s cheeks to actually avert his eyes completely. Cas shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and Sam suddenly remembered one important thing Dean told him about ‘surprise boners’. You either think of gross or scary things to make it go away, or you deal with it alone.

“You wanna use the bathroom?” Sam blurted out, and blushed furiously when he realized just what he said.

Cas looked at him, cheeks blushing a furious red. “Yes, please?” he said, and when Sam nodded, he stood up quickly and ran to the bathroom.

As soon as Cas stood up, Sam ran to his room and locked himself in there. He tried not to think about what Cas was doing in that bathroom, and instead decided to imagine all the horrors he could think of. “Bobby in a tutu,” he whispered, shutting his eyes tight. “Clowns dancing the Macarena,” he said next. “Spiders under my pillow,” he continued, but nothing helped. His cock was still hard between his legs, the thought of what Cas was doing just a few doors down the hallway trumped even the most disgusting or horrifying image he could think of.

With a groan of complaint, Sam surrendered, hands diving in his pants to ‘deal with it.’ It helped that Sam always had a vivid imagination. He could write whole stories inside his head, imagine whole worlds existing outside his own, and right now, he saw Cas, in that bathroom, seated on the closed toilet lid, biting his lip to stop himself from making any noise as he stroked his erection with his long, elegant fingers.

Sam came with lightning speed, long before his imaginary Cas reached his own orgasm.

It was probably almost an hour before Sam came down to the living room. Cas was seated there, munching on chips and watching TV like nothing happened. Sam slowly sat back down on the sofa and watched TV without saying anything.

“Let’s just pretend none of that happened,” Cas said, not looking away from the TV for a second.

“What happened?” Sam asked, feigning innocence as he took a handful of chips and started munching on them.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Cas smile as he said, “Nothing.”

+++

Later that night, when Cas had gone back home and it was Sam’s turn to watch the dishes, Sam heard Dean complain from the living room. “Dude, what’s this white stain on the sofa?! I sat on it. Gross.”

Sam nearly dropped the plate he was about to put in the dishwasher in shock. ‘No way,’ he thought as he ran to the living room to see what Dean was talking about.

“Hey, not cool, Sam,” Dean said, pointing to the suspicious stain on the sofa.

It took Sam two horrifying seconds before he realized what it was. “Sour cream!” he gasped, before huffing out a sigh of relief. “It’s sour cream, okay?”

“Good. You’re safe coz it’s harmless,” Dean said. “Clean it before dad gets home.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll clean it after I do the dishes,” Sam agreed, turning around to walk back to the kitchen.

“For a minute there, I thought someone jacked off on the sofa or something,” he heard Dean mumble, and the scalding rush of mortification made Sam’s face red and he made a quick escape into the kitchen to hide from Dean.

+++

Now:

Sam and Cas worked on the Carver’s Place merger for another day, and by the third night of getting home at 2 in the morning, Sam was beat. It wasn’t like his law school days when he went for almost a week without sleep, but the stress of working in a real firm must have been taking a toll on Sam’s energy. That, and having to be in close proximity to Cas all day.

By the fourth day, Sam was feeling confident that today was the day they ironed out the deal and made their client happy. The moment he entered the building that morning, however, he was ambushed.

“Where are we going?” Sam asked as he kept in step with Cas on their way out of the building. He barely made two steps into the lobby when Cas had appeared out of nowhere and said, “Follow me,” before walking out the door just as quickly.

“You are coming with me to meet with Carver Edlund,” Cas revealed as he walked towards a waiting car, a chubby and cheerful chauffeur holding the door open for him.

“Really,” Sam’s face brightened. “I get to meet the client with you?”

“Good morning, Mr. Novak,” the chauffeur greeted.

“Good morning, Cupid. Cupid, my new associate, Sam. Sam, Cupid,” he said just before entering the car.

Sam smiled at Cupid. “Nice to meet you,” he greeted before following Cas inside the car. Sam underestimated the size of the backseat, sliding too close to Cas inside. The heat of Cas’ thigh pressing against his was like a jolt of electricity. It was just a thigh. Clothed. Just Cas’ thigh, and yet the heat of it seared through the fabric of Sam’s pants and straight to his skin, and Sam jerked his leg away and scooted nearer the window. Cas didn’t seem to notice, or didn’t seem to care.

“You have to meet clients soon enough,” Cas said, answering Sam’s earlier question. “Besides, you did good work on this merger, you deserve to see it through until the end.”

“You think I did good work?” Sam asked in disbelief.

“Yes, Sam. Why is it so hard to believe?” Cas asked in confusion.

Sam shook his head. “Nothing, nothing. Just, the other associates have been telling me how hard it was to please you,” Sam said.

“They say that?” Cas asked, face going very serious.

“Uh… I mean,” Sam stuttered, looking for the right words to say so he doesn’t dig a deeper grave for himself—or for anyone. “Uh… when they say that, they mean it in a nice way…” he tried. Cas’ expression remained the same. “Please don’t fire anyone?”

“I’m not firing anyone,” Cas said, and he actually rolled his eyes at Sam. “And it is true, I suppose. I expect the best, and if you can’t give me the best, then I won’t bother with you.”

A thought crossed Sam’s mind. “You’re bothering with me… so does that mean I’m the best?” Sam asked.

Cas scoffed. “Don’t push your luck,” Cas told him. “But yes, your performance has been satisfactory so far.”

“And here I thought you only picked me because of my irresistible charms,” Sam joked.

“You were cuter when you were eleven,” Cas told him.

Sam blinked in surprise, eyes glued to Cas’ face as he processed what he just said. That was the first time Cas ever mentioned anything about their past. Even the night before, when he had talked to Sam, it was always about the case. Sam didn’t want to be the first one to bring anything up about it, afraid it might make things a lot more awkward that in already was. But Sam could tell Cas was slowly starting to warm up to him again. It was a good feeling.

“And you were nicer when you were 15,” Sam countered.

Cas chuckled. “I can’t argue with that. Lawyers aren’t supposed to be nice.”

The smile on Sam’s face faded for a bit as he gathered enough courage to ask something that had been bothering him. “Why did you become a lawyer?”

Cas turned to look at him like he was caught by surprise with Sam’s question. “Why… that’s, that’s, um, a little bit personal,” Cas answered.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to pry,” Sam apologized immediately. “I just remembered you wanted to be a writer, that’s all.”

“I did become a writer,” Cas said. “I’ve got a couple of books published,” he added, casually brushing off invisible dirt from the lapels of his coat, as if to make the statement less of a big deal.

“You’re kidding,” Sam accused.

“No. I’m not.”

“Alright then. What’s the title?”

“Find it out on your own,” Cas answered. “If you can’t even do that, I will start to question your skills as an associate,” Cas told him, fixing his challenging gaze at Sam.

That look on Cas’ face reminded him of all the times Cas helped him with his homework back then. He often challenged Sam this very same way, and it gave him a warm feeling. It almost felt like they were getting back to the way things were before. “Alright, you’re on.” Sam said, a wide grin taking over his face. “This’ll be easy,” he said, getting distracted by the honking of a neon yellow sports car outside. When he looked back at Cas, the man was still staring at him, and he felt his face starting to grow hot at the close scrutiny. “What?” he asked.

Cas blinked and looked away. “Nothing,” he said. “I should’ve told you about this meeting beforehand. You could’ve had the chance to pick a better suit,” he said thoughtfully, and though Sam had a feeling that was not the reason he was staring at him, he decided to let it go.

“Hey, what’s wrong with my suit?” he said, acting offended. “It fits good.”

“It could fit better,” Cas argued. “Ask Jo for my tailor’s number. Get some new suits.”

“Well, I’m not getting one with a vest. Those things are like corsets for men. How do you even breathe in that?” He commented, making a gesture towards Cas’ own suit.

Cas frowned and looked down on his three-piece suit and then back up at Sam. “A corset?” Cas asked, and in that moment, a vision of Cas in a lacy blue corset crossed Sam’s mind. Not good.

“How would you know what a corset feels like? You’ve worn them before?” he heard Cas ask him.

“No!” Sam said, quickly averting his gaze from Cas. “Forget I said anything. I’ll go visit your tailor,” Sam conceded.

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence, though Cas kept looking at his waistcoat while Sam still had thoughts of blue satin and lace in his mind.

+++

Their first meeting with the client went smoothly and Sam returned to working on cases for the other partners for the next couple of days. The thing about returning to his usual work at his desk was that Sam found himself thinking more and more about Cas. He spent most of the past few days working closely with Cas, and now he was back to seeing him only once or twice a day. He began thinking about how much more comfortable Cas’ chairs were, or how the view of the city was a much better working atmosphere than the dull walls surrounding the associates’ bullpen.

He also began thinking of Cas and how he had a habit of leaning a hip on his table, or sitting on it completely whenever he was on the phone with someone. His table looked sturdy, and Sam especially liked the way Cas looked on it.

Sam liked the idea of Cas lying down on it much better. In fact, he often had many ideas about Cas and that desk.

Cas, on his back naked save for his socks, legs wrapped around Sam’s hips as Sam pushed into him, his scream of pleasure echoing in the office and the halls outside for everyone to hear.

Or maybe, bent over his desk instead, mostly clothed, with his pants and underwear pushed down to his thighs as Sam entered him from behind, hand on his own mouth to stop himself from making any noise.

Or maybe both of them on the desk, naked, while Cas bounced on top of him, back arching with a loud moan as Sam’s hands reached and traced his fingertips over the part where they were connected.

And those ideas were just about the desk.

He had a particular idea involving Cas pinned to one of those floor-to-ceiling windows as well.

Sam cleared his throat and returned his thoughts to the file he was reading, very much aware of the tightness now present in his slacks.

He was harboring fantasies about his boss. And his boss just happened to be Castiel.

He shook his head and he tried to will his erection away. When, after five minutes, the great office boner still didn’t leave, he rushed to the comfort room and locked himself in a stall to silently jack off. While in that stall, he managed to have another bright idea about the desk (he sat on Cas’ chair while Cas was on his knees hidden under the table sucking him off. At some point, someone walked in, asked where Castiel was and Sam feigned innocence, all while Cas continued swallowing him down). He used that image to finally get himself off.

He returned to his desk a few minutes later, sated and much more relaxed than before. Until he saw Cas walking down the hallway and his cheeks burned in shame (or maybe residual arousal, he couldn’t tell). He buried his face in his hands. “I am so dead,” he said. He wiped his face with his palm and picked up the file he was reading. “Been dead since I hit puberty,” he mumbled to himself.

+++

Carver Edlund turned out to be an impulsive and unpredictable man, and just when Sam thought the deal was as good as sealed, he found himself dragged by Cas to another meeting with him at 6 in the evening the very next day to discuss the particulars of the deal.

After their second meeting with the client, the merger was ironed out almost completely (as completely as they’d get without actual signatures on the paper), and Carver decided to treat them to dinner at his number one restaurant. He drank wine with them for a few minutes and left soon after.

Sam silently wished Carver didn’t leave them. He suddenly felt nervous because he was now sitting alone with Cas, in a fancy restaurant, flanked by tables occupied by couples having romantic dinners on each side. The atmosphere was quite intimate, and Sam tried (and failed) to look anywhere but at Cas. The other man was busy fidgeting with something on his phone, so Sam took the opportunity to watch him carefully. And damn it all if Cas didn’t look dangerously attractive in the soft light of the restaurant.

It might be none of his business, but Sam wondered if Cas had someone in his life. He watched Cas’ fingers as he held the phone, and noted the lack of a ring. So Cas wasn’t married. But did he have a girlfriend? Or maybe a boyfriend? Did they go to dinners at places like this all the time? Or did they prefer snuggling on the couch and having movie nights with burger take-outs for dinner. But the thought that nagged Sam’s mind the most was what Cas would want in a partner now. He had changed; maybe his romantic tastes had changed as well. Sam didn’t have a chance before. Would he have one now?

It took Sam a couple of seconds to realize that he had been caught staring at Cas again, and he quickly averted his eyes and apologized.

“What was on your mind?” Cas asked him.

“Nothing,” he lied.

“You seemed… lost,” Cas observed.

Sam chuckled. That was one way to put it. “It’s just…I’ve never eaten at a place like this before,” he said, which wasn’t a complete lie. The place was far too expensive and fancy for Sam’s taste, which only made him feel more uncomfortable. Besides, it wasn’t like he could just suddenly up and ask, ‘Are you seeing anyone now? No? How about trying something with me?’

“I’m more of a fast food guy myself,” Cas said next, though it was unclear whether or not he bought Sam’s lie. Nevertheless, Sam was glad Cas decided to drop it. “But you get used to eating at places like this soon enough. It comes with the territory,” Cas told him.

“Well, alright. I suppose eating at five star restaurants every now and then isn’t so bad,” Sam said with an exaggerated eye roll. This line of conversation was something he can work with.

Cas smiled at that. “It gets worse. If you’re with a client, the firm will take care of it.”

“That’s terrible!” Sam said in mock distress. “I hope I don’t get too used to the free food or I might not get to keep my figure,” Sam joked.

“Oddly enough, that was something Inias said when we were both associates,” Cas remarked.

“Oh? So what happened? He got to keep his figure?” Sam asked.

“He lost thirty pounds,” Cas said. “The stress burns fat right off of your body.”

Sam laughed, feeling miles better already.

Their food came soon after and as soon as Sam saw his plate, his mouth started to water. He had to admit, there was some charm in eating a $160 steak dinner for free.

“Dean would love to eat at a place like this,” Sam commented without thinking, his focus entirely on the task of cutting through the tender meat with a knife.

“How is Dean nowadays?” he heard Cas ask.

Sam’s hands froze and he looked across the table at Cas. Cas cut up a piece of his own steak and looked back up at Sam as he put the fork to his mouth and ate. His expression, as he waited for Sam to speak, was the same as always: unreadable. “He’s… he’s good,” Sam said lamely. He figured Cas would ask about Dean eventually, but he was still caught unprepared when it happened. “He left his boring desk job and moved to LA about three years ago to work for this big-time car enthusiast. Now he’s restoring classic cars for the folks up at Beverly Hills.”

Cas’ eyes grew bright with interest. “He is?” he said, and he sounded genuinely happy. “Dean always wanted to work with cars for a living. I’m glad to see he got what he wanted.”

“Yeah,” Sam agreed, trying to keep his tone light. He brought a piece of steak to his mouth and chewed on it with more force than necessary. A surge of jealousy rose in his chest despite his mind telling him he had nothing to be jealous of. Not anymore. Cas was just asking about an old friend. Cas wasn’t still thinking about Dean, right? That was years ago. He probably moved on.

Then again, it had also been years for Sam, eleven to be exact, and he thought he was over his little crush (it was never just a crush for him, that he knew, but he still liked to pretend it was), yet the moment he saw Cas again, it all came crashing back. If it happened to him…it could happen to Cas, too.

The thought did not sit well with him. Which is why he ended up saying the next sentence without a second thought.

“He’s actually getting married next year,” Sam said, his eyes carefully watching Cas’ face for his reaction. “To Lisa, his college sweetheart,” he added.

“That’s great,” Cas said, a smile still on his face, albeit not as bright or as genuine as before, though whether this was Sam’s imagination or not, he couldn’t tell. “Is that the same Lisa who had a child a few years ago… Ben, if I remember correctly.”

“You know Lisa?” Sam asked incredulously.

Cas smiled, a small smile that changed his expression from unreadable to sad… and possibly nostalgic. “Dean and I used to talk from time to time.”

Sam gaped. “You still talk to Dean?” he asked. And this time, his jealously was accompanied by anger, and the feeling of betrayal at Dean’s decision to hide that he still kept contact with Cas all these years. He thought Dean didn’t know where Cas went to after college. It turned out he knew all along.

“Not any more, unfortunately. We used to talk maybe once every six months. I lost contact a few years ago, possibly around the time he went to LA. Lisa and her baby featured in our last few conversations,” he said.

By this time, Sam didn’t bother to hide the sudden downturn of his mood. “I didn’t even know you two kept in contact,” he mumbled before taking another bite. He needed something to take his frustrations out on: the poor steak was easy prey.

Cas’ smile may have turned a shade more melancholy at Sam’s words, but Sam didn’t notice. “Like I said, we already lost contact,” Cas said. “I would appreciate it if you can share your brother’s current contact information with me so we can catch up,” Cas told him.

It was like being rejected a second time. Well, the first time hurt much worse. This was just like a wound that didn’t properly heal and now the scabs had been forcefully peeled away and the reopened wound was cruelly sprinkled with—

“Sam?”

Sam looked up from his food to Cas’ curious stare. “Oh, right,” Sam said, forcing a smile on his face. “Sorry, I was distracted with the steak. Knowing it costs $160 somehow makes it taste better,” he remarked.

Cas chuckled at that.

“I’ll send you Dean’s number later,” Sam told him. He had no intention of sabotaging Cas and Dean’s friendship, though he would be lying if he said he didn’t think about ‘accidentally’ forgetting to send Dean’s number to Cas.

“I think, after all we’ve been through, I deserve an invite to that wedding, right?” Cas joked.

Sam smiled through chewing another piece of steak. ‘At least Cas is trying to sound supportive of Dean,’ Sam thought. That still didn’t mean Cas was over Dean for good now. They kept in contact with each other. They were still friends despite not being able to talk for several years. It wasn’t like him and Cas… where the last time they ever talked was more than a decade ago. And by that time, they weren’t even friends anymore. The last time they talked as friends was far longer than that. Thirteen years, if anyone was counting. And Sam was. He had been counting the days since he screwed everything up.

+++

“Dude, what the fuck?” Dean said on the phone later that night.

Sam sighed. “Hello to you too, Dean.”

He knew why Dean was calling, and he didn’t really want to talk about it with him now. It had been a really long day and he was a hair’s breadth away from passing out on his sofa as he read files for another case Cas asked him to look into. Plus, he was starting to get hungry from all his late-night reading.

“When were you going to tell me Cas is your boss, huh?” Dean asked.

“I’ve only had this job two weeks, Dean… I was gonna tell you eventually…” Sam said distractedly as he fished out his wallet from his pants to look for the number to that 24-hour Chinese place down the block.

“Yeah man, but we talked just the other day. What gives?”

“I didn’t think it was that important, Dean. I had a lot of things on my mind,” Sam explained.

“And you didn’t think it was important that you met Cas again?”

He made a noncommittal sound as he opened his wallet and for a brief second, the glint of the silver moose pendant he kept tucked in there blinded him. He smoothed his thumb over it fondly and felt a pang of guilt. He thought he had a perfectly reasonable excuse why he never mentioned Cas to Dean, but now that Dean was calling him out on it, it sounded worse than he thought. It was almost like he was hiding it from Dean, like he didn’t want Dean to find out about Cas and reconnect with him. And unconsciously, maybe that was exactly what he was doing. He felt like a terrible person. “But you got to talk to him, right?” Sam asked. “I assume that’s why you’re calling,” he said, pulling out a small piece of paper where he scribbled the number of the restaurant and tossing his wallet it to the side on the sofa.

“Well, yeah. I had to find out from him that you’re working together.”

“Yeah. And I found out from him you kept in contact until you moved to LA. You never told me about that,” Sam countered.

“You never asked, so I didn’t tell you. I thought you knew anyway, since everybody says you’re the brains of the family,” Dean said, and Sam could almost see him rolling his eyes. “Anyway it’s really lucky I got to talk to him again coz I’m making him one of the groomsmen at my wedding.”

“That’s great,” Sam said, imagining what it might feel like for Cas to stand in the wedding of someone you once loved—or still loved—very much. All Sam knew was if it were him, he’d rather be a thousand miles away than see Cas like that: getting married, starting a family, and being happy… with somebody else other than him. “You still haven’t demoted me from best man to ring bearer, right?” Sam joked, trying to bury the sad thoughts in his mind.

“Dude, no. That’d break Ben’s heart if you take his place. You can be the bouncer… stand guard and watch the gate at the reception,” Dean said with a laugh.

“Right,” Sam said in his most tolerant voice. “Listen, I’ll call you later, I’m gonna call for a delivery. I’m in the mood for some orange chicken…” Sam told Dean.

“Seriously? At like, what time is it there? Midnight? You’re already as big as a moose, Sam, you don’t wanna be a freakishly big moose, too.”

“Hey, don’t judge me. Remember, you woke up at 3 am that one time because you said you wanted pie,” Sam retorted.

“I had a pie dream, okay? You can’t ignore pie dreams.”

“I’m dreaming of orange chicken right now. I’ll call you later.”

“Fine. Say ‘hi’ to Cas for me when you see him again, okay? Tell him not to forget the wedding!” Dean instructed.

“Sure, talk to you later,” Sam said before hanging up. He glanced at his wallet which had landed open on the sofa beside him, the silver moose he kept there for years shining in the light from his reading lamp.

Dean was getting married. Cas was suddenly back in their lives. He didn’t know whether this was luck, like Dean said, or some cruel twist of fate. Hopelessly pining after someone who was pining after your brother. “Story of my life,” Sam said with a sigh before dialing the number for his midnight snack order.

Part 4

Strange and Beautiful Part 2

remivel — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 22:26:48 GMT

Part 2

Then:

Lawrence, Kansas, 1996

It had to happen eventually. Honestly, Sam was expecting it to happen earlier. But when it did, he wasn’t sure how it was going to change things.

Dean got a girlfriend. Tessa wasn’t his first, but it was his first real relationship since entering high school. And since Cas became his friend.

Tessa was a very nice girl and Sam liked her a lot better than he liked Dean’s previous girlfriends. But Dean having Tessa to keep him busy meant Cas spent less time hanging out at their home. Sure, Cas didn’t dislike her, but Sam could tell Cas wasn’t comfortable seeing Dean and Tessa together. Sam knew the feeling.

+++

Sam opened the door to find Cas standing outside with what looked like a bag of art materials. “Hey Sam,” he greeted.

The expectant look on Cas’ face made it hard for Sam to form words. “Uh… Dean…Dean went out,” he managed to tell Cas, and watched as Cas tried to hide his disappointment with a smile. It only made Sam feel worse.

“Oh. I see,” he just said. He didn’t have to ask where Dean went or why he ditched him. It was clear he already knew. “And to think he was the one who told me we should work on our English presentation together,” he said.

“You know how Dean is. He forgets things that have to do with school as soon as he gets out of class,” Sam told him, trying to make Cas feel better.

“Yeah. I should head home then…” Cas said, turning and starting to walk away. Cas had never stayed at the Winchesters’ without Dean before. He was always with Dean, and Dean had never ditched Castiel for a girl before. He did ditch him once before in favor of some new pie, but that was a long time ago.

“Wait!” Sam called out. Cas had no reason to stay there if Dean wasn’t around, but knowing this still didn’t stop Sam from trying.

Cas turned back around to look at Sam

“Since you’re here already, you can just do it here. I’ll help you,” Sam offered.

Sam could tell Cas was about to protest, so Sam beat him to the punch and changed tactics, “Dad won’t be back until tomorrow, and Dean’s out… I don’t wanna eat dinner alone. So stay? Please?” he asked.

The moment the hesitation left Cas’ face, Sam felt a surge of triumph inflate in his chest even before Cas said, “Okay. But we’re ordering pizza.”

Sam grinned from ear to ear. “Lemme guess, bacon cheeseburger?”

“You bet,” Cas said with a smile of his own as he walked back to the house.

They spent the next couple of hours doing Dean and Cas’ presentation and spent most of the night eating pizza and watching Star Trek: The Original Series. When Dean came back at midnight, Cas and Sam were squished together on the couch, fast asleep. They didn’t leave him any pizza.

After that, Cas came to visit regularly even when Dean was out and, for the next few weeks, Cas spent more time with Sam at home than with Dean. Sometimes they just watched TV, sometimes Cas helped him with homework, sometimes they’d kick a soccer ball around for fun, and other times they would go out for burgers and watch movies that Cas was supposed to watch with Dean. It may have seemed like Sam was just a stand-in for Dean, doing things with Cas that Dean normally did with him. But Sam never thought of it that way at all. He was just happy he got to spend more time with Cas.

However, the breakup had to happen eventually. Tessa was nice, but Dean was Dean… and he had a habit of running away from relationships before they got really serious. And when they did break up, Cas was once again always at Dean’s side. It made Sam feel a terrible, twisting jealousy in his gut whenever Cas and Dean were hanging out. Things were going back to normal, and for the first few post-breakup days, it looked like he was once again back to the best friend’s little brother status. Until one day when Dean was stuck at soccer practice, Cas came over to their house.

The look of surprise on Sam’s face must have been obvious, for Cas just said, “What? You think I’d want to waste the afternoon watching Dean do drills for being late to practice? No way.”

Sam beamed.

And since then, Cas had come to visit, even when Dean wasn’t around.

+++

Now:

During his lunch break on his first day, Sam thought he’d try talking to Cas, but as soon as he stepped out of Lucifer’s Cage, Jo was there waiting.

“Is Cas still in his office?” he asked.

“Nope,” Jo answered. “I went in like 30 minutes after you left, he was passed out on his desk drooling on the files. I had to send him home,” she informed him with a grin. “Now, I know this nifty little place where you can buy lunch. Come on, I’ll take you there,” she said, hooking her arm around Sam’s and providing no room for him to disagree.

“Uh… okay,” Sam said reluctantly.

Since then, Jo had been visiting Sam every day in his cubicle for a quick chat about what Cas was like in high school. Sam didn’t reveal much, but Jo always pried anyway. Besides, whenever Sam asked about what Cas was like the past few years, she didn’t reveal much either. Her excuse was always to “ask Cas instead”.

So Sam was always on the edge, trying to find an opening so he could to talk to Cas. He wanted to know what the past few years were like for him. He wanted to know what had changed… what was college like for him…why he chose to be a lawyer…if he had somebody in his life. Or heck, if he still liked bacon cheeseburger pizzas.

+++

A week had passed since Sam joined Milton Adler, but he had only seen Cas a total of three times since his first day, and two of those, he was just watching him from afar. Though he answered directly to Cas, all his orders and assignments were sent to him through Jo. He’d think Cas was avoiding him, except Jo said Cas was like that with all the associates.

He saw Cas in his office talking to a client one time, and another, he was walking to the elevator with Zachariah Adler, a portly man who was the managing partner of the firm.

The only other time that he saw Cas up close, Cas was with Uriel, another senior partner, and Inias, a junior partner. Uriel looked intimidating, while Inias looked too nice for his own good. Cas, on the other hand, was a weird mixture of both, and as Inias checked up on the associates in the bullpen, Cas and Uriel stood to the side, while Uriel complained about how easy the ‘monkeys’ were having it these days.

Sam pretended to read while he stole glances at Cas. He looked bored, and possibly slightly irritated with Uriel’s never-ending complaints. At one point, their eyes met and Sam quickly looked down. When he dared to look back up a second later, Cas’ eyes were still on him, and fearing it’d look worse if he averted his gaze again, Sam just gave him an awkward half-grin. If he didn’t know better, he’d think that slight twitch on Cas’ lips just before he left the room was actually a smile.

+++

His chance to finally talk to Cas again came on his eighth day working at the firm.

It was 7 p.m. and Jo dropped by his cubicle on her way out. She was surprisingly dressed in a black tank top and soft, faded jeans. It actually suited her a lot more than her office attire, but Sam thought she might not appreciate his input on her fashion.

“What’s the special occasion?” he asked.

“Oh, I’m going to a concert,” she said with a huge grin on her face.

“Ah. That explains the attire. And the glowing smile on your face means it’s a date, right?” Sam asked.

“Tsk. You lawyers, always trying to read people,” she said just as very familiar sound rang through the air.

“Is that… the Jaws theme song?” Sam asked, looking at the source of the sound: Jo’s purse.

“What? Oh shoot. It’s Cas. What is it this time?” she said, scrambling to open her purse.

Sam huffed out a laugh. “Your ringtone for Cas is the Jaws theme song?”

She pulled out her phone. “What? He only calls me when there’s been a bloodbath,” she told Sam before answering the call. “Yeah? I’m still here… okay, wait. Yes. I can get it for you. I’ll be right back,” she told Cas before she hung up. “What did I say? Bloodbath,” she said, rolling her eyes.

Sam shot her a sympathetic look.

“I need to fix this first…” she said as she started walking back down the hallway. Then she stopped and turned. “If someone comes up here looking for me, tell him I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” Sam agreed.

Not five minutes after Jo disappeared, a young man wearing jeans and a black hoodie approached the associates’ cubicles. Sam instantly knew this was Jo’s date.

“Can I help you?” he asked.

The man approached Sam’s cubicle. “I’m supposed to meet Jo here?” he asked.

“Right. She just had to do something for her boss. She said she’ll be right back.”

“Oh. Okay. I’m Adam,” he said, reaching out to shake Sam’s hand.

“Sam.”

“You’re new here, aren’t you? I didn’t see you while I was interning just this summer,” he told him.

Then it clicked. “Wait, Adam. Adam Milligan?” Sam said with a chuckle.

“In the flesh.”

“I thought you were just an urban legend.”

Adam laughed. “That story about me getting stuck in Lucifer’s Cage is still going around?”

“Yeah. They told me about it my first day here.”

Adam shook his head. “Jo made that story up. It’s insane.”

Just then, Sam’s phone rang, and he apologized to Adam before answering. “Jo?” he asked.

“Is Adam there already?”

“Yeah, he is,” he answered.

“Tell him I’ll be right there. But first, I need you to come here. Right away,” she said.

“Here?” Sam asked, his heart rate picking up its pace at the thought of going back into Cas’ office.

“Yeah, here. Cas’ office. Now, please?”

“Alright.”

+++

“Oh great, you’re here,” Jo said in relief. “I’ll leave everything in your capable hands,” she said, handing Sam a thick envelope.

“What’s this?” Sam asked.

“Cas will explain everything. I’ve gotta run. The concert’s in an hour. We leave any later than now and we won’t make it,” she said, before rushing away.

Sam looked down on the envelope and back at the office. Usually Cas had the glass frosted while talking to clients, and he kept it clear for everything else. This time, the glass remained frosted, hiding Cas and the office from view and Sam swallowed down his anxiety as he walked to the door.

This was only the second time that he stepped into Cas’ office, and his eyes immediately land on Cas, sitting on the couch and surrounded by papers, the city lights glowing behind him in the night sky. Damn if the view wasn’t mesmerizing.

Cas looked up momentarily before returning his focus on the papers. “Are you working on something?” he asked Sam.

“I was finishing up the Gamble Communications deal…”

“That’s not urgent. Drop that for now and give me a hand with this,” Cas ordered.

“Okay…” Sam said. Sam tried to hide the swell of pride that he felt when Cas asked for his help. Or well, ordered him to help. Because Cas could’ve picked any other associate to help him, maybe someone who had been at the firm longer, but he chose Sam. He tried not to put too much thought into it. “So, what do you want me to do?”

Cas pointed at a folder lying on the table and Sam picked it up. “Carver’s Place?” he asked. “The restaurant chain? I didn’t know they were our client.”

“Apparently, Carver Edlund had ‘an epiphany’ this afternoon and is suddenly hell bent on merging his company with Green Room as soon as possible. We have to see if he just decided to bury his business or not.”

“Green Room? What’s that?”

“Exactly.”

“Alright. What do you need?” Sam asked.

“Take a seat and I’ll tell you everything,” Cas said.

Sam knew he was talking about the case, and that they would probably talk about nothing but the case for the rest of the night. Still, it didn’t stop him from feeling excitement at the chance of finally getting to know Castiel again.

+++

Sam prided himself in his ability to work well under pressure. He could maintain a calm professionalism and focus on the case entirely for days at a time if needed. And yet, here he was, two hours into reviewing the files in Cas’ office, and he spent every ten minutes or so stealing glances at Castiel.

It was interesting how a decade could change a person so much. Cas was leaning a hip on his desk as he talked to someone on the phone, and Sam couldn’t help but notice how different he sounded now. Even back then, Cas was very smart. He was oftentimes blunt, and he liked to state the obvious a lot. He used to spout all sorts of obscure trivia and statistics at least once every hour, as if his brain was overstuffed with information that he needed to let it out on a regular basis to stop his head from exploding. And yet, despite his knowledge, he never talked to anyone with confidence. He was never good with people. Even if he knew he was right, he could never convince anyone to take his side.

But now, here he was, explaining to some client how dragging the case to court will only hurt his company more, and Cas was talking with authority, with a kind of confidence born out of years of training and experience persuading clients, judges, or jurors. The Cas from before could never talk like that. Never.

When Castiel finished his call, he came back to his seat on the sofa and continued to read through the files with Sam. It was then that Sam’s stolen glances went from every ten minutes to five.

He’d argue it wasn’t entirely his fault. Cas was in a charcoal gray suit sans the jacket, which was draped over one of the armchairs, and it was very distracting how Cas’ waistcoat hugged his torso perfectly. He rolled his shirt sleeves, too, and every time Cas’ bare forearms came to view, Sam would wish he could touch his skin, maybe trace that vein that ran from the back of his hand and up his forearm.

And then he realized he sounded like one of those men from the 1800s who get hot over the sight of a woman’s ankles. Only he was getting hot at the sight of Cas’ arms.

He shook his head and forced himself to focus on the case for the nth time that night.

It was also then that Sam’s stomach made itself heard in the room.

Cas looked across the table at Sam, and Sam shot him a sheepish look. “You’re hungry,” Cas stated.

Sam chuckled. Cas being blunt and stating the obvious. At least some things never change. “It’s fine, I’ve skipped a few dinners here and there before,” Sam assured him.

Cas leaned back onto the sofa and crossed his legs in front of him, the hem on his pants riding up to reveal his socks: thin, plain black, the shape of his ankles beneath the fabric oddly mesmerizing.

Sam wanted to laugh. Ankles and arms. He realized he may have a thing for them.

“Sam?”

His name on Cas’ lips yanked him from his musings about other odd things he may have a thing for. “Huh? Did you say something?”

Cas blinked and stared owlishly at him.

Eyes. Big, blue eyes. Definitely a thing.

“I said why don’t you call for a pizza? We could go down… but it might take too much time to eat out,” Cas told Sam.

Oh. Talking dirty. Also a thing.

“Uh… sure,” Sam said, reaching for his phone and ducking his head to hide the blush that he knew was already there on his face. He was feeling like a hormonal teenager again. Just like old times. “Bacon cheeseburger?” he asked without thinking. His mouth snapped shut right after though, realizing he may have assumed too much. “Sorry,” he apologized.

“No, no,” Cas said, shaking his head. “That’s fine. You got it right.”

Sam beamed. “Great,” he said before dialing and pressing the phone to his ear.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cas’ lips twitch to form a barely-there smile.

Part 3

Strange and Beautiful Part 1

remivel — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 22:15:41 GMT

Part 1

Then:

Lawrence, Kansas. 1995

“Dean, get off, it’s hot,” Sam complained, trying to push Dean’s head off of his lap. They were sitting on the porch one hot summer day just before Sam started middle school. Sam was trying to read the latest book in the angels and demons series that Cas lent him, while Dean insisted on using Sam’s lap as a pillow as he flipped through a car magazine.

“You think dad’ll give me the Impala when I get my license?” Dean asked, ignoring Sam’s attempts to push him off. Sam hadn’t gone through his growth spurt yet, so Dean was a good foot taller and at least 20 pounds heavier than him. It was a futile attempt on Sam’s part, and Dean knew it.

“I don’t know,” Sam said irritably. The heat was getting to him, and even his palm was starting to sweat against the glossy paperback of the book. “Can’t we go in and turn on the A/C? I think I’m gonna be sick from the heat,” Sam told Dean.

“Nope, no can do kiddo. You know the schedule. Only two hours in the afternoon, or Dad’ll kill us if the bill gets too high,” Dean reminded Sam. “Maybe when I graduate he’ll give it to me as a present,” Dean said thoughtfully, returning to his earlier fantasies about owning the Impala.

“I don’t know,” Sam replied again, trying to push Dean’s head off his lap, but to no avail.

“Hey!” he heard Cas call from across the yard.

Sam looked up immediately to see Cas walking toward them, a backpack slung over his shoulder and a plastic bag from a grocery store in his hand. Immediately, Sam forgot that Dean was even there, and he smiled brightly and began to wave, when something caught his eye as Cas approached.

The older boy was sweating from the heat, and Sam’s eyes were glued to a drop of sweat that started to fall down the side of his face and down to his neck. He saw Cas smile and wipe his sweat with a hand and Sam’s mouth instantly went dry.

“It’s so hot,” Cas might have said, but Sam wasn’t paying attention. His eyes were on Cas’ hands and the way he pulled the hem of his shirt and started to fan himself with it, revealing a strip of flushed skin on his stomach.

“Cas, you’re awesome!” Sam heard Dean say in excitement, and suddenly Dean was up and grabbing the plastic bag Cas had with him.

Before he even knew it, Dean had rushed past him and into the house.

“You coming?” Cas asked him.

“Huh?” Sam blushed furiously, dropping the book on his lap when Cas walked near.

“Ice cream. I bought some on the way over, come on. I got sprinkles,” Cas said, gesturing for Sam to follow him.

Sam swallowed nervously. “Uh, you go ahead,” he said, refusing to look Cas in the face. “I remembered I forgot to get the mail.”

“Well, okay then. But come quick, okay? That ice cream was out in this heat for a long time. It could be soup by the time you get back,” Cas said, and Sam just nodded in response.

He waited until Cas had vanished into the house before covering his face with both his palms in embarrassment. “No, no, no,” he chanted. After a few seconds, he peeked between his fingers and fought the urge to curse the way Dean did whenever their dad wasn’t there to hear. He sighed in frustration and very gingerly pulled the book off his lap. It was still there, and Sam was mortified at how close Cas came to seeing it.

He couldn’t believe this was happening.

He had an erection. Looking at Cas. Someone who was like an older brother to him. And someone who was, most likely, in love with Dean instead.

Sam buried his face in his palms again in shame. “I’m so dead.”

+++

Now

New York City

“Hey Sammeeey!” Dean greeted enthusiastically when Sam picked up his phone. “How you holdin’ up?”

“I’m doing good,” Sam replied as he carefully balanced a box labeled ‘kitchen stuff’ in one hand and his cell phone in the other. “You can tell Bobby the apartment looks great,” he said, carefully weaving his way through the boxes strewn about on the floor to get to the kitchen.

“Oh, really? That’s good.”

“Yeah. Thank him for me, will you?” he asked as he stabbed the top of the box open with a pair of scissors. “If his friend didn’t give me a massive discount on the rent here, I couldn’t even afford to live in New York on my own.”

“Will do,” Dean agreed. “So. Did ya’ open my present yet?”

“Your present?” Sam asked, looking up from the box to crane his neck towards the living room couch. The small package was lying there next to a box of pizza and a pile of clean underwear. “I just got it this afternoon. I’m pretty busy unpacking, Dean.”

“Ouch. Sammy, I’m hurt. And here I thought you’d be so happy I gave you a present for your new job.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Alright, alright. I’ll check it out,” he told Dean before making his way to the couch and picking up the package. He ripped through the paper wrapping, opened the box, and fished out a red tie with dozens of dancing moose printed on it. “Really, Dean? You couldn’t have gotten me an ordinary tie?”

The bark of laughter from Dean’s end was so loud, it made Sam pull the phone away from his ear for a bit. “Hey! You gotta look your best, right?” Dean said through the last of his chuckling. “You’re a hotshot corporate lawyer now.”

“Dean, this tie is so ugly, they might not even let me in the building!” Sam said as he inspected the tie closer. The moose were even winking at him. He cringed and placed the tie back in the box.

“Hey, it matches that little moose pendant thing you keep in your wallet.”

“That’s different,” Sam said. “That actually looks nice. This is just, bleh,” Sam said, sticking his tongue out in disgust. “I have to make a good impression, not make my colleagues alienate me from the get-go.”

“Dude, what are you talking about? You beat like a hundred applicants to get this job. You can handle anything they throw at you!”

Sam chuckled. “Thanks. But I’m still not wearing that tie.”

+++

“Sam Winchester?”

Sam looked up from the magazine he was reading in the law firm’s waiting area. He was a good hour early for his first day, but he couldn’t help it. He was going to work at Milton Adler, one of Manhattan’s best law firms. It was like hitting the jackpot. “Yes?” he asked, standing up to shake the hand of a rather small man with a thick beard.

“Oh Jesus, you’re a giant,” the man said with a nervous chuckle.

Sam smiled. “You’re not the first person to tell me that.”

“I’m Chuck Shurley. Paralegal… just, uh, just follow me,” he said, ushering Sam further into the office. “Mr. Adler’s in a meeting right now so I’m just gonna take you directly to Mr. Novak, he’s the one who’ll be supervising you.”

“Novak?” Sam asked, the familiar name bringing images to his mind of a boy he hadn’t seen in ages but had never quite forgotten.

“Yeah,” Chuck replied just as they turned a corner and stopped in front of a spacious corner office with a glass wall separating it from the hallway. One wall was lined entirely with books, while the rest were floor to ceiling glass windows that provided a breathtaking view of the Manhattan cityscape. An imposing black desk sat empty near the window, devoid of any clutter or stacks of paper. It looked like Sam’s new boss was running late.

“Hey, Jo… is he in yet?” Chuck said, walking towards a circular desk with a pretty blonde sitting behind it. She looked young, and though she was wearing an expensive looking blouse and a respectable pencil skirt, she looked like she could kick Sam’s butt if she wanted to. Sam liked her already.

Jo looked up from her computer screen with a big grin on her face, that got bigger when she saw Sam. “Whoa… hey Chuck, is this the male stripper I wanted for my birthday?”

“Jo!” Chuck squeaked. “We just had that sexual harassment seminar last week, remember? This is the new associate,” Chuck advised her. Sam just smiled awkwardly.

“Sam Winchester,” Sam reached across the desk to shake Jo’s hand.

“I was just messing with you. Call me Jo,” she said. “And you guys are out of luck. Cas isn’t in yet. He’s arriving from Tokyo this morning so he’s taking the day off.”

Sam felt his throat go dry at the mention of that name. “Cas…?” he managed to get out. Jo was saying something else but he couldn’t hear her through the rush of something in his ears—panic, nervousness? He didn’t know. His eyes zeroed in on the name printed on the glass door of the office and his world froze.

Castiel Novak

Senior Partner

Distantly, he heard Jo say. “Oh, hey, never mind, he’s here.”

“Huh?” Sam snapped out of his stupor and followed Jo’s gaze down the long hallway. Even from that far, there was no mistaking it. The blue eyes and the messy hair were all Sam needed to recognize that the man was Castiel. He was walking while reading a piece of paper in one hand and carrying a brief case in the other. He paid no heed to the people walking in the hallway, but that didn’t matter, as all the other people seemed to part like the Red Sea to make way for him.

“That’s Mr. Novak,” Chuck informed him.

Sam would have opened his mouth to speak, except he knew he wouldn’t be able to form words anyway. He was too busy taking in every detail of Castiel’s appearance. As he walked closer, Sam was struck by how different he looked. Gone was the gangly teenager he remembered, replaced by a man in his early thirties, still tall, but with a bit more muscle on his bones. He looked a bit worse for wear, his tan trench coat was wrinkled, his blue tie askew, his beard in need of a bit of trimming, and his hair sticking out in all angles. He looked like he just went through hell and back (must’ve been a rough flight). Yet despite this, he looked good. No, more than good. He looked extremely attractive, and Sam started having that heart-pounding, gut wrenching feeling he used to get whenever Cas was around all those years ago. Some things never change, it seemed.

“I thought you weren’t coming in today. You look like you haven’t even slept yet,” Jo called out when Castiel was near enough.

“I’ll sleep later. I’m picking up the Wesson files so I can work on them at home,” Cas replied without looking up from his papers.

‘Well, that’s one thing that changed dramatically,’ Sam thought as he tried to hide the shiver that ran down his spine at the sound of Cas’ deep, gravelly voice. And when Cas walked towards Jo’s desk, Sam realized he was now taller than Cas too. He felt weird looking down at the top of Cas’ head when all he could remember before was looking up at Cas’ face instead. It seemed almost surreal standing beside Cas after all these years. Then, he realized Cas’ eyes were still glued to what he was reading, and Sam swallowed down the urge to grab Cas by the shoulders and shake him until he looked up and recognized him.

“It’s not exactly taking a day off from work if you’re bringing your work home with you,” Jo reasoned, even as she pulled out a ring bound sheaf of paper and placed it on the counter in front of Castiel. “By the way, your new man slave is here,” she announced.

“Associate!” Chuck corrected her quickly.

“Associate?” Cas asked, noticing, as if for the first time, that there were people standing beside him. He turned, expecting to come face to face with his new associate. Instead he was visibly surprised to see a man who was a lot taller than him, and Sam couldn’t help but smile when Cas had to adjust his line of sight to look up at his face.

The moment their eyes met, however, Sam’s smile faded, zapped away by the nervousness that accompanied thoughts of Cas being either unable to recognize him, or being able to recognize him and reacting unfavorably to the sight of him. He didn’t know which scenario he dreaded more. After all, they didn’t exactly part as friends… and Sam had nobody to blame but himself for that.

The intensity of those blue eyes studying his face was almost suffocating him, and after what seemed like an eternity (it was only three seconds), Sam saw the exact moment recognition dawned on Cas’ face.

“Sam,” was all he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

The relief at seeing Cas recognize him washed all of Sam’s uneasiness away for a moment, and he smiled. “Hi, Castiel,” he greeted with a warmth usually reserved for friends.

That might not have been the right way to go with it because as soon as he spoke, Cas’ eyes grew wide, like a deer caught in headlights, and he looked both shocked and terrified for a moment.

Sam’s smile vanished just as instantly.

“Excuse me for a second,” Cas said slowly, carefully, eyes never leaving Sam’s face as if he was sure Sam would suddenly burst into flames in front of him. Even as he took the sheaf of paper from the counter and tucked it under his arm, he kept his eyes locked on Sam. It made Sam ten times more nervous than before.

“I…. will be with you shortly…” Cas added before he blinked and finally tore his gaze away from Sam’s face and stiffly made his way towards his office. Sam watched with a confused expression as Cas closed the office door behind him, and pushed a button on the side that made the glass frosted, hiding him and his office completely from view.

Sam was still staring at the opaque white glass wall when Jo got off her chair and leaned on the counter beside Sam. “Wow. You two know each other?” she asked, her face alive with curiosity.

Sam turned away from the glass wall and rolled his shoulders to compose himself. “Uh, yeah…”

“I’ve never seen anyone take Cas by surprise like that,” Jo said. “So, what are you two, like old lovers?”

“What? No!” Sam blurted out, feeling his face flush instantly hot.

“A one night stand gone horribly wrong then?”

“No!”

Chuck looked at Jo’s determined face and at Sam’s alarmed one, and his self preservation instincts kicked in. “I-I better go…” Chuck told them before making his escape.

“Come on, tell me. I promise I’ll be discreet.”

“It’s nothing…” Sam chucked nervously. “Nothing like that,” he reiterated, loosening his tie a bit so he can breathe better.

“Oh.” Jo’s face fell and she sat back down on her chair. “So what, you knew each other in law school or something?”

Sam glanced back at the white glass wall. “I didn’t even know he became a lawyer,” he told her. “I remember he wanted to be a writer…” he found himself saying.

This brought Jo’s excitement back up and she scooted her chair closer to the counter. “You knew him before law school then. Oh wow. College? No wait, I know, high school! You know him from high school.”

Sam had to admit, Jo was very smart and determined. “Yeah,” Sam finally conceded. “We went to the same high school. He was my, uh, brother’s best friend.”

As Sam revealed that, Jo’s eyes grew to epic proportions. “Tell. Me. Everything.”

Just then, the door to Cas’ office opened… and well, Sam honestly didn’t know what to make of what he was seeing. Cas stood by the door, and he actually looked more put together. His hair was a little less messy and he was wearing a different suit and tie. The dark circles under his eyes were still there, but the jetlagged and crumpled look he had was all gone. Even more disconcerting was the fact that all Sam could think of was how Cas looked extremely fine in that three-piece suit. “Come in, Mr. Winchester,” Cas said, before leaving the door open for Sam and disappearing back into the office.

And whoa, that sounded a lot more inviting than it actually did. Partly because older Cas was hot as hell, and partly because Sam had watched too many pornos that started like this, with the boss inviting his employee into his office for a private chat.

Sam felt his cock twitch inside his pants and that sent alarm bells ringing in his head. Those were definitely not the kind of thoughts he should have been having at that moment.

“You might wanna pick up your jaw first before going inside,” Sam heard Jo say.

Sam glanced back at Jo and chuckled nervously before heading in.

The first thing Sam saw inside the office was Cas’ silhouette as he faced the window, his hands in his pockets and his stance a lot less stiff than before. In fact, Cas looked imposing as he gazed out at the rooftops of the other smaller buildings nearby. They were high up enough that a good portion of the view was nothing but uninterrupted skyline, and Sam couldn’t help but think Cas seemed almost like an all-powerful being looking down on the mere humans below. Sam wondered how Cas could exude so much confidence just standing there like that, while five minutes ago he was stiff and awkward at the sight of Sam.

“Close the door and have a seat,” he heard Cas say, the authoritative tone in his voice enough to jolt Sam from his prolonged staring and make Sam do immediately as he was told.

He took the nearest seat to the door (not because it provided the easiest path to escape, mind you) and waited for Cas to speak again or turn around. Between closing the door and taking a seat, a hundred and one thoughts had flashed through Sam’s mind. Mostly of the first time he saw Cas: a lazy autumn afternoon spent stealing glances at Cas as he played videogames with Dean… and the last time he saw Cas: a bright spring afternoon watching Cas from afar as he walked away.

A feeling of dread pooled in the pit of Sam’s stomach. Cas didn’t want him here. If he worked here, it might make things awkward. This was it. He was getting fired on his first day. On the other hand, maybe Cas didn’t care about what happened in the past. It was more than ten years ago. Surely, Cas wouldn’t hold it against Sam now. They weren’t teenagers anymore. Things had changed. Cas wouldn’t fire him. He wouldn’t.

“So,” Cas began, and Sam shook his head to clear his thoughts of the mental panicking he had just been going through. He watched as Cas turned around and walked to his desk, a serious expression on his face as he pointedly looked away from Sam’s direction.

Okay. He was getting fired.

“I apologize,” Cas said before finally looking at Sam.

Sam blinked. That was unexpected.

“I was not informed a new associate was coming in today,” Cas told him. “If I did, I would have chosen an earlier flight and welcomed you better than… well, better than this.”

‘So formal. I get it now…he’s in lawyer mode,’ he thought as he squared his shoulders. “No harm done,” he answered.

“Well… I suppose there’s no need to waste any more time, is there?” Cas asked Sam.

Sam composed himself. This was it. He was getting fired now.

Cas pressed the intercom button. “Jo.”

“Yes boss?”

“Please have Chuck escort Sam to Lucifer’s Cage.”

“Right away,” Jo replied.

“Lucifer’s Cage?” Sam couldn’t help the awkward chuckle that escaped his throat at the sound of such a ridiculous thing coming from Cas’ mouth. “Is this some sort of weird office lingo you have for firing people?”

At this, Cas cocked his head to the side and gave Sam his first confused expression since he came in here and regenerated to ‘lawyer Cas’, for a lack of a better term. “Why would you be fired? You just got here.”

“Wait, so I’m not fired?”

“No,” Cas informed him.

Sam felt a huge wave of relief wash over him and he sighed “That’s great,” even as a wide grin overtook his face. “I thought for sure you were gonna fire me.”

“Why would I?” Cas questioned. “I have no reason to fire you.”

“But you’re sticking me in Lucifer’s Cage? Should I be worried?” Sam asked.

“This will be your first job assignment. Lucifer’s Cage. It’s what the other associates have affectionately called Conference Room B, as it is now being occupied by documents from the Lucien-Phifer deal. It’s a pretty ingenious nickname, if you ask me.”

“Yeah, but a cage?”

“They say once you get in, you can never get out. They jest of course. Most of the associates eat lunch out at 1 and leave work at 10,” Cas said with a straight face, and Sam didn’t know if he was going to laugh or say something or keep quiet.

Chuck chose that time to reappear. “Uh, Castiel… Jo said I should fetch Sam?”

“Yes, please,” Cas said before he sat down on his chair and opened a folder in front of him. “And while you’re at it, orient him with the specifics of the Lucien-Phifer deal,” he ordered.

“Okay,” Chuck replied. “You ready?” he asked Sam.

Sam nodded.

“I’ll wait for you outside,” Chuck said, closing the door behind him once again.

Sam reluctantly stood up. Now that he knew for sure he wasn’t fired, it meant Cas had no objections with Sam working here. It was a good sign, and he wanted to stay and actually talk to Cas. Though Cas didn’t deny remembering Sam, he also avoided mentioning anything about their past. No “How have you been?” or “It’s been a long time,” or maybe even, “Hey, how’s Dean doing these days?” It made the situation extremely awkward for Sam, and if they were going to work together, awkward just wouldn’t cut it.

“Uh… Cas?” he ventured, just as his hand was poised at the door handle.

Cas looked up from reading and gave Sam one of his intense stares. “Yes?”

Sam tried a smile. “It’s really good to see you again,” he said.

Cas’ unnerving stare was broken as he blinked, a hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. He looked shy all of a sudden. “You too,” he said, before fixing his gaze back on Sam. “You look good,” he added. “I mean… you-you’ve gotten tall.”

Sam’s smile widened. “Thanks, I guess,” he replied with a chuckle. “You look really good too,” he replied.

Cas cleared his throat. “Uh, yes, well, I believe Chuck is waiting for you outside.”

“Oh, right,” he said with a sheepish smile. “I’ll go jump into Lucifer’s Cage now. I hope I come back alive.”

A barely there smile graced Cas’ lips as he replied, “See that you do,” and Sam felt a warmth in his chest he hadn’t felt in a long time. He closed the door behind him with much more confidence in what lay ahead of him. He got to keep his job, he met Cas again as his new boss, and it turned out that Cas wasn’t one to hold grudges after all. He was determined to make something out of his good fortune. He would do everything he could to impress Cas and the other partners, and he would also work on getting back into Cas’ good graces and maybe actually have Cas call him a friend again. It was worth a shot.

But before he could do all that, he had to deal with his first work assignment. And, as he soon discovered, working in a conference room filled to the brim with paper stacks and boxes was no easy task. “So this is Lucifer’s Cage, huh?” Sam asked Chuck.

“Yup. Good luck keeping your soul when you get out of that. Legend says a summer intern named Adam Milligan is still stuck there to this very day,” Chuck informed him.

Sam smiled. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind. And I’ll say ‘hi’ to Adam for you,” he said before entering the conference room.

Jo shook her head. “He was a nice guy too,” she said in mock grief.

Chuck jumped in surprise when Jo suddenly popped out behind him. “What’re you doing here?” he asked.

“Tsk. I was gonna ask him how things went with Cas inside his office, but it looks like I’ll just have to wait for him to get out,” she said with a pout. Then she looked at her watch, “Oh! Lunch. I’ll come back and ambush him by lunch,” she said. “See ‘ya, Chuck!” she said as she walked away.

“Being a paralegal is hard,” Chuck complained to no one as he slumped and made his way back to his office.

Part 2

Fic: Strange and Beautiful Prologue

remivel — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 22:00:02 GMT

Strange and Beautiful

I've been watching your world from afar,

I've been trying to be where you are,

And I've been secretly falling apart, unseen.

To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,

You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,

You turn every head but you don't see me.

-Aqualung

Prologue

Lawrence, Kansas. 1994

Castiel liked Dean. Not in the way that friends liked each other. No.

Even at eleven years old, Sam could tell. Could see the way Castiel’s body unconsciously leaned closer to his brother, could see the way his bright blue eyes never strayed far from Dean’s face.

It intrigued him.

He first met Castiel a few weeks after the start of school. Dean developed a habit of sharing every detail of his new high school life, and he mentioned a classmate of his several times. How he was quiet and kind of shy, but once you got to know him, he was actually crazy smart and made these weird jokes that Dean found funny even if he didn’t understand them. He was an “awesome nerdy dude,” and a generally nice guy. Before long, Dean was calling him the best friend he ever had, and Sam wondered what kind of person this “Cas” was to make Dean so fond of him.

It turned out Dean wasn’t lying when he said Cas was a nice guy. The moment Cas entered their home and saw Sam sitting on the couch with his homework on a Friday night, he didn’t look at him like he was a big nerd or a weird alien. He just smiled a barely-there smile and extended his hand. “You must be Sammy,” he said.

Normally, Sam hated it when other people called him ‘Sammy’. He even hated it when Dean called him ‘Sammy’. However, when this relative stranger with big blue eyes called him that name, he didn’t mind that much at all. But still… “It’s Sam.”

Dean’s friend smiled. “Sure, nice to meet you, Sam,” he said. And despite the weird way Castiel looked at Dean mere moments ago, Sam instantly liked him.

He wasn’t like Dean’s other friends at all. Some of Dean’s friends would visit their place and just ignore Sam completely, some would feign interest in what he was doing, and others would look at him like he was a potted plant placed in front of the TV, obstructing their view. He never did like them very much.

But Cas, he liked Cas.

Cas never ignored him. He asked Sam about school, and actually seemed interested in what Sam had to say. He invited Sam to play video games with him and Dean, and he even let Sam borrow some of his old books, most of them detective novels and horror/sci-fi stories. Sam loved the books about angels warring against demons the most. They were very interesting, and Cas never thought that they might be too scary or mature for a grade school kid like Sam.

Cas hung out at their house a lot. Sometimes, he even slept over. His dad was some businessman who always went away on trips; he never knew his mom. He was often left home alone, so whenever he got bored, he’d take the 5-minute bus ride to Dean and Sam’s house and hang out with them. Neither of their dads minded that Cas was always there. Cas always brought food with him, which was probably why John Winchester didn’t mind having another boy eating dinner with them all the time. He was mostly away on trips himself, so it was usually just Dean, Sam, and Cas at home, hanging out, playing video games, or playing soccer in the rain. It was like Sam had gained another older brother, one that actually tried to help him with his homework instead of backing away like the word “math” was some kind of deadly, contagious disease.

It was the perfect arrangement.

Perfect, if Sam were to ignore all the times Cas looked at Dean like he was the only thing that mattered in the world, all the times when Cas stood too close or leaned too far into Dean’s personal space, and all the times Cas blushed whenever Dean praised him or laughed at his jokes.

Perfect, if Sam were to ignore all the times he felt jealous of Dean because of all this.

Was he just jealous because he wanted a good friend like that, like the way Cas was to Dean? He didn’t know. All he knew was that he felt weird when Cas was near and he wanted it to go away.

Eventually, though, their perfect arrangement started to break apart. Not to Cas and Dean, no. They were still the best of friends. It was Sam who began to change, even if no one else noticed it yet.

Sam never realized how much he would come to like Cas until he found himself listening more intently to Dean’s stories once Cas’ name popped up. He found himself rushing to get home every Friday afternoon because that’s when Cas always came to visit, and when Cas came by to watch some movies with them, he found himself wishing that Cas would take his eyes off the screen, or off of Dean, and just look at him instead. Look at him. And only him.

He never did of course.

Even at eleven years old, Sam could tell. Could see that Cas liked him, but not as much as he liked Dean, and could see that Cas will never look at him the way he looked at Dean. It bothered him, for he had never been jealous of anything his brother had. Never. Until that day when a boy with bright blue eyes walked through their door and called him “Sammy.”

Part 1

Fic: Strange and Beautiful Masterpost

remivel — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 21:56:37 GMT

Title: Strange and Beautiful
Author: remivel
Artist: ammo
Genre: SPN, AU, lawyer!AU and HS!AU mash-up
Characters, Pairing(s): Sam/Castiel, Dean/Lisa (mentioned only), Jo, various cameos from SPN characters
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~31,000
Warnings: Explicit sexual content, semi-public sex, size!kink, angst, Suits (series) used as a reference, cameo by Harvey and Mike from Suits (no need to be familiar with the show or characters)
A/N:Written for the sassy_minibang challenge. This is my first time writing for the Sassy Minibang and I'm always glad to contribute more fics to this awesome pairing. Title was taken from the song by Aqualung. Thanks to ammo for the wonderful art. I am so happy you decided to draw Sassy. I also hope I was able to convert you to the Sassy Side with this fic, even just a bit. Many thanks to Juli for the superb alpha work, and Savanna for the equally amazing beta job.

Summary: Even at 11 years old, Sam could tell. Could see that Cas liked him, but not as much as he liked Dean, and could see that Cas will never look at him the way he looked at Dean. It bothered him. For he had never been jealous of anything his brother had. Never. Until Castiel walked through their door.
Fast forward 17 years into the future, Sam, now 28, had just landed a job as an associate at Milton Adler, one of Manhattan’s largest law firms. He was ready to impress his new employers and start making a name for himself as a lawyer, except he soon found out that his new boss was none other than Castiel, his brother’s high school best friend and Sam’s first love. Sure, they were close before, but Sam was young and foolish then, and they ended up growing apart. Now, things were becoming very awkward for Sam, because Cas wasn’t showing signs that he knew him at all, and Sam was beginning to realize that his first love never really went away, even after all these years.

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

AO3 (download PDF without art here)
PDF with art

Art link: Art Masterlist

Fic: Come on with the Rain Part 4

remivel — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:11:30 GMT

Dean sat down on the edge of his bed with a sigh. He didn’t bother turning the lights on, instead letting the many blinking Christmas lights outside bathe the room in their soft, colorful glow. He needed time to think.

Running a hand through his hair, he looked at himself in the mirror. The years have been kind to him. There were faint lines on his face and traces of dark circles under his eyes, but he was still the handsome devil he had always been. But working overtime for the past few weeks had taken a toll on him, and he rolled his shoulders as he tried to banish the dull ache from his back.

The sound of bells and a group of children singing carols out in the street made Dean smile. Because if anyone were to ask Dean Winchester when ‘this’ all started, he’d probably take you way back to winter break of 7^th grade. The first time he saw Castiel.

+++

As they were unloading shopping bags full of Christmas Eve essentials from the Impala’s trunk, an unfamiliar minivan pulled up in front of Bobby’s house next door. Curious about the identity of the new arrivals, Dean watched as they got out of the van. It was a couple: a nice looking lady with long, black hair and bright blue eyes, and a stern-looking man with short, auburn hair and a constant frown on his face that seemed oddly familiar.

Then Bobby walked out of his house with a rare smile on his face. He watched as Bobby grabbed the man into a tight hug. “That’s Eric, Bobby’s brother. And that’s probably his wife,” his dad told him. Dean turned to look at his dad just as John strode toward Bobby’s visitors.

“Sam,” he hissed, hand gesturing for Sam to come with, and they both walked to the minivan just as their dad exchanged enthusiastic greetings with the couple.

Eric turned to the two boys and he smiled. “Are these your boys, John?” he asked, extending his hand to them. The brothers dutifully shook his hand. “I’m Eric, Bobby’s younger brother. I went to the same high school as your dad,” he supplied.

His wife came up to shake their hands as well. “I’m Amy,” she said with a wide smile, the kind that was all gums and made her nose scrunch up. Dean thought she was very pretty. “You must be Dean and Sam,” she said, getting the name of each boy correctly. “Bobby mentioned the two of you the last time he came to Illinois,” she told them.

“Dean right here’s about the same age as Castiel,” Bobby told her. “Where is that boy?”

“Oh, still sleeping in the car,” she said, rolling her eyes. “He stayed up late last night watching a Christmas movie marathon. I couldn’t get him to stop,” she told them.

Sam’s eyes lit up when she mentioned the movie marathon. He was watching the same thing last night, although John had successfully pried him away from the TV once “The Nightmare Before Christmas” had ended.

“Wait a minute, let me get him,” she said before she walked to the other side of the van.

Dean had heard Bobby mention the name of his only nephew a couple of times before, and he was starting to get curious as to what this boy looked like. Did he take after Bobby and his brother, with messy red brown hair, stern eyes, and a frown on his face? Or was he like his mom, with brown-black hair, sparkling eyes, and a charming smile?

He found himself craning his neck to peer behind the van, and a moment later Amy emerged with her half-asleep son. All Dean could see was a head of messy dark brown hair protruding from a tightly bundled heavy blue jacket. “Castiel,” she said to her son as she gently pushed him forward. “Say hi to your Uncle Bobby’s neighbors. This is Sam and Dean,” she told him.

When Castiel looked up at them with sleep-lazy big blue eyes, Dean found himself unable to breathe properly. His eyes were an even brighter shade than his mom’s, and Dean found himself staring as the boy groggily said “hello” to him and Sam.

That was the first time he found another boy attractive, and long after they returned to their house, his mind was still haunted by that pair of mesmerizing blue eyes. He had just started being interested in dating girls in sixth grade, and more than a year later he had already racked up a few girlfriends. But this was certainly the first time he looked at another boy in that way, and before he fell asleep that night, he figured it was a pretty normal reaction. After all, the boy named Castiel looked kind of like a girl anyway, with those long lashes and big round eyes and pink lips and smooth skin. Besides, he would probably never see the other boy again after this, so there really wasn’t much to worry about.

He didn’t think about Castiel again, nor did he find any other boy attractive after that. He had all but forgotten about him until summer just before his sophomore year in high school, when his dad came home upset and told them the news about the car accident that killed Bobby’s younger brother and his wife.

They arrived at Bobby’s place that day just as Bobby was packing up to drive to Pontiac, Illinois. He was distraught and kept repeating “Castiel needs me” as he dumped some of his things into his car. John offered to drive him to Illinois but Bobby refused, insisting he could drive himself there. John then suggested that the boys watch over Bobby’s house instead while he arranged things with Rufus to manage the salvage yard. Bobby was never more grateful for anybody’s help as he was in that moment, and he left with promises of returning just as soon as he settled things in Illinois.

He returned by the end of summer, but he was not alone.

That was the second time Dean saw Castiel.

He was thin and almost frail looking, Dean thought, as he watched the boy alight from Bobby’s car from across the yard. He vaguely remembered what it was like when he lost his mom when Sam was just a baby—a car pileup on a slippery road. It was the lowest point of his young life, but even then, he couldn’t imagine what it must be like to lose both parents at once.

He was jolted out of his thoughts by Sam throwing him a fastball at his face. He caught it just in time to save himself from a broken nose. “Watch it, Sammy!” he snapped.

“Hey, I wasn’t the one who was spacing off there,” Sam answered.

“Why you little—“ he said before he threw the baseball particularly hard at Sam. Sam jumped in surprise and barely caught the ball, and Dean laughed as Sam nearly stumbled to the ground.

Sam looked at him with wide eyes and smirked. “Oh it’s on!”

They threw the ball at each other with increasing strength until the sound of Bobby’s voice calling out to them interrupted their game of extreme catch.

“Dean, Sam! C’mere for a minute and I’ll introduce you to my nephew!”

Sam dropped the ball to the ground and ran across the yard to Bobby’s house. Dean followed him at a more leisurely pace, picking the ball up on his way. He arrived there just as Sam was enthusiastically shaking the other boy’s hand. ‘Castiel’ was his name, as Bobby had reminded them, and Dean smiled. He hadn’t forgotten.

He stepped forward to shake Castiel’s hand and he found himself subjected to the intense stare of a pair of blue eyes just as bright as he remembered seeing all those years ago. He smiled wider. “I’m Dean.”

Castiel awkwardly shook Dean’s hand and continued to stare at him intently, as if there was something entirely fascinating about his nose or his freckles that required his full attention. Dean found that he didn’t quite mind it.

Bobby’s voice asking about John’s whereabouts made Castiel jolt, and he withdrew his hand from Dean’s like he had been burned. He averted his gaze just as quickly, picking up a box of his stuff on the doorstep before retreating inside the house, leaving Dean blinking in surprise and confusion.

“Don’t mind him,” he heard Bobby say. “He’s just tired. We both are,” he said with a sigh.

“No problem. How long is he visiting for, Bobby?” Sam asked.

“He ain’t visiting. He’s gonna stay with me now,” Bobby told them. “I hoped you boys would get along with him.”

“I’m sure he’ll come around,” Dean said with a smile.

That night before Dean fell asleep, he remembered Castiel and a frown fell on his face. Castiel had changed since the last time he saw him. He was taller, lankier, and his features became more angular, the slope of his jaw more defined and the child-like roundness of his face just barely present. Now he looked unmistakably like the 15-year-old boy that he was. But the long heavy lashes, the big round eyes, the pink lips and the smooth skin still remained the same, and so did Dean’s thoughts about him. He still found Castiel attractive, and that fact made Dean feel a bit queasy.

He saw Castiel again at school in a cozy blue knitted sweater and Dean approached him with every intention of making friends. That plan flew out of the room the moment Castiel looked up at Dean in surprise, wide eyes like those blue marbles with swirling galaxies inside them that Dean used to play with. Dean’s mouth suddenly went dry and he felt weird all of a sudden. So he said the first thing that came to mind, a decision he would regret in a couple of seconds.

He grinned like an idiot and asked for his name again.

Castiel smiled a little as he said his name, which only made Dean feel worse. It looked like he won a bet with himself that Dean wouldn’t remember him.

Dean couldn’t bring himself to approach Castiel again after that. It wasn’t like Castiel was an easy guy to talk to either. He always had his head buried in books, and during lunch he would vanish suspiciously from the lunchroom, but that didn’t stop Dean from seeking out the head of messy brown hair in a crowd. Weeks after that, he spotted Castiel reading a book on the stairwell by the back of the gym, and then again by a small bench on the farthest corner of the outdoor basketball court.

At times, it even looked as if he was avoiding Dean. They shared several classes together, and not once did Dean catch him alone after class. He was always gone the moment Dean turned around to look his way, and in the hallways, he was always pointedly looking away or avoiding his gaze whenever he crossed paths with Dean. It was like Castiel was uncomfortable with him, and this confused Dean. There was very little interaction between them that there was no reason Dean could think of to warrant this kind of treatment from him. And the longer it went on, the harder it was for Dean to talk to him.

His heart started pounding heavy and fast in his chest whenever Castiel was around, and it bothered Dean more than he cared to admit. He still liked girls, god, he did. They were all soft curves and sweet smiles, and he liked that a lot. But then, he also liked Castiel, liked his stupidly messy hair and his stupidly blue eyes and his stupidly long fingers; found himself wishing to lick Castiel’s mouth and make those stupidly chapped lips soft and damp.

He knew he had it bad the moment he saw Castiel at Bobby’s salvage yard. He spotted him approaching from a distance, and he watched Castiel jolt like he was caught sneaking. Then, as if by some miracle, Castiel approached him and said ‘hi’.

Dean recovered from his initial shock quickly enough to return the greeting with a smile and he watched with something akin to awe as Castiel started talking. It was a commendable attempt at a conversation, but it was awkward as hell and suddenly he was spouting random information about screws or some other shit that Dean couldn’t contain his laughter anymore. Dean thought the face Castiel made then was, for lack of a better word, cute. The way he pouted and scrunched his nose up a bit at Dean’s reaction, and the way his lips slowly turned upward into a smile. Not the toothy grin Dean remembered on Castiel’s mom that one time they met, but an awkward little smile that was all Castiel’s own. It made Dean feel inexplicably warm all over.

And that night, Dean dreamt of Castiel for the first time.

He didn’t know it was Castiel at first. It started off like most of his dreams of this kind. The kind where there was a vast amount of skin involved, and long limbs bent and splayed in every direction, soft and hot lips on his own, and tongue, lots and lots of tongue. There was heavy panting in his ears, his hands clutched at thin hips as the person sank onto him, and then glorious tight heat engulfed him. Then the details started coming in bits. First, fingers splayed over his chest, too long and bony to be a girl’s, then short, dark brown hair brushed against his cheek as the person rode him. Then, parted pink lips just begging to be kissed, and thick dark eyelashes fluttered open to reveal intense blue eyes and before Dean knew it, he was coming hard and fast and violent.

When he woke up after, it was to a dark room and sticky boxers and the image of those eyes. “Fuck,” Dean spat out, covering his eyes with a forearm. Dean knew he was screwed.

+++

Because of that incident, Dean started dreading the moment he had to talk to Castiel again. He was afraid he’d say something stupid, or worse, his body might start to react. He knew his body, knew how hot and bothered he could get once he started wanting someone. And usually he’d just go ahead and indulge himself, but not this time, because this was Castiel. Bobby’s nephew. And Bobby was practically family, which made Castiel practically family as well. And Castiel was a guy. Dean was still honestly too stuck on the ‘guy’ part to do anything about it. But, luckily (or unluckily), Castiel made it a bit easier for him the next time they talked.

Dean thought it was just his imagination at first, when he thought Castiel was trying to avoid looking at him. But when they were placed in the same group for a science project, it became obvious. When Dean made a joke, Castiel didn’t laugh. Didn’t even look up from listing the items they needed. And when he spoke, it was brief and direct to the point. For some reason or another, he was giving Dean the cold-shoulder treatment. And it didn’t happen just once. In fact, every time they had to interact in class, Castiel looked pissed at Dean, and he refused to look at him and Dean guessed it could only be one thing.

Castiel hated him.

Well, maybe not ‘hate’ exactly. Irritated was more like it, because every time Castiel visited the salvage yard, he would glare at Dean like the mere sight of him was making him nauseous. A couple of times, he sat around the yard waiting for Bobby to finish up, and Dean felt the prickle of that intense stare at the back of his head, and it made him uncomfortable. Because even if Castiel was being cold to him, he still felt… things... whenever he was around. Things that made him bothered and confused, and frankly, kinda scared. So he did the only thing he could do.

He got a girlfriend.

That solution only lasted for a couple of weeks then he moved on to another girl. She was a pretty brunette with big blue eyes, and she was really good at giving head. Now, that solution lasted a bit longer… until Dean realized the girl was practically a Castiel replacement and he started imagining Castiel on his knees instead of the girl, his pink lips stretched around him and swallowing him whole. He broke up with that one after a month and got a curvy, blonde cheerleader next.

He thought he was doing pretty okay with having and changing “girlfriends” every now and then that he could almost, almost fool himself into believing he didn’t feel anything for Castiel. Until, of course, that one night when he saw Castiel for only about a minute… and he felt everything.

+++

Dean’s idea of fun consisted of playing soccer with his buddies, hanging out with Sammy, working on restoring classic cars with Bobby, and playing his guitar and singing as loud as he could in his room. That last one was a bit of a secret, and only his dad and Sammy had ever heard him seriously singing, because, well they lived in the same house. He never tried to sing in public, or to anyone else, because he wasn’t very confident about his voice. So the only place for a closet singer like him was inside his room, where nobody could see or hear him and he could dress up occasionally in his ‘rocker’ outfit and pretend he was giving a concert. That was a full-proof plan… until one day while in the middle of his pretend concert, he heard a disturbingly loud crash from the house next door.

The thing was, Dean knew that broken window across from his used to open to one of Bobby’s storage rooms so he never bothered closing his curtains or his window whenever he was in one of his ‘moments’. It hadn’t even occurred to him that someone might be sleeping inside the other room until the planks that held the window shut were suddenly broken into pieces to reveal a bedroom. Castiel’s bedroom.

Dean was stunned, to say the least. Because one, someone else heard him singing; two, that someone happened to be Castiel; and three, that someone was wearing an equally stunned expression and a pair of blue boxers and nothing else. Dean’s throat immediately went dry because dear god, his hair was damp, and there was so much skin… and his nipples were hard from the cold—and it was insane how quickly Dean felt his pants become too tight. Then those blue eyes slowly dragged down Dean’s body and it flipped a switch inside Dean’s brain, his self-preservation instinct finally kicking in. He jolted out of his seat and turned away from the window to hide his reaction because those leather pants were tight to begin with, and they hid close to nothing. That, and he had never been more embarrassed in his life. So now, he was shocked and embarrassed and uncomfortably aroused and it was screwing with Dean’s ability to think straight. He knew of only one thing to do—he got mad.

He strode purposefully to the window to threaten bloody murder at Castiel if he ever spilled to anyone else, but Castiel beat him to the punch. He knew exactly what Dean was going to say, and Dean could do nothing else but gape at him. And damn him if his voice, serious as ever, went straight to Dean’s current… difficulty.

The moment Dean heard Bobby’s voice, he bid a hasty retreat and closed his window and yanked the curtains together. He leaned against the window and realized for the first time how heavily he was breathing. He looked down at the straining bulge in his pants and spat out a curse.

That night marked the first time (of many countless times) he jerked off to the image of Castiel in his mind.

+++

The thing was, Dean never had anything against gay guys. In fact he was pretty sure Michael and Nick from his soccer team had a thing going on between them, but he didn’t object in the very least. It didn’t even make him feel awkward changing in the locker rooms with them. They were cool, they just happened to be gay for each other, and Dean totally understood that. But for some strange reason, it freaked him out when he realized he could very well be gay himself. Or maybe he wasn’t, he didn’t know.

He still liked girls; that much he was certain of. But he didn’t like other guys the same. He felt uncomfortable if he tried to think of other guys in a sexual or romantic way. But Castiel was different. He felt things with him that he didn’t feel with other guys… and more significantly, with any of the girls he had dated as well. Castiel was special. Why? Dean didn’t quite know. And if anything, Dean prided himself on always being in the know and in control. He took care of their home whenever his dad was out of town on business (which was most of the time), and he took care of Sam’s needs. He even got a spot in the student council so that he could have more control of things at school as well. But that all had gone down the drain ever since Castiel arrived. For the first time in his life, Dean was clueless and confused. And he didn’t like it one bit.

And Castiel, well, it seemed he didn’t like Dean one bit either, which was another mystery to Dean. Because if there was another thing Dean knew all too well, it was that he was very easy to like. But he supposed you really can’t please everybody. There was bound to be someone who didn’t like Dean, and it happened to be Castiel. And the Vice Principal, Mr. Adler. But he didn’t give a rat’s ass about that old geezer anyway, so there was no use worrying about that. He worried about Castiel not liking him though. A lot. And he wondered how he could change that. He wondered what it would take to be close to Castiel. To be his friend at least.

+++

Apparently, you had to be Sam Winchester to be Castiel’s friend.

He discovered this fascinating fact on Rufus’ birthday. After Jo grilled him about Bobby’s new charge, he found himself telling her a number of things about Castiel he didn’t even realize he knew until it came out of his mouth. He might have implied to her that he felt uncomfortable around Castiel, although he skillfully managed to keep the main reason for that under wraps.

“Maybe you just don’t know how to get along with him yet,” Jo had told him.

And Dean had to nod in agreement. When it came to Castiel, there were many things he didn’t know.

“You’ll learn to, eventually,” Jo added.

And Dean couldn’t agree more. In fact, her words spawned a very good idea in Dean’s head. If there were things he didn’t know, then he could just take time to learn them. He could study Castiel and see what he liked, then maybe things would be less awkward. And maybe, he could even get rid of the urges… or at least learn to live with them.

So it was then that Dean made up his mind to learn about Castiel, and the first new thing he learned was that Castiel, with the right amount of pressure, was willing to give up his solitude and personal space without so much as a fight. And apparently, Sam had learned about this first because Dean found him at Rufus’ living room looming over Castiel’s shoulder in an attempt to sneak a peek at the book he was reading.

Castiel noticed him too (he wasn’t really very discreet about it anyway), and Sam smiled sheepishly and said something or another, and then Castiel was showing him the book and Sam beamed and the next thing Dean saw surprised him. Sam decided to squish himself beside Castiel in the armchair and started reading along with him. Apparently, it surprised Castiel as well, but then Dean watched him shrug and move the book closer to Sam so he could read it better.

And at that moment Dean didn’t know what he was feeling exactly as he watched them from afar, Sam occasionally asking Castiel something, and Castiel answering and pointing out lines and flipping back pages to explain things to Sam. He was happy Sam and Castiel seemed to hit it off, and he was proud of his brother for having the courage to approach Castiel even if he was intimidating at times (or maybe that was just to Dean). But, he was secretly also very jealous of Sam. Why couldn’t he have approached Castiel like that as well? Maybe asked him about a book, or about class, or even about the weather. Anything. Granted, his first few tries at conversation with Castiel were less than stellar, but he had had plenty of opportunities to approach Castiel again. But he never did because he was confused and afraid of what he was feeling for him. Confused because he had never felt like this about anyone else, and afraid because if he got close to Castiel and he started getting less confused and more certain about his feelings, he might find out something about himself, and he might end up not liking it.

And that was when Dean realized what he needed to learn the most. He needed to learn about himself, about what he really wanted, about what he really felt. He needed to be absolutely sure he was no longer confused or clueless if and when he finally approached Castiel and attempted friendship (at the very least) with him. Because if he came to him half-assed and unsure of what he wanted, he could really screw things up. And if anything, he wanted to get this right. He needed to get this right.

+++

It took Dean three years to learn about himself and be really sure of what he wanted, and even then, he still screwed things up.

He wanted to be with Castiel. He wanted to watch old movies with him, he wanted to spend lazy afternoons with Castiel as they eat chips on top of a car in Bobby’s yard, he wanted to do homework and study for exams with Castiel in the living room, and he wanted to see Castiel on the bleachers watching him play in a match, and maybe even cheering for him.

He wanted to go to college together with Castiel. He wanted to have Castiel sitting on the passenger seat of the Impala as he drove them to and from campus, he wanted to spend his free periods with Castiel just lounging on the porch, or eating burgers and pie at the nearby diner, and dear god, he wanted to wake up to the sight of Castiel sleeping beside him in bed.

It was cheesy, and way too girly, and Dean would cringe and threaten to puke if it weren’t so frigging true. It was exactly what he wanted. And he cursed himself for being such an idiot and only realizing all of this the moment Bobby told him Castiel was leaving.

He supposed he deserved it. The irony was cruel, really. The moment he realized he wanted to be with Castiel was also the moment he found out he couldn’t. He was being punished by some unknown force, maybe God, for taking so long to get his shit together. And now Castiel was leaving even before he got to set things right, and Dean couldn’t allow that. Castiel had to stay. He had to.

And that night, Dean didn’t sleep a wink, thinking of something, anything to keep Castiel from leaving.

What happened the next day would haunt Dean for the rest of his life.

He could give a million and one excuses for what he’d done. But the fact remained. He hurt Castiel. He hurt him so bad that even Dean couldn’t forgive himself. He wanted to go straight to Castiel’s home the next day, to fall on his knees and beg for forgiveness. It was a miracle that Cas even forgave him, a miracle that Cas still loved him despite everything he had done. Castiel was too good for him. He deserved someone better. Someone who would never hurt him like that.

But Dean was also selfish. No matter how much he thought Castiel deserved a better person in his life, Dean didn’t want to let him go. He couldn’t bear to see Castiel with someone else, to have Castiel be happy with Dean out of his life. No. Dean wanted to be with him. He wanted Cas to look at him and only him. He wanted to make it up to him. He wanted to prove he could do it. He wanted to be that better person for Cas.

+++

The sound of someone knocking jolted Dean out of his reverie. The door opened, and bright light poured into the room. “Dude, you okay?” Sam asked. “We were beginning to think you already collapsed. Either that or you jumped out the window already,” he teased.

Oh Sam. Dean missed him. Sam was back from Stanford for the holidays. Though this time, he brought a girl. Her name was Jess and she was perfect for Sam. Plus, she baked some pie for their Christmas dinner. Dean liked her already.

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” Dean asked, straightening his back again to try and look more composed.

Sam gave him his ‘who-are-you-kidding?’ look and Dean just shrugged. “I’m fine,” Dean answered.

“If you’re done reminiscing or thinking of ways to escape… dinner’s almost ready. Bobby just arrived with the beer, and dad’s already got a hold of them,” he told Dean.

“And Cas?” Dean asked, trying to remove the nervousness from his voice.

Sam smiled. “Cas is putting the angel back on top of the tree. For like the third time just tonight.”

“Damn thing keeps falling. I told him he should’ve gotten the star instead,” Dean complained, though there’s only fondness in his voice.

“Yeah well, he thinks you’re up here coz you don’t wanna help with preparing the table. Should I tell him you’re just trying to find your balls?”

Dean sneered at Sam. “My balls never left the building, thank you very much.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

“Dean? Sam?” They heard Castiel’s voice from downstairs. “Dinner’s ready,” he informed them.

At the sound of Castiel’s voice, Dean’s heart started hammering.

“I’m coming,” Sam called out. Then he turned to Dean. “You ready?”

Dean took a deep breath and stood up. He placed a hand in his pocket and pulled out a small, velvet box. He opened the box, stared at the contents for a few moments and closed it with a snap. He pocketed the box again and looked at Sam, who was beaming at him from the door.

Dean smiled. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

The End.

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Fic: Come on with the Rain Part 3

remivel — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:07:25 GMT

Dean and Castiel were trying to make the long distance thing work. They talked on the phone almost every other day. They didn’t talk about how much they missed each other, how much Dean wanted to go to this party with Castiel, or how much Castiel wanted Dean to taste the pies from the bakery down the street. Instead, they talked about their days: what their teachers and classmates were like, what was new at work for Dean, and what new place Castiel discovered in Vancouver. If they both imagined it hard enough, they could almost pretend they weren’t miles and miles apart.

Usually it wasn’t so bad. Castiel could go on with his day without thinking too much about Dean and Sam and everybody back in Lawrence. He went to classes the whole day, spent break times with his classmates Anna and Balthazar, and went to his part-time job at the library for a couple of hours before heading home. It was business as usual.

However the moment that his phone rang at night, things changed. The first words from Dean’s mouth were like drops of rain after a long drought. Cas found himself suddenly missing Dean and everybody in Lawrence; it was almost unbearable. He thought he was doing fine before that, but once he heard Dean’s voice his yearning would hit him like a ton of bricks, and he’d wonder why he ever left in the first place.

But he never said anything to Dean. And in turn, Dean never said anything about missing him either. Saying it out loud would only force them into admitting things weren’t going as smoothly as they had hoped.

So they went on like this for a couple of months, trading stories about school and work and talking about things as mundane as the weather. For an hour or so every other day, they could pretend that they were in the same room together, learning about each other’s adventures and misadventures. They could pretend that they were fine, that they weren’t missing each other. It wasn’t ideal, but it worked.

Eventually, though, things started to fall apart.

+++

“Lisa invited me to go to her house this weekend. Turns out she loves to bake and she said she’d bake those mini pies for me,” Dean said.

“She’s going to bake for you? That sounds great,” Castiel said, trying to sound as excited as Dean was about the prospect of free pie.

“Yeah. And after that, we’re heading to Andy’s place for a party,” Dean said enthusiastically.

“A party? That’s the second one this week, Dean,” Cas pointed out. “I thought you had a paper due?”

“Well, I did, but Professor Alistair had to go to speak at some seminar out of town so our paper’s deadline was moved to the 15^th instead,” Dean explained. “Which means I’m free for the rest of the week. But, of course, Lisa’s almost done with her paper. She’s a bit of an overachiever, like you.”

“Oh?” Castiel said, again trying to sound happier and more interested than he was. But in reality, he didn’t like it when Dean talked about Lisa, and he talked about her a lot. Castiel felt jealous and a little bit angry at Lisa, someone whom he had never even met. He couldn’t think of any reason why he’d feel that way, other than the fact that Lisa was just there, with Dean, while Castiel was miles away.

It didn’t sit well with Castiel whenever he thought of how Lisa was experiencing things with Dean—the first day of college, the sadistic English professor, the crazy parties. Plus, based on Dean’s stories, Castiel had an inkling Lisa liked Dean as more than just a friend, and that only made Castiel more uneasy.

So, out of morbid curiosity, Castiel ended up asking Dean something he’d been thinking about for a long time. “What does Lisa look like? I don’t think you’ve told me yet.”

“I didn’t?” Dean asked. “Honestly? She’s hot. She’s got long brown hair and gorgeous eyes and she loves doing yoga too so she’s really fit.”

“Oh,” Castiel said, and he mentally cursed himself for sounding disappointed that Lisa was actually attractive. He hoped Dean didn’t notice, but he wasn’t so lucky.

“Hey now, wait. Lisa and I… we’re not, okay? There’s no ‘we’ between us. She’s just a friend,” Dean tried to explain, stumbling through his words. “You know that, right Cas? I would never—“

Castiel smiled at Dean’s fumbling reassurance. “I know.”

+++

After that, Dean noticeably kept Lisa out of his stories, and Castiel didn’t know whether he should be happy about that or not. He tried not to think about it too much, especially when Sam brought a more pressing problem to his attention.

“Dean’s been renting porn again. I saw it in his room. Like 5 new tapes,” Sam revealed to Castiel one time.

“Porn?” Castiel asked in confusion. “What kind of porn?”

Sam balked. “What kind? Ew, I don’t look through my brother’s porn stash, Cas!”

“But you just said—“

“He didn’t exactly keep it hidden. They were lying on his desk inside his room, along with the latest copy of Busty Asian Beauties,” Sam said. “I think he has a problem,” he concluded.

Castiel frowned. “You mean he’s sexually frustrated?”

“I guess. I mean, ever since you left he hasn’t really been… you know what? Can we just talk about something else?” Sam asked. “I’m kinda uncomfortable talking about my brother’s lack of sexual activity with his boyfriend.”

“Well you were the one who brought up his porn stash.”

“Call it a lapse in judgment,” Sam said. “No, but seriously. The sex thing aside, I think Dean’s really missing you. He would never say it, but believe me, he misses you.”

Cas let out a deep sigh. “I know. I miss him too, Sam.”

“Maybe you should do something about that,” Sam told him.

“Maybe I will.”

+++

“I’m going to kick that kid’s butt!” Dean growled. “He was looking through my stuff?”

“He claimed the tapes were on your desk, in plain sight,” Cas said. “But that’s not the point, Dean.”

“Oh? What is?”

“You are sexually frustrated,” Cas said bluntly.

“Jesus, Cas,” Dean said. “That’s what this call is about? You think I’m sexually frustrated?” he asked.

“Yes. That is accurate though, isn’t it?” Castiel asked.

Dean paused, trying to figure out the best way to say it. “Uh, yeah. Sure I suppose I’m kind of frustrated. Well, not kind of. I’m really frustrated. Been jerking off almost every night for the past couple of weeks. But what am I going to do, eh? I can’t exactly go out and pick up chicks at a bar.”

Castiel felt guilty about Dean’s predicament. It was no secret Dean’s sexual appetite was stronger than others, Cas included, and though Castiel appreciated Dean’s attempt at staying faithful to him, he also knew it was near impossible. They could only see each other maybe once a year, twice if they were lucky. He couldn’t make Dean sit around and wait for him. Soon, Dean would get tired of waiting, and he’d find somebody else. Castiel swallowed the lump in his throat before he spoke the next words: “You could, you know, pick up girls if you wanted to. I—I won’t mind,” he declared, even as the thought of Dean in somebody else’s arms made him feel sick inside.

“I could—what are you saying Cas? You’re giving me permission? To cheat?” Dean asked in confusion, and then in outrage. “You know I would never cheat on you.”

“It won’t be—It won’t be cheating if I consent—“

“I can’t believe this!” Dean said in frustration. “You want me to have sex with somebody else, that’s what you’re saying?”

Castiel couldn’t even form the words to reply. No. He did not want Dean to be with anyone else besides him. But if a few one night stands with other people was all it took to ensure Dean wouldn’t get tired of waiting for him, then he had to suck it up and accept it. “I just want you to be happy,” Castiel answered meekly.

“Lemme get this straight, you’re saying we’re going to have an open relationship now? Is that it? Does that mean you want to find somebody else to fuck while we’re apart?”

“No!” Castiel said in alarm. “I would never! I could never…” Castiel answered.

“And you think I could? You think that I wanna have sex so much that anyone would do? Is that what you think of me?”

Castiel felt the color in his face drain at Dean’s accusations. “I—I didn’t mean it that way. I only want you to be happy… I can’t make you happy like this.”

Dean let out an exasperated sigh. “Look, maybe my track record in relationships isn’t really the best, but I’m trying here. I just wish you had a little more faith in me.”

“Dean…” Castiel said quietly.

Another sigh. “I gotta go. My shift at the salvage yard starts in fifteen minutes,” Dean said.

“Okay,” Castiel answered before Dean hung up.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, holding the phone receiver in his hand as he stared blankly at the carpet. He didn’t want Dean to have a hard time because of him. He thought Dean might appreciate his offer, but he was wrong. He was very, very wrong.

Dean was angry at him. And when Dean was angry, he tended to run away from talking about it. Before, Castiel tried to get Dean to talk about what was bothering him every chance he got. But now, he only had this: a telephone. If Dean chose not to talk to him, he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. He couldn’t go to him and ask him what was wrong, or how they could make it right. All Dean had to do was to stop calling and stop answering his calls and that would be it.

He had never felt as strong an urge to see Dean as he did at that moment.

+++

“You two had a fight,” Sam stated the moment he answered Castiel’s call the next day.

“Dean told you about it?” Cas asked.

“No, I can just tell. He’s crankier than usual today,” Sam said.

“Is he there? I’d like to speak to him,” Castiel said.

“He’s doing overtime at the salvage yard today. He’ll be back in a couple of hours,” Sam told him. “So what did you fight about?”

Castiel hesitated. “You might not want to hear about it…”

“Is it the porn? I bet it’s the porn,” Sam said. “He told you he was frustrated, huh?”

“He admitted it, yes,” Castiel said. “But I’m afraid I’ve angered him with my response. I told him to seek, uhm, momentary comfort somewhere else…”

“You told him to date someone else?!” Sam said in surprise.

“Not exactly date. Maybe just occasional one night stands?”

“What the hell, Cas?! Why would you say that?” Sam berated.

Castiel felt his cheeks burn in embarrassment as he tried to explain his side to Sam. “It-it was the only way I could think of to ease his frustrations!” Castiel argued.

“Well no wonder he got angry. He’s trying so hard to make things work and you just basically told him it’s okay not to try. It’s almost like you don’t think he can actually do it.”

“It’s not like that,” Castiel said. “You know your brother. He enjoys physical comfort. I can’t give that to him. I don’t want him to get tired waiting for me,” Castiel confessed.

Sam sighed heavily. “Maybe you should tell him all that,” Sam suggested. “He’ll call later, I promise. I’ll make him call the moment he arrives so you two can talk this thing out.”

“You don’t have to—“

“I will anyway,” Sam said stubbornly. “And Cas?”

“Yes?”

“Give Dean a bit more credit.”

“He said something like that too,” Castiel said. “That I should have more faith in him. But I do. I believe him.”

“Then maybe you should give yourself a bit more credit instead. There’s a reason Dean is trying to make this long distance thing work. He doesn’t want you to get tired of waiting, too,” Sam told him.

Castiel fell silent for a moment. Maybe that was the problem. He thought for a long time that Dean couldn’t love him back. Now, even if they were in a relationship, he still had moments when he could hardly believe Dean chose him. He never realized thinking this way would hurt Dean.

“Cas? You still there?” he heard Sam ask.

“Thank you, Sam,” Castiel replied. “I think I understand now.”

“No problem,” Sam replied, and Cas could almost hear the grin in his voice.

+++

Waiting for Dean to call that night was torture. Castiel finished all his homework after an hour, and spent the next hour looking at the clock over and over again. He thought about calling again, to see if maybe Dean was already home. He even contemplated calling the salvage yard to ask for Dean, but he stopped himself. Sam said Dean would call when he arrived. He trusted Dean would call.

And after almost three hours of waiting, Dean finally called, and Castiel braced himself when he answered.

“Hey,” Dean said, and Castiel was once again overcome with longing at the sound of Dean’s voice.

“Hey,” Cas answered. “Listen—“

“Wait,” Dean interrupted. “Before you say anything, I just want to say I’m sorry.”

“Why are you saying sorry?” Castiel asked in confusion. “I should be the one apologizing,” Castiel said.

“I’ve just been thinking. I got pissed yesterday because you didn’t seem to think I could handle this. I told you to have more faith in me, but maybe it’s my fault you think that way.”

“Dean…” Castiel said.

“It’s hard, okay? Being away from you, not knowing when I can see you again. And yeah, sure, I may be frustrated, Jesus, even Sam’s telling me how screwed up I am that I watch so much porn, but that’s nothing. I can take that. Talking to you on the phone, hearing your voice, that’s enough for me,” Dean said.

Castiel felt his chest grow tight at Dean’s words. “I thought you might get tired of waiting,” Castiel said.

“Why would you—“

“I was wrong to think that way,” Castiel admitted.

“Damn right you were!” Dean said.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t have faith in you to stay. It was because I didn’t think I would be enough for you to stay…” Castiel revealed.

“Not enough? Cas, listen to me. You may be 2,000 miles away, but I don’t need anybody else. I’d rather have you instead. You understand?”

Castiel’s eyes grew wide at Dean’s declaration. He didn’t know how much ne needed to hear that from Dean until now. “Yes,” Castiel answered, feeling the weight lifted from his shoulders. “I understand. I realize now, you feel the same way I do. I don’t want to be with anyone else but you.”

“That’s—that’s good,” Dean said, choking on the words a bit, like he was overwhelmed with emotion but didn’t want to sound that way.

Castiel realize that may have been the longest talk they’ve had about their feelings in months, and he smiled as he imagined Dean sitting uncomfortably in his own room. “Sorry for the chick-flick moment,” Cas said.

“No, nah, it’s cool. We need chick flick moments from time to time,” he said. “Keeps us sane.”

“I agree.”

“Well,” Dean exhaled. “I’m glad that’s settled. And okay, I know I just said it’s enough for me to hear your voice, but god, I really wish I could see you right now,” Dean said candidly.

Castiel couldn’t help but chuckle. “You’ll just have to make do with hearing my voice for now.”

“If I squint hard enough, I can almost see you in your cloud-printed PJs sitting on your bed.”

Castiel huffed out a laugh. “I do not have pajamas like that! And what makes you think I’m wearing PJs.”

“Oh?” Dean said in amusement. “Alright, what are you wearing?”

“I’m—“

“Holy shit!” Dean gasped.

Castiel frowned. “Is something wrong?”

“Sonnovabitch!” Dean cursed again. “Why didn’t I think of this sooner?”

“Dean?” Castiel asked in confusion.

“Cas, you’re alone in your room, right? ” Dean asked.

“Yes.”

“Great. Okay, lock your door and come back to bed,” Dean said in that suspicious tone he used when he was up to something.

“O-kay...” Cas said tentatively. “I’ll be right back,” he said and walked to the door to lock it. “Alright. It’s locked. What are you planning?”

“What are you wearing?” Dean asked.

“A t-shirt and boxers,” Castiel replied.

“Okay, lie down on your bed.”

“I don’t understand—“

“Just, just go with me on this one. Are you lying down?”

Castiel did as he was told and lay down on his bed with the phone still pressed against his ear. “Yes.”

“Okay, great, imagine I’m there with you. I’m sitting down on the foot of your bed.”

“Oh,” Castiel said, finally realizing what Dean was up to. “Are we gonna try phone sex?”

Dean laughed at Cas’ inability to be discreet. “Yes, Cas, we’re gonna try phone sex,” Dean answered. “Unless you’re not up for it.”

“I’m up for it,” Castiel said eagerly. “So, uh, where do we start? I’m not quite sure how this would work.”

Dean laughed again. “This is so awkward.”

Castiel chuckled as well. “You’re the one who watches all those porn tapes. You take the lead.”

“Oh, you like it when I take the lead, huh?” Dean asked, his voice going low.

Castiel gasped as a shiver ran down his spine at the sound of Dean’s voice. “Oh,” he said. “I see how this works now,” he whispered, shifting on his bed to get more comfortable.

“I know one other thing you like… you like it when run my hand up your leg, when I touch your thigh.”

Castiel closed his eyes, imagining Dean’s hand on his thigh at that moment, the rough pads of his fingers caressing his inner thigh. “Mmm,” he grunted softly as he felt himself start to harden in his boxers.

“And when I touch your cock, when I grip you through your boxers and stroke you like that…”

Another shiver and Castiel’s hand was on the tent in his boxers, gripping himself tight like Dean would do. “Oh,” he gasped loudly. That felt so much better than when he did this by himself.

“Are you touching yourself, Cas?” Dean asked.

“Y-yes,” Castiel answered, his voice barely escaping his mouth.

“Imagine it’s my hand doing that to you, rubbing you—ugh, rubbing you up and down until you’re already, ugh, leaking on your boxers,” Dean said, grunting and breathless like he was running a marathon.

It occurred to Castiel that Dean was also probably jacking off now, and he had the sudden image of Dean sitting here on his bed, stroking Castiel as he jacked himself off. Castiel groaned again, rubbing up and down faster.

“Then, I pull your boxers down, lick my palm before I put my hand on your bare cock.”

“Dean,” Cas said breathily. He pulled his boxers down to his thighs, mimicking Dean’s words and licking his palm thoroughly, his breath hitching as he finally touched himself completely.

“You feel so good in my hand, you know that? And the way you look when I press my thumb against the tip… that red flush on your chest and your cheeks, the way your eyes get hooded, ugh, Cas, you don’t know what that does to me.”

Castiel tried to do it the way Dean did, to press his thumb against the slit of his cock, spread the pre come on the head like that. It was overwhelming, listening to Dean’s voice and imagining Dean doing this to him.

“Tell me what else you want me to do Cas,” Dean said. “You like... you like me to jack you off faster? Or do you want me to stop and move my hand lower?”

Castiel gasped at the suggestion. “Don’t s-stop,” Castiel said. “Your other hand, move it l-lower, Dean,” he answered.

“Where do you want my other hand, Cas? On your balls…”Dean suggested and oh, Castiel could almost feel Dean cupping his balls like he used to.

“Or do you want me lower?”

“Lower,” Castiel answered shamelessly, feeling a sense of pride at making Dean gasp and curse loudly.

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean said. “You want my fingers on your hole? Want me to tease your rim while I jack you off?”

“Yes,” he answered, squirming as he pressed the phone between his ear and his shoulder so he could push his other hand down in between his thighs. He touched his own hole tentatively and he groaned loudly. “I want you,” he said, his voice wrecked. “P-please.”

“Shit,” Dean cursed again. “You, ah, you like it when I rub you there… without lube the friction is too much. But you like it, fuck, Cas, you’re dying for it.”

“Y-ugh,” Castiel tried to say, hoping it sounded like a ‘yes’ because, god, he didn’t want Dean to stop. He was so close, his hand frantically stroking himself as the fingers of his other hand rub over his hole. So, so close.

“You’re fucking begging for it. Want my fingers in your hole, stretch you out and make you come like that,” Dean said.

“Ugh, uh, want, I… want, your fingers, ah, your cock…everything,” Castiel babbled. He slipped a dry finger in his hole up to the first knuckle, the burn of entry making his brain short circuit and soon he was coming, hard and loud and fast.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Dean was chanting until all Castiel could hear was a loud groan and he knew Dean was coming as well.

He lied there boneless and breathing heavily as he listened to Dean’s own heavy breathing on the line.

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean said. “We should’ve done this sooner.”

“There’ll be… other times,” he answered, his breath still not quite returned to his lungs completely.

“Heck yeah,” Dean said.

Castiel smiled dopily to himself. “Maybe we’ll do things you like next time,” he suggested.

“Oh yeah,” Dean agreed. “Then maybe I won’t have any need for all those porn tapes anymore…”

Castiel chuckled.

Things went way better than he expected that night, and at least for now, his fears of losing Dean have been put on hold. They were finally making the long distance thing work. It might never be the ideal relationship that they both wanted, but it was enough.

For now.

+++

“Sammy, you’re gonna be late for soccer camp!” Dean growled. It was officially the start of summer, but the non-stop rain gave the air a definite chill, and Dean bundled himself tighter in his jacket.

“Alright, alright!” Sam replied. “Be right there!”

Dean opened the door and turned back, calling out to Sam. “The team bus leaves in less than half an hour!” he said. Then he turned around to take a step out the door— before he froze on the spot.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel greeted with a small smile.

“Holy shit,” Dean gasped, jaw falling open in disbelief. He looked Cas up and down, from the big, black umbrella he was holding, down to the oversized trench coat, down to the slightly mud-caked sneakers. “You’re here,” he said in shock, making Castiel chuckle.

Behind Dean, Sam came rushing to the door, overstuffed bag in hand. “Oh, hey Castiel,” Sam greeted, stopping for a second to put the hood of his jacket over his head. “How was the flight?” he asked with a wide smile.

“Touched down ten minutes early,” Castiel said.

“Great,” Sam said. He looked back at Dean. “I’m gonna be late. You don’t need to take me to school. I’ll take the bus,” he said before walking out the door.

Dean gaped as Sam walked away. What was going on? “Wait—!” he called out, looking at Castiel, still smiling at him, then back at Sam who was walking quickly to the side of the road. The kid wasn’t even surprised that Cas was here. Then it hit him. He looked at Cas in disbelief. “The fucker knew you were coming,” he accused.

Cas smiled wider. “We may have talked about it at some point.”

Dean huffed in disbelief. “I can’t believe you two! Why would you?! Oh come here!” he said, before stepping out the door and grabbing Castiel into a tight hug.

Castiel hugged Dean back with his free hand, his other hand holding the umbrella over their heads. He pressed his cheek against the side of Dean’s head and let out a sigh. Though he came back to Lawrence for a few days during the winter break, it still felt like he hadn’t seen Dean in years. “It’s great to see you again, Dean.”

Dean pulled away and grabbed Cas by the shoulders. “You too, man,” Dean said with a wide grin. “A black umbrella, eh? Nice touch,” Dean said with a laugh as he moved aside to let Cas in.

Castiel smiled. “Bought it before I left Vancouver,” he said, closing the umbrella before walking in the door.

“So, how long will you be vacationing here for?” he asked, staying beside Cas as he placed the umbrella in a corner and shucked off his coat.

Folding the coat on his arm, Castiel looked at Dean. “Indefinitely,” Cas answered, his eyes glued to every expression Dean’s face made.

First Dean looked at him in confusion, then in shock, then in barely contained glee. “For real?” he asked, like he was very happy but he didn’t want to show it, unless he knew for certain Cas wasn’t kidding.

Castiel nodded. “I’m transferring to Kansas University this fall,” he confirmed.

“But your great aunt? I thought she—“

“We had a really long talk… then she and Uncle Bobby had a really long talk… took her a while, but in the end, she decided to still help pay for my tuition,” Castiel explained. “So yeah, that’s why I’m here.”

“How long have you been planning this behind my back?” Dean asked.

“Oh, months,” Castiel replied with a self satisfied smile.

The grin that overtook Dean’s face was nothing short of dazzling. “You sonnovabitch,” he said before grabbing Castiel by the shoulders again and surprising him with an open mouthed kiss.

Soon Castiel’s hands were raking through Dean’s short hair, and Dean was crowding him against the door.

When they parted, Castiel was breathless, and Dean pressed his forehead into Cas’ shoulder, much like that day in the club room over a year ago.

“That was a warm welcome,” Castiel joked. He waited for Dean’s rejoinder, but he just stayed silent. “Dean?”

“Love you.”

Cas’ eyes grew wide in surprise. “What did you—?”

Dean lifted his head and stepped back, his green eyes fixed solidly on Cas’ face. “I—“ Dean said, stopping like he was struggling to get the words out. “—love you, Cas,” Dean repeated.

Castiel smiled. He knew how rare it was for Dean to put words to what he was feeling. But at that moment, Dean didn’t care about creating a chick-flick moment. And though Castiel knew Dean loved him without him saying it, the fact that he still said it out loud made Castiel’s chest feel tight with all the happiness and love and emotion that was swelling inside him. “I know,” he said, trying not to choke on his words. “I love you too,” he said with slightly more ease than Dean did.

Dean looked at him, eyes bright with emotion as he leaned in again and kissed him, softer and slower this time but still with as much passion as before.

When they parted, Castiel gave him a wide smile, not his usual half smile, but a grin that was all teeth and gums and little crinkles on his nose.

“I’m home,” Castiel said.

Dean grinned back at him. “Welcome home, Cas.”

+++

Part 4

Fic: Come on with the Rain Part 2c

remivel — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 08:59:22 GMT

Dinner went better than expected. Sam wasn’t acting weird around them, which made Castiel and Dean feel a little weird around each other. When Sam finally put his foot down and declared, “As much as I appreciate you guys not groping each other in front of me, please, don’t avoid one another like the plague either. It’s getting old.”

“We’re not—“ Dean was quick to argue, but Sam just silenced him with his “Puh-lease” look.

“That’s been like the whole deal with you two from the beginning,” Sam added sagely. “I guessed it was either you two hated each other’s guts or you know…” he said with a shrug, and Dean was thankful Sam didn’t continue that thought. Until, of course, he did. “… You’re in love with each other,” he said before taking a sip of his Coke.

“O-kay. I get it Sammy. We get it. Let’s not talk about that, huh?” Dean said, shoving Sam’s Coke back up to his mouth to force him to drink.

“Hey! Okay, okay. I’ll shut up. I just think it’s cool, alright?” Sam said before he was forced to down the whole can.

Castiel stopped chewing his food and looked at Sam. “You think it’s cool?” he asked in disbelief.

“Well, yeah. I mean, you’re awesome,” Sam said to Castiel, making him blush. “You’re like family already so it really wouldn’t change a thing if you’re together with my brother. How did this start anyway?” Sam asked.

“Uhh…” Dean said, searching for the right words but coming up short.

“At the Spring Festival,” Castiel was quick to supply.

“Ohh,” Sam said before he averted his gaze and took another bite.

“Wait a sec,” Dean said in suspicion. “I know that tone. You’re hiding something!” Dean accused.

Sam looked up at him innocently. “I’m not hiding anything.”

“You!” Dean gasped as he caught on. “You set me up!”

Castiel, on the other hand, was still clueless about the exchange that just went on between the brothers. “What are you guys talking about?”

“He set me up! Well, he set us up! Come here,” Dean said as he reached across the table to grab Sam in a chokehold.

“Ow, ow, ow. Let go, Dean!” Sam protested, struggling to get out of Dean’s grasp. It was no use. Dean still had a couple of inches, and quite a few pounds, over him and Sam soon gave up. “Alright, alright. I didn’t have to sleep over at Ash’s place,” he spilled, and Dean let go of him instantly. He was rubbing his neck as he continued. “When you told me Cas was gonna work at the dance instead of me… I figured you might put the opportunity to better use and you two would, I don’t know, at least get along better,” Sam explained. “But it totally worked, huh?” Sam said with a wide grin.

“Yeah, yeah. Just shut up and eat your burger,” Dean said dismissively.

“But wait,” Sam said, pausing just when he was about to bite down on his burger. He turned to Castiel, who was quietly observing the two brothers argue. “Since you two are, like, together now… does this mean you’re not leaving for Canada anymore?” Sam asked expectantly.

Castiel had trouble swallowing his food after that. He reached for his Coke and sipped, stealing quick glances at Sam and Dean’s faces. Sam looked eager to know the answer. Dean just fixed his gaze on something in the far corner of the room.

“Uh, no, Sam,” Castiel answered after what seemed like an eternity.

Sam face fell. “What do you mean, ‘no’?”

“I already gave my word to my great aunt. She’s already paid for my plane ticket. Booked the day after graduation. I can’t not go,” Castiel tried to explain, feeling his voice go smaller as each word came out of his mouth.

“Oh,” Sam said, in disappointment, in understanding. “But you’ll come visit, right? During holidays, vacation…” he said expectantly.

“Of course, Sam,” Castiel said, and he felt his heart break a little at Sam’s words. He stole a glance at Dean’s direction again to try and gauge his reaction. Dean just continued to stare at that far-off corner of the room, but Castiel saw his jaw clench, noticed the more pronounced dimples on his cheeks that only appeared whenever he was pressing his lips together tightly when he was uncomfortable or pissed. There were some hurdles, it seemed, that were just too great to simply leap over in a single day. Castiel only hoped there were enough days left before graduation to set things completely right with Dean. Because even though he was going away, he still meant what he said. He’d very much like to keep Dean, too.

+++

The next days and weeks were spent in something akin to a blissful cocoon for Castiel and Dean. A lot of things changed since that day. Now, whenever Castiel came over to watch movies with Sam, Dean didn’t just hover. He sat together with them, offered unwarranted opinions about the actors and the plot, threw popcorn at both their heads when there was a particularly dull portion of the movie. Sometimes, he sat so close to Castiel he was almost hugging him, cuddling Castiel on the sofa. And Sam just smiled, shrugged it off, and enjoyed the movie just the same.

Castiel, too, showed up more often at Bobby’s salvage yard whenever Dean was around. He helped Dean carry car parts from time to time, or handed tools to Dean whenever he was working under a car. And after a few hours of work, they perched on the dented hood of one of the cars and ate through Bobby’s snack supply.

Things changed at school, too. Dean now greeted Castiel whenever they crossed each other’s paths, and Castiel did the same. They spent more time together in class as well, sitting next to each other whenever convenient. Dean discovered how top notch Castiel’s notes were and how he seemed to know everything written in their books. And Castiel realized how smart Dean was, even without trying, because Dean got high grades on tests just by listening to their teacher’s lectures—and occasionally skimming through Castiel’s brilliant notes.

Dean still hung out with his friends during lunch because he knew Castiel loved spending that time alone reading a book. But now, Dean shrugged off the women that came to him, and a few times, he sought Castiel out in one of his hiding places for a quick break (which involved a heavy amount of kissing and groping).

One thing that didn’t change, however, was Dean’s refusal to talk about things—sensitive things, things involving feelings—with Castiel.

Every time Castiel tried to bring it up, Dean shot him down or changed the subject. “Canada” was now a taboo word, and so was “flight” under any context. It frustrated Castiel how Dean could simply ignore the big fat elephant that seemed to follow them wherever they went. Sometimes, it looked like he was in denial, and sometimes it just looked like he gave up on trying altogether. And sometimes, infuriatingly, he would even use sex to get Castiel to abandon the subject of Canada. He silenced Castiel with a kiss a couple of times, and one particular time when Castiel was very persistent, he had pushed him back onto the sofa and sucked him off until he could no longer think straight.

But this time, Castiel was determined.

Time was running out for them, and Castiel had to talk this through with Dean at length. What Dean wanted from him, what he expected, what he needed. Would he want to continue this thing they have between them even if Castiel would be gone for most of the year? Or would he treat this as a last fling before they graduate and never think of Castiel again, maybe simply forget this ever happened and go back to treating Castiel the way he used to? Would he even miss Castiel the way that Castiel would miss him?

There were a thousand and one questions in Castiel’s mind, and he wanted clear answers from Dean before he left. So that afternoon in Bobby’s living room, as they were studying for their history finals together, Castiel brought it up again.

“We have to talk, Dean,” he began.

Dean didn’t even look up from his history book when he spoke. “I really don’t want to get into this right now. I still have 8 chapters I haven’t–“

“Dean, please,” Castiel said, reaching a hand out to stop Dean from flipping to the next page.

He finally looked up at Castiel, saw the determination etched on his face, and sighed. “Fine,” he said, jaw clenching as he closed his book. “What do you want to talk about?” he asked, although it was obvious he knew exactly what it was.

“I’m leaving in less than 3 weeks, Dean…” Castiel said.

“Yeah, I know,” Dean said dismissively. “What about you leaving do you want to talk about?”

Castiel gulped. “I want to… I, uh…” he said, losing the words just as he had the opportunity to speak them. It was frustrating. He had a speech all planned out for weeks now and it all disappeared the moment Dean’s gaze fixed on him. Like he was angry and sad at the same time, like Castiel was betraying him, leaving him for another guy named Canada. “…I want to know what you think,” he said weakly.

Dean cleared his throat. “You already know what I think.”

“No, I don’t!”

“I already told you. I don’t want you to go anywhere!” Dean’s outburst, when it came, still surprised Castiel even though he was expecting it, waiting for it to happen for weeks. Then Dean smiled bitterly. “But there’s nothing I can do, is there? You’re still gonna go no matter what I say.”

“Dean…”

“What?!” Dean snapped. “Is there even any use for all this talking? It won’t change anything…”

“I just want you to understand… and I want to…” Castiel took a deep breath. “… I want to know if you’d still… I mean, if you’d still want to be with me even if I’m not here…”

Dean scoffed. “That’s gonna be pretty hard, considering you’re not gonna be here.”

“Oh…” Castiel said in understanding, feeling the familiar pain in his chest. “…so I guess ‘this’ is over when I leave…” Castiel whispered to himself.

Dean didn’t have a reply to that, which only confirmed what Castiel had already thought. The minute he left, Dean would forget about him. Dean would go to college, maybe get a nice girlfriend, and all ‘this’ would be is a distant memory.

Then Dean sighed. “We’ve been studying for a few hours already. I think I need a break,” Dean said, taking his books and shoving them back in his bag. He stood up from the sofa, looked at Castiel hunched over his book with a pained look on his face, and Dean felt his chest go tight. “Look, Cas. You know I’m not the most reasonable person in the world. Let’s just, let’s talk again when I’m not in this stinkin’ mood, okay?” he said, running a hand through his hair and offering up a small smile.

Castiel looked up and tried to smile back. He failed miserably. “I understand,” Castiel replied.

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow in class.”

Castiel nodded and watched as Dean strode out the door. They never got around to talking about it again.

+++

The graduation ceremony was uneventful for Castiel, except for the fact that Uncle Bobby was in a suit, his hair slicked back and his beard suspiciously trimmed to look a little more presentable. When Castiel’s name was called, he glanced briefly at Dean, who offered a wide grin and two thumbs up. He got his diploma, paused to take pictures and got off the stage without a hitch. Then it was Dean’s turn, and he watched Dean confidently stride up to the principal to get his diploma. Castiel spied John and Sam beside his uncle, and never had he seen John Winchester as happy as he did then. Sam, of course, was a ball of energy, fidgeting in his seat in excitement as his brother posed for pictures up on the stage. Then it was all over, and Castiel was in their backyard having a small barbecue with the Winchesters.

Everyone was in high spirits, and for the first time in a few weeks, Castiel saw Dean laughing wholeheartedly at one of Sam’s jokes. The afternoon was going so well, Castiel almost forgot that he was leaving the next day. Until John decided to bring it up and ask him what time his flight leaves in the morning.

“9:30,” Castiel replied. His voice failed him and he wasn’t able to add anything else.

“We’re coming with Bobby to the airport to see Cas off,” Sam informed his dad. He wasn’t enthusiastic about Castiel’s departure, but he at least understood him. Dean, however, wasn’t as accepting. He became a bit quieter after that.

“I’ve got something for you,” Sam suddenly said to Castiel. He pulled out a flat, square box neatly covered in blue wrapping paper.

“A gift?” Castiel asked. “You didn’t have to—“

“It’s a graduation present,” Sam said excitedly, “…and well, a going-away present too,” he added with a little less enthusiasm. “Go on, open it!”

Castiel tore the paper away to reveal a brand new Deluxe Turntable Scrabble. “Sam…” he breathed in surprise. “This is ridiculously expensive!”

Sam laughed. “It’s a bit above my really small allowance,” Sam said, “…but Dad pitched in a bit. Besides, it’s Scrabble! You don’t have your own anyway. And it looks amazing, just look at it!” Sam said, pushing the box in Castiel’s hand closer to his face. “This way you could practice when you’re in Canada so I don’t beat you too hard when we meet again,” Sam said with a wide grin.

“Thanks,” Castiel said, genuinely touched by the gesture. “I’ll try not to win with a very high score the next time we play.”

“Ha! You wish!” Sam remarked.

Dean just looked at them quietly and mumbled something that might have sounded like “nerds” under his breath. He didn’t say anything else to Castiel after that.

+++

That night, Castiel caught Bobby having a drink in the kitchen. He seemed very solemn and subdued, and Castiel had to corner him to talk. They stayed there for a couple of hours, and just before Castiel returned to his room to continue some of his last minute packing, Bobby reached out to him and gave him a very tight hug. And Castiel remembered the first time his uncle hugged him this hard, the day his parents died. Bobby drove for nine hours and the first thing he did when he got out of the car was to embrace Castiel and tell him, “Everything’s gon’ be alright… you’re not alone, y’ hear me? I’m gonna be right here with you.” Castiel didn’t believe him then, but he did now. He hugged his uncle back harder than he ever hugged anyone.

When Castiel finally went up to his room, it was almost midnight. He glanced at the curtains covering his window and thought about what Dean was doing at that moment. He had just seen him that afternoon and already he missed him. He didn’t want to think about what it would be like not to see him for most of the year. After their last ‘talk’, Castiel had resigned himself to the fact that whatever ‘this’ was between them would end the moment he stepped on the plane. And he understood that. He had come to accept that.

But somehow accepting it didn’t make it hurt less. And now, just the thought of not being able to see Dean for months at a time made his heart ache. He was used to seeing him almost every day. Dean’s presence always radiated a warm energy Castiel could sense even from afar. And for a long while, watching Dean from a distance was enough for him.

He had lived most of his time in Lawrence thinking there would never be anything between him and Dean. He was lucky to be proved wrong. And even though it was brief, he couldn’t have been happier. It would remain one of the happiest times in his life.

Except, now that he knew what it was like to be with Dean, to have Dean’s smiles, his laughter directed toward him, to have Dean’s warm, green eyes look at him with affection, and often times, with a hunger that made Castiel’s knees grow weak… well, it made leaving that much harder for him.

Now, looking at his closed curtains, Castiel’s longing for Dean suddenly became too hard to bear, and he strode purposefully to his window to open the curtains. Maybe the view of Dean’s window from the other side would give him some comfort. It was a view he had enjoyed looking at ever since that day when he accidentally destroyed the boards covering it. He had occasionally heard Dean playing his guitar after that, but he never heard Dean singing again, which was a shame, Castiel thought.

It was only when he was near the window did he hear the familiar sound of Dean’s guitar strumming a few notes on the other side.

He had never blatantly watched Dean from his room, afraid that it would spook the other guy, but now, he didn’t seem to care anymore as he yanked his curtains open.

It was Castiel, not Dean, who was more surprised with what he saw.

Dean was sitting on his table directly in front of the window and playing his guitar. He looked up at Castiel briefly when he opened the curtains, then went right back to strumming his guitar.

Castiel was stunned. “Wha—uh… did I miss something?” he asked, leaning out of his window just to bridge the gap a little.

“No,” Dean answered. He looked back up at Castiel and grinned. “You’re just in time.”

“Just in time for what?”

“Oh wait…” Dean said, leaning out of view to grab at something, and the next thing Castiel knew, Dean was throwing him a black umbrella.

Castiel barely caught the umbrella and turned it over and over to see what was special about it. “What’s this supposed to be?”

“Open it, put it over your head,” Dean instructed, and Castiel, curiosity piqued, opened the umbrella out of the window.

“I feel ridiculous. It’s not even raining,” Castiel pointed out, but still, he held the umbrella over his head as he leaned out the window.

Dean’s smile just widened. “Just go with me here…” he said before he went back to strumming his guitar.

For a couple of minutes, Castiel just listened to Dean playing a song he didn’t know, until the notes bled in to something quite familiar. Castiel’s jaw dropped the moment Dean mouth opened to sing.

“Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo…” Dean began, the sound of his voice like honey to Castiel’s ears, and soon Castiel’s eyes were watering with unshed tears. Dean saw him tearing up and abruptly stopped. “Shit, you’re gonna cry. I’m butchering the song, aren’t I? Is it that bad?” Dean asked all of a sudden.

“No!” Castiel gasped. “No… it’s… it’s perfect. Please, don’t stop…” he begged, wiping the tears from his eyes. A smile formed on Castiel’s face when Dean continued playing his guitar, then after a few strums, resumed his singing as well. Dean’s eyes never left Castiel as he sang, and Castiel tried hard not to blink, lest he miss even a split-second of it.

I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again
I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above
The sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love
Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face
I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Just singin’
Singin' in the rain

When Dean finished the last chords on his guitar, he gently laid it down on the table beside him and leaned out the window. “So… d’ya still like that Gene Kelly guy or did I just bump him off of your list for good?” Dean asked cockily.

Castiel laughed. “Oh, I think you knocked him down a couple of places.”

Dean chuckled at that. “I’ll take what I can get. Oh, and can I have that back now,” he said, pointing to the umbrella. Castiel closed the umbrella and promptly handed it to him, although the gap was still pretty large between their houses, he managed to stretch his arm enough for Dean to grab the tip of it. “Thanks. I nicked this out of Ellen’s car the other day. I should probably sneak it back in there before she notices,” Dean remarked.

“That was the coolest thing anyone’s ever done for me,” Castiel said.

“What? Steal an umbrella?” Dean asked as he threw the umbrella somewhere in the vicinity of his bed.

“No. This,” Castiel gestured. “The private concert. I enjoyed it very much.”

“Oh yeah?” Dean said, grinning from ear to ear. “I knew you’d like it. You, uh, seemed to like my singing that one time so I thought, why not?”

“It was a great parting gift, thanks,” Castiel said, and immediately regretted it because Dean’s smile dissolved into a frown when the subject of Castiel’s departure was brought up again. “I’m sorry,” Castiel apologized immediately. “I ruined it, didn’t I?” he asked.

“No, no,” Dean shook his head. “It was, uh, kinda like a parting gift anyway. I do not sing for other people, in case you haven’t noticed,” he said, and the lightness in his tone calmed Castiel’s nerves somewhat. “So our agreement still stands, huh? About you not telling anybody about me singing…”

Castiel took a few seconds to process what Dean said before he was nodding in agreement. “Yeah, of course, of course.”

“Great!” Dean smiled again. “And that’s not all,” he said before ducking out of view and leaving Castiel staring into an empty room for a few seconds. When Dean came back, he threw something at Castiel again, and Castiel yelped in surprise and barely caught the item again.

“You gotta warn me when you’re planning to throw stuff at me! I’m not the best catcher in the world,” Castiel remarked as he looked at the soft package covered in brown paper Dean just threw at him.

“Yeah, yeah… just open it.”

Castiel glanced at the expectant look on Dean’s face before he turned his attention back to the package. He tore through the brown paper and saw it was a piece of clothing, folded neatly and tied with twine. He undid the ribbon and spread out the garment in front of him.

It was a tan trench coat a couple of sizes too big for him.

Castiel held the trench coat out in front of him and peered above it to look at Dean. “You’re giving me a coat?” Castiel asked in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Dean said with a shrug. “Sammy thought you might need some more winter jackets or some shit because apparently it’s a lot colder in Canada. But I figured you could use a thinner coat like this anytime, whether you’re in Canada… or you know… visiting us during vacation,” Dean explained.

Castiel looked back at the trench coat and suddenly it seemed more precious to him. Dean intended for him to use this when he comes for a visit. Dean expected him to visit… he expected him to come back. It was enough to make Castiel teary-eyed again.

“I wrote something on the wrapper, did you see it?” Dean asked suddenly, yanking Castiel out of his thoughts.

“Note? There was a note?” Castiel asked, scrambling to grab all the torn pieces from the floor. “You couldn’t have told me before I ripped it apart?” he asked.

“I sorta forgot,” Dean said. “If it helps, I wrote it somewhere near the corner…”

“Found it!” Castiel announced happily, plucking the piece of torn paper with Dean’s handwriting on it.

“This isn’t over,” it just said.

Castiel looked up at Dean, who only smiled back at him, this time a warm, genuine smile that tugged at Castiel’s heart. He looked back at the note and read it again. “This isn’t over…?” Castiel whispered.

Dean must have heard him because he leaned out of the window further and spoke. “Well, yeah… what you said back then kinda stuck to me… you know, the last time we talked about this, finals week…” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck as he suddenly felt the beginnings of embarrassment.

And Castiel suddenly remembered. He remembered that afternoon when they were studying for their finals. The last time they talked about him leaving, and Castiel had come to the conclusion that Dean would forget about him the moment he left. “…so I guess ‘this’ is over when I leave…” he remembered saying to Dean. “This isn’t over…” Castiel read again as tears started running down his cheeks.

“I’m serious, okay?” Dean said. “Look at me, Cas…”

Castiel looked up and saw the look of affection lined with steely resolve on Dean’s face. It made him want to reach out and kiss Dean even through the gap between them.

“… This isn’t over, you got that? I’ll wait, god, it’ll be hell, but I’ll wait. Okay? I’ll be right here when you come back…”

Castiel nodded. Then, swiftly he turned around, placed the trench coat and the note on his bed and walked out of his room.

“Wait? Cas? Cas?!” Dean called out, but Castiel was long gone. “What the hell?” He just looked dumbfounded at Castiel’s empty room for a few more seconds before he heard Castiel call his name.

“Dean!”

Dean looked down and saw Castiel standing below his window, gesturing for him to come down.

“Dean, get down here!” Castiel called out. Dean didn’t need to be told twice.

After tripping a couple of times on the staircase and nearly falling flat on his face in his haste, Dean managed to get out and around to the side of the house in one piece. The moment he got there, Castiel grabbed him by the shoulder, pushed him to the wall, and kissed him.

Castiel was kissing him with so much hunger that he was practically thrumming with energy. What he lacked in experience, he made up for with enthusiasm. And lots of groping. His hands were combing through Dean’s hair, cradling his jaw, then moving to his sides, his back, moving lower to grab at Dean’s butt before they roamed up and around to his stomach, his chest, and god, his nipples.

And Dean loved it.

He kissed Castiel back almost immediately, hands roaming the expanse of Castiel’s back as he wrestled Castiel’s tongue with his own. He grabbed at Castiel’s butt, nudged a knee between his legs and pulled Castiel towards him.

Castiel moaned into the kiss when Dean’s thigh rubbed his fast-growing erection. He thrust against Dean’s leg instinctively, a shudder running through his body at the sensation.

That made the corners of Dean’s mouth twitch into a smile even as his tongue traced the roof of Castiel’s mouth. Granted, it was a little past midnight and it was dark where they stood, but still Dean felt a thrill go through him with the thought that they could easily be seen. It made him feel hot as he ground his hips against Castiel’s, pushed his thigh harder against the hard line of Castiel’s cock in his jeans.

Then Castiel bit down on Dean’s lower lip, harder than Dean was used to, and his cock twitched inside his jeans because, fuck, that was hot. And when Castiel started licking Dean’s abused lip, Dean effectively lost it.

He grabbed at Castiel’s belt and undid it at the first try, moving his hands quickly to work at his fly. Castiel got the idea and fumbled with Dean’s belt as Dean reached into his boxers and grabbed his cock.

Castiel gasped, hands frozen at Dean’s belt as Dean spread the precome over the head and used it to slick his fingers as he started stroking up and down the hard length of Castiel’s cock.

“Help me out here, huh?” Dean said breathlessly as his other hand yanked at his belt where Castiel’s hands were still unmoving.

With a jolt, Castiel’s hands returned to their job, undoing Dean’s belt quickly and working his fly open. He heard Dean hiss as his hands came into contact with his cock. He paused to thumb at the slit and Dean shuddered, hand on Castiel’s cock losing its pace for a moment before it resumed with more urgency, long strokes that produced such a delicious friction that Castiel had to cling to Dean for support as his knees threatened to fold underneath him.

Castiel started pumping in time with Dean’s strokes, burying his nose on Dean’s shoulder. He inhaled Dean’s scent, tongue darting out of its own accord to lick a stripe up Dean’s neck. Dean bucked violently into Castiel’s hand, a sharp cry of “Fuck Cas!” ringing in his ear.

He bit back his own moan when Dean’s other hand joined in, taking both their cocks in one tight grasp. He felt the throbbing heat of Dean’s cock slide against his, felt Dean’s warm precome trickle down his own cock where the pad of Dean’s thumb smeared the liquid over the head. Castiel’s hands moved to engulf them both, one hand stroking just below Dean’s, the other squeezing over Dean’s hand.

He was trembling now, Dean’s heavy panting on his ear making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Then he felt Dean’s mouth sucking on his earlobe, teeth digging into his skin. He heard Dean moan a string of colorful curses before Dean seized, hand clamping over them harder as he came, his come pulsing out of him, coating both their hands and slicking the path of their fingers down their cocks.

Soon, Castiel’s vision fizzled and sparked white as his own release rocked violently through him. He jerked and pushed Dean harder against the wall as he came, face buried on the side of Dean’s neck as bursts of his come mixed with Dean’s and painted a wet mess over their clothes.

For a moment they didn’t move, their heavy breaths suddenly too loud in the quiet of the night. Then Castiel felt the vibrations of Dean’s chest as he began to laugh. “Shit… d’ya think anybody heard us?” he asked, no real worry in his voice, just amusement, and Castiel had to chuckle along with him.

“A little too late to be thinking about that…” Castiel mumbled as he looked up at Dean’s face. The grin on Dean’s face was bright even in the darkness of the night.

“Fuck, I’m gonna miss doing this…” Dean remarked, his grin trembling a little. “Hey, you better friggin’ come back every chance you get or I’m takin’ the first flight out to Canada to haul your ass back here.”

Castiel nodded, feeling as if a burden had been lifted off his shoulders at the reminder that Dean would be waiting for him to return. He smiled, a genuinely happy smile, as he looked at Dean’s face and tried to burn the image of it in the back of his eyelids before he leaned in to kiss him again. It was a few more minutes before they reluctantly pried themselves from each other’s embrace and retired for the night, but somehow, the smile stayed on Castiel’s face until he fell asleep.

The same smile even bled into his expression the moment he found himself standing at the airport in his too large trench coat, about to part ways with Bobby, Sam, and Dean.

He hugged his uncle one more time, and when he turned to hug Sam, he was preempted by Sam launching toward him in a bear hug that knocked the breath out of his lungs.

“Be sure you’re here for Thanksgiving and Christmas, okay?” Sam reminded him just as they parted.

Castiel chuckled. “I’ll try not to forget.” Then he turned to Dean and he was relieved to see him smiling back at him.

Dean took a step forward, adjusting the lapels of his trench coat. “The next time we see each other, you better have grown into this already, you got me?”

“I doubt I’ll gain that many pounds in a few months, but I’ll try. Thanks,” Castiel told Dean.

Then Dean suddenly yanked him by the lapels of his coat… and planted an open-mouthed kiss on his lips.

Needless to say, Castiel was stunned, his eyes growing to epic proportions as Dean kissed him in an airport lobby full of people, with Bobby and Sam right there next to them. Dean even had the guts to slip him some tongue before he pulled away and ever-so-casually readjusted his lapels, giving him a pat on the chest and a smug “there we go” to cap it all off.

Castiel spared a still-shocked glance at his uncle and Sam to see their reactions to the blatant display of affection. Sam just suddenly found his sneakers really interesting, and Bobby, well, Bobby just looked at the two of them with his usual sour expression, as if he wasn’t surprised at all with the recent development. “Are you done?” he asked, as if he knew all along about the two of them, which in hindsight, might not have been that much of a stretch.

Dean smirked and nodded. “Yeah, we’re done.”

“Idjits,” Bobby muttered under his breath. “Okay, son, off you go,” he said, placing a hand on Castiel’s shoulder to gently steer him in the direction of his boarding gate.

Castiel smiled that same genuine smile he had had on his face since the previous night, and took a brief moment to memorize exactly the way Bobby, Sam, and Dean’s faces looked. He lingered a bit longer on Dean’s face, on those green eyes he loved so much, and tried to etch in his mind all the shades of green and blue and brown and gold he saw.

As he stepped on the plane, he still had the image of the three of them in his mind, and he smiled. Because even though he was leaving, he knew that no matter how long he was gone, he would always have a family in Lawrence to come home to.

Now all that was left for him to do was to plan out his return.

Castiel smiled wider.

He was always good at planning.

+++

Part 3

Fic: Come on with the Rain Part 2b

remivel — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 08:56:04 GMT

Scrabble with Sam that afternoon turned out exactly like Castiel predicted. Sam was confused at first, then he was angry, and when Castiel explained the situation, he was frustrated. He stormed back into his house, leaving the game unfinished and Castiel to pick up the tiles Sam knocked over in his outburst.

Sam appeared at Castiel’s doorstep that night, apologetic, just as Castiel predicted as well. But what he didn’t predict was Sam holding out a Tupperware with a couple slices of apple pie inside. “I’m sorry I got mad at you. Peace offering?” Sam said as he handed the container to Castiel.

“It’s okay Sam. And thanks, but you didn’t have to—“

“Nah. Now just take it before Dean changes his mind and suddenly runs out here to take it from you. That’s the last of the pie,” Sam told him with a chuckle.

“You didn’t steal this from Dean, did you?”

“No. He gave it up willingly. Plus, he already ate three slices today. He’s stressed or something and I had to protect him from himself.”

“Okay then,” Castiel said as he turned and walked back inside the house to place the pie inside the fridge.

Sam needed no invitation to follow him inside, and he lingered at the threshold of the kitchen. “But this still doesn’t mean I’m okay with you leaving, alright?” Sam clarified.

“I know,” Castiel said as he rearranged a couple of food items in the fridge to make room for the container. “At least you’re not mad anymore?”

“No. Not mad, but… Cas, you can’t go,” Sam said with a pout and those puppy-dog eyes he usually used on Dean. Only in his first year of high school and already he was catching up to his brother’s height. A little more and he’d be taller than Castiel, but he still looked very young to Castiel, and now, very hurt. “You could just stay… I’m sure with a part-time job, a loan or something, you could attend college right here. You don’t have to leave,” Sam told him.

And Castiel could only smile at that. “Dean said the same thing,” he mumbled to himself as he closed the fridge and turned to face Sam.

“Dean. Dean knows about this?” Sam asked.

Castiel was a bit surprised Sam caught what he said, but he composed himself. “Yeah, Uncle Bobby kinda let it slip the other day.”

“And he said you should stay,” Sam said, and Castiel wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement.

“Uhh… I guess… I don’t know… why are we suddenly talking about Dean?” Castiel asked.

“Because my brother wants you to stay, and I want you to stay, and I don’t even need to hear it from Bobby to know that he wants you to stay…”

“Sam…”

“So stay. You’re one of us. You’re family. That’s gotta be reason enough, right?” Sam asked him, almost pleadingly.

Well, Castiel didn’t know what to say to that because it touched his heart more than he cared to openly admit. That Sam thought he was family was something he never knew he needed to hear so badly. It made him rethink his decision again, made him think twice about leaving, despite all that had happened. So now, he was overwhelmed, and confused, and so deeply touched that all he could do was smile as he looked at Sam with what he hoped was an expression that he appreciated everything Sam had said and that he wanted Sam to stop making that kicked-puppy face on his account. Because nothing was more heartbreaking than Sam and his puppy-dog eyes.

“Just… think about it okay? There’s still plenty of time before you graduate. You can still change your mind.”

“Sam…” Castiel said again.

“Please. Consider it. Just tell me you’ll consider it, and I’ll stop asking you about it.”

And Castiel relented. “Alright. I’ll consider it.”

“Great,” Sam said with a wide grin. “Okay, I gotta go now. I’ve still got a paper to write—“

And Castiel’s eyes grew wide upon hearing that. “I almost forgot. So do I!” he gasped.

“You forgot to write a paper? That’s new,” Sam chuckled.

“Almost. The keyword is ‘almost.’ Now go,” Castiel said, literally pushing Sam out the door. Sam waved goodbye to him before he jogged back to his own house.

+++

The days that followed flew by in a blur for Castiel. He shared several classes with Dean, but everything was the same between them. They didn’t talk to each other unless necessary, Dean ignored him for the most part, and Castiel tried (and failed) to limit his gazes towards Dean.

After that night, he thought it would be easier to forget Dean, to ignore him. But it turned out to be harder because every time he saw Dean, he remembered how his lips felt like against his, how those hands glided down his skin, how wrecked his voice sounded when he was aroused and panting. And he found himself tearing his gaze away like it burned his eyes, only to seek out Dean’s shadow a second later.

Bobby returned from his fishing trip later that week, slightly sunburned and exhausted. He asked Castiel about his meeting with his aunt, and Castiel told him it went well. Bobby just grunted and walked past him to the kitchen to get a drink. And maybe it was Dean and Sam talking inside his head, but he noticed for the first time the way his uncle’s frown seemed deeper, heavier, with the mention of him leaving. All this time his uncle never said anything and just supported his decision to leave. Now he realized he didn’t need to say anything. It was clear on his face.

+++

“Please… the game’s gonna end soon…” Chuck pleaded to Castiel, who only looked at him with a blank expression.

“You don’t like soccer,” Castiel pointed out. There was a not-so-friendly soccer match going on in the field with their rival school, and a lot of the students were there watching instead of attending their club activities. The Film Club members were no exception.

“Well, yeah. I never understood the sport. But that’s not the point. If I don’t get there in time, I won’t be able to catch Becky…” Chuck added. Chuck was part of the Film Club and the Writer’s Club, and apparently, wanted to get into the Becky-club as well.

“You knew this, and yet you decided to ‘rearrange’ the tape collection anyway?” Castiel said in mild irritation. There was a sea of video tapes strewn about on the table, most of which were on-loan to the club from its members.

“Yeah, I was lookin’ for a title…”

“Casa Erotica 13 was Gabriel’s, and it was since banned from being brought into the club room…” Castiel stated mechanically, as this was a speech he regularly delivered.

“What? No! I wasn’t looking for—never mind. Please, I need to go there. Like, right now. I promise to make it up to you…” Chuck pleaded, shifting from one foot to the other impatiently.

Castiel looked at wide-eyed and desperate Chuck, then back at the mess of tapes and sighed. “Yes. Fine. You may go,” Castiel finally relented. Who was he to stand in the way of their love?

“Thank you, thank you!” Chuck said before he bolted out of the room, leaving Castiel in the empty club room with dozens of tapes to sort out.

Distant cheers echoed through the empty room, and Castiel walked to the window to catch a glimpse of the field and the crowded bleachers. He couldn’t see the players because of all the people surrounding the pitch but he knew Dean was there playing. He used to occasionally watch the soccer team’s games, but today, he just couldn’t bring himself to go there and see Dean. So he turned his back to the window and began the task of organizing the tapes.

Ten minutes into arranging the tapes, he found one that he hadn’t watched in a long while. He popped it into the VHS player and sat on one of the chairs as it played.

He was pretty far along in the movie when the door to the club room opened. Thinking it was just Chuck, he ignored the newcomer and just continued to watch the movie. Then he spoke.

“You like that guy, huh?”

Castiel spun his head around so fast he was seeing stars. Then again, it could just be because he saw Dean standing by the door in his soccer tracksuit, a towel slung over his shoulder and his hair still damp from a shower.

“Dean,” Castiel said breathlessly. There was no reason for Dean to be there. So why was he?

Castiel swallowed the lump in his throat as he recovered himself from the shock of seeing Dean so unexpectedly. “Shouldn’t you be at the game?”

Dean had a sheepish expression as he walked in a couple of steps. “Oh, yeah… It was over like half an hour ago. We won 3-1,” Dean said with a lopsided grin.

Castiel looked down on his hands resting on his lap. “That’s… uh, good to hear,” Castiel said, watching his hands fidget with the hem of his shirt.

“Yeah. I got the first goal in,” Dean supplied in a tone that almost sounded like he was seeking Castiel’s approval.

Castiel looked up at Dean. He was a few feet closer now, lingering by the tape shelf on the side of the room. “That’s great,” Castiel said, and he offered up a small smile just in case he sounded unenthusiastic about Dean’s good news.

“Thanks,” Dean said with a nod.

A few seconds of silence went by and Castiel realized they were staring at each other and averted his eyes immediately.

Dean cleared his throat. “So… that guy… he’s your favorite, right?”

“Who?” Castiel asked on automatic, and when he realized Dean was looking at the TV screen, he turned his attention back to the TV. It was Gene Kelly kissing Debbie Reynolds goodbye by the doorstep, his black umbrella over their heads. “Oh. You mean Gene Kelly?” He asked as he looked back at Dean.

“Yeah. I’ve seen you and Sam watching some of his movies at home,” Dean told him.

“He is among my favorites, yes,” Castiel answered. “But why are you asking about him?”

“I dunno,” Dean said, his eyes casually roaming around the room as he took another step closer. “Just… I saw the light was still on, and I took a guess that you were still here probably watching some old movies again, and I was right,” he answered honestly.

“Oh,” Castiel just said. He didn’t know what to make of that. Because this, right here, was surreal. “I should probably pack up anyway…” he said, standing up from the chair and walking to the TV. He stopped the movie in the middle of Gene Kelly tap dancing on the pavement.

“Listen…” he heard Dean say. And Castiel knew that tone, had been dreading hearing it all week. But he knew he had to get it over with, had to let Dean say whatever he wanted to say. He knew he couldn’t stay in that illusion he built around that night forever. So as he placed the tape back into its case and killed the TV and the player, he braced himself for what Dean was about to say.

“…about that night…” Dean said.

Castiel realized Dean was much closer this time and he turned around to face him. He gasped and took a step backwards in surprise when he saw Dean just an arm’s length away from him now.

Dean must have interpreted Castiel’s reaction as a sign of fear for he froze mid stride, his eyes going wide in alarm before he cursed. “Dammit!” he spat as he spun around on his heel and took a couple of steps away, only to turn back around to face Castiel. He ran a shaky hand through his hair as he muttered to himself, “This isn’t supposed to happen like this.” He glanced back at Castiel with a bitter smile on his face. “Don’t look at me like that...” he said. His voice was rough, but it wasn’t threatening. The “…please, Cas,” that came after was even more wrecked and almost desperate.

Castiel didn’t understand what Dean was saying, so he closed his eyes and shook his head. And when he opened his eyes again, Dean had already crossed the distance between them. He caught Castiel’s mouth in a kiss, pushed him to the wall beside the TV where he pinned him with his body and continued to kiss him with a hunger and desperation that left Castiel reeling.

By the time Dean pulled away, Castiel was dazed and breathless and his hands clung to Dean’s arms tightly. Dean’s sharp “Fuck!” jolted Castiel out of his daze and he stared with wide eyes as Dean closed the distance between their faces, not to kiss him again, but to bow his head and lean his forehead on Castiel’s shoulder.

“Dammit Cas, why are you like this?” he heard Dean say, his voice even more wrecked and breathless. And Castiel was overwhelmed with how Dean sounded in that instant, like guilt was eating him alive and he was in physical pain because of it.

“I…” Castiel tried to say. He didn’t know exactly what he was planning to add to that. He was confused yet again by Dean’s actions so he wanted to say something, anything, just to get that pained edge out of Dean’s voice, but Dean beat him to the punch with another curse.

“Fuck... Cas…” he said before he lifted his head to look at Castiel’s face up-close. “I don’t… know what to do anymore…” he said, his voice breaking a few times. “Why are you like this?” he repeated.

Castiel gulped before he formed the words, “Like what?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Like this!” Dean gestured, his hand swinging widely to the side. “God, Cas. Get mad at me! Kick me, punch me, pull out all my hair, whack me on the head with a book, I don’t know! But don’t be like this. Why aren’t you doing anything? You should be cursing me and beating me up and fucking clawing my eyes out by now for doing that to you,” Dean let out in one long outburst. But he seemed to have lost steam along the way and he slumped back, forehead resting on Castiel’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you fight me? Why did you just let me?” he continued, softer this time.

And Castiel understood. He understood what Dean wanted from him that instant. He wanted to be punished—to get the retribution he knew was coming his way. But there was no retribution. No punishment. Castiel closed his eyes and placed a hand on Dean’s back. “Because it’s you,” Castiel said with a sigh.

Dean didn’t think he heard it correctly so he asked, “What?” He pulled away to look at Castiel’s face and saw Castiel’s eyes were shut.

Then Castiel opened his eyes and looked up and straight into Dean’s. “Because it’s you doing it to me. You...” Castiel paused and took a deep breath. “I can never say ‘no’ to you.”

When Dean froze and just looked at him with wide eyes and a slack jaw, Castiel continued. “I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call, Dean.”

Dean blinked and clutched Castiel’s shoulders as realization finally started to set in. “Wait… are you saying what I think you’re—shit, Cas. All this time? You’re not… you don’t hate me?” Dean stared back at him in disbelief.

Castiel shook his head. “I could never hate you. Not for anything,” Castiel said with a small smile. “When you wanted to try sleeping with a guy on a whim and you picked me, I was hesitant, I admit, but I still said ‘yes’. Just because it’s you.”

And Dean blinked again, his surprise suddenly morphing into seriousness. “Wait. It wasn’t a whim, alright?” he told him, his eyes never leaving its gaze on Castiel’s face, his hands holding Castiel’s shoulder’s tighter, as if anything less would make Castiel disappear from his sight. “Shit, Cas, I didn’t want to just try it out with a guy, and it was never on a whim,” he said, before he raised a palm to wipe his face in frustration. “I lied then. God, I don’t even know what I was thinking. I-I panicked, okay?” Dean admitted.

“Panicked?” Castiel repeated.

“Yeah. Panicked. I found out you were leaving all of a sudden and I didn’t know what to do to make you stay and I didn’t want to lose you but you kept on saying you can’t stay and it just made me so mad and I realized you were in my room, and you were there sitting on my bed, I just got really confused and bothered and—shit, I wanted to be with you so bad then that my mind just stopped working after that,” he tried to explain, the words stumbling one after the other in his rush to get it all out. Then he took a deep breath and continued. “Look, I know nothing I say will ever justify what I did. And I’m sorry Cas… for being such a dick… for hurting you… for just, for everything,” he said, holding Castiel’s gaze the whole time.

It struck Castiel how sincere Dean sounded despite the disjointed apology, and he felt his face starting to grow hot with a blush as Dean’s words started to sink in. “You don’t want to lose me? You wanted to be with me?” Castiel said softly, as if repeating Dean’s words would help him make more sense of them.

Dean looked at Castiel and realized, for the first time, how his words must have sounded. He was terrible at talking about his feelings, and to hear it being repeated to him made him all kinds of nervous. He had very little practice in the feelings department, and it made him uneasy. But despite this, Dean swallowed the lump that suddenly formed inside his throat and spoke, in what he hoped were adequate words to express what he felt. “I’d like to keep you for as long as I can,” he said, his voice soft but sure.

Castiel felt a pleasant warmth bloom in his chest at Dean’s words. The warmth engulfed his face and a smile formed on his lips, and for some reason, his vision began to blur as well. And without another word, Dean suddenly drew him in for a tight hug.

“Aww, Cas, come on. Please don’t cry. Not because of me,” Dean said.

“I’m not crying,” Castiel said before he buried his face on Dean’s shoulder.

“Sure you’re not,” he heard Dean say. “Come on Cas… I don’t know how to handle you crying…”

But Castiel did not reply. He just snaked both arms around Dean and hugged him in return.

“I’d like to keep you too,” Castiel whispered against Dean’s shoulder.

Then Dean pulled back to look at Castiel’s face in disbelief. He wiped the streak of tears on Castiel’s cheeks and leaned in again until their noses were barely an inch apart. “May I…?” he asked this time.

And Castiel didn’t exactly know what it was he was asking, but he nodded. It was never a ‘no’ when it came to Dean anyway.

Dean closed the distance between them, and their lips touched in a soft, innocent kiss that seemed to last forever. In that space of time, Castiel tried to take note of all the things he wasn’t able to catalog in his mind the first time they kissed. How supple Dean’s lips were, how Dean smelled of soap and faintly of grass, how he tasted like his favorite dessert, all cinnamon and apple and freshly-baked pie, a taste Castiel found he couldn’t get enough of. He started to lean into Dean, pressing his mouth against Dean’s a little more. It seemed to spur Dean on and soon his tongue was coaxing Castiel’s lips open. Once Castiel’s lips parted, Dean dove in hungrily, licking and mapping the contours of Castiel’s mouth. Castiel’s tongue flicked tentatively over Dean’s, and Dean answered by eagerly sucking on it.

Overwhelmed by the taste and the smell and the feel of Dean on him, Castiel’s hands moved to comb through Dean’s short hair, and Dean smiled into the kiss and withdrew his tongue, only to nip lightly at the swell of Castiel’s bottom lip. The action dragged a sigh from Castiel’s throat and Dean returned his mouth full-on to Castiel’s, tongue diving in to swirl and lick stripes along Castiel’s tongue.

The moment they finally broke apart, dazed and panting, Castiel licked his lips, already missing the feel of Dean’s mouth on his. He looked up at Dean’s eyes, and Dean looked right back at him as a wide smile formed on his face. “We’re a couple of really big idiots, aren’t we?” he chuckled.

Castiel laughed lightly. “Yes, I think we are.”

Dean pressed his forehead against Castiel’s and the sound of his laughter filled Castiel’s ears. It made Castiel feel light and giddy, until his momentary high was shattered when Dean moved away from him and dropped his hands from Castiel’s shoulders. “Okay,” he paused to take a deep breath. “I gotta go.”

“What?” Castiel was confused, and he reached out a hand to grab Dean’s arm to stop him from walking away. “Where’re you--?”

Dean looked at him as if he was missing something very important, and laughed nervously. “I don’t know. Maybe go for a run? All I know is I can’t stay here…”

Castiel blinked, tilting his head to the side. Now he really wasn’t following. “Why?”

“Because I’m this close…” bringing his thumb and forefinger within a hair’s breadth from each other, “…to taking you home with me and doing everything I can to make it up to you, if you know what I mean,” he explained, with a lopsided grin and a mischievous twinkle in his eye at the last part.

“Oh,” Castiel whispered in realization.

“Yeah. So you see why I can’t. It’s too soon after all the crap I did to you and I don’t think I even deserve to—“

“So why don’t you?” Castiel heard himself say before he realized it. That was probably the boldest thing he had ever said and he gulped nervously at the inscrutable look Dean gave him.

“You…” Dean began, then he grinned nervously again. “…you’re not seriously—“

“Dean…” Castiel said slowly, stepping forward, “…Why. Don’t. You?”

Several seconds passed, and with each tick of the clock, Castiel could hear his heart pounding inside his ears. Then Dean took a shaky breath and looked at him seriously. “Okay. Let’s get out of here before you change your mind,” Dean said quickly, almost comically, and Castiel couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of him as they rushed out of the room with Dean holding onto his hand.

+++

Entering Dean’s room again after almost a week made Castiel a bit queasy. He remembered the anger in Dean’s eyes, remembered the callous way Dean held him at first, and remembered the pain. But now, Dean was kissing him like he was something heavenly he couldn’t get enough of. Now, he was snaking his hands under Castiel’s shirt to glide over him like he was worshipping every inch of his skin. And Castiel knew. He knew he would soon forget their first encounter, and remember this second time instead, commit to memory each moment, each kiss, each touch, and recall vividly how Dean stole his heart again.

It wasn’t without much effort on Dean’s part, of course, to try and erase his first mistake, to replace every wrong with several rights. Castiel could tell Dean was trying to make good on his promise to make it up to him, but Castiel was just elated to be with Dean again that if he just stood there and did nothing, Castiel still would have forgiven him anything. And it was bad, really, he knew he was screwed when it came to Dean, knew for years the effect Dean had on him. But never had he experienced the full extent of it, not until now, when he and Dean had shucked their shirts somewhere between the door and the bed, when Dean pushed him on the bed and deftly unzipped his jeans, and when Dean took Castiel’s cock in his hand and engulfed him in the wet heat of his mouth in one fell swoop.

“Oh god!” Castiel gasped, back arching off the bed and hands flying to the back of Dean’s head as he started bobbing up and down on his cock. “De-e-an,” he breathed brokenly, resisting with all his might from rolling his eyes up behind his eyelids in pleasure. He wanted to look at Dean, to watch as his pink lips stretched around him, to watch as Dean’s hand gripped him at the base, his thumb lightly stroking the skin on the underside. He wanted to remember how Dean looked, even as he withdrew his mouth from Castiel’s cock, stared back at him with a lazy smile, and darted a tongue out to lick at the slit.

“You should see yourself,” Dean said, chuckling, his breath ghosting over the head of Castiel’s penis before lapping at the pre come pooling at the tip. “God, Cas,” Dean breathed. “I could come just from looking at you,” Dean said.

Castiel shuddered, toes curling as Dean continued to suckle on the tip, hand stroking near the base. “H-how…” Castiel began, shuddering again when Dean’s tongue traced the underside of his cock. “…how can… y-you…”

Dean stopped and looked up at Cas through thick lashes, “How could I what?” he asked, his usual lopsided grin forming on his face.

“…how can you… even talk?” Castiel said breathlessly, and Dean laughed.

He sat up, right hand never leaving Castiel’s skin as it moved up to smooth over his belly, to draw teasing circles around a nipple, even as he leaned forward and captured Castiel’s mouth for a kiss.

Castiel could taste himself on Dean’s tongue, mixed with the sweet, apple pie flavor that he had come to associate with Dean’s mouth. It was intoxicating, robbing him of another level of his consciousness until he could barely think straight, could barely recognize the words Dean breathed into his mouth when they parted from the kiss.

“Talking… it’s a distraction. If you haven’t noticed…“ Dean said, gesturing to his other hand, the one currently gripping the base of his own cock jutting out from his unzipped jeans. “… I’m about ready to come.”

“Then come,” Castiel said bluntly as he reached out a hand to stroke at Dean’s cock just above his own hand.

“Fuck, Cas!” Dean gasped, partly from surprise and partly from the onslaught of sensation. For a moment, Dean was out of it, shutting his eyes and lolling his head forward, his jaw falling open to breathe heavily near Castiel’s ear. Then his hand moved, stopping Castiel’s hand on his cock. “Jesus, stop. Okay?” Dean said in alarm, voice going a full octave higher at the last syllable. He took a deep breath as he very gently extricated Castiel’s hand from his cock. “I want to get this right. Please. Let me get this right?”

And for the second time that night, Castiel understood what Dean wanted of him. What Dean needed. Why he was lavishing him with attention, with careful touches and fervent kisses. This was something Dean felt he needed to do to make up for his mistakes. So Castiel just nodded and let him.

Dean smiled at that before he got up to rid himself of his jeans and boxers completely. Castiel swallowed as he watched the unintentional striptease Dean performed right in front of him, and thought that he might not be as patient as he thought he was. Absently, Castiel’s hand inched downward to stroke at his erection, and he let out a moan at the first contact of his hand where Dean had so abruptly left him mere minutes ago.

This got Dean’s attention, and he muttered a “Fuck, that’s hot,” before he moved to kneel at the foot of the bed. He grabbed the waistband of Castiel’s jeans and boxers where they bunched awkwardly at his thighs and pulled them down slowly. He leaned down and kissed a path from the dip of Castiel’s hip to his thigh to his leg, paying attention to each inch of skin he revealed on his way down until he removed the garments completely.

Castiel continued to stroke himself as Dean moved to the other leg and kissed his way up. He had to swallow the saliva that pooled in his mouth as Dean moved higher, closer to where he wanted him to be.

Dean did not disappoint this time, and returned his attentions to the center of Castiel’s pleasure, the center of his fucking universe, now that Dean was lavishing open mouth kisses down the length of it. When Dean’s hand moved to cradle his balls, Castiel promptly lost the battle and had his eyes rolling into the back of his eyelids before he could stop it. “Let me,” he heard Dean say before he pried Castiel’s fingers away from his erection and gripped it with his hand instead.

He felt Dean pump a slow, languid pace, up and down his cock, driving him crazy. His hands gripped the sheets on either side of him, breath now coming in heavy pants. He felt Dean’s mouth move, felt his tongue lick a path down from his cock to his balls, and even lower, a hand pushing his thighs further apart, until his mouth was there, kissing him, licking along the crevice, teasing at the puckered hole with his tongue.

“Oh god!” Castiel gasped, and he was gone.

He felt the crackle of lighting pass swiftly through his veins as he came with a cry, his back arching completely off the bed, his cock jerking even in Dean’s grasp and painting spurts of come all over his stomach and chest.

The sight would have been enough to send Dean over the edge too, but he held on, steeled his reserve and watched Castiel come undone in front of him. He wanted nothing more in that instant than to breach him again, to push his way in, to drive himself so deep inside him and color his insides with his come. But instead he took a deep breath and moved up the bed, kissing Castiel’s neck and jaw and cheek and brushing aside the sweat-soaked tendrils of hair that fell over Castiel’s eyes.

Even through the white haze of his vision, Castiel could see the look on Dean’s face, could see the urgency in his features, the deep, boiling desire in the way he licked his lips, and the silent permission he was asking in his eyes. And Castiel placed a weak, almost boneless hand at the back of Dean’s head to draw him in for a kiss.

It was like Dean was starving, kissing him with so much hunger it made his nerves spark again, low in his belly. When they parted, breathing into each other’s mouths, Castiel stared into Dean’s lust-blown eyes and answered him with a nod.

That was just the thing Dean needed, and Castiel watched him as he reached into the side table drawer and pulled out a bottle of half-full lube, hands fumbling a couple of times with the cap until he successfully popped it open. He watched as Dean climbed on the bed again and knelt between his thighs, his vision zeroing in on Dean’s cock, solid and heavy as it slapped against his stomach when he moved. It sent shivers down his spine in anticipation, his fingers clenching and unclenching on the sheets as he braced himself.

Then Dean was liberally coating his fingers with lube, letting it drip down to the sheets in his haste, and Castiel wasn’t so out of it as to just watch him idly. He planted his feet on the mattress and spread his thighs wider, egging Dean on.

Dean froze and stared slack-jawed as Castiel moved, entranced by the view and the irresistible invitation it posed. Of Castiel breathless and flushed, the blue of his eyes a thin outline on a sea of black, his come still painting an obscene portrait on his skin, his thighs spread wide like a fucking offering laid out before him— it was hotter than any porno Dean has ever seen, and he had to suck in a breath as he tore his eyes away. He turned his attention back to his hands, hissed as more lube dribbled down his trembling fingers to the sheets. He inched forward, fingers tracing the rim of Castiel’s tightly clenched hole. His gaze moved up to meet Castiel’s, briefly seeking permission before he pushed the first finger in.

Castiel’s breath hitched at the intrusion. He shuddered as Dean pushed the digit in further only to pull out almost completely before slowly pushing it all the way in again. It was insane how each bump of a knuckle set Castiel’s nerves tingling, how he shivered when Dean curled his finger experimentally. It did not feel this electric, this intense the first time, and when Dean accidentally brushed that spot with a pad of his finger, Castiel’s thighs jerked involuntarily from either side of Dean and he gasped for air like he was suffocating. He was only getting started, and already Castiel felt like he was dying.

Dean’s finger probed him inside for what seemed like ages before Dean carefully pressed in a second one. By this time, Castiel was panting heavily, his erection returning full-force, laying hard and heavy against his stomach. Dean was having a struggle of his own, had been ever since they started, but he kept his desires at bay, squeezed the base of his cock to prevent himself from coming just from the sounds Castiel was making.

He pushed both fingers in as deep as he could, spread them in a scissoring motion and watched Castiel, waited for the look of rapture on his face when he deliberately dragged his fingers over that bump of nerves inside him. It made Castiel moan again, toes curling and hands flying to clutch at Dean’s arms, to stop him or to urge him on, he didn’t know.

By the time Dean eased in a third finger, worked it in deeper beside the other two, Castiel was shivering, moaning Dean’s name and a litany of broken pleas. The hands on his biceps gripped harder, Castiel’s voice was rough and wrecked as he ground out, “Enough—god, Dean, please…” And that was all the encouragement Dean needed.

He pulled his fingers out and fished the bottle of lube from the mess of sheets. Dean wasn’t surprised to see his hands shaking, whole body thrumming with anticipation as he dribbled more lube on his hands and on his cock. He stroked once, twice, and nothing more, afraid to end this too soon. He leaned in, pushing Castiel’s thighs further apart and folding them down to his chest. He felt a surge of lust hit him when Castiel decided to be helpful again, hooking his arms under his knees to hold them in place for Dean. “Fuck,” Dean groaned, because can anybody blame him if he shot his load too soon with Castiel looking like that?

And with an urgency he had never felt before, Dean positioned himself at Castiel’s entrance and pushed in.

Dean groaned loudly, his eyes rolling to the back of his eyelids as Castiel’s hole stretched to accommodate him, engulfed him in a tight heat that felt indescribably glorious, made his knees weak and made it hard for him to even breathe. “Fuck, Cas… it’s… fuck…” he tried to say as he slowly inched in further. The moment his cock was swallowed completely, Dean paused and slumped over Castiel, panting heavily.

Castiel let out a low groan the moment the blunt head of Dean’s cock breached him. He had prepared himself for the pain that would come with the intrusion, but found that it was nothing like their first time. The stretch was far from unpleasant and now there was hardly any pain, only his nerves singing, sending electricity crackling throughout his body as Dean continued to push in. “Dean…” he breathed out as Dean slowly filled him. He didn’t know it could be like this, could be this intensely pleasurable, and when he felt Dean’s balls press against his ass, felt the entire throbbing length of Dean’s cock inside of him, he knew nothing would ever feel as good as this.

Dean, slumped over him, started pressing open mouthed kisses against his neck and panting a broken string of words and curses, of “fuck,” and “Cas,” and “shit,” and “hot” as he began to move. Short, shallow thrusts at first that sent shockwaves coursing through Castiel’s body. Then, he leaned back, grabbed hold of Castiel’s thighs for purchase as he started to thrust in earnest. Long, deep strokes that sent pleasure crashing through Castiel every time the head of Dean’s cock dragged over his prostate.

The onslaught of pleasure left Castiel reeling, unable to find the strength to hold on to his legs, he let them hang in the air, let Dean hook them over his shoulders as he drastically picked up the pace of his thrusts, pounding into him relentlessly. Castiel was gasping and moaning uncontrollably now, Dean’s name falling from his lips like a prayer as each thrust pushed him impossibly closer and closer to the edge. When Dean leaned over him and folded him in half with his feet pointing at the ceiling, Castiel’s neglected erection brushed against Dean’s belly, sending sparks erupting in Castiel’s vision and jolts of pure white heat running up his spine. A hoarse cry escaped Castiel’s throat as his body arched off the bed and he came violently again, bursts of come splashing between their bodies.

“Fuck!” Dean cursed sharply. His pace became frantic as he continued to thrust into the sudden unbearably tight clamp of muscles around his cock. It was too much, and one more thrust into Castiel and he was coming with a yell, hot spurts of his come coating Castiel’s insides and filling him to the brim.

+++

The abrupt force of his orgasm blindsided Dean, and for a brief few seconds, he had lost himself completely, no idea of where he was at, no name to call his own. Nothing but the feeling of every pore on his body tingling and of the comforting warmth of a body beneath him. He nuzzled his face into this source of warmth, circled his arms around it, keeping it close to his chest, until the haze began to lift from his mind and he remembered. Castiel.

Dean smiled as he moved his mouth to languidly kiss Castiel’s lips. He slipped out of him gingerly, rearranging their limbs into a more comfortable position as he collapsed beside Castiel on the bed. There was just about enough room on the double bed for the two of them to sleep side by side in, but it was better than a single. And if Dean happened to scoot closer and let Castiel’s legs hook over his, well, Dean liked to think it had more to do with trying to comfortably fit two gangly teenagers on the narrow bed than actual cuddling.

“Shit, Cas… If I had known you actually liked me, I would’ve made a move earlier,” he remarked lazily.

“I’ve liked you from the start,” Castiel said as he shifted on the bed, head turned slightly towards Dean.

“What?” Dean asked, propping himself up on an elbow and throwing a genuinely surprised look towards Castiel. “You’re kidding me, right?”

Despite the exhaustion lying heavily on Castiel’s eyes, he still managed to blink and look up at Dean with his big, round eyes. “I am not… kidding you,” he answered awkwardly.

Dean studied his expression for a second before surrendering and plopping back on the bed. “Well, fuck me. How come I never knew?”

Castiel frowned. “How about you?” Castiel countered. “How come you never let on that—“ Castiel stopped, suddenly feeling like he had jumped to conclusions. He was so used to Dean barely recognizing his existence that the idea of Dean liking him back still sounded foreign to him.

“Let on what? That I like you?” Dean finished for him. “Well, sorry if I found it a tiny bit confusing and difficult to admit that I have a crush on my brother’s best friend, especially since he’s a guy and I’ve never liked a guy before.”

It was getting difficult to follow this conversation because Castiel was steadily swaying closer to sleep, but he got the gist of what Dean said and he couldn’t stop himself from asking, “So how… did you know how to do all that?”

Dean turned to look at Cas, a sly grin forming on his face. “I borrowed gay porn tapes from a couple of my soccer teammates. For reference. They assumed it was for a paper,” Dean said with a shrug.

“You learned how to do all that from watching porn?” Castiel asked, because really, it was kind of hard to believe.

He was prevented from hearing Dean’s answer by the door suddenly bursting open and Sam walking into the room.

“Hey Dean, I saw Cas’ bag downstairs, where is—OH MY GOD!” Sam gasped, one hand still on the door knob while the other one flying to cover his eyes.

“Jesus Sammy!” Dean yelped, grabbing the sheets—soiled sheets—and draping it over him and Castiel haphazardly. “You can’t just barge into my room like that!”

Castiel’s sleepiness was suddenly banished and he curled into the sheets tighter, bracing himself for Sam’s outburst or big, gay, freak out. However, it never came.

“Yeah, are you guys covered?” Sam said calmly.

Dean made a sound in his throat that could have been anything, but Sam took it as a yes and removed his hand from his eyes. The look he gave them was only of mild surprise and a tinge of irritation. “Okay. There are just 3 things I’d like to say before I scrub my eyes with soap…” his tone was just like his usual conversational one, and it left Dean and Castiel speechless. “Number 1. Dean. Your door has a lock. I suggest, no wait, I insist, that you use it. Number 2. Dad called, said he will be coming home tomorrow afternoon instead of today. And last, and most importantly, number 3. My brother and my best friend!” He said the last item with a loud voice that made Castiel think the freak out was sure to come next. It didn’t.

Sam looked at Castiel and Dean, barely covered by a thin sheet, and just shrugged and returned to his unaffected tone. “Can’t say I’m that surprised though.”

“Huh? You’re not—“ Dean was abruptly cut off by Sam’s almost uninterested tone.

“I’ve known you my whole life, Dean, and Cas, you’re my best friend. I probably know a few things about you guys that you don’t know yourselves. You should really start giving me some credit.”

Dean’s jaw dropped and Castiel stared at Sam with round, saucer-sized eyes.

“Okay? When you guys are finished cuddling or whatever, I bought dinner. Burgers. You’re welcome to join me downstairs,” he said, walking out into the hall and closing the door behind him, only to reopen it a split second later. “Oh and by the way, Dean, you’re doing the laundry. I am NOT going anywhere near those sheets,” he said before closing the door for good.

Dean turned to Castiel with that same look of surprise on his face. “Am I the only one that feels violated about that?”

Castiel stared at the comical look on Dean’s face and laughed. Dean looked at him quizzically. “No. I’m serious. How does he know all that he knows? No, wait I know. My brother’s been creepin’ on me. That’s it. He probably watches me while I sleep. Or peeks in the shower when I—“

“Dean!” Castiel gasped before laughter overtook his capacity for speech.

“Seriously,” Dean insisted, although by this time, he was already chuckling as well.

+++

Part 2c

Fic: Come on with the Rain Part 2a

remivel — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 08:45:32 GMT

Castiel was woken up that day by the phone ringing. He glanced at the clock and groaned. “7 AM on a Saturday, really?” he complained to no one as he got up and begrudgingly picked up the phone from the table across the room. The voice he heard on the other line woke him up like a hard slap to the face.

“Hey, Cas!” Dean greeted him cheerily.

“Dean,” Castiel said with a sigh. He turned and sat on the edge of the bed. Dean wasn’t a friend. He wasn’t someone who would call Castiel just to chat or invite him out. Dean was a neighbor, an acquaintance, the guy who works part-time at his uncle’s auto repair shop, the guy with whom he shared several classes this senior year… he could go on. But Dean wasn’t a friend.

He was Sam’s older brother and Sam… Sam was a friend. Sam shared Castiel’s interest in books, in word games (they had a regular Scrabble match every Sunday afternoon), in historical documentaries on Discovery, and in classic musical films (Castiel preferred Gene Kelley while Sam was more of a Fred Astaire fan).

Sam was the one who called him ‘Cas’ first, and somehow along the way, Dean caught on and called him Cas during the few times when they actually had a conversation (which usually involved exchanging pleasantries and small talk about either Bobby or Sam. They never talked about themselves with each other. It would’ve been awkward).

Dean was the guy who would sometimes hover when Castiel and Sam had movie marathons at Sam’s place. He was the guy who sometimes came over to Castiel’s to discuss cars and their latest restoration projects with Bobby.

He wasn’t a friend.

Which was why there could only be one reason why Dean would call him at 7 in the morning.

“What does Sam need, Dean?” Castiel asked.

He didn’t hear a reply for a few seconds, which Castiel assumed was surprise on Dean’s part for being figured out so easily. Then he heard Dean chuckle, “Wow, okay, so that’s a ‘no’ to beating around the bush, huh? Fine. It’s the school’s spring festival today, flea market, bake sales, game booths, the spring dance…”

“I know what the spring festival is, Dean…” Castiel told him as he rubbed the sleep off his eyes.

“Wasn’t sure since you never come to these types of things… Well, see Sam promised to help out in preparing the gym for the dance and ushering in the people tonight, but he’s stuck at his friend’s house doing this big science project. Anyway, Sam told me he’ll still help out at the festival, but I told him he should just finish his project. He’s insisting he can do it and help out too but…”

“…but you don’t think he should,” Castiel finished for him.

“Well, yeah. That kid, he’s too stubborn. He thinks he’ll be less of a human being if he failed to keep all his promises…”

“So what do you want me to do?” Castiel asked Dean with another sigh. “Help him with the project or help out at the festival in his stead?”

“Uh… the festival thing…” Dean answered. “… but only if you want to,” he quickly added. “I figured he’d give in and just stick to his project if I got someone to replace him… but it’s such short notice and there isn’t—“

“Okay. What time do you need me at school?” Castiel cut him off. This was probably one of the longest conversations they ever had, and one of the biggest requests Dean had asked of him. Dean never came to him for help unless there was absolutely no one else to help him. And Dean never asked personal favors. It was always for Sam, never for himself. Castiel was Dean’s last resort when it came to his little brother. And it was usually just little favors for Sam whenever Dean couldn’t do it himself, especially this senior year when Dean was elected as their class president. Pick up a book for Sam at the library, help Sam with research, lend Sam a decent tie for his speech. And every single time, Castiel said ‘yes’. Partly because Sam was his friend, and partly because Dean was, well, Dean.

“Wait. You’d go to the spring festival to help out?” Dean asked in disbelief.

“Why do you sound surprised? That’s what you wanted right? Someone to help out instead of Sam.”

“Yeah, right, right. Just… at the gym, 1 o’clock. You don’t need to bring anything. All the stuff’s already there.”

“Got it. 1, at the gym,” Castiel confirmed.

“Great! Thanks, Cas.”

“Mm-hmm,” Castiel just said just before he hung up. He flopped backwards onto his bed and stared at the off white ceiling. It wasn’t like he was free all day. He had a paper to finish, and he had to pack some of his stuff to give to his distant aunt from Canada early the next day. But he said ‘yes’ to Dean anyway. Really, what was wrong with him?

+++

“You’re whipped,” was what Gabriel so poetically told Castiel later that day in the gym. Gabriel was roaming aimlessly in the festival when he spotted Castiel gluing back the glittery Styrofoam letters of a sign that met an untimely death in the hands of a clumsy freshman. What was supposed to read: “SPRING DANCE SPONSORED BY ALUMNI OF CLASS ‘87”, now read: “RING DA SORE Y UM ASS ‘ 7”, which Gabriel thought was the work of an evil mastermind, not an unfortunately uncoordinated student.

“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Castiel just said, trying to ignore Gabriel looming over him as he worked quietly in a corner of the gym that was otherwise buzzing with people putting up decorations.

“Oh, come on. One call from him and you come running to the rescue every single time,” Gabriel said, plucking a few pieces of confetti from a bowl and flinging them at Castiel’s hair.

“It’s for Sam,” Castiel told him, but even he knew himself that that was not entirely true.

“Psh, right.”

“What about you? What are you doing here anyway?” Castiel asked Gabriel.

“What? Can’t I visit my old high school every once in a while?” he said before he grinned and flopped beside Castiel on the floor to toy with the letter S.

Gabriel graduated from their high school the year before and was now a freshman at Kansas University. He was eccentric and unpredictable, the Class Clown of his year, and he was once the president of the Film Club that Castiel was a member of. For some reason beyond Castiel’s comprehension, Gabriel had developed a keen interest in his personal business. Of course, that one time when Gabriel saw him clearly pining for Dean didn’t help his cause either.

It happened during his second year: Castiel was looking out the club room window and spotted Dean shirtless and playing soccer in the school field. He just stood there slack-jawed for a good half hour before Gabriel came up to him and said, “Winchester’s hot,” and Castiel’s head betrayed him and nodded in agreement before he could stop it. He was mortified the moment he realized what he just did, and Gabriel just laughed heartily and patted him on the back. “Don’t worry. You’re not the only one who’s got the hots for that guy. Trust me,” he told him. “Although I myself prefer someone who’s a little less Captain America and a little more Thor, if you know what I mean,” Gabriel said with a wink.

Castiel did not, in fact, know what he meant, but after that, every time Gabriel saw Castiel, he would tease him endlessly about Dean. The older guy never told anyone else, as far as Castiel knew, and he even gave Castiel some useful advice a few times before. “You’re so obvious sometimes, you know that? If you’re so adamant about him not finding out, then I suggest you stop looking at him like you’re going to hump his leg the moment he gets within five feet of you,” Gabriel had said once, and since then Castiel had been more careful about following Dean with his eyes. After all, Dean did say that time that Castiel’s stare was creepy.

Dean’s words from that day at Rufus’ birthday party had never left Castiel’s mind. They were etched there whether he liked it or not, and they served as a reminder of the barrier that stood between them, a reminder far stronger than the once boarded-up window proved to be. After all, Dean’s words could never be pulled apart, destroyed, and replaced with something new. They would stand until Dean himself broke them, and Castiel held no false hope of that ever happening.

+++

Castiel was shaken out of his momentary journey into the past by Gabriel snickering beside him. He looked at the smaller man’s hands, which were now playing with the letters that was supposed to form CLASS. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Look, look…” Gabriel said excitedly. “I can form a sentence using the letters of CLASS. Here…” he said, removing and adding the letters a few times, “CAS’ CLASS ASS” he said, snickering again and looking expectantly at Castiel.

Castiel frowned. “That’s not even a sentence, Gabriel.”

Gabriel pouted and flicked another piece of confetti at Castiel, which hit him on the cheek. “You’re just feelin’ sour ‘coz you went here hoping to impress the prez but you haven’t seen him for hours,” he said before rearranging the letters again and, “Now here’s another ‘not sentence’ for you, “CAS’ SLAC ASS.”

“Would you please stop forming phrases about my ass?” Castiel said as he grabbed the letters from Gabriel’s hands. “You could at least help me with this instead of distracting me.”

Gabriel smirked. “But I’m a guest here! And it’s so much more fun to distract you.”

Castiel tried ignoring Gabriel after that, and for a few moments Gabriel was content to glue glitter all over his fingers. Then his interest in the glitter ran out, and he turned his attentions to Castiel again. “So, ever thought of changing tactics? Hmm?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, you know, instead of crying into your pillow every night about how you’d love to get it on with Dean Winchester, you could try telling the man himself. He does live right next door to you, right?” Gabriel suggested.

“Uh-huh,” Castiel said as he carefully glued the N back in DANCE. “And what makes you think I’d want to do that?”

“Hey, you’re graduating soon. You’ve got nothing to lose, right? Best case scenario, he confesses his undying devotion to you, you indulge in some hot, steamy sex for the next few months, and you leave for college with a great memory and lots of experience,” Gabriel said with his usual sly grin. “It’s the perfect arrangement!”

“You’re forgetting the worst case scenario part of your argument, Gabriel,” Cas reminded him.

“Oh that, well, worst case scenario, he goes totally homophobic straight guy on you, tells the whole school, tells your uncle, everybody starts looking at you weird, old church ladies will whisper behind your back, blah blah blah…”

“You’re insane,” Castiel told him. “Dean is not homophobic. A couple of his soccer teammates are together and he seems fine with it.”

“Sure he’s fine with it since they’re not gay for him. Believe me, some straight guys claim they don’t hate gays but the minute a gay guy confesses to them, BAM! It’s crazy eyes and a punch in the face for you!”

“Dean isn’t like that,” Castiel insisted, shaking his head.

“If you think that way, then what the heck is stopping you?”

“It’s not that simple, Gabriel,” Castiel said. “Sam…”

“Oh right, I forgot about your BFF. So what? The real worst case for you is if Dean never talks to you again, never lets you talk to his brother again for fear of you corrupting his mind, and preying on his brother’s hot piece of ass…”

“Gabriel…” Castiel warned.

“What?!” Gabriel asked. “Oh right, forgot. Sometimes you’re more protective of that kid than his older brother. Fine, fine. I promise not to voice out any inappropriate thoughts about Sam Winchester, frequent and plenty though they are, to his unofficial guardian angel, Castiel,” he said, making a show of raising his right hand as if taking an oath. “No, but seriously, you’re not gonna do anything about your big gay crush because you’re afraid of losing Sam?”

Castiel didn’t reply to Gabriel’s question. He just continued gluing the letters back onto the board.

“No wait, scratch that. You’re afraid of losing them both. That’s it, isn’t it? You’ve struck this delicate balance with Dean already, not friends, not enemies. You’re coasting along, getting your kicks with just seeing him from a distance every now and then, but if you confess it might turn totally south and you might end up losing him and Sam. You might end up not seeing them at all. Well, geez, that’s just…” Gabriel sat there stunned for a moment, as if the realization hit him so hard, he didn’t know what to do with it. “…stupid,” he added after a while.

Castiel gave a small smile. “To Uncle Bobby, Sam and Dean, they’re like sons… they’re the closest thing I have to a family now.”

“Ugh,” Gabriel peeled off a layer of dried glue and glitter off his index finger in disgust. “I get it, I get it. You’re screwed. But there’s really no point in keepin’ this ‘family’ of yours intact if you’re leavin’ them anyway.”

“I’d like to think I would still have a family in Lawrence to return to if I ever got the chance.”

“Are you sure you won’t change your mind then?” Gabriel asked.

“Change his mind about what?” someone suddenly asked them.

Castiel’s head jerked upward so fast he saw static and stars before his eyes focused on Dean standing before them, carrying a couple rolls of fabric. ‘Oh god…’ Castiel paled when he thought Dean might have heard them talking about him, but Dean just looked at them, expectantly waiting for an answer.

He heard Gabriel chuckle, clearly unsurprised and unruffled by Dean’s sudden appearance. “Oh nothing, Deanie-dearest, just askin’ Cassie here for a date and he turned me down. Me!” Gabriel said, looking absolutely affronted by idea.

“That so?” Dean humored Gabriel and gave them a smile that Castiel couldn’t quite label. Amused? Annoyed? Appalled? Castiel didn’t know what it was, but there was something off about Dean that day.

“Yeah. So, you know, I thought I should at least get a kiss for my efforts to woo him,” Gabriel told Dean.

And before Castiel could react and tell him off, Gabriel leaned in and kissed him. On the mouth. Just a quick smack that lasted for a split second, but for Castiel it felt like the world slowed down on its axis just to prolong his agony.

“Gabriel!” Castiel growled, immediately wiping his lips with the back of his sleeve.

But Gabriel was already up and walking away by the time Castiel finished saying his name. “Ciao Cassie, Dean, I’m gonna head out for a few minutes to look for a dashing date for tonight’s dance,” he said before disappearing into the throng of busy people walking around the gym.

For a few awkward seconds, Dean and Castiel remained quiet, Castiel fidgeting with a bunch of the letters and Dean just standing in front of the sign in repair. Castiel felt himself relax the moment Dean broke the silence.

“You and Gabriel are close, huh? I never see you talk much with anybody else besides him. And well, Sam.”

Castiel looked up at Dean again in surprise. “Huh? Gabriel? No, no. That guy’s a nightmare,” Castiel told Dean and looked back down just as quickly, as if he were afraid another second of looking at him might make Dean uncomfortable again. “I’d like to avoid him as much as I could.”

“Right,” he heard Dean say. “Well, I just came over to see how the sign was doing. When you’re finished with that, you can ask one of the freshmen to hang it, and then come find me by the buffet table. I’ll give you something else to do before all the people come in.”

“Sure,” Castiel answered, focusing all his attention on getting the letters glued straight that he didn’t even glance at Dean again until he walked away.

He released a breath he didn’t know he held when Dean left, and berated himself for how awkward he became whenever Dean was in front of him. It infuriated him how, despite his best efforts to control his emotions, Dean could still unravel him with just one look. He had gotten better after three years of this, but now his mind was muddled again because he wouldn’t have any more of whatever ‘this’ was after graduation. Within months, Dean would no longer be there to distract him, to make his emotions go awry. He could go back to the way he was before, serious and logical and unaffected by anyone around him. It might sound great, yes. But deep inside he knew he’d rather have ‘this’ than have nothing at all.

+++

To everyone’s delight, the dance went smoothly and everybody had fun. Well, mostly. Castiel of course, wasn’t very keen on having fun anyway. Plus, he was working at the registration table where Sam was supposed to be assigned for the night. He collected tickets, asked people to sign their names, and escorted some of them inside. Gabriel found a busty blonde for a date, which he overheard Dean praising as a ‘clear 10’.

He saw less of Dean during most of the dance until about 9 when Dean came back out to the registration table bringing boxed dinners for everybody who was still working. Castiel thought Dean looked tired, stressed even, and the smile that he usually used to flash generously to everyone was scarcely seen. It had been a really long day for everyone, so the dinner of pasta with meat sauce and a couple pieces of hot wings was welcomed by all those who helped out.

“Here,” Dean said to Castiel as he handed him one of the boxed meals.

Castiel opened it and saw that his had white sauce and fried chicken instead. He looked up in surprise at Dean, who just shrugged. “I remembered Sam once told me you preferred white sauce and you can’t stand anything remotely spicy, so I got you that instead,” Dean explained in a serious tone. When Castiel didn’t react, Dean suddenly said, “Or I remembered it wrong. I could still get you the same food as theirs—“

“Sam told you?” Castiel said in disbelief, wide eyes still trained on Dean’s face. The “and you remembered?!” hanging heavy in the air.

“Uh…yeah,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck with a hand. “I only remembered because I saw the hot wings and everyone was fallin’ all over themselves trying to get them at the buffet table and I remembered Sam telling me you hated them and just… man you’re missin’ out.”

“Oh.” Castiel didn’t quite know how to react to that. He was still stuck on the fact that Dean knew his food preference. Dean. “Well, uh, thanks,” Castiel just said, finally averting his gaze and settling it on the food in front of him.

“Great,” Dean said, and his voice lacked a bit of its usual strength. Maybe he was really tired already. “Because I’m pretty sure we’re all out of hot wings and I was gonna insist you eat that anyway even if I got the food wrong.”

“No, you got it right. I’m good,” Castiel told him, his eyes never leaving his food. He was afraid if he looked at Dean again, he might never take his eyes off of him.

“Great,” he heard Dean say again. “Well, eat up,” Dean said to the room before Castiel felt him walk away.

This was another thing that infuriated him. How Dean could give him these crumbs every now and then, enough to fan the flame back to life just as it was dying. They were like little gestures that might mean nothing to Dean or to others, but were like tiny rays of hope for Castiel. Sometimes Castiel wished that Dean would just crush him entirely, hurt him with his words or with his actions, whether he knew it or not. But it never happened. Each time Castiel felt his heart ache for Dean, there would be moments like this that kept him hoping.

There was that blue tie he got from Dean last Christmas, one that matched the color of his eyes perfectly. Granted, Dean gave it as a replacement for a blue tie he had borrowed from Castiel just a few weeks before for another of Sam’s speeches: a blue tie that was ruined due to an unfortunate incident involving hot sauce that neither of the brothers wanted to talk about. But still, it warmed Castiel’s heart that Dean was the one who gave it to him as a present and not Sam.

Then there was that one time when there was a thunderstorm and Dean gave Castiel a ride home from school in the Impala. They hardly talked on the short ride home and it was just as well for Castiel because he was much more comfortable with silence. Besides, he was happy enough that he got to share the car with Dean, who had just officially earned the right to drive the Impala this senior year when his dad gave it to him as an early graduation present. Granted, Dean invited most of his friends to ride with him during the first few days he had the car in his possession, so Castiel knew this wasn’t anything special.

Then, just the other day, when Bobby and John left for their annual week-long fishing trip, Dean had come over the house to give him a take-out bag with two burgers in it. Sam told Dean to give it to Castiel because Dean bought dinner for himself and for Sam, who as it turned out, had already eaten out with some friends. Granted, it wasn’t Dean’s idea to give Castiel food, but just the fact that Dean had come over himself to give it to him made Castiel’s heart pound yet again. Did he mention they were burgers? Because Dean plus burgers was a lethal combination for him. If Dean had asked Castiel to sell his soul to him, he would have done it within an instant.

Now, pasta with white sauce and fried chicken weren’t as potent as burgers for Castiel, but he still felt a small smile form on his lips as he took his first bite. Because all the other times made Castiel feel a little bit more special in Dean’s eyes, but none more than this.

+++

By the time the dance ended promptly at 11pm (since it was in school grounds and no late partying was allowed), Castiel was beat. He was about to leave when he felt a hand land on his shoulder. He turned around and saw it was Dean.

“Hey, don’t leave just yet. Let me get my things and you can catch a ride with me back home,” Dean suggested.

Castiel just nodded before Dean disappeared into the gym again.

Dean’s things, as it turned out, consisted of several bags of tools and other materials that they used to decorate the gym. It took up the whole trunk and Castiel had to take a couple of trips from the gym to the Impala just to get all of them. So by the time they had hauled every single item inside the car, Castiel had already guessed that one of the reasons, if not the only reason, that Dean thought to give him a ride was so that he could help carry the stuff back into the house. It didn’t bother Castiel because the ten minutes it gave him alone with Dean as they drove home was more than what he could have hoped for.

The silence that settled on the Impala that night, however, wasn’t like the time before. It was heavier, the look on Dean’s face darker, like he was thinking of something very serious, and Castiel didn’t like that particular look on Dean. He looked almost angry now, not tired or stressed like before. It set Castiel’s nerves on edge, worrying that something terrible might have happened that he didn’t know about. To Bobby and John, or to Sam.

When Dean turned the ignition off, he moved both his hands to the steering wheel and gripped tight. “Would you mind…?” he didn’t need to finish the sentence for Castiel to know what he meant.

“Oh, yeah, sure…” Castiel agreed, opening the car door and stepping out. Dean got out of the car soon after, and the silence fell on them again as they hauled most of the stuff inside the house and down the basement. “Sam… isn’t here yet?” Castiel asked when he noticed the house was empty.

“Yeah. He called, said he’d sleep over at his friend’s house,” Dean explained. “Those go up to my room,” Dean pointed at the duffel bags Castiel was carrying. He didn’t ask Castiel if he could bring them up to his room, he just picked up another bag and turned to walk up the stairs. Castiel followed Dean to his room and deposited the bags near the bed.

When Dean moved to the door to close it behind Castiel, the alarms in Castiel’s head went off and he knew for sure that something was wrong. He felt trapped, cornered, and he swallowed nervously as he slowly turned back around to face his captor. Dean had his back on the door, arms crossed on his chest, the look on his face was positively ominous, and suddenly the room felt too small, the air too heavy to breathe. “Is something wrong?” Castiel heard himself saying weakly.

“Bobby called me last night,” Dean said with the same grim expression.

And Castiel felt his face pale. “Why? What happened to my uncle?” Castiel asked, panic rising in his throat.

A dismissive hand and an irritated look was what Castiel got as a reply from Dean.

“So nothing’s wrong with them? They’re fine?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah, yeah. As far as I know, they’re catchin’ some great fish out there,” Dean told him, his eyes never leaving Castiel’s face.

“So what’s the problem, then? Why’d he call?” Castiel asked, and he can’t help it if his tone became a bit impatient. Dean was acting weird and he wasn’t telling him why.

“He asked me if I could give you a ride to Kansas City tomorrow,” Dean just said.

And just like that, Castiel knew what this was all about, so he took a deep breath to steady himself. “He did?” he asked, managing to keep his voice steady.

“Yeah. You mind explainin’ to me why your aunt is taking some of your things to Canada?”

“Uh… she works in an airline. She gets free extra baggage…” Castiel said in a tone he hoped seemed indifferent enough.

“Dammit, Cas!” Dean growled, and the force in his voice made Castiel jump. “Why is she taking your stuff back to Canada in the first place?” Dean asked, and Castiel didn’t know if he should answer or not. It was obvious Dean already knew why. “You’re leaving Lawrence,” Dean finally said, his tone grim and accusatory.

Castiel was surprised by Dean’s reaction. He was furious, but Castiel wasn’t so sure why. He felt his heart start pounding harder in his chest. “I don’t see why that should be a problem,” he answered as calmly as he could.

Dean pushed himself off the door and walked closer to Castiel, stopping just a few paces away. “I thought I heard from Sam that you got accepted to Kansas University. So you could imagine my surprise when Bobby suddenly tells me you’re leaving for Canada once you graduate,” Dean told him.

“Why should it concern you whether I leave here or not?” Castiel asked him defiantly. Because really, why was Dean looking at him as if he was being betrayed by Castiel?

“Because I care about Sam, okay? And I care about Bobby!” he growled. “You’re leaving, and you haven’t even told Sam,” Dean continued. “The kid’s gonna be so disappointed. You’re like his best friend! And Bobby, man Cas, he treats you like his own son! The last time I’ve seen him this happy was when his wife was still alive. And you’re just gonna leave? Run off to friggin’ Canada?” He spat out his last words like it stung his tongue. And if Castiel thought Dean was furious before, well, he was beyond furious now.

“You don’t understand,” Castiel said, shaking his head.

“Oh really? Tell me, Cas. What don’t I understand? You gotta give me something here…”

“My great aunt promised to put me through college, but I have to study in Vancouver, okay?” Castiel told him, frustration now evident in his voice. “I can’t stay here. Uncle Bobby’s already havin’ a tough time paying the bills with me here. He can’t afford to send me to college,” Castiel added.

“Then get a damn loan, or a scholarship. If that’s still not enough, then get two or three part time jobs. Heck, that’s what I’m planning to do. You don’t just up and leave your family like that. And Bobby? Trust me, he’d rather have you here because he’d at least have someone else to look after besides himself.”

Castiel didn’t know what to say to that. When he made the decision to leave for Canada, it had seemed like the only option. But now that Dean’s putting it like that, he suddenly felt like he was making a mistake. “It’s not that easy…” Castiel just said.

“Of course it isn’t Cas! But you’ve got Bobby and Sam here. They’re practically you’re family. That’s gotta count for something,” Dean said. He never said “you’ve got me” but it was starting to get clear that he meant that as well, and it threw Castiel for a loop.

“Why are you being like this?” Castiel whispered in disbelief, clearly at a loss with what to do. He sank to the edge of the bed, still staring wide eyed at Dean.

“Stay, okay? Just because…” Dean said, and his voice was softer, almost as if he were pleading.

Castiel averted his eyes and shook his head. It was too much. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Dean looked at him sitting there looking lost and Dean growled in frustration. He leaned down, caught the sides of Castiel’s face with his hands… and kissed him.

The moments between Dean’s action and Castiel’s reaction stretched on for an eternity. Castiel was too shocked to move, to think. For a moment, he thought he had skipped everything, had gone back home and once again imagined Dean kissing him. But no, he realized. He was not daydreaming. The feel of Dean’s mouth on his, hot and demanding, was too real to ignore.

Then there were his hands, big and calloused, one on his jaw while the other moving to the back of his head. Dean was kissing him harder now, tongue dancing circles in Castiel’s mouth, and still he could not react, except for a small moan that escaped his lips the moment Dean’s teeth came down on his lower lip. And that moan only fueled Dean to push him to lie down on the bed while Dean moved and straddled his hips. The moment Dean moved his hands to pull off his own shirt was the moment Castiel realized he should react. Right about now.

“W-wait!” Castiel squeaked, feeling out of breath and weak all of a sudden.

“What?” Dean asked in irritation as he pulled his t-shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor.

“What are you doing?!” Castiel asked, his voice still weak. And he knew he should’ve asked Dean this the moment he started kissing him, and not now when he was lying on Dean’s bed with Dean on top of him.

“You’re leavin’ right? Then this is perfect,” Dean said, his voice low and ominous again and so very wrong. Dean leaned down and started kissing him again, and Castiel knew his brain would be fried and useless in seconds.

“Dean?” he managed to breathe out when Dean moved to spread kisses down his jaw and neck.

“Let me fuck you,” he heard Dean say, and Castiel’s hands flew out from his sides to push Dean off of him. Because that should not be as hot as it was, but it made his blood rush down to his cock and it frightened him. His effort to dislodge Dean was futile and only managed to jar Dean from completing his trail of kisses down Castiel’s throat.

“You’re not serious, are you?” Castiel asked in disbelief. Mostly because he had pictured this a thousand and one times before, but not like this. Not with Dean looking like he was going to murder him or devour him alive.

“I’ve always wanted to try it with a guy,” Dean murmured even as he sucked at the skin just above Castiel’s collar. “You like guys, right?” Castiel heard Dean say.

“I I-don’t…” Castiel began. He was thinking of saying “I don’t like guys, I like you—“ but Dean interrupted him with a chilling chuckle as he leaned back again and looked at Castiel through hooded eyes. Castiel shivered in fear. This was a Dean he didn’t know. Didn’t understand. And although he had dreamed of this moment countless times before, he certainly had no illusions about it being remotely possible. But then, he glanced down and saw the crotch of Dean’s jeans tented and unbelievably straining. Dean was hard. And on top of him.

And damn if Castiel can get any harder from all of this. Because despite himself, and despite feeling this was all wrong, he still felt a thrill at hearing Dean’s voice, at feeling the solid weight of Dean’s body on top of him.

“Come on, Cas.” Dean began unbuttoning Castiel’s blue shirt. “I’ve never seen you with a girl. I’ve seen you with Gabriel… and Gabriel only sticks to his kind…” Dean said before giving up and practically tearing open Castiel’s shirt. “So I’m pretty sure you’re gonna like this,” Dean smirked.

“Dean…” Castiel could only breathe out his name in what he hoped sounded like a protest.

“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing…” Dean said. And Castiel might’ve found enough strength to protest that he hadn’t been thinking about that at all. But when Dean breathed into his ears words he never wanted to hear, he felt his energy drain from him and he was utterly defeated.

“You should feel lucky you’re getting to sleep with me,” Dean said to him before capturing his lips again in a kiss, his hands roaming around Castiel’s chest and gliding down his stomach.

And Castiel let him. Castiel stopped fighting and let him. Because Dean told him the one thing he didn’t want to hear. That he was lucky Dean chose him. Because this was Dean. And that was the truth.

Castiel closed his eyes and held back the tears he knew were coming. Not because he didn’t want this, but because despite Dean’s harsh words, he was right. He felt lucky Dean even looked his way, and he felt like he could cry because no matter how hard he tried to hide it, he still loved Dean very much. He wanted to cry because of how much he still wanted this, all of this, despite everything.

Castiel watched as Dean’s expression changed, like a switch was flipped inside of him the moment Cas relented. When Cas started responding to his touch, a wrecked sound escaped Dean’s lips as Castiel’s every shiver and every moan only made him hungry for more.

Castiel arched his back when Dean toyed with his nipples, and Dean sputtered and cursed as a surge of arousal went through him like electricity. Dean snaked his hands under Castiel, grabbed his ass and pulled his hips up to grind against his.

Castiel’s eyes flew wide open in surprise, only for them to roll to the back of his eyelids at the feeling of Dean’s jean-covered erection against his, the pressure of Dean’s hips thrusting downward even as Dean’s hands squeezed harder around each mound of his ass. It was almost painful, and before Castiel realized it, his hands had already reached out to Dean’s upper arms and gripped tight.

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean’s voice was strained. He felt Dean move on top of him and his hands left their hold on his ass. He missed the contact immediately, and by the time he cracked his eyes open, Dean had his own pants open and was already pulling out his cock and stroking, his eyes closed and muttering ‘shit,’ and ‘fuck’ over and over again.

A small whimper escaped Castiel’s throat, because that was the hottest thing he had ever seen, and Dean’s eyes snapped open at the sound. Dean looked at Castiel lying askew on his bed, dark hair disheveled, eyes heavy-lidded, parted lips swollen and bruised and just begging to be kissed again, chest splashed pink and heaving, arousal tenting his jeans… and Dean just lost it. He made quick work of Castiel’s belt and pants and pulled them down along with his boxers before he could protest.

Castiel felt the breath get knocked out of him when Dean grabbed his hips, pulled him higher onto the bed and flipped him onto his stomach like a ragdoll, pants still tangled at his knees. He felt Dean shift, the bed dip to the side, heard a drawer open and close, and then Dean’s back again.

And then a hand was back on Castiel’s hip, pulling him up on his hands and knees, Dean’s chest pressed against his back, a kiss on his nape, Dean’s other hand snaking down to stroke his erection, and stars in his eyes and ringing in his ears. Then suddenly the hand on his hip was no longer there, and there were fingers, wet and slippery, tracing the cleft of his ass, a finger pushing in without warning, and Castiel couldn’t breathe. Everything was happening too fast. It was uncomfortable, even painful, but it was Dean.

Dean’s finger pushing deeper into him, Dean’s other hand stroking him, Dean’s lips leaving open mouthed kisses down his back like he was worshipping Castiel’s skin. And Castiel couldn’t help but shiver and just feel. Because no matter how angry and cold Dean was before, he was almost gentle with Castiel as he eased another finger inside him, as he stroked down Castiel’s cock, as he kissed the small of Castiel’s back. And despite Dean’s words that he just wanted to try it out with a guy, Castiel can’t help but think more of his careful, tender touches, and his lingering kisses. Dean was giving him crumbs once more, and it made Castiel’s heart clench. Dean was crushing him and then giving him hope again. It was too much…

And then Dean withdrew his fingers and suddenly there was something slick and hot and hard and heavy pressing against Castiel’s hole, and stars burst into galaxies behind his eyelids as Dean’s cock pushed in. He felt tears slip down his cheeks at the excruciating pain, like he was being split in half and rammed to a wall at the same time and his erection waned considerably.

And Dean continued to push in until he was fully seated inside Castiel. He took a shaky breath and waited all but 10 seconds before he began thrusting, rough and hard and frantic and intense. Dean panted a litany of incoherent curses, of ‘fuck’ and ‘Cas’ and ‘shit’ and ‘tight’, and gripped his hips hard enough to bruise. Castiel just shut his eyes, prayed the pain would go away, prayed Dean would get what he wanted from this, prayed Dean would still want him after this.

Then Dean’s cock pressed against something inside him, blinding pleasure mixing with the pain. His whole body jerked, eyes flew wide open and a moan escaped his lips as his erection started to return to full force.

“Fuck Cas,” Dean gasped. He leaned down, pressing his chest against Castiel’s back again, and licked the sweat behind Castiel’s ear. “So hot,” Dean murmured, and he angled his hips to hit that spot over and over, and Castiel jerked, his hands gripping the sheets tightly as he moaned again and again. And Dean smiled against his skin, chuckled a “You like that, huh?” against his ear, and thrust harder, deliberately dragging the head of his cock against Castiel’s prostate every single time. And all Castiel could do was moan.

One more touch of Dean’s hand on his cock, one more hard thrust against that spot and Castiel was beyond lost. He felt his body burn and freeze at the same time, the breath escaping his lungs in a strangled gasp, his hands clenching tight enough to tear fabric, eyes widening to epic proportions as the sensations slammed at him all at once. He was coming all over the sheets even as Dean’s hand continued to drag up and down his cock.

His arms collapse beneath him, and his head fell on the pillow—Dean’s pillow. His knees would have followed if not for the tight grip of Dean’s hands on his hips keeping his ass angled up as Dean continued to thrust into him.

Castiel’s mind no longer registered the exact moment when it happened. Dean might’ve continued thrusting frantically for a few more seconds, a few more minutes, an hour, he didn’t know. Through the haze, he might’ve heard Dean cry out, he might’ve felt the slam of Dean’s hips as he buried himself balls deep in him, and he might’ve whimpered at the feeling of Dean’s come rushing inside him, filling him. He didn’t remember.

But as Dean slipped out and released his grip on Castiel’s hip and collapsed beside him in a sweaty, panting heap, Castiel remembered, and could recall with perfect clarity, the feeling of warmth blooming in his chest. Because despite everything that happened, Dean had just found his release inside of him. Dean chose him tonight. And for that moment, Castiel remembered feeling happy. Happy and incredibly lucky. Because this was Dean. And there was no hope of this ever happening again.

+++

Later that night, Castiel found himself back in his room without any recollection of how he got there. He eyed the open suitcase at the foot of his bed wearily. He ignored it for the moment in favor of a hot shower.

Working on automatic, he removed his clothes, stepped under the spray and scrubbed soap all over his body. He winced as he felt come drip down his thighs, noticing for the first time the ache in his ass. And if he scrubbed his skin harder with soap and rinsed himself longer, he didn’t take notice.

He dried himself and put on fresh clothes. He spied the window by the side, now fixed and overlooking Dean’s room. Castiel strode purposefully to the window and watched the stillness of the curtains in the other room before pulling his own curtains closed.

As he arranged some of his clothes, several books and other personal belongings in the suitcase, he told himself he was doing the right thing. This was what he wanted. He had no regrets. He had just spent a few brief moments in Dean’s bed, which was more than he had ever hoped for. He was happy. But as he carefully rolled and packed the blue tie Dean gave him, his vision grew blurry as tears fell unhindered down his cheeks. And he knew that he really wasn’t okay.

+++

The next day, Castiel went on as if the night before was only a figment of his imagination. He met with his distant aunt, whom he had only ever seen once before, when he was a little boy. She was the daughter of Castiel’s great aunt, the one who promised to put him through college because she apparently favored his mother among her nieces. He ate brunch with his aunt at a small restaurant, she asked about school, he answered politely.

An hour later, he watched her walk away with his suitcase in tow, and he thought about how there was no turning back now. After he graduated, he’d be flying off to Canada as well, and he would probably never see Sam or Dean again.

When he returned home that afternoon, Dean was waiting for him at his doorstep, his back leaning against the door. “I promised Bobby I’d drive you…” Dean said in lieu of a greeting. His voice was hoarse and quiet, as if it took effort for him to make a sound.

Castiel dragged his eyes away from Dean’s face as he walked closer. Looking at him gave Castiel an uncomfortable feeling inside his chest, and he stopped several feet away. “Uh, I already met with my aunt,” he said.

“Yeah, I know. I, um, woke up late. You were already gone,” he heard Dean say.

“Uh-huh,” Castiel said as he watched the old man a couple houses down the street mowing his lawn as if it were the most interesting thing he had ever seen.

“So… your stuff…”

“Probably already on a plane bound for Vancouver,” Castiel supplied.

“You’re really leaving, huh?” Dean asked with a bitter smile on his lips that Castiel just barely saw from the corner of his eye. Dean took a deep breath. “Look…” he said, pushing himself off the door and nearer to Castiel.

Blue eyes focused their gaze back on Dean, and Dean stopped. “You don’t owe me anything Dean. As far as my uncle is concerned, you did drive me to Kansas City. Don’t worry about it,” Castiel said, and he wanted to shrug, make it look more like he didn’t care, but found that he couldn’t. He pretended to be ignorant of Dean struggling to get something off of his chest. He didn’t want to hear what Dean had to say just yet. Sorry? Forget about it? It was a mistake? I don’t know what came over me? I’m not gay, really? It was just that one time? It’s not gonna happen again? Don’t tell anybody, okay? There were a thousand and one things Dean could have said to him, but he wasn’t ready for the illusion to be shattered. Not yet. Because no matter how much Dean may have regretted the night before, Castiel didn’t.

Dean looked like he was about to say something when Sam leaned out their living room window and yelled out for him. “Dean! Did you use my boxers again?”

Dean looked in frustration at Sam, then back at Castiel, and Castiel just gave him a small smile. “Sam’s walking around your house without underwear. You should probably check up on that,” he told him.

“Uh,” Dean said, after opening and closing his mouth several times. “Yeah, I should…” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Don’t tell Sam okay,” Castiel said when Dean walked past him.

Dean turned around just as Castiel did. He looked like he was going to puke. “A-about…” Dean began tentatively, almost nervously.

“Canada,” Castiel supplied.

“Uh, Canada, right,” Dean said, the tension easing off his shoulders a bit.

“I’ll tell him myself,” Castiel said. “Later. At Scrabble,” he added.

Dean just nodded, turned back around and continued walking back to his own house.

The second Castiel shut the front door behind him, he leaned on it with his head tipped back and his eyes closed. He didn’t realize how difficult seeing Dean again would be after the night before. Because he thought he was already happy, lucky even, to get that one night with Dean, even if it wasn’t an entirely pleasant experience and Dean wasn’t acting like himself. But the moment he saw Dean again, saw those same bright green eyes that he fell in love with three years ago, he knew he was doomed. Once was good, but it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.

Part 2b

Fic: Come on with the Rain Part 1

remivel — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 08:38:31 GMT

The first time Castiel saw Dean, it was his first day living in Lawrence, Kansas. Fifteen years old and sheltered for most of his life, Castiel was left reeling when a tragic instant turned his life upside down. One drunk driver and a funeral for two was all it took, and soon, he found himself at his Uncle Bobby’s house, utterly helpless and alone, his body drained of energy and his mind a mess.

As he was hauling his bags out of the car and into his new home, he saw Dean playing catch with his brother Sam on the lawn right next door. Never one to make friends easily, and certainly not in the mood to do so after all that had happened in the past few weeks, he ignored the boys and tried to make a quick escape inside the house—only to be stopped by his uncle blocking the door and calling out to the Winchesters.

“They’re good kids,” he told Castiel, who only looked at him pleadingly. “Now, now. Don’t look at me like I’m feedin’ ya’ to the dogs here. These boys are like family to me. Say hi,” Bobby said to him before he pushed Castiel forward.

Castiel reluctantly turned his attention to the boys. Sweaty and smiling widely, the two brothers crossed the yard to shake his hand. Sam was four years younger than him, with a flop of messy brown hair, dimples on his cheeks, friendly and pleasant, but Dean… Dean was Castiel’s age, all freckles and bright green eyes and a blinding smile and just… indescribable.

From the first moment Castiel saw Dean’s face up-close, he had memorized the color of his eyes, and he spent his first night in Lawrence sketching in a small notebook and trying to color all the shades of green and blue and brown and gold he had seen.

+++

The second time he saw Dean was at school a week later. Despite Bobby’s attempts to get Castiel to go out and just do ‘normal stuff,’ Castiel vehemently opposed him and stayed indoors as much as he could, which was probably the reason why Dean was so surprised to see Castiel in the same sophomore year math class as him.

Castiel spotted him from across the room first. He wasn’t exactly easy to ignore. He was clad in a leather jacket, a black tee, and well-worn jeans that hugged his curiously bowed legs perfectly. He looked… like fire.

There was no other way Castiel could think of to describe him at that instant. It was like he was radiating light, the colors of his hair, his eyes, and his skin brighter, more vivid than the rest. His smile was warm, inviting, attracting the other students like tiny moths. They hovered around him like it was the most natural thing to do. The way he confidently carried himself was much like a flame too—beautiful in all its raw, natural power, but not without the thrill of danger, of a wildness just lurking underneath.

And just like fire, he made Castiel feel like he was burning. He felt his cheeks flush hot and something else smoldering deep in the pit of stomach—a want, a need to be near him like the rest, to touch him and feel the heat on his fingertips, to gaze at his smile and be warmed. But Castiel gritted his teeth and averted his gaze. He did not have it in him to approach someone as bright as Dean Winchester. So when it was Dean who approached him a minute later, well, Castiel was more than surprised.

He heard Dean before he saw him. A short “hey” from Dean and Castiel’s head jerked up instantly. He was even brighter up close, and it was hard to look directly at him for too long, but even harder to look away.

The stunned look on Castiel’s face must have been a tad too much for Dean. His smile faltered for a split second just as he was about to say something, but he recovered quickly and his grin grew even wider as he spoke. He had come to ask for Castiel’s name again.

Castiel smiled a little at that. He expected Dean not to notice or remember him, but he did. He just forgot his name, which was to be expected, so Castiel reminded him of it. That was the extent of their conversation, cut short by the untimely arrival of their teacher. But Castiel saw more of Dean that day because it turned out that they shared almost all of their classes, apart from electives (Dean chose carpentry, Castiel opted for advanced French). Castiel saw Dean almost every day after that as well, but didn’t get the chance to speak to him again.

+++

The next time Castiel spoke to Dean was at Bobby’s auto repair shop and salvage yard that same week. Castiel had unenthusiastically gone to the shop to give Bobby a parchment that had the word “URGENT” stamped all over it. Fearing it might defeat the ‘urgent’ warning if he opted to hand it to Bobby when he returned home that night, he went against his self-imposed ‘stay indoors’ rule and headed for the yard.

To his surprise, he saw Dean there, in greasy overalls, carrying a few tools and various car parts that Castiel would not even attempt to name. He thought of hiding, or circling the yard to avoid Dean, because they weren’t friends, not at all, and it would be awkward for him to say ‘hi’. But then Dean saw him approaching and, well, it would have been a whole lot more awkward now if Castiel tried to escape. So he swallowed the nervous feeling he got whenever Dean was near and walked over to him. It turned out that he might have said more than ‘hi!’ though.

His throat suddenly went dry once Dean returned the greeting with an easy smile. Castiel froze on the spot as he tried to think of something to say. He was afraid he might say something dumb or boring and Dean would lose interest. But then Dean was looking at him like he was waiting for Castiel to speak, so Castiel finally opened his mouth…. and talked about the different types of screws, and how he read once that a guy named Henry F. Phillips invented a screw that was used first on the 1936 Cadillac.

“You read about screws?” he remembered Dean asking him, and he replied with an affirmative and added something like “types, history, and screwing techniques” for clarification. And to Castiel’s confusion (and later on, utter amazement), Dean laughed.

It was the first time he heard Dean laugh, and that night, before Castiel went to bed, he tried recalling the way a wide smile blossomed on Dean’s face, first tugging on the right corner of his lips then on the left, the way he tipped his head back and laughed, the way he bent over slightly and clutched the tools and parts tighter to his chest as he gasped for air. And when Castiel curled on his side on the bed and cupped his hands to his ears, he could almost, almost hear the sound of Dean’s laughter again. It brought a smile to his face as he fell asleep.

+++

In the weeks that passed, Castiel observed Dean from afar and discovered for himself the little things that made up Dean Winchester.

Dean, he found, liked cars and rock music. He worshiped the ground his father’s ’67 Chevy Impala rolled on, and during his free time, he helped out at Bobby’s auto repair shop for a few extra bucks, which was why Castiel found him in the yard that day. Several times, Castiel heard rock music pounding next door. He didn’t recognize the songs or the singers and couldn’t picture the sweet and friendly little brother as the culprit for the blaring music, so he assumed it could only be Dean.

Dean, who liked to constantly tease Sam about a girl named Ruby, who played grade school pranks on Sam like tying his shoelaces together and putting a whipped cream beard on Sam’s face when the kid was sleeping on the porch. Dean, who, when he thought no one was looking, fixed Sam’s collar and brushed the dirt off his pants. He teased Sam endlessly about being such a huge nerd when Sam returned home with a 1^st place ribbon for a writing contest, only to smile with so much pride once Sam turned his back.

Dean, who loved women like he loved pie: hot and sweet and in different varieties. He didn’t have a steady girlfriend, but he walked around school with different women, and when he didn’t, they sought him out and hovered around him, all giggles and batting eyelashes and twirling hair. And Dean loved the attention.

Dean, who was part of the soccer club and member of the student council, who was friends with the jocks and the cheerleaders, the popular kids, the party-goers, and even the do-gooders. He got good grades and everybody liked him, even the teachers, which Castiel would usually think was impossible if he didn’t see for himself how Dean could charm his way into or out of anything: an extended deadline for his history paper, a free pass for being late, an A+ for his unconventional English report on “The Various Depictions of Vampires in Recent TV Shows and Movies and how they Differ from Actual Lore” (apparently, you had to cut their heads off to kill them. Who knew?). Yes. Dean could do it all, Castiel thought. And with this thought came the realization of the gap, no, the chasm that separated him from Dean.

While Castiel enjoyed relative anonymity and lurking in the sidelines, Dean preferred the company of his many friends and reveled in the warmth of the spotlight. Their difference was like night and day, and Castiel also discovered, albeit belatedly, that it was silly to look at Dean the way he did. It was silly to watch his every move at school, to try and listen to the rock music filtering in from a boarded up window in his room that Castiel had surmised was overlooking a room—Dean’s room— just next door.

At first, it frustrated him that the busted up window was covered with planks of wood, but now he was thankful it did. It served as a physical reminder of the barrier between him and Dean. He liked the reminder. It gave him control over his thoughts, control over his actions, so that the next time he talked to Dean at school when they were assigned together in a group, he talked without mentioning anything dumb or random, without stumbling over his words, without showing his emotions. And if it came off that he was being cold to Dean, with the way Dean’s eyebrows shot up to his forehead at some of Castiel’s words, then Castiel was all the more pleased with that. He did not talk to Dean again, and tried not to look at him again for days after that. He knew, of course, that his resistance would not last for very long, but he tried.

+++

The first time Castiel faced the truth was the day that barrier came crashing down.

He had just gotten out of the shower, barefoot and in a fresh pair of boxers, a towel slung over his shoulders, his hair still dripping. He stopped by the boarded window in his room. The hinges had given out and the glass had broken months before Castiel even arrived, which was why Bobby patched it up with old planks of wood to keep away the elements until he could get around to fixing it. He never did, which was just as well. The room that window overlooked was forbidden territory—not to mention it was constantly oozing rock music even at night.

But what caught Castiel’s attention this time around was not the perpetual Led Zeppelin playing on Dean’s speakers (yes, he researched what those songs were that Dean listened to all the time, and now he could at least decipher some of them). It was the sound of an acoustic guitar playing some tune he did not recognize, and someone singing along with it.

Castiel walked towards the window and leaned on the wood to try and hear the sound better. With eyes wide, he realized the person singing with a voice that Castiel thought to be very pleasing was no one else but Dean. Dean was singing. Singing.

Castiel leaned both hands on the wood and pressed his ear closer to listen to Dean’s voice. Dean was singing softer now, and Castiel strained to hear him. Then he heard something crack and the next thing he knew, the old boards were splintering under his weight and he was about to topple out the window. He reared back in surprise, arms flailing around him as he fell back on the floor with a loud thud.

Dazed and a bit confused, Castiel rubbed his backside as he stood up again, and was suddenly faced with the sight of none other than Dean Winchester.

Dean was in a tight t-shirt and black leather pants, holding a guitar and propped on a stool in the middle of his room, and looking, for all intents and purposes, like he was holding a private concert for himself. Castiel probably looked like a deer in the headlights at that moment, so it took him a few seconds to realize that Dean was looking back at him with a similarly shocked expression that quickly turned into mortification and embarrassed anger.

Castiel was still pretty much too caught on the fact that he was looking at Dean Winchester and Dean Winchester’s room to do anything else but stare. And Dean, well Dean looked… like fire yet again. Hot and wild and so very difficult to look away from. He made Castiel’s insides burn again with the way his arms flexed as held the guitar, to the way the leather seemed like liquid against his thighs. He found those bow legs inexplicably attractive, and was still in the middle of appreciating every slope and bump when Dean abruptly stood up.

He watched as Dean scrambled to hide his guitar (he probably did not sing or play for other people, with the way he was acting), kicked the stool away then strode to his window. He glared at Castiel, who still looked back at him dumbly, and when Dean leaned out the window and opened his mouth to say something, Castiel knew what was coming next.

“If you—“

“I wasn’t planning on telling anybody,” Castiel quickly reassured him. “I doubt if anyone will believe me anyway,” he added with a level tone and a shrug he hoped didn’t look too forced.

Dean opened and closed his mouth like a fish, clearly looking for words to say.

“Boy?!” Castiel heard Bobby shout before his heavy footsteps echoed through the hallway.

Dean took this as a great opportunity to retreat, and Castiel watched him as he hastily shut his window and yanked the curtains together.

Castiel was still looking at the closed window across from his when Bobby entered the room. “What in the name of—“ Bobby said when he saw the wrecked window.

“It was an accident,” Castiel said immediately, turning to look at Bobby behind him. He was sure he would get scolded this time.

Bobby walked towards the window and peered outside to see the broken pieces of wood on the grass below. “It’s destroyed,” he said almost in awe, and then he laughed and ruffled Castiel’s hair.

Well, that was… unexpected. “You’re happy?” Castiel asked in confusion.

“It’s the first thing you destroyed in this house. I’m glad you’re starting to get comfortable enough to destroy things,” Bobby said with a chuckle.

“And that’s a good thing?”

“Sure. This is your home now. You don’t walk on eggshells in your own home, boy,” Bobby told him. He looked at Castiel with a fond expression on his usually sour-looking face. Castiel couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips.

“Are you sure, Uncle Bobby? I might end up accidentally burning your library one day,” Castiel said.

Bobby scoffed. “Who’re you kiddin’? You love that library more than I do. So long as you put the fire out before it burns down the whole house, I ain’t complainin’,” he told the boy before pushing him towards the closet. “Now go dry your hair some more before you get sick. And put some clothes on. Imma head down the garage, see if I got some plastic to put up on this here hole you made. And tomorrow, yer helpin’ me fix this, y’ hear?” Bobby said.

Castiel nodded in response and did as he was told.

+++

Later that night, when the window was properly covered up by an old plastic sheet and the mess of wood, splinters and nails was cleared out, Castiel looked up at his ceiling, recalling the way Dean’s voice sounded when he sang. He smiled when he remembered the almost comical look of shock that Dean had when he realized he had an audience. Castiel should have probably been embarrassed himself for getting caught spying on Dean, but all he could think about was Dean’s voice, Dean’s face, Dean’s hands on the guitar, Dean’s shirt and the way it stretched across his chest, Dean’s leather pants that were tight in all the right areas and hugged his thighs like second skin. There was that burning inside Castiel again at the mere thought of Dean, and before he even realized it, his hands were already diving under the band of his boxers.

This certainly wasn’t his first time doing this. But it was his first time stroking himself to the image of another boy, of Dean and his hands and lips and chest and thighs. Castiel gripped himself tighter, stroked faster as he imagined Dean naked and on top of him, imagined those bright eyes staring straight into his, those lips kissing a trail of fire down his throat and his chest, those long fingers on him, stroking him. Then, he imagined Dean slyly grinning at him as his thumb pressed the slit of his cock.

Castiel’s whole body jerked as he came with a cry, turning and burying his head on his pillow at the last minute to muffle the sound of his yell. He felt the warm wetness of his come spill between fingers he imagined were Dean’s instead of his.

By the time he thought of moving, he already felt too boneless to get up and change his sticky boxers. But he eventually got himself to stand up and change into the first pair of boxers he could find. Then he flopped back onto the bed before he finally let himself drift off to slumber, the image of Dean’s sly grin still in his mind, and with the last thought that, yes, he would never be able to resist. He was in love with Dean, whether he liked it or not.

+++

Castiel had the tendency to overthink things, so naturally, when he discovered and accepted that he was in love with Dean, he thought of only two ways it could possibly go. The first one was that he will fall out of love with Dean eventually. He was only 15, and first loves rarely last for very long anyway. Maybe in a month or a year, he’d move on to somebody else, and he would be totally fine.

The second one was that he would fall even harder for Dean. He would fall and fall and when he eventually hit rock bottom, he would lie helpless and unable to get up from under the weight of Dean’s shadow. Eventually, though, when Dean was long gone from his life, he would slowly pick himself up. But he would remember the feeling of falling and of hitting the ground by Dean’s feet. He would remember Dean, and would look at no one else the way he looked at him.

He sincerely hoped it would be the first one.

But, as luck would have it, Castiel got a glimpse of which way it would go for him that same week.

+++

Two months of living in Lawrence and this was the first time Castiel was going to a social event. Rufus Turner, a friend of Bobby and the Winchesters, was throwing a barbecue for his birthday that Saturday. Castiel, naturally, refused to leave the house again, but Bobby just muttered some expletives and stomped out of his room, and Castiel thought that was the end of it. However, when Castiel woke up that day, he found all his money as well as all the contents of the fridge and pantry missing, and a single note taped at the fridge door that said,,“Plenty of food at the barbeque. We leave at 11.” Castiel knew he had already lost that battle.

So that was how Castiel found himself sitting on the grass behind Rufus’ truck. It was parked by the hedge on the far end of the yard, quiet and out of the way, just the way Castiel liked it. He didn’t know anyone at the party, and he didn’t do so well with crowds either, so as soon as he ate a burger (which was made of all things heavenly), Castiel carefully grabbed another and excused himself from the picnic table where the people gathered, and found himself the most secluded spot in the whole house. He wasn’t good at handling normal conversations, and did not like how awkward he felt when people talked about things he didn’t know and names he didn’t recognize. Most of all, he hated it when almost every single adult would come up to him and ask him if he was alright, would tell him that they knew his father, Bobby’s younger brother, and that they were so shocked when they heard about the accident. It made him sick in his stomach. If there was anything he did not know how to handle at all, it was their pity.

As he was eating his second burger, he heard voices coming closer to the truck. He took a particularly large bite just as he discovered it was Dean (curse his luck) and a girl (probably the blonde one they kept calling Jo). They were joking with each other, and Castiel could almost picture Dean as he laughed, and he pictured the girl named Jo laughing beside him. She was about their age, or younger, sweet and pretty, and he kind of hated her for it. What a pretty pair they’d make, he thought before he ignored them and continued eating in silence. A few moments later however, his ears picked up on Dean saying his name, and his attention was drawn to them again.

“Who? Castiel?” he heard Dean say in disbelief.

“Brown hair, big blue eyes… if that’s him, then yeah,” Jo said.

“You think Castiel is ‘cute’?” Dean balked. Castiel suddenly felt slightly offended at Dean’s reaction and mostly embarrassed about what he was hearing. He tried to tune them out again, but without much luck.

“Well, in an awkward, nerdy kind of way… plus his eyes! Prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen. You know I’m a fan of pretty eyes, Dean,” Jo told him. And Castiel slumped further down on the grass to make sure he wasn’t seen. He doubted if Jo would like it if she knew Castiel was listening.

“Wait, you told me I had the prettiest eyes you’ve ever seen,” Dean said, and if Castiel was one to roll his eyes, he would’ve at that moment.

“That was before…” and Jo laughed. “It’s not a competition, Dean. Besides, you’re still my number one,” she said to appease him.

“I better be,” Dean huffed.

“He’s Bobby’s nephew, right? Castiel,” Jo asked. There was a pause, Dean must have nodded or something because Jo continued, “So you live next door to each other. What’s Bobby like now that he’s got someone else living with him? I bet it’s chaotic over there!” she chuckled.

“Nah. It’s almost like nothin’s changed. Bobby’s not grumpier than usual and I hardly see his nephew anyway. Never goes out. And you know what? At school, he’s the smartest guy in class, but he never speaks, never eats with anyone at lunch, and if you wanted to find him, all you have to do is look at the farthest, most out of the way places and he’ll be there reading a book alone…” Dean said, and Castiel was struck by his words. So Dean was not as unaware of him as Castiel once thought. Dean knew what he did at school. He was not invisible. Dean saw him.

“Wow, Dean, I can’t believe you noticed that much about someone else other than yourself. You must really like him!” Jo teased.

Castiel heard Dean choke and sputter (he was probably drinking something when she spoke).

“What? No way!” Dean vehemently denied. Castiel couldn’t help but nod in agreement. “That guy’s too weird,” Dean added, and Castiel would have flinched at that word if he weren’t so used to hearing it. He had been called that many times before. It never bothered him, but somehow it did when Dean was the one saying it. “I mean, I get that he’s new in town and all, but man, I wouldn’t want to be caught dead at school with a guy like that,” Dean said.

Castiel suddenly felt his chest go tight, like every breath was a struggle. He shut his eyes and gripped the grass in his hands tight enough to uproot it. He wished Dean would stop there. Because really, could Castiel feel any worse about this?

“I feel awkward every time I see him at Bobby’s salvage yard because I don’t know if I should talk to him, ignore him or what, because sometimes he goes there and he just like sits in a corner and stares at me working all afternoon. It’s creepy. Now, I even miss hanging out at Bobby’s place because he’s there and even if Bobby’s still the same and the house is still the same, it feels like it kinda isn’t, anymore. You know what I mean?”

Castiel felt the color drain from his face as his chest grew painfully tighter. He knew exactly what Dean meant. Dean wasn’t comfortable with him. He missed the days when Castiel wasn’t around. He wanted nothing to do with him. He wished Castiel had never come to Lawrence, never intruded in their lives. Dean wanted him gone, that much was obvious. And for the first time since his parents died, Castiel realized how alone he really was.

Tears may have fallen from his eyes then, but he didn’t notice. He waited until the throbbing pain became just a dull echo in his chest, and if there were tears, they had long since dried. He finally opened his eyes after what seemed like hours. His gaze fell on the half-eaten burger in his hand and he sighed. He lost his appetite, and he wanted a drink, but Dean and Jo were still standing on the opposite side of the truck, now talking about something Castiel didn’t know and didn’t care about.

Dean’s earlier words were still swirling in his mind long after Dean and Jo left, long after he had forgotten he wanted to drink. He wasn’t surprised by Dean’s words. He knew the guy was just being polite whenever he greeted him at the salvage yard. He knew what it meant that Dean had yet to reopen his window, or play the guitar, or play any rock music from his room after what happened the other day. He knew what it meant at school, too, when Dean would pass by him in the hallway without even the briefest glance his way. Dean was something entirely out of reach, after all. And the pain Castiel felt in his chest, well, now he knew what it meant too.

It was the first time Dean Winchester broke his heart.

Part 2a

Fic: Come on with the Rain Masterpost

remivel — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 16:46:36 GMT

Title: Come on with the Rain
Author: remivel
Artist: comedicdrama
Fandom/Genre: Supernatural AU, High school AU, romance, drama, angst
Pairing (s): Dean/Castiel
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 36,000
Warnings: Underage characters in sexual situations (takes place when both Dean and Cas are 15, and then 17-18), explicit depictions of sex (barebacking, rimming, phone sex, semi-public sex), mild dub-con / dub-con / non-con Dean-is-a-dick, possibly unhealthy amounts of angst

Summary: When Castiel was 15, his life changed. In one tragic instant, he lost his parents, and he was forced to live with his Uncle Bobby in Lawrence, Kansas. There he met the Winchester boys, Sam and Dean, who were living next door. He thought Sam was pleasant, and Dean, well, Dean was special. Three years passed and Castiel’s relationship with the boys developed in an unexpected way. Sam became his best friend. But Dean was a different story.
Dean was not Castiel’s friend. He was a neighbor, a classmate, the brother of Castiel’s best friend, and the guy who worked part time at his uncle’s salvage yard. That was all. But on the rare times that Dean asked Castiel for help, Castiel couldn’t find it in him to turn him down. Because this was Dean. And the answer would never be “no” when it came to Dean.

Acknowledgements: Many thanks to Savanna, my Alpha, my Beta and basically the person who made this fic readable. Also, to Cassie, and to usarechan, who read through this before it was even half decent. All my cockles to Juliana who cheered me on and reminded me to get off of tumblr and write. And last, but not the least, to comedicdrama, for offering not just very useful feedback on the fic, but also gorgeous, gorgeous art that went above and beyond anything I could’ve hoped for.

Important note: Please read through the warnings carefully for potentially triggering elements in the story. If those items mentioned offend you in any way, please do not read further. Thank you.
As for the Mildy Dubcon, Dubcon, and Non Con warnings, many agreed that the scene in question is Mildy Dubcon, which was why that was the original warning. However, since someone saw it as clearly Non Con, I have tagged for all possible interpretations of the scene. I apologize if anybody else was offended or adversely affected after reading that scene prior to the change in tags. However, if you still wish to continue despite the warnings, or opt not to read the warnings at all, then please read on at your own risk. Thank you.

Fic: A Merman's Tail

remivel — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:32:48 GMT

Three days before the month was up, a large storm swept through the kingdom. Dean and Castiel sat by the fireplace in Dean’s chambers, Impala snoozing quietly by their feet.

“Do you like it here, Cas?” Dean asked, wrapping the blanket around them tighter.

Castiel looked up at Dean and nodded.

“I mean… Don’t you miss your home? You must have family where you’re from.”

Castiel contemplated what Dean was saying. Yes, he missed his home. He missed his family, his dad, all of the fish and the merpeople. But he had never been this happy under the sea. He was happy with Dean—and he knew of only one way to say that.

He leaned in close to Dean and pressed his lips against his. It was a slow and intimate kiss, Dean’s hand cradling the back of Cas’ head gently. When they parted, Dean kept his hand on Cas’ nape, playing with the strands of hair there as he kept his focus on Cas’ face. Even without words, Dean could see so much love and emotion in Cas’ face. It made him forget how to breathe. “Cas…” he whispered. “Cas I—“

A loud knock on the door rang through the whole room and startled Dean and Cas out of the trance they seemed to be in. Cas watched in disappointment as Dean got up and padded to the door. He heard Dean talking to someone who sounded very alarmed, and Dean’s expression suddenly changed. He looked towards Cas. “Someone’s been badly injured in the storm, we’re calling on Gabriel. I’ll be right back,” he told Cas. Cas just nodded in response.

He waited for Dean in Dean’s chambers but when an hour passed and he still hadn’t returned, Castiel went out of the room to look for him. He found Dean, Sam and Gabriel in one of the rooms downstairs, Gabriel tending to someone lying on the bed.

“It only seems to be a minor injury,” he heard Gabriel say. “It will heal in a few days.”

“Thank you,” the man said, and a chill went down Castiel’s spine at the sound.

The man’s voice… that was his voice!

Cas walked closer until the man’s face came into view. The man was a stranger but he had dark hair and features somewhat similar to Castiel’s—except his eyes were a rich shade of brown. When Cas approached the bed, Dean stopped him. “He needs some rest, Cas, come on,” Dean said, pulling him away from the bed.

“Tell me where else are you hurt?” Gabriel asked the man.

“My leg…” the man answered.

Cas was frozen on the spot, his gaze focused intently on the man as Dean tried to pull him away. Why did this man have his voice?

“Come on Cas, it’s late. They have to treat him,” Dean said, pulling him towards the door. Just as Dean closed the door behind him, the man looked up at Cas and his eyes glowed an eerie red for a split second. Cas turned and pushed the door open again in alarm. It banged on the wall hard and everyone stopped and looked at him. But Castiel didn’t notice. He kept his attention on the man, who looked up at him innocently.

“What’s wrong Cas?” Dean asked as Cas finally let himself be led out of the room. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Cas’ eyes were wide. He couldn’t have seen it wrong. Those eyes… they were Crowley’s eyes.

Dean walked with him all the way back to his own room. “Get some rest,” he told Cas. “We’ll talk tomorrow,” he said.

+++

Cas spent the rest of the night in a fitful sleep. When he woke up, it was to the sight of Sam and Gabriel looming over him. “Hey Cas, I have no time to explain but we better go now,” Gabriel said to him.

Within minutes, Castiel found himself in a carriage bound for Gabriel’s home. Cas looked at Gabriel in question, then at Sam. They both looked troubled. “Dean is… Dean’s not feeling well,” Sam told him.

“Oh please, Sam, the man needs to know the truth,” Gabriel said suddenly. “Look here, Cas,” he began, placing a hand on Cas’ shoulder. “I don’t know what happened but suddenly Dean’s been speaking nonsense today.”

Castiel frowned.

“He wouldn’t leave Mark’s side the whole night,” Gabriel said. “The man you saw last night. His name is Mark, apparently,” he explained.

Castiel jolted in alarm. Crowley!

“And now Dean suddenly thinks he’s in love.”

‘No!’ Castiel wanted to scream.

“I’m sorry we had to get you out of the palace,” Sam said. “Dean ordered that you be imprisoned for impersonating his savior.”

‘Impersonating? That’s wrong!’ Castiel’s mind screamed. ‘I saved him!’ he tried to mouth, tapping his chest with his hand urgently.

“I know Cas, I know it’s you who saved him,” Sam said. “But get this: Dean said he was saved by a man with blue eyes before. Now, since this Mark appeared, Dean is ignoring what he said before and claiming that this is the man who saved him instead. It feels wrong. I can feel it in my gut… that man’s up to no good.”

“I bet it’s magic,” Gabriel declared.

“There’s no such—“ Sam was about to say but Gabriel shushed him with an impatient wave of his hand.

“Oh stop it for one second will you? How else can you explain it? We all know Dean’s head over heels for Cas, and then Mark appears, and all of a sudden he’s throwing Cas in jail and marrying this guy? It’s impossible! You know your brother. Dean would never do that.”

‘Marrying?!’ Castiel tried to stand from his seat in alarm, intent on getting off the carriage and back to the palace.

“Whoa, are you insane?” Gabriel said, pulling Castiel back to sit. “You can’t just get off of a moving carriage. Besides, if the guards see you, they’ll lock you up,” Gabriel told him. “You’re hiding in my house for now until we figure this whole thing out.”

Sam shot Castiel a worried look. “I’m sorry, Cas. I’ll try to talk my brother out of this. And alright, alright, if it IS magic, we’ll find a way to break the spell before they wed in two days.”

+++

“I’m going to tell your father,” Balthazar said once they were safely inside a room in Gabriel’s house.

Castiel shook his head.

“He’s the only one who can stop Crowley now. He has to know,” Balthazar explained. He placed his claw over Castiel’s hand in reassurance. “You won’t get turned into a shark by that slimy Crowley. Your father is far more powerful than some sea demon. He will be fine. And you will get to live with your prince. Trust me.”

Castiel looked at Balthazar worriedly before nodding his head.

“Great. I do hope I get back to the kingdom in time. Wish me luck!” he said.

Castiel mouthed ‘good luck!’ at him before Balthazar jumped out of his window and made his arduous journey to the river and back to the sea.

+++

On the day of the wedding, Balthazar had yet to return.

Sam was now convinced Dean was under some sort of magic, and he was hell bent on exposing Mark for the fraud that he was. “Dean would never act like that. He’s spouting love poems and singing praises about Mark. It’s creepy,” Sam commented.

“How do we defeat someone with magic then?” Gabriel asked.

Cas thought about it for a moment. Crowley was using his voice. This meant he had the vial containing his voice with him. Cas had an idea.

He stood up from his seat and rummaged through Gabriel’s drawer.

“What’re you doing?” Gabriel asked.

After a few more seconds, he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a vial and showed it to them.

“A vial?” Gabriel asked, and Cas nodded eagerly. “What does that have to do with magic?”

Sam looked at the vial in Cas’ hands intently. “Wait, Mark… he kept a small vial hung around his neck with a string. It had something bright and blue in it.”

Cas nodded enthusiastically, pointing to the vial in his hand again.

“I remember seeing that vial when I was treating him. I told him to remove it from his neck so I could check his wounds but he refused and didn’t even let me touch it. I didn’t think it was weird at first, but now that you mention it, it’s really, really weird,” Gabriel said.

“You think that’s his magic? If we get rid of the vial, will that break the spell?” Sam asked.

“It’s worth a shot,” Gabriel said. “Alright kiddos, let’s go break up a wedding.”

+++

Getting Cas back in the palace was surprisingly easy. Sam knew all the secret passageways that led them directly to the patio where the wedding was being held. There, guests were waiting for the wedding to begin. The looks of confusion were evident on their faces, for they had no idea who this person was that Dean was marrying. Even Jo and Ellen looked troubled as they sat by the pews up front. Bobby, on the other hand, was just plain annoyed as he talked to the priest, who every so often would shake his head.

“Bobby tried to talk Dean out of marrying this guy,” Gabriel whispered to Cas. “Dean just played the ‘you’re not my father’ card. It was a bloodbath.”

Castiel looked worriedly at Bobby. This whole thing wasn’t just hurting him, it was also hurting everyone who was close to Dean. It was all his fault. He didn’t mean to cause them pain. He had to stop Crowley no matter what.

+++

After a few minutes, Sam stepped out of the palace wearing a white suit. He looked uncomfortable as he walked down the aisle to take his place at the front as Dean’s best man. Then Dean came out, and Castiel’s world slowed down around him. This was the first time he was seeing Dean again since Crowley arrived—and Dean looked nothing like himself. He was pale, the sun-kissed glow jarringly absent from his skin. His face looked blank as well, and his eyes, once bright and green, were now dark and murky like the life was sucked out of him. Castiel wanted to run out to him and hold him in his arms.

Then Mark stepped out, and Castiel went from worried to seething. Even though he looked like an ordinary man, Castiel could now feel the magic emanating from him. No doubt that man was Crowley, and when the slowly setting sun’s light reached Mark’s eyes, they glowed bright red, confirming Castiel’s suspicions.

But Castiel soon realized his mistake when he saw the sun begin to set in the horizon. He had forgotten all about his deadline. Within minutes, he would turn into a merman and Crowley would take him and change him into a shark completely. He would never see Dean again.

Without even realizing it, Castiel stepped out of the crowd and ran towards Crowley.

“Mother of—Castiel!” Gabriel hissed, but it was too late, Castiel was almost at the altar.

The guests gasped and Mark turned just in time to see Castiel barreling towards him. His eyes glowed bright red and with a quick wave of his hand, he sent Castiel flying across the patio and landing violently on the stone floor. Gabriel rushed to Cas’ side, helping him up.

The guests screamed and tried to run away in fear, but Mark shook his head in disapproval. In an instant, sharp and jagged whale bones emerged from the sea and were impaled around the patio, imprisoning everyone. “Where do you think you’re going?” he asked the crowd. “There’s a wedding going on. You wouldn’t want to miss the entertainment, now do you?” he said. Beside him, Dean looked on impassively.

Sam tried to grab Mark from behind but Mark held out a hand and froze Sam on the spot. “I wouldn’t try anything funny if I were you, moose,” he said.

“You’re not marrying my brother,” Sam said through gritted teeth.

This made Mark laugh. “Dear me, why would I even want to do that?” he said. “I just wanted to have a bit of fun with little Castiel over here.”

Castiel shook away the pain in his body and stood ready to attack Mark again.

“Won’t be long now Castiel, before you become my pet,” he said, glancing at the setting sun. “You didn’t really think the human would fall in love with you, did you? I gave you time, Castiel. Plenty of time. I really did want you to succeed,” he said with feigned sympathy.

“Wow, this guy’s a slimy asshole,” Gabriel muttered.

“Now I guess it’s back to the ocean for you,” Mark said.

Gabriel blinked in confusion. “What’s he talking about?” he asked, but Castiel kept his eyes on Crowley, wishing he could do something, anything.

“Oh? Didn’t you tell your friends, Castiel? Oh wait, I forgot, you couldn’t. See Castiel here—“ Mark was beginning to explain, when out of nowhere Bobby came and growled, “You don’t mess with my family, you asshole,” before delivering a skull rattling punch straight on Mark’s jaw.

The force of the blow made Mark’s head snap sideways, the shining blue vial tied to his neck slipping out of his shirt. Castiel took this opportunity and ran straight towards Mark, tackling him to the ground. He grabbed hold of the string and pulled at it with all his might. It snapped, sending the vial flying in the air. It crashed by Dean’s feet, and in an instant the blue light erupted, blinding everyone for a split second.

When the light subsided, Dean blinked, his eyes now their usual bright green. “Cas?” he asked in confusion.

“Dean!” Cas gasped. Then he put a hand against his throat in surprise. “I can talk again!” he said, getting up and rushing to hug Dean.

Just as they were about to touch, Cas froze.

“You’re too late!” Mark said in triumph.

Cas glanced at the sun and his eyes widened in fear. Then he looked back at Dean helplessly before he fell to the floor in agony.

Mark cackled loudly as he stood up from the floor, and slowly his features morphed, until he finally showed his true appearance. His tentacles slithered on the floor, sending the guests into new fits of screaming and tears.

Dean’s eyes flew to the sea demon, and then back at Castiel crumpled on the floor. He knelt down to help Cas, but Cas pushed him away. “No, Dean. Don’t look!” he pleaded.

“Cas, what’s going on?” he asked, but Cas didn’t have to answer. Instead, he transformed. His pants tore as his tail took shape and his great white shark coloring returned. Dean’s jaw dropped as he watched Castiel turn back into a merman. “You’re—“ he said breathlessly, unable to believe his own eyes.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I’m so sorry,” Castiel apologized.

Then one of Crowley’s tentacles wrapped around Castiel’s torso and pulled him away from Dean.

“No!” Dean screamed, reaching his hand out to grab Castiel’s, but Crowley only slithered away.

“Sorry, lover boy. This merman is mine,” Crowley gloated as Castiel struggled to free himself from his grasp. “Oh, if only you confessed your love sooner,” he taunted Dean.

Dean’s face grew murderous, pulling out a knife from his belt. “Let him go,” he said.

Crowley laughed. “You’re going to attack me with a bread knife? Please! I always knew you humans were stupid, but not this—“ before he could finish the sentence, he howled in pain as Castiel used his magic on the tentacle holding him, making it explode into a thousand pieces.

Castiel toppled to the ground just as Dean lunged forward and drove his knife into Crowley’s chest, missing his heart by a mere inch. Crowley screamed in pain and in anger, his magic exploding from him and sending nearly half of the patio crashing onto the beach below.

The next thing Dean realized, he was lying on rubble and sand, and when he looked up, Crowley was dragging Castiel back into the sea. Dean grabbed Sam’s sword and ran after them, Gabriel and Sam’s screams for him to come back going unheard.

He grabbed at one of Crowley’s tentacles at the last second, and all three of them plunged into the depths of the water. He struck at Crowley with the sword and it sliced through his side. Crowley grabbed him by the neck and pulled him deeper and deeper into the ocean. Already his vision was going black. He was going to drown.

“Dean!” Cas yelled in alarm. This was it. Crowley was going to kill Dean. He couldn’t let Dean die. He had to save Dean!

With speed he didn’t know he possessed, he swam towards Crowley, and gathered all of his remaining magic in his palms. The moment his palms touched Crowley’s skin, the sea demon was thrown violently backward and Dean was freed. Crowley slammed into the rocks below with bone-crushing force and Castiel pulled Dean by his arm and swam as fast as he could to the surface. It was almost like the first time he saved Dean, and once they broke the surface, Castiel searched Dean’s face for any signs of life. “Please be alive, please be alive,” he chanted. Then Dean sputtered water out of his mouth and opened his eyes. “Cas…” he said with a groan.

“Dean! Cas!” they heard Sam call out.

Cas turned and saw Sam and Gabriel rowing a small boat towards them. He helped them carry Dean into the boat. “Take Dean back to the shore,” he told them.

“No, Cas, I won’t leave—“ Dean protested weakly.

“Go. Take him away from here. It’s not safe,” Cas said.

“No, Cas! I can’t lose you,” he said, reaching his hand out for Cas.

“You won’t,” Cas said before diving back down into the water.

+++

Castiel swam back just as Crowley started getting up. He knew his magic would not be enough to stop him. And now that he had depleted all of his energy, he didn’t know how else he could defeat Crowley.

“You and your human gave me so much trouble. When I’m done with you, I think I’ll go back and teach that Dean a lesson,” Crowley said, spitting out blood from his mouth in disgust. “Now let’s see how much your father is willing to pay to prevent his son from turning into a shark…”

“This was your plan all along?” Castiel said in alarm. “You’re using me as a bargaining chip to get back at my father?”

Crowley stopped and blinked. “Why yes, I thought it would be obvious by now,” he said. “No matter how much you fight me, you can’t escape. We had a deal.”

“Leave them out of this! My father, and Dean, they had nothing to do with our deal,” Castiel said.

Crowley paused, seemingly contemplating his options for a bit. Then finally he said, “No. I don’t think so,” he said.

Furiously, Castiel charged at Crowley but the sea demon parried his attack with a swoosh of his tentacles. “You’re no match for me, little merman!”

“He isn’t, but I am.”

They both turned around and found Chuck and an army of mermen swimming towards them, a worried Balthazar hitching a ride on Chuck’s crown. “Let my son go,” Chuck said.

Crowley chuckled. “No can do. We had a deal. He will be my great white shark unless you strike a bargain with me.”

Chuck menacingly pointed his trident at Crowley. “How is this for a deal. You break your deal with my son and I keep you alive,” Chuck said.

This made Crowley laugh even harder. “You fool! Even if you kill me, the deal still stands. Castiel’s soul is mine, and before the sun rises tomorrow, he will be a shark.”

Chuck placed the tip of his trident against Crowley’s throat with just enough controlled force not to break skin. “That may be so, Crowley. But you underestimate my power and the power of the most powerful mermen in the sea. While your corpse rots on the ocean floor, we will have all the time in the world to gather our magic and counter your curse. I give it a day, maybe two at most, before we break the spell.”

This time, Crowley’s laugh was more nervous than confident. “You-you’re bluffing,” he said.

“Maybe, maybe not,” Chuck said, his trident starting to glow. “But I suppose you will never find out, now will you?” he said.

Crowley’s eyes grew wide in fear. “Fine fine, you have your deal. Your son is free to go, just leave me in peace,” he said, and with a snap of Crowley’s fingers, the magic binding Castiel was gone.

Chuck eased his trident from Crowley’s neck, and the moment he did, the sea demon shimmered and disappeared into a puff of red ink. Once all of the ink dispersed, Chuck sighed in relief.

“Father,” Castiel whispered in disbelief.

Chuck looked at Castiel with a troubled expression before pulling his son into a tight hug. “Oh Castiel,” he said.

Cas hugged his father back tightly. “I am so sorry, father. I was so childish and selfish.”

“That doesn’t matter now,” Chuck said. “What matters is you’re safe,” he said. “You’re my son and I care about you, whether you believe me or not.”

“I believe you father,” Castiel replied. “I will not be so foolish again.”

Chuck smiled and looked at Castiel’s face. “Following one’s heart is not such a foolish thing to do.”

“Father?” Cas asked in confusion.

“The human. You love him, don’t you?” Chuck asked.

At the thought of Dean, Castiel’s face fell. He could not be with Dean anymore, not after all that had happened.

“Do you want to go back to him?” Chuck asked.

“I cannot, father,” Castiel replied. “He saw who I am… he would not want to live with someone like me…”

“He fought against a sea demon to save you. I believe it’s safe to assume the boy doesn’t care you have a tail instead of legs,” he said.

Castiel tried to smile at his father’s words, but it was no use. “It doesn’t matter now. I am not human, father. There’s no way for me to—“

“What do you think of me? Am I not the god of the sea?” Chuck said, acting affronted. “I have powers too, you know!”

“You can? And you will—” Castiel said in disbelief. “You will allow me to become human?” Castiel asked, his voice unsure yet full of hope.

Chuck smiled. “I only want you to be happy… and if your happiness lies on land with that human, then so be it,” he declared.

“And that’s not all!” Balthazar happily chimed in. “If you wish to return to the sea from time to time, you’re always free to come by for a visit. Just give us advanced notice so your father can turn you back temporarily.”

Castiel’s eyes grew wide in surprise, and he hugged Balthazar and his father tightly. Then Alfie raced towards him and gave him a big hug as well. “You just came back! And now you’re going again!” Alfie complained. “Promise me you’ll come by for a visit someday? I can’t tend to your human artifact collection alone.”

Castiel smiled and patted Alfie’s side. “Of course,” he said. “Thank you, Alfie.”

At the shore, exactly where Dean first met Cas, he was pacing. “Castiel! You son of a bitch! You better be alive!” he shouted to the sea.

Then, a particularly large wave came crashing to the shore, sweeping Dean off his feet and submerging him in water. He closed his eyes and held his breath, and when the water receded a second later, Cas was already on top of him, naked. When Cas opened his eyes he saw Dean looking at him with a shocked expression.

“You’re… you’re alive,” Dean said breathlessly.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said as they both stood up. Then Dean embraced Cas. “Don’t ever leave me again, okay?” he said.

“Yes, Dean,” Cas replied.

When they parted, Dean held Cas by his shoulders. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a merman?” Dean asked, “Oh, right, never mind,” Dean said immediately after realizing the answer for himself.

“You don’t mind, do you? That I am not really a human?” Castiel asked tentatively.

Dean grinned. “You know, I kinda suspected from the start. I mean, your palm is seared on my shoulder after all,” he said. This earned a light chuckle from Castiel, and Dean smiled wider and brushed a wet lock of hair from Cas’ face. “And no, I don’t mind,” he said. “I thought your shark tail was pretty impressive.”

Castiel blinked in surprise. “You were—you weren’t frightened of me?”

“Me? Frightened?” Dean scoffed. “That was you, why would I be frightened?”

Castiel smiled as tears of joy welled in his eyes. Dean accepted him. To Dean, he wasn’t a freak or something to be scared of. To Dean, he was merely Castiel. It was more than Castiel could’ve ever asked for. “Thank you, Dean,” he said.

“What are you thanking me for?” Dean asked. “This is all my fault. None of this undersea fiasco would’ve happened if I just manned up. I know I’m the king of denial and emotional constipation… but this is better late than never….” He said.

Cas cocked his head to the side as he waited for Dean to continue.

“I love you, Castiel,” Dean said.

The gravity of those words gave Cas so much happiness and he pounced at Dean and kissed him for all he was worth.

When they parted, Dean grinned at Cas slyly. “You know… I could get used to seeing you naked all the time. It’s a good look on you,” Dean quipped.

Cas looked down and flushed when he realized he was naked on the beach while Dean was fully clothed. He tried to cover himself with his hands, but Dean just laughed.

“We could try something new… how ‘bout doing it on the beach?”

Cas frowned. “My father could be watching,” he said.

Dean looked to the ocean and cringed. “Oh, eew,” he said. “Let’s just get you clothes now, alright?” Dean said.

Cas nodded. “And Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, too,” Cas said.

Dean beamed. “I know. Come on, Sam and Gabriel would want to know what happened to you and to that octopus-man….”

“He was a sea demon, not an octopus,” Cas corrected.

“Well, then you have a lot of explaining to do,” Dean said.

Cas smiled. “That’s okay. I have all the time in the world.”

From that day on, Castiel, the little merman, lived with Prince Dean in his palace. Every now and then, he would come to visit his home under the sea with Dean, who was transformed temporarily into a merman every time they visited. The other merpeople still despised humans, but they learned to accept Dean’s presence eventually.

They soon wed on by the beach where Cas brought Dean after saving him, and they became well loved rulers of the kingdom. And they lived happily ever after.

The End

PART 1

PART 2

Fic: A Merman's Tail

remivel — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:26:56 GMT

This is the guy that saved me, I’m sure,” Dean declared as they stood by the side of the bed and watched the doctor check over the unconscious man. “He looks hotter than I remember,” Dean said in awe as he leaned down to stare intently at the man’s sleeping face.

“I know the guy’s a stud muffin but back off Dean,” Gabriel said, pushing Dean away. “I’m trying to work.”

Dean rolled his eyes and moved back. Gabriel may have a serious attitude problem, but he was the best doctor in the land. Plus, he was pretty sure Gabe and Sam had a thing going on between them. “So what’s the verdict, doc? Is he going to wake up soon?”

“It’s hard to tell,” Gabriel said, pulling out a lollipop and popping it into his mouth. Then, Castiel began to stir and Gabriel gasped, “Oh wait! He’s waking up.”

Dean leaned in closer, and his breath hitched when the man finally opened his eyes—a bright shade of blue just like he remembered. He was right. This was the man he’d been searching for all this time.

Castiel blinked a few times, trying to get his eyes to focus. The first thing he noticed was how dry everything was. But he had no time to process that, for he saw someone’s face leaning very close towards him.

“Hello,” he said cheerfully.

Castiel’s eyes grew wide and he sat up and away from the man, his arms flailing to his sides.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy there,” he heard a familiar voice say, before two strong arms gripped his shoulders, steadying him on the soft thing he lay on.

Castiel turned his gaze to this man, and was surprised to see Dean’s face smiling at him—the face that he had only seen from afar, now mere inches away.

“You’re in the palace,” Dean explained. “I’m Dean, and this here is Gabriel,” he said, gesturing to the other man.

“Heya,” the man with a stick in his mouth said. “Call me Gabriel, or Gabe, or Doc, if you want. I am a doctor, you know,” he clarified, reaching his hand out for a shake.

Castiel just looked at the hand Gabriel extended with a confused expression. He turned back to look at Dean, and was instantly mesmerized by the beauty in his face.

“Do you remember me? I was the guy you saved from the sea a week ago,” Dean said.

Castiel nodded carefully.

Dean grinned. “That’s great. Hey, what’s your name?”

‘Castiel,’ Cas said, but no sound came out. He frowned and tried again, but when he opened his mouth to speak, he was still unable to utter a single word. He looked at Dean in helplessness, and his heart broke when he saw Dean’s face fall.

“You… you can’t speak?” Dean asked, his face falling. If this man couldn’t speak… could he really be the person who saved him?

Castiel shook his head. He remembered now. In exchange for legs, he had to give up his voice. At the thought of having legs, Castiel gasped. He shifted in the bed, quickly pulling off the blankets covering his body. And there he saw them, legs that extended almost as long as his tail. It was now covered in a strange, soft garment, but his feet peeked through the holes at the bottom and he wiggled them experimentally. Cas looked back up at Dean, his face bright and happy.

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, we couldn’t let you sleep in the palace without clothes, now, can we?”

Cas smiled in response.

“How are you feeling?” Gabriel asked Castiel.

Cas just cocked his head to the side before looking back down to his legs and gliding his hands down the soft fabric that covered his legs.

Dean followed the movement of the stranger’s hands and gulped nervously when the man’s fingers caressed the fabric that stretched rather nicely around his thighs.

“Aaaand I think it’s time we leave our guest to rest for a while,” Gabriel said, standing up from his stool. “Come along now, Dean,” Gabriel said.

Dean tore his gaze away from the man’s hands and smiled sheepishly when Gabriel shot him a knowing look. He looked back to his guest. “I’ll talk to you later, okay? Get some rest,” he said before he followed Gabriel out of the room.

Cas longingly followed Dean with his eyes. He didn’t want to be left alone in this strange, dry place.

“Thank goodness you’re awake,” he heard Balthazar say.

Castiel looked to the side to see the crab emerge from behind a flower vase on the side table.

“Are you all right?” Balthazar asked.

Castiel nodded and pointed at his feet enthusiastically.

“Yes, I can see you have feet,” he said, jumping to the bed and crawling towards Cas’ feet. “Can you use them?”

Castiel lifted his foot up and accidentally slammed it down on top of the crab.

“Ouch! Okay, I get it, you can use it. Let’s try practicing how to walk, shall we?” Balthazar said.

Castiel looked at him in confusion. He thought Balthazar would be angry at him for making a deal with a sea demon, but Balthazar was here, trying to help him out. It warmed his heart.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that,” Balthazar said. “There’s nothing we can do. The deal has been made. What we can do now is make that prince of yours fall in love with you.”

Castiel smiled.

“Here’s what we’ll do…”

+++

The next day, Dean invited Castiel to go out to see the kingdom. Cas stepped out of the castle and his face lit up once the sunlight hit his face. Land was really very different from the ocean, and he marveled at the strong beasts that pulled their carriage, and was fascinated by everything he saw: the fruits in the market, the colorful garments in the shops, even the people just passing by.

At first he felt self conscious. Surely they’d know he was different. Every time he went to the marketplace underwater, people stared at him and the children screamed and cried when they saw his tail. But it wasn’t the same on land. He looked down at his legs again, and at the people walking by. He wasn’t a freak anymore. For the first time in his life, he belonged.

Meanwhile, Dean was enamored by the child-like way Cas looked at things. His big eyes grew impossibly wider at the sight of pigs rolling in the mud, and he walked toward them, with every intent to study them closer. Dean grabbed him by the arm just as he was about to enter the pen. “Whoa, easy there. You’ll get your feet and your clothes dirty.”

Cas cocked his head to the side. ‘Dirty?’ he thought. Then he realized what Dean meant and he nodded in understanding. ‘Of course, I can get dirty now,’ Cas thought.

“Here… I know a place you might like…” Dean said with a bright smile.

They rode in their carriage again and after a few minutes, they stopped by a large, grassy field. Dean brought out a picnic basket. “Lunch,” Dean said.

Cas sat on the grass next to Dean, and he couldn’t help but run his hands along the blades of grass. It was so very different than the sea grass, and when a butterfly came flitting close, Cas’ eyes were glued to its beautiful wings. It was almost like magic.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think this is your first time seeing a butterfly,” Dean said in amusement.

Cas looked away from the butterfly quickly. He didn’t want Dean to think he was weird. That was the last thing he wanted right now. He needed Dean to like him. Even Balthazar told him to try and act normal. He could not screw this up.

“Sandwich?” Dean asked, handing him something square and covered in paper. It didn’t look too appetizing.

‘This is food?’ Castiel thought and was about to bite into it when he saw Dean unwrapping the square to reveal something that looked far more edible than the paper. Castiel mimicked Dean and unwrapped his too and took a large bite. It tasted better than he expected, and when they were through eating, they just lied down on the grass and watched the clouds.

Then Dean started talking again, and Castiel thought it didn’t matter that he couldn’t speak. He loved listening to Dean’s stories. He talked enough for the both of them: about his brother, about his dog, the kingdom, his parents… and every time he spoke, Cas couldn’t help but stare at him.

Dean looked back at Cas on the grass and was struck by the admiration on his face. He felt the sudden urge to kiss him, and before he could stop himself, he leaned down and did so. It was a soft, chaste kiss at first that became more passionate when Cas brought his arm around Dean’s neck. When they parted, Castiel was blushing and he almost didn’t want to part from Dean. Then he remembered Crowley tell him that everybody kissed nowadays and frowned. If it was only a kiss that Crowley wanted, then he would’ve already succeeded in becoming a human completely.

+++

After their lunch in the field, Dean invited Castiel to ride on a boat at a lagoon. Cas was reluctant at first. He didn’t want to go to somewhere with water again. However, when Dean rowed the boat in the picturesque lagoon, Castiel had to admit this freshwater area held some appeal. But he was mostly looking at Dean’s face instead.

“Have you always been this way? I mean, I apologize for asking…. But it’s been bothering me,” Dean began.

Castiel tilted his head to the side in question.

“I mean… have you been unable to speak for a long time?” Dean asked.

Castiel shook his head at that.

Dean’s face brightened momentarily. “That’s great! I- I mean… It’s not great that you can’t speak. It’s great coz that means you were really the one who saved me, right?”

Castiel nodded.

“We have to find out what’s wrong. Maybe it’s just temporary. I have so many questions… like do you know your palm print is seared on my shoulder? How did that happen?” Dean asked.

Castiel looked alarmed for a second before he shook his head and waved his hands to gesture ‘No’. He didn’t want to lie to him, but Dean can’t know he was a merman. How could he ever love him if he was something other than human?

Dean’s enthusiasm was tempered by Cas’ vehement denial. “So you don’t know how that happened?” Dean asked.

Cas lied and shook his head.

“But you saved me… on the beach that day, that was you?” he asked again.

Castiel nodded in response.

That reassured Dean and he smiled brightly at Cas.

“You know, I feel so weird not knowing your name,” Dean remarked.

Castiel looked at him curiously. ‘You want to know my name?’ he thought.

“Hey, how about I try and guess your name?” Dean asked.

Cas nodded enthusiastically.

“Mmm… let’s see… first name that comes to mind is… Misha?”

Cas looked at Dean like he’d grown a second head.

Dean laughed. “Okay, sorry, sorry. That sounded like a girl’s name anyway. I bet your name is something better… something with more appeal…. How about Dmitri?”

Castiel cringed and stuck his tongue out in disgust.

“Okay, not Dmitri then.”

In Castiel’s pocket, Balthazar rolled his eyes. “This human is hopeless…” he mumbled.

“Let me see… Jake? Emmanuel? Dave?” Dean guessed, and each time Cas shook his head and looked at him weirdly. “Okay, I quit,” he said with a laugh. “Is there any way I can find out your name?”

Castiel watched Dean’s face for a moment, and he felt helpless since he couldn’t find a way to tell him.

From his pocket, he heard Balthazar grumble. “Must I do everything?” he asked. “You’re lucky I wasn’t cursed and I still have my magic. I’ll help you out. Now do it like this…”

Castiel listened to Balthazar’s instructions, then slowly reached for Dean’s hand.

Dean let Castiel take his hand, and was surprised when Castiel placed Dean’s fingers on his lips. They were soft to the touch, and suddenly Dean was inexplicably hyperaware of every minute movement of Castiel’s lips, and soon he realized Castiel was carefully forming the syllables of his name.

“Cas… okay, Cas-tee-yel? Casteeyel?” Dean asked. “Is that your name? Castiel?”

Castiel nodded, taking Dean’s hand off his lips and letting it go.

Dean looked down at his fingers, unable to forget the feeling of Castiel’s lips on his skin. It was almost like… magic.

A wide grin slowly formed on Dean’s face. “Castiel… Castiel…” he repeated. “That’s a really nice name. It’s kind of a mouthful though. How ‘bout ‘Cas’? Do you mind if I call you Cas?”

Castiel shook his head and smiled.

“Cas… Cas… I could get used to saying your name,” Dean said.

Castiel’s smile widened. In his pocket, Balthazar rolled his eyes again. “Humans.”

+++

Several days passed and Cas was learning so much about Dean and about living on land. And he found himself falling further in love with both. Dean found out Cas liked to go to the field, so he’d go with him there every day. Sometimes they played with a ball, other times they went there to play with Impala. The dog loved Cas, because although Cas couldn’t speak, he understood what she was saying, and the dog knew it and adored him for it.

“Throw the stick, Castiel. Please throw the stick,” she said excitedly. Cas smiled and did as he was told. He watched Impala run after the stick and Dean chuckled. “I can’t believe how much Baby likes you. I’m feeling sort of jealous,” Dean said.

Castiel looked at Dean and tilted his head to the side. ‘Jealous? Of whom?’ he thought.

+++

He got to know Sam and Gabriel as well. Though he didn’t look it, Sam was a scholar and he loved books and reading. Gabriel, on the other hand, was a trickster. He was well respected as a doctor, but he often joked and played pranks on the brothers, and at times, on Castiel as well.

He was also dangerously perceptive, and he was the first to notice Castiel’s affections for the prince. “You like Dean, don’t you?” he asked, out of the blue, while they were in the reading room.

Castiel was startled by the question, but found no reason to deny it, so he nodded.

Gabriel made a satisfied sound. “I thought as much,” he said. “Don’t worry,” he reassured. “He likes you too. You’re definitely his type,” Gabriel told him.

Cas could only blush at that.

“He might not tell you that himself, ‘cause Deano isn’t a really big fan of emotional love confessions… he hates those kinds of things,” he explained.

Castiel tried to hide the disappointment on his face at that revelation. Dean may have affection for him but he will never say it out loud? What then? What hope did he have now of remaining human?

“Nawww, don’t look like that,” Gabriel said when he noticed the glum look on Castiel’s face. “Don’t let Dean’s emotional constipation bring you down,” he said. “You can always just punch the words out of him if that’s what you want,” he said with a wink.

This made Castiel smile. Oh, if only it were that easy.

+++

Before Castiel knew it, two whole weeks have passed, and nothing had changed between him and Dean. Since then, they’ve shared a handful of kisses, and it was great. It felt great. But it was not enough.

“We’ve only got half a month left, Castiel,” Balthazar reminded him. “Now, it’s obvious that the prince adores you… but we don’t need him to adore you. We need him to love you! Do you want to go back to the ocean and get turned into a shark by that slimy Crowley?”

Castiel looked at him worriedly and shook his head.

“I thought so. We have to up our game.”

Castiel cocked his head to the side in confusion.

“You‘ve got to stop being a blushing maid when you see Dean. You have to be the aggressor this time,” Balthazar said. “You have to seduce him.”

Castiel’s eyes grew wide at the notion. ‘Seduce? How?’ he mouthed.

The crab smirked. “Castiel, my dear, you asked the right person.”

+++

A banquet was being held for Sam’s birthday the next day, and guests from all over the kingdom and beyond arrived at the castle for the celebration. The large patio overlooking the sea was alive with music and merriment, the guests enjoying the best food and wine the kingdom of Winchester had to offer. Prince Dean, however, was preoccupied with other matters.

“What’s taking Cas so long…” Dean said, looking up the stairs. “Bobby, Ellen and Jo are arriving any minute from their trip. I want them to meet him,” he said. Ever since his mother died and his father chose to live in their castle in the outskirts, Bobby and Ellen have acted like Sam and Dean’s second parents, and Jo their little sister.

“As what?” Gabriel scoffed. “Your eternal guest? Or the guy you’re pretty sure you want to drag to your bedroom and spend some profound bonding time with?” Gabriel asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Dean pulled the collar of his shirt away from his neck. “Shut up, Gabe. That’s not what it’s like.”

“Oh right… you just totally enjoy making out with the man and don’t want to do anything else,” Gabriel quipped.

Dean balked. “How did you—“

“Sam told me,” Gabriel said, popping a chocolate ball he plucked from the table into his mouth. “When are you ever going to learn you can’t hide anything from Sam?”

Dean frowned. “Dammit, Sammy,” he cursed.

Jo approached him just then and covered his eyes. “Guess who?”

A wide grin spread across Dean’s face. “I don’t know… smells like fish and sea so it can only be Jo the runt,” Dean said playfully.

Jo kicked him in the back of his leg before letting go of him. “You’re still an ass, as usual.”

Dean turned around and hugged Jo tightly. “Welcome back, kiddo,” he said.

+++

Cas walked down the stairs, smoothing his hands down his dress pants. Sam brought these charming formal clothes to his room that afternoon, saying Gabriel picked it for Cas to wear to the banquet. He had to admit, it was a beautiful garment, the dark pants clung to his thighs wonderfully, and the jacket he wore fit his waist and shoulders perfectly. Sam said himself, he looked dashing. He wondered if Dean would say the same.

With his heart pounding hard in his chest, he walked down to the banquet, eyes searching for Dean in the crowd. He found him next to Gabriel… and he had a woman in his arms.

Castiel felt his face grow pale as he continued down the steps. He stopped at the bottom, where the guests were walking around or dancing. He didn’t know whether he should approach Dean or not. He watched Dean and the woman part and talk animatedly with each other and felt his gut twist with jealousy. What if Dean never came to love him? The thought weighed heavily in his mind, and without thinking, he took a glass offered to him by one of the servers and drank it all in one spot. He cringed and gave the glass back to the surprised waiter. Dean loved this liquid. He drank it often at dinner, and sometimes during snack. It tasted bitter, but Cas still took one more glass from the waiter. This drink always made Dean look happy. Maybe he could feel the same way after drinking it, he thought as he quietly made his way down the side and onto the beach below.

He sat himself down on the sand and looked out at the ocean in front of him. He missed his father and his brothers and he missed his home. But he had never felt happy at home. He felt happy here, on land, with Dean. But Dean…

He shook the thought of Dean hugging that woman. He looked at the red liquid in his glass. So much like that red liquid that he drank at Crowley’s cave. He didn’t regret his decision. He loved every minute he was spending as a human, and if he was going to spend the rest of his life as Crowley’s pet shark, then so be it. Cas downed the glass in one go and stood up. He felt his feet wobble beneath him but he still made his way back to where the people gathered. He should get back. It was Sam’s banquet after all, and it would be rude to Sam if he didn’t attend. Plus, Gabriel went to great lengths to give him this outfit. He didn’t want to disappoint.

When he climbed back to the open area, Dean spotted him immediately. “Hey! Where’d you run off to?”

Castiel looked back to the ocean and Dean shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Come, there’re people I’d like you to meet,” Dean said, holding him by the arm and guiding him into the crowd. When Cas’ feet wobbled again, Dean tightened his hold on Cas’ arm. “Wait, were you drinking?” he asked.

Castiel nodded and showed him the empty glass.

Dean plucked the glass from his fingers and handed it to a server. “How much have you had?”

Castiel raised two fingers.

“Okay, that’s not a lot. But it seems like you’re a lightweight,” Dean commented.

Castiel frowned. He looked down at his body. He certainly wasn’t a heavy set man, but he wasn’t stick thin either. Why did Dean say he was light? When Cas looked up again, they were approaching a table, and Cas frowned when he saw the woman sitting there with an elderly couple.

“Is that him?” the old man asked.

“Yeah,” Dean said with a grin. “Guys, this is Castiel. Castiel, this is Bobby, Ellen, and Jo,” he said, introducing his companions.

Castiel stared at their faces with wide eyes. Then he sighed as he shook each of their hands. So the woman before was Jo… someone Dean mentioned he treated like a real sister. Castiel’s relief was beyond words… or well, beyond anything.

“He’s cute!” Jo said, eyeing Cas up and down.

Dean rolled his eyes. “He can’t speak but he can hear you fine, Jo.”

Jo grinned. “I know,” she said, winking at Castiel.

Dean grabbed Castiel’s arm possessively. “Back off, harpy.”

Jo sneered at him and continued to eat her food.

“Cas and I are gonna grab some food to eat too, okay?” Dean said, before guiding Cas away again and sitting him down on a chair. “Don’t move,” Dean said, before he left him there.

Dean returned moments later with a plate full of assorted food. The roasted pork and mashed potatoes looked delicious, though when Cas saw the tails of a couple of shrimp, he cringed.

“You should eat something,” Dean said. “Alcohol on an empty stomach is not so good.”

Castiel looked up at him worriedly before nodding and eating the food Dean gave him.

+++

Later that night, Dean took it in himself to bring Castiel up to his room. Although Cas was far from intoxicated, he was a bit wobbly on his feet and Dean wanted to make sure he didn’t fall and hurt himself.

Dean entered Castiel’s room and helped him out of his jacket. He felt his heart start to race as Castiel stripped out of his waistcoat, until all that remained of his upper garment was the thin, white dress shirt he wore. The shirt was wide and open at the neck too and when Castiel bent down, the shirt slid down one side, revealing a shoulder. Dean gulped audibly before shaking his head and helping Castiel out of his boots.

He pushed Cas to sit down on the bed before he kneeled down in front of him and started undoing the laces. “Next time, drink only what you can,” he said just as he finished pulling off Cas’ boots. When he looked up, he was caught by the heavy stare Cas gave him and before he knew it, Cas was leaning down and kissing him.

Like all of their kisses before, it was electric. Unlike the others before this, however, Cas was a whole lot more responsive, tongue darting in Dean’s mouth even before Dean could react. Before he could even think twice about what he was doing, Dean was pushing Cas down on the bed and pulling the tails of his shirt loose from his pants.

Cas would have moaned loudly if he could when Dean’s hands made their way under his shirt, tracing over his stomach and up his ribs to playfully caress his nipples. He never wanted the use of his voice until that moment, when all he wanted was to tell Dean how much he loved him and wanted him at that very moment. He started pulling Dean’s jacket and Dean got the idea eventually, breaking the kiss long enough to shed his jacket and his shirt.

As Dean stripped, Castiel watched him intently, and he braced himself when Dean, leaving only his pants, climbed onto the bed again on top of Cas. He pulled Cas up so they both lay in the center instead of dangling at the side. Dean kissed him again and it was the most overwhelming feeling Cas had ever felt—until Dean began to rub his hand on Cas’ crotch.

Cas gasped silently, the friction new and unlike anything he felt before. Dean bit his earlobe and licked the reddened flesh. He looked at Castiel’s face after that, and Dean couldn’t help but be at awe at the beauty of Cas’ face, his cheeks flushed and his lips red and hanging open.

“I want to sleep with you, Cas… will you let me?” Dean asked.

Castiel brought his hand to the back of Dean’s head and kissed him. When they parted again, Cas nodded.

That was all the encouragement Dean needed and he proceeded to divest Cas of his clothing before undressing himself. Castiel watched intently as Dean removed his pants. He looked down at his crotch and marveled at the sight of his penis now fully erect. So this was what humans looked like when they were aroused.

He looked up at Dean just as Dean pulled his own pants down and his breath was caught. Dean’s cock was a sight to behold. It stood proudly, flushed dark with blood, with a white liquid pearling at the tip. He wanted to run his hands all over it… but Dean moved to the side and fished out a small bottle from the drawer. It was the healing ointment that Gabriel gave him before.

Dean took one of the pillows and maneuvered Cas so he could place it under Cas’ ass. Cas cocked his head to the side as he looked at the odd placement of the pillow. His attention was soon on Dean when the man opened the bottle and poured liquid onto his fingers. “Spread your legs,” he ordered.

Cas nodded and spread his legs and folded them with his feet planted on the mattress like Dean wanted. He was curious to see what Dean was going to do, and was beyond shocked when Dean bent down and took the tip of his cock in his mouth.

Cas shot up from the bed in surprise, and Dean pulled back and reassured him. “Relax, Cas, just lie down and relax,” he said before taking Cas into his mouth again.

Following Dean’s advice, Cas lied back down on the bed and opened his mouth to moan when Dean started sucking. He wanted to moan loudly, to release the feeling that was starting to overwhelm him, but he couldn’t. No sound still came from his mouth.

And even when he arched his back and tried to scream when he came down Dean’s throat, still he made no sound.

He lied there, boneless, and he watched with half hooded eyes as Dean moved his fingers below his balls, traced down his perineum and finally started feeling around his hole.

Then he felt it, the first breech of a finger in his hole, and it was both an uncomfortable and curious experience at the same time. He looked down on Dean, watched as Dean’s other hand stroked his own cock in time with the shallow thrusts of his finger in Castiel.

After what seemed like ages, Dean added another finger, and continued to thrust them both in Castiel. By this time, the uncomfortable feeling had all but vanished, and when Dean did something with his fingers, Castiel jerked on the bed, feeling like he was going to come again even if it was too much too soon.

Then Dean’s mouth descended again, licking his balls before lapping experimentally at Cas’ hole. He started licking around his fingers and the touch of his deft tongue on Cas’ rim left him near delirious, so he hardly noticed the addition of a third finger in the mix.

Dean pulled his fingers out eventually and with one last swipe of his tongue on Cas’ rim, he sat back up. Reaching for the bottle again, he poured the liquid on his cock and spread it. Then he moved towards Cas and positioned himself. He was struck by the mere sight of Castiel, sweaty and panting, his hair sticking to the sides of his face and it was almost enough for Dean to come right then and there. Squeezing the base of his cock, Dean lined himself up and pushed in.

Castiel’s mouth fell open at the feeling of the head of Dean’s cock pushing in. It felt almost too much, his muscles resisting the intrusion before finally opening up for Dean.

“Cas, you feel… so good…” Dean panted as he slowly slid in deeper and deeper, until he was finally as deep as he could go. He leaned down, capturing Cas’ open mouth in a kiss again before making short, shallow thrusts.

This was an entirely new experience for Cas. Every movement of Dean’s hips sent waves of pleasure coursing through his body. Then Dean pulled himself up again and started thrusting harder, faster, withdrawing up to the tip before slamming back inside Cas so hard, Cas was starting to see stars.

“Cas, Cas, baby, you’re amazing,” Dean said with each thrust. He held the back of Cas’ knees and pushed his legs further apart as he continued thrusting.

Cas wanted to scream. He wanted to moan Dean’s name for everyone to hear, wanted to shout every time Dean’s cock dragged against that spot inside him. He wanted to say Dean’s name with every breath and tell him how much he loved him over and over again. Now he felt like he knew what it was like to be on fire, to feel so much warmth you feel like you will explode.

And for the second time that night, he did.

The moment Cas came again, his muscles fluttered wildly around Dean’s cock and this proved too much for him. “Fuck, Cas, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Dean said as he came deep inside Cas. He continued to thrust through his spend, and he collapsed on top of Cas, breathless and floating high.

He kissed Cas on the lips and sprinkled kisses down his jaw and neck. And Cas thought this was it, that maybe this was the moment Dean declared his love. “God, Cas…” Dean began, “I just… I…” he said, but he never continued.

He slipped out of Cas and rolled to his side, hugging Cas toward him.

Cas was slightly disappointed that Dean didn’t say it. But there would be other times, he thought, as he let himself drift off into a deep sleep.

+++

Castiel thought their coupling would’ve been enough for Dean to say he loved him. But he was wrong. The day the spell would end was drawing nearer and Castiel was running out of time. But he didn’t know what else to do.

Then, it came. The moment that shattered Castiel’s hope of ever remaining by Dean’s side.

PART 3

PART 1

Fic: A Merman's Tail

remivel — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:13:49 GMT

SPN-Reverse Bang: A Merman's Tail
Art link: Art Masterlist
Artist: terrorinyertub
Author: remivel
Fandom/Genre: SPN, Fairy Tale AU
Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 14,500
Warnings: Explicit sexual content, borrows greatly from the Disney version of The Little Mermaid, Crowley as Ursula
Notes: Many thanks to my betas, Savanna and Kaz, and to my cheerleader, Juliana. And of course, kudos to the lovely artist Terror for the wonderful prompt.

Summary: Castiel was a merman who was born with the tail of a Great White Shark. Treated as an abomination by his own kind, Castiel found solace in observing humans and following their ships. He was content with watching them from afar, until he saved Dean, a human prince, from being killed by a shark. Soon, watching Dean from afar was not enough, and he wished to leave his life under the sea for a chance at being part of Dean's world.

AO3

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PART 1

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a young merman named Castiel. He was the youngest son of the ruler of the sea, King Triton (more widely known simply as Chuck), and he was unlike any of his kind. While other merpeople had tails that resembled brightly colored fish, Castiel’s tail and coloring was that of a great white shark—a creature feared throughout the undersea kingdom for its power and ferocity. Some believed he was cursed by the sea demon, Crowley, born to bring death and destruction to his father’s reign. Others just saw him as an abomination, something to be rudely stared at and gossiped over.

Despite his strange appearance, Castiel had something no other sea creature had: a voice that sounded like rocks and sand and corals scraping against each other. It was magic to the ears of undersea life… a sound that pierced through the water like a barracuda, bringing a halt to the slow and monotonous sounds of the sea and a stark contrast to the usually soft and melodious voices of the merpeople. To Castiel, however, his voice was not something he was proud of. To him, it was just one other thing that made him different from everybody else.

He felt like an outcast in his own kingdom, and so he grew up preferring to hide in his room or sit in the anemone fields alone. Until one day, as he looked out his window, he saw a massive ship sailing by.

The merpeople held no love for humans. They believed humans were weak and useless creatures. They could not use magic like the merpeople, and yet the humans acted as if they owned the lands and the seas, building docks and ports on the shore and killing off the coral reefs there. Oftentimes, the merpeople found delight in pulling pranks and malicious tricks on the humans—making the fishermen grow barnacles on their legs, pulling down the trousers of swimming men, and making the bathing garments of women disappear.

Castiel, however, shared none of the other merpeople’s hatred towards humans. He followed the ship that day, and became enamored with the humans and their inventions. From then on, he collected human artifacts from sunken vessels and quietly followed ships that passed by the palace. He was content to just watch the humans from afar, until one day he encountered a human that would change his life.

+++

It was dark, and most of the merpeople were already asleep, but Castiel was outside, lured by the looming shadow of a large ship passing by his window. A storm had just passed, and the seas were rough, so Cas had a harder time catching up to the ship. But from afar, he saw a small figure floating on the water, and a tiger shark swimming towards it. Then he smelled it: blood.

It was an injured human!

Cas made a mad dash towards the tiger shark and yelled, “Leave it be!”

The shark stopped and turned around. From afar, Castiel looked like a great white and the tiger shark hesitated. “You are not a White,” the shark accused, before turning around and continuing to swim. Just when the shark was about to bite the human’s leg, Cas barreled towards the shark and knocked it away. A swipe of the shark’s tail knocked the human off the plank he was floating on, and soon he was sinking.

“This human is mine,” Castiel growled, swimming in between the human and the shark.

The tiger flashed its rows of teeth at Castiel. “I’m not scared of you, Merman,” it said before lunging towards Castiel with its jaws wide open.

Concentrating his energy in his palms, Castiel ducked away from the shark’s teeth and pushed his hand into the shark’s jaw, its skin glowing white before the power on Cas’ hand shot it ten feet out of the water. It came back down with a violent splash that made the shark dizzy and aching all over.

“Leave,” Castiel said to the shark, who gave him an angry glare before turning around and swimming away with wobbly strokes.

When he was sure the shark wasn’t about to return, Castiel turned and swam for the human. He had been underwater dangerously long and Castiel feared he had already drowned. His left shoulder was bleeding as well, and Cas pulled him towards him as he swam to the surface. They broke through the surface and Cas looked at the deathly pale face of the man in his arms. “Please be alive, please be alive,” he whispered.

He frantically searched the horizon for the ship, and saw a tiny figure to his left silhouetted by the rising sun. It was heading to the dock on the other side of the cove. Castiel wouldn’t be able to swim that far with the man in tow. He turned to his left and saw the other tip of the cove was closer, and struggled to swim that way, careful to keep the man’s head above water.

Castiel had trouble hauling the man out of the water and onto the beach. Placing his palm on his shoulder, he used his magic to heal his wound. Once the wound was closed and the human was still not breathing, Cas held on. Pushing more of his magic into his palm, he tried to make him breathe.

It was a heart-stopping few seconds when nothing happened, until the man started to sputter and spit up water. Castiel let go of him and he was startled to see an imprint on his palm was left on the man’s shoulder.

He continued to cough up water while he lay on his side, then he turned and collapsed again on his back, groaning. “Ugggghhh… my head…”

Castiel was alarmed. “Do you need me to heal your head?” he asked worriedly.

The man tried to crack his eyes open, but his eyelids were so heavy he only managed to open them halfway, and even then, he could not focus on the man in front of him. “Who…?” he asked.

“I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from the depths of the ocean,” Castiel explained.

The man might not have been able to open his eyes, but his ears were working fine, and that voice in his ears was like magic. It was a low, gravely sound that would have made his toes curl if only circumstances were different. “Y-you saved me?” he asked.

Castiel nodded.

When he didn’t hear a response, the man tried opening his eyes, and he was more successful this time around. Just as the sun continued its ascent in the sky, he was able to see a pair of big, blue eyes. They were bright, electric blue like lightning cutting through the night sky. They held a certain power in their depths, swirling around like stars in his eyes. It made him forget how to breathe.

It seemed like the man was about to speak, but just then, Castiel heard the thundering footsteps of several men shouting and coming their way. He may have powers, but he still could get caught by the humans. Without a second thought, Castiel turned and retreated into the water.

“Wait!” the man called out but Cas was already gone. He tried to sit up but found he was too weak so he lay back down onto the sand. “I didn’t get your name…” he said before letting out another loud groan. “Urgh… my head…”

+++

Castiel’s heroic act didn’t go so well with the merpeople. When the king found out that Castiel fought against a tiger shark to save a human’s life, he was furious. “You could’ve gotten killed, Castiel!” King Chuck growled. He was a small merman, but he was the most powerful merman in all of the sea. He was extremely kind as well, and the only thing that seemed to test his patience was his youngest son.

“I saved a human,” Castiel replied.

“At the risk of your own life. No human is worth that, Castiel,” King Chuck said.

“He deserved to live. I’m not doing anything wrong by showing compassion for humans, father.”

“I can tolerate your interest in humans… but not when it endangers your life. Stay away from humans from now on, do you understand?” Chuck said.

Castiel gritted his teeth before turning around and swimming away.

+++

Meanwhile, the human Castiel saved was no ordinary person. He was Dean, Prince of Winchester, and when he was returned to the palace, safe and suspiciously in perfect health, he would not stop talking about the man that saved him.

“I’m telling you, he’s real,” Dean said as he lay on his bed in the palace, the food tray lying ignored in front of him.

“Right, Dean…” Sam, his younger brother, just nodded. “Eat your breakfast first, okay? You’ve had a rough night.”

“You think? I fell off the ship and you guys didn’t even bother to come look for me!” Dean said. “I had to be rescued by a total stranger.”

“Yeah, a stranger that had amazingly blue eyes and the most captivating voice you’ve ever heard? Dean, you were probably just hallucinating,” Sam said. “And we looked for you, okay? We sent boats to search for you as quickly as we could. I was so worried I couldn’t sleep all night. Ellen and Jo were inconsolable.”

Dean looked up at Sam guiltily. “Alright, I’m sorry,” he said. “But he was real, okay? I wasn’t hallucinating,” he insisted.

“Whatever you say,” Sam said with a smile. “Now eat your breakfast.”

“I want him found, Sam,” Dean said seriously. “I owe him my life.”

“Don’t worry,” Sam reassured him. “Anyone who saves the prince’s life deserves a reward. We’ll let the kingdom know we’re searching for him.”

Dean nodded before finally giving his attention to his food tray.

+++

Castiel went back to the part of the cove where he left the human and found him walking quietly along the beach with his dog. He followed, watching from afar as the man tossed stones into the sea and paced back and forth. He had been watching him for a few days now, and each day the man returned to that shore at exactly the same time and walked around for an hour before leaving.

One day, he came with a giant of a man, and Cas swam as close as he could to listen to their conversations. It was then that he discovered the man’s name: Dean. The other man was his brother, Sam, and they were princes who lived in the large castle by the shore. After they left the cove that day, Cas swam to the castle, hoping to catch a glimpse of him there.

Once he reached the beach by the castle, he could hear the sounds of music and laughter. He hid behind the rocks and watched from afar as the humans danced on the sand, a large bonfire illuminating their happy faces as the sun slowly began to set. They were celebrating the safe return of their prince.

Dean was there, sitting in the sand with his big, black dog, a bottle in one hand and a stick in the other. He threw the stick and the dog bolted after it.

Around the fire, the men and women danced merrily and Cas watched their feet as they shuffled and jumped about. He wondered what that would feel like. To have feet.

These humans certainly didn’t all have legs that looked exactly the same, but nobody seemed to mind. One man had a belly like a puffer fish and he had very short, fat legs. Another man had stick thin legs that looked like they could snap at any moment. And Dean’s brother, Sam, had legs so long they looked like those poles the humans used to build their docks on. Cas shot a sad look at his unusual tail. If he were human and he had legs as well… nobody would think he was different. Nobody would laugh at him or cower in fear at the sight of his tail. He would be accepted. He would belong.

Cas looked back at the humans dancing on the sand. Sam danced merrily around the fire, and he stopped and tried to pull Dean up from where he sat. When Dean stood up, this was the first time Cas realized he had the most curious pair of legs. They looked strong and bowed outward when he stood. And when he walked, he wobbled like his legs were jellyfish tentacles and Cas had to stifle a laugh. He looked up at Dean’s face, and his breath caught in his throat.

He really was a beautiful man. Sun-kissed skin with freckles like bits of shiny coral, hair the color of dark sand, and eyes that shone a bright, bright green. Like the color of towering trees soaked in sunlight on the islands. And when he smiled, it was like sunlight as well, blinding and so very warm. Castiel found himself wishing he could touch Dean’s face, trace those lips as if he could feel the warmth of the sun just from his smile.

“I’m heading to bed,” he heard Dean say, his face looking red from all the liquid he had consumed.

Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, a big, black hairy face appeared before him. Cas looked, startled at the animal panting in front of him. They had a staring contest for what seemed like ages before Cas spoke. “Hello,” he said.

The thing grinned at him, and rather loudly replied, “HELLO HUMAN FISH!!!”

Castiel ducked, hiding from the view of the animal.

“Baby!” he heard Dean call, and the dog bounded back to the shore.

When Cas dared to peek again, the dog was by Dean’s side, and Cas watched as Dean affectionately ran his fingers through the dog’s now wet fur. “What’re you doing barking at the waves?” Dean asked. The dog barked again. “I saw a human fish!” Castiel heard him bark, but Dean did not understand (he was a human, how could he?) and he beckoned for his dog to follow him. Castiel craned his neck to watch them walk away.

+++

The night was getting darker and Castiel swam quickly back to the palace. He had only been sneaking out to see Dean by the shore for the past few days. Had his father found out, he’d be in big trouble.

However, trouble was the one that sought him out that night.

From the darkness of the ocean, a figure with large tentacles emerged and blocked his path home. It was the sea demon Crowley.

“I can’t help but notice your interest in the human creatures,” Crowley said, inspecting a suction cup from his 6th tentacle. “I’ve come to offer you a deal…”

But Castiel was not fooled. “I don’t make deals with demons,” Castiel said directly.

“Oh I’m sure you’ll find my offer quite appealing…” Crowley said. “Since you like humans so much… I thought I’d be so kind as to give you a chance to be one of them.”

Castiel’s eyebrow twitched, the only sign that he was surprised by Crowley’s words. “No such magic exists.”

“Oh but it does, little merman,” Crowley cooed. “What do you take me for? Some half bit sea demon? I am the king of demons, Castiel. I know spells and magic and potions and brews your all-powerful father couldn’t even dream of.”

Something slick slid around Castiel’s tail and he recoiled from it. He looked at his tail and saw two eels slithering around him. No doubt Crowley brought his eels to intimidate him. One shock from these eels could paralyze a merman for hours.

“I can give you a chance, Castiel,” Crowley paused, before focusing his bright red eyes on Castiel. “I can make you human. Isn’t that what you want?”

Clenching his fists to his side, Castiel swallowed. His mind was running in circles thinking what if Crowley wasn’t lying, what if this was his chance to be human, to walk on land and bask in the warmth of the sun—in the warmth of Dean’s smile.

“Think about it…” Crowley said with a sly smile, turning around to leave. “Meg… Ruby… let’s go,” he said, beckoning his eels to follow him. They slithered around Cas’ tail one last time before following Crowley and vanishing in a puff of blank ink in the water.

+++

Castiel returned to the cove to watch Dean again the next day. This time, one of his fish friends decided to follow him. “Why are you watching him anyway?” asked Alfie, a red and white striped fish.

“I’ve never used that much healing magic on someone before. I might’ve ended up hurting him,” Castiel explained, poking his head out of the water to watch Dean again. He ducked his head underwater every time Dean’s gaze went his direction.

“You mean the mark you left on his shoulder?” Alfie said.

“Yes. That has never happened before,” Cas said, stopping again to poke his head out of the water. “What do you think he is doing, Alfie?” Cas asked.

Alfie sighed. He was about to say something when the sound of the man yelling something startled him.

Cas ducked his head underwater quickly to hide. Even below the surface, however, the man’s voice could clearly be heard.

“Hey! If you’re out there… show yourself!” Dean yelled.

Alfie looked at Cas nervously. “He saw you?”

Cas shook his head. “He never sees me, I make sure of it.”

“Then why?” Alfie asked.

The shouting resumed and Alfie watched Castiel’s face as the merman listened to the human’s voice. “Tell me I’m not crazy, okay? Tell me you’re real? That—that I didn’t make you up,” Dean yelled out into the ocean. “That you really did save me… Come out, okay?”

Castiel’s face fell as he realized his heart was beating fast and hard. “Let’s go,” he told Alfie before swimming away. He wanted to come out of the water, he wanted to go to Dean and wrap his arms around him. It disturbed him.

He was falling in love with Dean.

It was a realization that left him reeling. He had never felt this way before for anyone… happy just from seeing their face and hearing their voice. And he wanted to feel that way again.

Clenching his fists, Castiel swam away, Crowley’s voice ringing in his ears. I can make you human. Isn’t that what you want?

+++

“Where did you run off to this time, Castiel?” Balthazar, the king’s crab advisor, asked him the moment he returned to the palace.

“Nowhere important,” Castiel answered before he entered his room.

Balthazar shot Alfie an intimidating look and Alfie just laughed nervously before dashing inside the room.

+++

The next day, Balthazar followed them out into the shore. He saw Castiel swimming dangerously close to the shore… so close that the dog started barking at him and the human almost saw him.

Balthazar panicked.

He rushed back to the palace to inform the King.

King Chuck was so furious he dragged Castiel back into the palace himself and ordered him to be watched by the guards.

Now Balthazar perched on Castiel’s window, watching the young merman sulk on his bed as he toyed with the latest artifact he had found.

“Your father is a kind king. He wouldn’t have been so mad had you followed his orders,” Balthazar said.

“My father wouldn’t have been so mad had I been normal,” Cas retorted. “I know my father, Balthazar. He thinks there’s some truth to the rumors; that I will be the cause of his demise one day.”

“That’s not true,” Balthazar said. “Your father loves you. There’s a purpose to everything he does, Castiel. He only wants you to be happy.”

Cas frowned. “Then why aren’t I happy?”

“Maybe that’s a question you should ask yourself,” Balthazar told him. Then, shaking his claws, he jumped off the window sill and crawled towards the door. “Now if you’ll excuse me… I have a date with a lovely blue crab tonight,” he said, winking slyly. “Wish me luck!”

“Good luck,” Castiel said without much enthusiasm.

+++

When Balthazar returned that night, Castiel was gone.

+++

Despite his doubts, Castiel made a decision. He sneaked out of the palace and went straight for Crowley’s cave to make a deal with him. There, the sea demon gave him a vial with red liquid inside.

“This will make you human. Fully human. That means you will be unable to use your magic,” Crowley explained. “But the spell only lasts for one month… unless you manage to make the human fall in love with you.”

“You mean he has to declare his love for me?” Castiel asked in confusion.

“Essentially, yes,” Crowley replied. “A simple ‘I love you’ would suffice,” he explained. “If you fail, you turn back into a merman once the sun has set on your month on land.”

“Why not a kiss?” Castiel ventured.

“Oh please,” Crowley said, rolling his eyes. “What are you, twelve? Everybody kisses these days. It no longer means anything. A heartfelt declaration of love however… well that’s rare.”

Castiel looked at the vial. “After a month, I will simply turn back?” he asked. “I fail to see how my turning back will benefit you.”

Crowley chuckled again as he settled down on his throne crafted from whale bones. “You were always too smart for your own good, little merman. You don’t simply turn back into a merman. You turn back and you’re mine.”

Castiel’s brow furrowed. “What—“

“I will own you. Well, your soul, actually. You will live the rest of your life as one of my pets,” he said. The eels he called Meg and Ruby slithered in front of him and he petted one affectionately. Cas eyed the eels warily. “Not these pets, no,” Crowley said. “You’re too special to be turned into an eel,” he said. “I think I’d like my very own great white…”

Castiel eyes grew big in alarm. “Once the spell is over, you will turn me into a shark?”

“You’re already half a shark anyway… feared by your people, ridiculed for your difference. At least this time, they’d have genuine reason to fear you… but like I said, only if you fail. If you think that human you saved was worth the risk… then by all means,” Crowley said, gesturing to the vial.

Castiel picked it up and stared intently at the red liquid swirling inside. If he failed to get the human’s love, would becoming a real shark even be a punishment? At least if he became a real shark, he will no longer be ridiculed. Great whites are feared, but at least the creatures of the sea respected them.

“Castiel, don’t!” he heard Balthazar scream.

Whipping around, he saw Balthazar and Alfie by the mouth of Crowley’s cave.

Crowley tutted. “I hate it when I get unwanted visitors,” he said, snapping his fingers. In an instant, his eels were on the crab and the small fish, impeding their movement.

“If I drink this, you promise you will not harm them,” Castiel told him.

“Yes, of course. It’s beneath me to harm such insignificant creatures anyway,” Crowley said.

Cas took a deep breath and uncapped the vial.

“Oh and one more thing,” Crowley said. Cas stopped and leveled his gaze at him. “There’s a certain… side-effect to this potion.”

“Side-effect?”

“Yes… as you drink the potion, something unique to you must be left inside the vial in its place.”

“And what would that be?” Cas asked, though he already had an idea what it could be.

“Your voice,” Crowley informed him, delighting in the look of surprise on Castiel’s face. “It’s a small price to pay for your very own legs, I assure you.”

“My voice…” Castiel said. He never really saw the importance of his voice. To his father, it was probably the only thing he can be proud Castiel had. To him, however, it was just one other thing that made him different from others. “…I have no use for my voice,” he said, and with one final movement, he put the vial to his lips and drank.

Alfie and Balthazar watched in horror as Castiel drank the vile red liquid inside. They tried to scream, but their mouths were covered by the eels. Meanwhile, Crowley’s eyes glowed bright red with interest as Castiel gulped the liquid. As the red liquid began to vanish from the vial, a bright blue light started to replace it. The light grew brighter and brighter until it engulfed the whole cave in its glow.

And then it was gone.

For a moment, nothing happened, and Castiel looked at the vial curiously. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He looked at Crowley in alarm, but Crowley just grinned darkly at him.

Then he felt it: a pain so intense it was like being shocked by a hundred eels at once. The last thing he saw before everything turned black was Alfie and Balthazar’s worried faces.

+++

“It’s been more than a week, Dean,” Sam said as they made their way back to the beach. “Nobody has seen this mystery man with blue eyes you kept talking about.”

“I’m not gonna give up Sammy,” he said, watching Impala run excitedly before him towards the shore. “That man saved my life. I wanna be able to thank him properly.”

“Has it ever occurred to you that you could have been hallucinating then?” Sam asked. When Dean shot him a venomous glare, Sam shook his head. “Alright, alright. I won’t say that again. It’s just every time you describe him, he sounds exactly like your type.”

“I did not imagine him, okay?” Dean grunted. “I wish I did, that way I wouldn’t be so hung up about him.”

“What would you say? If you found him… would you ask how you got this palm mark on your shoulder?” Sam asked.

Dean looked at his arm and frowned. “I have a feeling he’s not just a man, Sammy,” Dean said thoughtfully.

“For the last time, Dean, merpeople aren’t—“

Impala’s loud barking caught their attention, and when the two men walked down to the beach, they saw him—a naked man washed ashore.

“Holy shit,” Dean cursed as they ran towards the unconscious man. Sam helped him drag the man out of the water, and when he turned him around, Dean gasped. “It’s him!”

Sam checked the man for a pulse. He was alive. “What do you mean, him?” Sam asked.

“This is the guy that saved me.”

+++

“They took him!” Alfie said in panic. “Balthazar, the humans took him! What do we do?”

Balthazar watched the two men carry Castiel away. “The only thing we can do make sure the human falls in love with Castiel.”

PART 2

PART 3

Fic: A Perfect Pet for Sammy

remivel — Mon, 30 Jul 2012 18:37:02 GMT

Title: A Perfect Pet for Sammy
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Sam/Castiel
Warnings/Genre: All Human AU, Fluff, Romantic Comedy, pet shop owner!Cas, library assistant!Sam, unbeta'ed.
Prompt Summary: Castiel is a small town pet-shop owner in South Dakota, where Dean and Sam have just moved. Dean comes in to find the perfect pet for his brother. Castiel takes this very seriously, and refuses to sell Dean anything until he knows more about this Sammy. Along the same time line, Castiel meets the new young librarian in town. Instantly enamored, he clams up every time young Mr. Winchester even smiles at him. Mr. Winchester smiles a lot. (see end notes for full prompt and other notes).
Notes:For Great Blind Sassy Exchange.
Recipient: laserbladesandrazorbeams @ tumblr
AN. Sorry this is so late. I apologize. I admit to waiting until the last minute to write this—and I was rewarded by bad weather cutting of our power from time to time. I would’ve wanted to write more (and by more, I mean PORN) so I’ll go ahead and say I’m writing a continuation to this and posting it as soon as I can.

Castiel can’t look away.

He is tall. Very tall. Long legs hugged by soft-looking old jeans, the buttons of his red flannel shirt straining a bit as he puts his hands on his waist. And what big hands those are too. Long fingered and strong. Cas imagines this man is more suited for a more physical job than a library assistant. Maybe a firefighter, or a soldier, or heck, even a gun-slinging cowboy. He would definitely look good in a cowboy hat and some really nice leather chaps…

And to add to Cas’ frustration, the man is now laughing. Broad shoulders shaking slightly, eyes sparkling with childlike-joy, face splitting into a grin so bright, Cas wonders why he hasn’t gone blind yet from the sight.

Yes. It sounds ridiculous. Cas imagines this is how romance novel writers describe their dashing, young, millionaire rakes for the first time (he imagines because he doesn’t read those things. No sir). But this is exactly how he sees this man.

It’s even more ridiculous how much Cas strains to hear the man’s name when the head librarian approaches him from across the room. He’s new, and she’s strict, and he watches as she instructs him about books (because what else is there to instruct a library assistant about?). Cas ends up not hearing anything at all, but he catches the movement of the librarian’s lips as she says his name and he reads it as either ‘Weird Lester’ or ‘Winchester.’ She says his name again, and Cas is relieved to find out it’s really Winchester.

So the incredible Mr. Winchester nods, takes everything she says seriously, and goes back to work after she leaves. Cas watches, transfixed, as the man begins to return books to the shelf. When he bends down to put a book on the lowest shelf, Cas cranes his neck to better admire the view… but is sorely disappointed when the tables and chairs block him from sight. Then the man gets up soon after and moves behind a shelf, disappearing completely from view.

Cas unenthusiastically returns his gaze to his laptop screen and opens an email sent to his shop inquiring about ‘XXXL-sized pink tutus for dogs’. He runs a pet shop in town, The Pet Garrison, and no, he answers the email, his shop unfortunately does not carry pink tutus for dogs as big as a Great Pyrenees. However, he adds, he can point the owner to a good tailor in Sioux Falls that accepts orders for pet clothing, Crowley’s Tailoring Service.

Cas looks up from his laptop just in time to see Mr. Winchester emerge from behind a shelf. When he turns to look Cas’ way, Cas quickly ducks his head behind his laptop screen, trying his best to act casual as he hastily returns to his emails.

He usually hates it when he has to walk to the library to use the free wifi. His shitty Internet connection at home decides to die on him occasionally, and he’s been thinking of changing providers for some time, but now he supposes he could put that off for another few weeks.

‘The library’s not so bad,’ he thinks as he spares a careful glance back towards the man’s direction.
Mr. Winchester is now reaching for a book at the top shelf (it’s a big book, and a really tall shelf) and when he lifts his arm above his head, his shirt rides up to reveal a sliver of skin underneath.

Yes, definitely. Going to the library has its advantages.

+++

“Hey, uh…Castiel,” the customer reads Cas’ nametag and smiles. ‘Did I get your name right? Castiel?” he asks.

It’s a new customer, Cas thinks, and definitely from out of town. “Yes. That is my name,” Cas agrees. “What can I help you with, sir?”

“I’m thinking of getting a pet,” the man standing on the other side of the counter tells Cas. Then he chuckles. “Of course, what else would I be doing in a pet shop, right?” He adds with a lopsided grin. He’s handsome, almost as handsome as Mr. Winchester from the library, though not as tall, and not as gifted in the soft, flowing hair department. Also, he seems way too confident about his charms. He’s already hit on two other female customers since entering the pet shop… and he’s only been there five minutes!

“What kind of pet are you looking for, sir?” Cas asks. He’d direct the customer to Anna, his assistant, but he fears this man will only jump at the chance to flirt with her the entire time.

“I dunno… I’ve got no clue how to take care of animals…” he says, glancing at the kittens on display beside the counter. “And call me ‘Dean’,” he says with a dazzling grin. He is very charming, Cas will admit to that.

“Not that I’m dissuading you or anything,” Cas begins. “But taking care of a pet is a big responsibility. You have to think of your lifestyle and if it fits the kind of pet you are looking for.”

“Oh. Well good thing it’s not gonna be my pet. I’m sure my baby bro Sammy will know what to do with the thing once he gets it,” Dean answers.

“Does this ‘Sammy’ know you’re getting a pet?” Cas asks.

“Nah. It’s Sammy’s birthday in a couple of weeks and I’m thinking a new pet would be a nice gift. He always grumbles about how I am terrible at giving gifts so I thought I’d prove him wrong. He really likes animals, so a pet’s a perfect gift for him, right?” Dean says, picking up a ball from the counter and tossing it repeatedly into the air.

“A pet is actually a terrible gift,” Cas tells him, and he watches with little amusement as Dean fails to catch the ball in time, and it bounces to the accessories rack and rattles a few bows and hair clips off their perch.

Dean grabs the ball before it does any more damage and gives Cas an incredulous look. “Seriously?”

“All the cats and dogs you see in here are from the Sioux Falls Animal Shelter,” Cas tells him.

Dean takes a second look at the cats again. There were five of them, three fluffy kittens and two adults. On the other side are the dogs. Exactly a dozen of them, puppies and adults alike, ranging from the small (a chipper looking Chihuahua) to the big (an equally chipper looking Lab mix). “These are shelter animals?” he confirms.

“Yes,” Cas replies. “A big percentage of pet gifts end up in shelters, and if no one ends up adopting them, then they are euthanized. Some of the animals you see here were surrendered to the local shelter because their families weren’t ready for the responsibility. This is the very reason why I advice against giving pets as gifts.”

“Eesh, that’s terrible,” Dean says.

“If you choose to get a cat or a dog here, you will only be paying for the adoption fees. However, I understand if you’d rather buy a pet from a breeder. I know of a few reputable ones in—“

“No, no. Are you kidding me? These animals are fine! I was wondering why they cost a fraction of those cats and dogs I saw at this other petshop… and they look no better than the ones you have here!” he tells him. “Plus, I know a thing or two about living like a stray, and I tell you, it ain’t easy. These guys are real troopers.”

Cas smiles at that. So this guy’s pretty decent after all, he thinks, and immediately feels guilty for being a bit hard on the guy for wanting to give his little brother a gift. He may have misjudged him earlier, and Cas has a feeling that this Sammy might not be too bad as well.

“But if your brother really is good with animals, like you said, and you believe he is up to the challenge… then I see no problem in giving him a pet,” Cas finally concedes.

This makes Dean smile. “You think so?”

“So long as we are able to find a suitable type of pet for him,” he adds.

“I’m sure Sammy will be great with a pet. The guy can’t resist a big pair of puppy dog eyes.”

“Nobody can,” Cas replies with a small smile of his own as he gets out from behind the counter. “Let’s look around,” he tells Dean, and Dean follows him around the pet shop. “So, you have absolutely no idea what pet you’ll be getting?” Cas asks again. When Dean shakes his head, Cas pauses a while to contemplate his options. “Ever thought of getting him a gold fish?”

+++

Every morning before going to work, Cas takes his dog Buttercup for a walk (Buttercup is a Chinese Shar-pei, black, looks more like a small hippo-bear hybrid, and definitely male). They take the long, scenic route in the park and eventually stop at a bench by the pond where Cas eats his breakfast (today is coffee and a bagel). Buttercup enjoys quietly watching the joggers and other dog walkers as they pass by, though none are too keen on running a little too close to the rather intimidating dog.

Cas doesn’t mind. In fact, he prefers it if people don’t approach his dog too much. Buttercup is harmless but he does slobber a lot, and it saves Cas from the embarrassment of trying to provide tissue or paper towels to victims of Buttercup’s foamy, white slobber sprays. Most of the regular joggers in the park have learned their lesson, so most of Cas’ morning walks with Buttercup are rather peaceful and uneventful.

But not today.

As Cas finishes off the last of his bagel, he sees someone starting to approach the bench. A jogger, most likely.

“Wow, that’s a gorgeous dog,” the jogger says, a little out of breath, as he walks closer.

Cas looks up, and he too loses his ability to breathe. It’s him. The new library assistant. Mr. Winchester. Oh and he looks really good too, sweaty and flushed from exertion, his shirt stretched nicely against his chest and biceps. Big biceps.

If Cas still has the ability to think coherently, he’d warn him about the slobber, but since Cas has probably forgotten his own name at this point, he doesn’t realize the danger until it’s too late: Buttercup is already enthusiastically slathering the man’s hand with a good amount of his saliva.

Cas pales at the sight, and he immediately searches his pockets for a tissue or something to wipe off the mess. To his surprise, the man just laughs it off and kneels down on the ground to scratch the back of Buttercup’s ear.

“Aww, you’re a sweet boy, aren’t you?” he says, grinning widely when Buttercup snorts and continues to lick his hand. He looks up at Cas with that same grin on his face, and Cas could swear his brain short circuits in that instant. “What’s his name?” Cas hears him ask.

Cas opens his mouth to speak, but finds his throat a little too dry. He barely croaks out, “Buttercup” after a couple of tries.

Mr. Winchester laughs, and Cas couldn’t get enough of the sound. “Buttercup? Really?”

Castiel’s cheeks flush a brilliant shade of red. Before he could think about it, he is already up and pulling on Buttercup’s leash. “I’m sorry. We have to leave,” he says before hastily walking away and leaving the man surprised and baffled by the bench.

“I’m so stupid,” Cas says to himself once he’s walked a good distance away from the pond. He looks down at Buttercup. Cas has never embarrassed about his dog’s name, no. That’s not the reason he panicked and literally ran away. The problem was, it almost sounded like the man was calling him ‘Buttercup’—and that should NOT have sounded as good as it did. “He probably thinks I’m weird,” Cas tells Buttercup, who only looks up at him with a bored expression. “And he’d be right,” Cas continues, slumping his shoulders a little as he walked.

+++

“I’m thinking a dog would be perfect,” Dean tells Cas the moment he enters the shop.

“Ah, a dog…” Cas says as he continues to stack rabbit pellets onto the shelf. “…are you sure?” he asks. Dean’s been coming to the pet shop almost every day for the past couple of weeks. In that time, Cas has learned a lot about Dean and his brother (whom he’s only ever heard Dean call ‘Sammy’).

Turns out, the brothers are from Lawrence, Kansas. Dean’s a mechanic while Sammy, Dean reported with much pride, just graduated from law school and is taking some time off before he tries for the bar. They moved to this small town near Sioux Falls to help Bobby Singer out while he recovers from his mild stroke the previous month. Dean’s running the salvage yard in Bobby’s stead while Sammy takes care of the housework.

“Yeah. I just remembered Sammy had a dog in college. Bones, I think. That’s the dog’s name. He liked giving weird names to animals. I remember when he was 5, he named a stray cat ‘Fish’ and when he started going to school, he started naming all our neighbor’s goats after philosophers like Plato and Aristotle because they had beards.”

Cas chuckles at that. If anything, Dean can’t stop talking about Sammy and his little quirks. And Cas doesn’t mind. The more he knows about Sammy, the more he can help Dean find the perfect animal. Besides, Dean’s a colorful and entertaining storyteller, and Cas has developed a fondness for the intelligent and witty little boy in Dean’s stories. He’d hope to meet this Sammy someday, if only to shake his hand and congratulate him for putting up with a brother like Dean. Because if his stories of their childhood prank wars were anything to go by, then Dean is one very annoying older brother.

“Can you guess what he named their pig?” Dean asks.

“Francis Bacon?” Cas guesses.

Dean laughs. “I swear I was in tears when I first heard it!”

“It’s the most logical choice of name for a pig,” Cas says as he places the last of the bags of pellets on the shelf. “Give me a minute,” he says before turning to wheel the cart back into the storage room. When he emerges a few seconds later, Dean is already by the dog cages, giving each dog another look. He’s gone over these animals at least twice already, and he’s somehow developed an attachment to some (he was somewhat saddened when all three of the kittens were adopted the other day, but it only lasted until he learned of the arrival of four more cats in the afternoon). “So, you really think it’s a dog now, huh?” Cas asks.

“Sammy’s birthday is in two days,” he says, then he stops and looks at Cas in alarm. “Not that I’m just settling for any old animal since I’m running out of time…I would never!” he tries to explain.
Cas just nods. He knows Dean wouldn’t. If he just wanted any animal, he’d have bought one and left already on his first trip to the shop.

“I just got to a lot of thinking last night—a lot more than usual—and I’ve decided a dog would be a perfect fit for my brother. Besides, like I said, he had a dog before. He’s got experience,” Dean says the last part with a lopsided, almost lecherous grin, and Cas just rolls his eyes.

“Alright, a dog it is,” Cas says.

Dean blinks. “What? So you agree with me?”

“Ever since you told me your brother loves the outdoors and has a lot of free time, I’ve been thinking a dog would suit him well.”

“What? But I mentioned that to you like the second day I came here!”

“I know,” Cas says as he walks to the dog cages and looks at the dogs one by one. “I wasn’t 100% sure. Plus, I was waiting for you to arrive at the same conclusion.”

Dean scoffs. “I remember you telling me you were gonna help me find a pet. Turns out you left me all on my own. Thanks a lot.”

“I advised you against the rabbit and the hedgehog, didn’t I? You were so sure then too.”

Dean frowns. “Okay. You got me there,” he admits.

“Besides, I was only convinced a dog would be good for him once you told me he already had a dog before. He knows what it takes to raise a dog, and that’s important.”

“So, who’s the lucky guy?” Dean asks, looking at the dogs all lined up. “You’re not hiding another Hellhound behind the counter for me, are you?”

Cas chuckles. He brought Buttercup to the pet shop the other day, and when Dean saw him, he was terrified for a second. ‘Is that a hellhound?’ he asked when Buttercup stared at him with his glossy, dark brown—almost black—eyes. ‘It’s a Chinese Shar-pei,’ Cas had told him. ‘And you shouldn’t judge by appearances, Dean. Buttercup is harmless.’ Hearing the name got Dean into a fit of laughter and after a few minutes, he was already playfully scratching the dog’s belly. He never stopped calling him ‘Hellhound’ though.

“Are you going to help me out here or are you just gonna wait for me to ‘arrive at the same conclusion’?” Cas hears Dean ask.

“I was going to do that… but I thought you might choose one of the Chihuahuas so, no, I’m just gonna give you a couple of options to choose from.”

“Great!” Dean says enthusiastically. “Which ones?”

Cas stops at the very last two cages in the line. The big cages. “Harley and Sadie,” Cas says.
Dean’s eyes light up. “The big guys?”

“Harley’s a Mastiff mix, and Sadie’s a German Shepherd mix. They’re both big dogs, and energetic, but I think either one will be fine for your brother.”

“Oh, yeah. I think they’d be very fine for him.”

“So which one will it be?” Cas asks.

Dean pauses. “Ugh. I can’t do it,” he says. “Can I just take ‘em both?”

“No, Dean. Just one. If your brother isn’t unpleasantly surprised with your gift and he’d like to look into adopting another dog later, then we’ll talk. But right now, pick just one.”

Dean contemplates his options for a moment. “Can I play with them? See which dog’s personality would match Sammy’s?”

Cas smiles. “I was beginning to think you learned nothing from me during all this time,” Cas tells him.

“What do you take me for?” Dean pretends to be insulted, but the grin on his face gives him away.

“Alright. Let’s go out back and I’ll show you what these dogs can do,” Cas says with a smile of his own.

+++

Cas looks at his watch as he hurriedly enters the library. He’s running a little late today. There was a problem with the catnip delivery and he had to make several phone calls to iron out the mess. He didn’t even have time to walk Buttercup and get breakfast because of it. Then, to add to his misery, his Internet died on him at the very last minute. This wouldn’t have been too bad if Cas hadn’t agreed for Dean to pick up his brother’s dog before the pet shop’s usual opening time.

In the end, Dean chose Harley, the Mastiff mix, because he was friendlier to him than Sadie was. Cas just told him it was probably because Sadie was more intelligent, and knew not to trust shady people like Dean.

Settling into his usual spot at the corner of the library, Cas opens his laptop and proceeds to send the email he was working on back at home. In his rush, he completely forgets about the hot new library assistant until the man is standing right in front of him.

“Hey,” the man greets enthusiastically.

Cas looks up and is frozen in his spot.

“Buttercup, right?” he asks.

Cas’ jaw drops.

“I mean, your dog. You have that dog. The Shar-pei,” he tries to recover awkwardly.

Cas closes his mouth and tries desperately not to make a fool of himself again. “Yes, I have a dog. That dog. The drool machine.”

Mr. Winchester laughs quietly, trying to keep himself from making too much noise. “Yeah, I think the skin on my hand’s gone all soft and moisturized thanks to your dog.”

Cas doesn’t know if he’s supposed to laugh it off or be embarrassed about it, so he ends up doing an awkward combination of both.

“Oh, hey, it’s fine,” he reassures Cas. “I’ve got a soft spot for dogs, and yours just happened to be the most adorable animal around.”

“You think Buttercup is adorable?” Cas asks, a dumbfounded expression on his face. “People usually either laugh at his appearance or get really terrified.”

“Nah. Him? No way,” he says. “Sure he looks like a hellhound, but you can tell he’s a sweetheart.”

“A hellhound?” he asks before letting out a soft laugh.

“That’s what he looks like, right?”

“Apparently so,” Cas agrees. “Though I think a Neapolitan Mastiff would be a better hellhound.”

The man’s face brightens. “Oh, can’t argue with that. Big dogs are the best.”

“It’s not the size that’s important, though,” Cas tells him.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” he says, and there is a glint in his eyes that Cas’ overly eager brain almost mistakes as playfulness. “Being big has its advantages.”

Oh. Okay. He isn’t mistaken. “Like what?” Cas asks, and he swears his brain short circuits again when the man licks his lips and grins.

Cas jolts all of a sudden and the man stops before he could say anything in reply. Cursing under his breath, he removes his vibrating phone from inside his pocket and looks at the screen. Anna. “Crap,” he says. He looks up at the man, gets lost in his impossibly beautiful eyes for a split second, before he finally finds the words. “I’m sorry, I have to go,” he says, hastily closing his laptop and rushing out of the library… once again leaving the man surprised and baffled and suddenly alone.

+++

“I’m late, I know,” is Cas’ first words when he answers Anna’s call.

“No shit, Sherlock. Dean is already here. Will you be here soon or shall I do the honors?”

Cas glances at his watch. “I’ll need ten more minutes to get there. Have him sign the papers and I’ll be the one to hand Harley to him.”

“You got it.”

+++

“Hey, got enough beauty sleep?” Dean jokes as Cas enters the shop. Harley is already with him, sporting his brand new leash and collar.

Cas doesn’t think it’s funny. “Are the adoption papers and vet records with you?” he asks, setting his things down on the counter and checking the computer quickly for the evidence of Harley’s adoption in their records.

“Yeah, got it right here,” Dean says, waving an envelope in the air. “Who knew it’d be that easy?”

“Everything seems to be in order,” Cas says, walking to them and giving Harley a pat on the head. “You have everything Harley needs at home, right?”

Dean rolls his eyes. “You’re like a protective mother hen. Yes. Everything is at home. I already installed the pen right after Sammy left for work this morning. Got Harley’s bowls ready there too. And I bought all the important stuff here just yesterday—dog food, vitamins—so you know I have them at home. Relax, okay? Harley will be fine.”

“Just making sure,” Cas says. “Okay, I guess you’re free to go. Just don’t lose the dog before your brother even sees him.”

“Haha, very funny,” Dean says as he tucks the envelope under his arm and turns to Harley. “Come on, Harley,” he says, tugging a bit at the leash. The dog obediently gets up and follows him to the door.

“Bring Harley around some time, okay?” Cas calls out.

“Sure. See you around, Cas,” Dean says as he waves goodbye. And then, they’re out the door.

+++

Cas takes Buttercup out for a walk that afternoon. Anna’s been fishing for another vacation next week, and Cas only agreed to it if she’d watch the store for him in the late afternoons. She agreed in an instant, and now Cas has his afternoons free to deal with more of the shop’s orders and transactions. He just finished talking to the Sioux Falls Animal Shelter, and they’re sending a couple more dogs for adoption the next day.

He sits on his usual bench by the pond and wonders what Sammy’s reaction was upon seeing his brother’s birthday surprise for him. Harley’s a great dog, and he deserves a great owner. Cas is confident he got this right for everyone, and he only wishes he could’ve been there to see the big reveal. He already feels like he knows Sammy from all of Dean’s stories, and honestly, he can’t wait to meet Dean’s amazing little brother.

He is rattled out of his thoughts by the bark of a familiar dog. He turns to look towards the direction of the bark, and immediately sees two figures he recognizes. Harley is running at top speed towards them, and right behind him, is Mr. Winchester himself. It takes a moment for things to click into place, and when it does, Cas is left speechless.

“Hi,” the man greets as both he and the dog stop a few paces before the bench. “I had a feeling I’d see you here.”

“You’re Sammy?” Cas asks incredulously.

Sammy cringes before laughing. “That’s what my brother calls me, yeah. But I prefer Sam.”

This is Dean’s little brother? The intelligent little boy in Dean’s stories… and this giant of a man… they are the same person? “Sam,” Cas whispers. “and Dean. Dean Winchester.”

“Yeah. So you knew my brother all this time?” he asks.

Cas just manages to nod.

Beside them, Harley and Buttercup are slowly starting to circle each other, smelling each other’s butts. Sam chuckles and tries to pull Harley away, but to no avail. “And you decided to leave a dog in Dean’s care? You even more courageous than I am.”

Cas chuckles at that. “I had my doubts,” he admits. “Dean told me he had a little brother…” Cas begins, then looks at Sam up and down. “I didn’t realize he was lying.”

Sam grins widely. “He doesn’t like to mention his little brother is actually a lot bigger than him. It’s one of his insecurities.”

Harley decides to leave Buttercup and walks directly in between the V of Cas’ legs. Cas smiles as he pets his head. “So, what do you think of Harley? Are you liking him so far?”

“Are you kidding? He’s awesome,” Sam says as his face splits into a wide grin. “Dean couldn’t have picked a better dog.”

Cas’ smile grows wider. “That’s really nice to hear.”

“Well, he tells me this pet shop owner gave him a bit of a hand,” Sam says. “But I think it’s more than a hand. You probably had a lot to do with choosing this guy,” Sam says as he leans down and scratches the side of Harley’s neck.

The movement brings him closer to Cas’ level, and when Cas looks up, Sam’s face is closer than he’s ever been before, and it’s making his stomach do weird somersaults. “I only pointed Dean in the right direction,” Cas says, even as he feels his throat go dry.

“I went to the pet shop to thank you personally, but your assistant said you took the afternoon off.”

“I have afternoons off until the end of the week… but…” Cas stops as a thought occurs to him. “How did you know where to find me?”

Sam stands back up and sheepishly scratches his head. The movement lifts his flannel shirt up and a thin band of skin peeks from under the fabric.

Cas unconsciously licks his lips.

“I sorta asked a few people about you the other day,” he admits.

Cas feels his jaw drop.

“Oh wait, no, it’s nothing like I’m a stalker and I want to follow you around or anything like that. Well, okay, it’s a little bit like that,” Sam tries to explain. “ But... I just, I saw you around the library a few times, then when I got to talk to you in the park, you just bolted. And again when I talked to you in the library, you just left,” he says. “I was beginning to think there was something wrong about me. Like maybe I smelled repulsive so you fled when I tried talking to you,” he tells him, and his face sags a bit in disappointment. And oh no, are those puppy dog eyes? Well, that alone is enough to break anyone’s heart.

“What? No!” Cas blurts out. “You DO NOT smell repulsive. You smell very good, actually, and there’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all!” Cas tries to quickly reassure him. “I just… I’m an idiot who can’t maintain a decent conversation with anyone.”

The sad expression quickly fades from Sam’s face and is replaced by a genuinely relieved and happy smile. “So does that mean you’re okay with it? With my stalking you.”

Cas chuckles at that. “Well, technically it’s not stalking if the person you’re stalking stalks you back.”

“Oh?” Sam sounds intrigued.

“Yeah. In fact, I probably know more about you that you’d be comfortable with. Like that time in second grade when Meg Masters pulled your pants down in front of the whole class.”

A bark of laughter escapes Sam’s throat. “Oh I will kill Dean once I get home,” he says. Once the laughter dies down, he seems to straighten his back, like he’s preparing himself to say something important. Finally, he speaks up. “Say, we’re having a little get-together at Bobby’s house for my birthday. Just me, Bobby, Dean, and a few other people. You wanna come?”

Cas is surprised. “You’re inviting me to your birthday party?”

“Well, it’s nothing fancy. There’s gonna be beer and pizza. You can bring Buttercup. So… are you coming?” Sam says, tilting his head to the side and pointing his thumb towards the general direction of Bobby’s house.

“What? Right now?” Cas asks in disbelief.

“Yeah. Unless you have other things to do? Which is fine, by the way. You don’t have to feel obligated to go… I just thought I’d really like for you to be there. ”

Cas can’t believe this is happening. The first time he saw Sam, he didn’t even think he’d look his way. Now they’re actually having a conversation (a decent one at that), and now he’d ‘really like’ for Cas to be at his party? Looks like good things do happen to him from time to time. “Ah, when you put it like that… how can I say ‘no’?”

“Great!” Sam grins.

Cas stands up, and the two of them begin walking to Bobby’s house, dogs at their sides. After a few paces, Sam speaks up. “So, you think I smell good? And there’s nothing wrong with me at all?” Sam asks.

Cas looks up at Sam—he’s never gonna get used to how tall he is—and sees the teasing smile on his face. “Did you just say all those things just to trap me into saying something embarrassing?” Cas asks suspiciously.

“Of course not!” Sam denies. “So do you?” he asks again.

“It’s not something I will repeat on pain of death,” Cas tells him.

“Really? Not even if I show you something Meg Masters saw that day?” Sam asks.

Cas’ eyes grow wide at the implication—and the fact that Sam even went anywhere near there.

“What?” Sam asks, as if the surprised look on Cas’ face is something totally unexpected. Except, of course it isn’t. Sam knows exactly how his words sounded, and it does nothing to calm Cas’ nerves. “I still have my grade school Batman briefs in one of my bags. I mean, I don’t wear it anymore but it’s my lucky underwear.”

This makes Cas laugh. “No way. Who’d want to see some ratty old briefs anyway?”

“Okay. So you want to see my new underwear then?” Sam says with a straight face.

And oh. Cas gets it now. It seems the persistent and annoying gene runs in the family. “Is that supposed to be a pick-up line?”

“No,” Sam scoffs. “Why? Would you rather not see any underwear?” he asks again, and the way he says it makes it very clear exactly what he means.

Cas laughs. He never realized he could feel appalled and oddly aroused at the same time. He’s pretty sure he’s blushing already. “Let’s just see how the night goes, okay?” Cas tells him.

Sam’s face brightens considerably. “Sure,” he agrees. “If I’m lucky, maybe I can get another birthday present before the day ends, huh?” he asks.

And oh, he really is pushing it, and Cas is just loving his audacity. “If you’re lucky,” Cas just says. “You might even get to see my lucky boxers—it’s blue and has paw prints on it.”

Sam looks down and unashamedly imagines Cas in those very boxers. “Paw prints, really?” he says in disbelief.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Cas says with a wink.

This makes Sam laugh so hard, he scrunches his nose and sticks his tongue out a bit. It’s the most captivating laugh Cas has seen on anyone, and he realizes can’t look away even if he wanted to.

Oh yes. Looks like someone really IS getting lucky tonight.

THE END.

End note:

Full prompt: Castiel is a small town pet-shop owner in South Dakota, where Dean and Sam have just moved. Dean comes in to find the perfect pet for his brother. Castiel takes this very seriously, and refuses to sell Dean anything until he knows more about this Sammy.
Along the same time line, Castiel meets the new young librarian town, freshly hired on the recommendation of Bobby Singer, who might be the town drunk, but knows his way around books. Instantly enamored, he clams up every time young Mr. Winchester even smiles at him. Mr. Winchester smiles a lot.
Basically, Castiel falls in love with the boy from Dean’s stories, while falling in love with Mr. Winchester all at once. Never does he associate little Sammy with the giant that is Mr. Winchester.
I’d like for Sam to pine from afar as well. And hey, maybe he gets a crush going for the pet store guy Dean won’t shut up about. Light hearted fluff, maybe a little porn if the author is up to it.
Changes to prompt: Bobby isn't mentioned very much, and Sam is a library assistant, instead of a librarian. No Sam getting a crush about the pet store guy Dean talks about. Everything else is somewhat true to the prompt.

Sequel to follow (and yes there will be porn. I can't let the possibility of Sassy porn slip away).

Fanart: Chaos with Better Lighting Art Masterpost

remivel — Sun, 29 Jul 2012 13:46:32 GMT

Fic: Chaos with Better Lighting
Author: lies_unfurl
Artist: remivel
Acknowledgments: Many thanks to my author, lies_unfurl, for being the nicest, most hard working author I've ever met. This is my first BB and I really feared I would get a difficult author to work with. But she is amazing and I couldn't have asked for a better partner. I also owe a lot to Savana for being my quality checker and for putting up with me this whole time, and to Juliana, for being my Big Bang Police and always reminding me to work on my art even while we fangirl over certain hot football players. Special thanks goes to Alejandra and Allison for being patient enough to answer all my BB questions. And to everyone who's ever helped me with this (there's a lot of you), just, thank you so much. I DID IT! <3

Cover Art (click for full size):

Dean and Cas' first dance practice (click for full size):

Chapter Headers:

Heaven's crest (large version of dividers)

Hell's crest (large version of dividers)

That's it! Again, thank you so much to everyone who's helped me in this very challenging journey. It was tough, but my first BB as an artist is finally over. Yay for me!

Fic: Sex on the Beach

remivel — Fri, 29 Jun 2012 08:54:31 GMT

Title: Sex on the Beach
Author: remivel
Recipient: dc_summerlovin entry for robbidybobbin
Pairings/Characters: Dean/Castiel, cameos from Sam, Jess, Garth and Anna
Genre: Romance, Humor
Warnings: College AU, fanboy!Dean. Despite title, there is NO actual sex on the beach (it’s a cocktail).
Rating: PG-13
Prompts Used: bartender!Cas, awkward!Dean, with a tiny bit of the other prompt involving a College Library thrown in.
Summary: Dean isn’t a shy person. He has a lot of friends, and he never has problems picking up women at bars. However, there’s something about Castiel that makes him act like an awkward teenager. He’s been thinking of asking Castiel out for months. But first, he needs to muster enough courage to come up to him and say ‘hi!’

“For the last time, I’m not stalking him,” Dean said as he took the seat next to Garth. They haven’t been in this new pub for more than two minutes and already Sam was bringing up Dean’s current source of sexual frustration.

“Stalking who?” Garth asked.

“Angel eyes,” Sam supplied.

“Ahh, right. The English major!” Garth said in understanding.

“Why angel eyes?” Jess asked.

“Because according to Dean, he has these big, blue eyes and a face so beautiful, it’s as if you’re looking at an angel from heaven.”

“What the—? Dude, I didn’t say anything like that!” Dean objected.

Sam shrugged. “Sounded like that to me.”

“What was his name again?” Garth asked. “The poor guy Dean’s stalking… Cassiel?”

“It’s Castiel,” Dean corrected him immediately. “And I’m not stalking him, alright?”

“Sure you’re not,” Sam said. Then he turned to Jess, “The only reason you’ll find Dean in the library nowadays is because he’s spying on Castiel.”

Jess grinned widely and looked at Dean, who was now looking very annoyed that they were ganging up on him. “But you have talked to this guy, right?” she asked Dean. When Dean just looked down and blushed slightly, Jess’ jaw dropped. “How’d you even know his name?”

Dean slumped in his chair and mumbled. “Bribed the first year working in the library to give me his information—hey! Don’t look at me like that, Sam waited for almost an hour outside the auditorium just so he can accidentally bump in to you.”

Jaw dropping further, Jess turned to Sam. “No way.”

Sam just chuckled. “I guess stalker tendencies run in our family,” he said just before Jess playfully punched him in the arm.

“Okay, you have to go up to this guy and at least introduce yourself,” Jess told Dean.

“That’s what we’ve been tellin’ him,” Garth said. “Almost a year and he still hasn’t made a move.”

“Y’know what? I need a drink,” Dean said, pushing his chair out and standing up. “And maybe when I come back, you kids have something better to talk about.”

“Awww, Dean. Alright, we won’t talk about your big gay crush. Come back with drinks for us, okay?” he heard Sam say.

Dean just raised his hand and flipped his brother off.

+++

Dean sat on the barstool and peered around the counter to catch a glimpse of the bartender. There was no one. “What’s a guy gotta do to get some drinks around here?” he mumbled to himself.

“The bartender just went to get my drink,” said the woman beside him.

He turned to look at her and his breath got caught. He didn’t know what it was, maybe it was those big round eyes that reminded him so much Castiel, but soon Dean found himself putting on his most charming smile and facing the woman completely. “Oh? I take it you drink some special wine they keep at the back?”

She smiled as she leaned an elbow on the counter and tucked a lock of red hair behind her ear. Oh, she was very pretty. “Nothing special. Why are you asking?”

“No reason,” Dean feigned nonchalance. “Just so I know what to order for you later.”

“Really?” she sounded slightly unimpressed. “Why? So you can get me tipsy?”

“Hey, I’m offended that you would think I’d need to get a woman drunk,” Dean said, though the smile on his face said otherwise. “I don’t do it like that.”

This made her chuckle. “Alright. So how do you do it, then?” she asked.

“Well first, I get the introductions over with,” he said, reaching a hand out to shake her hand. “Hi, I’m Dean.”

“Anna,” she replied, shaking his hand. Just then, a drink that looked almost like chocolate milkshake was placed in front of Anna, and Dean heard the bartender speak before he saw him.

“Can I get you anything?” he asked.

“Uh yeah, give me…” Dean began, turning to face the bartender, and almost instantly, Dean froze and forgot how to breathe.

It was Castiel. In front of him. Close enough to touch. And oh yeah, he was talking to him. Castiel was talking to him! The object of his sexual frustrations. The guy he dreamt about at night. The guy he always imagined he’d take back to his baby for something fun. A quickie or maybe even—

“…a blowjob,” Dean said aloud. Shit. “No, uh, orgasm.” Shit shit shit. He looked down on the counter to see a conveniently placed drinks menu. “Let’s see,” he said as he tried to laugh off his embarrassment. He decided to order the first thing he saw on the menu. “Butt sex,” he read out loud without thinking, then froze again.

Distantly, he heard Anna laughing beside him. “Really, Dean? That’s your drink of choice?” she asked.
Dean glanced at Anna then looked up at Castiel, saw that yes, it was Castiel in all his blue-eyed, fair-skinned, gorgeous glory, and whoops—can’t look at the sun for too long—he quickly returned his gaze to the menu.

A couple stools to the left, a mortified man looked at Dean and saw the way he practically salivated when he looked at the bartender.

Then Dean began to rattle off every single drink that popped out to him. “Screaming orgasm, leg spreader, blue balls...”

The man’s face visibly paled as he took his beer and bid a hasty retreat to the tables.
“…slippery nipple, slow comfortable screw, violent fuck… Jesus, what’s with all these names, eh?” he chuckled nervously.

“What will it be?” he heard Castiel say. And oh god, just the sound of the man’s voice was doing weird things to his stomach, and apparently, to his higher brain function as well. Because for a moment there, Dean actually thought Castiel was asking him if he wanted a violent fuck or a slow comfortable screw better.

Dean gave up, pointed to a drink (he doubted he could still speak anyway) and waited for Castiel to leave before he released the breath he was holding. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat (close proximity to Castiel always did have an effect to his nether regions) and cursed under his breath.
It took him another minute to realize the sound he was hearing was Anna laughing at his side again.

“Real smooth, Dean,” she said in amusement.

Dean resisted the urge to slump on the counter. “I got caught off guard. I go to the same university as that dude,” he told her, keeping his voice down in case Castiel heard any of it.

“Oh?” she asked, a smile tracing her lips as she sipped her drink. “You two know each other?”

“Not really,” Dean admitted. “But I see him in the library all the time,” Dean said defensively. “Just didn’t think he’d be the bartender type, you know?”

“If that’s the case, then maybe it’s time you got to know each other. You never know if you’d need library favors, right?” she asked, and Dean didn’t know if that wink she gave him was a good thing or a bad thing.

Castiel returned with a tall glass of something orange and red, garnished with a lemon wedge and a tiny blue umbrella. It looked, for lack of a better word, girly. What the heck did Dean just order?

“Sex on the beach,” Castiel said, pushing the drink across the counter to Dean.

Dean could only look up and gape at Castiel. Funny how the word ‘sex’ coming from Castiel’s mouth almost sounded like the real thing.

“This is what you ordered. Or do you want something else?” Castiel asked, and he sounded a bit irritated.

“No, uh, this is fine,” Dean said the moment he found his voice again. He took a tentative sip, and found that it tasted better than it looked. He’s had worse things in his mouth.

“Hey, Cas, by the way…” Anna began, and Dean felt a stab of something in his gut. Did she just call him ‘Cas?’ “…Dean told me you two go to school together.”

Dean felt betrayed. Before he could get a word in, Anna spoke again. “You hardly get any people from your school here. You two should totally chat.”

“I’m working,” Castiel told her.

“Well, no one else is ordering right now. I’ll leave you boys to chat while I go sit somewhere more comfortable for my back,” she said, hopping down from the barstool and picking up her drink. “See you guys later!” she said before promptly leaving the two alone.

Dean gulped nervously as he looked to his sides. Shit. Must be a slow night. “So… uh, I’m Dean, by the way,” he said.

“Castiel,” he said.

“I know,” Dean said before he could stop himself. “I-I see you at school sometimes…” Dean said immediately. He looked up at Castiel cautiously and Castiel just stared back at him.

“Yes, you’re often in the library,” was Castiel’s reply.

“Uh… yeah,” Dean answered. He looked at his drink, then remembered his earlier conversation with Sam and the others and realized this had to stop. “Fuck it,” Dean muttered under his breath. “Look,” he said, bracing his hands on the edge of the counter. He stared Castiel straight in the eyes and said, “I know this is gonna sound weird. You don’t know me… I see you a lot at school—not that I’m staking you or anything like that! I swear I’m not!—and I just, I’ve been thinking about coming up to you and asking you out for a really long time. The only reason I’m even in the library is because you’re there.”

Dean watched Castiel’s face for any reaction, but all he got was a blank look. Not good. “I know it’s too soon to ask you out so I’m not going to… but, just say something?”

“So let me get this straight,” Castiel began. “Everything you said then, that’s you not asking me out?”

Dean blinked. “No?”

“That’s new,” Castiel said. “I’ve never ‘not’ been asked out before.”

“Huh?” Dean asked dumbly.

“A lot of customers ask me out and it’s my policy to refuse them,” Castiel said honestly.

“Oh,” Dean said in disappointment.

“But since you weren’t asking me out, there’s nothing for me to refuse.”

It took Dean a minute, but eventually, it clicked. “Wait, are you saying…?”

“My shift ends in two hours. If you’re still here by then… you’re welcome to a late night burger at this place—“

“Are you kidding me?” Dean said, face splitting into a wide grin. “I fucking love burgers!”

Castiel’s lips twitch into a small, barely there smile, but it was enough to make Dean feel like jelly again. “Great,” he said. “We could talk about how you’re not stalking me all this time.”

Dean chuckled. “Trade secrets, sorry. My lips are sealed.”

“Of course,” Castiel said with a nod. “Now are you still going to pretend you like that or can I get you a beer?” he asked.

Dean looked down at his neglected drink, and chuckled. “A beer? Yeah, a beer sounds nice.”

Castiel took the glass and turned to get Dean’s beer. Dean spared a glance back at his table, and saw that the fuckers were watching them the entire time. Sam raised a couple thumbs up at him and mouthed ‘Way to go, big boy!’ Dean just flipped his brother off again, and returned his attention to Castiel and his fresh glass of beer.

“Here you go, Mr. Winchester,” Castiel said as he handed Dean his beer.

“Thanks!” Dean said, sipping the beer. As he placed his beer down, it occurred to him. “Wait, I never told you my last name. How’d you—“

“Trade secrets, sorry,” Castiel said, just as a woman came up to the bar to order. “My lips are sealed,” he told Dean before he walked away and left Dean grinning stupidly to himself.

THE END.

Note: Since I struggled so much with the 2000 word limit, there’s a sequel comin’ up next week (high chance of more awkwardness… and porn). Check back here if you want more (did I mention porn?). Thanks for reading. :)