First Entry...
I really have to get to sleep. I don't even know why I'm posting save for the fact that someday, I'll look back on this day and want to know exactly what happened, what went on, as morbid as it may seem. This was not exactly what I intended for my first entry at Live Journal but so many "intended" things went out the window today and this is but a microscopic bacterium compared to the magnitude of the other events that have transpired.
This morning began strangely enough. I woke up around 0400 PST. I normally don't wake up until 0700 at the earliest. So I was already not quite thinking right. I fell back asleep and woke up again a little over two hours later, just after the first plane hit the WTC. Lion had the TV on and I was staring at it rather bleary-eyed, wondering why he was watching the news so early in the morning. I glanced at the screen, noted a burning building, then dropped back off into a half-doze, still faintly listening to the broadcast.
My eyes flew open when the second plane hit. I think that was when I realized that no, I wasn't dreaming, and that this was actually happening on the other side of the country. I sat up in bed, unable to speak, as Lion filled me in. Report after report came in. Another plane crashed at the Pentagon. People were being evacuated. The president had made a speech.
After a while, I just started absorbing whatever came on the screen. There was no shock or surprise anymore, just a general acceptance that horrible things were happening, would continue to happen, and all I could do was sit there and watch as chaos unfolded across the country.
I was numbly watching some reporter describe the incredible plume of smoke caused by the crashes when another reporter interrupted rather frantically and informed us that SOMEthing else had happened- but he didn't know what. We switched channels quickly and saw the first tower live as it collapsed into itself.
I couldn't believe it. I'd never been to the Twin Towers but I'd seen what they'd looked like and heard plenty. The reporter kept repeating that one of the towers was GONE. It was there a few seconds ago and then it just DISAPPEARED. The Twin Towers had been reduced to a single. A national monument was DESTROYED. I heard it. I saw it. But I couldn't process it. I think that's when my mind just shut down and went on autopilot.
Everything else blurred after that point. The feeling of impending doom intensified. More reports were filtered in. Washington DC was in chaos, not to mention Manhattan. I couldn't even think about Manhattan. The news showed footage of what looked like walking snowmen fleeing the scene. "Snowmen" which were actually people covered in so much dust, their faces were unrecognizable.
What little hold on reality I had left was obliterated when the second tower, the first one that had looked to be a simple "burning building" when I first woke up, collapsed as well. Where two magnificent 110-story buildings once stood was reduced to smoke, ash, and fire. It was about then that it hit me. There were PEOPLE in those buildings. There may have been innocents on the planes. There may be MORE planes smashing into God knows where at any time. And my mind just shut down.
With Lion prompting and prodding, I managed to get to work and sit at my desk. But hell if I could concentrate on ANYthing. All I could see was Tower 1 falling. Over and over again. More reports flew through the office. Airports were being evacuated. Federal buildings were closed. Amusement parks were closed. The impossible became possible. The improbable became a reality. It was a nightmare.
The numbness didn't wear off as the day went on. I didn't know why it was affecting me so badly. To be honest, I didn't personally know anyone near the vicinity of the crashes. I didn't have much of a stake in anything that had happened, except perhaps for the loss of my peace of mind. But it was hitting me. On an emotional, physical, mental level, and it was hitting hard. I answered the phone mechanically, offered what little comfort I could to those on the other end of the line, and refreshed websites periodically for news.
The rest of the office had mixed feelings. A group of the women had gathered in the reception area talking agitatedly in shrill voices. Our boss gravitated between her office and the conference room where the TV was blaring announcements. A few of us were actually at our desks but I suspect most of them were on the phone with friends and family rather than clients.
One of the worst things I was the absolute helplessness. I couldn't DO anything. There was nothing that could be DONE. In the end, I got on AIM and just started talking to friends. Making sure everyone was okay. Offering a shoulder, a hug, some reassurance, ANYthing to help alleviate some of the shock, grief, and frustration so many of us felt as these devastating events unfolded before our eyes.
That was the first half of yesterday. I'll finish this up later. I have to sleep. Before I fall over. Before I fall apart. Thanks to Ger, Lyra, Agatha, Nin, Kako, Yume, and everyone who came into chat earlier tonight. *hugs* My prayers are with all those affected by this tragedy.
This morning began strangely enough. I woke up around 0400 PST. I normally don't wake up until 0700 at the earliest. So I was already not quite thinking right. I fell back asleep and woke up again a little over two hours later, just after the first plane hit the WTC. Lion had the TV on and I was staring at it rather bleary-eyed, wondering why he was watching the news so early in the morning. I glanced at the screen, noted a burning building, then dropped back off into a half-doze, still faintly listening to the broadcast.
My eyes flew open when the second plane hit. I think that was when I realized that no, I wasn't dreaming, and that this was actually happening on the other side of the country. I sat up in bed, unable to speak, as Lion filled me in. Report after report came in. Another plane crashed at the Pentagon. People were being evacuated. The president had made a speech.
After a while, I just started absorbing whatever came on the screen. There was no shock or surprise anymore, just a general acceptance that horrible things were happening, would continue to happen, and all I could do was sit there and watch as chaos unfolded across the country.
I was numbly watching some reporter describe the incredible plume of smoke caused by the crashes when another reporter interrupted rather frantically and informed us that SOMEthing else had happened- but he didn't know what. We switched channels quickly and saw the first tower live as it collapsed into itself.
I couldn't believe it. I'd never been to the Twin Towers but I'd seen what they'd looked like and heard plenty. The reporter kept repeating that one of the towers was GONE. It was there a few seconds ago and then it just DISAPPEARED. The Twin Towers had been reduced to a single. A national monument was DESTROYED. I heard it. I saw it. But I couldn't process it. I think that's when my mind just shut down and went on autopilot.
Everything else blurred after that point. The feeling of impending doom intensified. More reports were filtered in. Washington DC was in chaos, not to mention Manhattan. I couldn't even think about Manhattan. The news showed footage of what looked like walking snowmen fleeing the scene. "Snowmen" which were actually people covered in so much dust, their faces were unrecognizable.
What little hold on reality I had left was obliterated when the second tower, the first one that had looked to be a simple "burning building" when I first woke up, collapsed as well. Where two magnificent 110-story buildings once stood was reduced to smoke, ash, and fire. It was about then that it hit me. There were PEOPLE in those buildings. There may have been innocents on the planes. There may be MORE planes smashing into God knows where at any time. And my mind just shut down.
With Lion prompting and prodding, I managed to get to work and sit at my desk. But hell if I could concentrate on ANYthing. All I could see was Tower 1 falling. Over and over again. More reports flew through the office. Airports were being evacuated. Federal buildings were closed. Amusement parks were closed. The impossible became possible. The improbable became a reality. It was a nightmare.
The numbness didn't wear off as the day went on. I didn't know why it was affecting me so badly. To be honest, I didn't personally know anyone near the vicinity of the crashes. I didn't have much of a stake in anything that had happened, except perhaps for the loss of my peace of mind. But it was hitting me. On an emotional, physical, mental level, and it was hitting hard. I answered the phone mechanically, offered what little comfort I could to those on the other end of the line, and refreshed websites periodically for news.
The rest of the office had mixed feelings. A group of the women had gathered in the reception area talking agitatedly in shrill voices. Our boss gravitated between her office and the conference room where the TV was blaring announcements. A few of us were actually at our desks but I suspect most of them were on the phone with friends and family rather than clients.
One of the worst things I was the absolute helplessness. I couldn't DO anything. There was nothing that could be DONE. In the end, I got on AIM and just started talking to friends. Making sure everyone was okay. Offering a shoulder, a hug, some reassurance, ANYthing to help alleviate some of the shock, grief, and frustration so many of us felt as these devastating events unfolded before our eyes.
That was the first half of yesterday. I'll finish this up later. I have to sleep. Before I fall over. Before I fall apart. Thanks to Ger, Lyra, Agatha, Nin, Kako, Yume, and everyone who came into chat earlier tonight. *hugs* My prayers are with all those affected by this tragedy.