Hello there! Where has the time gone? It’s been 3 months since I last wrote a post. I’m currently feeling quite discombobulated, so I figured now would be as good a time as any.

This year for me, has been about setting creative goals, building my portfolio and trying to stay focussed. This was all going really well until April, when I had a bit of a wobble. I thought I’d get back on track in May, then June and now it’s July already. Whaa?!

So what exactly happened to throw me off course? The whole goal setting thing was meant to go along with reflecting and reviewing the work I created and I think I missed that part, so I’m doing it now.

February, March and April review

So back in February I set myself the challenge of creating art for three separate categories in my portfolio. I gave myself this first quarter (me being awkward, I started this in Feb) to create the work for Magazine Illustration, Historical Portraits and Greeting Cards.

This was all going really well until April. I had less time to work in April as we went on holiday and when we returned we had new flooring installed in every room of the house. I hadn’t really anticipated the impact that this would have on my ‘creative time’. Basically every spare moment when I wasn’t at my day job, was taken up with moving furniture, cleaning or keeping the dog out of the way.

However, despite this I was happy with my illustration of Lucienne Day for Historical Portrait month. But really struggled with my Judith Kerr illustration. I just couldn’t get it to a place where I was happy.

Anyway once the flooring was done it was SATS week for my kid. Cue much anticipation and angst for her and more feelings of discombobulation and worry for me. It was around this time that I also began to have a slight existential crisis. I decided I hated all my clothes and began to sell/donate everything I didn’t feel fabulous in (i.e. most my wardrobe) and get all my hair cut off. Once my hair was cut I decided my new ‘head’ didn’t suit my remaining wardrobe. Cue more selling and buying on Vinted.

I felt a bit lost, like I didn’t even know what my style was anymore. I started to Google ‘50 year old short hair woman’ for outfit inspo and when I wasn’t happy with the results I subtracted a decade (well I am still in my forties - just). I’ve had pixie cuts before but that was before the ageing had set in and now I have an awful dread of resembling Shirley from Eastenders1.

Meanwhile we were now well into May and I was in self declared ‘Illustrated Maps’ month. I was really looking forward to creating my first proper illustrated map but I really struggled with the process. I think my main problem was overthinking the little details. Confusing illustrated maps with those which a cartographer would produce. Looking back now, the existential crisis probably wasn’t helping much either. Too busy selling my worldly possessions to focus. I think I really expected to be good at illustrated maps, but I just couldn’t get to grips with them and I found this incredibly frustrating.

Then it was half term break and we went up to Dad’s and before you knew it June was here. I cannot even begin to think what happened in June, apart from the realisation that I hadn’t really created anything I’d liked since April and how disappointing that was to me. I think this started a whole new cycle of negative thinking where I became really unproductive. Suddenly the fact that it was only me setting myself these illustration briefs felt utterly pointless. I questioned why I was even doing them and they definitely didn’t feel like a priority. I’d messed up most of April and May, what difference does June make?

Bleurghh!

Anyway now it’s July.

There’s a lot going on over the next couple of weeks as my daughter leaves primary school so there’s loads of events like awards, assemblies, plays, concerts, sports days, discos, her birthday etc. Then of course there’s the Summer holidays where I obviously won’t get much time to myself. But before I know it September will be here and if I don’t sort myself out soon, my negative thought patterns will be writing this year off completely as ‘it’ll almost be Christmas’.

Sooo… after getting all of that out off my chest I’m going to try and summarise what worked and what didn’t over the last few months:

What worked well in February, March and April

• I stuck rigidly to working 10+ hours per week on my days off and made up the time elsewhere if I couldn’t achieve this.

• I used the Pomodoro method (I actually use a real life tomato shaped timer for this) of taking short breaks every 25 minutes and put my phone on sleep mode whilst working.

• Gifted myself an Artist Date once a month where I mainly spent the day in galleries and museums.

• Kept on going with projects when things didn’t go to plan. Just head down, working to my allotted hours.

What went wrong in May and June

• I did not stick to working 10 hours on my days off and did not make up the time elsewhere.

• I did not use the Pomodoro method and did not put my phone on sleep mode.

• I cancelled my monthly Artist Dates as I ‘didn’t have the time’.

• I gave up on projects when things went wrong.

• I let other things take priority

• I questioned my reasons for doing the work in the first place

Hmm, it seems so simple now that I’ve written it all down. I guess that’s why the reflection part of this process is so important.

July intentions

So moving forward I’ve decided to write a monthly review on here about what I’ve been up to and my plans for the following month. I’m an Obliger after all, so I need to make accountability hacks to make sure I do the things I actually want to do. Committing to a monthly newsletter with the risk of feeling embarrassed about not actually doing it, is exactly the pressure I need. What a weirdo!

So with this in mind in July I intend to:

• Finish Judith Kerr portrait

• Create Olivia Rodrigo portrait (also doubling up as daughter’s birthday gift)

• Design more cards for Thortful

• Start new #3materialsdrawingchallenge on 8th July and draw everyday for 50 days

Lessons learned from Q1 and actions to take

• Spend 10 hours+ per week on project

• Use Pomodoro method and put phone on sleep mode when working

• Book Artist Date

• Keep going when it goes wrong! Do not give up!

I’ll be back at the start of August to let you know how I got on. And if you made it this far you deserve a medal!

Have a great July,

Bec x