You may not see the utility in writing from the middle of things, but this was really helpful. I’m in the middle of something completely different and yet so similar, and it’s helpful to be able to see the process unfolding in someone else. Root shock is a brilliant way of describing it.
That's actually so lovely to hear. That it's helpful- not that you're in the middle of something :). I am sorry that you're experiencing root shock though.
I remember leaving Brooklyn (gosh, it'll be 4 years ago this year.)
I'd been away for 3.5 months, came back and it was abundantly clear I could no longer live there.
Cue: purging/packing home of 13 years to put into storage for at least a year (in 1 month) and land... who knows where after that. When I left the apartment, it felt so small. I'd thoroughly outgrown it, it held me for as long as it could and it was time to move on.
Then, when I left FL (where I spent that year), it was SO FAST. Like, one week I was looking at places to rent in VA, and the next - packing up FL to move to VA two weeks later. It was wild. I didn't feel "ready".
I realize that, like people, when we love places and have a deep connection with those places - it's hard to say goodbye. We never get enough time with the places/people/things we love, and we also need to know when to move on.
For me, that "when to move on" starts to feel like a plant that's grown too big for the pot it's in. And of course moving the plant to a bigger pot creates a bit of root shock. That's what you've done. That's what I've done. That's what we'll continue to do.
Can't wait to see what you blossom into next, when the time comes. No rush. <3
What you’ve done is remarkable to me. I have a sense of how beautiful your home in California was, and I know how much you loved it. My family moved a lot when I was growing up, sometimes as much as once a year. Even though we lived in only two (adjacent) US states, it felt like I was being uprooted over and over. As a young adult, I lived abroad for a little bit, and then I came to the town where I am now to go to graduate school. That was over 30 years ago. I have lived in the same neighborhood, the same 5 block radius, for almost that long. The same house for almost 18 years. I never want to leave. At the same time, I don’t feel like I’m here wholeheartedly. I long for the land back in Michigan, where my ancestors settled in the early 20th c. I get really annoyed with the people here. My best friends are here. I’ve raised my kid here. My spirit/soul path blossomed here. The land here is beautiful, but it still doesn’t quite feel like home. And if the Danish established a right of return, I’d be there in a hot second.
The way you heard the UK calling you back. The deliberate way you’ve undertaken this move. That you’ve moved so far from family. I watch with a kind of wonder.
I wish I had been taught how to thank the land and take back my energy when I was a child moving house so much. At the same time, I think I knew. Not sure why I feel like I’m still hovering 2 inches above the ground here in my home of 30 years.
Gosh that's a lot of moving Sara. No wonder you never want to leave! The longing is an interesting thing isn't it? I feel like I've been in-between places for as long as I can remember, always longing for somewhere else. This conscious pulling-up of roots and trying to be fully in one place feels odd because I've never actually been fully in one place before. I don't know if I even fully understand why I'm doing it-- it's just a following of a thread that feels very important. I'm realising in reading all of these comments (and so many emails from people in response) how many of us are experiencing root shock in different ways.
I am now curious as to why you're hovering too. Any more thoughts on it since typing that?
Glad to see that you are well. This was an important post, as I suspect many of us are in the middle of our path, a little stuck, and needing to “clean things up” before we can return to our heart path. It helps to hear someone else’s experience to rally oneself forward. 🌻
Thank you! I'm only realising from all the comments and emails how many of us are in a similar kind of in-between! I am cheering you on in your forwards movement :)
Thank you for this and all your writings over the years. I really treasure this newsletter. I too am going through a big life change. Moving from Montana, where I’ve been for 17+ years to Portland, Oregon. Moving from the mountains to the city has been something! Root shock is the perfect term. Your recent writings about your move and the heart path have been lovely and very helpful. Thank you.
Oh thank you Holly- I can't tell you how good it was to read that my writings have been helpful. Montana to Portland is a huge change!!! I totally get it. I don't know if it helps, but I refer to my little corner of London as the De Beauvoir Forest (it's called De Beauvoir town), and am just operating here in the same state of open-awareness that I do in the mountains. I've even made friends with the local crows!
This was beautiful, Rebecca. In the middle of something, just being fully you - I could feel that sense of just being present as I read it. When I moved a few years ago it was so incredibly difficult in many ways, and also one of the best things I’ve ever done, so yeah, I relate. Looking forward to hearing how and the new home get on together.
I think I can understand something of what you’re going through. Nearly 20 years ago my Irish husband and I pulled up stakes, leaving our beautiful home in Seattle to move to rural Ireland where he had grown up. He had been away for 24 years and really needed to move home. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Moving from a lovely warm home in a great city to a cold damp home in rural Ireland during the financial crash of 2008 was a shock to the system. The first few years were really tough. Eventually we moved to Ireland’s only Ecovillage, built a great little house, it’s perfect and warm. I’m now engaged in many projects that give me a strong sense of purpose, particularly working for our community farm. Now I love my country lifestyle and would never want to live in a city again. It took time to recover from the root shock, being transplanted but it was the best thing in the end. I’m sure your transplant will bare wonderful things too.
This resonates for me. Years and years ago I heard, in that clear way wisdom arrives in me, "my spine is a vine". I was surrounded (in Northern California) by people describing spinal energy in terms of a snake. That wisdom from deep inside has helped me understand myself since. Like a peace lily I lived with for years, when exposed to too much heat or light or if I don't have enough water, I collapse. I would laugh at the plant's big bid for attention while deriding my own. I'm learning to treat myself with better care these days. Thank you for the reminder. Joshua Tree is part of how I regulate my system.
Over the last couple days I've continued to think (and share) about your observation that sometimes our path heals wrong and we need multiple breaks to put it to rights. Thank you for your heartfelt and excellent writing and sharing from the middle. You are always good medicine.
Thank you for sharing your journey. I had a similar experience 18 years ago now. A spiritual detox and awakening, a tearing apart of everything around me. Root shock is an amazing description of it. I was ripped out of a relationship, a house, and landed with what belongings I salvaged, a big pile of boxes, in a studio apartment in an "artist"s low rent" buildingx But I found comfort there amidst the creative misfits.
It gave me the space to put myself back together before a series of smaller tidal waves hit. Once again, I am coming up for air, sticking my head up out of the ofeanic depths, looking for land.
As someone who is also so connected to nature and the land
I felt this deeply. I will be doing the opposite of this later this year, returning to a wild and rugged mountain landscape as I am now ready to call a new land home. So much respect and admiration for you and this journey, it takes courage and strength. Wishing you well here in the UK, at least you have some Californian sunshine at present here!!
Hey Becca! Your mission for douglas fir needles really changed my life all those years ago. I harvested solomon seal with my daughters the other day and thought of you...and here I am. I'm so glad you could be there for Nikki's wedding, and I've also been on a deep, soulful path the last month or so. I think that coyote showing up for you was just everything. My very best, Leah
Setting new roots is always a challenge, even with intention. I love this path you are on. Blessings, dear one.
Thank you Julia <3
Such a relief to see you here, Rebecca 😊
Thank you Claire!!
You may not see the utility in writing from the middle of things, but this was really helpful. I’m in the middle of something completely different and yet so similar, and it’s helpful to be able to see the process unfolding in someone else. Root shock is a brilliant way of describing it.
That's actually so lovely to hear. That it's helpful- not that you're in the middle of something :). I am sorry that you're experiencing root shock though.
Crying with you...
I remember leaving Brooklyn (gosh, it'll be 4 years ago this year.)
I'd been away for 3.5 months, came back and it was abundantly clear I could no longer live there.
Cue: purging/packing home of 13 years to put into storage for at least a year (in 1 month) and land... who knows where after that. When I left the apartment, it felt so small. I'd thoroughly outgrown it, it held me for as long as it could and it was time to move on.
Then, when I left FL (where I spent that year), it was SO FAST. Like, one week I was looking at places to rent in VA, and the next - packing up FL to move to VA two weeks later. It was wild. I didn't feel "ready".
I realize that, like people, when we love places and have a deep connection with those places - it's hard to say goodbye. We never get enough time with the places/people/things we love, and we also need to know when to move on.
For me, that "when to move on" starts to feel like a plant that's grown too big for the pot it's in. And of course moving the plant to a bigger pot creates a bit of root shock. That's what you've done. That's what I've done. That's what we'll continue to do.
Can't wait to see what you blossom into next, when the time comes. No rush. <3
I remember you going through all of this and what a massive massive deal it was. I'm loving watching you blossom over all these years too <3
What you’ve done is remarkable to me. I have a sense of how beautiful your home in California was, and I know how much you loved it. My family moved a lot when I was growing up, sometimes as much as once a year. Even though we lived in only two (adjacent) US states, it felt like I was being uprooted over and over. As a young adult, I lived abroad for a little bit, and then I came to the town where I am now to go to graduate school. That was over 30 years ago. I have lived in the same neighborhood, the same 5 block radius, for almost that long. The same house for almost 18 years. I never want to leave. At the same time, I don’t feel like I’m here wholeheartedly. I long for the land back in Michigan, where my ancestors settled in the early 20th c. I get really annoyed with the people here. My best friends are here. I’ve raised my kid here. My spirit/soul path blossomed here. The land here is beautiful, but it still doesn’t quite feel like home. And if the Danish established a right of return, I’d be there in a hot second.
The way you heard the UK calling you back. The deliberate way you’ve undertaken this move. That you’ve moved so far from family. I watch with a kind of wonder.
I wish I had been taught how to thank the land and take back my energy when I was a child moving house so much. At the same time, I think I knew. Not sure why I feel like I’m still hovering 2 inches above the ground here in my home of 30 years.
Gosh that's a lot of moving Sara. No wonder you never want to leave! The longing is an interesting thing isn't it? I feel like I've been in-between places for as long as I can remember, always longing for somewhere else. This conscious pulling-up of roots and trying to be fully in one place feels odd because I've never actually been fully in one place before. I don't know if I even fully understand why I'm doing it-- it's just a following of a thread that feels very important. I'm realising in reading all of these comments (and so many emails from people in response) how many of us are experiencing root shock in different ways.
I am now curious as to why you're hovering too. Any more thoughts on it since typing that?
Glad to see that you are well. This was an important post, as I suspect many of us are in the middle of our path, a little stuck, and needing to “clean things up” before we can return to our heart path. It helps to hear someone else’s experience to rally oneself forward. 🌻
Thank you! I'm only realising from all the comments and emails how many of us are in a similar kind of in-between! I am cheering you on in your forwards movement :)
Thank you for this and all your writings over the years. I really treasure this newsletter. I too am going through a big life change. Moving from Montana, where I’ve been for 17+ years to Portland, Oregon. Moving from the mountains to the city has been something! Root shock is the perfect term. Your recent writings about your move and the heart path have been lovely and very helpful. Thank you.
Oh thank you Holly- I can't tell you how good it was to read that my writings have been helpful. Montana to Portland is a huge change!!! I totally get it. I don't know if it helps, but I refer to my little corner of London as the De Beauvoir Forest (it's called De Beauvoir town), and am just operating here in the same state of open-awareness that I do in the mountains. I've even made friends with the local crows!
This was beautiful, Rebecca. In the middle of something, just being fully you - I could feel that sense of just being present as I read it. When I moved a few years ago it was so incredibly difficult in many ways, and also one of the best things I’ve ever done, so yeah, I relate. Looking forward to hearing how and the new home get on together.
Cindy thank you. I remember your move and how excited and proud and happy I was for you, and also what a huge deal it was. Big hugs <3
I think I can understand something of what you’re going through. Nearly 20 years ago my Irish husband and I pulled up stakes, leaving our beautiful home in Seattle to move to rural Ireland where he had grown up. He had been away for 24 years and really needed to move home. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Moving from a lovely warm home in a great city to a cold damp home in rural Ireland during the financial crash of 2008 was a shock to the system. The first few years were really tough. Eventually we moved to Ireland’s only Ecovillage, built a great little house, it’s perfect and warm. I’m now engaged in many projects that give me a strong sense of purpose, particularly working for our community farm. Now I love my country lifestyle and would never want to live in a city again. It took time to recover from the root shock, being transplanted but it was the best thing in the end. I’m sure your transplant will bare wonderful things too.
This resonates for me. Years and years ago I heard, in that clear way wisdom arrives in me, "my spine is a vine". I was surrounded (in Northern California) by people describing spinal energy in terms of a snake. That wisdom from deep inside has helped me understand myself since. Like a peace lily I lived with for years, when exposed to too much heat or light or if I don't have enough water, I collapse. I would laugh at the plant's big bid for attention while deriding my own. I'm learning to treat myself with better care these days. Thank you for the reminder. Joshua Tree is part of how I regulate my system.
Over the last couple days I've continued to think (and share) about your observation that sometimes our path heals wrong and we need multiple breaks to put it to rights. Thank you for your heartfelt and excellent writing and sharing from the middle. You are always good medicine.
Thank you for sharing your journey. I had a similar experience 18 years ago now. A spiritual detox and awakening, a tearing apart of everything around me. Root shock is an amazing description of it. I was ripped out of a relationship, a house, and landed with what belongings I salvaged, a big pile of boxes, in a studio apartment in an "artist"s low rent" buildingx But I found comfort there amidst the creative misfits.
It gave me the space to put myself back together before a series of smaller tidal waves hit. Once again, I am coming up for air, sticking my head up out of the ofeanic depths, looking for land.
Oh my goodness,
I had tears on my cheeks reading this.
As someone who is also so connected to nature and the land
I felt this deeply. I will be doing the opposite of this later this year, returning to a wild and rugged mountain landscape as I am now ready to call a new land home. So much respect and admiration for you and this journey, it takes courage and strength. Wishing you well here in the UK, at least you have some Californian sunshine at present here!!
Hey Becca! Your mission for douglas fir needles really changed my life all those years ago. I harvested solomon seal with my daughters the other day and thought of you...and here I am. I'm so glad you could be there for Nikki's wedding, and I've also been on a deep, soulful path the last month or so. I think that coyote showing up for you was just everything. My very best, Leah