ratt9

Life Is Beautiful [Chapter 3 Part 2]

ratt9 — Sat, 27 Oct 2012 04:10:45 GMT

"So . . ." I started a new mind game, moving from the wall. My next test is to see if I can get close enough to touch the glass without him noticing, maybe even get him to come closer also.

Nix: You don’t “win” a test. You pass a test. You “win” a game.

"What brings you here this evening, Mr Yagami?" He held his head high and frowned.
"How do you know my name?"

Ratt: Is that really all you’re focused on?

"Oh, it was in the police files, and a fare warning,

Nix: SHE DID IT AGAIN!! It’s spelled “fair!”

you should delete them before anyone else less friendly sees them,

Ratt: Anyone...LESS FRIENDLY? How can you possibly be any less friendly than Miss Sadistic Bitch over here?

or at the least, hid them better." His throat tightened as he swallowed.
"Thank you, I'll make note of that."
"Good." I stared at him for a long minute, then smiled reassuringly when I saw he realise he was tense, I already saw it, ever before he knew he was doing it.

Ratt: Well, most people would be tense when they’re around a criminal.

"You do not get out much, do you Mr Yagami?"
"How would you know?"

Ratt: Takes one to know one.

Oh, he was catching on, best make it less obvious.
"You just look a little pale, though that could easily be because you are having an intelligent convocation with me, face to face."

Ratt: Why? WHY would having an intelligent conversation make him pale? ESPECIALLY him, considering his son is one of the smartest people in the world?

Nix: Because she’s arrogant.

He let out a shaky breath I doubt he even realised he was holding. "Tell me, is that because, A: I am dressed in clothing thinner than wrapping paper?"

Ratt: Wow, she’s such a slut.

It was true, the clothing I wore were quite thing,

Ratt: Yes, I always wear clothing that are quite “thing”.

Nix: IT’S THE THING!!

being it only a long, daggy, white shirt that reached mid thigh.

Ratt: THESE AREN’T NORMAL PRISON CLOTHES. THIS IS WHAT YOU’D SEE AT THE BEGINNING OF AN ADULT PORN VIDEO BEFORE THEY TAKE IT OFF AND GET IT ON.

"B: you are talking to a murderer,

Ratt: That’s a logical reason.

or C: if I were tempted enough, I could find a way out of here in precisely 3.25 seconds and kill you?"

Ratt: Your arrogance astounds me.

He visibly stiffened.

Nix: *wiggles eyebrows*

"I thought so." I took another step. He did not notice.

Ratt: How does he not notice? More importantly, why does it even matter that he doesn’t notice? Who cares? She’s behind glass.

"If you don't mind me asking, but what is that supposed to mean?" I stilled just in time.

Ratt: Because it is totally oh-so-important for him to not notice that you’re moving.

"I am saying you are pale because of A, B and C.
Ratt: Isn’t that what the above implied?

Now enough chatter, you came here for more than that, correct me if I am wrong."
"No, you are right."
"I know. Now, if you do not mind, I find it easier to respect a man that gets right to the point."

Ratt: ...Says the girl who made a simple, polite apology into a five-minute discussion.

Nix: And, as we see later, you don’t respect anyone.

"Oh, yes." I waited. "I was sent here by L, but you probably already knew that."

Ratt: ...Why would he tell her that he was sent by L?

"Yes," I stated. "I am only curious to know as to why."
"Well, you don't have to be L to see how smart you are to be a murderer since the age of 10

Ratt: I don’t quite understand the connection between being a murderer and being intelligent. Not getting caught is a mixture of luck and planning. Just...argggg.

and still out smart and run all agents–" He was taking too long.

Nix: I sense the Sue’s ego being stroked.

"You are wasting my time, Mr Yagami." I turned my back on his and slowly began to walk the opposite direction as though I could leave.

Ratt: But you can’t, so this is pointless.

"No, wait." I stopped. "He was hoping you could help us."

Ratt: L DOESN’T NEED HELP.

I smirked in triumph, but quickly gained emotion,

Nix: As in, you had no emotion before? Okay, that just... urgh. Look right here to find the Profile of the Sociopath.

Now, let’s take a look at it. Mainly “Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt” and “Shallow Emotions.” She has never once told us or shown us that she feels guilty about killing people. She could care less if that person had family and friends or was trying to live a better life after getting out of jail. Not only that, but she has also just admitted that she put on emotion to fool someone, a thing that sociopaths often do.

and turned it to a look of shock before turning to him.

Ratt: *resists the urge to go off on a tirade and call V a ton of bad names because of how ridiculously stupid she is*

"Did he now?"
"Yes." I turned my full body so I was facing him again, than took a few steps closer.

Ratt: I CALL RAPE.

"What would I have to do?" Another step.
"Help us figure out where he is and how he kills." Another step.
"Oh, really? And here I thought you would have figured that much out already." A pause.
"We know he needs a face and a name." Another step.
"Oh, that's all?" Another step.

Ratt: Is this “another step” thing supposed to be suspenseful? Because it’s not working.

"Is there more?" he asked through a whisper as though someone were around.
"Oh, Mr Yagami . . ." A step. "I have the feeling we have not even began to understand anything."

Ratt: Yes, such as proper use of grammar.

Nix: I’m imagining her trying to walk seductively and being all “Oh, Mr. Yagami...”

Ratt: I know, right? And using some sexy tone?

Nix: Yeah, you’re right. I’m imagining Soichiro being like: “UMMM YEAH, I’M MARRIED YOU KNOW.”

Step.
"What more is there to understand?" His voice was getting softer with each step I took, and he had not even noticed yet.

Ratt: ...I think it would be easy to notice someone walking closer and closer to me.

"Life, Mr. Yagami. We need to understand life."

Ratt: It really does sound like V is totally trying to seduce him.

Nix: *faux-passionate voice* Life, Ratt, we need to understand it...! *swoons*

At this point I was up against the glass,

Ratt: I’m imagining her with her face pressed up against it like a fat kid looking into a candy shop through the window.

Nix: I’m imagining she wants someone pressing her up against the glass.

now it was his turn to take a step. "But, between the two of us, I think I am the only one in this world to ever understand any of it," I said in a dramatic whisper.

"What makes you say that?" He then, just as planned, took a step.

Ratt: Oh, big accomplishment. HE TOOK A STEP, THE GODS BE WARNED.

"To see life, Mr Yagami, you must be observant."
And then, he took the final step. "What gives you the idea that I'm not?"
I smiled my devilish smirk.

Ratt: Do you honestly believe that people are going to find that attractive or cute, or make us want to be on the Sue’s side? No, Suethor, just no.

Nix: Anyway, how can you smile a smirk?

“Because, Mr Yagami, if you were observant, you would have seen that you are only one sheet of glass away from touching a deadly monster."

Ratt: Yeah, I think he knows that. I think he knows that he is only one sheet of glass away from her.

His eyes widened, stating that he finely saw it, and finely realised my game.

Ratt:

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr Yagami," I sighed, turning my back to him and walked to the farther wall once again. "You have given me valuable information to work with." And with that, he left.

Nix: And with that, we leave.

Life Is Beautiful [Chapter 3 Part 1]

ratt9 — Sat, 27 Oct 2012 04:07:15 GMT

Hi! Thank you all for reading! I hope you like this one!

Ratt: Fat chance of that happening.

V'S POV
I am doing it. I am doing it. I am doing it.

Nix: Giggity.

Ratt: Care to tell us what you’re doing? Because that dirty sentence makes it sound like sexy time is what you’re doing.

Nix: Oh god, she’s doing It.

I was in a seal.

Nix: Now she’s doing a seal! Threesome!!

The walls were a white concrete, the front was glass.

The chances of it being bullet proof where around 0.23% and the chances of it being missile proof were 99.76%,

Ratt: First off, is there even such a thing as missile proof glass? And, secondly, why on earth would it need to be missile proof? Blow her to smithereens, I say!

and the chances of it being average glass were 0.01%. You would think it would be 0.00%

Nix: Why do Death Note fan-characters always do this percentile thing? Why do they think they are L?

but, then again, they could think I was too smart

Ratt: No, you’re just Too Dumb To Live.

to think it wasn't, so I wouldn't both trying, not that I would anyway.

I have been here for some time how,

Ratt: Have me suddenly reverted to present tense?

and L was still yet to come.

Nix: Not if you’re doing it with It and seals, he’s not.

Ratt: He won’t have an erection for a long time if that’s the case.

I had no doubt that he will come,

Ratt: You’re sure of that, are you?

but I think the amount of freedom will be slightly less than what I hope for when I join the case officially.

Ratt: WHEN YOU JOIN THE CASE?! WHY ARE YOU SO SURE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE JOINING THE CASE IN THE FIRST PLACE? YOU’RE A GODDAMN CRIMINAL, YOU’RE WANTED BY THE POLICE, AND YOU’RE A STUPID, STUCK-UP BITCH WITH A TENDENCY TOWARD SADISM! WHY ON EARTH WOULD L EVER WANT TO LET YOU IN HIS TASK FORCE?!

Nix: Just accept it, Ratt, we all know that it’s going to happen.

Oh well, I don't really need the space, I have nothing to hide, not even myself.

Ratt: She’s saying she’s simple! I knew it all along.

I mentally sighed and sat on the floor. I sit a little differently to most people;

Ratt: Oh, you’re such a special, unique person. Just like everyone else.

Nix: Even the way she sits is speshul.

I sit almost cross-legged, only I have my right leg pressed up against my chest and my left leg curled farther behind me.

Ratt: OH GOD IT’S A CLONE OF THAT PRICK NEAR. Only Near sits with his left leg up against his chest.

Nix: Is she trying to be symbolic?

It is strange, but I find it easier to think and/or wait.

Ratt: AND/OR WAIT?! WHY WOULD YOU EVER USE A SLASH IN WRITING?! THAT’S LIKE TELLING THE AUDIENCE THAT YOU DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW WHICH ONE IT IS, AND THAT YOU WANT THEM TO DECIDE. THAT IS NOT WHAT WRITERS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO. WRITING HAS TO BE CLEAR TO THE READERS.

I lifted my head and looked into the glass. I had not noticed before, but in this lighting, I could see myself, my reflection.

Ratt: That tends to happen when you’re looking at glass.

I examined my face and could instantly see the changes from last time I looked into a mirror.

Nix (as V): The glow of my perfection is so bright that I have blinded myself.

My pure, white hair was much longer,

Nix: Is she albino?

and it looked a bit oily,

Ratt: Eeeew. Is she repelled by shampoo?

and yet, so soft,

Ratt: What. Just. Just. ARG.

I don’t know why this bothers me so much, but this just sounds so ridiculously stupid and shamelessly Mary-Sueish that it drives me mad.

if that even makes sense.

Nix: It doesn’t.

My face was so much whiter then before,

Ratt: Before? When was “before”? DETAILS ARE IMPORTANT, Suethor.

Nix: If she’s a criminal who goes outside a lot, why is she so pale?

not even my lips had colour anymore, but perhaps that is from the lack of kissing.

Ratt: “BUT PERHAPS THAT IS FROM THE LACK OF KISSING.” That is just. She just said that everyone who has never kissed someone has pale lips. Now, I’m no kiss-virgin, but I have gone somewhat long periods of time without kissing people, and my lips are... *checks mirror* perfectly red, thank you very much. How does kissing make people’s lips pale? Is she trying to insinuate that she hasn’t kissed anyone since kissing L, because L is her Twu Wuv? How ridiculous. There are no words.

Nix: What, does she not have any skin pigment? Does that mean we can see her veins? Is she translucent?

Now I’m imagining V stripping for some person, and then, as she removes her shirt, you can see through her skin and witness her beating heart going BUBUM. BUBUM.

The one and only man I have ever kissed was L,

Ratt: And...how old are you? I mean, sure, you’re pretty undesirable and no one in their right mind would want to be around you, but...chick, you need to get out more.

but 20% of the reason for that was to escape, 75% to test his reaction and 5% to feel what it was like.

Nix: L is the only man she has ever kissed, and she kissed him partially out of curiosity, to see what it was like to be kissed by a man. By a man. Is there something you’re not telling us about your sexuality, V?

Then and only then did I finally feel why people in this world get concern about not finding a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Ratt: Is this really the time and place to be thinking about this?

Nix: She’s implying that people get together for lust alone. This bothers me.

I soon get my sight leave my face

Ratt: “I soon let my sight leave my--” hell, what does this even mean?

to look into the only part of my features that has any colour.

Ratt: NIX! YOU’RE RIGHT! SHE IS TRANSLUCENT!

Nix: Well, I consider white to be a colour, so she must be translucent.

My eyes, green as grass, wide as windows,

Ratt: Wide as windows? That makes me imagine her face as looking like this:

INSERT PICTURE

the gateway to my soul,

Ratt: …I sense melodrama.

but, my eyes are empty, they always s have been.

Does that mean I have no soul?

Nix: Mary-Sues have do have souls. It’s just that they have gross ones.

I wish I knew, but the possibilities are endless.

Nix: What does that even mean?

Unlike others, I believe in everything.

Ratt: I must take a moment to refute your logic here. It is impossible to believe in everything, because to believe in everything, you would also have to believe in nothing. If everything exists, nothing does, so that just doesn't work.

I believe everything has a purpose

Ratt: And yours is to go away.

and everything has a way out…and I believe I have no soul.

Ratt: I can’t even describe how stupid and out of place that last part of the sentence sounds. Not only had she already switched topics off of souls before randomly mentioning it again, but she also just contradicted herself.

Nix: I thought she didn’t know?

What kind of a person would I be if I did?

Ratt: You’d be a decent character, and if you were a decent character, we wouldn’t be here.

I drink the blood of other murderers, kidnappers, rapists, and the list goes on,

Nix: I think that drinking the blood of people who are possibly injecting themselves with drugs would taste disgusting.

but the worst part of all this is that, I drink it because I like it, because I was addicted to its smooth, warm and sweet taste.

Ratt: That’s just disgusting.

I love its colour, it sparkling dark red, the way it is so dark the thicker it is. Blood is just divine, and the very best kind of people to get it from is criminals.

Ratt: So, my blood would taste normal until, GASP, I do something illegal, because then my blood, which has such a mind of its own, would know to change into something delectable.

Their blood are sweeter than most

Nix: Blood does not taste sweet. It tastes like metal and it tastes salty.

and I believe that is because they feel the rush and exhilaration that no other person would, making them sweeter,

Ratt: Redundancy.

but it is so rare to find a pure criminal.

Ratt: Well, I don’t know, but PERHAPS THAT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE CRIMINALS.

Most...bad guys, I suppose to could say, are alcoholics, or smokers, or drug addicts, or all of them together, and that does not taste too good.

Ratt: Wait, wait, wait. What a stereotype. “Most” “bad guys” do not do drugs, smoke, or drink. Only some of them. That’s like saying that being an alcoholic, a smoker, or a drug addict will make you more likely to walk the path of unlawfulness. As a drug addict myself, this somewhat offends me.

There has only been one person I have tasted that is pure, sweet, and fresh and was not a criminal.

Ratt: Well...I doubt that you have had L or Light’s blood. So, who might this person be? I doubt we’ll actually ever find out.

Nix: Well, I’m assuming that she murdered him if she tasted his blood. That just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

He was a very smart young man. So I find that if I can find just the right person that is as smart as he was and pure, then I would have found the best thing any of my sensors could find. That is way I want to join the Kira case, to have a taste to L's blood, and then Kira's, when I find him.

Ratt: L WATCH OUT SHE’S A THREAT TO YOUR LIFE.

"V?" I instantly reacted by jumped from my spot, scattering along the floor and slammed my back against the back wall. The man that spoke was taken aback by my sudden reaction, and let out a gasp; he even went as far as falling backwards onto the floor.

Nix: Graceful, Mr. Yagami, very graceful.

Ratt: ...If a mere, small leap backwards warranted such a huge reaction from people in real life, people would be jumping beans, and the world would be funny as hell.

I would have found this amusing if he had not startled me first.

Nix: Holy shit, Soichiro is magical, he just snuck up on the Sue.

He man looked middle aged, and anyone in my state

Ratt: Your...state? What is your “state”?

could tell he was an FBI agent, or at the least, a cop, working on the Kira case.

Ratt: What?! That must be how Kira knows which people to kill! He can tell if you’re working on the Kira Case just by the way you look, apparently!

Clearly L had sent him to gather information out of me before L allowed himself to confront me directly.

Nix: Grammar is nonexistent.

As he got back up, I quickly made an estimated guess of which cop he could be from the police file, and if my estimates are not wrong, L would send out only the best at mind to come speak to me, so he would have to be the Chief, Mr. Yagami. Well, it seems I have someone to play with

Ratt: Errr...

Nix: Define “play with.”

until L gets here. "I am sorry." He, again, was taken aback.

Ratt: What is so abnormal about this statement that takes him aback? Is it that V is so speshul that just her presence makes canon characters go gaga?

Wait, I shouldn’t have even asked. Of course it does.

"W-what?" he stuttered lamely.

Ratt: If I hadn't already been told otherwise, I would have immediately thought that this was Matsuda. Chief Yagami does not stutter like that. He is respectable and formal. He acts appropriately.

"I am sorry," I repeated in a louder, clearer voice. Before he could speak again I quickly continued. "I am sorry for startling you that was never my intention."

Ratt: Why are you making such a big deal out of this? Just a quick, “oh, sorry” would suffice, and they could move on with their day.

I ducked my head down in shame, or at least it seemed that way.

Ratt: WHY IS IT SO SHAMEFUL TO STARTLE SOMEONE? IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL.

"Umm, that is alright, I . . . should have . . ."

Nix (as Soichiro): --given you the death penalty. Do you know how many people you’ve killed?

He could not continue, how can anyone go on when they have nothing to say?

Ratt: Amazing! The Sue has learned the dynamics of speech.

"No, really, you were only trying to gain my attention, I should have–"

Ratt: Are they seriously still on this ridiculously trivial topic? If they don’t shut up about it now and move on with things that are actually important, I’m going to just...I don’t even know, but it won’t be good.

"You were deep in thought," he cut in. "I could have at least–"

Ratt:

It was my turn to interrupt.

Ratt: They sound like long lost lovers who are awkwardly skirting around the topic of what tore them apart.

"Alright, how about a compromise, I was in thought, you startled me, than I scared you, and I cannot blame you, you must be very smug with the fact that you are looking into the eyes of the second most dangerous criminal in history."

Ratt: *whimpers* NIX THEY’RE STILL TALKING ABOUT IT. *cries*

I looked back up, waiting for a reply. He did not respond. I win.

Nix: Wait...I thought they were just...talking? She never expressed that this was a contest of any sort.

Ratt: Stay tuned for part two.

Life Is Beautiful [Chapter 1]

ratt9 — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 23:20:05 GMT

Nix: Hello, denizens of the Sporking Community! I’m here with one of my good friends from the Death Note fandom, Ratt9!

Ratt: Usually, I would start at the beginning of the fanfiction when I'm critiquing, but in this case I just have to start with the summary, because even the summary doesn't make any logical sense.

V is a wanted criminal that hunts and drinks the blood of other criminals

Nix: Oh, she sounds like Edward Cullen.

until she decided she wanted to help with the Kira case. L needed the help

Ratt: Stop right there. L doesn't need the help. Has he ever needed the help?

but he didn't want it from the girl that literally stole his first kiss.

Ratt: What does that have anything to do with anything?

Nix: Romance, Ratt, romance. And didn’t Misa steal his first kiss?

Light thinks that she is justice, but is she really?

Ratt: This, I have the biggest problem with. WHY does Light think that she is justice? Light HATES criminals. In case you haven't noticed, the entire reason he became Kira in the first place was because he wanted to KILL all of the criminals. WHY would he think that one of them was JUSTICE?

Nix: Well, Ratt, you can't ever get in the way of true love. Not even his morals and beliefs could stop this.

L and Light soon find themselves compete for more than just justice and the fate of the world, but also her!

Ratt: They don't have time for that.

Nix: They compete over who gets to kill her.

CHAPTER 1
I WILL DO IT

Ratt: What a name for a chapter. In fact, you will notice that all of her chapters, as a rule, have some of the most ridiculous names imaginable. Just wait until we get to “Chapter 8: I AM STARVING.”

Nix: (as Soichiro): I WILL DO IT! I WILL RESIST LETTING THIS MARY-SUE NEAR MY POLICE FORCE!

Ratt: Poor Soichiro. You failed.

Nix: Shh, he hasn’t failed yet, let him dream.

I will do it. I will do it. I will do it.

Ratt: Is it just me, or do those three sentences sound very perverted?

Nix: (Matsuda): *pretending to be the little train that could* I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

Those simple words have been running through my head for quite a while now, but I felt no irritation towards them, because really, those words only state a fact.

Ratt: I WILL DO IT! I WILL BE THE MOST ANNOYING MARY-SUE POSSIBLE AND MAKE THIS STORY ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS.

Nix: I WILL WARP ALL THE CANON CHARACTERS OUT OF CHARACTER!

I will do it. I will do it. I will do it.

Ratt: We’re sure you will.

I felt my eyes start to sting, then water, and only then did I wonder how long it has been since I blinked.

Ratt: Does anyone else do this? I don’t know about you, but I don’t sit there at my computer measuring the amount of time between my blinks.

Nix: It's difficult to measure the amount of time between blinks when you're at the computer. You don't blink often because what you're watching is interesting; you forget the thirty-ish seconds after you blink, but you want to remember interesting (constantly changing) things like computers and TV.

But I could not tear my eyes away from my computer screen.
I will do it. I will do it. I will do it.

Ratt: I wonder if we’ll ever actually figure out what it is she’s trying to do.

He needs my help, and he knows it, all he needs to do is find me.

Ratt: Again, L does not need anyone's help. He surely does not “know it”, and he shouldn't have any desire to find her except to put her behind bars.

Nix: L shouldn't have any problem finding her because he is L.

I gently glided the mouse along the floor I was on and clicked into the Japanese police files.

Nix: Oddly enough, they all had pictures of Pedobear in them.

It had much information about the one case that I want to be involved in, the one that involves Kira . . . and L.

Ratt: ...and L. *flutters eyelashes* Really, though. Was that pause honestly necessary?

I read through the three notes and observed each photo with much care; to insure I do not miss a thing.

Ratt: That is an improper use of a semicolon.

Nix: Dear lord, the part of me that actually knows how to use grammar is having a seizure right now.

L did you know

Nix: —that you are being stalked by a Mary-Sue?

The line ended there, and I wondered if it was a sequel or that was just some trick question. Could it mean something like L do you know how I kill, or, L do you know who I am? I decided I would check the other notes before exploiting much farther.

Ratt: Exploiting? Don’t you mean exploring? Also, farther is in terms of distance, which is not the way in which you are using it.

Nix: I'm sure that she hasn't guessed the actual message because she keeps changing the tense.

I took one look at the second note and smirked. So, it is a sequel. How interesting.

Ratt: Why is she referring to this as a sequel, anyway? It’s a follow-up.

L did you know that Gods of death

Nix: —are Barbie girls?

My eyes grew impossibly wide, and my heartbeat pumped faster, a rush of excitement jotting through my veins. When I clicked to see the next note, my heart instantly stilled its rhythm.

Ratt: Her...heart stilled? As in stopped? THANK KIRA, HE’S FINALLY FINISHED HER OFF.

L did you know that Gods of death love apples

For a split second, I found myself in a loop of confusion. There had to be an internal motive somewhere, why else would someone go through all the trouble of writing a whole sentence to L through death?

Nix: Wait, is L dying? What’s going on?

Ratt: That was a very confusing sentence, and I even know what’s going on in the show.

Nix: Care to explain?

Ratt: Well, in the show, Light kills prisoners and controls their actions so that they’ll write messages to L on the prison walls before they die. But that was just a weird sentence.

But as quickly as I asked, I had the answer.

Ratt: That’s because Mary-Sues always have automatic understanding of anything and everything.

A fare proportion

Ratt: Fair. FAIR.

Nix: Fair is fair beyond compare.

of FBI agents (if not all) were killed on the same day, Kira created this note as a distraction in case anything was laid out, and would not be notice it until it was too late. It seemed to have worked.

Nix: I sense authorial intrusion. It is strong within this fic.

Nix: (as V): GIVE IN TO YOUR PERFECTION AND JOIN ME ON THE SUE SIDE!!!

I smile began to form itself onto my face, then it became a sheepish grin, and before I could compose myself, I was laughing.

Ratt: Sadistic bitch.

Bravo Kira! I cheered in my mind. Bravo! His note was completely admirable! He was able to test his skills, kill of his opponents, frustrate L and get me to laugh! He is either a god of death that loves apples, or he has the power of a god, it does not even matter, he got me to laugh!

Ratt: My only comment to this paragraph is that this character is really messed up and shallow.

Nix: I think she‘s insane. “It doesn’t matter that he killed so many people and will continue to kill people--people who have lives and hopes and dreams! He made me LAUGH!!!”

After a good few seconds I returned to my work, but I held the sheepish smile.
After looking through the police information files I got up and walked to the small kitchen outside my room.

This was quite a first for me, most of the time

Ratt: Period, not a comma.

I would finish my work, destroy the computer and all that comes with it, and scatter the ashes and remanning pieces throughout the continent

Ratt: Oh my god, it's like a burial!

Nix: She's going to be haunted by her computers.

Ratt: Seriously, though. It’s enough to just break the hard drive. It’s major overkill to burn it afterward, let alone scatter the ashes throughout the continent. I mean, who does that? It is completely unnecessary.

before getting a snack, but today is special. I have no doubt that they will find me if I left it on long enough, so it felt quite unusual to try and be so careless,

Ratt: I fail to see how one can “try” to be careless. That kind of defeats the purpose of being “careless.”

especially when being unnaturally careful was like second nature to me.

Nix: No, she's just a really strong J type personality. It's completely natural.

When they find me, they will either put me in prison or (the most likely option) an asylum for the criminally insane.

Nix: Or give you the death sentence.

Ratt: We can only hope.

If only they knew, if only they could understand. I am not crazy; I am just a human girl with cravings and a different opinion of life.

Nix: I had to think for a long time about what to say to that. She craves blood and she wants us to believe that she's mentally sound. I don't think so. She reminds me of that one guy in Florida who ate the homeless man's face. He was on drugs, by the way. She, I'm assuming, is not on drugs. She doesn't even have that excuse. Your character is indulging in hemophagia and she disgusts me. Did you know that she could get fatality ill from that? She could have a number of STDs and other terrible diseases from drinking the blood of people who have them.

I hope you liked the first chapter of Life Is Beautiful! Please review! And please be nice, and please tell me if you think I should stop. Thank you!

Nix: I doubt you’ll listen if we tell you to stop considering you’re still writing this.

Ratt: The horror.

The Earth Is Flat?

ratt9 — Sat, 24 Mar 2012 11:08:56 GMT

I'm writing an essay about why the Earth is flat. It's very interesting, if a bit ridiculous. I highly recommend it.

Sneak Preview: New Beyond Birthday Fic In Progress

ratt9 — Sat, 24 Mar 2012 00:51:12 GMT

Here's the very beginning of a new Beyond Birthday fic I've just started. Critiques are welcome:::

Note: Any grammatical errors, particularly regarding comma usage, are strictly on purpose and used for literary effect.

The colour white.

White walls white floors white ceiling.

Such is the nature of a mental asylum.

It’s meant to keep the patients from going mad, or so they say, but to Beyond Birthday, it was as if the neutrality of it all was ripping away what sanity was left.

Beyond Birthday had never been insane.

Beyond Birthday was brilliant.

(Always was always had been always would be.)

As brilliant as the white walls, oh yes, as brilliant as the gothic letter that landed him here. Beyond was greater as his name suggested greater greater yes that’s right greater than all the rest out there. Better and greater and beyond A and beyond L and everyone absolutely everyone else.

It was only his thoughts that were a mess, now. It was the insane asylum that was making him insane and the white walls that were making him see red and the neutrality that was jumbling his thoughts to the point where they no longer made sense.

Not that he let it show.

Because if he let it show then they’d never let him out and if they never let him out then he’d never be able to beat L and if he never was able to beat L then he might as well just die now because oh god beating L is the only thing he has to live for. Not these goddamn white walls white floor white ceiling just make it all stop just disappear oh please oh please god I can’t live like this.

Not like this.

Not like this.

The walls needed to be painted red SO LET ME PAINT THE WALLS RED WALLS RED WALLS RED WALLS PAINTED FUCKING /RED/.

Red with blood.

L's has red blood.

L would make great paint.

(Another) Random Meme!

ratt9 — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 01:46:43 GMT

Are you an innie or an outie?
Innie?
Have you ever written a song? Yes, when I was younger.
Can you make change for a dollar right now? Hah, no way. I'm so broke.
Have you ever been in the opposite sex's public toilet? Who hasn't?
Have you ever written a poem? Yes, but I suck at them.
Do you like catsup on or beside your fries? Beside.
Have you ever been a boy/girl scout? Most annoying years of my life.
Have you ever written a book? I would like to.
Have you ever broken a mirror? And get seven years of bad luck?? I would never.
Are you superstitious? Not really.
What is your biggest pet peeve? People chewing loudly.
Do you slurp your drink after it's gone? Of course. I'm rude that way. :D
Have you ever blown bubbles in your milk? I do not drink milk.
Would you rather eat a Big Mac or a Whopper? What or what? o_O
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping? Dude. I live in the middle of a desert. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't.
Would you ever parachute out of a plane? I plan on it.
What's the most daring thing you've done? I've done lot's of daring things. I have to choose just one?
When you are at the grocery store, do you ask for paper or plastic? I'm never offered a choice.
True or False: You would rather eat steak than pizza. Hell no.
Did you have a baby blanket? Who didn't?
Have you ever tried to cut your own hair? The real question is, have I ever let anyone ELSE try to cut my hair?
How did that turn out? It turns out fine. In my opinion, at least.
Have you ever sleepwalked? Yeah.
Have you ever had a birthday party at McDonalds? Who the fuck has a birthday party at McDonalds?
Can you flip your eye-lids up? Umwhut?
Are you double jointed? In my legs! :D And a few other places.
If you could be any age, what age would you be? 19. I love that age.
Have you ever gotten gum stuck in your hair? Unfortunately.
Do you ride roller coasters? OH YEAH.
What's your favorite carnival ride? Roller coasters.
What is your dream car? One of those fancy black and silver executive cars.
What is your favorite cartoon of all time? Um that's hard. Can I get back to you?
Have you ever eaten a dog biscuit? All the time. I love 'em. I even buy them for myself, and I don't own a dog.
If so, would you eat another one? See above answer.
If you were in a car sinking in a lake, what would you do first? Open the window and crawl out. I'm sure small enough.
Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? No, but I was in one, during my time in a police program.
Can you pick something up with your toes? Of course.
How many remote controls do you have in your house? One for each television. I don't use them much. Screw HD television. WHY ARE THEY THE ONLY TYPE OF TV SOLD ANYMORE? D:
Have you ever fallen asleep in school? So many times.
How many times have you flown in an airplane in the last year? Uh twice.
How many foreign countries have you visited? Like...three?
If you were out of shape, would you compete in a triathlon if you were somehow guaranteed to win a big, gaudy medal? How would I do this if I was out of shape? You aren't making any sense.
Would you rather be rich and unhappy, or poor and happy? Obviously poor and happy. (Dx I'm already poor and happy, so it's not like there would be much difference.)
If you fell into quicksand, would you try to swim or try to float? OOH OOH BEAR GRILLES TAUGHT ME WHAT TO DO IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS
TOO BAD I WASN'T LISTENING
Do you ask for directions when you are lost? I never get lost.
Have you ever held a Mexican jumping bean? ...Maybe?
Are you more like Cinderella or Alice in Wonderland? Down the rabitt hole, all the way. =w=
Would you rather have an ant farm with no ants or a box of crayons with broken points? Um...I would have no use for either of them, but probably an ant farm with no ants so that I can pretend to flip out at people who say there are no ants, and make them think I am crazy.
Do you prefer light or dark bread? RASCIST COMMENTS?
Do you prefer scrambled or fried eggs? Scrambled.
Have you ever been in a car that ran out of gas? No...
Do you talk in your sleep? I hope not.
Would you rather shovel snow or mow the lawn? Mow the lawn. I've had to shovel my car out from under a hell of a lot of snow once. NOT FUN.
Have you ever played in the rain? I /always/ play in the rain.
Did you make mud pies? Mud tastes good.
Have you ever broken a bone? Yes, when I punched a wall.
Would you climb a very high tree to save a kitten? Yeah, I guess.
Can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? Person, reptiles are what I work with every day. I'd be unfit for my job if I didn't know how to do that.
Do you drink pepsi or coke? Both?
What's your favorite number? 9. As is probably obvious.
If you were a car, would you be an SUV or a sports car? Sports car, probably.
Have you ever accidentally taken something from a hotel? It wasn't accidental.
Have you ever slipped in the bathtub? No?
Do you use regular or deodorant soap? There's deodorant soap?
Have you ever locked yourself out of the house? No.
Would you rather make your living as a singing cowboy or as one of the Simpsons voices? Neither. My voice isn't very good.
If you could invite any movie star to your home for dinner, who would it be? OOH OOH JOHN BARROWMAN YAYYY.
Do you need corrective lenses? Probably.
Would you hang out with / date someone your best friend didn't like? Why would I care what my best friend thinks?
Would you hang out with someone your best friend liked, but you didn't like? I like everyone.
Have you ever returned a gift? I don't...know?
Would you give someone else a gift that had been given to you? No, probably not.
If you could attend an Olympic Event, what would it be? Horse jumping.
If you could participate in an Olympic Event, what would it be? Horse jumping.
How many pairs of shoes do you own? Two pairs. A pair of high heels and sandals. I usually wear the high heels.
If your grandmother gave you a gift that you already have, would you tell her? Of course.
Do you sing in the car? Hell no; you don't want to hear my voice.
What is your favorite breed of dog? Greyhound, or husky. Something like that.
Would you donate money to feed starving animals in the winter? Only if I had money to spare.
What is your favorite fruit? Pomagranite.
What is your least favorite fruit? I don't know?
What kind of fruit have you never had? Probably a lot.
If you won a $5,000 shopping spree to any store, which store would you pick? Probably some paper/caligraphy pen/ office store. Oh, and candy.
What brand sports apparel do you wear the most? I don't. I wear jeans and a suit every day.
Are/were you a good student? Everything went downhill when I was in 11th grade.
Among your friends, who could you arm wrestle and beat? All of them.
If you had to choose, what branch of the military would you be in? Airforce.
What do you think is your best feature? Don't know?
If you were to win a Grammy, what kind of music would it be for? Rock, or something.
If you were to win an Osacr, what kind of movie would it be for? Something dramatic, comedic, or actiony.
What is your favorite season? Winter and fall.
How many members do you have in your immediate family? 4
Which of the five senses is most important to you? Sight.
Would you be a more successful painter or singer? Well, I suck at both.
How many years will/did you end up going to college? If only I knew.
Have you ever had surgery? I had six teeth pulled?
Would you rather be a professional figure skater or professional football player? Football. Or figure skating. I can't choose, and I'm good at both.
What do you like to collect? Paper.
How many collectibles do you have? Don't know?
What one question would you add to this survey? None, it's long enough already.

Because we all get bad ideas.......

ratt9 — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 02:07:54 GMT

Here's mine:

First, Wammy's house burns down (probably Watari's fault) and for some unknown reason (probably Watari's fault) L and Light and Matsuda are there. Wammy's house then blows up and Roger is hit by a rescue plane and dies (probably somehow Watari's fault). Most of the children in the orphanage are dead except a few of the top successors, who are being rushed to the hospital after they are rescued. L and Light and Matsuda check out of the hospital after making sure the three of them are okay, but in the parking lot, Watari is hit by an ambulance (probably his own fault) and dies. The ambulance that hit Watari ends up sliding on ice and crashes, killing the people inside (this is Watari's fault). It turns out that the people in the ambulance who died were L's top successors. A bit later, L and Light and Matsuda go back to their crappy motel, and then an earthquake happens and it collapses on them (somehow, someway, this, too, is for some reason Watari's fault). For some reason (probably again Watari's fault), L is claustrophobic. They're down there for 24 hours, or something. Then they get rescued and spend the night in a makeshift earthquake shelter, in which Light falls asleep on the toilet (for some reason that doesn't make any sense [hey! Just like the rest of the story! :D] ) and L experiences night terrors and then morning comes. They all somehow fly back to Japan. Then Mogi dies of a heart attack (Watari's fault) after he sees that there are dinosaurs in the basement of headquarters, which no one else knows about because Watari neglected to tell them about the dinosaurs (Watari's fault). Then L realizes that he can't access the bank without Watari and is therefore bankrupt (Watari's fault). L forces Matsuda to hack into the bank accounts, but Matsuda gets caught and sent to jail (indirectly Watari's fault). L, Light, and Soichiro go to bust him out of jail, and Soichiro drives a truck through the wall. When they get back to headquarters, a tree falls on the building and breaks through 7 of the floors (probably Watari's fault), somehow including the basement. The dinosaurs are set free and start attacking Tokyo (Watari's fault). L and the rest of the task force have to move their headquarters to a crappy motel because they are still bankrupt (Watari's fault), and somehow the real Eraldo Coil and Deneuve are pissed at L for taking their detective handles, and then they figure out who he is, and broadcast his picture and all his aliases on television, forcing L to resign (Watari's fault, somehow). Then the dinosaurs break all the prisoners out of the jail, and the prisoners that L put away go and gang up and find L and gang rape him (probably Watari's fault). And luckily that's where I realized that I really needed to stop plotting this fic, so I just ended it by having the world spontaneously combust and that was that.

...:D I'm never going to write this, but anyone else is welcome to it.

Just A Rant About The Fic I Am Currently Working On

ratt9 — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 05:01:41 GMT

Someone suggested that I take out my frustrations about the fic I'm working on by ranting about it in a journal entry. So, here's my rant.

AKL;SFJAKLJFLKEWJFRWEJFKLSDAFMKLCMOIWAUOIEGOANIUGHQEOTI92JIERJIOSEU8DRUIJKLFNMBCLRJOGJKSJKNVZJNVJKD
DVKJSDKGOIAWTJOIJIOGJINFZ
OKFDBLDFL
DFHS
LRRRRTGFDSSYTU6YRTYE7456
JDDTRHYGFHDFGJRTY
JDDGJDFGUJRTYQERWE
DGLFSDJSDFGSLJOWEJY9IJTGOISGN'SSERAOLDJFKLAJDFOIAWJIFONDSKLFSKFJAOIJDFKALDSJFLAKSJDFOIAEJRTIJI4KOJU3498THJDFREGJKLEWRJOGYWJRTYIOWRT45OIjojiosjgoiejeoigthwritnmoinmgoisrjWPGFDJOESJRTOI4WRET23M4PS'ROKGEROTGKSDFJIAOSEIGOAEGJ
ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSHOOTMENOW

Please ignore me when I get like this and start turning my livejournal into a melodrama. Acknowledgment will only encourage me, and you don't want that.

Created My Own Prompt Table; Use It However You Wish.

ratt9 — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 00:21:59 GMT

001.	Imaginary City.	002.	Shadows on Snow.	003.	Touching the Edge.	004.	Plastic Emotion.	005.	Where Dreams Come to Dance.
006.	Hearts and Flowers.	007.	Instructed to be Gracious.	008.	Exhausted Trend.	009.	A Place of Misery.	010.	An Ignored Text.
011.	Starting With Numb.	012.	Whatever Will Be, Will Be.	013.	Against All Reason.	014.	Muddy Pitfall.	015.	Beneath the Streetlights.
016.	Racing the Rain.	017.	Just a Trick of the Air.	018.	Power of Fright.	019.	Sea Shells.	020.	Just a Formality.
021.	Newspaper Clippings.	022.	Rewritten Letters.	023.	Imperfections on Display.	024.	Difference Between Two Darks.	025.	Painting Double Images.
026.	What Time Steals Away.	027.	Orbital, Dear.	028.	Nonsensical Office Gossip.	029.	Footnote to a Scream.	030.	In Death’s Hands.

Ashes Like Snowfall, 1/19/2012

ratt9 — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 02:25:04 GMT

"It rises from the dim, far distant plain toward the sky, as if by an old birthright."

I am a headstone, bare amongst the rows of bones that rest in this field of the dead. Being unmarked as I am, there is no way for me to know the name of the former human resting beneath me. Although I am deeply curious about both the corpse's name as well as to why the name has been made to die with it, I know that it is perhaps for the best—it is blasphemy to speak the names of the dead, so never knowing the word at all is, I suppose, fitting.

The death ceremony for my decaying human was fairly short,

(fairly formal).

Eyes were dry, and words—stiffly spoken; the deceased was not a family member but a business colleague, or something of that nature. In the procession of the ceremony, only the youngest remained at the site.

The inferiority of his age was obvious, but his madness was most clear. Once he had seen to it that those formerly in his company had gone, he threw himself to his hands and knees, suffocating the fresh dirt with his fingers. He laughed, and his eyes screamed insanity.

(And I, helpless).

the moths whisper

and my life is now made up

of seconds

the pendulum swings

becoming three shades of white

there's a ladder at the edge of the world

suspended

sometimes i wonder what

happens between the

silences

the sound of footsteps die

like everything

but death

a shallow breath is drawn

white noise

time passes

like an antique paper weight

and

it will show you hidden realities

the dark doves fly

and then they scatter

in the wild quiet

is our last salvage of sympathy

embers dance and fade

bright in the sky

in the end it didn't

the thistle butterfly

the flowers are the sound of silence

the flowers are the sound

the flowers are

the flowers

Rain falls.

The body is long decayed, with nothing left of it but bones, and only when the world is silent but for the falling rain do we become aware once again of time's hollow passage.

The rain tastes of the sky, and the sky tastes of bloodshed. I ask why the world must be painted red before the ranting pendulum will slow and paint clarity over fragmented eyes, but the electric sky flashes as though the gods themselves were once again at war and the bones remain silent because we are not alone.

There stands the boy, but his madness is less prominent in his eyes—they appear now to be dulled, as if he has been crazed for so long now that it has been etched into his irises, ever-present and tainting his vision. He sounds like fury but looks and feels of fear. He shouts at the bones, and the bones listen because they have always listened, but now they must hear his words in silence.

I know that the bones are curious, though, because the boy holds in his hand a flower.

The bones grant me brief awareness. This boy has brought death upon many.

He puts down the single red flower, petals trembling softly, and leaves.

the world turns to

chalk dust at your

fingertips

it's the last tree in the forest

the world needs

a cradle of beliefs

and

an inch of scorn

to write with chalk

on paper

we all fall but

maybe death wants to die

too

falls an avalanche of words

tadpoles become

birds fly like watercolours

in the sky there are angels

bringing death

and the overdrawn flowers still remain

the overdrawn flowers remain

they still remain

they shouldn't still rem

Light spills from an underground window, its mind lost in all that is past.

The bones speak, breaking their long, silent years of going without. Its words are silent dust in a world buried under sand, and I see a broken watch, a bloody dress, an antique teacup. More pronounced than the rest is an ancient notebook, tattered with age. The objects seem to hold some importance, but somehow, I no longer can remember why.

I realize that they were likely never meant for me to begin with. Nothing truly is meant for me; I am nothing but an unmarked headstone resting atop bones without a name.

I am not even meant to be with the bones, yet here I remain.

The flower is still inexplicably resting upon the ground, dried and dead.

(Though it is probably nothing but a passing illusion.)

The bones tell me that the boy who set it down no longer belongs to the earth, but instead to a world that used to be but no longer is.

In the end, it fails to matter. None of it matters.

The bones speak of a time when there was only rain on a tin roof. Maybe that's still all there is, just rain falling on a tin roof.

But not even the rain falling in torrents from the ruined, paper sky will save the flowers.

Well, this turned out much differently than I thought it would. I kind of like it.

So, there was some heavy symbolism in this (as well as some things that don't really mean anything at all), so here's an explanation to anyone who doesn't understand what the hell they just read: Basically, it starts out around the time of L's funeral, and then describes Light laughing on L's grave. Once L's body decays completely, time is perceived (by the headstone and by L's bones) to have disappeared, so everything seems to happen in fragments and pieces (thus, the random italics). But, time seems to move normally again when it rains. The headstone is capable of speaking with L's bones, and L's bones can communicate with the headstone through sending weird sorts of images and memories; L's bones, however, remain essentially silent until Light is dead. In this, I imagine that when Light visits L's grave with the flower, it's around the time when Near has just made one of his first appearances. Light is frustrated (for the reason that either he does not deem Near to be a worthy opponent, and/or that he hates that L is still hindering his progress after he's already in the grave), and yells words of hatred at L's grave. But, for reasons unknown, the headstone seems to think that he feels slightly scared (it is up to the reader to decide whether the headstone's judgement was accurate or not). Light probably left the flower on L's grave out of a sense of respect. The very last bit takes place years after Light is dead, and finally L's bones speak to the headstone.

Make what you want of it—the entirety of its meaning is completely up to you.

ratt9 — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 00:28:12 GMT

Have you ever needed to shave your moustache?
Only if I have amnesia and had a sex change at some point in time that I can't remember.

And are you a girl?
I believe that's implied above. |^|

Do you trim your toenails as often as you should?
Trim...toenails? People do that?

How often do you shave?
Whenever I remember.

Do you not shave your legs in winter?
I don't shave my legs /ever/. Shaving arms and legs is unnatural. -shivers-

Why?
I just answered this.

Are your fingernails dirty?
Well, they're basically always in my mouth...does that count?

How many scars do you have?
Too many to count. o_O Or give an accurate estimate.

And how many are from your own stupidity?
Probably most of them. Especially the one from the sword, the blade of which I slid across my cheek in order to prove to the owner of the sword that the blade was "surely made of plastic."

Did you put any there yourself?
You keep asking questions that I already answer. <o<;;

Do you suffer from any psychological disorders?
Well, I hallucinate and hear voices and at one time or another I've felt so close to insanity that I could taste it.

Are you being treated for them by a doctor?
No. .-.

Do you think you should be treated for your insanity?
B-but...I'm...I'm more BETTER now!! D:

Would you say you have a large forehead?
Do people honestly give that much thought into their foreheads?

What about your nose?
All the better to smell you with.

Do you have buck teeth?
No?

Have you ever needed braces?
I probably needed them, but I didn't get them.

Is your spine straight?
Yeah, but I slouch a lot.

Is one leg shorter than the other?
.-.

Do your eyebrows match your hair color?
I would have to check in the mirror.
I don't like looking in my mirror.
Sometimes the mirrors have the dead peoples AND I USUALLY LIKE TO AVOID THE DEAD PEOPLES.

Do you dye your hair?
No, that ruinnnns ittttt.

Why?
Goddamn, stop asking why. /WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY?/
See? Annoying, right?
-stare-

Do you have a hairy butt?
.//. Excuse me?

Shouldn't you do something about that?
EXCUSE ME, SIR.

Can you see the veins in your arms?
When I'm working out.

Do you hate your life?
No~

Does that make you emo?
I just said no, dumbass. <<;

Ever been in a horrific accident?
Define horrific.

Ever CAUSED a horrific accident?
=] I cause the KABOOMS.

How many times have you moved?
Once? When I was two?

Ever move more than 3000 miles?
No.

Isn't school lonely?
Not that I've noticed.

Do you have obnoxius friends?
YOU DON'T MAKE SENSE EITHER.
WHY WOULD I BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE IF I THOUGHT THEY WERE OBNOXIOUS.
GO TO SENSE-MAKING CLASS AND TAKE NOTES.
LOTS OF NOTES.

Any friends you regret ever meeting?
Again, WHY WOULD I BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE I REGRET MEETING?
And anyway, I talk to more strangers than I have friends. =w=

Do you sit down to meals at home?
Well, I don't stand up eating them.

Or do you come from a broken home?
What does that have to do with food?

Is the computer your significant other?
"OHH, COMPUTER, DARLING, MMMMM...
I LOVE THE WAY YOU SEX IT UP.
ALL THOSE HOT WIRES
YOU'RE SO SEX-A-LICIOUS
I THINK WE SHOULD BE SOUL MATES FOR FOREVER AND EVERS."
What the fuck is wrong with you? o _O

Ever been to Juneau, Alaska?
Hah, I wish~

Would you go if I paid for you?
SWEET! BONUS CASH.
More for candy~

Anyone ever take you on vacation with them?
My childhood friend, Allie, last year. To a cabin in the middle of the woods.
We were stuck there for 3 days because the car was completely buried under a hell of a lot of snow, and the door to the shed with the shovels was completely frozen shut.
The only food we had was ramen.
LOTS OF THE RAMENS.
Ramen for breakfast
Ramen for lunch
Ramen for dinner
Ramen with broth
Ramen eaten dry with sauce sprinkled on top
Ramen uncooked
Ramen overcooked
I HAD NEVER REALIZED HOW INCREDIBLY SICK A PERSON CAN GET OF JUST EATING /RAMEN/!
OH.
AND THERE WAS NO HOT WATER.
OR INTERNET.
We decided not to go on another vacation for a long, long time.

Have you ever needed stitches?
No.

What about surgery?
I had 6 teeth pulled. Does that count?

Ever bowled a 300 game?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA.

Ever struck out an MLB player?
MLB?

Do you watch shows about fat people while you snack?
Do most people do that?
Seriously, normal people are so weird.

Does that ever make you feel like a jerk?
I JUST SAID I DON'T DO THAT.
GET A LIFE.
AND WHY WOULD THAT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A JERK?
THESE QUIZZES NEVER MAKE SENSE.

LOOK EVERYONE, IT'S A RANDOM MEME!

ratt9 — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 23:56:41 GMT

Whats your middle name?
...Who wants to know?

How big is your bed?
Bed~? I sleep on the floor. xP

What are you listening to right now?
"Asylum" by Disturbed.

What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number?
-5557.

What was the last thing you ate?
An entire bag of Life Saver Spearmint Peppermints.

Last person you hugged?
Hug?...Uuuuuummmmmm....I don't remember...
.-.
I don't hug people very often.. =w=

How is the weather right now?
63.9 degrees, sunny (when ISN'T it sunny, in the desert?).
WHY MUST I LIVE IN A PLACE THAT IS 63.9 DEGREES IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER THIS MAKES NO SENNNNSEEEE. D;

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Uhhh...probably Rikku, I think.

What is the first thing you notice in the opposite sex?
Personality. I also notice that first in people of the same sex. .-.

Favorite type of food.
Food. Food. Food. Um.
I like a lot! of food...
Soup, plain white rice, cookies, brownies, and hard candy. Does that count?

Do you want children?
Eep, children would certainly keep me very busy. =w=
I dunno~

Do you drink?
No, not usually.

Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night?
Not really...I managed to piece it all together the next morning.

Hair color?
It...changes. o_O Naturally changes. I don't dye it. Sometimes it's blonde, and sometimes it's light and dark brown.

Eye colour?
That changes, too, but usually they are grey.

Do you wear contacts/glasses?
No, but I probably need them.

Favorite holiday?
Halloween.
YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO OLD TO TAKE FREE CANDY FROM STRANGE PEOPLE I SWEAR! D;

Favorite Season?
Winter and fall...Winter, because everything is all cold and nice, and Fall because it looks all magical.~

Have you ever cried over a girl/boy?
No, but I'm the type of person who rarely gets emotional and never cries about almost anything. I've come close, though, but it was only because I thought one of my closest friends had killed himself. -w- But somebody had stopped him. . o.

Last movie you watched?
Oh gosh, I don't watch very many movies. But, the last movie I watched was probably Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid.

What books are you reading?
What books aren't I reading?

Piercings?
No, I've never really gotten around to it.

Favorite Movie?
The Illusionist, by far.

Favorite college football Team?
I don't watch football. XD

What were you doing before filling this out?
Learning about the Civil War. I love learning about the Civil War... 0-o

Any pets?
I refuse to refer to my brother's evil turtle as a "pet."

Dogs or cats?
I prefer dogs, but I also like cats.

Favorite Flower?
Do people actually have favourite flowers? o_O Erm...probably a red rose. Or a blue one. Or a purple one. Or a black one. But who knows. I didn't know that most people had a favourite fucking flower. ._.;

Have you ever loved someone?
Just once.

Who would you like to see right now?
The mailman. I've been waiting for that manga shipment FOREVERRRR AGO and IT STILL HASN'T COME YET AND IT /BOTHERS/ ME.

Have you ever fired a gun?
I live in Arizona. Of course I've fired a gun.

Do you like to travel by plane?
PLANES FALL OUT OF THE SKY.
AND THEN YOU DIE.
IT'S NOT VERY FUN.

Right-handed or Left-handed?
It depends on what I'm doing. It's mixed. o_O

If you could go to any place right now where would you go?
Japan! Where their English textbooks teach students how to say, "I like you. You should come to my house and fuck my sister." THEY MAKE ME FEEL NORMAL. XD

Are you missing someone?
I might be.

Do you have a tattoo?
No, but I wannnnt oneeee.

Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?
Er, no.

Are you hiding something from someone?
Aren't you?

ARE YOU 18?
Hee, no. 18 is such a cliche age to be. I may be older or younger, though~

WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE?
Ummm, one of the default grassy wallpapers that the phone comes with!

DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT?
I never get enough sleep. =w=

FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING?
"Oh shit, I forgot to turn the lights off last night. WHY DO I KEEP DOING THAT?"

WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOUR BEDSIDE?
My knife. Always under my pillow.

GRILLED OR FRIED?
Grilled...and fried.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO CHOOSE?!

WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE?
THE THINGS THAT DON'T MAKE ME NORMAL.

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
I LOVE THE DARK~

FAVORITE HANGOUT?
MY DESK.
(WHY ARE WE WRITING IN CAPS?)

3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT?
YOU MEAN OTHER THAN WATER?
IPOD. PAPER/PEN. COMPUTER.
(TWO CAN PLAY AT THIS GAME)

FAVORITE SONG?
I DON'T HAVE A FAVOURITE SONG.
I LIKE /ALL THE SONGS!!/

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
SPIDERS. AND PLANES. AND INNANIMATE OBJECTS COMING TO LIFE.

ARE YOU A GIVER OR TAKER?
IT DEPENDS ON WHAT I'M GIVING OR TAKING.

WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
RATT. ANTHA. NANUK. COLETTE. RIN.
WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS?

WHAT IS YOUR DADS MIDDLE NAME?
UM.

WHATS YOUR MOTHERS MIDDLE NAME?
UH.

STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND & COULD TAKE ONE THING?
A BOAT. WITH GASOLINE INSIDE.

FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL?
WHY THE FUCK WOULD I ACTUALLY LIKE A TV COMMERCIAL
YOU DON'T MAKE SENSE
AND WHY ARE WE STILL WRITING IN CAPITAL LETTERS
WHYYYYYY

WHO'S YOUR CELL PHONE PROVIDER?
AT&T.

FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A FIRE?
MY LIFE.
WELL, THAT, AND PROBABLY MY COMPUTER.

Whats your favorite color?
OHMYGOD NO MORE CAPS LOCK THANNKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUU.
My favourite colour is grey. xP

WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS TAKE WITH YOU?
WHY ARE WE BACK TO THIS? WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY? DX
I ALWAYS TAKE MY KNIFE, MY CELL PHONE, A FOUNTAIN PEN, PAPER, AND MY IPOD.

WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
I WANTED TO BE EVERYTHING THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE TO BE.
I WAS A VERY STRANGE KID.

WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS 11:11?
JUMP OUT OF MY SEAT, SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, DO A DANCE, AND SPIN AROUND.
OF COURSE.
BECAUSE THAT MAKES SENSE.
WHY WOULD I BE DOING ANYTHING DIFFERENTLY AT 11:11
YOU STILL MAKE NO SENSE.

THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEEt?
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T USE BEDSHEETS. YOU TEND NOT TO WHEN YOU SLEEP ON THE FLOOR.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?
"I WONDER WHAT TIME I'LL FALL ASLEEP TONI--"

Beta Reader

ratt9 — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 23:04:35 GMT

So. I'm now a beta reader.

.-. How interesting.

Stupid Things Bush Said Pt. 2

ratt9 — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 21:55:44 GMT

"And they have no disregard for human life." --George W. Bush, on the brutality of Afghan fighters, Washington, D.C., July 15, 2008

"Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people." --George W. Bush, Charlottesville, Va., July 4, 2008

"And so the fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place." --George W. Bush, Mesa, Arizona, May 27, 2008

"I don't want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander in chief playing golf. I feel I owe it to the families to be in solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 13, 2008

"Removing Saddam Hussein was the right decision early in my presidency, it is the right decision now, and it will be the right decision ever." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., March 12, 2008

''I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things.''

—President George W. Bush, aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003
[That is very clear.]

"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe -- I believe what I believe is right." --Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001

"I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it...I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet...I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't -- you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." --after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." --Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

"My answer is bring them on." --on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003

Holy hell, I just love it. XD

George Bush Quotes OMG Pt. 1

ratt9 — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 21:54:12 GMT

I've just discovered the incredible joy of reading all the ridiculously stupid things that former President George Bush ever said. Omg, this is so fun, and I'm laughing out loud. I'm writing them on my bedroom walls. Here are some of my favourites:

"

One of the very difficult parts of the decision I made on the financial crisis was to use hardworking people's money to help prevent there to be a crisis." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009

"I guess it's OK to call the secretary of education here 'buddy.' That means friend." --George W. Bush, Philadelphia, Jan. 8, 2009

"So I analyzed that and decided I didn't want to be the president during a depression greater than the Great Depression, or the beginning of a depression greater than the Great Depression." --George W. Bush, Washington D.C., Dec. 18, 2008

"I've abandoned free market principles to save the free market system." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 16, 2008

"Yesterday, you made note of my -- the lack of my talent when it came to dancing. But nevertheless, I want you to know I danced with joy. And no question Liberia has gone through very difficult times." --George W. Bush, speaking with the president of Liberia, Washington, D.C., Oct. 22, 2008

"I want to share with you an interesting program -- for two reasons, one, it's interesting, and two, my wife thought of it -- or has actually been involved with it; she didn't think of it. But she thought of it for this speech." --George W. Bush, discussing a company that improves access to clean water in Africa, Washington D.C., Oct. 21, 2008

"

A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it."

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." -Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

"I didn't grow up in the ocean -- as a matter of fact -- near the ocean -- I grew up in the desert. Therefore, it was a pleasant contrast to see the ocean. And I particularly like it when I'm fishing." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2008

"

America is the land of the second chance - and when the gates of the prison open, the path ahead should lead to a better life."

"I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." --on "Good Morning America," Sept. 1, 2005, six days after repeated warnings from experts about the scope of damage expected from Hurricane Katrina

Prompts Community

ratt9 — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 22:40:31 GMT

Woot! I've started a Death Note prompts and requests community. I don't know how long I will be able to keep it up or anything, but it is there! :D

Hah. Uhm. Yeah.

Enjoy your day. .-.

You Gotta Love Thinks.com...

ratt9 — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 20:42:02 GMT

I mean, just look at their list of occupational puns! :D

Occupational Puns

An office--worker could be defiled.
A salesman could be disordered.
A writer could be described.
A journalist could be depressed.
A botanist could be deflowered.
A wine merchant could be deported.
A traffic warden could be defined.
A cashier could be distilled.
A poet could be diversified.
A celebrity could be defamed.
A cricketer could be detested.
A climber could be dismounted.
A jailer could be excelled.
A policeman could be unwarranted.
A judge could be dishonored.
A bishop could be disgraced.
A model could be deposed.
A neurologist could be unnerved.
An engine-driver could be distrained.
A gambler could be discarded.
A conjuror could be disillusioned.
A prostitute could be delayed.
A Moonie could be dissected.
A Chinese waiter could be disoriented.
A solicitor could be distorted.
A rabble-rouser could be demobbed.
A mathematician could be nonplussed.
A diplomat could be disconsolate.

...I have too much fun with this.

Writer's Block: Friday, I’m in love with you

ratt9 — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 20:24:10 GMT

My favourite day of the week is most definitely Thursday.

Why, you ask?

Because I find that "Thursday" is a really fun word to say. :P

Writer's Block: Tearjerkers

ratt9 — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 02:09:51 GMT

BWAHAHAHA. Cry? Nothing makes me cry. I haven't cried in almost 3 years. I'M A VERY CRUEL AND HEARTLESS PERSON YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW.

I don't really watch movies, anyway... -w-

SO MANY SUES ARRRGGGG DX

ratt9 — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 01:59:46 GMT

Oh my god, there are soooo many Mary-Sue OCs in the Death Note Fanfiction Archives lately! D:

Stormygio and I shall attempt to do something about this!

Sort of.

Yaaay.

But really, I feel like I'm going to explode. D:

Apples FTW

ratt9 — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 20:56:05 GMT

Oh my god, there's a college class to which you can enroll that teaches you all about apples. Just. Apples.

RYUK WOULD BE SO HAPPY OMFG. XD

My First Post...Kinda?

ratt9 — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 10:38:11 GMT

You know those days when you're really tired, and you haven't slept in a long time, and you aren't really thinking very clearly therefore, but for some incomprehensible reason the last thing you want to do is go to sleep because you feel that there's just so much interesting stuff going on even though there's not, so you sit in the dark pretending that you're doing something productive but are, in actuality, not. And then you go on to write really terrible run-on sentences like that. Surely you know those days. Right?.. <o <;;

Well, now I've gone for over two days without sleep. x.x Whoohoo.

Writer's Block: The kindness of strangers

ratt9 — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 23:15:08 GMT

Assuming I'd actually hear been able to hear them over my ipod? Er, probably nothing. Insults aren't a very big deal. .-.