Life Is Beautiful [Chapter 3 Part 1]

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Ratt: Fat chance of that happening.

V'S POV
I am doing it. I am doing it. I am doing it.

Nix: Giggity.

Ratt: Care to tell us what you’re doing? Because that dirty sentence makes it sound like sexy time is what you’re doing.

Nix: Oh god, she’s doing It.


I was in a seal.

Nix: Now she’s doing a seal! Threesome!!

The walls were a white concrete, the front was glass.

The chances of it being bullet proof where around 0.23% and the chances of it being missile proof were 99.76%,

Ratt: First off, is there even such a thing as missile proof glass? And, secondly, why on earth would it need to be missile proof? Blow her to smithereens, I say!

and the chances of it being average glass were 0.01%. You would think it would be 0.00%


Nix: Why do Death Note fan-characters always do this percentile thing? Why do they think they are L?

but, then again, they could think I was too smart

Ratt: No, you’re just Too Dumb To Live.

to think it wasn't, so I wouldn't both trying, not that I would anyway.

I have been here for some time how,

Ratt: Have me suddenly reverted to present tense?

and L was still yet to come.

Nix: Not if you’re doing it with It and seals, he’s not.

Ratt: He won’t have an erection for a long time if that’s the case.

I had no doubt that he will come,

Ratt: You’re sure of that, are you?

but I think the amount of freedom will be slightly less than what I hope for when I join the case officially.

Ratt: WHEN YOU JOIN THE CASE?! WHY ARE YOU SO SURE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE JOINING THE CASE IN THE FIRST PLACE? YOU’RE A GODDAMN CRIMINAL, YOU’RE WANTED BY THE POLICE, AND YOU’RE A STUPID, STUCK-UP BITCH WITH A TENDENCY TOWARD SADISM! WHY ON EARTH WOULD L EVER WANT TO LET YOU IN HIS TASK FORCE?!

Nix: Just accept it, Ratt, we all know that it’s going to happen.

Oh well, I don't really need the space, I have nothing to hide, not even myself.

Ratt: She’s saying she’s simple! I knew it all along.

I mentally sighed and sat on the floor. I sit a little differently to most people;

Ratt: Oh, you’re such a special, unique person. Just like everyone else.

Nix: Even the way she sits is speshul.

I sit almost cross-legged, only I have my right leg pressed up against my chest and my left leg curled farther behind me.

Ratt: OH GOD IT’S A CLONE OF THAT PRICK NEAR. Only Near sits with his left leg up against his chest.

Nix: Is she trying to be symbolic?

It is strange, but I find it easier to think and/or wait.

Ratt: AND/OR WAIT?! WHY WOULD YOU EVER USE A SLASH IN WRITING?! THAT’S LIKE TELLING THE AUDIENCE THAT YOU DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW WHICH ONE IT IS, AND THAT YOU WANT THEM TO DECIDE. THAT IS NOT WHAT WRITERS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO. WRITING HAS TO BE CLEAR TO THE READERS.

I lifted my head and looked into the glass. I had not noticed before, but in this lighting, I could see myself, my reflection.

Ratt: That tends to happen when you’re looking at glass.

I examined my face and could instantly see the changes from last time I looked into a mirror.

Nix (as V): The glow of my perfection is so bright that I have blinded myself.


My pure, white hair was much longer,

Nix: Is she albino?

and it looked a bit oily,

Ratt: Eeeew. Is she repelled by shampoo?

and yet, so soft,

Ratt: What. Just. Just. ARG.

I don’t know why this bothers me so much, but this just sounds so ridiculously stupid and shamelessly Mary-Sueish that it drives me mad.

if that even makes sense.

Nix: It doesn’t.


My face was so much whiter then before,

Ratt: Before? When was “before”? DETAILS ARE IMPORTANT, Suethor.

Nix: If she’s a criminal who goes outside a lot, why is she so pale?

not even my lips had colour anymore, but perhaps that is from the lack of kissing.


Ratt: “BUT PERHAPS THAT IS FROM THE LACK OF KISSING.” That is just. She just said that everyone who has never kissed someone has pale lips. Now, I’m no kiss-virgin, but I have gone somewhat long periods of time without kissing people, and my lips are... *checks mirror* perfectly red, thank you very much. How does kissing make people’s lips pale? Is she trying to insinuate that she hasn’t kissed anyone since kissing L, because L is her Twu Wuv? How ridiculous. There are no words.

Nix: What, does she not have any skin pigment? Does that mean we can see her veins? Is she translucent?

Now I’m imagining V stripping for some person, and then, as she removes her shirt, you can see through her skin and witness her beating heart going BUBUM. BUBUM.

The one and only man I have ever kissed was L,

Ratt: And...how old are you? I mean, sure, you’re pretty undesirable and no one in their right mind would want to be around you, but...chick, you need to get out more.

but 20% of the reason for that was to escape, 75% to test his reaction and 5% to feel what it was like.

Nix: L is the only man she has ever kissed, and she kissed him partially out of curiosity, to see what it was like to be kissed by a man. By a man. Is there something you’re not telling us about your sexuality, V?

Then and only then did I finally feel why people in this world get concern about not finding a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Ratt: Is this really the time and place to be thinking about this?

Nix: She’s implying that people get together for lust alone. This bothers me.

I soon get my sight leave my face

Ratt: “I soon let my sight leave my--” hell, what does this even mean?

to look into the only part of my features that has any colour.

Ratt: NIX! YOU’RE RIGHT! SHE IS TRANSLUCENT!

Nix: Well, I consider white to be a colour, so she must be translucent.

My eyes, green as grass, wide as windows,

Ratt: Wide as windows? That makes me imagine her face as looking like this:

INSERT PICTURE

the gateway to my soul,

Ratt: …I sense melodrama.

but, my eyes are empty, they always s have been.


Does that mean I have no soul?

Nix: Mary-Sues have do have souls. It’s just that they have gross ones.

I wish I knew, but the possibilities are endless.

Nix: What does that even mean?

Unlike others, I believe in everything.


Ratt: I must take a moment to refute your logic here. It is impossible to believe in everything, because to believe in everything, you would also have to believe in nothing. If everything exists, nothing does, so that just doesn't work.


I believe everything has a purpose

Ratt: And yours is to go away.

and everything has a way out…and I believe I have no soul.

Ratt: I can’t even describe how stupid and out of place that last part of the sentence sounds. Not only had she already switched topics off of souls before randomly mentioning it again, but she also just contradicted herself.

Nix: I thought she didn’t know?

What kind of a person would I be if I did?

Ratt: You’d be a decent character, and if you were a decent character, we wouldn’t be here.

I drink the blood of other murderers, kidnappers, rapists, and the list goes on,

Nix: I think that drinking the blood of people who are possibly injecting themselves with drugs would taste disgusting.

but the worst part of all this is that, I drink it because I like it, because I was addicted to its smooth, warm and sweet taste.

Ratt: That’s just disgusting.

I love its colour, it sparkling dark red, the way it is so dark the thicker it is. Blood is just divine, and the very best kind of people to get it from is criminals.

Ratt: So, my blood would taste normal until, GASP, I do something illegal, because then my blood, which has such a mind of its own, would know to change into something delectable.

Their blood are sweeter than most


Nix: Blood does not taste sweet. It tastes like metal and it tastes salty.

and I believe that is because they feel the rush and exhilaration that no other person would, making them sweeter,

Ratt: Redundancy.

but it is so rare to find a pure criminal.

Ratt: Well, I don’t know, but PERHAPS THAT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE CRIMINALS.

Most...bad guys, I suppose to could say, are alcoholics, or smokers, or drug addicts, or all of them together, and that does not taste too good.

Ratt: Wait, wait, wait. What a stereotype. “Most” “bad guys” do not do drugs, smoke, or drink. Only some of them. That’s like saying that being an alcoholic, a smoker, or a drug addict will make you more likely to walk the path of unlawfulness. As a drug addict myself, this somewhat offends me.

There has only been one person I have tasted that is pure, sweet, and fresh and was not a criminal.

Ratt: Well...I doubt that you have had L or Light’s blood. So, who might this person be? I doubt we’ll actually ever find out.

Nix: Well, I’m assuming that she murdered him if she tasted his blood. That just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

He was a very smart young man. So I find that if I can find just the right person that is as smart as he was and pure, then I would have found the best thing any of my sensors could find. That is way I want to join the Kira case, to have a taste to L's blood, and then Kira's, when I find him.

Ratt: L WATCH OUT SHE’S A THREAT TO YOUR LIFE.

"V?" I instantly reacted by jumped from my spot, scattering along the floor and slammed my back against the back wall. The man that spoke was taken aback by my sudden reaction, and let out a gasp; he even went as far as falling backwards onto the floor.

Nix: Graceful, Mr. Yagami, very graceful.

Ratt: ...If a mere, small leap backwards warranted such a huge reaction from people in real life, people would be jumping beans, and the world would be funny as hell.

I would have found this amusing if he had not startled me first.

Nix: Holy shit, Soichiro is magical, he just snuck up on the Sue.

He man looked middle aged, and anyone in my state

Ratt: Your...state? What is your “state”?

could tell he was an FBI agent, or at the least, a cop, working on the Kira case.

Ratt: What?! That must be how Kira knows which people to kill! He can tell if you’re working on the Kira Case just by the way you look, apparently!

Clearly L had sent him to gather information out of me before L allowed himself to confront me directly.

Nix: Grammar is nonexistent.

As he got back up, I quickly made an estimated guess of which cop he could be from the police file, and if my estimates are not wrong, L would send out only the best at mind to come speak to me, so he would have to be the Chief, Mr. Yagami. Well, it seems I have someone to play with

Ratt: Errr...

Nix: Define “play with.”

until L gets here. "I am sorry." He, again, was taken aback.

Ratt: What is so abnormal about this statement that takes him aback? Is it that V is so speshul that just her presence makes canon characters go gaga?

Wait, I shouldn’t have even asked. Of course it does.


"W-what?" he stuttered lamely.


Ratt: If I hadn't already been told otherwise, I would have immediately thought that this was Matsuda. Chief Yagami does not stutter like that. He is respectable and formal. He acts appropriately.

"I am sorry," I repeated in a louder, clearer voice. Before he could speak again I quickly continued. "I am sorry for startling you that was never my intention."

Ratt: Why are you making such a big deal out of this? Just a quick, “oh, sorry” would suffice, and they could move on with their day.

I ducked my head down in shame, or at least it seemed that way.

Ratt: WHY IS IT SO SHAMEFUL TO STARTLE SOMEONE? IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL.

"Umm, that is alright, I . . . should have . . ."

Nix (as Soichiro): --given you the death penalty. Do you know how many people you’ve killed?

He could not continue, how can anyone go on when they have nothing to say?

Ratt: Amazing! The Sue has learned the dynamics of speech.

"No, really, you were only trying to gain my attention, I should have–"

Ratt: Are they seriously still on this ridiculously trivial topic? If they don’t shut up about it now and move on with things that are actually important, I’m going to just...I don’t even know, but it won’t be good.

"You were deep in thought," he cut in. "I could have at least–"

Ratt:


It was my turn to interrupt.


Ratt: They sound like long lost lovers who are awkwardly skirting around the topic of what tore them apart.

"Alright, how about a compromise, I was in thought, you startled me, than I scared you, and I cannot blame you, you must be very smug with the fact that you are looking into the eyes of the second most dangerous criminal in history."

Ratt: *whimpers* NIX THEY’RE STILL TALKING ABOUT IT. *cries*

I looked back up, waiting for a reply. He did not respond. I win.

Nix: Wait...I thought they were just...talking? She never expressed that this was a contest of any sort.

Ratt: Stay tuned for part two.