Bedtime Stories as Told by Arthur Pendragon (1/1)

Title: Bedtime Stories as Told by Arthur Pendragon
Fandom: Merlin (c) BBC
Paring: Merlin/Arthur
Rating: high-ish PG? I don't think it quite reaches the PG-13 mark.
Genres: Crack/sad attempt at humor/maybe fluff
Word Count: 2019
Summary: In which King Arthur tells his daughter the most, um, unusual of bedtime stories, one where the prince isn't allowed to marry and his wizard gets pregnant.  
Notes: Prompt by toodelicious , who wanted girl!preg!Merlin, um...this is my attempt, none of these genres are up my alley. :) but I hope you like~

--

It was a long time before Arthur could really laugh about it, because it had been that ridiculous, in fact, there were many a times when it wasn't funny at all. In retrospect maybe he should have married and saved his wizard some pain. But then, if that was so...Arthur was in love with his wizard, and there was no harm in having a child with someone that you loved--even if his other half sacrificed his gender for nine months. 

 

At first, the late King Uther had been furious, furious enough so that his face ran blood red, as if he had had more than his share of mead, he'd threatened multiple executions, he'd even threatened Arthur by mistake. Maybe one day, Uther would stop rolling around in his grave.

 

But now he had more pressing problems. 

 

"Do you mean to tell me that you don't have a bedtime story this evening?" Eileen was seven years old and had the impudence to show for it (he'd have to lecture the staff about that). 

 

"Ah..." said Arthur.

 

HIs conversation with Merlin had run something like this: 

 

"I need you to put Eileen in bed tonight and tell her a story boring enough so she'll fall asleep halfway through." 

 

"...Excuse me?" 

 

"I promised Gaius I'd do something for him, and I forgot." 

 

"You forgot?" 

 

"Yes, Your Royal Prat of a Highness, I forgot." 

 

"You...seem to have forgotten something else. You know, the fact that I have a kingdom to run and gave up my imagination?" 

 

"You're being drastic again, you don't even need much of an imagination, just make it boring and she'll be asleep in no time." 

 

"..."

 

"I promise I'll make it up to you." 

 

"...Deal." 

 

Merlin had better have something fantastic planned for tonight. Arthur heaved a private sigh inside his head, "What kind of stories does Merlin usually tell you?" 

 

"I don't know." 

 

"You...don't know?" Well, that was partially good news, very promising. Maybe Arthur would only have to suffer through a couple of minutes of this--whatever this was. He took a seat. "I've never told a story before." 

 

She looked properly scandalized, "But Merlin said you were really good at telling stories!" 

 

And Arthur was going to kill Merlin later. "Oh, did he say that?" His temple was already prickling. "I'm sure Merlin's just being modest." Clearing his throat, Arthur began:

 

"Well, once there was this princess, she was--" 

 

Eileen coughed.

 

"What?" 

 

"You're supposed to start every story with once upon a time," Eileen looked at him. "Don't you know anything?" 

 

It was moment like these that Arthur finally understood some things about having a daughter. He understood that Uther didn't like to rile Morgana back in the day, this was why. "Well, fine. Once upon a time, there was a princess. She was from the mystical kingdom of Avalon, and because her father did something bad, she couldn't return to her country. In order to return to her country, she needed to sacrifice the heart of a noble prince.

 

"Now, she came to this country, and set about ensnaring the prince of that kingdom, the prince was very handsome, and the best swordsman in the land, The princess worked very hard, but she couldn't quite manage to--" 

 

Eileen was coughing again. 

 

"What?" 

 

"You're not talking about yourself, are you?" 

 

"What? No! Of course not," Arthur managed to scramble together a look of nonchalance when she stared at him again. "Anyway...do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?" 

 

She fell silent.

 

"Well, anyway, try as she might, she finally succeeded, although the prince was just playing along, mostly. He wasn't really under any spell at all, it was a deal he'd worked out with his wizard, so that he could catch her in the act. But then something went horribly wrong, and the prince ended up saving the wizard instead, and there was this huge misunderstanding with the king.

 

"THe king threatened to execute everyone, including the prince, until the prince beseeched him so movingly that the king had a change of heart and decided to forgive him with the condition that the prince would never marry because women were too dangerous." 

 

Eileen nibbled her lip, "I'm actually glad the king did that." She said solemnly. 

 

Arthur stared at her, "Why?" 

 

"Because," she sounded annoyed and (more importantly) wide awake. "This prince sounds like an utter prat, no one would want to marry him." 

 

"Young lady! Who taught you to speak like that?" And then, realizing his mistake a second later, Arthur retracted. "...You shouldn't speak about others like that, Eileen." 

 

"Who cares, they're just characters in a story." 

 

And Arthur could not tell her otherwise. Why was she even awake still? "Do you want to hear the rest of it or not?" 

 

"All right, all right, go on." 

 

"A few years later, they realized that they had a big problem, even though the prince was very happy with his life sans marriage, the wizard, who usually didn't come up with good ideas, came up with a solution to the problem. The problem was that the prince couldn't continue the line when he couldn't have a child. The plan was really stupid now that I--I mean, the prince thought about it, but the wizard insisted.

 

"I still think the prince is a prat." 

 

And this time, although he would have liked to do much more, King Arthur did a kingly thing and just shot her a baleful look. "Well, you're certainly entitled to your own very incorrect opinion. Shouldn't you be getting to sleep now?" 

 

"You mustn't goad me, Father, the story just got terribly interesting!" Eileen plastered on the sweetest smile she could manage. "Please continue? I'll stop calling the prince a prat. Though really, I don't see why you're so offended." 

 

Arthur pursed his lips. "Anyway..." 

 

"Anyway, the wizard had the bright idea of concocting a potion so he turned into a girl to bear the prince's child so that the prince's bloodline would be safe. Then--"

 

"Wait, something doesn't make sense." 

 

Arthur sighed, what didn't make sense, was why she was still awake. As far as he was concerned, he was telling a story so horrible that it was atrocious. "What doesn't make sense?"

 

"A lot of things! I mean, the prince can't be just all right with it, just turning into a girl is a big deal. Did the wizard even research all the logistics?" 

 

Eileen was seven years old, why didn't she act like it? "For the record, it was the wizard's idea and the prince failed to make him see sense. Don't you think you ought to go to sleep? It's late at night. I'll make sure Merlin finishes the story tomorrow."

 

"But I want you to finish it now! Or else I"ll be dreadful," Eileen pouted. "Absolutely dreadful." She added threateningly, as if Arthur wasn't convinced already.

 

"Fine, all right," Arthur sighed a long sigh, this was panning out to be a long night. He didn't sign up for any of this, and Merlin was definitely paying for all this--

 

"Anyway, beforehand, the wizard researched all the logistics so that they knew what to expect, although there really wasn't any way to avert the morning sickness...and the wizard had the oddest craving for tomatoes, it wasn't fun for the prince at all.

 

"The wizard also had a thing for pink dresses, this new hobby disturbed the prince a lot--" 

 

Eileen was glaring at him.

 

"What?" 

 

"What's wrong with the color pink?" 

 

Arthur suddenly had a horrible flash of Merlin, about six months pregnant in a pink gown, with his--her hands on her hips and pouting at him, "What exactly is wrong with the color pink, Your Majesty?" 

 

At first, Arthur had chalked it up to the effects of the potion and how Merlin was reacting to it, after all, Merlin had never been a woman in his life and it was natural for him to have a few quirks, but to think he actually passed that on to their child--

 

Honestly, of all traits that Merlin could have passed on, he passed on to her the love of the color pink. Pink! Arthur opened his mouth to tell her that she sounded exactly like her mother, but then stopped just in time to remind himself that such a statement opened a whole new can of worms he really didn't want to deal with.

 

So he settled with, "Eileen, don't you think you're a little too old to like the color pink?"

 

And her reply was, "I"m seven, Father." 

 

And it suddenly occurred to Arthur that the very story he was telling really wasn't really child-friendly. 

 

"Right, well. Sometimes you can't grow up fast enough," Arthur muttered, more so to himself, "So after much trouble, the both of them had a beautiful little girl and the wizard turned back into a man and declared that he was never going to go through with something like this again. The prince gleefully said 'I told you so', and everything worked out beautifully. The end." 

 

"You're supposed to end every story with 'happily ever after', Your Majesty. Don't you know anything?" 

 

Arthur gulped, he hated it when Merlin made 'Your Majesty' sound like a death threat. Merlin was there, leaning against Eileen's doorway, looking not so amused.

 

"Merlin! Ah...how long have you been standing there?" 

 

Merlin just looked at him, "Long enough to wholeheartedly agree with your very insightful daughter that the prince in your story is an utter prat. He sounds like someone I know." 

 

"Um..."

 

Merlin smiled, showing Arthur all his teeth and then some. He stepped in the room and laid a hand on Eileen's head, "I hope your father didn't scar you too much. Do you mind if I borrow him?" 

 

Eileen glanced at Merlin curiously, "Do you plan on returning him?" 

 

"Of course I am, he'll be just slightly damaged, but I promise you won't know the difference." 

 

"Oh, all right then, I guess that's fine." Eileen let Merlin smooth over her blankets, "Good night, Merlin." 

 

"Good night," Merlin smiled fondly at her without baring his teeth, but when he turned to look at Arthur again, Arthur winced. "...Might we have a word outside, Arthur?" His voice was deceptively light. 

 

Arthur disliked how that tone of voice made him think that he had a choice. He followed Merlin outside and knew looking at Merlin's face that he looked guilty. He decided that the best offense was the best defense.

 

"You should know better that I don't know how to tell stories, I told you that." 

 

"And you should know that that's hardly what irks me," Merlin stared at him evenly, "Have you even been pregnant?" 

 

"What? No, of course not!" Arthur looked scandalized. "I"m King!" 

 

"And the next time you feel like having a child, I'm going to just do the kingdom a favor and have you carry it yourself. You might even learn a few things." 

 

"Wait a minute--"

 

--

 

The next night found King Arthur back in his daughter's bedroom. Except this time, the story went like this:

 

"So once upon a time, there was a prince, he was a bit of a prat, because he liked to take things for granted. Sometimes, he whined, and sometimes he was utterly insensible. He had a wizard working for him, and this wizard was the most powerful in the land."

 

Merlin smiled at him over Eileen's head (and thank goodness it wasn't a teeth-baring smile). "This wizard was very wise, and though he thought that the prince was sometimes a prat, the prince was also at times, charming. One day, there came a fair maid from Avalon..."

 

--

 

End