A Fortunate Fall (16/18)

Title: A Fortunate Fall
Fandom: Merlin (c) BBC
Genres: AU, Romance/Drama
Rating: PG-13/R
Words: 6703
Progress: 16/18 
Summary: Single father Arthur Pendragon, at the end of his rope, finds a miracle in the form of a young cashier boy at the local convenience store. As for Merlin, he's not quite sure about what to make of his new job as an au pair for the wealthiest man in town; but he does know that his employer has more than a few skeletons in his closet. 

Previous Chapters found here: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/tag/a+fortunate+fall

--

Merlin's farmhouse was not at all what Arthur expected, but to say the least, he was pleasantly surprised. It was small, but it had some form of air conditioning and he had his own space in the den. Merlin's family was not what he expected either--Hunith was a vibrant woman still capable of doing farm work, and Mordred seemed calmer when he was around positive influences.

He hadn't expected things to change right away, and he certainly hadn't expected it to be easy; goodness knows he had chased Merlin away too many times, it was only natural for Merlin to be wary of his intentions. Well, that didn't seem to be quite right, either, since Arthur's intentions were always good...the routes he took to carry out those intentions though--were a different story entirely. He knew that now.

"You have everything you need, Arthur?" Hunith paused on her way out and looked back at him. "It does get stuffy down here from time to time, so feel free to crack open a window."

Arthur nodded, "all right."

She looked at him for a long moment after that, "...Arthur, it may not be right for me to say this...but, Merlin is my son. And he's always suffering disappointments."

Maybe if Igraine had lived, Arthur's mother would have said the same to his potential other half. But then...perhaps it wouldn't have made any difference.

"I know," And he did know, because Arthur had offered Merlin plenty of those disappointments himself.

Hunith looked relieved at his answer, or so Arthur thought. She smiled faintly at him, "...Well, good night, then."

--

"I want you to know, Merlin," Mordred began as he climbed into his cot a couple of nights later, "that if you end up sneaking downstairs into the den to be with your boyfriend, I wholly approve and if you happen to wake up and hear me laughing, I'm certainly not laughing. It's most likely just your imagination."

Merlin stared determinedly at the wall, trying to warn away the blush that threatened to creep up on him. "I would hate for you to follow in my shameless footsteps, if you catch my drift."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Merlin coughed into his elbow, "Right."

"What's with you?"

"Nothing's with me, and this is starting to sound awfully repetitive," Merlin half glared at him, turning around just a little. "Why can't you just go to sleep and mind your own business for once in your life?"

"We're practically the same person," Mordred rolled his eyes, "Granted, opposite sides of the same person, but still. Aren't you happy Arthur's here?"

Being opposite sides of the same person as Mordred did not sound very good either. "I'm worried about Alex," Merlin mumbled to the ceiling. Over the past few days, he and Arthur had been very cordial and--safe. He liked it safe, and of course it didn't bother him that Arthur seemed to agree with him.

"Your boyfriend's here and you're worried about his kid? Someone needs to set your priorities straight."

Merlin shot him yet another dry look, "I refuse to be a horny, unreasonable teenage boy about this," he turned to the wall. "Night, Mordred."

--

It was no surprise that Merlin wanted to stay cordial. Arthur didn't exactly blame him for it, if it anything, Arthur had solely brought the fate upon himself. He certainly didn't have anyone to blame for it.

"Hey, Dad!" For ten pm, Alex sounded unbelievably chipper. Morgana had probably given him more than his fair share of chocolate milk and marshmallows again. "What does Merlin's house look like? Did you take pictures?"

Arthur didn't even bring a camera (but Alex didn't need to know that, Arthur cleared his throat. "Alex, this is Merlin's house, it's not an amusement park."

"You are going to bring him back with you, right?"

"Well," Actually, Arthur wasn't so sure about that as he had been, when he had threw Alex in the car a few days ago and drove over to Morgana's house, winning his sister over with such an impassioned plea that she threatened to shove aspirin down his throat. "...I'm working on it."

And thus far, he wasn't very successful, "...How're you? And Aunt Morgana."

Alex's voice dropped a few noticeable notches, "I think Aunt Morgana might be pregnant!"

Morgana? "...Alex," Arthur chose his words carefully as he laid back against the couch, "Saying that someone's pregnant is a big deal. Are you sure?"

"Doesn't pregnant mean that you're going to have a baby?" Alex was undeterred by his lack of a reaction. "Aunt Morgana says that she's going to have one, I'm going to the doctor's with her tomorrow! Can I talk to Merlin now?"

"Actually, you should be getting ready for bed, shouldn't you?" Arthur said, "I don't even know where Merlin is right now."

As predicted, Alex's voice rose a few notches. "But I want to talk to Merlin before I go to bed!"

"And Alex, I'm telling you--"

There was a brief hollow knock, Arthur snapped up his head to find Merlin studying him with his head tilted. "I'm right here if you want me."

Arthur quickly cleared his throat again, "Actually um..." taking the phone away from his ear for the moment, he stood. "It's Alex, I think he's going to throw a tantrum if he can't talk to you."

Merlin held out his hand for Arthur's phone with a casual shrug, "I'll talk to him."

Arthur handed the phone over and sat back down on the sofa, Merlin joined him and somehow, Merlin's head ended up on his lap. "Hey, Alex! Isn't it late over there?...Oh, I see, so you're in the bathroom so Aunt Morgana thinks you're taking a bath?"

Arthur stared very hard at the phone.

"But Alex, if she hears you talking to yourself in the bathroom, isn't she going to think that you're kind of crazy?...I know, I know you're not crazy. Do you miss your dad?"

When Arthur stiffened, Merlin surprisingly followed suit, "...Alex, you can't say that, okay? Never say that. Of course I miss you. All right, you get to tell me one more thing before you promise me that you'll go to bed, okay?

"...Aunt Morgana's what?" Merlin took a moment to collect himself. "Are you sure? Well, okay. Be a big boy and take care of her? Yeah, okay, I'll do that. Good night, Alex." A moment after that, he handed the phone back to Arthur. "You've got a very resourceful son, if I haven't mentioned it before," Merlin remarked mildly. "Is Morgana pregnant?"

Arthur looked down at him, "That's what Alex said," a six-year-old wasn't the most reliable source when it came to these matters. "I'll call Morgana tomorrow and ask her."

In turn, Merlin tilted his head, "Do you not want your sister pregnant?"

"It's not that...it's just I never thought she would," Arthur shrugged.

"Maybe Alex grew on her," Merlin smiled at him winningly. "He does that, must have gotten it from his old man."

"I'm not old." Arthur said, taking great care to sound more offended than he actually was.

Merlin just smiled at him.

--

It was a little while later, after the clock chimed midnight, when Merlin spoke. "So where do we go from here, Arthur?"

Arthur paused, "Am I supposed to have an answer for that? You ask a lot."

Merlin braced himself with his elbows and stood up, taking one step, and then another, away from the couch. If anything, it was Arthur that asked a lot, but perhaps it was because everyone had always asked a lot of him, and he had never learned how to ask for any less. "I'd hoped you know...you came looking for me."

This time, Arthur said nothing.

Another step, Merlin sighed. It was a lot easier looking at the wall rather than Arthur. "I'm tired of going in circles," he said carefully. "I can't always leave, and you can't always come charging in like a knight in shining armor. Sooner or later, we'll get tired, this is not how things are supposed to work." And Merlin was already tired.

There was a long pause, "What do you want me to do, Merlin?"

What was Arthur willing to do, that was the real question. One that Merlin didn't have enough courage to ask yet. He shrugged one shoulder, "I don't know."

"Well, think about it while you sit down," Arthur patted the worn cushion beside him invitingly. "You standing there really makes me nervous."

"Me? Make you nervous?" Merlin raised an eyebrow.

Arthur tugged at his arm until Merlin gave up and sat, "Not usually, just when you sound so ominous."

Merlin bit his lip, "Well, I'd hate to sound ominous, but I'm serious." When it really came down to it, his relationship with Arthur wasn't all that healthy to begin with.

"What do you want me to do?" Arthur asked again, after the thick silence stretched and broke itself--shattered.

Merlin sucked in a deep breath, "What are you willing to do?"

"What kind of question is that?" At once, Arthur's shoulders tensed.

"It's just a question," Merlin stared hard at the ceiling as he spoke. A hard question, and one that would play a vital role in deciding whether or not he would stay, whether or not Arthur would stay.

"...I can't promise you anything," Arthur let out a tight breath a moment later, "that's not fair to you at all."

Merlin settled a hand on Arthur's knee, "It's okay if you don't promise me anything."

"You know, not that long ago, I promised her something." Arthur spoke so softly that Merlin barely even heard him. "It was something so simple..." then he laughed. "I promised my wife that she'd be happy with me."

"She..was, wasn't she?"

Arthur's face was dark, "Guinevere was...I wanted the best for her. I wanted to make her happy."

"And she's happy," Merlin looked at him. "...Right?" He put his arms around Arthur and pulled him close--close enough so they were just barely touching. "Arthur, that's all I want, don't you get it?" (Something sort of rude almost followed, but this was not the place nor the time.)

Arthur blinked at him, "What--"

"If you ask me 'What the hell are you talking about?' I really will hit you." Merlin almost gritted out between clenched teeth, "Damn it, Arthur, would you please just stop being so dense for once, andlisten to me?" His grip tightened on Arthur's shoulders. "That's all I want! For once I want you to be straight with me and tell me the truth. About your father, about your wife, about why youinsiston being so pathetic?"

"Merlin..." Arthur's face looked even more pinched, "I can't just tell you."

"And why not?" Merlin set his chin defensively. "I'm not man enough to take it, or something?"

"It's not that," With a shake of his head, Arthur turned quickly away from him, "I just..."

"Arthur."

And apparently, he ended up snapping Arthur's name with enough force because Arthur turned his head again. "...What?"

"It's history, Arthur. It's the past. It's not like it's there waiting to happen again," Merlin said. "And I don't care, I just want to know I matter enough for you to tell me things that are important to you...I don't ask you for a lot."

It took a moment for Merlin to realize that Arthur was shaking. "...Arthur?"

"I guess...I've always been a little stupid."

Merlin let out a breath he hadn't even been aware of holding. "More than a little."

Arthur pressed him back into the couch, and the scent of dust tickled Merlin's nose, "Merlin, what if I killed her?"

"...You what?"

"What would you do if I told you I killed her?"

Merlin stared hard at Arthur's face for a long moment and drew in a breath that was also not quite even. "...That's not funny." he said finally, "It's really not. But if you really did kill her...you probably had a good reason and you've been punishing yourself ever since."

"I didn't kill her," Arthur spoke against his collarbone. "But I might as well have."

"What are you talking about? She was happy with you." Merlin told him. "If she wasn't, she wouldn't have married you."

Arthur said, "She was only happy for a little while." Then he fell silent and Merlin somehow worked up the nerve to kiss Arthur's fingers, as an invitation to keep on speaking.

"Alex...is actually our second child. She...had a miscarriage the first time. That was before we got married, officially, we were going to name her Helen. Alex...doesn't know about her." Here, Arthur took a tortured pause.

"...There's a lot of things Alex doesn't know," Merlin commented mildly.

"Are you suggesting I tell this to a six-year-old kid?"

Merlin shook his head, "One day the kid won't be six, but he'll always be your son." He said softly, running his thumb across Arthur's palm. "I think you owe it to him to be a little bit honest. Doesn't he wonder about his mother?"

Arthur hesitated, "You know, this past Sunday, was his birthday. He asked me to tell him about her...he said it was embarrassing that he was the only kid in class who didn't know who his mother was."

"...And did you tell him?"

"Just...just what she was like." Arthur admitted, looking resigned, pale, and very, very old. Now that Merlin was close enough to notice it--Arthur had lines on his face, lines that he personally thought should have been kept at bay until Arthur was at least forty. "...Not what happened."

Merlin took a chance, "...What happened?"

Arthur wouldn't look at him.

"One day, you're going to have to tell me," Merlin said. "You can't hide forever."

"I...I hide very well until you--" Arthur cut himself off abruptly. "I mean...you're not going to make it easy for me, are you?"

"I think you're the only one that makes it hard," Merlin told him.

Arthur sat upright and the sofa and Merlin, after a moment, followed suit. They sat a respectable distance from one another...which was rather significant given the fact that it was a small couch. "Remember when I told you that my father and I never got along well?"

"...Yeah."

"I got along very well with my mother when she was alive. I think she would have liked Gwen if they'd met," Arthur's words were carefully measured, as if he was thinking very hard. "But my old man...a lot of times, I thought I was adopted, we've never seen eye to eye, even when it came to the simplest things, like what to eat for dinner.

"But...you know, I was still his son, and it was arranged that when I got out of college without flunking out or anything, there'd be a nice cushy spot at PC waiting for me."

"What happened to your mother?"

"She was always ill, and my father wasn't the easiest man to live with." Arthur's voice caught just a little. "Maybe it was better that way. I don't think she could have survived being with him that much longer anyway."

To Merlin, that didn't seem like the kindest thing to say about someone's own father, but Arthur certainly seemed like the type to hold a grudge.

"...I met Gwen," Arthur continued quietly. "And she really was a nice girl. When you think about it, New York City isn't really big, it just seemed that way. She went to Cooper Union, I was at NYU, our paths crossed often, and I already told you how we met.

"I told my father that I wanted to marry her," Arthur shook his head. "That was my first and worst mistake. When you're twenty, you know, you don't care about these things...I didn't know Gwen wasn't all that wealthy, I didn't know her father was a grocer and bending over backwards for his only daughter to attend school in New York. Apparently, these things set off warning bells for my father and he became convinced that she was a gold digger who was after me because I was eventually going to be worth millions."

Merlin settled a hand on Arthur's shoulder, he'd mostly stopped shaking. "She wasn't like that?"

"Of course not, I didn't even tell her I was rich."

"But she could probably tell by the way that you made a huge fuss about your suit,' Merlin said dryly.

"Probably, yeah. My own fault though..." Arthur averted his eyes. "But she wasn't like that. She even winced every time I bought her something. Regardless, my father flew over on one of his business trips and said he wanted to meet her. So he did, and of course he couldn't bring himself to like even one thing about her. He criticized everything. Where she came from, what she studied--she studied the same thing as my mother, you know, and how she cooked...

He told me that if I ever married a girl like her, I'd be sorry for the rest of my life." Arthur almost laughed. "I am, now that I think about it. I'm very sorry that I married a girl like Guinevere and didn't get spend the rest of my life with her."

Merlin paused. His face must have given away a little too much because Arthur touched his arm, "I didn't really mean--"

"Of course you mean it," Merlin looked at him, his voice probably harsher than what he originally intended it to be. "She's your wife, I'm the boyfriend. It's going to be different no matter how you look at it."

Arthur looked conflicted, "I just really didn't want you to, you know, leave or something." He said, "because I'll have to chase you down again and it'll really become like a vicious cycle."

Or maybe it already was a vicious cycle, and Arthur was just more of an optimist than he gave himself credit for. Merlin sighed, "Arthur, I asked. Whatever you have to say, I'll listen, if anything, I owe myself that much."

For a long moment, Arthur didn't look at him, and then he looked towards the ceiling and continued, "...While that doesn't completely reassure me, I'll take my chances...I'm really bad at taking chances, I married her a week after my father left. He was absolutely furious.

"He was so furious with me, I can still hear him yelling," Arthur said. "But I thought...I thought she would, in your words, grow on him. But every time I saw my father, he asked me if I was divorced yet.

"Do you know how that feels?"

Merlin had to shake his head no. "Arthur--" But he had the feeling that if Uther really met him and learned his connection to Arthur, he'd get the experience firsthand.

"Let me finish," Arthur held up a hand. "Gwen...she couldn't take it either. But then I guess I should have learned from what happened to my mother. She..."

When Arthur finally did falter, Merlin reached over for his hand. He felt like something sharp was permanently lodged in his chest. "Did Gwen...die?"

"No, she did not," Arthur took a deep breath. "That's the part I can't forgive myself for. I wish she had."

"That's a terrible thing to say."

Arthur looked over at him, "Not completely, and no, I"m not proud to say that at all." and he didn't look proud, in fact, he looked quite miserable. "...I can only find time to drive out to see her three times a year. Our wedding anniversary, her birthday, and Thanksgiving."

Finally at a loss for words, Merlin reached for him. "I'd like to meet her, someday." and he stroke Arthur's hair until they both fell asleep.

--

"...So."

Mordred looked over at him expectantly, "An hour later and I'm still waiting. Prince Charming's not up yet?"

"He...uh, had a long night," Merlin stared down at his coffee cup.

"Why are you up at the crack of dawn, then? Don't tell me that he's the only one that had a long night."

Merlin gave him a long, healthy glare before getting up from his chair. He had a long night, but Mordred wouldn't have defined it as one. "I'm going to wake up Prince Charming."

--

Talking about it almost made Arthur feel better. But he wasn't even sure about how to feel because it was the closest that he'd ever come to telling the truth. He was never good at that, and for the first time, he thought Merlin brought out the worst in him. The sky was blue, but it felt not unlike a overcast day as he watched Merlin bid his last goodbyes to his mother and Mordred.

"I almost feel like I'm married," Merlin smiled at him.

"You're missing a dress," Arthur said, trying to stop his lips from twitching. "We can pick one up when we get back."

"How come I have to be the one in a dress?" Merlin didn't waste time shooting him with a mockingly sour look.

Arthur got it: he got what Merlin was trying to do. Show him that everything was normal, that nothing was going to change just because he had divulged his deep dark secrets. It was kind of like Merlin was going out of his way to treat Arthur like a normal person, but Arthur wondered if he was just walking on eggshells just because.

Merlin was speaking again, "Mom wants you to come by again and bring Alex. She wants to meet him."

"I like your mother," Arthur admitted as he shut his trunk with a decisive bang. "I can see why you're a saint."

"You're almost too kind," Merlin glanced over at him. "...Which sort of worries me, actually."

Arthur paused, "Are you sure...you want to come back with me?"

"Is that what this is about?"

"A little," and it cost a little more of his dignity to admit that.

Merlin was quiet for a long moment, "You know, I thought you'd do that to me." as an answer, he reached for his seatbelt. "Between the two of us, I'm not sure which one feels more like a charity case, let's go, okay?"

"Merlin..."

"Arthur, goodness, you could try not to be weird. You're actually a quite a nice normal person if you set your mind to it." Merlin patted him, "Come on, drive, I want to cook lunch when we get back...did you destroy the kitchen while I was gone?"

"Actually, it happens to be my kitchen, so I wouldn't be too thrilled if it was destroyed either," Arthur rolled his eyes. "I haven't really used it, and you've only been gone three weeks."

"Only? Does that mean you don't miss me?"

"One of these days you're going to have to learn how to play fair." Shifting the car into gear, Arthur backed down the driveway while Merlin waved good-bye to Mordred and his mother.

--

Arthur hadn't expected it, but the moment he parked the car and got out to open Merlin's door, Alex flew right out of Morgana's front door barefoot and nearly ran Merlin over. "Merlin! Merlin! Merlin! It's you!"

"

It took Merlin a moment to collect his wits, but he picked up Alex and spun him around just as enthusiastically. "Hey, there. Course it's me, who were you expecting?"

Arthur saw his son studying him over Merlin's shoulder. "...I dunno, just Dad."

"What do you mean just Dad?" Arthur stared back at him. "Do you really have such little faith in me?"

Alex shrugged.

"Hey."

Merlin said, "Alex, you shouldn't be like that to your Dad. He works hard, you know. Let's go say hi to your Aunt Morgana. Is she really pregnant?"

"She looks that way."

"Alex..." Merlin laughed a little, "I've only been gone three weeks, does she have a big belly?"

"She will soon! The doctor said so. I'm going to be a big brother!" Alex's mouth was obviously running a mile a minute. "You're not going to run away again, are you?"

"Hey! I was not running away, just taking a vacation."

"Next time you take a vacation, you have to remember to take me!" Alex's voice rose a few pitches, "Or else I'll tell Dad not to take you to Disneyland with us! You even missed my birthday!"

"...Arthur's taking me to Disneyland?" Merlin sounded surprised, and rightfully so, as Arthur hadn't even told him yet. "...Arthur? Are you coming?"

Maybe, it was all right for Arthur to be a bit of an optimist just this once, "Yeah, I'm coming."

--

Morgana turned out actually pregnant. Arthur would not have let her hear the end of it had not Merlin jabbed his elbows with purpose into Arthur's ribs (several times, Arthur saw stars). They ended up staying for lunch, and even Orwaine came home from work. And the argument could have easily been made that Alex was the one that looked forward to the baby's coming the most. A host of topics were tossed around, and Arthur was almost able to forget.

"You have to stop jabbing me with your elbow, as I keep telling you." Arthur sank into a chair.

"If you don't say those things in front of your newly pregnant sister, I doubt I'd have to resort to desperate measures." Merlin shrugged, "you brought it upon yourself."

"So everyone is so fond of telling me."

"Hey, Dad! Can we set up the tent in the backyard tonight, please, please?" Alex bounded down to the stairs without warning with his pillow and sleeping bag in tow. He probably had factored in Arthur's answer without asking him first.

"Alex--"

"And Merlin can stay too! You guys can share the big sleeping bag," Alex continued so cheerily that both Merlin and Arthur simultaneously blanched at the possibility. Not because it was an unpleasant thought for either of them (or so Arthur sincerely hoped not) but Alex! Alexander was only six.

"I'm going to tell Morgana off for making you watch daytime soap operas, I swear," Arthur gave his son a long glance.

Alex blinked, "I only watch cartoons! But can we can we?"

Merlin was looking over at him now, and Arthur shrugged, "If Merlin's fine with sharing a big sleeping bag with me."

"You snore?" Merlin's mouth twitched.

"Merlin!" Alex sounded just as offended as Arthur's feelings were.

"I'm kidding," Merlin settled a hand atop Alex's head. "Sharing a sleeping bag sounds good, we should try barbeque. Tell me at least you know how to use a grill."

"Big surprise I know, but yeah I do." Arthur barely heaved himself up before Alex launched himself with surprising force into his arms. "Okay, calm down, come with me to set up the tent--try to remember I'm not as young as I used to be?"

"You'd probably have to remember that too, honestly." Merlin reminded him offhandedly as he also got to his feet. "Can I have your keys? If I'm staying here, I'm going to need my suitcase."

"Or you could just be lazy and wear my things," the words slipped before Arthur could really think about them, and for the first time, he didn't really regret it. "I've got quite the wardrobe."

"I'm sure you do," Merlin leaned in and kissed his cheek. "I'll go upstairs and help myself then."

"You...do that."

Alex waved a hand in front of his face, "Oh, Dad..."

Right. Tent. Grill. Arthur's brain was noticeably stuck in the fact that 'Merlin was staying over' and yes, it was that easy. And all he had to do was be normal, himself, like Merlin had said. Things weren't so bad. "Let's go set up the tent."

--

Of course Merlin had thought about spending the night at Arthur's before, and of course his roommates probably thought about it more than he did. (Although Merlin really didn't want to think about that.) But he'd never thought it'd play out like this, 'camping' out in Arthur's backyard and sharing a sleeping bag, wearing Arthur's clothes.

"This is the best!" Alex told them enthusiastically as he crunched into his crackers and s'mores. "Isn't this a good idea?"

"Yes, Alex, it was a wonderful idea," Merlin said, reaching for another two crackers.

"Because if I don't give you guys permission to sleep in the same sleeping bag, I don't think you'll ever get there." Alex grinned, looking much too accomplished.

"I still have to ask you, young man, where you got that idea." Arthur in turn, didn't look too amused.

"Well we have two sleeping bags, don't we? And there're three people, so...even if you think about it, you two are stuck sharing one." Alex grinned, "I'm going to lie down, okay? None of that icky stuff."

Merlin had to smile at him, "...None of that icky stuff. NIght, Alex."

"And it alarms me even more why your mind even goes there," Arthur shook his head and gave Alex a quick hug. "Night."

They sat there for a decent while in silence, and Merlin ventured, "...Think he's asleep yet?"

"Probably not," Arthur shrugged. "He's good at faking it though."

"I can definitely see where he's coming from."

"Your luck's going to run out one day and I'm really going to start minding the way you talk to me." But Arthur's smile dulled the sharpness of his words.

Merlin leaned over and put his head on Arthur's shoulder, "...Is it any better?"

Arthur sighed, "I don't know. I guess it's...sort of relieving."

Merlin supposed that was an honest answer as any, he didn't know how he would have answered, either.

"But...I'm going to tell Alex someday, and I'm going to let him read the letters. We'll go see Gwen together."

"With me too?"

Arthur nodded, "She'd like you, I'm sure."

"I hope so, she sounds lovely," and a part of Arthur's past, something that Merlin was going to have to live with.

"She is." And then another long silence before Arthur tilted his head up and kissed him. A kiss that asked for forgiveness.

"Let's go to bed."

--

"Why don't you move in with him already?" Matthew asked as he watched Merlin shove a few change of clothes into a bag. "You can totally trust me with the apartment, and your entire wardrobe's probably over there now, if that hasn't occurred to you."

Well, yes, it had occurred to Merlin. More than once, actually. It'd been two wonderful months, and he was practically a continuous guest at the Pendragon household and was running out of clothes to come back for. Matthew had a point.

And though Arthur never mentioned Gwen again, Merlin could see that he was a happier person for it, although it still bugged him from time to time.

"Someone has to keep an eye on you, you know." Merlin slung the bag over his shoulder.

"You of so little faith," Matthew clicked his tongue. "I'm disappointed in you, at least I haven't asked anyone to move in yet. Mordred's been busy recruiting--"

"Hey, Merlin! I feel like I haven't seen you in months, buddy!" As if on cue, Mordred walked in the room with arms spread, "Too busy being happy?"

"Mordred--"

"...Hey, it's okay," Mordred grinned at him. "Not everyday that I get to see a happy Merlin. Keep it up."

"I...um," suddenly overcome, Merlin's eyes stung threateningly and he stared down at his socked feet. "Thanks."

Mordred just shrugged, "Look, I've got all the luck with the ladies, I'm not going to grudge you. By the way, you forgot these." He flicked a pair of boxers in Merlin's general direction. Merlin barely dodged.

--

August tenth. By habit, the date was always circled in every calendar that Arthur had ever owned in red pen. It was a habit he still had yet to break even after three years. But it was the first year that Alex had stared hard at the calendar that sat on his desk for too long and asked:

"...What happened on August tenth?"

Arthur looked away from his screen. August tenth was a day away. "...Well, Alexander, your Mom and I got married on that day."

Alex seemed to digest this and then he said, "Did Mom look pretty?"

"Very pretty."

Alex stared at him for a long moment, and then Arthur supposed he gave the impression of being in a good mood (of which he was, mostly) because Alex asked, "...Can I see a picture?"

Arthur hesitated a long moment, Merlin had gone back to his apartment with the excuse of having run out of clothes. "...Sure, I have a picture in my room."

Alex followed him at a respectable distance and Arthur pulled out a large framed photo out from under the bed. Gwen in her wedding dress, she was beaming, but only Arthur knew how close she was from passing out. He wiped the dust off and handed it over.

"This is your mother."

"She's really, really pretty." Alex smiled at the picture, "Hi, Mom."

Arthur's chest tightened, though he made an effort to maintain a bland face. Alex did not fight him when he took the picture back and slid it back under the bed. An awkward silence ensued, when Alex crossed his legs and looked at him expectantly.

"Alexander, I'll...I'll take you to meet her, tomorrow. Merlin too. But you must promise me not to ask me anything until you're older." Arthur took his son by the shoulders. "When you're older I'll tell you everything, and I'll let you read the beautiful letters that she sent me. But don't ask me anything now."

Merlin was back. He was standing there in the doorway radiating quiet encouragement with a bag in hand.

"I can't ask her anything when I meet her either, right?"

"That's right," Arthur nodded. "But you can ask me anything when you get older."

Alex hesitated, "...Can I at least...call her Mom?"

Arthur was suddenly glad that Merlin put his arms around him when he did, it was comforting, and felt like it was an anchor against his own unsteady emotions.

"If she doesn't mind," Arthur said finally, and tilted his face up to brush against Merlin's chin. "...You'll be coming with me?"

"If you want," Merlin smiled against Arthur's forehead while Alex beamed at them both.

"My Mom is pretty," Alex said again, voice hushed with obvious wonder, probably because he'd never had the chance to say something like that before.

--

Arthur seemed incredibly morose the next day, Merlin thought. He'd wondered a few times if it would be better for them to call of the trip altogether. Arthur couldn't force himself to be ready for something like this at all.

But by the time that Merlin came back from the florist with a boquet of yellow daisies as per Arthur's request, Arthur had on one of his best suits and even Alex was in a shirt and tie.

"Erm, should I change?" Merlin asked rather awkwardly as he set the flowers down on the side table in the hallway. "Borrow a tie, at least?" He hadn't been warned that this was a formal affair and was in a shirt and kakhis.

Arthur looked distracted, at the very least, "No, no, it's fine, you look all right."

It seemed like they were going, even if it killed them. Alex's hand slipped into Merlin's own, and Merlin realized that the boy's palm was wet. "...Alex? You okay?"

"I'm nervous," Alex admitted. "Will you sit in the backseat with me?"

"Sure," Merlin gave his hand a comforting squeeze. Alex was not the only one, but probably the only one with enough integrity to admit to being nervous.

Arthur drove for a whole two hours without speaking. Merlin busied himself picking the wilted petals off the flowers while Alex tried to nap with his head nestled in Merlin's lap. The silence was decidedly suffocating.

In fact, it was so suffocating that when Arthur finally said, "We're here." Merlin startled and Alex knocked his head against the seat cushion.

It wasn't quite the farming town that Merlin had grown up in, but it was noticeably quieter than the city, and he could actually see trees. He even heard birds chirping. Arthur had parked in front of an impressive building: Avalon Healing Center.

Merlin had read an advertisment for that in some magazine. It was a privately own care facility, state of the art staff and treatment bought with the state of the art price. It was only fair. Alex's grip on his hand tightened on his when they got out.

"Arthur, you...you're sure you want to do this?" For once, Merlin could not discern Arthur's face at all.

"I want to do it," Arthur nodded tersely and motioned for them to follow him to the front door, after relieving the daisies from Merlin's other hand.

The reception room rivaled any expensive hotel lobby. There were leather chairs, thick carpet, and a chandelier. Alex was so facisnated by the chairs that Merlin instructed him to sit and wait quietly while he followed Arthur to the desk.

Arthur said, "Excuse me, I'm here to see Guinevere Pendragon."

The nurse smiled warmly at them, "Gwen seems to be popular lately. Do you know where her room is?"

"...Yes, I do, thanks," Arthur nodded politely, and waited while Merlin went to collect Alex.

"Can you pick me up, Dad?" Alex opened his arms.

Merlin quickly held out his hand for the flowers, "I'll take those." And Arthur picked Alex up.

The elevator ride up to the fourth floor took forever, and Arthur said to him: "...This place isn't bad, some of the old senile movie stars end up retiring here."

"Oh."

Room 312 was at the end of the hall, they passed by two nurses with carts. Arthur knocked twice on the door, "...Guinevere? It's Arthur."

Merlin didn't even realize that he was holding his breath until the door clicked open, revealing another nurse in uniform.

"You must be the visitors," She opened the door wider. "But I'll have to warn you advance, I don't think Guinevere's feeling too well today, so I may have to cut your visit short. Have any of you been here before?"

Arthur said, "I have."

"Oh, well, in that case, you know." The nurse looked at him, "She probably won't remember you, but I'm sure she will appreciate the sentiments. I'll give you all some time alone, Guinevere's in the kitchen...I'm going with you to tell her I'm leaving."

--

Guinevere. Merlin had wondered about her the moment he had discovered that Arthur still stubbornly wore his wedding ring. It'd been just shy of a year, and now he knew why Arthur kept it on. It was an instinctive feeling.

She sat there, at home on a wheelchair, drawing on a piece of paper with a couple of charcoal pencils. Arthur must have sent over her wardrobe. Guinevere looked like she had in the pictures, and she smiled at them.

"Gwen, you have some visitors," the nurse told her gently. "I'm going out for a little while so they can get comfortable."

"...All right," said Guinevere, sounding remarkably clear and cheery. "See you in a bit then."

--

Arthur still had the same reaction every single time he saw her. His throat closed up and his eyes stung.

"Hey, Gwen."

She tilted her head, puzzled. "...I'm sorry, I have the most terrible memory, but I feel like we've met before." She held out a hand to him, "Just in case we haven't, I'm Guinevere."

Arthur took her hand and brushed his lips against her knuckles. "I'm Arthur. It's a pleasure to meet you again."