Forgiveness Sake!
The Weight of Letting Go.
(No, that’s not my voice in the voiceover. I should be so lucky!)
I was counting the seconds I had left before my thesis was due, when my 22-month-old daughter kindly demonstrated Murphy's law by being sick all over the bed. After the initial clean up, I held her in my arms while wiping her down with a cool cloth.
Only moments earlier I had been telling bible stories to my other child. If you've ever had the pleasure of adapting bible stories for children, you'll know how complicated their questions are, but how simple and true the Lord’s answers are. “Love and be kind to everyone, even bad people you don't like,” I told him. As I explained the good Samaritan, I found myself reflecting:
Do I actually love my enemy? Or do I just think I do?
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” Matthew 18:21–22
I've written about forgiving the unforgivable in the past (I’ve linked it below), yet there remains much more to be said.
Most Christians attach forgiveness to a specific behaviour. It's almost a cause and effect response. “He hit me, but I forgave him”, “He broke my heart, but I forgave him, “She cheated, so I moved on and forgave her”. Action, possible consequences, forgiveness for action.
Yet, forgiveness is about more than forgiving an action against you. It's forgiveness in perpetuity, which requires removing all ungodliness from your heart all the time. We say we forgive, and perhaps we do, but do we let a small part linger? Do we forgive with words but keep the fists clenched?
In no way am I suggesting to abandon wisdom. I'm not suggesting that forgiving a thief doesn't require locking your doors. What it does require, in my view, is the complete eradication of the sin they injected into your heart.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31–32
Some Christians shame themselves for feeling anger towards those they are commanded to forgive. It's as if they believe Jesus removes not only sin, but emotion as well. On the contrary, the act of forgiveness requires processing all the emotions and letting them go. It's the purposeful act of dressing the wounds the fellow sinner created in you.
For example, if someone betrays your friendship, it should follow from the initial forgiveness that you process the pain as well. Bitterness or anger may linger when thinking or dealing with the one who sinned against you. Feel them and let the emotions go. After that, forgive again.
The hardest part, perhaps, is that forgiveness requires nothing from the perpetrator and everything from the victim.
But what about the drunk driver who killed your daughter, or the man in the alley who took your wife, or the deranged teen who entered a school with firearms and took your only son? It is not fair to ask the victims in these horrendous circumstances to forgive. Of course forgiveness would be impossible if done alone, and so by inviting Jesus in, He can move the evil out.
But if it’s too hard, don’t forgive. At least, don’t force a false forgiveness. Pray to the Lord for healing and perhaps dwell on Luke 16:10 and first forgive the smallest thing ever done to you before trying to forgive the most evil. The process of dealing with these emotions and letting them go will be a pathway to healing and, eventually, forgiveness.
Dwelling with the Lord in this way far exceeds all benefits of letting anger live in your heart forever.
Psalm 51:10 — “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
I frequently hear how being a christian is hard (and nothing is harder that forgiving evil). What's normally overlooked is the incredible joy that grows in your heart as a result of the Holy Spirit's work within. As I held my daughter in the mess and chaos, I felt the weight of fatherhood as well as the joy. forgiveness is hard and messy work, but what joy!
To allow Christ to work on your heart is bitter-sweet. It's deep spiritual work that non-believers rarely understand. It's totally unique to the believer in their walk with Christ. What a privilege!
Matthew 6:14 - "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."
Thanks for reading (or listening). Be sure to share this with someone or comment below so I know you made it to the end.
PS: Here is the article on the unforgivable I mentioned above:
How good is our God his forgiveness is free and abundant.
My personal experience so far is the reconciliation aspect I find difficult. When someone has wrong me repeatedly and excessively. Boundaries are erected and my attitude towards them will change drastically.