Breaking Up is Hard to Do (the Paxil edition)
After a taper that managed to be both rather quick and excruciatingly slow, I have now been off Paxil since Wednesday of last week.
The first few days weren't so bad, and if anything, they made me realize that I've been in withdrawal ever since I first dropped the dose after Operation Rehydrate back in January. The digestive issues, the swollen eyes and headaches, the aches and pains, and the crappy sleep all made a comeback, as they had every time I tapered. Originally, since I was also tapering up on a new SSRI at the same time, there was no way of being sure what was a side effect of the new stuff and what was a withdrawal effect, but now it seems pretty clear that it's been largely withdrawal all along.
All the precautions I've taken (after obsessively and unhealthily trying to cull the Internet for suggestions), like adding in magnesium supplements and fish oil, seem to have helped to blunt the overt mental withdrawal symptoms -- either that or I was one of the lucky ones to not get any of the dreaded brain zaps or rebound panic attacks. What they did not do, however, was adequately prepare me for the physical form of withdrawal.
The Paxil Flu really sucks.
As noted above, it's pretty clear now that I've had the Paxil Flu since January, and because of the taper, it's been a prolonged, sustained process. (This is, by all accounts, way better than what could have happened had I quit cold turkey, though, so I'll happily let that water go under the bridge.) Some weeks have been better than others. Some days have been better than others. This week? Not one of the better ones.
The worst part has been the hypersensitivity of my beleaguered guts. There has been some nausea, but that's secondary to the simple fact that food just doesn't want to hang around with me for very long, and if I eat something that doesn't agree with me even a little, it's like instant food poisoning. Not to go too TMI here, but I have to wonder how much nutrition I've been actually getting based on my food's rapid exit strategy.
This week has been marked by alternating feelings of feverishness and chill (especially at night), a resultant lack of sleep, ongoing churning of the guts, muscle aches (especially the lower back), and incredible fatigue. And while there is none of the obvious chemical anxiety, well, there's enough of the physical crap to make me feel pretty strung out mentally.
So no, it's no longer all in my head. I don't quite know how to feel about that.
I've added a large daily dose of B vitamins to help against the depletion of neurotransmitters (believed to be the cause of the flu-like symptoms), and we'll see how that pans out. I wish I had been warned not to take it with dinner, however: Wednesday night saw some of the worst fever-dreams I've ever had in my life. Come to find out later that some people intentionally use B vitamins before sleep to induce a lucid dreaming state. Oops.
So that's the latest. Missed three days of work this week, but I've got about eight total days still saved up, and three more weeks of intermittent leave in which these absences will not count against my record. So now I need to hope that the worst will be over soon. A lot of people say the worst lasts about two weeks, and I'm still at just over one, so I guess the thing to do now is wait and hope.
Hope's a little hard to come by right now, but I'll keep at it.
The first few days weren't so bad, and if anything, they made me realize that I've been in withdrawal ever since I first dropped the dose after Operation Rehydrate back in January. The digestive issues, the swollen eyes and headaches, the aches and pains, and the crappy sleep all made a comeback, as they had every time I tapered. Originally, since I was also tapering up on a new SSRI at the same time, there was no way of being sure what was a side effect of the new stuff and what was a withdrawal effect, but now it seems pretty clear that it's been largely withdrawal all along.
All the precautions I've taken (after obsessively and unhealthily trying to cull the Internet for suggestions), like adding in magnesium supplements and fish oil, seem to have helped to blunt the overt mental withdrawal symptoms -- either that or I was one of the lucky ones to not get any of the dreaded brain zaps or rebound panic attacks. What they did not do, however, was adequately prepare me for the physical form of withdrawal.
The Paxil Flu really sucks.
As noted above, it's pretty clear now that I've had the Paxil Flu since January, and because of the taper, it's been a prolonged, sustained process. (This is, by all accounts, way better than what could have happened had I quit cold turkey, though, so I'll happily let that water go under the bridge.) Some weeks have been better than others. Some days have been better than others. This week? Not one of the better ones.
The worst part has been the hypersensitivity of my beleaguered guts. There has been some nausea, but that's secondary to the simple fact that food just doesn't want to hang around with me for very long, and if I eat something that doesn't agree with me even a little, it's like instant food poisoning. Not to go too TMI here, but I have to wonder how much nutrition I've been actually getting based on my food's rapid exit strategy.
This week has been marked by alternating feelings of feverishness and chill (especially at night), a resultant lack of sleep, ongoing churning of the guts, muscle aches (especially the lower back), and incredible fatigue. And while there is none of the obvious chemical anxiety, well, there's enough of the physical crap to make me feel pretty strung out mentally.
So no, it's no longer all in my head. I don't quite know how to feel about that.
I've added a large daily dose of B vitamins to help against the depletion of neurotransmitters (believed to be the cause of the flu-like symptoms), and we'll see how that pans out. I wish I had been warned not to take it with dinner, however: Wednesday night saw some of the worst fever-dreams I've ever had in my life. Come to find out later that some people intentionally use B vitamins before sleep to induce a lucid dreaming state. Oops.
So that's the latest. Missed three days of work this week, but I've got about eight total days still saved up, and three more weeks of intermittent leave in which these absences will not count against my record. So now I need to hope that the worst will be over soon. A lot of people say the worst lasts about two weeks, and I'm still at just over one, so I guess the thing to do now is wait and hope.
Hope's a little hard to come by right now, but I'll keep at it.