{ I'm a ten-ticket thrill ride

{ i'll close my eyes and count to ten

puffs — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 22:20:25 GMT

Anything you want to say, just say it. About me, about someone else, about yourself.
Tell your story
Let things out
Worries, happiness, tragedies
Things that matter
Things that don't
Open your mind
Write them down
And put them into the secret box.

Anonymous commenting is turned on
IP tracking is off

Sometimes we all need to talk about things, even if we're too scared to.

{BATTLE OF THE SEXES

puffs — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 08:59:30 GMT

battleothesexes

COME WITH ME MY FAITHFUL FRIENDS AND JOIN ME IN A BATTLE OF THE SEXES done in icons
it's gonna be awesome

{ home where my music's playin

puffs — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 21:14:14 GMT

Well I'm back after a 4-ish day stay in the hospital- significantly less than last time which is a fucking blessing because I was bored out of my mind. I literally read 3 books: Breakfast at Tiffany's and Other Short Stories, St. Lucy's Home for Girls Raised By Wolves, and The Catcher in the Rye. St. Lucy's is probably my new favorite book, it's a collection of really strange short stories. I highly recommend checking it out.

Anyway this time around I met some really interesting characters. There was Cole who was there because he took 80 sleeping pills with his girlfriend so they could die together, Marcia who was diagnosed with Lupus and just was so depressed she couldn't get out of bed, Shawn who is a licensed counselor and was a binge drinker, and my favorite: Eric. He went on a 30 day binge of heroin, crack and benzos. He was psychotic for two days and he kept sitting next to me and offering me $500 to go to his car and get his pills. When he finally evened out we had a lot to talk about since I was psychotic my last time i went too, and we were both telling stories about the things we thought we saw and the sensations we felt. He was really fucking funny, but man. He was in so much pain from the withdrawals. And then there a lot of other people I never really got to meet that well because there were 14 people by the time I left.

I was one of two people who were there for mental reasons, the rest were detox (Cole counted as detox because of the sleeping pills thing).

There was this one guy who really struck a chord with me, though, Jody. He had been sober for 5 years and then his wife left him because she wanted to drink and he was like "I can't do that..." and so she left him and he was so fucking depressed. He said she was the only person he'd ever loved. And then two weeks later after their separation, he went to wal-mart and saw her with another man so he bought and swallowed 2 whole bottles of unisom and chased it with half a bottle of wine and woke up with a tube down his throat in the ER several hours later, since his friend went to go feed his fish. He and I kind of clicked, since he and I have the same problem of keeping all our bad things on the inside and handling other people before we handle ourselves so we kind of exchanged stories and he was just like telling me to never get as bad as he was and to learn from this and it really just. he made me cry several times because he was such a sweet and loving man who just had such a hard life. and he genuinely cared about my well-being and idk. it was really touching and i'm kind of sad i left him behind. he was only there for a day and a half by the time i left so we didn't get to talk too much, but it was quality when we did.

i went in as one person, and came out a complete different one. everyone commented on that, they said the first day I looked and sounded like I just wanted to either strangle myself or strangle the person next to me, and after they heard my whole, sober story about my last hospital stay, my diagnosis, my relationship issues, and my general life peoples' mouths were literally agape. They kept saying that i was bright and engaging and totally different from when I came in, and none of them, not even the counselor woman had ever seen a bipolar person. so they all learned what a mixed state was, and how it was different than regular bipolar. They were all really nice about it, though, although i was reduced to "That bipolar girl" by the people who didn't really know me lmao.

In all, I made the right decision. I needed to be in there to even out, because at the rate I was going I was going to, for a fact, kill myself. I didn't even have any remorse about it at that point, I had completely accepted that i was going to die. And then I got upped my dosage of Seroquel XR from 150 to 300 and I feel like a whole new person. Night and day.

Also we watched Inception 3 fucking times. That movie is a piece of shit.

{ I'm still taken by surprise

puffs — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 03:41:21 GMT

I said this on Facebook, but I'm going to say it again here just to solidify it even more.

I really love you all. Thank you for sticking around me and thank you for being my friend. It means the world to me that someone out there across however many miles any of you are are reading my entries and thinking about them, even if you don't comment. I love each and every one of you, I really do. You all mean something to me if you're on my friends list and you mean something special to me furthermore.

So in the word of the golden girl's theme

Thank you for being a friend
Travelin' down the road and back again
Your heart is true
You're a pal and a confidant

♥

{ Sweet dreams aka never mind it's cut so you have to go onto my page to read it

puffs — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 13:40:05 GMT

1.) I'm back into Malice Mizer after downloading their discography/videography/concerts

2.) I had the most FANTASTIC dream!

It started out with me entering this empty pool in another neighborhood. it was an indoor pool, but it was still closed since it was too early in the morning. I had one of those suits on from Simoun that let you fly through a certain enclosed space or whatever (I just watched the first episode of simoun lmao don't judge me) and i was just floating, swirling, going to the deepest end and doing flips and patterns. then, suddenly, the pool started to fill and i looked up. Apparently a Concerned Parent and her son thought the pool was open already and they were filling it and I pleaded with them not to. Not that I didn't want water, but I wanted the privacy....And I told her it was the only place in the world I felt at peace and she started crying and was like, "Ok. Ok, you can have it for just a little while longer." After like 10 minutes of her yelling at me for basically breaking and entering.

And then the next day I get this letter that says I've been selected to The School of Floaters and I was like what does this even mean? The letter read something like "The School of Floaters encourages people who do many things in their life to pursue them all equally. Each of our classes have a specific and unique environment, and each student is required to enroll in all of them to have a complete, college certified degree in the area you feel you excelled the most in. All of our classes represent each field you are required by law to complete to obtain your degree, but if you feel one area is where you reach your most potential you are permitted to spend the majority of your time in the classes- after all, it is your major, correct? Each of the classes complete more than one specific area of expertise- take for example our Art program which offers painting, drawing, ceramics, fashion design, among every field you could imagine. Even our Languages department is filled to the brim with any language you would like to learn, along with linguistics. We welcome you with open arms and hope you give us a chance."

The enrollment fee was very high but after my parents took a tour (without me- they didn't want me to get my hopes up or something) They looked at each other, and then looked at me and told me that they thought I was doing the right thing by choosing to go to that school and that I truly belonged there and they would do whatever it took to get me to that school.

So, after paying tuition, I enter the main building of the school. It's a giant atrium with birds flying around without a care in the world all of different colors and breeds. It was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen, and I was welcomed by the Dean of Admissions who immediately yelled out my name from across the room and walked briskly to shake my hand vigorously. He looked exactly like Dr. Gibbs/Dumont from the original Tron (for those who don't know who i'm talking about) He told me to go into the greeting room where I met a bunch of fascinating women- one of who was a woman who apparently disliked many many people but upon me introducing myself she looked at the Dean and was just like, "I like this broad. She's got some potential in her." And I was just flustered. I didn't know what to say, so i just bowed my head bashfully. The Dean took me on a tour of Field of Studies Rooms, and I remember I saw them all but two stick out the most in my head-

The first and foremost was the Arts room which was divided in certain ways for density purposes but it was all under water, but you could still breathe in it. I took one look, breathed in deeply, and looked at the Dean. He nodded, and I swam up, just like a couple other students were doing. I swam in circles and patters and flips and I felt so free and complete. I sunk to the bottom and smiled and he smiled back, a knowing smile. He knew I belonged in that room. He told me the painters in particular loved the way their strokes worked in the higher density areas and the fashion students adored the way their cloth draped and swayed after they'd finished in a lighter density area where they could keep things still. He told me we had to move on to the next room, but I wasn't too disappointed when I saw what it was.

It was the history room, and it was like the biggest library you'd ever seen in your life, with rows and rows of computers for you to search for what you wanted in particular, but each of the lines of books were labeled with what they held: they held every single History Of _____ book you could imagine, even just regular class lectures that you could read or just open up to a certain section and plug a pair of headphones in to listen to it as you took notes and filled your brain with new information about any piece of history you ever wanted. He had me pick out the first one I wanted the most, and I picked up the History of The French Revolution, which included every detail about Marie Antoinette and King Louis XVI along with every prominent figure during like Robespierre, Jean-Paul Marat and Charlotte Corday of course for that matter. The list goes on and on and on, and every event and a history on the guillotine...But I had to shut the book because we had to go on to the next classes.

I don't remember what they were after that, but before i woke up I do remember when we were visiting the Sciences area there was a section for Oceanography in which you were once again immersed in water but this time floating around you were sea creatures, currents, COMPLETELY separate ecosystems to study hands on....It was perplexing and amazing. He could tell I was transfixed with the cephalopods for some reason he just knew lmfao and he opened the door and let me find an octopus which wasn't even afraid of me! he didn't ink and run away! he embraced me and i had to pull his suckers off of me before petting his head on the floor and telling him i had to leave. He was like a doggie!

But eventually we always wake up, don't we?
Reality sucks. I want to dream dreams like this forever.

{ I certainly haven't been shopping for any new shoes

puffs — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 03:31:21 GMT

Hey everyone. Do you remember me? I'm Rissa.

I had a bout of psychosis with delusions and tactical hallucinations. And also I found out I'm Bipolar I instead of II like my old quack told me.

How did I find this all out?

Well, I spent the last week in a place called the SEAY Center...also known as a "Behavioral Health Center". There I came off of my mixed manic stage (which is apparently really quite rare- here's a good definition I found (since the internet is better at explaining it than I am):

A state of mind characterized by symptoms of both mania and depression seen sometimes in bipolar disorders. It is more common in bipolar children and women. A person experiencing mixed mania may feel agitated, angry, irritable, and depressed all at once. Because it combines a high activity level with depression, mixed mania poses a particular danger of suicide or self- injury. Treatment is by mood-stabilizing medication, sometimes accompanied by anti-depressant or neuroleptic medication.

I was irrational. When I went in I was hearing things, seeing things, feeling bugs crawl up my body and raindrops falling on my head that absolutely did not exist. For the first oh...3 days it felt like I was on a boat- the room was rocking back and forth. After a good couple days of being on Lithium they put me on Seroquel which makes me feel awesome. The Lithium is now at a therapeutic level (.75 or something) and I finally feel like myself again. I haven't felt like myself in months, to be honest. They said I've been in a constant manic state for probably a good month or so, which finally turned into mixed mania.

I met a lot of cool people at the looney bin, all of whom I'm now in contact with on facebook and my phone. I am sad I missed Lady Gaga last night since the men folk wanted to watch football.

But all in all...it was a terrible stay and I hope to never go back to that particular place. But after learning about my condition a little bit more, I found out staying in places like that might have to be a routine sort of thing. Just as long as it's not the SEAY Center, I am 100% cool with that.

Found out Katherine and Susan both got emotional when they heard about my situation. Katherine and I have been talking a lot. She's gonna come up here for my recital- Which i forgot to mention! I'm going to be doing a Burlesque 101 class! Starting THIS Thursday!!!! You guys have no idea how excited I am. I'm thinking my Burlesque persona name is going to be Paprika. She's got just a hint of spice~ :"> uhuhuhu

But yeah. If you see me online I'd love to talk to people (as long as it's not too...emotional and strenuous). I've spent a week bored out of my SKULL i need something to do. Maybe I'll make icons. I do have an Open RP post up. It's kind of a tester for a community i'm thinking of opening. It's called "The Internet RPG" and basically it's livejournal for your characters. Simple as that.

Wellllllllllllllppppppp ok. I think I got everything off my chest. I don't want to sound needy but...I really could use some nice words and support right now. I'm coming off this mania and I don't want to crash into a deep depression. But maybe I won't either way. Mostly I just want to talk with people.

Ok I swear I'm done.

puffs — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 04:25:35 GMT

anonymous meme

comment please just be honest with whatever

{ this is a public service announcement

puffs — Fri, 14 May 2010 19:14:19 GMT

Today I was thinking.

I post a lot of things on my privated twitter account that I'm sure most everyone on my twitter doesn't really care about. like...shit about TV shows (see: Thursday night NBC lineup, whatever DVD series i'm watching at the moment- including animu /coughsailormooncough), ohnotheydidnt crap, dumb jokes, blahblahblah. so i figured i would make a public twitter where i can talk about that shit so no one really has to follow it, i can have ONTD people browse through it, and maybe find a way to get ~*internet famous*~ because we all know that is life's ultimate goal.

so if you're interested, hit DANGEROUX @ TWITTER up with a follow. I'll do my best to not disappoint, but I can't make any promises.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME YOU HAVE BEEN A GREAT AUDIENCE.

now, i have less than 3 hours to complete revisions on my final essay for Comp II. I'm going to work on those and pray I don't kill myself in the process.

{ there's nothing else i can say

puffs — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 02:09:00 GMT

ANON MEME

puffs — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 21:00:36 GMT

ANONYMOUS MEME

I know you've got shit to say to me, so just say it.

{ THE GOOD WIFE'S GUIDE

puffs — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 17:13:00 GMT

The Good Wife’s Guide

* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready in time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people

* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main parts of the house just before your husband arrives.

* Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

* Over the cool months of the year, you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

* Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

* Be happy to see him.

* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

* Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first- remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

* Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

* Your goal: Try to make your home a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

* Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

* Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing, and pleasant voice.

* Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and, as such, will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

* A good wife always knows her place.

puffs — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 16:06:00 GMT

anon meme

{ THIS WARRANTS NO CUT

puffs — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 02:14:57 GMT

MY FACE
THE ENTIRE TIME:

⊙▂⊙

Get your own valentinr

also give me more of these

seriously

just do it

{ gave her my heart but she wanted my soul

puffs — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 03:46:45 GMT

i've never loved a version as much as this one
one day i'll catch up to you, susan tedeschi.

{ sammo made me this icon isn't it glorious

puffs — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 01:08:13 GMT

THE HONESTY MEME

{ do it

puffs — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 03:07:45 GMT

HONESTY MEME

i like honesty

{ talk dirty to me

puffs — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 07:13:18 GMT

anon meme.

still irritated, but Sailor Moon is helping a lot ♥

I'll close my eyes, and count to ten.

puffs — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 06:41:40 GMT

Secret Box Meme.

Anything you want to say, just say it. About me, about someone else, about yourself.
Tell your story
Let things out
Worries, happiness, tragedies
Things that matter
Things that don't
Open your mind
Write them down
And put them into the secret box.

Anonymous commenting is turned on
IP tracking is off

Sometimes we all need to talk about things, even if we're too scared to.

-+-+-+-+-

I'll also take this chance to do the

Ask Me Anything Meme

Anonymous commenting is on, IP logging is off

So ask me anything, and I'll answer truthfully. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

FLIST CLEANUP

puffs — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 18:22:22 GMT

Many apologies to those who have been on for a long time ; but if I defriended you then you haven't commented to an entry of mine in a long time, I haven't commented to/read an entry of yours in a long time, or a good mix of both. It's nothing personal, I just like to keep my flist clean. And it's New Years - cleaning out the old, and all that mumbo jumbo.

Thanks for everything!

MERRY CHRISTMAS~!

puffs — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 20:01:23 GMT

'Tis the season, assholes. SO.

Christmas.

I have to do gifts this year, for each and every one of you :"> I'm going to be opening up requests at pasutaa, but I'm making a special exception for those on my flist:

RISSA'S CHRISTMAS EXTRAVAGANZA

Okay, so comment here with:

- Two normal pictures
- One uncolored manga page to be colored
- A link to your userinfo (for interests icons)

And I'll icon them! (that means you'll get either two icons or one colored manga icon.) You can also leave some certain requests, like if you want it to have text or something.

Or, if you're good with icons comment with:

- One normal (preferably on the larger side)
- One uncolored manga panel to be colored

And I'll make you a pretty banner for your layouts or for your userinfo! I'll keep posting this link in future entries to remind you all. I feel bad that I can't like, buy a shitton of pretty things for all of you, so this is the best I can do :<

Get to commenting! I'll reply in this post with the finished products. I'll try to get them as soon as possible. ♥

Do it

puffs — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 05:07:08 GMT

i ship it.

...what

puffs — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 20:00:28 GMT

...

So yeah I like Gayass what the fuck.

Anyway on to more pressing matters. I'm bored and I need a sewing project, so I'm going to be starting my next cosplay. Now, I need opinions, and since I'm incapable of doing anything on my own you are all going to decide for me!

Esmeraude from Sailor Moon

Luna Human form from Sailor Moon

Ranka Lee from Macross Frontier

Black Rock Shooter from Vocaloid

Elizabeth (left) OR Margaret (right) from Persona 3 + 4

Kagamine Rin (right) from Vocaloid

Hatsune Miku from Vocaloid

Dokuro Mitsukai from Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan

:">

I need something to do besides be online when i have downtime. ): I miss sewing and i wanna make a cool new costume.

puffs — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 05:52:45 GMT

THEANONYMOUSMEME

Give me all you've got. Tell me what you can't tell me to my face or wtfever.

~FRIENDS CUT~

puffs — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:05:22 GMT

Bye bye!

If for some reason you feel you must really explain yourselves or defend your case or whatever have you, then comment here. Comments are screened and all that delicious stuff.

If I cut you, though, it was probably because we never really talked. Keep it friends only like it was intended to be.

So! Yeah that's it. Sorry. It was great meeting you all though.

OH FUCK IT ALL

puffs — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 03:15:37 GMT

There's a rumour going around on my friendslist that SUP's jacking shit up again quite possibly.

IT SEEMS THEY'RE GONNA MAKE US PAY FOR COMMUNITIES OR SOMETHING

Nothing's set in stone though sooooooooo 8U We'll just see what happens.