2010 scrapbook

prototypic — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 17:52:12 GMT

♠♥♣♦

Think about the year that has passed. All the memories, the entries and posts that made the year special. Think about all your past layouts, default icons, mood themes. How about all those conversations you had via comments, or the huge post in ONTD that you spent all night commenting on. The 2010 Scrapbook Post is a way to help you remember all of that, in a single post.

2010_scrapbook

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◊ journal layouts ♦
→ 010110 ▪

◊ desktop layouts ♦
→ 010110 ▪

◊ default icons ♣
→ 010110 ▪ prototypic ♣ 020110 ▪ prototypic
; ; ; ; ;

◊ icon batches ♣

◊ notable fanfictions ♣

◊own fanfictions ♣

◊ freewriting ♣

◊ fandom ☼
→ forever ▪ super junior
→ forever ▪ park jungsoo, leeteuk, teukie teukie angel
→ forever ▪ kim youngwoon, kangin, angel's knight

◊ in love with
♫ → forever ▪ super junior

◊ memorable ♣

◊ memes ♣

◊ comment threads ♥

◊ conversations ♥

◊ memorable entries ♥

◊ inspirational ♥

◊ hilarious ♥

◊ significant events ♠

◊ goals ♠
→ 010110 ▪ new year resolutions

and if that isn't enough, i'll make sure to do whatever it takes to make it enough

prototypic — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 06:23:04 GMT

i'll draw you into a world that is dark all around except for blue glow-sticks that move in sync -- each of them promising love, hope and so much more. i'll write you into a world where nothing else matters except we're here now (and the smiles and tears of happiness on everyone else's face only serves to confirm that). i'll sing you into a world full of different voices that merge together to form one single melody - 'even if your black, mesmerizing hair turns white, even though the rain and snow has made us weary, you're my love and I love you. I do.'

Super Junior-M(슈퍼주니어-M)_Super Girl(슈퍼걸)

prototypic — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 11:44:31 GMT

from the video here, because i grew tired of waiting for a ripped version.

Artist: Super Junior M
Song Title: Super Girl
Quality: 320kbps
Sample Rate: 48, 000 kHz
Size: 8.6MB

→ Download -- MF, 4SHARED, MEGAUPLOAD{by meiface }

you're welcome everyone :]

heartbreak you can only try to keep at bay [kangteuk]

prototypic — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 16:35:24 GMT

-heartbreak you can only try to keep at bay-

    ; pairing: kangin/eeteuk
    ; genre: angst
    ; rating: nc-17
    ; wc: 2,451
    ; summary: (whore!au) eeteuk makes promises he can't keep, doesn't like sandcastles and knows this lie they're living can't go on forever, not when they're living everyday as though it would be their last, because it's tiring him out more than he'd care to admit.
    ; author notes: 1) for korichan because this is your story as much as it is mine.
                             2) i apologize for any messy tenses.
                             3) connected writing bits between kori and I --- 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, prelude ---
                             4) it would be nice if you listened to this while reading. on repeat.

---

eeteuk makes promises he knows he can't keep.

"if i had one wish, it would be to always wake up with you right beside me for every day of my life."

granted, he says with a soft smile, eyes closed and trying desperately to imprint how kangin's lips feel as they move against his, knowing they don't have forever, they can't have forever. granted, he says even as he knows that they might not even have one more day together, that this little paradise they have built for themselves might crumble any moment. granted, he says even when it is breaking him inside.

eeteuk does not like the idea of forever. not when the only love of his life will not be right beside him. eeteuk does not like sandcastles much either, because the way he sees it, this little world they have built on their own is exactly like a sandcastle - just as fragile and breakable. like a stack of dominoes, one wrong move can mean heartbreak and so much more. it isn't fair, he thinks before he can stop himself, because he hates that like how easily nature can destroy the hours of effort people put in, 'both of us' can be broken just as easily. but he stops himself before he can go further, because he knows that life is never fair.

he does not know how long it has been, but he knows that this cannot go on any longer. the way kangin looks at him and kisses him desperately when he catches eeteuk gazing at him one morning with eyes unknowingly shining with this illogical thing called love. the way kangin fucks - no, makes love - to eeteuk painfully sweet. the way he imprints every single moment with kangin into his memories as though it will be the last time they would be together anymore. -- all of these things have been wearing him down and he feels himself breaking as each day passes - not knowing when would be the last time they could be together, thanking god every single morning that kangin is still next to him when he awakes, wanting to let go but not being able to; he is tumbling right down the road of depression and heartbreak and fully aware of it, yet unable to do anything.

but he is doing it anyway. he has not wanted to for the longest of times due to his own selfish reasons, but now he understands it will never work out like that. he never wanted to break apart families. he is finally pulling the trigger and setting off the chain of events that would ultimately end everything, even though it is not what he wants(it will never be what he wants).

"kangin-sshi," he says in a clipped tone, face set into yet another mask - just another mask - "i think it's time to end things and go our separate ways."

he ignores the expected look of shock coming over kangin's face, but does not turn away fast enough to see that shock slowly being replaced with acceptance. he is surprised by it, but he does not say anything. all he does is gives kangin one final, sweeping look -- memorizing the shape of his eyes (wishing he could leave when kangin was smiling because then his eyes turns into crescents an-), the thin, fully kissable lips (that has always succeeded in sending a rush of heat straight to his groin even no-), the way kangin would look at him right before capturing his lips for a kiss (causing his heart to pound and thud painfully against his ches-) -- before he turns away, concentrating on regulating his breathing even as he desperately wants to break down and cry, focusing on a spot far in the distance to ensure his world does not get blurry and using all of his willpower to maintain that rigid set of his shoulders.

kangin does not say anything and eeteuk puts his hand on the door knob, calling back over his shoulder that he expects kangin to be gone by the time he comes back. still nothing, he thinks before taking a deep breath to at least stop the tears until he is out of sight.

it is only when he turns the door knob that he hears kangin's breath hitching behind him and suddenly, warm arms that has always been giving him comfort are wrapped around him, and when he hears that low and trembling voice saying "please, eeteuk-ah. just for tonight, let me make love to you one last time, okay?", eeteuk finally breaks down into sobs and turns around, clinging onto kangin and nodding even through his tears.

kangin kisses him then, and eeteuk feels like he could choke on how exquisitely sweet and intense the kiss is. he backs into the wall, pulling kangin with him, but kangin shakes his head once, nudging eeteuk towards their bedroom instead without breaking the kiss. it hits eeteuk abruptly, without kangin having to say any words, that their last time would of course have to be in this bed, in this very room, because clichéd as it sounds, that is where lovemaking should take place.

kangin lays eeteuk gently down on their bed, treating him as though he is as delicate and fragile as glass. he smiles through his tears and protests weakly when kangin pulls apart to get both their clothes off. as soon as his chest is bared, kangin presses one more kiss to eeteuk's mouth before dropping down to his chest, trailing a weaving, random pattern of kisses all over his chest, pausing slightly to tease eeteuk's nipples before heading on, tongue dipping into his navel and then sucking lightly on his hipbone. he puffs lightly on the nest of curls leading to his manhood and stops to glance over at eeteuk.

throughout all this, eeteuk is moaning and groaning, tears drying on his face as he lets go and gives himself into the pleasure, fists clenched tightly around the bedsheets. kangin presses firm lips on both sides of his thighs, before running a slow, lazy tongue up his shaft, and eeteuk thinks i could die from this. whimpering a small plea for kangin to stop teasing but not expecting kangin to actually listen, his hips involuntarily buck upwards when kangin nods tightly and immediately engulfs eeteuk whole, gaze fixed on eeteuk's face as his eyes flutter shut. face contorting in pleasure and hands going over to tangle into kangin's unruly mess of hair, his entire body squirms on the bed as kangin sucks and nips, slowing down right when eeteuk's teetering at the edge of his climax.

"kangin," eeteuk moans, hating how vulnerable he was now but knowing he can trust kangin with his life anyway. and it is as though kangin hears that unvoiced plea, because his tongue flicks into eeteuk's slit and with a cry of pleasure, eeteuk goes right over the edge and shoots his load into kangin's mouth.

kangin looks up at eeteuk then and swallows. before eeteuk can even blink, kangin's mouth is on his, kissing him desperately, frantically as though his life depended on it, and once again eeteuk is reminded of how much he will miss this, how much he already misses this. he returns the kiss with even more passion, knowing that since tonight was all they had left, he might as well give it his all, right?

later on, when kangin enters him in one smooth, confident thrust, eeteuk starts crying again. sorry, he apologizes as kangin gazes down at him with eyes filled with thousands and millions of unvoiced words. eeteuk laughs brokenly, explaining that he cannot help it, and kangin nods tightly, before leaning down to capture eeteuk's mouth once again. eeteuk kisses back, tears still falling down his face in an unbroken stream. he cries throughout the entire time kangin fucks him. he cries because kangin is going exasperatingly slow, and he knows kangin is making sure this one last night will be something they would always remember. he cries because he hears words kangin doesn't say but instead expresses with his body. i love you. i'm so sorry. i wish things were different.

they don't say anything when they come together, no i love you's, no names, nothing. nothing but groans and pants and whimpered moans. after all, when you are this deep in love, there is no need for words. all eeteuk does is cling onto kangin, still unable to stop those tears even though he hates himself for being so damned emotional and spoiling the moment. kangin leans down to brush away eeteuk's bangs from his sweat-slicked forehead, and murmurs comfortingly in his ear, don't cry. don't cry, okay? it's alright, it really is. hush now. go to sleep. and eeteuk nods, closing his eyes tightly. he feels kangin shifting around in bed, before being tugged closer into kangin's arms and feeling the soft, downy feel of the comforter being pulled over him.

both of them have their eyes shut, but they never get to sleep, instead reminiscing and going through every single time they had been together in their minds. eeteuk waits a long time for kangin's breathing to even out and turn into light snores, but it never does. he desperately wants to cry again, but he promised himself he will be strong now. he will not cry until kangin leaves. they spend the entire night like this, both of them in each other's arms, both of them with their eyes closed, both of them hopelessly trying to pretend that tonight will not be the last time they would be see each other again. somewhere near daybreak, eeteuk falls asleep without meaning to.

when he awakes, kangin is gone.

he stays in bed for the whole day, and the next, and the day after that. he stays in bed until the days blur into weeks, until dates turn into meaningless figures, only getting up to drink alcohol and or to messily slurp down instant noodles. his cell has long since ran out of battery due to the hundreds of missed calls and unchecked messages angry clients and worried friends have sent in. nobody pounds on his door to check on him, because the only person who would do that really, is kangin, and he had asked kangin to leave, had he not? it is only a month later, when he finds himself hunched over the toilet bowl vomiting for the hundredth time, that he decides it is time to stop living life in limbo.

it is hard rebuilding his life again - nights spent searching for part-time jobs in a bid to raise enough money to set up his own little shop. it is hard and he has to use kangin's money in the end, but he makes it. he makes a name for himself, and his little diner, although not the restaurant he had wanted, is thriving and earning more by the day. he lives in a different apartment now; a smaller flat, and he has broken whatever ties he has had with everyone from his previous life.

that day, it is raining when he gets off work. eeteuk waits for a moment, lingering under the shelter of his shop before deciding that heck, he does not need to put on an act for anyone now. taking a step out and immediately getting drenched in the rain, he smiles, reminiscing the days when he was a child - when everyone played in the rain and got home late.

as he walks home, he spots a couple sharing an umbrella, and without any warning at all, he is hit by a sudden pang of nostalgia, and his heart aches so much that he almost doubles over. he does not do that though, because people would stare, and despite what he says about not needing to pretend, he does not want to think about the past and lose himself in that never ending spiral of heartbreak again.

all of a sudden, a little girl runs up to him, hands clutching tightly to a coat so big that it almost covers her entire body. she tugs at his sleeve and he looks down in surprise. grinning toothily, that little girl shoves it towards eeteuk, and then nudges him.

"someone told me to pass this to you."

with that, she is gone. eeteuk swallows, looking around him frantically for any sign of that familiar and comforting bulky figure, because the exact memory that had hit him earlier was one of when both of them were showering together, and --

"then don't pamper me at all then! i'll just walk to my client in the freezing cold and fall ill and die!" eeteuk pouted, only to have kangin fixing him with a serious gaze.

*"no you wouldn't. i'd hire someone to walk alongside you and keep you protected under an umbrella while making sure they gave you some really thick coat to keep you warm and i'd stalk you the whole way to make sure you were safe."

"you wouldn't," kangin said,"because no matter how mean i am, i love you and wouldn't be able to live if something happened to you."

-- eeteuk is trying not to get his hopes up, because he has been waiting for months for a single text, anything to let him know that kangin has been living well, but there have been nothing. and suddenly, the rain stops falling on him, falling around him instead. eeteuk knows with sudden clarity who it is, but he does not turn back for fear of jinxing himself. he walks on in silence, telling himself that nobody was beside him, telling himself to not turn around.

he feels a nudge at his arm again, and he looks down, seeing the coat and smiling a little, feeling dumb for not using it. he stops, and the imaginary footsteps behind him stops too. after he shrugs on the coat, he continues on, counting the tiles on the ground carefully and desperately trying to stop himself from turning around.

finally, he is nearing his apartment, and just before he steps into the dimly lit walkway, he turns around -- and sees no one. why? he asks, feeling tears that have not attacked for a long time(save for days when he drinks too much, parties too hard, misses too much) welling up in his eyes. why?

"because no matter how mean i am, i love you and wouldn't be able to live if something happened to you."

two years. two years and his heart still beats faster when he sees kangin's smile.

---
* --> written by korichan
to korichan --> ♥__♥ hitharomfgdying.

to fabriclies --> study.
to holykeebler216 --> i promised, didn't i?
to kangfany --> i hope this cheers you up, love. /fails ♥

♥

prototypic — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 06:13:02 GMT

LJ FRIENDS CUT

I'm only keeping people I know and talk to on a regular basis. Have a good life or something.

i'm falling into your gravity.

2010 scrapbook

and if that isn't enough, i'll make sure to do whatever it takes to make it enough

Super Junior-M(슈퍼주니어-M)_Super Girl(슈퍼걸)

heartbreak you can only try to keep at bay [kangteuk]

♥