no more poison killing my emotion i will not be frozen

powernaps @ 2012-02-19T03:11:00

2012-02-19T08:17:54Z

Well, I figured I might as well get some tl;dr out of the way.

I've been at my current job for about six months now and while I'm not exactly completely happy with it, I've finally hit that point where it's okay. I'm getting along a little better with my lead, my boss jokes with me on a daily basis (I've always loved my boss though, I just love her even more lately). I'm finally earning SOME respect among my children and it's taken this long but I think I've finally learned to leave the stress at the door like I had done with my last childcare job from the start. No, it's not so good that I'd rather be at home than work like the last one, but it's a step in the right direction.

Still very up in the air on the school front. I was kind of screwed over and I might not even be able to go where I wanted because they told me on the phone the associates program from education doesn't take financial aide. I call bs because why would a certificate accept it but not the actual associates program? Oh well, I'm calling them again on Monday and if it not I'm going to wait and start in fall at UC rather than Cincinnati State in April.

Outside of that I've spent the majority of my free time lately playing Final Fantasy XIII. I got so into the game and I love it and after about three weeks I've already made it to chapter 12. I'm a little stuck now but I WILL PREVAIL. I will finish this game if it's the last thing I do. I was going to gush about it more but I will refrain from it for the time being.

rl; school and health

2012-01-11T02:04:42Z

Ugh. Well, my plans to go back to school in February went down the drain. I was given no indication today that the program I wanted to do for my CDA isn't eligible for financial aide until today. It says nowhere on the website and I even double-checked before I called the financial aide office to check on the status.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do just yet but I'll likely opt for just jumping into my associates rather than worry about my cda. I'll have to wait until April though because they sent my aide information to an email the school didn't give me the information to get into.......... And the chances of having everything they need to get it in on time are slim. I know it's just two months but I'm still incredibly bummed. I was so ready to start in a few weeks, but whatever whatever, everything happens for a reason, etc.

Other than that, I started doing trying out various yoga videos last week so I can work on my flexibility before I do more in the whole getting healthy thing (well, it DOES count as healthy but whatever). So far I'm really liking what I've done. It's a lot more fun than doing any other kind of sequencing stretching (and even working out. bluh.) I find that 20 minutes of anything else gets boring fast, but I can do that for 40 minutes and still enjoy it. It feels nice to find something I actually like, next up is to find some form of workout that I actually like (I still want to do bellydancing! but I have to get a car first before I can take classes at the place I want).

I'm also already finding that I'm doing better on portioning my food, which makes me feel really good about myself. I hope I start seeing results soon, but I'm willing to be patient and keep up with it!

powernaps @ 2012-01-08T18:02:00

2012-01-08T23:02:04Z

I don't really use this at all anymore, but when I do my posts will now be crossposted from dreamwidth. To those that may have moved/are moving that haven't already heard, my journal over there is BATTLEPANTIES.

Also as a general heads up to me fellow con bros, I will not be going to Ohayocon this year. As of right now the only con I will be going to for sure is Colossalcon and the idea of going to Youmacon in favor of Sugoicon is up in the air. Really, we're just bored of Sugoicon</a>. That depends on what work looks like for both Sair and myself though.

EPIC PHONE FAIL

2011-09-09T01:52:12Z

So today my phone slipped out of my hoodie pocket and into the toilet. Lucky for me I was already due for an upgrade! Downside? I lost all the contacts from my phone.

If you were in my phone previously (or if you'd like me to have your number in general!) send a text to 513-410-7484 reminding me who you are or respond here with your number. I'll keep comments screened for your privacy!

I also have unlimited text in the U.S., so anyone is welcome to text me any time! (Otherlanders, I'll be able to text you unlimited soon too!)

powernaps @ 2011-06-06T10:58:00

2011-06-06T14:58:34Z

Things look up and up a little more every week. I hit a moment of stagnation last week where my hours went way down because we were closed Monday. Of course, I haven't worked there long enough to make Holiday pay yet :| But I did get to wiggle in a few more hours than what were on the schedule. This week I work 30 and I was told the chances of being asked to go in later are slim to none. I'm kind of hoping that becomes regulated hours for me for the summer, if not more. Though summer camp isn't at our center, they leave and come back for at least an hour each day. There's 25<+ school agers enrolled in camp from our own center.

I found out it won't cost too terribly much to get my licence reinstated either. About 200 + I have to take the test again. That's easy! I just have to pay dad back the $700-something I owe him, but as everything else regulates I should be able to pay him 200-400 a month depending on how many hours I work. With any luck I'll be driving/have a car again by mid-late fall.

Jake also worked out a deal with me where he'll sell some of my stuff under his bank account and will give me the money/buy things I need for me in my apartment. Like a desk. I need a desk so bad.

I'm also going to try and see if I can get my complex to let me move my apartment to one of the one's facing the woods. I'm tired of listening to white trash out in the front drinking themselves into a stupor nightly. I've had douchebags leaving their beer cans in front of my apartment door as well as trash them around the parking lot. It's gross and I don't know how other people aren't making complaints. But I'd rather pay a little more in rent for an apt in back than one where I am now and have to listen to all the shit.

WHAT IS THIS UPDATING THING

2011-05-22T20:05:11Z

Wow, I can't believe I haven't updated this since the first of the year! I need to stop doing that, but as my life is slowly getting better I want to give this thing the attention it deserves again. Let's see, what's been going on...

Well, after almost exactly a year of working at UDF I finally quit (I walked out and even got to say fuck you and MAN did it feel good) after getting a job at a local childcare center. I've been working there a little over a month now and I love my job and my kids, though they are brats it is so worth it. I'm kind of a floater, I guess, they'll put me where they need me and I don't really mind. Lately I've been in the toddler room but that's mostly because the toddler teacher had to have surgery. She'll be back tomorrow and I'm a little bummed cause my hours go back down to 25 (at least, that's what the boss wrote down. She's prone to changing my schedule often through the week and I really don't mind that either XD).

I guess you can say I'm kind of in a huge state of change. I've been throwing out a lot of old junk and I have a bunch of stuff I want to try and sell as well (hurh I hope, anyways. Idk how well things sell anymore, especially old costumes, but I don't really want them sitting around anymore). As much as I'd love to move, I know some other things come first right now so my big priority is making my living space more enjoyable. I'm on the hunt for a desk I like as well as a better storage system. I regret not doing anything about that back when I did have money before I lost my first daycare job :/ I have so much crap but no idea what to do with it without storage!

I seriously miss cosplaying and cons in general and I'm kind of hoping to start getting back into that soon. I feel like over the last year I've had no proper creative outlet, even though I've had the things to make some things, I just haven't wanted to do it because I've been so bummed. The only costume I made last year turned out terrible cause I didn't take the time to do it properly and I know I'm better than that ):

SO ANYWAYS I MISS EVERYONE ;; ALL OF YOU! I'm afraid I've closed myself off so much in the last year and a half and I seriously regret that, so tell me about your lives and how things have been!

New Years Resolution

2010-12-30T10:42:51Z

It's just a few days away! It's hard to believe the year is almost over, huh? Where's it gone!?

So cause I was thinking about it now, I decided to go ahead and write down my new years resolutions!

First and foremost is to be healthier. I know loosing weight is a big thing I need, but I'd rather work on being healthy in general. Mostly when it comes to food, I'm a terrible eater and I've recently been helped to realize that I need to for not only weight reasons, but health reasons as well.

Cut back on pop. This kind of goes hand in hand with eating healthier, but the fountain at work has me drinking pop way more than is necessary. I really want to try and replace it with something else like tea, which I've started trying. I'm going to take this... slowly :|a

Don't let the little things get to me. It's a... weird thing for a resolution, I think. But it's something I need to be reminded of.

Stay organized. Both with lists and stuff as well as my apartment. I was really hoping I could find the time to clean it from top to bottom before the new year, but work won't allow me to do that with how my scheduling is this week. I started to do really good for a while there, but I ended up failing again. I think if I slowly clean one thing at a time and keep it clean I might be able to actually do this and be... well, happier. Or something, I think.

Lastly, is to find a new job. First thing I'm doing for the new years. I can't keep working here, it's far too stressful for something that's basically a bitch job. I'm better than that cruddy place and I know it. I dislike it, not only because of a shitty boss and shitty customers, but I'm bored. I'm not getting anything I need out of a job. I need to stay busy and active in some way to keep myself happy, and the only way to do that at work is to actually make messes and clean them up. Which, while it can be fun, is highly counter-productive and then I have to hear it from the guys. It's why I liked the daycare so much. Sometimes I would go home covered in just as much paint or marker as the kids, if not more. It was nice. I'm too free-spirited to work in a place that pretends to be a fun place for everyone on the outside and treats customers with the utmost respect, yet is rigid and does not offer the same respect for their employees.

... Actually, I think that's the first time I've put some of that into that particular perspective. Particularly my own unhappiness there. It's not just the boss that treats me like my mom, yelling for me through-ought the store. It's that I'm not being challenged... though, challenged isn't quite the right word for it, I think. There's no incentive behind it, not even the paycheck is worth it anymore. When you get to a point where you find yourself not even caring that you're not even working as much as you should be, it's time to just... go.

PERM-ANON

2010-12-30T03:43:05Z

This is a permanent anon post so you can tell me things you might not be able to tell me personally and whatever.

IP-Logging Off
Anon On
All comments are initially screened, however the chance of my responding to them are likely.

powernaps @ 2010-12-24T02:48:00

2010-12-24T07:48:54Z

I was going to make a post about nothing of value until I realized I am trying to use this more! And besides, it's almost Christmas so why not post about related things!?

This year I am in a better Christmas Spirit than I have been in... well, quite some time! I get down because of a few things, but I'm trying not to let it really get to me too much. Not entirely good things have happened last year around this time of the year, and all the snow and yick reminds me of that more than ever, but I don't want to be a stick in the mud. This year, even though I'm dirt poor I'm trying to make the most of Christmas.

I'm pretty excited about work tomorrow, which is really weird because who wants to work Christmas Eve!? But I got my Christmas presents from Sair tonight and it only makes me happier! She got me an MP3 player and a thermos set that included both a hot and cold one! That on top of the rain boots I haven't had a chance to wear yet that my aunt got me for my birthday/Christmas I'm all ready to go! That and I get to wear my Santa hat at work tomorrow! It's only a five hour day, so it's not too bad and I'm lucky that Jake doesn't get off work till an hour after I do, so dad'll pick me up from work and take me home so I have an hour or two to get ready before we go to our Grandparents.

The only thing I'm not looking forward to is last year my Grandparents place was such a let down. I know they're getting old and I understand that there's just too many people that show up now to feed before we open presents, but last year it seriously just felt like everyone was there for the present aspect and was gone the moment everyone was done opening them. It's really disappointing because Grandma and Grandpa are getting old and we really don't know how long they'll be around ): I'd rather make the most of it and spend as much time with them as possible, which is one reason I'm really happy that my parents see it the same way. Maybe it's because they don't have grandbabies and stuff, idk, but I'm grateful.

... and speaking of the lack of grandbabies. That's another thing I can't stand! I'm the youngest unmarried granddaughter, so all my aunts are uncles are always asking questions. Buuhhhhhhh I have other things to worry about besides dating right now, and how the hell am I even supposed to meet guys I'm even halfway interesting while working in a damn gas station.

powernaps @ 2010-12-20T17:00:00

2010-12-20T22:00:28Z

I decided to change my layout (again) in hopes it'll get me to use this thing a little more. I went nerdy and One Piecey this time since, well, I loves me some One Piece! Yes, yes. I really do wanna use it more! Ngh! But I get lazy and forget to about it and forget to check it and stuff.

While I was at it I changed my friends-only banner even though this is hardly friends only anymore. I honestly don't see the point anymore, I have nothing to hide. I'm done being afraid to be who I am and if strangers wanna read what I have to say? Fine, why should I care? It's how I feel about my plurk as well. I'm hardly a secretive person and my feelings on things come out for everyone to see almost always.

So, no more friendly only unless I'm completely flipping my shit or giving away information like my address and stuff that I don't want creepy stalkers to find (though really, who in their right mind would wanna creep on me?}

Oh! And unless you live in Ohio, your card will be sent out in a few minutes here! You Ohions suck and aren't getting one! (j/k! I'm just sending them out last 'cause I know they'll get there sooner).

powernaps @ 2010-12-13T23:04:00

2010-12-14T04:04:16Z

Five years ago I had never had my first kiss, I had never fallen in love. I didn't even really know what I was going to do with my life even though I went to school every day. I was still working at my first job and would for three years total. I was optimistic then, when people said they hated something I would answer in return that I didn't believe in hating.

Four years ago I quit my job at Pizza Hut to work at Game Stop. I would then several months later go on to work at Hancock Fabrics instead because I was offered much better hours. That year I had met who I thought was the man of my dreams and experienced all the happy giddy things that you're supposed to in a relationship. Not even together a full year we were engaged. I also finally decided that I would go in to early childhood education with the hopes of being a kindergarten teacher.

Three years ago I was given a job at a hospital from the connections of a friend, his mom would be my boss. I was working for $12 an hour. Due to heavy depression I dropped out of school for what I had hoped would only be a quarter, but turned out to be much longer. After six months of fighting on and off I was dumped, the same week of my cousins wedding. Needless to say, I cried my eyes out, but I moved on. I quickly found myself with a huge crush on a person I had only the tiniest of crushes on when I was still with my ex.

Two years ago I started working at a daycare and moved out in to my own place. I struggled with money a lot, but I survived. I had also won that girl I had a huge crush on. I was happy, I had friends I loved, a job I loved and I was really starting to enjoy living alone.

One year ago I was laid off my job due to low enrollment, I left in tears without looking back. I didn't even have the heart to say goodbye to stay the rest of the day to say goodbye to the children because I knew I couldn't do it without constant tears. I spent six months employed altogether and struggled through every second of it.

A day and a year ago today I lost my car and haven't so much at touched a steering will sense. Several weeks later I had lost two people I considered very good friends, either from fights or their own choosing to never speak to me again. Ten months ago I split with the girl and several months after that I finally managed to find a job again. A shitty job, but a job nontheless. Just this week I was told I had finally caught up with all of my bills. And today, I turned 25.

This isn't where I expected to be at this age by far. Five years ago if I was asked where I would be I would at 25 I would say I'd be finished with school, married and most likely a mom. However, I know I've matured as a person and have even in just the year between 24 and 25. I'm still not in school, I'm in what I consider a rather dead end job, but I've moved forward and I will continue to do so.

Next year, I'm aiming to go back to school, maybe movie out of the city and if I can budget it, drive again. But for now, I will walk slowly to work daily and hope hope hope for the day everything will be just as I want it. It's far out of reach still, but I will keep pushing for it until I'm there.

powernaps @ 2010-10-17T17:43:00

2010-10-17T21:43:45Z

anon meme.

My story (part one)

2010-10-13T18:47:51Z

Over the last year I have done a lot of stupid things. Last September I was laid off an amazing job at a daycare I loved working at because enrollment was low. Because I didn't have a degree and was only a floater, I was automatically the weakest link. Even before then I was not in the best of places, I've always struggled with money because even working full time I haven't been able to meet all my expenses, especially when I still drove.

I couldn't see it at the time, but I took a lot of people for granted. Maybe I always have, but in many ways I have been spoiled. Ever since I got in a car wreck after I got my first car I struggled considerably, I never had much money to do the things my friend's wanted me to do, like go for ice cream or out to dinner. My best friend and several others would always tell me, "Well, you're going anyways. I'm paying for you, not because I feel obligated to, but because I want your company and if paying is the only way to get it, then that's what I'm doing."

As things got worse, I had less and less money to do things. Before I lost my job I was able to drive or pay for gas money and when my friend's stayed over they would pay for groceries for the lot of us. It wasn't even my idea, but a friend's. "I stay for the weekend, I help pay for groceries". But as things wore on, people wanted to do less in my house and go out more. Having no money, , without even realizing it "I'm sorry, I don't have the money to go" eventually turned in to "Okay, but someone is going to have to pay for me if we go."

As things got worse for me and several of my friend's slowly began thinking less and less of me, I was hurt when they thought I was taking advantage of them. Why would you suggest to do something when you know I can't do it? Why are you even here if it's not for me? Because, quite frankly, after so long it wasn't for me anymore. People I viewed as close friends were taking advantage of me in return in order to see someone else entirely who visited every weekend as well. But no one ever told me to my face that they didn't like me and they rarely asked her to see them on their own without me. I was a problem that people refused to confront as a problem.

I'm often very conflicted when I think of this, I wasn't the best of people, but they did things to hurt me in return. Mine was unintentional and maybe there's was as well, but I've grown because of it. I'm not the same person I was a year ago. Hell, I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago. While I still struggle now, I am in a better place than I was then. Slowly, I am learning from my mistakes and growing from it. Do I think back and find myself hurt? Of course I do, it's only human to. But I'm moving on.

And now because I have to finish getting ready for work, I'm stopping here. I'm not done yet, I have more to say, but in some way it's a different part of the same story, so this works. I'll write it when I get off or sometime tomorrow if I can find the balls to. I'm very reluctantly keeping comments on because I'm not looking for pity of any kind and it's the last thing I want. All I want right now is to tell things my way, because I need to for me. I don't care how other people view things at this point, but I've been holding on to all this far too long and it's time to let it out.

powernaps @ 2010-10-10T00:56:00

2010-10-10T04:56:14Z

Hey, look! A new layout!

....

That is all.

Except the placement of the STUPID adds are driving me nuts 'cause it keeps going on the opposite side of the sidebar like a retard.

powernaps @ 2010-09-27T01:43:00

2010-09-27T05:43:56Z

I know, I'm bad and I've mostly been using plurk anymore. Buuuut! I've decided I'm going to start updating this more often, especially when I feel the need to tl;dr forever. Starting with a quick update before bed.

Had a blast at Renfaire this weekend and it was great to see Panda and Athena again for the first time in a long while! Getting out in the sunshine and everything seemed exactly what I needed. There's been so much getting my down lately, it really id me a lot of good.

Other news isn't so good. Things aren't going great at home and I need a new job desperately. I can't stand UDF and my boss is, putting it nicely, a stupid bitch. Twice this month I've been scheduled for 31 hours... I live alone and no one helps me pay the bills, not even a little. I can't live off that and, at barely over min wage, I don't know anyone that can. While a second job is an option as well and I will look for a second just in case... More than anything I just need to get out of there. Being there I end up stressed way more than is necessary, and considering the kind of job it is... it's just ridiculous. Customers stressing me, now that's understanding. My boss and the company stressing me? It's time to fucking go.

I've also made the decision to go back to school as soon as possible, within the next year if not sooner. I think I might try and go back in the spring for a quarter at UC then transfer out, because another decision I have made is to move out of Cincinnati. I like Cincinnati and everyone I know is here, but honestly, I have very little holding me back anymore. Unless I end up with the most amazing perfect job, which I highly doubt is going to happen, I have no reason to stay here except for one person outside of my parents and brother. And honestly, I think I need to get away from my parents the second I am financially secure again. I love them and I admit I do like having them close, but a huge part of me is telling me it's time to go. I don't intend to go too far, so it's not like I'll be on the other side of the country. Hell, I don't even intend to go as far as the other side of the state. But I do need to go elsewhere. Cincinnati was a great place to spend the later half of my childhood growing up, but it's not where I want to spend the rest of my life and it's definitely not where I want to spend the rest of my 20's. Time to spread my wings, so to say.

powernaps @ 2010-09-14T01:21:00

2010-09-14T05:21:59Z

Honesty Meme

Been a while, huh?

MEMES COPY-PASTA'D FROM TASH BECAUSE I WANNA DO THEM BOTH

2010-08-30T16:26:38Z

Meme one:

Give me a prompt and I will try and fill it with something. No promises on length or quality, but you'll get something fanfiction-like.

Meme two:

Give me a character from any fandom I know at least fairly well, and I will tell you:

A) My OTP
B) The runner up
C) The anti-ship
D) My unpopular fannish opinion on said character
E) One person he/she never fell in love with, and why

baa baa

2010-08-21T21:48:46Z

The How's My Driving? Meme

There's things other than memes...?

2010-08-10T08:49:25Z

HONESTY MEME
Step 1: Post this into your LJ publicly.
Step 2: Others will reply anonymously (if they'd like) about what they really think of you.
Step 3: Cry, because this meme is so brutal, and it hurts.

I'm preparing my tissues!

Turned on screened. Anon should be on though don't expect captcha to actually like you. Responses will possibly be made when I'm not smashed.

But... y'know. Only if you're cool with that. Of course.

GMAIL FILTERS FOR RPING MADE EASY

2010-08-06T03:16:18Z

at the request of wannafactor for one with less words and more visuals.

If you're unsure what the hell I'm talking about, filters will make your email look a little like this, with the ability to do this.

» STEP ONE

Create a new account!

This doesn't have to be in gmail as well, but I can't give a complete run-down on how to do a complete walk-through on.

This step should be pretty self-explanatory and I really hope I don't need to walk you through setting up an email account.

» STEP TWO

Once your account is made go Settings -> Forward POP/IMAP and select Add a forwarding address

Put in your main account or email account. From here, sign out of this account and go in to the account you just put to forward to. You should a similar email to this:

Confirm this request and go back to the new account you just made. This part is incredibly important! If you do not do this, your forwarding will not properly work.

In your new account, go back to Settings -> Forwarding POP/IMAP again. Select the radio button to forward and save.

Done right, you should never have to log in this account again unless you really want to.

» STEP THREE

Go back to your main account. At your sidebar there should be a little drop-down menu where you can usually find your trash folder.

Once you've done the little drop down thing hit create new folder and put in the character's name.

Now go and pick yourself out some fancy colors for your new label. If you don't like the colors they've given you there is an option for custom colors.

» STEP FOUR

Now go to Settings -> Filters and click Create a new filter

Do not put the filter in the email section, it does not work properly. Instead, you'll need to put it in the has the words. Do not put the name of your lj, but the email you made in step one, leaving out the "@wherever.com". If you include it, it will not work properly.

Hit next and apply label to the character you made in step 3

» STEP FIVE

Now that you've got all that set up, go into lj and change the email for the character account you've created the filters for. You will receive two emails about the change, one from the original and the other from the forwarded account.

Confirm the new email and you're all set! I personally like to double check to make sure it's working by signing out and responding to the HMD on my character's journal.

If it isn't working... first double check to make sure you approved to have your email forwarded. This is a step I often forget to do. However, if you've followed all the steps and it's still not working, give it an hour or two. I've found that sometimes (especially when lj is being a dick) that it takes a little while to work properly and the emails get lost between the two. The only thing I can suggest it to try responding to your HMD (make sure you're logged out of that journal and into another or as anon!) every few hours until it's working.

For those that might not be on my plurk!

2010-07-21T05:08:32Z

The How's My Driving? Meme

powernaps @ 2010-07-16T00:31:00

2010-07-16T04:31:53Z

ASK/TELL ME ANYTHING!

All questions will be answered with 100% honesty! Anon on. IP off. People should be able to screen if wanted?

Captcha turned off but it's a dickhead and will make you do it anyways

» Contact Information

2010-05-01T02:13:33Z

¤ Main Contact

email » slitherouter at gmail dot com
aim » pmszilla
skype » slitherouter
plurk » thiefette

¤ Other

icon comm » tsulalala
coscom » thiefette
devart » thiefette