We are POP☆CANDY!

SENTENCE MEME

popcandy — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 07:22:45 GMT

OH MY GOD CELI IS UPDATING LJ, CALL THE POLICE.

- Comment with the name of two or more characters and an item/prompt/situation! This can be inspired by anything-- fandom, RP... uh. More RP...preferably RP...
- No more than five at a time pleeease
- I will reply with a sentence per prompt! Probably only a sentence, but if you're lucky I might give you a drabble instead. Depends on how I'm feeling it.
- If you'd like for me to shoot some one-sentence prompts at you in my reply, please let me know! WE CAN ALL WRITE SOME SENTENCES TOGETHER 83

I WON'T BE GETTING TO THESE TIL TOMORROW OR SO BUT THERE YOU GO.

popcandy — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 21:12:19 GMT

I WILL WRITE LETTERS :U LEAVE A COMMENT WITH YOUR ADDRESS AND GET ONE?

GOSH I MISS YOU GUYS ON LJ ILOVEYOU. :( You can also tell me HOW YOU ARE DOING IF YOU WANT. ♥

popcandy — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 23:07:11 GMT

Ask me an rp/fandom-related question and I'll answer! In return, I'll ask you a question and we'll just keep going back and forth until we both get bored/run out of questions/etc!

popcandy — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 04:06:14 GMT

So I did absolutely nothing today.

Whoops.

popcandy — Mon, 30 May 2011 06:51:55 GMT

Sometimes you forget how lucky you really are. But when you remember, there is a sudden feeling of gratefulness. I will never forget, no matter what happens. No matter what, no matter what. ♥

popcandy — Sat, 28 May 2011 09:39:00 GMT

Technically it's still a day to me cuz I'm awake. That's all that matters, I've decided.

Also LJ ate my entry at 4:30am.

I'm sobbing.

popcandy — Fri, 27 May 2011 04:59:28 GMT

I HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO POST THIS ENTRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Man I wanna whine and be whiny and sad in this post about a worry I have, but I really don't feel like it's an appropriate topic for me to post on LJ. Basically, I'm just too embarrassed about it. :( Blubbering like a noodle for it. So I'll post something ridiculous instead.

THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE MEME...

I don't even know. I feel like an otaku for this. I really do. Guilty pleasure...

popcandy — Thu, 26 May 2011 04:49:37 GMT

Updating once a day cuz I said I would!

I would have made this nicer but SOB. I HAD COMPUTER ISSUES ALL DAY. 8( BOOOOO.

Oh well. What can I do.

I want to eat...

Mashed potatoes....

LOL WERE THESE WHAT MY LJ ENTRIES WERE LIKE. LOLOLOL. OH MY LIFE.

popcandy — Wed, 25 May 2011 03:29:34 GMT

MAN. IT'S BEEN ONE OF THOSE DAYS TODAY.

LIKE.

Get whined at mom. Internet dies. Suddenly bump on my gum (I THINK canker sore). It's like, what next man. It wasn't a terrible day but full of stupid annoyances, argh.

Tea is still good though. Man, another day gone like that.

Tomorrow, I'm just gonna have to accomplish something or kick myself otherwise.

I feel like there is never enough time for life sometimes. :|

MAN WHAT A WHINY ENTRY SOB. I AM SORRY. HAPPIER THINGS IN THE FUTURE MAYBE.

popcandy — Tue, 24 May 2011 07:07:58 GMT

OKAY.

I WILL AT LEAST TRY TO UPDATE LJ ONCE A DAY FOR TWO WEEKS.

Idk what else to do lol. Oh LJ, OH LJ.

Uhhhhhh oh. I'll post a schedule of my goals for the next week too. This is to regain the motivation I have lost.

Quick rundown:

-Graduating in the Fall hopefully
-Went to a wedding
-Went to two grads
-FELL IN LOVE WITH TEA WHEN I THOUGHT I HATED IT BEFORE
-I NEED TO LOOK UP GRADUATE CRAP AUGH

I feel like a spaz but I'm not used to writing in LJ anymore. I am way too used to plurk. I think this will help a bit though to get back into the swing of things. Maybe if the two weeks work, I'll end up using it more often. ;3;

WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES.

EDIT: also redownloaded perfectworld hooraaaaay

YOU CAN IGNORE THIS

popcandy — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 16:42:38 GMT

Making myself a schedule to follow for papers and presentation.

March 23 WEDS
TWO PAGES MIKLOVICH

March 24 THURS
TWO PAGES MIKLOVICH

March 25 FRI
EDIT LATIN AMERICA PAPER

March 26 SAT
EDIT LATIN AMERICA PAPER

March 27 SUN
FINISH EDITING LATIN AMERICA PAPER

March 28 MON
TWO PAGES MIKLOVICH

March 29 TUES
PRESENTATION

March 30 WEDS
TWO PAGES MIKLOVICH

March 31 THURS
EDIT PAPER MIK

April 1 FRI

April 2 SAT

April 3 SUN

April 4 MON
LATIN PAPER DUE

April 5 TUES
TUDOR PAPER DUE

April 6 WEDS
PRESENTATIONS DUE

April 7 THURS

April 8 FRI

April 9 SAT

April 10 SUN

April 11 MON

April 12 TUES

April 13 WEDS

April 14 THURS

April 15 FRI

April 16 SAT

April 17 SUN

April 18 MON
CIVIL RIGHTS PAPER DUE

April 19 TUES
HABSBURG PAPER DUE

popcandy — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 05:16:54 GMT

/looks at lj. looks at it gathering dust. cries and holds it to bosom ;A;

I MISS YOU, MY RANT BUBBLE. I NEED TO ABUSE YOU SOME MORE.

LOL.

So quick rant cuz it's something. I GOT A 77 ON MY DAMN TEST. I am angry lol. SO ANGRY. I don't know why I am angry but I AM JUST.....A BALL OF ANGER. X( Sob. It's not a terrible grade but its still on the lower third of the class. Sigh.

I think I need to make myself a real life schedule. Hour by hour. AND FOLLOW IT. :( Because this procrastination stuff needs to stop. I need to actually DO something and this might help. I cannot fail this class especially when I am so close to finishing and a C- will not cut it. ;;

popcandy — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 16:04:40 GMT

Life's not really bad.

popcandy — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 04:39:53 GMT

IIII need to practice Russian script. I've done this on plurk and facebook so apologies if you see it twice or three times. But if you would like to throw a name/your name here and a color, I'll be glad to write it for you. I need the practice (and attempt the correct spelling although spelling is NOT GUARANTEED). It's an unlocked post so if you want to link your friends or whatever, go for it. :U

A NEW 001.

popcandy — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 22:44:11 GMT

Something I actually miss is using LJ. Like, I feel like I had a lot more fun/had stronger connections using LJ, ya know? So I think my mission this year is to use LJ much more often than I used to and possible wean myself away from Plurk. While it has its uses, I really do love having a blog like this!

There was a reason I got it lol. I could babble. And babble. And babble.

Plurk was useful. I was able to learn a bad side of me thanks to it, and now I'm working to fix it. But LJ was where I could seriously just... talk and talk, and talk. And babble and be bla bla bla!

So I think this is way to say, HERE I AM. I'M RESTARTING LJ. LETS DO IT. First thing I'll do is have a friends cut. Next thing I'll do is move my communities to a separate journal. I'm going to pay attention to you guys again. ♥

SO. Give me a little note about yourself here! Anything at all! Let me know about your life and what's up with it, and if you're curious, I'll tell you about mine. :]

popcandy — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 17:05:35 GMT

SO. I'm gonna sit and organize my thoughts because LOL I think I need to. It'll make me feel better.

I think the biggest thing I've noticed lately is that I've been wanting to change a big part of me. It's probably one of my biggest, if not THE biggest, flaw that I have. That is having a big mouth. A really big mouth. I love to talk and I will tell everybody everything because I've always trusted people right off the bat. Note that if you tell me to keep a huge thing secret, I will.

However, my memory sucks. Like I think for the day I guess so I fear I'll forget what is a secret and what isn't. I mean it could be a small thing like a small conversation, but if it was personal and was told to keep my mouth shut, what if I don't? What if I forget? And THIS BOTHERS ME. I don't like this side of me. So I've stopped with filtered plurks/ljs for the most part. I want to confront people if I have a problem with them. If it takes me ages to bring myself to do that then fine. That's what I'll do. That's the right thing to do. I NEED to do this. I need to close my mouth.

And at the same time, I'm also learning to assert myself. I'm learning to tell people, NO I can't do that, or NO I don't WANT to do that. I mean, I still love to help people and do what they want but if there are times that I want to do something, I'll say so. This is what I need to do too. Because I can't let the other person think everything is okay when it's not. I need to learn to grow up and let them know that no, it's not okay. It's not fair for them.

But see, these two things become a problem. Now I don't have justification that I'm RIGHT. I am someone who naturally feels like I have to be the one to apologize for EVERYTHING and that EVERYTHING is my fault and that I SHOULD APOLOGIZE TO PEOPLE even when it's apparent that they are the ones in the wrong. I've gotten into emotionally abusive relationships because of it and it sucks, let me tell you. Now, I know I can be wrong too! But that's what I used to talk to peopel for. Now, I'm stuck wondering everyday, LOL IS THIS FAIR. AM I WRONG. But these are personal issues that I shouldn't talk to other people about cuz it's not really their business either and the person I'm having issues with would not appreciate that I talk to other people about it. SO I'M STOPPING THAT but now I'M STUCK FEELING GUILTY AND CRAPPY AND GREEDY EVERY GD DAY BECAUSE OF IT.

This is partially why I wrote my last entry. I felt greedy because I wanted to do something for myself but I know that I had to do so much for others and for skipping out, I felt bad. And I wasn't sure if I was being the rude one for doing that. Because lately, I think I've been doing too much for myself and not enough for everyone else. And that makes me feel selfish/greedy. I used to use this as a way to grab attention in a sense and reassurance that I was not.

And that's the other part. I like attention. I know I do. It's horrible and I hate it cuz it makes me question if I am doing what I do JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO HELP and not because I expect things out of it. Attention is good and it's not wrong to like it but... I used to watch RPsecrets because of that reason and I hated that. I wanted to be namedropped or whatever and I CAN'T STAND THAT I SIT THERE, WATCHING EVERYDAY HOPING TO SEE MYSELF MENTIONED. I've been namedropped several times and I just need to STOP being so gd greedy. It's why I unfollowed it. But I still catch myself wanting attention and I peek over and I get so angry with myself.

I don't need it. I have my friends that tell me all the time how much they love me! And I love that. It should be all I need. I guess I just want to be the best for everyone and I want to be able to make everyone smile. I think the fights I've had this year and the friends I've lost have seriously hurt me more than I thought it would. It just feels like it was a personal failure. This began way back in January and has come up to this point. I know not all of it is my fault, but still. It hurts. I can't keep the negative feelings inside but it hurts to think that others might. I'm too quick to let things go and I will never ever be able to say goodbye completely. Even now, I still reach out and I don't know why. Some have even reached out to me first and when it happens, I cry with relief. Even if I was the one to stop talking, I just sit and cry with relief.

It's just sad. It makes me sad, not being able to fix something. And it's only really happened this year. In the middle of it, I am trying to change myself and not allow myself to be stepped on because that can hurt other friends. If I make the choice myself, then that's a different story but if I do it just to avoid problems, then that isn't right. And I think that is what is gonna make me stronger.

But also, I'm getting weaker in other areas. I am sick of wanting all this attention. I need to be stronger! I don't need it because I know I have it. It's like I'm not satisfied with what I have. Because for once, I'm starting to think, "I did all this for someone, why don't I get any back" and I don't WANT to think like that. LOL I don't GIVE expecting something in return. I give because I want someone to feel happy. That's it. So this is the battle I am having with myself atm. It's not horrible but it's something so frustrating.

But I plan to be productive. This way I can tell myself that I did a good job. And that way, I can be proud of what I've done. That's what I need to do. I want to be awesome and do a lot of work like everyone else. I want to say to myself, "You did a great job. I'm proud of you." So that's my goal this holiday.

I'm sorry for begging for attention and being such a gd downer on top of it. Because really these sudden mood changes are just that. Sudden. I really am happy about 90% of the time. Just sometimes, I think about something and I'm like aklsdjjjjjdf afterwards.

To everyone that commented on my Santa meme, no matter who you are, I really do love you. And they really made me smile this morning. And to everyone else, I hope your holidays are wonderful. You all really deserve it, okay? ♥

Thank you guys for being awesome. Thank you for being so patient with me. I know this must get frustrating but trust me, I appreciate it much more than you could imagine.

popcandy — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 06:06:32 GMT

The santa meme is here.

I'm gonna sleep early I think. I came home in such a bad mood, idek what is wrong with me anymore.

I just feel greedy.

popcandy — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 05:24:50 GMT

my brain is this atm.

i hate finals die in a fire i am so sleepy aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

-CR Charts
-Redo Icons for prussia
-Calendar things
-Organize fanart folder
-watch anime (arakawa; gintama movie)
-sleep
-edit rp profiles
-sleep
-eat
-organize life
-reread soul eater
-actually reply to lj comments!?
-art
-sleep
-Read temeraire

popcandy — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 23:57:07 GMT

School, I am done with you already. Please end now. I can't concentrate at all hahahahahaha.

Also, hi LJ. I miss you. I want to abandon plurk and come back to you...

OKAY. ONCE FINALS ARE DONE, I'LL POST ONCE A DAY. JUST FOR YOU. I LOVE YOU, MY DUMB JOURNAL.

I need to reply to some things in the previous posts....oh man, catch up sounds so great right now...

Idk if I can do this for another year. My braiiiiiiin.

popcandy — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 02:18:22 GMT

I open up my e-mail, start a new one, and end up staring at the blank canvas for ages. "Dear ___" and that's it. I need to write several of these, but I just don't know if I have the energy to. But I have to. I don't want to seem like I'm running away. To be honest, that's probably what's happening. I'm afraid of something with each and every single e-mail. As if its something I'll regret, and it would be better to forget. But I can't forget, and I know I'll regret it even MORE if I don't face it, but when it feels like the result is not going to be the one I want, it is...just this sort of fear. I guess?

It's just a weird feeling that I can feel comfort and a looming feeling (idk how to explain this one) all at the same time. It's confusing. Everything is confusing. I cannot understand. And it's really hard to deal with it. There was one point I was so afraid and honestly, I don't want to face that again. I don't know my feelings. I can try and lay it out but I don't think they'll make the sense they need to.

I care. The energy is just missing. Sometimes it just hurts a bit too much. Because even now, I still don't know what I am doing wrong? And when I point it out, I don't get a reply. Just anger, silence, and then suddenly, everything is okay AND IT'S FRUSTRATING. Sometimes it's enough to make me cry. WHY DID YOU DISAPPEAR. WHERE ARE YOU. Did those memories not happen? Is it suddenly okay or is it NOT okay?

If it's not okay, then why did you try to make me feel like it was? Why did you seem so happy when all you could do was curse under your breath? I loved you so much and I did not see that I was hurting you. I saw a brief moment of unhappiness and then you came to me, smiling. Was I supposed to just assume that you were still angry? I cannot figure that out at all.

Why do people swear I am trying to hurt them on purpose when these same people say I would never do such a thing? I AM SO CONFUSED. They sit there, hugging me, holding me, smiling with me, and soon enough, I find out that this was all a farce because underneath, I was hurting them.

I'm so quick to forgive and forget so this sort of thing boggles me. I understand that is not everyone and I don't mind that at all, but it's why I don't understand.

I don't understand anything. How will I ever write those e-mails if I am still having trouble figuring out just what the problem is? Some people tell me and I don't understand. Some people don't tell me and I don't understand.

Why?

Do you still look at me like I look at you? I think about you. I talk about you. I miss you. I miss the things we've had. I want to joke around with you. When was it that you didn't want to joke around with me anymore and instead, I became, "that person who hurt me"?

I am tired of fixing things when I can't even find the crack that is breaking everything. I only have so much glue, but it does not seem to be enough or strong enough.

I love everyone. Even if you hurt me, I loved you and I could love you again. I might still do. I don't want to hurt you.

Why don't people trust that my heart is in the right place when I've done it for everyone else? Just now, when I wrote that, I suddenly felt so selfish. Augh. I don't want to be an attention whore and I know that people do and it's like...Idk.

I WILL write something. To everyone. One day.

On a last note, this is a jumbled mess of feelings so consider it like seventeen entries at once. I'm trying to sift through my thoughts. It's definitely not all related to one another, and it's definitely not pointing at any single person.

popcandy — Sat, 04 Dec 2010 21:23:31 GMT

OMG.

ville_delumiere you were a glorious piece of wtf. /rereading posts, crying

How many of you were in VDL anyway?

I'M JUST HAVING EXTREME RP NOSTALGIA WHILE STUDYING AAAAAA

popcandy — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 14:53:10 GMT

LOL.

THAT'S IT.

From now on, if you think I'm gonna respect pushing people's buttons when they don't have the damn decency to respect mine or think it's not okay for me to do something when they sit and do the same exact thing? Forget that. Don't even expect it out of me if you think you can use me for something like that. CUZ I'M NOT GONNA LET ANYONE CONTROL ME LIKE THAT.

Screw. That. LOL.

popcandy — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 05:46:13 GMT

Something I was thinking about in class today.

My teacher somehow got into a tangent about being a professor. He gave us a lot of his own experiences growing up such as when he was stuck with a professor who would assign fifty page papers, and then not even bother reading them. Just a checkmark. And he talked about the experiences he had going to seminars and with his professor and all, and it made me think a bit.

Like... sometimes I wonder. Can I do that? Could I be a professor? Wouldn't that be kind of a neat thing? Like it is weird cuz I get ideas for what I wan tto do all the time but this is the one that sort of struck a chord with me for some odd reason. I thought "it wouldn't be so bad". Like I see people who are working to achieve prof. status such as unsymbolic and izkariote and I'm like...wow. That's so crazy.

I sort of want to try it. I do want to go for a masters at least, one point in my life, but there is a fear inside of me. It's not that I don't have what it takes. It's that I won't put the effort necessary to complete it. Or that I won't be able to take the first step. Or I don't want it bad enough. I'm not even sure if I want it.

It's also hard cuz I cannot imagine being a graduate anywhere else but UWF. I love my teachers. It's why this idea came into my head because I SERIOUSLY LOVE MY TEACHERS. Admittedly, I only had like...six different ones but they all gave a crap about their students and I loved that. Even the classes that I nearly failed on? Yeah, I still think they are amazing teachers because they care. Absolutely wonderful. These are what professors should be. My teacher took 25 minutes out of lecture time (that he never wastes LOL) just to tell us how he felt about what a professor stood for. And how college professors should be the ABSOLUTE BEST quality because they too could be leading future professors, etc etc. and an uncaring teacher is the worst.

Seriously, WHY WOULD YOU NOT READ YOUR OWN STUDENT'S PAPER AFTER ASSIGNING IT TO THEM. LOL.

Idk, it's just something I've been considering and I think I'll be looking into it. History is a beautiful subject and I wish I would give it my all sometimes (I really like Victorian England and British Constitutional history so far. I also like the various wars kekeke). I am finding certain subjects I really enjoy!

I'd want to do it at UWF but their program does not seem so large so it makes me sad but augh. I love them so much, I really really do. I guess we'll see. One last thing before bed.

oo1. comment to this and I will give you 3 fictional fandom characters.
oo2. decide of the 3 whom you would marry, do, and dump.
oo3. post this meme to your journal with your answers (pictures optional).

Marry:

Simon is cute okay. :c I'd hug him.

Do:

:|

Dump:

Nothx. Afros are a turnoff psssssh.

popcandy — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 14:05:40 GMT

How many of you have a x-mas listed posted up? You should link it to me here...

popcandy — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 17:40:55 GMT

12:00 - 5 PAGES done accomplished
01:00 - 6 PAGES done half a page
04:00 - 7 PAGES done GOT HOME LATE
05:00 - 8 PAGES done GOT HOME LATE
06:00 - 9 PAGES done (trying to at least reach page 7 to catch up)Wow catching up is failing atm
07:00 - 10 PAGES done Seven pages done. It's not so bad. Could be worse. Lets attempt for 9!
08:00 - 11 PAGES done Eight pages done.
09:00 - 12 PAGES done Nine pages done. FIXED. Am ten pages done!!!
10:00 - 13 PAGES done
11:00 - 14 PAGES done
12:00 - 15 PAGES done
01:00 - 16 PAGES done
02:00 - 17 PAGES done

Tomorrow
1PM: - 18 PAGES done
2PM - 19 PAGES done
3PM - 20 Pages done
04:00 - 21 PAGES done
05:00 - 22 pages done
06:00 - 23 pages done
07:00 - 24 pages done
08:00 - 25 pages done
09:00 -26pages done
10:00 -27pages done
11:00 -28pages done
12:00 -29pages done
01:00 -30 pages done
01:00-10:00 - CITATIONS

NEW Schedule
6:30AM - starting at 12/13 pages
8:30AM - Get to page 15
2PM: - 15 PAGES Done
3PM - 17
4PM - 19 Pages
05:00 - 21 PAGES
06:00 - 23 pages
07:00 - 25 pages 21 pages done. Considering I slept for an hour or so, it isn't terrible!!
08:00 - 27 pages
09:00 - 29 pages
10:00 -30 pages

3AM - Finish citations 01
6AM - Finish citations 02
9AM - Finish citations 03