{"id":4958,"date":"2016-07-12T18:00:30","date_gmt":"2016-07-12T08:00:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/playerdevelopmentproject.com\/?p=4958"},"modified":"2024-01-22T14:18:55","modified_gmt":"2024-01-22T03:18:55","slug":"let-them-play","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/playerdevelopmentproject.com\/let-them-play\/","title":{"rendered":"Let Them Play"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Play is a fundamental human right for children. It is even recognised in article 31 of the UN Convention of Rights of the Child.<\/a>\u00a0So, why is it that adults feel the need to interfere with this? John Haime from New Edge Performance<\/a> discusses the impact of parents and coaches living vicariously through young players and outlines a few steps to make positive change.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In my work, I see a lot of games, a lot of athletes and a lot of interesting coach and parent behaviour. Parent behaviour is a critical piece in how much young players enjoy the game…and whether they eventually keep playing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The sad reality is that the majority of young athletes, including young football players, drop out of competitive sports by the time they are 14-years of age. A study from the National Alliance of Sports tells us that over 70% of young athletes leave competitive sports by that age. The fun goes away and they lose interest. Why? It has nothing to do with the game. It likely isn\u2019t the the competition, the work involved or the effort required. Instead, it is the young people\u2019s greatest fans, their parents (and sometimes their coaches) who take the fun away and make the experience of football too complicated and too pressurized for the child to enjoy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of the pure joy of playing and achieving, young footballers-in-the-making get bogged down by heavy expectations, the pressure to win and other complications introduced by the very adults who are most invested in them playing the sport.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Coaches and parents can have a major impact on the motivation and desire of kids to \u201clove the game\u201d and want to keep playing. They can also have a major impact on turning kids off the game and never coming back. This may not be you, but if you think it may be, read on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Egos Run Amok<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve run a number of sessions on high performance for young footballers recently and one of the hot topics is always pressure and how a young player handles it. Part of the complication of this is that Mom and\/or Dad are often the biggest source of the pressure \u2013 creating expectations that might be difficult to reach, and over time, sucking the fun out of the game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is it really about the kids or the parents\u2019 ego? The kids, enrolled in high-end private academies with their new, $300 boots move toward mini-professional status, one step from the Premier League. What seems to start out as a desire to want the kids to be active and play a game they love, can sometimes shift into something else. Motives change, and often not for the better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do You Have a Frustration Gap?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many parents see their child on the pitch or the training ground for what they\u2019d like their child to be and not what the child truly is. The gap between what we would like to see from the young player, and what the young player is at this moment, is what I call the Frustration Gap<\/em>. Parents watch their kids perform and the frustration builds … and builds … and builds, as the parent waits for the child to reach the performance level the parent hopes to see. While this frustration is not much fun for the parent, it is less fun for the child who is constantly trying to live up to the parent\u2019s expectations. Usually, those expectations are unrealistic and not in line with the child\u2019s abilities or motivations. This tension is both a performance crusher and can send the young footballer to the land of video games.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

The Mini-Van Football Prison<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is your vehicle a \u201cmini-van football prison?\u201d Is your child trapped in the vehicle as you express your frustration? While your intentions are good, your budding professional becomes the target for all sorts of emotions you felt while watching and expecting more. Your son or daughter is conveniently trapped in the vehicle and must listen to your frustration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat happened out there today?\u201d
\u201cYou looked tired out there. Was that it?\u201d
\u201cWhy don\u2019t you try harder?\u201d
\u201cI\u2019m surprised you didn\u2019t shoot when you had the chance…\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These questions all begin a spiral of frustration between a young athlete and parent. Unfortunately, these opening lines often lead to deeper criticisms and questions all resulting from the parent\u2019s frustration as the child doesn\u2019t quite reach the expectations created by \u2026 the parent! I really wish I could measure how much confidence the mini-van prison syndrome has destroyed in young players. All I know is that it\u2019s a problem and awareness of your own car rides after the match is something to consider.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some Ideas to Help<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To help you and your young footballer avoid the frustration gap and the min-van prison, and keep them in the game playing for a lifetime, here are a few ideas to consider:<\/p>\n\n\n\n