If you’ve been following along for the last almost three weeks, you’ll know that I’ve been doing 75 Hard, Phase One.

Well, my friends, I have failed.

You are supposed to complete all of the tasks, and if you miss a single one, then you must start over at day one.

This particular phase is only 30 days, and on day 19, I failed.

You wanna know what got me?

Freaking journaling and taking a progress photo.

Two of the easiest tasks on my list. Granted, I also half-assed the workouts yesterday, so I knew that I probably wouldn’t count them.

This morning I woke up completely shocked. I wasn’t mad or frustrated with myself.

What?!?!?

My alarm went off at 4:00 am (yeah, yeah, I know, I’m one of those crazy people), and I simply got up and changed into my workout clothes.

It was that simple. Sure, I knew that I would probably “have to” start over at day one at some point.

But the realization that I had failed didn’t hit me until I opened up my Notion app to take the progress photo and check off the little boxes.

“Craaaaaap” I said to myself as I realized I spaced out taking the photo and journaling yesterday. “What happened? Why did I forget?”

What came next demonstrates just how much more self-compassion I have been able to give myself through this entire process.

I had an incredibly jam-packed weekend. Instead of coming home after a birthday party and pushing through, I rested. I took a glorious three-hour nap.

And I simply forgot to do the tasks.

My mind tends to thrive in black-and-white thinking. This is probably one of the reasons why I swing back and forth between taking good care of myself and not caring at all.

But this time, it was different.

“Well,” I told myself. “I could start over at day one like I’m supposed to. Or….I could simply keep going through day 30 and continue doing my best.”

I know that’s not how the program works, but to me, this is way bigger than that. This situation would have had me spinning into guilt and shame in .02 seconds in the past.

But today, I woke up. I kept going. I told myself that it was okay to make silly mistakes.

And that continuing this journey, whether it’s at day one or day 30, is important because it helps me take good care of myself.

Working out helps my ADHD symptoms.

Writing helps me connect to myself and figure out what’s going on inside of me.

These are all good things.

And so, I failed. And I’m still going to keep going.

I know that on day 30, I’m not going to feel that huge feeling of success. That part of it will feel like I don’t deserve the completion of the 30 days, because I didn’t complete them.

But the sensation of sitting through those difficult feelings and knowing that I will still be okay is much more important to me than doing this perfectly.

Also, I got a coffee today, which was part of my “don’t do” for the diet portion of Phase One. That was my big rebellion. Which is another win because in the past, I would’ve thrown in the towel and stopped everything else altogether.

And yet, here I am writing on Substack even though I already failed.

Tomorrow morning, I will wake up again (hopefully) and change into my workout clothes because it is good for me. And if it took this 75 Hard day challenge to get me to see how taking care of myself is important, then I am grateful.

Life is a continuous chain of failing and trying again. Every day, we must decide what is important to us and keep aiming for those things that challenge us. Even wrong turns can end up being the right ones in the end.