In my teens and early twenties, comedy was a significant part of my life. One element of this was creating humorous movie names, playing off popular productions of the time. "Planet of the Provosts" was one such name. (More examples here.)
After a several-decades-long gestation period, I am finally getting around to fleshing out that particular “vision” further, with the hope that it will prove entertaining. :-)
The only "serious" part of this site.
"Nonviolent Communication"
As noted above, this site is primarily intended as a lark to entertain — I hope it will make you smile. :-)
That said, having historically observed several painful communications breakdowns between university faculty, administration, and students, on a more serious note I wanted to share the work of Marshall Rosenberg, founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication. I have found his thoughts and principles valuable — to all certainly, and perhaps in certain contexts to the work of a Provost specifically.
I became aware of his work when my significant other shared with me his book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. I found his perspectives “wise” in several regards, with the expressed principles resonating with much of my own orientation: That empathy, feeling, and connection are not second-class citizens, and indeed, in many situations are more critical than any associated ideas and actions.
-- From Rosenberg --
"Whenever I go into situations where there's been a lot of conflict, I don't even allow the people to talk about strategies until they're connected at the heart level."
Referring to his workshop for married couples, Rosenberg noted how quickly conflicts can be resolved once needs are properly expressed and understood. He describes a situation where the pair had been in conflict about money for 39 years. After helping them articulate their needs and feelings without judgment or criticism, Rosenberg noted: "It didn't take 20 minutes to resolve it at that point."
A brief YouTube clip where he describes this in more detail: How to resolve conflicts | Nonviolent Communication explained by Marshall Rosenberg
Please also see final section below ("If you enjoyed ..."), which includes additional personal comments, links, and offerings.
FAQEverything you always wanted to know about a Provost (but were afraid to ask).
What should you do if you unexpectedly encounter a Provost?
Are two Provosts better than one?
Are there any popular children’s books about Provosts?
Does knowing exactly what a Provost does help on a first date, at a job interview, or in a court of law?
Do Provosts have a sense of humor?
(Click the expand icon below for many more FAQs — plus bonus eBooks!)
Because the full linear list of FAQs below may overwhelm if taken in all at once, they are broken up into days of the week. They can of course be read all at once, but staggering into bite-size morsels could prove more relaxing and pleasant. :-)
Monday
Are Provosts dangerous?
Are the rumors one typically hears about Provosts true? (A: Somewhat surprisingly, well over half prove substantially accurate. In particular, it has been confirmed that, indeed, over 80% of America's Cup winners have a Provost as an immediate family member.)
What are the differences between wild and domesticated Provosts?
Are Provosts mammals?
How long can a Provost hold its breath?
What other creatures are like Provosts? (A: Their closest living relative is the "Dean", with 99.999% overlap of DNA. Particularly in the wild, Deans are often confused with Provosts.)
Do Provosts make good pets?
Is it legal to own a Provost in the state of California?
Tuesday
How long do Provosts typically live? (A: This is greatly affected by environment: With sufficiently supportive faculty and president, they can live many decades — but if treated poorly or ignored, only a fraction of that.)
Are there "Provost-years" like "dog-years"? (A: Yes.)
Is it true that some border states require warnings such as “Provost On Board” / “Beware of Provost” to be multilingual?
Are there any DSM-V diagnoses that disqualify one from being a Provost? (A: No.)
What do Provosts eat?
Can you keep more than one Provost in the same habitat? (A: There is not a general answer to this — certain Provosts are fiercely territorial, while others actually prefer group living.)
Where are Provosts typically found?
Wednesday
Can Provosts be taught to do tricks? How does their intelligence compare to other species?
Are Provosts nocturnal?
If a Provost and a Dean got into a fight, who would win?
Who can run faster, a Provost or Professor of Medieval Studies?
Are Provosts monogamous, and if yes, do they mate for life?
Are Provost relationships to faculty symbiotic or parasitic? (A: Virtually unique in nature, this turns out to be determined almost entirely by environment.)
Who has a greater lifespan, a Provost or a Dean?
Thursday
Is it true that comparing a Dean to a Provost is pure folly — indeed in certain conditions even dangerous?
What is the average size of a Provost?
How many Provosts can dance on the head of a pin?
Do Provosts ever eat their own young?
Is it true that, within the United States alone, there is a Provost conceived every 3 minutes?
Can Provosts and Deans successfully mate? (A: Under the right conditions, yes.)
Is it true that in certain locales Provosts are dangerously outnumbered by Deans?
Is it possible for a Provost to be liked and respected by both faculty and university president simultaneously? (A: Though rare, instances have been recorded in the literature.)
Friday
Do Provosts go to heaven?
How many Provosts does it take to change a light bulb? (A: This is not a useful question.)
Is it by design that "Droots Pevan", hero of the Planet of the Provosts mini-series, is an anagram of "Provost" + "Dean"? Or is it simply coincidence?
When Provosts and Deans are forced into an elevator together, what standing patterns typically emerge, and why?
Are Provosts an endangered species?
Can one domesticate a wild Provost? (A: Sometimes — it is recommended to start when they are young.)
Are Provosts marsupials? (A: Rarely.)
Can you ever have too many Provosts? (A: No.)
Saturday — Special Techie Addendum
Can a large group of Provosts be treated as an Ideal Gas?
Are sufficiently diminutive Provosts subject to Brownian Motion?
If you separate a group of Provosts from a group of Deans by a semi-permeable membrane, does the system evidence Osmotic Pressure?
Are there any environments in which Provosts and Deans become adversarial, and if yes, do they follow the standard Predator-Prey Equation?
Can Maxwell’s Demon be used to separate a social mixer comprised of Deans and Provosts?
Its claim to fame — being trained on Russian art and culture. (Intriguing imagery — "Those crazy Russians" :-) Warning: Don't look too closely at the faces...
(You may have noticed the relative lack of women in the above images. Public concerns have been raised regarding bias in AI training. Notably in this regard, it was quite challenging to get the AI to generate images of female Provosts for the convention scene in the prior section. It proved difficult in two ways: (a) To get females in the scene period. (b) To avoid the AI flagging its generated image with an NSFW (Not Safe for Work) warning “The algorithm has recognized inappropriate content in an image and it might not be suitable to view in public places or at work.” and refusing to display it... ???)
If you enjoyed the above:
I. Sharing
If you found this site entertaining, please share it with others!
The card below has a QR code that will take you directly to this site. Simply hold the below image up on your phone for your friends to scan with theirs — you will become the life of any party (Provost-centric or not)!
(click to zoom)
II. δroplets blog
I encourage you to come visit my nascent blog, where you will find unique, diverse content, introduced in the postcard below. It will include (serious) content of potential relevance to those in the role of Provost, including offerings intended to assist with mental health — an area in crisis both generally, and for university students particularly.
It is a labor of art, engineering, and love, of which this micro-site is one small offshoot.
(click to zoom)
(To visit the wonderful squirrels that helped keep me sane during covid lock-down, shown in the center cube above, click here.)
IV. Become a card-carrying citizen of Planet of the Provosts
If you are an active Provost, past Provost, intimately connected with a Provost, or simply a friend of the Planet of the Provosts:
If you would like to join our esteemed community and be listed below, please email me contact@planetoftheprovosts.com your name, position (if an active or past Provost — "visitor" or "tourist" otherwise), and any little blurb you may wish to add (which can include links to your professional or personal website, should you wish). You may also include a photo. (Your email will never be shared or made public unless you explicitly request it.)
And if you wish to be an anonymous supporter, just let me know your state and I will add "Anonymous resident, homebase [state]".
To print out a physical Planet of the Provosts business card, click here for a PDF 3.5" x 2" version of the card ready for printing. (If you would like a glossy laminated version, or several professionally printed versions, please email me at the contact address above. Ditto if you would like “Provost On Board” window stickers, or “Beware of Provost” yard signs.)
** Planet of the Provosts confirmed citizen list (as of 2025-10-23 when borders were finally opened) **
If you enjoyed this site, on a more "serious" note, you might enjoy some of my Guiding Principles.
An innovative 3rd party resource for learning key life skills distressingly omitted from most "classical" education settings: The Sleepawake camp. (Its co-founder, Jeff Lieberman, notes that he learned Quantum Mechanics at MIT before learning how to deal with his own emotions...)
VI. Supporting δroplets and/or this site
Please sign up for δroplets mailing list — which as a side benefit will keep you apprised of any Planet of the Provosts breaking news! (You don't need to actually read — I just need to be able to fantasize that you might — in order to help keep me motivated to create. :-)
Possibly you may even wish to consider a small donation. Even the smallest gesture of support helps keep δroplets (and little offshoot sites like this one) alive, curious, and quietly grateful — and reminds me they're worth continuing. (Options in the above regards may be found here.)
Thank you for visiting — it was a true honor to host you!
