Diary of a Madman

It's been a while (since I could hold my head up high?)

plaidknight — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 19:33:34 GMT

It's always interesting to me to see the considerable gaps in my LJ entries and think about all of the things that might have happened and what importance they may or may not have had and how they'll never be "immortalized" in this fucking shithole of a journal and I can't decide whether or not I'm glad about this fact. Somewhere between apathetic, bitterly-amused and some other feeling, I'm sure. "Glad" probably isn't the word for it.

I was in a joke of a relationship for around 2 years with a 20-something girl who acts like she's 12 and refuses to grow up. She blames anxiety, her parents, and the world at large for not doing a better job of babying her, but that's neither here nor there. It ended long after it probably should have, but we pretended like we could stay friends afterwards. Unfortunately, on account of either my powers of perception suddenly returning to me or because of my way of viewing people in the worst possible light for various reasons, I started to resent who she was and found it increasingly difficult to hide this fact. It's pathetic, really, how little of a friendship actually remained towards the end, but by that point it was the "straw that broke the camel's back" that seemed to have killed it, as she either realized there was nothing left or just "didn't have the patience to deal with my bullshit anymore". I suppose it doesn't ultimately matter and there's that very small part of me that wishes it hadn't gone this way, but I'm almost... glad somehow. My only regret is that I haven't completely forgotten that the bitch even exists and the remnants of her still remain in various ways and short of actively purging myself of everything related to her (which still wouldn't help), I'm stuck with it indefinitely.

What a fucking shame.

There are very few moments in my life where I feel like I'm headed towards some sort of "destination" or long-term goal or actually have anything to look forward to in my pathetic excuse for a "life", but I have noticed some disturbing trends lately. I say "disturbing" but I'm not sure if I'm actually "disturbed" or just only slightly disgusted or perhaps slightly intrigued somehow. In any case, I've noticed that I've been spending a lot of time preoccupied with porn or, more accurately, with the idea of getting commissions or custom videos or other things pertaining to it. I honestly can't tell if this is some sort of active addiction or desperate attempt to fill a void or if it's connected to something else that's unrelated to my insatiable sexual appetite. In a futile attempt at psychoanalyzing myself, I considered the possibility that what I'm really "getting out of" the whole experience is the feeling of control. Being able to tell people what my fantasies are and using them to create exactly what I want. I don't pretend that that sort of thing is remotely "healthy" (what the fuck part of my life is?), but it's an... interesting notion that I couldn't help but entertain for a bit. Not sure what it means, where it's taking me, or what I intend to do about it, other than succumbing to it and adding onto the reasons I hate myself and who I am as a person.

I'd say I was glad that practically no one reads this, but that would be a lie. I think I'm mostly just numb to it.

Home is where the cesspool is

plaidknight — Wed, 07 Jan 2015 10:01:10 GMT

It's funny how I always seem to find myself back here. It's almost like the one constant that I have in my life. On the wonderful thing that is the Internet, anyway. A place full of misery and depression. A wonderful storehouse of bullshit and stupidity that I can always come back to. Warms my heart. Really. Maybe it'll disappear when this site actually dies for good, which I can't imagine will take that long. I'm surprised it's lasted this long...

I find myself bored and irritable and wanting nothing more than to harass someone else for pretty much no reason that makes sense. I'm pretending as if I have some sort of measure of self-control and so I've decided to settle for this horseshit instead, which I don't think will be all that productive or ultimately helpful, but we'll see how long it takes me to get fed up with it. Probably not long.

I could bitch and whine and moan and complain about my unremarkable life, but I don't think I really feel like it. Or at least, I don't see the point of doing so. It rarely makes me "feel better" or much of anything else that's remotely good or fucking useful, so... that's an exercise in futility. I suppose I wish I understood my mood better, but that's something that's usually beyond my reach. It's a shame that I'm so fucking retarded. Pity, really.

I've been meaning to kill myself for over 10 years now, which is funny and sad. Maybe one day I'll get it right. One can only hope, right?

Need faith to make me numb

plaidknight — Mon, 23 Dec 2013 13:01:02 GMT

Here I am. Sitting at the computer. Awake and fucking around doing absolutely nothing before work because apparently sleep is fucking overrated or something. I can't tell if I feel more bitter, sad, or just generally depressed for no reason in particular or just every reason in particular. I wonder sometimes if my thought processes or feelings are half as complicated as I make them out to be, but that sounds like a surprisingly confusing and annoying train of thought. I heart over-analyzation.

Most years around Christmastime, I feel a general sense of apathy or dislike towards all the garish decorations and obnoxious consumerism, especially in regards to my own job and all the fucking shit they drag in around that time. Interestingly enough, I've almost managed to ignore some of those aspects (even the Christmas music that plays non-stop) and just... went along with the flow, but instead of being apathetic, I've found myself incredibly depressed. Now, I guess it isn't that uncommon to find myself depressed around Christmas (it seems to be a more frequently-occurring thing) but I seem to have felt it quite strongly this year. On more than one occasion, I've felt myself wanting to cry (which, of course, I wasn't able to) and considered just avoiding any and all family get-togethers for some reason. I don't know why I thought they'd be any more overwhelming than usual, but the prospect of a lot of them just... didn't seem at all appealing. I still have two more things to go to (Christ, and I'm not even married) and I can't really say I'm looking forward to either of them, although one will probably be more painful than the other. Spending over 24 hours with my father and his "family" sounds like a quick way to make me want to fucking shoot myself. Let the fun begin...

I don't know why the fuck I'm awake. I find myself wanting to go back to bed, but I don't know if it's worth it or if I'll actually be able to get any sleep. I hate this fucking shit. Oh well. I hate a lot of things. Or so I say. I say a lot of things. Don't know what half of it means or if it means anything or if anything is worth getting fucking bent out of shape over. Yup. I don't fucking know nothin' 'bout nothin'. And it's fucking fantastic.

Oh look. It's one of those entries again. Oh wait. I think that's the majority of my entries. Just fuck fuck fuckity fuck all over the fuck fuck fuckity fuck fucker. Clearly I've missed you, LJ. All the opportunities to type the word "fuck" over and over again. You... complete me.

Why the fuck is post button greyed out? Are you completely stupid, LiveJournal? Wait, don't answer that.

All roads lead to Hell

plaidknight — Thu, 21 Nov 2013 21:08:46 GMT

Sometimes I feel as if I've "forgotten" about this website, but that isn't really the case since I do check some communities on it, but I don't actually post anything. I couldn't tell you why that is, exactly. Perhaps nothing seems worth mentioning. Perhaps I'm tired of hearing myself complain. Perhaps I don't really have anything that really needs to be complained about? Haha. Yeah, well... I doubt that last one. Maybe it just seems so futile, although that would imply that's somehow any different from all the years that I've posted stupid, depressing and ultimately pointless shit on here for everyone and no one to read. What a seemingly complex, convoluted, and useless train of thought.

Once upon a time, many months ago, I had gone on some sort of "adventure" and had intended to write all about it, as this place seems to be a place where I store memories away. Some good, most bad, but a surprisingly useful and extensive resource for checking when things occurred in my life. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that, since this is the best place to go to see terrible things about me and get a good idea of what I'm really like inside. I suppose that's life. Just a wonderfully terrifying mix of awe, wonder, horseshit, and stupidity. How delightful. The further and further that event gets, however, the less and less I remember and less inclined I feel like writing about it. I don't know if that's somehow "tragic" or really doesn't make a difference. That's a line that I'm frequently incapable of drawing because I can rarely make the distinction. Such is my life.

I don't remember if there was anything else I felt was worth mentioning.

There never is.

The blue bus is calling us...

plaidknight — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 12:49:59 GMT

Since the job fair at Home Depot, I haven't really bothered trying to look for another job, in spite of how awful my hours at work have been. I've been called in several times, and accepted shifts from other people, so it does make my pittance more manageable but... I realize that I should find a more stable job soon. I just haven't really been able to coax myself into doing so, as most of my free time is spent in chatrooms and/or talking to a special someone.

"Mon Dieu! A 'special someone', he says!"

It's... not exactly how it sounds like, although I suppose in some ways it kind of is. It's a bit of strange situation, or at least, one that I never thought I'd find myself in. I'm not exactly in what you'd call an "exclusive relationship", but to be fair, it's not exactly quite a "relationship" on any real level either. The girl in question likes to refer to it as a "reverse harem" in the sense of harem anime, which some of you (people read this?) may not be a familiar with. Long story short, I am among a group of 5 to 6 guys who are all vying for her attention to some degree, but each of us has whatever amount of "effort" we're willing to invest. She likes all of us, so... it's kind of... interesting. I don't really know what I expect to come from this, but... I'm just kind of going along for the ride because it... seems like it might be fun? I really don't know...

I haven't specifically told myself not to do the "long-distance" thing ever again, but the thing is for me, is that I don't necessarily see this as a full-fledged "relationship" due to how she's worded things. I suppose that's the kicker though. Knowing how the other feels or what they expect, hope, want, feel and all those things. I suppose I'll have to go over things in the not-too-distant future to set out a better idea of how I feel about the whole thing because I don't exactly want to set either of us up for disappointment. I have, however, already decided that I really want to meet her IRL in some way or another, so we'll have to see about procuring funds and/or getting my passport business straightened out. I know I shouldn't really "get my hopes up" or anything, but travel isn't really a major obstacle to me like it is to some people. I've made some pretty fuckin' crazy trips across the US before, so it's not like it would be a "first time" or anything. We'll just see how it goes.

I'm not sure if there's anything else worth mentioning. I suppose that was the most "important" thing. I haven't really felt like playing any games or writing much lately, so... yeah.

The world is a ploy; a leash of employ

plaidknight — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 16:02:05 GMT

So apparently I really need to find a new job as my current one is no longer giving out any hours (literally) and unlike some people, I cannot afford to live on absolutely nothing. I can live off of very little, but absolutely nothing is beyond even my capabilities, I'm afraid. There's a job fair today somewhere that has 3 different times, which is something I find slightly odd, but I'll probably drag my sorry ass over there eventually. I am most definitely procrastinating and kind of wishing I had more up-to-date resumes, but I suppose I'll get around to making those at some point. I've been to a job fair before, so I have a small idea of what to expect. I just hope this doesn't turn out to be a gigantic waste of time, like many of the other things that tend to happen in my life.

My grandmother came over on Wednesday and brought over a "gift package" from herself and my mother which consisted of lots and lots of food. I was very grateful for this as I have very little money in my bank account and was running quite low on food at the time. Hopefully I can make it last for quite a while, as my cupboards have not been this full in a long time. I'd say "ever" but I'm not sure if that's really 100% true. I just finished eating some chicken fettucine alfredo leftovers from Boston Pizza (my grandma let me have hers) and a small Italian bun-thing, but I think I might still be hungry. I always overdo it. This is why I'm fat. Well... that and the fact that I don't exercise properly. Or at all. Meh. Whatever.

A small part of me is hoping the application they make me fill out doesn't make me choose the names of my managers they wish to contact, but thinking back on it, I think pretty much all of them have that. I can still pretend, right? I like playing pretend and we're all good at lying to ourselves for various reasons. I can have this one, right? Right? RIGHT?! I'm not even sure if I can remember the number to the Steinbach Superstore right now. I don't think I can, actually... Life is such a pain in the ass.

I don't recall if I was going to go on about something else. The chatroom I've been frequenting? Meh. I don't really feel like talking about that. Oh well.

Crown me with the pure, green leaf

plaidknight — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 23:56:17 GMT

I sometimes find myself wondering if a particular someone continues to stalk my LiveJournal, and for that particular reason, I typically exercise some small amount of caution in what I write, if not a whole lot. It's most likely silly, pointless, and slightly delusional to think so, but I have been surprised by such things in the past. Apparently it is foolish to assume that no one thinks or speaks of me, although I can't tell if I'm more flattered or horrified by the prospect.

I went to the bar with a female friend of mine recently, and while I'm not entirely sure what I expected to come out this, I found myself slightly disappointed all the same. For those who aren't in the know, I am not someone who frequents bars or gets routinely shitfaced in any other venue. The only reason (and I mean, ONLY reason) that I went there was because I wanted to spend time with said person and that was apparently how it had to be. It's kind of silly, really, but I actually entertained the possibility that I might get drunk that evening, or possibly end up bringing someone home or some such nonsense. Every now and then I pretend like there's a chance that I'll do something that's completely uncharacteristic of me and it will somehow pay off, but deep down, I know, that the chances are pretty much slim to none.

For some reason, I actually made some sort of half-assed attempt at asking someone out the other day and I was amused by my own persistence. I've been told that I have "more confidence" than I did before and while I didn't immediately believe it, I think there's a small amount of truth to it. That's not to say that I'm no longer an awkward fuck who places himself in stupid situations without knowing how to properly deal with them or anything, but I seem more willing to place my sorry ass into them. I got shot down pretty quickly, but I was told that she might be willing to set me up with one of her friends, which I almost seemed interested in for a short period of time. I can't help but think that her friend is obviously someone with lower standards somehow, and I was supposed to go to a concert for the whole thing, and I don't really have money and I'm not sure it would be worth the effort. It's pathetic how much I have to lie to myself in order to convince myself that placing myself in stupid situations will somehow pay off.

There was a young woman trying to pitch something at the entrance of my workplace yesterday and she was rather attractive. I actually considered asking her out like a complete douchebag but eventually decided against it. I don't really know what the hell was going on in my head yesterday, but clearly my judgment wasn't all there. I get this funny feeling that desperation is starting to set in, whether I want it to or not. Other people might get this stupid idea that I'm somehow becoming "more normal" by actually being willing to ask out who-the-fuck-ever, but I'm not so sure that's the actual answer. Meh. Whatever.

Haha. I just wasted my time trying to start a conversation with that girl I asked out and got fucked around by. I don't know why the hell I bothered adding her again, other than the fact that I didn't feel like telling her the truth. Shit sucks, bro.

Okay, I think I'm done writing for now.

Oh look, I skipped a month...

plaidknight — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 13:01:45 GMT

And the world will never know the difference. Or so one would think. Or just me. I don't suppose it really matters either way, but that's how it goes over here. Whoop whoop!

I don't even remember what I may have mentioned previously that was worth talking about or what I may have had in mind for this particular entry and I'm finding myself annoyed by this whole process already. I suppose that somewhat defeats the purpose, but I generally tend to find myself more "obligated" to make a new entry than it being something that I find myself "wanting" to do. I don't pretend to fully understand why that is, especially since I don't really give a flying fuck if anyone reads it, since odds are they won't. I just don't understand...

I had a good albeit busy Christmas season this year and it's the first time I actually bothered buying gifts for anyone other than my best friend or girlfriend (which isn't something I have to currently worry about). I think the idea was to try to rekindle the "Christmas spirit" or some sort of hokey bullshit and I'm fairly certain that it didn't really work. I mean, I like getting stuff for people and doing nice things and blah blah blah, but I don't really think I'll ever get back that feeling. I'm pretty sure that's dead and gone and just some sort of childish memory of the past that isn't even worth thinking about. I remember feeling vaguely Christmassy a long time ago when I was around 19 or 20, but I don't think I've felt like that since. Oh well. Some things just aren't meant to be.

Ugh. I'm sick of this already.

A dull roar, perhaps

plaidknight — Sun, 18 Nov 2012 16:08:35 GMT

I don't remember how long ago it was, perhaps a month or more, but I had random thought while walking to work one night. Well, more of a "fantasy" than a thought, but before you intend to turn that into something perverse, silly, and genuinely stupid, let me quickly ruin it for you. I was imagining a scenario where an individual tried robbing me at knifepoint, although in reality, a mugger would probably assail me from behind and knock me on my ass before we got to that point. At any rate, I thought about grabbing the would-be robber's arm and ramming the knife into my own throat and imagined dying with such a death grip on his arm that there was no way he could remove my corpse. I enjoyed the idea that he would be trapped and helpless until someone would eventually find him and call the authorities, after which time he would insist that I had done it myself, although no one would believe him.

The thought of ending my own life or having it ended for me under various circumstances has been on my mind a lot as of late. I believe it's entirely possible that I've been too honest with people about that fact and discussed the whole idea of suicide in great detail with someone from work. I don't really believe that he would go to someone else and try getting me "help", but I'm also not entirely convinced that he wouldn't if he actually believed I was going to. Heh. He insisted that he and the rest of the people on night shift would attend whatever type of service that would be held for me after my demise, but I told him that I didn't believe him. A female co-worker walked in on part of the conversation and ended up telling me that I'm apparently supposed to wait a while because she's "busy" or something. I found that amusing, especially since I doubt she would waste her time sparing more than a moment to think about my death, let alone going to any services.

As I crossed the train tracks at Grey today, I didn't bother looking to see if a train was coming. Generally the crossing arms and warning signals start flashing well in advance, but I had started making a habit of looking "just in case" in order to avoid being struck by a train. A few minutes after I had crossed, the signals went off and I could hear a train rumbling down the tracks and I laughed a little. The idea of lying down on the tracks and hopefully being decapitated by the train has been on my mind lately. I've come to realize that waiting until I somehow manage to procure a shotgun isn't going to get me anywhere, so I'm much better off trying to find viable substitutes.

In other news...

I may or may not end up going to see Skyfall today. Hopefully it works out, but I won't hold my breath. Heh.

The world ends with a roar

plaidknight — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 21:33:51 GMT

For a split second I had felt like blathering on about the unimportant shit in my life, but now that it comes right down to it, I'm not entirely certain that I actually feel like nauseating myself with all the boring fucking details. Will I do it anyway? I don't know. I really don't fucking know. I can't fucking sleep and I'm fucking annoyed as fuck with everything, so fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck all over the fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck. Woo. That's fucking fantastic. Fuck everyone and fuck everything. Yeah baby.

I don't recall what I've been doing the past while, but I know it hasn't included playing Guild Wars 2, that's for fucking sure. There's some sort of bullshit event happening on the weekend but I highly doubt I'll be fucking bothered to actually download it and do it. I wonder if I'll get kicked out of my guild for being inactive. I can't say I really fucking care that badly anyway. It's not as if anyone will fucking miss me, so whatever. Yay F2P games!

For a while I was dicking around in Resonance of Fate and tried getting all the trophies but a lot of the ones in there are really fucking time-consuming. Like yarikomi (cool word, bro) fucking time-consuming. I'm not sure I'll actually have the patience or willpower to go through all that bullshit, but we'll see. I also started fucking around in Harmony of Despair again for some bizarre reason and that will probably also take a lot of time to acquire all the trophies for. Apparently I have lots of games with pain-in-the-ass trophies or they're all fucking annoying shit and I've just never been fucking bothered to actually check them out in enough detail to realize this little fact. Shucks.

I watched a bunch of random-ass match videos from a bunch of different fighting games yesterday and then suddenly decided that playing Morrowind again was a good idea. I couldn't remember what the hell I had done last and didn't remember which quest chains were complete or a lot of other random details, so I flipped through my journal and tried figuring that shit out. I also went on the UESP Wiki to check a few little details here and there and that seemed to be quite helpful.

I don't remember what else I was going to ramble on about or bitch and whine about. Probably nothing particularly fucking noteworthy with the possible exception of my latest fucking idiotic escapade concerning my car. I fucking hate winter, I fucking hate walking, I fucking hate my goddamn fucking luck and just fucking hate everything. God fucking damn it all to fucking hell.

I could be wrong, but I don't think I've had an entry laced with this many fucks in a while. I hope you've all been counting, 'cause I sure as fuck haven't been.

I've noticed lately that I've been experiencing a LOT of feelings of déja vu. It's incredibly eerie, actually, but I find myself wondering if it's simply because my life is so goddamn repetitive and boring that everything really does feel exactly the fucking same. The creepiest part is that I'll find myself doing something that seems familiar and then I'll think of something and suddenly realize that I was doing something and thinking that exact something at the exact same time before, or at least, I'll feel like I've gone through that exact same setup once or twice before. Maybe it's a sign that my life is really as goddamn boring as I make it out to be or it's about high time that I killed myself. Or maybe The Matrix is in a bad fucking mood lately and the damn Agents keep changing the fucking code for some stupid reason. Clearly that's it...

I wonder if I have any other random "gems" to share with everyone. Wait... who the fuck is everyone?

It's just a something away something something...

plaidknight — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 21:31:37 GMT

I don't remember that song. Or why it's in my head. I don't suppose it really matters. I've actually been alternating between "World End Roar" and "Ebony Wings" for the past... I have no idea how long. Hours. Upon hours. It's a good thing I'm already fucking insane, otherwise we might have something of a problem.

Shit, I don't even remember what I was going to talk about in this exciting iteration, but it might have been a recap of my shitty life so far. Maybe. I don't know. I got a slap on the wrist at the court hearing and still owe the province $400, which isn't terrible but it isn't great. Then there's the fact that MPI sent me a letter in the mail that said they want to suspend my license or some shit and I never contacted them, so that'll probably go badly. Whatever, I don't care.

In other news, I am strongly considering moving out to British Columbia for no other reason than because it would be something different. Positive change in my life and all that bullshit. I have no idea what the cost of living and all that stuff is like over there, but I suppose I can look shit up and whatnot. Yup.

Okay, I've had this open for hours and haven't done much of anything. Bye now.

Something something about shuffling

plaidknight — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 15:00:27 GMT

I've spent the last week or two or... however long playing Guild Wars 2 and I finally decided to take a break from it yesterday. I'm not sure if I'm burnt out already, but when I tried playing today I immediately lost interest. Oh well. Whatever. I'm just glad the fucking game is free-to-play, so I don't have to feel like I'm completely pissing away my money by letting my subscription (or trial period) expire without investing any time into it. Huzzah.

I have 8 more days to show up in provincial court before they issue a warrant for my arrest, so hopefully some time in the near-future (ie. tomorrow or the day after) I can convince someone to take me to the court building on Broadway since I have no idea where the fuck it is or how to get there by bus. I'm hoping it will be a relatively quick and painless process, but I know that's probably not going to be the case. It's going to be a fucking dragged-out and annoying bureaucratic process that will probably consume more hours of my life than is absolutely necessary and I already know I'm going to be fined at the very least. Part of me hopes that the justice doesn't decide to take my license, but there's no point in giving a fuck. I'm just going to get fucked over no matter what. Might as well grease up my asshole, bend over, and pray.

My father called me and woke me up last night, which is hardly a surprise by anyone's standards. He seemed to think I sounded more agitated than usual, which is funny to me because I was barely awake on the fucking phone, and decided to lay into me with a fucking guilt trip about how he wouldn't need to call me at stupid times ('cause he doesn't know my schedule) if I called him or some fucking bullshit like that. Whatever, man. It's like he really doesn't fucking GET it. I don't call ANYONE on a regular basis, which may have something to do with the fact that I generally have more than one way to get in touch with a lot of people I know, but even so. He told me to call him today "when I'm up" or some shit, as if he had something incredibly important to talk about. I tried calling him earlier (when I know for a fact that he's probably not awake) just because I felt like being a fucking asshole but his cell phone was off. I guess I should try the home phone. Hah.

...

.......

Apparently I've managed to completely lose track of time and failed to realize that it is actually Tuesday tomorrow. In other words, my actual day off (kind of) and the time that I had planned to use to attend court. I managed to convince my dad to take me there, so that's good or something. Yaaaaay...

Christ, I'm bored.

Fuck fuck fuck a duck...

plaidknight — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 03:50:49 GMT

"Cole, how old are you?"
"25."
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No."
"Do you want a girlfriend?"
"Is this a trick question?"
*laughter*

I had been asked a similar series of questions many years before and that time I had answered "no" to the wanting a girlfriend question. I was then asked if I was gay. I never did understand why she had bothered to ask me that, but I assume it was some sort of morbid curiosity or something. I never saw it as anything more than that and I'm fairly certain that it wasn't. This most recent instance of ridiculous relationship questions was followed by the explanation that this person has a 22 year-old daughter who is apparently gorgeous. I assumed for all intents and purposes that she was actually joking about setting us up because I'm pretty sure a gorgeous 22 year-old female has plenty of better options than myself. People are so strange.

I discovered that someone I work with is actually 33 years old and I must say, I was (and still am) quite shocked by this discovery. I kept insisting that there was no way that he could be 30 years old until he finally took out his driver's license and proved it. The guy looks like he should be in his early 20s if anything, so I was a little bit taken aback. I suppose I've managed to surprise a few people when I told them that I wasn't 30, but that was usually when my face was covered with a generous amount of facial hair. Although I find myself wondering just how young people think I am when I've actually shaved recently.

Ugh, I'm sick of this fucking night shift/early morning bullshit already and it's only been 2 days into it. That's pretty fucking sad. I find myself wanting to say something, but I know that I'll get screwed over in terms of hours and I really do need the money.

Christ, I hate my life.

It's a good thing my titles don't actually matter...

plaidknight — Sun, 02 Sep 2012 17:16:56 GMT

It seems as if this should be a really long entry because I haven't said anything for a while, but I really doubt that enough things have happened to make it really worthwhile. Or maybe I just don't think so. I just don't feel like going on and on and on about all the unimportant shit in my life. In fact, there's a good chance I'll get sick of writing this within the span of a few minutes so... hold onto your drawers, folks.

I've been playing a lot of Final Fantasy lately for some reason and I haven't really been sticking to one or another for terribly long. I started playing FF6 again for a bit, then I restarted FF8, and then somewhere along the line I remembered that I hadn't beaten FF4 yet. Depending on how I feel in the next few days, I just might even try beating FF3 as well since I got up to Cloud of Death but haven't been able to beat her at all. I'm pretty sure I'm underleveled and need to grind like a motherfucker, but I haven't exactly been too excited about that prospect. It's interesting noticing how non-threatening most of the enemies (bosses included) in FF8 are and I'm wondering just how much they cranked up the difficulty in the DS version of FF4. A lot of those older games were pretty tough and generally forced you to grind or put you in situations where you were at an unfair disadvantage and had to run like a bitch, but for some reason I didn't really expect that sort of thing. It could just be the later FF games that are really fucking easy, although FFX had some moments that were pretty challenging. Except for the last boss, but I had already started doing the post-game stuff or whatever. Anyway...

My dad had called me up a while back and asked if I could "do him a favor" (which is never good) but I hesitantly agreed since he had helped me get my car back. Apparently he has lots of money to blow on various projects and his most current undertaking is a new shed made of sheet metal that's secured by hundreds of nuts and bolts. Ideally it's supposed to be built in sections and then have those put up one giant piece at a time, but it's been far too windy around my father's place lately and trying to move stuff like that is like holding a boat sail. I helped him get a few pieces up (he had resorted to putting it up in smaller sections) but I couldn't spend all day there (just most of it) because I had to work in the morning. Lucky me.

My best friend has been spending a fair amount of time over here lately but only because he's going back to school in Winnipeg. I don't really mind though since I enjoy the company and it's not as if he's really "putting me out" or something. It's hardly inconvenient, although it might prove that way if I actually get his ex over here so we can hang out. Oy gevalt. Oh right, I was going to mention going to see a movie with him recently but my whole order of things seems off now. Or something. Blah blah.

I think I'm done for now...

Surprisingly eventful day...

plaidknight — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 02:52:48 GMT

I figure I might as well write this down before I forget, even though I feel as if it's already starting to leave my mind and it's not even all that interesting. Oh well. Whatever.

This morning I decided to show up to work at 10 instead of 9, despite the fact that Alex prefers it if I show up at 9. I didn't much feel like getting out of bed, so I stayed there until the very last minute and headed out. As I neared the train tracks, the railroad crossing signals started flashing and it took a few minutes before the train actually appeared in my view. For a brief moment, I actually considered running and trying to "beat the train" but decided that that was probably a really really bad idea. Which is funny, especially considering how much I don't feel like living as of late. The train was going quite slow at first (or so it seemed), so I might have even managed it... except with my luck I probably would have tripped on the fucking tracks and gotten run over anyway. Get my head split open by one of the wheels or my leg taken off or something. Awesome stuff. The only reason I considered trying to beat it is because I figured I would be late for work, but apparently I still managed to show up 6 minutes early. I'm not entirely sure how that happened, but it could have something to do with trying to get past this old man in front of me.

Work started off more or less in the normal fashion and I got stuck working the ice cream order as usual. Somewhere along the line, I kept getting harassed about the location of other people because we didn't have a receiver after noon because the guy who's supposed to do it called in sick or something. I got roped into doing it, which is just fine and dandy, but I don't have a fucking key for the back door. So I go upstairs and find Lorne and get his keys. The reason why this is important is because they paged him THREE FUCKING TIMES but apparently he couldn't hear it or just plain ignored it while he was filling his face. So I got the keys and for whatever reason, Daniel got involved because he had a better idea of what he was doing, so I helped him receive (TAG TEAM) a few trucks and then finally went back to what I was doing. Or so I thought.

"I need you to do something for me," says the assistant store manager.
"Something else?" I ask, having already been forced into receiving and staying late to level block the dairy section.
"Those pants aren't hemmed, are they?"
"This particular pair of pants, no."
"I need you to do that. There's an iron and some hem tape upstairs."

I don't even remember if I bothered to give him an "Are you fucking serious?" look, but I pushed my cart into the freezer violently and tromped upstairs. I had no idea where the fuck we would keep an iron or hem tape, so I asked the store manager about it and explained my predicament.

"Do you have another pair of pants?"
"No, why would I bring another pair?"
"Well, that might be kind of awkward then."
"You seriously expect me to iron my pants in my underwear?"

I was less-than-thrilled with this idea and the manager told me that I looked "crazed". Interesting word to describe it, but he seemed far too amused for his own fucking good. I told him I would just go home because I would have nothing to do with an idiotic fucking shitshow like that. Except I left out the other part and suggested simply going home as an alternative. He took me into his office and we discussed what was going on and I told him that both pairs of pants that I regularly wear to work have holes in the crotch area, albeit one with a patch over it. He then told me that I could have two new pairs of pants and they would be hemmed right away and then I could be done with my unhemmed, crotchless pants. Huzzah. I had no idea how to do it, but I was told to retrieve the ironing board from his office and that someone else would do it. One of the women who works front end and does a lot of admin stuff got asked to do it and she seemed less than pleased with the idea. After I got the board, she disappeared and I sat upstairs for a while wondering what the fuck I was supposed to do. I told some other people upstairs to shoot me, but they offered comical and/or stupid alternatives that were of very little use to me. I didn't immediately explain why I wanted them to shoot me, so I explained and also skirted dangerously close to admitting that the prospect of simply being dead was an appealing notion to me. Go me. The person stuck hemming my pants finally materialized, and then I had to measure out how far to hem them and whatnot. I rolled them the wrong way and I didn't have a pin. She seemed to think it was too much, but she eventually did it anyway. She also bitched about having to do it and asked why I hadn't done it 5 months ago (I had, on two other pairs of fucking pants...) and how she had to pay for hers and so on and so fucking forth. Somewhere along the line I went to double check if the hem was the right length because she wasn't sure, so I put the pants on inside-out and managed to get water all over them and the pants I was wearing because the fucking bathroom counter was wet. I was accused of peeing on things and I wasn't terribly impressed. Anyway, after that was finally done I had new hemmed pants. Yay...

After I could finally return to work, I finished the ice cream order and then took apart the egg order which was annoying. I started level blocking and noticed a fuckton of expired product, so I started bringing those to the back in milk crates. There was so much that the stack was taller than I was and I figured it might be a good idea to scan them out and toss them away. "Shrink", it's called. I went upstairs and got the FIM gun, came down, went through the options, and then chickened out. I was worried I was going to fuck something up somehow, 'cause I'm quite adept at that. Somewhere along the line between running back and forth upstairs, someone showed up at the back door but there were was no one left to receieve the order. Except me. I finally got a pair of keys from the assistant manager, went to check the door... but no one was there. I then wasted a bunch of time looking for the assistant manager to give him his keys back since I figured he would be leaving before I would be and he would need to be able to start his vehicle. I joked to a few people about taking his car for a joy ride, but naturally I didn't. Later on, the back door buzzer sounded again and I had to find a pair of keys again. This time there actually WAS an order which I had to work in the hour before I had to go home.

So yeah, I worked it and while I was in the process of doing that I got asked by three people in a row about meat department stuff. Un-fucking-believable. I was just glad that someone from Meats was actually still there, otherwise I would have been shit out of luck.

I think that was about it. Huzzah.

Ah yu leady gaizu?!

plaidknight — Tue, 07 Aug 2012 23:17:04 GMT

It's that time again! Happy fun exciting journal time with your host, the one and only, Colesomethingorotherfuckoff! That's right, folks! My last name is none of your goddamn business! But wait, there's more... if you actually keep reading past this really terrible intro, you have all sorts of gloom and boring shit to look forward to! Oh boy! And now, without further ado, we present to you:

BORING FUCKING SHIT THAT YOU DON'T REALLY GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT!

I would add sparkles to the title if I knew how, but I'd probably have to pay for them like most of the other things on this site. (ba dum dum ching) Thanks, folks, I'm here all week...

I don't really know where to begin with this "exciting" iteration, for reasons that are quite obvious to regular viewers, and also because I'm not entirely certain just how much boring shit I've managed to share in the past few days. I suppose the most obvious thing to point out is the fact that I haven't been in the "highest of spirits" lately, which isn't to say that I've come to the point of putting a gun into my mouth, crying, and asking God why He's so cruel, but I'd say it was somewhere in the ballpark at the very least. Perhaps that's a bit of an exaggeration, but at the very least we're still playing the same fucking sport. How about that? At any rate, I can't really say that I've managed (or tried, really) to pinpoint a specific reason for this most recent bout of depression and I daresay I probably never will. Not that that bothers me or anything, 'cause it really doesn't. I'm quite used to feeling helpless, alone, and completely worthless because, well... I think it's quite obvious. "Worth" is such a funny thing to measure anyway. Meh. Moving on...

Strangely enough, I'm actually looking forward to this coming Friday because not only do I have the day off (which hardly excites me on a normal occasion) but I also happen to have plans on that day. "Plans?!", you say? Why, yes, plans. I've invited someone over to play video games and watch movies. Someone I've never invited over before. Someone who just happens to have tits. Of course, those won't really play much into things over the course of the evening or at least, I'd rather doubt that, but it does make things slightly more... unique. She seems to want to get me drunk, at least a little bit, which is kind of weird and slightly worrisome for me as I don't really trust my Drunken Self, given our lack of communication, but I'm going to go along with it the best I can. I'm really hoping the evening proves to be fun and not awkward as I fear it may turn out to be. As anyone who pretends to know even an inkling about me is already aware, I am not exactly an "optimistic" person by nature. I always figure if you expect the worst, it just makes good turnouts more of a "pleasant surprise" than usual. Man, I've been using quotes a lot. Go random quotes, go!

I was in a mood to play some sort of RPG the other day, so I started playing the new file of FF6 that I had started up ages ago on a random whim. I must say, I quite enjoy that game and I almost wish I knew more about some of the hidden items and various things you can find. That game is full of some pretty awesome shit you can find, and I'm pretty sure I only scratched the surface on that. Well, maybe. At any rate, I remember dreading playing through familiar stuff in the FF games back when I first beat them but I think it's been long enough that everything will feel "new" but still familiar at the same time. As weird as that sounds. Guess we'll see how much I actually play it before I move onto something else completely random.

There was another topic that had briefly crossed mind earlier but now I've completely forgotten what that was. Probably something unhappy or something. Oh well. Another time, maybe.

You wa shock!

plaidknight — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 01:03:14 GMT

My life is full of recurring stupidity and an overall lack of originality which seems to be demonstrated in its fullest capacity within the confines of my LiveJournal. Now isn't that something to be proud of? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Moving on...

I find myself not really in the mood to do much of anything right now. I have the feeling that it's actually been like this for some time but I've managed to ignore it on some level due to my preoccupation with Breaking Bad. Unfortunately, I've finally managed to catch up with the show after watching all 4 seasons in a week, so I don't really have that to fall back on now. Nope. Instead, I seem to be spending more time than usual thinking about the past and not really doing much in the way of amusing myself. Or something. I don't know.

Holy shit, it just got really windy all of a sudden. Crazy.

The more people accuse me of having ADD, the more I wonder if I might actually have the adult version or something. I still have a hard time believing that, but... *shrugs* meh. Nothing is going to come of it. Contrary to what some people may be lead to believe, prescription drugs still cost money in Canada and I don't exactly have a whole lot of it going around. I mean, that's talking like I'd even consider going on medication for... whatever, which I know that I wouldn't. Yup...

Shucks. No long-winded entry for me. Or you.

Touching non-sequitur irrelevant valediction

plaidknight — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 01:53:42 GMT

"For you, oh lover of disfunctional humour and suicide liturature. for you, oh person that makes me stay up talking to you far past 'bed time' .. stupid interesting person."

It's funny how I'm only starting to notice the spelling mistakes after the third or fourth time reading over that little "dedication". In case it wasn't already obvious, that's talking about me and it was quite some time ago. Kind of sad, really. Time has a way of getting away from people and people seem to drift apart easily enough. I'm so fucking pathetic. Hehe.

One of the few things that I'm really good at is daydreaming or dwelling on the past and sometimes a nasty mixture of the two. I had mentioned to someone at work that I need to find a job that requires me to actually think so I won't spend my time mentally wandering over into stupid shit, but I wouldn't be surprised if I somehow managed to keep doing that anyway even if I did find something that required a little bit more "mental finesse". Some people just have that itch that they need to scratch... or just don't know to leave the hell alone and cause severe infections and make things a hundred times worse. Was there a point to this? I doubt it.

I picked up a letter that had been sent to me by certified mail today. I already knew it was from MPI telling me that my license had been suspended and I was right. The funny thing was, I had to present my ID in order to get it but the cop who pulled me over had taken it. Silly, right? I managed to get it anyway since I worked at the store where I picked it up and all was good. Then I took that letter to an Autopac dealer and paid off my fucking debt to MPI. Huzzah. I'm just glad there's some money left for my rent and whatever else.

Oh.

I seem to be bored of this.

Dancing mad, breaking bad, and something else

plaidknight — Sat, 28 Jul 2012 03:58:43 GMT

On my way to work a few nights ago, I got pulled over by a cop who informed me that my license was suspended and subsequently impounded my car. Adjusting to life without a vehicle is probably going to take a little while for me, but I'm trying not to bitch and whine about it too much. The exercise is probably good and it will save me some money, but I'll also have to pay out the ass to get my car back and a bunch of other wonderful things. Such is my life.

I've been watching the hell out of Breaking Bad after I learned about it and I'm already into the fourth season. I suppose the upside to having absolutely no life is that you can devote yourself to pretty much whatever you want if you so choose. Huzzah.

I had a brief and amusing exchange with someone at work.

"So how's your summer going?"
"It's the same for me no matter what season it is."
"Well, that's... a little boring."
"That's my life."

I should probably start going to bed earlier. Blah.

The joys of it all

plaidknight — Thu, 19 Jul 2012 12:09:46 GMT

For those who don't already know, the whole "date" thing that I was supposed to go on fell through. I can't say I'm exactly surprised that things didn't turn out, but for some reason I didn't expect things to go quite the way they did. As it turns out, this girl is already seeing someone else, so in-between the time I asked her out and couldn't get a hold of her, she decided to blow me off and go out with someone else. This is assuming, of course, that this whole idiotic series of events wasn't just an extremely roundabout way of turning me down without actually being upfront about it, but that seems a tad bit unlikely given the extreme circumstances. Instead, there's the possibility that I was the "number two guy" (as someone kindly pointed out) and she was waiting for this other douchebag to be available in some shape or form and dropped me like a bad habit as soon as that worked out OR she just has the attention span of a goldfish. None of those sound particularly good, do they? Oh well. I've been told not to wait another five years before asking someone else out, but I make no promises.

In other news, I'm fairly certain that I won't be on night shift for very much longer which doesn't surprise me (not a lot of things do), although I am kind of surprised that people fucked around for as long as they did and didn't take me off nights sooner. Heh, whatever. For a while now I've noticed my fellow co-worker's obvious irritation with me even if he didn't actually voice it, so a small part of me is kind of relieved. The only problem with going back to days is that I'll probably get crappy hours once again, but that's supposed to be incentive to look for work elsewhere. Maybe I'll actually take advantage of that fact. Or I should look into pursuing further education and an actual "career" rather than working shit jobs for the rest of my pathetic existence, however long that may be.

Oh right, I have some sort of "thing" in the mail that I'm supposed to pick up. I have the feeling it's just MPI or someone harassing me about stuff again. I really need to pay those fuckwads, I've just been slightly hesitant to actually spend money like that. Ugh. Fuck. The joys of my boring life.

String me along, baby

plaidknight — Tue, 17 Jul 2012 10:18:35 GMT

"Why didn't you call me? I was waiting for you to call me!"
"I did call you!"
"I heard that you called me that one time, but then you didn't call after that."
"I called you a bunch of times, actually."
"We don't have call display, so..."
"I called like five times and I even left a message."
"And my mom's boyfriend didn't tell me! I'm going to yell at him when I get home..."
"I actually left a message on the answering machine. I even left my number."
"Awww..."

This was an exchange that happened at work, obviously, but it didn't really seem to help all that much other than establishing that her not getting in touch with me isn't her fault. Or so it would seem. She got paged and then disappeared so I didn't get the chance to talk to her again after work, so I just went home and decided to call her after she "should" be finished. (Take the approximate time she starts, add 8 hours...) Again, she wasn't home (apparently) and I asked if she could call me back when she got in and apparently the guy who answered the phone knew who I was and had also remembered my phone number. Do you think I actually got a call back? Nope. So I decided to add her on Facebook and also sent her a message with my phone number in it. She accepted my friend request, but she didn't reply to my message. Apparently that was around midnight, so I understand why she wouldn't call me but... not even a message back?

I've been trying my best not to look more desperate and pathetic than I have to and I've been giving her the benefit of the doubt the entire time, but my patience is really starting to wear thin. I know she doesn't "owe" me anything, but I can't help but notice these little gaps and wonder just what exactly the fuck is going on. It's funny and sad because I've always regarded relationships as a gigantic hassle and we haven't even got anywhere close to the actual part where it's supposed to get fucking challenging or otherwise annoying. Or maybe I'm just not used to getting jerked around for a week and not having any idea if someone is still interested or was never interested in the first place. Fuck me.

This is the third goddamn entry I've written about this whole fucking sad state of affairs and it's actually pretty damn pathetic. You can tell there isn't a whole helluva lot going on in my life that's actually worth writing about when all I keep doing is whining about this. Ugh.

Somebody fucking shoot me...

See, I've already waited too long and all my hope is gone...

plaidknight — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 15:31:41 GMT

Somewhere on the weekend my toilet had decided to keep running and I had gone to bed while this happened. I was awakened by someone knocking on my door, heard the water was still running, and somehow managed to put two and two together and walked into a giant puddle of water I knew would be there. I never answered the door and this incident vanished from memory until a few days ago when my landlady dropped by and asked if I had had problems with my toilet. Apparently, the guy below me (Angry Ben Stiller) had water dripping from his bathroom fan and that's the reason someone knocked on my door. Oops. She gave me shit for not calling her right away, but I mentioned something about the fact that my phone was disconnected, despite the fact that I've been having problems with my toilet for much longer than that. I brought a few of the other things to her attention once again and apparently I'll need a new stove yet since only half of it wants to work and not all that well. My fridge apparently just needed to be defrosted, so I unplugged that yesterday. I was going to go shopping beforehand but realized there wouldn't be much point if everything in there was just going to go bad right away. This feels like a really long paragraph. Oh right, I made burgers. One at a time. In a tiny pan. I ate them plain. It was food that I didn't throw out. Huzzah.

I still haven't gotten a call back from that girl that I asked out, but I noticed that she had taken a week off and I'm hoping that she's out of town. I don't really see any other reason why she would fuck around and not call me, although I had entertained the possibility that she somehow hadn't gotten the message for whatever reason. Whatever. I've already called five times, so in the spirit of not looking more pathetic than I need to, I'm just going to wait it out. I feel like I've mostly given up hope already or just tucked it away somewhere in the back of my mind. It doesn't really feel tangible at all. Just some... thing that doesn't matter.

I had the sudden urge to watch The Legend of Korra a while ago (or maybe just yesterday), so I had a marathon of that and finished the first season. I thought it was pretty awesome. I should probably watch the original series in its entirety at some point, but we'll see. Yup.

I don't remember if I had anything else disinteresting to write about. Work, maybe? Bleh. Not worth the time or effort.

Winged rats will take us there...

plaidknight — Sun, 08 Jul 2012 20:19:48 GMT

I am not entirely convinced that I got enough sleep today, but I suppose I can always crawl back into bed whenever the hell I feel like it. Hurray for a general lack of obligations!

Somewhere along the line, I actually managed to work up the nerve to ask someone out the other day and after she gave me her number, I tried several times to get in touch with her. So far, I haven't had any luck, so I finally left a message asking her to call me. At this point I'm trying to remain hopeful and optimistic, but it's not exactly second nature to me so I'm struggling a little bit. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that things aren't exactly going off without a hitch, but I'll wait and see how things go. Or don't go. Happy thoughts... happy thoughts...

I don't think I have much else to say. I've been having issues with my toilet, my right speaker wasn't working (until just now), and my friend decided to play some new MMO because of an article that he read. I somewhat doubt that I'll actually join him in this endeavor, but we'll see. SWTOR was a waste of money, so I'm not exactly eager to piss away more money on some stupid MMO. Disdain? Me? Never.

6 Days Later...

plaidknight — Fri, 06 Jul 2012 19:23:54 GMT

Friday, June 29th
12:43 PM

I've finished work. I've tried going to sleep. No luck. My best friend asks me if I want to play some Castlevania with him, so I agree and switch the cables on my modem.

"Connection error".

For some bizarre reason, I can't get my PS3 to connect to the Internet and after trying a few different things (resetting and whatnot), the PS3 tells me to try resetting my modem. I do this. Suddenly, I can't connect to the Internet on my computer either. I check my phone.

I've been disconnected again and had I not reset my modem, I would still have Internet.

Fuck. Me.

After raging and dropping my phone on the floor, I pace around for a few moments trying to decide what the best course of action would be. I could go to bed and just deal with it later, but I realize that I won't be able to call into the offices until Tuesday because of the long weekend.

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.

I climb into the car and drive to Steinbach, since I don't seem to know any better ways of dealing with it. As I get further down the road, the engine temperature gets higher and higher as I haven't changed my oil in a very long time. I stop at Deacon's Corner just as the temperature hits the red zone and try to work my way into the parking lot, as apparently every Tom, Dick, and fucking Harry is trying to gas up before the long weekend. I go to buy some oil, but have a suddenly lapse in memory, as I never buy oil and have to return to my car, pop the hood, and check which kind of oil I actually need. It's 10W30. For some bizarre reason, there is no small jug of oil, so I grab the gigantic 4 litre sitting on the bottom of the rack and go inside to pay for it. As I return to my vehicle and prepare to poor the oil in, I quickly realize that there is no possible way for me not to spill oil all over the inside of my engine because there isn't enough damn elbow room to actually bend or do anything requiring any amount of dexterity. Luckily, I have the remains of a small jug of oil from the last time I got an oil change (many moons ago) sitting in my backseat, so I grab that and transfer oil from the massive one to the little one in order to actually get the oil where it's supposed to go. Woo!

I arrive at my grandparents' place and notice the van is gone, which means either my grandfather is gone or both of them are gone. The doorbell gives me no results and despite the fact that I could let myself in, I decide against it and head for my friend's place.

He is slightly surprised to see me, but not completely shocked as my sudden disappearance from the land of Internets seemed out of character. He also tried calling me and realized my phone was disconnected, so quickly deduced that something was up. So yeah, I got there and called MTS and was told that they would reconnect my phone as soon as possible and that was good. I stayed at my friend's place and played Castlevania and ate pizza until 3 hours before my next work shift. I caught something resembling a nap, then drove back to Winnipeg and worked.
***
Saturday, June 30th
8:30 AM

I decide not to run out the door after work like the silly person I usually am and actually get myself groceries. I also buy myself a pack of envelopes as I was in need of them for bills and the like. I have a brief conversation with Angry Ben Stiller about Sobeys, then he holds the door to the apartment building for me.

I go to bed around 9 AM. I am not heard from again.
***
Sunday, July 1st
3:00 AM

I rise from the dead and turn on my computer. I remember that I can't actually go online, but somehow manage to amuse myself in spite of this. I play some games, then randomly decide to work on some creative writing-related nonsense, which occupies a large portion of my time. Somewhere along the line I decide to sleep out of boredom only to be awakened by a random knock at my door.

My best friend has decided to return the favor, although it's not as if he has any better way of getting a hold of me either. He asks me to accompany him to the Osborne Streetfest where we are to meet up with a bunch of people that he doesn't really know. Friends of friends of a friend. That sort of fun stuff. As my apartment lacks any good ways of amusing me, I agree to go with.

Parking is a nightmare as expected, so we park in some random lot on Donald Avenue and start walking the rest of the way there. Just after we cross the Midtown Bridge, he gets a call on his cell phone. Apparently they have decided to leave Osborne and head for the Forks to wait for the fireworks. We go back the way we came and decide to walk to the Forks rather than drive as parking will be equally shitty over there, my friend had just paid $5, and we weren't that far away anyway. We arrive before they do and decide to meet near the "Canopy". His friend arrives and glomps him from behind, which scares the bejeezus out of him. I laugh because I saw it coming and didn't warn him. I am briefly introduced to the group of people that we don't know, then head for the riverbank. Not long after, we are told that we have to move as apparently we are too close to the danger zone or some such thing. We settle for some random monument looking thing, then my friend has a hankering to go to the Old Spaghetti Factory. I join him.

There is some confusion concerning whether or not we are supposed to follow the waitress as she moves at a very brisk pace. We realize after that she was sent to clear the table quickly before our arrival, but we were not properly informed. She brings us a loaf of sourdough bread and repeatedly forgets to bring butter. I discover a fly hanging out in the shaker of parmesan. We are apologized to repeatedly, but we are never given a replacement shaker. My innards rumble unpleasantly, but I see what appears to be a line to the bathrooms. I sit back down and suffer in silence. We are given ice cream as part of our meal and we both decide to choose spumoni rather than vanilla. It is quite delicious. My friend receives another phone call. His friends have abandoned us as they do not feel like waiting for the fireworks. We are, however, invited to join them at a condo on the other side of the city.

A pit stop is made at my apartment so that I may shit my brains out at my leisure. My efforts are met with violent releases of gas and disappointment. I consider staying home rather than braving the unknown and my unpredictable bowels, but I am convinced to go with. After a few minor navigational errors, we arrive at our destination. They are playing a game called "Werewolves" which we also take part in. I am told to make myself a drink, which I am not entirely comfortable with. Fortunately, my friend is kind enough to make one for me. After we have finished playing "Werewolves", we play another game called "Small World". I do terribly.

Eventually people start to go to bed or go home. We do the same.
***
Monday, July 2nd
Unknown time

Much of my day is spent wandering back and forth between the computer chair and my bed as I am bored and overheated. Opening my window helps nothing as there is no breeze to be found. Somewhere along the line, I decide to fill the bathtub with cold water and sit there for a while. I stop short of filling the tub as I realize that the sides are disgusting and look as if I have been chopping up corpses. I find myself compelled to clean the bathtub. It is not sparkling clean, but it is a major improvement. I fill the tub with barely warm water and sit for an unknown period of time. My mind wanders to people and places from my school days. Around 6 PM, I crawl back into bed and do not leave.
***
Tuesday, July 3rd
3:03 AM

I try to amuse myself, but I have no memory of what that may have entailed. I wonder why my phone and Internet have not be reconnected as the long weekend is over and my payment to MTS should have arrived by now. I go to work.
***
Wednesday, July 4th
Unknown time

I think my timeline is already confused, but that's not really very important. Everything is becoming murky. I wait another day before getting fed up and finally getting my Internet reconnected.

The end.

Ammonia, sweet river...

plaidknight — Fri, 29 Jun 2012 16:47:03 GMT

I get the funny feeling that I've used the lyrics from most parts of that song a few times already on LJ, but whatever. No one will notice or care, despite the fact that I just pointed it out. It's quite fantastic, really.

I find myself wanting to go to sleep but I'm also having some small amount of difficulty in doing so. I suppose it might help if I tried a little bit harder, but I seem much more interested in staying awake and trying to amuse myself. Unfortunately, there isn't really a whole lot that I feel like doing right now and anything that might remotely interest me temporarily seems to lead to a dead end. I'll probably end up going back to bed eventually. Ho hum.

Lulz. I just skimmed through all of my entries to see whether or not I had actually used lyrics from Valley Girl Ventriloquist as journal titles and apparently I have not. Unfortunately, I managed to make myself more tired and slightly depressed in the process, so I think I should just fuck off and go to bed now. Or die trying.