For the last two or three days, I've played the lovely game of "is it a panic attack or something else?"

I have an anxiety disorder and suffered from panic attacks as a teen. Over the years, I learned to manage them the natural way. But two nights ago, I had chest pains that sent me into a tailspin. It was bad enough that I couldn't talk for a few minutes. It was on the left side, not center of my chest and moved from the front to the back. Kevin thought I may have pulled a muscle. My mom suggested gas. This was after a run earlier that evening where I pushed myself a bit farther than normal and panicked when it felt I was short of breath. I calmed myself down then, but the chest pains scared me. My family has a history of heart problems. My dad died from heart problems at a young age.

I contemplated going to the hospital even though I'm still waiting for Medi-Cal to kick in. But honestly, I assumed I was overreacting and had to work the next day. So did Kevin. Neither of us get sick days.

I took an ibuprofen and the pain went away, so I went to bed. I've been feeling off ever since. Right now, my chest hurts again... But I also know I'm psyching myself up and thinking about it. So again, I don't know what it is.

I would go to a doctor if it was possible. I don't have Medi-cal yet and who knows when I'll get it. The community clinic is walk in only, in a sketchy part of town and I don't have a car to get there during the day (and I don't want to keep Kevin there late when he has to work the next morning because I bet it's a panic attack).

Right now, I am stressed out and depressed, so it would make sense that I'm having panic attacks. I'm not usually one to avoid going to the doctor, but right now, it feels pretty impossible so here's hoping it's just anxiety. I've been dealing with a lot stress lately, and I'm struggling a bit, I'll admit it. And on top of it all, it seems that anything that could go wrong, will. It's one thing on top of another on top of another...

So no, I don't have time for health problems or panic attacks. They need to go away. Or Medi-cal needs to get their act together so I can see a doctor. If anything, for some anti-anxiety medicine. I haven't taken anything like that since I was a teen, but if this is a panic attack, I need some help dealing with it.

I just don't know what to do honestly. I just want it to pass, to feel better so I can get work done. I have a lot of projects on my plate... And if I want to pay the bills next month, I can't sit out a day or two because I don't feel good.

To put it bluntly, this sucks.