LJ Idol Season 8: Week 36(B); Hold Your Tongue
My boyfriend has a tendency to say too much sometimes. He doesn’t mean to, he just can’t help himself.
Like the time we were lounging on my couch one cool, summer evening. The patio doors were open, we were snuggled together and I was fighting to keep him awake. I’m not even sure how the dangerous conversation came up, but he told me, "You know, I think it’s okay to say you’d cheat on the person you love with a celebrity.”
I stared at him for a moments and asked, "Oh really now? So you’d cheat on me with a celebrity?”
He nodded his head.
Tilting my head so I was now looking down on him, I further inquired, "And which celebrity would you cheat on me with?”
He remained quiet for a moment, thinking to himself and I was just waiting for him to put his foot in his mouth... "Richard Simmons.”
I nearly fell off the couch in tears.
"Oh really? Knowing how much you like redheads, I’d have pegged you for the Carrot Top type!”
"Mmmm Yes, him too. I’d want to be in the middle of a Richard Simmons/ Carrot Top sandwich.”
Somehow, this became a game of me asking him, "Would you cheat on me with...” A game that could get any man in trouble I’m sure.
And when they’re asleep, like I found out later on, it can get even worse.
"Would you cheat on me with Jennifer?” Knowing full well that prior to me dating him, he had the hugest crush on our friend. He quickly, perhaps too quickly, admitted to it "Yes, I would”
At the time, this seemed like the most fun game ever. Ask him questions and knowing that while he’s asleep, he’d say yes to anything. I only wish I’d caught it on video camera.
Later that night, I recounted the evening’s activities and his startling admissions in all their gory detail. Hiding his face, he called me a liar and told me he’d never say such things about Richard Simmons!
I teased and taunted, "Oh and you also admitted that you’d cheat on me with Jennifer!”
"But I would.”
Nudging him sharply in the side playfully, "You would not, meaniehead!”
As serious as can be, he replies, "But yes I would honey. I swear I would.”
"MEANIE! You wouldn’t cheat on me!” I was still laughing at this point, but we continue on, back and forth for several minutes. He insisted that he would cheat on me with our friend. He was almost reassuring me that, yes, he’d cheat on me with her, as if it was somehow the answer I wanted to hear.
Finding this very odd, I sat up in bed and stared at him, "So you would really cheat on me?”
His eyes sprang open and he stared at me with a look of complete shock on his face, "No, I wouldn’t cheat on you! Are you crazy?”
It really is hard to tell when he’s awake or when he’s asleep. He really oughtta make an act out of that.
Don’t worry, I kicked him very hard for that little scare. Now it’s an ongoing joke between us.
Most of the time he’s not bringing on a potential break up with his sleepy time conversations, he just says outright hilarious, random and bizarre things.
Lounging on the floor (as he often does at my house, the boy seems to have something against furniture), my cat pounced upon his chest and started acting all goofy as cats often do.
We both laughed at her antics for a moment before I said the obvious, "She’s so funny!”
"She’s not funnier than a platypus.” He stated matter-of-factly.
Laughing, I couldn’t resist myself, "And why isn’t she?”
"Because...” He spoke with the most serious voice he could, "There’s nothing funnier than a platypus.”
I had assumed he was awake and just messing with me, until the next day I repeated the phrase in regular conversation, "A platypus? What’s funny about a platypus?”
"You tell me!”
See what I mean? He’s good.
Other times, it’s more obvious. Like the one time I was telling him about a song that I really liked and asked if he’d heard it. His response? "Overcrowded.”
Or when he told me we should bring Annabelle with us to the OC Fair, and I told him she’d steal all the kid’s corn dogs. He felt it necessary to answer with a question, "Syphillis?”
Another time, he was in the middle of a sentence and his voice trailed off before finished what he had to say with a “Birthmarks!” exclaimed as loudly as he could. So loudly, he woke himself back up with his own voice and looked at me as if I’d shouted a random phrase in the middle of his conversation.
Most of the time when he trails off though, I tell him he did so.
"No I didn’t.”
"Yes you did.” I usually poke his side at this point, trying to wake his silly butt up.
"No, you just didn’t hear what I had to say!”
The blame is always on me. Unless of course, it’s on Annabelle. She tends to get blamed more often than I do.
A few days after his birthday, we still had some leftover Funfetti cupcakes with sprinkles (his favorite). He was lounging on the floor, playing with my giant puppy, when I step into the kitchen and catch a glimpse of the delightful sweets.
"Would you like a cupcake?” I was already planning on eating a couple (or more) myself regardless of what he had to say.
"I can’t.” He whimpered.
"Why not?” I glanced in his direction.
In a child-like pouty voice, "Annabelle ate it.”
"She ate what, honey?” I stepped back into the living room, thinking my dog had swallowed her toy or something else, she’s known to do that.
Accusingly, he responded with, "My cake. She ate all of it.”
He insisted on it for several minutes before I woke him up and shoved a cupcake in his face to prove that no, my dog hadn’t eaten all of his birthday cake. Poor baby. What a nightmare that must have been!
Another time, as we were contemplating heading to the dog park in 90 degree weather, I tell him to get dressed. He responded with, "I am. You just need to get your snow shoes on!”
"I don’t have any snow shoes! Not in California, silly!”
"Of course you don’t because Annabelle ate them.”
I’ve discovered... Sometimes, it’s best to just not argue with him. Instead, I find it more entertaining to egg him on. I’ve pulled out the video camera on my phone, but even with his eyes closed, he seems to know he’s being taped.
Hiding his face behind his arm, he refuses to speak except to say, "I love you!” over and over and over again.
There are times though, where he speaks more truth than when he’s even awake. Even if it takes him awhile to get there.
"Did you hear that Katy Perry is going to be on Sesame Street?” I often like to tell him about all the random stuff I see on the Internet.
"They’re all re-runs.” Again, in his matter-of-fact voice that sounds so very much awake.
"What? Sesame Street? They are not!” For a moment, I’m confused until I realize... Yep.. His eyes are closed!
"Yep. Same episodes they had when I was a kid.” He nodded.
"That’s not true! Katy Perry was just on the other day! How’s that possible?” Like I said, I lie to egg him on a bit.
"That's because..." He thought for a moment before answering, "Katy Perry is a hooker.”
Okay, well he had me there...
(Thanks for reading! This is my second to last entry for Hell Week, so please bear with me, folks. It was tough writing 5 entries in a matter of days with how crazy my life is, but I made it! If you liked this entry, please hop on over to
therealljidol and check out what the other fine contestants have to offer. Thank you for all your support throughout the last 9 months, making it to the Top 7 has been such an amazing experience!)
Like the time we were lounging on my couch one cool, summer evening. The patio doors were open, we were snuggled together and I was fighting to keep him awake. I’m not even sure how the dangerous conversation came up, but he told me, "You know, I think it’s okay to say you’d cheat on the person you love with a celebrity.”
I stared at him for a moments and asked, "Oh really now? So you’d cheat on me with a celebrity?”
He nodded his head.
Tilting my head so I was now looking down on him, I further inquired, "And which celebrity would you cheat on me with?”
He remained quiet for a moment, thinking to himself and I was just waiting for him to put his foot in his mouth... "Richard Simmons.”
I nearly fell off the couch in tears.
"Oh really? Knowing how much you like redheads, I’d have pegged you for the Carrot Top type!”
"Mmmm Yes, him too. I’d want to be in the middle of a Richard Simmons/ Carrot Top sandwich.”
Somehow, this became a game of me asking him, "Would you cheat on me with...” A game that could get any man in trouble I’m sure.
And when they’re asleep, like I found out later on, it can get even worse.
"Would you cheat on me with Jennifer?” Knowing full well that prior to me dating him, he had the hugest crush on our friend. He quickly, perhaps too quickly, admitted to it "Yes, I would”
At the time, this seemed like the most fun game ever. Ask him questions and knowing that while he’s asleep, he’d say yes to anything. I only wish I’d caught it on video camera.
Later that night, I recounted the evening’s activities and his startling admissions in all their gory detail. Hiding his face, he called me a liar and told me he’d never say such things about Richard Simmons!
I teased and taunted, "Oh and you also admitted that you’d cheat on me with Jennifer!”
"But I would.”
Nudging him sharply in the side playfully, "You would not, meaniehead!”
As serious as can be, he replies, "But yes I would honey. I swear I would.”
"MEANIE! You wouldn’t cheat on me!” I was still laughing at this point, but we continue on, back and forth for several minutes. He insisted that he would cheat on me with our friend. He was almost reassuring me that, yes, he’d cheat on me with her, as if it was somehow the answer I wanted to hear.
Finding this very odd, I sat up in bed and stared at him, "So you would really cheat on me?”
His eyes sprang open and he stared at me with a look of complete shock on his face, "No, I wouldn’t cheat on you! Are you crazy?”
It really is hard to tell when he’s awake or when he’s asleep. He really oughtta make an act out of that.
Don’t worry, I kicked him very hard for that little scare. Now it’s an ongoing joke between us.
Most of the time he’s not bringing on a potential break up with his sleepy time conversations, he just says outright hilarious, random and bizarre things.
Lounging on the floor (as he often does at my house, the boy seems to have something against furniture), my cat pounced upon his chest and started acting all goofy as cats often do.
We both laughed at her antics for a moment before I said the obvious, "She’s so funny!”
"She’s not funnier than a platypus.” He stated matter-of-factly.
Laughing, I couldn’t resist myself, "And why isn’t she?”
"Because...” He spoke with the most serious voice he could, "There’s nothing funnier than a platypus.”
I had assumed he was awake and just messing with me, until the next day I repeated the phrase in regular conversation, "A platypus? What’s funny about a platypus?”
"You tell me!”
See what I mean? He’s good.
Other times, it’s more obvious. Like the one time I was telling him about a song that I really liked and asked if he’d heard it. His response? "Overcrowded.”
Or when he told me we should bring Annabelle with us to the OC Fair, and I told him she’d steal all the kid’s corn dogs. He felt it necessary to answer with a question, "Syphillis?”
Another time, he was in the middle of a sentence and his voice trailed off before finished what he had to say with a “Birthmarks!” exclaimed as loudly as he could. So loudly, he woke himself back up with his own voice and looked at me as if I’d shouted a random phrase in the middle of his conversation.
Most of the time when he trails off though, I tell him he did so.
"No I didn’t.”
"Yes you did.” I usually poke his side at this point, trying to wake his silly butt up.
"No, you just didn’t hear what I had to say!”
The blame is always on me. Unless of course, it’s on Annabelle. She tends to get blamed more often than I do.
A few days after his birthday, we still had some leftover Funfetti cupcakes with sprinkles (his favorite). He was lounging on the floor, playing with my giant puppy, when I step into the kitchen and catch a glimpse of the delightful sweets.
"Would you like a cupcake?” I was already planning on eating a couple (or more) myself regardless of what he had to say.
"I can’t.” He whimpered.
"Why not?” I glanced in his direction.
In a child-like pouty voice, "Annabelle ate it.”
"She ate what, honey?” I stepped back into the living room, thinking my dog had swallowed her toy or something else, she’s known to do that.
Accusingly, he responded with, "My cake. She ate all of it.”
He insisted on it for several minutes before I woke him up and shoved a cupcake in his face to prove that no, my dog hadn’t eaten all of his birthday cake. Poor baby. What a nightmare that must have been!
Another time, as we were contemplating heading to the dog park in 90 degree weather, I tell him to get dressed. He responded with, "I am. You just need to get your snow shoes on!”
"I don’t have any snow shoes! Not in California, silly!”
"Of course you don’t because Annabelle ate them.”
I’ve discovered... Sometimes, it’s best to just not argue with him. Instead, I find it more entertaining to egg him on. I’ve pulled out the video camera on my phone, but even with his eyes closed, he seems to know he’s being taped.
Hiding his face behind his arm, he refuses to speak except to say, "I love you!” over and over and over again.
There are times though, where he speaks more truth than when he’s even awake. Even if it takes him awhile to get there.
"Did you hear that Katy Perry is going to be on Sesame Street?” I often like to tell him about all the random stuff I see on the Internet.
"They’re all re-runs.” Again, in his matter-of-fact voice that sounds so very much awake.
"What? Sesame Street? They are not!” For a moment, I’m confused until I realize... Yep.. His eyes are closed!
"Yep. Same episodes they had when I was a kid.” He nodded.
"That’s not true! Katy Perry was just on the other day! How’s that possible?” Like I said, I lie to egg him on a bit.
"That's because..." He thought for a moment before answering, "Katy Perry is a hooker.”
Okay, well he had me there...
(Thanks for reading! This is my second to last entry for Hell Week, so please bear with me, folks. It was tough writing 5 entries in a matter of days with how crazy my life is, but I made it! If you liked this entry, please hop on over to
therealljidol and check out what the other fine contestants have to offer. Thank you for all your support throughout the last 9 months, making it to the Top 7 has been such an amazing experience!)