LJ Idol Season 8: Week 36; Waking Dream
"Please make him real for me...”
"Ella! Time to get up!”
Every morning I stared at the ceiling, never wanting to wake up again.
Sometimes, if I laid in bed long enough, I could feel him. I could sense him nearby.
At first, he started out as a scary monster with big teeth. He chased me, trying to eat me while I screamed for help. No one ever came to save me.
My mom was tired of my crying all night and always trying to crawl into her bed when she needed to sleep.
She took me in to see a doctor who asked me, "What does he look like?”
"Oh, a terrifying looking monster! He’s all black and wooly, like a dog... But with claws long enough to tear your eyes out!”
My counselors showed me how to control my dreams, how to control the monsters. They called it "lucid dreaming”. I learned it pretty quickly for a kid, they said. When the monster did what I told him to do, he wasn’t so scary anymore.
They told my mom as long as I could keep the night terrors away, which I had been doing since my friend came along, things were fine.
The doctor told us, "Sometimes kids create imaginary creatures to protect them from the pain. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
The first time I made him wear a pink apron and have a tea party with me, I laughed so hard. I hadn’t laughed like that in a very long time. We would chase fairies through the forests, and sometimes I would ride him like a horse through the clouds.
I named him Mr. Wooly. He hated being called that, but they were my dreams and I had control over them, and of him. I could call him whatever I wanted.
Mom poked her head into the door. She no longer helped me get dressed for school since I was a big girl. She said I should be able to get ready myself, but she checked up on me sometimes if I took too long.
"You had those dreams again last night, didn’t you?” Her voice slurred. She stumbled in the door way, grabbing ahold of the knob to steady herself.
Hopping out of bed, I just shook my head. She would never understand what he meant to me.
"How’s your dad liking prison, rat?” Mark, the class bully, stepped up beside me, poking me with the big stick he had in his hands.
The kids were always the meanest to me, never letting me forget.
"I heard your sister bled a lot when he hit her over the head with that brick.” His friend taunted from behind me, stepping on the backs of my shoes and causing me to almost fall on my face.
"I heard her brains splattered all over the walls!” Mark said.
I walked a bit faster, trying to get away when his friend came up next to me, "I also heard he ate her brains, did he feed any to you?”
"No he didn’t eat her brains! You’re a liar!” I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
"None of this would have happened if your family wasn’t so trash!” Mark called out to me as I ran toward the bathroom as fast as I could, "Good thing your mom sobered up before he got you too!”
Once alone, I closed my eyes, trying to escape to the safe place inside my head. I dug deep, trying to place myself anywhere other than here.
My art teacher stopped near my desk. She looked over my shoulder at my drawing.
"Mr. Wooly again, Ella?” She sounded upset.
I bit my lip and nodded. I hoped she wasn’t mad at me since I liked Mrs. Monroe’s art class. I looked forward to it every Wednesday.
"But who’s that man?” She pointed at the short man wearing a suit and tie, "He’s new?”
"I don’t know. He came to me in my dream last night...” I held my hands in my lap and looked down at them, trying not to look her in the eye.
She knelt down beside me and looked over my drawing.
"He looks kind of scary.” She pointed to the grin I’d scribbled on his face with a dark red crayon, "What did he say to you?”
Biting my thumbnail, I looked toward the clock, hoping the bell would ring. Mrs. Monroe put her hand on my shoulder, and I knew I had to say something, "He told me I could have anything in the world I wanted...”
"What did you say?” She sounded like one of my doctors when she asked me that.
"I told him I wanted Mr. Wooly to be real.” I had hoped that would be enough for her, but she stayed silent, waiting for me to say more, "I want him to kill all the bad people for me.”
She looked at me for a second and then spoke, "It’s a good thing it’s only a dream. The sweet girl I know wouldn’t want to hurt anyone.”
I nodded, though I was guilty for the way I felt inside. Because I’d meant it and would do it if I could.
Mr. Wooly came running up to me, shrieking and growling with his arms outstretched. A moment of fear hit me as I wondered, "What if it didn’t work this time?”
I yelled the phrase my counselors had taught me, "This is only a dream and you can’t hurt me!”
He stopped in his tracks. No more growling. No more angry, snarling teeth ready to eat me. Just my friend, Mr. Wooly, again.
Always a little scared, I walked over to him. Seeing that he had no intention of eating me, I buried my face in his fur and wrapped my arms around him.
"Hug me.” I demanded. I needed a hug after the day I’d had.
He does as he’s told. He has to; it’s my dream.
"Ella! Time to get up!”
My mom’s voice woke me up, making my dreamworld fall apart. I stayed in bed for a few minutes longer, taking in the feeling of my friend. It’s as if he were still with me even then.
I flipped over on my side and saw the reflection in the mirror on the closet door. My heart jumped in my throat and I gasped, not believing what I saw. I wondered if I was still dreaming?
Sitting up, I turned around to see him, there in the room. Just as large, scary and wooly as I’d imagined him to be. His teeth protruded like tusks from his mouth, slobber hanging off them and falling to my carpet in large drops.
"Are you really real?” I wiped the sleep from my eyes.
Before I could pinch myself and convince myself he was real, the large monster growled loud enough to shake my bed.
"It’s only a dream! You can’t hurt me!” I screamed as loudly as I could.
He moved toward me, still growling.
It hadn’t worked.
"It’s only a dream! You have to stop now!” I demanded once more.
His arms reached out toward my bed and grabbed me by the hair, pulling me onto the floor with a loud thud as my hip hit against something hard. My hair ripped from my head and I screamed out in pain. You can’t feel pain in dreams, I thought to myself. That’s what they’ve always told me! He can’t hurt me in my dreams!
"Ella! Is everything okay in there?” My mom yelled from down the hallway, voice slurred and irritated.
His long nails tangled in my hair, as he pulled my head up and I stared into those mean eyes. He was real, just like I’d wished for in my dream last night.
"I want you to eat the bad people, Mr. Wooly... Not me.” I begged and pleaded through tears, "You’re my friend!”
I heard my mom’s footsteps stumbling down the hallway toward my room.
She wouldn’t be able to save me this time.
Mr. Wooly’s slobber ran down my forehead. I felt a pain in my head, the kind of pain I imagined my sister felt when she died, followed by blood running into my eyes. There was a loud crack before my world went black.
(This is my third of six entries for Week 36 of
therealljidol. As always, thank you for all your support!)