LJ Idol Home Game Topic: Things I Didn't Mean
The worst words I ever did say: I do.
The choice of venues for such an affair seems rather ludicrous, but it’s me that we are talking about after all. Nothing is ever normal when it comes to my life. We chose this place for free wi-fi, I had forgotten all about the atmosphere.
Which made me think...
“Have you ever been to a Tilted Kilt?”
I sit back into the booth, my phone in my hand as my husband sits across from me, staring intently at his laptop, typing away, oblivious to the fact that I sit there before him.
The buzzing of my phone makes me jump. I got a response.
“I don’t even know what that is”
Hmmm just as I thought. Now I get to explain...
“It’s basically like Hooters. The girls wear short plaid skirts and knee high stockings. It made me think of you :-p”
The waitress appears at our table and hands us the menus. She’s a really pretty brunette with a nice push up bra showing underneath her tiny, white button up shirt. I find that I am talking to her cleavage. I wonder if my husband has noticed them too, but a glance in his direction reminds me that he would rather be staring at the computer screen.
Gold Digger by Kanye West comes on. How appropriate I think. I can’t help but start laughing so hard, that my husband finally glances away from the laptop to ask me what’s so funny. I try to explain the humor in the song and why it fits the situation, but I forgot that irony is often lost upon him.
Buzz.
Oh my. That sounds so sexy...”
I can’t help but give a coy smile to my phone. Another glare from my soon to be ex. He was saying something and I didn’t exactly catch what it was. I put my serious face back on.
“I asked if you were ready to order...”
Food. Oh yeah. That’s why we came here after all, not to stare at sexy girls in schoolgirl uniforms. I am so easily distracted these days. My mind is only on one thing. I need to order food, but first I need to finish my message...
“Oh yes it is. I just knew you would like the sound of that...”
The waitress appears at the table once again. I order the hottest hot wings they have on the menu. I figured I could take a chance. My husband goes for the mild ones. Go figure. It fits our life philosophies perfectly. He always plays it safe...
My phone buzzes again. My husband scowls at me. Screw him, I check it anyway.
You know what else I would like? To be sitting there next to you, with your hand under the table...”
The rest was rather explicit. It caused me to smile at the phone and glance nervously up at my husband, hoping he didn’t notice my mischievous grin as I type my response.
“Only if you had your hand up my skirt baby”
As if I needed to worry, my husband is more interested in checking out his bank accounts and stock options on the laptop than in anything I am doing. Very typical of any time we are together. The way to his heart is money. It always has been, it always will be.
Buzz.
“ Of course I would baby. You know what else I would do if I were there?”
I glance back up at my husband. His eyes still on the screen. Here I am, sending dirty texts to another man and my husband only seems to care whenever I laugh or look happy. So typical.
It’s no wonder my interest is waning. He has no desire to be anything but serious and unhappy. He wants me to be just as miserable and boring as he is. Life isn’t allowed to be exciting or dangerous with him.
When our food comes, I put the phone away for a few minutes. I pick up a wing and nervously put it up to my mouth and take a bite, expecting it to turn my mouth to fire. Nothing of the sort. Sure, they were hot, but certainly not the hottest I have tried as the name liked to suggest.
I offer one to my husband, telling him they really aren’t hot at all. He agrees and takes a bite and instantly grabs for his water.
“They are VERY hot? What were you thinking?!?”
Oops. I forgot my tolerance for such things is rather high. He isn’t happy with me. Again. What else is new?
I turn back to my phone.
“What else would you like to do to me, baby?
I grab another wing and stare blankly at the TV screen, pretending interest to avoid having to talk to him yet again.
Buzz
I grab the phone and get a huge grin on my face as I read the message about what I could be doing instead. Things that would be much more interesting than what I am currently doing.
It’s a shame I am stuck here in the real world.
My husband finishes eating and goes back to his work. I order a drink and text away.I say more to my texting friend than I do the man I am with and he doesn’t even care or take notice.
But that’s okay. When he finally looks back at me, he tells me that the paperwork is finished. We just need to get it notarized and we are on our way to fixing my mistake. I can take back the “I Do” and finally be set free. Free to live my own life.
The divorce paperwork is finished.
(I didn't edit or really proofread this, it was written rather fast. I don't really have the time right now, but it was just an idea I had and wanted to get it out there for the Home Game this week. Parts of this are true, parts are fiction. I was sitting at Tilted Kilt working on the divorce paperwork and the idea came to me for a semi-fictional piece. But how much of this is fiction? Well you will just have to wonder about that :) I may improve on it, I may not. I just wanted to get my first home game entry in this week and get back to writing)
The choice of venues for such an affair seems rather ludicrous, but it’s me that we are talking about after all. Nothing is ever normal when it comes to my life. We chose this place for free wi-fi, I had forgotten all about the atmosphere.
Which made me think...
“Have you ever been to a Tilted Kilt?”
I sit back into the booth, my phone in my hand as my husband sits across from me, staring intently at his laptop, typing away, oblivious to the fact that I sit there before him.
The buzzing of my phone makes me jump. I got a response.
“I don’t even know what that is”
Hmmm just as I thought. Now I get to explain...
“It’s basically like Hooters. The girls wear short plaid skirts and knee high stockings. It made me think of you :-p”
The waitress appears at our table and hands us the menus. She’s a really pretty brunette with a nice push up bra showing underneath her tiny, white button up shirt. I find that I am talking to her cleavage. I wonder if my husband has noticed them too, but a glance in his direction reminds me that he would rather be staring at the computer screen.
Gold Digger by Kanye West comes on. How appropriate I think. I can’t help but start laughing so hard, that my husband finally glances away from the laptop to ask me what’s so funny. I try to explain the humor in the song and why it fits the situation, but I forgot that irony is often lost upon him.
Buzz.
Oh my. That sounds so sexy...”
I can’t help but give a coy smile to my phone. Another glare from my soon to be ex. He was saying something and I didn’t exactly catch what it was. I put my serious face back on.
“I asked if you were ready to order...”
Food. Oh yeah. That’s why we came here after all, not to stare at sexy girls in schoolgirl uniforms. I am so easily distracted these days. My mind is only on one thing. I need to order food, but first I need to finish my message...
“Oh yes it is. I just knew you would like the sound of that...”
The waitress appears at the table once again. I order the hottest hot wings they have on the menu. I figured I could take a chance. My husband goes for the mild ones. Go figure. It fits our life philosophies perfectly. He always plays it safe...
My phone buzzes again. My husband scowls at me. Screw him, I check it anyway.
You know what else I would like? To be sitting there next to you, with your hand under the table...”
The rest was rather explicit. It caused me to smile at the phone and glance nervously up at my husband, hoping he didn’t notice my mischievous grin as I type my response.
“Only if you had your hand up my skirt baby”
As if I needed to worry, my husband is more interested in checking out his bank accounts and stock options on the laptop than in anything I am doing. Very typical of any time we are together. The way to his heart is money. It always has been, it always will be.
Buzz.
“ Of course I would baby. You know what else I would do if I were there?”
I glance back up at my husband. His eyes still on the screen. Here I am, sending dirty texts to another man and my husband only seems to care whenever I laugh or look happy. So typical.
It’s no wonder my interest is waning. He has no desire to be anything but serious and unhappy. He wants me to be just as miserable and boring as he is. Life isn’t allowed to be exciting or dangerous with him.
When our food comes, I put the phone away for a few minutes. I pick up a wing and nervously put it up to my mouth and take a bite, expecting it to turn my mouth to fire. Nothing of the sort. Sure, they were hot, but certainly not the hottest I have tried as the name liked to suggest.
I offer one to my husband, telling him they really aren’t hot at all. He agrees and takes a bite and instantly grabs for his water.
“They are VERY hot? What were you thinking?!?”
Oops. I forgot my tolerance for such things is rather high. He isn’t happy with me. Again. What else is new?
I turn back to my phone.
“What else would you like to do to me, baby?
I grab another wing and stare blankly at the TV screen, pretending interest to avoid having to talk to him yet again.
Buzz
I grab the phone and get a huge grin on my face as I read the message about what I could be doing instead. Things that would be much more interesting than what I am currently doing.
It’s a shame I am stuck here in the real world.
My husband finishes eating and goes back to his work. I order a drink and text away.I say more to my texting friend than I do the man I am with and he doesn’t even care or take notice.
But that’s okay. When he finally looks back at me, he tells me that the paperwork is finished. We just need to get it notarized and we are on our way to fixing my mistake. I can take back the “I Do” and finally be set free. Free to live my own life.
The divorce paperwork is finished.
(I didn't edit or really proofread this, it was written rather fast. I don't really have the time right now, but it was just an idea I had and wanted to get it out there for the Home Game this week. Parts of this are true, parts are fiction. I was sitting at Tilted Kilt working on the divorce paperwork and the idea came to me for a semi-fictional piece. But how much of this is fiction? Well you will just have to wonder about that :) I may improve on it, I may not. I just wanted to get my first home game entry in this week and get back to writing)