keep your eyes on her horizon

Dear Festividder

2013-10-17T06:01:36Z

(OMG. I typoed "Dead Festividder" in the subject line. That .... is a ridiculously terrible omen.)

HELLO lovely vidder! I have not written a blog post in a really long time, but I would love to talk to you about vids! And fandoms! And other exciting things! (I also haven't actually vidded since 2011, so I am both excited and terrified about participating in Festivids for the very first time ever in my life. But that is neither here nor there. I am also drunk right now due to a work outing and a dude who kept ordering champagne for everyone. You should be pleased to know that I was informed by a reliable source, hello absolutedestiny , that ~~Dead~~ Dear Festividder ~~litters~~ letters are better when drunk. I seriously made those typos just now. So here we go!)

Let's talk about vids and music. I love all styles of vidding, and I completely trust your musical choices. Anything you decide is fine with me. That was a short and very enjoyable conversation!! Now on to fandoms!

Anne of Green Gables [Movie Series]: Dear vidder, I identify so hard with Anne Shirley. She reads lots of books and has a vivid imagination and longs for a bosom friend and is super smart and is my childhood hero. She is essentially me but with bitchin' red hair (oh shit don't call it red! it's auburn!). I love these movies a lot. Also did you know that both Dave Foley and Bruce McCullough, later of Kids in the Hall, had tiny roles in Anne of Avonlea? It's true. Basically Anne is fantastic and if you vidded any aspect of these movies I would be over the moon.

Flight of the Navigator [Movie]: I have wanted a FotN vid for years. YEEEEEAAAAARRRRRRRSSSS. Every time Festivids rolls around I'm like, I wish I had time to make a vid for it, cause then I could request a FotN vid for myself. It is very 80's - dear lord, it's so unbelievably 80's - but the plot holds up pretty well, and I am still emotionally affected by the main character's story arc, and it was one of the first sci-fi movies I remember watching and so it made a huge impression on me, and I still want to ride around in a kickass silver spaceship with a collection of tiny muppet aliens. I just think there should be a FotN vid in the world, is all. Also, Sarah Jessica Parker with an 80's haircut!

The Land Before Time [Movie]: Okay, THIS is why I am actually participating in Festivids. I had mostly given up hope on ever getting a Flight of the Navigator vid so I wasn't going to sign up, and then I was scrolling through the list of fandoms and saw this one and immediately FIRED ALL MY FRIENDS because they failed to tell me this was an option. I mean. Okay. This was TOTALLY my childhood. I may have been traumatized for life by the earthquake that separated all the baby dinos from their parents, and then when Littlefoot's mom-- LOOK I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THAT OKAY, and then Littlefoot and Cera and Spike and Ducky and Petrie bonded together and became a family and I'm not crying right now I swear, it's just my period, shut up, Littlefoot carried around his treestar, I JUST NEED TO HAVE FEELINGS FOR A MINUTE. OKAY I THINK I'M BETTER. CARTOON DINOSAURS, YAY, I'M SORRY WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT. The good news is that we are done with my childhood fandoms now so I can stop being (mostly) incoherent.

Scandal [TV]: Dear vidder, this is the only fandom on my list where I'm going to be picky. For all the others you can literally throw any clips you want on the timeline and I'll be happy. However, when it comes to Scandal, you and I need to agree that Fitz is THE WORST. Literally the worst human being on the planet. He has no redeeming features at all. I hate Fitz and I hate Olivia/Fitz (though I do kind of appreciate Fitz/Mellie cause they are perfect for each other, let's be honest). Now that I have gotten my Fitz-hate out of the way: anything else you want to do with this show is great! I love Olivia, I love Cyrus, I love the gladiators holy shit do I LOVE the gladiators, I love Mellie because she's a fucking badass. This is a brilliant show and I'm excited to see what you can do with it. Just remember that Fitz is THE ULTIMATE WORST.

Secretary [Movie]: Maggie Gyllenhaal, James Spader, and BDSM. I ... yeah. I really can't add anything to that, it's a pretty fuckin' fantastic sentence by itself so I'll just point to that and leave you to your own devices. Secretary. Yup. That happened. Hello, formative experience. *kof*

Sliding Doors [Movie]: Soooooooo let's talk about John Hannah SHALL WE. He is one of my major actor crushes, and dear vidder he's not even all that pretty but in this movie he (a) is sweet as hell (b) quotes Monty Python and (c) has a Scottish accent. I watched this movie and was all THE FUCK IS THAT and someone said It's a Scottish accent and I was like ohhhhhhhhhhh. And an accent kink was born. (srsly, if you are Scottish call me, my legs are open.) ANYWAY. Normally I hate Gwyneth Paltrow but I love her in this movie. It's a really sweet and weird love story and I am fascinated by the basic question of how the future unfolds when you change one tiny thing. A butterfly flapping its wings and all that. The parallel universes depicted in the storyline are intriguing and I have no idea how to represent that in vid form, which is why I've never vidded this movie, but maybe you know how and can make me a vid! That would be swell!! Alternately, you could just put random clips of John Hannah on the timeline and I would be delighted.

Warm Bodies [Movie]: Dear vidder, I am losing my buzz so I will attempt to be as drunk-thinking as possible for these last two. This is the MOST ADORABLE MOVIE EVER. It is Romeo and Juliet with zombies! I MEAN. Think about that for a second. It charmed the pants off me, literally, when the credits rolled in the movie theater I stood up and was like where the fuck are my pants. And every character is adorable. R is adorable and Julie is adorable and her friend Nora is adorable and R's zombie friend M is adorable and poor dead Perry is adorable. And even the bonies are kind of adorable in a weird way. Make me an adorable zombie romance vid! The world desperately needs one! Maybe you can charm the pants off THE WHOLE WORLD. Wouldn't that be convenient. *wink*

Wreck-It Ralph [Movie]: Okay remember a long long time ago when I said Warm Bodies was the most adorable movie ever? I lied. I was super drunk at the time. THIS MOVIE is the MOST ADORABLE MOVIE EVER. I just, okay, I may not be able to talk coherently about Wreck-It Ralph. Because Ralph and Vanellope and adorableness and outcasts-becoming-heroes and friendship and Felix/Calhoun and HOMELESS QBERT and I may have just flashed back to the scene where Ralph smashes the car and had to just sit and flap my hands and sniffle for a bit. I thought the cartoon dinosaurs used up all my feelings earlier but I WAS WRONG, GODDAMMIT VANELLOPE, YOU WERE A PRINCESS ALL ALONG, and then you were all "I'm gonna be a hoodie-wearing president" and I can't even talk about how fantastic that is, like, there is so much to say about this movie but all I can really do is sit here and squeak. So vidder, if you have deep things to say, say them in vid form! Or just make something adorable! It's all good!

Dear vidder, you are awesome for reading all the way through this. Seriously, whatever you make will be amazing, and I will love it because it's from you. So no worries. This is Festivids! I'm excited! Are you excited? LET'S DO THIS SHIT!

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

do you ever feel like what we call real life / is not so real

2013-01-02T23:45:52Z

Happy New Year, friends! May 2013 be a better year for you, in every respect, than 2012 was. (I feel this is a good wish to make for everyone, regardless of whether your 2012 was stellar or crappy.)

My 2012 was ... meh. I can't really call it a bad year, I guess. No one close to me died, I didn't have to deal with any financial or health problems (though I did make an unnecessary trip to the ER for a numb toe in June, and getting those bills has been a laugh and a half, let me tell you), and there were no easily-quantifiable Negative Life Experiences to speak of. But I kind of feel like I zombie-shuffled through an entire 12 months without realizing it. It seems like just last week when I was looking back on 2011, and making resolutions for 2012 and vowing that this would be My Year, the Year In Which I Would Be Amazing And Make Good Shit Happen! And ... then I went to work, came home, ate dinner, went to bed, repeated that cycle a handful of times, and now here we are.

Of course this is more based on my gut feeling than on anything concrete. In fact, looking at all the typical Markers of Success on which people usually judge their lives, I suppose it was a positive year. I went from traveling to Plano, Texas every week (yeesh) to working in Chicago and sleeping in my own bed at night. I got a promotion at work and a fairly impressive raise to go along with it. I moved to a better apartment in a nicer neighborhood. I traveled to places I'd never been before, including Thailand (on my birthday!), Vietnam, Singapore, and China, and even squeezed in a return trip to Bali. So ... not too shabby? On the other hand, I've gained weight and am horribly out of shape due to poor diet and no exercise, and I made zero progress on the dating front. Win some, lose some. (It's telling, I think, that I feel no desire to mention anything fannish here. Yeah, I watched some shows and movies. Whatever. It's barely a blip on the radar.)

2012 seems slightly less boring and uneventful now that I've written about it, heh. But mentally and emotionally, I'm probably in the exact same place as this time last year. I suppose what I really want is to feel like I'm actively swimming, with a goal in sight, rather than just aimlessly drifting with the current. Even if the current is not unpleasant and there's no danger of being carried over a waterfall. It's not enough to just ... exist. Is that odd?

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

10% through Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

2012-10-12T01:53:49Z

HEDWIG.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

/o\
Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

Fifty points for Hufflepuff!

2012-09-25T02:32:00Z

I don't know how I managed to exist in fandom this long without ever watching or reading Harry Potter. (I did see the first movie - and randomly, the fifth I think? with some friends - but remember nothing about either one.) And then about two months ago, I was in Tokyo waiting to board a very long flight back to the US, and completely out of the blue decided "YES. It is time now.", and downloaded alllllll the books onto my Kindle. Hee.

I have just finished Book 5, Order of the Phoenix! And I have Thoughts! Not very deep ones, but thoughts nonetheless! (I know most of the Big Spoilers, like who lives and who dies and who marries who in the end - because you can't be on the internet and NOT know that - but I know almost nothing of the journey itself, which is exciting.)

Professor Minerva McGonagall is my FAVORITE! I want to marry her so badly. She can totally order me around, it'll be awesome. ♥♥♥♥♥
Fred and George Weasley are ALSO MY FAVORITES. If McGonagall is my wife, then they are my two boyfriends. I mean, I loved them way before they left school, but dude, that exit was EPIC. Well done, boys! You also get all the hearts! ♥♥♥♥♥
Should I feel bad for thinking Harry is a bit of a prat? Yeah, teenage boy, hard life, pursued by an evil wizard, nearly dies all the time. Whatevs. That doesn't give him license to be a dick to his friends. Grow up, Harry.
Dear J.K. Rowling: Capslock is not your friend. Really. Please stop.
Hagrid is darling (though I'm betting that's a popular fannish opinion). I want to feed him tea and cookies and bring him lots of crazy weird animals to raise as pets and never let anything bad happen to him ever.
If you had asked me what I knew about Sirius and Remus before I read HP, I would have said "they are two dudes and apparently they are gay for each other? And maybe one of them is a werewolf? I dunno." Holy shit y'all, they are SO GAY FOR EACH OTHER. I don't even feel like I need to actively ship them, because their relationship is clearly canon.
A downside to the story being told entirely from Harry's perspective is that we don't get nearly as much insight or exploration into the other characters, nearly all of whom I love (or at least am fascinated by) more than Harry, heh. (I realize this is what fic is for, but I don't usually read fic, so I'm screwed.) Draco in particular suffers from this; there's a HUGE story there about his childhood and motivations and relationship with his father that isn't being explored. I hope the last two books let him blossom beyond the one-dimensional bully he's been so far.
The books' treatment of Muggles, and the relationships between Muggles and wizards, really really bothers me. I am close to disliking all wizards just on general principle. I'm not talking about the stupid wizard infighting over mudbloods or whatever; I mean the near-total separation that wizards have created between their lives and Muggle lives (to the point where they don't even know what electricity or telephones are), as if Muggles are a lesser species that wizards just can't be bothered with. Except when Muggles accidentally witness magic use, in which case it's perfectly all right to wipe their memories and otherwise fuck with their lives just so wizards aren't inconvenienced. Did we learn nothing from Season 6 of Buffy?
I thought the first two books were moderately enjoyable, liked the third one slightly more, but didn't get fully absorbed until Shit Got Real. Order of the Phoenix is my favorite so far; I have high hopes for Half-Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows. Bring on the pain!

After I've finished the books, I plan to marathon all the movies over a weekend (or possibly two). Woo!
Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

unless we grow and strengthen our communication

2012-09-06T18:06:28Z

I have been badmouthing Twitter and Tumblr for AGES, y'all. I laughed at people who used either of those networks, bragged about how I wouldn't touch either of them with a 10-foot internet tube, and was so perplexed as to why anyone would care about tweeting or tumbling.

My, this crow sure is tasty. *noms*

I am now pipsqueaky on Twitter, and pipsqueaky on Tumblr, for those of you who care, heh. (And I'm sorry for laughing at you?) I'm not moving away from LJ/DW, just branching out. Besides, I hardly ever post here anyway so it's not like anyone will be able to tell the difference, LOL.

On a semi-related note, I am also trying to decide what to do with this blog. I've gotten the occasional urge to post - not necessarily here, just somewhere online - about (a) technical, software-development stuff and (b) politics (feminism, atheism, etc.). This audience is primarily fannish, though, so I've resisted putting those thoughts here. I haven't figured out if I want separate blogs for separate purposes, which seems like WAY too much maintenance for someone as lazy as me; or if I want to throw everything on LJ/DW, advertise this blog to other friends and coworkers, and just tag everything really well so people can filter out what they don't care about. I don't particularly care about hiding any aspects of my life from anyone I know ... though TBH I would almost certainly be more wary of mentioning anything related to porn in this space. :D And plenty of coworkers have already followed me on Twitter, so they know I go by "pipsqueaky"; I haven't exactly made my online presence difficult to track! Anyway. I'll figure it out eventually. If any of you have thoughts/experiences in this realm, I'd love to hear them!

And just for fun -

How I finally joined Twitter: I went to VVC and people were posting to the #vividcon hashtag, and once I started checking it I couldn't stop. It was even better than reading post-con con reports! It was LIVE! And once I posted to it too, I was hooked.

How I finally joined Tumblr: All my Tumblr-loving friends kept showing me their own Tumblrs, filled with their own particular obsessions, saying "look at all the pretty pictures!" and it did absolutely nothing for me. I did NOT get the appeal. Then I decided to randomly surf through Tumblr one day out of boredom, and I found pictures of Jeremy Renner, and I said "OMG I CAN STARE AT COUNTLESS IMAGES OF JEREMY RENNER'S ARMS ON TUMBLR?!" Bless the internet.

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

suddenly it's tomorrow, it's not today anymore

2012-08-25T23:58:14Z

This is my "I went to VividCon" post. I went to VividCon! And it was awesome!

You will not find a detailed, hour-by-hour con report here - the type that says what I did and who I saw each day - because my attention span could never manage that, and I am slowly learning to tell myself it's okay to write one vague incomplete paragraph; I can make a post that just says one or two things rather than ALL THE THINGS, because I will never finish writing about all the things.

I had a really, really good VividCon. Really. :) I am usually mildly socially anxious at VVC; I have the constant monologue in the back of my head saying "am I being friendly enough to everyone? wait, where did my friends go, is everyone off having fun without me? did I just say something really stupid about vids? have I not spent enough time with so-and-so?" And this year there was no monologue. I enjoyed seeing everyone, I had a good time wherever I went, and the whole con was awesome. I wish I could figure out the magical ingredient that made this year so successful, cause I definitely want to repeat this experience in the future!

(Though I really missed sdwolfpup, f1renze, and radixiscat this year. Sniff! *waves to all of you from afar*)

I also walked away with a renewed interest in vids, which TOTALLY surprised me. I have been less and less involved in vidding over time, to the point where I don't call myself an active vidder anymore and I only watched a bare handful of vids between last year's VVC and this one. So I went into VividCon fully expecting to concentrate solely on the people and ignore the programming. But then there were shiny things up on the screen and I was all OH RIGHT, THESE ARE AWESOME! I FORGOT! Heh. I wouldn't say I've been inspired to vid again - that's a big leap - but I have regained some of my previous enthusiasm for watching & talking about vids. And sweetestdrain and I are planning a vidshow for next year, which is exciting!

Here are some of my favorite vids from this year, in no particular order.

My "Vid of the Con": duuuuh. "Let Me Put My Love Into You" (Bitch Slap) by sweetestdrain. She made it for me! And it's wonderful and perfect! She totally vidded my id. :D Lesbians and explosions and green-screens, oh my. Also everyone should watch Bitch Slap, it's the best movie ever (and perfect for a fangirl gathering with alcohol), if you want to know more about it please ask me, except I might not shut up once I get started. Or you could just watch this amazing vid over and over.
"Starships!" (Multi) by bironic. I have watched this on the DVDs about 20 times since the con ended. It's so beautiful, and filled with joy. And the clip of WALL-E makes me sniffle.
"A Different Kind of Love Song" (Multi) by giandujakiss. A celebration of all things geek! Extremely squee-making.
"Heads Will Roll" (Game of Thrones) by hollywoodgrrl. OH MY GODS. I keep mentioning this to different people in different places, and it sounds like an odd compliment but it's significant: this is the only Club Vivid vid ever to make me stop dancing completely and stare at the screen, motionless, to watch it. And y'all know how much I LOVE dancing at CVV. :) So, so many smart things in this vid - from the incest to the foreshadowing to the Dany/Melisandre comparison (which killed me omg) to the final clip. Another vid I have watched many, many times.
"Fire in Your New Shoes" (The Prisoner) by sweetestdrain. So creepy and surreal! Perfectly paced, and I get a kick out of following all the lovely circular imagery. Also convinced me that I really, really need to watch The Prisoner.
"The Adventure" (Harry Potter) by trelkez. I will ditto everyone else's "NEVILLE <3<3<3", hee. However! I have nearly zero knowledge of Harry Potter. I just recently started reading the books - finished #2 shortly before VVC - and have only seen the first movie (and maybe the fifth? though I can't remember it). So I knew next to nothing about Neville when I saw this vid, and I still wept with everyone else, which is a testament to Greensilver's vidding prowess. In fact, about halfway through the vid I was trying to figure out where it was going to go since I don't know the canon, and I was having such epic Neville feelings that I suddenly became VERY AFRAID that he was going to die in the end. (Lesson to self: read the blurbs.) I spent the whole last half of the vid going "NOOOO DON'T DIE", and then he didn't and I was so relieved, hee. I can't wait to finish the books and marathon the movies so I can bring canon knowledge to my watching of this vid.
"Everything Is Wrong" (Community) by laurashapiro. OH BRITTA. This is ... yeah, this vid. I can't even. *flails* I finish watching it and I immediately want to run to all my ridiculous crazy awkward friends and hug them and tell them how much I love them. It's hilarious and heartwarming and beautiful and perfect. (I also believe nobody but Laura could have made this vid, and I mean that as a HUGE compliment and I love her for it.) "Everything we feel is strong!" YES.
"Barton Hollow" (Homeland) by fan_eunice. Such a brilliant vid, with layers and layers to unpack, and the narrative is perfectly paced and the tension just builds and builds until that final shot which punches you in the gut and steals your breath. Eunice had shown me the pilot of Homeland earlier this year, and I said "wow, that show's amazing!" and then went home and promptly forgot about it. I won't make that mistake a second time. This vid definitely recruited me (for reals this time!).
"Summer of '69" (Doctor Who) by trelkez. The Doctor loves the Pond family. He loves them SO MUCH, YOU GUYS. Those were the best days of his life! *sob* Also, River stands on her momma's porch.
"Jar Oh! Hearts" (Multi) by jescaflowne. AMAZING. I love love love horror movies, and this vid had me simultaneously deeply invested in the girls' survival and cackling at the escalating, near-cartoonish violence. "Running 'round leaving scars" indeed.

And lastly, some random moments that I really enjoyed or that stood out to me:

Club Vivid, of course. Always. :)
All the Avengers at CVV (most of whom were appropriately outfitted for prom!), jarrow as blue!Tobias, and revolutionaryjo as Leslie Knope. VOTE KNOPE 2012!
Thor/Loki photos of GREATNESS. \o/ (thank you dualbunny and astolat!)
The "Structure of a Vidshow" and "Do You Vid Your Myers-Briggs" panels were particularly enlightening and enjoyable.
Crying for the last three vids of the "No Kleenex Required" vidshow. FALSE ADVERTISING. (happy vids make me cry, what of it?)
Singing "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" with sisabet and cappylicious at karaoke.
The many, many, many drunken practice-serenades of that song before karaoke even happened.
Staying up waaaaay too late with dualbunny pretty much every night of the con.
Tech apprenticing for lapillus, with heresluck. I actually really enjoyed learning the specifics of the VVC tech setup!
The now-traditional Monday morning breakfast at Mac's Diner.
All of you. <3

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

Winter is coming, thank you kindly

2012-06-03T17:20:20Z

Hello, friends!

I have not posted (or even kept up with the flist very well) in many months, and I have lots of updates! But the mere thought of typing all that out is exhausting, so I shall simply ask you a Supremely Important Question.

View Poll: Battle Royale

This question brought to you by a "Wolves" slot machine in Las Vegas. (It's been a fun weekend.) :D

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

This is not the post I intended to make today.

2012-02-26T17:13:20Z

Yesterday I was strolling through the Boystown neighborhood, which (as you might guess by the name) is THE prominent gayborhood of Chicago. I stopped in a local bookstore, and as I was browsing, I turned a corner and found the gay and lesbian section of the store:

An ENTIRE ROOM of books! It was about one-sixth of the total store area. Which, of course, is awesome. (The lesbian-to-gay ratio was about 1:4, which doesn't surprise me given that I was in BOYStown, although there were all-inclusive subsections like "Gay and Lesbian Non-Fiction" so the ratio could have been even higher.)

Then, tucked away discreetly on one of the lower shelves, I found the bisexual subsection:

Three books. THREE. o.O

If I were good with words and speeches and stuff, I would use this as a jumping-off point for an essay about the invisibleness and/or outright scorn of bisexuality within the larger LGBT culture. But I am not good with words, so I will just point to these pictures and go "WTF?!" and make incredulous faces. At least they acknowledged that I exist?

And because I hate making posts that are entirely negative, here, have some pictoral evidence ofwhy I should NEVER be allowed back into Canada. Because this is what happens:

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

MORE JOY!!!

2012-01-12T18:58:14Z

HAPPY MORE JOY DAY, EVERYONE!!! \o/ ♥ \o/ ♥ \o/ ♥ \o/

I would like to start my More Joy Day post by thanking the creator of it, the amazing super delicious sdwolfpup. Five years ago she decided to do this one small thing in order to make the world a better place, and she invited others to participate; and now it's grown into a genuine phenomenon, and she's literally changed the world and I kind of worship her for that. :) SDW, you are the most loving, generous, kind-hearted, and wonderful person I know. You are at the top of my heroes list, not only for MJD but for just being your awesome self. You always look for the best in people, and that's such an inspiration. I love you more than I can say (and I don't say it nearly often enough).

(Aw man, now I'm crying at work as I'm typing this. Damn you, tears! Not allowed! THERE'S NO CRYING ON MORE JOY DAY!)

And now on to the next bit of joy! I have a little extra money laying around and would like to give it to a good cause. Comment here with the name of one of your favorite charities; the first 5 commenters will get $40 donated from me to the charity of their choice. (And I just realized that this will be cross-posted to both Dreamwidth and LiveJournal, so I'll use the first 5 comments overall from both sites. It might be 2 from DW and 3 from LJ, for example. Sorry if that makes it confusing!)

If you're not one of the first five, feel free to share your favorite charities anyway! I already do some charitable giving but would like to branch out and do even more; there's currently only a very small list of organizations I know about and trust, and it'd be great to expand that list.

I can't wait to read everyone else's MJD posts and be awed and inspired. :) Have a wonderful day, y'all! In conclusion, I give you Beeker's "Ode To Joy":

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

walk with me into this light

2011-12-31T21:44:11Z

Happy New Year's Eve! I'm about to get all dolled up and head over to my best friend's apartment, where we will have pizza and chocolate fondue before heading over to Wicker Park to go drinking and bar-hopping like everyone else in this city is planning on doing tonight, hee.

I've been feeling anxious about 2012 for a number of reasons, but I'm turning over a new leaf in my attitude towards life, the universe and everything. I've been a bit melancholy the past several months, and it's time to change that. I made a bunch of resolutions - a tradition I don't normally take part in - that are really exciting and inspiring to me; some are general and some are really specific, but essentially they all boil down to "look for the good in everything and everyone" and "your life is what you make it, so make it what you love". And also "use your gym membership, dumbass".

I made a playlist this morning for the start of the new year; fresh starts and looking forward and leaving the darkness and other optimistic things (it is also specifically tailored to me and my Issues but whatever). I've been listening to it on repeat and it's making me quite happy. So here, have some music!

"2012: Into the Light"

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

normally I would find a song lyric for the title of this post, but ... meh.

2011-12-25T11:19:23Z

Heeeeeeeeey there, I haven't posted since VividCon. I feel bad about that. (Not really sure why, but I do.) So, here, have a random and not-at-all-fannish post.

Instead of doing a year-end vid retrospective like other people (one vid! I made one whole vid! That's more than the previous year!), I shall do a travel retrospective. Because I was much more productive at traveling than at vidding, and because I'm staring at Google Calendar at the moment so compiling the list is easy. Places I Visited In 2011, Not Counting Chicago, In Chronological Order:

Amsterdam, Netherlands
Brussels, Belgium
Madrid, Spain
Barcelona, Spain
Dallas/Plano, Texas (...does this count if I've basically lived here since June?)
Fargo, North Dakota (twice)
Boston/Cambridge/Worcester, Massachusetts (twice)
Ogunquit, Maine
New Orleans, Louisiana
Portland, Oregon
San Francisco/Napa, California
Nashville, Tennessee (thrice)
Las Vegas, Nevada
New Glarus, Wisconsin
Portland, Maine
Bloomington, Indiana
Seattle, Washington
Lexington, Kentucky

Places I'm Already Planning To Visit In 2012, In Rough Chronological Order:

San Diego, California
Divide, Colorado
Memphis, Tennessee
Ottawa, Ontario
Playa del Carmen, Mexico
Austin, Texas
Prague, Czech Republic
Vienna, Austria
Budapest, Hungary
New York, New York
Crater Lake, Oregon
Vancouver, British Columbia

Yay lists! I have now officially contributed something to the blogosphere.

At some point I want to write about what it's like to travel constantly for work: how it's both really awesome (I get to VISIT ALL THE FRIENDS and make lists like the ones above; airline miles and hotel points rack up like you wouldn't believe) and really terrible (life in general is unexpectedly, overwhelmingly lonely in ways I'm not even sure how to describe; maintaining existing relationships is difficult and starting new ones is impossible; I feel like my entire life is on pause for months or even years at a time). It's both a blessing and a curse and I don't really know what to do with that.

One especially discouraging side-effect that took me by surprise was that, after planning all these trips to spend time with people I love, I'd get there and find I didn't know what to talk to them about, because I'd been too busy with work and all my other travel and hadn't had time to read their LJ or watch their vids or basically participate in anything we (used to) have in common. I spent more face-to-face time this year with my best friends than I ever have before, and yet I feel very ... removed from them and from the rest of the world, and to be honest it's freaking me out a little bit. Not to mention that every entertaining story or funny anecdote I have from the past half-year involves my coworkers, because they're pretty much my entire life these days - and that's weird, too. I am probably closer to my teammates right now than to anyone else I know; they're great people and I love them dearly, and we have lots of fun together, but sometime next year we're all going to leave the current project and go our separate ways and I'll have to start all over again on another project with another group of coworkers. It's like any opportunity for perpetual and intimate friendships has been stripped away; I can have one or the other, but not both. (And I realize, of course, that this isn't actually true, but traveling makes it feel true.)

Also, and I'm struggling to figure out how to put this next bit into words because it's not something I like admitting even to myself: I'm tired of being single. I really really want a romantic relationship of some kind. But with traveling, I just ... can't. You can't meet new people and get to know them when you never spend more than 5 consecutive days in the same place. I briefly tried dating last year when I was on assignment (also in Dallas), and it was actually difficult and stressful, which I didn't expect (and which wasn't anyone's fault). It just sucks to only see someone once a week, and to try to schedule that around hanging out with friends and running errands and whatever else you need to do in the 48 hours that you're home before getting on a plane again. So I'll be single for a while. Soooooo that sucks. I suppose all of this together kind of explains the loneliness aspect. ...Did I mention the airline miles and hotel points? Because those are badass.

Huh, I guess I DID end up writing about traveling for work, cause that's pretty much all I wanted to say about it.

Wheeeee, have a depressing Christmas post, thanks for stopping by! I am not actually sitting in a corner crying right now, honest. I feel pretty good except for how it's 4:30 in the morning and I'm sleepy and should go to bed cause there will be presents to unwrap in the morning. I don't know why I wrote about all that just now. Maybe I needed to. Anyway, I hope you are all having good holidays and stuff. Merry whatever-you-celebrate!

I am going to attempt to make my family watch Arrested Development tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

OMGWHUT

2011-08-11T15:14:26Z

HOW IS IT VIVIDCON ALREADY. It totally snuck up on me this year! I haven't watched any vids in ages and I fear I will be woefully out-of-touch and not know anyone. I almost feel like I don't deserve to be in vidding fandom anymore. Oh god, that sounds terribly emo. I'm not emo! Pinky swear! I am just ..... what? When did VividCon happen? People are still making vids? There's a world outside my job? What?

Just finished packing and am heading to the hotel later today with absolutedestiny, braver_creature, jarrow, and the amazing jspencer1986 who I finally got to meet for the first time yesterday! I'm terribly excited, of course, but ... it's strange. I've been SO wrapped up in work stuff and work friends and traveling and things that are completely unrelated to fandom, and now I'm immersing myself in fannishness for an entire weekend, and it's like this intense hellish social context-switching. And I'm co-modding in-depth vid review (with barkley, WOOOO) and what if I don't remember how to talk about vids anymore, OH SHIT BEARS.

Aaaaaaanyway. I am not actually as panicky as that. There will be glowsticks! Yay! Yesterday I was fretting over the shoes I had planned to wear to Club Vivid, which were PERFECT and fabulous and matched my outfit exactly and were supposed to be shipped to me but are actually out of stock everywhere, sadly. But today I don't care. Yay VividCon. See you all at the hotel. :D

(edit: wow, I have lost my posting skillz. Post fixed. At hotel. Took nap. Need another one.)
Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

we'll try to stay blind to the hope and fear outside

2011-06-19T18:13:32Z

Obligatory Game of Thrones content: I have SO MUCH to say about last week's episode, and yet there are no words. *flails* And the finale is TONIGHT!!! Eeeeeeeeeeee!!

But I am actually posting about something not related to GoT. I have a decision to make, and I'm not sure if I'm seeking advice or if I just need to verbalize my thoughts to help with the process. I started writing this last week in mid-air, en route to Plano, TX, where I'll be working (during the week; I'll be home on weekends) for ... well, the duration is unclear at this point. I'm scheduled to be there for a full YEAR, but I say hell to the no to THAT. Hopefully I can bargain down to six months. Ah, the glamorous life of a consultant. (In case anyone's curious? Working in the suburbs of Dallas is, in fact, worse than working in Dallas. I'm envious of my autumn-of-2010 self.)

You may remember that shortly after Spike died, I adopted a new cat, Princess Leia. (It's relevant to the above paragraph! Bear with me.) She's very sweet, and also very sickly. She's FIV-positive (like my other cat, Precious) and has hyperthyroidism and chronic respiration problems. She requires a lot of medication and care as a result.

Two facts:
1) I have a job that requires constant travel.
2) I have a pet that requires twice-daily meds and close monitoring.

These two things do not mix, and I don't know how much longer I'll be able to pretend that they can.

Here are my options, as I currently see them.

Option #1: Talk to my employer and request local projects only.

This isn't entirely unreasonable, but I seriously doubt they could actually fulfill my request, even if they wanted to. Sometimes we have lots of Chicago-based projects, and sometimes we don't; you can't predict demand, and part of the job entails going where you're needed. There are a handful of employees that have been working locally for years and years, because the company gives them special consideration, but it's almost always due to children. I don't think a sick cat would carry the same weight. Also, I've been incredibly lucky to have worked locally for around 60-70% of my nearly 5 years here; that's far more than most people get. Asking for anything above that seems almost selfish. I could also transition to an operations role (like recruiting, or resource management, etc.) instead of being a programmer, but quite frankly that sounds horrid. I like creating software. And I like my company, and I don't want to leave. I wouldn't be punished or dismissed or demoted for asking for local work, but the odds of it actually happening are slim.

Option #2: Leave Precious & Leia in Chicago, and hire a catsitter during the week while I'm away.

This is what I'm currently doing. It requires the least amount of effort on my part, and is the least disruptive to the cats' lifestyle. The main drawbacks are that (a) they end up spending the majority of their time alone, with only 1 hour of companionship 4-5 days a week; and (b) it's EXPENSIVE. A single one-hour visit with medication administered (plus food/water/petting/whatever) is $22. I'm gone, at minimum, 4 days a week. That's $88/week - IF I go home every weekend, and IF I only schedule one visit per day. The first assumption is problematic because it negates the biggest perk of traveling; the client is paying for my flight home, but they don't care where "home" is. Lots of my coworkers use their weekends to take mini-vacations to New York or Seattle or Boston or San Francisco or, well, anywhere really, since the flight is free. Anytime I took advantage of that, I'd be paying even more for catsitting. The second assumption is problematic because, ideally, Leia's thyroid meds should be administered twice a day. I'm currently shortchanging her by only scheduling one daily visit during the week. She does get her proper twice-daily doses on the weekends, and she doesn't seem to be suffering any ill effects (yet), but I still feel horribly guilty about it. Especially if this setup is going to continue long-term. There's no discount for multiple visits a day, so in order to truly do right by her I'd have to pay double what I'm paying now.

(The catsitting service I use is a bit more expensive than normal, yes, but they do an excellent job. You can't find good catsitters for less than around $17/day anyway, and the lady I use is the only one I've found who spends a full hour or more with the cats every day. Most catsitters do 30 minutes or less. So switching services to save money isn't really a viable option.)

Option #3: Bring Precious & Leia with me to Plano, and hire a catsitter during the weekends while I'm away.

This would partially solve both drawbacks of Option #2, although it doesn't entirely eliminate either one. (The only way to fully eliminate both drawbacks is to bring the cats to Texas and stay there with them nearly every weekend for the lifetime of the project. In the suburbs of Dallas. Yeah. Not gonna happen.) I'd get to spend probably 4-and-a-half days with them per week, though I'd be gone in the middle of the day for work. But it's a higher percentage of my time than they'd get if they stayed in Chicago. Plus, with the exception of events like VVC, I'd be able to guarantee being with them every week; I can't guarantee that I'd want to spend every weekend at home. Now we're talking about hiring a catsitter for Saturdays and Sundays; assuming it's the same price, that's $44/week. Still a financial burden, but much better than before. (I could ask coworkers to look after the cats on occasion, but I'd feel weird about that - especially since it involves administering medication.) Alternately, I could pay around what I'm paying now to ensure Leia gets her full dosage of meds twice-daily, rather than once. Either way, I think this is better than Option #2.

...I never thought I'd be considering the next two options. I almost don't want to type them out.

Option #4: Return Leia to the cat shelter. Leave Precious in Chicago. Possibly hire a catsitter once per week to make sure everything's okay.

I have never, ever returned an animal. EVER. (Of course, I've never officially adopted an animal from an organization, either. All my pets have just sort of ... found me.) I feel like a GIANT FAILURE and a HORRIBLE PERSON for even thinking about this. The truth is, if I'm honest with myself, in the back of my mind I've been contemplating returning Leia ever since I brought her home. I didn't know the full extent of her medical history before agreeing to take her (note to self: in future, make at LEAST two shelter trips before pointing and saying "that one!"). To their credit, after disclosing everything, the shelter did offer me an out; but I'd seen how excited they were that Leia finally had an adopter after two years there, and I didn't want to disappoint them. And she deserves a home, and and and. I wonder if she'd ever find anyone else willing to take her in. I feel like if I keep her, I'm doing her an injustice because my lifestyle makes it hard for me to give her the attention and care she really needs; and if I return her, I'm doing her an injustice because I'm giving up on her and robbing her of a home. I don't know. I don't want to think about this option and yet I can't stop thinking about it. She and Precious don't get along at all and probably never will, and I adopted her primarily as a companion for Precious, and the shelter did say that they would always be willing to take Leia back for any reason whatsoever ... and now I'm rationalizing this course of action to myself and I feel AWFUL. Okay, moving on.

Option #5: Return Leia to the cat shelter. Bring Precious with me to Plano. No catsitter needed.

Same as #4, except better for Precious; she gets more time with me. Since she's in moderately good health (despite having puking as a favorite hobby and occasionally throwing a bitch fit for the benefit of guests), she probably wouldn't need additional care during the two or so days per week that I'd be gone, which is good news for my finances. She might get a bit lonely on weekends, but my original solution to that was to adopt another cat, and look how well that turned out.

Giving up both cats is not an option. Precious is staying with me until one of us dies, end of discussion.

...So, I wrote all of the above over a period of several days last week when I was in Texas. I was leaning towards option #5, even though I didn't really want to admit it. And then I flew home on Thursday, and was reunited with my kitties, and remembered how much I adored Leia and couldn't bear the thought of giving her up. Maybe I just don't miss her as much as I miss Precious when they're not around? But once I saw them again my preference immediately switched to option #3. The logistics of one person traveling with two cats on an airplane would be ... interesting. And I'd have to find another catsitter, and ... ugh, I've written a ton about this and now I just don't want to think about it anymore. I should make a decision by the end of June, at the latest.

I don't know, you guys. What should I do? What would you do? Are there any possibilities I'm missing?

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

"We only make peace with our enemies, my lord. That's why it's called 'making peace'."

2011-05-31T04:01:21Z

Although I enjoyed this episode, it's not one of my favorites so far. (Despite the suspense and backstabbing and amazing cliffhanger ending!) Mostly because (a) we didn't get a whole lot of new canon, and (b) no Arya or Tyrion. SADFACE. I think this was mainly a "setting up the chess pieces" episode in order for us to have the last 2 minutes, plus what comes after.

I love that the plot is getting so complex now that we need "previously-on"s. Heh.

I really adore this opening scene between Jaime and his father, Tywin Lannister. It's an added scene (not in the books) but it speaks to how strict, unemotional and unyielding Tywin is, and how that's affected his children - especially Jaime. (I also love the symbolism of him skinning a stag - the sigil of the Baratheons.) It's all about houses, isn't it. Protect the honor of your house, defend your house and your family, your house comes first. That attitude will be the downfall of ... well, probably everyone. ALSO, in the very first episode we saw Jaime push a 10-year-old boy out of a window with the intent to kill him, and yet we're already seeing reasons to sympathize with him; evidence of honor of some sort ("It wouldn't have been clean"), and a glimpse into the fucked-up family dynamics that have shaped him. That's part of what I love about Martin's universe; no one is ever completely good or evil. There are shades of gray everywhere and in everyone.

Except for Ned Stark. Poor honorable righteous idiot. I completely understand why he makes every decision that he does in this episode; he's trying to do the Right Thing. He confronts Cersei because he knows Robert will execute her and the children once he finds out, and Ned is trying to spare the children's lives. He refuses Renly's offer of soldiers because he genuinely believes the throne should pass to Stannis. Not because Stannis would make a good king, but because he's next in the line of succession and that's all that matters; Ned can't break the rules just because he disagrees with them. He keeps the truth from Robert on his deathbed, because how can you tell a dying man that his children are not his own? He puts his trust in a piece of paper because it should be enough, in a just and fair world; assuming everyone else believes in rules and order and truth and goodness the way he does. But that's the problem. It reminds me of the swordfight between Bronn and Ser Vardis in the Eyrie in ep 1x06; Bronn uses trickery and cunning to defeat the noble Vardis, and when Lady Arryn accuses Bronn of not fighting with honor, he says "No. But [Vardis] did." Your honor can't save you when you're going up against someone without it, and Ned is the only honorable person in King's Landing. He would have made a wonderful king. But good and moral and honorable men don't win the throne, nor do they keep it.

Cersei is evil, yes, but I still have mad respect for her. Especially after the story she told of Robert fucking her on their wedding night and whispering "Lyanna" in her ear. If I were in her shoes, I can't say I would have acted any differently, in any way. Then OR now. I think she sees herself as having two choices: lie back and think of England (literally AND metaphorically), and give up hope of ever being anything but a pawn in a larger game; or fight, seize power, do whatever it takes to protect herself and her children. She's been used by men her whole life - first her father, then her husband - and she's too strong to accept that. She may not be able to sit on the Iron Throne, due to having a uterus, but her son can. And if she controls him (the way she never could control Robert), then she's essentially free for the first time in her life.

The scene with Littlefinger, Roz and the other whore ... I'm not sure how I feel about it. I was sort of wincing the whole time. It's another "added" scene, and I understand why it's there; we get some backstory on the love triangle between Littlefinger and Cat and Ned's older brother, and also some insight into Littlefinger and his motivations ("I'm not going to fight them, I'm going to fuck them"). But it was very clumsily delivered, and ... okay, I love onscreen lesbian action as much as the next queer female fan, but only when it's real. Real for the characters, that is. This was two whores performing lesbianism for the male brothel owner, and it felt really squicky. Which was possibly the point, and if HBO wasn't trying to titillate, then fine ... but somehow I doubt that.

I was skeptical about Osha's (the wildling who's now at Winterfell) casting in the last ep, but I've decided I really like her. She's fierce. :) I adore her questioning of Theon's insistence that she call him a lord. Titles ARE rather stupid. (And god, Theon really is a DOUCHE, isn't he.)

Am shipping Sam/Jon liek WHOA. Despite (or perhaps, because of) Sam's loud proclamations that he misses girls. The lad doth protest too much? ;) And he follows Jon around 24/7, and even adopts Jon's gods temporarily to say the oath of the Night's Watch, and omg ADORABLE. I LURVES THEM. ♥

Why was Robert's goring *and* death offscreen? I wish we'd gotten to see at least one of those. I think this is a case of the show following the book too closely; both of these events were also "offscreen" in the book, such as it were, but that's because the chapters were told from Ned's POV and he found out about both events secondhand. There could easily have been an additional short scene or two for Robert.

Speaking of Robert: man, I'm sorry to lose Mark Addy. He was an AWESOME Robert Baratheon. I never paid much attention to Robert in the books, but Mark Addy's AMAZING acting in conjunction with all the extra canon we got for him - like the beautiful heartbreaking scene between Robert and Cersei in 1x05, or the "war stories" bit with Robert, Jaime and Barristan in 1x03, made me feel ALL THE FEELINGS. Oh, sure, he's a total jackass and a terrible king, and he hits his wife and sleeps with prostitutes and treats his servants like shit and sends assassins after pregnant teenage girls. But he knows he's a terrible king, and he's honest with Ned about that. (I wonder sometimes what he was like back when he first won King's Landing. Somehow I think he was a lot more like Ned; a much better, kinder man than the Robert we know. Which goes to show you what absolute power and being married to a Lannister can do.) And then he says stuff like "Bow, you shits!" and breaks into laughter, and I laugh with him because oh Robert, you are AWFUL and I love it. You will be missed.

Every time we see Ned leaning on his cane and limping, I want to cry. King's Landing has broken him, in more ways than one. I just want to patch him up and make it all better.

I was never a fan of Daenerys/Drogo in the books OR the show, simply because of how the marriage began; their first month or two together was too rapey for me to ever see anything that came afterwards in a positive light, no matter how much Dany proclaimed her love for him. However, the show is doing its absolute best to try to change my mind. The actors have amazing chemistry, and Drogo running to Dany and calling her "Moon of my life" nearly broke me, and the way she looks at him ... I dunno. I may be turning into a Dany/Drogo shipper despite myself. I'm also enjoying Dany's scenes in the show even more than I did in the books; I think I look forward to those most of all (with the exception of anything involving Arya or Tyrion). And it has nothing to do with Emilia Clarke being stunningly gorgeous. No sir. ;)

They left out Jon talking to Maester Aemon! (Explanation: in the books, Sam's being trained to be a fighter and is obviously terrible at it, and it's Jon who points out to Aemon that the Night's Watch should play to Sam's strength's and make him a steward instead. Jon does it to protect Sam.) I guess there wasn't enough time in just 10 episodes to include small stuff like that, but it's a bit of plot that really highlights Jon's empathy and emotional intelligence, so I'm sad to lose it in the TV series.

OMG, Pyp. Pyp and his story about singing for the sexual predator high lord. I don't remember this bit of backstory being in the books; this scene really got to me. You're right, Pyp, nothing is fucking fair.

"I always wanted to be a wizard." OH, PUMPKIN. *hugs Sam Tarly a million times*

I have the same problem with Ghost and the rest of the direwolves that I had with Diefenbaker in due South. Namely, are we really supposed to believe that's a wolf? It's clearly a dog! Oh, whatever, it's cuuuuuuute, handwavey handwavey PUPPY.

So. The Drogo scene. There was an amazing emotional build here, and Jason Momoa knocks this one out of the park, and I love Drogo's angry growling and the glow on Dany's face as she hears his words. And it's alllllmost perfect! Except for one bit! Here was my inner running commentary as he made his speech: "I will take my Khalasar west!" Wooo! Yeah dude! Rain down some righteous fury! "I will kill the men in iron suits!" Sucks to be them, but yeah, sure! Do it! Most of them are assholes anyway! Go Drogo! "I will rape their women and take their children as slaves!" Wooo-- ...wait. Aw, man. That's not cool. Mind you, I'm not actually complaining about the inclusion of this bit. It was in the books, and it deserves to be in the show too, and I think it's important as a reminder of the dominant social morality of this universe (and don't think for a second that rape and/or slavery as weapons of war are exclusive to the Dothraki). Khal Drogo is a product of his culture. Of course, so am I, and I can't quite love a character that sees rape & slavery as acceptable actions. Even if I admire him in lots of other ways. And even if Jason Momoa is hot like burning. :) I'm only mentioning it because it's the one thing keeping me from becoming a huge Drogo fan.

(I actually have a lot to say about the treatment of women in general in this series, and how various female characters deal with living in a world where women have little to no power. But that's an essay in and of itself and will have to wait for another time.)

Joffrey, you little shit.

And now for two small spoilery bits! Plot spoilers through book 2 below ...
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WHY do we have so much Theon??? Yeah, I know he's gonna be really important later, but surely he doesn't need this much screen time in Season 1. I wouldn't mind so much if (a) so many of his scenes weren't awkward and pointless, and (b) I didn't hate him so damn much. Go away, Theon.

And a brief additional note about Khal Drogo's big speech: I think the rape-and-slavery line will work better in retrospect, because next episode (if I'm not mistaken) is when the Dothraki attack the Lhazareen village and rape the women, including Mirri Maz Duur, and Dany makes them stop. In the context of character growth, it makes sense for Drogo to start from a "whee, rape!" place so that Dany can properly educate him later.

For an episode I liked less than most so far, I sure had a lot to say! Hee.

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

Winter Is Coming (and it's gonna be BADASS)

2011-05-28T19:03:43Z

(Note: this post is spoiler-free, for both books and show. Please don't post any spoilers in comments, thanks!)

As you may have heard, there is a new fantasy series on HBO called Game of Thrones. It's based on a series of books by George R. R. Martin called A Song of Ice and Fire (A Game of Thrones is the first book in the series).

Both the book series and the TV series are AMAZEBALLS. Like, THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH CAPITAL LETTERS TO CONVEY MY SQUEE. NOR ENOUGH EXCLAMATION MARKS. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!ONE-MILLION-ONE-HUNDRED-ELEVEN-THOUSAND-ONE-HUNDRED-AND-ELEVEN!!!!!!!

I have wanted to make this post since the pilot of GoT premiered, but I kept putting it off because I was afraid of not being eloquent enough, or something. How can I tell people "You should be watching this show! Or reading the books! Preferably both!" and follow that up with flailing my arms about and speaking gibberish and making high-pitched noises? And then I realized, fuck, I am never eloquent, and anyway I WANT to publicly flail my arms about and make high-pitched noises over this fandom. So! People! Friends of mine! You should be watching this show! Or reading the books! Preferably both!

*flails wildly*

ASOIAF is set in an alternate world that is more-or-less equivalent to our medieval times (think Camelot), and it's very light on typical fantasy elements such as magic - which is not to say it doesn't have any magical stuff, but it's not really in the foreground - and very heavy on political intrigue. That's not normally the kind of thing that would interest me, but Martin's plots are so clever and the characters so well-drawn that I find myself captivated by it. The books focus mainly on the land of Westeros, which is seven kingdoms ruled by a common king, and the plot revolves around various families vying for control of the throne, and what happens to them. Plus there are creepy zombie things. Plus there used to be dragons. Plus there are ADORABLE DIREWOLF PUPPIES. Also, if you love ensembles and compelling, three-dimensional characters, this is totally the series for you! Each chapter in the books is told from a different person's point of view, which is an awesome way to get to know everyone and to have the reader be aware of things that the current chapter's character doesn't necessarily know.

The TV show is actually following the book series very well, which makes me happy. Each season (10 episodes) of the show will cover the events of one book; the 7th episode of Season 1 is airing tomorrow night. You'd think the show wouldn't be all that exciting for me, since I've read the books and I know exactly what's going to happen, but that's not the case at all. It's incredibly thrilling to see these characters you've known and loved for forever (I think I originally read the series about 5 years ago?) come to life on the screen. There are some small changes in the translation from book to screen, of course; for example, the direwolves play a much larger role in the books. I assume this is because of the difficulty in working with live animals on the set. The best moments, though, are the scenes that were written just for the TV series and aren't taken from the books. In each episode there are at least 2 or 3 of these, as a result of the TV writers saying "hey, we don't have a chapter from the King's POV here, but what would he and his wife be talking about right now?". And then we get something lovely and amazing. It's like EXTRA CANON. \o/

If you asked me to describe this fandom in three words, I would say: SHIT GETS REAL. It's not a smooth predictable ride, by any stretch of the imagination. You think you know what's to come? You haven't even begun. You think Joss Whedon ripped your heart out and stomped on it? You haven't met George R. R. Martin yet. This story will take you to places you never expected, will brutally kill characters you loved with all your heart, will make you love characters you thought you'd always hate, and will constantly surprise you. And of course, that's part of the fun.

If you do plan on watching the show and/or reading the books, or if you're in the middle of one of those right now, for the love of the old gods do NOT go poking around on the internet, as that's the surest way to get spoiled! And you definitely want to stay unspoiled for this ride. A good site that I've found is Tower of the Hand, which lets you set your scope (the last book you read / the last episode you watched) and will adjust content accordingly so that you don't see anything spoilery.

At some point I will do a picspam, to show you how very very pretty the show is; I suspect that's the best way to make people watch it. Until then, here, have some more flailing! *flaily flail*

BOOOOOOOOOKS. SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. FANDOM OF MY HEART. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

The last time I got crazy-obsessive over a fandom - as in, watched every episode countless times and pimped it like mad to everyone I knew and couldn't sleep at night because I was thinking about it so much - was back in '05 when I discovered due South. A lot of shows/movies/what-have-you have piqued my interest since then, and I've enjoyed them all, but nothing ever quite reached in and thoroughly captured my heart and my brain to the extent where my love for the source was actively interfering with the rest of my life.

It feels good to have that again. :D

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

VID: "TiK ToK" (Metalocalypse)

2011-05-13T22:03:29Z

It's all sweetestdrain's fault. As most things are.

I wasn't there when the challenge was issued, way back in January; I was simply told the next day "Everyone is making their own vid to TiK ToK! And you have to do one too! Choose a fandom and keep it SECRET!" o.O

My friends are clearly sick and twisted individuals with a hard-on for torture, and they deserve to reap what they sow. Therefore, I made them a Dethklok vid. HAPPY TIK TOK, BITCHES.

Vid: "TiK ToK"
Musical Artist: Ke$ha
Fandom: Metalocalypse
Summary: Brutal.

Download here (DivX, 51.1 MB)
Or watch the streaming version (password is "brutal"):

Metalocalypse - "TiK ToK" from Pipsqueaky on Vimeo.

Lyrics:
Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy (Hey, what up girl?)
Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city (Let's go)
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back

I'm talking pedicure on our toes, toes
Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Boys blowing up our phones, phones
Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs
Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy

Chorus (x2):
Don't stop, make it pop, DJ blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight 'til we see the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock but the party don't stop, no

Ain't got a care in the world, but got plenty of beer
Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here
And now the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick 'em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk
Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk
Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk
Now, now, we go until they kick us out, out
Or the police shut us down, down
Police shut us down, down
Po-po shut us --

(Chorus x2)

DJ, you build me up, you break me down
My heart, it pounds, yeah, you got me
With my hands up, you got me now
You got that sound, yeah, you got me
DJ, you build me up, you break me down
My heart, it pounds, yeah, you got me
With my hands up
Put your hands up
Put your hands up

Now, the party don't start 'til I walk in

(Chorus x2)

Notes:
There are some technical issues with this vid, mostly revolving around the fact that I (a) have completely forgotten how to rip & clip since my last vid two years ago, and (b) tried and tried to get rid of the interlacing by using an inverse telecine process, and it never quite worked, so I had to de-interlace instead. Which, since it's animated source, means it looks a little blocky (especially the first section, for some reason). So, yeah, visual quality is a bit ... hinky. Maybe after I get a new vidding computer, I'll be able to fix it.

On a non-vidding-related note, hi there! You should be watching Metalocalypse. IT'S BRUTAL. And by brutal I mean completely ridiculous and awesome. It's an animated show airing on Adult Swim and it revolves around the biggest death metal band in the world, made up of five lovable vulgar morons (plus their manager who is AMAZEBALLS). It has more cursing, drugs, nudity, and senseless death than you can shake an amputated arm at. As an example, here are the names of some of the clips I used in this vid: "monsterbondageflashytits", "dickplay_carnage", "nakedboatpee", "releasethekitties". All 100% descriptive, I assure you. Vidding this show was HELL because we were supposed to keep our source secret from everyone else doing the TiK ToK challenge, and I wanted nothing more than to grab random people and yell stuff like "I love Toki Wartooth MORE THAN LIFE, YOU GUYS". And I couldn't! But now I can. SO THERE. ;P

If you're not sick of "TiK ToK" yet - and if not, what's wrong with you? - you should go watch these other amazing vids:

absolutedestiny's is here
sisabet's (coming soon!)
f1renze made two, that overachieving whore.

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

3 MINUTES TO VIVIDCON REGISTRATION

2011-03-13T04:55:24Z

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

SO EXCITED AND NERVOUS OMG

*hyperventilates*

edit: done! whew! (... and clearly no one updated the registration pages since last year, heh. "All slots are full at this time" and "Thank you for submitting your registration for VividCon 2010"? whoooops.)

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

i throw my hands up in the air sometimes

2011-03-08T05:38:57Z

*tentatively waves*

Um. Hi? Is this thing on? *taps mic*

Soooooo, right, there was that time when I didn't post or comment or even read the internets at all for a whole five months. Aaaaaand we're back!

You know. The usual. Work gets hectic, life gets busy, blah. Plus on the rare occasion when something silly or trivial happened and I was briefly tempted to post about it, I'd go look at my journal and realize that my last communication with the world was MY CAT DIED LOLSOB, and I felt weird following that up with, say, "o hai I have just discovered Abed and Troy. plz send help as the pure unrestrained JOY is making it kinda hard to breathe." Which meant I never followed it up with anything. I also did not read LJ or DW at all until about two days ago, so, there's that. No, wait, there was a brief return during Festivid season. I challenged myself to (a) WATCH ALL THE VIDS! and (b) comment on all of them before reveals. I watched maybe six and commented on one. Insert sad trombone sound here.

Anyhoo! Things whut I have done in the past five months:

Adopted a new cat. Her name is Princess Leia (though I usually call her Lei-Lei for short) and she is a special needs kitty. I got her right before Thanksgiving. I wasn't quite ready yet, but didn't want Precious (my surviving cat) to be lonely, so I got Leia as a companion for her. Of course this means they violently hate one another. Leia has hyperthyroidism, suspected irritable bowel disease, chronic congestion and respiratory issues, and is FIV+ to boot. I can't even count the number of drugs she's been on (and off, and on again) in just the short time I've had her. My lifestyle and priorities have had to adjust quite a bit now that I'm responsible for giving long-term twice-daily medication to an animal. It's been a difficult and frustrating road, I won't lie - I've got about 30 new scars on my hands and arms from taking lessons in How Not To Pill A Cat, and for a long while it seemed like there were new complications every week. But recently she appears to have turned a corner (hooray for new antibiotics) and seems a lot happier and healthier, and as a result she and I are gaining a new appreciation of each other. Let's hope it lasts!
Stopped traveling to Dallas. \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/
Let my younger brother crash on my couch for a month in December when he finally moved from Nashville to Chicago.
Got my couch back when he moved to a town about an hour away in the northern 'burbs; as a "welcome to the Midwest!" gift, sold him my car. Yep, I am now car-less and it is awesome.
Visited Paris, Amsterdam and Brussels over the New Year's holiday with my best friend D. So, so, so much fun. In order: walked a LOT and saw some Monets, got incredibly stoned and nearly killed by fireworks, and ate chocolates in the shape of a little boy peeing. Am now addicted to stroopwafles and speculoos.
Got to hang out with trelkez and jarrow for two fabulous days during their road trip to Detroit. (And now greensilver lives only a short train ride away. MUAHAHAHA, OH YES, IT'S ON.)
Saw the Old 97's, Pete Yorn, Guster, Peter Mulvey, the Dresden Dolls, Jay Farrar, and Greg Laswell in concert.
Watched all of Six Feet Under. Had a bit of a rollercoaster relationship with that show, especially concerning the characters, but thoroughly enjoyed it throughout. The Fishers remind me a lot of my own family - sometimes too much so, heh.
Watched all of Community. OMG SHOOOOOOOOW. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ NOT ENOUGH HEART SYMBOLS OR CAPSLOCK IN THE WORLD. I love them aaaaaaaaaall, okay maybe "love" is a strong word for Pierce, but it definitely applies to the rest of them, and this show makes me laugh so fuckin' hard. Just, yes. Pure joy. YOU CAN'T DISAPPOINT A PICTURE, GUYS. (Also, just now? After I wrote this bullet point? I had to stop everything and go watch an episode of Community. My point, it is proven. Would have watched the hospital ep but it's not on my computer, so substituted the Valentine's ep.)
Watched the first season of Breaking Bad and am now halfway through Season 2. Enjoying it quite a lot. I have a huge soft spot for Jesse, big dumb mutt that he is. I kind of want to see Jesse Pinkman and Jason Stackhouse attempt to take over the world. They would fail miserably in about six seconds, but it would be hi-LARIOUS. And really hot.

Blah blah blah I am tired of talking about me. Hopefully I can avoid endless recapping in the future by managing to not fall off the face of the internet again. *staples self to LJ/DW*

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

there's not enough room in this world for my pain

2010-10-08T07:21:18Z

At around 10pm this evening, as I was heading home from the airport, I thought to myself (because of earlier events of the day) "This is one of the worst days I've had in a really long time. Possibly ever. In fact, this entire week has been full of disasters and stress. Surely I've filled my quota of Bad Things, and it can only go up from here."

It's now 2am. I just returned from the emergency vet. Spike, my beloved cat and best friend of the last 8 years, got very sick while I was out of town. It was cancer. Nothing to be done. He's dead now. I'll get his ashes in a week.

I wish I wasn't an atheist. I want someone to shake my fist and scream at.

Fuck you, non-existent god.

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

i wrote this entire post on my iphone. my thumbs are tired.

2010-09-30T23:17:20Z

Um, hi. *waves*

I have had lots of Life Stuff going on for the past month or so - none of it big or scary, in fact it's mostly been good things, but they are all time-consuming as hell - and I sort of forgot about DW and LJ and, well, basically the entire internet. ...Sorry?

At the moment I am sitting on a plane in St. Louis, getting ready to fly to BOSTON for the weekend! (yes, it deserves all caps.) I have never been to BOSTON before and have wanted to visit for quite a while. I'll be staying with a coworker friend in Cambridge, with a brief detour to visit the lovely f1renze. So, here's the thing: I certainly didn't forget this trip was coming up - every Facebook status update of mine for the past two weeks basically reads "HAY U GUISE IM GOIN 2 BOSTON, \o/" - but with all the aforementioned Life Stuff, I got busy, and I accidentally forgot to plan anything. Which means in four hours I will be in an awesome city with no clue what to do or see. Because I'm responsible like that.

Got any suggestions? Some of you live in BOSTON, and many of you have visited, so if there's something I absolutely must experience in the next three days, let me know! I managed to cobble together a meager list at the last minute, and it currently looks like this:

Walk the Freedom Trail
See MIT's campus
At some point, obtain food

I am excellent at this adulthood thing.

(Oh dear. Update: am no longer on the plane, due to a two-hour delay. However, this means I have time to eat dinner, so we'll call it even.)

Um, I also will probably be spending New Year's in Amsterdam. With possible stopovers in Paris and/or London and/or Brussels. Traveling is fun when it's not for work, okay? :)

Hi friends! How have you been? Anything exciting going on in your lives? Anything totally mundane that you want to share with me anyway? I MISS YOU GUYS. *hugs flist*

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

it's a dream but there's a real world waiting

2010-09-09T04:59:36Z

YOU GUYS. I am about to blow your minds with a new and amazing discovery that I made all by myself. It will change your life. Are you ready for this?

High-definition television is REALLY REALLY PRETTY.

*\o/* ♥♥♥ *\o/*

I've had a beautiful 52-inch plasma TV for years (named after Geoffrey Tennant, of course) but I never had HD TV because my TiVo was one of the older standard definition models, and all TV signals were routed through there. DVDs look great, of course, but regular TV looked ... well, I thought it looked fine! But I finally got a Tivo Premiere XL and hooked it up this weekend, and. Just. OMFG.

EVEN MATT BOMER'S PORES ARE BEAUTIFUL. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE.

So um yeah, I have been a TV zombie for the past 5 days and recording/watching everything in sight just to sit and stare and flap my hands and go "so preeeeeeeeeeetty! And BIG! And preeeeeeeetty!" I am finally catching up on White Collar (srsly you guys, you have to come stare at Matt Bomer on my television. It's UNNATURAL, is what), and watching random eps of things like Will & Grace and Futurama, and somehow I got addicted to Degrassi season 10 (I don't even know), and I have a season pass for Covert Affairs because Piper Perabo in SD is kinda pretty but Piper Perabo in HD is DEAR GOD WHERE'S MY JAW, and my TiVo is so helpful in my new addiction that it is auto-recording things that it thinks I might like such as Robot Chicken and the original Stargate movie and NCIS, and I downloaded the pilots of Breaking Bad and 30 Rock for free, and and and!

I am never leaving my couch again. It amuses me that I thought of myself as a TV fan in my past life. I want to go back to the me of more than a week ago and pet her on the head and go "oh honey. You don't even KNOW. Just you wait."

(I also need a name for the new TiVo and new universal remote. The old TiVo was Rodney McKay because it knew everything, and the old remote was Cordelia Chase because it was controlling and it glowed. ...I make my own fun.)

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

I really should be asleep right now.

2010-09-02T06:18:59Z

Geez, I spend one day at work away from the internets, and El Jay asplodes in my absence. Apparently there is a thing? Somehow involving Facebook and/or Twitter? And it's bad, and people are upset? (Not that this is ever a surprise with LJ's "features".) I've been skimming my flist for the past half-hour or so coming up to speed, and have two statements to make:

I don't ever intend to crosspost anything to FB or Twitter. Why ... why would someone DO this. (I don't even have a Twitter. Unless you count the account I opened three years ago, used for a couple weeks, and promptly abandoned.)
I honestly don't care what other people crosspost. I rarely if ever put anything under flock, and I'm "out" in every sense of the word on FB, so do whatever you want. Most other people seem to be making statements to the effect of "if you crosspost comments you make in my [flocked or public] posts, I'll ban you!", which is completely reasonable, but I can't say I feel that strongly about it, heh.

Oh, and I have Dreamwidth invite codes. Holler if you want one.

... I feel like I need to include something else so that this post doesn't look identical to every other entry by an LJ-er written in the past 24 hours. (Love you all, for srs, but copy-paste the above section 30 times and you have my current flist.) I have stuff to say about television, notably Six Feet Under (which I just started) and True Blood, but that will have to wait until I have the time and energy to devote to it.

Am nearing the end of my third work week in Dallas; next week I will be home due to Labor Day, and then I return to Dallas for another 3 weeks. Ugh. The airline miles and hotel points are nice, but I'm quickly growing irritated with being here, and the project I'm on is not even remotely interesting. I've been working with the same client for nearly 2 years now, and I've grown bored with the politics and the domain and the team members, and I've mentally checked out. In fact, for the past couple weeks at work, I have struggled to stay awake every. single. day. This is actually a pretty bad sign, since I typically spend all day pairing and engaging in active conversation with other people. At one point last week I was digging my fingernails into my palm, nearly hard enough to draw blood, and was dozing off while doing so. I quit caffeine cold-turkey over 2 years ago, but sadly I'm now back on (... off? on? whatever) the wagon. Drinking coffee every day is (barely) allowing me to concentrate on work and get stuff done, but it's also making me feel like shit physically, so I need to figure out how to wean myself off again.

And now I feel the need to add something positive so that this isn't a total downer of an entry. Um ... oh! I went to a Vienna Teng and Alex Wong concert last weekend and it was incredible! HOW IS SHE SO AWESOME. She sang "Stray Italian Greyhound" in the middle of her set, which is one of my faves, and it made me cry. Also the opening band was called The Guggenheim Grotto, and it was made up of two amazingly gorgeous and charming and self-deprecating Irish lads, and they were kind of like Simon and Garfunkel only younger and infinitely hotter, and I sort of fell in ~~lust~~ love and need to purchase every CD they've ever made.

And I may be visiting Boston in about a month or so! W00T. \o/

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

soooooo, that happened.

2010-08-24T04:23:10Z

I came out to my parents this morning.

(I'm 31. I've had an inkling since I was 22. That should tell you how terrified I was.)

It ... went okay? I suppose? I mean, nothing dire happened, and we are all still on good terms, and I'm sure it was a more positive coming-out than most; no one broke down into tears or threw things. :)

Every time I've seen my parents in person for, oh, at least the past 3 or 4 years, I've thought about telling them. My folks and I are on really really good terms; I wouldn't say I share every detail of my life with them, nor them with me, but we all genuinely like each other and have fun together. And it seemed weird and strange and stressful to pretend that I was someone I wasn't. I never flat-out lied to them about anything involving my sexuality, but I also didn't advertise that I, you know, went to gay pride parades and had a ton of bi friends and stuff. And every time I'm with them, ever since I became an adult, I can feel myself regressing back to who I used to be: the Perfect Daughter who does everything she's told and fulfills expectations and never rocks the boat. No one in my family rocks the boat. You just ... don't. You talk about the weather, and sports, and tell funny stories from your workplace, and quote a couple lines from Seinfeld and everyone laughs. There's no such thing as a serious conversation in my family. Even when my mom was having heart surgery, we really didn't discuss it all that much.

So the idea of bursting out with "Hey, Mom and Dad, let's talk about my sexuality! It's not what you think it is! Ta daaaa!", out of the blue ... yeah. There's a reason it took me nine years to do this. Saying and doing what is polite and expected is embedded deep within me. I've broken free of that restriction in every other area of my life, but my parents enter the room and it comes flooding back. I just could not make myself start a conversation like that, no matter how much I wanted to. If the subject had come up on its own, or if I was at least given a good segue, I could have eased into it, I think. But see above - we really don't discuss Those Topics. I was also set on doing it in person, and ever since I moved to Chicago in '06, I only see them 2-4 times a year, and only for 3-4 days at a time. So when I missed an opportunity, it was at least several months before I could try again.

Back in March, jarrow loaned me Milk on DVD, and I watched it and ... I got inspired? Heh. In particular, I was moved by the scene where he's encouraging everyone in the room to come out to their families, their friends, everyone they know; because every person who is confronted with the fact that someone they care about is LGBT is a person who can't demonize or dismiss us as easily. My parents are pretty conservative, and vote a straight Republican ticket, and they're not super-religious but they do call themselves Christian and get a lot of their beliefs from the religious community, and I realized that they were never going to think about the choices they made and the policies they supported unless someone forced them to. I didn't want to be that someone, but dammit, it was time to put on my big-girl panties.

I had never come out to them as an atheist, either; luckily the perfect opportunity for that presented itself recently, and I took it. They were in town for the weekend, and we'd been to the Adler Planetarium on Friday. On Saturday we went to Giordano's for lunch, and were reminiscing about the general planetarium experience. My dad in particular is fascinated by the universe and space technology and all that. He started talking about the vastness of space, and the billions of galaxies and the probability that life exists elsewhere out there, and then the following happened (deep topics! very unusual!):

Dad: "Does it make you wonder, sometimes, about God and whether he exists and all that?" (Poor Dad. I think he gets freaked out by thinking about that stuff.)
Me: (seeing my opening and POUNCING) "Well, I'm an atheist, so it's not really a question for me."
Dad: "You are?"
Mom: "You didn't know that? *I* knew that."
Dad: "Huh."

And then they went on to talk about how they didn't have all the answers or anything, and thought there was probably a God, but people who think you have to go to church in order to be saved are just silly. And then our pizza came, and that was that.

The atheist revelation went so well that I was determined to get the bisexual revelation out of the way as well. I was feeling pretty optimistic about it, and decided that I'd do it Sunday so that on the off-chance there was any badness, the awkwardness would only last for one night before they left to go home. But when the time came, I totally lost my nerve. I couldn't speak up at dinner, and I couldn't speak up after dinner, and I'd been rehearsing my speech all day, and I kept opening my mouth and nothing would come out. And finally they went to sleep and I went back to my bedroom and shut the door and facepalmed a million times.

I went online and complained to renenet and greensilver, who love me very much and were SO helpful and supportive, and renenet told me "Christ, Pips, you're 31, it's time to do this, be an ADULT" which was exactly what I needed to hear (I LUV U). This morning I had to leave for the airport by 8:30 am (they were catching a later flight home). At around 8:15, I finally FINALLY opened my mouth:

Me: "So, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. I kept meaning to say something yesterday and then I didn't. Um, it's not a big deal or anything [...this isn't true, why did I say this? I think I was just super nervous and trying to downplay it as much as possible] but it's something that you should probably know about me. So, I've known for several years now that I like both men and women."
Mom: "...oh."
Me: "I wasn't sure what label to --"
Dad: "WHAT? I can't hear you!"
Me: [oh god] "Ahaha, um, so I said, I've known for several years now that I like both men and women. For a while I wasn't really comfortable with labels, but I've now decided that the term 'bisexual' is one that accurately describes me, so that's what I call myself. And you don't have to like it, or anything, but I figured it was something important that I should say."
Mom: "Well. I guess you can't help who you are."
Me: "Right. And I wouldn't want to be anyone other than who I am."
Mom: "Doesn't make me love you any less."
Dad: "Yep. Same here."
Me: "Thank you."
[I hug each of them]

And then Mom asks me for directions to the place they want to go to for brunch. Nothing more is said.

It was kind of surreal. Obviously they said all the "right" things, and it wasn't dramatic at all, but they almost sounded ... bored by the news. (They may have slightly suspected, but I'm positive they didn't know for sure, so it wasn't that they were bored.) Imagine the above responses in the same tone of voice in which you might say "Looks like it's going to rain today." The words were comforting, but the attitude wasn't. And I was expecting questions, like - are you sure? how long have you known? do you have a girlfriend? But there was nothing. Just "yeah, okay" and moving swiftly along to the next topic. Which, if they need to ignore it for now so they can have time to process, that's fine. I almost feel, I don't know, ungrateful or something for complaining about the response when they still love me and I apparently didn't rock the boat hard enough to even make any waves and it could have gone much, MUCH worse. But I spoke up specifically so that they would have the chance to get to know me a bit better, and they didn't seem interested in that. I should give it time, I know. I have a feeling the subject will never get brought up again, and we'll just sort of pretend like it didn't happen. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Thank goodness for cats; I was petting Precious the whole time and it actually really really helped. Never underestimate the power of a warm purring furry ball who loves you unconditionally. :) And from the time I first spoke up to the time I walked out the door to go to the airport, I could not - could NOT - look either of my parents in the eye. So I have no idea what the expressions on their faces were.

greensilver asked me earlier today "did you feel better after?" and I replied "I haven't decided yet." Heh. I suppose I feel better knowing that they're not upset or disappointed in me, which was my worst fear. I don't know if it will help at all in terms of letting me be more "myself" when I'm around my parents. I'm wondering if it will make any difference at all, in any respect, and if not then I'm going to wonder what I put myself through this for.

Anyway, it's over. And I've done a lot of angsting and whining (not just right now; certain friends have been getting earfuls for years) over something that in the end was not such a big deal, and that other people in much worse situations than mine have handled with much less hand-wringing and emo. So here is where I stop talking! Hee.

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

there's a meat market down the street

2010-08-21T03:47:55Z

I need help, o wise flist! *bats eyelashes*

Short version: I am thinking of replacing/supplementing my existing DVD player, and want to get one that is highly recommended and plays all sorts of formats/codecs and works well with my other equipment, etc. If you have experience with a good DVD player/Blu-Ray player/home theater system or other similar equipment, please tell me about it? (Or if your player sucks and you want to UN-recommend it, that is useful too!)

I actually really like my current setup. However, I've discovered that I can't play the VividCon 2010 discs on either of the DVD players I own; one outputs jerky/scratchy audio, and the other outputs jerky video. I think it's just the way the discs are encoded, although it doesn't seem to be a problem for anyone else, so it might just be that I have older model DVD players that aren't compatible with newer methods of encoding. (It's not just my copy of the discs, either; the karaoke DVD from this year was also tested in both my players, with the same crappy result, and worked just fine at the con itself.)

My immediate goal is to get something that will play the VVC discs, so if you have successfully played them on your own DVD player, I would love to hear about it! I'm also thinking, however, about upgrading to a Blu-Ray player. Since I have a nice big HD TV (though it's not 1080p), it might make sense to upgrade the rest of my setup as well, to get the most out of my TV. I'm considering both options, and it will probably come down to deciding how much I want to spend now (get a cheap but workable player just for the VVC discs, or go ahead and get something much nicer that I can continue to use for everything).

Specific questions for anyone reading this:

What DVD players do you own? Do they work well for you? Any significant problems or benefits you've encountered?
Do you own a copy of the 2010 VVC DVDs? Can you play them successfully on your DVD player(s)?
Do you own a Blu-Ray DVD player? What model? Would you recommend Blu-Ray over standard DVD players? Why/why not?
Do you own a home theater system (DVD player + speakers/subwoofer)? What model? Have you found any benefits to using a home theater system vs. a regular DVD player and built-in TV speakers?
Anything else I'm forgetting?

Here's my current entertainment configuration, in case compatibility is relevant:

TV: Panasonic TH-50PX60U
- 50" plasma
- 2 HDMI, 3 composite, 3 S-Video, 2 component inputs
- Supports 720p and 1080i (no 1080p) (... I don't really know what this means)
Home theater system (DVD + speakers/subwoofer): Samsung HT-X40
- USB input, really comes in handy
- HDMI output
- Plays DivX
- I like having a separate speaker & subwoofer system, although the speakers aren't optimally placed in the living room (yet)
- Won't play anything above 800x600 resolution. Sometimes annoying when trying to watch downloaded files
Second DVD player: Philips DVP3040
- Plays DivX! Plays a wide variety of things, actually (until now)
- Simple, light & portable, cheap. Originally bought for around $40
- Composite and component outputs
- Supports progressive scan
- Supposedly plays DVDs from any region? I've never actually tested this
DVR: TiVo Premiere XL
- Just ordered this today, so I don't have it in my possession yet
Universal remote: Logitech Harmony 670
- Definitely needs to be replaced; pieces have broken off and the screen only halfway works
- Very easy to set up
- Can control every device I own, so far
- Doesn't work as well as I thought it would. Not sure if this is a failing of the remote itself, the devices I'm controlling with it, or just a standard problem with any universal remote: the input settings on both my TV and DVD player will change depending on what is plugged in/turned on/inserted. For example, if a DVD is in the DVD player when it starts up, it will (usually) automatically switch to DVD input regardless of what it was set on before. And if the TV is on, and I turn the DVD player on (which is plugged into the TV through HDMI), the TV will automatically switch to HDMI input. You would think this would be helpful, but it's really not. The remote changes inputs on the devices by cycling through all inputs til it reaches the correct one. So if it's expecting the TV to be on, say, component input and it's not, it won't set the TV input correctly when you press "Watch TV" or "Watch a DVD" or anything else. So instead of just pressing one button and having everything magically work, I often have to press the button and then reset the inputs on both the TV and DVD player. I'm used to it by now, but other people aren't. (My parents are visiting at the moment and are so overwhelmed and confused and frustrated by the TV setup. They had to call me at work this morning and have me walk them through how to switch the DVD player input so the sound would come on.)

Any advice, tips, general knowledge, etc. about any aspect of this setup (not just the DVD player part) would be GREATLY appreciated! Did I mention how sexy and debonair you look today? BECAUSE IT'S TRUE. :)

Also posted to Dreamwidth ( comments). Comment wherever you like.

let's live it up

2010-08-16T03:26:15Z

You guys! I went to VividCon! It was awesome! And I am only just now finding the energy to read and write things on the internets! Cons are freakin' sweet and also exhausting! But so totally worth it!

This is not an official con report. This is just random stuff I remember, general impressions, etc. I'm not gonna talk about specific vids too much in detail just yet; honestly I'd rather give feedback to the vidders directly (which I WILL DO this year, DAMMIT) than do public recs. That said, here was my VividCon 2010 experience:

General Impressions

I had the best time at VVC this year than I've had since, oh, maybe 2007. For starters, all my closest friends were there this time around, including sdwolfpup and f1renze who have been sorely missed in recent years! Also, there was various personal drama stuff in '08 and '09 (nothing I'll get into here, it's not important anymore) that occasionally distracted from my good times; that stuff was totally gone this year. It felt really really good to just hang out with friends, both old and new, and completely enjoy everyone's company.

I was worried that due to all the recent wank, there would be tension and hurt feelings and just general badness at the con. It's possible that those things were there and I just didn't see them? But from my vantage point, the ACTUAL con was an amazingly happy, fun, welcoming, shiny place to be. \o/ Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves and genuinely glad to be there, and every moment was a celebration of vidding and fandom and glowsticks and all these wonderful things that bring us together, and I was really really impressed with how positive the atmosphere was around me.

The concom (both past and future!) deserve about ten million rounds of applause. Holy shit did they do WONDERS at keeping things running smoothly and meeting everyone's needs and dealing with various snafus that arose over the weekend. I admire and adore the HELL out of those people. Go VVC concom!

Vidshows

Vidshows in general this year were outstanding. I was supremely pleased with the playlists, and with all the new-to-me vids that I thoroughly enjoyed. I honestly think this was the best year, in terms of vids, that VVC has had.

My favorites were, I think, Patriarchy and Unusual POV. But I also was quite thrilled with Sexuality (um I'll be in my bunk), Identity, and O Canada. The first half of Nearly New had some great vids, as well as the Also Premiering show, and Newbies Rock showed me some vidders I definitely wanna follow from now on ... oh you know what, fuck it, EVERY VIDSHOW was good. Seriously. The only ones I didn't see were the second half of Nearly New and Race & Representation, and I've heard good things about both so I'll have to catch up.

Premieres! I was BLOWN AWAY by the first half of Premieres. To the point where I was sitting with my mouth open when the lights came on for intermission, and sort of flailed soundlessly at absolutedestiny for a while before managing to squeak out "how is Part 2 going to follow THAT?!" I did enjoy the second half, though not quite to the same extreme level, heh. Overall, this was the best Premieres show I've ever seen at VividCon. Period. I will be flailing at a lot of vidders over the next week or so.

We had a really good crop of challenge vids this year - thought-provoking and well-made and really entertaining, especially given the theme. (Three of the seven vids were made by close friends of mine, and I had no idea! Way to keep it secret, you guys! Well done.)

Panels

I went to almost 100% vidshows this time, which I've never done before; usually it's more balanced between vidshows and panels. Part of me regrets that, because apparently there were some marvelous panels I missed out on. But hey, like I said above, the vidshows all rocked, so I'll just read people's notes and pretend I was there. :)

The Structure panel, led by dualbunny , was really interesting. I liked that it was more of a group discussion as opposed to a teaching session; I loved hearing how other vidders approached structure and how their methods matched or differed from mine. (I also spoke up and said stuff and it was hopefully not stupid? so go me?)

Vid Review was great this year, IMO. I was a HUGE fan of the way f1renze and astolat structured it, with the vids being grouped into various categories. It allowed for interesting comparisons between vids; it meant no one was rushing through a small time limit to say something about a particular vid; and it allowed every vid in the show to get at least one comment. I can totally see the categories not making sense for some people (they made sense to me), but that just means we automatically have stuff to talk about and discuss - why do you think this vid doesn't fit the "character study" label? etc. I took notes this year, which allowed me to actually remember all the smart things that were said, so I will probably continue to do that in the future.

It was really nice to focus on two light-hearted, fun, comedic vids during In-Depth Vid Review. Non-angsty vids can generate plenty of discussion, too!

Random Fun Stuff

Meeting new people! I was particularly glad to finally meet danegen, mresundance, countessmary, and such_heights in person, as well as many others. You are all awesome and I wish I'd spent more time with you. Must remedy that next year. In the meantime, expect some hopefully-non-scary internet stalking and fangirling? HEE.

CLUB VIVID!!!!! I dressed up as Princess Leia; greensilver was Luke Skywalker, sweetestdrain was Han Solo, and braver_creature was a very "interpretive" Darth Vader. There was also a Legend of the Seeker crowd (I smell crossover!!): radixiscat was Darken Rahl, dualbunny was Richard, and milly was Cara. Other costumes I loved were laurashapiro's Eleventy, astolat's sparkly silvery-gold dress, bop_radar as Superman (or Supergirl? I dunno, it was super!), and jarrow as bradcpu . I did a costume change about a third of the way through cause that Leia dress covered way too much skin and I was sweating buckets on the dance floor. Wow, the dancing was good this year. Still haven't actually seen any of the CV vids, hee.

sweetestdrain 's fear of squirrels, even stuffed ones. (Try throwing one at her sometime.)

Everyone taking turns staring at my blue-and-red butterfly skirt with 3-D glasses on. In the immortal words of Keanu, "Woah!"

Friday lunchtime room party in my room with an episode of Invisible Man. Darien + Bobbyhobbes = OTP 4-EVA.

Getting a visit from security on Thursday night because we were being too loud. Oops. (And cappylicious wondering out loud "Did that guy see our Barbies? I would be so embarrassed.")

sdwolfpup and her Puplet joining me and my roomies for (lunch???) at Outback, and Puplet and f1renze making Wondertwin Powers Activate! hand signals at each other across the table. D'AWWWW.

The black cherry peach mojitos at Outback. DEE-LISH.

Singing "Love Shack" at karaoke with absolutedestiny and braver_creature (we practiced, y'all! we had harmonies and everything!), and joining in with the "I'm on a Boat" crowd led by jarrow and absolutedestiny. Also, the literal "Total Eclipse of the Heart" was an amazing and perfect end to the karaoke hour.

Speaking of singing: spontaneously bursting into a rendition of Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love To You" with f1renze , jarrow and sisabet (in which f1renze provided COUNTERPOINT), following it up with "The Greatest Love Of All", and thereby ensuring that heresluck will never ever speak to any of us again. Sorry for the permanent trauma, h.l.

Playing the now-traditional Apples To Apples game with customized cards. :)

The overvidded songs room party! And the inevitable (and hilarious) mashups that followed.

Gay Cowboy night on Tuesday! jarrow , dualbunny , radixiscat and I watched Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and Brokeback Mountain, and made ourselves cowboy mustaches out of sparkly pipe cleaners.

The redecoration of my apartment with aforementioned pipe cleaners while I was out on an airport run. I've never seen that many colorful glittery penises on my walls. Thanks, friends. ♥

Vid(s) of the Con

#1 with a bullet: Pursuit of Happiness by cappylicious . OH D'ANGELO, OMG. *flails and sobs and points and flails some more* This is gonna be one of those "guaranteed to make me cry every time" vids, I just know it.

Other vids of the con: Around the Bend by danegen (girls! cars! making our own destiny! yay!), Deeper and Deeper by hollywoodgrrl (oh, SHOW. You really went there, didn't you. Yes you did. Bless.), Take on Me by greensilver (which almost feels like a cheat cause I saw it before the con, but whatever, it's AWESOME), For Your Entertainment by sdwolfpup (ditto the above), and a vid by sweetestdrain that was shown during a room party that she needs to post right the hell now. :)

My Obligatory Freakout Moment

Like I said, the con itself was awesome, but right before and right after VVC, everything I own decided to break:
- My car died on the way to pick up absolutedestiny and braver_creature from the airport.
- My window air conditioner was leaking water all weekend while I was gone, and the day I got home from VVC my landlord (who lives below me) showed up at my door to tell me there was a puddle of water on their floor. Eeeeek. radixiscat was AWESOME AS HELL and spent hours fixing it, with help from dualbunny and sisabet plus a middle-of-the-night trip to Target.
- Neither of my DVD players would play the con discs properly (and still don't), so my friends and I were unable to watch some of the vids on my big shiny TV.
- My refrigerator is still leaking water and I haven't found a way to fix it.
- greensilver wanted to cook for us post-con, and made a giant batch of cookie dough only to discover that my oven was broken and wouldn't start. The landlord finally fixed it, but not until after greensilver left.
- My cat freaked out at everyone and threw up, then hissed and growled at jarrow when he tried to carry her to the litter box so she wouldn't get puke everywhere, then she took a giant dump on the floor. My friends cleaned it up because it was early morning and I was still asleep.
Most of this stuff was completely out of my control and/or unforseeable, but that didn't mean I didn't blame myself for all of it, especially since my friends were staying with me for several days after the con and they had to deal with a stuffy hot apartment and cat poop and backup transportation and no cookies and other stuff, and I felt like the worst hostess in the entire world, and I kind of flipped out a LOT. But only internally! And everything is (mostly) fixed now!

And that was my VividCon. Is it too soon to start counting down to August 2011?

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