The Perfect Crime

[fic] At the Zenith (Team AU)

pinefir — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 20:32:18 GMT

Title: At the Zenith
Author: pinefir
Team: AU
Rating:R
Fandom: SNSD
Pairing: friendship!Sooyoung/Yoona/Sica, Siwon/Sooyoung, Sungmin/Sooyoung, Siwon/Tiffany, Sumgin/Seohyun
Summary: Sooyoung may be a princess but her fucked up birth left her feeling like a clown, but she is just too pretty to be a clown though, and so in a moment, she becomes a doll.
Author's Note: Drama, Angst, supernatural themes, suggested incest, implied suicide.
Prompt Used: Lucifer-SHINee

They say she was meant to be banished, born when Lucifer was at its zenith; she was never meant to be accepted and never meant to be loved the way she wanted to be loved. She was born not to enjoy life and its perks but hate it and make others see the not so pleasant side of life. She was the light-bearer, the Lucifer who’s going to show the world how disgusting life is and how low people have become. That’s why she can never be loved and never be appreciated; because honestly, who would want to love the daughter of the devil?

Because devils were once angels, it is only right to assume that she was not entirely evil. She was once good, once fit to be called a man’s woman, but now she isn’t. She takes it as an insult to be owned by some mere man because she knows just how wicked and corrupted man could be. It’s laughable, how she’s being self-righteous and picky in men; but she knows she doesn’t want some scum of the earth to hold her.

But life doesn’t work that way. Life never works the way she wants it to, and Choi Sooyoung finds it the hard way.

They say with death a new life starts. For Sooyoung, with her father’s death her new life starts. It was a stormy night, and Sooyoung should have known that something bad was going to happen, but how was a six-year-old girl like her, who never had the chance to get a proper education, know of premonition and bad feelings? They were on their way home, her father just finished work in the farm and they’ve just returned from the granary. Sooyoung was sitting on the back of the cow while her father pulled on its yoke. She was listening to her father’s story about her mother and she really could not care less about the raindrops that managed to get through the cracks of her leaf-umbrella, when her father suddenly stopped.

“Appa?” she asks, her father seems to be talking to someone she cannot recognized. The man was dressed in a black petticoat; it must be one of the foreign settlers in their village she thought. She was about to climb down the cow’s back when her father stops her.

“Sooyoung, just stay there,” he says and Sooyoung remains rooted in her seat, hoping that the evil-looking man won’t do something bad. But even if she prayed hard, nothing would change the fact that nothing really ever goes her way and it was one of those many nights that her prayers didn’t work because before she knew it her father was down on the muddy road and the man has disappeared.

Sooyoung sat staring, wondering about what just happened. “Appa,” she calls out softly. No answer. She climbs down the cow, but she falls into the mud because it was just too high for her but she doesn’t mind because she has to get to her father fast.

“Appa, appa,” she shakes her father awake as she kneels down beside him. “Appa...”

“Appa.”

“Sooyoung-ssi,” Yoona, her most trusted attendant, shakes her awake. She bolts upward a bit confused, was she dreaming again? She looks at Yoona who was currently fixing her dresser, and then she stretches, shaking the sleep away from her limbs.

“That dream again?” Yoona asks her as she pulls the covers off Sooyoung. Sooyoung only grunts in response. They both know what dream it was. “Aww, come here unnie,” Yoona says as she makes Sooyoung lean into her chest. Yoona runs her fingers in her hair, whispering soothing words in her ear and Sooyoung only wraps her hands around her waist.

“Do you feel better now?” Yoona asks her and she nods in response. “Good,” she says and she kisses the tip of Sooyoung’s nose. “Now go wash yourself up, your father’s looking for you.”

“Yoona told me that you’ve been having dreams,” her father, no, her father was long dead, the man who she has taken to calling as father asked her as she sat herself in the dining room. She glances at Yoona who was currently serving her ‘brother’.

Sooyoung shakes her head. “No, father, they’re nothing. I can manage.” Her brother laughs, and she turns to look at him. “Is something amusing you?”

“Nothing much,” he says, his dimpled smile mocking her. She narrows her eyes at him. “It’s just that, I was wondering how you could possibly seduce the Daejang’s son with how you look.”

Sooyoung bites her lips, willing herself not to pay Siwon any heed. He’s always been a bastard, in every sense of the word, to her.

“Siwon, stop needling your sister,” her father says before Sooyoung could even lash out. “Anyways, I’ll be out for the rest of the day, I don’t want to see you two at each other’s throat when I come home.”

Siwon was two years older than Sooyoung, he was the only son of Jungjang Choi and he was considered as one of the most eligible bachelors in the country. Everybody looked up to him and everyone thinks he takes after his father. Everyone except Sooyoung , of course. Underneath the discipline and charm Siwon seems to exude, is a rotten man. She was sure of that fact, after all she’s seen just how cruel he can be.

“I haven’t seen your whore around here,” Sooyoung comments as soon as their father leaves the dining room, leaving the two of them alone. “Did she finally realize how much of a keeper you are?” she smirks at him.

“Are you jealous?” Siwon asks, hands falling over hers and she is quick to retract them. “Wish you could’ve been the one I was pounding into relentlessly?”

“You’re sick, Choi Siwon,” she spats out and moves to get out of the room when Siwon suddenly pulls her against him. His hands resting just above the small of her back as he buries his nose into the crook of her neck.

“I love you, you know that,” he says softly, his tone different from before as he hugs her tighter and whether or not Sooyoung likes it, she can’t help the walls she built around her crumble as she breathes in Siwon’s scent. “I’m fucking in love with you,” he says as he releases his hold on her and cups her cheek. “Look at me.”

She doesn’t look at him, she looks at anywhere but him, but Siwon starts kissing a trail down her neck. “Siwon,” she pushes him away. Siwon stops, looking at her in askance. “We’ve got to stop doing this okay.”

“Sooyoung,” Siwon starts. “You don’t have to do this you know, we can be together.”

“Funny of you to say that when you seem to be the one who doesn’t want us to be together at all.”

Sooyoung thought she loved Siwon as a brother, and she cannot be blamed. After all, it was Jungjang Choi and his son who found her lying on top of her father’s lifeless body in the middle of the road. She can still clearly remember the way Siwon held her close to him, young as he was, when they were on their way to the Jungjang’s house.

Siwon was always there for her, always ready to play the big brother role even if they weren’t related. He was very supportive; he never wants her to get hurt.

“Sooyoung, take my hand,” he would always say.

“Sooyoung, don’t leave my side.”

“Sooyoung, just stick with me, I’ll protect you.”

Before Sooyoung met Yoona, no one held her through the all her nightmares but Siwon. He would climb into bed with her when she starts crying and he would hug her. That’s what he would do every time, and over time, they didn’t know if they were doing something wrong. They thought it was all for the sake of comfort, when Siwon started kissing her, touching her in places she herself has never touched before. She didn’t hate him for it, she actually started liking him more for it because what he was doing to her, was making her feel good about herself.

“Sooyoung, forget about Daejang Lee’s son,” Siwon says as he caresses Sooyoung’s cheeks. “You don’t need to follow father’s order. Look, let me take care of him.” Sooyoung turns away from him and starts walking, hoping that he wouldn’t follow her. “Sooyoung!” he calls again but she is already running away from him. He runs after her, but he slows down. Sooyoung always do this to him, lure him in and then run away far from him. Even if Daejang Lee’s son is his rival, he was sure he wouldn’t wish this loop on him.

Sooyoung didn’t dare look back as she made a run for the library’s garden. It’s always been like this, Siwon tells her he loves her and she runs away because she has no reason to stay. She doesn’t know how to respond to that. She sits herself on the wooden swing near the mugunghwa shrubs as she tries to catch her breath. Siwon always tells her that she doesn’t need to make Daejang Lee’s son fall in love with her and that he’d take care of everything, but she doesn’t know if what he’s saying is true. She’s met Dajang Lee’s son, he was nice to her and it would be really devastating if she was the one who would destroy him; she just couldn’t take it. She didn’t want someone’s death or misfortune upon her, but if she didn’t do it then it would only mean betraying the person who’s looked after her when no one else would. If Siwon was true to his words, he would tell his father of her predicament, he would also tell his father that he is in love with her. But Siwon never tells, and Sooyoung is always inclined to think that maybe, Siwon is just playing her. Her thoughts get interrupted when she hears a clearing of throat from behind her, it was her attendant, Yoona.

“Choi gongjuneun, Jung gongjuneun is here,” Yoona announces. Sooyoung turns around to face her and sees the Jung princess, her best friend, Sooyeon standing right behind Yoona, she breaks out into a smile and immediately hugs Sooyeon.

“Ahh!!! Sooyeon!” Sooyoung says as she peppers her best friend’s face with kisses. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you!” she says, releasing her hold on Sooyeon.

Sooyeon chuckles and pinches Sooyoung’s face. “Yah! Choi Sooyoung I missed you too! Why is Yoong like that?” she asks and the said girl bows her head in embarrassment. Sooyoung laughs and then pulls Yoona into their hug.

“Yah, Yoona! You act like we aren’t friends!” Sooyoung chides Yoona as Sooyeon hugs Yoona.

Yoona smiles sheepishly before answering. “I thought you forgot about me.”

“Sunkyu, I’m disappointed in you,” Sunkyu’s father says disapprovingly as Sunkyu sits herself in her chair for a late breakfast. She was a bit surprised that her father was still there, didn’t he have a meeting with Daejang Choi? She takes a look around the table and she is again surprised to find her twin brother there, wasn’t he supposed to do his training?

“I apologize, appa, for being late for breakfast,” she says as she bows her head before saying her thanks to Taeyeon, their attendant.

“You shouldn’t be late again next time,” her father replies. “Taeyeon couldn’t wake you up, she was so worried. But that’s actually not what I’m disappointed about.”

Sunkyu shoots Sungmin a confused look, Sungmin only returns it with a frown.

“I’m disappointed that you forgot your cousin’s arrival,” her father finally says when he sees that neither knows what he’s talking about. Sungmin makes an o with his mouth and Sunkyu resists the urge to roll her eyes.

“Then where is she now?” Sunkyu asks, mindful of her tone lest her father takes it as a sign of disrespect.

“Gallivanting with her friends of course, just because her kin can’t welcome her,” her father shots back. “What would Sooyeon’s father say of us? Surely, you didn’t get such treatment when you had to pay her a visit, did you , Sunkyu?” Sunkyu shakes her head, a bit ashamed of what her father accuses her of. “Go, hurry up, you should head to Jungjang Choi’s house. You’d be lucky if Soojung is still there and hasn’t been whisked away by her friends. “ Sunkyu mentally tsks but quickens her pace. She then stops eating, having lost appetite for a late lunch because of what her father just said.

“Father,” Sungmin speaks up from beside her. “You wouldn’t mind me accompanying Sunkyu-noona to the Choi’s right?” Daejang Lee narrows his eyes at his son, thinking of what he could possibly gain from this, when he remembers just who Jungjang Choi’s daughter was; a smile lights up his face and Sunkyu glares at Sungmin for even suggesting his company. Having Sungmin with them would only mean staying for far too long in the Choi’s residence.

“Of course, you can Sungmin.”

“No father, don’t.”

“And why should I not allow him, Sunkyu?” her father challenges her and she could see Sungmin smirk at her smugly.

“Nothing father,” Sunkyu backs down.

“Well, then, I’ll get the carriage ready for you two.”

“You don’t need to, father,” Sungmin says. “I’ll be going there on horse,” he says as he smiles at his father like the suck up Sunkyu thinks he is. She rolls her eyes at him, he is so eager to see that girl.
“I’ll be going there with my maids,” she informs her father as she calls for Taeyeon to step forward.

“Maids?” Sungmin echoes. “You only have one,” he says as he points to Taeyeon who bows.

“I’ll be bringing Yuri along too if you don’t mind, father,” she says, completely ignoring Sungmin.

“That would be ideal,” her father consents. “After all, I do have some pastries and sweets for the young lady Choi, such an exceptional young girl that Sooyoung is,” her father smiles at that and for the nth time that day, Sunkyu rolls her eyes again. Before she could retort however, her brother speaks up.

“I’ll do it,” he volunteers. “I’ll hand it to her.” His father smiles back at him and pats him on the shoulder.

“You know what, Sungmin,you really are my son,” he says as he stands up and leaves the room with Sungmin, completely forgetting about Sunkyu.

Sunkyu glares at the two who just upped and left her, in times like these, she seriously wonders what has gotten them so interested in that girl and so eager to have her in their family. If she was to be asked, she’d rather have Chunjang Seo’s daughter Joohyun as a sister-in-law. But then, if that Choi girl was who Sungmin wanted to marry, then she can’t do anything about it. Unless of course, that girl was bound to have some dirty laundry to air; unfortunately, knowing the Choi’s, she’s probably as clean as they want everybody to think. Well then, Sunkyu thinks and smiles as she recalls something that her grandmother said, an unwashed garment hidden from the view stinks more than one left for the sundry. Maybe it was time for some cleaning in the Choi’s, she chuckles and pats herself mentally for a great pun made as she raised her hand to beckon to Taeyeon.

“Father must have forgotten about my carriage,” she softly speaks to her servant. “Go and tell the stablemen, and pick Yuri along your way too. Have them ready as soon as possible, I don’t like waiting, you do know that, right Taeyeon-ah?” Taeyeon could only nod in response as she shuffles out of the dining hall.

“So, how is it going with Siwon-oppa?” Sooyeon asks Sooyoung as soon as Yoona is out of hearing range. Even though the three are as close as they can get, there are things that the other one must not know. Yoona doesn’t know about Siwon and Sooyeon doesn’t know of her nightmares and what she’s about to do. It was fair for both of them , Sooyoung thinks; besides, she is sure that there are secrets between Yoona and Sooyeon that she doesn’t know about either.

Sooyoung sighs, watching as Yoona disappears behind the garden’s doors. “Why don’t you go ask him?” she snaps, bitter about being reminded of her brother.

“You didn’t have to be so mean,” Sooyoeon frowns at her as she tucks in a mugunghwa blossom behind Sooyoung’s left ear. “Smile, Soo,” she says as she raises Sooyoung’s face and pecks her on the lips. Sooyoung smiles and she suddenly feels guilty and apologetic towards Sooyeon.

“I’m sorry,” Sooyoung says. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know,” Sooyeon says as she affectionately combs through Sooyoung’s hair. “What did he do now?”

Sooyoung shrugs and lays herself on Sooyeon’s lap. A part of her wants to tell Sooyeon about Siwon and the girl he is currently seeing but her respect for the girl gets in the way.

“Come on, tell me.”

“It’s nothing, I’m just tired, that’s all,” she says as she closes her eyes hoping that Sooyeon wouldn’t pursue the issue.

If there was a person that could describe Sooyoung perfectly well aside from Siwon and Yoona, it would probably be Sooyeon. It was weird though, because they never spent too much time together, but to Sooyeon, she is an open book. Sooyeon always knows even if she wasn’t even there in the first place. She also knows when to and not to press Sooyoung.

“Okay,” she says and then all of a sudden she hears snoring. She looks down at Sooyoung on her lap and tries not to chuckle. Just how much does she want to forget what Siwon does to her for her to feign sleep like this, Sooyeon thinks. She sees Yoona come in through the garden gates with food on hand, and Sooyeon wonders if Yoona knows.

“Soo doesn’t snore,” Yoona says as she settles down beside Sooyeon. Sooyeon only nods. Yoona looks at her and wonders what they’ve been talking about.

“She doesn’t?” Sooyeon asks with a chuckle. “Didn’t seem like the person that would not snore,” she says making Yoona laugh.

“She is a heavy sleeper though,” Yoona replies as she looks down at Sooyoung who was sleeping on Sooyeon’s lap. “I can’t wake her up sometimes, only Siwon could wake her up easily,” she adds.

“I see...,” Sooyeon says .””I’ve never really thought about it, but Siwon and Sooyoung must be pretty close right?”

“Yes, yes they are,” Yoona answers, at times they could be too close, she thinks. She smiles at Sooyeon and says nothing more. Sooyeon smiles back awkwardly and briefly wonders if Yoona knows something she doesn’t . Could she know about Siwon and Sooyoung?

“I don’t see what’s so special about that Sooyoung,” Sunkyu complains to her maids Taeyeon and Yuri who were seated across her. Sunkyu moves the curtains of the carriage in order to take a peek at their surroundings. “I can’t see my brother anymore, he must have galloped away. Again, what is so special with that girl that he, who is perpetually hated by horses, wants to go horseback riding for her? ”

“Choi Sooyoung-ssi?” Yuri asks and Taeyeon kind of shushes her when Sunkyu narrows her eyes and turns to look at them.

“Who else would I be talking about?” she asked the two who wisely kept their mouths shut. “Idiots,” she muttered under her breath.

“We apologize,” the two mutter in response but Sunkyu pays them no heed.

“What do you know of her?” Sunkyu asks the two. “Surely you two must have heard something about her, aren’t you two often in town? Come to think of it, I barely even see you around the palace grounds.”

Taeyeon gulps and Yuri avoids looking at Sunkyu.

“Yuri-ssi,” Sunkyu says as she catches Yuri in the act of ignoring her. “You’re always out doing errands, don’t you ever hear anything about her?”

Yuri shakes her head. “I’m afraid not, gongjuneun. I haven’t seen any of the Choi’s servants recently, so I’m not informed about her that much these--,” Yuri then stops and her eyes widen as Taeyeon nudges her from the side .

“So you do know something about her,” Sunkyu demands of the two as she sees the two’s fishy interaction. “Tell me, what do you know about her?”

“Not much,” Yuri says, afraid of upsetting Sunkyu. Sunkyu could be a kind gongjuneun at times, but at most times, she was just as cunning and as ruthless as her father. Yuri wouldn’t want to cross any lines.

“And, you, Taeyeon-ssi?” Sunkyu asks and Taeyeon thinks she has to answer this carefully or else she might be looking forward to bathhouse duty for the rest of her life.

“I heard that she was a rather kind lady,” Taeyeon says.

“Go on,” Sunkyu urges her.

“And that she was friendly with the villagers?” Taeyeon answers with a bit of uncertainty.

Sunkyu laughs dryly. “Of course, she’d be like that. What would you expect from someone who has reputations to keep? Besides the council is coming. ”

Taeyeon nods her head, eager to please Sunkyu; but Yuri had other thoughts. Yuri speaks out. “Maybe, you should,” and then she trails off, realizing that she might have been too brave for a moment there, as Sunkyu shoots her a glare that would promise demotion.

“Should what?” Sunkyu asks her and though Yuri doesn’t want to answer her question, something forces her to do so.

“Be more considerate? It would help the Daejang,” Yuri says in a voice barely above a whisper, hoping that Sunkyu would not hear her mumbling and if she does, she hopes he wouldn’t take it too negatively.

“I could do that,” Sunkyu says , not really caring about the two in front of her who are currently afraid of losing their jobs. “But then, I don’t need to. It’s not like my brother isn’t doing enough brownosing for the both of us,” she chuckles and then laughs out loud as she realizes something. “Do you two have no faith in my father’s reign? Surely he won’t let a lowly Jungjang take over his title just because the village favors said Jungjang’s daughter. You two are so naive, and yet so amusing.”

Taeyeon and Yuri can only laugh nervously in response.

It was around half-past two in the afternoon when Sungmin finally arrives in the Choi’s court. Once he was there, he was immediately ushered into the receiving hall where a portrait of the family hangs. He looks around the hall and seeing that he was left alone, he nears the portrait and raises a hand to touch it. Father has taught him not to intrude on other people’s belongings as intruding is a sign of disrespect but all of that flies out of his mind when he sees the portrait up close. It was “Beautiful,” he muttered under his breath as he traces his eyes over Sooyoung’s features. Sooyoung looked regal even as a young gongjuneun wearing a red and gold hwangwonsam. He thinks that she could’ve been around seventeen when the portrait was commissioned, and he also thinks that whatever hwangwonsam his sister Sunkyu could wear would always pale in comparison to Sooyoung’s. The thought of his sister suddenly directs his eyes to the man that stands towering next to Sooyoung in the portrait; it was her brother, Siwon.

Sungmin and Siwon were what people would usually call as friends. They’ve attended the same school and have undergone the same training and even now they are under the same divisions. It was only right that people think that they get along well enough, and they do. But that’s what just what they do, they agree and get along but that doesn’t necessarily make them the best of friends. Everybody knows this though; one would be a fool not to see the rivalry between the two major generals. Young as they are they’ve been recognized for their exceptional skills and there are talks on who’s going to rise in the ranks sooner.

“Sojang Lee,” a voice interrupts his musings. Sungmin turns around and comes face o face with a servant.

“Yes?” he asks her.

“Gongjuneun Choi is resting now, but she requested to see you, if you could please follow me,” she said and without waiting for him to respond, walked out of the room. He was led to an open hallway where he could see his sister and her servants Taeyeon and Yuri being led by one of the court maids towards another building. After a series of turns and a couple of doors, he was finally led to a small library that had a portrait of Sooyoung hanging on the northern wall. “Gonjuneun Choi will be with you in a moment.”

Yoona led gongjuneun Lee to where gongjuneun Jung was currently staying. Sooyoung was nowhere in sight since she told Yoona that she was tired and needed to rest.

“Gongjuneun Jung is staying inside,” Yoona bows before the other.

“I’ll invite myself in then,” Sunkyu replies. “You,” she points to Yoona. “MY servants have some offerings, take care of them,” and with that she dismisses the two who follows Yoona eagerly out of the complex.

Sunkyu opens the door and sees Sooyeon sitting inside, looking at her with what might be a mix between contempt and disinterest. “It’s been far too long since we’ve actually seen each other, my dear cousin,” Sunkyu says with a false sweetness that does not faze Sooyeon at all who motions for her to sit.

Since they weren’t in the Lee’s court and Sooyeon is a guest who would stay over longer than Sunkyu; Sooyeon had a bit of power over Sunkyu who was only here for a brief visit. She only smiles at her in return, as pretentious as Sunkyu was before replying. “I know right, it would’ve been nicer if it was kept that way, wouldn’t it?”

“Indeed,” Sunkyu half-glares at Sooyeon. “What brought you here anyway?”

“Surely not you,” Sooyeon replies and Sunkyu had to bite back a retort about how terribly styled Sooyeon appears.

“Unfortunately I can’t say the same for myself. After all I’d never be in the Choi’s court without my father’s orders. So you, I gathered from father that you have friends here with the Choi’s? Surely it can’t be the gongjuneun Choi would it?” she asks.

“Actually, it is gongjuneun Choi I am friends with. Far better company compared to your’s if you ask me.”

Sungmin removes his gat as soon as Sooyoung steps out of her room and into the libray. He is mildly surprised to see her short hair framing her face freely instead of the braided gache which most females that time seemed to prefer to wear. She didn’t have her face made-up either, which was a bit refreshing for him. The last time he had visited her, she wouldn’t even want a hair out of place in her gache; he thinks that she must be really tired today for she didn’t bother to fix herself, but for him, he would’ve preferred it this way.

He stands up and meets her halfway in a hug, Sooyoung’s attendant having been dismissed earlier. “Sooyoung-ah,” he says as he brings her closer to him by the waist. “I’ve missed you.”

Sooyoung returns the hug and closes her eyes as she lets Sungmin’s musk invade her senses. “It has been a long time, Sungmin,” she smiles at him as he releases her from his hold. “How many moons have passed since I’ve last seen you? You were always so busy with your duties,” she says.

“I have, haven’t I?” he smiles at her and they open the doors that lead to the veranda. They sit on the bench and Sooyoung huddles close to him. “I’ve been a bad friend to you,” he says as he lets her head fall on his shoulder.

Sungmin knew from the very first time that he has seen Sooyoung that he is in love with her and that the only girl that would be worth wooing is her. But then, Sooyoung was no ordinary girl. It wasn’t easy to woo her for one, there is always that big brother o f his, Siwon who was watchful of his younger sister; and two, Sungmin just didn’t know how he would make his intentions clear without scaring her off. They were young, he was just a kid and so was Sooyoung at that time so he settled for being close friends with her.

“It’s a good thing that I’ve brought you pastries from our baker,” Sungmin says and Sooyoung instantly perks up at that.

“You did? Where is it?” Sooyoung asks and feels around Sungmin’s clothes for the treat. He stops her wondering hands making her pout in return.

“It’s with the servants,” he says as he chuckles at the sight of Sooyoung deflating at his words.

“And just like that, my happiness is taken away,” she dramatically says.

He laughs out loud. “You still have me,” he says patting himself on his shoulders. “Come on,” he pulls her head near him and once again she is leaning against him. “Tell me everything I’ve missed.”

She smiles, thanking the gods that her bad day has turned for the better with Sungmin by her side. She then forgets about Siwon and all the things that cloud her mind and then proceeds to tell Sungmin of her new friend Hyoyeon the apothecary’s daughter and all the things he would love to hear about.

With Siwon, Sooyoung always felt wary, guarded and never enough. Siwon wasn’t bad, but he wasn’t good in her eyes wither. He was perfect, and even if they were not related by blood she always felt this pressure to become as well-liked as him. But with Sungmin, she doesn’t feel restricted. She feels like she was the old Sooyoung who would spend her days in the field singing and dancing, not the present Sooyoung who had a reputation to keep.

“And then she told me I could try it and so I did,” she says as she remembers the day she spent with Hyoyeon in the apothecaries . “I didn’t know that I was supposed to include lemongrass in it though. And then when I drank it, it was terrible. It smelled really nice and delicious and I thought it’d taste the sae but it was horrible!” she exclaimed. “Oh gods, I am never going to do that again. And thus, concludes the tale of Choi Sooyoung not knowing how to cook or to prepare anything at all in her life!” she says laughing along with Sungmin who was smiling widely at her.

At that moment, Sooyoung laughing and telling jokes about herself unlike any other self-respecting lady would not do, Sungmin realized something; he needs her in his life. He holds her shoulders and makes her face him; there is a bit of confusion in her eyes but her laughter more than covers for the momentary confusion. And then in an instant, Sungmin’s lips is on hers. Pressing firmly against her own and yet it was a gentle and warm gesture. A kiss unlike the kisses she has received from Siwon. Before she could even respond to him, he pulls back and cups her face into his hands.

“I don’t need you to learn to cook, I just need you.”

“Father,” Sooyoung speaks up. “Has Daejang Lee said anything to you?” she asks as she watches him place his spoon down.

“I’ve heard about his son visiting you while I was gone,” he replies and at that Siwon looks up from his dinner. “You’re doing a good job, Sooyoung. I think you’ve also charmed his father. He was always talking about how Sungmin and you would look good together in portraits,” he chuckles and Sooyoung smiles at that.

“He visited her and I didn’t know?” Siwon butts in. “When was this and why was I not informed?”

Sooyoung looks at Siwon as if he has grown another head and wonders why he cares so much. “He did visit me , not you. I don’t see why he had to inform you of that,” she says with contempt in her voice as she suddenly recalls what he did earlier that day. Siwon only looks at her.

Their father does not pay them any attention though as he suddenly speaks. “It’d be such a shame though if something happens to his son. But I’m sure our Sooyoungie would never ever cause that right?” he says and looks at her as he smirks.

Sooyung sits on the floor, reading a book on the apothecary weight system. She’s always been interested in medicine and these things, meeting and befriending Hyoyeon only furthered her interest. Someone knocks on the door as she scribbles down the tools used for different herbs. “Come in,” she says , not even bothering to look up from her reading thinking that it’s only one of her servants or Yoona.

“I’m marrying Miyoung,” Siwon says and sits down before her.

“Who’s Miyoung?” she asks, not taking him seriously at all.

“My betrothed,” he answers her. “If you care about me at all, you would stop whatever it is you’re having with Sungmin and protest to father.”

She looks up from her writing. “Get out , Siwon.”

“There will be a banquet announcing our betrothal,” he continues. “The Lee’s will be there. It’s just one word, Sooyoung.”

“I don’t care,” Sooyoung says and looks at him straight in the eye. “I love Sungmin, not you, Siwon,” she says and even to her she sounds a bit unsure. “You can marry Miyoung and I wouldn’t care, as long as you and father won’t touch me or Sungmin. Tell him, tell father I want to stop fooling Sungmin and just let us be,” she pleads.

“I can’t do that.”

“You can’t?” she repeats. “You say you love me and then you tell me you are going to marry someone else. I’m saying I want you to stop this nonsense because we can’t do this and you know that it’s true because this wrong on so many levels. You need to marry Miyoung to get her father’s favors. I need Sungmin, Siwon. I just need him, don’t take this away from me too by letting father do something to him.”

“I don’t care,” he echoes her initial response with finality and Sooyoung wonders how it has shifted, wasn’t he the one who had asked her for a favour first? “Whatever father does to him is not my problem nor is it my causing.”

Sooyoung grows anxious as the days to the banquet get fewer. While everybody else in the court are looking forward to the announcement and celebration, she wasn’t. She could only think of how her father or Siwon could potentially hurt Sungmin once this is over with. She doesn’t talk to Siwon in fear that she might give up and tell him not marry Miyoung, the words he’s been dying to hear, just so she can save Sungmin. She knows what those words meant. To Siwon, it would mean that he’ll be playing fair and convincing his father to let Sungmin off the hook . But letting Sungmin off the hook, does that even guarantee his safety?

She finds herself walking towards Siwon’s studies and she pauses before the door, deciding whether she should talk to him or not. But what should she even say to him?

“Sooyoung? Did you want to talk to me?” the door opens and Siwon appears in front of her. “I have to go so make it quick. And no, I won’t plead to father,” he says as he starts walking and she follows him. “I only want you to say you don’t want this.”

“Do you even love Miyoung?” she suddenly asks making Siwon stop in his tracks. “Everybody is excited and happy for you two. They’re all doing their best.”

“No,” he answers. “Because I love someone else,” he looks at her meaningfully.

“Does she know?” she asks.

“She doesn’t care about this,” he said. “Do you honestly think you’re the only one being forced to do things around here?” he asks her and she doesn’t answer. “You’re stupid and selfish for thinking that.”

“I don’t know,Yoona,” Sooyoung says as Yoona fixes a binyeo in her hair. Yoona turns Sooyoung’s face to the left to put some more color on her right cheek. “I have a feeling that something bad will happen tonight.”

“You’re being pessimistic,” Yoona chides her as she fixes Sooyoung’s git. She makes her turn around to face the mirror so she could see herself. Sooyoung was wearing a blue-green jeogori with a pale gold jokki and a bright blue silk chima. “But you look very beautiful. Nothing bad can happen to you when you look this good.” Sooyoung only smiles at her in response, but she can’t deny the fact that yoona’s words do not reassure her in anyway.

“Such a shame isn’t it,” Sunkyu says as she walks with Sungmin around the hall where the banquet was held. “Miyoung could’ve been the one you are betrothed to and she’s such a nice girl, we’d get along well enough.”

Sungmin only shakes his head in response. “You don’t like her?” Sunkyu asks. “Oh well, there always is Seo Juhyun, am I not right?”

“Noona, I don’t like any of your friends that way,” he says. “Let’s just enjoy the banquet, okay?”

Sooyoung goes to the veranda as soon as her father finishes introducing her to all his comrades. She was tired and she really couldn’t handle seeing the show Siwon is putting up. She tells herself that she isn’t disgusted by it because she’s jealous but because she hates how Siwon could act like that. She sits down on the floor, not caring if her chima gets ruined in the process.

“You were the most beautiful girl out there,” a voice startles her and she looks around just to see Siwon taking a seat next to her on the floor.

“Where’s Miyoung?” she asks him.

“Talking to people she invited,” he answers. She hums in acknowledgement.

“You’re going to get married,” she says when the silence becomes too unbearable for her.

“Yes, and I’m still waiting for it,” he replies. “Aren’t you going to say it?” he looks at her and this time Sooyoung can’t see any trace of a conniving man that Siwon has grown into but a picture of the old Siwon she loved.

She shakes her head in response. I want to but I can’t, she thinks. Siwon’s heart falls as he watches her stand her ground. He moves closer to her and cups her face. “A kiss before I get tied up?” he asks her but before Sooyoung could even say no , his lips descend upon hers.

The kiss was gentle at first and Sooyoung was vaguely reminded of the kisses she’s shared with Sungmin. The thought of Sungmin made her want to stop Siwon, but her hands are frozen on Siwon’s chest. He deepens the kiss, forgetting the fact that he only asked for a moment, not when he’s too lost in her taste. She doesn’t find it in her to stop him from doing so, kissing back as eager as he was. In her mind, she repeats that she doesn’t love him. But repetition doesn’t necessarily imply truth and truthful she never was.

Sooyoung didn’t know when she closed her eyes but she suddenly opens them as she feels Siwon getting pulled away from her. And then, she sees Sungmin on top of Siwon, pummelling him hard. Sungmin might be smaller than Siwon but he is not a major general for nothing. He has Siwon pinned on the ground, and Siwon would’ve easily punched him cold if his hands weren’t seated on by Sungmin.

“Sungmin-ah!” she shouts as she tries to pull Sungmin off Siwon, but Sungmin wouldn’t budge as he continues to punch Siwon repeatedly on his face. “Sunkyu-ssi, help me ,” she pleads as her eyes fall on Sungmin’s sister standing , just watching the scene unfolding in front of her.

Sunkyu walks towards them carefully, trying to avoid the flailing limbs, before bending down to face Sooyoung.

“You’re disgusting,” she says before spitting right in her face. “You and your brother deserve this,” she says before she leaves, probably off to find someone.

Sooyoung sits frozen. Unable to move and process things, if not for Sungmin screaming as Siwon finally rolls him off him and pushes him to the ground, she would not have stood up to pry Siwon off him.

“Siwon-ah,” she says as she pulls on Siwon’s shoulders to stop him from beating up Sungmin. His face was a bit swollen and his lower lip has been busted. It was such a contrast to his regal clothes. What would Miyoung say if he saw her husband like this? What would Miyoung say if she knew what they were fighting about? “You told me you’d never hurt him.”

Siwon finally gets off Sungmin, he turns to look at Sooyoung. “And you tell me you love this guy,” he spats in Sungmin’s direction. “When he seems to be uncultured.”

Sungmin tched. “Uncultured? And what do I call you two?” he hisses at them, his lips bloodied from Siwon’s punches. He looks at Sooyoung and she is startled to see tears running down on his face. “How long have you been at this? How long have you been hiding this from me, Sooyoung?” he advances at her but Siwon gets in the way. For the second time in her life, Sooyoung feels legitimately scared.

“Don’t speak to her like that,” Siwon angrily snaps at Sungmin as he takes a swing at him which Sungmin easily avoids.

“And what about you, and Miyoung?” Sungmin turns to him. “You’re disgusting,” he continues and then turns to Sooyoung. “I can’t believe I love you,” he says and then he leaves.

“Sungmin!” she says running towards him but he only runs farther away from her. “Sungmin, I’m so, so sorry,” she whispers as she watches him run further and further away.

Sooyoung turns around and sees Siwon doubling over in pain. She rushes to his side and helps him but he pushes her away. Confused she asks him why he would do that.

“The moment you ran towards Sungmin was the moment you made a choice,” he says as he wipes the blood from his face. “And you’re an idiot for doing that. Do you think he’d still want you after what he saw?” he says and then he laughs and Sooyoung feels confused. “An idiot.” He stands up and leaves her in the dark hallway.

Sooyoung touches her face, it was wet but it wasn’t wet with tears but with perspiration and Sunkyu’s spit. Her makeup must be ruined now, she thinks. What would Yoona say when she sees her like this? She wonders why she isn’t crying. She can’t cry now. She used to do that before her father died, but her father’s death must have drained her of all the tears. She stands up and decides to ditch the banquet, she has no more face to show the people anyway, and then she makes her way to her room.

While the Lucifer is at its zenith, they say bad luck comes to people who welcome it. Sooyoung lays awake in her bed, watching the skies through her windows. She thinks it’s fascinating that there seems to be two moons tonight. She rouses from her bed and walks over to the window.

“Beautiful night, isn’t it?” she asks no one in particular as her eyes fall on the sight of the mugunghwa shrubs that are blooming under the moonlight. She turns around and heads for her bed. She kneels just before it and proceeds to cop a feel under her pillow. She finally finds a flask that was given to her by Hyoyeon days ago. She could recall Hyoyeon telling her that it would make her feel better.

Sooyoung heads off for the library’s gardens. She hopes that nobody has seen her leave as she fingers the inside of her jokki for the small flask. It’s still here, she breathes a sigh of relief. In the pale moonlight, her blue chima and golden jokki would be easily visible and catch the attention of people, but she was sure that everybody else was enjoying the feast laid out for them. Taking care not to alert any of the guards on duty’s attention, she slips past the gates and goes inside. She walks towards the mugunghwa shrubs where she , Sooyeon and Yoona stayed in just a few weeks ago and to her the memory feels like it’s been an eternity . She briefly wonders is Yoona knows what happened, and then realizes that it’s better if she doesn’t.

She raises the flask against the moon’s rays and she is momentarily amazed at its light blue color. The bottle looked like it held a piece of a sunny sky. And then she smashes the flask against the stone bench. Picking up a large shard of glass, she cuts through her wrist carefully and lets all the blood drip into the flask. She should be careful not to have any of the contents spilled or else everything will be ruined, she recalls Hyoyeon’s words. Sometimes, it pays to have friends that were into things that they shouldn’t be into.

As soon as her wound stops bleeding, she bring the small flask to her nose to sniff it, she is pleasantly surprised that the concoction doesn’t seem to smell too bad. In fact, it smells wonderful and she just couldn’t wait to take it.

And take it, Sooyoung did.

They said nothing good comes to people who welcome the rise of Lucifer to the zenith. That only works for ordinary people. Sooyoung is no ordinary person,she is the daughter o the Lucifer,the one who was never meant to enjoy life. But for the kin of Lucifer, the rise to the zenith only meant two things, peace and closure. And for Sooyoung, that’s what she gets; and a lot more as she swallows the final drop of the serum.

END

I feel like I’ve become a clown trapped in a glass castle......

Hyoyeon walks around the library’s gardens undetected. She wasn’t invited to the banquet but she feels that this night would be a night to remember. She sees a circle of mugunghwa shrubs in the middle of the garden and she finds herself going there, entranced by the way the Lucifer’s light illuminates it.

She knows about it, the night of the Lucifer. Such a pity the Choi’s didn’t, she thinks as she looks in the general direction of the banquet hall. She sighs and almost sits on the stone bench when he catches sight of a flask and a doll on the grass. The flask seems familiar, she thinks as she bends down to retrieve both. She recalls it to be the flask she has given Sooyoung. She then looks at the doll and she is amazed at how beautiful it looks, the golden jokki fits the blue-green jeotgori perfectly, plus the stirking blue of the doll’s chima was a sure sign that this doll was made after a royalty.

“Sooyoung-ah,” she says with a smile as she combs the doll’s hair affectionately. “You were always too pretty to be a clown.”

Her whisper is the Lucifer...

Miyoung knows. Miyoung knew from the start that Siwon would never love her because Siwon was still in love with another person. She doesn’t mind it of course, because she got the better part of the deal. She becomes the new Choi gongjuneun, the previous gongjuneun having mysteriously disappeared. It was odd that only the servants grieved her disappearance, but Siwon and his father didn’t.

“Miyoung-ah, what are you thinking?” Siwon asks her as he lays on bed next to her.

“Nothing,” she smiles and turns around to face him. “I love you,” she says.

Siwon only hums in response.

He never responded to her words, but Miyoung knew that next time would be another try at a shot to Siwon’s heart and it doesn’t faze her. Didn’t people say that the strongest woman had this way with words that would prove to become true later on?

“Oh don’t you look so good together with Juhyun?” Sunkyu squeals as she watches Juhyun and Sungmin pose together for a portrait. Sungmin nods stiffly in response while Juhyun only smiles shyly. “You’ll live a good life with her,” she says and Sungmin has a feeling that it would be true, but why does he dread it so much?

#

*Daejang-highest-ranked general
*Jungjang- lieutenant general, in line for the Daejang.
*Chunjang- brigadier general , fourth in command.
*Gongjuneun-princess
*Hwangwongsam- everyday clothing of a female member of the royal family.
*Mugunghwa- national flower of Korea
*Gache-big wig
*Gat-bamboo hat worn by officials

fic: everyone looks the same to me, yehae, pg13

pinefir — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 13:16:08 GMT

Title: Everyone Looks the Same to Me
Author: pinefir
Pairing: Yesung/Donghae
Genre: angst/drama/slice of life/romance
Rating: PG13 for implied sexual situations
Summary: They say goldfishes have bad memory. Maybe Donghae is a goldfish, because he has bad memory when it comes to Yesung.
Words: 9502
Disclaimer: I don't own donghae nor yesung nor any of the SJ members. nothing in here is sujuaccurate, but I made sure that i haven't missed or made any medical fallacies here, lest people accuse me of making stuff up.
for young_ah , my help_japan fic
Author’s Note:
Prosopagnosia -Also known as faceblindness and facial agnosia: Patients cannot consciously recognize familiar faces, sometimes even including their own. This is often misperceived as an inability to remember names.
I honestly don’t find this sad. It’s not sad right? It’s a perfectly normal story and. Yeah.
So one day I was looking for a story to read then I read this fic about some member having amnesia and I’m like, AMNESIA? Again? That’s not the only mental disorder in the world you know, lots of people are suffering from the inability to recognize people, right from wrong, pain and seriously, why stick to amnesia. And then I researched mental disorders, and I saw this and I was instantly reminded of Obliviate. What if, you could obliviate people of their memories, in such a way that you’ll only blackout the faces of the people who wronged you? Would that be nice? I don’t know.
And I obviously enjoyed writing this, I wrote this in 1 day, in 1 seating. Haha, I’m not bragging but I feel so proud that I love this fic so much and I wish this was worth the donation young_ah did 

You know, it’s kind of like; I’ve lost everybody, like everyone’s gone. And all that I’m really left with are facts without faces..., you know?

Jongwoon looks at Donghae talking to his co-workers with a smile on his face and wonders. He wonders why Donghae’s so comfortable with them, it seems as if Donghae can remember his friends and co-workers well enough, but never him. It’s frustrating, and as of now, nothing is stopping him from asking Donghae’s doctors if they’re hiding the truth from him and that Donghae’s been obliviated of memories concerning him.

Donghae says his goodbyes to his co-workers. They’re nice people and he honestly likes them, but he doesn’t think any of them would leave an imprint on his mind. He turns around and sees a man standing next to a car, he seems to be waiting for someone. He walks towards the man , taking long , purposeful strides as if he’s done it everyday. It’s almost routine now, every day, that man would wait for him and fetch him from work. He doesn’t know who this man is, but he knows the way he talks, the way he wears his clothes and the way he looks at Donghae. It never changes, the way that guy looks at him, at first, after his accident, he was afraid to trust this man. But nobody seemed to be bothered by this guy appearing right next to him, so maybe, he should know him. But he had to admit though, never did he find this guy’s stares unsettling.

“How’s your day, Donghae?” the man greets him as he opens the door for him. He smiles gratefully at him and climbs in.

“Great,” he responds, as the man gets in from the driver’s side. “I think I’m able to tell Hyukjae and Jungsu apart now,” he says.

The man smiles at him, and Donghae feels his heart beat faster at his smile. He’s such a good-looking guy, and he was just his type.

“Donghae, you’re staring at me again,” he says with a chuckle as he revs up the engine.

Donghae leans back on his seat. “Does it unnerve you when I stare at you?” he asks him.

“No,” the man replies.

“It shouldn’t,” Donghae replies. “Especially when I don’t find your staring unsettling at all.”

The man laughs at him, and Donghae chuckles. “I see I’m not the only staring then,” he comments, making a turn to the left.

“Yeah, you aren’t alone,” Donghae agrees with him. He turns on the radio and a song by some American band starts playing. It was something slow and he couldn’t piece all the words together. He then looks at his fingers. “Why are you always staring at me anyway?” he asks with a small voice. “I mean, I don’t think you have it like me, so I don’t think you need to memorize my face by staring.”

“Is it bad to stare at you?” he counters.

“No.”

“It’s your face,” the man answers. “It’s attracting my eyes.”

Donghae keeps quite about that, but deep inside he was bursting with glee. What do you know, this guy sees him as attractive too.

“Why do you stare at me then?” the man asks Donghae now and he’s caught off guard.

“You?” Donghae repeats. “Why do I stare at you?”

The man nods.

“Because I don’t want to forget a face like yours, but I always do. So I stare, just so I can be reminded,” Donghae admits.

It was a cold, winter night. The roads were much more slippery than usual and even with utmost care and steady hands, Jongwoon can’t help but lose his hold. The weather plus the stress of licensure examinations and a little dose of alcohol was what made him lose it. Every night, he finds himself back inside his Volvo, gripping on the wheels too tightly and turning it around and around but nothing ever happens. They always end up at the side of the bridge, with Donghae hitting the windshield, almost breaking it. He wants to wake up at this point, but he never wakes up before he gets to see Donghae’s bloodied face and body slumped on the dashboard. And then Donghae opens his eyes, bloodied and all, and he seems to be judging Jongwoon and condemning him. It is during this time when he wakes up in a cold sweat, and Donghae would sleepily ask him what’s wrong. Tonight isn’t any different.

Donghae sits at a table where Jungsoo and Hyukjae sit eating. He joins them and for a moment he is again confused who Jungsoo is and who Hyukjae is. It is when one of them finally smiles at him gummily that he recognizes who’s who.

“Hi, Hyukjae,” he greets the man who smiled at him. Hyukjae greets him back. “Hi Jungsu-hyung,” he motions toward the other. Jungsu smiles at him.

“Took you a moment to recognize us,” Jungsu says.

“I’m sorry about that,” Donghae says. “I’ve only learned which of the traits to look at to recognize you two.”

“That’s okay,” Hyukjae answers. “It’d probably take you time, but you’ll recognize us in a snap next time.”

“I hope so,” Donghae answers.

Jungsu holds his free hand. “Believe me, you’ll get over this,” he says. “Jongwoon would help you out.”

Donghae nods dumbly. He’s itching to ask who Jongwoon is, but even that sounds stupid to his ears. He know who he is, he’s the one Donghae loves so much. But why, why can’t he put a face to that name? He is briefly reminded of the man who fetches him from work. Maybe that man is Jongwoon, he thinks, but he can’t be too sure; after all, he’s forgotten how Jongwoon looks like and how that man looks like too.

Jongwoon gets off at work earlier today, deciding that maybe he should drop by Donghae’s doctor’s first and update him. He enters the clinic where Dr. Ahn is. He nods to the attendant and asks if the doctor was busy. With the attendant’s reply of no, he proceeds to the door behind her.

“Ah, Jongwoon-ssi,” the doctor greets him. “I see that Donghae’s not here, what can I help you with?” he says as he motions for him to sit.

Jongwoon sits in front of him and looks at him. “Can you tell me again what Donghae has? This time more clearly, please?”

“What Donghae has is associative prosopagnosia. It’s when a person can’t identify a face. He can see the facial features and they’re clear to him, but he can never put a name to that face,” the doctor starts.

“But it isn’t something like amnesia, right?” Jongwoon asks, feeling a sense of déjà vu. Hasn’t he asked this before?

“No, they’re completely different,” the doctor answers. “Amnesia is forgetting, what Donghae has is recognition impairment. Losing your ability to store memories is not the same as losing your ability to recognize things.”

“But he remembers me right?” Jongwoon asks.

“Oh yes, he should remember you clearly, he knows all the things you’ve done in the past. He knows your name and he’s never forgotten you. But he doesn’t recognize who you are. See, people with amnesia would forget you and wouldn’t have memories of the things you’ve done together. In a way you’ve disappeared from their mind completely. But people like Donghae, they can remember you perfectly well, they just don’t know you. Do you understand me?”

“But isn’t forgetting and not knowing the same thing?” Jongwoon asks, he couldn’t understand how this should make him feel better.

“Look at it this way,” the doctor says. “In a test, there are two ways to miss an answer. One is when you’ve forgotten the correct answer, the second is when you really don’t know anything at all.”

“Which one is better?” Jongwoon dreads the answer and wishes that he didn’t ask.

“Neither,” the doctor shrugs. “You’ve missed the answer, you got it wrong. And in a test, only the answer matters. Why are you asking anyway? Did something happen?”

Jongwoon shakes his head. “Nothing much, but he’s able to recognize 2 of his co-workers now. Not instantaneously though, it takes time. But I’ve wondered why he can never recognize me.”

“Maybe he does,” the doctor answers. “He just doesn’t choose to let you know.”

Donghae thinks it’s time that to finally find out the name of the guy who’s been fetching him and who’s sleeping with him. It’s been months since the accident and it’s also been months since he’s been living with that guy, but until now, he has no name for him. He never really understood what disease he has. He’s not sure if it’s amnesia or something else, but it must be a mix of both; because he remembers things that happen, voices and conversations but he can never match faces to these voices and actions.

With that guy, he has a feeling that that guy is Jongwoon. When the name Jongwoon
pops into his mind, he gets flashes of skin against skin; heavy breathing and fevered touches. When he looks at that guy, he flushes because he’s thinking of inappropriate things. The way he feels for that guy whenever he is near is the same way he feels for the name Jongwoon. So maybe, he hasn’t fully recognized him yet, but his memory does. And he wants his memory and his feelings to match so badly, but he’s always been afraid to call him Jongwoon, because what if he was wrong? Would the guy be willing to help him through?

He climbs into the car without a word. Jungsoo and Hyukjae left earlier. The man gets in from the driver’s side and Donghae is staring again at him intently. Storing into memory the way the man’s hair falls neatly into his eyes. Storing into memory the way he bites his lips as he starts the engine.

“Jongwoon,” Donghae’s voice leaves his mouth before he knew it. He stills for a moment, hoping against hope that he got the right name and the right person.

Jongwoon suddenly looks at him, unsure if he’s heard him right. “What did you say?”

“Jongwoon,” Donghae repeats. “You’re Jongwoon right?”

“What made you think of that?” Jongwoon replies, not letting himself bask in happiness. He isn’t so sure if Donghae recognizes him anyway.

“It’s the way you speak, and the way you act around me,” Donghae says. “I don’t remember how Jongwoon looks , how you look. But, something tells me you are the Jongwoon I love.”

“What if I wasn’t?”

“I can’t be wrong about my feelings,” Donghae says with conviction but his hands tighten on the seatbelt. He can feel his hands sweating and his feet getting cold. What if this was not Jongwoon?

Jongwoon places his right hand over Donghe’s which was gripping the seatbelt tightly. He massages it and gently forces it open to weave his fingers in between his. Donghae’s hand tightens around his hand and he gives it a reassuring squeeze. In the back of Donghae’s mind, from a cabinet labelled Jongwoon, a memory flies out from it and plays itself in Donghae’s eyes. It was a memory of Jongwoon asking him to live with him, and in it Jongwoon was playing with Donghae’s hands, tracing lines on his palms and squeezing his fingers.

“You know, I’ll always love you right, Hae?” he asks him.

“I’ll always love you too, Jongwoon,” he replies as he squeezes his hand to convince him further. He looks at Jongwoon who was looking at him intently. He focuses on Jongwoon’s smile, how his small but plump lips stretch when he shows only his upper teeth. He focuses on the way his jawline seems to disappear with his smile and wonders how many times he’s missed kissing his lips. He doesn’t take his eyes off his lips even if Jongwoon looks away from him, smiling. Tonight he’ll memorize those lips, tomorrow his eyes, the day after tomorrow, his nose. But for now, he’ll just stare at him, lest he forget how the love of his life looks like when he blinks. Day by day, part by part.

At dinner, when Jongwoon was sucking on his chopstick and making ungodly slurping sounds, Donghae puts down his chopsticks and looks at him pointedly. Jongwoon looks at him confused to as why he stopped eating. He raises an eyebrow at him and Donghae sighs.

“I want to kiss you.,” Donghae says without blinking an eye.

Jongwoon swallows and gulps. “What?”

Donghae motions for him to come forward and so he does. When he was close enough, Donghae pulls him by his neck and smashes their lips together. He kisses him closed mouth, wanting to feel his lips against his own and filing them under Jongwoon in his memories. He opens his mouth and licks Jongwoon’s lips tracing it as if it’s some artwork that needs replicating. He nips on Jongwoon’s lips, feeling every crack of dried skin and relishing the plumpness. When Jongwoon opens his mouth, he lets his tongue slither in and
identify Jongwoon from his insides out. Jongwoon who has been lax back then, finally responds as eagerly as him and then the kiss ceases to be explorative and educational. It’s passionate and wanting now. It was to make up for all the times they’ve missed.

They break part because breathing is necessary, and what Donghae did left Jongwoon breathless.

“Wow,” Jongwoon breathes out.

“Yeah, wow.”

“I’ve missed that,” Jongwoon says, a bit nostalgic as a hand is brought up to his now-bruised lips.

“Me too,” Donghae says. “Let’s do that again,” he says as a joke. But Jongwoon takes him seriously and he’s not surprised to find himself pinned against the wall of the kitchen, Jongwoon kissing him senseless. He thinks it’s the best way to recognize Jongwoon.He then breaks off the kiss and Jongwoon moves on to nip on his jaw lightly, sucking and biting gently and he can’t help but moan in pleasure. He lets his memories do the work for him as flashes of Jongwoon naked next to him whispering “I love you”’s play across his mind with Jongwoon’s hands wandering beneath his shirt.

“I’ve missed you so much, Donghae,” he says as his hands move lower. Donghae could only groan in response. Jongwoon’s hands were near and yet so far from Donghae’s favourite spot, he had a half a mind not to buck into his hands, not wanting to appear so eager and desperate.

“Shh, Jongwoon,” he says as he plants a finger on Jongwoon’s lips and then grinds himself into Jongwoon’s palm. “Let’s just do this, okay?”

Jongwoon mumbles a yes in response before claiming his lips again. Donghae didn’t know when it happened but all he knew next was he was being carried up to their room, dinner forgotten on the table.

Jongwoon lies spent on his bed, awake and staring at the ceiling while his arm curls around the equally naked Donghae next to him. He smiles and thanks the heavens that Donghae could finally recognize him. It took him almost 4 months to get Donghae to even speak to him and now that he knows him, he’s sure that things are looking up for the better. He lets his eyes close and for a moment, he’s genuinely happy that Donghae’s back and safe with him.

Donghae lies spent, facing Jongwoon who now had his eyes closed. A moment ago he was staring at the ceiling, he must be sleeping now, he thought. He must have tired him out, he thinks with a smile as he snuggles closer to him. he doesn’t remove his eyes away from him though, because he’s scared that if he’ll close them, he’ll only remember his voice, and his touches but never his face.

“Jongwoon,” he whispers and Jongoon cracks an eye open. “Look at me.”

“Donghae? Why aren’t you asleep yet?”Jongwoon asks as he turns to face him and closes his eyes again. He sounds tired to Donghae and Donghae mentally kicks himself for asking him to look at him.

“I’m not tired,” Donghae lies. He is, he is so tired, physically and of course mentally too. All this visualizing had him wishing he didn’t have this disorder in the first place.

“You’ll be up early tomorrow,” Jongwoon mutters to him as he buries his face into the crook of Donghae’s shoulders. “You should get some rest.”

“I’ll go to sleep later, I promise,” Donghae reassures him and Jongwoon smiles at him and mouths an okay.

When Donghae is sure that Jongwoon is asleep, he kisses Jongwoon’s eyes and nose and lips and proceeds to take mental photographs of him. Tomorrow, when he wakes up, he’ll probably look for a name to match this face again, like he does every day, so he doesn’t want to go to sleep. Not when he can finally recognize him now.

It takes Donghae 20 minutes to tell Jungsoo and Hyukjae apart now. He is disappointed, yesterday, he was able to tell them apart almost instantly. What is different now, he wonders? He looks at the guy with the dimples and wonders if that is Jungsu or Hyukjae, he shrugs because he knows he’ll never be able to tell unless one of them speaks. But they seem to be content not speaking. Donghae shrugs it away and only hopes that it’s just some temporary glitch in his brain. Maybe it’s time to visit his doctor again.

Donghae tells his boss that he needs to be let off early today because there is something wrong. He remembers his boss to be very strict and most of the time , not very understanding, but it surprises him when he is permitted to get off work earlier. He looks at his boss’ smiling face and wonders what is that he sees in his boss’ eyes. Is that some kind of pity, he sees? He shrugs and brushes it off, choosing not to dwell on it. He doesn’t say goodbye to Jungsoo and Hyukjae because he couldn’t see them anywhere, but he does remember two people stopping him and asking him where he’s going to which he does not respond.

“Donghae-ssi?” the girl calls out to him just as he was about to finish the article he was reading. He looks up at her, a bit annoyed that he called her. “Dr. Ahn’s ready to see you now.” He smiles his thanks to her and proceeds to the door behind her.

“Ahh, Mr. Lee, Mr. Kim your boyfriend was just here a few days ago,” the man tells him. If it weren’t for the Dr. Ahn on his coat, Donghae would’ve assumed that the clinic was now hiring idols for their doctors. He doesn’t recall Dr. Ahn being this young, he’d always thought Dr. Ahn would be bald and greying, not spiky haired in his late 30s. The doctor motions for him to sit down and he does so. “Here for a check-up, I presume?” he says and Donghae nods. “Okay then, come here,” he motions for him to come closer and soon Donghae is faced with a book.

Dr. Ahn shows him pictures and asks him to label them correctly. For the first few pages, he felt confident because he can recognize the things that Dr. Ahn was showing. Some dog, some toys, some place. And then he’s showed cartoon characters. There was a yellow, plump, bird on the page and he honestly remembers this bird but he can’t. He doesn’t know what it is. The next page shows him a picture of a man with a blue suit on and red cape, he doesn’t need to look at its face to know its superman. Then there are 2 pages of 1 person in the same color scheme of green and black. One had a shining gem on his hand and the other had a green coat on. Either way, they were one and the same person to him. after a few pages on super heroes, there was section on idol groups. He didn’t know if his answere were correct but he was pretty sure that he got the 9 girls as SNSD correct, unless of course there was another group which was made of 9 girls in the book, then maybe he had to worry. But there was none, so he was fine.

After he finished going though the book, Dr. Ahn takes it from him and tells him to wait as he processes the results. After a few minutes or so, Dr. Ahn is back with the book and with some freshly-printed results.

“So, how did I do?” he asks the doctor.

The doctor looks at him sadly and Donghae holds his breath and silently prays that the doctor has some weird sense of humor.

“Tell me, Donghae,” the doctor starts. “Have you been having any headaches recently?”

Donghae shakes his head. “No, sir. I haven’t been feeling unwell. Does this have anything to do with the test results?”

He shows him the paper and he makes a quick scan of the words and the numbers but he can’t make any sense of it.

“The first part, the one with visual recognition, you’ve passed it,” the doctor says while Donghae looks for the category. It says 100% beside it, he can’t help but feel proud of himself. “But you’ve always been good at visual recognition and you’re consistent on that too so we don’t have a problem with that. The second part however, is the facial recognition part.”

“I got a 52.3%.What about it sir?” Donghae asks. He honestly can’t remember all his scores but he’s quite sure that it’s above the passing mark.

“It’s way lower than your previous results, Donghae,” the doctor says, and Donghae can feel his heart plummet. “Last time you got a 70% on facial recognition and that just puts you under the associative prosapagnosia where you can somehow recognize people by the things they wear. But this time, you’re at 52.3%. That’s almost 20% lower than your normal recognition rate. Is there something troubling you? You usually can recognize people by looking at the hair, or their mouths, but now you’ve completely messed them up.”

Donghae doesn’t answer, feeling rather beat up and like a child being scolded.

“I know that all cases are unique, but Donghae, this is the first time I’ve seen someone get better and then get worse,” the doctor says, Donghae looks at him and he looks genuinely concerned. “Did something major happen?” he asks again and again, Donghae shakes his head none.

“Nothing sir,” he says. “I’ve been feeling fine , and to be honest I couldn’t feel any better. Last night, I was able to recognize Jongwoon,” he says with a smile. “And honestly, it was overwhelming and scary, but I was able to do it.”

“Do you remember how he looks?” the doctor asks him.

Donghae nods. “Of course,he looks amazing. He has short hair and bangs falling into his eyes. He looks kind, and he’s very friendly, and...,” then he trails off.

“Donghae?” the doctor asks.

Donghae looks at him fearfully. One moment he’s describing how Jongwoon looks like and next moment, he can’t.

“Donghae? Donghae-ssi are you alright?” the doctor asks again.

Donghae looks away from him, and then his eyes dart on the pictures on the wall. He can’t tell any of them apart. He can’t even tell if his doctor was in any of the pictures. He can’t breathe, he feels suffocated. He feels as if he’s cheated and he’s all choked up because it’s unfair. He doesn’t even realize that tears are welling up in his eyes until the doctor hands him tissues.

“Are you even in any of those photos?” he asks the doctor instead.

Dr. Ahn doesn’t answer, seeing Donghae like this makes him guilty of what he just told him earlier. The moment Donghae stopped describing Jongwoon was the moment he realized that maybe, instead of having progressed, Donghae has regressed.

“I ,” Donghae starts, his voice sounds foreign to his ears, he sounds as if he’s choking.
“Maybe I’m just stressed,” he says as he looks pleadingly at the doctor, as if asking him to believe him. “There’s a lot that’s expected from me in the office right now, and maybe it’s all going in my head.”

The doctor only nods in response. “Yes, stress could bring that about,” he tells Donghae, but deep inside he knows that there’s a lot more to that than stress. He grasps Donghae’s hand and squeezes it reassuringly. “Would you like to have some scans or tests done?” he asks him. “Just so we can rule out the things that should be ruled out?”

Donghae looks at him for a moment and then sighs. “Maybe, not today, or anywhere in the near future,” he decides. “In two weeks or so? Just before this month ends, maybe? It’s inventory month this month, so maybe my brain’s just getting rewired with all the accounting I have to do.”

“Okay, I’ll schedule it three weeks from now then,” the doctor says. “It’ll be in the general hospital okay? Not here because we don’t have the equipment here, is that okay with you?”

Donghae nods dumbly.

“I’ll go inform Jongwoon then?”

Donghae looks up. “No! No, don’t tell him, Doc.”

“But Jongwoon needs to be there, we’re gonna have major tests done on you.”

“No, please just don’t tell Jongwoon. Not yet okay?” he makes the doctor promise, when the doctor resignedly agrees he continues. “I’ll tell him, anyways. He just doesn’t need it to come from you, no offence.”

The doctor could only nod in response. He wanted to tell Jongwoon of this recent development. It would greatly help Donghae if he did, but telling him would be a breach in confidentiality. He watches him leave his office and can’t help but feel sorry for the two of them. Jongwoon clearly wanted to help Donghae, but Donghae’s trying to be independent at an inconvenient time. He shakes his head, he doesn’t know who to feel more sorry for.

Jongwoon, don’t pick me up anymore, I’m home now.

That was the text Jongwoon received from Donghae, and to be honest, he doesn’t know whether he should feel relieved that Donghae’s home now or worried that he’s home before hi. He left the office just in time, so he was pretty sure that he wasn’t late. It could be that Donghae was let off earlier than usual, but then why wouldn’t he have texted him? Could there be something wrong?

A beep from his phone and he takes the shoulder in order to stop for a moment just so he can read the message.

Bring home dinner, I don’t want to cook, and I don’t want YOU to cook too, so :D

He smiles, trust Donghae to shirk out of his cooking responsibilities. He starts the car again and heads for a u-turn. He saw a Chinese restaurant on the way and he knows how much Donghae loves Chinese.

The first thing that comes to mind during dinner later that day was the word quiet. Jongwoon looks at donghae and wonders why he’s quiet. Usually at this time, he’d have asked jongwoon how his day went , or if not he’d have told him what he did or what he found out. Tonight is an exception though, because it seems as ifsomeone took the ability to speak from Donghae away.

“Okay, Donghae spit it out,” Jongwoon says, and donghae looks up at him guiltiy as if he was a child caught in the middle of doing something he shouldn’t. He tries to read Jongwoon’s face, but ends up with nothing; so he tries to school his face into a look of innocence instead.

“Spit what out? The dumpling?” he tenses as he attempts at a joke.

Jongwoon smiles but he knows what Donghae’s doing, so he curbs the smile and only his left upper lip curls upward. “You’ve been quiet,” he says. “You’re usually not like that. Are you okay?”

Donghae lets his shoulders sag. He thought Jongwoon knew about his visit to the doctor. “No, I’m fine,” he says. “It’s just work , I guess.”

Jongwoon nods and then takes his hand from across the table. “Don’t tire yourself out too much, love,” he says as he kisses his hand tenderly. Donghae’s cheeks flush in embarrassment.

“I never do,” he tells him reassuringly.

“I know,” he smiles at Donghae.”It’s just that, I can’t help but worry about you, okay?”

“I know that too,” Donghae says and now he’s the one to squeeze Jongwoon’s hand. “Don’t worry about me too much, you’ll get gray hair with that and I know how much you hate gray hair.”

Jongwoon laughs but never lets go of his hand.

“I’m gonna be fine in no time, Jongwoon.”

Donghae feels more nervous than before as the three weeks come to an end. He doesn’t look forward to the tests he’ll be taking. He still hasn’t told Jongwoon about it, and by the looks of things the doctor hasn’t told Jongwoon anything either. He pulls out a notebook from the third drawer of his table and checks if anyone’s around. He already finish the inventory for the last quarter of last year and right now he had nothing to do. He could go home but he doesn’t want to. The last time he went home early, Jongwoon caught him staring at pictures of them. He remembered crying when looking at them because he just couldn’t identify the people in it, and he thinks it’s so stupid that he can’t even tell people apart. It was a good thing that Jongwoon didn’t catch him crying though, because if he did, then it would only meant questions to which Donghae had no answers.

He flips the notebook open to a blank page and starts writing.

Today the boss called me in for a meeting. Something about disrespecting the executives? They said that I was supposed to greet the executive from Incheon downstairs and brief him about our inventory, but how was I supposed to know who’s who?

His grip on the pen tightens and he writes harder, the words making an impression on the next few pages.

Why did they even send me? Did they forget? I don’t even know. Jungsoo hyung could have told them, but I don’t even know where he is.

I’m scared. I’m scared that maybe Dr. Ahn is right.

He crosses the last sentence out and curses. He shouldn’t think this way and he’s only psyching himself out, he berates himself. So instead he doodles, and draws Jongwoon’s face from memory.

He looks at the drawing and thinks it looks horrible and looks nothing like him. it only meant two things, either he seriously sucks at drawing, or he just doesn’t know how to draw Jongwoon.

Dinnertime and Jongwoon still has no idea about Donghae’s tests tomorrow. For Donghae that was good news, but for Jongwoon who doesn’t know, it probably is good news too. That is until Jongwoon tells him that he’s taken the day off tomorrow.

“What? Why are you taking a day off?” Donghae asks him. He watches Jongwoon scrunch up his eyebrows, but he doesn’t think any of it.

“Why not? They’ve been tiring me out at the office now, don’t I deserve a break?” Jongwoon asks him, pouting at him.

Donghae shrugs, not saying anything.

“Hey, why aren’t you saying anything?” Jongwoon asks him.

“Should I have said something?” Donghae counters.

“How about a would you like me to take my leave tomorrow too?” Jongwoon asks.

Donghae laughs, not taking Jongwoon seriously. “You know I can’t do that,” he says, unaware of what Jongwoon’s trying to convey.

“Why not?” Jongwoon asks petulantly.

“Because tomorrow is gonna be busy for me,” Donghae reasons. “So I can’t just leave the office.”

Jongwoon only looks at him suspiciously. Donghae shrugs at him, just so he can appear as if he’s not hiding something big like getting his head cut open tomorrow. In the end, Jongwoon drops the topic and just tells Donghae to rest and that he’ll do the dishes again.

Donghae wakes up way before Jongwoon does. He looks at him, sleeping wonderfully and like a kid who had no care in the world. It was moments like this where he wishes he bought cameras just to capture his face. If he had one of those professional camera and also one of those Polaroid camera, he honestly thinks he could become just a bit better at remembering Jongwoon’s face. He’d label pictures of Jongwoon , with the date and some phrase of what he was doing during that moment so he’d have physical memories to back up the memories in his mind.

He gently places a kiss on Jongwoon’s lips and whispers and I love you before climbing out of bed. Going to the bathroom and taking his phone with him, he makes a call to his doctor.

“Dr. Ahn?” he whispers into his phone as soon as the doctor picks up. “Do you think I can get tested now? So I can go home after the procedure? Like right after?”

“I’ve been through it too many times, now,” he whispers. “I’d be fine, Doc. You’ll just have to strap me to bed for the rest of the afternoon, and maybe until 7pm and there’d be no worries? Please Doc, do it for me and Jongwoon?”

Dr. Ahn didn’t necessarily agree or disagree with what Donghae asked of him, but Donghae took his “I see what I can do” as a yes. If it was a no, then he’d worry about that later, but for now, all he need to do is leave early and pray to the heavens (like what he’s been doing for the past three weeks and for the past 4 months now) that nothing would show up in his results.

“We’re not doing a biopsy anymore, it’s too risky, especially since you’re the only one here, and you should’ve informed at least Jongwoon or your parents about today,” Dr. Ahn tells him as soon as he’s changed into the hospital robes.

“Why not? You don’t need their consent right? Just me?” Donghae asks him.

“Yes I don’t but I’m your doctor, and to be honest, this is me breaching medical procedures but I don’t think I’d endanger you by cutting your brain up,” he says. “We’ll just go with MRI and the standard tests, and then if we see something up then we’ll do a biopsy and that’s just the worst case scenario.”

Dongha eonly nods at him. He doesn’t understand what his doctor’s saying, all he wants to know if it’s gonna take him a long time. “Will I be able to go home in time for dinner?”

“Yes, after lunch would probably be the earliest,” Dr.Ahn answers. “But we’re gonna have to discuss the results first and are you sure you don’t need Jongwoon with you?”

“It’s just MRI doc,” Donghae says confidently. “If I didn’t want him here with my biopsy, why do you think I’d want him here with only an MRI to worry about?”

Jongwoon wakes up early and yet he doesn’t get to catch Donghae in bed with him, and his side of the bed is already cold. He stretches his arms and scratches his side while he looks a his alarm clock. It’s already 9 am. He wonders why Donghae left early, wasn’t he due for office at 10? He shrugs it away though, thinking that it must be a really busy day for him that’s why he got up early.
After brushing his teeth and taking a bath, he decides that he could drop by Hae’s office during lunch time and surprise him. He knows how Donghae loves surprises and food, so a surprise lunch picnic in the park near Donghae’s building would be quite a treat for him.

After getting dressed and having his light breakfast, he decides to go out and go to the grocery. Pasta, white sauce, bacon, kimchi pancakes, ddeokboki, he mentally lists off the things he would buy for him. Donghae would love him for it.

Donghae tries to keep still while he’s slowly being fed to this machine. Fed because he actually hates this machine and when he saw it on tv for the first time, he thought the machine was eating the person in it. No matter how ridiculous it sounded, he still believed in it.

It took the doctor an hour and a half to get him to MRI because of some mix up in the reservations which was brought about by Dr. Ahn’s sudden decision to use the machine. That and the fact that they also needed to buy the dye from the pharmacy, so all in all, they were 1 hour and 30 minutes behind schedule. Donghae is nervous because he knows that the MRI can take at most 40 minutes to be conducted, and that might make him late.

“Donghae? Can you hear me?” the intercom crackles to life and Donghae recognizes it to be Dr. Ahn’s voice.

“Yes.”

“We’ll do an MRI first, then after that we’ll give you an hour before we do an MRN on you,” the doctor says. “Is that fine?”

“What’s an MRN?” he can’t help but ask.

“It’s just the same with MRI only with a different dye,” the doctor says.

“Okay.”

“It might take 1 and half hour though, the MRN I mean,” the doctor clarifies.

At this point , Donghae couldn’t care any less so he just nods, not really realizing that his doctor couldn’t see him. “What time is it doc?”

“I’ll assume that as a yes then,” the doctor answers. “And it’s 11:20, pretty early if you ask me.”

Jongwoon reaches Donghae’s office at around 12:00 pm. He climbs into the elevator and sees Jungsoo and Hyukjae. He smiles at them politely, not bothering to ask them if they’ve seen Donghae.

“Hi, Jongwoon, what are you doing here?” Jungsoo asks him.

He turns around and smiles at him. “I was just about to get Donghae, I’m gonna surprise him with lunch,” he says.

“Donghae?” Hyukjae pipes up from beside him. “But Donghae isn’t here,” he says.

“What do you mean he’s not here?” Jongwoon asks, confusion written all over his face.

“Didn’t he tell you?” Hyukjae continues and Jongwoon gives him a withering look that says of-course-he-didn’t-would-I-have-asked-if-he-did. “Oh well, he must not have,” he shrugs and Jongwoon turns to look at Jungsoo instead.

“He’s in the hospital, he’s having his tests done,” Jungsoo answers, sensing Jongwoon’s distraught over Hyukjae’s answers. “He said it’s a monthly thing?”

“Tests?” Jongwoon echoes. Donghae was having tests and he didn’t know? He felt more worried than disappointed. Donghae was a generous and selfless person, he’d never want people to worry about him, so he could understand why Donghae didn’t tell him that he was up for a test, but what he’s doing right now is more worrisome. “Did he tell you where he’s getting tested?”

“The usual, I guess?” Hyukjae answers. “He did say it was a monthly thing. Did you forget?”

“I didn’t know,” he answers Hyukjae. Hyukjae was about to say something but Jungsoo elbows him and both of them wisely keeps quiet. “He didn’t tell me.”

Jongwoon looks up at the display above them and saw that it was on the 12th floor, he pushes the door button until the elevator stops at the next floor. Without saying goodbye to the two, he leaves and switches elevator.

Jongwoon reaches the hospital where he brings Donghae for his monthly check ups by 12:45 pm. Reaching the emergency desk, he asks the nurse if there was any patient named Lee Donghae. He’s called Dr. Ahn before but all he gets is a busy line. He called Dr. Ahn’s secretary but the only thing she could tell him was that Dr. Ahn was at the hospital having a biopsy. At the word biopsy, Jongwoon’s heart raced.

“Mister?” the nurse waves his hand in front of his face and he snaps out of his thoughts.

“Yes?” he asks back.

“There’s a Lee Donghae under Dr. Ahn in room 1403, and a Lee Donghae under-,”

“Thank you, that’s all I need,” he says and Jongwoon runs to the elevator.

Donghae fell asleep in the middle of the MRI scan. He has gotten used to the noisy thrums that the machine makes, instead of scaring him like before, it now made him sleepy. He doesn’t realize that he’s being wheeled out of the MRI room and into a private room only after 30 minutes later when he feels a hand stroking his. He cracks an eye open and looks for the person who’s playing with his fingers when his eyes land on a guy that he feels is quite familiar to him, but he couldn’t tell who he is.

“Donghae?” the guy speaks up and Donghae is suddenly filled with warmth and elation when he recognizes it to be Jongwoon. “I was so worried about you,” he says as he moves to sit on Donghae’s bed, Donghae could only stare at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to worry,” Donghae answers sheepishly. “Besides, I didn’t have a biopsy this time, so I don’t think it’s anything serious,” he assures him. Jongwoon looks at him with a frown and Donghae has some bit of difficulty to tell if Jongwoon’s angry, or worried, or just disappointed.

“I’m not worried,” Jongwoon says, but in truth he’s more worried than ever. Donghae’s previous checkups never needed biopsy or MRI. He wonders what Dr. Ahn saw in him that made him require these tests.

“Then smile,” Donghae tells him.

Jongwoon smiles weakly at him. “Are the tests done?”

Donghae shakes his head. “No, Dr. Ahn says I’ve got to take another MRI thingy.”

Jongwoon nods his head. “Okay, I’ll be there for you. Have you eaten lunch? I made you lunch.”

“No, I haven’t, let’s just eat together after the second test, okay?”

They eat at around 2:30 pm, right after Jongwoon has wheeled Donghae into the room they were in before. In that 1 ½ hour, Jongwoon gave Donghae his mp3 player so that Donghae can have something to listen to. He originally gave them to him so that he could talk to Dr. Ahn , but Donghae made him promise that they’ll look at the results together and so he did that. He busied himself with preparing their lunch on Donghae’s bed and the nurse would probably get mad at them but Jongwoon didn’t care. They were going to pay anyways, so he thought he might as well dirty the sheets in the process.

“Wow,” Donghae breathes out as soon as his eyes land on the food laid on the bed. He laughs. “The nurse are gonna kill you for this,” he jokes as he wheels himself towards the food and takes a strand of pasta.

“No they’re not,” Jongwoon says as he joins Donghae on eating the pasta. He hands him chopsticks but Donghae prefers to eat it with his hands.

“Why’d you need to get 2 MRI’s though?” Jongwoon asks.

Donghae shrugs. “They’re not 2 MRI’s though. The second one was MRN, I think?”

“Oh, okay,” Jongwoon says. “Medical jargon,” he smiles at Donghae, Donghae only keeps eating.

“We’ll know the results in an hour or so, anyway,” Donghae says, wanting to drop the topic. Jongwoon realizes that this might be uncomfortable for Donghae so he just drops the topic.

Forty minutes later, they’re about to dig into the cheesecake Yesung bought from the bakeshop when Dr. Ahn enters the room.

“Donghae-ssi, Jongwoon-ssi,” he greets them. Donghae nods and Jongwoon smiles at him. “I see you’ve eaten lunch,” he says as he notices the paper plates on the bed.

“Yeah,” Jongwoon answers for them. “I originally intended to surprise Hae with lunch, but I ended up as the one being surprised.”

“I would’ve told you about this if only Donghae here didn’t warn me he’d kill me if I did,” the doctor jokes.

Donghae laughs. “Even if I did threaten you, I might not end up getting you,” he jokes.

Jongwoon laughs nervously while the doctor only clears his throat. “Yes, that might happen,” he says. “Anyways, fresh results!”

Jongwoon and Donghae stiffen and Jondwoon unconsciously reaches out for Donghae’s hand. This doesn’t go unnoticed by Dr. Ahn , though.

Dr. Ahn clears his throat. “Anyways, whatever I’m going to say next, I hope both of you would take this as two , mature adults, okay?”

“It’s not gonna be bad news, is it?” Donghae asks and his hand tightens around Jongwoon’s. The doctor looks at anywhere but them and Jongwoon can feel his heart trying to get out of his ribcage.

“Donghae,” the doctor starts and Donghae listens attentively. “Did you happen to fall from somewhere high? Or maybe you got hit, somewhere?”

Donghae gulps. He wonders what his MRI showed that made Dr. Ahn ask this question. He sudden;y remembers the time that he fell off the stairs while at work. He thankfully had no twisted ankles and stuff like that, but he did hit his head pretty hard. He had it checked by the office’s nurse and she said that there was nothing wrong, no lumps, no concussions, and he didn’t feel any pain. He didn’t even have a headache and it was 4 weeks ago. “Yes,” he answers nervously, seeing that there was no reason to lie.

Dr. Ahn sighs, why did he have to get such a hard-headed patient was what was running in his mind. Jongwoon tries his best not to show that he is upset and shocked at the same time.

“When did that happen and what happened?” Dr. Ahn asks.

“I, I was running some errands and I was holding a box and the elevators were full and I didn’t think it could hurt to use the stairs. And so I did. I must have not seen where I was going because the next thing I know, I was down on the floor.”

Dr. Ahn sighed again and discreetly hit his forehead with his palm. “Donghae, Donghae,” was all he could say. He was about to tell Donghae off when Jongwoon got to it first.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell Dr. Ahn? You were only what? Five months healed and you get into an accident like that? Are you trying to get yourself killed?” Jongwoon couldn’t stop himself. He felt hurt and scared for Donghae. In his mind, if donghae didn’t tell him things like these, then what else could he have hidden?

“I just didn’t want to make you worried,” Donghae answers in a small voice. On any other day, Jongwoon would have accepted this reason and would’ve let it go, but this was not just another day. It was a day where he, Donghae, was almost gonna get cut up just to be examined.

“You didn’t want to make me worried?” Jongwoon asked furiously, voice rising a little. Donghae wouldn’t have known that he was angry just by face alone, but the rage in Jongwoon’s voice that he rarely gets to hear gave him the chills. “Didn’t you know that i’ll never be worried? Every single second I worry about you Donghae, and you tell me that you didn’t want to get me worried? It’s a bit too late for that,” he spat at him.

Donghae pouts, upset at having angered Jongwoon. “I didn’t think,” he trails off.

“That’s right, Donghae, you didn’t think again,” Jongwoon can’t help himself from saying.
Donghae doesn’t answer and just takes his fuming in. The doctor could only look at the livid Jongwoon and at the quiet Donghae. In all honesty, he didn’t know who felt more sad for, Donghae or Jongwoon.

“I understand where you’re coming from, Jongwoon,” Dr. Ahn says. “But please, calm yourself down.” He looks at Donghae next. “Donghae, you should have told me.”

Donghae could only look down at the sheets sheepishly. He’s even ashamed to face his doctor now, it felt like it was his own fault.

“There’s something on your MRI scan and you MRN scan,” the doctor started and he brought out the scan results. “This is the first one,” he shows one page to them, but only Jongwoon is looking. “There’s a swelling on the base of your skull, Donghae. And that’s where the occipital lobe is, it’s the one in charge for processing images.”

Jongwoon nods, following what Dr. Ahn says while Donghae keeps to himself. Dr. Ahn continues. “The swelling here is ¾ of the swelling you had when the accident first happened. So, in short, you’re losing the ability to process images and it’s taking you a longer time than usual to recognize faces.”

“But it’s not even hurting,” Donghae says.

“And that’s the bad thing,” the doctor continues. “You can’t feel it hurting because here,” he holds up the second page. “Here in the MRN, the nerve endings seem to be fried in that area. Thus it makes you numb. Touch your nape and see if you can feel anything.”

Donghae brings up a hand to the base of his skull and touches it. He can feel something like a ghosting of fingers but never full fingers touching him there, and he’s scare because he’s pressing so hard now.

“See,” the doctor says, sensing Donghae’s distraught and taking it as a sign for insensitivity at that area. Donghae doesn’t say anything, and Jongwoon who had been then sitting away from Donghae moves closer to him and places an arm around him.

“What’s gonna happen now?”Jongwoon asks the unasked question.

“For now, we’re gonna try medicine and see if it can reduce the swelling like it did for the bump he obtained during the accident,” he says as he begins to list the names of the medicines that Donghae has to take.

“I see,” Jongwoon takes note of them mentally as he rubs Donghae’s side , by this time Donghae has tuned them out and could only think of one thing, will he still get better?

When Dr. Ahn makes a motion for him to leave, Donghae calls out to him. “Dr. Ahn, will I be able to recognize people again?”

Dr. Ahn stops in his steps and turns around. “As of now,” he starts, but seeing Donghae’s forlorn expression makes him want to shut up. “As of now, I don’t know. We’ll have to see,” and then he leaves them both.

Jongwoon is the one to check them out of the hospital. He leaves Donghae alone in the room. He feels guilty about it, but when does he not guilty for anything he has done to Donghae? Wasn’t he the reason why Donghae was like this? Why wasn’t he the one who ended up suffering anyway?

It was now 7 pm, and they’re back at their house. Donghae doesn’t speak to him and Jongwoon has yet to find the courage to apologize. He would’ve apologized earlier if Donghae wasn’t asleep in the car.

Donghae skips dinner as he goes straight to their room, Jongwoon had half a mind to call him for dinner, but he realizes that maybe Donghae needed to think things through. He ends up eating a cup of ramen and he smiles at the silly realization that his dinner pales so much in comparison to their lunch.

When Jongwoon joins Donghae in bed after 30 minutes, he is surprised to see him awake. Donghae turns around , away from his bedside table and towards Jongwoon as soon as Jongwoon climbs in.

“You aren’t asleep yet?” he lets him snuggle into him and bury his head into the crook of his neck.

“No,” Donghae shakes his head as he whispers his answer straight to Jongwoon’s heart. “I didn’t want to go to sleep yet.”

Jongwoon smiles before giving him a peck on his forehead. “I’m sorry about earlier,” he says. “I’m sorry I blew up on you earlier, and I’m sorry I made you this way.”

Donghae looks up at him. “You were being a jerk,” he says. “But don’t be sorry for my condition. None of us prayed for it to happen,” he says and then he goes back to snuggling Jongwoon.

“I just, you know I have these dreams of that night,” Jongwoon says.

“I know, that’s why I wake up before you during that time,” Donghae starts. “Don’t you notice me always awake when you’re having a nightmare?”

Jongwoon nods, not really remembering things like that until he realized that Donghae was right. No matter how early it was in the morning or how late it was in the evening, Donghae was awake when he gets awakened by his nightmare. He thought it was because he was thrashing in sleep, or maybe calling out his name that wakes Donghae up.

Donghae seems to have read his thought because he quickly adds, “You weren’t thrashing, or calling my name, even. I was just awake,” he says with a shrug.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t wanna go to sleep unless I’m sure you’ve had that nightmare.”

Jongwoon is tempted to ask why again, but he shuts his mouth, and instead brings Donghae closer to him. “Donghae, I love you,” he says instead. Donghae only hums in response, but Jongwoon knows that he’s returning his affection.

“I’ve always wondered,” Jongwoon starts. “When did you recognize me? Was it on the day that you started recognizing Hyukjae and Jungsoo?”

Donghae shakes his head. “No, way before that.”

“Then when, and why didn’t you tell me?”

“I recognize you even after the accident. It was odd, you know, because your face, I can’t remember it, but I can remember the way you act, so I knew it was you, I just wasn’t sure.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

And then silence. Jongwoon only stares at the ceiling while Donghae stares at him. Since it was too quiet and the only thing heard was their breathing , Jongwoon assumed that Donghae was already sleeping. When he turns to look at Donghae though, he blushes and turns away quickly. Donghae holds his face and turns it back to him.

“Look at me,” Donghae says, holding his face in place. “Your face is the last thing I want to see before I go to sleep and after I wake up.”

Jongwoon kisses him softly on the lips. “I’ll make sure of that,” he says.

“You do that,” Donghae says and lets his eyes close. “Goodnight, Jongwoon.”

“Goodnight, Donghae,” he replies as he kisses Donghae on the lips again and hugs him tighter. Donghae snuggles closer and closes his eyes tighter than before, hoping that the image he has of Jongwoon will stay imprinted in his mind long before sleeps claims him.

But it doesn’t. Because the moment Donghae closes his eyes, he can’t make sense of Jongwoon’s tall nose. He doesn’t know where to put his eyes, and doesn’t know if the lips he imagined for him are too large, too small or just perfect. He ends up opening his eyes instead and taking in Jongwoon’s sleeping face. He also ends up losing sleep because of this because he can’t bring his eyes to close on their own. But it doesn’t matter, he thinks. Sleep has never been a friend of him anyways.

“Jongwoon,” Donghae says as he lays sprawled on Jongwoon’s legs one afternoon. Jongwoon only hums in response. “I wanna be a professional photographer,” he continues.

Jongwoon chuckles and Donghae enjoys the way Jongwoon’s face form lines around his mouth. “Why? What are you gonna take pictures of?”

“You, of course!” Donghae answers immediately.

“But I’m not photogenic,” Jongwoon protests.

“Nonsense, you’re the reason why cameras are invented.”

Jongwoon only laughs at him.

In the span of 4 days, Donghae has taken 150 pictures of Jongwoon and 50 pictures of himself. All of them with labels, with dates and with times. He hangs the pictures of Jongwoon on the left side of the room while his go on the right side of the room. Jongwoon asks him why he does this, he only answers with an “I need some space, too.” Jongwoon thankfully dismisses it as one of his quirks but in truth, it’s because he won’t be able to identify himself and Jongwoon apart if he ever did.

He looks at his newly hung 200 pictures and sighs. There’s no difference. The only things that differ are the clothes and the actions but never the face.

“Oh well,” he tells himself. “It’s only 200 pictures, I’ll learn them eventually.”

You’re all I want
You’re all I need
You’re everything
You’re everything
Everything.

#

fic: forever minus twenty (as long as it's even), yewook, pg, [2/2]

pinefir — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 06:31:16 GMT

Title: forever minus twenty (as long as it’s even)
Author: pinefir
Pairing: yesung/girl!ryeowook, girl!ryeowook/kyuhyun, girl!ryeowook/henry, girl!ryeowook/sungmin, yesung/girl!eunhyuk, sungmin/girl!zhoumi, kyuhyun/girl!zhoumi
Genre: fluff/drama/angst
Rating: pg
Summary: “Do you not plan to stay with me until forever? Why only give yourself eighty years with me?” Sometimes, the best decisions come to you only after you’ve spent your entire life making the wrong ones.
Warning: AU!, genderswitch
Words: 11312
AN: it gets a bit draggy in the middle, and it's because i've done this 5 months ago and i forgot all about it. the writing style changes from time to time since i didn't write this continuously. it's too long yet too short. and the ending is abrupt and open for interpretation. i honestly don't know if i'm gonna write a sequel for this, i'm not much of a yewook shipper anyway. but i hope you guys enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it even if it took me almost half a year to finish such a boring ass story. inspirations came from : broken by lifehouse, shiver by natalie imbruglia, bring me flowers by hope, just a feeling by maroon 5. i've basically made a soundtrack for this fic because lol . this has been a long ass author's note. i will not hold you back from the angst .i'd probably make a spinoff about kyu/wook mi/min though but knowing me, it;'d probably take another 5 months.

PART 1 | PART 2

Almost 20:Not Quite 18

Ryeowook finds herself downing some shots of whiskey in the pub where she and Kyuhyun celebrated their second anniversary two years ago. She smirks to herself as she recalls that night. Wasn’t it the night when Kyuhyun has told her so many times that he loved her and that he will always love her? Where is he right now, she thinks scathingly, off in China with Zhou Mi doing who else but Zhou Mi.

She was no idiot, all the dwindling email’s, the quick excuses to get off skype, they were signs that their relationship was dying. Zhou Mi being there for him all the time was just the trigger Kyuhyun needed.

Zhou Mi was a good friend and was a good girlfriend to Sungmin. He loved her so much and Ryeowook wishes that she had loved Kyuhyun just as much Sungmin did love Zhou Mi. Maybe she did, but she wasn’t too sure now. She was no liar after all, and she feels guilty every time, during the time that Kyuhyun was off studying in China, she tries to think of ways to meet or see Yesung. Most people thought she comes to the pub regularly just because it was memorable for her, but only she knew the reason why she’s really here.

And maybe, Sungmin knows too. She groans feeling a headache coming. Waking up naked with Sungmin was idiotic, she thinks. If there were things she’d willingly lie about, sleeping with Sungmin right after they found out that Kyuhyun and Zhou mi were cheating on them together would be one of those things. It was a petty move, but in her defence, they both needed it. But still, she wanted to forget everything about it. It wasn’t a bad experience for her, she could honestly say that Sungmin, even in his anger, is a passionate and generous partner; but her conscience won’t just let her rest about it.

She orders a bottle of soju next and Siwon can’t help but give it to her. He’s tried not giving her any but she threatened to tell Shindong of his non-compliance to a customer as breaking one of his responsibilities. That and he actually felt bad for her and for what his cousin did to her. In his mind, as long as Ryeowook hasn’t lost count of the bottles she’s been drinking, all would be fine. If ever she does become drunk though, he’s ready to take her home, it’s the least he can do for having protected Kyuhyun and hurting Ryeowook in the process.

Yesung who is now in his last year of university has been more than busy. Between keeping a night-time job as a student assistant and day-time classes with some tutoring on the side, he hasn’t been to the pub for months. Shindong has told him so many times that he’s welcome to come back to perform in the pub, unfortunately though, he couldn’t follow up on that.

But this night is unlike other nights. For once, he was let out early from his post as a student assistant and tomorrow would be a no-classes day. He isn’t about to let this night pass him by with him cooped up in his room so he makes his way for the pub as soon as he gets out of the building.

Flagging down a taxi, he sends a message to Siwon who he knows has his duty today, saying that he’s on his way. When Siwon replies with an “Oh god , finally someone to help me!” , he could only chuckle.

He doesn’t notice her at first, maybe because he was preoccupied with getting a free non-alcoholic drink from Siwon or maybe because he was just exhausted from university, but either way, he doesn’t notice her nursing a drink until Siwon tells him.

“You know her, right, hyung?” Siwon asks as he points towards Ryeowook.

He turns to look at the person Siwon pointed to. “I thought she stopped coming here?” Yesung asks him.

Siwon shrugs, he didn’t really want to tell Yesung of the reason why Ryeowook was here. Ryeowook was a regular for almost 2 years now, or at least for as long as Yesung was here. That night when Kyuhyun brought Ryeowook to the pub was the start of them being regulars. When Kyuhyun went off to China to study, Siwon thought that he’d never see Ryeowook again, but he was wrong. Because now with Kyuhyun gone, she seemed to come to the pub more often than before. At first, Siwon thought that it was all about reminiscing and missing Kyuhyun, because she didn’t accept any of the guys’ advances and from what he knew, both were going strong and steady even with the long distance. From then on, he has taken it upon himself to look after Ryeowook.
But then one day, she stopped coming. He wondered why, and he even asked Kyuhyun about it, but Kyuhyun assured him that there’s nothing wrong with them. Now that she’s back, Siwon realizes something that he’s failed to pick up on over the course of Ryeowook’s regular visits and that is the fact that she seemed to stop coming to the pub when Yesung stopped performing. But of course, Siwon doesn’t tell anybody this because it’s only an assumption.

“She’s been drinking nonstop,” he tells Yesung. Yesung seems tense , and seems to be very concerned about this girl, he observes. Siwon doesn’t know if they’re friends but the way that Yesung is currently watching her tells him that maybe they are.

“Do you know why?” Yesung asks him.

He knows why, he thinks, but should he tell Yesung? “I don’t know,” he lies. “You know her right?” he asks again. Before Yesung could answer, he continues. “And she’s more than a familiar face to you, right?”

Yesung nods and pushes himself off the bar. “She’s more than a friend to me, too.”

Ryeowook swirls the shot glass in front of her, watching the different layers of her drink mix and then separate. She smiles to herself, a bit amused as she remembers the lava lamp that Sungmin keeps on his bedside table. When someone takes the glass from her hands, she snarls and turns to look at the person who did that.

It was Yesung.

It’s been years since she’s been this close to Yesung. She frequented the pub, but the stage separating them, him being a performer and her being a customer gives them more than enough distance. Just what was he doing here? And, is he really even here? Why was he near her? Didn’t, wasn’t he the one who wanted nothing to do with her? He didn’t even acknowledge her back then when she was one of the customers. Why now? Why now? Her mind was asking so many questions and she wishes she can just shut it down.

“Just who taught you how to drink? And that strong of a drink too!” Yesung frowns, unaware of the thoughts passing in her mind, as he rubs his chest and moves to sit down next to her. Ryeowook who was still in a state of confusion and disbelief only stares at him. He wasn’t much of a drinker, sure he worked in a pub, but his job description doesn’t include getting smashed so he finds no reason to drink. When Ryeowook doesn’t answer, he just slumps forward in his seat and continues to mentally curse his low tolerance for alcohol.

“Kyuhyun,” she says and Yesung wonders why she’s saying Kyuhyun.

“Kyuhyun?” he echoes as he straightens up.

“He has a high tolerance for alcohol,” she says as if that explains everything.

Yesung looks at her quizzically. “I didn’t know that alcohol tolerance can be passed,” he jokes.

Ryeowook snickers. “Maybe it’s the years of making out,” she muses and then she laughs and downs another drink again. Yesung laughs with her just so she wouldn’t sound ridiculous even to her own ears, but in reality, he doesn’t find it funny.

Ryeowook sobers up and leans forward to Yesung. “Do you know that kissing increases your immunity?”

Yesung smiles, finding the trivia somewhat random and a bit ridiculous, he was about to make fun of her and make light of the situation when there are fingers on his collar pulling him closer to her and pulling him out of his stool. Before he knew it, her lips was on his and he’s completely leaning on to her.

She’s the one who leads them both, Yesung was too stunned to be even caught in the moment that he involuntarily shudders as she licks his lips and begs for entrance. He gives in of course, because this is Ryeowook and although they haven’t had a decent conversation in the past 6 years, they had a bond and it was undeniably strong even if it wavered during some time.
He opens his lips, letting her prodding tongue in to caress his own.She was demanding and kissing him desperately that Yesung thought he could be her lifeline with the way she was acting. She tastes like soju and some kind of cigarette and then he realizes just how much she has grown when he was away. He holds her travelling hands which were then running up and down his clothed chest and pulls away, stunning her into confusion.

“I’m sorry,” Yesung apologizes as he fixes his shirt and looks at anywhere but her. He moves to go away but she stops him. She makes him look at her and he releases a breath he hadn’t realized that he’s been holding. Here standing before him was not the ryeowook he knew when they were kids. It’s unsettling how similar they can look but the present ryeowook now has something that the old Wookie didn’t have. He just couldn’t pinpoint it.

“I’m not sorry,” she says with conviction, and then she pulls him into her again by the neck before kissing him more gently than before. She pulls off first before Yesung could even savor it, and then she leans her forehead against his chest. “Don’t take me home,” she pleads him before she sinks into him and slips into unconsciousness.

Yesung couldn’t really take her home, aside from the fact that she pleaded him not to, there was also the matter of them being hours away from their hometown. They were both in college now and even if they (or Yesung, he didn’t know about Ryeowook) wanted to study somewhere closer to home, their parents would have forced them into studying in one of those big-city colleges.

He flags a taxi with a bit of difficulty as she was leaning on him the whole time. After setting her safely into the backseat of the cab, he enters and tells the driver that he’s ready to go. When the driver stares at him blankly, it’s then when he realizes that he has yet to give an address.

“Wait,” he signals to the driver as he raises a hand up to him in the reflector. “I’ll check her address in her id.”

He rummages through Ryeowook’s pouch and looks for an id in her wallet but finds none with an address that is not her hometown address. He doesn’t know where she is currently staying, so he was at a loss for where he can bring her to. He then decides that maybe bringing her to his apartment would be the best idea, after all, it’s a Friday night and he’s pretty sure that his friends are out.

He didn’t find it too difficult to haul her on his bed. She was tall for girls her age but she was slim and she was very easy to carry. When he finally laid her on his bed, he couldn’t help but think back on the days they used to sleep on each other’s beds. He chuckles as he brushes away some strands that stuck to Ryeowook’s sweaty forehead. He thinks he should probably let her rest first.

Ryeowook can feel sleep evaporating off her skin as she stretches awake. She looks around the unfamiliar room and wonders where she is. She really can’t remember anything aside from bumping into Yesung in the pub, and after that, she didn’t know what happened anymore. She pushes herself off the bed and sits up, eyes wandering the room, trying to identify things she’s familiar with. There was a low bookshelf in one corner of the room that was made into a makeshift cabinet which held the owner’s polo tops and pants. The thought of the owner’s undergarments left exposed makes her flush in embarrassment and she immediately reminds herself to tell the owner that maybe, keeping his clothes open for everyone to see isn’t a good idea. There was a very big drawing table on one wall and then there’s another bookshelf but this time it’s at least 5 levels high and it was full of books and journals. Next to the bed were two laminated wooden shelves that held some bathroom essentials.

The room was small, but it was clean and nice. It was quite bland but any room without posters pales in comparison to her room which had lots of photos, posters and other stuff on her wall. She stands up and walks around, trying to familiarize herself when a frame that sits alone on the second shelf next to the vanity catches her eyes.

Yesung woke up earlier than Ryeowook. He pads across the apartment to his room in order to check on her. when he sees her soundly asleep on his bed, he smiles to himself and resolves to make some breakfast for them, maybe catch up on the years they’ve both lost and thaw out their freezing attitude towards each other.

He goes to the kitchen and hums to himself as he gets pans and utensils that were usually used by Hankyung alone. He wasn’t foreign to cooking, but he wasn’t very familiar with it either. He knew the basics and as long as there were no French words involved, he’d be fine.

Ryeowook gets the frame off the shelf. It was a simple, wooden frame, there were no ornate carvings or other splashes of color, just a black, laminated frame. Its minimalist design (if it could even be called a design, at all) greatly contrasts with its content though. In it was a picture of them together during Yesung’s graduation from grade school. He was 12 back then and she was 10. They were so young, and she couldn’t believe that she’d see this again. Where did she even put her picture? She knows she had a picture like this too, but now she can’t even remember if she still has it. Ten years ago, her mind kept repeating those words; this picture was taken ten years ago. It was their last picture together, and she didn’t think he’d have it framed; not when he acts like he’s forgotten everything between them.

Yesung remembers a day when he and Ryeowook were kids and they used to have breakfast at each other’s house. He remembers her almost sleeping into her kimchi fried rice and egg. He has laughed at her during that time because she has pieces of kimchi stuck to her face when she woke up, from then on she vowed that she’d demand breakfast in beds from him. He only ignored her during that time, but he kept it in his mind for future reference.

He was no cook, and he certainly was no waiter either. He had a bit of difficulty carrying the bowl of kimchi fried rice and some cold water for her hangover while attempting to open the door. When he finally got the door opened, he suddenly realized how stupid it all seemed after all she could be asleep and he could just leave the plates and the glass next to her—who was now awake.

Ryeowook turns around when the door opened, hands still holding on to the frame.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Yesung says.

She nods at him dumbly. “Yeah, I guess I am,” she replies. Yesung doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, and she catches sight of the plate and glass he’s holding. She doesn’t assume it’s for her though. “So, do you like eating in you room, then?” she asks him as she stares pointedly at the food.

Yesung looks down and then looks back at her. “Ah, no, it’s actually for you. I thought you were still sleeping, but I guess you’re awake now.”

Ryeowook loves breakfast in beds, but that doesn’t mean that she gets to have them often. Seeing that only a few people could cook for her, she’s never had anybody, aside from her mother, bring her breakfast. But this, what Yesung did, she doesn’t recall telling anybody of her secret guilt and for him to kno, it was both amazing and unexpected.

“I think, I should just leave this here,” Yesung’s voice breaks her thoughts.

She thinks for a moment, deciding if she should agree or not. In the end all she does is sit on the bed and pats the space beside her. “Can we talk, Yesung?”

And so they talked. It was awkward at first. But they soon find themselves laughing, and leaning on to each other, talking about when they were kids, talking about Henry who Yesung vaguely remembered as the small guy with chubby cheeks, talking about Eunhyuk who Ryeowook admitted to being partly jealous of. They talked about Kyuhyun who Yesung admitted to be a bit annoyed of, and Ryeowook found it cute that during the early stages of them dating (her and Kyuhyun) , Yesung found it uncomfortable that she was growing up right before his eyes. They didn’t talk about what passed between them last night though, Ryeowook thinks it’s a bit too fast and Yesung thinks it’s a bit too rude to bring it up.

They were lying on Yesung’s bed, Ryeowook resting her head on Yesung’s chest as they laugh together like they’ve been doing all of this a long time ago. Yesung had his right arm around her, with the other behind the back of his head and she lies facing him.

“What happened to us?” she asks him when they quiet down and get a hold of themselves.

Yesung thinks and realizes that he happened, not Jongwoon, that’s why they were only recalling one sided experiences and were unfamiliar with other names. Ryeowook looks at him, waiting for an answer. “I don’t know,” he shrugs and looks away from her.

Ryeowook nods and then sits up. She was a bit disappointed of his answer but she knew that he couldn’t tell. “Let’s start again,” she says as she pulls Yesung up to sit with her.

He looks at her incredulously and shakes his head. “What?”

“I wanna start again with you,” she says. “As Jongwoon, not as Yesung, I suppose.”

“But, after all the things I did?” he asks. This seems so surreal. If anybody told him two years ago that he would be given a second try at fixing their no existent friendship, relationship, whatever it is called; he would’ve laughed at that person. But now, Ryeowook was here, and it looks like they’re giving each other the chance to be friends again, at the very least.

She nods. “That’s why I want to know you again as the Jongwoon-oppa I knew not Yesung.”

“But I’m not the Jongwoon you knew, I’ve changed,” Yesung replies, he thinks it’s stupid that he’s denying himself of this chance but he felt like this would be the way to not end up leaving Ryeowook again, because it’s true he’s changed. He doesn’t know how much but , he didn’t want to build a bridge with her again and be the one to destroy it again.

Ryeowook thinks. Right, he’s changed and it’d probably take a long time for him to revert back to the old Jongwoon, if he does revert back. So she sighs and makes a compromise. “Fine. I, I just want to know you more now, whoever you are, however you call yourself
now. Let’s be friends again, I miss you, you know that? and right now, I’d take anything I can get as long as it is you.”

Yesung nods and takes her hand. “I honestly don’t know what I did to you, but I regret all of them. And I miss you, I missed you too,” he says pulling her into a hug. He strokes her hair and she breathes in his scent. “We’ll start again,” he promises. “And if I become a douche to you again, just give me a kick and shove, like you always did.”

Ryeowook laughs and then pulls away from him. She shoves a hand before him and smiles brightly at him. “Hi , I’m Ryeowook. I’m not yet 18 but I smell like alcohol and I can hold my liquor well,” she says just as her stomach starts growling, Yesung laughs. “And I’m apparently very hungry, can we be friends?”

Yesung nods at her and shakes her hand. “Hi, yes, let’s be friends. I’m Jongwoon but most people call me Yesung nowadays,” he says , playing along with her. “I’m gonna turn twenty soon, and you’re hungry and I made you breakfast; but don’t expect much because I’m not a cook.”

Ryeowook giggles at him and slaps him playfully, before pulling her up with him and taking the glass of water with her while Yesung took the plate with him. “Let’s eat then, I’m starving.”

“But I brought you breakfast in bed!” yesung says, raising the plate he’s holding.

“That’d be for another day then?” she says.

Already 18 : Just turned 20

“Happy birthday, oppa!” Ryeowook screeches at him happily as she smashes a cake on his face.

“ADSFAFRGD!” was all Yesung could say since she seems to be flattening and clearing out the layers of cake on his face. When she pulls the cake off his face and he could finally breathe again, she begins smearing the red icing on his face to make him look like the joker. Yesung lets her do so, because he really can’t do anything to stop her.

“I hope that you made me another cake for me to eat,” he says as she continues drawing on his face.

“Of course I did,” she tells him. “From now on, I’m doing you two cakes every birthday just so I can make up to all the birthday’s I’ve missed.”

“Isn’t that too much? I mean not everyone gets a cake facial every year,” he humours her.

“160 cakes are not too many though,” she reasons and she finally releases her hold on his face. She brings out a camera and tells him to smile, and he does. He motions for her to show him the picture and she laughs telling him how sweet he looks.
He grabs the camera for her and then takes a picture of them together, pushing his face against hers just to hear her squeak away in surprise and amused disgust.

“Ewwwwwwwww, now I’m all sticky too!” she complains to him. He only laughs at her and then he proceeds to wipe some leftover cake and icing on her face. When she’s suitably clown-faced, he stops.

“Why only 160 though? Do you not plan to stay with me until forever? Why only give yourself eighty years with me?” he asks her.

“We’ll see about forever after we get past a century.”

They’re friends and they’re obviously in love with each other. But 10 years can do so much to a person and they’ve realized that first hand.

They’re like babies again, back then Tyeowook was putting her saliva-coated fingers to Jongwoon’s face, things are the same now, except her fingers are coated with cake.

At the rate they’re going, they will probably realize that they’re in love with each other 10 years. They’d make more mistakes, they’d have petty fights. They’d be jealous of the people they’re going to go out with each other, and their life might start at 30, 40 even. But who was counting? As of now, they’re glad that they will be able to make up the 10 years they’ve wasted because of teenage angst and issues.
It’d probably be a story for another day, the days leading to their forever is gonna be another long story and it’s only just beginning.

I’m ready to feel now

No longer am I afraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I’m ready to love again.

fic: forever minus twenty (as long as it's even), yewook, pg, [1/2]

pinefir — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 06:26:43 GMT

I haven’t got a clue if you’re the one
But I like you
And I like the way you make me feel

2:4

When Ryeowook was two, Jongwoon was four.

Jongwoon was quite irritable that day. His mother has forced him into an itchy and ugly shirt plus he also had to take a longer bath.

Needless to say, his four year old self wasn’t amused when he learned from his parents that they are to visit the newly-moved neighbours.
He pouted and cried and whined, hoping against hope that his cries will make his parents, (a) pity him and as such, he won’t be forced to go there anymore, or (b) become annoyed and thus leave him to play with his toys. But his plan didn’t work. He still has to go to their neighbour in his ugly, and itchy and yellow (eww) shirt.

When they reached the house (it was only a few steps away), Jongwoon was all ready to go home and it showed on his face. His pout and burrowed eyebrows gave all his discomfort away.

“Jongwoon-ah,” his mother says as she pulls his chin up. “Be polite.”

Jongwoon just huffs and stomps his foot.

His mother’s eyes twitches, and he’s quite ready to pitch a fit if ever his mother tries something on him. Fortunately for the two, his father was much more calm and considerate. A hand placed on Jongwoon’s shoulder and a hand entwined with his wife’s calmed the two down.

“Jongwoon-ah, you’re going to meet a friend today! Be nice to her okay?” his father said, as he ruffled Jongwooon’s hair.

Jongwoon, having a bias for his father, smiled at him and answered. “Okay, appa!”

His father took his hand and together with his mother, they were welcomed inside the quite big house. Jongwoon oohed and aahed at all the paintings they passed through the hallway. His irritation disappeared and was now replaced with amusement as he let his hands run through the different paintings on the walls.

After fifteen minutes or so of the grownups talking and sharing stories about the neighbourhood, Jongwoon got bored and started shifting in his seat. He tugged at his mother’s sleeve, who was conveniently sitting next to him. “Umma! I’m bored.”

His mother only ignored him.

He sunk back and he pouted, again. He started kicking his legs. “Umma!”

His mother only shushed him, however, their new lady neighbour noticed him and smiled at him gently. “Jongwoon, would you like to meet my daughter?”

Jongwoon looked up at her and shrugged. She smiled at his antics and beckoned to the boy. Soon enough, Jongwoon was toddling towards a yellow door. He gave an involuntary shudder, he hated yellow so much.

There in the middle of the room, stood a crib. He could hear baby chuckles and some melodic sound he used to hear when he was still a baby. His new lady neighbour held out a hand for him to grab. He took her hand and followed her towards the crib.

“Would you like to see my Wookie?” she asked Jongwoon.

Jongwoon nodded.

Inside the crib was probably the prettiest thing Jongwoon saw.
The girl was staring amusedly at the mobile, and Jongwoon could see her eyes widen once she saw him in her mother’s arms.

“Wookie-ah,” the lady spoke to the baby. “Meet your new friend, call him Jongwoon-oppa.”

And then, Jongwoon suddenly found himself being lowered inside the crib.

“Come on Jongwoon, don’t be shy,” he can hear his mother say.

He followed his mother’s urgings and looked at the baby girl who was now crawling towards him. He reached out a hand to her, but she seems intent on crawling towards him.

Back then, Jongwoon and Ryeowook had no idea that they were already making their own little world. Jongwoon didn’t even notice his parents and the new neighbours leaving them all alone to play.

And when she finally reached him, she put her fingers in front of him. They glistened with something wet, and Jongwoon knows at his young age that he wouldn’t want those wet fingers near him. He would have cried at the instant the wet fingers touched his face, but he stopped.
“Woon—oppa?”

6:4

When Jongwoon was six, Ryeowook was four.

In the two years that Ryeowook has known her Jongwoon-oppa, she found out that Jongwoon is somewhat a bit quick to anger. There are some things that she does that make him unhappy and stop playing with her. It usually takes Ryeowook a day to make her Jongwoon-oppa play with her again, it may seem short, but she’s unhappy when he isn’t there to play with her.

It was already 8:30. Her Jongwoon-oppa seems to be thirty minutes late (or at least that’s what her mother said when she asked her what day it is).

“Umma,” Ryeowook padded towards her mother who was currently doing some painting. Her mother hummed in response.

“Umma, where is Jongwoon-oppa? Are you sure it’s still Thurday today? Isn’t it Friday already? Jongwoon oppa is not here. He didn’t come, it must be the next day already! Is he mad at me, umma? What if he won’t come by tomorrow? Will we still be friends? Is he going to move out? Where is he? I promise I won’t lick his cheeks anymore! But, he should promise not to touch my lips too!”

“Wookie, wookie slow down,” her mother said leaving her painting behind to accommodate the unstoppable girl. Ryeowook shut her mouth. “Jongwoon-oppa went to school today, didn’t he tell you?”

Ryeowook pouted. “No he didn’t,” she said, saddened by the fact that she won’t be seeing her oppa today. “He must be mad at me. That’s why he didn’t tell me anything.”

“Aww, Wookie, don’t be sad,” her mother said, hugging Ryewook who was on the verge of tears. “Your oppa might have forgotten, that’s why he didn’t tell you.”

“It’s not fair, I’ll be stuck waiting for him being bored!” Ryeowook whined.

“Darling,” her mother started as she put her hand under Ryeowook’s chin to pull it up. “Why don’t you just help umma?”

Ryeowook sighed. “But umma I can’t draw, I’ll just ruin your paintings!”

“Then just sing me a song on the piano okay? The one your father taught you last night!”

“Okay then umma,” Ryeowook said, beaming at her before bounding over to the covered piano.

Ryeowook has been playing on her piano for hours now, but she didn’t mind because she was totally engrossed with the random melodies she’s been making. That’s why she suddenly shrieked when he felt the chair dip beside her and a pair of hands joined her in playing.

“Jongwoon-oppa!” she said, throwing her arms around the guy who was pressing random keys on the piano.

Jongwoon smiled at her as he tried to pry her off him, but she wouldn’t let go. And then, suddenly he found himself on the floor sitting on his butt.

“What was that for?” he asked Ryeowook who was now standing over him and looking at him pointedly.

“You’re a mean oppa!” Ryeowook said, eyes slowly brimming with tears. “You made me wait for two days!”

“Huh? But it’s still Thursday!”

“I don’t care, you made me wait too long! You’re mean! You’re mean! Plus you didn’t tell me you’re going to school now! You’re mean. You don’t want to play with me anymore!” Ryeowook said accusingly.

Jongwoon stared at her with wide eyes once big, fat tears came falling down from her eyes. He hesitantly approached her. And as soon as he came closer, Ryeowook launched herself at him.

“I missed you so much, oppa! I thought you were mad at me and you didn’t want to play with me anymore! And, and you didn’t tell me you’re going to school! You’re leaving me! ME! How could you leave me?”

Jongwoon could only pat her back awkwardly as she continued wailing to him. He felt, happy? Happy that at least Ryeowook missed him, but he feels uncomfortable seeing her cry. He never made her cry, even though there were times where they had fights, she never cried.

He wrapped his pudgy arms around his playmate and continued patting at her back.

“Sorry, Wookie, oppa’s sorry.”

Ryeowook separated herself from him and looked up at him, “Really oppa? You’re sorry?”

Jongwoon nodded.

“Then tell me what you did today! Did you sing in school? Did you like school? Do you have new friends now? I’ll still be your best and only girl friend right, oppa?”

12:14

When Ryeowook was 12, Jongwoon was 14.

It was Ryeowook’s first day in middle school. It was the day she’s always been waiting for ever since her bestfriend and oppa in one, Jongwoon, graduated from elementary. Since he was already in middle school,that meant that he’s supposed to attend another school. That also meant that he and Ryeowook won’t be eating lunch together anymore, and that she won’t be riding on his bike on their way to school. She was gonna miss a lot of things, and it was all because her oppa was graduating.

In the two years that Ryeowook didn’t get to see him, she didn’t think that she was doing anything wrong when she started to keep to herself. She had friends, but she would always find herself alone while eating lunch under the tree where she and Jongwoon used to eat. Her friends would invite her to lunch, or Henry, that Canadian kid, would always want to sit with her under that tree, but she always found excuses to eat alone.

She also refused to be accompanied by her classmates and friends when she walks home. Her mother was worrying about her, wondering why she’s like that. And Ryeowook denies it at first, but her mother reveals to her that Henry’s been keeping her informed so there was no use lying. In the end, just to placate her mother that no, nobody’s going to take advantage of her, Henry started hanging out with her. She enjoyed Henry’s presence, but he wasn’t Jongwoon, so she was always quiet around him, listening to his stories of Canada in bad Korean.

But that was all in the past, because the moment she steps out of her room, everything will be back to normal. Jongwoon will be in the living room, waiting for her, because they’re going to the same school now, and it’s only right that their tradition of going to school together be continued.

But there was no Jongwoon waiting for her in the living room.

Instead, there was her father, reading the paper.

“Appa?”

Her father looked up, “Oh, Wookie, you look really pretty in that uniform! Are you ready to go now? I’ll be dropping you off at school from now on.”

Ryeowook could only nod her head in response. “Of course , Appa.”

She suddenly felt nervous when she climbed out of the car. Her father wished her goodluck, but in her mind, everything would be better if Jongwoon was there to guide her.

She sighed as she adjusted her bag strap. Henry wasn’t going to this school, he had to go back to Canada, so she was alone again. She just shrugged and looked at the schedule in her hand, her first class was English 1, and it says that she has to go the CA building, but she didn’t know where it was.

She looked around, hoping something would point her to the said building when her eyes fell on a guy with black messy hair walking with a weird bunch of guys. They were five in total, there was a blonde guy, a red-haired guy, a Chinese guy and a big guy.
Her eyes widened when she realized who it was.

“Jongwoon-oppa!” she called as she started running towards the weird group.

The messy, black-haired teen turned around when he heard his name being called. The others turned around too. He saw a girl, no, Ryeowook running towards him and he had to fight a grin. He was with his friends, he wasn’t supposed to know any freshmen or it might give him bad rep.

“Jongwoon oppa!” Ryeowook said, a bit out of breath.

Jongwoon didn’t answer.

“You know her?” Kangin, the big guy asked him.

Heechul, the red haired one, tutted at Ryeowook.

Ryeowook ignored them, she directed her smile at Jongwoon.

“Oppa, I’m going to this school too! Isn’t it great?”

“Uh, uh, yeah it’s great, Ryeowook-ah,” Jongwoon nodded sheepishly, minding the curious stares of his friends.

“Your friend?” Leeteuk, the blonde guy asked him.

“Something like that,” Jongwoon answered in a small voice. Ryeowook frowned.

“I’m his best friend,” she corrected them.

Hankyung the Chinese guy let out a loose laugh, the others soon followed suit.

“We’ll see you in class, Yesung!” Heechul said, clapping Yesung’s back as he passed him.

“Yesung?” Ryeowook asked.

“That’s what they call me,“ he said in a low voice. He wasn’t looking at her.

“Oh,” she said. “Hmm, oppa, maybe you can show me around?”

Jongwoon looked at her in shock. “Oh, no, no no. I can’t show you around, uhm, the guys, they’re waiting for me, and I’ll be very
busy!”

Ryeowook nodded, feeling a bit disappointed. “Oh, okay, maybe you could just tell me where CA is?”

“Yeah it’s just there,” he said as he pointed to the cream building off to his left. Ryeowook nodded as a sign of thanks. “I’ll go now,
Ryeowook-ah.”

She watched him run towards the same building he pointed to her, and she can’t help but frown. If he was going to be in the same building, why didn’t he just walk with her?

She sighed again, not really understanding what was happening. She started walking towards the said building, determined to not let Jongwoon, or Yesung, ruin her day. With a smile on her face, she took a deep breath and ---.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” a tall and gangly looking boy said as he bumped into her, his papers and notebooks flying out of his reach.

She bent down to help him retrieve his papers. “It’s okay.”

Once all his things were already with him, the guy started apologizing again. “I’m really sorry, I’m still a freshman here.”

She smiled at him. “It’s not a big deal, really. I’m a freshman too, I’m headed for the English 1, you?”

He smiled at her toothily, “English 1 too.”

“I’m Ryeowook,” she said as they walked towards the building.

“I’m Kyuhyun.”

16: 14

When Jongwoon was 16, he didn’t want to be called Jongwoon anymore, and he was pretty sure that his friendship with Ryeowook was pretty irreparable now. He gulped as he saw Ryeowook pass by their table, laughing and holding hands with the boy-genius Cho Kyuhyun.

“Sungie, is there something wrong?” Eunhyuk, a classmate of his, and the girl he’s been seeing for a year now, asked him.

“No, no, nothing’s wrong,“ he told her with a smile. She smiled back at him gummily. “Hey, Hyuk?”

“Hmm?” she hummed in response.

“I love you.”

Eunhyuk smiled at him. “I love you too, Yesung,” she replied sweetly, before leaning over to kiss him on the lips. Yesung smiled against her lips, and suddenly, he felt as if everything was just right, it was as if nobody mattered to him anymore but the girl who was kissing him and giving him so much happiness now.

Ryeowook sat down beside Donghae who currently has his mouth wide open. She threw a questioning glance to Sungmin, Donghae’s twin brother.

“What’s with him?” Ryeowook asked Sungmin.

“I don’t know?” Sungmin shrugged. “Where’s Kyu?”

“Oh, he just went to buy some lunch,” she answered.

“Ahh, I see.”

“Yesung-sunbae is so lucky,” Donghae said with a frown.

Ryeowook froze at the mention of Yesung. Sungmin sighed and asked, “What is it this time, Hae?”

“Look at them!” Donghae pointed to where Yesung was sitting with Eunhyuk, Yesung would steal glances of Eunhyuk while she chatted with their friends, and when Eunhyuk catches him staring, she would smile at him and start poking his cheeks. “I know Yesung sunbae is a great guy, but I can’t help but feel jealous when I see them together.”

Ryeowook gulped. “Why?”

“You do know that I’ve asked her out, right?” Donghae asked no one in particular. “And now, she’s going out with him, it’s been a year. And,ahh, all I know is I could have had that!”

Sungmin sighed. “Tough luck brother, just , I don’t know, there’s this Kibum girl you’ve had your eyes on right? Why not her?”

Donghae shook his head. “You wouldn’t understand it, hyung. After all you already have your precious Mi.”

Sungmin huffed and frowned at him. “Okaaaaaaay. I’ll just go look for Mi, she might need some help with her books, I’ll see you two kids around later!” he said as he finished his sandwich and straightened his bag. He was off to find his Chinese girlfriend.
Donghae slammed his head on the table as soon as Sungmin was out of sight. Ryeowook slid closer to Donghae to pat him on his back. She was tempted to say that she understood him perfectly, and that she also wished to have that.

‘Uhm, Hae, I completely understand how you feel,” she said.

Hae looked up at her confused. “How could you? You already have Kyuhyun!”

She just shrugged. True, she had Kyuhyun, but, she can’t help but feel that it isn’t right.

“Wookie?” a voice asked as she felts arms being wrapped around at her waist. “I’m sorry, the cafeteria lady refused to give me ‘special treatment’ by removing the mushrooms you were allergic to, I’ll just pick them out for you.”

Ryeowook turned around to face her boyfriend and smiled brightly at him. “Oh, don’t worry Kyu, I’ll just do it myself, besides didn’t I already ask you not to request things like that from the cafeteria ladies? Cooking is difficult enough on its own!’

“I know, but a little extra wouldn’t hurt right?” Kyuhyun asked her.

“True, but really it’s okay Kyu,” she sad, holding Kyu’s face in her hands.

“Okay, if you say so,” Kyu said as he leaned his forehead against her. Ryeowook pecked him on the lips, and she could feel him smile against her. Sighing, she wondered how the hell she even thought she was jealous of what Eunhyuk has when it was pretty obvious that what she had with Kyu was so much better.

Ryeowook has no one to blame but herself, she thinks, as she suddenly finds herself knocked down and lying on the floor with all her sheets fluttering around her. She pushes herself up, not noticing a hand that was shoved in her face, and proceeds to gather her papers.

“I’m sorry,” the person who she bumped into says as she sees him bend down to help her retrieve her papers. She freezes, because she suddenly recognizes that voice, and she forgets her manners.

“Jongwoon-oppa,” she says, her voice above a whisper. She was shocked to say the least, she honestly did not expect to see him here, even more so, bump into him. Though they were attending the same school, she thought that he made it quite pretty clear to her that they are not to move in similar circles.

Yesung pauses, and wills himself not to look at the source of the voice, because he knows that voice. It maybe out of shame, for having bumped into her because of his clumsiness, or maybe even out of guilt because of all the years he’s avoided her (he admits it, he did avoid her, and he still is avoiding her); but he just can’t bring himself to face her. However, it seems that his body doesn’t operate under the same principles his mind is in, because he finds himself gauging the look of shock on her face. He wonders why she is so shocked to see him, and then he brushes the thoughts away as he hurriedly turns around.

Ryeowook blinks, and for a moment, she forgets who she’s with as she watches her music sheets flutter farther from her. She makes a reach for a particular page that Kyuhyun painstakingly composed with her during one of those odd nights, when she suddenly finds her hands touching Jongwoon’s.

As if burned, she immediately pulls back her hand, and unconsciously leans farther away from him.
“Yours?” he asks. It was a stupid question, but it needed to be asked, so that things won’t be awkward for them, he reasons, and so that he can get rid of that tingling sensation in his knuckles.

She nods, and he hands it to her. She doesn’t smile gratefully; she doesn’t feel the need to. He moves to stand up and she’s contented with piling her papers neatly.

“It’s Yesung-ssi,” he says, softly, but to Ryeowook, it’s like those unbearable bass beats, dull but somehow, deafening. She nods, even if she knows that he’s left. And suddenly it’s replaying on her head like some kind of mixtape,Yesung-ssi, Yesung-ssi. He’s right, they’re not an oppa-dongsaeng anymore, not after two years of not talking and awkward glances.

“Ryeowook!” a voice calls her from down the hallway. She turns around and she sees Kyuhyun running towards her.

“Kyuhyun,” she mouths, and she realizes that she was sitting on the floor the whole time. She stands up and brushes the dust off her skirt.

“I thought you got hijacked or something,” he jokingly says as he helps her up and takes the papers from her. “What bastard knocked you down?”

“No one,” she says with a smile. “My papers fell and I had to pick them up. I was running late, you see.”

“I know,” he says, smiling at her. “You wouldn’t be running late though if you just slept over at our house last night. You were home pretty late last night.” Ryeowook just smiles and nods.

“I don’t see Jongwoon around that often,” Ryeowook’s mother says as she pauses in stirring the sauce Ryeowook has asked her to look after. “What’s happening to him?”

“Umma! You can’t stop stirring or else it will form clumps,” Ryeowook shrieks as she cuts the bacon into strips, choosing to ignore her mother’s questions.

“Aren’t you guys talking?” her mother continues to ask. “What’s happening to him? He’s such a good kid, and when you were kids, he was always around. Do you remember, his mother would always come knocking on our door, asking for Jongwoon, and you would always hide him in your closet,” her mother chuckles. Ryeowook smiles half-heartedly, yes, she remembers those days, they were kinda unforgettable for her.

“I don’t know,” she answers with a shrug as she gets the spatula from her mother. “I don’t know what’s happening to him,” she is tempted to say that her Jongwoon oppa fell in with the bad crowd, but that would be lying.

“But don’t you go to the same school?”

“Yes, mother, we go to the same school,” she says as she stirs the sauce with vigor. “You see him riding his bike alone when you bid me and Kyuhyun goodbye.”

“I know,” her mother sneaks up from behind her. “Why don’t I go invite them over for dinner?”

Ryeowook groans. Parents and their meddling in affairs that they should not concern their selves with, she swears she wouldn’t become a meddling mother when she grows up.

“Come on, it’s the best idea, besides, I’m sure they’d appreciate your cooking.”

“Whatever you say, mother,” she sighs, resignedly. Her mother squeals in happiness, exclaiming how it’s such a good opportunity for her to catch up with Jongwoon’s mother, and Ryeowook sighs again. Her sigh was unheard by her mother though, who was off to call Mrs. Kim over. For the first time in her life, Ryeowook wishes she will never see Jongwoon.

Jongwoon is old enough to know the meaning of déjà vu, and that’s what he feels when his mother tells him that they’re going over to the Kim’s place for dinner. There was some kind of an itchy feeling in Jongwoon’s chest, when he was a kid, he knows that that feeling was brought about by his tight collar. But now, clad in a band shirt and jeans, he knows that it’s definitely not the collar that’s the problem now, although he wishes he could blame the shirt.

You’re going to see Ryeowook, a voice that oddly sounds like Heechul , says as he adjusts his shirt. He frowns, and gives the mirror a slight glare, it is definitely not Ryeowook who’s making him all itchy, and funny like this.

Dinner was awkward for Ryeowook. She was seated next to Jongwoon and she’s wondering why their parents did not seem to find anything wrong with them. Didn’t they think something was up with them when they never asked each other to pass the salt, or the kimchi, or whatever needs to be passed? Maybe they know what’s up, but they’re being like this because, well, she doesn’t really know why they’d be like this.

After everyone has praised Ryeowook for her white cream pasta (excluding Jongwoon, of course, because to her, he didn’t count), their parents left them to be in charge of the dishes while they go to Mr. and Mrs. Kim’s house next door.

They cleaned the tables quietly, Ryeowook piled the bowls and dishes while Jongwoon wiped the table clean. She was about to load it in the washer when Jongwoon suddenly takes them from her. “I’ll do it,” he says.

Ryeowook lets him, choosing to sit on the chair that has her back against him.

“I’m going out with Eunhyuk,” Yesung suddenly says out of nowhere, and she wonders how this could be relevant to her right now. She doesn’t reply nor budge, although she doesn’t deny that her hands got a bit stiffer and her teeth are gritted. “You’re going out with Kyuhyun right?”

“Yes,” she answers briefly.

“That’s good, I suppose,” Yesung mumbles. “Where’d you meet him anyway?”

“High school friend,” she emphasizes the word high school. “And then things got steady from there,” she explains.

“But for only two years?” Jongwoon can’t help but ask. “Isn’t that a bit too early for you, you don’t know each other that well?”

She snickers. “Didn’t you just know Hyukjae-sunbaenim for two years only too? What’s the difference between us two?” she challenges him.

“The difference is,” he starts to say, but cuts himself short.

“What?”

“You’re a girl and he’s not supposed to be the one,” his mind supplies for him and he is briefly shocked at how true those words are in his ears. But they aren’t apparently so for Ryeowook because she stands up so quickly the the chair screeches on the floor and almost tumbles down.

“Should it be you then? But you’re not Jongwoon-oppa anymore, right, Yesung-ssi?” she mocks him.

16:18

At eighteen years old, Yesung is alone as he steps into the pub owned by Shindong, a family friend. His mother suggested taking up some kind of a job so that he’d have extra money by the time he went to college. He merely agreed, after all. Having some extra cash never hurt anyone.

He took a deep breath, and calmed his self down. It wasn’t his first night of singing in the bar, but every night always seemed like the first nerve-wracking night ever since Eunhyuk broke up with him in order to concentrate on her studies. He never thought of her as selfish, because he only wanted the best for Hyuk, even if it meant separation.

“Good crowd today, I see,” he said as he passed by Siwon who was working as a bartender.

Siwon gave him a dimpled smile. “I know, I’ve been handing out drinks since an hour ago!”

“Don’t give the minors, alcohol! Yesung reprimanded him jokingly.

“Of course not!” Siwon said, a smile tugging at his face as he attempted to look downright insulted.
Yesung chuckled as he left him for the backstage. He was greeted by Jungmo and Jay who were classmates and friends from college who also became his coworkers.

“Are you sure we can be here?” Ryeowook asked Kyuhyun for the nth time.

Kyuhyun smiled at her cheekily. “Wookie, it’s not a strip club we’re going to! We’re going to one of those pubs where they have singers, besides my cousin works as a bartender there, we’re gonna be safe!”

“Okay, if you say so,” Ryeowook said with a bit of uncertainty.

“Come on, Wook, I’m not getting you into trouble for our second year anniversary am I?” he asked as he pecked her on the cheeks.

“I suppose so,” she replied, with a slight teasing to her voice as she looked up at her boyfriend.

Kyuhyun smiled at her briefly before scooping her up into his arms and kissing her in front of the pub entrance. They break apart and Kyuhyun smiles at her encouragingly. He pulls her inside and Ryeowook follows him willingly, holding each other’s hands tightly.

“Kyuhyunnie!” Siwon called over a tall guy who appears to be lost in a crowd of regulars. The said guy looked around for the source of the voice and he grinned when he saw Siwon waving at him.

“Come on , Wook! There’s my cousin!” Kyuhyun pointed at the smiling bartender as he steered Ryeowook towards the bar.

Ryeowook let herself be lead. Siwon immediately cleared the bar, and beckoned for his cousin, Kyuhyun to sit at the bar.

“Hey, hyung!” Kyuhyun hi-fives the bartender and Ryeowook smiles shyly at the man who was now ruffling Kyu’s hair. “Hyung! Stop it!” Kyuhyun complains and his cousin finally lets him go, she just giggles at their antics.

Kyuhyun pulls her flush against his side and smiles widely at his cousin, in her mind, she thinks she has never felt more embarrassed yet so deeply in love with him. “This is the love of my life,” he says, hugging her tighter as he introduces her
“Ryeowook.” She gives a shy wave and blushes when Kyuhyun’s cousin comes closer.

“Glad to finally meet you,” the bartender says as he smiles at her. “I’m Siwon, and I’ve heard lots of things about you from this guy here,” he points at Kyuhyun who was grinning stupidly.

“All good things, I hope,” she says with a chuckle.

“Of course,” he assures her. “Based on the way Kyuhyun here talks about you, I doubt he’d ever utter a bad thing about you,” Siwon says. He leans in closer to her, faking a whisper. “Between you and me, I’d say you’ve done a good job of having him wrapped around your fingers,” he laughs. “You’ve got him whipped!”

Ryeowook laughs and shakes her head, but all the while blushing at Siwon’s words. She sneaks a look at Kyuhyun who was spluttering and she can’t help but think that it’s adorable of him.

“Hey, I’m not that whipped!” Kyuhyun protests and Ryeowook mockingly glares at him. And then he shuts up. Siwon could only laugh at them.

“You are so whipped, Kyuhyun!” he says as he makes a whipping noise with his tea towel. Kyuhyun ignores him and chooses to just stare Ryeowook down before the two erupts into laughter. He pulls Ryeowook against his chest and drops a kiss on her forehead, and she wishes that she can just keep this image frozen in her mind forever, unmoving like a photo yet so emotive that she can feel their emotions thick on their skins, draping over them like some kind of a curtain of blessings.

“Hi, hyung, can I ask you a small, small favour?” Siwon says as soon as he steps in to the room where Yesung and his bandmates were currently preparing themselves before they go onstage.

Yesung shakes his head and laughs. “Siwon, the last time you asked a small, small favour from me, it turned out to be something really huge and that something also almost got me into trouble,” he reminds him.

“But hyung, this time it’s a safe favour,” Siwon pleads, and although Yesung might appear uninterested, he’s a good hyung and he is always ready to help.

“Okay, go ahead, I’m listening.”

“Well, my cousin and his girlfriend are here, and they’re celebrating their 2nd anniversary. Maybe you could sing a song for them?” Siwon asks him, very hopeful.

“Okay,” he says. “What song and to whom should I dedicate it to?”

“To Ryeowook, from Kyuhyun,” Siwon replies.

Yesung wonders when he stopped singing for Ryeowook. When they were kids, they’d sing to each other almost all of the time. They’d sing love songs, children’s rhymes, noraebang hits, anything with a tune they’ll sing it together and sing it to each other. They were that close, but today is a different story. Even if he’s the one singing, he’s pretty sure that Ryeowook would not hear him speaking the words, but would hear Kyuhyun singing to her instead. He hums the song and then stops, finding himself listening to Jay rap the parts for the song he’s about to dedicate to Ryeowook. He can’t do this, he thinks, although he’s not sure why he can’t.

“Yesung?” Jungmo waves his right hand in front of him, breaking his train of thought.

“Huh? What is it?” he asks, surprised.

“Yunho just came in, we should be on.”

He scans the pub for a familiar face, but seeing as the lights were dimmed for mood lighting; it was a bit difficult for him to look for her.

“Are we ready yet?” he asks Jay , a bit pissed off that they’re taking too long to prepare on the stage. They can’t be given a spotlight unless they’re all done connecting and fine tuning the instruments.

“In a bit,” Jay responds as he does some last tuning of his guitar, in the background, Jungmo could be heard drumming out the starting beats on his snare.

The stage that was dimly lit slowly came to life with more spotlights illuminating it. Ryeowook’s eyes widen when she sees who’s onstage, hands reflexively pulling away from Kyuhyun’s which were currently holding hers tightly. She barely hears a “What’s wrong?” from Kyuhyun when Yesung starts to tap on his microphone.

Deeming the microphone functional, Yesung clears his throat and smiles at the blurry crowd below him. He mentally hits his head when he remembers that he forgot his glasses in the backstage and that he also didn’t have his contacts on. He’s yet to find Ryeowook in the crowd.

“Hi, good evening,” he says and cheers from regulars and his other workmates can be heard. “Isn’t it a nice night?” he asks them and they answer with a roaring yes. His eyes finally adjusted to the light and he can see more clearly now. Sweeping the crowd with his clearer vision, his eyes fall on a couple sitting by the last row. He squints a little, trying to see them better, there’s something familiar about this couple.

“So, this song that I’m going to sing is a song for a pretty girl,” he says, he’s looking at the couple at the last row. Something about them tells him that they’re the ones he should be singing for. And he’s right, because Siwon hoots and Yunho suddenly turns one of the spotlights towards them.

“Oh god, what’s this?” Ryeowook suddenly turns to Kyuhyun who was telling her to wave.

“It’s one of my gifts for you tonight,” Kyuhyun answers her as he kisses her on her cheek. She blushes, and with the crowd cheering and clapping for them she wishes that she can disappear. She’s not that used to all the attention on her, but she’s happy, she’s genuinely happy, she tells herself.

Yesung swallows the lump in his throat when he sees Kyuhyun kiss Ryeowook and hold her against him. He lets the crowd cheer for them so that he can compose himself. After a few seconds with the cheers dying down and the crowd starting to egg him into singing, he finally speaks.

“What a lovely couple those two are,” his eyes never leaving Ryeowook alone, but she doesn’t seem to notice since she’s so absorbed in Kyuhyun.

“This song is for Ryeowook-ssi.”

Ryeowook stops hitting Kyuhyun playfully and Kyuhyun rubs his sides, making a show of being in pain. She looks at Yesung and
she’s a bit startled to see him looking at her like that. She wants to look away, but her eyes don’t pay her any attention.

Yesung smiles, finally he’s caught her attention. He smiles at her, hoping that she’d feel his sincerity, but he’s not surprised when a look away was what was returned.

“I loved you then. I love you now. I will still love you,” Yesung says, feeling as if he was the one who’s talking to Ryeowook instead of Kyuhyun speaking through him. “We’ve only had two years,” he continues, and this time he feels disconnected to her as he watches Kyuhyun pull Ryeowook closer to him. “But it feels like forever, and I want to make us longer.”

He closes his eyes, wishing that he was the one who could say these words.

“You’re my endless love, Wookie-ah,” Yesung says, unaware that he just called her Wookie instead of Ryeowook. Nobody seemed to notice though, except for her. She looks away from Kyuhyun, who seems pleased at the words he’s hearing, and looks at Jongwoon, no, it was Yesung now.

Yesung opens his eyes and he’s a bit surprised to find Ryeowook staring at him now. But instead of holding her gaze, he is the one to look away first because he feels like he’s robbing Kyuhyun of their moment.

And then the intro of the song starts, and Yesung straightens up because now he’s singing for Ryeowook and he has no idea when he’ll sing to her again.

When she feels Kyuhyun’s arms around her, echoing the words that are currently coming out of Yesung, she looks away from the stage and pays attention to Kyuhyun instead. Ryeowook feels ashamed to be caught staring at Yesung intently, but in her defence, no nothing would defend her because she admits it herself, Yesung singing is attractive Yesung (and her mind mocks her by saying that Yesung is always attractive). In her mind, she thinks that what she’s doing is wrong, it’s not supposed to be this way. She should be singing this to Kyu, like what he’s doing to her. It’s one of their favourite songs, and this should only be between them; but now that Yesung’s singing it for her, she realizes how non-exclusive this song could be, because Yesung’s voice fits right in and if she wasn’t careful, it might be Yesung’s voice that she’d hear soon enough instead of Kyuhyun’s.

The band takes a break from singing, giving Yunho, the pub’s very own DJ, the floor for him to control. Couples and small groups littered the small dancefloor , swaying to Yunho’s beats as Yesung weaved in and through them to get to the dressing room where he left his things.

"Hey Yesung!” Jay calls him from the bar. He turns around to look at him questioningly. “Where are you going?”

“Home,” he sheepishly says as he brings a hand to the back of his head.

Jay stands up from his stool and strides over to him. “This early? It’s only 10 pm, we only did 2 hours.”

“I’ve got to turn in early, sorry,” he replies.

“Why? It’s not like we have requirements tomorrow right?” Jay asks him. “Can’t you at least stay for an hour more?”

“I can’t,” Yesung shakes his head. “Besides I’ve told Shindong just a minute ago and he said it’s okay. Heechul hyung will be here anyways so he can cover for me,” he shrugs.

Jay looks at him calculatingly and then sighs. “Fine then.”

“I’ll make it up to you guys, somehow. For now, I gotta run,” he says and with that he waves Jay away and pushes him towards the bar again.

When Yesung exits the pub, he doesn’t expect to see Ryewook standing outside without Kyuhyun. He stops, mentally debating with himself whether he should go approach her or not. In the end, he chickens out, it’s not like he has anything to say to her anyways. Should he come over and congratulate her on their anniversary? He could but he doesn’t want to, and frankly, since they’ve cut ties two years ago, he was pretty sure she wouldn’t care. He was about to turn around the corner of the pub when someone calls him.

“Yesung-ssi?” the voice was faint, but of course he knew who it was.

He turns around because he’s caught and he’s not about to burn another bridge between them. “Yes?” he asks her.

Kyuhyun told her that he had a surprise for her. She thinks it’s sweet but it’s honestly getting ridiculous. This night for her was full of surprises, and they were all pleasant, but she was uncomfortable with all the extravagance. Sometimes she wonders why Kyuhyun works so hard. It’s not that she doesn’t appreciate all his efforts and gifts, sometimes it was just too overwhelming for her.
She turns around, a bit impatient since she’s been waiting outside for Kyuhyun for almost 30 minutes now; and that’s when she sees Yesung about to turn at the corner.

“Yesung-ssi,” she calls for him, and she honestly has no idea why she would do that, but her feet are already moving towards him.

“Yes?” Yesung says and Ryeowook wonders where the singing and warm Yesung from hours ago disappeared to.

“I, I just wanted to thank you for singing that song,” she says with a slight smile. “For us,” she continues after a brief pause, just before the ‘For me,’ itched to come out.

“Oh, that,” Yesung says, not really sure what to say to her. “You’re welcome, I guess. Is there anything else?” he asks, he knows it’s rude but he really doesn’t want to hear her talk about them. When Ryeowook does not reply, Yesung shrugs and starts walking.

And then Ryeowook pulls on his hand, stopping him from going any further.

He turns around and looks at her.

“It’s Ryeowook-ssi, not Wookie-ah,” she says.

PART 2

fic: should,could, would

pinefir — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 12:06:35 GMT

Title: should, could,would
Author: pinefir
Genre: slight angst, slice of life
Pairing: implied!leeteuk/sooyoung, friendship!siwon/sooyoung
Words: 1014 words
Rating: G
Summary: 6 instances where in Sooyoung and Leeteuk would have been something, if only they didn't let things hold them back

AN: Leeteuk's apology/confession in CTP told me that I should write this.

SHOULD

He should have said something

When Leeteuk sees promotional pictures of SNSD, his eyes linger just a bit longer on Sooyoung. He doesn’t know why though, it’s not like he likes her in a more than friendly way. She’s nice and funny enough, but he has a set ideal for a girl , and it was a combination of Yoona and Seohyun. Sooyoung was a far cry from the two, or maybe she wasn’t, he thinks and he just didn’t notice it. But yeah, his eyes easily bypass Seohyun and Yoona and go straight to Sooyoung. He wonders if he should’ve told people that she was his ideal type instead.

He should have done something

He finds himself heading towards one of the practice rooms, hoping to have just a peek of what SNSD’s doing as they are preparing for their first ever Japanese album. He opens the first door and he is slightly surprised to find Sooyoung alone in the dance room, resting against the wall with her headphones on and her eyes closed. She must be sleeping, he thinks he should just let her be. So he steps out of the room after he’s adjusted the thermostat. He thinks he should have woken her up, but he’s been what she’s been through and he would‘ve appreciated it if he was left alone to drift off.

He should have noticed her looking

They aren’t very close, Leeteuk admits. If there was a person that Sooyoung can be considered close to, it would either be Siwon or Sungmin. Right now, he’s leaning towards the belief that Sooyoung and Siwon are closer than what they let people know. He watches them talk to the filming crew about the recently concluded SMTown in LA and he fights the urge to frown as Siwon hands her the flowers. He watches Sooyoung blush and playfully hit him as he delivers what he assumes are cheesy lines. He expects them to separate after the filming crew left to bother other members, but they don’t, instead they lean into each other and exchanges whispers and smiles. He turns around, deciding that this was a private moment he shouldn’t be witnessing. He misses Sooyoung turning around to look at where he was standing.

COULD

She could have said something more

She didn’t expect that Leeteuk would apologize to her during their filming, especially since he’s apologizing for something she thought shouldn’t worry him at all. He was telling the story of how he had unexpectedly hugged her during a game of soccer that they were watching and how he had felt guilty after doing that, thinking that he could’ve mentally scarred her. It happened 9 years ago, and she’d be lying if she said that she couldn’t remember it clearly, after all, she does remember it. It was the first time that her training sunbaes have ever done something affectionate towards her, it didn’t matter to her that they were 8 years apart and that he was 19 and she was only 11. She was grateful to him, and so she said she was. But she wishes she could have said something more when he suddenly says the words : “It’s like how you can’t forget your first love.” In the back of her mind, instead of just thanking him for doing that, she could have just said that she liked him at that time (until now though, she wasn’t too sure).

She could have done something

Maybe she really does have just a tiny a crush on Jungsoo when she was 11 and he was a whopping 19. Even though the employees have warned her about him, she really didn’t give them any thoughts, after all why would he even spare her a look when he’s around girls his age. But it wasn’t illegal to hope so a part of her wished that someday, maybe he’d look at her, even just as a dongsaeng he could hang out with. So when he hugged her during that game, she didn’t mind and she didn’t even think about consequences. It was when she found out that training classes were going to be divided by gender did she realize, that maybe, something went wrong. Because after that, Jungsoo stopped talking to her. He would still greet her, but even her young mind can sense that there was awkwardness between them. She didn’t like it any bit, but there wasn’t anything that she could have done to patch up what was left of their very brief friendship. When she grows up and is somehow considered to be on par with him, she realizes that she could have been the one to say it was alright and that they could have been friends.

She could have seen him looking at her

Attention from Siwon was never unwanted, so she doesn’t deny basking in it when he tells her that she was the flower of today’s show. She was used to him and his antics though. He had a way with words that would make any girl swoon, unfortunately for him and fortunately for her, she has grown immune to his teasing. It was fun though, the two of them fooling around and it’s been so long since they did this. If there was a person that she could honestly say would know a lot about her, it’d be Siwon, and she was glad it was him, because if it was anybody else, then she wouldn’t know how to act. There were times that she wishes it was Leeteuk instead, but then, it was all wishful thinking. Her acquaintances call for her and Siwon , and she replies to them with an I’ll be right back. She doesn’t seem to notice Leeteuk who was hanging around the end of the stage, watching them. If only she could have seen her looking.

WOULD

Both wish they would not have to shy away the next time. Both wish they would have a next time, just so they could do all the things they should have done.

FIN.

fic: yakisoba, sungyeol/sungjong, g

pinefir — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 17:11:20 GMT

Title:yakisoba
Author: pinefir
Genre: comedy
Pairing: friendship!sungyeol/sungjong/myungsoo
Words: 1041 words

Rating: G
Summary: sungyeol and sungjong makes a bet on who’s gonna sing a line outside of the chorus.
AN: do not kill me sungyeol and sungjong stans :|

Sungjong looks at his Sungyeol hyung with something like challenge in his eyes. “ I bet,” Sungjong starts confidently. “I’ll get to sing a line outside the chorus.”

Sungyeol narrows his eyes at the maknae and leans towards him. “You really wanna start that bet?”

Sungjong nods , almost missing Sungyeol’s forehead by a breath. “I do.”

“Then it’s totally on,” Sungyeol says, slamming his fists on the table as if that would seal the deal. Sungjong follows suit and slams his fist as wel , only his were louder, as if challenging Sungyeol to get higher than that. Sungyeol accepts and slams his fist harder again this time. Sungjong is about to punch the table when Myungsoo hollers at them.

“Will you two keep it down?” he says as he eyes the two who were having a “fist fight”. Sungjong mutters a soft sorry, and smiles sheepishly while Sungyeol brushes him off. Myungsoo thinks that these two are absolutely retarded and wonders how he got put into a band with these two.

The winner of the bet gets a slave for a week, while the loser becomes the slave of the week.

“But you always boss me around!” Sungjong protests as he sees Sungyeol write it down on a piece of tissue while they were eating out. “If I lose, then nothing’s gonna change!”

Sungyeol mutters something about insufferable dongsaengs before crossing out what he wrote. “What do you want then?” he asks Sungjong pointedly.

Sungjong smiles at him brightly. “I want the loser to become the slave of the whole promotion period for everyone, and the winner to have not only the loser as his slave but the slave’s bathing time too,” he says, feeling accomplished.

“Okay,” Sungyeol acquiesces and makes a show of writing it down on their bet terms. When the words are finally written down and Sungjong has approved of them, Sungjong stands up and excuses himself.

Ho won, who was sitting opposite Sungyeol, looks at Sungyeol with slightly veiled disgust.

“What?” Sungyeol asks Ho won who was now making tsking sounds at him.

“You’re a dirty, cheating, lying bastard,” Ho won says with a straight face. “Cheating our maknae, like that...”

Sungyeol only smirks at him.

Two days before the release of their comeback concept, Sungyeol is woken up by Sungkyu at a way too early time.

“Yah, yah,” Sungkyu says as he nudges Sungyeol’s face with his foot. “Wake up.”

Sungyeol wakes up with a groan and a slap to his leader’s foot. “What?”

“What’s this i hear about a bet?” Sungkyu asks him, straight to the point. “Is it about me? It’s not about me, right? You wouldn’t dare!”

“What bet? We make a lot of bets here,” sungyeol says, burying his face into his pillow. “And go away hyung, it’s too early.”

“I’ll show you what early is,” Sungkyu says before dragging Sungyeol out of his bed.

“What I see is an opportunity to have two slaves,” Dongwoo says from his perch on the couch as soon as Ho won finishes telling them of Sungyeol’s and Sungjong’s bet. Woohyun shrugs and proceeds to sleep against Dongwoo’s shoulder, ignoring the talks about the bet.

“Two slaves?” Sungjong asks.

Dongwoo nods. “If neither of you gets to sing outside of the chorus, then we have two slaves. If both of you gets to sing outside of the chorus, then nothing happens to us, so i don’t really understand why Sungkyu was blowing his top off.”
“I was not blowing my top off,” Sungkyu protests.

Woohyun kind of wakes up and glares at the leader for his sudden outburst before going back to sleep on Dongwoo’s shoulder.

“Anyways, I’m betting on you, Sungjong,” Ho won says as he ruffles Sungjong’s hair affectionately. Sungjong smiles at him.

“Me too!” Dongwoo chimes in.

Sungyeol frowns and looks at Sunggyu for support.

“Let’s face it Sungyeol, you might get stuck in the chorus,” Sunggyu says and Sungyeol is quick to launch a pillow at the leader’s face. Sungjong looks a bit too happy.

“How about you?” Ho won directs his question to Myungsoo. “Who are you betting for?”

Myungsoo looks around him before sighing loudly. “No one, iIbet those two would get chorus parts. I mean if our comeback is gonna be playful, then they might as well own the chorus.”

Sungyeol frowns. “You’re no fun at all.”

“If I’m right, I’m gonna make you do my laundry and you, Sungjong, will have to clean our room,” Myungsoo says before he leaves the living room.

The day the lyrics are released for their comeback song, Sungjong crosses his fingers and prays to all the gods and dead ancestors he knows so that he won’t lose the bet. Sungyeol comes out of his room with a wide smirk.

“Get ready to be everyone’s slave, maknae,” Sungyeol says. “Look at it this way, at least it’s not gonna be much of a change.”

Before Sungjong could even retort, Sungyeol was out of the hallway and heading towards the door. He wonders what Sungyeol meant by it’s not gonna be much of a change when he realizes that he’s just been duped. “Rats. Such a dirty player ,” he says with a frown as he hears the door slam. He assumes it was Sungyeol.

He walks toward the door and opens it. “Oh yeah? Well let’s see how you like doing my laundry?” he shouts at Sungyeol’s disappearing back.

When the seven of them are in the producer’s office, waiting for the demo tape, almost everyone were looking forward to the release of their comeback song except for two. Sungjong continued praying he’d win while sungyeol was just bored. When their manage came in with the producer, everyone were less jittery now.

“Are they singing about yakisoba through-out the whole thing?” Woohyun asks no one in particular.

The producer looks slightly offended by this and was about to launch into a rant when sSnggyu suddenly drops the bomb. “So how is the part distribution?”

“Ahh!” their manager turns to them with a smile. “Well this time around, Sungyeol and Sungjong are gonna be singing the chorus!”

It was the first time everyone has seen Myungsoo so happy and smile so widely.

End.
AN: my very first infiniteu fic ;-; sobs.and it's not even funny

fic: 84mm and 189mm, yesung, pg-13

pinefir — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 13:12:02 GMT

Title: 84 mm & 189 mm
Author: pinefir
Pairings: kangin/yesung, sungmin/yesung, kyuhyun/yesung
Rating: PG-13
Genre: a mix of genres because no two hands are alike, unless they belong to the same person.
Summary: an average male’s hand has the dimensions 84 mm wide and 189 mm long. yesung’s hands are way too thin and too short for it to be a male’s hand, but it’s okay.
AN: 3 unrelated drabbles about yesung’s amazing hands.

-636s-
Youngwoon looks at the snow-covered street while leaning against the railings. He breathes out, momentarily distracted with the puff of air he just released. It was a cold winter, he thought as he noticed how people would huddle closer to each other when walking. He turns around, the railings digging into his back now as he watches the snow fall from the skies, and then he visually scales the building before him. 5th floor, he thought as he stuffed his hands in his pocket where it was warm, that’s where Jongwoon’s coming from.

He turns around again, bored of watching the building and waiting for Yesung. He goes back to people watching and attempting to keep himself warm when someone suddenly taps him on the shoulder.

“Have you been waiting for too long?” Jongwoon says, voice a bit muffled because of the thick scarf he has around his neck. Youngwoon smiles at him, eyes saying no, it wasn’t that long. He looks at Jongwoon who was wearing some bulky coat and grey army cap and he thinks that he could easily be mistaken for a girl with short hair, what with his flushed cheeks and warm smile. Jongwoon wasn’t the most feminine guy on earth, but he was a beautiful guy and there were times where he just looked prettier than any girl Youngwoon has seen, not that he’d ever tell.

“You need to cut your hair short,” Youngwoon smirks at Jongwoon as his fingers play with a lock of Jongwoon’s dirty blonde hair. “It’s getting too long,” he continues. “And you’re looking like a girl,” he chuckles as Jongwoon throws him a glare. Jongwoon shakes his head in response and starts walking away. Youngwoon follows him, still unable to help laughter from erupting.

They walked in silence, the snow falling around them and leaving them and the other late-afternoon walkers dotted with the white, small flakes. Bumping each other by the shoulders, people would never think that they were more than good friends. They did not mind, it’s not like they go all out in announcing their status.

Youngwoon inches closer to Jongwoon; the hustle –bustle of late-afternoon commuters used as an excuse to huddle closer together, Jongwoon doesn’t mind Youngwoon’s proximity and instead walks closer to him.

“How was your training?” Youngwoon asks Jongwoon, a gloved hand pulling at Jongwoon’s hidden left hand. He is surprised when he sees Jongwoon’s small hand gloveless and almost white with cold.

“Fine,” Jongwoon says as he pulls his bare hands away from him. “Don’t take out my hand,” he berates Youngwoon. “It’s cold and I forgot my gloves at home when I left.”

Youngwoon stops walking and Jongwoon stops with him. “Yah!” Jongwoon says, Youngwoon ignores him.

Youngwoon pulls at one of his gloves and hands it to Jongwoon.” Here, you idiot,” he says as he takes Jongwoon’s left hand and wraps his right hand around Jongwoon’s. “It’s winter, your small fingers are gonna fall off if you keep on forgetting your gloves,” he says with a sneer , but Jongwoon knows it’s not out of malice as Youngwoon was squeezing his smaller hands in his bigger ones before pocketing it.

“Well, I woke up late,” Jongwoon says his other hand now fitted with Youngwoon’s glove, the other was safe and warm in Youngwoon’s pocket. “And I forgot them on my way,” he shrugs.

Youngwoon looks at him incredulously before laughing out loud. “Next time don’t forget them,” he chides Jongwoon and Jongwoon kind of brushes him off.

“I think you like this,” Youngwoon says after a few minutes of comfortable silence, Jongwoon hums in a noncommittal way. “It’s a good thing your hands are girly because it’d be really hard to fit both our hands in my pocket.” Jongwoon can only snort at him in response.

-528-
“Fuck,” Yesung hisses as Sungmin accidentally swipes too hard at the open cut on his palm.

“Sorry,” Sungmin mumbles as he gingerly picks out the tiny shards of glass. “I told you we should’ve gone to the infirmary,” he says , looking at anywhere but Yesung. Yesung grunts in response.

“It’s just a little cut,” Yesung answers tightly. “Hardly anything to lose your head over, Ming,” he says as he attempts a smile to ease Sungmin’s worry; but it comes out as a grimace when Sungmin presses his alcohol-soaked cotton on his cut. “Ow, ow, that stings,” Yesung frowns as he tries to pull his hands away from Sungmin’s grip.

Sungmin frowns at him a bit and proceeds to cleaning his cut. “Serves you right,” he bitterly mutters under his breath. “Teaches you not to lose control when you’re in a fit of jealousy,” Sungmin snidely says.

Yesung sighs, thinking that it would probably take weeks for the cut to be fully-healed. “It’s not like I could help it though,” he reasons. “My blood just boils when I see Heechul touching Leeteuk.”

Sungmin tsks in response, obviously irritated at where this is going. Yesung and his infatuation for Leeteuk, if people were to ask Sungmin about this he would answer that it was total bullshit. Call him jealous, or scorned, or whatever else comes up to mind ; but he was pretty sure that Yesung and Leeteuk are not even a possibility. “You’re being stupid,” he says. “Leeteuk isn’t for you to go act like a dumb caveman over being overly possessive.”

“It just, it just makes me mad you know,” Yesung explains. Sungmin presses harder, not at all guilty that he’s causing Yesung pain. “Ow, stop that!”

“I’m still cleaning this deep gash,” Sungmin tugs Yesung’s handa back towards him. “Suck it up. No one told you to break the bottle you were holding.”

Yesung sighs again and he’s stopped fighting Sungmin’s ministrations. “I just, I don’t know. I don’t think I’m just infatuated,” he says as he looks at Sungmin in the eye. Sungmin could see his hyung’s intention and sincerity, it almost wants to make him tear up and abuse Yesung’s hands. He looks away and busies himself with a strip of gauze.

“Do you understand what I mean?” Yesung asks as Sungmin gently wraps the gauze around his hands starting from the wrist. “It hurts, when you’re being ignored by the one you’re possibly in love with,” Yesung sighs and Sungmin’s grip loosens a bit. “But , I don’t think you’d know how I’d feel.”

Sungmin shrugs noncommittally, blinking away some tears that weren’t there before. “There you go,” he says as he finishes bandaging

Yesung’s hand. “Just don’t do that again,” he says with a strained smile.

“I can’t promise you anything,” Yesung shrugs and he stands up.

Sungmin wants to go make a grab for his bandaged hand, and tell Yesung to sit the fuck down because he’s gonna confess; but he stops himself. He’s not only gonna hurt himself when Yesung refuses him politely, he’s also gonna hurt Yesung. He didn’t know which of the two would be the greater hurt.

-642-

“You have really long fingers,” Jongwoon says as he sits beside the kid who was preoccupied with his PSP.

The kid looks around, probably checking if he was the one being talked to. “Uhh, thanks?” he says, a bit unsure of what to say to that kind of statement. He takes one look at the man who just complimented(?) him, was that even a compliment? He shrugs and goes back to his game.

“Look,” and a hand is shoved in his face. He looks at the man beside him, trying not to show irritation because he interrupted his game. “My hands are small, and chubby and the fingers are short,” the man continues, and he fights the urge not to throw his beloved PSP at this weird guy.

“Right,” he drawls as he goes back to his game. He was determined, no freak can stop him from levelling up.

Not even ten minutes later, another hand is shoved ring in front of him. “I’m Jongwoon,” the guy says.

He considers shaking it for a split second before deciding that nuh, whatever. “I’m leaving,” he says without taking his eyes off his game. Just a few more jewels along the way, he thinks.

“Wow, that’s a unique name,” the guy mutters next to him, and he resists the urge to stand up and leave the weird guy for good, but he can’t just leave because that would mean pausing his game and losing the adrenaline rush. “출발? Chulbal?” the guy asks, clearly unaware of his growing irritation. “It’s weird,” the guy says and he starts to die a little inside when he realized that he’s cornered. “I mean, who would name their child after a verb?” the guy continues, and he mutters shit under his breath because shit, his character’s life was lowered by 50 points. “It’s really weird.”

“You know what else is weird?” he says as he turns around to face the guy who’s been muttering weird for a good minute now. The guy looks a bit surprised, eyes widened at his sudden outburst. “You’re weird!” he finishes, pointing a finger at the guy who just made him lose 50 points and pause his game.

The guy , Jongwoon, he remembers the name, doesn’t even look offended. “I’m Jongwoon,” he says (completely ignoring the fact that he just introduced himself just a few seconds ago), his hands, small hands thrust in his face again.

He looks at the man , then at his small hands, then at the man again; and then he sighs. “I’m Kyuhyun,” he resignedly says as he takes the small hand and shakes it.

“Nice to meet you, Kyuhyun,” Jongwooon says with a smile. Kyuhyun attempts a smile back but a grimace appears. “I knew you weren’t named Chulbal!” Kyuhyun shaks his head at this. “You don’t look like Chulbal to me.”

“Okay...” Kyuhyun slowly says, eyeing the guy before him with a bit of disgust and interest rolled into one.

“Anyways,” Jongwoon starts again as if Kyuhyun did not say anything. “You look like more of수재 to me.”

“SuJae?”Kyuhyun repeats. He doesn’t know if he’s gonna be insulted or amused by the fact that a stranger just called him a smartass.

“Yep,” Jongwoon answers confidently, and Kyuhyun starts his game again. “I would’ve called you두통, but it might be a stretch.”

Kyuhyun sits up straighter. “Did you just honestly call me a dutong? Me? A headache?”This guy didn’t just insult him twice in a row. “And what do you call yourself? A 구조 , gujo? You’re not quite the relief yourself, you know,” he derisively snorts.

Jongwoon laughs. “It was nice to banter with you, Kyuhyun-ssi,” he says before standing up. “Will, I see you here tomorrow?”

“You wish, small hands,” Kyuhyun shots back.

“It’s a date then.”
-

PS:what in the actual. i do not even know why.

fic: 2am productivity, kyumin, pg13

pinefir — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 18:18:07 GMT

Title: 2 am productivity
Author: pinefir
Genre: angst
Summary: sungmin and kyuhyun are out of the school and in the workforce, they don’t think they’d ever meet again, thinking that it would be the last of them. a game concept , wood spirits, damaged necklaces and cutthroat gaming industry with greedy psychology has their paths crossing again.
Rating: PG-13
Words: 3823
AN: supposed to be for soundslegit (but where is he now?), this is a sequel to among arrays and transits, told from kyuhyun’s point of view. written in the same verse of recursive recursive recursive
AN2: it’s a never ending loop of running away, it had to stop at some point.
AN3: inspired by this mini

Three years into working into the gaming industry as a junior concept manager, Kyuhyun is far from his goal of having his own company but he doesn’t really care. He was raking in the money anyways, so he didn’t mind. Most people would think he’d be having the time of his life programming games, it was after all his dream, but they’re mistaken, because Kyuhyun stopped dreaming about this a long time ago.

“Cho-ssi, you have to meet a client in 30 minutes,” his secretary Soonkyu, said as she entered his office.

Swinging his chair around, Kyuhyun turns to face her. “What is it?”

“It’s the developer for the simulation program,” Soonkyu says, looking at her notes. “He says he wants to discuss some terms for the mapping you’re going to release for the new quest.”

“Didn’t we have that discussion already?” Kyuhyun asks her, not really remembering any simulation programmer he contacted for the quest he conceptualized.

“It has been scheduled since last week,” Soonkyu explains.

“What’s his name?” Kyuhyun asks.

“Engr. Lee Sungjin?” Soonkyu says, deciphering the scribbled name.

“An engineer?” Kyuhyun echoes. “What’s he doing programming? Okay, just leave the papers here,” he says motioning towards his file cabinet. “I’ll read it later.” Soonkyu nods doing what her boss told her to do and then shows herself out of the office.

Kyuhyun turns around again and closes his eyes. Lee Sungjin? That’s a letter away from Sungmin’s name. He wonders what could have happened to him.

When Kyuhyun graduated from university, he didn’t return to his university for the march. He asked his mother to get his diploma from the registrar instead. His mother was furious, part of graduating is walking the march, she argued, but Kyuhyun does not care because he doesn’t care for the recognition he’s about to get when he graduates. In his mind, no amount of congratulations can make him feel happy and accomplished if he doesn’t get to hear from Sungmin anyway.

He buries himself under a pile of blankets, complaining about the fact that graduation has to happen when spring just started. It’s been an awfully cold winter and spring doesn’t look like it’s gonna be that forgiving, he thinks as he rubs his nose red. His phone vibrates and a small part of him hopes that it is Sungmin.

“Hyung! You’re graduating today right? Drop by our department later! We’re having a send-off party for your whole batch!”

It was Joon. Kyuhyun only groans. Send-off party, tch. He turns around to face the wall, ignoring the text that was sent and goes back to sleep. He hopes Sungmin would send him even a small smiley but that’s a bit too far to hope for, after all, it’s been two weeks since he didn’t contact Sungmin.

Which was weird, to be honest, because he can’t believe he’s honestly missing him when he got to survive throughout college without Sungmin. Maybe, he mutters, it’s because I’m graduating. And leaving for good And I won’t be seeing him around anymore.

Crap, Kyuhyun thought as he anxiously waited for the elevator to come up to his level. Why aren’t these elevators coming any quicker? He was about to push the up button a second time around when it suddenly opens, revealing a packed elevator. Although a bit adverse to squishing in with other people , he has no choice but to stick his thin self inside, after all, he’s going to be late and he’s pretty sure he’s not gonna hear the end of it from his senior.

On the other side of the building, Soonkyu is still trying to decipher her scribbles.
“Fuck,” Soonkyu mutters. “It’s not Lee Sungjin.”

“Nice of you to join us, Cho,” Ahn ChilHyun, a senior programmer who was working with Kyuhyun on the concept says as he enters conference room number 3. Kyuhyun bows his head in apology, proceeding to sit down across his senior.

“You have an awfully nice view up here,” the client who had his back turned to Kyuhyun says. Kyuhyun looks up from his papers, slightly familiar with the voice.

The client turns around and Kyuhyun freezes. He was looking at Chilhyun, he must have not noticed Kyuhyun yet.

“This is Engr. Lee--,” Chilhyun starts to introduce the client who was still looking at Chilhyun.

“Ming?” Kyuhyun cuts his senior off. And then, as if in slow motion, the client turns to look at him.

“Kyuhyun?” the client now identified as Sungmin says, shock clear on his face. Kyuhyun starts to stare him down, hoping to hold Sungmin’s gaze long so that he could see what Kyuhyun’s been trying to say, but Sungmin looks away first.

“You know each other?” Chilhyun asks them. Kyuhyun nods, while Sungmin mutters a soft yes. “Great! Whew, isn’t that nice? I mean how often do you find a client who has known you?”

Kyuhyun snorts in response, thankfully Chilhyun didn’t hear it. Sungmin only smiles politely.

How often do you find someone you’ve thought you’ve lost forever? Kyuhyun echoes in his mind.

“Surveying party my ass,” Kyuhyun bitterly mutters under his breath as he sifts through Sungmin’s newly uploaded album in his cyworld. “I doubt you did any surveying,” he says as he clicks on the pictures, each one of them showing Sungmin having lots of fun with his course mates. He paused on the picture that has Sungmin drinking soju and frowned, Sungmin was never a fan of soju. He clicked on the next picture, hoping that it wouldn’t be another picture of Sungmin drinking something other than wine but he wasn’t so lucky. A particular comment caught his eyes.

Ming hyung! GE’s King of Soju! XD

Kyuhyun wondered when Sungmin started drinking soju.

Kyuhyun finds out that Sungmin was apparently the one who designed an algorithm for integrating stereograms in motion. When Kyuhyun was stuck in making the quest look more realistic but at the same time easier for the video card, he came to Chilhyun asking for help.

“It keeps eating my memory!” Kyuhyun says as he storms into Chilhyun’s office. “Your junior’s animation is nice, okay, but it keeps eating my memory. I can’t even finish loading the whole map!”

“Have you ever thought of using stereograms?” Chilhyun says.

“No.”

“I’ll go look for someone who’s good with stereograms,” Chilhyun says as he waves Kyuhyun away.

It turns out, this expert in stereograms and depth analysis is no one else but Lee Sungmin. Apparently, Sungmin’s thesis and masteral work were centred on digital imagery and depth analysis.

“What kind of an engineer are you again?” Chilhyun asks Sungmin. Sungmin smiles a tight smile, trying not to lash out on people who don’t know of his profession, but before Sungmin can answer him, Kyuhyun beats him to it.

“Geodetic Engineer,” Kyuhyun answers, and Sungmin looks at him with some unreadable expression. Kyuhyun shrugs and Chilhyun clears his throat.

“Oh I see,” Chilhyun says, narrowing his eyes at Kyuhyun, before turning back to Sungmin. “So, what exactly do you do? I hope I don’t come off as ignorant, but I’m not sure I’ve encountered a lot of geodetic engineers,” he chuckles, Sungmin’s smile is a bit less tight now.

“Land surveying in general,” Kyuhyun answers yet again for Sungmin, and this time even Sungmin narrows his eyes at him. He mutters a soft apology in response.

“Wow,” Chilhyun starts, trying to make light of the situation that he’s currently in, he can feel tension running high between Sungmin and Kyuhyun. “You really do know a lot about Engr. Lee!” Kyuhyun kind of nods in response, finding himself unable to answer his senior while
Sungmin looks pointedly at anywhere but him. “Well, that’s jolly good, right?” Chilhyun asks them but of course they don’t answer properly.
“I’ll be leaving you two, then,” he says as he stands up and makes his way for the door. He was out of the door before Kyuhyun can even tell him how he’s doing such a good job as his senior.

Kyuhyun facepalms wondering how he could get stuck with a senior like him. Of all the seniors in the company, he thought. He wanted to go after him, asking him to be there with him but a throat clearing brings him back to Sungmin.

“I guess we’re done here then,” Sungmin says as he stands up and moves towards the door, but Kyuhyun is quick to grab him. Sungmin looks between him and their hands and manages to shake Kyuhyun off. “I have somewhere to go to, Kyuhyun,” he says.

It was now or never, Kyuhyun thought. “Have lunch with me?” he asked as he finds his hands latching onto Sungmin again just as Sungmin steps out of the conference room. Sungmin looked at him once, blinking, caught offguard at Kyuhyun’s sudden offer; he looked like he was going to refuse. “Please,” Kyuhyun finds himself begging. “Just for old times’ sake.”

And then as if in a trance, Sungmin nods, after all, it’s the first time he’s ever seen Kyuhyun beg.

There was a time, in the brief period after graduation and before employment, when Kyuhyun thought he should drop by his alma matter and talk to old friends. He snorts as he boards the bus heading towards his university, old friends. If he was being honest with himself, he’s going back to uni for the last time just so he can see Sungmin and ask about him. He wasn’t sure if Sungmin was really avoiding him, or he was jut busy with his new course, after all he doesn’t know what those GE students do anyway.

He steps out of the bus, after spending 30 minutes in it, thinking of the places where Sungmin could be. Then he stares around, feeling oddly out of place with his surroundings even if it was only months since he’s been here. Before he could even turn into the direction of where the engineering complex would be, a guy knocks him out of balance.

“Aish,” Kyuhyun mutters, annoyed. He refuses the offered hand and was about to give the guy who bumped into him a scolding when he is suddenly faced with the person he’s been looking for. “Ming?”

“Kyuhyun?” Sungmin asks, eyes wide and wondering why Kyuhyun was here.

Kyuhyun smiles at him, glad to have found him without any effort. Sungmin bites his lips.

“Ming-hyung?!” a guy suddenly shouts from the door of the bus. “Come on! We’re gonna be late!”

Before Kyuhyun can even say hi, how are you doing hyung? Sungmin kind of smiles shyly at him, probably apologizing for what he’s about to do. Kyuhyun was right. “I’m sorry,” Sungmin says, but it was easy to see that he wasn’t. “I have to go.”

And then Sungmin turns his back against him and starts running towards the bus he just alighted. Kyuhyun wanted to follow and when asked, he would tell Sungmin that he was here to see him. But he frowns, he would just wait for the bus to return and head back home. He wasn’t about to make a fool out of himself.

“The cafeteria food is bad,” Kyuhyun says as he ushers Sungmin out of the building and into the parking lot. “I know a restaurant a few blocks away, we could walk but we might have to get in line for a table,” he muses, Sungmin only hums in response. “We should take my car.”

It was awkward, the walk to the car was awkward and it was only a few feet away. Kyuhyun wondered if they’d break the tension once they’re inside the car, but he doubts it. If anything, it’d probably be more awkward. Knowing himself and judging Sungmin by the way he’s acting, it’s gonna be one, long ride.

Once inside the car with Kyuhyun opening the door for Sungmin, Kyuhyun turned on the ac and put on his seatbelt . He turned around to help Sungmin into his seat, not really thinking about what he was doing when Sungmin suddenly stops him. “I can do it myself,” Sungmin says as he pushes Kyuhyun away from him gently. Kyuhyun blushes, suddenly aware of their close proximity and then goes back to his seat. Breathe in, breathe out, he told himself.

Once he was sure that both of them were ready to go, Kyuhyun starts his car and turns on the radio. Music, he thought, Sungmin loved music as much as he did. He glanced at Sungmin who was smiling slightly as they rolled out of the company compound, and suddenly, he felt as if going to lunch with Sungmin is not going to be so bad.

“How have you been, Ming?” Kyuhyun asks Sungmin as soon as the waitress left with their orders. Sungmin looks at him calculatingly, before answering.

“I’ve been good,” Sungmin said, his answer short and brief. Kyuhyun frowns at this, Ming never was the kind of person to give short answers, if any, he was the kind of person who would go on and on as long as someone’s listening. Though dissatisfied with his answer Kyuhyun does not press.

Kyuhyun holds Sungmin’s gaze, questions threatening to spill out of his mouth, but then Sungmin looks away, again.

“Ming,” Kyuhyun says, his hand reaching for Sungmin’s hand across the table and Sungmin looks at him. “I,” Kyuhyun starts and stares at Sungmin who has this expecting gaze. “I’ve missed you, Ming.”

Sungmin smiles a bit, but even Kyuhyun can see through his forced smile, nevertheless he squeezes Kyuhyun’s hand in assurance. “I’ve missed you too.”

“It’s not supposed to be like this,” Sungmin mutters under his breath as he pulls his tie loose. It’s 2am and here they are, in Kyuhyun’s office, trying to figure out why nothing seems to be in 3D. Sungmin rubs his temple in frustration, he just can’t understand why the things he’s doing are not working out. “Augh!” Sungmin groans, hands slamming down the desk. Kyuhyun looks up from the storyboard.

“Are you alright?” Kyuhyun asks as he looks over Sungmin’s shoulder to take a peek at Sungmin’s code.

Sungmin pouts, turning around to look at Kyuhyun. “It’s not working,” he complains.

Kyuhyun takes in the sight of him, eyes widened and lips pursed in a pout, and he is suddenly reminded of their university days. He chuckles as he pinches Sungmin’s cheeks, just like old times.

Sungmin freezes and then turns his back on him, returning to his programming as if he was burned by Kyuhyun’s affection. Kyuhyun is slightly offended by this, even if he does know that they’re still awkward after not talking to each other all those year and he shouldn’t expect affection and familiarity from Sungmin. He swallows it all though, because he realizes that he made Sungmin that way and no one can be blamed but him for their situation. He only wished he knew how he did it.

“Stereograms, when stationary, don’t look 3D,” Sungmin says , pulling Kyuhyun out of his thoughts. “But when they’re in motion and the overlap because of this, the depth should be realized,” he continued, Kyuhyun nodded. “I don’t understand why they’re not that 3d. I can’t be going blind , can I?”

Kyuhyun looks at the test scene and thinks. “You’re not going blind, Ming,” he says. Sungmin utters a soft thank God in response. “But have you checked your coordinates? They seem a bit wonky?”

Sungmin checks the code and types in some commands Kyuhyun can’t recognize. “There. I tweaked it a bit. The coordinates I used before were right, I just added some “wonky factor”.” Kyuhyun checks it again and nods.

“Just a little more wonk?” Kyuhyun asks. Sungmin chuckles and says okay, going back to his code.
As Sungmin continues coding and tweaking the test scene, Kyuhyun decides to go back to the storyboard he was correcting; looking for loops and weak spots in the game theory. Soon enough they lapse into another comfortable silence with Sungmin typing away on the computer and Kyuhyun looking for new hooks. Kyuhyun reads over one of the hook suggestions a junior proposed.

“Love Hook”
Objective: To keep player in the game by creating a pseudo-love interest of some sort for the character.
Level Requirement: Level 20, must pass Quest 3 on Rising Island and Story Arc 2: The Rise of Machines.
Approach: Character gains half a necklace from Rising Island. Character throws damaged necklace in Rise of Machines as bait for Revolts. Character gets haunted by wood spirit. The wood spirit is the owner of the damaged necklace.
Task: To protect the wood spirit, in exchange of the lost damaged necklace.
Progression:
In order to pass the Love Hook, character must protect wood spirit at all costs. If character ceases to protect the spirit, the character dies for the character is now linked with the spirit.
In game purchases: Yes.
Part of protecting the wood spirit is nourishment. Character spends money on wood spirit’s needs.
Opt Out:
Character returns to Rising Land and retakes Story Arc 2 Rise of Machines.
Psychological proof:
A never-ending loop where player is given no choice but to be with the wood spirit until player completes all quests and finishes the entire game. Since the player has intention to win, the player could choose nourishing wood spirit or he could opt out of it by returning to the previous level. The player would always be forced to part with the damaged necklace as such it’s a sure-fire way to ensure wood-spirit companionship.

Love hook, huh? Kyuhyun thinks. It was a weak name for a proposal, but the proposal itself seems promising. As the proposal said, it’s gonna be a never ending loop of buying of game credits. He wonders how his junior could have thought of this hook, but then he realizes that he himself could have thought of this. He looks at Sungmin who was deeply engrossed with his coding and thinks.

Sungmin is easily the wood spirit. The one the gamer would not be able to live without, the one he can’t live without, Kyuhyun belatedly realizes. The damaged necklace must be something he must have thrown away, which made Sungmin and thoughts of Sungmin haunt him until to this day. Now that Sungmin’s back in his life, he had a choice. It was between accepting his task as a gamer and take responsibility for how he was currently feeling, and opting out of the task. But life is no game and there certainly wasn’t a repeat level in life. Because if there was, he wouldn’t have thrown away his and Sungmin’s friendship and pretended to be okay.

“Ming?” Kyuhyun speaks up, and he hated the fact that his eyes seem to have gotten watery and he cringes at the way his voice sounds.

“Hmm?” Sungmin hums in reply, not even bothering to look at him.

“Did I drive you away?”

Sungmin pauses and turns to look at him. Kyuhyun bites his lip, anxious as to what Sungmin would say. “Why do you ask that?” Sungmin says with a smile, appearing as if he was unaffected, but both of them knew that Kyuhyun has hit a spot.

“I’m not dumb, hyung,” Kyuhyun starts, suddenly the music Sungmin put on for the night was inaudible and all he could hear was a pounding in his heart and Sungmin gulping. “You loved this, you wouldn’t leave it if it weren’t for something else,” he says, daring Sungmin to look away and deny him. Sungmin holds his gaze, but Kyuhyun could see him faltering. “It was me, wasn’t it?”

Sungmin doesn’t answer. Maybe because he doesn’t want to offend Kyuhyun because a “yes it’s your fault” was threatening to spill out of his mouth. Or maybe, it’s because he has seen Kyuhyun try so hard, but it was him this time who was rejecting him. Again.
“I’m sorry,” Kyuhyun says bowing his head as he approaches Sungmin.

Sungmin doesn’t do anything, he just watches Kuhyun kneel in front of him.

Kyuhyun takes Sungmin’s face in his hands and pulls his face against his. Sungmin could feel wetness on his cheeks, he was pretty sure that he wasn’t crying, could it be Kyuhyun?

“I’m sorry,” Kyuhyun repeats. “I’m sorry that I drove you away,” he says through sniffles and Sungmin’s heart constricts. Didn’t he once want Kyuhyun to be happy too? “I’m sorry, I never meant to harm you.”

“I,” Kyuhyun starts again. “I don’t know what I did, to be honest,” he says as he looks up at Sungmin, tear-stained eyes boring into Sungmin’s soft ones. “But I missed you, and I hate feeling like this.”

“Kyuhyun,” Sungmin starts, bringing Kyuhyun’s face up, wiping the tear tracks from his face. “Don’t cry, I was-.”

“No, Ming, let me finish. I’m sorry I ever treated you like crap. I knew what you were doing, and I’ sorry I hated you for it,” Kyuhyun confesses. “But when you left, and when we didn’t bump into each other like you said we’d do, I was a mess. I’m still a mess. I don’t know. It took me fucking five years to realize, I’m so sorry, Ming.”

“Kyuhyun,” Sungmin tries again. “Stop.”

“Ming,would you forgive me?” Kyuhyun pleadingly asks. Sungmin looks away yet again, removing Kyuhyun’s hands from his face.

“Kyuhyun, it’s late,” Sungmin says, pointing at the clock which read 3 am. Running away again, are we? Sungmin asks himself derisively as he stands up to get out of the room. Kyuhyun shakes his head and stands up holding onto Sungmin. Sungmin stops, and Kyuhyun pulls him into a tight hug.

“I like you,” Kyuhyun says. “It took me five fucking years. It’s late. And I know you’re mad, and.”

“And, please, just don’t run away again,” Kyuhyun whispers. “Please, let me make it up to you,” he says as he nuzzles Sungmin. “Just, please. I’ll make it up to you, I swear.”

Sungmin doesn’t answer, not because he can’t trust himself not to say I love you so fucking much to Kyuhyun because he’s got way more pride than that, and if Kyuhyun does really want to make it up then he has to work for it. But actually, it’s mainly because Sungmin has already laid his head against Kyuhyun’s chest and pressed himself tightly against him, that’s why he can’t utter a word in response anymore.

It would probably take time, because first they had to mend their friendship because neither wanted going in too deep when they’re admittedly still awkward with each other. And then after that, they’d have to go through the process of being infatuated and in love like teenagers, because they were both robbed of that chance. It seemed long and tedious, but if there was anything Kyuhyun and Sungmin were good at, it was making things work even at the oddest of times.

//AN4 this is short, and things happened way too fast. but i'm satisfied with it so. yeah. idc.

fic: recursive,recursive,recursive ; pg13; kyumin

pinefir — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 15:43:47 GMT

Title: recursive recursive recursive
Author: pinefir
Genre: angst
Summary: A person is best described by his potential; by how he can handle whatever shit life throws him. Sungmin has high potential, he’s a determined little thing and he wouldn’t let anyone bring him down. But a person can only hold on for so long.
Rating: PG-13
Words: 2732
AN: for soundslegit , this is a prequel of some sorts for among arrays and transits. And it’s still sad. Because :( here’s the reason why sungmin wanted to go away.
AN2: so i hope you understand this even if it is written in a different way, just yeah.
AN3: life is a loop, it’s recursive recursive recursive

#define People(boolean feelings, string[] thought,double potential)
/***************************************************************************
*the structure People is a data type which has the values: feelings, thought and potential
*feelings is a boolean/logical data type that accepts a value of true or false
*thought is an array containing string inputs
*potential is a double data type that accepts a decimal value from 0-10 and reflects a person’s
*ability to withstand damages may they be physical or emotional
****************************************************************************/

If there was a word that could describe Lee Sungmin, it would be the word determined. He’s not the one to give up easily always thinking that he can achieve his goal, which he almost always does. He’s that determined, he’s never even failed in his life. He was the kind of person who believes that as long as there is a will, there is a way. Although he is that determined to achieve his goals, he isn’t a morally-defunct person; he’d never step on anyone just so he can say he’s succeeded. He’d rather fail and accept it like a man rather than use and abuse others. He was an honest man through and through.

People Sungmin;
Sungmin.feelings= true;
Sungmin.thought= “I am strong. I can do it.”;
Sungmin.potential=10.0;

If there was a word that could describe Cho Kyuhyun, it wouldn’t exist. He’s not an easy person to judge, he can be determined one time, then suddenly, you’ll find him dropping a subject he used to like just because he can. He wasn’t fickle-minded, because that would only imply that he can’t decide for himself. He can decide for himself and he’s always responsible for his decisions, but that doesn’t mean he has to stick to his decisions all the time; so he finds himself changing paths. Most people think he’s mature, mistaking his wisdom and ability as a sign of maturity, but he’s still a kid; and that’s what he believes. He’s still too young, he says, too young to get stuck in something. He reasons that he doesn’t know what he wants, so he should explore, just so he can find something he really wants.

People Kyuhyun;
Kyuhyun.feelings=true;
Kyuhyun.thought= “I’m still a kid, damn it.”;
Kyuhyun.potential =6.0;

String Events(People[] Involved){
if (Involved[0] != Involved[1]){
return “Nothing.”;
}
else{
Involved[0]. = “Involved[1].name”;
Involved[1].thought= “Involved[0].name”;

}
}

/******************************************************************************
*the function Events() takes an array of People as input and produces a string output.
*if the first person does not notice the second person, nothing will happen
*else, if the first person or the second person takes notice of each other, the first person’s thought
*will have the string output of second person’s name vice versa.
******************************************************************************/

People[2] Kyumin= {Kyuhyun,Sungmin} ; // there are 2 people involved
Events(Kyumin);// processes Kyuhyun and Sungmin in an event

The first time Sungmin met Kyuhyun was during the first day of classes for KAIST’s CS101. Sungmin entered the classroom, looking around at the lecture room with a frown. If he had known it was this cold, he would have brought a jacket. He sighed, and proceeded to look for a seat near the back of the room where the air conditioner’s winds won’t reach him, but alas, the last row seems to be filled with other freshmen students like him who thought that it’d be really nice if they were not to freeze their asses off. That’s okay, Sungmin thinks, he’d just sit in the middle. Unfortunately for him, sitting in the middle was not an option since there seems to be no available seats. So now, he’s left with no choice but to sit in the front row, where it seems like only 1 person ever dared to sit his ass there.

“Is this seat taken?” Sungmin asks the guy who seems to be wearing 2 layers of jackets. The guy shakes his head, and Sungmin sighs in relief. Finally, a seat with someone! Hopefully, he wouldn’t be so cold since there’s some kind of body warmth next to him. Sungmin tries to discreetly lean in nearer to the guy so that he could at least get some of this guy’s warmth, when the guy suddenly turns to look at him.

“Are you cold?” the guy suddenly asks, and Sungmin can’t help but feel ashamed of what he was doing, so he nods sheepishly in response.

What the guy does next surprises Sungmin. Guy with two jackets takes of his first jacket and hands it to him. “Here, take this,” guy with two jackets now reduced to one says with a smile of some sort.

“Thank you,” Sungmin mutters as he puts on the jacket. “What’s your name?”

“Cho Kyuhyun.”

“Thank you, Kyuhyun-ssi.”

“Just Kyuhyun is fine,” he says with an expectant look on his face. Sungmin looks at him confused before figuring out that he’s yet to introduce himself.

“I’m Sungmin, Lee Sungmin.”

Output:
“Kyuhyun.thought is now equal to Sungmin.”
“Sungmin.thought is now equal to Kyuhyun.”

Sungmin files for a transfer of dormitory when he finds out that he’s almost always late for his CS101 classes. He doesn’t like being late, it’s not in his vocabulary; but power walking can only get him so far. He’d run towards his department of course, except he always has a laptop, so running is out of the question. He’d ride a bike, but he doesn’t know how to ride a bike. So now, he finds himself in the lobby of 지혜 과 강도 (jihye gwa gangdo), papers and id in hand.

“Ming?” a voice calls him from his left. Sungmin turns around and sees Kyuhyun.

“Oh, Kyu! What are you doing here?” Sungmin asks Kyuhyun who was walking towards him.

“I live here,” Kyuhyun says. “What are you doing here?”

“really? You live here?” Kyuhyun nods at him. “I’m applying here! 창의력 (chang uilyeog) is so far from CompSci! I’m always late.”

“Oh you live in 창의력? That is far. No wonder I always have to save a seat for you! Yep, you should totally move in with me!”

“With you?”

“Yep, I don’t have a roommate! I’m willing to take you in as my roommate!”

String Love(People Person){
Person. thoughts[0]= “Cannot be processed, too confused. Whatthehell is this love.”;
Person.thoughts[1]= “Wait is this love?”;
Person.thoughts[2]= “No really, I. I cannot be in love? Or maybe I am.”;

int n= random(0,100); //returns a random number from 1 to 100;
return Person.thoughts[n]; //returns a random sentence from a Person’s thought about love.

}

/**********************************************************************************
*the function Love() takes in a People as an input and returns a random string which from the
*array of the Person’s thoughts about love.
**********************************************************************************/

Love(Sungmin);

Sungmin didn’t know when exactly he fell in love with Kyuhyun, and to be honest, he still isn’t sure if what he’s feeling is actually love. And it’s weird to be honest, because really, was he supposed to take nervousness and butterflies in the stomach, and the fact that he’s looking forward to spending time with Kyuhyun as signs that he must be in love with him? What if the butterflies in his stomach only meant that he wants to vomit? Not that he’d want to vomit whenever he’s around Kyuhyun, but you can never say what the cafeteria cooks put in their lunches nowadays.

Output:
Sungmin= “Do I love, no do I even like Kyuhyun? WTF.”;

But then, Sungmin thinks,if love is all about being giddy and happy and fun and anticipating things and whatnots, then maybe Sungmin is in love. He can’t deny the fact that he does like it when Kyuhyun smiles at him. When Kyuhyun starts cuddling up to him like a kid, and being affectionate. It makes him feel lightheaded and liked and just, happy.

“Sungmin-hyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuung,” Kyuhyun says, more like whines at him when the younger enters their room. “I’ve missed you,” and then Kyuhyun jumps onto Sungmin’s bed, effectively knocking over Sungmin’s books that were on top of his bed.

“You were gone for an hour,” Sungmin snorts at Kyuhyun who has resorted to tickling his feet, he gently kicks Kyuhyun away, making a show of how annoyed he is of Kyuhyun’s antics, but deep inside he is bursting with glee. “Hardly enough to make you miss someone.”

“Ming,” Kyuhyun says as he arranges himself on Sungmin’s lap. “You’re gonna stay in Comp Sci, right?”

“Why do you ask that?” Sungmin asks Kyuhyun, hands falling into Kyuhyun’s hair.

“It’s just that, when I first met you, I never really pegged you as the kind of person who can stand this kind of stuff.” Kyuhyun shrugs, then looks up at him.

“Are you that kind of person?” Sungmin shots back at him. “Do you like this kind of stuff?”

“I’m a gamer,” Kyuhyun says. “I’d like to invent my own game someday.”

“I see.”

“Why did you take this anyway?” Kyuhyun asks him and Sungmin has to pause and think for a while. Truthfully, he took this because he was good at math but he didn’t like math; computers were the closest thing to math he can get to without really delving into the in depth theories of math.

“I like Math,” Sungmin reasons. “And, I want to be rich,” he says making Kyuhyun laugh out loud.

“Ming, when we graduate, you’d be working for some high-flying research company. I’ll be working in some gaming company,” Kyuhyun starts painting a picture for them. “And then, we’ll quit our jobs. Because we’re going to have our own consultancy firm.”

“Yeap,that we’d do,” Sungmin eagerly joins him in conjuring a future for themselves. “I’ll quit my job first because you know how much I hate researching.” Kyuhyun laughs again, and this time Sungmin laughs with him. “And then, I’ll probably have lots of money by then. You’ll share your income with me, and I’d have to control you from splurging on consoles.” Kyuhyun pouts at him. Sungmin smirks. “Well, I can’t just put up a company with my own money and let you share the name and the revenue, can I?”

“And then when you’ve controlled your spending, and we have a small office to work in, we can pull in some of our juniors! And then we’ll get ourselves projects!” Sungmin excitedly says.

“We should work hard then,” Kyuhyun says, nodding his head.

“Yep! So that means no shifting out for you, huh! Cho Kyuhyun! We’re going to take the gaming world by a storm!”

Love(Kyuhyun);

But love, for it to grow, should not be a one-way street. Love needs giving and receiving, it doesn’t have a specific flow; it’s a kind of vessel that experiences flux from all directions. Some goes in and some goes out. Not everything can go in, because love is also like a sponge. If it takes too much water, it will burst. If it lacks too much, it would dry up. So maybe that’s the reason why Kyuhyun was never receptive of affection, because he can’t compute love. He doesn’t know why it has to be multidirectional. Everybody knows things are easier when you’re only dealing with one direction, why confuse yourself with all these giving in and giving up? It doesn’t make sense to him, so he refuses to acknowledge love. Because apparently, when you consider loving someone and not expecting to be loved in return, that’s what other people call as foolish. And when you consider being loved but not expecting to love that person in return, you’re considered a jackass. He honestly thought unidirectional flow can be applied in any problem in life. Apparently, it can’t be applied to love. Because when it’s applied to love, you get labelled as a bad person, whichever side of the flow you’re standing in become irrelevant.

Output:
Kyuhyun=“Cannot be processed, too confused. Whatthehell is this love.”

So Kyuhyun doesn’t like love in general. It’s not normal, he says.

“Can’t the girl just quit her crying?” Kyuhyun says as he sits down next to Sungmin who was watching some drama where the girl’s crying out in the rain because poor her just got her heart broken. Sungmin shushes him. “Life’s unfair, you don’t always get what you want boo hoo, move on.”

“But the girl loved him so much!” Sungmin reasons. Kyuhyun snorts. “He can’t just up and reject her like that? What happened to her effort? Did it not matter to him?”

“Right, so do they expect to get loved in return?” Kyuhyun asks him, sungmin kind of widens his eyes , unbelieving that Kyuhyun would even think of that. “Just because they spend their time on this guy, think about him and his health, and I don’t know, do what people in love would do, it doesn’t gurantee them loving back.”

“Maybe to you it doesn’t,” Sungmin says. “But to others, they consider you their whole world, would you hate them for that? Why are they the ones to blame now?” Sungmin asks him.

“Because they’re stupid. And they’re wasting their time. And she’s wasting the guy’s time,” Kyuhyun argues, huffing a bit, because why can’t Sungmin understand his point? It was impractical at best.

“So what are you saying now?” Sungmin grits his teeth in response. “That they shouldn’t love when they aren’t sure? Because it’s impractical?!”

“Yes. It’s a waste of time,” Kyuhyun says a bit too smug for Sungmin’s liking. “If they say they love that person then they should learn not to pressure them. They’re wasting their time shoving themselves into these people they claim to love, because they’ll never get loved that way.”

“Why are you like this?” Sungmin asks, totally disappointed at what he’s hearing. It cannot be, Kyuhyun cannot think this way.

“Because I say it how I see it,” Kyuhyun reasons. “And you’re deluding yourself Sungmin if you believe these dramas.”

Kyuhyun had Sungmin at deluding. Never mind the fact that Kyuhyun didn’t mention anything about sungmin’s feelings, the only words Sungmin heard were : “You’re deluding yourself, Sungmin.”

Sungmin sighs, feeling so down suddenly. “Is that so?”

Kyuhyun unaware of Sungmin’s change in mood, smiles, thinking that he’s got Sungmin . “Yes. You’re deluding yourself.”

Sungmin takes a shaky breath and counts from 1 to 3. He stands up and moves towards the door without saying a word to Kyuhyun.

“Where are you going?” Kyuhyun asks him.

He doesn’t bother answering.

The thing with Kyuhyun is, he refuses love. It’s not like he doesn’t know about love. Oh, he knows things about love, he just doesn’t want himself to be involved. It was some kind of self-preservation in his part. After all, he never had the highest potential rating. He’d rather close himself off than expose himself and go all the way out only to be hurt.

Sungmin wasn’t like that. Sungmin had a high potential rating. He went all the way out, he wasn’t afraid to get hurt because he’s determined to make things work. As long as he doesn’t get killed, then he has to go on. That’s how Sungmin is. So in a sense, he’s kind of a martyr.

double Heartbreak(People Person){
if(Person.thought= “tired”){
for(int hopes=100; hopes=0, hopes--){
Person.potential=Person.Potential- 0.1*hopes;
}
}
Else{
Person.potential=0.0;
}
Return Person.potential;
}

/*****************************************************************************
*the function heartbreak takes in a person as its input and returns the potential of that person
*heartbreak serves to lower the potential of person by a factor named hopes. When hopes is
*multiplied by 10% and subtracted from Person.potential, it is called a dashed hope.
*heartbreak computes for the amount of heartbreak person experiences in decimal values.
******************************************************************************/

Heartbreak(Sungmin);

It would’ve been easier for Sungmin if Kyuhyun doesn’t know love at all. Because Sungmin would be willing to teach him how to love and how to be loved; but Kyuhyun wouldn’t let himself get involved with things like that.

He tried his best, tried to comfort Kyuhyun, help Kyuhyun in an yway ; but it seems as if Kyuhyun would never see Sungmin the way Sungmin wants to be seen. It was unfortunate and incredibly tiring. One could only wait for a definite amount of time. It has been said, at the start of this thing, that Sungmin is a determined person. But with his determination to come out successful and victorious, he also knows when to stop.

Sungmin sighs and watches Kyuhyun mull over his source code, trying to figure out why it would not work, when he suddenly speaks.

“I’m shifting.”

Output:
Sungmin.Potential= 7.5;

fic: among arrays and transits, kyumin, pg

pinefir — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 17:53:46 GMT

Title: among arrays and transits
Author: pinefir
Pairing:kyuhyun/sungmin
Genre:angst
Rating: PG
Words: 2232
Summary: Sungmin says he’s tired of coding and interpreting bits and bytes; he says he wants to go out of the lab and into the field; wanting to witness how fast the sun moves and what it has to do with time. How awkward is college life when you just cannot leave things behind.
AN: for soundslegit , because s/he(?) guessed where my title came from and requested for angstyfluffykyumin. OHGOD KYUMIN.IT’S BEEN SO LOOOONG AND I suck. sorry if it's so disjointed and if it's not angsty at all :o i'm not any good. cries.

It’s 2 in the morning. Hardly anyone’s ever awake around this time, except of course when you’re a computer science major. For anyone who is dealing with numbers and programming, maximum productivity seems to be reached at this time. Sungmin and Kyuhyun are no exception to that rule seeing as they’re now poring over Sungmin’s code.

“I’m shifting,” he says as he watches Kyuhyun mull over his source code, trying to figure out why it would not work.

“You see, it’s not working because you got the syntax wrong,” Kyuhyun says looking up from Sungmin’s code. Sungmin sighs, Kyuhyun must have not heard, or he must have ignored him. “Since you’re using structures here, you should’ve used the matrix structure instead of treating it as an array,” Kyuhyun continues. He looks at Sungmin and notices Sungmin’s far-off gaze. “Ming?”

“Ah, yes, yes,” Sungmin replies, coming back to the task at hand.

“Sungmin-hyung,” Kyuhyun says. Kyuhyun never called Sungmin hyung unless he’s worried. “Are you okay?”

Sungmin nods weakly, he prays that Kyuhyun won’t ask him anymore. Lord, please don’t let Kyuhyun be concerned for me. Please, don’t.

“You’re worrying me, hyung,” Kyuhyun continues. “You’re not doing well in classes, you can barely even make a program work, you’re not usually like this.”

“I’m fine, Kyuhyun-ah,” Sungmin says, a bit too defensive. Sure he must have been slacking off these past few days, but it wasn’t like he’s required to maintain a mark anyways, especially now that he’s leaving.

“Is there something bothering you?” Kyuhyun asks, now he turns to face Sungmin.”I know there’s something bothering you, hyung.”

“It’s nothing,I’m fine. Thanks for helping me,” Sungmin smiles at Kyuhyun and reaches for his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. Yes, Kyuhyun, I’m gonna be fine. Stop worrying about me, I can’t take it. Kyuhyun returns his smile and doesn’t press any further, Sungmin is relieved at this.

“I’m leaving,” Sungmin says as he corrects his code. Kyuhyun, who was looking over his shoulder, chuckles, making the hairs on Sungmin’s nape stand up.

“Come on, hyung, it’s just one mp,” Kyuhyun says. “Something you shouldn’t get your knickers in a twist for.”

This time Sungmin finds the courage to look at Kyuhyun directly. “No, I’m really leaving. I’m leaving Computers, Kyuhyun.”Kyuhyun’s eyes widen slightly, and a Why, hyung? spills from his lips. Sungmin sighs.

“When , what, why?” Kyuhyun incoherently asks him again when he doesn’t respond.

“I don’t want this,” Sungmin says tiredly. “I don’t like this. I don’t like the way CompSci restricts me to numbers. I can’t see myself in a room , trying to figure out what went wrong and why it wouldn’t work.”

“But, you said we’d be like this,” Kyuhyun says. “You told me we’d work our asses off right after we graduate, and then we’d have our own programming company. You said it’s gonna be small at first, but with your inclination for mathematical modelling and my passion for gaming we’d make interesting programs. And we’ll sell lots of them. You wanted this with me,” he says, he can’t help himself but feel just a wee bit accusatory. Wasn’t it Sungmin who told him they’d be in this thing together ever since they’ve become lab partners?

Sungmin sighs again. He does recall saying that, he really wants to be with Kyuhyun throughout university, but something is stopping him. He just could not tell Kyuhyun that it’s them, they themselves, is what’s stopping Sungmin from achieving his dream. Did Sungmin dream of becoming one of Korea’s top gaming companies’ most prized programmer? No, he didn’t. Because what he dreamt of was having Kyuhyun’s attention on him. “It’s gone,” Sungmin quietly says, waiting as his program compiled. “I don’t know how it happened,” he says, but in his mind he’s blaming Kyuhyun for not paying attention to him, for driving him to leaving.

“You, you really don’t like it here anymore?” Kyuhyun asks him seriously.

“Yes,” Sungmin answers. “I can’t stand it.”

Kyuhyun nods, and Sungmin feels his heart drop a little. What? No demeaning comments about his betrayal? No I’m gonna miss you. No is this really what you want? “Where are you shifting?”

“GE,” Sungmin answers confidently.

“GE?” Kyuhyun echoes dumbly.

“Geodetic Engineering,” Sungmin shrugs. Kyuhyun looks at him incredulously. “The sun and fieldworks will be good for me.”

Sungmin knew that he wasn’t only leaving his major classes, and department ( and Kyuhyun) when he filed for a shifting application. Shifting to another course would also mean being transferred to a different dormitory which would be more accessible to his new department. He thought Kyuhyun would be upset when he tells him that he has to leave their dorm as well, but clearly, it was too much to hope for.

“It’s not like I’m not gonna see you around the campus,” Sungmin says as he puts his laptop on top of his pants only to cover it with his shirts.

Kyuhyun laughs. “Right, it’s not like you’re gonna avoid your ex-roommate and bestfriend right? I’m sure we’ll be bumping into each other like you’ve never moved, at all.” Sungmin attempts to laugh, but all he can do was smile weakly. Oh, Kyuhyun, you were never that smart in real life situations

It turns out. Sungmin was right and Kyuhyun was wrong. Because sun and fieldworks does Sungmin good and Kyuhyun never did bump into him after he’s shifted. Or maybe it’s the other way around, Sungmin never did bump into Kyuhyun. Well except for this time, when Sungmin and his group mates were assigned to conduct a survey on the area near his old department. Sungmin tried to plead to his professor, saying that no way, Comp Sci’s too far and the equipment are too heavy, but their professor told them they’d survive, and so they got stuck there.

It wasn’t that bad, Sungm thinks as he calibrates the transit. Sure it was way too hot but it was good seeing his previous course mates, and he’s yet to see Kyuhyun anyway, all in all, it’s not too bad.

“Sungmin-oppa, I think we got the wrong prism,” Sooyoung, the only girl in their group who was taking the class as an elective, says.

“Oh, really?” Sungmin asks and his other groupmate, Doojoon shows him the “wrong” prism. “We’re supposed to get the one with three reflectors, right?” Doojoon nods his head.

“We’ll get it,” Onew says as he drags Sooyoung away and makes their way to his car.

“I’ll go get us some food,” Wooyoung says. “Do you want anything hyung?”

“Just water, and some mints?” Sungmin replies as he watches Doojoon tag along with Wooyoung. He shakes his head at them, they just couldn’t stand the afternoon sun, can they? And so he’s left guarding the instrument, sitting next to it, just under the shade of the waiting shed where they had their starting point. He pulled out his ipod, wanting to occupy himself with some music while waiting for his groupmates. They weren’t in a hurry to conduct the survey, so he’s pretty sure they’d take their time just to get away from the hot sun. He was humming a song, completely absorbed in his solitude and not minding his lonesomeness when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He shrugs off one of his earphones and looks at the person.

“Ming?”

Breathe, Sungmin, breathe. He tells himself as he watches Kyuhyun take a seat next to him out of the corner of his eyes.”Hi,” he quietly says, hating the fact that he sounds so awkward and cringeworthy. Crap, he can’t even smile at him, and crap again, because he isn’t supposed to feel suffocated.

“Is that all you could say to me?” Kyuhyun asks him, moving forward to squeeze Sungmin’s cheeks. It was a routine on his part, squeezing his squishy hyung. Ever since Sungmin moved, he hasn’t got anybody to squeeze now. But Sungmin knows this, so he puts up his hands in front of him, effectively stopping Kyuhyun from squeezing him. Well okay, Kyuhyun thinks as his hands drop to his sides.

“What are you doing here, Kyuhyun?” Sungmin asks and he already thinks it’s a stupid question.

Kyuhyun looks at him weirdly. “Shouldn’t I be the one asking that?”

Sungmin smiles a bit. “Right.”

“So,” Kyuhyun starts and Sungmin struggles not to look at him. “What are you doing here?” he asks, and he mentally slaps himself. Way to make things more awkward, Kyuhyun.

“Just some fieldwork,” Sungmin replies, not really wanting to elaborate, kind of wanting this to end.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm, Sungmin-hyung,” Kyuhyun starts. Sungmin notices the hyung part and he tells himself it’s okay. After all, wasn’t this what he wanted? For them to grow apart, eventually? It was one of his reasons for shifting out anyway. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, perfectly fine,” Sungmin smiles at him. Kyuhyun nods, but Sungmmin could tell that he could tell that he was lying. It disgusts Sungmin, to be honest, that Kyuhyun would look at him like that obviously thinking that he knows something Sungmin doesn’t. So he defends himself. “GE’s everything I’m looking for. My coursemates are funny. There are only a few GE students,you know, compared to those who take Comp Sci of course. We’re a small bunch, and it’s fun. We’re all close.”

“Really, hyung?” Sungmin nods in response.

“So,how about you, Kyuhyun? Aren’t you graduating this year? I haven’t heard anything from you,” Sungmin says. It was true, he hasn’t heard anything about Kyuhyun.

“Yep, I’m well into my research now,” Kyuhyun says. “And I’ll be finishing it in a month or so.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, wow. I guess, since it’s not yet the end of the semester by the time I finish my research, I’ll be going back to my parents, leave the university for a while.”

“I see,” sungmin says. Oh, he’s leaving.

“I’m gonna miss you, hyung,” Kyuhyun suddenly says. “It’s too bad we had to meet like this though, I haven’t been seeing you around lately.”

Sungmin smiles at him weakly. “Yeah, I’ve been busy,” he says. Busy avoiding you.

“I understand,” Kyuhyun says as he smiles again and Sungmin feels guilty because he’s pretty sure Kyuhyun doesn’t . “You’ll see me before I leave these hallowed halls, right, hyung?”

Sungmin realizes that what he was doing was all in the name for bitter revenge. He pauses in front of the paper before him thinking if he should sign up or not for a survey trip in Busan. The trip was going to last two weeks and it will start at Kyuhyun’s last day in university. He needs to go, is what he tells himself when he finds himself signing up. He’s doing it for the grade, not because he wants to completely forget Kyuhyun and of course not because he wants to make Kyuhyun think he’d say goodbye to him properly when he actually won’t.

Hyung, I will probably finish my project on the 26th, let’s celebrate. For old times’ sakes
Huh, hyung, I expect you there :) . That’d be my last night here in uni. I’m free.

The cheerful email from Kyuhyun plays in his mind as he considers erasing his name. In the end, he doesn’t erase his name.

Kyuhyun hopes that Sungmin was only late. That no, Sungmin wouldn’t ditch him. He’d celebrate the end of his research with his hyung. But it’s nearing 10 pm and he’s yet to pack . His parents would pick him up soon, and if he doesn’t pack he knows he’ll get an earful from his mother.

“You haven’t packed?” Joon, the guy who replaced Sungmin as his roommate says from the doorway.

“Obviously,” Kyuhyun says as he lies on the bed, repeatedly throwing the stress ball at the ceiling. Sungmin wasn’t coming.

“You have a lot to pack, you know,” Joon says. Kyuhyun only grunts in response.

“I thought I’d see Sungmin here,” his mother says as she helps Kyuhyun pack his belongings.

“He’s busy,” Kyuhyun says.

“Busy? Isn’t he supposed to be finished with his research too?”

“He’s shifted, umma,” Kyuhyun shrugs.

“Shifted?”

“Yes, umma.”

“When and why? I thought you two would be partners in crime when it comes to programming,” she says.

“I thought that too,” Kyuhyun quietly says.

“Is he coming to see you off?” she asks as she closes Kyuhyun’s bag.

“I don’t know,” Kyuhyun shrugs again. “Maybe not, it’s already late.”

Sungmin attempts to sleep on his way to Busan, choosing to listen to songs instead of his classmates’ chatter. He wasn’t in the mood to join them. He closes his eyes and shuts them tight, hoping that the long journey to Busan would tire him out, but so far, it has been ineffective. He’s wide awake thinking of when could be the next tie he would see Kyuhyun. He sighs and thinks he shouldn’t have left. He shouldn’t have left for Busan, he shouldn’t have left Comp Sci, he shouldn’t have left Kyuhyun. But he did. And nothing would change that. He liked to think he was stronger than running away from his feelings and the pain of being ignored, but he was only human and that’s what drove him to leave.

“I regret nothing,” he says as he rests his head against the window. “I regret absolutely nothing.”

THE END

fic: above the clouds in the atmosphere, pg13, yebum

pinefir — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 19:29:06 GMT

Title: above the clouds in the atmosphere (첫키스)
Author: pinefir
Pairing: yesung/kibum, implied!sungmin/yesung
Genre: fluff
Rating: PG-13
Words: 2578
Warning: for girl!Yesung and AU-ness. Set in the HP!au same verse as that of choimyeon.
Summary: Yesung is a prefect who sometimes gets on Kibum’s nerves. But Kibum doesn’t mind, because he finds himself falling for her personality, for her charm, for her whole being just because of one Veritaserum taken by Sungmin. He also has Tablo to thank for, because if Tablo didn’t feel the need to embarrass Gryffindors, he wouldn’t realize that he already likes her.
AN첫키스-chokiseu-first kiss
AN2: bonus points for those who can guess from which song the title comes from :)
AN3: slightly related to choimyeon, but you can read chokiseu without it :3 actually, if you read choimyeon, you’re gonna know what will happen in the end, but it’s not much of a spoiler anyway.
AN4: ahh to be in love.

At first Kibum hated Yesung, the insufferable, muggleborn witch from Gryffindor. Being a pureblood and a Ravenclaw too at that, he gets a bit offended if not severely insulted whenever someone else does better than him, especially if that someone else is muggleborn. He doesn’t have a hatred for muggleborns, in fact he believes muggleborns are necessary so that the wizarding race would not die out, but he just cannot accept the fact that muggleborns like her, who excel in something that isn’t natural to her race, exists. So yeah, it kinda irks Kibum whenever Yesung can somehow outsmart him in subjects like Potions because he should know this. He’s been exposed to these things ever since, what should Yesung know about these alternative methods when she hasn’t even taken cough potions since birth?

“Professor Tablo,” Yesung says, and Kibum glances over her side of the room. She looks less haggard, compared to his classmates who were currently slaving over their cauldrons just like him. “I’m done.”

Tablo takes a peek into her cauldron, Kibum observes noting that there isn’t any dissatisfaction in their professor’s face. They’ve been working on a milder version of Veritaserum , and their potions should be colourless, and like water now since it’s been a month, but so far, only Yesung has gotten close to the properties of the Veritaserum. Tablo narrows his eyes at her suspiciously. “If you followed the book, you would’ve gotten a cheap and stinky version of Amortentia.”

“Yes, I know,” Yesung says, immediately cutting Tablo off, unaware of her professor’s growing distaste. “And when I read it in the book, I thought the methodology didn’t seem right, so I tweaked it a bit.”

“You are aware,” Tablo says. “That if you even get one step wrong all that you could’ve done is some powerful poison with no possible antidote?”Yesung nods, although Kibum can see her confidence faltering. He smirks, there’s no way Yesung would be able to recreate even a weak version of Veritaserum.

“Kim Ryeowook,” Tablo calls out Gryffindo’s golden boy. Kim Ryeowook looks up from his pink potion and starts to move towards the two when Tablo suddenly changes his mind. “No, Lee Sungmin, you come here.”

Yesung starts to waver. She hopes Tablo won’t make Sungmin drink her potion.

“If this potion that you’ve made is effective, given the alternative methods you claimed to use, I will award Gryffindor 20 points. If it doesn’t, I will deduct 30 points from your house, and forbid you from attending two sessions of my class Ms. Kim,” Tablo says, and Yesung look a bit petrified. “Just so it’d teach you not to risk potion takers’ lives by ‘tweaking’ the methodology. “

This should be interesting, Kibum thinks as he watches Lee Sungmin try to placate Yesung, telling her that he’d be okay. He watches Sungmin take Yesung’s hand and squeeze it, and he thinks that them showing their affections in such a setting is sickening. Sungmin then puts the small flask of veritaserum to his lips and he drinks it. Sungmin stiffens and Yesung is nervous on how he would respond. When he shakes himself awake, Yeusng breathes a sigh of relief.

“Name, Age, House and number of siblings,” Tablo asks.

“Lee Sungmin, 19, Gryffindor, 1,” Sungmin answers. Tablo nods his head and Yesung looks relieved.

“Professor, is it working?” Yesung asks. Those were generic questions, even without the truth serum, Sungmin could answer them.

Tablo glares at her and she shuts up.

“Tell me, Mr. Lee,” Tablo starts. “Do you happen to like Ms. Kim?” Yesung stiffens, and Sungmin, even under a weak Veritaserum struggles to lie and say no. But it looks like he can’t because he’s turning redder every second.

“Yes,” Sungmin answers in a small voice. Tablo’s lips curl up.

“Can you repeat that, Mr Lee? I don’t think I’ve heard you,” Tablo smirks.

“Yes, I like Yesung,” he says. It doesn’t come as a shock to anybody, but it comes as a shock to Yesung.

“20 points to Gryffindor then,” Tablo says as he leaves the two rooted on their spot.

Kibum is the captain for Ravenclaw’s Quidditch team, he loves Quidditch and he can honestly say that he’s one of the greatest Keeper’s Ravenclaw has ever seen since he wins every game against the other houses, except of course for the games against Gryffindor; because Gryffindor has Kim Ryeowook and Lee Sungmin in their team. Kim Ryeowook would be the primary reason why Gryffindor would always win seeing that he’s the seeker but he can’t deny the fact that some points are contributed by Sungmin as their keeper. So it again, annoys him that he’s not on top. And so he practices at night, charming the quaffle so it would go into the rings and he’s forced to block it.

It was a cold September night and it’s just a month before their first game for the year so it was only expected that he would be practicing even late into the night, when he sees a lone figure sitting on the Gryffindor stands. He ignores it, because he can’t be distracted, and he only thinks it’s one of his fans anyway. Two hours pass by with him still blocking the charmed quaffle when the figure on the stands is still sitting there. Curious as to who this person is and how the hell is that person even surviving the cold weather for two hours now, he flew over to the stands. It was a girl, a girl he was familiar with. Kim Yesung.

“Hey,” Kibum calls out as he jumps off his broom and lands in front of Yesung who was sitting, curled up, not acknowledging him. He takes a seat beside her and notices that she’s wearing a coat that’s too thin for this chilly night. His gentlemanly side kicking in, he takes off his the coat he’s wearing and places it over her. Yesung looks up and faces him.

“Oh,” she says. “I, you didn’t have to give me your cloak,” she weakly says as she starts shrugging off his cloak.

“No it’s okay,” Kibum says as he stops her from giving him back his coat. “I’m feeling warm now, two hours of practicing.”

“I see,” Yesung says quietly and she goes back to her previous state of having her head on her chin, staring off to nothing. Kibum inches a bit closer to her, suddenly cold because of the wind. She looks at him and smiles while she sits closer to him and he’s a bit thankful for her sharing her warmth. They lean back and Kibum brings up his knees, mimicking what Yesung is currently doing.

“Your Veritaserum was effective,” Kibum says, just to break the silence.

“It wasn’t, Sungmin can’t possibly like me,” she says.

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“Because?”

“I’m nobody’s type,” she says , laughing at her own joke. Kibum frowns, sure he didn’t exactly like her at first, but she turned out to be nice and fine anyway. It would be impossible to have nobody admiring her.

“See, that’s what I don’t like about you,” Kibum says. Yesung looks up at him in surprise. “You put yourself down so much, I’d think you’re being falsely modest. “

“I, I’m not like that,” Yesung protests.

“You’re smart, you’re pretty, no, you’re beautiful,” Kibum says as he turns to face her. “You’re actually one of the few people I’d willingly accept defeat to when you beat my ass in academics. You know, I hated you before because I can’t figure out why you’re such a good witch when you aren’t even supposed to be one in the first place.” Yesung smiles at this a bit. “And when you did the verisaterum in Potions, I was miffed but I was gonna admit it. You have talent. Why do you sell yourself short? Is it because other people think you should?”

She remains quiet, mulling over Kibum’s words. She looks at him and she is startled to see him staring at her intently. She’s never talked to Kibum before beyond the occasional hello, so it comes as a surprise to her that he actually has something to say about her.

“What I’m saying is,” Kibum says as he breaks of eye-contact because he thinks that his stomach is getting a bit queasy at the way Yesung’s staring back at him, her eyes alit in wonder. “You’re amazing, but you don’t even know it, and that sucks.”

“I,” Yesung starts to defend herself, but Kibum cuts her off.

“You are, don’t think you aren’t okay?” Kibum says and in a move that even surprises him, he kisses her. He doesn’t know what made him do it. Maybe it’s the fact that a kiss would be the best proof for her to believe that she is indeed liked by guys. Or maybe he was attracted to her a long time ago and now, the combination of her sitting underneath the moonlight was just the proverbial last straw on the camel’s back. Because, Merlin, she looks beautiful with her flushed cheeks and big eyes and plump lips. He caresses her cheek as he tries to deepen the kiss, lost in the sensations of her lips against his. He lets her tongue prod her mouth, glad to have not met resistance, and he thinks he’s never tasted something sweeter than her. Yesung lets her hand fall on top of his hand resting on the bench, and he takes it as a sign to go further, but he gets surprised when Yesung’s other hand is suddenly pushing against his chest, popping his little bubble.

“Kibum-ssi, I like you,” Yesung starts and Kibum can feel the but coming.

“I’m sorry, I was out of line,” he cuts her off and he stands up. He just more or less confessed to her that he like sher and here she was about to reject him. “I’ll be leaving now,” he says, and he jumps on his broomstick, eager to put distance between him and Yesung.
Yesung is left on the stands looking at Kibum’s flying figure, Kibum’s jacket still wrapped around her.

After that fateful night, Kibum finds himself unable to look at Yesung straight in the eye. He honestly feels ashamed of what he did because it makes him feel like he had taken advantage of her. Whenever they’d meet in the hallways, Kibum would try his bet not to meet her eyes. Since it was like that, they acted like the other didn’t exist, they barely talked. It seemed as if nothing out of the oridanry happened between the both of them, but both thought back to that night.

It was during a prefect’s meeting, just 2 weeks after they met and 2 weeks before the match, when Kibum finds himself in close contact with Yesung. Yesung’s sitting next to him and Sungmin, her partner could be seen with his younger sister, Hyukjae, sitting together. Yesung seems to be avoiding Sungmin, so she sits next to Sooyoung, Hyukjae’s partner and co prefect, who happens to sit just a seat away from Kibum. He shoots her what he hopes are discreet glances, almost not paying attention to the Head boy’s spiel.

“Kibum-ssi?” Head Boy Leeteuk calls out his name just as he was sneaking a glance towards Yesung. He looks up at him and asks what it is. “You’ll have to patrol the fourth tower with Yesung-ssi,” Leeteuk says, Kibum knows it as the tower just in the middle of the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw towers. He looks at Yesung, as if expecting her to protest but instead she smiles a bit too stiffly at him. He smiles back at her and her smile softens considerably. He tunes out Leeteuk and Taeyeon then, not minding the fact that he’s missing the agenda to be carried out and instead focuses on how he should confront Yesung about it.

When the meeting ends, everybody seems to be eager to go out , and he finds Yesung amongst the people who weren’t rushing to the door. He pulls her away from the door, and she doesn’t fight. They bid Leeteuk and Taeyeon goodbye, promising that they’d lock the room up.

“Kibum,” Yesung says as she brings out something from her bag. “I wanted to return this to you,” she says as she hands him his cloak.

“Oh, right.”

“I, I had it washed,” Yesung says. “I’m sorry I couldn’t return it to you earlier. Ryeowook told me you weren’t practicing in the pitch anymore, so I figured that I won’t need to go to the pitch anymore.”

“I see,” Kibum says, mentally shaking his self for not being able to talk to her normally. They stood there in silence, looking at anywhere but each other.

“Is that all?” she timidly asks.

“Uhm,” Yesung looks at him expectantly. “I wanted to apologize.”

“For what?”

“I wanted to apologize for kissing you without your permission,” Kibum says, breathing out once he’s said it. Yesung looks at him frowning. “I mean, I don’t regret kissing you and all. And I happen to really like you. It’s just that, it’s not enough reason for me to impose myself on you.”

Yesung nods as she adjusts the straps of her bag.

“I, just,” Kibum starts again. “Yesung-ssi, I like you, really. And I guess no amount of reasoning can ever justify what I did, but I just wanted to let you know that you’re admired.”

“Thank you, Kibum-ssi,” Yesung says quietly, a slight smile gracing her lips and a lush forming on her cheeks. “I just, well, I was taken off guard. But I’m flattered, really,” she says and this time she’s smiling at him shyly , but to Kibum she looks nothing short of adorable. “It’s actually the first time someone ever did that to me, so...”

Kibum smiles back, glad to be the first one to have kissed her, at the same time wondering how in earth could’ve no one confessed to her before. He vaguely remembers Sungmin revealing that he did really like her, but he guesses that it isn’t much of a confession.

“Is that all?” Yesung asks, out of pity for herself, because she seriously cannot stand what she’s feeling right now; alone in a room with Kibum, it brings back the memory of the kiss. The room suddenly grows stuffy and hot for her liking, so she wants out, even if it meant spending less time with Kibum.”I have to get going though.” Her hands find the doorknob but before she can even turn it, Kibum holds her other hand, stopping her from exiting the room and making her heart beat just a little faster.

“No,” Kibum says. “Actually that’s not all.” Yesung looks at him and waits. “I wanted to ask you if you’d like to go with me to the Yule Ball. I know it’s still early and you don’t have to answer me right now, I’m just asking if maybe, you could consider going together?”

“I will,” Yesung says, head a bit too light for her liking and heart palpitating more than ever. “I’ll let you know,” she says and with a wave she turns around and heads off to her dormitory. Kibum is left with his hopes up because Yesung said she’d consider going with him. He has a feeling that she’s gonna say yes because right now, he feels as if he’s flying.

[fic]make me miss my meals, yewon, pg-13

pinefir — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 23:31:30 GMT

Title: Make Me Miss My Meals
Author: pinefir
Pairing: Yesung/Siwon, ninja!Kangin/Eeteuk
Rating: PG-13
Warning: AU!
Words: 4500!
Summary: Yesung is the expert in driving people crazy, Siwon as perfect as he is, is not that immune to Yesung’s antics. A tale of how a path to love includes people changing, severe amounts of crazy and interrogations, and committing crimes that makes the university police want to let them out because they are pitiful crime-committers. And hooray Greek Societies!
AN: is this crack or is this insanity? INSANIIITEEEEAAAA
AN2: this is the longest YeWon I’ve ever written. I will never subject myself to such craziness again. Fuq.

Let it be known that Choi Siwon is a stickler for rules. If Hermione Granger had a male, muggle counterpart it would be no one else but Choi Siwon. Choi Siwon’s bestfriends are rule books, grammar books, etiquette books; if a book has a rule in it, Choi Siwon made sure that he’s read it at least thrice. Oddly enough, Siwon doesn’t consider the Bible as a rulebook. Though he is a devout Christian and once considered priesthood as a career , he never did believe in the Bible and its set rules because he’s one of the Bible’s unspeakables. No, Choi Siwon was not a devil (but he might as well be, he thinks) ; he was, and still is, gay. Yep, Choi Siwon who seemed to attract half of the female population is gay as gay goes.

Now that it is known that Hermione, I mean Choi Siwon, is a gay rule-enforcer of some sort, let us then drag ourselves to the other side of the spectrum. Since people who stick to the rules exist, science balances them out with people who just love to break the rules. Delinquents, most people call them delinquents. Kim Jongwoon also known as Yesung is a delinquent. No fancy words, no nothing to make it less harsher; Yesung is a rulebreaker in every sense of the word. But even if he does love throwing paintballs at different establishments in Kangnam, he can’t bring himself to break one rule. That rule is the natural law of nature, under the subset of reproduction. Yes, Yesung is straight as a ruler but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t get a kick out of teasing gay people with his killer charisma.

Everything starts with a meeting, of course, because not even the butterfly effect would work on people who are on opposite sides of the world. Siwon, being a stickler for the rules (as been mentioned for about four times now), thought that one of the rules of University life is that you have to be part of the Greek society. It isn’t a surprise really, that one of his tasks for initiation as a member is to break in the university’s police department to get three silver mugs used by the officers. He thinks it’s a stupid task really, who’s stopping him from buying mugs from the university shop? No one, but it never did cross his mind because he was an honest man and an honest man does not cheat.

So here he was inside one of the restrooms of the office, waiting for the junior officer to at least vacate the area. He feels his pocket for the duplicate key for the backdoor that Alpha Sigma Sigma has, thinking that he shouldn’t take long because Donghae, his co-pledge, is waiting for him. When he hears the junior officer shuffle out of the office and onto some place he has no idea about, he slips out of the restroom and tiptoes towards the desks.

He spots two desks with the silver mugs and immediately disposes the two mugs of their contents before placing them in his loot bag. Seeing that no officer was on their way to return to the room, Siwon thought he might as well look for a third mug to steal. He saw a mug lying jus ton top of the file cabinet, and of course, he made a grab for it. Apparently fate doesn’t like him breaking the rules because just as he was emptying the mug into the bin, 2 junior officers with a guy entered the room.

“You caught one again?” the guy on the left asks the guy on the right, seemingly unaware of Siwon’s presence. Siwon takes it as a chance to hide behind the file cabinet, which was quite stupid because the file cabinet is a good head shorter than he was. He would’ve crouched but he can’t because there’s no space and he thinks the two officers won’t notice him anyway.

“Yep,” the guy on the right answers. “Gamma Alpha Gamma member,” he says referring to the guy with side-bangs and guyliner. “Painting the Greek Road red, again.”

Gamma Alpha Gamma member smirks-snorts. “We GAGs have sense of humor, apparently the rest of the greek road doesn’t.”

“Shut it,” the guy on the left says and Siwon thinks he can escape now, so he tiptoes out from his hiding place and into the open immediately catching the attention of the GAG member.

“And apparently, you guys don’t know when you’re being robbed,” GAG guyliner guy says as he points towards Siwon’s direction. The two junior officers turn around and spots Siwon. Siwon kind of wishes he had an invisibility cloak because he swears he’s just rooted to the spot. He can hear the two officers approaching him and he’s telling himself to run, but he can’t run.

“Son,” the junior officer says and Siwon knows he’s screwed.

And so it ends with the two of them in juvenile jail. Siwon for stealing from the police (the nerve!) and unnamed GAG member for pulling a prank on the whole Greek road.

“ASS has such sucky pledge-challenges,” unnamed guy who shares Siwon’s juvenile cell says.

“Excuse me?” Siwon asks.

“ASS, you know, the frat you’re gonna join. Alpha Sigma Sigma?” the other says. Siwon’s eyebrow does a dance, he honestly did not realize that the frat he’s gonna join has ASS for its initials. “What you didn’t know?”

Siwon shrugs. He thought Alpha Sigma Sigma would stand for aoo.

“I’m Yesung,” unnamed guy now named Yesung introduces himself. “You’ve got some guts, stealing from the university police.”

“Pledge here,” Siwon says.

“I see.”

Silence, and then Yesung starts singing that boygroup SHINee’s Lucifer. “Her whisper is the Lucifer,” he sings and he stands up, dancing to Lucifer. Siwon stares at him, and facepalms because seriously, they’re detained for who knows how long in juvenile jail. He’s pretty sure that this is gonna go down in their permanent record.

“Hey, keep it down!” junior officer from the right says. Yesung ignores junior officer and starts singing Ring Ding Dong, complete with the dance. Siwon’s eyes widen, he doesn’t know what’s going on so he buries his head in his hands and wonders if Donghae is still waiting. In the end, the officers release them because Yesung has successfully showed them all of SHINee’s singles from Replay to Hello. It’s only been 30 minutes. “Oh god, you two are insane. One steals used mugs from us, and one shows us all of this boygroup’s dance,” the junior officer from the right says as he unlocks the juvenile jail cell. “Don’t show your faces here again.”

When Siwon comes out of the office with Yesung behind him, he doesn’t expect to see Donghae dancing to Lucifer.

“Cool friend,” Yesung says as Siwon gapes at the dancing Donghae.

“Pledge-mate,” automatic response. Donghae turns around and spots them.

“Oh! Siwon! That was fast!” Donghae says. “I haven’t even gone through all the SHINee singles!”

“Awesome,” Yesung says from behind Siwon. Siwon ignores him.

“Hae, I thought you were gone,” Siwon says as he climbs in the passenger’s seat. “I’m sorry I made you wait.” Donghae shrugs, climbing into the driver’s seat. The two of them doesn’t notice Yesung climbing into the car with them.

“You know,” Yesung speaks up from the back seat and Siwon turns around shock evident in his face. “You’re a good dancer and all,” he tells Donghae who didn’t look shocked. “But you ain’t no good if you can’t dance all of SHINee’s singles in 30 minutes. I mean come on man, they’ve got a very specific flow you know.”

Donghae was about to respond, defending his pride and justifying his inability to dance all of SHINee’s songs in 30 minutes a la mashup when Siwon cuts him off. “Don’t you have a car?”

“Nope,” Yesung answers. “Got brought by the weewho car.”

Siwon narrows his eyes at him. “Look, you can’t ride with us.”

“Why not? GAG is just a block away from ASS, you can drop me off there, right SHINee boy?”

“Lee Donghae.”

“Oh, Kim Yesung,” Yesung says and Donghae turns around to face him so that they could shake hands. Siwon asks why things are going like this. Donghae should not just let anybody in his car. What if they’re driving a murderer around? He was about to ask Yesung to step out of the car when-

“So, can you dance a SHINee mashup in 30 minutes?” Donghae asks Yesung.

“Can I ever? I’m the king of dash-ups!” Yesung proudly says. Siwon only buries his head in his hands. Deja vu, it feels like the juvenile jail cell scenario all over again, only this time he had an added Donghae. Clearly he just can’t wait to reach the GAG house and drop this Yesung guy off.

Their first encounter can only be best described by the word insane, for Siwon at least. For Yesung it was just his everyday brand of crazy. Since it was insane, Siwon kind of wished that he’d never get to encounter the guy again. He wasn’t sure he can stand watching impromptu dance-offs ala music program style courtesy of Yesung .But life is a bitch, and life operates under Murphy’s law wherein Murphy states that nothing, absolutely nothing, is ever gonna go your way because life fucks us all just because it can, so Siwon meets Yesung again. This time without Donghae so the circumstances were hopefully less crazy.

“Hey ASS boy I’ve never even had the chance to know the name of,” Yesung says as he slings an arm around Siwon’s shoulder. Siwon mentally mourns the loss of a nice-enough and tolerable Korean Literature class.

“Uhm,” Siwon unintelligently says.

“Kim Yesung?” he says as he settles himself beside Siwon. “Remember me, coffee-mug stealer?”

Siwon grunts again. Of course he could remember him. Aside from the fact that Yesung is crazy and over the top with all his dancing in a jail cell, Siwon remembers him as the guy who first caught his attention in university. It was quite a big feat, after all Siwon is living in a frathouse that housed guys that just look perfect. Oddly enough, he never felt attracted to any of the frathouse occupants, not even Hankyung who was his big brother (but maybe , the fact that Hankyung is a lecturer in Chinese 101 kind of turns Siwon off). So it comes as a surprise to him that he kind of likes this Yesung guy with permanent guyliner and bedhair. It just doesn’t make sense that no matter how much he claimed that he didn’t want to see Yesung ever again his heart (or some sort of organ that’s related to his heart that’s not in the nether regions) just sort of stops and puts on the red light when he sees someone who even resembles Yesung’s bedhair.

“What’s your name, kid?” Yesung asks and Siwon bristles.

“I’m not a kid.”

“Sure you are, you’re a pledge. You’re a freshie . Still a kid compared to me at least,” Yesung says as he raises his feet against the chair in front of him. The professor, Siwon thinks that guy is the professor, swats Yesung’s feet away as he enters, saving Siwon from answering him.

“Nice to see you here again, Mr. Kim,” the professor says and Yesung does a one-hand salute. Siwon snorts.

“Well what can you say,” Yesung drawls, and Siwon kind of narrows his eyes at him, because he shouldn’t sound that good when he’s drawling. And besides! No one ever drawls in real life. “I’ve missed you, Leeteuk-ssi.”

“That’s Mr. Park to you,” Mr. Park says as he fixes papers on the desk. “Can’t say the same for you, though. What’s this , your third time taking KorLit?” Yesung chuckles and winks at the professor, one that Mr.Park brushes away. While most of the class watches the two banter lightly, wondering how the hell Yesung could act like that and why the hell their professor is encouraging his advances, Siwon only mutters under his breath about annoying seniors who drive him crazy.

Since then , Yesung has taken it upon himself to accompany Siwon throughout the three-hour long lectures of Mr.Park. He learned, through the ASS grapevine and ASS senior Kangin, that Mr. Park or Leeteuk as Kangin affectionately calls that guy, is a GAG alumni who’s in the same year as Heechul, the ASS-alumni who’s terrorizing students in his Logic classes.

“Why do you ask about him anyway?” Kangin asks him when he gets fed up with Siwon’s queries about Leeteuk.

“Nothing much,” Siwon mumbles, hoping to drop the topic but Kangin prods him.

“He’s gay, if that’s what you wanna know,” Kangin says out of the blue and Siwon gets shocked because he didn’t know how Leeteuk being gay was suddenly brought up.

“Oh come on, don’t act so surprised, I know you’re gay,” Kangin says. “Most of us are. Leeteuk’s one too but he’s off limits.”

Siwon nods, digesting this information. “What do you mean he’s off limits? Is he taken by someone in GAG?” he wants to ask if Leeteuk is possibly in a relationship with Yesung but he thinks it’s too early for that.

Kangin laughs. “Why, do you want him?”

“No,” Siwon starts. “It’s just that I have this classmate , and he’s been kind of hitting on him?” and with that Siwon feels as if he’s tattling on someone like a kindergartener.

“Yesung?” Kangin asks. Siwon nods, surprised that Kangin even knows of the fact that Yesung hits on Leeteuk a little too often. Kangin sees his surprise and he answers his unasked question. “Yesung’s in my year. We’re friends, we just went to different frats because he wants to branch out. But yes, Yesung does hit on Leeteuk every chance he gets but Leeeteuk totally doesn’t mind because Yesung is his little brother in GAG.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Yesung’s been taking his class for three straight semesters now, just to piss him off I guess? Leeteuk doesn’t complain though, he says Yesung’s another person that pays him for an education anyway,” Kangin says, shrugging . “Why are you interested in Leeteuk anyway?”

“I’m not, I was just curious,” Siwon says when he really wanted to add that he was curious about another person, not Leeteuk.

“Curious, okay,” and with that Kangin left Siwon to ponder how exactly Yesung’s getting off by attending his big brother’s lectures every semester. If it was Siwon who was asked to take a class under Han Geng (his ASS big brother ), he would’ve done well in that class and asked Geng to treat him as an ordinary student completely overriding the fact that they are frat-brothers. But Yesung, Yesung seems to take this frat-brothers-stick-together rule to the extreme level, but then who is he to judge? He doesn’t know how the hell the world works in Yesung’s eyes anyway.

Siwon later finds out that Yesung is a straight guy when he suddenly overhears Yesung and a girl from their class fighting. Well actually, the girl was having an aneurysm and blowing her top off while Yesung just looked past her antics and continued sipping his coffee. He looked like he didn’t even care. Siwon takes the seat beside Yesung and Yesung offers him his coffee. “Raspberry Frap?” he says as he hands Siwon the coffee. Siwon shakes his head and smiles at him, Yesung only shrugs and the girl continues talking about how Yesung defiled her.
“You are such a jerk,” the girl screams at Yesung who only makes a face behind the coffee cup. When she gets no response, she stomps off bursting into tears. Siwon looks around and he notices that there were only three of them in the lecture room, two now, now that the girl left.

“What the hell was that about?” he hisses under his breath.

“Something about me being a jerk?” Yesung answers.

“No, really hyung? Why was that girl clawing at you?”

“Oh, her,” he says and he sets down his coffee. “We’ve been sleeping together, three times now, and she comes barging here wanting to know what we are. So I told her, we’re fuck buddies, no strings attached. And then she went on and on how I was being a lustful jerk who wouldn’t even stand up for her and shit like that. And I’m like, cool, okay.”

Siwon could only look at him in shock and slightly-veiled derision. This guy, he can’t believe some guy like this exists and he can’t help but want to take the side of the girl. Even if they’ve established that they were fuck-buddies (as Yesung put it) the girl just can’t be blamed for wanting to be exclusive.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Yesung asks Siwon as he sees his I-can’t-believe-you’d-do-that stare.

“You slept with her, and you just denied her?” Siwon asks incredulously.

“I don’t see the problem with that,” Yesung says and Siwon snorts. “Look, I may seem like the bad person here, but if you were me, would you force yourself to have a relationship with someone you just occasionally sleep with? I mean there still has to be feelings right?”

Siwon still doesn’t look convinced.

“I don’t feel anything for her, and I’m pretty sure she only mistakes her feelings of lust and companionship as feelings of liking and loving for me,” Yesung continues. “I’m not about to take advantage of that just to have a so-called girlfriend and force ourselves to be “happy” with each other. Besides, despite my jerk-image I am still a romantic at heart.”

Siwon snorts again, but this time it’s more of a lol-kind of snort rather than the derisive-I’m-looking-down-on-you snort. Yesung chuckles and soon Siwon finds himself smiling. “Besides, would you really want to have a relationship with a girl who’s that clingy?”

Siwon doesn’t answer, but in his mind he thinks he’d rather have a relationship with him.

It was bound to happen, Yesung finding out that Siwon is gay.

“You’re gay?” Yesung asks as he sits down next to Siwon, late again, Siwon could hear Mr. Park mumbling under his breath about incorrigible bastards.

“Hmm?” Siwon says in reply, hoping he’d never have to hear Yesung ask him again if he was gay.

“Kangin told me,” Yesung says, and again Siwon feigns innocence. “Oh come on, don’t deny it!”

“Sssh, Leeteuk’s looking at us,” Siwon says as he finds Mr. Park staring at them , daring them to contribute another decibel to the already noisy environment.

“Never mind that old oaf,” Yesung says as he turns around to face him. “So you are gay?” he asks again and Siwon notices that there isn’t derision in Yesung’s tone, jus pure curiosity. Siwon gulps and he nods, he’s cornered and he couldn’t lie about this because he’s already come to accept this.

“Sweet,” Yesung says and he pulls Siwon into a side-hug. Siwon can feel his cheeks flush in embarrassment and whatnot when the class suddenly turns to look at them. “I knew you were gay from the very start,” Yesung exclaims, and Siwon kind of wants the earth to swallow him whole because Yesung just announce to the whole class that he was gay. Siwon kind of wonders how the hell did he even find this guy attractive at all, especially since he’s been doing nothing but drive him crazy. But he guesses that the eyemile, the weird and charming personality, the above-average looks and combination of these three overcompensates for Yesung’s antics.

“While I’m glad that you’ve come out of the closet, Mr. Choi,” Mr. Park suddenly interrupts his train of thought. “And we only have Mr. Kim to thank that for,” he says as he looks at Yesung’s direction. “I’m afraid that you two are just this close to getting your asses kicked out of this room. Behave or I’ll be the one to drag you by your collars to the dean’s office.”

Class went by with Siwon ignoring every psst Yesung makes. He learns that Yesung isn’t someone to get easily discouraged and he finds it out the hard way when they find themselves kicked out of Leeteuk’s class only 30 minutes after the class started because Yesung can’t just stop pestering him with his questions.

“I can’t believe it ! You always get me into trouble!” Siwon says as Leeteuk closes the door in their faces. “First I got to juvenile jail because you told the police that I’m robbing them. And then now you got us kicked out of class because you were pestering me. I’m not even doing anything wrong yet I get punished for what you do . And why are you even so curious about me and me being gay? Seriously? You’re like a bad luck magnet of some sort—mmph.”

Yesung pushed Siwon against the wall, attacking Siwon’s lips fiercely. And siwon can’t help but open his mouth and let Yesung’s prodding tongue in.

“Did you seriously just kiss me to shut me up?” Siwon asks as Yesung finally leaves his mouth and rests his forehead against Siwon. They don’t know how they found themselves leaning against the wall, but Siwon was thankful they did because he’s pretty sure his knees would’ve buckled just because of the intensity of the kiss.

“Yes,” Yesung breathes out. “It was pretty effective right?” he asks, as he extracts himself from Siwon and helps Siwon stand up straight. Siwon only nods, and they being walking towards the stairs and away from their classroom and the wall that just supported Siwon.

“Why?” Siwon asks as they climb down the stairs.

“Why what? Why kiss you?” Yesung asks him back. “Didn’t I answer that already?”

“Most pepole would slam their palms over the person’s lips rather than making out with them just to shut the other up,” Siwon replies.

“Well, I’m not most people, right?” Yesung says and Siwon has to agree.

“But, you’re straight,” Siwon argues, trying to find reason behind Yesung’s actions.

“So what if I am?” Yesung challenges him.

“But it doesn’t compute. You kissing me, I’m confused.”

“It doesn’t have to.”

“Why did you do it?”

“Another rule to break?” Yesung asks, and Siwon kinds of want to hit Yesung over his head. So what is he to Yesung now? “Look, if I tell you I may be interested in you, what would you do?”

“I don’t know,” Siwon says, as it surprised him that Yesung actually said he’s interested in him. “Ask you why?”

“Well, I don’t know how to answer that because I’m pretty sure I am interested in you, I just can’t think of a reason. And, I kissed you because I wanted to know if I was gay,” Yesung says shrugging. “I mean, I’m a straight guy and all, and maybe you made me gay, not by association of course, but more of by being sort of interested , a bit infatuated, kind of way.“

Siwon nods, and then speaks. “If I tell you that I’m attracted to you, would you freak out? Because we’ve been hanging out, and you figured out that I was gay,” Siwon says.

“I would find it weird if you weren’t attracted to me,” Yesung smirks at him and Siwon narrows his eyes at him.

“I find your ego unattractive,” Siwon says matter-of-factly and Yesung laughs in response. “So, what are we now?”

“I don’t know, friends in limbo?” Yesung says and Siwon raises his eyebrows at him.

“In limbo?”

“Well, we aren’t in heaven, because that’d mean we’d be going out. And we aren’t in hell either because that would mean we’re...uhm, i don’t know think of each other as insufferable?”

“Okay, friends in limbo then.”

“So, do you really like me then?” Yesung asks Siwon one day as he drops by the ASS frat house in order to visit Siwon. Siwon was in the middle of putting a piece of tasty bacon in his mouth when Yesung suddenly chomps down and pulls his plate towards him instead. Siwon glares at Yesung, he was hungry and he just woke up from an all-nighter.

“Give me back my food,” Siwon said, resorting to whining as Yesung smiles through a mouthful of his rice and bacon and eggs.

“Answer my question first,” Yesung says and Siwon wonders for the nth time that year just how he liked this insufferable guy. And then he wonders again how the hell Yesung could’ve gotten in the house at this time. It was still early and though Yesung’s been a regular in the ASS frat house due to his connections with some of his ASS brothers, no one would be willing enough to open the door just for him. Unless of course, his GAG big brother gave him a copy of the key that Kangin gave Leeteuk.

“I’m in friendship hell,” Siwon mutters. It’s been months after the confession/not-so-confession and they’re still in friends-limbo status, but they’ve grown considerable closer and Siwon thanks God that Yesung is kind of less crazy now, or else he wouldn’t have managed.

“I resent that!” Yesung says , feigning hurt. “I’d like to think we’re gearing on towards friendship-heaven,” he says as he rests his chin against the table looking quite like an adorable mess.

“Maybe if you stopped stealing my food, dancing to random song at random times in random places, and demanding you to bring coffee every day, I’d consider it friendship-heaven.”

“But,” Yesung starts, and then he pauses. “Yeah I think I make you work too much.”

Siwon grins at him smugly. “Yeah, you make me miss my meals, make me crazy, and make me your slave.”

“It’s all gonna pay off in the end,” Yesung says as he pats Siwon’s back, and then he leans over Siwon to place a kiss on his cheeks. “See, all your hard work is starting to pay off!”

Siwon can’t be blamed if he smiles a bit too goofily, because believe it or not, he really is a corny man through and through; and besides the fact that Yesung’s acting like this just makes him all gooey and giggly inside. He was about to pull Yesung against him (for an early morning cuddle in the dining room, of course) when Kangin and Leeteuk suddenly appears.

“Whoah,” Kangin says. “Who let Yesung in?”

“I did,” Leeteuk answers sleepily. “He texted me and asked me to open the door for him knowing that I’d be here.”

-

In the other side of the ASS frat-house, a 30-minute mashup of all the SHINee singles can be heard playing. Donghae is determined to take the title of king of SHINee dash-ups from Yesung. Until then, Yesung would still be the king of dashups, and Siwon’s insufferable boylet and ASS’s second honorary GAG member (second because Leeteuk was the first, thanks to Kangin).

THE FUCKING END

[fic] is he big or is he perpetually turned on?

pinefir — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 12:38:29 GMT

title: is he big or is he perpetually turned on?
subtitle: or the four times yesung needed some relief and the members are just too good to him
author: pinefir
rating: nc-17
pairings: yesung-centric, or yesung/anyone near enough.
warning: bj’s, handjob, masturbation, sex? what else is new.
summary: they are lying when they said that yesung has everything small; and we have come to the conclusion that yesung does get turned on with his heavenly voice.
a/n: writing smut to whip my hair and perfection. i do not even. and this is dedicated to abcangels just because she's a brilliant person.
a/n2:Does Yesung have a huge package or does he always have a boner?
Words: 2894

1)
The first time Yesung gets a problem onstage was probably the most embarrassing problem he could ever have. No, he didn’t have any wardrobe disasters, although he kind of wishes his black pants were loose because shit, it is just too tight; he only prays that his disaster won’t be caught on any fanpics. It was only understandable that he’d be losing his shit once he gets offstage.

“Yesung, are you okay?” Heechul asks him as he descends from one of the elevator ramps. He gives a noncommittal grunt before pulling Heechul by his hand, dragging his hyung to some abandoned waiting room. He sees one near the end of the hall and he quickly pulls his hyung towards it.

“Yesung, what’s up?” Heechul asks again, irritated at the fact that his dongsaeng is ignoring him. He follows him inside the darkened room, and soon he finds himself against the door with Yesung’s mouth on his neck. “What the fuck?” he sputters out and he tries to push Yesung away, but Yesung is too strong.

“Hyung,” Yesung whispers along his neck, his voice husky from the solo he just performed and Heechul shudders a bit. Huh, his voice really does wonders to people. “Help?” he asks Heechul as he drags his hands over Heechul’s clothed stomach and presses himself closer to him, hips angled just a bit just to let Heechul know where exactly he needed help with.

And then Heechul stops him, because he is the hyung and it is only appropriate that he help Yesung in such situations. “No,” he says and Yesung looks a bit downtrodden, but the lust in his eyes does not disappear. “We’re doing it wrong,” he smirks and he switches their positions, Yesung now trapped against the door as he shows him just how they should do it.

“We have to be quiet,” Heechul whispers against his fevered skin. “We don’t want others knowing about this,right?” he says as he runs his hands down Yesung’s pants, squeezing his member making Yesung moan out wantonly.

“Yes, hyung,” he says, hands clawing at the door as his breath hitches when Heechul starts grinding their hips together. Heechul likes this new submissive side of Yesung, so he rewards him by pulling on his hair and ravishing his neck.

“Sing to me,” he demands as he drags his teeth along Yesung’s pulse point, threatening to bite him.

“Sing to me, I know your voice turns you on like it does to me,” and Yesung moans because now Heechul’s hands is in his pants; massaging him through his underwear, touches that are too light and too teasing.

“Fuck, hyung,” Yesung gasps out, his words drowned out in Heechul’s urging for him to become more vocal. He turns his head to face his hyung and soon they’re kissing each other and lips just don’t cut it because Yesung needs more. “More, hyung, please.”

“Now, Yesung,” Heechul chides him. “We don’t want our stylists getting mad right?” he says as he palms Yesung more roughly than before, his cold hands moving along his hardened member quickly. Yesung nods his head and mewls softly as he slowly feels his release coming. “We wouldn’t have to explain the white stains to them right? It would be a shame to have these black suits dirtied,” he whispers and Yesung drops his head on his shoulder with a low moan.

“Hyung,” he gasps out and he can feel himself tighten. And Heechul finally stops playing with him and works on him harder, pumping him faster, tongue laving at his exposed neck; soon enough he has Yesung shuddering and coming in his hands. He continues kneading Yesung until he’s sure that Yesung has stopped. Yesung’s knees buckle, tired and spent with his orgasm and Heechul catches him just on time. Heechul removes his hands from Yesung’s pants and Yesung smiles at him gratefully.

“Thanks,hyung,” he says, his voice a bit breathy. Heechul smiles at him a bit crookedly before turning on the lights, in order to find something to wipe his hands on.

“Anytime,Yesung, anytime.”

2)

Leeteuk has heard of Yesung’s problem from Heechul and he seriously wonders why Yesung suddenly gets this problem onstage. He was aware that Yesung does have the most amazing voice on earth, and he was not even gonna lie because even he once fell prey to Yesung’s voice; but can someone turn himself on just like that? Leeteuk doesn’t think it’s possible; but he wants to make sure that Yesung’s not going to pull any random person for relief so he makes it a point to welcome Yesung back offstage whenever the guy finishes his parts.

Leeteuk notices Yesung having a hard time (no pun intended) when they were performing so as soon as they got off stage, he made sure to be within a hands reach of the said man; just so he can’t pull off other people of course ( he totally doesn’t want to know whether Heechul was lying about Yesung’s size).

He is ready to help Yesung in any way when he suddenly catches the other pulling in an unsuspecting Zhou Mi towards an empty dressing room. “Zhou Mi!” he calls out to the tall Chinese, and he grins when Zhou Mi detaches himself from Yesung (always careful not to disobey the leader). “They’re calling for you, something about sequins,” he says and he watches Zhou Mi bow in apology and then bound off to another dressing room.

Before Yesung could leave to find another prey, he makes a beeline for him and he finds himself pulling Yesung inside the empty dressing room.

“Hyung?” Yesung asks, a bit confused as Leeteuk sits him down on one of the chairs.

“Look,” Leeteuk says. “I know about your problem,” he watches Yesung’s eyes widen. “And I’m here to help, so just, let me okay?” he says as he massages Yesung’s thigh to make him feel relaxed. Yesung’s breath hitches and he just nods silently.

Leeteuk feels bolder and so he brings his hands upward to cup Yesung through his white jeans. Yesung gasps at the contact and jerks upward involuntarily. Leeteuk smirks at this and he takes it as a sign to be more daring. He unbuckles Yesung’s belt, and Yesung proceeds to unzip his pants and shove his pants down his knees.

“Hyung, I swear this won’t happen again,” Yesung stutters out as he feels Leeteuk’s breath ghost the tip of his erection. Leeteuk only tightens his grips on his thighs, and smirks at him in response, lust in his eyes.

“I don’t mind,” Leeteuk says before licking the moist tip tentatively. Oh he was sure he’d want to do this again.

Yesung threads his fingers through Leeteuk’s hair as he feels Leeteuk’s warm mouth envelope him. Lips licking and sucking every inch of his member, he can’t help but pull at Leeteuk’s hair tighter. “Fuck, hyung.”

Leeteuk continues sucking and probing, coating every spot with his saliva, and covering whatever was left with his hands. Yesung only tightens his hold on him, moaning and gasping out as he tries his best not to thrust upwards. Leeteuk can feel him restrain himself so he releases him. “You can thrust upwards you know.”

And then all pretense and restraint were lost as Yesung thrusts up and down into Leeteuk’s mouth. Savouring the tongue lapping around his tip and the hands wrapped around his shaft. He continues thrusting in without a care whether Leeteuk would gag or not. Leeteuk tries his best not to choke on him, wanting to give his dongsaeng the best blowjob (nothing short of best for the best thing Leeteuk’s ever placed in his mouth) ever.

And then without warning, Leeteuk deepthroats Yesung , urging out a cry from the said man as Yesung comes hard into Leeteuk’s mouth . Making sure to swallow every drop of Yesung’s fluids, Leeteuk bobs his head up and down to squeeze more out of him. Yesung shudders and lets out a low groan that makes Leeteuk want to make him come undone quicker. He was about to graze his teeth along a particular nerve when Yesung suddenly pulls him up against him and soon he’s on top of Yesung who was licking his neck and running his small hands up and down his torso.

“Hyung, thank you,” Yesung says and Leeteuk only shudders in response, because Yesung’s hands now found their way to his jeans. He was unaware that he’s become hard throughout the whole thing, so Yesung giving him relief in return was a pleasant surprise, and then Yesung turns his head towards him, and soon enough he was tasting himself in Leeteuk’s mouth. They didn’t know how long they sat in that empty room, kissing, licking and tasting their necks, mouth, lips and shoulders with Yesung palming Leeteuk roughly. But all Leeteuk knew was he definitely should be the one to welcome Yesung backstage every fucking time.

3)

The third time Yesung finds himself having that same problem was when Leeteuk and Heechul were nowhere to be found because most of the members were off doing the Gee parody. His head was already pounding from all the fansqueals he can here (even from the backstage) and the image of Leeteuk and Heechul donning on wigs and tight skinnies was not helping him in anyway.

“Ah, fuck this,” he says as he makes it a point to close the door and shut the tv where the concert was being shown. He hastily removes his pants, folding them carefully as not to get them dirtied or else the stylists would get mad at him. He then removes his boxers, freeing his erection from the restraints and sits himself on the leather chair.

His cold, sweaty hands hover over his member, a bit uncertain on how to pleasure himself because someone always did this for him. He grips his shaft tight instead, thinking that it was Heechul-hyung’s long fingers wrapping around him instead of his own. He thinks of how Leeteuk-hyung sucked him and he finds himself moving his hands up and down, up and down; and soon he finds himself closing his eyes, squeezing himself just so he can come faster. He was so close to screaming out Leeteuk’s name when someone suddenly opens the door, and his concentration is lost (it doesn’t make him go limp though).

“Hyung,” Siwon, the intruder, stutters when he sees the sight in front of him. Yesung, with his head thrown back and mouth open, hands on his engorged member. “I, I was just..”

“Siwon,” Yesung says as he stands up, ready to face Siwon in his half-naked glory. Siwon gulps as he sees his hyung half-naked before him .He wasn’t gonna lie, he didn’t expect his hyung to be this...gifted.

“Yes, hyung?” he nervously asks as Yesung beckons to him, and he suddenly notices just how appealing his hyung could be; what with his kohl-lined eyes and smirk; he was pretty sure that Yesung was the kind of man people in the porn industry would love to have on their films.

“Help your hyung with his little problem?” Yesung smirks as he pulls Siwon’s hands away from him and towards his member. Siwon nods a bit shakily, but he agrees nonetheless. Soon he’s pumping Yesung in an erratic rhythm and he can’t help but lean into his hyung to breathe in more of him , totally intoxicated and caught up in the moment.

It was when he felt Yesung squirting out cum on his palms that Siwon realizes what he just did, so he sheepishly bows his head and discreetly wipes his hands. But before he could even wipe his hands, Yesung has his mouth around his digits; sucking and lickng them clean off his own come. He finishes it off by kissing the stunned (and highly-aroused) Siwon on the cheek, whispering a husky thank you into his ear. Before he could even say what the hell, hyung, to him, Yesung is pulling up his pants and and making his way to the buffet.

Siwon could only watch Yesung leave and he’s left to wonder if his hyung ever did that or asked someone to do what he just did.

4)

The fourth time Yesung gets the problem, he honestly doesn’t see it as a problem anymore; seeing as it was a way for him to get some action, the only problem he had with the problem was who he was going to ask help from; or who he was going to grace their presence with his glorious member. He could see Leeteuk approach him from the corner of his eyes, and although Leeteuk is really good with his mouth, Yesung kind of wants someone new. It’s not long before he spots Sungmin just a hand’s reach from him, so he makes a grab for him and drags him to the nearest room.

He pins him against the wall, eyes searching for some kind of permission before Sungmin nods and
smirks at him. Sungmin knows it anyway, they’ve done it a lot of times, just in a different setting. “Can’t wait to get home?” Sungmin asks as he pulls Yesung closer to him, grinding his hips up against him.

“You could say that,” Yesung breathes out as he rests his forehead against Sungmin’s.

Sungmin smirks before pulling Yesung towards him by the collar. “You’ve always been insatiable,” he says before closing the gap between them, his lips fitting Yesung’s perfectly. Yesung only smiles into the kiss in response as he feels Sungmin’s grip on his jacket tighten. Yesung lets his hands roam Sungmin’s body freely, fully enjoying the fact that he can touch him this way again; it’s been so long since they’ve done this.

Yesung then grabs Sungmin’s ass resulting in the said man squealing in surprise. “Yesung!” he breaks off their kiss.

“What?” he asks with a smirk; and then Sungmin raises his eyebrow at him before attacking Yesung’s neck with kisses. Sucking and biting on his pulse point, Yesung gasps softly when Sungmin starts rubbing against him, telltale signs of erection brushing against his own.

“Do you want this, huh, hyung?” Sungmin says as he nibbles on Yesung’s shoulder, fingers raking down Yesung’s clothed chest as Yesung gropes his ass. He starts touching Yesung’s bulge as he swallows Yesung’s needy moans. Shaking hands start working on removing Sungmin’s pants and as Yesung pushes down on his pants, Sungmin busied himself with removing Yesung’s jacket, revealing the other in a tight, white wifebeater.

“Fuck, Sungmin, can I take you now?” Yesung asks as he starts kneeling down in front of Sungmin. When he’s level with Sungmin’s member, he takes a hold of it and starts licking the tip, tongue dipping into the slit.

“Fuck, hyung,” Sungmin gasps as he threads his fingers through Yesung’s hair. Yesung starts lapping at Sungmin’s member, his tongue going over every inch of skin, paying close attention to the vein underneath his shaft. When Yesung starts grazing the underside of Sungmin’s cock with his teeth, Sungmin starts pushing himself deeper into Yesung’s mouth. Yesung tries his best not to gag, but Sungmin was too big. Yesung was about to tell Sungmin to stop when Sungmin suddenly squirts his load into him, quickly filling Yesung’s mouth with his cum. Yesung swallows it without complaints and Sungmin pulls him up.

“I’m ready for you,” Sungmin says as he kisses Yesung and unbuckles Yesung’s belt. He pulls down Yesung’s boxers for him , and without warning, Yesung turns him around.

“Not even gonna prepare yourself?” Yesung asks him, his dick positioned near Sungmin’s hole.
“No, just hurry up,” Sungmin says as he wiggles his butt against Yesung’s leaking member.

“Okay then,” and then he thrusts into Sungmin’s wet hole, relishing the way it tightens around him.
“God, Sungmin,” he breathes out, kissing a trail down Sungmin’s neck as he moves in and out of Sungmin in an irregular rhythm. “Oh god..”

Sungmin then pulls Yesung’s hands towards his member, wrapping his hand over Yesung’s which was now wrapped tightly around his shaft. “Touch me,” Sungmin says. “Jerk me off,” as he pulls and tugs at his own member. Yesung complies, and soon enough, they found themselves in a combined rhythm of jerking him off and fucking him.

Sungmin didn’t think he’d come again, but the combined thrusting of Yesung’s member into him and Yesung’s hands around him made him come undone faster. Yesung continued pushing in and out of him, trying to reach his release faster, and soon enough Yesung could feel the familiar heat pooling in his lower abdomen. He buries himself deeper into Sungin, Sungmin’s walls convulsing and tightening around him making him come faster. He catches Sungmin into his arms before Sungmin falls as he releases his load into him.

“Feel better now?” Sungmin asks as he turns around to face him. Yesung nods, softly kissing him on the lips.

“I do,” Yesung says. “Thank you, Min, I know I could count on you,” he says as he helps Sungmin into his pants.

“No, thank you,” Sungmin tiredly says as he pulls on his belt and buckles it. He kisses Yesung on the cheek before helping Yesung into his jacket. “So we’ll do this another time?”

“Of course,” Yesung smirks at him. “Preferably, next time would be on a bed.”

[drabbles] the chezy formula

pinefir — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 12:31:48 GMT

Title: The Chezy Formula
Author: pinefir
Pairing: Yesung/Siwon
Summary: Wherein Chezy doesn't actually stand for cheeziness, but Yesung and Siwon are one cheezy couple. Three snippets in Yesung and Siwon's life
Rating: G-R
Words:total of 670 words with each drabble averaging 220
Warning: AU!

1) wherein Siwon channels Bruno Mars

“Hey , Yesung?” Siwon asked, looking up from his book. It was 2 in the morning and they were still awake. Siwon was studying for an exam later while Yesung was keeping him company.

“Hmm?” Yesung hums in response, looking at Siwon.

“I wanna marry you,” Siwon says determinedly.

Yesung’s brows furrow before glaring at Siwon. “You’ve gone crazy,” he says, brushing off Siwon’s ‘proposal’ as he rests his cheek on the desk, observing the turtle that’s trying to cross the table. It’s been 4 hours, and the turtle was only half way through the table.

“Just say I do,” Siwon presses on, eyes pleading for Yesung to say yes, but Yesung ignores him. Siwon sighs at the lack of response.

“You’re sleepy,” Yesung says. “That’s why you’re not thinking, not making any sense.”

Siwon smiles at him. “Maybe,” he says with a twinkle in his eyes. “Or maybe I just really wanna marry you.”

Yesung smiles despite himself, shaking his head at the same time. “Come on, let’s get you to bed,” he says as he pulls Siwon up from his seat. He leads him to their room and makes Siwon sit down on the bed. Siwon protests, saying that he wasn’t finished studying but Yesung shushes him with a finger on his philtrum. And then, Yesung climbs on his lap and Siwon’s breath hitches.

“SShhh,” Yesung whispers, his breath ghosting over Siwon’s lips. Siwon holds his breath, anticipating what Yesung might do to him. Will Yesung kiss him or just leave him like that? He can see, he can feel Yesung getting closer to him, and with every millimeter, his heart pounds. And then, there was a lingering press of soft lips on his own. “Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you.”

2) wherein Siwon is obedient and Yesung is frustrated

“Stop!” Yesung screeches at Siwon who was currently kissing a trail to his stomach. Siwon looks up at his boyfriend in confusion and raises his eyebrows.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, voice full of concern but his eyes were full of lust. He absently massages Yesung’s jean-clad thighs.

“I—I, oh would you stop squeezing my thigh!” Yesung yells exasperatedly, bringing up a hand to his reddening face.

Siwon smirks, and he presses on Yesung’s thighs harder. He pulls them apart and positions himself in between them so that Yesung can feel his member warm and hard against his own. “Okay,” Siwon says, as he started moving his hips forward, making Yesung whimper. “I’ll
stop squeezing your thighs now,” he whispers in Yesung’s ear.

“I’ll .Stop. It,” he says, each word ending with a harder thrust against Yesung’s hips, to which Yesung couldn’t help but moan in response. Siwon can already see a bulge forming in Yesung’s jeans and he smirks. Then without warning, he stops humping and Yesung can’t help but whine at the absence.

“What the?” Yesung says, slightly disoriented.

“I told you I’ll stop it.”

3) wherein Yesung thinks throes of passion is still used in this era

“No, Siwon, I would absolutely not let you use my precious silkties,” Yesung says as he struggles against the bonds Siwon made. Siwon only huffs in response as he ties Yesung’s hands tighter to the bedpost.

“Oh, shut up,” Siwon says. “Would you like to have a silk tie shoved down your throat?”

Yesung shakes his head meekly, but even though he didn’t want to have something shoved down her throat, he can’t help but protest when Siwon starts tying his legs with another set of his ties. “I swear I’ll chop your balls off, Siwon, when I break this tie.”

“What?” Siwon asks as he climbs on top of Yesung. “You think you’re that strong, that you could break these ties?” he says as his mouth descends on one of Yesung’s nipples. Yesung gasps as he threads his hands in Siwon’s hair.

“In the throes of passion, yes,” Yesung gasps in response as he pulls on Siwon’s hair harder.

“Right, throes of passion,” Siwon looks up at him quizzically before ducking again to trail kisses down Yesung’s chest. “In any case, I think I’ll make sure you rip at least a set of your silk ties.”

[mixtapes]underwraps

pinefir — Sun, 20 Feb 2011 08:37:42 GMT

Tracklisting:
마지막 인사-My Aunt Mary
벌써 보고 싶어-G.Na
오고 있나요-December
Friends-Secret
Need U Baby- T-Blue
눈물이 뚝뚝-K.Will
It's Alright-Mate
Long Way-JYJ
바보처럼-2AM
엄마-Ra.D
Goodbye-No Reply
회전목마 (Feat. 진성 of 먼데이키즈)-Untouchable
Tell Me Why-Untouchable

get the files here
get the whole thing here

[1/4]Seasoned; Sooyoung

pinefir — Sun, 20 Feb 2011 08:16:27 GMT

Title: Seasoned [1/4]
Subtitle: Spring
Author: pinefir
Genre: crack/fluff/angst
Pairing: Sooyoung/Siwon
Rating: PG-13
Words: 4410
Warning: AU
Summary: Sooyoung’s life can be described by knowing just a little about 4 different guys and the four different seasons. Four men representing the seasons of Choi Sooyoung’s life.

They say everything starts in spring. Flowers bloom in spring, animals come out from their hibernation, and even humans seem to want to start anew in this season, and by starting anew, they clean their homes, they clean their lives; hence the term spring cleaning. Spring cleaning is not fun, any kind of cleaning is not fun. One gets dirtied in the process of cleaning, which is kind of ironic, to be honest, but Sooyoung was one of those people who didn’t mind cleaning.

For Choi Sooyoung, a girl who has smiles brighter than the sun, and height way too tall for her age, spring comes in the form of a dimply, tall boy named Choi Siwon.

It was time to break out the cleaning solutions, sweep the dust of the past winter away and fix broken things. Yep, it was time for spring. Seven-year old Choi Sooyoung, was excited as hell for spring cleaning, for her, it meant watching her mother tend to the pretty, new flowers in the garden and help her father in unearthing her old toys and bringing them to the local orphanage as donations.

“Sooyoung-ah,” her mother calls from the garden, and she comes running out of the house.

“Yes, umma?” she asks.

“Your father’s dropping by the orphanage later, have you sorted your things?”

“I’m not yet done,” she replies.

“Then bring out the things you have to sort and do it here, okay? Your father placed the boxes in the car, so you just have to sort them by the garage,” her mother says.

Sooyoung complies with a nod, and goes back inside. A few minutes later, she comes out, arms full of used books and toys. She was on her way to their garage when someone suddenly shouts.

“Hey you!” a boy, Sooyoung squints, calls out to her from the opposite side of the street. She ignores it of course, because she was carrying lots of things, and she really can’t stop to chat; besides, umma always told her that she was not to talk to any strangers. So, she continued on her way, and when she reached the car, she put down her toys on the side, fishing out her father’s keys from her pocket.

Inserting the key was easy, but it was opening the trunk that was hard because it was just too heavy for her. She was about to call her father for help when someone suddenly opens the trunk for her. It was the boy who called out to her.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be here!” Sooyoung narrowed her eyes, the fact that the boy just helped her was ignored.

The boy, who was taller than her and who had some interesting eyebrows, chuckled at her and shrugged, “I’m new here,” he said, Sooyoung huffed in response. “And I saw that you couldn’t open the trunk so I decided to help you. Umma told me that I should always help people in need,” he earnestly said, shoving his hands into his shorts pockets.

Sooyoung pursed her lips. They had a new neighbour? She didn’t know. “Oh,” was all she could say.
They stood there, Sooyoung silently observing him, and him looking at anywhere but her.

“So...” he started, hand scratching his head, at a loss for what to do.

“I’m Choi Sooyoung,” she says, hand thrust forward towards him. “You are?”

“Choi Siwon,” the boy says, shaking her hands eagerly and a dimpled smile breaking out of his face.
Sooyoung smiles back at him, happy to have made friends with someone new. “Well then, Choi Siwon, help me get my toys in here?”

Siwon only smiles in response, and they proceed to dig into her pile of old toys and books, neatly placing them in the box in her father’s car.

Ever since that spring, Siwon and Sooyoung have been inseparable. Growing up together, going to school together and playing together. Since they are both too tall for their age and have bright personalities, a lot of people thought they were related. At first they were embarrassed whenever they were asked if they were related, but then as time passed by and they grew closer together, they weren’t bothered anymore.

It was their first day in elementary school. For Sooyoung, it meant saying goodbye to her old preparatory school and naptimes; and saying hello to the challenges of being a first-grader. For Siwon, it meant starting anew in a school where he knows no one but Sooyoung, so it wasn’t unusual for them to be seen together.

“Choi Sooyoung?” the teacher calls out, checking the attendance.

“Here!” seven year old Sooyoung says as she raises her hands up without looking in front, intent on beating Siwon, who was seating next to her, in a game of tictactoe. She was O and Siwon was X, and currently, their 3 by 3 grid was a bit too full of X for her liking.

“Choi Siwon?” the teacher calls out next.

“Here,” Siwon says, standing up bowing his head, because he’s been taught to greet older people properly and because he’s just polite like that; Sooyoung takes it as a chance to erase one of Siwon’s X and replace it with her O. She smiles at him a bit too brightly when he sits back down, Siwon doesn’t suspect anything, but he does notice his X’s decrease. He just puts an X on another box.

“I win,” Sooyoyung says, as she draws an O, and crosses out the row she completed. Siwon pouts. Sooyoung’s been winning thrice in a row now.

“You cheated,” Siwon points out, bitter at losing.

“I did not!” Sooyoung indignantly says.

Siwon pouts at her, she only pulls a face at him, he starts chanting cheater under his breath. Sooyoung, in retaliation, starts teasing him with chants of loser.

“Choi Sooyoung, and Choi Siwon,” their teacher suddenly calls their attention and the two break up their mocking, looking at the teacher in askance. “Are you two related?”

Sooyoung blushes in response, shaking her head; while Siwon stutters out a no.

“Oh well,” the teacher shrugs, “I thought you were related,” and with that she moves on to the roll call.

“Are people in this school dumb or did they miss the announcement that we aren’t related in any way?” she asks him one day as they sit under a tree they usually frequent for lunch.

Siwon shrugs, bringing out two lunch packs his mother made for them. He hands one to Sooyoung in exchange for the milkshake she gives him. It’s been their routine for years. They alternately bring each other lunches and milkshakes, today was Siwon’s turn to provide food while Sooyoung was in charge of drinks.

“Why?” Siwon asks. “What did they do now?”

They’re in their last year of elementary and both thought they’re past the point of awkward formalities and honorifics, so it comes as a surprise to him when she suddenly complains about people thinking they were cousins, or siblings. He thought she was okay with it, he was fine with it, and he really didn’t mind what other people think.

“There’s this girl,” Sooyoung starts. “And I don’t like her.”

He nods. Sooyoung wasn’t particularly fond of girls in her class except for the three girls she hangs out with, Yuri,Yoona and Seohyun. “Okay?”

“She likes you,” she deadpans.

“How can you even say that?” Siwon asks her.

“Well,” she says, munching on the sandwich, “I did say I didn’t like her. And, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like me either. It’s no big deal. But then now, she gets all, ‘Oh, Sooyoung-ah!’ at me and starts asking questions about you.”

“Still doesn’t say she likes me,” Siwon shrugs, going back to his sandwich.

“Are you thick?” she scoffs at him. He raises his eyebrows in a comical sort of way. “Of course she likes you. Any girl who asks about a guy like that likes the guy she asks about.”

“Fine, so if she does like me, I don’t see why people thinking of us as related is related to this.”

“You are dumb.”

“Sooyoung.”

“Well, let me spell it out for you. She likes you. People think we’re related. She hears what people think. Now she thinks she needs to get to me just so she can get to you.”

“And that’s your problem because?”

“BECAUSE I HATE HER. UGH. Siwon why are you my friend?”

“Because I feed you?”

“Not everyday, you don’t!”

Siwon shrugs. “So this is my problem because?”

“Because she likes you. She doesn’t like me. Who do you think should she go to? Of course you! Not me.”

“So what do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know? Get her off my back? I just can’t stand her.”

He narrows his eyes at her. “Tell her we’re not related then.”

“Too thick to process it. I already told her, she thinks I’m being overly protective of you.”

“Well, tell her we’re going out?” he asks. Sooyoung chokes on her sandwich and Siwon proceeds to thump her on her back.

“Are you kidding me?” she splutters out.

“No.”

“You hate me right? You want me to get mobbed by girls and you want me to be killed.”

“Why would you be killed?”

“You’re the school’s heartthrob. People, girls specially, will kill to be in my shoes if we really are dating. No, scratch that. They’d kill me if ever I say we’re dating.”

“It’s not like, I’m gonna get you killed,” he shrugs in response. “That’s why I’m here, right? To protect you?”

“You really do hate me!”

“Then what do you want me to do?”

“Tell her we’re not related, Shibrows,” she said as she plucks out the sandwich he was about to bite into from his hands. Siwon looks at her, upset over the fact that he just had his lunch stolen again from him, and resolves to confront the girl who “likes” him and tell her about him and Sooyoung. But then, he can’t help but wonder why Sooyoung would not pretend to go out with him? It’s not like he won’t really protect her from all those kids and those rumors if ever that happens. The last thing he wants to happen to her is for her to get hurt because of him.

You know those kinds of friendships where friends are just so comfortable with each other they can do anything they want? Well, that’s the kind of friendship Siwon and Sooyoung has.

“Don’t kill me,” Siwon says when he sees Sooyoung approach him.

“Okay, chill out,” Sooyoung says as she gets the cup of coffee Siwon’s been drinking from. “I’m only here to smooch off you not murder you.”

He looks at her with this kind-of-kicked-puppy look. “Okay, so uhm Choi Sooyoung,” he starts.

“Yes, Choi Siwon?”

“I kind of did something wrong.”

Sooyoung laughs. Then stares at him and laughs again. “You? Doing something not nice? Okay then, I
guess there’s a time for everybody.”

“I’m being serious, I really did something you would kill me for.”

“I won’t kill you,” Sooyoung confirms and Siwon smiles a bit too weakly for her liking. “Okay, maybe I will kill you if you continue fiddling with your thumb like you just told everyone we were dating so that you can get some girl off your back.”

Siwon gulps and wonders when Sooyoung got so smart. Sooyoung looks at him expectantly, and he considers running away for his dear life. She smiles at him but he knows that she definitely figured it out and that her smile is not one of happiness. “I think, I should go,” he says. “Uhm, Yesung sunbae is looking for me and...”

Everyone around them be damned, that’s what Sooyoung thought at the moment she launched herself at Siwon, as she sits on top of him effectively pinning him to the ground. To others, this would only support the rumor Siwon himself made about them. Sooyoung was pretty sure she heard someone coo at their apparent “sweetness”, she made sure Siwon would regret pretending to be her boyfriend.

“So boyfriend,” Sooyoung mocks Siwon who was nursing a black eye thanks to her of course.

“Yes, Sooyoung?” he asks her, a bit wary of what she wants. Ever since they started pretending to be in a relationship, Sooyoung has been increasingly demanding of him (and it’s only been an hour). She says they have to keep it real. And by keeping it real, it only meant that he had to be so crazily in love with her and practically become his slave.

“You never did tell me why you spread those rumors about us,” she says.

Siwon gulps, he’s been gulping a lot this day. “The nurse told me to rest,” he says dejectedly. “Please, let me rest,” he says pleadingly, “besides, don’t you have to go to class?”

“No, no,” Sooyoung says with a grin. “To play the part of your perfect girlfriend, I, of course with the permission of our lovely school nurse, asked to be excused from classes. You see, a good girlfriend can’t just up and leave her boyfriend in need right?”

Siwon groans.

“That’s right , my boyfriend. You have me here looking after you!” she says, making kissy faces at him.

“I’d probably suffer more damages when I have you looking over me,” he says, resting on the bed. Sooyoung doesn’t bother helping him.

In their second year of high school, Sooyoung finds herself worthy to be called an actress when they staged their own dramatic breakup on their “second” anniversary.

“Two years,” Sooyoung tearfully says as she looks at Siwon. She was trying her best not to laugh as she watches Siwon look downtrodden, in all honesty, she only thinks Siwon looks constipated; and trust her, she’s seen Siwon constipated. “We had two good years, together right?”

Siwon doesn’t reply. It was in their script. He was not to make any assertions so that they can make him successfully look like a bad person. People were gathering around them, everybody wants to know what’s gonna happen to their year’s “golden couple”.

Siwon walks away, muttering an apology, while mentally patting himself on the back for an act well done. He can hear her sobbing and he reminds himself to invite Sooyoung to the acting classes he’s been attending. They could use an actress like her. He could also hear her long-time friends comfort her. She sounded pathetic, sobbing to her friends like that, but it was okay, she did ask for 1 month free lunch, dinner and snacks in compensation for having her womanly pride crushed (her words not his).

“Yah,” someone taps him on his shoulder. He turns around only to be met with a punch.

“Yuri-ah!” Siwon can hear Yoona scream, another one of Sooyoung’s friends, as she stops Yuri from pummelling him.

“That’s what you get for messing up our girl!” Yuri spats at him as they walk away from him and onto where Seohyun was comforting Sooyoung.

Siwon stands, staring dumbfounded at them. Well, that was certainly not in the script.

“That was fun,” Sooyoung says as she jumps on the sofa where Siwon plastered some cold cut on his face. The punch Yuri gave him did a good number on him she thinks as she pokes the meat slab on his face. Siwon groans underneath and slaps her hands away blindly. “Thanks for this mocha-frap,” she says.
“I was so exhausted from that fake-crying.”

“Poor you,” he says, he gets a punch in the arm in response. “Hey! We’ve broken up, you can stop your physical abuse now!” The only thing Siwon would probably miss in their fake-relationship was Sooyoung’s punches. But who was he kidding? Sooyoung would probably use their fake break-up to abuse him even more.

“We were quite the good actors, right?” she says as she brings her feet up to Siwon’s lap. He doesn’t answer. “I mean, Yuri was so mad, I was honestly surprised that she punched you.”

“Yeah, me too. Thanks to her, I can’t show up my face in school tomorrow, who knows what she got for me?”

“Don’t worry, I told her it would only hurt me if she punches you again. Something about me not wanting to see you hurt.”

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you,” she says as she lifts off her feet off his lap and proceeds to cuddle next to him. “Now that we’ve officially broken up, and I’m back on the market, maybe, just maybe, I can finally go to Sungmin and ask him for comfort!”

Siwon removes the slab of meat from his face and looks at her incredulously. “What?”

“What do you mean what?”

“I thought you’re gonna be upset or something.”

“Why would I be upset?”

“Because we broke up and you can’t boss me around anymore?”

“Oh, well , yeah that is upsetting. But then, there’s Sungmin. And between you as a slave and Sungmin as a boyfriend, I’d rather choose Sungmin,” she says, shrugging.

“Okay,” Siwon says. Well that was quite a blow to his ego. Sooyoung only buries herself next to him, making herself comfortable. But, if she did genuinely like Sungmin, he wonders when she started liking him. He can’t believe it though, he’s been her best friend for years and they practically know everything about each other, how could he not have noticed if she had a crush on someone? He now feels guilty and selfish, because if he only knew earlier, he wouldn’t have insisted to pretend they were in a relationship just so she can pursue who she really likes. He kind of feels like a douche now. A douche who was selfish but hurt beyond belief. “Sooyoung.”

“Hmm?” she turns to look at him, and she’s inches away from his face, and Siwon just cannot be blamed. He kissed her.

Traditions are traditions and no awkward moments can break them. At least, that was what Sooyoung thought when she came to Siwon’s house two days after their “supposed” break-up and a day after their last day of classes for their second year. Siwon, however, didn’t realize this. Sure he wouldn’t want to break their tradition of helping each other out during spring cleaning, but he thought he doesn’t need a hand in cleaning this year especially if that meant having to face Sooyoung again.

He’s been thinking of what happened over the past two days, and to be honest, he’s quite relieved that Sooyoung wasn’t making her presence felt. Two quiet days he didn’t hear from her, and though he thinks it’s alright and it calms his mind, he can’t deny the fact that he missed her.

“Choi Siwon!” Sooyoung’s voice accompanied with her incessant knocking wakes up the dozing Siwon on the couch (he was up late again because of his movie marathons). Siwon rubs the sleep from his eyes and makes his way to the door, opening it to reveal Sooyoung with her bright smile and long hair tied in a messy bun carrying empty boxes. She shoves the empty boxes in his arms and he wonders what is happening.

“What are you doing here so early?” he asks with a yawn. It was a good thing that his parents were currently out, a second honeymoon they say (when in fact it’s been their 3rd second honeymoon since Siwon turned 13), or else they would have been rudely awakened by Sooyoung’s entrance.

“It’s spring,” she deadpans. “Time to clean!” she says as she pushes him inside the house. “We always do spring cleaning remember?”

Siwon nods dumbly as she follows her into their living room.

“Were you staying up late again watching movies?” Sooyoung asks as she puts the discs in their dvd cases, tsking at him. Siwon kneels beside her and helps her clean the mess he made last night, he can’t help but smile, it was times like these, he thought. “You didn’t invite me over.”

“I thought you were busy,” Siwon says, it was a lame answer, he knew that and Sooyoung knew that too, but he couldn’t say anything more.

“Busy my ass, you’re busy,” she says. “You’re not even picking me up from the coffee house anymore, are you trying to make our break-up realistic enough?” she jokes. Siwon smiles and ruffles her hair.

“I’m sorry,” he says as he stands up and puts the dvds in their dvd cabinet. Sooyoung follows him and helps him arrange the alphabetically.

“That’s okay,” Sooyoung replies with a smile. “I’m just glad you let me in today.”

Siwon nods, he himself was glad he let her in today. He thought that he wouldn’t be able to face her because of something called guilt and having her around would only spell awkwardness, but he was glad that the anticipated weird feelings did not surface.

After almost 12 hours of cleaning, Sooyoung and Siwon finds themselves sprawled on the living room couch, spent and hungry.

“Yah,” Sooyoung says as she nudges Siwon’s face with her feet. Siwon was sitting on the opposite side of the couch, almost ready to doze off when he suddenly feels his face being prodded with Sooyoung’s foot. He cracks open an eye and removes her foott away from his face. “If you don’t come over to my house tomorrow to help me clean, I’ll come by here and trash this place.”

Siwon laughs. “You wouldn’t do that, you’d think it would be a shame to have your color-coordinated arrangements destroyed just because I didn’t help you clean.”

“Try me,” she says, this time with a kick to his side and Siwon mutters an ow. Siwon rubs his side sorely, and looks at her reproachfully. Sooyoung only ignores him. “I didn’t think you’d let me in today.”

Siwon looks at her. She’s always the one to start conversation after all. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” she echoes.

“Sorry, for what happened the other day.”

“Oh that,” and Sooyoung’s mind drift off to what happened.

Siwon can’t be blamed. He was a guy and Sooyoung was a girl. He had feelings, and though he wasn’t sure how he actually felt, he was pretty sure that on a 1-to-10 friendship scale of feelings, he was rated 11. So when Sooyoung started talking about how she wasn’t disappointed with their supposed break-up, he couldn’t help but feel just a bit hurt, a bit offended; because he’s not even gonna lie, two years of pretending to be together really does throw some feelings into the mix. He just wasn’t sure how strong his feelings were, but he was aware of their presence.

He cannot be blamed when he thought that this would be the best time to kiss her. Now that they were out of their supposed relationship, he thought that this would be the best time to express his real feelings.

But. He didn’t expect her pushing her palms against his chest, pushing him away from her gently.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered, and just like that, she left Siwon staring at her.

“Why did you do it?” she was curious, she didn’t know why Siwon would kiss her. She once considered the thought that Siwon might like her because she never did know the reason why he would want to pretend to date her, but as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she dismissed it thinking that it was ridiculous. Siwon couldn’t like her, not when he practically knows every single thing about her. He knew about her bad habits, her preference in greasy foods, her love for football and all of her dirty tricks. How could he like someone who’s not perfect when he himself is perfect? Sooyoung didn’t know, so she just assumed that him and her would never happen for real.

Siwon sighed. He knew that this question would come out eventually, and to be honest, he expected it earlier; but then that doesn’t mean that he could still answer it. “Why what?”

“Why did you want to pretend for us to date?” she asked. “You never did tell me. For best friends, we sure don’t tell each other lots of things,” she says, shrugging.

“I don’t know,” he answers a second later. Sooyoung scoffs in response. I don’t want to tell, he thinks as he looks at her.

“Sure you don’t,” she says, but she doesn’t push it. If Siwon was anything, he was a man of reason, she’d know the reason sooner or later.

“How’s Sungmin?” he asks, he really did not want to talk about them, not when he doesn’t know anything, when he’s not sure of anything.

“He’s nice,” she says with a smile. It was the kind of smile she had whenever she would talk about the idols she gushed over, he would know, he witnessed it a lot. “He’s been taking me home ever since we ‘broke up’,” she says it with air quotes.

“That’s good to hear,” he says. “It’s nice to know someone else would take care of you.” But it wasn’t nice that someone else had to take care of her, that’s what he can’t say. He’s taken it upon himself to be forever there for her, but it seems like she doesn’t really need him that much. “He better be taking care of you alright! Does he need someone to orient him on your feeding schedule?” he asks, a smile playing on the corner of his lips.

“Yah, Choi Siwon!” she says as she throws a pillow at him. “That’s not funny!” Siwon only laughs in response. She feels her cheeks burn with embarrassment and then Siwon’s poking at her cheeks. She suddenly remembers their time as a “couple” and she briefly wonders why not.

“But seriously,” Siwon speaks. “I really wish he’s good to you; unlike me who’s just overall a douche to you,” he says with a strained smile. It was true, if he was a good pretend-boyfriend, or a good friend at least, then he would have known when to end their act.

Sooyoung sees him try his best not to frown and not to express his disappointment, but Siwon is not good at concealing his feelings; he never was. She creeps closer to him and lays her head on his shoulder, like they’ve always done, friends or pretend-boyfriend-girlfriend. “Oh come on, Siwon. You’ve been good to me. You’re good to me.”

[drabbles] sooyoung is evil in disguise

pinefir — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 19:00:55 GMT

Title: sooyoung is evil in disguise (or four times sooyoung terrorized sj and one time she terrorized amber)
Author: pinefir
Genre: crack/humor/fluff
Words: 5 drabbles, averaging 200/drabble
Rating:PG
Pairing: kyuhyun/sooyoung,henry/sooyoung, donghae/sooyoung, amber/sooyoung
Summary: sooyoung is not a good person, obviously.

1: facepalming is not for the sunburned.

(Sooyoung|Kyuhyun = sunburns in uncomfortable places)

"yah, cho kyuhyun," sooyoung called out to the red-faced man. kyuhyun turns around, narrowing his eyes at her, what could this girl want?

"what? and stop calling me cho kyuhyun, choi sooyoung. i'm older than you. this kid," he tsked, walking towards the girl.

"heard you went out yesterday," sooyoung started, circling kyuhyun as if she was a vulture eyeing dead meat. she inched a bit closer to him, inspecting every inch of his reddened face.

"don't," kyuhyun says in warning, as he puts up a hand to his face...but he was too late because-"ow, what in the actual fuck, choi?" he bit out as he tenderly touched the spot where said girl just poked her long fingernails in.

"sunburn, yummy," sooyoung says, fingers dangerously close to his peeling face.

"don't do it again or i will fucking kill you," kyuhyun grits out.

sooyoung chuckles. and attempts to peel off some of kyuhyun's flaky skin. she is successful and she draws out another yell from said boy. she only laughs heartily while kyuhyun counts from 1 to 10, because he seriously does not want to face any of the snsd members when they find sooyoung deskinned and bleeding.

"well, think of it this way," sooyoung says as she starts walking away from him, all hipsways and smug grin. "you won't have to go to the derma now to have it exfoliated, right?" she says with an evil laugh.

kyuhyun glared. hoping he would be able to bury sooyoung in his glare. but sooyoung continues walking away unharmed, so in frustration, he hits himself. on his face.

kyuhyun is really stupid at times.

2: other ways to show your love.

(Sooyoung|Kyuhyun= evil stepmothers)

"why do i have to play the role of an evil stepmother?" kyuhyun asks sooyoung as sooyoung finishes up dressing him in a curtain she calls a dress.

"because, honestly, between the two of us, who do you think looks more evil?" sooyoung says as she pulls on the laces of the corset a bit too hard for kyuhyun's liking.

kyuhyung grits his teeth in response. "i'm not even a mother, nor am i a girl, why me? why not yuri? o yoona, or seohyun?" he asks.

"because," sooyoung says.

"because?" he prompts, and she rearranges the bow on his waist so it would tighten and suffocate him.

"because, you'd do it for me," she says with a smile as she hugs him.

"psh, right," kyuhyun brushes her off, but not without a blush.

"and you love me right?" she kisses him on his cheek.

"right, i love you, alright," kyuhyun surrenders.

"besides, you wouldn't want your girlfriend be branded as some evil witch for her entire life forever right?" sooyoung asks.

"i don't?" he jokes.

"of course you don't."

"but you'd be willing to subject me to crossdressing humiliation?" he asks, he doesn't know where the hell this is going.

"deal with it, husbando," sooyoung says with an air of smugness around her. "that's how i show my love."

kyuhyun sighs.

he should start coming up with ways to show his love now.

3: i totally am my underwear tonight

(Sooyoung|Donghae = i want what i can't have)

"fuck you, lee donghae," sooyoung shouts as she storms through her sj-sunbaenim's dorm at 530 in the morning. she doesn't bat an eyelash when eunhyuk falls off the couch or when shindong greets her with a goodmorning to you too, sooyoung. she's a determined woman, and right now, she's determined to killdonghae in his sleep.

it turns out, she didn't have to look any further for said man, because lee donghae just opened his door. and in his hands he has a pair of sooyoung's underwear.

she narrows her eyes at him and makes a grab for said piece of clothing. but he raises it up over her. sooyoung might be tall, but she was tall for a girl. not for donghae.

"give it back," sooyoung says, foot tapping impatiently, eyes narrowed dangerously.

donghae smiles at her. pockets said underwear and turns around. "no can do, sooyoungie."

"and why not?" she says as she stops donghae from returning to his room.

"it's collateral," donghae says with a shrug.

"collateral? what? i don't even owe you?!" she asks incredelously and thinks back to the times she might have owed him something.

"collateral for yourself, because i can't have you," he says as he steals a kiss from her cheek and proceeds to close the door in her face

sooyoung stands before his room, dumbfounded. he can't have me?

but he already has me.

"yeah lee donghae, you cheap person, open this door and i'll show you what else you can't have!" sooyoung shouts as he bangs on the door, donghae doesn't budge. after a few seconds, "you idiot, you already have me!"

donghae only smiles.

4: wintermelon milk tea

(Sooyung|Henry= no one said the microphone was on)

"chill man, you're gonna croak out early if you fret over small things," sooyoung says as she sips her wintermelon milk tea, setting herself beside the canadian exchange student.

"chill? you're telling me to chill?" henry asks her disbelief written all over his face. comes from the girl who got him humiliated.

"why? would you rather take my milk tea?" she asks, handing him the drink. "you know i'm adverse to saliva swapping via food, but i'll make an exception for you."

"you just told the whole school i was gay," henry says slapping her hands away.

sooyoung gasps. "i did not," she indignantly says.

henry stares her down.

"okay so maybe i told seohyun," she said. "but she was bugging me about how you and amber would make a cute couple, and i was like, oh hell naw. henry's taken. by donghae."

"of course you did it all for me," henry snorts. the nerve of this girl.

"of course i'm a good friend," sooyoung says, mind back to sipping her tea.

henry ignores her.

"oh come on, hennerkins, my canadian maple," she says as she nudges him. "you can't be mad because i didn't know the mic was on, right?"

henry ignores her further.

"it's not like someone told me the mic was on and i'd deliberately tell the whole school you're gay right?"

henry narrows his eyes at her. " i swear i heard yuri say you're pressing the on button, bitch," he says.

"maybe i did, maybe i didn't," she shrugs. "but look at it this way, at least now you won't have to confess."

henry ponders, maybe she is right. but still.

"here, have my wintermelon milk tea, it's awesome," she says as she hands him the thermos. "i'll have to go, i have classes, my canadian maple."

henry doesn't bother saying goodbye, instead he sips on the straw.

it was empty.

oh fucking well.

5: straightening up people

(Sooyoung|Amber: rock, paper, scissors decide your future)

"i win," sooyoung says as she stucks her tongue out at amber. amber frowns in response.

"i'm ready to surrender myself," amber laments.

"oh, hush, my young one," sooyoung says, slinging an arm around her. "it won't hurt!"

amber vaguely recalls a list of famous last words. if she could remember correctly, it won't hurt was one of them.

--

amber looks at her reflection. and gapes. because fuck, she is darn beautiful she would love herself too.

"you're so pretty," sooyoung says as she finishes putting hair extensions.

amber grunts. okay she was pretty but yeah. "i'm not."

"no you are," sooyoung says. "now go straighten key up and make him fall for you!"

[fic] Sungmin/Henry: Saline, G

pinefir — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 10:34:01 GMT

Title: Saline
Author: pinefir
Pairing: Sungmin/Henry
Genre: Drama
Words: 2700+words
Warning: Set in the President!AU, used the names of characters!
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I do not own Sungmin, or Super Junior. I wish I owned President though, it’s such a nice drama. AND OMFG. HENRY IS NOT IN THE DRAMA OKAY. He’s just in this fic 
Summary: Sungmin likes to know that he’s surviving.
Authors Note: OMG you all need to watch president. NEGL, i watched it for sungmin but omg the story is great and perfect. And i legit feel sorry for sungmin's character because no one's ever there for sungmin. he goes through the pain alone and AUGH. HE'S SUCH A GOOD ACTOR. my heart breaks when sungmin cries.

Sungmin keeps a jar of tears.

No, he actually doesn’t, but that’s what he tells Henry when the Canadian comes over for a project.

“Oh,” Henry says and he puts down the jar of “tears” back on Sungmin’s desktop.

“Are you going to stand there or are we going to start on our project?” Sungmin snaps from the doorway. Henry jumps in surprise and turns to look at him.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Henry replies and he shuffles out of Sungmin’s room, following the elder out. Henry wonders where they are going. They pass by rooms and hallways filled with pictures of Sungmin’s family. All were taken professionally, he thinks, it must be the perk of living in a political family, all pictures were done as if they were all posing for a campaign. Henry suddenly feels very small compared to his classmate. Here he was, standing in the house were most politics major would kill to be in. He was lucky he got partnered with Jang Iljun’s son for their campaign analysis project; that would only mean that he’s going to be in the thick of it and he can’t help but feel excited because of this.

“Oh, Sungmin-ah, you’re home,” a girl suddenly appears in front of them. A smile breaks out on Sungmin’s face and Henry wonders who this could be. “Is this your friend?”

“Ahh, noona!” Sungmin says as he hugs the girl. “You caught us! I was hoping I could sneak him in.”

“Sneak who in?” a guy, a good head taller than Sungmin (and someone who looks like an old version of Sungmin too, Henry noted) came , snapping a picture of the two hugging people.

“This,” Sungmin says, as he extracts himself from the girl and comes to Henry’s side. “is my classmate, Henry. He’s here for a project,” he smiles at him. “That is my Inhyung-noona, and that is Mingi-hyung.”

“Hello,” Henry bows. “I’m Henry, it’s nice to meet you.”

“A project?” Mingi asked. “What for?”

“We’re doing campaign analysis,” Sungmin asks. “We were partnered.”

“Campaign analysis?” Inhyung echoes. “then, it’s just like Yu-PDnim here. Is it safe to assume that we’ll be seeing Henry-ssi around now?”

“Ahh, don’t think too much of this,” Sungmin brushes them off. “We’ll be finished with this project as soon as possible.”
___

Because Sungmin is Jang Iljun’s son, he has access to all the campaign materials of his father. When Sungmin took out videos of his father making his speeches, Henry can’t help but feel amazed. He remembers watching political debates through the tv and seeing footages , but all of them were from third person point of views. What Sungmin was holding right now were first-hand, real-time campaign materials. He looks at Sungmin selecting which video to watch first and wonders, if they grow old, would Sungmin grow up to be a politician like his father? Would he remember him and them being partners?

“Henry-ssi, take down notes, we’re going to watch this,” Sungmin says as he pops in the cd into the player, effectively interrupting Henry’s thoughts.

“Are you sure we can watch this?” Henry asks as he sits down on the chair opposite Sungmin. “I mean, this is your father’s materials.”

“What do you take me for? Someone naive?” Sungmin snidely asks, a complete 180 degree turn from his cheery self. “I’ve asked permission from Ms. Oh, and Inhyung-noona. I wouldn’t let a small project like this ruin my father’s image.”

Henry was taken-aback. “I didn’t mean it that way,” Henry said, trying to apologize.

“Never mind,”Sungmin brushes him off. “Just take down notes. I don’t want you to come unprepared for tomorrow’s debate.”

___

Their project wasn’t something that can be made in one night’s time, not that they would even attempt to put their project off for a later date, but this only meant them putting in hours together for this project. It was some sort of a pre-thesis requirement for all politics major, to write a comprehensive analysis of campaigns, after all, their professor reasoned, that a good politician need to be a good analyst. Henry, just like his classmates, were excited as hell to get paired up with Sungmin. Everyone wanted to be paired up with him because Sungmin was in the thick of it, being the son of a presidential candidate. He hoped that by this project, they would get closer, be friends at the least, not just mere classmates. But then, 2 months into their project, Henry thinks that friendship is out of the question.

“Henry-ssi,” Sungmin calls out and Henry cringes because he still cannot believe that they have yet to drop the honorific.

“Yes, Sungmin-ssi?”

“Is this what you really think?” Sungmin asks, Henry’s speech in his hands. “Do you really think that my father did the wrong thing in exposing his son for the scandal he caused?”

Oh, that. Henry thinks. That was all over the news. Back when Sungmin’s father had low approval ratings and Sungmin was a hair’s width close to getting sued for libel when he exposed false accounts about Kim Gyeongmo.

“I, I,” Henry started. “I think it was out of line, I’m sure you only did it for-“

Sungmin slammed the paper on the desk. “Henry-ssi, we won’t win tomorrow’s panel if we present your opinion.”

Henry looked down.

“And if you’re only doing this to get on my good side,” Sungmin says. “Then, you disgust me.”

“Sungmin-sshi,” Henry attempts to defend himself.

“I don’t need pity, not from you, not from my father, not from anyone else. Please, for our sake. Get it straight, Henry-ssi. I don’t want to have to work with you any longer that what I planned.”

And then Henry doesn’t bother trying anymore. Because he was being honest when he did think it was oversight for Sungmin’s father’s part, he didn’t write it to become Sungmin’s friend.

___

It was awkward for Henry knowing that he made Sungmin upset. But what was even more awkward for him was the fact that Sungmin was pretending to be okay with him in the classroom and in front of other people when he knew for a fact that he wasn’t okay with him at all. They always work in silence, with Henry writing his speech and handing them to Sungmin for his approval and Sungmin nodding at him when he’s satisfied. It was routine. They’d go late into the night working like that, and it was boring. It was very boring, them sitting in Sungmin’s room, reading newspaper clippings, internet articles, and even twitter replies. Their only excitment came from when--, no, now that Henry thought of it, there was never anybody to visit Sungmin and interrupt their study sessions.

But to every routine, there is that single thing that would break it, giving way to excitement and surprises.

“JANG SUNGMIN,” a voice was heard outside from their room, Henry assumed it to be Sungmin’s father.
Sungmin stood up, calling back a “Yes , appa,” before leaving the room. Henry felt compelled to follow him, intrigued at why his father would be calling him. He knew it was a breach of privacy, but sue him for being interested. He’s never seen Sungmin in a filial setting, he would not let this opportunity to get to know more about his partner pass.

When he arrived at the stairs, a safe distance from where Sungmin and his father stood, he was surprised to see Sungmin staring head on at his father.

“I didn’t do it,” Sungmin said with conviction. “I did not do it.”

A slap.

His father just slapped Sungmin, and Henry can’t help but widen his eyes in surprise. How, how can he hurt his son like that? Sungmin’s head snaps to the side with the force of the slap and Henry scrambles to get out of his sight.

“Do you think I’d believe you?” Jang Iljun said, voice laced with disappointment. “You’ve done this once. What assurance would you give me that you wouldn’t have done it again?”

Sungmin doesn’t speak and from where Henry sits, crouched, he could see his partner starting to tear up.

“Don’t lie to me. The reporter knows you.”

Sungmin smirks, and Henry becomes a little too scared for him, before turning to look at his father. “And so if it was me,” he starts shakily. “You could always come out and publicly apologize right?”

“Don’t you know how much this will cost us?” his father starts.

“I know. I know. I know how much this costs you. So do you still think I did it?” Sungmin says. “I’ve made that mistake once, do you think I would make it again? Maybe it’s not me who’s to blame this time. Maybe it’s you. It’s you who made the mistake this time! But of course you can’t admit it,” he says and Henry can see Sungmin’s mother, Professor Jo, try her best to restrain his father and hit Sungmin again.

“Maybe, you overlooked a flaw in your perfect plan and now it blows up right in your face. But no, Jang Iljun is perfect. He can’t be mistaken. So he blames it on his son.”

“Sungmin,” his mother starts, willing to stop Sungmin.

“I know,” Sungmin says. “The first thing I’ll do tomorrow is retract the bribe I never gave, and apologize publicly for something I never did,” he finishes and he turns around wiping the bitter tears that dropped.
Henry was fixed on his spot. He managed to stand up though, but he was too late because Sungmin just stopped in his steps.

“Henry,” he said with tearful eyes.

___

Henry didn’t know how to leave. No, he actually didn’t know if he wanted to leave. He just sat there staring at Sungmin’s sleeping figure. Thinking of what he just witnessed.

“I’m sorry,” Sungmin suddenly speaks, and Henry is quick to come to his side. “I’m sorry I ever treated you like shit.”

“Sungmin-ssi,” Henry says. “You’re awake,” and he helps Sungmin sit up.

Sungmin smiles at him weakly, and he can’t help but feel a bit broken-hearted at the sight. The Sungmin-hyung he admires the most looks so sad and disappointed. Henry wonders if he had never noticed these things about him. Sungmin always had a solemn air about him, but maybe these seriousness and solemnity was only because he couldn’t be himself. Because if Sungmin tried to be himself; it might ruin his father’s image.

“Don’t worry about the report,” Henry says, he feels as if he needs to break the silence. “I’ve done it the way you wanted it to be done.”

Sungmin shakes his head. “You’re unbelievable. You’re not gonna be a good politician if you always take orders from others.”

Henry feels offended, but he lets it go. It wasn’t the first time that Sungmin has spoken to him harshly.
“It’s in my principles, to obey the seniors first,” he reasons, brushing off Sungmin’s critic.

“Then you’re also stupid,” Sungmin says. Henry looks at anywhere but him, fine, let him be the foolish one.

And then there was silence, but Sungmin breaks it off by reaching for the jar next to his bed, his action catching Henry’s attention.

“You’ve asked what this is for, right?” Sungmin says, inspecting the jar.

“Your jar of tears?” Henry asks him, recalling the first time they met and smiling at how stupid he must have sounded.

Sungmin smiled, a genuine smile and to Henry it was short of perfection.

“Yeah my jar of tears,” Sungmin echoed. “Did you honestly believe that?”

Henry shrugs. “They say it’s the sanest ones who have the insane antics,” he says with a chuckle.

Sungmin starts laughing, and Henry can’t help himself but laugh along too. Sungmin suddenly opens the jar and conjures up a water bottle from nowhere. He puts a bottle-cap’s worth of liquid into the jar.

“I can see the headlines tomorrow,” Henry jokes. “JANG SUNGMIN FAKES THE TEARS JAR.”

Sungmin just snorts at him and punches him playfully. “As if I’d cry my tears out into a fucking jar,” Sungmin says. “This,” he holds out another cap full of liquid and tips it into the jar. “Is for everytime I cried.”

“You must be crybaby then,” Henry quips, eyeing the jar that was almost full.

“Everytime I cried,” Sungmin starts, swirling the jar a bit and Henry can see small crystals in it. “I pour water with salt here. Just a reminder that I would always cry everytime I’m hurt. But that’s all I’m gonna do, cry.”

“I won’t cry anymore when I fill this,” he says, and he starts pouring the content of the bottle into the jar. “I won’t cry after this.”

___

You can say that it was the turning point for their relationship. Ever since that night where Sungmin revealed himself to be so much of a person and not an unfeeling, insensitive one, Henry can’t help but feel a bit more attached to Sungmin. He wasn’t attracted, it just sounded so wrong in his head. He was just attached, he was concerned for Sungmin and he cared for him. That’s just about it. Just like how he sees Mingi-hyung comfort Inhyung-noona everytime there was a large blow to Jang Iljun’s standing. Henry was like that to Sungmin. Henry would be the one to squeeze Sungmin’s hands in between classes whenever news against Sungmin’s father comes up. He would be the one to take the brunt of all Sungmin’s anger at all the stupid critters who think his father is not good enough. He would be everything just to make Sungmin feel better.
___

“I thought you’ve stopped crying,” Henry says as he hands the sobbing Sungmin a cup of coffee. It is days before the election and with the combined assassination and slash-funds controversy, Sungmin is in a wreck. “Or have you got a new tears jar without telling me?” he says as he sits himself beside Sungmin who have yet to stop crying.

“Come on, don’t cry now,” Henry cooed, adjusting Sungmin so that his head would fall on his shoulder. Sungmin accepted the offer gratefully and clung to him, crying and ruining his shirt.

“Father, they said father might not make it,” he sobbed unashamedly into Henry’s shirt. “I was so stupid.”

Henry brought up a hand to Sungmin’s back, rubbing him gently. “Sssh, nothing is your fault,” he whispers to him as he kisses Sungmin on top of his head. He’s used to this, used to comforting Sungmin, used to being the one that Sungmin can lean on. In the two and a half months they’ve been working together, Henry knew that Sungmin was still a son, still young to be hurt and to be depended on. He needed someone to b strong for him, and Henry , he himself believed that he was the best for that part.

“Sungmin, hyung, hyung,” Henry said calling out his name as he lifted Sungmin’s face so that he can see him properly. “Stop crying.”

“I don’t like it when you cry okay,” Henry says, wiping the tears off Sungmin’s face while Sungmin sniffs.
“I thought you’ve stopped crying. That’s why we broke you jar of tears right, because you didn’t want to cry anymore? Jang Sungmin, you’re a strong man. I’ll let this instance pass, okay?” Sungmin nods. “But, only if you cry on my shoulder. I’ll only let you cry if you cry on me. You have me, hyung.”

And Sungmin nods, brokenly but gratefully, because Henry is there for him.
___
Sungmin and Henry are not in a relationship. No, what they have is not a relationship. They can’t name it, they can’t brand it, but it’s something that good that they wouldn’t want to tarnish it by trying to come up with how they’d call themselves.

They didn’t start off in good terms, but they opened up to each other, and they still are opening up.

They’re not in love, at least, that’s what they like to think.

But just like the jar of tears, this will become full and bring about something new.
They just didn’t know when.

But for now, Sungmin is glad he doesn’t have to pour saline solution in jar anymore, because someone, Henry, is there to hold his hand and comfort him.

because i am busy but i still have time to spam myself with my biases

pinefir — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 18:01:15 GMT

Your gentle smile
Your sexy eyes
Your weird words
That are sometimes unpredictable like the weather yeah
Just as you are
Without having to fix anything
The person that is so lovable to me is you
That person is you
(image heavy ;-; and hq images it may kill your browsers i swear)
yesung;;

sungmin;;

leeteuk;;

(anyways if you're wondering who banmalities isthat's me. that's my tumblr where i post hq/square pics of anyone i like)

dongguri dong dong

pinefir — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 05:08:38 GMT

Let it be established, that I really like Shindong. Sure I may not stan him as much as I stan Yesung
but I admit, he does hold a special place in my SJ bias list. He is nowhere near in my top 5
but i just get so defensive about him.

He might not have the best personality in SJ, coz God knows he had his fair share of douche comments, but
I'm really saddened with the fact that most people seem to hate him not because of personality but because he's
Shindong.

I mean, some people say that he looks sketchy or that they really didn't like him in the first place
and that they expect nothing good from him at all, and it hurts you know. Not giving people the chance to
be redeemed hurts. Most of his haters and non-likers label him as bad news and they think he's doing things
for attention. When he comments on issues, people are so quick to say , "ah ofc you would say that!" or "oh god such a douche"
or "whatthefuck i hate him even more now," or "there's reason why he has the least fans". SERIOUSLY
WHAT
ARE
YOU
GUYS?

I know that people are entitled to their own opinions and such and I'm not calling out on you for not liking Shindong, but
can you please just keep it classy? There's a reason why he's saying things and believe it or not, it's not because he has a
douchey personality.

To be honest, I'm starting to think that the douche personality reason to hate him is just an excuse for people. I'm scared
that they really hate him because he looks that way. People are more lenient to good looking ones, and it's true , even irl this is true.
just because Shindong looks differently, he gets more critics and his actions are not that forgivable.

IT IS SO DISGUSTING.

FIC: COOKED AND RAW

pinefir — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 14:25:53 GMT

Title: cooked and raw
Author: pinefir
Rating: G
Pairing: None
Disclaimer: If I ever owned Kyu the bell pepper, I would’ve cut him in half just for laughs.
Genre: Crack
Warning: SM The Ballad, Super junior crossover
Summary: Is it better to be cooked or to be raw?

It was a fine day in the chiller, the thermostat was set just above 10 degrees making it just right for keeping all of them fresh and crisp; the light was off, thereby protecting their thin skins (or lack thereof, for some) from the harsh radiation, all in all it was a fine day, and all the vegetables sighed in contentment, the dull thrum of the refrigerator serving as their background music. Everything was quiet and peaceful until Heechul the chili shrieks.

“What the fuck, you imbecile,” he hisses as he rolls under and away from mini-pumpkin Sungmin’s weight. “Do you know how hard it is to maintain such smooth and shiny skin for a chili this age?” he angrily asks as he attempts to push the offending pumpkin off. He pushes but Sungmin doesn’t budge, because one, Sungmin is one of the biggest veggies in the chiller, and two, he was busy laughing at Donghae the onion’s jokes. A soft kick from Siwon the carrot and Sungmin moves.

“Thank you, Siwon,” Heechul (which from now on shall be called Chillie-ah) says as he mimics knighting Siwon through the tip of his chili body. “As I was saying, being not wrinkly for over 30 days is a complete miracle, if ever one of you fatsos roll on me again I will shoot fire.”

“Shut up, Chillie-ah,” Shindong said, groaning as he lay face down on the chiller’s floor, letting Eunhyuk the bean-sprouts’ sprouts tickle his aching roots. Eunhyuk doesn’t mind Heechul whining, he’s used to the chillie’s random bursts, he just rolls along, hoping to bump into Donghae and sungmin who seemes like they were having a blast.

“You can’t shut me up!” Heechul said. “I’m 5 days older than you! You should respect my residency here you know!”

“Oh for shiksin’s sakes, Chillie-ah . Shut up,” Leeteuk the white cabbage hollered from his spot in the corner, huddled with Ryeowook the tomato and Yesung the broccoli who were snoring lightly. “Can’t you see that these two are sleeping? You do know that Soonkyu took them out and left them exposed under sunlight for god knows how long. They would’ve gotten bad if it weren’t for Sooyoung!”

“Psh,as if it was my fault,” Heechul harrumphs.

“If it wasn’t for Sooyoung,” Kyuhyun, the green pepper who rolled out next to Heechul in a flash, started. “Those two would have gone bad.”

“I know right,” Siwon the carrot sighs. “I pray to God that we never get cooked by Soonkyu.”

All the other veggies, save the two sleeping ones, shuddered at the name and the word cooking. At his point in time, they would prefer being ingredients to a salad rather than being cooked.
---

It was a well known fact n the chiller that there was nothing scarier than seeing the refrigerator lights open coupled with Soonkyu’s high-pitched voice. It didn’t matter what Soonkyu might be saying, the veggies just didn’t want her near their chiller. It was some sort of breach in the vegetable law which have been ingrained in their minds since they were wee seeds, that veggies should look forward to being consumed, raw consumption was good but the honor of being cooked and boiled in hot water is on another level of awesomeness. In short, they shouldn’t be too scared of being cooked by Soonkyu. But then, as Heechul put it, they would all rather go bad than go bad from Soonkyu’s cooking.

So it doesn’t come as a surprise to Heechul, who was once again, squished by all the other veggies, that the other veggies came rolling down his corner (where he was sleeping by the way), when the refrigerator door opened and they could recognize Soonkyu’s voice.

“Yah, Choi Sooyoung! Where shall I put the salad ingredients?” Soonkyu shouted as she shifted through the refrigerator. Meanwhile the veggies in the chiller were trying their best to squeeze into the small corner of the chiller.

“Just put them in the chiller, along with the other ones,” Sooyoung shouts back.

A hand on the chiller’s door, and all the vegies squeezed their nonexistent eyes shut. When they felt Soonkyu’s presence leave them and their environment significantly darken, they start to roll off their veggie pile and on towards where the new arrivals were.

They looked at the three vegetables. One was a green, healthy looking spinach while another was a chive, and then there’s a tomato which looked really small…and they were all sleeping.

Heechul rolled over to the spinach and nudged him with his tip. Gently shaking its leaves, Heechul proceeds to observe the slowly waking spinach. Flapping one leaf as a sign of acknowledgment, Heechul rolls closer. “Hi I’m Heechul.”

“Jay,” the spinach answers him.

“Who are they?” Heechul asks him, pointing at the two remaining veggies, rearranging his crown in confusion as soon as he sees Yesung the broccoli and Ryeowook the tomato, crowd over the smaller tomato and Donghae the onion jumping around the chive.

“Them?” Jay the spinach asks, waving his leaf in their direction. “I don’t know the big ones.”

“Oh they’re idiots, don’t mind them. I was referring to the chive and the mini-tomato.”

“Oh them! They’re Jonghyun and Jino. And for the record, Jino is a cherry tomato.”

As if hearing the word cherry-tomato, Yesung starts squealing and bouncing around, happy that there’s another tomato he can baby and look after. Ryeowook jumps with him too, because he’s happy that Yesung’s happy. All their jumping and squealing wakes up the cherry tomato; Jino rolls away from them in slight fear and surprise, ending up nestled in between Jay’s leaves.

“Jay, hyung,” jino says as he watches the big tomato and the broccoli roll towards him. “Where are we?”

“We were bought, Jino,” Jay says as he pushes Jino out of his leaves and into the brocolli’s welcoming stalks.”They’re nice!”

“I like you!” Heechul suddenly bursts out. “We’ll be good friends, Jay!” And together, they roll into one corner of the chiller. Leaving Jino in the middle of Yesung and Ryeowook’s fussing, with Kyuhyun joining them.

Meanwhile, Donghae’s incessant bouncing has lead to the chive waking up.

“What the? Can you please stop bouncing?” Jonghyun the chive angrily asks since he was disturbed in his sleeping.

Donghae stops, and peers at him through his thin, transparent skin. “You’re a chive…,” he says in wonder, and Jonghyun resists rolling away from the onion in annoyance. “An onion just like me!” Donghae continues with awe. “But, aren’t you a bit too small for a chive? I mean, I know chives are small..but I mean man..what ‘s your name? I’m Donghae!”

Jonghyun resists the urge to slap the onion with his stalks.

“Hey Hyuk, Minnie! Isn’t he a bit too small for a chive?” Donghae shouts as he calls the beansprouts and pumpkin over to size up the chive.

“I’m not small,” Jonghyun says. “I’m a chive! Chives come at this size! And my name’s Jonghyun by the way.”

“But still,” Donghae says.”I have doubts on your size…”

___

After it has been established that Jino is a cute cherry tomato and that he has been adopted as Yesung’s baby and Kyuhyun’s brother (they found out that they came from the same garden before they were moved to farms; and that Jonghyun is just the right size for a chive (not smaller, as Donghae insists); formal introductions were made.

“I’m Jay,” the spinach says to the ten egetables on the other side of the chiller. “Jino’s the cherry tomato,” Jino peeked from Yesung’s green foliage. “And Jonghyun is the ..ehrm chive,” Jay says as he turns to Jonghyun who was currently held down by the pumpkin Sungmin and mushroom Shindong while beansprouts Hyuk was comparing his size to Donghae’s.

“What farm did you come from?” Leeteuk asks Jay.

“Oh we’re from SMF, SM Farms.”

“Oh really?” carrot Siwon asks. “We came from SMF too! How come we didn’t know of each other?”

“We’re from the Salad,” Jay explains.

“Ahh ,I see,” Leeteuk says, nodding his cabbage head. “We’re from the Souper Fresh-,” at this all ten vegetables lined up , stalks, crowns and whatever protruding parts held up, “-Farm-eyo!”

“We were actually 13 you know, “ Heechul speaks up from beside Leeteuk. “But then the other three were cooked for a meal for Lee Sooman.

___

“So I’m thinking of adding the green pepper to the salad,” Sooyoung says as she takes out the vegetables out of the chiller. At this, Kyuhyun visibly stiffens. Sure he would love to be reunited with his garden brother, Jino but he can’t leave his Souper Fresh Farm-eyo brothers.

“What?” Soonkyu splutters. “You can’t just take the green pepper out of my soup!”

“What soup? “ Sooyoung asks her. “You’re just gonna throw in your random veggies and boil them. That’s not a soup!”

“But I bought the bell pepper as part of the soup pack! It’s definitely going into my soup!” Soonkyu argued.

“But you already have a red chili! Why else would you need another bell pepper for?” Sooyoung asks.

“It’s called the art of cooking you fat shiksin.”

“You did not just call me fat…”

“I just did. What you gonna do about that huh? Fatso!”

“Fatso? Yah! You don’t even know how much water to put for ramen and you can’t even distinguish coke from soy sauce!”

___

“Roll over the line, if you want to be part of the salad,” Leeteuk says in a grave tone. All the vegetables heard the two girls’ fight. He was hoping beyond hope that Kyuhyun wouldn’t be forced to join the salad. He feels a movement from the left and he turns just in time to see Yesung rolling over to where Jino was.

“Yesung get back to the soup!” Leeteuk says.

“I just wanted to be with my Jino baby,” Yesung sighs as he rolls over back to the souper side.

“You can’t be in a salad, idiot,” Heechul reprimands him. “Brocollis don’t belong in salads. If it was Soonkyu making the salad then I’d gladly throw you in the bowl with the salad, because she wouldn’t notice anything off!”

Kyuhyun doesn’t move, and he can feel Jino’s cherry tomato heart breaking at his decision.

Heechul then turns to look at the green bell pepper. “This is it Kyuhyun-ah,” Heechillie hisses. “It’s either you get cooked with us, or you go raw with dressings with them.”

Kyuhyun gulps. This must be the hardest decision in his life. While he knows that getting consumed is the ultimate happiness for any vegetable, he doesn’t know how he would want to be consumed. Would he be happier if he boiled in broth together with his souper brothers whom he has known since their collection and packaging days? Or, would he be happier with the dressing sliding down his skin together with the salad and Jino?

“Ahh, get off!” Kyuhyun says, rolling away from Heechul’s prodding tip. “It’s not as if it’s my decision!”

“But you can’t do it halfheartedly!” Sungmin says shaking. “It’s either you get in our soup or you get in their salad.”

Kyuhyun doesn’t know where to go. He exhales, “Let’s just go with what the humans think…”

And then pumpkin Sungmin starts rolling around the table, crying and sobbing, saying that Sooyoung would definitely get him in the salad, and that they’ll be separated.

Kyuhyun looks away from his souper brothers who were comforting Sungmin and away from his salad brothers who were looking at him expectantly, and then he rolls away, leading towards the edge of the table.

“There you are!” Soonkyu exclaims as she picks Kyuhyun up before he fell to his splattering demise. “Sooyoung’s out,” she whispers to the green bell pepper, so that means I can just half all of you so that you’d all be together forever! You see I can’t just make you choose, so I’ll just do every one a favour and make all of you stay together!”

___

“Yah Lee Soonkyu!” Sooyoung shouts as she fishes out a broccoli and a mushroom from her salad, she swears they weren’t there earlier. “Did you touch my salad?”

“You mean your new and improved salad has become more colorful than before?” Soonkyu asks as she stirs her soup. “Why yes I did!”

“Lee Soonkyu I’m gonna kill you!”

“It won’t taste bad, I swear!”
___

And so, it turns out, Soonkyu doesn’t have the heart for cooking, but she does have a heart after all.

JONGJIN (HOES FOR THE JONGBROS), NC17

pinefir — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 14:47:43 GMT

Title: hoes for the jongbros
Pairing: jongjin/oc
Author: pinefir
Rating: NC-17
Words: 2779
Warning: pretty hardcore sex.
Summary: pwp pure smut.
Disclaimer: Jongjin is mine bitches.
AN: i bet you're all judging me pretty hard rn.

She sits up straighter, and stretches her arms over her head. She rolls her neck around, and glances at the digital clock next to her, a quarter to 4 it says. Huh, would you look at that. Closing her eyes for a bit and slumping back down on her chair, she debates on whether she should get some snacks or if she should just faceplant on her book. Her stomach growls angrily at her and it is decided that it is tons better if she gets some food in it.

Clad in a baggy shirt which proudly said “Would you marry me Kim Yesung?” and shorts that were hidden by the said oversized shirt, she yawns as she makes her way to the kitchen. She stops when she sees light coming from it. Wondering why the lights are on, she tiptoes quietly and immediately recognizes the hunched figure on the counter.

“I can see you, you know,” the figure says in heavily accented English. A smile breaks on her face and soon she finds herself walking towards him.

“Hi, Jongjin-oppa,” she says in equally-accented Korean as she settles beside him. He shoots her a smile and she is sure that she would’ve melted in a puddle of goo.

“Why are you still awake?” he asks her, now in Korean, as he pulls her against him.

“I don’t know either,” she shrugs, laying her head on his shoulders. He nudges her off his shoulders and she shots him a pout, he only grins in response.

“Are you hungry?” he asks her.

“Yes? No? Maybe?” she answers back.

“Well, watch this,” he says before pulling out his headphones from his laptop. She lays her head on his shoulder again, and this time he doesn’t nudge her away. She watches the three-minute clip in silence as he hums along the song.

Eyes shining brightly and big smile on her face, she looks at him in amazement. “Oh my gosh! UNF! Yesung! UNF!”

Jongjin laughs and pinches her cheek, an action he does whenever her fangirling side is revealed. “You never say UNF when you see me,” he pouts at her, she decides to ignore him, and at this Jongjin narrows his eyes, he now seriously regrets showing her this clip.

“I love your hyung so much,” she dreamily says in perfect English, fingers working on his laptop so that she could hit the replay button again. “Oh god, oppa, fuck, that hipthrust was hot. Get it in me.”

Although this was all said in English, Jongjin had an idea to what she meant by this so he thinks he really shouldn’t be blamed when he closes the laptop.

She whines at the loss of such visual sex. “Aww, oppa!” she pouted at him. “What did you that for?”

“He’s my hyung for God’s sake! Stop lusting after him!” he hissed at her.

She looks at him as if he was insane. “He’s Yesung. I love him! See ! Marry U shirt with Yesung’s name on it?” she says as she pulls on her shirt to show him the design.

He grunts in response. “Yeah right, you only dated me for my brother, I see.”

“Aww, Jongjin baby, don’t be mad, I love you,” she quickly says as she hugs him.

“But you love hyung’s hipthrusts more?” he snidely asks. He was being petty but , sometimes her fangirling over his hyung can be a bit too much for him to handle.

She doesn’t answer. She instead nuzzles his neck in response. “Come on don’t be mad.”

“Can’t you wear a Marry U Kim Jongjin shirt instead?” he asks.

“I would if they sold them,” she shrugs.

“Sometimes I wonder if you really love me or if you love my brother.”

“I lust after your hyung, but I love you okay?”

“I want you to lust after me too,” he says. Her eyebrows shot up at the confession. She smirks at him, hunger long forgotten and she leans closer to him.

“You do?” she asks, her breath ghosting over his lips teasingly.

And he looks at her, and she doesn’t know if it’s because she lacks sleep, but she’s sure that she sees something like want flicker in his eyes. Suddenly, his hands are pulling at her waist and the distance between them is closed as he kisses her gently at first. He starts nipping at her bottom lip and she has no choice but to give in and open her mouth to him. His tongue gently massages her own before she decides that their kiss is too gentle for her liking. She runs a hand over his clothed chest, and shivers when he starts getting rough with her, tongue and teeth clashing together.

Jongjin moans when he feels her hands on his bare skin, her hands roaming around underneath his shirt, exploring every inch of covered skin. He returns the favour by snaking his hands down her body, before resting just below her shirt’s hem. Breaking off the kiss, she looks at him with lust unmistakeable in her eyes. He licks his lips as he pushes her against the counter, her back hitting the edge none too gently.

Hands pulling down on her shirt to expose more skin, his mouth latches on to her neck, biting, sucking, and licking at random spots. One hand on the countertop to support her and the other threading through his hair, she gasps as his teeth clamp down on her pulse point and fingers start to trace random patterns on her thigh. “Ah, Jongjin…!”

Jongjin sucks on the spot and smirks against her as he hears her gasp his name. He positions themselves so that she could feel the tell-tale signs of an erection pressing against her thigh. Rubbing against her, he pants as her fingers scrape his chest and her mouth nibbles his ear. Her hands fall down from his shirt collar, and she repeats what he did to her by tracing patterns on the exposed skin of his thighs through his ripped jeans.

He sucks in a breath when he feels her hands inch higher, and Jongjin thinks that the jeans he wears can’t possibly be anymore tighter. Fingers ghosting over his prominent bulge, he growls at her as he pushes his hips against her waiting hands. She chuckles at him before quickly pulling her hands back up. “Let’s get you out of this shirt?”

He nods dumbly at her, letting her do the work of removing the shirt. She eyes him hungrily, and licks her lips. “Like what you see?” he asks cheekily as she lifts her up and sets her on the counter.

She nods her head, a playful smile on her lips. And soon, they’re kissing again as she pulls on his belt loops towards her. This time, Jongjin takes control and decides to get rid of her shirt as he tugs off the offending material. They break apart again just so she can remove her shirt. Eyes raking over her soft curves, and exposed breasts, Jongjin takes no time as he begins licking exposed skin. “Just. So. You. Know,” she gasps out every word as Jongjin’s mouth lingers dangerously close to her breasts. “I fucking lust after you too,” she exhales as she feels his mouth wrap around one nipple and the other hand tease her.

Soon the kitchen is filled with nothing but breathy whispers of Jongjin’s name and long-drawn moans as he continues to nip and bite her. She pulls him up, mouths sloppy against each other as she brings a thigh in between his legs, eliciting a groan from the man. She rubs him through his jeans, and Jongjin stops his ministrations on her breasts, hands resting on her hips instead of fondling them. He bites back a groan when she nudges him a bit too hard and pulls back when she pushes him off her.

Jumping off the counter top, she kneels before him and hands are placed on his thighs, holding them apart. Jongjin groans in anticipation, and he finds his hands tangled in her hair when she kisses his jean-clad erection. Pulling her hair back gently, he tilts her face upwards so that he can look at her. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”

She smiles at him, and he watches her mouth curve into a smile before leaning forward towards him. She begins mouthing him through his jeans, and with the combined friction of his jeans against his swollen member and the pressure and wetness coming from her mouth, he vaguely wonders how long he would last.

Deft fingers working on the button of his jeans, she uses her teeth to pull the zipper down. Hands pushing down on his pants, she hooks a finger over the waist of his boxers and pulls them down too, revealing his cock standing proud. He closes his eyes and holds his breath as he can feel her puff an air over his hard member and silently wishes that she would start touching him now. As if hearing him, she brings her smooth hands to his shaft, a finger playing on his slit, spreading the white, sticky liquid all over his tip. She looks up at him, his chest covered in a thin layer of sweat, and she smirks. Kissing his swollen head, she watches him shudder at the contact. A soft moan escapes his lips when she starts tasting every inch of him alternating between licking and sucking on random spots on his member. Jongjin gasps when he feels her hot mouth take him in wholly, her hands covering what was left exposed. She drags her teeth along his length, making him buck into her mouth and tighten his hold on her. “Shit.”

She smiles around him, dragging her fingernails down his thighs, squeezing and teasing him. He grabs her by the back of her neck and forces himself into her, uncaring and desperate. He didn’t care if she was gagging as he pushes into her mouth; all he need was more warmth, more friction, more suction. She sucks eagerly, tongue laving and teeth trailing over every sensitive nerve. “Fuck. I’m gonna cum,” he gasps out as her mouth bobs on his length. He threads his fingers through her hair, pulling a bit as he feels the telltale warmth of release crawl in. But then she pulls back.

Lips swollen and wet, she wipes a trail of saliva off her mouth and Jongjin pulls her up against him. Smashing their lips together, Jongjin tastes a bit of himself on her tongue and he is short of going wild as she rubs her exposed thighs on his still hard member. He breaks off the kiss and wraps her legs around his hips. “Let’s take this to our room,” he whispers to her and she instinctively locks her arms around his neck. She nips on his ear affectionately while he tries to make their way to their room without dropping her.

As soon as they reached their room, he throws her on the bed none too gently and shrugs off his pants and boxers. She takes off her shorts and soon her underwear followed, throwing them at a far corner in the room, she proceeds to tug Jongjin into bed with her.

Smiling against him, she leans up to kiss him, hands trailing down his chest. “Fuck, you’re so hot, Jongjin,” she breathes against his ear, as she pulls him closer to her. Her fingers play on his collarbones, while he proceeds to caress her bare form. Bringing a hand in between her legs, he smirks at her as he feels her wetness. “Fuck, I need you,” she gasps as she bucks against Jongjin’s hands. He silences her with a finger on her lips, but she bites his finger instead. In retaliation, he inserts three fingers in her without preparation making her gasp at the sudden intrusion.

“Do you like that?” he growls at her, pumping his fingers in and out of her, savouring the clenching of her walls around his digits.

She mutely nods at him, lips biting as she wraps her arms around his neck. “God damn it, Jongjin.” And then, he opens her legs forcibly, placing himself in between them. Nudging her wet entrance with his member, he teasingly rubs his tip against her, making her groan in frustration. “Just please, fuck me.”

A smirk, and within a second he eases himself into her, his eyes fluttering as he felt the warm tightness envelope him fully, groaning when her wanton moans reached his ears. “Move,” she hoarsely whispered at him, her legs locking their selves into place so that she can feel him go deeper.

Slow and teasing, his actions were gentle and definitely agonizing for her. She pushes her hips up, trying to change his rhythm, and he nearly complies, but he holds back. It’s not for her to enjoy, not yet at least, and she whines at his pace, demanding more action and speed.

“Fuck it, stop moving,” he hisses at her as he slowly builds up his rhythm, pushing in and out, and he buries his face into the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent. “Fuck, you feel so good,” he grits out as he sucks on her collarbone, enjoying the moans he’s pulling out of her.

“Jongjin,” she gasps. “I, fuck. Jongjin more please,” she says as she moves her hips against him, pulling Jongjin’s hair, and scratching at his back. “I need more.”

He then flips her over, his sweaty back falling against the bed as he tries to sit her up straight. “God damn it,” he groans out as he takes a hold of her undulating hips. She pulls him up to her, maneuvering themselves so he can sit up.

“Jongjin, I love you,” she whispers, driving her hips up and down on him as she proceeds to pepper his face with kisses. He meets her every thrust with his own, panting and grabbing at her ass, while she muffles her moans by leaving his skin bites that will surely bruise.

A familiar heat is pooling in his lower abdomen, making him thrust more into her. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum. I fucking love you,” he incoherently says as he kisses her full on the mouth, tongues playing with each other. With a final thrust into her, he feels himself tighten before releasing his load into her. “Fuck. Fuck. I love you.”

She continues riding him out, even post-orgasm, as he leans against the headboard for support, her tight and warm passage milking everything out of him. He shudders, and unconsciously moans out her name when she begins clenching, tightening around his member. “Fuck, Jongjin, you feel so good,” she says, bouncing up and down on him.

“Oh god, oh yeah, just like, yeah that feels so good,” she moans out as she reaches completion.

And then she slows down, and he pulls her down on top of him, her breasts flush against his chest. “Fuck, you feel so good,” he whispers to her as she rotates her lips lazily, still lost in orgasmic bliss. He kisses her face, wiping the sweat out of forehead.

“I love you,” he says, kissing her on the lips. Tongue darting out to tease her lips, nipping and licking at it, begging for entrance. She grants him entrance, and their tongues play around with each other lazily. Massaging and lovingly caressing each other’s tongues.

They break apart, the need for air apparent as she climbs off him, panting and spent. She pecks him on the lips briefly before mouthing an I love you to him and cuddling in his embrace. He pulls her against him, his hands holding her tightly against him as she nuzzles his neck. She lays next to Jongjin, who is equally naked and sweaty, and beams, at him. He looks at her, a bit confused.

“What?” he asks, as he feels her smile a bit too creepy for his liking.

“Nothing….,” she says, still smiling at him.

“No, really tell me,” he says as he turns to look at her, one arm under his head.

“You know you should join super junior,” she says as she burries herself deeper into him.

He raises his eyebrows, not the Super Junior idea again.She continues, “Because if you can move your hips like that, no one would definitely complain.”

Jongjin facepalms and she grins at him, leaning up at him to kiss him on the lips.

“And you know what our fanclub name would be?”

He decides to humour her. “No, what?”

“Ho’s for the jongbros.”
ಠ_ಠ

FIC: SCHNEIDER

pinefir — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 06:39:53 GMT

Title: schneider
For: mayshy ; written for sjrarepairings
Pairing:Yesung/Siwon
Rating:G
Summary: Jongwoon is sick, he isn’t dying…but losing hope is just living without a purpose. There are people willing to help, but only one can help him, if only he would let him.
Author’s Notes:for michelle,hun, I’m sorry that this is a bit disjointed, I tried my best though. And well. I hope it does get cheerful for you in the end. OTL. And, I’m sorry, but this doesn’t look like love ;-; well, at least I think it doesn’t . But I sure hope you like it.
*Schneider, from the medical term Schneiderian classification. Schneiderian classification is the list of symptoms that identifies a schizophrenic patient from one that isn’t.

“Jongwoon-ssi.”

The doctor’s voice was calm and comforting yet it reeked of abused authority, something people would only follow out of fear and not by want. He called Jongwoon’s name over and over again, but Jongwoon pays him no heed. Opting instead to tap his fingers on the table to some melody he can only hear, he flinches as the doctor reaches out a hand to him, touching his fingers for a moment, effectively stopping him from tapping out the song he’s been hearing. He frowns, the magic is gone, and slowly, ring his hand back to his lap. He raises his eyes, looking at the doctor through a curtain of uneven bangs.

“Jongwoon-ssi,” the doctor said again, his voice smug, and Jongwoon can feel himself put up invisible walls to protect himself. Jongwoon titled his head to the side in askance, what could he want, again? “How are you today?”

How is he today? Jongwoon thinks it over as if his life depended on his answer to the man’s question. Pursing his lips and bringing up a hand to rub his left eye, he finds himself unable to answer. He was…he was breathing today, without difficulties, without restrictions. He didn’t see his friends though.

“None,” he answer in a clipped tone, voice husky and raw from being quiet the entire day.

“None?” the doctor asked, prodding Jongwoon for details.

Jongwoon shook his head like a child, and the doctor can’t help but sigh in defeat. He wouldn’t be able to get straight answers from Jongwoon now, since Jongwoon found the window interesting.

“I don’t understand,” the doctor began, but Jongwoon has long ago tuned him out, opting to mouth words the doctor cannot recognize. It was only until he began tapping his bare feet on the floor then the doctor realized that he was singing.

“They didn’t come today,” Jongwoon whispers in a saddened voice, pausing his singing just to voice out that matter.
If the doctor wasn’t quick to listen to what Jongwoon said, then he would have thought that he only imagined him speaking, for now, he was back to singing. And then, the doctor relaxes, he leans back on his chair and lets out a sigh of relief.

“That’s okay , Jongwoon-ssi. It’d be better if they didn’t come back,” the doctor says. Jongwoon ignores him yet again. Clearing his throat and gathering his documents, he pushes himself out of the chair and taps Jongwoon on the shoulder. “I’ll be going now, we’ll see each other tomorrow.”

Jongwoon continues singing, seemingly unaware of the doctor’s exit. But once the doctor was out of the door, he turns around and stares at the door. “You’re wrong,” he says, boring holes on the door. “They always come back.”

And then he turns around again, an elbow propped up on the table, and looks at the window. And then, he starts singing about a dragon that lived near a sea.

-------

“Jongwoon-hyung is one of the oldest patients here,” Kibum says as he leads another male nurse through a hallway. Siwon, a nurse transferred to the psychiatric facility of Il Jaesoon Hospital , follows Kibum and nods.

“By old, do you mean his age?” Siwon asked the resident nurse of the psychiatry ward.

Kibum smiles and turns to him before pausing in front of a door at the end of the hallway. Siwon looks around, noticing that the door is one of the only few doors in the hall, it was going to be difficult, he thinks as he notes that all the other doors are the same; white-painted fibreglass, heavy and windowless. Kibum pushes the door, and Siwon is led to another hallway, only this one is shorter. “No, I’m sorry, I keep forgetting that you’re an ER nurse, you’re not used to our slang here,” Kibum says and Siwon nods.

“Jongwoon-hyung has been here for 5 years, he’s still young though,” Kibum thoughtfully continues. “He’s only four years older than me? Three for you, I think.”

“Oh I see,” Siwon replies.

“He got in here at a young age too, or so I was told,” Kibum continued. “I’ve only been here for a year, so I’m not sure, but if I was to believe Donghae-hyung, he’s the one you’re replacing by the way, then Jongwoon-hyung got admitted here when he was 22.”

“Only 22?” Siwon asks. Kibum nods at him and turns left. He points to a big window on the wall, and Siwon looks in it. There he sees a guy in colourful pajamas, lying on the floor on his stomach with his legs raised. “Is this him?”

Kibum nods. “Yep, that’s our Jongwoon-hyung.”

“He isn’t wearing the hospital-issued dress,” Siwon says.

Kibum shrugs, “It’s Donghae-hyung’s idea,” he says. “He stopped asking for hospital clothes for Jongwoon-hyung because he reasons that Jongwoon –hyung is past the stage of wearing hospital clothes.”

Siwon raises an eyebrow at this. “This Donghae I’m replacing, you talk about him a lot.”

“He’s my partner,” Kibum says. “We’re the ones who take shifts to care for Jongwoon-hyung. Aside from that, Donghae-hyung has been working for four years with Jongwoon-hyung.”

“Oh. Well, it seems like I’ve got a pretty large hole to cover,” Siwon says as he looks at the guy inside the room who was now sitting straight on the floor, Kibum only shrugs in response. He let out a surprised gasp when Jongwoon suddenly turned to face them. He shivers involuntarily when he looks at Jongwoon’s eyes and see nothing but glassy irises. “Can he see us?” he asks Kibum.

“No,” Kibum turns to him. “This window is a one-way window.”

Siwon nods, but he can’t still help but feel as if Kibum was lying to him. If Jongwoon couldn’t really see them, then why was he still looking at them?

“Feels like he’s looking right at us, right?” Kibum says from beside him. Siwon absently nods. “He’s a good patient, he’s not violent, he’s obedient, he doesn’t give us trouble. He’s actually very sensitive too, so he might or might not be looking at us right now. He may not be
seeing us, but maybe he can feel our presence,” Kibum continues.

“What did he get admitted for?” Siwon asks.

“Hmm…the doctors say that he has multiple personality disorder, because he claims that people are talking to him, visiting him, and interacting with him, even if he’s completely alone; it could be schizophrenia, but the people he describes are bits of himself,” Kibum explains. “Still, there are other consultants who believe he is schizophrenic.”

“But I don’t see why he has to be admitted for that…,”Siwon interrupts.

Kibum shakes his head sadly. “I don’t know. I don’t see the reason for admittance either, and he’s been here for five years.”

_____

Siwon doesn’t meet Yesung until a week after his transfer to the psychiatry ward. Since he was still new in the department, he had to get acquainted with the schedules that they run. Kibum was kind enough to help him in some chores, but even with his help, he wasn’t able to free some time to meet the patient he’s supposed to be taking care of. He asked Kibum if it was okay if he wasn’t able to introduce himself to Jongwoon first, to which Kibum replied that Jongwoon never really noticed this kind of things, or he pretends to, at the very least.
So, it comes as a surprise to Siwon when Kibum tells him that they’re going to meet Jongwoon.

“Siwon-hyung, are you free now?” Kibum asks him as he drops by the nurse’s station.

Siwon looks up from the files he’s been reading for the past hours and he smiles at Kibum gratefully. “Yeah, I think so. Dr. Park gave me Jongwoon-ssi’s records so that I could review them. Are we going to meet him now?”

Kibum nods. “Yes, you’ll be bringing in his lunch. It was Donghae-hyung’s job Right now, we’re going to the kitchen, and we’ll have to ask for Jongwoon-hyung’s food.”

“Why do we have to go to the kitchen? And don’t the kitchen people on duty usually deliver the food?”

“Jongwoon-hyung trusts only a few people, if he sees you come in with food, then it’s a sign for him that he can more or less rely on you,” Kibum says. “If we let the people on kitchen duty do it, then it will be bad for us. He’d think that we’re only trying to harm him, and we aren’t going to take care of him. That will be very difficult for us especially when we administer his shots.”

“I see, so will you be coming in with me? I mean, he isn’t familiar with me, so he might as well see someone whom he recognizes.”

“No, I can’t,” Kibum shakes his head sadly. “Jongwoon hyung has a problem with receiving too many people at a time. So you’ll have to do it by yourself. In any case, I’ll be watching you by the window,” he says offering a smile and a light pat on Siwon’s back for encouragement. Siwon only smiles feebly in return. Something was telling him that he’s in for something big.

___

When he entered the room, the first thing he noticed was the bed full of stuffed turtles and pillows on the side of the wall. If he looked through the window, he wouldn’t see this, so this came as a surprise to him . And then, his eyes fell on the green turtle carpet in the middle of the floor, where Jongwoon lies on his back, eyes closed. Siwon briefly wonders if Jongwoon is asleep. He places the tray of food on a nearby table and leans over the resting man.

It is his first time seeing Jongwoon up-close, and he’s amazed at how he looks. He looks sane, for lack of a better word, and for a sane person, he looks just too good. Siwon thinks that with Jongwoon’s looks, he can easily become an ulzzang or an idol, especially with the way Jongwoon’s hair falls on his face or the way the lips part. He looks beautiful, Siwon thought, smiling to himself. He quickly stands up though when Jongwoon’s eyes start to twitch.

Slowly opening his eyes, Jongwoon looks around the room first before his eyes settle on the standing Siwon. He looks at him blankly, and Siwon gulps, trying to remember the notes and the records he’s been reading. Well, okay. When one wants to go to Jongwoon-hyung, you should kneel next to him, he thinks as he recalls an entry on Donghae’s log. He bends over, and proceeds to kneel in front of Jongwoon who was sitting on the carpet. Jongwoon tilts his head and he looks at him calculatingly. Siwon tries not to shift gazes or do any sudden movements or else Jongwoon might interpret it wrongly. When jongwoon doesn’t say anything, or do anything, Siwon decides that he should probably hand Jongwoon his food now. He stands up and starts to make his way to the table when a hand suddenly stops him. He looks down and sees Jongwoon, eyes sad and pleading, rooting him to the spot.

“I-I, I’m just going to get your food, Jongwoon-ssi,” Siwon says, trying to get out of his hold, but Jongwoon’s hold is strong. Jongwoon pats the space beside him and wordlessly asks Siwon to sit next to him with his eyes and slight pout. Siwon couldn’t help but agree and finally sit down beside him. Jongwooon looked oddly satisfied with his doing and has then decided to drop his hold.

A moment or two of silence passes and Siwon is surprised when he suddenly feels a weight on his shoulder. He looks down and sees Jongwoon laying his head on his shoulder, and an arm crawling up on around his to keep him there. He looks desperately at Kibum who was behind the window which only showed him a white wall, and sighs in disappointment. He then remembers that the window was only one way. It’s sad he thinks, it must be hard for Jongwoon.

A soft sigh escapes Jongwon’s lips and Siwon’s attention immediately returns to him. He noticed that his breathing has evened out and Jongwoon is most probably sleeping. Well, nothing he can do but serve as a pillow to him, he wryly thought. He looked around the room and noticed that the room doesn’t resemble any of the hospital rooms he’s in before. Five years he thinks, of course this would stop being a hospital room in the five years Jongwoon has lived here. In five years the small, white room was transformed into Jongwoon’s very own home, with the various stuffed turtle, plushies and pillows. He also noticed the table near him having a pile of albums from various balladeers. He feels saddened when he looks at these things. He recalls reading them in Donghae’s notes, and he can’t help but feel sad for Jongwoon. Jongwoon got these stuff from his brother, his younger brother who cares a lot for him would always visit him and give him stuff that he recalls his hyung liked. Unfortunately,Jongwoon can’t recognize Jongjin (that’s the name of Jongwoon’s younger brother,as mentioned in Donghae’s notes) so he stopped, he stopped visiting Jongwoon after 2 years and settled for giving gifts through Kibum and Donghae.

He looks at Jongwoon again and he wonders how Jongjin looks like. Does Jongjin resemble his hyung? Does Jongwoon remember Jongjin even if he can’t recognize him?

Siwon sighs and suddenly he regrets transferring to this department. This was more depressing than seeing people die in the ER. There was no sense of attachment in the ER, you only need to know fast facts and brief medical histories. But now that he’s in this department and caring for a certain patient, quick facts and medical histories can’t help him. It’s only been a week, but he’s scared at the fact that he can feel something deeper than sympathy for this patient. He feels sad that he sees this guy living with nothing to live for but just for the sake of living.

His train of thought gets interrupted however, when Jongwoon’s head rolls back and he catches him before he falls. Cradling Jongwoon’s head in his arms, he places him on his lap and lets the man sleep on his lap. He looks at the lunch he brought in and sighs. Well, there goes his food.

___

When Siwon’s lap starts to get prickly, he regrets placing the sleeping Jongwoon on his lap, and looks at the window. He signals for Kibum to come in and he feels ridiculous for playing signs with a person who probably wasn’t there.

He felt relieved when the door opens and Kibum comes in with a smile. Kibum signals for him to lift Jongwoon’s head and they were to bring him to the bed. With him lifting Jongwoon’s upper body and Kibum hauling Jongwoon’s legs, they finally transferred Jongwoon to his bed.

Leaving the room, Siwon turns to Kibum and asks him. “How long have I been there?”

“Two hours?” Kibum answers.

“That long?”

“Yep.”

“You stayed outside for two hours?” Siwon asks him with a look of disbelief on his face. Kibum merely nods and Siwon looks at him in amazement.

“He likes you,” Kibum says.

“He does?”

“Yep, he never warmed up to someone on his first meeting. It took Donghae-hyung 2 weeks to even have Jongwoon –hyung smile at him.”

“Really?”

“He trusts you,” Kibum continues. “That’s good, you might be able to help him.”

___

Jongwoon, Siwon finds out, shouldn’t even be here, he decides when Jongwoon starts singing to him. Everytime he visits Jongwoon, he sees more of Jongwoon’s normalcy rather than his “insanity”. He was kind, cheerful even if he didn’t speak much. He was friendly too, a bit touchy but at the same time, very accepting. Siwon has asked Kibum if this was Jongwoon’s normal behaviour but Kibum shakes his head and says that Jongwoon only started being like that when Siwon came to be his nurse.

He looks at Jongwoon who was listening to one of the albums Jongjin has given Siwon that week, S’ Fr.In.Cl album. He was humming one of the songs, and bopping his head along to a rhythm only he can hear. Siwon smiles at the sight, and he can’t help but feel warmth when he sees Jongwoon sitting satisfied on his bed, holding to the new turtle plushie Siwon bought for him. Even though Siwon has heard Jongwoon sing, he still hasn’t heard Jongwoon speak.

“They went away,” a soft and husky voice says.

Siwon looks at Jongwoon, shaking his head, was he hearing right? Did Jongwoon just speak? He stands up from his chair and moves to Jongwoon’s bed where Jongwoon was off staring at something.

“Did you just speak?” Siwon can’t stop himself from asking.

Jongwoon looks at him blankly and he purses his lips. Siwon sighs and he shakes his head. So much for hearing him speak.

“They left now,” Jongwoon says, and this time Siwon hears it clearly, and he’s sure that it’s directed at him because Jongwoon is looking at him. Siwon smiles at him and Jongwoon smiles back. Jongwoon removes an earphone and he gives it to Siwon, while clearing off the pillows on his bed so Siwon could sit with him with their backs against the wall. Siwon obliges and puts the earphone in his left ear, the soft and calming guitar strings of Love is What I Need filters through and he feels Jongwoon wrap his arms around him and put his head on his shoulder.

___

“Jongwoon-ssi.”

The doctor’s voice was calm and strong, but instead of hearing malice and distaste in his voice, Jongwoon hears S singing to him. He smiles, and starts to hum and tap his fingers to the beat of a song that only he can hear.

“How are you today?” the doctor asks.

Jongwoon looks at him briefly before looking straight back at the window where he can feel Siwon’s presence. He smiles again, Siwon, his new nurse, always made it a point to be there watching him from the outside whenever his doctor is visiting him, he knows it so because Siwon’s been telling him that.

Jongwoon doesn’t answer, and instead continues to hum. He can feel his doctor getting irritated by his behaviour, but he doesn’t care. He can hear his doctor huff and close his folder, annoyed at the fact that he was getting ignored. He stands up, chair scraping the floor and makes his way for the door and Jongwoon only watches him leave.

When he was nearly out of the door, he speaks.

“They don’t visit anymore. I’m not scared of them now,” he says. He doesn’t think the doctor heard him, but it’s okay anyway, because Siwon is coming in, and he knows that Siwon definitely heard him.

---
//end.

FIC: BALLADEERS

pinefir — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 00:12:31 GMT

Title: Balladeers
Author: pinefir
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1917
Summary: The Ballad is not a project group, it's a project group, but Jino seems unaware of this. The dynamics of SM The Ballad:
Author's Note: Incredibly short, and sorry, but I saw how nervous Jino was in their Hot Times perf, and this came to mind.

Jino stares blankly at his reflection on the rehearsal room’s mirror. He lets his eyes examine every inch of his reflection, from the thin arms covered by a so-called yellow muscle tee, to his jean-clad legs that in his opinion, are way too short for his liking. He frowns, noticing the fact that he’s having some kind of minor breakout on his face, concealer might do the trick of covering that, but the make-up noonas might pile him with tons of those, and he didn’t want that. He pulls at his brown hair and pouts, it would have been better if he has awesome hair, but he didn’t. There were just so many things that he finds wrong with his appearance, and so he sighs, slumps down on the floor against the mirror and thinks.

He was short, shorter than Jonghyun hyung. He was thin, a stick compared to Jay-sunbae. He had a horrible skin, but his consolation was at least it was still better than his Kyuhyun-hyung’s, not that it made any difference though, because he thinks himself lacking in the vocals department. Sometimes, he really wonders why he’s even put in a project group.

He turns on his ipod and listens to their recordings, putting every melody and note to mind, saving them for their upcoming debut, for his debut. He closes his eyes and lets Hot Times wash over him, marvelling over his hyungs’ and sunbaenims’ voices. Each of his hyungs’ voice were distinct, and he’s scared shitless because the song could do well without him. He can’t even identify himself.

And so he stands up. He faces the mirror and with a determined look on his face, he sings. Sings the whole song, trying to find himself within the song. He attempts rapping Jay-sunbae’s parts. He tries singing the way Kyuhyun-hyung does. He belts out until his lungs give out like Jonghyun-hyung does.

A tap on his shoulder stops him, half way through his YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

He opens his eyes and he finds his hyungs inside the room with him.

“You should stop your screeching kiddo,” Kyuhyun tells him with a smirk. Jonghyun was cracking up beside him while Jay was looking at him apologetically, probably apologizing for the jackasses named JongKyu. Jino is all grins as he removes his earphones and turns at them.

“Kyuhyun-ah,” Jay says, he’s the oldest one in the group and though he’s not adverse to teasing, he’s gotta exercise his seniority. “Play nice.”

Jonghyun bursts out laughing again, and Jino is momentarily amazed at the fact that one can burst out laughing even when he is already laughing, it shouldn’t be possible, but that was what his hyung did.

“You too, Jjong,” Jay slants his eyes at the raptor. Jonghyun promptly shuts up and discreetly elbows Kyuhyun.

“I was just, practicing,” Jino says, bringing up a hand to the back of his neck, suddenly embarrassed at being caught singing, in a dance room, nonetheless.

Jonghyun thumps his back and hangs his arm around his shoulders and Jino smiles sheepishly at him. “I’m sorry I kind of murdered your part, hyung.”

Jonghyun laughs. “You didn’t you were good at it! Don’t mind this jerk here,” he says, pointing at Kyuhyun to which Kyuhyun promptly smacks him on the head with a “Hey I’m your hyung!”

“You were quite well actually,” Jonghyun continues. “Strong but not screechy.”

“Yeah unlike him who’s just screaming and rawring all over the place like the dinosaur he is,” Kyuhyun points out as he continues abusing Jonghyun’s head. Jonghyun retaliates by flicking Kyuhyun’s forehead, but Kyuhyun was tall, so that failed. “Shortie can’t get me,” Kyuhyun calls out as he sticks a tongue out at Jonghyun who has now released Jino and has proceeded to running after Kyuhyun who was still teasing him. Jino laughs at the two’s antics and watches Jonghyun pull Kyuhyun in a headlock. He doesn’t notice his Jay sunbae sit down until a hand pulls on his shirt.

“Yah, Jino, sit down,” Jay says. Jino looks at him and sits down next to him, wondering why his sunbae was making him sit.

“Sunbaenim, are you tired?” he asks.

Jay shakes his head and leans back on the wall. “Hyung, call me hyung. You calling me sunbaenim makes me feel as if I’m a real senior,” he says with air quotes.

Jino nods stiffly and smiles at him. It wasn’t that he was awkward with Jay, they were close in fact, and he badly wanted to call him hyung, but something stops him. It could be the big age gap, because he’s had teachers before that are just as old as Jay and he did grow up listening to the Trax.

“They’re idiots,” Jay nods towards the two who are still calling each other names. Jino is sure that he just heard Jonghyun call Kyuhyun PimpleKyu. “I wonder why thy even placed me here, clearly, I’m too old for you guys.”

Jino grins a bit. “You’re not old hyung,” he says. “You’re not old for us and neither are you old for ballads.”

Jay smiles and pulls him into a headlock, ruffling his head.

“You know, “Jay starts. “You should practice your own lines, instead of others.”

“I wanted to try,” Jino explains.

“I know,” Jay says. “But it seems to me that you are--,” he pauses.

“Are?” Jino asks.

“Never mind,” Jay sighs and Jino wonders what that was all about, but before he can even prod for details, Jonghyun crashes next to his side, panting and laughing, Kyuhyun following him.

“What is this?” Kyuhyun asks as he sits in front of the three who are lying on the wall. “Are we having a band meeting in which I am excluded? You can’t vote me out you know, just because I’m the only K.”

“We’re not voting you out,” Jonghyun says. “Idiot.”

“Oh,” Kyuhyun says as he moves closer to them. “Can I vote Jonghyun out then?” asks, hands raised at the air. Jino laughs at them again, he’s never seen this side of his sunbaes. Jay rolls his eyes and comes in between them before another squabble starts.

“Okay, cut it out you two,” Jay says exasperated. “Seriously, what are you two on today?”

“Crack,” Jonghyun answers. Kyuhyun shrugs. Jay looks at the two of them with an eyebrow raised before turning to Jino.

“When you have so many fangirls screaming your name,” Jay starts. “Don’t turn into them, they’re the worst dongsaengs I’ve ever seen and I thought Heechul was kidding when he said that I should never tolerate Kyuhyun.”

At the word fangirls, Jino sobers up and attempts to joke. “Hah, I’ll never be as famous as you hyungs. I don’t think I’d even have fangirls.”

Kyuhyun looks at him in incredulity before bursting out in laughter. “You? Not have fangirls?” Kyuhyun says. “You’re gonna have girls falling over you in no time!”

Jino smiles at him in gratitude but he finds it hard to believe. Jonghyun, a bit more sensitive now, notices this and he places a hand on
Jino’s shoulder. “Hey, something bothering you?”

Jino shakes his head, whatever was bothering him was too trivial for his hyungs.

“Are you nervous about debuting?” Jay asks from beside him.

He nods his head. He was beyond nervous, he didn’t know how to describe this feeling of excitement, and anxiety and the inadequateness .

“You shouldn’t be,” Kyuhyun says. “You know, if you’re nervous, people will see it and they’ll become more critical,” he continues matter-of-factly.

“Yah, is that supposed to make him feel better?” Jonghyun asks.

“Well,” Kyuhyun shrugs. “I’m just telling him that, just in case.”

“Hm, what Kyuhyun-hyung said is true,” Jonghyun says. “You need to calm down. And you have to be confident.”

Jino stares at them, absorbing what the two are saying. They’ve never had a talk like this so he takes the opportunity to learn about these
kinds of things. “But, I, to be honest, I don’t know how.”

“You don’t know how?” Jay asks. “What do you not know? You know how to sing and you know how to perform, training taught you that. What do you not know what to do?”

Jino shrugs. “I don’t think you guys would understand, no offence meant.”

“Maybe,” Jonghyun pipes out. “Maybe we don’t know exactly what you’re going through right now, but we’ve all been through this phase of debuting.”

Jay nods before adding. “We were all nervous before our debuts, but if we let our nerves get the best of us, then we’d only mess up.”

“You’re psyching yourself out,” Kyuhyun adds. “That’s not good.”

“I know,” Jino answers exasperatedly. “But, it’s just too much pressure. You hyungs are my sunbaes. You’re all great singers, and when I stand next to you, I feel like I’ve got nothing to offer.”

“There, there,” Jay consoles him, patting his head affectionately. “You’re just nervous. But don’t think of it as if you have to match levels or whatnot.”

“There are no levels among us,” Jonghyun clarifies. “Always remember that.”

“Yah kid,” Kyuhyun says. “You’re not among competitors okay? If you have problems, talk to us. We’re a group now, you can lean on us hyungs.”

“Even if we have our respective groups,” Jay continues. “That shouldn’t make you afraid of approaching me. And this goes out to you two,” he says as he points to Jonghyun and Kyuhyun.

Jino nods, a bit ashamed of the fact that he thought his hyungs would not understand him. “I’m sorry. I thought…that maybe.”
“We know what you think,” Jay says, ruffling his hair in the process.“But please, don’t think of us that way.”

Jonghyun grins. “Yeah, this kid, you jjashik,” he says as he pulls Jino in a headlock. “So, what do you guys say? I have a free sched today, let’s practice?”

“Well I thought you’d never ask!” Jay says laughing at them, pulling himself up off the floor and taking Jino with him.

“Yeah maybe you can lessen your screeches now,” Kyuhyun smirks at Jonghyun.
___

After three hours of practising the songs they were going to debut with, Jino was again sitting down against the mirror, spent but happy.

“I have to go,” Jonghyun says as he looks at his phone. “Jinki-hyung said we’d have a meeting for something.”

“Bye Raptor,” Kyuhyun says, not bothering to wave at Jonghyun’s retreating figure.

“Take care, hyung,” Jino calls out, Jonghyun turns back and gives him a thumbs up sign.

“Don’t get emo again, kid!” Jonghyun calls before he finally disappears.

“So you two,” Jay starts. “Are you two going anywhere?”

Jino shakes his head.

“I don’t have to be anywhere,” Kyuhyun answers.

“Well then, I have to be off,” Jay says as he looks at the two. “Kyuhyun, don’t kill Jino. Jino call me when Kyuhyun starts getting insane okay?”

“Tsch, you hang out with Heechul-hyung too much!” Kyuhyun grumbles at Jay who was already out of the door.

“Of course!” Jay says, popping his head inside the room. “He’s my bestfriend!”

Kyuhyun shakes his head but waves goodbye at him nonetheless while Jino does a 90 degree bow. Soon enough it was only the two of them left.

“You know, I understand how you feel,” Kyuhyun suddenly says and Jino is momentarily confused. “Debuting in a group where your other members have debuted. It’s hard, but it will get easier. In any case, don’t sell yourself short, Jino. You’ll never know what happen.”

___

birthday fic for heartlock: 準備好了(zhun bei hao le)

pinefir — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 18:38:40 GMT

Title: 準備好了(zhun bei hao le)
Author: pinefir
Rating: PG
Pairing: Yesung/Siwon
Genre: drama
Warning: character death and unbetaed :(
Words: 2992
Summary: We have got in touch over the sky of the universe. More and more makes less forgettable.
A/N: 準備好了-I’m ready.
For heartlock . Happy belated birthday, although this is far from a happy fic.

“Why are you breaking up with me?” Jongwoon quietly asked Siwon whose back was currently turned to him. It was a warm night in Seoul, that and the magnificent of the Banpo bridge did nothing to make him feel okay. Siwon bent down, picking up some rocks and proceeded to throw them at the river. Jongwoon didn’t let his eyes leave the back of his boyfriend who was busy skipping rocks.

“Just forget about me,” Siwon says in a low voice. If Jongwoon’s attention was somewhere else, he wouldn’t have heard it. Jongwoon pursed his lips and sat on the grass, he would’ve hugged Siwon and pleaded, but he was a man like Siwon too. Although he badly wanted to cling on Siwon, his pride won’t let him.

“Give me a reason to forget you,” Jongwoon says
.
Siwon turns around and smiles at him, Jongwoon is temporarily distracted. Siwon was wearing a white long-sleeved sweater, and white pants, to Jongwoon, he looks like an angel. Surely, he thinks, he can’t forget a man like this.

“I’m not perfect,” Siwon says, to which Jongwoon replies in his mind, yes, you are fucking perfect. “So it would be really easy to forget me,” he says with an apologetic bow. “Plus, you’re such a child, hyung. You’ve been too dependent on me. When will you ever grow up?”

Jongwoon stands up and walks determinedly towards Siwon. “You are an idiot, Choi Siwon,” he grits out as he punches his boyfriend.

Siwon stumbles a bit, and he lifts his hands to his jaw, his tongue darts out to his lips and he winces as he feels the sting.

Jongwoon sees the cut on Siwon’s lips, but he couldn’t care less as he was trying to shake his hand in order to get rid of the sting.

“Let me take you home,” Siwon offers. Jongwoon sneers at him.

“I have my own car,” Jongwoon says, and with that he turns around and walks in the direction where his car was parked.

Siwon smiles serenely, watching Jongwoon walk away from him. This is what he wanted. But he frowns when he sees Jongwoon walking back towards him.

“Are you gonna punch me again?” he asks Jongwoon cheekily, with one eye closed. Jongwoon glares at him, before throwing something hard at him. It was a plastic turtle, and it was heavy, it would’ve broken with the sheer intensity Jongwoon has thrown it ,save for Siwon catching it right before it hits the ground. “What is this?”

“Take it,” Jongwoon patiently says. “Take it and give it to whatever whore you’ve now hooked up with.”

Siwon looks at the toy turtle and his smile drops down a bit. “Don’t call me. Don’t meet up with me.”

“I won’t,” Jongwoon bites back.

“But you can talk to me online,” Siwon says.

Jongwoon raises his eyebrows and looks at him sceptically, this jerk. “As if I need to talk to you,” and again, he turns back around and makes his way for his car. A safe six feet from where Siwon was standing, he lets out the tears he’s been holding. He berates himself for crying but he congratulates himself for being strong in front of Siwon, it was the least he could do. He walks faster, not wanting to be in the same breathing space as his now ex-boyfriend, Siwon. He finally reaches his car, and he yanks open the door, and without a second look, steps on the pedals and drives without stopping.

Siwon looks at Jongwoon who clearly wanted to get out. When he’s sure that Jongwoon is nothing but a speck, he looks at the turtle in his hands. He toys with it and admires it, all he while, ignoring the pain that was growing in his chest. It looks brand new, Jongwoon has obviously taken care of it, he thinks with a smile. He feels the pain travel to his lower regions, and he raises his left arm up.

11:00 pm, it said so on his cracked watch. Against the pale moonlight, he can see wounds forming on his skin, opening up and oozing with blood. He can feel his knees start to weaken, and buckle under his weight and so he stumbles on his way to his car which was looking like it just went through an accident.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Time is up.

Jongwoon comes home with a migraine and a dry throat. He wasn’t the type to drink his sorrows away so it doesn’t really come as a surprise. He plops himself down on the sofa and sighs, hands feeling his face. He feels like he got older over the few hours he’s been driving around the city aimlessly.

He turns on the tv, and he’s not surprised to see it on a news channel. Some shots of a car getting wrecked near the Han River, and police people investigating, it was kind of hard not to assume that there was an accident.

The accident was said to have occurred at around 10:55 in the evening. The body has yet to be identified since , and then Yesung turned the tv off, he didn’t need to hear about losses.

He stood up and went to his bedroom, and his eyes fall on his turtle . “Ddangkoma,” he cooes, and the turtle does not answer. It never does. He sighs and proceeds to pull his socks off. His mind briefly wanders to the car accident he’s seen on the news and he wonders about Siwon. Is he okay, he asks himself. I hope he dies, the bitter part of him replies, and he can’t help but shiver.

He goes to his desk and opens his computer, determined to write songs, squeeze something out of his misery. It’s something he has learned from growing up, turning things into opportunities. He wasn’t about to let himself being dumped become a reason for him not to write songs. He was hurt, and for most people, it’s enough reason to slack off, but he thinks it’s stupid to let this pass by. Never has he been this pained enough to shed tears, surely he can get a passionate song out of his feelings. Waiting for the program to load, an msn notification windows pops up and he clicks on it.

ChoiSW: you’re home safely
ChoiSW: yey :D
Dtothedangkoma: I wish I could say the same for you.
ChoiSW: ….?
Dtothedangkoma: Do you know how much I wish for you to be the one who got into an accident earlier?
ChoiSW: D:
Dtothedangkoma: is that what your whore taught you now? Making cute smiley emoticons…
ChoiSW: D: D:
Dtothedangkoma: go away I’m working
ChoiSW: you wound me. You really do TT.TT sobs.
Dtothedangkoma: look at who’s the child now.

And then Jongwoon closes the window, but he pauses when he sees Siwon’s display picture, it was a picture of the toy turtle. He smiles, oddly amused, and comforted at the fact that Siwon’s display picture is their “love-child”.

It was 3 in the morning and Jongwoon is frustrated. He’s a bridge away from song completion and he would never forgive himself if he goes to bed without finishing the song. He feels that the song would seem disjointed if he slept on it, and so before he could stop himself, he clicks on his msn and looks for a familiar name. He is mildly surprised when he sees ChoiSW with a green circle next to it.

Dtothedangkoma: hey why are u still up?
ChoiSW: I was waiting for you to go offline.

Jongwoon frowns.

Dtothedangkoma: psh. Let me remind you that you broke up with me.
Dtothedangkoma: anyways, I need your help. I’m a bridge away from this song and I want to finish it.
ChoiSW: you don’t need my help, jongwoon.
Dtothedangkoma: dumbass. I need your opinion.
ChoiSW: trust me, you don’t. you’re a songwriter, and a great one at that, you don’t need a mere mortal’s help.
Dtothedangkoma: ur pissing me off.
ChoiSW: if it makes you feel better, i’ll stay online til you finish your song.
Dtothedangkoma: you fucking better do that, not after what you did to me.

7 am and Jongwoon just finished writing his song. It wasn’t perfect, but it would do, it’s a nice enough skeleton, and he can do the finishing touches later he thinks as he yawns, his eyelids getting to heavy for him to resist.

Dtothedangkoma: you’re still up or have you been sleeping and cheating on me?
ChoiSW: just reading my bible :D
Dtothedangkoma: I’m going to sleep. You go to sleep now too.
ChoiSW: have sweet dreams.

Siwon said Jongwoon was too dependent on him, and he finally understands what he means when he finds himself going online and looking for Siwon’s username on msn. He sighs in relief when he sees the familiar green circle next to ChoiSW. If Siwon was anything in the world, Jongwoon is sure that he isn’t a liar. The guy is being honest when he said he’s always online.

Dtothedangkoma: you.
ChoiSW: me.
Dtothedangkoma: I made a demo. Listen to it.
ChoiSW: :/ where.
Dtothedangkoma: here’s the link http://mediafire.com/elihef7430394
ChoiSW: you don’t need me to tell you that you’re good.
Dtothedangkoma: well if you don’t wanna listen to it then fine.

And then he went offline. Jongwon needed opinion, because outsiders give the most unbiased opinion, it makes sense that he seeks Siwon’s opinion. Some would argue that Siwon is not an outsider, but he’s never been confident enough to let other people aside from Siwon hear his compositions. Again with his dependency on Siwon, he shakes his head as he listens to his song on repeat.

The two sides that are faraway separated, love flies in everyone's thoughts
It doesn’t matter even if the wind stops
Just since you at one time said
Everything will be ok
I am ready.
I’m always online.

When Jongwoon finds out that his song is to be translated in Chinese and to be given to JJ Lin months later, he finds himself jumping with glee. This is probably his biggest break yet, and he can’t wait to tell Siwon, after all, whether he liked it or not , Siwon has been a big help to him.

His months of composing and refining the song were long and hard to bear, but he managed to cope with Siwon’s online presence. He reflects back on those mornights( morning-midnight) that he had to spend looking for the right note, the right syllable, and realizes that he couldn’t have done it without him. Siwon might have dumped him, but it didn’t feel that way for Jongwoon. Their constant chats and friendly bickering were doing a good job of letting him believe that he and Siwon were still together.

Jongwoon likes going online for that reason. Online, he can pretend that Siwon’s just in China or in Japan where he couldn’t pick up his calls. But when he goes offline, he feels himself break a little, because he’s not online, and the reality that Siwon has broken up with him suddenly becomes too real for him.

Dtothedangkoma: JJLin’s gonna sing my song!!!!!! I’m so happy Siwon.
ChoiSW: I told you that you can do it.
Dtothedangkoma: of course I can

Jongwon smugly types back, and proceeds to close the window. He would’ve thanked him, but he wasn’t grateful enough to overcome his feelings of bitterness. He wishes that instead of celebrating online with Siwon, they could just meet up. But Siwon never shows up anyway.

“To Jongwoon and his big break!” his officemate drunkenly slurs as he forces a shot in Jongwoon’s hand.

Everyone around him was celebrating for his song’s success. Apparently JJ Lin has gotten the song to the top of the charts in China and Taiwan, which only meant success on his part.

“I can’t drink,“ he meekly refuses.

“Nonsense, loosen up a bit!” another officemate says as he thumps Jongwoon on the back. And then finally, Jongwoon acquiesces. He lifts the shotglass to his lips,and drinks its contents without topping.

He looks to his left, and sees Siwon smiling at him, and raising a glass in congratulations. He smiles back, and at this point, he doesn’t care whether Siwon was real or his imagination only. He was too happy to care, and he thinks it’s time that he finally accept that Siwon will never come back. What he and Siwon had, was something beautiful and obviously irreplaceable. But, he finds Siwon right, he should learn how to move on.

And so he resolves, that tomorrow, he’ll visit Siwon in his house, so that he can say goodbye to him without bitterness, and thank him fully for all the things he’s done for him.

Jongwoon knocks nervously on the door to Siwon’s house, shifting his laptop from one hand to another. He figures that he should stop by
Siwon’s house first and have their talk before he goes to work. When no one seems to be coming to answer the door (not even Siwon’s parents) , he decides to just use a spare key. He was about to slide the key into the door when it suddenly opens on it’s own. Weird.
His eyes land on the bare living room, and he’s puzzled as to why the furniture are gone, save for a lone table and chair in the middle of the room.

“Mrs. Choi?” he calls out. “Mr. Choi?”

He walks around for a bit, noticing that there were a few things left in the house, but they were all covered with white blankets. That was odd. He goes back to the living room and places his laptop on the table, opening it. He sees the ever present green circle next to Siwon’s name.

Dtothedangkoma: where r u?

He patiently waits for an answer, when he suddenly gets shocked when he hears a ping near him, and his eyes immediately land on the other side of the table. The laptop that he didn’t notice was there before suddenly lit up.

ChoiSW: next to you

He feels his insides grow cold, and suddenly he has a feeling that he’s not alone in the seemingly empty house.

Dtothedangkoma: I’m serious . where r u?

Another ping, the laptop lighting up again.

ChoiSW is typing…

But he can’t hear typing sounds.

ChoiSW: It’s true, I’m always next to you.

He’s scared now, and he wants to speak out loud, and ask Siwon where he was hiding, tell him it’s not funny, shout at him. But he can’t. He can’t open his mouth. Not when he sees the toy turtle sitting on the chair. He picks it up, and then he notices, that the toy turtle was sitting on a an envelope of some sort.

Dread and bile coming up his throat, he reaches for the envelope and prepares himself for the worst.

Man found dead in a car crash in Han River.

Car accident near Han River.

Various newsclipping of car accidents during the night Siwon has broken up with him. He is tempted to stop pulling out papers, but something tells him to continue.

He pulls out pictures.

Pictures of the accident scene.

Siwon was wearing a white, long sleeved shirt and white pants, the same clothes he wore when he broke up with him. He pulls another paper, and sees it as his death certificate.

Time of death: 10:55 pm
Location: Near Han River.

Jongwoon can feel himself weaken, and he wants to turn away, pinch himself, do anything to make himself think that this is a bad dream. He can’t be dead. Siwon can’t be dead. He can’t be. He can’t be. He can’t be. He can’t be dead, because Jongwoon talked with him. Siwon broke up with him.

He is scared.

Jongwoon is scared out of his wits. A normal man would run screaming about ghosts, but he wasn’t normal. Nor was the situation normal. He still can’t wrap his mind around Siwon being dead. A ping sends him out of his reverie and he looks back at his laptop.

ChoiSW: jongwoon, i’m tired.
ChoiSW: I have to go.
ChoiSW: I would’ve left earlier, but I can’t bear to leave you.
ChoiSW: forget me okay?
ChoiSW: >:D<
ChoiSW: accept my virtual hug
ChoiSW: it’s the least I can do >:D<
ChoiSW: I wish to hug you again, but…

Jongwoon can feel tears running down his cheeks. Siwon. Siwon never left him. He looks at the toy turtle, and asks himself as he hears the continuous arrival of messages, Siwon is that you? The toy doesn’t answer, because it’s only a toy.

ChoiSW: I know I made you sad….
ChoiSW: but I had to do it for you.
ChoiSW: smile jongwoon :> you look good when you smile :D
ChoiSW: I’ll be leaving…
ChoiSW: and I’m not sure I’ll be back…
ChoiSW: but I love you.
ChoiSW: I always do.
ChoiSW: don’t cry anymore!
ChoiSW: it’s time for me to go.
ChoiSW: bye <3~~~
ChoiSW is now offline.

Jongwoon later finds out that Siwon really did die in that accident, and he finds it out the hard way, when he finds that a haunting gray circle has replaces the green circle next to Siwon’s username.

But that doesn’t stop him from typing messages to him.

Dtothedangkoma: I just read your message
Dtothedangkoma: it just sunk in
Dtothedangkoma: thank you
Dtothedangkoma: I love you
Dtothedangkoma: I won’t be a burden anymore.
Dtothedangkoma: I’ll change myself.
Dtothedangkoma: don’t worry about me.
Dtothedangkoma: goodbye.
ChoiSW is offline.

Jongwoon sucks in a deep breath to calm himself down, and then, presses delete contact.

Siwon may be deleted on his contact list, but he’ll never be forgotten.

Deleting him from the contact list, was something he had to do. It was something to show the world, that he is now ready.