Fanfiction
Title: The Curious Incident of the Chipmunk
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Rating: PG [For one use of mild language]
Genre: Humor/Parody
Pairing(s): None
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings. The characters and places are by J.R.R. Tolkien. I claim nothing but my plot.
I realize that my portrayal of the characters in this story is not very accurate. I was just having fun, and the personalities had to change accordingly. And now, Enjoy.
----------------------------------------
Chapter 1: Chip
----------------------
Aragorn awoke to the sound of a scream ringing out from behind him. It came from Legolas’ room. Warily, Aragorn climbed out of bed. He stared at himself in the mirror, taking in his rumpled long-johns, unshaven face, and mussed hair. Sighing, he walked to his door and opened it. Sun filtered in and he shielded his eyes. The sun always rose early in Rivendell and today was no exception. A few minutes past sunrise and already as bright as day.
“Practically the middle of the night.” Aragorn grumbled.
A flash of green and blonde flew at him and propelled him against the wall.
“Holy-!” Aragorn paused. “Oh. It’s you.” He brushed himself off a bit, and holding Legolas at arm’s length, moved him to the side. “What’s the idea? Screaming like that…”
Legolas fought to catch his breath. Finally he squeaked, “Chipmunk.”
“Excuse me?”
“Here. Come. Follow. See.” Legolas grabbed Aragorn’s arm and dragged him out into the dazzling sun and back into his room. Once there, he pointed a shaking finger at his bed. Aragorn raised an eyebrow.
“Yes? Why have you brought me here?”
“It is there.”
“Come now, we all have strange fantasies, but-”
“No, no. Here, let me explain.” Legolas composed himself. “I woke up feeling nice and refreshed from my sleep. Then I decided I would watch the sunrise. They always have such nice sunrises here.”
Aragorn’s eyes glossed over.
Legolas continued. “I opened the door and took a nice long breath of fresh air. Then I saw it. There was a cute little chipmunk sitting on the railing. But it turned and stared at me. It had a strange glint in its eye. A moment later it jumped down and raced into my room!”
“Your room.”
“Yes.”
“This room.”
“Yes. It went into my bed!” Legolas shuddered.
“That bed.” Aragorn pointed at it.
“Yes.”
“So you screamed.”
“Yes.”
“Well, I don’t see what the problem is. Why don’t you just talk to it?”
Legolas blinked. “Talk…to…it….”
“Precisely.”
“What exactly do you mean?”
Aragorn sighed. “You’re an elf. You live in the forest. You talk to little woodland creatures, right?”
Legolas was shocked. “I resent that!”
“What?”
“Elves do not talk to animals. You’re thinking of nymphs.”
“Nymphs? Well, aren’t you related?”
Legolas’ jaw dropped open. “That has to be the rudest thing anyone has ever said to me!”
Aragorn’s eyes squinched. “So you’re not-”
“No! We are not related to nymphs!” Legolas tossed his golden locks. “Get out! Right this minute! I’ll deal with the blasted chipmunk myself!”
And with that, he pushed Aragorn out the door and slammed it shut. Aragorn shrugged and went back to bed.
----------------------------------------
Chapter 2: The Munk
-----------------------
Aragorn leaned against the door frame of Legolas’ open door. He watched as Legolas tried to coax the creature out with a carrot. Aragorn took a bite of his apple.
Legolas turned around. “What are you doing here?”
“Watching. I see you haven’t solved your little infestation problem.” Aragorn took another bite of his apple.
“No. But we’re making progress. Aren’t we, Munkey?” Legolas cooed.
“Monkey?” Aragorn snorted.
“Munkey. With a ‘u’.”
“Oh, right. So you’ve named him.”
Legolas sniffed delicately. “Yes.”
“Sorry, Munkey. There’s nothing I can do for you now. The enemy has succeeded in brainwashing you.”
Aragorn gave a small salute and left.
----------------------------------------
Chapter 3: Distrust
------------------------
“Legolas, I think you have been distracted from your goal.”
“My goal?”
“Yes.”
“How do you mean?”
Aragorn stared at Legolas as he patted the chipmunk resting on his shoulder.
“Oh, no reason.”
“Okay.”
Aragorn sighed. “You were trying to get rid of it…correct?”
Legolas nodded absently.
“Are you going to take Munkey to Mirkwood with you?”
Legolas scratched Munkey’s chin and giggled softly.
“Legolas? Can you hear me?”
“Oh, yes. Sorry. What were you saying?”
“Are you going to bring him home to Mirkwood?”
Legolas looked thoughtful. “Oh, I don’t know. I thought maybe I’d just stay here.”
Aragorn’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head. “Stay here? In Rivendell?”
“Yep.”
“But what would you do here? There’s nothing to…What about the forest? You love the forest. We’re just surrounded by mountains here.”
Legolas nodded. “I am willing to suffer for the sake of Munkey. This is his home, Aragorn. I can’t make him leave it.”
Aragorn slapped his forehead. “This is ridiculous! He is a chipmunk!”
“…And your point is?”
“There are thousands of them everywhere you go! Millions, even.”
“But Munkey is special!”
“Right up until he urinates on you. Then he becomes like any other chipmunk. Speaking of which…” Aragorn pointed to where Munkey was perched. Next to him was a small yellow puddle.
Legolas screamed. Munkey scampered off into the bushes.
“You can’t tell me you didn’t feel that.”
“I was suddenly warm, but I had no idea!”
“You see? Life with pets is hell.”
----------------------------------------
Chapter 4: Plans
---------------------
“Have you found Munkey yet?”
“No.” Legolas said sadly.
“Well, perhaps it is for the best.”
“I don’t—”
Merry and Pippin rushed out of the bushes.
“Look what we found!” Pippin cried.
Merry held out a brown furry creature.
Joy filled Legolas’ face. “Munkey!”
Aragorn sighed. “I should have known he would return.”
Merry and Pippin looked puzzled.
“Munkey?” Merry asked uncertainly.
Munkey shook himself and jumped at Legolas, who caught him and cuddled with him.
“Yes. Munkey is a pet chipmunk of Legolas’. And that is Munkey. Lucky you found him, I suppose.”
There was silence as the three of them watched Legolas and Munkey.
“I think you should go before you become scarred.” Aragorn said to Merry and Pippin. “There is a limit to the amount of affection one can witness before disemboweling himself.”
Merry and Pippin stared at Aragorn with wide eyes before running off.
“And you two…” Aragorn turned to Legolas and Munkey. “Will have to return to Mirkwood. I just can’t—”
“But of course.” Legolas said. “It’s been decided. Munkey prefers the forest, anyway.”
“Oh, well, that’s…wonderful.”
Later that afternoon Aragorn watched as elf and chipmunk rode away into the sunset.
Fin.
----------------------------------------
Alternate Ending
-------------------------
When Legolas and Munkey reached the gates of Mirkwood palace, Munkey turned to Legolas.
“Legolas, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
Fin.
----------------------------------------
And there it is. I hope you enjoyed it. :)
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Rating: PG [For one use of mild language]
Genre: Humor/Parody
Pairing(s): None
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings. The characters and places are by J.R.R. Tolkien. I claim nothing but my plot.
I realize that my portrayal of the characters in this story is not very accurate. I was just having fun, and the personalities had to change accordingly. And now, Enjoy.
----------------------------------------
Chapter 1: Chip
----------------------
Aragorn awoke to the sound of a scream ringing out from behind him. It came from Legolas’ room. Warily, Aragorn climbed out of bed. He stared at himself in the mirror, taking in his rumpled long-johns, unshaven face, and mussed hair. Sighing, he walked to his door and opened it. Sun filtered in and he shielded his eyes. The sun always rose early in Rivendell and today was no exception. A few minutes past sunrise and already as bright as day.
“Practically the middle of the night.” Aragorn grumbled.
A flash of green and blonde flew at him and propelled him against the wall.
“Holy-!” Aragorn paused. “Oh. It’s you.” He brushed himself off a bit, and holding Legolas at arm’s length, moved him to the side. “What’s the idea? Screaming like that…”
Legolas fought to catch his breath. Finally he squeaked, “Chipmunk.”
“Excuse me?”
“Here. Come. Follow. See.” Legolas grabbed Aragorn’s arm and dragged him out into the dazzling sun and back into his room. Once there, he pointed a shaking finger at his bed. Aragorn raised an eyebrow.
“Yes? Why have you brought me here?”
“It is there.”
“Come now, we all have strange fantasies, but-”
“No, no. Here, let me explain.” Legolas composed himself. “I woke up feeling nice and refreshed from my sleep. Then I decided I would watch the sunrise. They always have such nice sunrises here.”
Aragorn’s eyes glossed over.
Legolas continued. “I opened the door and took a nice long breath of fresh air. Then I saw it. There was a cute little chipmunk sitting on the railing. But it turned and stared at me. It had a strange glint in its eye. A moment later it jumped down and raced into my room!”
“Your room.”
“Yes.”
“This room.”
“Yes. It went into my bed!” Legolas shuddered.
“That bed.” Aragorn pointed at it.
“Yes.”
“So you screamed.”
“Yes.”
“Well, I don’t see what the problem is. Why don’t you just talk to it?”
Legolas blinked. “Talk…to…it….”
“Precisely.”
“What exactly do you mean?”
Aragorn sighed. “You’re an elf. You live in the forest. You talk to little woodland creatures, right?”
Legolas was shocked. “I resent that!”
“What?”
“Elves do not talk to animals. You’re thinking of nymphs.”
“Nymphs? Well, aren’t you related?”
Legolas’ jaw dropped open. “That has to be the rudest thing anyone has ever said to me!”
Aragorn’s eyes squinched. “So you’re not-”
“No! We are not related to nymphs!” Legolas tossed his golden locks. “Get out! Right this minute! I’ll deal with the blasted chipmunk myself!”
And with that, he pushed Aragorn out the door and slammed it shut. Aragorn shrugged and went back to bed.
----------------------------------------
Chapter 2: The Munk
-----------------------
Aragorn leaned against the door frame of Legolas’ open door. He watched as Legolas tried to coax the creature out with a carrot. Aragorn took a bite of his apple.
Legolas turned around. “What are you doing here?”
“Watching. I see you haven’t solved your little infestation problem.” Aragorn took another bite of his apple.
“No. But we’re making progress. Aren’t we, Munkey?” Legolas cooed.
“Monkey?” Aragorn snorted.
“Munkey. With a ‘u’.”
“Oh, right. So you’ve named him.”
Legolas sniffed delicately. “Yes.”
“Sorry, Munkey. There’s nothing I can do for you now. The enemy has succeeded in brainwashing you.”
Aragorn gave a small salute and left.
----------------------------------------
Chapter 3: Distrust
------------------------
“Legolas, I think you have been distracted from your goal.”
“My goal?”
“Yes.”
“How do you mean?”
Aragorn stared at Legolas as he patted the chipmunk resting on his shoulder.
“Oh, no reason.”
“Okay.”
Aragorn sighed. “You were trying to get rid of it…correct?”
Legolas nodded absently.
“Are you going to take Munkey to Mirkwood with you?”
Legolas scratched Munkey’s chin and giggled softly.
“Legolas? Can you hear me?”
“Oh, yes. Sorry. What were you saying?”
“Are you going to bring him home to Mirkwood?”
Legolas looked thoughtful. “Oh, I don’t know. I thought maybe I’d just stay here.”
Aragorn’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head. “Stay here? In Rivendell?”
“Yep.”
“But what would you do here? There’s nothing to…What about the forest? You love the forest. We’re just surrounded by mountains here.”
Legolas nodded. “I am willing to suffer for the sake of Munkey. This is his home, Aragorn. I can’t make him leave it.”
Aragorn slapped his forehead. “This is ridiculous! He is a chipmunk!”
“…And your point is?”
“There are thousands of them everywhere you go! Millions, even.”
“But Munkey is special!”
“Right up until he urinates on you. Then he becomes like any other chipmunk. Speaking of which…” Aragorn pointed to where Munkey was perched. Next to him was a small yellow puddle.
Legolas screamed. Munkey scampered off into the bushes.
“You can’t tell me you didn’t feel that.”
“I was suddenly warm, but I had no idea!”
“You see? Life with pets is hell.”
----------------------------------------
Chapter 4: Plans
---------------------
“Have you found Munkey yet?”
“No.” Legolas said sadly.
“Well, perhaps it is for the best.”
“I don’t—”
Merry and Pippin rushed out of the bushes.
“Look what we found!” Pippin cried.
Merry held out a brown furry creature.
Joy filled Legolas’ face. “Munkey!”
Aragorn sighed. “I should have known he would return.”
Merry and Pippin looked puzzled.
“Munkey?” Merry asked uncertainly.
Munkey shook himself and jumped at Legolas, who caught him and cuddled with him.
“Yes. Munkey is a pet chipmunk of Legolas’. And that is Munkey. Lucky you found him, I suppose.”
There was silence as the three of them watched Legolas and Munkey.
“I think you should go before you become scarred.” Aragorn said to Merry and Pippin. “There is a limit to the amount of affection one can witness before disemboweling himself.”
Merry and Pippin stared at Aragorn with wide eyes before running off.
“And you two…” Aragorn turned to Legolas and Munkey. “Will have to return to Mirkwood. I just can’t—”
“But of course.” Legolas said. “It’s been decided. Munkey prefers the forest, anyway.”
“Oh, well, that’s…wonderful.”
Later that afternoon Aragorn watched as elf and chipmunk rode away into the sunset.
Fin.
----------------------------------------
Alternate Ending
-------------------------
When Legolas and Munkey reached the gates of Mirkwood palace, Munkey turned to Legolas.
“Legolas, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
Fin.
----------------------------------------
And there it is. I hope you enjoyed it. :)