i cross time and dream of it....

phoenixflame87 @ 2006-05-31T16:19:00

2006-05-31T20:19:48Z

luxism

new lj. add me there k?

phoenixflame87 @ 2006-05-12T16:53:00

2006-05-12T20:57:49Z

Sorry, but like the banner says, Friends Only. I hardly ever update on here, but I'm more active on my gj and myspace more often. Only time I'll update here is for icons/graphics that are through my icon community. So here's how you can contact me for anything else, etc. And to see the entries, just add me. I'll add you back.

myspace:: graetestjournal:: icon journal @ gj:: icon journal @ lj

aim:: a shot of talley or LCBears177
yahoo:: darknlovely88200

myspace, myspace, myspace

2005-12-18T11:35:54Z

OMG guys! I recently just made a myspace and I like it and all but it goes too damn slow. Someone help me! And also, how do you change your background and stuff. I hate mine. Anyways, just click at the bottom to see it and all. But I warn, the song playing is from Black Eyed Peas, "Pump it" and its very catchy. Ciao.

--Natalia

Click here losers...just kidding!

Hamasaki, Stefani, Lohan and Richie icons

2005-11-23T01:30:56Z

23 icons of Ayumi Hamasaki, Gwen Stefani, Lindsay Lohan and Nichole Richie. These were experiements gone good. Some Stefani/Hamasaki bases were done by spifferz so just to credit them for that part. Comment and credit if taking and no hotlinking is all I ask really.

Nicole Richie: 2
Lindsay Lohan: 5
Gwen Stefani: 8
Ayumi Hamasaki: 8

Preview::

Nicole Richie
01. 02.

Lindsay Lohan
01. 02. 03.
04. 05.

Gwen Stefani
01. 02. 03. 04.
05. 06. 07. 08.

Ayumi Hamasaki
01. 02. 03. 04.
05. 06. 07. 08.

Disney and Star Wars icons

2005-11-20T22:48:27Z

Major Disney posting of icons and first time doing Star Wars icons. Comment and credit if taking any and no hotlinking is all I pretty much ask. These all also have white borders and are 100x100 if you can't tell by the white background.

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith :: 7
Disney; Bambi :: 3
Disney; The Lion King :: 4
Disney; Beauty and the Beast :: 8
Nightmare Before Xmas :: 4

Preview::

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
01. 02. 03. 04.
05. 06. 07.

Bambi
01. 02. 03.

Nightmare Before Xmas
01. 02. 03. 04.

The Lion King
01. 02. 03. 04.

Beauty and the Beast
01. 02. 03. 04.
05. 06. 07. 08.

multi-fandom icons

2005-11-19T15:34:10Z

Major posting of multi-fandom icons. Just comment and credit if taking any and no hotlinking is all I pretty much ask. Since I had a few questions about what program I use, it's Paintshop Pro 9...pretty simple to use. So on to the icons, right?

Chicago: The Movie (1)
Degrassi The Next Generation (19)
Prisoner of Azkaban (11)
Goblet of Fire (11)
Kill Bill (3)

Preview::

Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2
01. 02. 03.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
01. 02. 03. 04.
05. 06. 07. 08.
09. 10. 11.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
01. 02. 03. 04.
05. 06. 07. 08.
09. 10. 11.

Degrassi The Next Generation
01. 02. 03. 04.
05. 06. 07. 08.
09. 10. 11. 12.
13. 14. 15. 16.
17. 18. 19.

Chicago: The Movie
01.

Degrassi On Tour Icons

2005-11-17T21:21:39Z

Brand new Degrassi On Tour icons. Bases were done by myonlyhope_16 just to let everyone know. Just comment and credit if taking any and no hotlinking is all that I ask. There are 28 of them so take your pick. You have many choices. So click on the cut and see them.

Preview::

Degrassi on Tour:: 28 icons

01. 02. 03. 04.
05. 06. 07. 08.
09. 10. 11. 12.
13. 14. 15. 16.
17. 18. 19. 20.
21. 22. 23. 24.
25. 26. 27. 28.

[[Bases done by myonlyhope_16]]

Goblet of Fire UK Premiere Icons

2005-11-16T23:03:58Z

Haven't posted or done any HP icons in a very long time. So here you go..18 Goblet of Fire UK Premiere icons. Please credit and comment if taking any and also no hotlinking, please. That is all I ask. Bases were done by robopatrick and some text brushes were done by purplehazearts

Goblet of Fire UK Premiere:: 18

Preview::

Goblet of Fire Premiere (UK)

01. 02. 03. 04.
05. 06. 07. 08.
09. 10. 11. 12.
13. 14. 15. 16.
17. 18.

Degrassi Postage..talk about alot

2005-11-16T15:53:29Z

Reposting Degrassi icons/FO banners. These weren't released into comms but here you go. Please comment and credit if using and please no hotlinking is all I ask.

21 Degrassi on Tour (1 Adamo, 4 Andrea, 1 Deanna, 3 Lauren, 1 Ryan, 3 Sarah, 4 Stacey, 4 combos, etc.)
6 FO Banners
6 Degrassi TNG icons

Preview::

Degrassi On Tour
01. 02. 03. 04.
05. 06. 07. 08.
09. 10. 11. 12.
13. 14. 15. 16.
17. 18. 19. 20.
21.

Degrassi The Next Generation
01. 02. 03. 04.
05.

Friends Only Banners

[[Pics are came from the N.com and Degrassi.tv]]

multi-fandom icons

2005-11-13T01:33:13Z

New icons done by me. Most were bases I turned into my own so I will credit those who made the bases, okay? But remember to comment and credit if taking any, no hotlinking please and remember that plan icons are not to be used as bases. Also, the L word icons were icons before, done by me, but I revamped them a bit and added gradients, etc.

Multi Fandom Post
Degrassi:: 5
Ashlee Simpson:: 7
The Virgin Suicide:: 4
the L word:: 13

Preview::

Degrassi The Next Generation
01. 02. 03. 04.
05.

The Virgin Suicides
01. 02. 03. 04.

Ashlee Simpson
01. 02. 03. 04.
05. 06. 07.

The L word
01. 02. 03. 04.
05. 06. 07. 08.
09. 10. 11. 12.
13.

[[Ashlee/Virgin Suicides bases by robopatrick and Degrassi bases by myonlyhope_16 and gradients/text done by dearest]]

multi-fandom bases

2005-11-08T21:44:49Z

Multi Fandom Bases

Christina Aguilera:: 6
Daria:: 9
Laguna Beach:: 20
Alexz Johnson:: 12
Degrassi The Next Generation:: 22

Preview::

Laguna Beach

Christina Aguilera

Daria

Degrassi The Next Generation

Alexz Johnson

((Pictures were taken by the N.com and Laguna Beach Online))

bases, bases, bases...

2005-11-07T23:35:28Z

Alot of bases today. I wasn't in the mood to make icons so you guys make them. Deal? Deal. No hotlinking, comment and credit if taking any is all I ask. You can keep them as bases or use them to create your own but please give me credit for making them =)

Degrassi Old School:: 9
Degrassi:: 8
South of Nowhere:: 20

Preview::

Degrassi Old School

Degrassi The Next Generation

South of Nowhere

((Pictures came from the N.com just to let everyone know))

another writing on the wall (craig/ellie fic)

2005-11-05T08:02:46Z

Another update on Another Writing on the Wall. Previous chapters can be found in the past entry below.

Chapter V: Kiss- Ellie's aftermath of her mother's drunken being, an encounter with Angie and a kiss from Craig? Done in Ellie's POV.

Another Writing on the Wall

Rated: R for language, some violence, adult content, sexual content, dark themes, etc.

Disclaimer: I do not own any character from Degrassi. I really wish I did though.

A/N: There is a sequel in the works and if you think this fic is full of drama, wait until the sequel. Sneak peaks of the next chapter are over at my livejournal. Keep a look out for that. Here goes chapter V, done in Ellie’s POV.

XXXX

Chapter V: Kiss

(Ellie’s POV)

I laid there on the bathroom floor for hours, not moving. The blood had dried up on my skin. And I discovered on the floor too. I wiped away the stained tears from my face and sighed. When I got up, I looked into the mirror again. I didn’t feel like me again. I turned on the faucet and ran cold water. Once I washed off the blood from my arms and the floor, I cleaned the razor.

It did the trick.

I hid it back inside the power concealer and put it back in the cabinet. I cleaned myself up and was ready to face the world again. Or at least face my mother. I pretended as if nothing happened. I went back to my room and shut the door behind me. Sitting on the bed, I picked up my guitar and held it. This instrument used to keep me sane enough to not cut myself. But I had no inspiration. Nothing was helping me deal with everything. And I hated that.

I looked over at the clock. It was getting late. I pulled out my diary from under my mattress and put my guitar down in the corner. I threw the diary on the bed and began to undress myself to get into my pjs. I saw the new scars I made on my arm again. They were slowly healing.

I pulled out my black pjs and put them on. Everything I owned was black. It matched my mood and my life.

Throwing myself on the bed, I ended up writing a few lines in my diary. They didn’t make any sense. They were uncompleted. I tried not to stress over it and didn’t. I turned the lights off and got into bed. But my cell went off.

I recognized the ringtone. It was Marco’s.

“Yeah?” I asked him.

“Hey, El, I was making sure you got home okay.” He told me. Marco was such a worrywart but it was good enough for me that he did worry.

“Yes, Marco, I’m fine.” Another lie I told him.

“Good. Well you and I shall hang out tomorrow with Jimmy. He and Hazel got into another fight.” Marco suggested to me. Poor Jimmy. He’s been fighting with Hazel on and off since the summer started.

“Yeah, we can do that.” I said to him.

“Okay, I’ll tell Jimmy that you agreed to come with us. I’ll see you around.” Marco said.

“Bye.” I said to Marco and hung up my phone. I set it down on the nightstand and got deep under the covers. They were cold. I moved around to get comfortable and found a spot with my back facing away from my bedroom door. I heard footsteps.

“Ellie?” it was a knock at the door and it was my mother’s voice. No, no go away, please. I was begging her from inside. I heard the door crack open and closed my eyes, pretending I was asleep. She called me again. “Ellie?”

I didn’t reply back to her. She caused me too much pain already. It would hurt more if I said something now. After she got the message that I was “asleep,” she left and closed the door. I let out a deep sigh I was holding in. And for some reason, I started to cry again. And my pillow became wet from my tears.

XXXX

It was Sunday. And mom was out again. I sat around the house. I was wearing a black long sleeved shirt and a brown shirt over it that was short sleeved. My hair was in a ponytail and I was wearing black jeans. I sat on the couch, thinking to myself. I had to get out of the house.

“I have to get out of here.” I said out loud. I picked up my keys to the house and left that place I called a home. I walked around the neighborhood before I came to the park. It wasn’t far from the school or the ravine. Just right in between. I threw on my black jacket and sat down on a bench.

There weren’t a lot of people around, which was what I wanted.

I kept my head down and kept myself busy in my thoughts. I didn’t notice that a figure was standing there in front of me.

“Excuse me, I was wondering, are you okay?” the voice sounded young. I looked up and there was a girl who was probably around 10. She was wearing a bright red sweatshirt and blue jeans with her hair in a ponytail. It was curly hair.

“Um, yeah, I’m fine.” I told her. I gave her a weak smile.

“Well miss, I was just wondering cause you looked sad.” She told me. How could a 10-year-old see that? I didn’t even know who she was.

“Angie!” I saw the girl jump and cringe.

“My brother is gonna be mad at me.” She told me. I raised an eyebrow at her.

“Why?” I asked her.

“Because I ran off.” She told me.

“Well where’s your brother?” I asked her. I sat up against the bench and crossed my legs.

“Over there.” She pointed to some guy in the distance who looked a lot like Craig!

“There you are, I cannot keep going around this park looking for you.” Craig said to her. He saw me and stopped in mid-sentence. “Ellie, what a nice surprise.” He gave me a smile. For some reason, that smile was comforting.

“Yeah same here.” I told him. Angie looked at the both us and had a confused look on her face.

“Craig, you know her?” she asked him. She was cute.

“Remember Ashley?” Craig asked her. She nodded her head. “This is her best friend, Ellie.” Angie smiled at me and waved.

“I’m Angela but Craig and daddy call me Angie.” She told me.

“Nice to meet you Angie.” I told her. “I’m Eleanor but everyone calls me Ellie.” I gave her a soft smile.

“Craig, can I go play on the swings? Please?” She gave him a sad puppy face. Craig rolled his eyes and said that she could. “Yay!” she said bye to me and headed directly to the swings.

“She seems quite hyper.” I said to Craig. He sat down next to me on the bench. And I let him.

“She’s very excited.” He laughed. “But she’s all that I have. Included Joey but despite me being bossy to her, I do love her.” He said to me. Our eyes met.

“She seems taken by you. I guess it must be heaven when your step brother is involved in all the trouble and she isn’t.” I said to him. He just laughed a little and looked back at Angie, who was swinging on the swings.

“So did you hear about Jimmy and Hazel?” Craig asked me. I nodded my head yes.

“Yeah, Marco told me. It sucks I guess. To be in a relationship and not having the other person be there for you.” I said. I guess it hit a nerve because I felt Craig moving closer to me.

“I should know, right? I mean, I’m the poster child of relationships gone wrong.” Craig said against me. I felt goosebumps come over me.

“You’re not the only one.” I tugged at my jacket before facing him again.

And all I said about Craig went away from my mind once his lips touched mine. And I didn’t pull away. It started off soft when our lips touched. Barely touched each other.

Craig Manning, you are one hell of a kisser.

XXXX

another writing on the wall (craig/ellie) fic

2005-11-04T23:32:02Z

Title::Another Writing on the Wall
Rated::R for language, some violence, adult content, adult situations, sexual content, dark themes, etc.
Disclaimer::I do not own any of the characters from Degrassi. I wish I did though.
Pairings::Craig/Ellie, some Marco/Dylan interaction, some Manny/Craig/Ashley and a little bit of Jay/?

Chapters::
Chapter I: Therapy:: Ellie's POV. Therapy group, snapping of rubber bands and seeing Craig Manning.
Chapter II: Stare:: Craig's POV. A psycho guitarist in therapy with Ellie and the strange walk to Marco's while hearing the humming of a Ramones song.
Chapter III: Cut:: Ellie's POV. Ellie watches Friday the 13th with Craig and Marco, lies to both and her home situation goes from bad to worse. And a small introduction to a new friend called razor.

Chapter IV:: Craig's POV. Craig's walk home, his thoughts on the girls he had in his life, including Ellie and Joey's new situation that causes Craig to go "chaotic."

Chapter IV: Chaotic

(Craig’s POV)

Friday the 13th huh? Like I said, I despise movies like those. But it was entertaining to see Marco jump 20 feet in the air and hide at the scary parts. He’s a cool guy. But I sure didn’t mind teasing him about it.

Some guy got killed with an arrow in his neck. What a way to go, right? That was just, blah. First time that Craig Manning has no comment. No side remarks, no anything. What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve been so off today. Either I’m changing or those pills are actually working. Damn medication. Why did you work and knock some damn sense into me when I thought about heading to England? Think I was going to deal with her rejecting me and leaving here in Toronto? Fuck that. I wasn’t gonna do that.

That was a dumb idea.

Hell, in the end, I got my ass kicked and my guitar stolen. All that for Ashley. I hate her. I love her. I don’t know what I know. I know she damn well confuses me greatly. I hate that. Manny was a fling, a long fling that I moved on but Ash was my soul mate. She was my everything. My other half, my music partner. Even with this whole me becoming a psycho bit, she was there. And now she isn’t. Yeah, I’m dealing with it. Writing dark lyrics on how I hate her, how she made me feel, and how fucked up I am. She’s not here anymore but as she hasn’t left my mind.

Marco, along with Jimmy and even Joey are all I have. Joey’s been more on the moping part since Caitlin left. Even Angie’s moping. But not me. Despite Jimmy’s you know, situation, he’s been there for me, even Marco. And now he brought Ellie into the picture. I don’t even know Ellie, except she’s best friends with Ash and Marco. But other than that, I don’t know her. And she doesn’t know me. Marco told me that Ellie thinks I’m a psycho guitarist and she’s right, I am.

And sitting near her and being around her was sight to see.

She just, I don’t know, seemed more of a free spirit around Marco. And even Ash when she was here. Marco said that we’d rather be here than at home. What was her problem at home? It’s none of my business but I’m curious. And watching her lie to Marco so perfectly made me more curious. Yeah, I knew she was lying. Too bad Marco didn’t, but the way she left so abruptly was weird. Did I just say that it was weird? I have no right to say that, huh?

I was so deep into my thoughts that I didn’t see Marco snapping his fingers in front of me. “What?” I snapped.

Marco just raised an eyebrow. “You were spacing,” he shook his head. “And I think you should get home, right?” I sighed and thought about that. I should start heading home. Besides, I promised Angie I’d teach her how to take pictures with my camera. Better now than later.

“Yeah, I should get going.” I said to Marco. I stretched on the couch and felt relaxed. Marco nodded his head and went to the TV and took the movie out.

“Never again.” He shoved the tape in the box. I just laughed. He could never get through a horror movie alone. I picked up my stuff and said goodbye to Marco. And left his house. The clouds were getting darker, like cloudy. ‘Is it gonna rain?’ I wondered cause I would get wet. I only had a few blocks to get to before something would actually happen. I even started humming a Ramones song. Now it was stuck in my head.

It was the same one that Ellie was singing earlier today.

It was an addicting song.

And Ellie knew it like I did. We sure did have a lot of things in common. Things that I didn’t even notice.

Great, now I was thinking about her.

XXXX

Girls are not my best subjects. I mean, Ashley was the girl I thought was for me. I still do. Manny was just a lust thing that I know she hasn’t gotten over. But why was I adding Ellie to that mix? She was just a girl.

I felt little water drops on my head. Great, it was starting to rain. But I was already close to home. I opened the door and heard Angie’s voice from upstairs. “Craig!” she hopped down the stairs. Her hair was in her ponytail.

“Hey.” I just put my stuff down near the door and locked it behind me. I heard thunder from outside.

“Dad was worried about you if you were gonna get home before it started to rain. And now you’re not gonna get wet.” Angie said. Sometimes she can be so cute but also a pain in the ass.

“Where’s Joey anyway?” I asked her. She just shrugged her shoulders and went hopping into the living room and went back to watching TV. Cartoons were her only thing. She was in love with Spongebob Squarepants but now it was Rugrats. She was a rugrat.

I went past the living room and into the kitchen to find something to drink. I opened the fridge door and looked at my options. Milk, water, orange juice, some of those ice tea things and Pepsi. I took a Pepsi instead.

“Craig?” That was Joey. And it sounded like it came from upstairs.

“Yeah?” I said from the end of the stairs.

“Can you come up here for a sec?” He said. He didn’t sound too good. I got a bad vibe. I went up the stairs slowly and the last stair creaked some.

"Joey, where are you?" I asked the upstairs.

"In my room." Joey said. His door was creaked open some. I felt a bit nervous. I knocked on the door and let myself in. And there was Joey, just sitting on the edge of the bed with his face in his hands.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked it. That was a dumb question. Nice going Craig.

He just looked up at me and I saw an empty bottle on the floor near the trash can. They weren't any of mine. I put the two together and threw the bottle away. "What was that about?" I asked him. I was the one who was supposed to try to kill myself, not him. He was supposed to be the smart one.

"I, I..." He just treaded off. With Caitlin leaving, he hasn't been himself. And I could definately see why.

"It's okay." I tried to calm him down.

"No it's not. I was so stupid and blind to let her go. I was stupid to fight with her and now she's off in a whole other country." Joey said. It seemed we had a thing for girls leaving the country.

I couldn't do anything but stand there and put a hand on his shoulder. "Remember Joey, I do understand." I told him. He just looked straight ahead at the wall where there was a picture of all four of us, smiling together. I was with Angie on one side and Joey and Caitlin was on the other side. And now there was only three of us.

From that point on, I knew it was gonna be very chaotic.
XXXX

degrassi icons batch II (Lauren, Miriam, Stacey, Ryan)

2005-11-03T21:53:18Z

Degrassi Batch II. No spoilers I guess. No hotlinking, comment and credit if taking any okay?

Lauren:: 5
Miriam:: 4
Ryan:: 3
Stacey:: 2

Preview::

Lauren:: 5 iccons
001. 002. 003. 004. 005.

Miriam:: 4 icons
001. 002. 003. 004.

Stacey:: 2 icons
001. 002.

Ryan:: 3
001. 002. 003.

[[Bases done by myonlyhope_16 and gradients were done by amethystia I guess thats how ya spell it]]

degrassi icons again...geez

2005-11-03T01:04:14Z

14 Degrassi Icons. No spoilers here. Remember no hotlinking, comment and credit if taking any is all I ask. I don't wanna hurt someone...j/k =)

Degrassi Batch I::
4 Adamo
3 Aubrey
4 Cassie
3 Jake

Preview::

Adamo:: 4 icons
001. 002. 003. 004.

Aubrey:: 3 icons
001. 002. 003.

Cassie:: 4 icons
001. 002. 003. 004.

Jake:: 3 icons
001. 002. 003.

[[Gradients were done by amethystia and bases were done by myonlyhope_16]]

newly released tekken icons...

2005-10-28T22:39:54Z

16 Tekken icons. Taken from Tekken Official, these pics were all unused in TK4, TTT and etc. So no hotlinking, credit and comment if taking any and enjoy them. They are not to be used as bases either.

Preview::

001. 002. 003. 004.
005. 006. 007. 008.
009. 010. 011. 012.
013. 014. 015. 016.

Who's Who::
1-2 Christie Montiero
3 Craig Marduk
4 Heihachi Mishima
5-6 Marshall Law
7-10 Steve Fox
11-12 Unknown
13-14 Ling Xiaoyu
15-16 Yoshimitsu

multi fandom icons

2005-10-27T20:46:53Z

A whole different set of icons made by me. Remember, no hotlinking, which means upload on your own server, etc, comment and credit if taking or just comment if you like them. That is all I ask :)

Degrassi:: 5
Cassie Steele:: 6
Ashlee Simspon:: 4
Tekken:: 2
Nina Williams::7

Preview:

Degrassi The Next Generation

01. 02. 03. 04. 05.

Cassie Steele

01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06.

Ashlee Simpson

01. 02. 03. 04.

Nina Williams/Tekken Series

01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 08. 09.

another writing on the wall--a craig/ellie fic

2005-10-25T00:38:42Z

A "sequel" to The Writing's on the Wall, this involves Craig/Ellie. Yeah guys, a Crellie fic. This is AU after season 4 but before season 5.

Title: Another Writing on the Wall
Rated: R for language, adult content, some violence, sexual content, etc.
Couples: Craig/Ellie, some Alex/Jay, Alex/Ellie, Marco/Dylan, and a small Craig/Manny.
Disclaimer: I do not own any character from Degrassi okay? Any you don't recognize they are mine.

Parts:

Chapter I: Therapy

(Ellie’s POV)

There I sat in a chair. The cushion was sticking to my skin as I moved around. I sat there snapping those rubber bands back and forth. It was the only thing that kept my nerves down. With all that happened during the school year, I was surprised I was still sitting in this group.

It’s either that or sit around at home and watch my mother drink herself to death. No, Ellie don’t think about that. I kept reminding myself that. God, life really sucks you know? It seemed to get worse when there were a few weeks before school was over. Let’s take a recap shall we?

My mother drinks herself to death. Promises to get better when she eventually doesn’t and I fall for the one guy who leaves me. Yeah, my life sucked. Probably mild to other people’s problems.

I looked around the room at everyone else. On my left was Amanda. She reminded me of a Barbie but with brown hair. Her problem was an eating disorder she started during her sophomore year. And on my left was another girl, Jenny. Jenny was quiet, much like me. She kept to herself and I see her around school sometimes. Her problem? She was involved in drugs. Not those illegal kind. The ones you can purchase over the counter. She never told me what kind of prescription drugs they were but I take it they weren’t the best for her.

Our group manager was busy talking. Something about expressing yourself? I don’t know. I was staring off into space. But I got the feeling I was being watched. I mean, of course I would be. I’m in a damn therapy group. But I meant like intense staring. There, I caught who it was. Huh. I was surprised.

It was Craig Manning himself.

Poor kid. He has a mental problem and lost his girl in the same year. Just like me. I cut and lost my best friend. That was the only thing we have in common. Group sessions like these and Ashley, his ex and my best friend. I kept his gaze just to humor him when he got all shaken up and looked away.

I just smirked at myself. There was just something about him.

I looked up at the clock and we had 5 minutes left. I cheered inside. I was anxious to meet up with Marco at his place and hang out with him. I kept snapping my rubber bands out of boredom.

“And since I have to leave early, this session is now officially over.” Mark, the group leader of these damn sessions had said to us. He let all of us go and I stayed behind, only so I could not get my ass trampled over. After it was just a few of us left, I left the room. But of course I wasn’t alone.

Craig somehow caught up with me. “Hey, slow down.” He said to me.

“Why? Am I too fast for you?” I sneered back at him. I was being a bitch to him. He didn’t do anything wrong. It was starting to become natural to me. Especially since school was over.

“Well, yeah.” Craig ended up jumping in front of me, forcing me to stop. I just sighed at him.

“You stopped me. Is there something you wanted?” I asked him. I was getting a bit frustrated.

“I was wondering if you were heading to Marco’s cause he invited me too.” He told me. Marco invited him? Why didn’t Marco tell me? I would ask him that as soon as I got there.

“Yeah I am.” I replied back.

“Great. I am too. I just didn’t want to walk there alone.” Craig actually looked kinda vulnerable there.

“Ha, Craig Manning is scared to walk over to Marco’s? Wait until the Grapevine hears about that.” I mocked him. It was making him uncomfortable. “Fine. We can walk together, huh?”

With that said, I started walking again. With him following. And I knew he was staring at me from behind. I just got a strange vibe from him. And I didn’t know if it was good or bad.

XXXX

Chapter II: Stare

(Craig’s POV)

Boring, boring, this is so fucking boring. Why the hell was I humming that? I must be so bored. I’m so bored I wrote a song about being bored within the last 2 minutes in my head. Why did Joey make me come to this is on a Saturday? Oh yeah, no chores. I slouched down in my seat as Mark kept yapping away.

Everyone looked bored. Usually with these damn meds I’m as high as a kite. Not literally but you guys get it. But I wasn’t excited. I was moping around, feeling sorry for myself. That fucking sucked.

I get rejected from Joey, my girlfriend leaves me for England, my guitar gets stolen and I’m back in Degrassi, labeled as a psycho. Great. It should be a psycho guitarist instead. I looked at the clock. 10 minutes until this was over.

I looked around the room. There was Amanda, the human Barbie. And there was Rod. Rod was a cool guy. He’s into music, like I am. He’s not a psycho like me but he is close to it.

And then, there’s Ellie.

Ellie looked as bored as I was. But she looked different. Maybe I haven’t noticed but she looked in a good word, good. Her hair was straight and longer than during the school year. She was snapping those rubber bands around her wrist again. What’s up with that? I’ve heard the rumors of her being a cutter but I never seen it.

Only Marco and probably Ashley did.

Ashley… I still love her. But I do despise her. She left me. She’s gonna fall for some British guy and eat escargot or something on some fancy river. Okay, stop Craig. You’re jumping to conclusions. Even though I have the feeling that it will. Okay, back to this group. I couldn’t pay attention very well in these places.

Especially when Ashley’s best friend is right across from me. Don’t know what is about her. Maybe it’s that red hair of hers. Maybe. Let’s stop analyzing this. I kept sighing. Mark was seriously dragging this on forever. At least time went by so fast. Now we had only 3 minutes left.

“Okay guys, since I have to leave early, this session is officially over.” Mark said. Inside of me cheered. Whoa, that caused an upset to my stomach. Maybe I shouldn’t have had that burrito with Marco earlier today.

Everyone rushed out of the room like it was on fire. It was amazing how hyper we were to get out of something that is supposedly helping us. But Ellie stayed behind like I did. And then she left. I guess she was waiting for everyone to leave like I was. I had to talk to her. At least say hey.

Yeah I know we aren’t exactly friends but we should be able to say hey. I mean, she just lost her best friend who was my girlfriend. We see each other around school and hang out with the same people but I don’t remember ever saying hi. Or her to me actually. So why am I starting this now? Kinda late right?

Ellie is a fast mover. Just walking to catch up with her, I was getting tired. “Hey, slow down.” I shouted to her.

“Why? Am I too fast for you?” Ellie said. Even from behind, I knew she had a sneer on her face. Why was she being mean to me? It must be girl thing. I remember how Ashley used to act like that sometimes. I decided to stop her from walking away.

I moved faster than she did and jumped in front of her to block her. “Well yeah.” I said to her. She just sighed and I knew she lost. Haha.

“You stopped me. Is there something you wanted?” She asked me.

“I was wondering if you were heading to Marco’s because he invited me too.” I explained. She looked suspicious. She had a right to be I guess.

“Yeah I am.” She said.

“Great. I am too. I just didn’t want to walk there alone.” Gah, why did I just say that?

“Ha, Craig Manning is scared to walk to Marco’s? Wait until the Grapevine hears about that.” She was mocking me. I expected it from her. Hell, I expect a lot of things from her. “Fine, we can walk there together, huh?” And then she started walking again. I just followed behind her. I put my hands in my pockets and stared at her from behind. I tend to do that a lot.

I wondered if she was feeling my vibe I was giving her.

If she wasn’t, then she must be clueless than I thought.

XXXX

It wasn’t that far to Marco’s place. We were practically almost there. With me walking next to Ellie, I heard her humming a familiar song. It was by the Ramones. I didn’t expect Ellie to be interested in that. Don’t get me wrong. I knew Ellie was into the same music as Ashley was but the Ramones wasn’t known to Ashley. That was pretty impressive.

“I feel like I’m on paradise,” Ellie sung outloud.

“I’m Affected” was one of my favorite songs by them.

“The Ramones, Ellie? Didn’t take you as a fan.” I said to her. She just smirked at me.

“It’s not popular around here but I listen to them. I’m a closet fan.” She said to me.

“Cool. So am I.” I said. Then we stopped. We were at Marco’s. That went by fast.

Ellie knocked on the door. We both heard Marco from the other side. “Coming!” And then the door opened.

“Craig and Ellie. My two best friends. Come in.” He let us in. Ellie dumped her bag on the couch and I threw my jacket on the chair.

“So what is the special occasion?” Ellie asked him.

“I can’t be around my two friends?” Marco laughed. That made me laugh. Of course you can’t.

“No, not really.” Ellie said to him. Huh, it was like we share the same brain or something.

“Okay. Well I just wanted to hang out with the both of you and I know for a fact that you both do not want to be at home, right?” Marco asked us. We both just looked at him and then at each other. I guess the home front was bad for both of us.

“I guess.” I said to him. I sat down on the couch.

“All right. Let the hanging out begin in friend city.” Marco said. He went into the kitchen for a while and I heard a lot of noise coming from there.

Ellie sat on the chair where my jacket was. She crossed her legs and put her head on her hand.

“Expecting that from him?” She asked me. I just looked at her and shook no. “Same here.” She said.

“Well Marco always the ability to surprise us. We should testimony to that.” I said back to her smiling. That actually brought a small laugh from her. I didn’t think she wanted to let me hear that but I did. She had a nice laugh. “You should laugh more often.” I told her. It caught her off guard.

“You’re something else Manning.” She said to me. She never called me by my first name. Why? I don’t know.

“Why is that?” I asked her.

“Because you just are. I don’t need a reason to say that.” She replied back.

Marco came back. “Okay guys, I rented like 6 horror movies and we are going to watch them all so no sneaking out.” He looked at Ellie. “That meant you.” I smiled.

Ellie raised her hands in that ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ look. She got up and sat next to me on the couch. “So what are we watching first, Del Rossi?” she called him.

“Um, Friday the 13th.” Marco replied. I sighed deeply. Not those damn movies, I thought.

“The first one?” Ellie asked.

“Yep. That’s the best one.” Marco said. He put in the tape and sat down on the floor.

Ellie moved around on the couch before she got in that comfy spot. The movie started and had that creepy ass music. I despised this movie to a point. I just didn’t like any of the Friday the 13th series. All of them were dumb. But like Marco said, the first one was the best one. I would agree to that.

During the movie, Ellie jumped some at a scary part. She grabbed my hand by accident. She looked at what she did and at me. “Sorry.” She took her hand back and ignored me. I couldn’t stop looking at her and managed to do it. I had to force myself. There was something about the way we touched. It was different from Ashley.

And you want to know what’s bad?

I liked it.

And all I could do about it was stare at the TV.

XXXX

(Ellie's POV)
I jumped. I can’t believe I jumped during a stupid horror movie. Just something about them that creeps me out. I think my life can definitely be creepier than a weirdo running around killing people for revenge. But Friday the 13th was not my life.

But the scariest part?

I grabbed Craig’s hand. And then took it back. A natural reaction? It was either his hand or the couch and his hand was somehow closer. But I felt so embarrassed. I don’t know what for. I hate when I don’t know why I feel the way I do. But enter the awkwardness. Craig was completely silent once I said I was sorry and ignored me. Good choice right? I didn’t expect to do it. I really didn’t.

After the movie was actually over, Marco and Craig both left to the kitchen. I let out the most held in sigh I ever had. It was a sigh of relief. I was actually breathing again. I leaned on the back of the couch and watched those countless infomercials on selling crock-pots and other useless junk.

I heard Marco laugh from the kitchen. Even a slight laugh from Craig. What were they talking about? Better not be about me. Great, now I’m getting all paranoid. I got a shiver from the room. I was wearing long sleeves and got cold. Strange.

See I’m freaking out over nothing. Just remember to breathe. Breathe, Ellie. Marco and Craig came back from the kitchen. I started snapping my rubber bands again.

“Miss us?” Marco laughed. He sat back down on the floor.

“Oh yeah.” I just said it to humor him. Which he took lightly.

“And what about Craig?” I scoffed.

“What about Craig?” I asked back. Marco just gave me a look and sighed.

“Whatever, El.” He restarted the movie since it was on pause. Some girl with blonde hair was about to get her ass killed. I just shook my head. Don’t they know if you have sex, you die? Too late now. She’s a goner. You could hear the girl screaming and poor Marco. He jumped and covered his eyes. Ha-ha, chicken. But a cute one right?

I smiled at Marco’s reaction and reminded him that it’s only a movie. But I glanced over at Craig. He looked uncomfortable. I bet because of me. I rolled my eyes and leaned on the arm of the couch. This movie was more interesting than wondering about my hand touching Craig’s. I looked at the clock. It was like only 4:15. The movie was on for 45 minutes at least. I still had a long way to get through.

XXXX

I left early.

I lied to Marco’s face and left.

There was some truth to my lie. I did have to get home soon before mom did. She freaks if I’m not there before she is. ‘Probably so I can clean up after her.’ I thought.

My walk home was cut short when I stood in front of my house. No lights were on, which meant mom wasn’t there. Thank God. I used my key to get in and went right up to my room. On my bed was my guitar, which I tried to attempt playing again. Ever since Ash left, I’ve been “musically alone.” She was my music partner and she considered her mine. But deep down, I knew it was Craig who was her real music partner. Nothing but lies.

There he is again. Still wrecking loose in my brain.

I set on my bed and picked up my guitar and strummed a couple of chords. And on nightstand was a pair of drumsticks. Yes guys, Ellie have been practicing the drums, too. Well trying to practice.

I sat there for 10 minutes before I heard the door slam.

Great.

That meant she was drunk as hell. But she I meant my mother. The one who was supposed to take care of me. The one who promised me that she would quit drinking. Only person I depended on was myself.

Mom, you promised me that you wouldn’t. That you wouldn’t drink anymore. It hurts so much. It really does and I hate the way it makes me feel. I tried not to have flashbacks of lying promises but I couldn’t. It got suspiciously quiet downstairs. I didn’t move and stopped strumming.

A glass broke.

I jumped and heard what sounded like crying. “Mom?” I whispered. I was frozen. Then I realized it was crying. I got up and left my room to downstairs. “Mom?” I asked again louder. I was creeping down the stairs like I was scared. And I was.

Once I got to the last stair, I saw a broken vodka bottle on the kitchen floor. Vodka was everywhere. And where was my mom? Passed out on the couch as usual. Her face was streaked with tears of disappointment, not pain. She didn’t hurt herself. She was pissed off that she wasted a good and full liquor bottle. There was only one thing I could do. And that was clean up the mess she made.

I picked up the glass off the floor. “Ouch!” I accidentally cut my finger. And there it was. Tempting me to do it. ‘No.’ I kept telling myself. I threw the glass away before I did something wrong.

After mopping up all the vodka up, that was tempting too, I just stared at my mother’s drunken self. She makes me sick. There was so much I wanted to say to her. Some much anger and sadness I was keeping inside. ‘Don’t freak, Ellie. Just breathe.’ Reminding myself that wasn’t working. I just turned away and went up the stairs to the bathroom.

The tears came back after I told myself to not cry.

In the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror. I felt like my reflection was laughing at me. The whole world was laughing at me. I shivered and shook my head.

I couldn’t stop the pain.

And I would regret what I was gonna do next.

I opened the cabinet and pulled out one of those makeup concealers with the mirror. I looked terrible when I saw myself again. My eyeliner was running. But I wasn’t going to fix myself up again.

I took out the little powder and there it was under it.

A razor blade.

No more compasses with pointy ends. It was razor blades that affected me the most.

I leaned against the door and locked it. I sat down with my back to the wall and lifted up my sleeve. There were only two new marks visible on my arm. The old ones cleared up. More room to make new ones. The blade went in deep across my skin. And I started crying again. They were silent tears instead.

Why can’t anyone save me? I want to be saved. But no one can hear me. Or see me. Life sucked.

That night, I didn’t make one mark. I didn’t make two.

I made three instead and I wasn’t finished.
XXXX

xoxo

Nat

degrassi season 5 icons

2005-10-22T19:29:14Z

19 New Degrassi Icons. Comment and credit if taking. No hotlinking. All these are textless but cannot be used as bases. Got it? Good. No spoilers either.

4 Alex
5 Emma
4 Craig
3 Ellie
3 Manny

Preview:

Degrassi Season 5--

01. 02. 03. 04. 05.

Ellie:
01. 02. 03.

Alex:
01. 02. 03. 04.

Manny:
01. 02. 03.

Craig:
02. 03. 04.

Pictures from the N.com

the L word, Degrassi and FFX2 icons...

2005-10-17T01:11:02Z

Multi-Fandom Icons....whoo! I got PSP Studio and it is a big difference from PSP8. These are all blank icons but are not to be used as bases...so if i catch you using them for bases, i'm suing. Well no but I'd get very mad :-)

13 Degrassi Icons
13 The L Word Icons
34 Final Fantasy X2 Icons

Total...60 icons! That's alot.

Preview

The L Word
01. 02. 03. 04. 05.
06. 07. 08. 09. 10.
11. 12. 13.

Degrassi Cast/Characters
01. 02. 03. 04. 05.
06. 07. 08. 09. 10.
11. 12. 13.

Final Fantasy X2 Dresspheres
01. 02. 03. 04. 05.
06. 07. 08. 09. 10.
11. 12. 13. 14. 15.
16. 17. 18. 19. 20.
21. 22. 23. 24. 25.
26. 27. 28. 29. 30.
31. 32. 33. 34.

phoenixflame87 @ 2005-10-09T17:36:00

2005-10-09T22:40:54Z

11 Degrassi Spoiler icons. Some are from Disco of a Dancer, Venus and just plain old season 5 pictures. Comment and credit if taking.

Preview:

001. 002. 003. 004.
005. 006. 007. 008.
009. 010. 011.

[[Pictures from the N, Degrassi.tv; Brushes are done by happyconfusion, magicallyicons, etc]]

phoenixflame87 @ 2005-10-01T16:50:00

2005-10-01T21:49:41Z

Talk about old school lol. Nickelodeon needs to bring these shows back::

You scored as Doug.

</td>

Doug

92%

The Adventures of Pete and Pete

75%

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

67%

Rocko's Modern Life

58%

Kablam!

42%

Ren & Stimpy

42%

The Secret World of Alex Mack

33%

Clarissa Explains It All

33%

Rugrats

25%

Double Dare

17%

Legends of the Hidden Temple

Which Old School Nickelodeon Show Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

Cool, Doug! ::Hums theme song::

phoenixflame87 @ 2005-09-26T23:40:00

2005-09-27T04:46:26Z

Laguna Beach Update!!!

Kristin: Soo liking Kristin nowadays. She rocks. Glad she's finally hooking up with someone besides Stephen...Talan is such a hottie.
Jessica: What the hell is going on with her? Hanging out with Jason and getting hickeys from him? Sorry but Jessica is becoming a ~~slut~~ like Alex M said.
Jason: Such a player. Yeah play around with both Alex and Jessica. And then I heard he hooked up with LC after the show was over? What?!?!
Alex: Liking Alex nowadays too. If I was Alex, I would have soo hit Jessica at Cabo! She looks all cool with her hat and big hoop earrings on lol.
Taylor: Glad too see her and Kristin actually getting along. Kinda bummed she didn't get Talan but she'll move on from that.
Lauren/LC: Her face was classic when she found out that Stephen had dinner with Kristin for Valentine's Day and all she got was flowers and candy. Haha.
Stephen: He wants Kristin back...obviously. Kristin doesn't want him back. So what does he do? Goes to Lauren. Whatever.
Talan: Major hottie! Got both Kristin and Taylor. Woot woot!

Other Characters:
Casey: Knew she was fake! Just like a damn barbie doll.
Alex H: Her and Alex M look to becoming good friends. She rocks!
Cedric: He hangs out with Jason like too much. Cedric is like one of my most unliked characters from LB.

--Natalia--

phoenixflame87 @ 2005-09-25T13:08:00

2005-09-25T18:20:33Z

New Degrassi Unscripted Icons. No spoilers here! Comment and credit if taking. And blank icons are not to be used for your work. I did some things to them to make them look brighter, darker, etc.

2 Stacey
5 Miriam
10 Melissa
4 Jake
3 Cassie
3 Aubrey
1 Andrea

Preview--

1. 2. 3. 4.
5. 6. 7. 8.
9. 10. 11. 12.
13. 14. 15. 16.
17. 18. 19. 20.
21. 22. 23. 24.
25. 26. 27. 28.

Credit for the pics are from the N.com and brushes were by 77words and happyconfusion.