This arthritis is ruining my life.
I found out a few months ago that I have osteoarthritis in my knee. It's pretty bad; there's bone spurs and stuff. I'm doing physical therapy for it, but it's not really helping. And my physical therapist spent our first appointment basically saying the pain was in my head (he admitted to not looking at my chart and xrays), although he's been a little better since then. I think other parts of my body are trying to compensate for how messed up my knee is, so I've been having pain in my ankle and back as well. Plus, as always, my severe bunions are really painful (I eventually need surgery for the bunions, but life keeps getting in the way).
My apartment is filthy. There's pet fur all over the floor, everything is unorganized and a mess, I haven't put away Christmas decor yet, etc. It's honestly overdue for a deep cleaning (baseboards, walls, etc), but right now I can't even keep up with the basic day-to-day stuff. I'm so stressed out and I can't stop crying.
I try to break everything down to do a bit each day, but I only seem able to do part of what I plan for each day, because the pain is so bad, and my knee not only hurts, but also starts giving out on me.
I am in too much pain to take my dog on nice walks, and I feel horrifically guilty about that. I used to walk to therapy (a little over a mile, a walk through a really nice park where I like to play Pokemon Go), but I can't manage that anymore because of the pain, either. Running errands is a struggle, taking out the trash is a struggle,
I do my best to play with Nate (partners' son) when he comes over, but I can't sit on the floor with him anymore, because it's too hard to get back up. I can't run around with him. I keep having to tell him that we have to play sitting down. And I feel so guilty about that, because he's an active kid, and he wants me to run and play with him like I used to.
The pain is affecting my mood. I'm angry, I'm depressed, I'm frustrated. I'm beginning to have suicidal thoughts at times, because I feel like I don't have much quality of life right now (I will not act on those thoughts).
When I was a kid, I lived in filth and squalor as part of the abuse and neglect from my parents. For a long time, as an adult, I continued to live in filth squalor, because it was what I knew. Eventually, I had enough and learned how to keep a pretty decently clean home (not perfect by any means, but clean). Now, I feel like it's falling back to the way I used to live, because I'm in too much pain to maintain my home properly.
I managed to get a little done today, but it's not really even enough to put a dent in things. I don't know what to do. I don't really have anyone I can ask for help, because they're all too busy with their own stuff.
Oh, and I got a severe sinus infection right before Christmas, and was sick for almost 2 weeks before I found out it was bacterial and I needed antibiotics. I'm on antibiotics now and the sinus infection is a lot better, but that also put me even more behind on trying to take care of my home.
I just don't know what to do.
My apartment is filthy. There's pet fur all over the floor, everything is unorganized and a mess, I haven't put away Christmas decor yet, etc. It's honestly overdue for a deep cleaning (baseboards, walls, etc), but right now I can't even keep up with the basic day-to-day stuff. I'm so stressed out and I can't stop crying.
I try to break everything down to do a bit each day, but I only seem able to do part of what I plan for each day, because the pain is so bad, and my knee not only hurts, but also starts giving out on me.
I am in too much pain to take my dog on nice walks, and I feel horrifically guilty about that. I used to walk to therapy (a little over a mile, a walk through a really nice park where I like to play Pokemon Go), but I can't manage that anymore because of the pain, either. Running errands is a struggle, taking out the trash is a struggle,
I do my best to play with Nate (partners' son) when he comes over, but I can't sit on the floor with him anymore, because it's too hard to get back up. I can't run around with him. I keep having to tell him that we have to play sitting down. And I feel so guilty about that, because he's an active kid, and he wants me to run and play with him like I used to.
The pain is affecting my mood. I'm angry, I'm depressed, I'm frustrated. I'm beginning to have suicidal thoughts at times, because I feel like I don't have much quality of life right now (I will not act on those thoughts).
When I was a kid, I lived in filth and squalor as part of the abuse and neglect from my parents. For a long time, as an adult, I continued to live in filth squalor, because it was what I knew. Eventually, I had enough and learned how to keep a pretty decently clean home (not perfect by any means, but clean). Now, I feel like it's falling back to the way I used to live, because I'm in too much pain to maintain my home properly.
I managed to get a little done today, but it's not really even enough to put a dent in things. I don't know what to do. I don't really have anyone I can ask for help, because they're all too busy with their own stuff.
Oh, and I got a severe sinus infection right before Christmas, and was sick for almost 2 weeks before I found out it was bacterial and I needed antibiotics. I'm on antibiotics now and the sinus infection is a lot better, but that also put me even more behind on trying to take care of my home.
I just don't know what to do.