It isn’t something I’ve mentioned but in the winter of 2021 when I had just turned 23 I woke up at half three in the morning, which I judged to be the time when the fewest people on earth were awake, and went into my garage to record myself talking about a book I liked. Because my leg was shaking so violently with fear I had to wake up at half three again the next morning and rerecord it all, that time with a blanket draped over the table to hide my legs. The next half three, I drove to the most deserted street I could think of with my camera and piece of paper script and talked in my car and shrank down in my seat whenever another passed. I was constantly terrified that people I knew would find the channel. In the end I talked through six books in twelve videos over four months and collected one single positive comment. I still remember exactly the message and the username.

On Friday I did my first reading to a sold out and packed barroom of 150 or so people, many of whom had come to hear me. A young man was standing near me nervously afterwards and when I spoke to him and asked what kind of books he was interested began to shake a little and did not really want to say. It was too tender and precious. I remember that feeling well and wish he could have seen my legs behind that blanket.

It was a great comfort in those nervous days to have my close friends Alex, Beth, Sam, Dan and my brother to confide in and a great joy to have some of them there on Friday. Just as they had known so well when to lift me up, they also knew when to bash me back down. One of them was told by an attendee that they had come for me but did not want to disturb me and would only say something if I passed near. My friend said “What, that wanker?” and made a point of disturbing me as vigorously as possible as they yanked me over.

Of course this supernova of meaning existed only for me. To the rest of the world it was a pub trip then dance night only fleetingly interrupted by the spectacle of their friend attempting to balance on a pouffe while harbouring an ill-advised quantity of “Moroccan Hair Oil”. More happy punctuation came from the speeches of Tom Willis, Ross Barkan, and Thomas Peermohamed Lambert, and from the questions and points the crowd offered. All were fantastic.

The advice I’d received was to invite the audience to stare at you. It’s not intuitive, but apparently the true danger is making them feel like you don’t want them to look at you. My ploy there was to start with a story that involved pointing, so that I could pick someone and point directly at them, so the audience would feel they could do the same to me.

You’ll have to judge for yourself. I think: A- for my first time and C+ relative to the standard I’d like to reach one day. I’ve uploaded a video of my reading and the q&a below. Constructive criticism very much appreciated. There is a nice big cheer for PL at the close. I wouldn’t bother watching the old videos on the channel but if you really want to I think I remember this being the least bad.

The last thing to say is just thank you all, so much, for all of it. And now that I have actually been asked for life advice, I’ll try some – keep shaking.