Who's Just the Prettiest Kitty Ever? (one-shot)

Boredom on a tour bus can inspire many to do strange things. Andy likes to categorize Fall Out Boy’s extensive collection of video games, alphabetically and by genre ("the games Joe can’t beat to save his life" and "the games Pete is not allowed to play anymore thanks to that incident last April"). Joe makes several pots of coffee so he can stay awake to watch all ten seasons of Friends on his laptop (even if he swears he’s only doing it for his girlfriend; secretly, Chandler is Joe’s idol). Pete will bounce from person to person, annoying them in his own special Pete-way, which usually results in him getting threatened by a scary death involving sporks and places only Patrick should be familiar with (Patrick always glares at the jerk that says this because only he is allowed to threaten bodily harm…there…*Patrick grins evilly to himself*).

Shaking his head, Patrick stretches out on the couch thinking about Pete. For an odd reason, he remembers when he was growing up, how Patrick always loved cats, kittens really. Patrick was never into dogs, but oh how he loved cats. They were smarter than dogs and also a lot less messy and smelly. However, as was stated, boredom makes one do strange things. Patrick started to think about the parallels between Pete and cats. And suddenly, Patrick is picturing Pete throwing something at him as he confesses that Pete reminds him of a kitten. "At least say I’m a tiger or something-not just a kitten." Patrick mentally corrects himself for the sake of Pete-inside-his-head. Fine, a tiger kitten. A kitten nonetheless though-a really cute kitten with big brown eyes and a twitchy tail.

Firs off, the easiest thing to spot is the fact that Pete is so full of energy. The guy can’t sit still for a second. One minutes he’s strumming his bass, the next he’s eating way too many fruit roll-ups and throwing the wrappers at Joe. Then, he’s challenging anyone to a pillow fight, initiating it by grabbing the pink fuzzy pillow off his bunk and slamming it in Andy’s face, only to run away squealing. Patrick is reminded of the many kittens he’s had in his life who would attack his feet as he walked across the room; just as soon as it happened they would be back under the bed, butt twitching (which incidentally, Patrick has actually seen Pete do this). And just like a kitten, Pete will jump on Patrick’s back and start pulling at his extremely envy-inspiring, manly sideburns.

Pete is also a cleanliness freak. The guy can find a shower anywhere, and also rubs it in everyone’s face when he’s got clean hair and new deodorant on while the rest of the guys are trying to find the cleanest pair of three weeks-worn-jeans. He throw tantrums when someone takes his washcloth, "accidentally" dropping it in the toilet just to get him to shut the fuck up about how everyone "stinks like week-old boiled potatoes" (who the fuck knows what week old boiled potatoes even smells like?). And now Patrick gets kind of sick thinking about how weird it would be if Pete actually started to lick at his skin, bending his leg over his head to clean his genitals. (Okay, so in a weird way, that’s kind of kinky, but still). What kind of hairball would that cause?

Kittens are nocturnal. Pete has a problem with insomnia. That was an easy one too. Just like Patrick’s kittens, Pete keeps him up at night, bugging him, poking him, and just being an all-round annoying little shit. Pete will climb into his bunk and squirm around ("to get comfy ‘Tick") trying to wake Patrick up so he can entertain him until Pete, himself, falls asleep. Though this happens night after night, Patrick still thinks by ignoring him, Pete will go away. Quite to the contrary, Pete’s antics only get more energetic until Patrick does wake up and sings to him or agrees to play thumb war.

The claws come out when Pete’s feelings are hurt because Patrick ignores him, choosing to work at his laptop, making mixes or e-mailing friends and family back home. Pete will come up behind him and start dragging his blunt, black polished nails down Patrick’s back; Pete’s quite good at distracting Patrick when he does this. Patrick will hang his head and let his eyes close as Pete does his magic. So, maybe this is a bit of a loose comparison between Pete and a kitten, but it’s one of Patrick’s favorite things about Pete.

But the best has to be when Pete has calmed down and gets sleepy (sometime during the middle of the day) and looks for Patrick. Like now. Pete walks in from the back room where he’d been writing naughty things on the saved e-mail draft to Andy’s grandma. Joe gives a quick glance at Pete, checking to make sure the tan man hasn’t decided to bug him now. Andy leaves, going to the bunks, as he tries to come up with some kind of revenge because in the process of smacking him in the face with the pillow, Pete knocked over all two-hundred video games. Pete doesn’t look at any of them though, his weary eyes are locked on one Patrick Stump, lead vocalist of Fall Out Boy, current occupant of the couch. Patrick suddenly finds himself being pressed into said couch because a taller person is now laying on top of him, head tucked neatly into the crook of Patrick’s neck. Wrapping his arms around Pete and smiling softly, Patrick can almost hear the purr.