I Could Write It Better Than You Ever Felt It [Standalone]

Pete is Patrick’s best friend (and maybe more, maybe his… it’s all up in the air though, with Pete), but sometimes Patrick needs a break.

"Just leave me the fuck alone, alright,” he states firmly, shrugging off Pete’s hand as he burrows deeper into the confines of his bunk. Still Pete won’t take no for an answer and actually takes a seat on the narrow edge, folding himself inwards so as not to hit his head on the one above. “Pete,” Patrick grits his teeth, actually grits his teeth, an action he didn’t know he was capable of. “Go. Away. I don’t even want to touch you right now. I just,” he breathes out slowly through his nose, just like his therapist taught him. Inhale through your mouth, exhale through your nose. That’s right, just think calming thoughts, and relax your muscles. Good. “I just don’t want to be around you right now.” Honesty, good, that’s the first step, his therapist’s voice calls in his head.

“Okay, fine,” Pete sniffs, withdrawing his hand and heading to the back of the bus to play Mario Kart with Joe, but not without leaning down and whispering iloveyou in Patrick’s ear.

-

When Patrick wakes up from his nap, it is to Bob shaking him (“Come on, time to get backstage”). Rolling out of his bunk, Patrick hears a slight crinkling of paper. Tossing it to the back of his bunk, he swings his legs out and emerges. Patrick immediately starts warming up as soon as he gets backstage, stretching out his sleepy muscles as he does so. As usual, Pete comes in just a few minutes before the show, quickly getting ready in a corner by himself. He shoots glances at Patrick, who is studiously ignoring him, still confused about Pete’s behavior earlier in the day. Onstage, during Pete’s customary whisper/kiss/come-close-to-Patrick-and-confuse-the-fuck-out-of-him time, Pete whispers in his ear, iloveyou,imsorry. Patrick is even more confused. Does Pete even know what he’s apologizing for? Does Patrick? He plays the rest of the show trying not to think about it. Afterwards, he signs autographs for as long as he can, then gets onto the bus, and hurls himself into his bunk…where he finds Pete waiting for him.

“Hi.” Pete blinks over at him, squashed into the back corner, almost as if he’s afraid to touch Patrick. He looks very small, and very young. In his hand he’s holding the piece of paper Patrick tossed back there as he was getting up. “You didn’t read it?” He clears his throat, laughing a little bit. Pete clears his throat a lot.

“Uh…no?” Patrick feels like he has been in a fog all day, and he needs some sort of lighthouse to get him out. So far, no luck. Pete thrusts the paper at him, nearly hitting him in the eye. Patrick grabs it, reading it over as Pete watches him intently from his still scrunched up position. “Pete…” lifting his eyes from the paper, “…this is, we’re not, you’re not, I didn’t…” Patrick shakes his head. How can he stay mad at Pete, not that he was really madatPete, more like he was tired of Pete, but how can he say no to Pete when Pete writes songs about him?