Fix Us in 45 (2/3)
Title: Fix Us In 45 (2/3)
Author: Ricey (yeah that's me baby)
Rating: PG-13 (someone has a potty mouth)
Disclaimer:As believable as Pete's acting.
Summary:Pete and Patrick go to couple's counseling.
Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews! I have an off-point sense of humor so it might seem off-point in some places. Hope you guys like it. X-posted at
patrickxpeter & peterickfics.
Part Une
"What's wrong with this one?"
"I don't like his name." Patrick checks over his shoulder before switching lanes. "Don't look at me like that."
"You don't like his name?"
"No I don't like his name. Bundy. Like Ted Bundy. You do know who Ted Bundy is right?"
"You're crazy."
Patrick sighs and parks the car in front of Pete's LA house. "Well I'm not going back there. You need to find a new one." Patrick makes his way inside, petting Hemmingway behind the ears.
"That's the third one this week!"
"It's only Wednesday. We can make time for another."
Pete grins and sits on Patrick's lap. "Its only 2:30. We can make time for sex."
*
"So let me just say that it's not uncommon for men to cheat on their life partners with women."
"We are NOT life partners."
"Well geez, why you gotta say it like that," Pete asks, his face hurt.
"Well I wouldn't want to spend my life with a boy who cheats on me."
"Okay let me try another route," Dr. Stevens interrupts. He writes sarcastic arguements on his pad. "When I ask you two a question, I want you to answer the first thing that comes to mind. Okay?"
"Fine by me," Pete sulks, sinking into his chair, shoulders slumped.
"Yes that's fine." Patrick shoots Pete the overused 'please don't embarrass me' look. Pete just smiles his 'don't worry, I wouldn't dare embarrass you' smile back.
"Okay, on a scale of one to ten, how would you measure the time spent together? The good time."
"Seven."
"Seven? That's a cold bitch statement if I ever heard one," Patrick scoffs. "How can you say a seven? I mean do you even -"
"Patrick, please." Dr. Stevens puts his hand up. "Well discuss the answer afterwards. Let us hear yours."
Patrick bites his lip. "Seven." Pete smiles and Patrick tries to mentally slap him.
"Okay. Using the same system, how would you rate the bad times? Can you stand them or are they completely unbearable?"
"Seven."
"Six." Patrick cocks an eyebrow at Pete. "Well...they seem like sixes to me."
"I'll show you a six," Patrick mutters.
"Okay, how would you rate your sex life?"
"Ten."
"Twelve."
"Considering you've had sex without me in this relationship, that seems accurate."
"I'm not counting that, I'd never count that. That should say something about sex with you."
"Says a lot more about sex with her."
Dr. Stevens writes many more sessions on his notepad and underlines it twice.
*
"Hey, how's the counseling going," Joe asks, his voice flitering through the phone.
"It's okay, his questions seem a little...too cliche," Patrick answers, rubbing his feet together until his socks come off. "Asked about our sex life. I mean come on. It's Pete fucking Wentz, of course our sex life would be okay. I mean just the other day, we were in the kitchen and -"
"Dude!" Joe rubs his hand over his face. "Look spare me the details. I just wanted to know if it's helping. Have you guys had any of those knock down drag out fights since you started going?"
"Pete punched out my car window and I punched out his face."
Joe laughs, shaking his hand at Andy's questioning face. "Well that's an improvement. At least you don't want to castrate him anymore."
"That was temporary insanity on my part." Patrick grins into the phone. "That's my favorite part."
"Dude!"
*
"Pete, could you tell me how you got that black eye?"
"Patrick abuses me."
"Tit for tat," Patrick muses. "And I don't abuse him."
"Not on a regular basis," Pete fixes.
"So you're telling me Patrick has hit you before," the doctor askes, leaning forward in his chair. "That being hit by Patrick is a somewhat normal thing?"
"I don't beat on him," Patrick groans. "We just have arguments."
"Arguments don't usually involve physical fights."
"Ours do." Patrick raises his eyebrow at Pete. "Well arguments with you do."
"I seem to recall a certain argument where I woke up with a cut lip and a bruised temple."
"The only thing that was bruised was your ego because I won that time."
"You didn't win."
"You were knocked out on your back." Pete smirks at Patrick. "And if I recall correctly, that night you ended up on your back again that night."
Dr. Stevens closes his mouth and sits upright when Patrick places a reluctant kiss on Pete's smirking lips. He writes doesn't make sense but works on his pad.
*
"Okay I want to try a new excerise." Dr. Stevens moves two chairs back to back and motions to them. "Now sit down and take these ink blots and when I motion to you, tell me what you see. But don't see what each other holds."
"I don't know why you're asking him," Pete mumbles, sitting Indian-style on the chair. "He has no vision."
"And you have too much." Patrick smirks at Pete before sitting in the other chair. "You envision too many people in bed with you. That aren't me."
"You know what," Pete snarls, turning around in his chair.
"Gentlemen please." Dr. Stevens waits until Pete has turned around, a frown on his lips. "Okay, Pete, tell me what you see in the first ink blot."
Pete lifts up the first slate. "This looks like Patrick telling me I'm an egotistical asshole that expects the world to fall down at my feet." He turns the slate sideways. "And from this angle it looks like Patrick's fist in my face."
"Uh...one angle will do Pete." He motions to Patrick.
Patrick clears his throat. "This looks like Pete telling me I'm more difficult than the New York Time's Sunday puzzle." He gives a coy smile to the doctor. "But he's using my bedroom wall as a punching post as he says it."
"A wall can't be a punching post," Pete argues. He holds up another slate. "This looks like Patrick telling me the most insane things that he thinks are true."
"Like what," prompts Stevens.
"Like I cheated on him just because I was bored."
"And did you," Dr. Stevens' asks, glad that they are finally getting somewhere.
Patrick turns in his seat, staring at Pete's bowed head.
"No."
"Why did you," Patrick whispers. Pete turns around, his face a mask of shame.
"I wanted to get back at you."
"For what?"
"Anna." Pete puts his hand over Patrick's. "She hurt us so much when you broke up with her. I felt like the housewife you'd kiss goodbye in the morning and she was the other woman you'd go see because she's having a hard time with you leaving her." He laces his fingers with Patrick's. "So I wanted to make you feel as shitty as you made me feel."
Patrick stares at their hands. "That's really fucked up."
"I'm really fucked up." Pete looks at Patrick. "It didn't mean anything, I didn't mean for it to get like this."
"Neither did I," Patrick agrees. He turns back around and stares at his slates of ink blots.
Dr. Stevens smiles, writing down progress on his pad.
*
"You had a fist fight again," Andy asks.
"Yeah, he totally got out of hand." Pete shifts on the couch, giving a glance at Andy. "He like...fucking freaked out."
"Well what'd you do?"
"Why do you think I did something to make him freak out? He fucking punched me in the face!" Pete throws up his hands. "Repeatedly!"
Andy smirks, throwing a pillow at him. "No really, what'd you do?"
"Nothing," Pete sighs. He throws the pillow back. "Ijustkindasortapunchedoutthecarwindow."
"Again?!"
"It was a long time ago that I broke the window the first time."
Andy snorts, tucking the pillow around his mid-section. "It wasn't a long time ago, numb nuts. It was two months ago."
"That's long enough."
Andy shakes his head and looks back at the tv. "So how is counseling anyways? Joe said you guys went through like ten counselers till you found one."
"It wasn't ten," Pete argues. "It was five."
"Well how is it?"
"It's okay. I mean...its helping ya know? So its cool. And I think the doctor thinks Patrick's abusive."
Andy chuckles. "I wonder why." He smirks at Pete. "And he also must think you deserve it."
Pete throws another pillow at him. "If I do, then he deserves to have his window punched out." Pete sighs and snuggles against the pillow that comes sailing back. "I think we're gonna make it."
Andy smiles at Pete's content face. "It will because you're both nuts."
"Well his nuts -"
"Dude!"
Author: Ricey (yeah that's me baby)
Rating: PG-13 (someone has a potty mouth)
Disclaimer:As believable as Pete's acting.
Summary:Pete and Patrick go to couple's counseling.
Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews! I have an off-point sense of humor so it might seem off-point in some places. Hope you guys like it. X-posted at
patrickxpeter & peterickfics.Part Une
"What's wrong with this one?"
"I don't like his name." Patrick checks over his shoulder before switching lanes. "Don't look at me like that."
"You don't like his name?"
"No I don't like his name. Bundy. Like Ted Bundy. You do know who Ted Bundy is right?"
"You're crazy."
Patrick sighs and parks the car in front of Pete's LA house. "Well I'm not going back there. You need to find a new one." Patrick makes his way inside, petting Hemmingway behind the ears.
"That's the third one this week!"
"It's only Wednesday. We can make time for another."
Pete grins and sits on Patrick's lap. "Its only 2:30. We can make time for sex."
*
"So let me just say that it's not uncommon for men to cheat on their life partners with women."
"We are NOT life partners."
"Well geez, why you gotta say it like that," Pete asks, his face hurt.
"Well I wouldn't want to spend my life with a boy who cheats on me."
"Okay let me try another route," Dr. Stevens interrupts. He writes sarcastic arguements on his pad. "When I ask you two a question, I want you to answer the first thing that comes to mind. Okay?"
"Fine by me," Pete sulks, sinking into his chair, shoulders slumped.
"Yes that's fine." Patrick shoots Pete the overused 'please don't embarrass me' look. Pete just smiles his 'don't worry, I wouldn't dare embarrass you' smile back.
"Okay, on a scale of one to ten, how would you measure the time spent together? The good time."
"Seven."
"Seven? That's a cold bitch statement if I ever heard one," Patrick scoffs. "How can you say a seven? I mean do you even -"
"Patrick, please." Dr. Stevens puts his hand up. "Well discuss the answer afterwards. Let us hear yours."
Patrick bites his lip. "Seven." Pete smiles and Patrick tries to mentally slap him.
"Okay. Using the same system, how would you rate the bad times? Can you stand them or are they completely unbearable?"
"Seven."
"Six." Patrick cocks an eyebrow at Pete. "Well...they seem like sixes to me."
"I'll show you a six," Patrick mutters.
"Okay, how would you rate your sex life?"
"Ten."
"Twelve."
"Considering you've had sex without me in this relationship, that seems accurate."
"I'm not counting that, I'd never count that. That should say something about sex with you."
"Says a lot more about sex with her."
Dr. Stevens writes many more sessions on his notepad and underlines it twice.
*
"Hey, how's the counseling going," Joe asks, his voice flitering through the phone.
"It's okay, his questions seem a little...too cliche," Patrick answers, rubbing his feet together until his socks come off. "Asked about our sex life. I mean come on. It's Pete fucking Wentz, of course our sex life would be okay. I mean just the other day, we were in the kitchen and -"
"Dude!" Joe rubs his hand over his face. "Look spare me the details. I just wanted to know if it's helping. Have you guys had any of those knock down drag out fights since you started going?"
"Pete punched out my car window and I punched out his face."
Joe laughs, shaking his hand at Andy's questioning face. "Well that's an improvement. At least you don't want to castrate him anymore."
"That was temporary insanity on my part." Patrick grins into the phone. "That's my favorite part."
"Dude!"
*
"Pete, could you tell me how you got that black eye?"
"Patrick abuses me."
"Tit for tat," Patrick muses. "And I don't abuse him."
"Not on a regular basis," Pete fixes.
"So you're telling me Patrick has hit you before," the doctor askes, leaning forward in his chair. "That being hit by Patrick is a somewhat normal thing?"
"I don't beat on him," Patrick groans. "We just have arguments."
"Arguments don't usually involve physical fights."
"Ours do." Patrick raises his eyebrow at Pete. "Well arguments with you do."
"I seem to recall a certain argument where I woke up with a cut lip and a bruised temple."
"The only thing that was bruised was your ego because I won that time."
"You didn't win."
"You were knocked out on your back." Pete smirks at Patrick. "And if I recall correctly, that night you ended up on your back again that night."
Dr. Stevens closes his mouth and sits upright when Patrick places a reluctant kiss on Pete's smirking lips. He writes doesn't make sense but works on his pad.
*
"Okay I want to try a new excerise." Dr. Stevens moves two chairs back to back and motions to them. "Now sit down and take these ink blots and when I motion to you, tell me what you see. But don't see what each other holds."
"I don't know why you're asking him," Pete mumbles, sitting Indian-style on the chair. "He has no vision."
"And you have too much." Patrick smirks at Pete before sitting in the other chair. "You envision too many people in bed with you. That aren't me."
"You know what," Pete snarls, turning around in his chair.
"Gentlemen please." Dr. Stevens waits until Pete has turned around, a frown on his lips. "Okay, Pete, tell me what you see in the first ink blot."
Pete lifts up the first slate. "This looks like Patrick telling me I'm an egotistical asshole that expects the world to fall down at my feet." He turns the slate sideways. "And from this angle it looks like Patrick's fist in my face."
"Uh...one angle will do Pete." He motions to Patrick.
Patrick clears his throat. "This looks like Pete telling me I'm more difficult than the New York Time's Sunday puzzle." He gives a coy smile to the doctor. "But he's using my bedroom wall as a punching post as he says it."
"A wall can't be a punching post," Pete argues. He holds up another slate. "This looks like Patrick telling me the most insane things that he thinks are true."
"Like what," prompts Stevens.
"Like I cheated on him just because I was bored."
"And did you," Dr. Stevens' asks, glad that they are finally getting somewhere.
Patrick turns in his seat, staring at Pete's bowed head.
"No."
"Why did you," Patrick whispers. Pete turns around, his face a mask of shame.
"I wanted to get back at you."
"For what?"
"Anna." Pete puts his hand over Patrick's. "She hurt us so much when you broke up with her. I felt like the housewife you'd kiss goodbye in the morning and she was the other woman you'd go see because she's having a hard time with you leaving her." He laces his fingers with Patrick's. "So I wanted to make you feel as shitty as you made me feel."
Patrick stares at their hands. "That's really fucked up."
"I'm really fucked up." Pete looks at Patrick. "It didn't mean anything, I didn't mean for it to get like this."
"Neither did I," Patrick agrees. He turns back around and stares at his slates of ink blots.
Dr. Stevens smiles, writing down progress on his pad.
*
"You had a fist fight again," Andy asks.
"Yeah, he totally got out of hand." Pete shifts on the couch, giving a glance at Andy. "He like...fucking freaked out."
"Well what'd you do?"
"Why do you think I did something to make him freak out? He fucking punched me in the face!" Pete throws up his hands. "Repeatedly!"
Andy smirks, throwing a pillow at him. "No really, what'd you do?"
"Nothing," Pete sighs. He throws the pillow back. "Ijustkindasortapunchedoutthecarwindow."
"Again?!"
"It was a long time ago that I broke the window the first time."
Andy snorts, tucking the pillow around his mid-section. "It wasn't a long time ago, numb nuts. It was two months ago."
"That's long enough."
Andy shakes his head and looks back at the tv. "So how is counseling anyways? Joe said you guys went through like ten counselers till you found one."
"It wasn't ten," Pete argues. "It was five."
"Well how is it?"
"It's okay. I mean...its helping ya know? So its cool. And I think the doctor thinks Patrick's abusive."
Andy chuckles. "I wonder why." He smirks at Pete. "And he also must think you deserve it."
Pete throws another pillow at him. "If I do, then he deserves to have his window punched out." Pete sighs and snuggles against the pillow that comes sailing back. "I think we're gonna make it."
Andy smiles at Pete's content face. "It will because you're both nuts."
"Well his nuts -"
"Dude!"