xinfinityonhigh wrote in patrickxpeter

On My Own[oneshot]

Title: On My Own
Author: xinfinityonhigh
Pairing: Patrick/Pete
Disclaimer:Not real. Song is by the Used.
Warning: Character Death/Suicide
Summary: Pete loves Patrick. Patrick doesnt even notice.
AN: This aint a scene, its a GODDAMN song fic. Comments are love.


 
            Pete sat in his empty room thinking about what a mess his pathetic life was. He should be happy, Fall Out Boy newest CD went platinum and they were already touring. It seems that he has made it big, but he still feels an empty spot in his heart. You see, Pete is in love. But that love is something he can’t have. He wishes he could be normal and have a crush on someone, anyone but HIM. That’s right; Pete was in love with a boy. Not just any boy, but the most amazing boy Peter had ever known. Patrick.
            He had tried to deny it or pass it off as a phase. But this was no phase. This was pure obsession. Tomorrow he would put on a fake smile and act like everything is alright, like he usually does. But right now he can’t stand pretending.
 
 I try to hold it all inside
But just for tonight
 
            He faked his brave face every day. Every band practice he would be able to hold it inside. But it was those performances, the ones where he is adored and loved by millions of screaming fans, when all he sees is Patrick. When Pete has to kiss Patrick on the cheek for show during one of their songs, it breaks his heart knowing that it could never be.
 
The top of the world
Sitting here wishing
The things I’ve become
That something is missing
 
            Pete started to wonder what it would be like if he was with Patrick. About how amazing it would feel to come home to him every night. About how Patrick would kiss him and tell him he loved him with all of his heart.
 
Maybe I...
 
            He instantly scolded himself. Don’t be stupid Pete, he thought. Why the fuck would Patrick want you? Little, pathetic Petey who cant even go through a tour without being on the edge of a breakdown. He doesn’t want you, you idiot. Patrick doesn’t even like boys, he said to himself. He could never love you.
 
But what do I know
 
            He went around in circles in his head, contemplating this. He was more confused now than ever. Before he met Patrick, he didn’t even like guys. Now, he couldn’t be less interested in any girl. Patrick confused him like that.
 
And now it seems that I have found
Nothing at all
 
 
 
 
            He knew it was wrong but he couldn’t stop it. He felt sick urges to touch Patrick and kiss him. Pete felt these desires everyday, and it made him feel even worse about himself.
 
I want to hear your voice out loud
Slow it down
Without it all
I’m choking on nothing
Its clear in my head
And I’m screaming for something
 
He knew in his head he would amount to nothing in Patrick’s eyes. He couldn’t stand this unbearable pain. By this time, the tears were freefalling down his cheeks. Life without Patrick was no life for him at all.
 
Knowing nothing is better than knowing it all
 
He always knew life would end in a strange way for him, and it seemed the end was coming sooner than he expected. He opened the bedside table and pulled out a sharp metallic object. He thought of his life and love one last time before dragging the blade across his wrist. He felt his body start to numb and the pain disintegrating. This would be the night Pete’s life came to an end for Patrick, his true love and whole heart. Because without Patrick, there was no Pete.
 
On my own

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