Fantasy of Mannequins
Title: Fantasy of Mannequins
Summary: In my dream I catch a child who gazes upon your horrible face
Pairing: Pete/Patrick and Joe/Andy
Rating: Um... S.A.D
Author's Notes: AU (alternate universe) Fantasy. Story started because of a picture I found online.
Part Two Here
I remembered how this started. Drawn to a shadow of a man that can’t exist without me. And there was his hand. Beckoning me to follow. Offering me a dance in the middle of the night. As hard as I tried, I had no willpower to fight. My limbs felt like there was no control left. The pales of a past I’ve not forgotten. The city sleeps, while I can not.
And it is eerie.
I’ve traveled these roads so many times; this ancient capital feeding me all the memories I have ever known. It’s beautiful city lights up when the sun comes. Everything just glows. And when night falls, it’s so quiet. The evening air is neither hot nor cold, but the breeze is even better when I awake from dreams that haunt me so.
It is worse yet, when I have no body to bed with me. No one to tell me I will be all right. No one I may return the favor to.
This room is a place where I find no peace. The cool sheets leave a far contrast to my own skin. It’s been left hot and untouched for years. The breeze does nothing to take back the ache in my body. My head swims but there are no thoughts capable of forming beautiful structures to make the world swoon at my fingers. It is empty.
And so very lonely.
All I have ever done feels effortless now.
And so my memories consume me during my waking hours. All that I’ve ever loved is gone. And yet the places that created fond memories that equal with the terrifying are still here. Still within my hands’ reach and it saddens me. If I have never spoken… the words were never written.
Words no longer meant my passion. Their existence is a void on my tongue. The only thing close enough to touch it now is the wine I drink so faithfully. But it has long since lost its taste. And I crave nothing in substance as the flesh of a shade that is never to be.
And my hands pass over the stones of the wall. They remain still pieces of an unattainable world, and yet they leave a coldness in my gut. And my eyes, just for one minute remember how hot tears can really be.
“Patrel!”
Joseph stood rather quickly, rushing from one side of the room to the other. We engaged in a quick, tight hug and yet it felt like a thousand never quenched the embrace he gave me now. He clapped my shoulder as he showed me through.
“It’s been so damn long. You make me wait and it’s tiresome! Honestly how am I to stay amused when you leave so often?”
“I follow where my shade leads me.”
“I should have expected that. It never stays long here. Tell, how far do you plan to go without telling me again?”
“I never know. I’m only drawn as far as it chooses to lead me.”
And when my drawn strings are at a halt, my body almost feels like there this nothing left to hold it up. I am like a doll with no hand to move it. A bloodless piece of craftsmanship that lacks the thing it needs most. Care in the most delicate situations.
I am no longer delicate. I am a flower doomed to die, beautiful when it first blooms, then it fades little by little before all it does is give up as its seeds are taken. But there are no roses left. All the gardens are wilted beyond repair. Discolored and dry as if autumn finally shed its last tear.
I am a shell of a man long withered and gone.
The cold dewy ground beneath my feet reminds me the chills of absence and how tight she can hold you in the darkest embrace. But it cannot offer me solace should I lie here to rest.
“Patrel! Come play on the green!”
Secret kisses and secret embraces invade my sight. The tell-tale signs of love forbidden hide behind my eyes here. They make soft subtle noises and just distant enough that it made a comfort rhythm to fall asleep to. I neither condemn them nor give my approval like all the others. I only find love takes its shape regardless of body and you must take it when it comes.
It is their hidden place to the rest of the world. I held onto the key because I knew the way.
My hands trace the paths we took as children. Guided by a memory that chases a single map of hope. But I know there is none to be found. All that remains here are things that have died and disappeared. Nothing left to take or hold onto.
And here my feet stop. My knees weaken and the blood begins to pump through the veins I have forgotten. I fall, but there is no sound. There is no echo to tell me what is real and what is not. The long absent scent of his sweat lingers here. Traces of fabric where it had been torn off. The ground stained by him. There is an empty sigh on the wind. And a strangled cry chokes my throat as my tongue refuses to move.
Andrew screamed.
And just like that, we watched in horrible silence as Joseph went down. The blood dripped from his sword as he drew it back to him, letting it linger in the awkward position a few moments. His eyes were fixed on the blood before they locked onto me. I felt a shiver go down my spine.
I tightly gripped onto to Andrew, forcing him to keep back. There was nothing we could do. He said nothing to us. A flick of the wrist and a blade slid over the clean parts of the fabric. Clean would never be on his conscious. I could never forgive him.
My name was on the tips of his lips. He didn’t have to say it, I could hear it in my head. That it tore away the comfort that rested inside me.
…Peter…
There was now a name and a face of the shade that once covered my dreams. And he just murdered one of my best friends.
Even in the worst state of fear, there is some sort of twisting relief. Unexplainable because it is there, pushed so far back that it sometimes is never detected. And when fear is gone, I am filled with a rage so grand, nothing makes as much sense as revenge.
I know nothing of revenge and its sweet properties. But a twinge in my heart tells me that is not so. I have given my hand to aid in such things if only to regret the follow of tears it left me. The warmth of his skin was stolen as his last breath apologized in the name of love.
But his hands stole from me the friends I endeared as much as the music and the shade that became my life. Even if I could return what he meant to give me, I would not. I would rather be left with this ache than forgive him for his mistake.
“A goodnight forever. Soon we'll own the sun...”
I feel the warmth of the newborn sun beginning to rise. But even the sun cannot shield me from the cold that seeps into my bones. I am locked in memories that can never be changed and in my heart, I ache. I ache for the loss of all I know and all I love.
I know my destiny is to end here. It will be the final end to the musical memories I have worked so hard to make. We will be forgotten…
... Someday we will try again.
Summary: In my dream I catch a child who gazes upon your horrible face
Pairing: Pete/Patrick and Joe/Andy
Rating: Um... S.A.D
Author's Notes: AU (alternate universe) Fantasy. Story started because of a picture I found online.
Part Two Here
I remembered how this started. Drawn to a shadow of a man that can’t exist without me. And there was his hand. Beckoning me to follow. Offering me a dance in the middle of the night. As hard as I tried, I had no willpower to fight. My limbs felt like there was no control left. The pales of a past I’ve not forgotten. The city sleeps, while I can not.
And it is eerie.
I’ve traveled these roads so many times; this ancient capital feeding me all the memories I have ever known. It’s beautiful city lights up when the sun comes. Everything just glows. And when night falls, it’s so quiet. The evening air is neither hot nor cold, but the breeze is even better when I awake from dreams that haunt me so.
It is worse yet, when I have no body to bed with me. No one to tell me I will be all right. No one I may return the favor to.
This room is a place where I find no peace. The cool sheets leave a far contrast to my own skin. It’s been left hot and untouched for years. The breeze does nothing to take back the ache in my body. My head swims but there are no thoughts capable of forming beautiful structures to make the world swoon at my fingers. It is empty.
And so very lonely.
All I have ever done feels effortless now.
And so my memories consume me during my waking hours. All that I’ve ever loved is gone. And yet the places that created fond memories that equal with the terrifying are still here. Still within my hands’ reach and it saddens me. If I have never spoken… the words were never written.
Words no longer meant my passion. Their existence is a void on my tongue. The only thing close enough to touch it now is the wine I drink so faithfully. But it has long since lost its taste. And I crave nothing in substance as the flesh of a shade that is never to be.
And my hands pass over the stones of the wall. They remain still pieces of an unattainable world, and yet they leave a coldness in my gut. And my eyes, just for one minute remember how hot tears can really be.
“Patrel!”
Joseph stood rather quickly, rushing from one side of the room to the other. We engaged in a quick, tight hug and yet it felt like a thousand never quenched the embrace he gave me now. He clapped my shoulder as he showed me through.
“It’s been so damn long. You make me wait and it’s tiresome! Honestly how am I to stay amused when you leave so often?”
“I follow where my shade leads me.”
“I should have expected that. It never stays long here. Tell, how far do you plan to go without telling me again?”
“I never know. I’m only drawn as far as it chooses to lead me.”
And when my drawn strings are at a halt, my body almost feels like there this nothing left to hold it up. I am like a doll with no hand to move it. A bloodless piece of craftsmanship that lacks the thing it needs most. Care in the most delicate situations.
I am no longer delicate. I am a flower doomed to die, beautiful when it first blooms, then it fades little by little before all it does is give up as its seeds are taken. But there are no roses left. All the gardens are wilted beyond repair. Discolored and dry as if autumn finally shed its last tear.
I am a shell of a man long withered and gone.
The cold dewy ground beneath my feet reminds me the chills of absence and how tight she can hold you in the darkest embrace. But it cannot offer me solace should I lie here to rest.
“Patrel! Come play on the green!”
Secret kisses and secret embraces invade my sight. The tell-tale signs of love forbidden hide behind my eyes here. They make soft subtle noises and just distant enough that it made a comfort rhythm to fall asleep to. I neither condemn them nor give my approval like all the others. I only find love takes its shape regardless of body and you must take it when it comes.
It is their hidden place to the rest of the world. I held onto the key because I knew the way.
My hands trace the paths we took as children. Guided by a memory that chases a single map of hope. But I know there is none to be found. All that remains here are things that have died and disappeared. Nothing left to take or hold onto.
And here my feet stop. My knees weaken and the blood begins to pump through the veins I have forgotten. I fall, but there is no sound. There is no echo to tell me what is real and what is not. The long absent scent of his sweat lingers here. Traces of fabric where it had been torn off. The ground stained by him. There is an empty sigh on the wind. And a strangled cry chokes my throat as my tongue refuses to move.
Andrew screamed.
And just like that, we watched in horrible silence as Joseph went down. The blood dripped from his sword as he drew it back to him, letting it linger in the awkward position a few moments. His eyes were fixed on the blood before they locked onto me. I felt a shiver go down my spine.
I tightly gripped onto to Andrew, forcing him to keep back. There was nothing we could do. He said nothing to us. A flick of the wrist and a blade slid over the clean parts of the fabric. Clean would never be on his conscious. I could never forgive him.
My name was on the tips of his lips. He didn’t have to say it, I could hear it in my head. That it tore away the comfort that rested inside me.
…Peter…
There was now a name and a face of the shade that once covered my dreams. And he just murdered one of my best friends.
Even in the worst state of fear, there is some sort of twisting relief. Unexplainable because it is there, pushed so far back that it sometimes is never detected. And when fear is gone, I am filled with a rage so grand, nothing makes as much sense as revenge.
I know nothing of revenge and its sweet properties. But a twinge in my heart tells me that is not so. I have given my hand to aid in such things if only to regret the follow of tears it left me. The warmth of his skin was stolen as his last breath apologized in the name of love.
But his hands stole from me the friends I endeared as much as the music and the shade that became my life. Even if I could return what he meant to give me, I would not. I would rather be left with this ache than forgive him for his mistake.
“A goodnight forever. Soon we'll own the sun...”
I feel the warmth of the newborn sun beginning to rise. But even the sun cannot shield me from the cold that seeps into my bones. I am locked in memories that can never be changed and in my heart, I ache. I ache for the loss of all I know and all I love.
I know my destiny is to end here. It will be the final end to the musical memories I have worked so hard to make. We will be forgotten…
... Someday we will try again.