Title: Tension

Disclaimer: If I really owned FOB or knew them, do you think I would be writing this?  No.  I don't. 

People always told me that Patrick and I were the kind of friends they wish they could find. They said we completed each other. Our friendship was something that would never be broken. I used to believe them. Now, I’m not so sure.

The kind of friendships that last are the ones that can have a break from each other without crumbling apart. Patrick and I never did have any sort of break. I knew that if I couldn’t have my Trick by my side I wouldn’t be complete. Besides, people always told me I wasn’t myself without Patrick. And those people expected so much of me.

I guess Patrick was told the same thing. He wasn’t himself anymore. He was an extension of me. I was an extension of him. We were not separate entities. I blame the same people who told me that my friendship with Patrick would last forever for ripping us apart. They created a sort of tension between us that was never there before. We didn’t know where one ended and the other began. And because of this fact, we didn’t know what would happen if we were to ever have a fight. Would we stop being if the other wasn’t there? Could I survive without Patrick? We started to walk on eggshells around each other. I didn’t know how to act around my Trick anymore. And I don’t think he knew how to act around me.

It was the worst feeling in the world knowing that your best friend is starting to despise you. It is even worse realizing you are starting to despise him right back. I never thought it would ever come to where it did. We still hung out, but we didn’t talk to each other. I was afraid I would say the wrong thing, sound too headstrung or resentful. Patrick told me long ago that his worst fear was being alone. He wasn’t alone if he didn’t say anything to anger me, and so Patrick didn’t talk either.

Our other friends didn’t know what to do. They would try to make conversation with one of us. They would try to get us to talk, but it never worked. We were too headstrong on being friends, even if it meant we really weren’t anymore.

Our shows were different too. Patrick was only interesting in hitting the right notes and not sounding like he was thinking about falling off the stage, so he could have a break from the monotonus life our friendship was creating. I kept to myself. I still talked to the crowd, but I was never what they wanted. They wanted the friendly banter they came to expect between me and Patrick. And we both knew that wasn’t going to happen. What if that friendly banter destroyed our friendship? What if I didn’t have my other half with me anymore because I said something stupid during a show? I couldn’t have that. The fans had to understand. They needed too. I couldn’t loss my Patrick.

Soon the people who used to tell us that we were everything they wished to find in a friendship didn’t say that anymore. They didn’t say we completed each other. They didn’t say our friendship couldn’t be broken. They knew it was. They knew they had been wrong. And I hope they know that it was all their fault. To many expectations can lead to failure. I failed my Patrick. I couldn’t stand not talking to him. I said the wrong thing. He told me he was so stressed out about this situation and that he needed a break. He would rather be alone than be my other half for one more day.

And do you know what kills me the most?

I told him I loved him.

Sorry is sucks so much. I wrote it in about ten minutes.