Andrew Connor

musebysentence | 72.14. Blood is thicker than water

2010-04-11T03:27:41Z

LINK: I used to believe that once, now I just know it's a load of bullshit.

OOC | I'm fangirling, so sue me

2010-04-11T01:55:59Z

charloft | Munday

2010-01-19T00:19:50Z

Take a few minutes to answer this simple list of questions regarding one of your characters- or if you want to be an over achiever about it, for multiple characters.

Andrew's answers are HERE

musebysentence | 46.10. Faint

2010-01-12T09:07:07Z

LINK: With the blood flow pooling constantly in a southerly direction, I'm not sure fainting is going to be off the cards.

musebysentence | 45.10. Envious

2010-01-09T06:29:02Z

[Locked from Ali]

LINK: I know it has to be some sort of test when I see couples kissing in Central Park and I'm jealous... nine weeks after my own wedding.

paramedically @ 2009-12-25T12:11:00

2009-12-25T01:11:55Z

You Are a Family Photograph Card

The holidays are very special to you. This time of year is all about your friends and family.

You love to make contact with those you may have lost touch with. You are likely to include a long letter with your Christmas card.

You get truly sentimental and emotional during the holidays. You believe this is the time to bury differences and make amends.

Your family is the most important thing in the world to you. You will do anything to make sure they are happy.

What Kind of Christmas Card Are You?

Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

musebysentence | 41.9. Automatic

2009-12-24T12:55:29Z

LINK: Andrew wished he had a guidebook on how he was supposed to feel in this sort of situation so he could shake the urge to just continue operating like he was auto-pilot and not let it affect him at all.

For the whole bunch, but locked from Pat and Cam

2009-12-11T05:52:39Z

Karaoke Night is still happening, but it's a guise. We're really throwing a party for Pat and Cam's 30th birthday, which they have both conveniently failed to mention. Their family are already here, being kept under wraps by Tara's parents.

I know there are tensions and shit, but guys? It's their 30th, and I think they both deserve a good time. I expect to see you all there, no matter what shit has gone down this year.

Harri, Iz, James - that includes all of you. No arguments. Not even pregnancy or needing a sitter because babies, even unborn ones, are welcome.

Rob, Lei - you guys can get a lift with us. Emma has space for us all to stay for the weekend.

There's one catch. Everyone has to wear pink and Liverpool FC scarfs. Also, brace yourself, because the party will be invaded with about ten of Cameron's team mates. You might want to brush up on your Gerry & The Pacemakers for the Karaoke.

Any protests, come to me.

LOCKED TO livesonlipgloss

2009-12-09T01:01:55Z

I know you probably have one of those sort of schedules that's booked for three years in advance, but I was wondering if you were free on Friday night, you might like to join us lot for a Karaoke night at Luke's bar in Princeton?

I know it's short notice. Call it... distraction. I'm lucky Luke's a flexible guy. I just thought if you had nothing on, you might like to come out for a bit of fun.

musebysentence | 35.4. Devious

2009-11-29T20:00:34Z

LINK: It might not have been his most innocent of actions, but sometimes you just have to damn well take matters into your own hands, and lucky for them, he could be very, very patient.

musebysentence | 35.6. Flight

2009-11-22T06:53:18Z

LINK: Jet lag really doesn't mix with being sprung with more secrets, and I think I should ~~make myself very scarce~~ unpack.

charloft | Triple Play(ces)

2009-11-14T07:12:31Z

THREE SONGS ONLY

One for the place you live
- "New York New York" by Frank Sinatra

One for the place you love
- "Home is Where the Heart is" by McFly

and One for the place you left behind
- "Land Down Under" by Men At Work

Ali & Andrew's Wedding | 31st October 2009

2009-11-01T06:26:37Z

[Co-written by paramedically, notskywalker, asinthecity, doesntwaltz, aussielawyer, agentfraser, isabelowens, straight2point and agentsullivan]

ANDREW

Halloween 2009. October 31st 2009.

His wedding day.

Andrew had felt surreal when he woke up in Aiden and Pat's New York apartment that morning. It was like he was in a weird daze, and maybe having an out of body experience. He could hardly get himself to function correctly at first, almost bumping into a wall and doing a series of other stupid things when it was like his head wasn't attached to the rest of him. It made for a good laugh with all the guys, though, who wasted no time in pulling the piss out of him repeatedly over the course of the morning. He had been sick a few times, but he realised it was only because it was hard to get the nerves and excitement on an even keel. Riley gave him an injection of something to stop the vomiting, and then he felt much better, actually able to let himself enjoy the morning for what it was. Whilst, typically, the bunch of guys fell into time wasting activities such as watching the porn channel, smoking a couple of joints, and talking about tits and sex, Andrew fought not to just pace back and forth in the living room, grateful when Pat sat down next to him with a large cup of tea and a kind reminder that being married was the best thing ever. There was a lot of laughing and bad or crude jokes swirling around, with the inevitable farting competitions and tales of promiscuous pasts. It was a lot like Andrew's bachelor party a couple of nights before, only this time, Andrew could actually remember what went down. He had seen all of two minutes of video captured the night of his party with him as high as a kite on pot dancing wildly on a tabletop to a Britney Spears song for him to realise that forgetting was probably the best thing... and making sure that video never got out.

Now they were at the church, and it was feeling more and more real as the minutes ticked over. Andrew's excitement dwindled into just sheer anxiety and nerves. He was happy, though. His stomach gave the occasional little flip as he realised he was about to marry Ali, wondering how she was going to look and if she was nervous too. He couldn't stand still or stop moving, it helped to keep him standing there and not bolting in terror of being there in front of so many people about to say his vows and commit to the most gorgeous girl for the rest of his life. Ali made a point of telling him to relax when he heard I Don't Want To Miss a Thing by Aerosmith start to play. Up until then, it had been some soft mood music playing while the guests arrived, but Andrew had hardly been able to hear it from one of the back rooms of the church. He went out with Luke at his side just before the Aerosmith song started, and he was really glad to have Luke there as support, because Andrew wasn't sure he would have actually made it out there to the altar without him. He was still in a surreal haze, trying to realise that it really was his wedding and he was about to get married. He couldn't stop swallowing nervously, fighting the urge to tug at the collar of his shirt. That was part of the reason he'd randomly grabbed one of the pink roses from the arrangement at the door to the church. The other was because it reminded him of Ali. Pink roses were her favourite flower. It might be cheesy, but having a hold of that helped keep him grounded. This was it. Married. Becoming a husband... and Ali becoming his wife. All the 'to-be' labels were becoming a reality. He just had to get through it without vomiting.

When the song stopped, and Ali hadn't appeared yet, Andrew's heart leapt up into his throat. She wasn't coming! She didn't want to marry him! He must have turned white, because Luke grabbed him by the elbow, but before Andrew even had much more chance to react the curtains that looked like they were part of the back of the church dropped and the band was up there on a makeshift stage, Lachlan at the mic with a guitar and Tab beside him in her bridesmaid dress, Doc Martin boots, and her bouquet of flowers tucked into the end of her own guitar. What? Wasn't she just there across the aisle a minute ago? He saw her walk up the aisle! His mouth dropped open in a stunned gape as they started playing his all time favourite song, Shook Me All Night Long by the Aussie band AC/DC, Lachlan doing a perfect rendition of Angus Young, not missing a beat. There wasn't even any time to process any of all that before Ali finally appeared at the end of the aisle with her Mum and Dad on either side of her, wanting them both to give her away, her Mum nursing Jamie, and in the most gorgeous wedding dress Andrew had ever seen. She grinned at him, winking as she blew him a kiss and held her bouquet up in the air and started dancing to the beat of the song before starting to make her way up the aisle to him when the band reached the first chorus.

Andrew broke into a huge grin of his own and started to laugh, tears appearing in his eyes. He probably shouldn't have expected any less, but this was so Ali. She had told him to listen out for the Aerosmith song, leading him to believe that's what she had chosen to walk up the aisle to. She had refused any 'rehearsal shit', not believing something like a wedding should be rehearsed, and only agreed to a church wedding because Andrew's Mum had told her that Andrew's Dad had kept his faith. It helped they were both Anglican. Andrew couldn't take his eyes off Ali as she made her way down the aisle, but there was nothing traditional about it. She stopped now and again to touch people's hands or kiss their cheeks. It was so typically Ali and he could still remember her saying to him in the early stages of planning their wedding 'The fuck with tradition'. Seeing her now, how happy she looked and how happy everyone looked seeing her at her finest, he had to agree 100% to her statement. It was time to do it their way, and no one elses.

LUKE

Luke was actually proud how well Andrew had held himself together the morning of the wedding. Only three pukes before Riley had stepped in with an injection to stop it, and then Andrew was sparking on all cylinders. He had tried to stick by Andrew's side as much as he could, remembering how Andrew had been a constant presence as his Best Man the day of his own wedding, but Andrew seemed to have it together on a whole. Besides putting his shirt on inside out, spraying hairspray under his arms instead of deoderant, and nearly poking himself in the eye with his toothbrush, he was on top of things. The wedding wasn't until two pm, so the hours felt like they were dragging in the lead up to it. They had a lot of time to kill. It wasn't like guys had much more to do than throw on a suit and some deoderant, was it? So they were sitting around Pat and Aiden's apartment watching porn on the cable channels and sharing a joint. Only, Andrew swore with a lot of colourful expletives that he was never smoking pot again after his bachelor party on Thursday night. He basically spent all of Friday unconscious and woke up in the evening with the worst headache. But Luke as Best Man, and James and Max, Ali's brother, as the other groomsmen, were joined by Lachlan, Riley, Josh, Aiden, Pat, Cameron, and Keiran to 'hang out' and keep Andrew occupied so he didn't have a pre-wedding meltdown like Luke had. In a turn of weirdness, though, it was the first time Cameron and James had been in the same room together since everything blew up, and Luke feared for a worrying few moments that Cameron was going to belt James' face in and leave Andrew down a groomsman. Cameron seemed to respect it was Andrew's moment, though, and settled on giving James the coldest glare Luke was pretty sure he had ever seen and went to avoiding James like the Plague.

He knew Andrew was nervous, but he looked amazing. Ali had settled on light grey tuxes with pink shirts for the guys, and even though Luke thought it sounded poncy initially, it actually looked awesome and very tasteful. It wasn't like it was candy pink, it was more a light hint of pink and went well with the grey. It suited Andrew to a tee. At some point, Andrew had filched one of the pink roses from one of the displays without Luke's knowledge (or Luke would have made him put it back in case Ali kicked their arses for it) and was turning the stem over and over anxiously between his fingers as he exited out in front of the crowd of guests in the church. Luke had sought out all the familiar faces throughout the pews, smiling and waving to a few of them. Andrew had a light sheen of nervous sweat on his forehead, but he still seemed okay. He was still shifting his weight restlessly from one foot to another when music started playing over the sound system, the Aerosmith song that Andrew explained Ali liked. It was Andrew's Mum who walked up the aisle first, Luke's Aunty, smiling proudly at her son. Andrew and Ali both wanted her part of the ceremony and she looked beautiful in complimentary pale lavender, tears in her eyes as she saw Andrew in his suit. Luke knew she must be thinking about Andrew's Dad, and when he caught Andrew draw a rough breath out the corner of his eye beside him, Luke knew Andrew was thinking the same thing when he saw his Mum. Luke put his hand on Andrew's shoulder and squeezed it softly.

The bridesmaids came next. Izzy as Maid of Honour in a gorgeous soft pink maternity gown making it difficult to even see she was pregnant, followed by Leila and Tab in much more figure-flattering short gowns that looked more like cocktail dresses than anything else. Luke grinned at Leila, who looked tired but happy, shooting Andrew a thumbs up as she followed Izzy up the aisle. It was getting close now, and Andrew was still playing with the rose like it was some sort of lifeline to get him through the anxiety. Luke couldn't believe Andrew really was doing it. He was getting married to a girl he absolutely adored, and Luke started to feel teary himself, catching Tab's eyes as she made it to the top of the aisle and he blew her a subtle kiss, still grinning. But then the song soon came to an end and there was no Ali. In fact, the church fell silent just long enough for Andrew to turn the colour of the complimentary white roses, so Luke made a grab for his arm in case he was going to pass out. Seriously, what the fuck? No way would Ali skip out on the wedding, right?

Right?

Luke's mind filled with a chorus of 'Oh shits' as he glanced around, wondering what the fuck he should do if Andrew was about to be left at the altar. It didn't matter, though, because when the band appeared, Luke seemed to realise simultaneously to Andrew that they had been well-snookered and then Ali was there, like a bright shining light at the end of the tunnel, beaming up at Andrew, though it was hard to miss the mischievous way she smiled as Andrew's favourite rock song started and began moving to the music. All Luke could do was laugh in relief, looking to Andrew to make sure he was okay. He was. Better than okay. He was grinning back at her, watching everyone one of his bride's movements and Luke indulged in a small sigh of relief, turning to look up at Tab with a laugh, pointing to her to indicate he was going to get her for this one. Andrew was fine, maybe more fine than he had been in a very, very long time and that's all that mattered to Luke right then. He had waited a long time to see Andrew smile like that. Maybe forever.

TAB

Tabitha London Browne was standing in a lavender cocktail dress and wondering how the fuck she was going to pull off the biggest stealth mission ever. Better than anything Bond ever came up with, that was for sure. And even if it was in a dress, and the dress was lavender, she would still look better doing it than he did. She’d like to see Daniel Craig try and rock out in this outfit.

The hardest part had been not telling Luke. Even when he’d called her for the SOS to try and rescue his balls before Ali found an unconscious Andrew. She couldn’t believe her husband sometimes. He was definitely a deviant. Part of why he fit in with the group so well. He could be responsible, and have everyone fooled, but when it came to his cousins, and having fun—Luke was a deviant through and through.

Tab scrunched her nose as her dress made a swooshing noise, and was just grateful Ali had let her wear her Doc Martens. It was a compromise, and probably something Ali knew would make Tab agree to the dress. Wasn’t like she could be in a wedding party in leather pants. Not unless it was some S&M wedding. Tab tilted her head as she considered what the bride might be wearing.

She was still kind of thinking about it as she walked behind Izzy and Leila, but her eyes were on Luke standing up the front, and she broke out into a grin. Might have been a pink shirt, but he would never stop looking hot in a suit. Made her remember her own wedding day, and she just wanted to pull him aside and jump her husband’s bones. Since people were getting off at their reception, she didn’t think it would be in bad taste to get off at Ali and Andy’s... right?

She blinked, her eyes on Leila’s blonde hair, and her grin faltered. It wasn’t fair that Luke’s cousin had just found someone of her own, and now he was hurt. Tab didn’t know how she’d have handled a similar situation. She hadn’t even been able to handle the idea of going on tour and leaving Luke behind. Elliot had taken the piss out of her for that, but she knew she didn’t mind the marriage cooties one bit. There was a tug on her dress, and she turned her head to find the devil in question winking at her. Tab flipped him off, hiding her finger behind the flowers as she smiled sweetly. She passed her brother and Evie next, and gave them a wave. As they reached the end and took their places, Tab made sure Luke, or none of the other groomsmen were looking at her before she made her quick exit.

She loved Ali for getting the band to do this. If this is what it was like being a Bridesmaid, she’d happily do it again. Especially when she took to the small impromptu stage behind the curtain, and shared a grin with Lachlan. Nothing like a covert gig to get the adrenaline flowing. When they got their cue, the band kicked into gear, and Tab quickly found Luke again to lock gazes with him. She didn’t miss the threat inherit in his gesture, and just winked at him. She could take whatever he had for better, or worse, and all the rest of it. Just like Ali was about to take Andy.

LEILA

Leila hadn’t wanted to leave Rob. It had felt like she’d only just got him back, and now she had to leave him in the hospital for Andy’s wedding. Not that she was going to deny him getting married to his chalk. She’d pushed for them to keep the wedding on track. She wasn’t going back on her word. She wanted him happy, and she wanted him with Ali. It was still hard being here when her mind was with Rob.

She’d taken a moment to call him while the girls were still getting ready, just needing a fix to get her through the rest of the day. She’d had to struggle not to cry so she didn’t ruin her make-up. Last thing Ali needed was one of bridesmaids looking like she’d just come from an Alice Cooper gig.

It was only when the wedding was getting under way that Leila could get her mind to focus. She’d made sure her blonde hair was perfectly brushed, but she wasn’t putting it up. Instead, she had two braids along the side that her tied back to keep some of her hair out of her face. Ali had been good like that, letting her bridesmaids keep their individuality just like Ali wasn’t changing herself just to fit the wedding. The wedding was being made to fit her.

Leila gave Andy a thumbs up as she came closer to the altar, wanting to give her cousin her support since he really was looking a little nervous. Luke had told her all about the vomiting, but as far as she knew the boys had got it under control this morning.

Until it looked like Ali wasn’t going to come down the aisle. Leila watched Andy and Luke anxiously, but then AC/DC started to echo through the place, and Leila found herself grinning at the sight of Ali dancing down the aisle. It was enough to make a little jealous that she hadn’t had a big wedding, but her and Rob still had time.

She hoped.

Leila could feel tears welling up, and she found her family in the crown to share proud looks with them before giving Andy another thumbs up. He did good with Ali, and Leila was more proud of him than she could say. He deserved to be this happy.

MARK

Mark still wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel on this day. When he woke up, he felt slightly like he had a hangover and couldn't shake the coiled apprehensive feeling in his gut. Was it even a good idea for him to be going to this wedding? It was like this day was going to close the book on a lot of history, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to say goodbye to it all yet. His thoughts wavered right throughout the morning, and when he went to work to try and distract himself from them, he couldn't concentrate. Of course he was ready to say goodbye to it, but that didn't mean he had to say goodbye to Ali. She was always going to be special to him, and they had been together a long time, sharing a lot of good memories despite the awful way their relationship ended. And he still slept with her again when Jamie was conceived, feeling the passion like it had never been lost between them... and then again when she was further into the pregnancy. Only, of course, Mark didn't know at the time that she had been pregnant. He didn't find out for months after that, right before James went missing. It was James' "death" that changed everything. Now it was like all that history was someone else. Ali was getting married, and she was happy.

Mark couldn't just be a no-show. That would make him a coward and be in poor taste. Plus, James was part of the wedding party, as was Izzy, and Fi was also invited as a guest. Clearly Ali was holding no grudges, and Mark hadn't expected her to be either. Not after their conversation in his office that day. They had sorted things out and came to a truce. All Mark wanted was her to be happy. But considering he had one day wanted to marry her, and was now sitting as a guest at her wedding without being the groom, it had to feel strange for him.

And it did.

He tried not to stare at Ali's paramedic at the head of the church, standing with his cousin and looking every bit the good guy he was. But Mark was jealous of him, just not for the reasons he should have been. He wasn't jealous he was marrying Ali, he was just jealous of how happy he looked, even if he looked to be crapping himself inwardly. Mark wanted everything the guy had, with a girl he worshipped. He wanted a family, and a wife that loved him as much as he loved her. He wanted kids. He wanted the whole package that he hoped Ali would be the one to give him one day. It wasn't meant to be, though. By some freak seating coincidence, Mark ended up sitting beside Fi anyway, even if their relationship was still a secret between them. There had been no chance to tell Izzy and James, so they were now there as guests and still on the hush. But with the tall pews, and James and Izzy both in the wedding party, Mark couldn't help but smile faintly when he felt Fi's hand slip into his with a small squeeze. He glanced at her gratefully, knowing she probably knew exactly what he was thinking and feeling. In essence, this was Mark really and truly saying goodbye to what he had with Ali, and it wasn't meant to be easy. It would be, though. It would get easier now. That chapter was well and truly over, and when Ali arrived, walking down the aisle to a rock song completely unconventional for a bride's trip up the aisle, Mark finally managed to smile. She was glowing, and it was all because of that guy standing up the end of the aisle waiting for her. He was her One. Mark squeezed Fi's hand back. Maybe - hopefully - he would get his second chance soon, too.

JAMES

The morning had been a lot of fun, until Cameron arrived. James hadn't thought enough in advance to piece together the fact that Andrew was borrowing Aiden and Pat's large apartment to get ready for the wedding, that Pat's brother might actually be present. For the first time in a long time, he had been speechless and realised there just weren't any words he could possibly say to the guy that would make anything any better. So, he didn't. He just stood there like an idiot while Cameron gave him the filthiest look, and deservedly so. He was relieved when Cameron avoided him after that because he had no fucking clue how to deal with the situation. In fact, he was pretty sure that a lot of people were going to be facing demons that day. Ali and Andrew's wedding was effectively drawing a lot wide gaps together. People didn't want to avoid the event because the bride and groom were dear to them, after their tough times, people wanted to see them finally tie the knot. Today was going to be a day people buried away differences for a little while, or at least vehemently avoided them.

James couldn't help but think of Mark, knowing he was battling demons too. He automatically sought his brother out in the crowd from where he stood at the front of the church behind Luke. Mark was sitting next to Fiona, Izzy's sister, which was a relief for James to see. At least he wasn't stuck in the middle of a bunch of Andrew's relatives and expected to try and make awkward small talk. James knew Fi was a client of Mark's firm for her divorce, so they at least knew each other. Fi would be nice to him, and hopefully understand what he was facing. Or, on the other hand, she might want to knee him in the nads knowing how much he actually hurt Ali back then. But still, this wasn't about what happened back then. It was about what was happening today, and today Ali and Andrew were actually getting married.

He still had difficulty wrapping his head around that fact. Ali. Married. He had only just processed Ali as a mummy. Ali as a fiancee was surreal, but Ali as a bride? Holy fuck. The very wedding decor alone in the church was all Ali. James had known her so long that he just knew her tastes. Trendy, fashionable, but always elegant and tasteful. The wait was excruciating, and he couldn't help but wonder if Ali was going to pull an Izzy and be a runaway bride. It wouldn't surprise him. Marriage felt like herpes sometimes. An itch that was tempting to scratch, but once you did, it got red and cranky and turned into something almost unbearable. James knew he was still technically married to Izzy, but Mark was drawing up their divorce papers. James had asked if he could get it done before Harri gave birth. It just seemed like the right thing to do. James reflexively searched the crowd for Harri, then, finding her sitting beside Aiden and Pat about five rows back on Andrew's side of the church. Aiden had his arm around her and she was fanning herself with her program. She was due in just over two weeks, but she looked beautiful. She always looked beautiful. James had to press his lips together and look away. It should be him sitting there with his arm around her. Or at least sitting on her other side. He had learnt better than to come between Aiden and Harri, nor would he want to anymore. It was like Pat coming with Cameron, Aiden just was part of Harri's package. Harri's package that James was no longer a part of, and he was about to be a second-time divorcee. How had he fucked his life up so badly?

He was relieved when the music started and he had something to distract himself with. Izzy looked gorgeous, too, only he could see her looking in the crowd, not up at him. It was almost poignant. And fucking ironic. Izzy actually making a full trip up the aisle with no view to doing a runner. James watched her, and her eyes landed on Cameron so briefly that the glance could almost be missed. More demons. James wondered if she was going to be on the end of the icy look he had been earlier in the day. It was then that James realised he had followed Izzy's gaze, barely looking at Cameron before seeing Harri again, and this time she was looking back at him and their eyes locked. Was she watching to see if he was watching Izzy? He held her gaze, swallowing a little, but keeping his face unreadable before he cleared his throat, wetting his lips as he looked down at his feet. Ali was going to be walking up that aisle soon, and James was finally going to witness her get everything she deserved. He and his brother had been a huge factor of most of Ali's heartache. They probably didn't even deserve to be in the room. But they were, they both were, because she wanted them here. James loved both of his best friends, and Ali was like a sister to him. Later on, he was going to get a quiet moment with her and apologise for everything. He already had, but he needed to do it again today.

But that song. When James heard it, it was almost like he felt his angst slip away and he broke into a smile. He had been too lost in his gaze with Harri to notice that the gap between music almost caused Andrew to piss his custom-made pants. James' head whipped around to look at the band that seemed to appear from nowhere and then she was there. She hadn't done a runner. In fact, she was grinning like she hadn't done in far too long. That Ali smile that could light up a whole room. James put his hand up to his mouth as the emotions got too much and happy, proud tears escaped and slipped down his cheeks. And guilt. He wasn't sure he would ever shed the guilt he felt for almost ruining her life and leaving her alone when she needed him in her life the most. But that was why she was here, wasn't it? Because Andrew was her knight in shining armour, like she described him. Her knight with warm hands. With a small nod, not making any attempt to hide his tears, he resolved to talk to Andrew that night, too. Seeing Ali dance up the aisle to her husband-to-be, James knew that Andrew was the reason Ali even let James back in her life at all.

IZZY

Isabel was determined to make sure she was the best Maid of Honour ever. She’d had experience at Fiona’s wedding when she’d been a bit younger, but she couldn’t quite remember it. It was like the day was a blank because there had been nothing memorable about it. There hadn’t been anything particularly memorable about the marriage, either. Izzy had always felt lukewarm towards her brother-in-law.

She didn’t want that Ali, and knew it would never be like that for her best friend. Ali wasn’t settling. She had found the One, the guy that could compliment her, and be the father to Sunshine and the husband to Ali that they needed. He could be what the rest of them couldn’t be.

And as much as she didn’t want her mind to wander, she could feel it doing just that as she watched Ali get ready. Iz was no stranger to weddings; God only knew she’d had her fair share. It was the running away that made sure she was only going to be a onetime divorcee. Watching Ali she just knew that she wanted this, and she wanted it for the right reasons, and for keeps.

Everything that had passed between her and James was just... it was history. She loved him, and he was still a huge part of her, but he wasn’t the man she loved. The man she loved was at his brother’s apartment probably murdering James as she sat here rubbing her hand against her swollen belly. She loved Ali for picking a dress that hid the bump. And she loved her for giving her another chance, and letting them have their own Bachelorette night that had included a lot of Ben & Jerry’s, and plenty of cuddles with Sunshine.

Before Iz had to take the walk down the aisle before Ali, she gave her friend a kiss on the forehead as she squeezed her hand. Ali would be fine. Ali wasn’t walking down the aisle to anything scary, or unknown. Andrew had already proven himself time and again, and Iz couldn’t ask for much more from the man about to make a decent woman out of Alicia Sullivan.

Iz had felt her heart pounding in her chest as she took that trip down the aisle. Bridesmaid, or not, this was still scary for her. In the back of her mind though, there was just this knowledge that she hadn’t been lying when she told Cameron he was the one she’d stop for. If she had been walking down the aisle to him, she wouldn’t have run. She didn’t want to run. She smiled briefly at James, but her eyes were quickly scanning the crowd to see if Cameron was there. She wanted to talk to him, to ask him about baby names and to give him a gift... She’d been for another ultrasound, and had a copy of the photo of B&J for him.

But Aerosmith ended, and soon the band was playing, and Iz pulled her head back into Ali’s wedding. It was her friend’s day, and Iz wasn’t going to miss a second. Not anymore.

HARRI

Wouldn’t have been able to waddle down the aisle even if she wanted to. She also didn’t feel like there would have been a bridesmaid dress to fit her even if she had been asked to be a part of Ali’s wedding party. She barely felt like she was fitting in the dress she was wearing, the amount of cleavage on show far more than she was used to.

She was glad she had Aiden. He seemed to understand he was needed for BFF duty today, even if the idea of a wedding seemed to have him walking around with a goofy smile and sharing looks with his husband. She was envious of his happiness, her own love life far from salvageable. There hadn’t once been a day she had wondered what it would be like to walk down the aisle, but as they sat in the pews ready for Ali’s wedding... she was starting to entertain the idea of what it might have been like.

Especially when her eyes wandered to James standing up the front behind Luke. She had felt Aiden clear his throat pointedly, and before James had a chance to realise she was looking, she glanced away. But then she couldn’t stop herself as it happened again. His attention wasn’t even on Izzy like she expected. She thought about what it would be like to standing up there with James.

She wasn’t ready.

She wanted him back, and she still loved him, but she couldn’t do marriage. Even if she had him back would she ever been really sure that he wouldn’t stray? Did he even want her. Music started up, but Harri was surprised to find James’ gaze on her. Just like always his face was unreadable, and she was starting to realise just how much she hated that. In her office when he had been openly emotional for the first with her in a long time... she had kissed him. How could she not? He was the father of her kid, and he really was the man she loved. He glanced away, and Harri sighed. What the hell had the look even meant? How was she supposed to know anything when he just didn’t say? She got that he wanted to be a part of their child’s life, but what about hers? She’d heard rumours he’d split with Iz, but had yet to hear anything from the horse’s mouth.

Her gaze dipped down to his crotch, and she sighed again. She could have really used those ten inches right then. She wanted to shag him so badly. It was wrong, and it would lead to trouble, and Aiden would disapprove but he was married so he didn’t get to judge.

She turned her head to watch the bridesmaids, and found Aiden looking at her with a raised eyebrow. She just shrugged. Was he really going to give her another lecture on spending too much time thinking about James? This was Ali’s day. She wasn’t in the mood for an argument, and she was too tired to pretend like she didn’t care about her ex.

The music stopped, but Ali hadn’t arrived and for a moment she squeezed Aiden’s hand anxiously, not sure if they were about to witness a runaway. Ali wouldn’t do that, and as the band started up and surprised everyone, Harri just realised that a wedding really was a celebration. It wasn’t a life sentence.

It just took the right groom.

ALI

Sometime around 8pm the night before her wedding, Ali realised her nerves in the extreme seemed to want to have a tendency of turning her into a crazy woman with OCD. She check, re-checked, and checked again every single detail of the wedding. At 10.30pm she was still on the phone to the caterers making sure they had ample amounts of vegetarian food because the groom was vegetarian and a good portion of their guests were too. Then she was back on the phone to Luke making sure his bar had enough booze to keep an open bar going for that many people all night. When he laughed at her, she pointedly told him to go fuck himself and reminded him to keep texting her the next day to keep her up-to-date on how Andrew was faring. The obediant Best Man had done just that, probably worried Ali would take him out with one of the heels of her Manolos after plying her fiancee with enough pot to knock him out for nearly twenty four hours. But Ali was okay with it, even if she went around to Luke's Soho apartment to make sure Andrew was still breathing on her way to taking Sunshine to get her picture taken and drop in on the cake artist to make sure everything was right there, too. He was breathing, he also had various interesting messages written all up his arms, thighs and torso, none of which were innocent. She was so tempted to ask what the guys got up to at Andrew's bachelor party, but even she knew that was sacred secrets blokes business and she probably would never know. At least he wasn't pierced or shaved. If the worse they could do was knock him out on weed and write all over him, she could cope with that.

But now she was pulling up in front of the church in a limo, wedding dress in place and a chicken-fillet aided cleavage to compliment Mr de la Renta's design. Her Dad sat beside her, beaming at her, so she just laughed nervously and kissed his cheek. "Dad, you look like you've been on crack," she joked with him, always having a good and joking relationship with her family. They were probably a lot of the reason she was like she was. They had moved back to England a few years earlier, but they made the regular trek over to see their kids, and now Sushine as grandkid number one. "And I feel like I'm going to piss my five hundred dollar jocks," she admitted, putting a hand on her stomach and sucking in a nervous breath. In a car behind her, Izzy, Tab, Leila were arriving and then another with the Mum of the Bride and Mum of the Groom. She didn't think her brain would let her puke like Andrew had been doing that morning, but wetting her pants could be a whole other story.

Mr Sullivan just kept beaming at his only daughter, taking her hand and kissing her fingers. "You're the most beautiful girl in the world, cupcake. You're going to knock 'em dead and finally hook me a son-in-law with a bit of testosterone to watch footy with and take for a- pint of coke?" he added hastily, shooting her an apologetic look. "To hang out with. Max is my sonly pride and joy, but your old Dad could never come to the manicures and Cosmo quizzes."

Ali laughed and kissed her Dad's cheek again, rubbing her nose against his. "I'll give you that. Andy will drink you under the table on coke. And he'll spend as much time with you as you want. I'm pretty sure he could use a father-in-law as much as you could use a son-in-law." Her cell phone buzzed in her tiny evening bag, which was going to spend most of the night with her Mum after this. It was a text from Izzy, telling her they were there too. Ali nodded determinedly, shoving the phone back into the bag and turning back to her Dad. "Showtime, Daddy dearest. Still promise to catch me if I go arse-over-tit in this dress?"

"Only until you make it up the aisle, chook. Then that's Andy's job," Mr Sullivan reminded her, getting teary as he smiled at her. He gave her a warm hug, rubbing her back and then sliding across the chair to hop out of the car and help her out.

Those words went right to Ali's heart and for anxious, terrified moment she really did fear she was going to throw up. Maybe this was all too much weddingy shit? Maybe they should have just eloped? It had been a fucking difficult year for both of them and maybe following in Rob and Leila's footsteps would have been much better. She stepped out of the car, feeling a little woozy and needing to lean against the door for a few moments to regain her composure. She didn't notice a crowd of passersby on the sidewalk, waiting to see the bride arrive at the church. Ali remembered being one of those people now and again during her many days walking New York's sidewalks. She never had a single yearning to be the bride and maybe even wished a pigeon would shit on one of their heads just for her own personal amusement. Now she was here, and really was the bride. But that wasn't what it was all about, was it? The bells and whistles were for the guests, who were there for a wedding. For Ali, she was there for Andrew. She could it, and she could tie the knot, all for that adorable guy in there who had done nothing but make her life more better as every day passed.

She held her hand up before any of them could ask her if she was okay. If they did, she would probably burst into tears. She had worked herself into oblivion the past few days, weeks, even months. Now wasn't the time to crash. Once they got through the ceremony, there was a hell of a party to be had. She wanted to get Andrew onto that dancefloor and feel the benefits of those pants, and then she wanted to divest him of them as quickly as she could back at the hotel they booked for the night before flying out to their honeymoon the next evening. Sex with her husband. That's what she had been anticipating since he got down on one knee and proposed to her.

There was no puking, and no tripping, and no knickers wetting as she finally made her way into the church, Izzy expertly holding the small train on her dress up so the New York side walk didn't make it grimy. She still couldn't believe she was about to get hitched and be plucked off the bachelorette market for good. But even more unbelievable, she was actually happy and couldn't stop grinning to the point her cheeks were starting to hurt. This was really it. Finally. She indulged in a small excited squeak of anticipation, making sure her veil was smooth down the back of her hair. She had gone with one that just went to her shoulder blades with none of that shit with it covering her face. She wanted to be able to see Andrew clearly, and everyone else in the room there to share the day with them. She was more than aware of the variety of emotions a lot of people in the room would be facing, closest family and friends right up there on the top of the cake. The thoughts caused her to turn to Leila, taking her hand and pulling her into a soft, lingering hug. It was support and gratitude all in one. She knew it must be a pull to be away from Rob now he was freshly back on US soil and admitted to yet another hospital. Hopefully a little later, Ali would be able to make that up to the newlyweds.

Then it was time. Soon the girls were leaving her side to head up the aisle to the red-herring Aerosmith song. Ali was left there with her Dad, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet as she impatiently waited for the song to end. Why had she picked such a fucking long song?! Her Dad's hand was gripped in hers right up until Ali heard the silence at the end of the song. She slipped her arm through his and drew a long, ragged breath to ready herself. They were down to minutes, now. In less than an hour, she would be Mrs Andrew Connor. She looked at her Mum, who appeared on her other side with Sunshine and as the AC/DC hit that always got Andrew going started, she kissed her daughter's tiny nose and moved out to the head of the aisle.

She couldn't help it. She had to dance to the music once she heard it. The band was rocking, as they always did and seeing the sea of familiar faces, Ali's happiness just burst up inside her. And then she saw him, standing up there waiting for him, with Luke, James, and Max at his side. He hadn't skipped out. They were going to do it. It felt like forever for her to get up the aisle, unable to resist stopping and greeting some of the people grinning at her from the pews. Her work mates, Andrew's family from Australia, her own family from New York, people from the Princeton bunch, and her own New York clan. Andrew's paramedic colleagues took up a whole section of the church, all in suits but with their paramedic t-shirts underneath. It was perfect.

But she made it, and was breathless when she stepped up in front of him, smiling at him so much her nose was scrunching up. She cupped his face in her hands after shoving her bouquet into her Dad's hand, and kissed his forehead, mouthing 'I love you' to him. When he held the pink rose up for her, smiling bashfully back at her with a small shrug, Ali had to laugh. The band was coming to the end of their song and took her flowers back, pushing Andrew's rose down into the top of it and hooking her hand into his elbow. "Ready, gorgeous?" she asked him, leaning close so only he could hear.

"I've been ready since I met you," Andrew told her, and blew her a kiss of his own.

And everything since was all suddenly worth it.

Word Count | 7,822

paramedically @ 2009-10-31T22:34:00

2009-10-31T11:36:34Z

Pot hangover hell.

But thank god all my vital body parts are still intact and nothing got shaved...

Going to die now.

Cheers.

RP LOG | WITH notskywalker

2009-10-31T08:19:42Z

[Bendy time back to Thursday 29th October, after Andrew's last post]

When Luke heard that Andrew wasn't feeling well, he happily abandoned his accounts paperwork for The Bondi and went over to check on his cousin. Aiden had just finished running through the next schedule of promos for the bar before he went back to his ivory tower in Manhattan to meet with a new client. Everyone was excited about Ali and Andrew's wedding on the weekend. They usually nabbed any excuse for a good party, but this time it was huge. It wasn't just family. By the time Ali and Andrew had been done with the guest list, it was pushing two hundred. Both knew a lot of people, and factor in all of the Jackson/Connor clan from Australia, it was always going to be a huge affair.

Which is why Luke wasn't particularly surprised to hear Andrew was feeling sick. The Groom-to-be greeted Luke at the door with baby Jamie nursed on his hip, eyebrows raised questioningly, though he looked tired. Jamie was sucking contently on a pacifier, her little hand playing with the collar of Andrew's shirt. "I saw your message. So, I figured as Best Man I should come over and be a man at my best," Luke explained with a shrug, reaching to stroke Jamie's chubby cheek with the backs of his fingers, smiling at her.

"Absolutely no doubt about your abilities there, Puke," Andrew returned, stepping aside to let Luke in. "I didn't even realise you were in New York today. But then, I barely even know what day or time it is right now, so ignore me. I thought you were Mum." He went through to the livingroom and set Jamie down on her blanket, handing her a biscuit, which she happily spat the pacifier out in favour of and broke into a drooly smile for him. He sat down on the sofa, slumping in the seat and rubbing his hand over his face.

"Got paperwork," Luke explained as he took the armchair and put his foot up on the coffee table. Blatant lie, of course. He was actually in New York for the night, ready to kidnap Andrew from his fake shift at work to drag him to an impromptu bachelor party at the bar. Andrew thought he had a shift, Ali actually arranged for his leave to start two days earlier and he wasn't technically due back at work until after their honeymoon. All very covert and devious. Andrew was oblivious to the plans. "Plus, Lei's flying in with the war-wounded tonight so I wanted to be around in case she needed anything. He's getting admitted to a private hospital here. It was that or the military one in Washington, which would have sucked for her. She said he's doing okay. Just kinda distant, which she hopes will get a bit better once he's back home. I can't say I blame the poor bloke, lying out there in agony next to his dead friend for fuck only knows how long. How are you feeling? You look rough, mate."

Andrew nodded. "I told her to call me when they land. I was going to go over to the hospital once he was admitted, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to. The last thing he needs is me sitting there spewing in front of him. Ali said she would go if I can't, though. Just to make sure Leila had everything she needed. He's just going to need some time to process what he went through and find a way to deal with it. It's good he has Leila, though. How much would it have sucked if this happened to him before, with no one to come home to? I'm alright. I just feel really crook in the gut. I know what you're going to say, and yeah, it could be nerves, I guess. Can you blame me? You know what I'm like."

"You love Karaoke singing, but anything more than a small crowd in a bar, you want to crap your pants for fear of being in the limelight. Yeah, I know. I was on the receiving end when you barfed all over my car on the way to that speech you had to give in uni, remember? I thought you were just a little too cool for comfort this past couple of weeks. Have you told Ali about it?" Luke asked pointedly and laughed when Jamie suddenly turfed the biscuit off to the side and crawled over to him, trying to pull herself up against his leg. He leaned forward and scooped her into his arms, kissing her head and then settling her in his lap. "It was just a relief to hear he wasn't dead. She was waiting for that call. I was with her when they called to tell her he had been found and she nearly fainted thinking they were going to tell her he was dead. She's fallen hard, man. Never thought I would see the day. But it's also why this is going to be so hard on her too. I'm not sure she knows really how the hell she is supposed to feel or what she's supposed to do for him. Added to the fact that next time he gets shipped out, this could happen all over again."

"I mentioned to her that I hate being in front of crowds for speeches and stuff. I just haven't been sure how to tell her that might span to my wedding day. And I don't friggen want it to. I need to just focus on Ali because that's why I'm there. Everyone else is secondary. I just know she is going to looking gorgeous and everything is going to fall into place on the day, but I can't quite convince my brain otherwise right now. It's not like the wedding is flamboyant and over the top. It's not. It's very understated, almost bordering on casual, like we both wanted. There's just... so many fucking people." Almost on cue of the realisation, Andrew felt his stomach turn again and he had to shoot out of the seat and bolt up the hall to the bathroom with his hand over his mouth, barely making it before losing the cup of tea he managed to drink before Luke came.

He came back a few minutes later, wiping his face with a damp cloth and shaking his head. "I might need to borrow your brother-in-law for some sort of injection to stop this on the day. I'm not ruining Ali's wedding day. This is massive for her, I know marriage is a sensitive thing for her in general. I think I'm the luckiest bloke in the world that she wants to marry me. I want the day to be perfect for her, after everything she's done for me and given me. Even if I think she ordered me a size too small for my suit pants." He watched Jamie for a few moments, a faint smile on his face seeing how much she like Luke and how natural his cousin was with kids. "Everyone thought out of the three of us, I would be the first to get married. Then you two went and overtook me. I probably should feel cheated, but I'm more smug that so many of our family lost that bet. I'm just glad you're both happy. And Lei will be, when Rob is on the mend. What happens once he heals will be something for him to decide. After the ordeal, he might want to retire. I've heard a lot of soldiers do after stuff like this."

Luke's face scrunched up. "Retire at, what, twenty eight? Something like that. It seems screwed. What's he going to do for income if he retires? Not that I'm saying he is needing to support Lei like the old days, but I get a feeling he's the sort of guy that would want to. She told me he was adamant he pay for the house because it was his duty or something like that. I suck at tradition, but I respect it. I mean, Tab and I pretty much just throw all our cash into one pool and use it as we need to. I've got a shitload of investments tied up, but it's just money." He stopped for a moment with a small frown, pulling Jamie's little pink frilly sock back onto her foot where it had started to fall off. "Do you think he's going to be alright? What if he's not? She said he got pretty banged up. Had his spleen removed, too."

He smirked a little at the pants comment. "Come on, man. You can be so thick sometimes. They aren't a size too small when they're custom-made. She requested they be made that size so she can perve on your arse. You didn't see the gay tailor complaining about the fit, did you? He was mighty impressed. But seriously, you need to just try and relax. I know that sounds hypocritical coming from me considering I freaked the fuck out on my own wedding day, but I see how stupid I was now. And it's different, too, because you've always wanted to get married, have kids, the whole domestic package and you're made for it. Things have been real crap for you, Andy. This is just the start of being happy again, with Ali and Jamie. Just keep reminding yourself that, and reminding yourself that the reason all those people are there are because they want to see that happiness. Not to mention one fuck of a Halloween party to celebrate," he added with a laugh.

"Not retire like an older person. Retire from the Army or retire from the frontline. He seems pretty qualified. He can maybe do something else in the service that isn't actually in combat. Think about what he just survived, he might not want to face that again. There's got to be options for guys in his position. You're probably right about him wanting to take care of her... I feel the same about Ali and Jamie. It was a hard thing for me to understand she didn't actually need it in a financial sense." Andrew thought for a few moments. "I think he will be, once he gets over the initial shock and trauma. Leila will help him through. That's what it's all about. That's something us lot get pretty loud and clear. They just need to find their feet as a married couple. They didn't get that chance. That could be the trying part, especially if he's injured. He might not be able to... you know, make love to her. And I'm thinking she probably really needs that right now. As strange as it sounds, it was that close physical contact that helped Ali and I reconnect. Not saying it was porno or Karma Sutra material, it definitely wasn't. But it was just being together."

His eyebrows shot up. "No way! The tailor wasn't perving on me! He had a wedding ring!" he insisted. "How am I going to get through the day without castrating myself? What about the wedding dress? Is that hard to get off when you finally get to the wedding night? I know she has paid a lot of money for it and I don't want to ruin it." He rubbed his face again. "I'll be fine once it gets going, I'm sure. It's just a huge thing! We're getting married and I want it to be right. Which reminds me, she asked me to take Jamie's little flower girl dress out of the box and hang it up so it's not wrinkled on Saturday. You should see it. It's gorgeous. I'm not allowed to show anyone, though."

Luke tucked his finger into Jamie's hand and she immediately tried to put it in her mouth. She and RJ were much at the same stage, only being a few weeks in age apart. Nothing was sacred and if it fit in their mouth and wasn't bolted down, it was going in the mouth. Luke didn't mind, he was hardly bothered by a bit of baby drool. They were teething and it felt good to rub their gums on something. Jamie had two teeth, though, RJ only had one, and if she got enough force behind it, it could sting sometimes. He watched her in thought. "He might feel differently now he has Leila. From what she said, his last marriage was pretty fucked up. Maybe Lei can show him what it should really be like, give him a reason to reconsider other options. To be honest, sounds like the poor bastard just needs a long rest, physically and mentally. Gotta agree with the sex thing, though. I've learnt it's not just always about getting hot and horny."

He stood up, holding Jamie close against him. "What, like Aiden and Pat's rings? Or Riley and Evie's? I'm taking your beautiful daughter for the day. She can keep me company at the bar while I catch up on my book work. You can get some R and R, try and work on soothing those nerves. You got work tonight, right? You should take it easy today. This time on Sunday, you're going to be a married man, mate. Welcome to the dark side."

Word Count | 2,230

As a side note...

2009-10-29T19:57:01Z

Two sleeps until my wedding and I have spent all morning with my head in the toilet.

Please, God, if I ever I need an answer to a prayer, please make me not be coming down with something. I won't pledge celibacy, but I will swear to never eat Ali's Ben & Jerry's again, which is just as sacred. Trust me.

Amen.

Oh, well, that's lucky

2009-10-29T19:41:34Z

Cop, Fireman, or Paramedic?

Paramedic

You aren't always a team player, but you are a people person. You like relaxing, but would prefer mental fortitude to physical strength. You like beauty, and looking respectable is important to you.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
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musebysentence | 28.5. Shy

2009-10-25T19:33:54Z

LINK: It wasn't that he was shy, he just really, really, really didn't want to wake up with one eyebrow shaved off, nipples pierced, tied to a pole on the side of a public road and his balls painted with gentian violet at any point of the week leading up to his wedding.

RP with livesonlipgloss | AA

2009-10-14T20:53:15Z

It wasn't a struggle for Andrew to go to this week's AA meeting like it had been with the couple he had been to in the previous weeks. The first two he had gone with accompanied by Ali had been at the old location near his old apartment. It was inconvenient and he had been wavering in his committment to them. The battle was far from over with him. Just about every day, he felt like he wanted a drink. Ali had gently suggested he try the group closer to their home now. A fresh location might do the trick. The only thing was, Andrew was in the tail end of his flu, but their poor baby girl was still plagued with it and Ali had to stay home with her. Andrew nearly did, too. But in the wake of his conversation online with Luke, he knew he had to go.

The meeting had just finished now, and although he thought he might have initially, he chose not to stand up and talk this time. It was a new group and at the end of the day, he was still more on the shy side than anything else, despite Ali more than managing to tug him out of his shell with her a lot since they met. He accepted a coffee in a styrofoam cup from the girl making them, and he smiled at her, moving away from the table but scrunching his nose up a little as he looked down into it. He wasn't a snob by any means, but he did prefer real coffee to instant. He was trying to make the effort to linger a little at the end of the meeting, though, because it was a new group. He didn't want to come off like he was bailing from them as soon as he could.

He covered his mouth as he got caught up in a small bout of coughing, the stupid virus wanting to linger in his chest and still make him feel a little on the crap side. He only just managed not to slop the hot coffee over his hand, and then he took a tentative sip of it to wet his throat, stuffing his other hand in his jacket pocket and stretching his shoulders a little as he glanced around the room.

I sound awesome

2009-10-14T05:22:09Z

Get Your Sexy Name

RP LOG | With agentsullivan

2009-10-07T06:28:41Z

Ali took a small sip of chocolate milk she had poured into a champagne glass and stood staring at herself in the full length mirror in their room. She had been at work that morning, and she was now just in her slim-line pinstripe tailored business pants and light blue camisole she had worn under her shirt. She ran her hand over her upper stomach and then brushed it lower to nurse her stomach where the baby bump had been, which was now flat again. These pants wouldn't have fit in the stages of pregnancy she had reached, but she hadn't even had to suck her gut in that morning to get the zipper done up. She hadn't stopped to dwell on it at the time, but now that she was home and had the apartment to herself, she couldn't help but return to it.

Unable to resist the urge, she set the flute of milk down and picked up a cushion from the bed, stuffing it up under her camisole to give the image that she was heavily pregnant and then looked at herself in the mirror again. She knew she was dwelling, thinking about stupid things that were gone and over, but for some reason, her body still wanted to believe she was expecting. The loss had been so abrupt that there was no time to prepare for it. It was why she also soon found herself taking a tiny newborn lemon jumpsuit from the top drawer of the dresser, pulling it from where it had been shoved right to the back. She ran her thumb over the soft fabric and then hugged it to her chest above the faux baby bump, looking back at her reflection in the mirror. It was another moment of weakness, which she seemed to have a lot of lately. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she hadn't realised there was sounds of movement in the apartment beyond the master bedroom and she nearly jumped out of her skin and wet herself all at once when the bedroom door opened and Andrew was standing there, catching her with the cushion up her shirt and the baby outfit in her hand. "Andrew," was all she could gasp out, freezing like she had been caught committing a serious crime.

Andrew had been home with Jamie for the morning while Ali worked, and she had been well on her way and out the door before he or their baby girl even stirred from sleep. When he had woken up, he had a sore throat, headache, fever and stuffy nose, realising right away that he had a cold, if not the flu. When Jamie woke up, he discovered she was suffering the same fate, so he bundled them both up to go the pharmacy and get some infant Tylenol, extra diapers, tissues, and some adult cold pills. With them both feeling crappy, it had taken him awhile to get moving, Jamie not at all happy to do anything but be cuddled by her Daddy, meaning she wailed practically the whole time they were out. It just served to increase Andrew's headache and make her nose worse, so instead of pushing her in the buggy the few blocks back to the apartment, he had carried her and now his arms were a little achy too. She had only just given up on the miserable sobbing near the front of the apartment building when she fell asleep in his arms, so he was able to carefully put her back into the buggy for the trip up in the elevator. He had decided his first stop was the bedroom to get back into his pyjamas, having completely lost track of time to realise Ali would be home from work.

The sight he was met with did take him by surprise, but only because he had been wary whether Ali was ready to revisit anything to do with the miscarriage yet. He was about to say something in return, but instead had to hold up a hand as he was overcome with a sneezing fit and by the time he was done, his done was running like a fountain and his eyes were watery. "Fug'," he said nasally, in lieu of it's intended cousin 'fuck' which wasn't going to happen with a stuffy nose. He hastily went over to the nightstand to pluck some tissues from the box to blow his nose. "Jabie ad' me hab god a gold," he explained.

Ali tugged sheepishly tugged the cushion back out and tossed it onto the bed. She still had the baby suit in her hand, though, as she breached the gap between them to give him a hug. "You sound terrible," she told him and then pulled back to hold her hand to his forehead. "And burning. Where's Sunshine? Where have you been in this state? I know what you're thinking and I don't even know why I was doing it... not really," she added quietly and then glanced at the tiny suit in her hand.

Andrew's nose was a little clearer now, even if it was still sore from all the wiping. "She's asleep in the buggy. I gave her a few drops of the Tylenol and she went back to sleep. I don't think it will be for long, though. She's feeling poorly and isn't happy. I was just out at the pharmacy to get some things, completely lost track of time. Plan was to come back here and cuddle up back in bed with her to try and keep her warm. She just wants to be cuddled." He smiled tiredly and wrapped his hand around hers that was clutching the jumpsuit. "Why don't you join us, baby? We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. I understand, okay? You miss being pregnant. There's nothing wrong about that."

Ali sighed softly and sat down on the side of the bed, looking down at the suit. "Maybe not so much missing the pregnant, because I still hate it. But I think my uterus is lost and sending weird message to my brain. It still feels like there should be something in there, but even the bump is gone completely now. I just don't feel anything. But I have to tell you something that I know I should have told you sooner. No time just seemed right, though. I still feel guilty about it sometimes, and now I just think... I think..." She pressed her lips together, trying not to get too upset. "I think I'm being punished, like I had my chance, and I blew it."

Andrew had sat down beside her when she starting speaking, and now he looked at her in confusion, taking her hand and rubbing his thumb over her palm. "What could you possibly have done that is so terrible to think your baby dying is punishment?" he asked in awe. "Ali, there's nothing..." he trailed off, looking at her sadly. He knew she felt she needed to be punished for a lot in her life, and it broke his heart that he couldn't shield her from that.

"I-I had an abortion when I was nineteen," Ali admitted in a small voice. "I was barely five weeks pregnant. I couldn't face it. I had just started college and I was fiercely ambitious. I didn't want anything to get in the way of my career. James is the only one I told at the time, and I know it's easy to try and draw conclusions, but it wasn't Mark's. I hadn't met him at the time. I just knew James had an older brother. It never even crossed my mind to keep it. I just went and had the procedure, like it was barely more than a trip to the dentist."

Andrew put his arm around her and held her securely, brushing his lips against her hair in a soft kiss. "Ali, beautiful, I know as well as anyone what it's like to just act in scary and stressful times. And to feel ashamed of the course of action in the wake of it. I'm sorry you felt that you couldn't tell me this, for whatever reason, but I'm not going to judge you. I'm not going to think any less of you. I'm not even going to suggest you made a mistake in doing what you did. Sometimes, you just have to react and bear the consequences. It's gone, beautiful. You aren't the only girl to have done that, and there is going to be many more in the future. Do you really think everyone who does that gets punished for it in this way? You're not being punished, Ali. We just were unlucky, and that hurts even more, because there is no explanation."

Ali listened and then nodded a little, swallowing back the urge to cry. "I just feel like I wished it away. I had an abortion, I nearly had a second with Sunshine but I couldn't go through with it. You knew that bit, though. And then, when I found I was pregnant again, I wished I wasn't, even though that changed after the shock wore off. Maybe some higher power up there is thinking I just shouldn't have anymore chances? Which I can't process in my head without wanting to bawl my eyes out because... because..." She hesitated, looking at him with a mix of fear and uncertainty, though with a slight glimmer of hope. "I want another baby with you. I-I want to try for another baby. With you."

"Right now?" was the first thing Andrew thought to ask with a slight surprised raise in his tone. But he bit down on his lip with a laugh, looking at her sheepishly. "I mean, I don't mean right now but, you just... you mean in general, right?" His forehead was creased as he tried to work out what she was saying. Actually, he had been doubting whether she really would want anymore children after what she went through with Jamie and the pain they had to face with the miscarriage. He was awed to here her admit she wanted to try again at all.

Ali had to smile, dropping her gaze briefly to look down at his lap, where she brushed her hand along his thigh. "Maybe right now," she conceded and looked back up at him, eyes sweeping over his face. "Even though you're all stuffed up andcoldy , you're still gorgeous, and you're cute with your sore nose and red cheeks. I know we haven't had sex since before the miscarriage, and that you've been really patient with me. But I think I'm ready," she admitted.

"Maybe right now for sex or to try for a baby?" Andrew asked, biting down on his lip with a smile of his own.

Ali moved her hand up and stroked his chest, hooking her finger into his shirt between the top two buttons. "Both?" she suggested. "If you're ready. I know that just because I think I am doesn't automatically mean you are. But we can go slow, just let nature take it's course. We can at least have fun trying, can't we? Or practicing until we get it right. I just know that Jamie's nearly one now, and every time I think about making a baby with you, a little brother or sister for her, my heart hurts for what we lost, but it has this tiny flip when I think about what it would have been like if we didn't lose the baby. Which would probably be chaotic and stressful, but that's us, isn't it? Maybe life for us is just meant to be unconventional and keep us on our toes. Maybe it's time to settle down, because I know that when I feel that happy unreachable warm feeling in my gut, it's when I'm with you and Sunshine, and we're doing silly, affectionate family things. But also that we might have a little bit more room in the nest for another Sunshine, or a Sunshine with a penis, even if I'm terrified to try again," she said, holding her hands up in the size of a small bundle.

Andrew nodded and started to smile. "Me too," he admitted softly, resting his forehead against hers. "Everything you said, right up to the terrified part. But besides marrying you, and being the best father I can to Jamie, I would give nothing more than to have a baby with you, beautiful. Are you sure it's not too soon? You can change your mind, you know. If you decide you don't want it, we can stop."

Ali smiled and undid the top buttons of his shirt, slipping her hand inside and rubbing her hand over his bare chest, toned from working out and his job. She pressed his lips to his in a soft kiss, continuing with the rest of the buttons. "I want to make love to you," she told him quietly against it lips and then kissed them again. "I want to try and make another baby with you. If we get scared or upset, we stop. If it gets too much, we stop. For now, we go gentle... slow. I like having you slow," she added, smiling as she teased her tongue along his lip. "Even if you have a cold. I hear you're supposed to sweat out a cold anyway, and orgasms are an awesome remedy for a headache."

"Oh really?" Andrew murmured with a husky laugh. Yeah, sure, he was feeling crap but he couldn't argue with the attentions. "Always was an avid fan of sexual healing... and you playing nursemaid," he added cheekily, moving to start unbuttoning her shirt. But it didn't escape him that she had paused, glancing at the door. He smiled knowingly. "Do you want to check on her, or I should I?"

Ali shot him a sheepish smile and rubbed her nose against his. "I will, but just to make sure." She stood up and stooped to kiss teasingly close to his nipple. "But you get naked. I have plans for my feverish patient that may or may not include a physical examination. But don't go letting yourself get a false sense of security. Afterwards I'm still getting out theVicks and eucalyptus oil for your hankies," she warned and patted his cheek softly. "Ah see, your darling Mummy has passed all her Mummy tricks onto me, including tried and true Aussie cold remedies," she added and winked at him as she ducked fro the room to check on the baby.

Word Count | 2,446

Yeah, that's scary

2009-09-28T06:29:17Z

From Sergeant Cousin-in-Law

2009-09-21T07:39:02Z

Your Name is White

Your name tells people that you have good intentions and a pure heart. You try to always speak the truth.

You are happy to step back and let other people shine. You don't seek attention or acclaim.

People see you as someone who is generous and ethical. You can be counted on to do the right thing.

You are bright and clear headed. You can offer a fresh perspective, especially when other people are in a rut.

What Color Is Your Name?

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

LOCKED TO doesntwaltz | Batcall of the cousin variety

2009-09-15T04:34:00Z

Are you okay, Lei?

[This is in response to Leila's post HERE but for some reason LJ doesn't want to let me respond to her thread on her journal, so this is in lieu of Andrew replying to her there!]

musesandlyrics | 2.4. Matthew Perry quote

2009-09-12T14:54:14Z

2.4. "Oh, this is a dear diary moment..."
Matthew Perry

Co-written with agentsullivan
[Follows THIS]

Life had to start returning to normal.

It was a fact easier said than done, but one that could be dangerous if it got swept under the carpet of denial. After going underground and spending a good three days in bed together, just sleeping and trying to heal together after the ordeal, Ali and Andrew had resurfaced to face the weekend. To face their family and friends, thank everyone who had helped them. Both knew it wasn't going to be a smooth process by any means, and they were fragile after the pain they had gone through. But small steps were needed to start seeking out a normalcy for them now. Things probably wouldn't ever be the same. How could they be now they had lost something so precious to them? They just needed to blindly feel their way through to get back on their feet, because they were more aware than anyone that there was no 'proper' way to deal with this. There was no instruction manual.

Strangely enough, though, when Ali found herself alone in the apartment, she realised it was the first time in a long time, and it just felt so empty. Despite being one of the worst committment-phobes to walk the earth in the past, here she was standing in the middle of her living room in her Little Miss Bitchy pyjamas and cow slippers at a total and utter loss of what she was supposed to do without her fiance and her baby daughter to occupy her. They had come to be part of her, and she existed to be part of them. It kind of really sucked without them. Alicia Sullivan, when she had stepped out of her single gal fashionable shoes just briefly, had become a mummy and a wife-to-be... and loved it.

She went over to the phone, snapping it up and had half of James' number punched in before she caught herself and halted the dialling. "Get a grip, Sullivan," she murmured. Andrew and Jamie weren't her security blanket. She needed to find a way to do this with them, but also be able to do it without them. Losing the baby had cut her so deeply, but she had a flicker of a yearning to get back on the horse and ride into this head-on with the determination she always harboured before she lost James and her world fell apart. She put the phone back down and went over to the state of the art stereo that had come to her in James' will along with the apartment. Her CDs lined the shelf behind it and she ran her fingers along them, and then gave a nod as she plucked one out with a small smirk. "No one puts Baby in a corner," she said with a small snort. She had grown up on that movie, wanted Patrick Swayze to be her first fuck. The bastard never came to the party. Like he could keep up with her anyway.

Nursing the CD to her chest, she remembered back to Andrew's birthday party, the night she miscarried, but before she started to realise something was wrong. Fuck Patrick Swayze. Her Andrew could dance with style, and she realised that just as she had given up her hunt for her ultimate guy, he had fallen right into her lap and swept her off her feet, complete with hip action that drove her wild. Not that she wanted a fucking nose like the chick Dirty Dancing, but cheesy love stories... maybe they could become a reality. Andrew had her wanting to fall to her knees for him and worship every last inch of him, just like the chick on the movie. Okay, she was going nuts comparing her love life to a twee Eighties movie. She scrubbed a hand over her face and sighed, looking at the cover of the CD. The thing was, she had always been so fucking jealous of Baby getting her guy in the movie. It had been like the fairy tale for every single twenty and thirty something women to haughtily scoff over and snort that shit like that never happened. Ali was right up there on the list, though her scoffing usually took more the form of rough expletives and flipping the bird at the TV screen. It wasn't her fault she should have been born with balls.

She tucked the notion to the back of her mind for the moment and placed the CD on the mantel. Instead, she took out a copy of the First Wives Club soundtrack and slotted it into the player. She cranked the volume up. If she had the apartment to herself, she had to learn to get in touch with her inner solitude again. It had become her friend over the years of her bachelorette life, so it had to still be in there somewhere. A trip to the kitchen proferred a tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream and a spoon. She took a large scoop and put it into her mouth, licking every last drop off the spoon and her thumb before she smirked again to herself and selected a track. A few moments later, she was using the spoon as a microphone and belting out a song that got her through her split with Mark, on repeat, over and and over again until she started coming out of her funk - You Don't Own Me, courtesy of Bette, Goldie and Diane.

Of course, bad pyjamas solitary singing could never come without bad solitary dancing, and she jumped up on the sofa, throwing her other arm out and dancing along with the song. Cathartiscism. You gotta love it. Some of the tension and pain she had been harbouring for the past two weeks starting to melt away as she jumped back off the sofa and danced over to get the tub of ice crea, hugging it under her arm like a dancing partner before making her way back up onto the sofa. She was never going to be the bitter single New York chick who took her frustrations out in Manolo Blahnik and Gucci again, she knew that. She was maybe never going to even be able to wear Prada jeans without having baby sick or kid drool on it again. She was maybe never going to curse men for not being able to find one. Because she had one, one who loved her for being a huge dork and a huge bitch simultaneously. "I'M YOUNG, AND I LOVE TO YOUNG! I'M FREE, AND I LOVE TO BE FREE! TO LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY THAT I WANT! TO SAY AND DO WHATEVER I PLEASE!" she sung loudly. One who understood that she had to have moments that were uniquely Ali Sullivan moments for her to survive the scary world out beyond the walls of her apartment, even if it meant pretending to be a hard bitch when really she was terrified on the inside. One that she knew, at that moment, was going to be the one to help her find herself again.

The music suddenly abruply cut off. "Ali?"

Ali nearly pissed herself in fright. She froze, ~~microphone~~ spoon held up to her lips as she had been mid-verse of the song. "Andy!" she squeaked, looking down at her fiance with wide, stunned eyes.

Andrew was smiling up at her in amusement from where he was standing by the stereo. "Hello, my darling," he greeted her with a laugh. Probably the first time he had laughed since his birthday party. She was a sight, to say the least. Pyjama pants, cow slippers, a t-shirt that declared 'Yes, they're tits, genius, and they feel awesome', hair sticking up every which way, and her beloved Ben & Jerry's hugged protectively under her arm. Fuck, he loved her. He held his hand out to her. "That should be your anthem, you know."

There was a few moments where Ali didn't know whether she should be embarrassed or guilty for enjoying herself so soon after the miscarriage, and biting on her lip before she took his hand was a telltale sign that she couldn't stop. "My 'Fuck the world to dogs balls, I'm awesome' song?" she asked and offered him the spoon. "Duet?"

Andrew smiled softly at her. He had spotted the other soundtrack by the CD player, and a stab of bittersweet sadness had tugged inside him too when he thought about his birthday party. He knew now Ali was a fan of the film, and it fueled some sort of nostalgia inside her. It was strange where comfort could be found when everything felt like it was falling apart. He ejected the CD she had in and slotted the other soundtrack in it's place, flicking through a couple of tracks to get to the famous duet from the movie. He took the spoon and ice cream off her to wrap his arms around her. He held her in a secure embrace and started to dance with her, singing softly against her ear. He knew things had sucked lately, and he had been the cause of a lot of them. He had terrified her right when she needed his help. Truth was, he had terrified himself, too. Still was terrified in the wake of his near miss with the wine this morning. Maybe he needed some cheesy romantic moments to heal, too. At the end of the day, anything close to Ali and he wanted to indulge as much as he possibly could.

Ali smiled and let out a rush of breath, a fondness of his willingness to just fall into her stupid moments with her and embrace them to make them special. He had been so shy and bashful when she first met him, but he was like a diamond in the rough. Gradually as they got closer and closer, he let the shy mask slip a little more and a little more with her, and she could see now that they weren't as different as she first thought they were. He might have been shy, but he had always been proud of what he wanted and proud to be looking to find it. Ali, on the other hand, had always been so self-assured, arrogant and in your face, but she never quite knew what she wanted and needed until she had it. He just had to help her understand how to reach out and take it.

The song got about half way through, and she reached over to turn the volume down. It could still be heard, but just in the background. She looked at him, brushing her thumb across his cheek. "I was thinking about some things," she admitted quietly, holding his gaze.

"Me too," Andrew revealed, still moving slightly with the music. "You go first."

"I think I want to go back to work, part time. Just a couple of days a week initially," Ali told him and wetting her lips. "I don't know if it's the right thing, but it feels like something I need to do. I need to try and get a little piece of the old me back, and my job was about eighty percent of the old me."

Andrew nodded, rubbing her back encouragingly. "I think that's a good idea, beautiful. You know I'll be here for you, however it goes. And it's funny you should say that, because I was thinking of maybe cutting my hours a little. A couple of shifts less a week, just for a few months so I can, um... go back to AA. I know you must think I'm crazy after how sick I made myself with the drinking the other day, but I'm finding it extremely difficult to fight at the moment. There was leftover wine in the fridge from when Mum was over for dinner the other week. I drank some, straight from the bottle before something kicked in and I poured it down the sink. I need help, Ali. I really need it."

Ali squeezed him softly and then rubbed her hands up and down his sides. "I'm so proud of you," she told him, trying not to get teary, but it was hard after living through the ordeal of him writing himself off like he did that night. She pulled him into a kiss and then cupped his face with her hands. "I'm going to be right by your side through it all, okay? Whatever you need me to do, I'm here," she promised.

"I want you to come to the first meeting with me," Andrew admitted in a hushed voice, which had been big decision for him to come to. He hated the inner feeling that he was losing control again, and he needed to fight that as soon as possible so it didn't drown him again. He had too much to be well for this time. Too much he didn't want to miss out on in a drunken or hungover haze. "I never took anyone to the meetings with me before, but I... I need you there."

"You just say the day, baby," Ali murmured, closing her eyes for a few moments and resting her forehead against his. "We'll get through it. I promise you that." She opened her eyes and looked at him intently, touching his lip with her thumb. "Marry me, Andrew Connor. I don't want to wait until New Year's. Let's do it sooner. I want to marry you. I want you to adopt Jamie. I want us to seal the deal, with the white dress and the wedding cake and the guests. I want to marry you in front of everyone I love, and I don't want to wait."

Andrew broke into a grin, despite the difficulty of the previous subject. He pulled her into a warm embrace and kissed her hair. "You just say the day, baby..."

All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe

Word Count | 2,329