take the helm

Title: take the helm
Pairing: chanyeol/kyungsoo
Rating: G
Length: 3,050
Summary: it goes like this: chanyeol writes a song and brings it to kyungsoo. kyungsoo critiques it and together, they make it better.
A/N: for nad.

chanyeol's first mixtape is soft and light, filled with songs about hopes and dreams. it's perfectly fitting for someone fresh out of high school and just testing out his wings in university. chanyeol lets kyungsoo listen to it a month into their friendship. they hit it off quickly after becoming roommates, fitting together surprisingly well with their different personalities. kyungsoo just wants someone who is clean, quiet and respects personal space. chanyeol is well... one of those, but at least dorm life has been better than kyungsoo expected so far. "remember that time you talked to me about majors?" chanyeol says, his voice blending in with the acoustic strums of the guitar in the background. "hmm?" kyungsoo vaguely does. chanyeol is an undecided major, torn between pursuing music or engineering like his family wants him to do. kyungsoo had bluntly asked how many lifetimes chanyeol planned to live and if he was fine dedicating it to someone else. "i thought about it, and i decided on sound engineering, a mix between both worlds," chanyeol pauses to nod his head to a crescendo in the bridge, fingers rapidly tapping out a rhythm on his inner thigh. kyungsoo finds himself nodding along. it's oddly catchy, even if the song needs some work, maybe cut back on the drums on some parts. he wants to say something like congratulations, man, but it seems strangely intimate, like kyungsoo played a part in deciding chanyeol's future. "are you submitting this to any record labels?" chanyeol looks surprised, fingers freezing for a split second and resuming their tapping again, slower and more measured. "well, i wasn't planning to. i just wanted you to listen to it." now the moment really does feel intimate. kyungsoo rolls his chair away from the desk until it hits his bed and he flops onto his mattress facing up. "you should. just clean it up a little here and there. and chanyeol why did you even try to hit those notes?" chanyeol shrugs sheepishly just as his cracking voice tries to hit a particularly high voice in the track. "hey, you're a vocal major, yeah?" from then on, it becomes a tradition. chanyeol writes a song and brings it to kyungsoo. kyungsoo critiques it and together, they make it better, rerecording the sections kyungsoo thinks can be improved. his favourites are the duets because chanyeol leaves spaces for kyungsoo to fill, and their voices blend together well, deep timbres bleeding into each other. at kyungsoo's encouragement, chanyeol starts submitting his demo tracks to many companies. some reply, most don't. nothing ever gets picked up, but it thrills kyungsoo to know that music producers and sound executives are listening to his voice, even if they're listening for the lyrics and melody instead. kyungsoo's favourite day is sundays. on saturdays, they hang out with their other friends or get their chores done, but sundays are just him and chanyeol, running through songs together or just lazing around in sweats. it's never boring because chanyeol is always excited, like a child who never grew up, and it's contagious, even for a solemn guy like kyungsoo. today is a unusually chilly sunday for mid-april, temperature in the low 10s when it should be moving into spring. kyungsoo wears his ridiculous penguin socks around the house because it's cold, and not because chanyeol once compared kyungsoo to a penguin. kyungsoo huddles on the couch with his blanket, trying to read through the book he's been putting off lately. it doesn't work, because chanyeol pokes his head into the living room every 5 minutes to ask kyungsoo something. kyungsoo is largely unresponsive (he doesn't know the exact velocity that a dolphin can swim at anyway; silly questions like these don't deserve answers) so chanyeol finally gives up and flops on kyungsoo. "get off!" kyungsoo kicks but chanyeol is so heavy and he's a clingy guy, more teenage girl than the cool college kid he tries to pull off. "you're so warm," chanyeol marvels and relents to kyungsoo's struggles, rolling off him to allow kyungsoo to breathe. "don't touch me, you big doofus," kyungsoo grumps, trying not to show how pleased he is. he shifts on the couch to allow chanyeol to stretch out his legs and chanyeol settles his head on kyungsoo's lap, his long body taking up most of the space. "i know your heart is warm too," chanyeol teases. he sounds so fond kyungsoo has to close his eyes for a second to wave away all unbidden thoughts and the intense urge to curl into chanyeol's arms rises urgently to his throat. he smashes a pillow into chanyeol's face instead. chanyeol is just easy to lo- like. chanyeol must've pulled an all nighter last night because he quickly falls asleep like that, breath coming out in slow, measured puffs. kyungsoo ignores his steadily numbing thighs and goes back to concentrating on his book. there are loose beats of moments when kyungsoo turns his palm face up by his side, a breath's hair away from chanyeol's hand, and almost expects chanyeol to sleepily grab it, but then the urge, the yearning, subsides, and kyungsoo schools his face into something more manageable, tucking months and months of feelings into a dusty corner. in their third year of university, kyungsoo gets a cold. kyungsoo toughs it out, as he usually does. with an important musical coming up, he simply can't afford to let a sore throat get in his way or practices. except it doesn't go away. kyungsoo wakes up one morning with his throat swollen almost shut and a fever that rages into the 40s. "will it affect my singing?" he asks the doctor desperately, pain shooting down his throat with his syllable. the way the doctor frowns at the x-ray speaks volumes. the doctor explains something about acute laryngitis and possible damaged vocal cords, and he clucks his tongue a few times, making it clear that if kyungsoo sought treatment earlier- "it's not the first time, is it?" remembering all the time he brushed off the tightness in his throat as nervousness, kyungsoo swallows and shakes his head. kyungsoo's mind is a blank when the doctor patiently explains that maybe kyungsoo should consider giving his throat a break for a few months. he doesn't think anything at all as kyungsoo conveys the instructions to his vocal coach and watches her face crumple, her hand shooting up to rub at his shoulder. "you can take a semester's leave but chronic laryngitis," she says worriedly. "it's a recurring disease, right? would it return when stress is put on the throat?" she's thinking about the inevitable months where they practice for weeks on the end, rehearsal after rehearsal. and kyungsoo screams, screams so loud she steps back, startled, and the other instructors start running into the studio. by the time chanyeol rushes into the nurse's office and wraps kyungsoo up into blankets, kyungsoo's screams have died down into quiet sobs, and chanyeol holds him close to his chest for the longest time. they stop their tradition. he knows hasn't been a good friend lately, emotions stretched too thin to keep up a facade of caring for anyone else. chanyeol has been giving him space but still sticks around to make sure kyungsoo eats and functions. sundays are suddenly terse, a sudden emptiness that would otherwise be filled with singing and recording. luckily, chanyeol is there to smooth out the tension, keeping kyungsoo busy with trips to museums and outings to the beach. it doesn't always work, and chanyeol finds kyungsoo toying with an old recording one day, playing a section over and over. "it could be better if this was half a beat slower," kyungsoo says. he hits space bar again and it replays, the same 12 seconds. "if only i could sing this again-" "stop it, kyungsoo!" chanyeol slams the laptop lid down so abruptly kyungsoo winces. kyungsoo almost reaches to check for cracks, but he's too taken back by how sharp and loud chanyeol's voice is. chanyeol has never raised his voice against kyungsoo. kyungsoo doesn't even remember chanyeol raising his voice or being angry at anyone, for that matter. thinking of chanyeol being angry at him makes kyungsoo feel stricken and anxious, but more than that, he just feels scared. chanyeol is a saint but there are limits to everyone's patience. he doesn't want to lose chanyeol ever. it must show on his face because chanyeol softens immediately, forehead knitting up in concern. "d- don't cry, kyungsoo. i didn't mean to sound so terse, i'm sorry." chanyeol isn't the one who needs to apologise, so it just makes kyungsoo feel worse. "singing is my life," kyungsoo whispers, looking down at his clenched fists. "you just have to hold out for a little while longer," chanyeol says, placing his hands on kyungsoo's shoulders and tightening his grip. his eyes search kyungsoo's and kyungsoo helplessly stares back, tears starting to blur his vision. "your throat will heal. you'll get your voice back." kyungsoo thinks of how crucial this year is, how his classmates are starting to get internships and work placements already. "but will i get my year back?" it takes almost a quarter of a year before chanyeol brings him a new song, casually bringing it up during one of their monthly soju and grilled squid sessions. kyungsoo stopped drinking alcohol to accelerate his recovery, so he drinks warm yuzu tea instead. his efforts seems to be working because kyungsoo has been testing out his voice slowly and it's coming back, sounding almost like it was before. "i have a song, do you want to sing it?" dandelion wishes is about a father watching his daughter grow up from a tiny toddler to a beautiful young lady. it talks about him wishing the world for his daughter and wanting to protect her but still hoping that she will be happy and free. it's a song about an unseen and unspoken love. this is the first time kyungsoo has cried singing a song. he doesn't even want to change or fine tune the song after they listen the finished recording, letting the raw file go out to record labels. not a week later, a cube calls. they want the song for huhgak. chanyeol is ecstatic but nothing can compare to how kyungsoo feels when he hears the feedback. "your singer is talented," says the music executive they meet up with to sign the contract. "is he signed?" chanyeol grins and nudges kyungsoo at his side with his elbow. "you can ask him yourself." they leave with a promise from the exec to call them, and kyungsoo is hit with a dizzying rush of hope. kyungsoo submits his application to change from a musical major to a music production and recording major that day itself. the same vocal coach flutters around him when he goes to the university to submit his application, gushing about how it'll be so much better for his health and that kyungsoo is a talented producer. "i know you have it in you," she says, brimming with pride, and chanyeol shoots him a tiny, barely there smile that makes kyungsoo think he has it in himself too. dandelion wishes is a sleeper hit and slowly spreads through online communities after a video of huhgak's adorable daughter chewing on strawberries goes viral. by the time summer rolls around, huhgak has a spot on superman returns, charming his daughter and the whole of south korea every sunday afternoon. they watch one of the episodes together one weekend and even during the commercials, huhgak pops out with his daughter, adoringly feeding her in a happy commercial. a baby food company bought the rights to a line in the chorus and adapted it to insert their brand name. chanyeol and kyungsoo are drowning in royalties from the baby fever. "you did that," kyungsoo says in awe, the full impact of how huge the song finally hitting him. chanyeol stares at kyungsoo strangely before reaching out to hook an arm around kyungsoo's neck, tugging him closer. chanyeol rests his chin easily on the top of kyungsoo's head, resisting kyungsoo's half hearted attempts to break away. "no, we did that." chanyeol has a song that he won't let kyungsoo listen to and it's driving kyungsoo insane. "once it's done, you'll be the first one to listen to it," chanyeol promises, pouring kyungsoo a shot as a consolation. kyungsoo whines more, but chanyeol placates him with perfectly grilled pieces of pork belly until kyungsoo is sleepily satiated with good food and alcohol. that day doesn't come until almost a month later, when chanyeol sends him a melon streaming link. it's a chen song, an up-and-coming solo male singer from loen entertainment who has been singing a string of osts lately. "ah," a small gasp falls from kyungsoo when his eyes automatically search out the credits to the song and sees composer: park chanyeol, writer: park chanyeol. what he doesn't expect is for the song to be a sappy love song, talking about puppy crushes and innocent almost-dates. it's an odd choice for chen, who is famous for his three octave high notes, but this is a summer release so his agency must be angling for a more approachable image. "how is it?" two years past university and they're still living together. kyungsoo is too used to chanyeol popping up unannounced at his door to his room now. kyungsoo doesn't even close the door anymore. "aww, park, you've gone soft." chanyeol quirks a corner of his lips. "i was inspired." kyungsoo falls silent to listen properly to the lyrics. the second verse turns abruptly from cute cotton candy lyrics to sadder and softer strings, suddenly talking about mending his crush's heart when she breaks up with her boyfriend and wondering when it'll be his turn. it ends on a note of longing, jongdae whispering that he'll wait until the day she's ready. "joonmyun calls jongin his muse," chanyeol says suddenly, and kyungsoo takes it as an explanation for this love song. he glances at chanyeol to make a joke about joonmyun's embarrassing crush on jongin but chanyeol is looking down at his fraying jeans, playing with the loose threads. kyungsoo finds a bit of chanyeol in each of his songs, a hint of his story etched out among the bridges and refrains. he thinks of sweet, shy jongin and how indulgent joonmyun can be, and this song, about a slow, long love, doesn't fit. "muses are silly," kyungsoo decides. chanyeol raises an eyebrow in surprise. "you don't believe in romance?" "i don't believe in muses," kyungsoo corrects. "sounds too idealistically romantic." "well, i believe in muses," chanyeol says lightly. he pauses, a too saccharine smile stretched across his lips. "because i have one." kyungsoo is frozen in place, a rush of emotions -confusion, jealousy, hope- zipping through him so fast he has to hold his breath. chanyeol balances the laptop on his lap and pulls up the folder where he keeps his tracks. "remember this song?" it's the first track chanyeol let kyungsoo listen too. a wave of nostalgia washes over kyungsoo and he suddenly remembers the old days when chanyeol used to wake kyungsoo up where he fell asleep on his books and carry him off to bed. "i wrote it the day we had the talk about changing my major," chanyeol says. his hand slips as he scrolls through the folder, fingers missing the right key once before finding their way. "something you said really resounded with me so i went back itching with an urge to carve it into melody." the next song is an upbeat summer track about beach days, never released, but made sometime during their second year of university. "when we went to jeju island on that trip with the guys. you almost fell off your pony," chanyeol chuckles. kyungsoo absentmindedly touches his waist at the memory, remembering how he managed to stay upright but almost threw his back instead. chanyeol clicks again and this time, it's the silliest song chanyeol ever made, an ode to breakfast items and the simple joys of breakfast in bed. the memory comes to kyungsoo before chanyeol even speaks. "remember the time i tried to make you breakfast for your birthday and you had to take over?" "you ruined my pan," kyungsoo says accusingly. "your toast crumbs fell all over my sheets." his toes curl when he thinks of how chanyeol insisted on going on with the original plan and dragging them both into kyungsoo's bed, the single bed barely fitting two almost-men. kyungsoo may be small, but chanyeol's legs go on forever. "best breakfast we ever had," chanyeol says smugly, like he's expecting kyungsoo to agree. and finally, the huhgak song, the one about wanting to protect the one you love. it came out, kyungsoo realises, during the time he had problems with his vocal cords. all this time, all these years- kyungsoo doesn't even dare to believe it, because if it's true, there's all this lost time, all the could have beens floating around his mind. "your muse-" chanyeol lets out a deep breath and he cocks his head, showing that weird jagged smile that jongdae calls the kyungsoo smile, because according to jongdae, chanyeol only smiles like that around babies or kyungsoo. "don't you see, silly, it's you." and he's leaning down, hands cupping kyungsoo's face to gently pull them closer together. kyungsoo's roller chair is tugged forward and bumps into chanyeol's own chair, stopping their paths, so chanyeol drops his left hand to wrap it loosely around kyungsoo's waist, maneuvering him until he's practically on chanyeol's lap with their chests against each other. kyungsoo's eyes flutter shut out of instinct. pressed together like this, he can feel his heart thundering wildly in rhythm with the steady tempo of chanyeol's heart. he's acutely aware of how close chanyeol is, can feel chanyeol soft breath against his cheek. chanyeol places a soft kiss on the corner of kyungsoo's lips, the softest of touch, but kyungsoo's mind surges all the same with unsung melodies and pieces of phrases- slow dances in the rain, your palm against mine, mistletoe kisses, chanyeol- and he understands. "it has always been you." kyungsoo does believe in muses after all. end. happy (belated) birthday nadface. you know i'm just the most tsundere person in the world right? i looooooooooooove you. and if we were closer, i would pad after you like chanyeol pads after kyungsoo. i hope your days get better and brighter! you're in one of the most beautiful regions in the world, so explore it all!  (i'm not plotting anything i swear)