Matt Saracen

For sixwordstories

panthers7 — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 09:05:34 GMT

RP LOG with supermarketsam | Trouble in paradise

panthers7 — Sat, 22 May 2010 06:31:36 GMT

[Follows THIS]

The house was a pretty quiet place at the moment, the only other occupants being Jason and Taylor in their bedroom, and considering it was pretty much silent and dark in that part of the house, Matt had just assumed they were sleeping and he had been trying to stay quiet because of it. He even took the kettle through into the laundry at the back of the house to boil it so the noise wouldn't disturb them, and now he was back, sitting at the kitchen table with his hand wrapped around a large mug of coffee as he slowly glanced over the handful of brochures spread out in front of him. To one side he had information on the hospital and the nursing courses at UT, given to him by the woman who had offered him a job. She told him to take a few days to think about it, but before leaving the hospital to come home when it looked like Sam wasn't coming out of Tim's room any time soon, he stopped by her office and accepted the offer. At the end of the day, he needed the money, and it was going to be good money. Plus, it would be the first step to him becoming a qualified nurse, a career he had fleetingly considered in the past when it seemed like his art just wasn't going to earn him a living.

Next to those brochures were information sheets on epilepsy that he had been reading to try and get an understanding of it. He still couldn't believe everything had come in such a completely and total circle to lead to Riggins being diagnosed with a lifelong illness, apparently a complication of the meningitis. However, Matt had over heard Coach and Mrs T talking... there were even some suspcions Tim's heavy drinking over the years might have been the straw that broke the camel's back. Now Matt was sketching a small picture of a pretty double story house he had spotted on drive home from the hospital, lost in his own thoughts. It had just stuck in his mind, and one day, he hoped to be able to afford something like that himself.

Sam was exhausted. In fact she was more than exhausted. Seeing Tim hadn't exactly gone the way she planned, and she didn't even know what to start doing with the knowledge of his confession. She just knew that the moment she did leave his room she had to come home. She had to talk to Matt. She entered the house quietly and toed out of her shoes by the front door before she continued into the kitchen, the only source of light in the whole place. She saw Matt there, and tears pricked the backs of her eyes before she could even stop them.

Again, Jason's voice seemed to enter her mind and remind her about the cheating, but there was no cheating. She had no intention of ever cheating. Never would. She moved up beside him and bent forward to wrap her arms around his shoulders and kiss the side of his face before she just rest her head against his. She caught sight of the house he was sketching, and smiled a little. "That's really pretty."

Matt glanced at her and then looked back to the scratchy drawing he was working on. He had a tendency to just draw when he was distracted, never really thinking much on what was eventuating on the paper. A random house might subconsciously be telling him he was making the right decision to take a good paying job, start working for a career with a more solid foundation. He was excited about it, too, just a little bit deep in his gut when he thought about tackling something new. He planned to call and tell his grandma and mom the turn of events as soon as he could. Maybe in the morning when he'd slept on it. "Yeah. Nice houses in that area of the city..." he replied quietly, trying to tell himself there wasn't an air of... something in the room. Tension, maybe. Something that just wasn't sitting right. He had hardly seen Sam all day and after trying to nab a moment alone with her to tell her, she went in to talk to Tim and just seemed to stay in there for ages. Matt gave up, getting bored at playing toss the screwed up paper ball back and forth across the waiting room with Silas. He thought he could maybe come home and watch a movie with Jason and Taylor, but they were off the radar too.

"Kinda house ya can definitely raise a family in." Sam moved to sit in the seat near him, and reached out to take his hand as she sought physical contact with him. It felt different to holding Tim's hand. Everything with Matt felt different. The comparisons were a little inevitable when Tim had been the last guy Sam had been with. She linked their fingers and just sat there for a moment before she looked over the papers spread across the table again. "UT?" she asked as she picked up one of brochures. "Ya goin' to college?"

Matt shrugged. "Yeah, I think so. Hope so. I was tryin' to tell ya' over the day, but ya'... dunno, seem distracted," he told her, glancing over the brochures again. It was a good college, and he wouldn't start the course until after the summer, but he needed to get his enrolment in now if he was going to go with it. The job, however, was due to start on Monday and it had even gone so far as to be given scrubs for his first shift. It all felt so surreal. "I, uh... got a job, too."

Sam's eyes snapped back to Matt's face and she broke out into a huge smile. "Seriously? Oh, M, that's great!" She leaned across to hug him again, and kissed the corner of his mouth. "I'm so proud of ya! What's the job? I'm proud on both points. Ya deserve the best, and ya deserve to get a good education. I'm sorry about today. Ya shoulda just sat me down. Even J told me off for bein'... distracted. I just couldn't help it. Sorry about disappearin' into T's room. There's... um, I gotta tell ya somethin', but I wanna hear about the job and everythin' first."

Matt was watching her hesitantly now, really not sure what she needed to tell him when they had mostly been okay lately. They were getting on the right page and things were settling down, especially now the dust settled after Taylor's baby news. But it was all thrown up in the air again when Tim got sick, and Matt just hadn't been able to shake this uncertainty in his gut that Sam was going to see something she was missing in Tim when he was sick. Last time he had been in hospital, they had been together, and Matt wasn't even part of the picture then. "Well, I helped outta nurse manager in the hospital the other day when she dropped all her stuff on the stairs. I kinda just got curious, asked her if she knew of any jobs that I could do in the hospital because it seemed like a nice place to work. She asked me if I was a nurse, and I told her I ain't, but that I'd maybe thought 'bout it all in the past over the time. That's when she told me 'bout this program they have. They employ nursin' assistants, and then they can apply for a scholarship to do a nursin' degree at college. After that, they employ ya' as a proper nurse. So... that's all that sorta happened, and I'm startin' the job on Monday."

Sam gave his hand a squeeze as she continued to smile. "Oh, darlin', that's great! I'm proud of ya. Ya gonna be a nurse, that's so cool. I ain't even gonna make any male nurse jokes 'cause I know it's somethin' ya perfect for, and ya still get t'wear scrubs which is... hot. I can't believe it! I leave ya alone for a day and this is what happens. Ya go out and get a job, and get organised for college. Oh my god, I'm just... This is great. We gotta celebrate."

"Actually, ya' kinda been distant for a few days now," Matt had to point out to her quietly. "But it's okay, I get it. We should maybe take a raincheck on celebratin'. It's just a job, and things everywhere else ain't so good. Maybe when we can all go out some time?"

She shifted in her seat and dropped her gaze to their hands as her shoulders slumped. "I'm really sorry, M. I didn't meant to be. I just... I think hearin' about T kinda made my head crazy. I don't even know why. Just he always seems to wind up in hospital, ya know? I know some of it's his own doin'. He drinks like a goddamn fish, and it ain't healthy. Just every time he lands in there, it ain't a good sign. Things always wind up goin' to crap. But this time... this time I think we finally got some things straight." Sam lifted her gaze again as she met his. "Sure, that's a good idea."

"It ain't a good sign when anyone is in hospital," Matt replied and even though his stomach suddenly felt really unsettled, he continued. "I thought ya' already had everythin' sorted out," he added, knowing there was more to this than she was saying. He just had a feeling. It had been plaguing him for days. Her body langauge said a lot too. "Are ya' goin' back to him?"

Sam frowned. "What? No! Things have just been awkward. It ain't easy bein' his friend. Not as easy as I thought. I don't even know why I was stayin' away, but I was. I think I was just worried we weren't ever gonna be friends after everythin'. He said he still loved me." She let out a breath, and looked at Matt. "But I don't love him. Not like that. I love him 'cause he's T, and he's been a part of my life for so long. He ain't the one I'm in love with. I'm in love with ya, Matt. Nothin' is gonna change that, and I don't want anythin' to change that."

Matt sat back and let out a sharp breath, feeling like someone had just thumped him in the stomach. "He what?"

Sam wet her lips. "He said he still loved me... That he needed me."

Matt pushed back and stood up, not actually sure if he was going to walk out or not. Flight or fight, he tended to always lean towards the flight and worry about it later. It was reactionary. Guilt at wanting to smack Riggin's face in when he was on his hospital bed surged through him, but didn't really dilute the urge much. He clenched his fists at his sides, trying desperately not to just explode angrily. Jason and Taylor were sleeping just a few doors down the hall, he knew he couldn't yell. That was something. "Ya' were in there a hell of a long time for that one statement," he finally got out, the words choked up. He rounded the table so he wasn't standing near her and started quickly and messily gathering up all his leaflets.

Sam watched him in confusion, staying where she was in case her moving was going to set him off. "He's my friend," she just said again. "And he caught me by surprise. I wasn't exactly plannin' on havin' him say that to me. I had to make sure he understood that I loved him just as a friend. That you're who I'm with, that you're who I love. He said you're the one I should be with anyway. He even admitted he had nothin' else to say. Just that it needed to be said. He's workin' through his regrets. Matt, Matt, stop... please. Nothin' happened. Nothin' is gonna happen. Will ya just listen? It's you I'm in love with. Only you."

Matt stopped and held the leaflets out at arms length helplessly while he tried to gather his thoughts. He was trying not to feel hurt by any of this, but truth was, he had been waiting for it. "Ya' just... ya' been waitin' for somethin' like this. Ya' wouldn't even be with me if he had said somethin' like this three months ago, and we both know it. It's always been him, and ya' ain't gonna just be able to ignore it!" He shook his head and turned away. "I'm... I'm gonna go to Dillon, see my grandma and mom. I dunno when I'll be back, I'll let ya' know. I just... I-I can't even think 'bout this right now or I'm gonna yell, and I ain't gonna disturb Taylor and Street."

Sam wanted to press her point about not waiting for Tim. She stopped waiting for Tim the moment Matt was the first and last thing she thought about everyday. Maybe she wouldn't have been with him three months ago, but things had changed. She'd changed. Her eyes filled with tears and all she could do was nod because she didn't want to wake up Mac and Jason either. "Drive safe..."

There was just a moment of hesitation before Matt fished the epilepsy leaflets from his pile and dropped them back onto the kitchen table. He glanced at her just briefly before walking out of the room without looking back. The worst part of this all, it fucking hurt like a bitch to have Riggins kick him in the guts like this. Was he going to forever be running up behind everyone else, no matter what he did?

Word Count | 2,328

sixwordstories

panthers7 — Thu, 20 May 2010 01:09:31 GMT

Somedays, Texas feels like another planet.

musebysentence | 77.8. Assistance

panthers7 — Sun, 16 May 2010 08:05:42 GMT

LINK: After watching Silas across the hospital waiting room wrestle with his cell, with a small sigh, Matt pulled Google up on his own phone and went over to silently hand it to the frustrated weed dealer... anything to ease the tension lingering in the room.

musebysentence | 59.1. Satisfaction

panthers7 — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 09:19:22 GMT

LINK: Startin' to see the benefits of sexual healin'...

RP LOG with supermarketsam | Fresh start

panthers7 — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 09:15:07 GMT

[Follows THIS]

Matt was buried under the mound of covers in the bed, curled up in a ball on his side with his arm wrapped protectively around his stomach. He really was trying to sleep, but every time he got close, his stomach cramped up again and his brain seemed to want to kick into overdrive. He was trying not to think about Sam out there talking to Riggins. As far as Matt was concerned, no good could come of it. Sam had been too hung up on Riggins, and she wasn't going to want someone like Matt if Riggins was there for the taking. In fact, if he wasn't feeling so crap, Matt was sure he would have gotten into his crappy car by now and just left. Maybe even gone back to Dillon, who knew? No one expected everything to blow up for Jason and Mac's wedding, but it had, and they all seemed to have some pieces to pick up in the wake of it. Matt couldn't believe how stupid Riggins had been getting caught up in crime shit like that. If criminals were Sam's type, Matt was going to be well out of the picture. He couldn't even lie to someone without getting a heavy guilt complex plaguing him.

He didn't know whether it was just because it was so soon after his break up with Julie. He had felt ready to move on, but he definitely didn't feel ready to be hurt again. Being hurt sucked. He had only had two relationships with girls in his life, and both had kicked him in the gut on some level. He thought Sam might be different, but that was when Riggins wasn't in the picture. A shiver crept over his body, the old worn Panthers t-shirt and track pants he used as pyjamas not doing much, and he huddle further under the covers, closing his eyes. He pushed all the thoughts of out his mind and tried to sleep again. He was so tired, he felt like he could sleep for a week.

Sam still felt like a weight had been lifted after her awkward conversation with T. She couldn't deny that she was worried about him going to jail, but he really had been stupid, and in his own Riggins way, it was right for him to claim responsibility and face the consequences. She just wished it didn't have to be anything so damn illegal. Now she padded softly back up the hall to the room she shared with Matt, and touched her hand to the doorknob as she sucked in a breath.

One conversation down, one to go. The past was dealt with, now it was time to deal with the present, and maybe her future. She hadn't been lying to Mac when she'd said it scared her to think of what it meant to no longer be in love with Tim. Right now she wasn't sure what it felt like other than like she'd been set free from something. She didn't feel so much like she was hanging in limbo, or like she was wrong for wanting something with Saracen.

The only thing that had stopped her promising to Matt that she could make him happy, that she could give him everything he wanted was Tim. Tim and Sam were over, and there was no getting back. And truthfully, Sam was okay with that. They'd tried and she'd made a nice big fuck up of it. Tim didn't need someone that had so much history with him and Lyla. There was just no letting Garrity go, not without Sam also letting Tim go.

She nudged open the bedroom door quietly, and took a peek at the lump in the bed. It didn't move, and Sam bit down on her lip as she tried to stay quiet while she closed the door behind her and crept over to the bed. She was pretty light, so the bed didn't move all that much as she climbed into it, and lay right next to Matt. She snuggled up nice and close as she tugged down the covers enough to expose his mouth, and brushed her fingertips across his cheek before she leaned in to capture his mouth in a kiss. Despite them both suffering from food poisoning she couldn't not kiss him then. She wanted to show him without a doubt that she was in this all the way. The kiss was soft, and lingering, Sam keeping it slow.

Matt really didn't know what to think at first. He didn't know if this was some sort of goodbye kiss or if she was trying to convince herself of something. His mind wasn't easily following much of anything. It seemed to want to isolate it's prominent thoughts to whether he was going to throw up or not, and whether he was a loser with girls or not. Had she just had some sort of confrontation with Riggins and was now trying to prove herself she didn't need him? He kissed her back, or at least started to. But he couldn't maintain the stamina in that she seemed to have. He broke it, and pulled back a little so he could see her face, a tiny frown of confusion settling on his features.

Sam wet her lips after the kiss, tasting Matt there as she kept her hand on the side of his face, and rubbed her thumb back and forth gently. She stayed quiet for a moment before she leaned in again, but this time she kissed his cheek. "I wanna give ya the world, Matt. I can give ya the world. I'm sorry if I took my sweet time figurin' it out. I did actually think I had it sorted, but I just... I need t'be sure. Had to talk to T. Me and him are done. Long done. Ya don't have to worry about him, okay? Or me pinin' after him, or anythin' like that. I'm yours if you'll still take me. If ya wanna let me have ya, too."

Matt drew in a small breath, wetting his own lips that had become dry over the previous days. He let it out slowly, his eyes locked on her face. "Are ya' sure?" he had to ask, even if just as a safety blanket for himself. He was always second-guessing and doubting himself, it was just automatic reaction now. He still wasn't sure why she would decide he was someone worth laying stuff on the line for, but if he was honest to himself, he wanted to know what it was like to really enjoy this whole relationship thing from the start. It had never been easy with Julie. He always felt like he wasn't good enough for her, and she did a damn fine job indicating the same thing to him, even up to the end. She didn't want to settle, and Matt was swept up into the dust pile of what she didn't want in her life. "Because I... I think I'm too tired t'just be someone's second choice. I don't wanna try and fit if ya' think ya' 'sposed t'be somewhere else. That's all. 'Cause I really like ya', Sam."

Sam smiled at him softly and traced her fingers along his jaw before she touched them to his bottom lip, and up to his nose, taking her time to just explore his face through touch. "Yeah, m'sure," she murmured. "I wanna have someone be my first choice, and me be theirs. I ain't wantin' ya to be my second choice. Ya my first, I promise. I really wanna give ya everythin', M. I really like ya too. Have done since Christmas. I was just... I know it's stupid, but not bein' with T, or thinkin' about bein' with T, or whatever... it was a big thing I had t'let go. He's what I thought about for nearly my whole teenagehood. Ain't known anythin' but him. Ain't let myself know anythin' but him, not properly. When ya came here... I don't know what it was. It was like I could finally see daylight. Does that make any kinda sense?"

Matt's nose scrunched up just a little. "Uh... not really, but then, I ain't ever had a crush on Riggins. I hear it's like a disease," he joked, with a hint of a smile. "Kinda like if ya' have a crush on Street. Ain't much shakin' it. Us other dudes just had t'settle for hangin' back in their spotlight. Not that I had a problem with that. Ain't like I'm exactly brimmin' with playboy tendencies."

Sam laughed softly. "Good thing I didn't hit by both then, huh? Coulda really been doomed." She pulled away for a moment as she stripped off the sweater she'd been wearing so she was just in a tank top and sweatpants as she wrestled the covers back to get in the bed properly with Saracen. She got the covers back up over them, and rubbed her hand against his stomach as she kissed his throat. "Ya know, ya really ain't as non-brimmin' as ya think. Ya got more the ninja style playboy tendencies. Ya sneak up on us girls and then we can't get enough. I know I'm still waitin' for us t'get over this damn stomach thing so I can take advantage of ya. Once really, really wasn't enough."

Matt pulled his lips to the side. "I hear ya' did hit both, though..." he couldn't help but add, even if he was smirking at her. He snorted with a tired laugh and shook his head. "I ain't like that. Julie was the only one other than Grandma's nurse who even wanted a bar of me. I still ain't completely sure that Julie wasn't just with me 'cause I got made QB, either. She was all not interested in footballers, but she changed her tune real quick. I dunno. Guess I'm just thinkin' over how it all really went down with me and her lately. It wasn't as cool as I thought it was when I was caught up in it. I ain't ever had a girl who can't get enough of me before. They always had enough." He made a small, pained noise and rested his hand on her. "I still ain't completely outta the woods yet."

Sam kissed his forehead, and trailed her mouth down the side of his jaw as she continued to cover him in kisses. If anyone asked, she was just trying to kiss him better. She was not planning on taking advantage of a sick former QB. At least not much. "Mm, yeah, I did, but I don't think I'm cut out for 'em. J's Mac's all the way, and T's just... T. Ain't meant t'belong to anyone just yet. He's gotta figure out what he's doin' with himself first. I still say it's all the girls' losses to not notice ya. Ya cute, ya got a great body, I mean just look at it... Ya sweet, ya kind, ya affectionate, ya just... yummy. I'm sorry things ain't as good as ya thought they had been with Julie. I ain't had enough of ya yet, Seven. Trust me. I can wait 'til ya outta the woods, though."

"M'gonna really try not to get a paranoid complex 'bout havin' sex in a house with so many people and sort of thinnish walls," Matt resolved, even if he was a little nervous about the prospect. No one had been home when he and Sam finally managed to get it on. He had nothing to be paranoid about. Now he was pretty sure there was maybe a little bit to be paranoid about. He was brushing his hand softly up and down her side. He definitely wasn't opposed to the attention she was giving him. It was nice, after everything. A nice distraction from the upset stomach, and past few days of feeling like he had been dragged from Dillon to Austin by a double-decker bus.

"Me too, but only 'cause I kinda feel like I don't wanna be heard 'less I can give the other girls a run for their money." She smiled at him, and shifted just a little so she could slip her hand up under his jersey and brush her fingers over his back as she kissed under his chin, and over his throat while nuzzling him. He really did smell good, even when neither of them had quite managed a shower in the past couple days. And he was warm, and just so... Matt. She was still feeling a little sluggish, but Sam was just glad her stomach had stopped doing flip-flops.

"A run for their money?" Matt asked uncertainly. "I... I ain't sure m'all that good. Ya' want them to hear ya'?" he added, raising his eyebrows as he tried to contemplate it. He had never really been caught at it before, most of his experiences pretty much planned and careful, or well away from anyone coming home out of the blue. He was pretty sure if he thought someone could hear, he would get performance anxiety, which wasn't good for parts of his anatomy.

Sam looked at him, and gave a small shake of her head as she just stilled and stayed close to him. She actually had yet to completely explore the joys of sex in public places - even if it was just a share house - and wondered if Matt really would be too scared to. "No, no. God, no. To the hearin' me part. I think ya are that good, I just don't wanna be gettin' listened to. Tyra and Mac just kinda... They don't mind bein' heard. Tyra definitely. I just figure maybe if ya caught up in it though, bein' heard ain't high up on the list of things ya worried about."

"I ain't heard Mac, but I heard Tyra and Silas in the bathroom. Jason was jokin' 'bout the whole bein' able t'perform on his weddin' night. Ironically, there wasn't any of us performin' nothin' but throwin' up on his weddin' night." Matt was trying to decide how he felt about it. Really, the house had become extremely crowded, and he knew he was part of all that. "Wouldn't it be awkward after when ya' gotta share the kitchen and livin' room again with with them, though?"

"Ain't like none of us know what sex is. We don't have t'pretend we were playin' Scrabble, or somethin'. I don't think it's awkward. I don't know. If it really does bother ya we'll figure somethin' out. I don't wanna make ya uncomfortable, Matt." She started to trail kisses over him again, her hand rubbing against his back. "I want ya very, very comfy. Tyra and Silas always seem to wind up in the bathroom. Hope J can perform on his weddin' night whenever that does happen."

Matt went to say something and then closed his mouth again, a frown of thought furrowing his brow. He wasn't sure if he should come out with the confession or not. All the talk about loud sex and hearing people was making him feel a little like he was missing out on something. Until now, he hadn't even thought about it. "I ain't ever been loud," he finally admitted to her, pulling his lips to the side with a small shrug.

Sam shrugged as well, and let her head rest back on the pillow as she looked back at him. "That's okay. Ain't about who's loudest. Just 'cause ya loud doesn't mean ya ain't enjoyin' it. So long as it doesn't mean I ain't doin' anythin' wrong either, I'm okay with it."

Matt's stomach made a gurgling noise and he exhaled slowly, shifting further onto his side to try and find a more comfortable position. "What makes someone loud, though?" Now that he was thinking about it, he was seriously wondering if maybe he was holding back or something. With Julie, they just had to try and get it in before her parents were home, or before Matt's grandma woke up. Maybe he had just been subconsciously aware that he had to stay quiet, so it had just become his norm?

Sam heard the noise and started to rub his back again, her fingers moving across the toned skin in gentle strokes. "Confidence, I guess... Maybe gettin' so lost in it, they just don't care who's listenin'? I don't know. I don't even know if I'm loud. I'm loud if it feels good, I think. I'm loud if I just can't get enough, and I want more, and I feel like I'm gonna explode..." Sam sucked on her lip in thought, her fingers moving down to Matt's lower back. "And then ya get the people that are loud 'cause they fake it."

"Fake it?" To Matt, that just sounded like a lot of work. "D'ya' think anyone here fakes it?" he asked, even if he was doubtful. The couples under that roof were really into each other, there probably didn't need to be much faking. Unless it was Street, but then, he didn't think Mac would appreciate the sentiment. "I dunno... I just... sex has always just been sorta average for me. Ain't like I didn't enjoy it or nothin', 'cause I did. Just hasn't ever been... like ya' just said."

Sam shook her head as she laughed a little. "No, I don't think anyone here fakes it." She bit her lip as she studied Matt's face, and her hand moved past the waistband of his sweatpants to rub over his butt cheek. She kissed his mouth softly, and smiled. "Then that's definitely one of the ways I'm gonna give ya the world. I ain't lookin' to just be havin' average sex all the time. I wanna get ya so crazy ya feel like ya gonna break apart if ya don't have me."

Matt's nose scrunched up a little as he continued to think on it. "Will ya' get bored I can't do it like all that? What if some guys just can't?" He couldn't deny, though, that this felt nice. To have someone here when he was feeling sick, and actually care whether he was okay or not. Julie probably would have, until she had something more important pressing on her time. He still couldn't believe he had resorted to delivering pizzas after school just to try and stick around for her. Maybe he did just need some sort of confidence or ego boost after taking so many kicks in the teeth.

"No, I won't get bored. I'll just know that this... whatever it is, 'cause it ain't average - is just ya way. Ya subtle, and quiet, and there ain't anythin' wrong with that. Just don't mind me if I'm like the other way sometimes. I'm already startin' to wanna eat you up. In a non-gross way." Sam's hand was slowly migrating towards the front of his pants, and she was keeping her expression as innocent as possible before she reached it its destination and her fingers brushed up against Matt's length.

A small breath caught up in Matt's throat when she touched him, and stilled at first. He wasn't exactly hard, but the talk of sex had stirred something. He didn't think he could have sex without his stomach wanting to rebel again, but the touching was nice. He was starting to realise just how much he had been settling with Julie. He had been fine waiting when she wasn't ready for sex, but once they got that out of the way, she was hardly very forthcoming in general. He mostly had to instigate it. "I... um..." he began and cleared his throat. It wasn't like he could order his dick not to get hard when a hot girl was touching it, was it? "That... uh... feels nice."

"Yeah?" Sam asked as her expression changed, and she was watching him with a little concern just in case she really was about to make him throw up again. She wasn't trying to make him feel any worse, she wanted to make him feel better. "Just tell me if ya need me t'stop though, okay?" She continued with the gentle touches, not really looking to get him rock hard straight away. She wanted to get to know his body a little better. It wasn't like they'd had much time for exploration. Their first time hadn't exactly been hurried, but there had been a slight sense of urgency. Mostly because they just seemed to suddenly need each other. Sam sucked softly at the skin on the side of his neck as she moaned softly, an arousal she had been trying to fight kicking up a notch at feeling the weight of him in her hand.

Matt exhaled slowly and leaned a little closer into it. If he had been asked, he would have said it was impossible to get hard, but clearly that was an error. The way she was touching him was really turning him on. They didn't have to have sex, but he felt like at least something would be nice. He covered her hand with his, giving it a small squeeze and then pushing it lower so her fingers brushed over his balls. A small moan of his own escaped and he rocked his hips forward, turning his head a little to invite her lips to keep doing exactly what they were doing. His hand found her arse, and he rubbed his hand over it, slightly hesitantly at first before he squeezed it softly, feeling the curve of it beneath her pants which seemed to just spur his erection on even more.

Sam moaned as she continued to stake her claim on Matt. Her leg slid over his as she pulled herself even closer and followed his lead. His balls now rest in the palm of her hand and she started to massage them as her teeth nipped at the spot on his skin, working on getting a bruise there. There definitely didn't have to be any sex, but Sam was going to make damn sure Matt knew what it felt like to be the centre of someone's attention. She slid her mouth over his skin after soothing the bruise with her tongue and brought her lips up against his ear as she moaned softly again. "Ya mine now, Seven."

Word Count | 3,743

musebysentence | 57.1. Queasy

panthers7 — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 05:11:09 GMT

LINK: Matt didn't know if it was the remainder of the onslaught of bad Chinese that was making his gut churn over and over, or whether it was the sinking feeling of uncertainty that anything with Sam was going to be over before it even had a chance to start... if it ever even did have that chance.

musebysentence | 55.3. Overwhelmed

panthers7 — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 08:11:06 GMT

LINK: Matt wasn't sure he had the energy, stamina, strength or mojo to compete with a Riggins and wondered if he should just cut his losses before he made a dick of himself.

[Follows THIS]

musebysentence | 48.8. Help

panthers7 — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 07:37:04 GMT

LINK: Matt was realising how much it was a help to actually be with his friends, even if he hadn't let himself get close to many people in the past for fear they would up and leave him like his parents had.

musebysentence | 44.7. Desire

panthers7 — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 01:13:06 GMT

LINK: He still wasn't completely sure if it was a good idea, but he knew he wanted it enough to at least give it a go and know there wasn't a lot he could really lose anymore.

[Follows THIS]

musebysentence | Advent 24. Christmas

panthers7 — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 04:35:27 GMT

LINK: Best one in a long time, really.

RP LOG with supermarketsam | Returning favours

panthers7 — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 11:39:53 GMT

[Contains spoilers for Friday Night Lights Season 4, especially in relation to Matt's exit]

Leaving Dillon.

It should have been an easy decision to make, but Matt learned long ago no decision he was faced with was ever easy. His life was meant to be hard. Maybe this was the first time since he could remember that it really just wasn't difficult? Leaving high school, finishing his semi-successful run with the Panthers which at least saw him win a State Championship, once it was all over and he gave up his chance of doing art at college to take care of his grandma so she didn't have to go into a home, there seemed to be little to nothing. He ended up delivering pizzas, and he had Julie. Julie was a shining light in his otherwise dreary post-high school life. He had convinced himself he could be satisfied in Dillon because he had to be. There wasn't any other option, if he didn't stay, Grandma went to a home and Matt just couldn't live with that.

And then the news came. His father was dead. Killed in Iraq. Matt's greatest fear, even if he harboured deep-seated confusion and hatred over the situation. But it was over with now, and Matt needed a clean slate. An insurance payout meant his Grandma and his Mom would be fine without him. If he stayed in Dillon any longer, it would kill him. He loved Julie, and a part of him probably always would, but it was over now. She was part of that portion of his life that came with nothing but pain and loss. Strangely enough, it had been Tim Riggins who had come through when he most needed it. Matt found a support in his ex-teammate that he would never have anticipated could have been there. At the end of the day, Matt didn't really know exactly what it was that helped him make the decision to walk away from Dillon. He just knew he had to.

One last favour, though. Tim pulled up in his drive a couple of days earlier with a small wrapped package. Somehow, this Riggins, usually known to be quite thick, had deduced Matt's days in Dillon were drawing to an end. He asked if his one-time Quarterback would mind doing a favour for the only other Quarterback Tim would ever have endless respect for.

Jason Street.

Matt, faintly amused, wondered if the wrapped package was drugs and joked about the fact with Riggins. Some typical mate-type banter passed between them until Tim finally revealed it was the engagement ring Jason had given Taylor MacKenzie before the tragic accident a few months go that saw the young policewoman quit Dillon herself. Matt didn't ask why Tim had it, but it was clearly important that he did. Jason needed the ring back, he needed Mac back, and if Matt didn't mind taking a bit of a detour through Austin to drop it off. Matt hadn't seen Jason in awhile, and it might be a little odd, but Jason was the reason Matt succeeded as his successor. He would always owe him something. Which is what had Matt driving through the streets of Austin, Texas, for the second time in a week. The concert with Julie was only laying somewhere in the back of his mind. Maybe they should have dropped in on the Dillon crowd who had recently uprooted to Austin, but Matt's head hadn't been in the right place. This was his chance to rectify it, even if just to say goodbye. It was beside the point that he didn't actually know what his destination was yet. It didn't seem to matter so much, just so long as he wasn't in Dillon.

He checked the messily scrawled address he had written on the inside of his forearm and nodded as he pulled his Taurus up in front of the modest looking house. It had been snowing, but most of it had melted now. The package was tucked securely in his jacket pocket and he double-checked it was there before ringing the doorbell. He hoped someone was home. He couldn't see Six's truck parked anywhere, so maybe he wasn't. If not, he would just leave the item in the letterbox and continue on his way. He stamped some of the snow off his boots and gave himself a little shake to keep the circulation in the chill. This was a little bit of an odd situation, if nothing else.

Sam had yet to tell anyone in the house what had been going on with her. Between Mac coming to stay, and Tyra and Silas making the house Christmassy, she'd just kept her mouth shut. She left the house in the early hours of the morning, and usually didn't return until dinner time. She'd found a job in a supermarket, apparently never destined to break free from that industry. Only this time she wasn't working the service area, she was in a deli section and she was in charge. She was going crazy trying to find her feet, and keep it running, and since she now had her very own department she was putting in most of her long hours for free because she wasn't having her name attached to anything that sucked.

She stifled a yawn as she shuffled out of her bedroom, today her first day off after working six days straight. She was dressed in boxers, a tank top and an old jumper she wore to bed when it was cold. She rubbed her face as she stifled a yawn, and tried to comb her blonde hair into something presentable as she pulled the door open. It took Sam a moment to recognise Matt Saracen, and she gave him a sleepy smile. "Ya know, not so long ago I was thinkin' 'bout openin' the door to ya, but I was naked, and ya were deliverin' pizza."

At any other time besides a few days after burying his father, Matt probably would have found the joke amusing. The pizza delivery was a sensitive spot, though, and he just couldn't find the humour in it. "Yeah, um," he began and cleared his throat, pointing behind him with his thumb. Her appearance wasn't lost on him, and it looked like he was maybe interrupting something. "I was just passin' through an' I gotta drop somethin' off t'Street. Glad I got the right place an' all. Sorry t'bother ya' if ya' were busy, it's just..." He paused, clearing his throat. "Is Street home?"

Sam hadn't heard about Matt's dad, but she could see her joke had fallen flat, and switched gears. Matt had always been a nice guy, so the last thing she wanted was to make him uncomfortable. Sam opened up the screen door and gave Matt another soft smile. "C'mon in, Saracen. Better than freezin' both our asses off. And I ain't busy. Just sleepin' in late. Kinda ain't in the mood to do much of anythin' now that I got a day off. I ain't seen Jason all day, but then I ain't seen anythin' that ain't the inside of my eyelids, so..." She shrugged with one shoulder, and when Matt didn't seem to move off the porch, she reached out to tug him inside, starting to feel the cold air against her legs. "Ya can wait around. Let me make some coffee."

Matt did eventually follow her further into the house and scratched his head. "I could always just leave it with ya'," he suggested, not sure what he was actually supposed to do. Plus, it was getting late and he had already driven five or so hours from Dillon. He should maybe think about getting a hotel in Austin for the night before moving on to his next destination. "Then I wouldn't have t'hang 'round and disturb ya' day off or nothin'. Only had t'drop it off."

"Has anyone ever told ya ya can be too polite for ya own good?" Sam asked as she tilted her head. "It's fine, Matt. I'd like to hang out with ya for a bit. Ya can even stay here if ya want. We can find a spot for ya here somewhere. There's like five of us now. Ya can even crash in my room. Or on the couch. Don't ya just wanna take a load off for a bit? What are ya even doin' here? Austin's a long way to be droppin' somethin' off. Although it seems to be a trend between Tim droppin' Mac off, and ya bein' here t'give somethin' else to J."

Matt looked like he was in two minds for a few moments, but he did eventually take one of the seats at the kitchen table. He didn't realise how tired he was, actually. Maybe everything was just starting to catch up with him. "Oh, nah. It's okay. I'm just gonna get a room somewhere. Ain't needin' nothin' fancy. Just figured I'd come here first 'cause it was kinda important. Still ain't sure why Six ain't got it himself, but I ain't askin' questions. Riggins just..." He looked at her with a small frown and took the package from his pocket holding it up before setting it on the table. "Mac's ring."

Sam's eyes widened as her mouth fell open slightly. "Shit... I didn't even realise he didn't have it. That's... And T had somethin' t'do with ya gettin' it back to J?" Sam frowned as she rubbed her hand against her face again. She still felt groggy, and when she realised she was still standing there like an idiot, she moved to the counter to start getting the coffee ready. It felt like something she was always doing, but these days she needed to be busy with her hands. "Ya hungry? We got some leftovers from last night's dinner. I can heat it up for ya. And ya really don't have t'get a room if ya don't want. I'm sure everyone would love t'see ya. Can't believe it's her ring... I still ain't sure what's goin' on with 'em. The reunion's been, um, interestin'."

The package wasn't wrapped up tight or even neatly. Matt could easily unfold the brown paper and reveal the beautiful diamond ring inside. He held it up for Sam to see. "I only just took Riggs' word. I dunno if it was accurate. Mac's ya' mate, this look like what Six gave her? Riggs only said somethin' 'bout Street chuckin' it away, but figurin' he'd need it back now. I ain't... I, uh, kinda been outta the loop lately. Just tryin' t'do a favour for 'em. They both helped me a lot. Riggs kinda more recently than Street, but I wouldn't have ever stayed on the team if he didn't coach me back then. Just felt like I should help if I could. I didn't even know Mac was here ti' ya' just said. Last I heard she was in New York." He only realised then she had offered him food. "Nah, it's okay. I'm fine. Sounds like ya' got a full house already."

Sam came back over and took the ring off Matt. "Yeah, it's hers. J threw it away once before. Last time I was the one t'pick it up and save it." She sunk down into the chair near Matt's and just kept looking at the ring for a long moment. Tim had done everything in his power to get Mac back to Jason, and to give Jason everything he needed to be happy. She wanted to call him up and talk to him so badly, tell him he did good. She just knew she didn't have the courage. "I've been here, and sometimes I still feel outta the loop. Had my head stuck up my ass for months. And ya know, ya never really gave y'self a chance, Matt. Ya woulda done just fine as QB. I know J did help ya, but ya were a great QB." She reached out to gave his hand a squeeze. "So what's kept ya outta the loop?"

"Maybe third time lucky?" Matt suggested quietly with a small shrug, his light eyes still on the ring in her fingers. "My Dad was killed in Iraq." There wasn't a whole heap he could say to follow up that statement. It wasn't like he was contemplating lying, he just didn't particularly feel like elaborating on it all again. He had exploded in the wake of the news and that was it. Nothing else was going to bring his Dad back, and he didn't want the sympathetic looks anymore. The pity. The poor stupid bastard whose mother walked out when he was a kid and whose father was never there while he was shouldered with caring for his crazy grandma. Matt Saracen in a nutshell. He needed out.

Sam set the ring down, and took Matt's hand in both of hers. She didn't give him a sympathetic look, but she did hold his gaze for a moment. She'd never had a parent die, so she couldn't imagine what it was like. She just knew that it had to get tiring for people to keep hearing others were sorry. "Maybe," she murmured. "Stay here tonight, Matt. Please. We can order Chinese. Ya don't even have to spend time with anyone else if ya don't want. I'll keep ya locked up in my room. It's been ages since I've hidden a boy in my room. Ya just... I don't know. Just seem like ya could use some space, and do ya really think ya gonna get it in a motel where the sheets crunch?"

Matt looked up at her uncertainly, his forehead creasing. "I dunno, Sam. I ain't thought about much of anythin'. Just had t'get out, ya' know? Had the means now, just wanted a clean slate. I know I left Julie, but after next year, she's gonna probably end up at some awesome college well away from Texas and I'll still be stuck there. I mean, I ain't mopin' or nothin'. I dealt with it, best I could. We just... ain't exactly been close mates. Ya' don't have t'feel like ya' need t'offer me a place t'stay. I know it's gotta be hard for people t'really know what t'say when I tell 'em that, but ain't quite come up with an adequate cover story yet."

"Sometimes it ain't about bein' close friends. Sometimes it's just about bein' the person ya need at the time. Every friendship starts somewhere, M. Think of me as ya downtime coach. J got ya in QB shape, I'll just show ya hot to blob." She wet her lips before giving him a small smile. "As for cover story, just tell people ya wanna find the inner you. I'm sure ya know how to spin that as a fledglin' artist. Weren't ya always into that kinda thing? Everyone seems to be growin' apart these days. It's either college, or somethin' else. Guess it's all part of growin' up. Sucks, but it's gotta happen. Havin' said that I've just gone from one supermarket to another. Ain't nothin' changed but goin' from a town to a city."

"M'told change is what ya' make it," Matt pointed out and then pressed his lips together briefly. "That's what I'm tryin' t'do. T'make it. Probably gonna fall flat on m'face. First time I've ever been on m'own completely. Always had m'grandma, she needed t'be looked after 'cause there was no one else. Can kinda see now why y'all left, just didn't wanna think too much 'bout it 'cause I couldn't do the same. I tried, but I didn't want Grandma t'go into a home. Not after everythin' she did for me. She practically raised me my whole life, I owed her. Ain't sure I got an inner me. M'just me."

"Nothin' wrong with that. I kinda like just you," Sam revealed, her smile growing a little. She glanced over at the coffee maker, and got up when she realised there was enough to make two cups. "How do ya take it?" Sam pulled the hems of her boxers down so they didn't ride up completely. She could only imagine what she looked like, but she really couldn't be bothered with getting dressed. She also didn't think she stank. "I can only imagine what it's been like for ya with ya grandma, and I think you're amazin' for copin' with it as long as ya did. You're strong, Matt. Ya can't take this kind thing and not survive like ya have without bein' strong. There also ain't anythin' wrong with wantin' some you time."

Matt scratched at the side of his neck. "Just white. Ain't anythin' much t'stop the guilty feelin', though. Like Riggs said, he ain't ever gonna stop feelin' guilty 'bout Street. Somethin' ya' just gotta live with, an' still live. Grandma will be taken care of just fine. My Mom is there and there's cash now. Insurance payouts, compensation, whatever. Just ain't sure where to even start no more. Thought I wanted t'be an artist once, but it ain't gonna earn me much of a livin'. If I wanna chance in life, I wanna do it right." He tucked the ring back into the paper, slowly and neatly wrapping it back up. he couldn't help but wonder if he would ever find someone he loved so much he wanted to propose to them and start a family with them. The prospect sounded kinda nice, and to be a parent his parents never were for him.

Sam got the milk out, and mixed it into Matt's coffee, but left hers black. She brought the mugs over and took her seat again. "Sometimes a livin' ain't everythin'. When ya become more focused on money and not the things that make ya happy, that's when it goes wrong. Seems a shame to waste all that artistic talent. Ya ain't gonna go t'college, or anythin'? What was it like havin' ya momma back? Do she and ya grandma even know ya gone?"

Matt nodded and just stared down into the coffee mug. "Yeah, I told 'em. Wouldna just up an' left without tellin' 'em an' sayin' goodbye. It was weird havin' her back. Grandma hated it at first, but they seemed to sort out their differences. I wasn't gonna analyse it. I was sick of the tension. An' it ain't got nothin' t'do with not makin' a livin' so much as I ain't got much inspiration these days. No urge for art at all. Just wanna try somethin' different that ain't in Dillon. Just dunno what. Or where. Dunno even where t'start but I'll figure it out."

"Wanna come work for me?" Sam asked as she bumped him lightly. "Ya got time t'work it all out, Matt. Ya only young. Ain't no rush. I still don't know what I'm doin', just kinda move along. I guess it's why I get so shaken when somethin' does change. I get used t'goin' along the same course, but then my landmarks change and I'm lost." She was quiet for a moment. "Is he okay?"

Matt didn't know who she meant at first, until he did managed to put two and two together. "Riggs? Oh. Yeah. He's alright, I guess. Busy. Helped me out when m'Dad died, just support, ya' know? He's just Riggs, ain't a lot changes with him. Workin' at the garage an' helpin' out Coach with the new team, seems t'suit him. Kinda dude who can be satisfied with that. Probably be stuck in Dillon for the rest of his life and be okay with that."

Sam smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Yeah, ya probably right... He's always been happy with the simple life. I'm glad he's okay. Things ain't really been easy for anyone."

"Yeah," Matt replied and curled and uncurled his fingers around the coffee mug. Now he just felt awkward and weird. He didn't know much of the story with that side of things, but hadn't she been the one to accuse Tim of cheating on her? He didn't exactly understand why she was being kinda flat with the whole thing right now, but he wasn't going to question it. Tim had never done anything but be a good mate for him and he didn't want to really get into the personal side of what went down with any of his exes. He also had no clue what else to say to her. Wasn't like he could exactly strike up a conversation about Panthers, probably one thing they had in common. Panthers were shit nowadays. So he just lifted his mug and took a small sip, glancing around nervously.

"I'm sorry," Sam suddenly said. "I didn't meant to... I mentioned my head bein' up my ass, right? Well, sometimes my foot joins it. I ain't been too social lately. Got these crazy work hours so I kinda forget how to talk to people. Kinda funny given how I'm there to service people all day, every day. Feel free to just gimme a slap, or somethin'. Or just gimme a moment for my coffee t'kick in."

Matt shrugged and set the coffee back down on the table. "S'alright. Just sounds like ya' still really hung up on him," he noted. "My fault. I just assumed ya' were movin' on. Ain't ya' fault."

Sam laughed a little. "I'm shit at movin' on. Ain't slept with anyone since him. I really need t'get him outta my system, but I can't even... Goin' out to pick up just seems weird, and I don't even know why. I feel like an old lady, and I ain't even nineteen yet. I really just need a good tumble to get myself into gear. I do miss sex."

Matt raised his eyebrows briefly. "Sure it wouldn't just be a band-aid fix? Sounds like ya' makin' excuses, no offense. Don't think sex is somethin' that just makes ya' suddenly not be hung up on someone no more. Just sayin'," he felt the need to point out.

"Maybe not, but it can be fun. And it can kinda help ya start thinkin' there's somethin' beyond the person ya hung up on. People gotta move on somehow. Ain't like they just stop thinkin' about 'em," she replied with a slight shrug.

Matt shrugged again. "To each his own," he replied. "Think I'd prefer t'actually find someone else to move on with. Dunno, really. Might be fun, but is it fair on the person ya' sleepin' with if ya' still wantin' some other dude? I think I'd rather do the movin' on with dinner an' a movie first. T'find out the girl ain't still wantin' someone else. Julie wanted someone else when I was datin' her. Felt kinda shitty t'be on the receivin' end of that."

Sam held her hands up. "I didn't say I was hung up. I said I ain't had an opportunity t'move on yet. I can't move on if no one gives me a chance. I was just askin' how he was is all." Sam sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair. "I don't still want him. I know it's over. Just gotta get started. Just the idea of bein' with someone I already know is easier than the idea of hittin' on some random stranger. Only it ain't like J's an option, and I'd be riskin' my life tryin' somethin' on Tyra's guy. I ain't that kinda girl anyway."

Matt slowly scratched at the back of his neck and then tried to stifle a smile that threatened on his lips, but he couldn't. He just laughed softly and then held up his hand. "Sorry. I ain't laughin' at ya'. More just amused at the situation, which probably sounds real crap of me. Been awhile. Ya' wouldna been askin' how he was without usin' his name if that was all it was. Don't take this the wrong way or nothin', but it ain't soundin' like ya' need random sex. Sounds like ya' need a date, get t'meet people that ain't Riggs 'cause ya' been hung up on him for a long time. If things are still feelin' weird, don't ya' think casual sex will just make ya' feel more weird? Sounds like ya' making excuses with the not someone ya' know thing. Does kinda make it sound like ya' waitin for Riggs t'change his mind. An' I dunno that side of him too well, but he's... okay. There, in Dillon. He's doin' pretty okay there now. Ain't hooked up with no one, but seems t'suit him. He's there, ya' here. Maybe it just ain't the time for ya' to reunite and ya' gonna go mental waitin' for him. Don't tell me ya' ain't, either. I can tell ya' have been." His forehead creased then. "Tyra's guy? Oh hell. She ain't told Landry that. Think he's been doin' with her what ya've been doin' with Riggs. Waitin' for the wink and the nod f'things t'start up again."

Sam bumped her leg against his under the table as she shot him a look before reluctantly smiling. She could actually see the funny side. Her hang up with Tim Riggins had lasted years. Ever since she first met him. She knew somewhere in the back of her mind that she was still harbouring an adolescent crush. Unlike Mac and Jason, her and Tim had never quite evolved into a fully fledged adult relationship. He was Tim. And she was Sam. Still too scared of him turning around and telling her he didn't want a relationship with her to ever feel comfortable. The kiss with Lyla had just exploded the insecurties in her face, and ripped her and Tim apart. She realised she'd been staring at Matt for a long moment, and her blue eyes narrowed. It was clear she was getting an idea as she looked at him. "Wanna go on a date, Saracen?" As the Landry comment filtered through, she mirroed his slight frown. "Shit, that ain't good. I know how he feels, and it ain't nice for anyone. Does she even know he's waitin'?"

Matt pointed to himself. "With me? Why would ya' wanna go on a date with me after datin' Riggins?" he asked in surprised, blinking as he tried to make sure that is what she had said. He laughed slightly. "Are ya' serious?" He went back to scratching his head again and licked his lips to wet them. "Well, last I spoke t'him he said he was gonna meet her at some meet up point. I dunno. Maybe they changed their minds. I personally think he's been too hung up on her for too long, but he's Landry, ya' know? If she gives him even a glimpse of hope, he'll keep holdin' right onto it."

Sam nodded as she held his gaze. "Yeah, I'm talkin' about ya, Matt. See any other Saracen sittin' here? And why not? Ya cute, ya nice, ya ain't hard t'talk to, and I bet ya can be a lotta fun when ya let y'self go. And I'm deadly serious." She kept watching him, trying to read what the head scratching and lip licking meant. "Me and Landry really do have more in common than I ever thought. I might have t'mention somethin' to her unless ya wanna do it y'self. I don't think Tyra's really given him much thought lately... She's been real tied up with Silas. He drove all the way across the country to be with her. He was in Ren Mar, or somethin'. They're hardly ever apart 'less she's at college, or he's workin'."

"Well, I think Landry was waitin' for her. He was blowin' off some other chick because of Tyra. Kinda makes me wanna chew her out a bit. Ain't sure it's my place t'say, but then if she's just pretendin' like Landry ain't existin', it's hardly fair, is it?" As he spoke, Matt was still looking at her a little uncertainly. Maybe it was just because he was here and he brought up the dating that she thought he was a viable prospect? "Sure that's such a good idea? If ya' still ain't sure 'bout Riggs an' I just split with Julie. But then, she didn't want me t'stay in Dillon because of her. She said she did, but she was applyin' to colleges out west and stuff. She'd end up goin' an' I'd just be stuck in Dillon anyway."

Sam pressed her lips together as she gave a slight shrug. "I don't know what she's doin', I was only guessin'. Just kinda figured she woulda said somethin' to him, but maybe she really doesn't realise he's holdin' out? Maybe she thought they'd had that conversation. I ain't gonna pretend I know the ins and outs. Maybe ya should talk to her. Might take chewin' her out t'make her realise. Just like ya talkin' to me made me realise I'm bein' stupid, too." She shifted in her chair, and leaned forward to bring their faces closer together. "I ain't askin' to dive straight into anythin'. Ain't lookin' to make a committment, but maybe it might just help us both out to spend some time with someone. We don't even have t'have sex, but I wouldn't mind some kissin'," she added with a crooked smile.

"I've chewed her out 'bout Landry loads of times." Matt's eyes looked over her face and then dropped to her lips now she was this close in vicinity to her. The way his last few weeks went down, there was a little voice inside his head telling him 'to fuck with it'. He had spent his whole life being careful, it just so happened when he tried to not be so careful, everything seemed to blow up in his face. But he was growing up now and he really wasn't sure now that, after everything, any blow ups would seem so horrible. His Dad was dead, and he had split up with Julie. What was there to lose in just trying to move on and enjoy himself for once. He leaned in and closed the gap between them, kissing her like she had just indicated she wanted so it wasn't like he was abruptly cracking onto her and about to earn a smack in the face. Not that any chick had smacked him in the face before. He didn't have the most extensive track record in the romance stakes. When the kiss ended, he let out a slow breath and cleared his throat. "I ain't sure I really had plans to stop in Austin, though."

Sam smiled again as Matt pulled away, licking her lips as she felt a tingle down in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't actually remember the last time she'd kissed someone. Her last kiss with Tim something that wasn't filed away like maybe it should have been. Sam reached up to cup Matt's cheek in her has, her eyes dark as they flicked over his features. "Ya have a nice mouth," she said quietly before she could stop herself. Her smile became a grin, and Sam ducked her head as she laughed nervously. "Also already offered ya some space here. It's nearly Christmas, Matt. Ya really wanna be tryin' to spend it in a cold motel? And if ya ain't plannin' to stop, that's okay. I'll just take the kiss with a thank you, and also take ya advice. But ya are welcome here. I promise I won't even jump ya bones if ya do just wanna share my bed. Comfier than the sofa anyways."

Matt ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek and then laughed softly as he lowered his eyes down to the tabletop. There was a niggle of guilt in his gut. He had barely split with Julie, but it was over. Well over, and they both knew it. This was about fresh starts and finding himself, and this really wasn't that bad a way to try and do it. He didn't really have plans where to go. He thought maybe New York to check out a few art galleries, and maybe look into college opportunities there. But she was right, it was nearly Christmas. There wasn't a lot he would be able to achieve until the New Year and maybe New York at this time of year would be too much of a shock to the system for a guy that had spent his whole like in Dillon, Texas. Austin was a good start to acclimatise to the city life, right? Street and Sam both seemed to think so, and Tyra too, even if she was here for college. "Are ya' sure? Sounds like ya' maybe already got a full house. An' I ain't sure how Tyra would feel havin' me hangin' round. She knows I'll always try to defend Landry..."

"Tyra's drownin' in Christmas and Hanukkah spirit. Her lover's Jewish, but experiencin' Christmas for the first time. She ain't gonna mind. I'll talk to her in the mornin', or somethin'. Preferably when Silas has worked his sex magic on her. That's the other thing... They ain't always quiet. Jason and Mac ain't havin' sex together near as I can tell. They do sleep together, though. Literally sleep." Sam shrugged. "It ain't a hippie commune, but ya might start feelin' like it could be at this rate." Her fingers moved to the nape of his neck, and she couldn't resist leaning in to kiss him softly. "Stay."

It was tempting. It would at least be a place for him to stay, and he could call his Grandma and his Mom to let them know he had somewhere so they wouldn't worry. It would be nice to catch up with some friends, though, and still be far enough away from Dillon to try and break free. He scrunched his nose up just a little, wondering if could put up with hearing Tyra having sex with another guy knowing she was still leading Landry on, even if she was oblivious to it. He didn't exactly know the whole story. He just knew Landry had told him he was meeting Tyra and it sounded like he was expecting more than a cup of tea out of it. And he did have to do something with this ring, like he promised Tim he would. It was the least he could do after Tim helped him so much after his Dad died. "Well, I... guess I could stay for a lil while," he agreed and gave her a hint of a smile. "Kinda worried what will come if Street does start havin' sex with Mac, though. Might have t'rip my ears off."

"Welcome t'the Monkey House." Sam wasn't sure why Matt agreeing to stay made her happy, but it did. It wasn't like he had actually agreed to a date. He'd somehow managed to avoid actually answering her proposition, but she could understand why. He was just newly split from Julie, and she couldn't blame him for being hesitant. Especially when he was already apparently thinking she was a nutcase stuck on Tim Riggins. Sam didn't mean for her smile to be so devious, but it appeared before she could stop it. "Ya might just have t'start makin' ya own loud noises instead, Seven. I'll help."

musebysentence | 40.10. No pain, no gain

panthers7 — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 01:25:50 GMT

LINK: Nineteen years of pain, it was about time he started looking for that gain... which just couldn't be found in Dillon anymore.

musebysentence | 8.10. Pirates of the Caribbean quote

panthers7 — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 22:08:50 GMT

"If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it."

LINK: The accident was horrific, but he would never be thankful enough for having Jason Street coach him and show him that passion was only the beginning.

musebysentence | 2.2. Disappoint

panthers7 — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 10:01:14 GMT

LINK: I know I ain't the best QB out, but he didn't have to bench me completely.

musebyquotes | 2.7. Meg Cabot quote

panthers7 — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 08:36:40 GMT

2.7. "In order for people to be happy, sometimes they have to take risks. It's true these risks can put them in danger of being hurt."
- Meg Cabot

Co-written with wannabeimprtant | Follows THIS

Tyra had stood there awkwardly after Matt's timely exit. She'd caught Landry's eye briefly, and for a moment she considered going over and talking to him. Hanging around Dillon had been mostly a good idea. Until that kiss with Matt. The kiss that was keeping her awake most of the night, and the one that had her smiling a little too fondly when she should have been feeling guilty. And for the most part she did. Especially now as she looked at Landry sitting there alone. She opened her mouth like she wanted to say hello, but shut it quickly and turned and left.

It wasn't a wise move, but then she had never professed to know what she was doing half the time. She went with her gut unless she was definitely required to think something through. Like college. She would talk to Landry another night. Maybe even try and call him later. Right now she had something else to fix. Matt's tail lights were already disappearing in the distance, and Tyra was happy to let him get the head start. Gave her a little more time to try and get her brain and gut to agree. Or just let her gut win out since the decision was already made.

A short time later she was pulled up out the front of the Saracen's, and biting the corner of her lip. It wasn't dissimilar to when she'd arrived at Street's, but this time she was distracted by memories of the kiss. She was an idiot. She had to be, right? This was something her mother would do, not her... But Matt was free, and so was she. It was because of Landry that it was awkward, and Tyra really didn't know how she was going to get around that.

She let out a slow breath as she got out of the car and slammed the door shut. She took two paces before she turned around and had her hand on the door before she dropped it away, and marched up to Matt's front door. She banged on it and waited.

Matt was filling the kettle to make his grandma a cup of tea when the banging on the door started. He cursed to himself, the expletives getting swallowed by the loud rush of water into the kettle. He set it down and flicked it on, murmuring to his grandma that he was on his way in response to her telling him over and over to 'Get the door, Matt. Matt, the door'. He shuffled back to the front door and pulled it open without really giving much thought as to who it might be or why they were there. When he saw Tyra standing there, he opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but closed it again. "T-Tyra, you... this isn't a good time," he said, pulling the door closed a little behind him as he shifted out onto the stoop.

Tyra looked around as she pushed her fingers through her hair, and gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Matt. I am. I know my timing's never been great. In fact I'm pretty sure I never had it... I just--I needed to tell you something." Tyra moved closer to him, her blue eyes flicking over his face before she reached out and took it between her hands as she kissed him. There was definitely no mistaking who made the first move this time. And when she pulled back, Tyra didn't run. She stepped back to give Matt space again as she licked at her lips and looked down at her feet. The kiss hadn't quite worked out like she thought it would. She'd been hoping it would prove there was no spark, but she was wrong. At least on her end she was. Because there was spark. Lots of spark.

Matt was breathless from the force of the kiss and he touched his lips, gaping at her in surprise. "Tyra, I... ya'..." he stammered, still staring at her. "What are ya' tryin' to prove? Ya' got bored with Landry, so it's my turn now?" he asked, throwing his hand up helplessly. There was no nastiness in his words, just bewilderment as to why she was messing with him. Again.

Tyra blinked, and sucked in a breath like she was ready to go off at him for having that opinion of her, but he was right. Mostly. "I was just tryin' to prove that the other kiss had been a fluke, but it ain't. 'Least not where I'm concerned. I didn't get bored with Landry. I was never bored with him. I was scared he was gonna wake up one day and realise I wasn't good enough. And I wasn't. Not then." She touched her fingers to her lips, feeling like she had just been eating hot chili the way they seemed to burn. "I just... I don't know what it is, but you're gettin' under my skin, Matt."

"A fluke? I bet ya' wanted it to be a fluke too," Matt returned with a small frown. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jersey and leant against the wall by the door. "Is there anyone 'sides Riggins ya' didn't just accidentally find an attraction for?" he asked, maybe a tiny bit of bitterness creeping into his tone now. He didn't want to be messed around again. Julie had hurt him too much, then Carlotta by leaving just when they got close. He couldn't take anymore teasing.

"Smash, but that never went very far after his mother caught us. Attraction ain't ever gonna be somethin' ya plan, anyway. I like you, okay? I liked talkin' to ya that night online, then at Jason's I was really enjoyin' talkin' to ya again. It was the first time we ever really talked, and we just clicked. Then that kiss happened and I guess I freaked out a little too much. I didn't mean to run, but I just... You're Julie's ex, and Landry's best friend. You shouldn't want me, same as I probably shouldn't want you." She wet her lips and let out a frustrated noise. "I do want ya, Matt. And I'm sorry."

"You're Landry's ex and he's my best friend!" Matt cried in frustration, rubbing his hand over his head. "I don't... how... I don't see how this can work."

"If I wasn't his ex would you... do you even like me?" Tyra asked, then held up her hand and started to pace a little. "I'm only askin' because I'm tryin' to work out if we should even try somethin' and just work it out as we go. I ain't lookin' for an ego stroke."

Matt watched her uncertainly. "I don't want ya' doin' to me what ya' did to Landry. I had enough of that with Julie. Dillon ain't big enough to have ya' both someone I'm tryin' to avoid."

"Good thing I'm in Austin then, huh?" Tyra joked, albeit wryly. She held Matt's gaze for a moment. "I'm not gonna do what I did to Landry. You and me don't have the same history. This is startin' off as... attraction. We ain't thrown together 'cause someone died."

Matt's hands disappeared back into his pocket. "Sure ya' ain't just lonely? 'Cause I'd get it if ya' were. Ya' just moved away from home, ya' hate ya' apartment, college is a lot to think about... all that. I'd get it. Everyone ya' usually hang with are all hooked up or goin' away."

Tyra reached out to touch Matt's cheek briefly before her hand was back down to her side, and she sighed. "I am lonely, but that ain't why. If it was just lonliness I'd stick to fuckin' random guys. But if ya really feel like that, I'll leave ya be. I don't wanna cause ya any trouble. Well, more than I have already."

Matt couldn't stop thinking about Landry and that guilt was back, niggling away in his gut. "I... I needa think about it," he finally said, not sure what else he could say without feeling like he was going to rush head first into something he would regret.

She gave a nod as she hooked her thumbs into her pocket and gave a shrug. "Sure, Matt. I get it... Say hi to ya grandma for me. I'm... I'll--I guess I'll talk to ya whenever. I'm gonna go back to Austin soon. Sorry for, ah, interruptin' ya night."

"That ain't fair, Tyra. But if ya' wanna just treat me like every other guy ya' wanna walk away from so ya' don't get hurt, go ahead. Doesn't mean I'm like them and doesn't mean I'm gonna just agree to this without tryin' to think what it's gonna mean when the shock of the fact we kissed is gone," Matt said and waved his hand a little. "Walkin' away always seems like an easy first choice, doesn't it? I don't even get the courtesy of some time 'cause ya' dunno know how to handle it when it's not fuckin' and runnin'."

Tyra stepped in close to Matt and dropped her voice. "You just said ya needed time. I'm givin' ya time, so don't bite my damn head off, Saracen. Just because I'm gonna go back to Austin doesn't mean ya can't reach me, or that I won't come back. I came here to Dillon because ya asked. You were the first person to want me back here. Don't ya think that means somethin'? So don't you dare put this back on me. I'm tryin' to give ya what ya just said ya wanted. If you wanna think while I sit here on ya porch, then I will if it proves that I ain't walkin' away."

Matt wasn't usually the argumentative sort, but this time, he just didn't seem to be able to let it drop. "Nah, ya' were just trying to save face before I turned around and fucked ya' over or hurt ya'," he guessed, recognising the forced indifference in her tone in her previous comment. "And I... I can't blame ya' for that. Not one bit. It ain't nice bein; fucked over, especially when ya' ain't done nothin' wrong."

Tyra dropped her gaze again as her shoulders slumped. Why was Saracen getting under her skin so damn easily? "You're not supposed to know me this well yet," she replied quietly. "But yeah, you're right. Same as you wanna protect yourself from bein' hurt, too. Maybe since we both know what it feels like we'll take better care not to hurt each other if we can help it."

Matt glanced at the door of his house, almost as if expecting his grandma to come out at any moment. "I wouldn't wanna hurt ya', anyway," he told her quietly.

"And I don't wanna hurt ya either like I said." Tyra leaned in to brush a kiss to his cheek. "I just don't wanna stay here in limbo and drive myself crazy. I'm sorry if that's selfish, but it's just me. I'm here for a couple more days, but then I really gotta get back to Austin."

Matt nodded. He took her hand and squeezed it, but it was a chaste touch. "I'll call ya'," he told her. "I will, either way."

No binding on any Landry muses

Word Count | 1,880

just_1_word | 26.10. Door

panthers7 — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 08:33:30 GMT

26.10. Door

[Follows THIS and THIS]

"What is wrong with you?"

Matt was slumped down in his booth at the diner, chewing distractedly on the end of his straw. His eyes flicked momentarily to Landry, but they went back to staring at the ice cubes in his glass of Coke. "Nothin'," he said, which came out more like a dismissive grunt. He kept looking at the swinging glass doors every time someone entered, though he still couldn't decide whether he was hoping for someone to come, or hoping for them not to.

"Is this something to do with your Dad?" Landry pushed and shoved a pile of fries into his mouth. "You aren't much fun when you're like this, man."

Matt stifled the urge to roll his eyes (or perhaps get up and walk out in a huff). Why the hell was Landry so aggravating tonight? Matt didn't want to be here; that's why he was no fun. He didn't say anything in response. He just veered back into his own little world of confusing thoughts, the ice cubes bouncing off the side of the glass only affording him something to look at and stop him staring stupidly at a wall or out the window. The thing was, it wasn't actually Landry's fault he was aggravating. He was aggravating because of who he was and who he used to date.

Tyra Collette, to be exact.

And it was guilt that was making Matt feel Landry was irritating him. Really, really heavy guilt. His mind inevitably turned back to that night Matt and Tyra had somehow ended up in a night of laughs and drinking at Riggins and Street's place. It followed a strange, but nice, conversation with Tyra online where Matt ended up telling her - for some reason - that she shouldn't be a stranger to Dillon. He hadn't been sure why she had bothered speaking to him in the first place, let alone take the time to carry on a conversation with him. It wasn't like they really talked much when they were in school together. He hardly knew her. Or, more accurately, he knew her reputation and knew she had hurt his best friend.

And Landry was still his best friend, and Tyra was still Landry's ex. Why the hell had Matt kissed her?! Of all the stupid damn things to do! There couldn't be a more stupider thing to do than kiss a mate's ex. It was, like, almost against the law or something! At least, it should be. Matt shifted uncomfortably in his seat as the situation make him squirm guiltily again. He didn't even know if he was supposed to be getting back together with Julie. It didn't feel like he should. They had their thing and now just friends was much better. No pressure. Matt had other things on his plate lately, like his Grandma and deciding to stay in Dillon to take care of her rather than going away to college and leaving her in home. It had a been a big decision and he had been really confused for awhile there. That had to be it, right? The reason he kissed Tyra Collete right there.

What a damn cop out. There was no reason why. He still didn't even know who technically kissed who first. What he did know, though, was that both kissed back. Momentarily. Until Tyra pulled away and ran away as fast as she could. Matt frowned at the memory. Of course she ran. She ran from Landry and pushed him away. Why would Matt Saracen be any better? He wasn't. That was the thing. Unless a guy was built like Tim Riggins with a reputation to match, why should she bother with them? The only reason she probably even spoke to him in the first place was because she had no one else in Austin. Tim Riggins was off the market again and Landry likely wouldn't go back for her to stomp all over his heart for a third time. He might've really loved her but he wasn't stupid. The kiss was a stupid mistake and the evidence of that was how she couldn't get away from him quick enough. She just up and left without a word.

Almost as if on cue, and like some bad nightmare, Matt's eyes turned to the door again when it opened and admitted Tyra to the diner. He felt his face flush and he tried to look away, but their eyes met. He sat up abruptly in the booth, clearing his throat. "I-I'm gonna go home, Landry. I don't feel good," he lied, trying to keep his eyes averted from both Landry and Tyra as he stood up, his food untouched.

"Want me to come with?" Landry asked, looking at his friend in concern over the top of his half-eaten burger.

"No!" Matt jumped in. "Nah, I'll be alright. See ya'." He moved up the aisle between the tables and his path had to intercept Tyra's for him to get out. He just glanced at her without saying a word, hesitating just for a moment before he left, pushing a little too roughly out of the doors and into the cool night.

Tyra Collette is wannabeimprtant, Tim Riggins is texas33forever and Jason Street is itwontstopme; all referenced with permission. Not binding on any Landry muses in existence.

Word Count | 864

musebyquotes | 1.8. Wonder Years quote

panthers7 — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 06:25:52 GMT

1.8. "Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."
- From the television show 'The Wonder Years'

Grandma burnt the toast again this mornin'.

I'm not sure what we'd do if we didn't have smoke alarms. I can't tell her not to cook, though. She just gets more confused when things aren't how they're supposed to be. I know she can't really do what she used to, but she's happy when she tries. She's doesn't really realise she's makin' mistakes or nearly hurtin' herself. It's just Grandma, really. I know a lot of people think she's weird or they feel sorry for me for takin' care of her, but I wouldn't have anyone else without her. I kinda just do it. It's not really a burden most days.

I mean, yeah... it can be, I guess. Some days I just wish I was like all the other people at school with Mom and Dad home, and Grandma not thinkin' the pot plant was a kitten. Like Julie. She's got her Mom and Dad who love her and a kid sister who's probably gonna grow up thinkin' she's great. But some days she doesn't seem to realise how lucky she is. I miss my Mom and Dad, even if I hate them some days for leavin' me alone.

I love Grandma, but she's just ill and does strange things a lot. Sometimes she thinks I'm Grandpa. I just let her think that. I read a lot about Alzheimer's when the doctor first time me that's what Grandma might have. The books and stuff say that they don't remember the recent memories sometimes and get confused when ya' try and change stuff to things they don't know. I don't mind goin' into Grandma's world sometimes if it stops her bein' upset, ya' know? I don't like when she's upset. I feel like I'm failin' her and can't help her like I should be. If I don't take care of her, who will? She looked after me all those years and she's the only person who hasn't left me.

But I ain't a freak. I want to be normal some days, too. I want Grandma to be normal and not stuck in her old world. I'm goin' to really miss her when she goes back into it forever. Worst part is, I know it's gonna happen one day. One day soon, and it really hurts.

Word Count | 384

just_muse_me | 15.6.6. TEN things that make you smile

panthers7 — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 09:20:40 GMT

15.6.6. TEN things that make you smile

1. My grandma
2. When my Dad comes home
3. Winning a game
4. Coach telling me I'm doing a good job
5. Riggins' failed one-liners
6. Landry's crush on Tyra
7. ~~Seeing Julie~~ Hanging out with friends
8. Getting to State
9. Being a Panther
10. Grandma telling me she's proud of me

muse_shuffle | April Disc Two

panthers7 — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 09:09:16 GMT

18. If you wrote me off I'd understand it
Because I've been on some other planet
So come pick me up...
I've landed
[‘Landed’ – Ben Folds]

Matt had not been on the field once on a Friday night since he was accepted on the team. Not once. Sure, he was a Panther and apparently they were all on the same equal team. Clear eyes – Full hearts – Can’t lose! But no. He wasn’t Smash, he wasn’t Riggins, and he certainly wasn’t Street. He never would be. There was no way he was ever going to be good enough to be any driving force to win a Dillon Panthers football game, even if he was on the team and he was a football player. He had a number on his back just like everyone else there. Number 7. He had been 7 since he had joined the team in his Junior year. He was 7 and he was a quarterback.

But there was no way he could match the likes of Jason Street. Very few high school football players in the country really could, let alone anyone in Dillon. Street was the Dillon Panthers. It was his guidance that had them on the winning streak they were and this year was the year they were going to State, with Street leading them. Nothing stopping.

Matt was happy to go along for the ride. He was happy to enthusiastically turn up to training every week, just like every other Panther, and he was happy to sit on the sidelines and be classed as part of what was playing out on the field without actually needing to be on the field. He had all the enthusiasm of a new puppy, though as far as the lead players – and Coach – were concerned, there was still too much chance he would piss on their rug. He was a ‘maybe, just in case’ bit-player of a large and dramatic production. He was a stand-by for Jason Street, and yeah right, like Jason Street was ever going to need someone to take his place until he graduated and headed for Pro. By then, Coach will probably have found a new, large beefy QB to fill Jason’s huge shoes. Matt was never going to get a look in.

But this was the Dillon Panthers! Matt was a Panther! That was enough for him. Friday night games were as important as going to church on Sunday. On the off chance Matt needed to take the field, he would be prepared. Right? Right. He would. Sort of. Well, he could try, anyway. All he could do was try his best. That’s what his grandma kept telling him, and each week, she sat on those bleachers waiting and hoping Matt would take the field, and then each week after the game she would tell him how wonderful he looked and that next week it would be his turn.

He never expected everything to take such an horrific turn, though. When the stadium fell silent, he didn’t know at first what had happened, he just knew that nothing good could come of a silent stadium. The field was so crowded that he couldn’t see what was going on from the sidelines. It took a few moments for the hushed gasp of ‘It’s Street! Street’s down!’ to reach him, and that alone was too shocking to process in Matt’s mind. He never even had time to realise the enormity of what Jason Street being injured could mean. And it was Street! Even if he took a hit, he always got back up and kept going. He never stayed down. Never.

He shouldn’t have stayed down.

No, the medics shouldn’t be coming, nor should an ambulance. He was supposed to be up by now! Matt just stood, frozen and watching in horror as Jason was strapped to the gurney and loaded into the back of an ambulance. He had a numb ringing in his ears and all he could do was gape. If Jason Street could go down and not get up, what hope was there for the rest of them? Matt nearly went toppling to the closely-cropped grass of the field when someone suddenly seized him by the elbow and shoved his helmet into his hands. He had still be staring at the spot Jason had been lying and now someone was screaming at him that he had to get on the field. Wait, what? No! No, he was supposed to sit on the sideline and watch! He couldn’t be the QB and lead the team! That was Street’s job!

But Street was gone, and what Matt didn’t realise at that terrifying moment, Street wasn’t coming back.

Word Count | 757