She dreams with her eyes open

p_arson_ality — Mon, 09 Jan 2006 05:14:57 GMT

Alrighty everyone,
You can call this a goodbye post if you like, but the point is, I'm P_arson_ality behind.
You can add BarrelofaPen if you like, and some of you have alreayd been added.
Choose what you like, and as always, Happy Fantasies and wonderful dreams

p_arson_ality — Sun, 08 Jan 2006 15:35:44 GMT

oh sweet mekahness.
Mikey Way has the same bass as I do. That makes me feel special, and that i need to start playing again :D.
umm, hmm, i had a nice sleepingness last night/this morning.
My dream was messed up though.
blah
People need to get happier. SMILE PEOPLE SMILE.
kthnx, im going to work soon *stab self* but at least tom wont be there and john said we could play the "art game" YES. major score times alot.
mmk, off to actually get ready instead of delaying the inevitable by sitting at the computer. (see how good i am at it?)

kbye

p_arson_ality — Sun, 08 Jan 2006 05:52:27 GMT

I changed my Myspace profile in a very slight way.
If you can find it, Ill get you something pretty.
:D Or just my heart :)

p_arson_ality — Sat, 07 Jan 2006 05:25:54 GMT

"Funeral Of A Good Grrl"

Boy I wanna get you alone.
Cover you in chocolate, and turn off the phone.
Damn! I think I'm losing my mind.
What's been coming over me?

I wanna be like Pamela Lee.
You go get the camera and I'll say cheese.
Baby you'll be rocking my world,
at the funeral of a good girl.

Well maybe I'm going crazy, but
you be the kid and I'll be the candy store.
Take me down, baby.

[Chorus]
Do it to me now! Do it to me now!
I can't believe I just said it out loud!
You make me wanna scream!
And throw you to the ground!
Do it! Do it to me now!

Make me be a bad little girl.
I don't want your dimonds,
just a necklace of pearls.
So come on, put your lips on mine.

Well maybe I'm going crazy, but
you're the kid and I feel like the candy store.
Take me down, baby.

[Chorus]

Baby I've never been so easy,
but you're in luck, boy.
Something about you you makes me wanna..

[Chorus]

p_arson_ality — Sat, 07 Jan 2006 05:14:20 GMT

I find it kinda scary/weird that if i look at a smile for more than a second, it will begin to look fake

p_arson_ality — Sat, 07 Jan 2006 04:35:39 GMT

These are some of my journal entries/the "collages" that accompany them.
Enjoy!

I was making mix CD's all day, so my collage was that! :D

The text that is hidden says "Something Borrowed Something Blue"

p_arson_ality — Fri, 06 Jan 2006 06:14:14 GMT

I'm getting it right the third time around

p_arson_ality — Fri, 06 Jan 2006 04:21:00 GMT

YAY contrast!

OMG Snow white!

OMFG. like, im such a damned whore

p_arson_ality — Fri, 06 Jan 2006 02:07:24 GMT

OMFG
woot?
stole this from some random person.

name: shantelle marie jones
age:17
what i want in a girl: Someone who can actually love me...and details are hard to type out. :D

* Eyes: they change
* Hair: black
* Height: 5'6
* Shoe Size: 10-11
* Have tattoos?: Not yet, want one on my wrist that says "I really miss you"
* Have piercings?:want on in my eyebrow
* Own a webcam?:ewwwww, no
* Boxers or briefs : dude, ummm...dunno
* Wear Cologne: a few different ones. I LOVE Sweet Temptations by VS

GIRLS: Turn on/offs:
dresses like a slut: ummmm kthnxNO
dresses like a grandma: depends :D
dresses like a prep: meh
dresses in all black: maybe?
sings: hmmm, im not sure, probably :D
plays a musical instrument: OMFG. Musical instruments (esp band

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<drums,>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

OMFG
woot?
stole this from some random person.
<lj-cut>
name: shantelle marie jones
age:17
what i want in a girl: Someone who can actually love me...and details are hard to type out. :D

* Eyes: they change
* Hair: black
* Height: 5'6
* Shoe Size: 10-11
* Have tattoos?: Not yet, want one on my wrist that says "I really miss you"
* Have piercings?:want on in my eyebrow
* Own a webcam?:ewwwww, no
* Boxers or briefs : dude, ummm...dunno
* Wear Cologne: a few different ones. I LOVE Sweet Temptations by VS

GIRLS: Turn on/offs:
dresses like a slut: ummmm kthnxNO
dresses like a grandma: depends :D
dresses like a prep: meh
dresses in all black: maybe?
sings: hmmm, im not sure, probably :D
plays a musical instrument: OMFG. Musical instruments (esp band<drums, guitar, bass>) make me SO HOT. OMFG
is skinnier than you: well, that wouldnt be hard to do :(
Is bigger than you: sadly, id have to say not TOO much bigger..but like, whatever?
is shorter than you: hmmm...thats a tough one...
is taller than you: Definitely DONT mind :D
has straight teeth: preferably, but i no picky bout dat.
wears braces: meh...sure!
has chapped lips: ummm, it doesnt make me hot or anything.
has green eyes: i like all eyes...lmao. *me wants eat eyes EW*
has blue eyes: ^
has brown eyes:^
has long hair: as long as there IS hair. I dont wanna date a military bald thing...
has short hair: i like
drinks alcohol: i'd prefer not. Bad experiences :(
smokes cigarettes: mekah, no pref.
smokes pot: eh...not really likin that.
wears glasses: i wear glasses and heart them :D
has blonde hair: eh
has brown hair: i love brunettes.
has black hair: love it
is tan: OMFG i hate tannnnns. well, like, im picky. but mainly ew tan.
works out: scary bodybuilders=no, but like, i work out, so like WHATEVAH BEBEh
smiles more than you: sure? that isnt hard to do
smacks your butt: hard oh yeah :D:D
compliments you: sure?
shaves her legs:i dun care...but like, nubly is somewhat annoying, but like, whatevah!
wears jewelry: Why not?
has bigger feet than you: im dont care...although that would be awkward.
has smaller feet than you: sure?
wears perfume: as long as it isnt like OMFG PERFUME BITCHES?>ASDAS
smiles when you walk into the room: OMFG turn on like whoa
wants to be a mom: whatevah. I guess i wouldnt MIND them, but they arent totally a necessity.
Likes to make out: NECESSITY LIKE WHOA OMFG
shaves her..area: whatevah? i dont totally see the point in genatalia
burps: lmao, ill do it, so otherwise id be a hypocite *burp*
farts: lmfao
talks to your parents: well, itd be a long ass way into the relationship if they even spoke on the PHONE to my dad, but whatevah!
plays with your brothers/sisters: dont have any
Piercings: love omg

FINISH THE SENTENCE:
Let's walk on the: boardwalk at night
Let's run through: the sprinklers and um...rain!
Let's look at: pictures...in a museum or a picture book! lmao
What a nice: wonderful fucking person :D
Where have all the: wonderful authors gone to?
When will they: GET HERE WITH THE FUCKING GARLIC SAUCE! (kendra lmao)
How can: they ignore the poor? (omfg, i rhyme)
Why can't you: umm, touch meh? :D:D
Silly, little: emo chil'
Show me some: skin baby :P
The sky: is up
Tell me: what you need
Hide me: and hold me
Love me: with everything you are (pwease)
I hate your stupid: fucking asshole ummm, like, penis
Are you that: SWEET?
Take off: the facade baby, i can see right through it.

RIGHT NOW
* Wearing:skirt, socks, undies, bra, jewelry, shirt and hairbow :D
* Eating: no. Drinking: red ginger ale
* Thinkin about: how i want a gf and L-O-V-E

IN THE LAST 24 HRS...
* Cried: um, i dont think so
* Worn jeans:everyday bebeh
* Met someone: well, i work in retail...OH you mean special? No, i met HER a few days ago.

p_arson_ality — Fri, 06 Jan 2006 01:39:50 GMT

OMFG
I KNOW WHAT A MYSPACE PIC IS!!!!!
Its when the person is too stupid to either A: crop their damned arm out of the pic.
or B: Is too stupid to know how to angle a freaking camers. *asjidakhddij*

p_arson_ality — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 04:51:13 GMT

I'll never really be as good/hot/wonderful/caring/open/available/great/amazing/talented as everyone else.
But I do really like my voice. I swear it.
I will always get jealous if i see someone i love talking to someone better than i am.
I will always want more than what I have, because usually what i have isnt really what i want.
I will always try to be sexy/funny/cute/sweet/nice even though I cant stand someone/dont feel like it/wanna die on the inside cause its just one of those fucking days.
I will always get books from the library and begin to read them, but inevitably stop halfway through.
I'll always go to bed too late for my own good.
I will always hate my job as long as it is not what I have been wanting since birth.
I will always want something new.
I will always somehow sound selfish although I'm not and never really will be. (I just appear that way)
Ill always be trying something new on, just to see how it looks.
Ill never really get over the abuse my mom put/s me through everyday.
I shall be forever emotionally scarred from my father.
I'll always have to deal with what genes I got dealt and how I handle/d things.
Ill give up anything just so i can make my certain someone smile.
I wouldnt care if i had to support someone (well, i may alittle, if it is only out of sheer like, i dunnoness) as long as i loved them and they loved me back.
Ill always be afraid someone really isnt watching.
I will forever have to deal with being burntout at 17 *shrugs* but at least I havent been...shot?
I will always have to deal with the shock i felt at knowing Id think i was 47 if i didnt know my real age.
Ill have to deal with not being with my first love.
Ill have to deal with every little shit thing in my life for the rest of my time on earth this time.
But still, after all the abuse everyone likes to show me for some reason...
I'm ~~desperately~~ wanting to talk to you. Even if you will think I just dont want my problems solved, and i cant really say anything to you like this ^. I still want to so badly it hurts. But I'm not going to tell you. And I'm so lame for thinking I have to compete for you. Even my friend said so. I hope im stupid for thinking that. I HOPE TO FUCKING DEATH THAT I AM NOT FUCKING BEING PLAYED AGAIN and youre doing this with a billion other girls...or even guys.
I hope that maybe it could work out even if it would be long distance *distance means nothing, remember?*
But that would be stupid, right?
fuck emo. we are
our own brand of
love/snugs/kisses.

did that make sense?
didnt think so. oh well.
It DID make sense.

PS- i still want a new lj

PPS-people should stop making fun of people and their music. You dont like it? Then dont listen to it fuckers. Music and musical expression is the most important form of life and thinking and everything. Tied in first with love. so STFU

p_arson_ality — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 01:56:48 GMT

You scored as Hot. You are Hot, you scream and are wild, people love doing anything sexual with you.

</td>

Hot

81%

Exciting

75%

Violent

63%

Shy

50%

Wet

44%

Sweet

44%

Soft

38%

Awkward

What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Jock. The jocks like you

</td>

Jock

58%

Punk rocker/ goth

50%

All American

25%

Stoner

The Fat Kid

Thug

What kind of boy likes you
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as A Slave To BDSM. Admit it, you like being tied up and being told you've been very naughty. You like teasing your partner and making them squirm, and not letting them be able to do anything about it. Some people think what you do is sick and disgusting, but you know it's all in good fun.

</td>

A Slave To BDSM

93%

Sex God

73%

Virgin

53%

A Romantic

53%

How are you in bed
created with QuizFarm.com

^OMFG! HILARIOUS!!! :D:D:D:D

You scored as Biting. When it comes to being kinky, your biggest turn on is biting. You love the ectasy of teeth sinking into your flesh, and are probably willing to return the favor. Sex just isn't sex without using your teeth.

</td>

Biting

83%

Chains/Handcuffs

75%

Blind Folds

75%

Whips

58%

Blood

58%

Bondage

58%

What's Your Kinky Turn On?
created with QuizFarm.com

dude, these quizes are hilarious :D

You scored as Emo Rockstar. You are a Emo Rockstar. You like to cry about personal songs about life or death. You also like to dress differently than every one else and like to stay home.

</td>

Emo Rockstar

50%

Punk Rockstar

40%

Goth Rockstar

40%

Metal Rockstar

30%

Rock and Roll RockStar

30%

What kind of Rockstar are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Starry Eye. You are Starry Eyed. You only want to be known. You have so many high amobitions and all you want do do is acheive them. You day dream about being famous and having millions of fans screaming your name.

</td>

Starry Eye

100%

Angry Eye

90%

Crying Eye

80%

Hurt Eye

70%

Dramatic Eye

70%

Sexy Eye

40%

What eye are you (Beautiful Pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as metal emo. you are a metal emo kid. you probably listen to thrice, alexisonfire, and saosin. you go to shows for that fast paced adrenaline rush, and you are a guitar geek.

</td>

metal emo

90%

poppy emo

80%

chick emo

70%

depressed emo

70%

geek emo

40%

hardcore emo

40%

what kind of emo kid are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

p_arson_ality — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 00:56:42 GMT

HOKAY
I want a new LJ.
I'm tired of this one.
So, my challenge to you, good people
Is to make me a new LJ
(as in the name you lazy people)
Sooooo GO!
kthnx

p_arson_ality — Wed, 04 Jan 2006 21:28:45 GMT

p_arson_ality — Wed, 04 Jan 2006 06:14:26 GMT

I dont know what to say anymore.
It seems i cant properly speak with people or anything really.
maybe i need to take some time off from the computer.
Like a week or something.
Maybe that would be good.
I just want to make her happy.
but i just keep getting yelled at for being irrational.
But i have never been rational really.
"Whenever Shantelle hears music, she dances, anytime andywhere! She drew crowds at the fair in 1989 (prince william county)."
"She dreams with her eyes open sometimes. It's so cute to watch!"
"First tears were seen at one week old."

p_arson_ality — Wed, 04 Jan 2006 04:15:37 GMT

MY BABY BOOK BIOTCHES :D:D

OMFG I'M HIGH...but like, no...never *coughewkthnxbaicough*

KBAI!!!!!!!!

I'm upping it again

p_arson_ality — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 07:24:26 GMT

You don't have to read this.

The curtains next to my computer keep billowing from the soft (unbearable) summer heat outside. I keep telling myself that if I can just find a good opening line, I could convince myself that I am writing the next Nobel prize winner and keep on typing.
It doesn't seem to work anymore.
All my brain ever does is think and all it can ever think about is starting lines and beliefs and random little tidbits that would do well in a story.
I’m always hoping that anything I type or write will lead to another little something which will lead to another BIG something. Typing my library code even makes me hopeful. But alas, once again, it never works.
But, back to my curtains billowing in the wind.
The heat here in the south is unbearable. I grew up in the north, a place where it snows and is a nice constant 76 degrees in the summer. Nice, comfortable, able to wear pants or a skirt.
And once again, I’m bullshitting to fill up the page. People say to write about something I know of. I seem to know a lot. But it never really shows anywhere. So how exactly am I to be sure of what I know?

Lets see what I know about:
Music, vampires, poetry, movies, books, people, hatred, some love, werewolves, fantasies, small chopped up bits of paper skewed across the floor.

I know about sleepless nights and wishing and wanting and not having a father. I know about things never working out no matter how hard I wish them to. I know about broken promises and keeping my own to anyone I promise them to.

I know about writer’s block too much. Along with a story I wish I could get out, but it won’t make it past the first half page because I still cannot decide on anything. Except for the entire ending and such.

I know about the disappointment in a blank page when you thought you had written fifty. And it mainly is blank because your computer hates you with a vengeance.

I know about not wanting to be single anymore. Because I’m tired of it to the max. But it’s okay. Because I’ve been this way for at least a year.

I miss Rping and best friends being told about the girlfriend.

I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT:
The satisfaction of finishing something I love so much.
Writing my favorite story and novel.
Loving more.
Being sexy.
Finding love.
Being in my number one top most wanted career: Singer in a band.
I want a father.

p_arson_ality — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 06:32:33 GMT

Lessons learned:~~to share my secrets.~~

"Dawn On A Funeral Day"

Did you ever realize why there are no stars in the sky?
Because they're on the ground.
The air is brown.
We're trapped in this town.
Let me go -- I can't breathe.
I drag myself through the debris.
I never felt more alone than on this starry road.

The air is warm but I feel grey.
The chill of dawn on a funeral day.
I lie in unrest while heavy dirt falls to my chest.
I fade away and the hollow phantoms stay.

Imagination in a chokehold, I've been steamrolled by gold records.
Inspectors are watching over me, under lock and key.
Chalk my outline; they'd talk of this if I'd died from a broken heart.
They've taken art, turned it to something they think we'll buy.

The air is warm but I feel grey.
The chill of dawn on a funeral day.
I lie in unrest while heavy dirt falls to my chest.
I fade away and the hollow phantoms stay.

My blood is their liquid vitamin.
Their madness festers under their skin!

The air is warm but I feel grey.
The chill of dawn on a funeral day.
I lie in unrest while heavy dirt falls to my chest.
I fade away and the hollow phantoms stay.

I have never felt so alone in my whole life.

And your thoughts are seeping under my doors

p_arson_ality — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 05:30:52 GMT

Picture Post

p_arson_ality — Mon, 02 Jan 2006 06:09:25 GMT

Cannot and will not stop smiling.

"Smile like you mean it
turned to
Mean it like your smile"
I dont want this to stop.
I ~~think i~~ really reeeeeeeeeeeally like Mississippi

p_arson_ality — Mon, 02 Jan 2006 03:47:41 GMT

GO JOIN _ODE_TO_YOU_
kthnx bai
but really, you should. cause its awesome :D

p_arson_ality — Sun, 01 Jan 2006 07:48:24 GMT

My eyes are slowly glazing over with sleep,
But i cant go until I find the words to make her feel better.
I have to find something to make her feel better. Its always possible right? At least with my mind it its. Right?
Fuck fuck fuck.
if i try a song, shell get mad
and anything else i say doesnt help
and now im just kind of stuck because im not allowed to say im sorry
Although I really, really am.
I dont want her to feel this way and it fucking sucks that it wont just go away.
What do i say?

What can I say, when anything I say would just be hypocritical, seeing as ive got the same bull to deal with.

the time will come when nobody's leaving
shut your eyes with me
again and again
and think about just what you believe in

I think I understand these thoughts
(I'm thinking everything's a feeling)
Lay in bed all day just to be with you
talk all night while staring at a ceiling
came up with this off of a notion
still can't sleep cause of all the stupid motion
want you with me
so you can see this
say it again and know that I mean it

I won't give up on you
You know that's what I'm sayin'
Tell me you know its true
Thank you for always stayin'
Please say your near
not far from here
When I'm away
Be back one day

My friends still say
that this is fun
and I sit here staring out a window
I can say now
this is worth the call
in the morning
to tell you something you should know
Don't need a break when its all done
Doing something that I always dreamed of
I can say for sure that everything is fine
When you're screaming out to up above

I won't give up on you
You know that's what I'm sayin'
Tell me you know its true
Thank you for always stayin'
I won't give up on you
(I won't give up)
Please say you're always stayin'

I guess its better to start the new year out this way than with liars cheaters and fakes.

p_arson_ality — Sat, 31 Dec 2005 08:37:07 GMT

So now we are to discarding words like they don't exist?
I can;t fall asleep tonight and its horrible
To have to survive
all the quiet silence with nothing more than a rock star.
Secret words and lies traded between the conquest and raider,
Nothing more than romance to my ears.
Lets believe in something that happened a hundred years ago.
Can't we just rewind and r"e"play the roles.
Secretly shadowing what we really believe we can only hope someone sees
Everything that we had behind the smiles and fears.
When the Fears are only mirror images of our evil halves.
GOD CANT THIS END.
Why can we never say what we want?
Because we are too afraid of saying it
or too afraid of everyone else.

p_arson_ality — Sat, 31 Dec 2005 08:22:57 GMT

"Don't wake up
You're not really dreaming."
Oh my god I'm so terrified of normalcy.
And I'm also terrified of feeling...AGAIN. FUCK.
And terrified of my fucking issues that is becoming apparent were passed down to me. Through bloodline after Bloodline.
I'm so bloody afraid to mess anything up
But i'm afraid of not messing something up and settling. Dear god that is what scares me more than anything.
Well, almost.
I'm so fucking terrified of jealousy and my crappy self esteem.

And i'm afraid that I really do have a reason to fear all this.

Hugs becoming the new I'm sorrys
and XXX becoming the new love.
Why Can't it be like it used to be?

p_arson_ality — Sat, 31 Dec 2005 04:13:55 GMT

I'M STEALING FROM MICHELLE AGAIN!
*goes to prison*

First best friend: Brittany Regal, Buffalo NY

First school: Ummm, it was pre-k, but im not sure what state anymore.

First concert: The one I can remember? Spice Girls Baby! aged...like under 14

First screen name: Um...Cleverfairy...maybe...I cant remember anymore. They change too often.

First funeral: I can't remember

First pet: Kitty...it was a cat :D

First piercing/tattoo: I can't wait for mine! One on my wrist: I really Miss you and a piercing in my left Eyebrow

First big trip: Ummm alone or with other people or like...what?!!?!?!?!?!? Too many

First flight: like, 1 years old?

First time out of the country: I went to canada when i was like...7. OMG IT WAS HILARIOUS. If you wanna hear about it, ask me :D

First job: OMG. Slutting myself out? Lmao...I dont remember. NO! I was a model when I was younger. I have pics...somewhere...

First true love: Ummm, like, friend or LOOOOOVER. Well, I haven't had a truuuue love yet I don't think. I just had a whole bunch of random people beat the shit out of my heart and mind. But like, nothing like losing a major love.

First MySpace friend: Um. Probably a band.

Last person you hugged: My mom, but like...wanting to? Im not sure...

Last person you kissed: OMG. no one it seems. ONE YEAR OR MORE NOW> OUVHDFd

Last song you heard: The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes.

Last car ride: today.

Last time you cried: omfg. today, a few hours ago.

Last movie you watched: Breakfast at Tiffany's. And I remembered why I hate it.

Last food you ate: pizzer

Last item bought: major or regular? Major: Camera earlier, and minor: some books and such.

Last shirt worn: Nightmare before xmas shirt (IT GLOWS IN THE BLOODY DARK!)

Last phone call: Well, I called Michelle and yelled at her :D

Last time to the mall: um. before xmas. but i went near the mall today.

Last drink: FRESCA BITCHES

Last thing you typed: Fresca Bitches....or a long winded comment I'm not at will to say. Er-type.