Thoughts and stuff ...
I'm back ... did ya miss me? ;-D
Well, I just finished reading a friend's journal, and said something about her spirituality, so I wanted to comment on mine here.
I'm Wiccan, technically a Wiccan Priest. I don't practice much though. After my dedication, I found a newer awareness of life around me, and found the need to practice spells and light candles much lessened. I miss having an altar though. With Aaron living in my house, I sort of stopped setting one up when he was here, as I didn't want to make him uncomfortable.
For those of you who don't know, Aaron is a 20 year old recovering drug addict that was living in my house because his mother was at her wit's end and he was living on the street in the freezing winter in Kansas. So, he lived with me from January 6 through July 6, 2002. Living with him was very difficult. He was pretty taciturn, hardly ever laughed, and is VERY much an addict, with all the attendant behavioral problems. I sometimes felt like he was intent on taking over my life, my things and my animals. I tell myself that's silly, but that's how I felt. He disappeared on the 4th of July, and stayed out all night, didn't come home 'til 9:00 the next evening. He told me he had been drinking ... I told him to find another place to live starting in the morning. He showed up on my doorstep a couple of days later, giving me this tale of woe about how his stuff had been stolen. I told him that he had 15 seconds to get off my property or I was calling the police. Sheesh, reading this, it looks harsh. However, it had to be done. There has to be consequences to his action, otherwise, he just thinks he can get away with things. So many people have tried to help him, but until he gets it through his head that he and his higher power are the only ones that can truly help him, he'll be a leech on society. And, after 6 months, I was tired.
I guess part of the reason I'm tired right now, is that I haven't spent any time surrounded by the Goddess and the God in their natural environment. I haven't gone to the beach, to the mountains, to the trees. I've been SO busy that I've sort of dropped that ball. But the honest truth is that I NEED that connection. I need to feel the wind through my hair, through my thoughts, whispering to me. Feeling my soul raise through the sky and drinking in the beauty of the earth as it assuages and heals me from the inside out. For me, it's not about candles or incense, it's about the connection. Visually, I see this as pinpoints of light that connect the entire world in a huge net of souls, living, loving and creating.
Sometimes if my mind is in the right place, I lose myself, and become all selves. I feel the pain, I feel the sorrow, but I also feel the love, the happiness, the healing that is taking place all over the world.
When 9/11 happened, I felt this extreme disruption in the psychic net of the world. I know it sounds strange, but it's kind of like when Alderan was destroyed in the first Star Wars, and Obiwan Kenobi felt a huge disturbance in the force.
I used to be angry at Christianity for hating me because I was gay. Now, I don't. I honor them for their path, and understand their viewpoint, and realize that I am entitled to mine, and my spirituality is born of this. This sometimes is hard, because when I am most vulnerable, I worry that I'm NOT enough, I'm somehow less than those people who seem to be so sure of themselves and their beliefs. And I sometimes wonder if they aren't right, but then I examine my heart and my soul and realize that I'm okay, regardless of whether others agree. I feel their hatred, I feel their fear, and I just try to love them ... as hard as it might be at times.
Light and Laughter,
Travis
Well, I just finished reading a friend's journal, and said something about her spirituality, so I wanted to comment on mine here.
I'm Wiccan, technically a Wiccan Priest. I don't practice much though. After my dedication, I found a newer awareness of life around me, and found the need to practice spells and light candles much lessened. I miss having an altar though. With Aaron living in my house, I sort of stopped setting one up when he was here, as I didn't want to make him uncomfortable.
For those of you who don't know, Aaron is a 20 year old recovering drug addict that was living in my house because his mother was at her wit's end and he was living on the street in the freezing winter in Kansas. So, he lived with me from January 6 through July 6, 2002. Living with him was very difficult. He was pretty taciturn, hardly ever laughed, and is VERY much an addict, with all the attendant behavioral problems. I sometimes felt like he was intent on taking over my life, my things and my animals. I tell myself that's silly, but that's how I felt. He disappeared on the 4th of July, and stayed out all night, didn't come home 'til 9:00 the next evening. He told me he had been drinking ... I told him to find another place to live starting in the morning. He showed up on my doorstep a couple of days later, giving me this tale of woe about how his stuff had been stolen. I told him that he had 15 seconds to get off my property or I was calling the police. Sheesh, reading this, it looks harsh. However, it had to be done. There has to be consequences to his action, otherwise, he just thinks he can get away with things. So many people have tried to help him, but until he gets it through his head that he and his higher power are the only ones that can truly help him, he'll be a leech on society. And, after 6 months, I was tired.
I guess part of the reason I'm tired right now, is that I haven't spent any time surrounded by the Goddess and the God in their natural environment. I haven't gone to the beach, to the mountains, to the trees. I've been SO busy that I've sort of dropped that ball. But the honest truth is that I NEED that connection. I need to feel the wind through my hair, through my thoughts, whispering to me. Feeling my soul raise through the sky and drinking in the beauty of the earth as it assuages and heals me from the inside out. For me, it's not about candles or incense, it's about the connection. Visually, I see this as pinpoints of light that connect the entire world in a huge net of souls, living, loving and creating.
Sometimes if my mind is in the right place, I lose myself, and become all selves. I feel the pain, I feel the sorrow, but I also feel the love, the happiness, the healing that is taking place all over the world.
When 9/11 happened, I felt this extreme disruption in the psychic net of the world. I know it sounds strange, but it's kind of like when Alderan was destroyed in the first Star Wars, and Obiwan Kenobi felt a huge disturbance in the force.
I used to be angry at Christianity for hating me because I was gay. Now, I don't. I honor them for their path, and understand their viewpoint, and realize that I am entitled to mine, and my spirituality is born of this. This sometimes is hard, because when I am most vulnerable, I worry that I'm NOT enough, I'm somehow less than those people who seem to be so sure of themselves and their beliefs. And I sometimes wonder if they aren't right, but then I examine my heart and my soul and realize that I'm okay, regardless of whether others agree. I feel their hatred, I feel their fear, and I just try to love them ... as hard as it might be at times.
Light and Laughter,
Travis