Today, I bring you my Michael Simon holy grails. These tacky, garish, bejeweled masterpieces need to be added to my closet yesterday.

My #1 holy grail is for publishers/Michael Simon/whoever else is in charge to wake up and realize that this world needs a fancy Michael Simon coffee table book full of Michael’s best knitwear from over the years. I demand it.

Anyway, here are my holy grail sweaters:

(As before, images taken with mild remorse from various marketplace listings.)

Solar System Cardigan

Other than the book, this is my #1 holy grail. Look at it! So fun!

I do own a purple sequined solar system cardigan (shown here). But this one is better. I’d trade the one I own for this one in half a heartbeat.

Snowflake Cardigan

I’m drawn to Michael Simon’s checkerboard designs for some reason. This one is a favorite.

Poinsettia Cardigan

Strangely, I don't have a Christmas-themed Michael Simon cardigan yet. This one is my top pick.

Watch Cardigan

This is listed for $400 on eBay. Well outside of my price range for a ridiculous sweater, even for a splurge. Probably, my only chance of owning it is stumbling upon it for $3 at a garage sale.

Fruit Cardigan

Heart Cardigan

Oh, but this one is fun too. I love Valentine's Day (see also: my vintage Valentine card collection). It's a cute holiday. Hearts are cute. Colorful hearts are even cuter. Add in the checkerboard pattern, and you have my ideal cardigan.

Sports Cardigan

Look, I am not an athletic person. I’m uncoordinated as hell. I’ve broken my arm three times. I used to hate even watching sports, let alone playing them. Unless the sport at hand is aimlessly whacking balls on a tennis court or minigolf course, I suck. Actually, even then I still suck.

But I have come to realize that watching sports can be fun. I’m not a diehard, but I regularly watch my local professional baseball and football teams fail miserably. If nothing else, the snacks are good.

All of this to say, I would totally wear this sports-themed cardigan. It gives “I don’t really know what’s going on, but I’m going to have fun anyway.” I like it.

Carousel Cardigan

You can’t go wrong with a circus theme. Unless it’s clowns. I have never come across a Michael Simon clown cardigan, but there could be one out there. I hope there is. Ridiculous knitwear genius that he is, I would love to see his rendition.

Pencils Cardigan

Despite my preoccupation with finding one very specific pencil, I'm not some kind of pencil weirdo. But this pencil cardigan is delightful.

(In writing this, I did look up some pencil collecting facts. I never said I won't become a pencil weirdo in the future.)

Cowboy Boot Cardigan

Look at this tasteful cowboy boot cardigan. A practical addition to any wardrobe. I can't decide if I like the black one better or this insane checkerboard monstrosity:

Truth be told, both are glorious. I'm not really into horses, or cowboys, or country music. I have no reason to own a cowboy boot cardigan. But that won't stop me from wanting one.

Striped Cat Sweater

Apparently, this one is pretty rare. I’m not sure; I’ve seen it around a few times. I like the color combo, and that it’s basically a Halloween sweater that can be worn at any time.

Bird House Cardigan

The perfect theme.

Flowers in Vases Cardigan

Another perfect theme. Why did Michael have to do this to me?

Appliance Cardigan

OK I really want this one. Who wouldn’t want to wear a microwave across their tit? ]]> https://oopsiedoodle.com/posts/2026/the-den-of-filth https://oopsiedoodle.com/posts/2026/the-den-of-filth Sat Apr 04 2026 00:00:00 GMT

A couple weeks ago, someone emailed me about the key used on this site's navigation area. This one:

I got it at an estate sale in Cambridge, Minnesota, about a million years ago. I can't remember why I bought it. It's been in a trinket display in my dining room for the past three years.

Anyway, the person who asked about it collects padlocks and believed my key may open a padlock in their collection. Naturally, I mailed it to them. I'm hoping they will let me know if it works!

I thought it was pretty neat that a random passerby happened upon this website because of an old key collecting dust in my house. A fun reminder that the internet is a real place. You never know who might be walking down your proverbial street.

I got a needlepoint kit as a Christmas gift and finally finished it last week. The website it came from said that it takes most people five or six hours to finish. That cannot possibly be right. It took me 14 years. Here it is:

It was pretty fun. I like to have a mindless task as I watch TV. Maybe I'll do another one one day, when I've made my way through the ridiculous amount of sock yarn I have waiting to be knit.

All of that said, make sure you’re still paying attention to the people around you. Your fervor to get shit done might ruffle some feathers. Make sure to be diplomatic and consider others’ feelings.

Later in the month, you may catch feelings for a new person or deepen a relationship with someone you already know. Whether it’s a platonic friendship or a romance, this partnership has the potential to be as comfy as being home.

A seismic shift will happen in the heavens by the end of the month. Uranus moves into Gemini for the next seven years. For Aries natives, this could lead to big changes in the way you think and interact with those around you.

Your Inner Neopet This Month: Korbat

Taurus

On a spiritual level, it involves self reflection. This month, it might be wise to do some journaling, meditation, or whatever other activity helps you get your mind on the right track. Wellness is key in early April.

By mid-month, activity returns—and your confidence returns with it. Your charisma will be high, and you’ll likely have an easier time drawing people in. That said, it may be best to settle into relationships you already have rather than pursuing new ones. Keep it simple, keep it steady.

As the month comes to a close, Uranus moves into Gemini for the next seven years. For you, this may indicate a time of surprise with how you earn and manage money. This does not have to be a bad thing, but avoid impulse. Caution and calculated risks are wise.

Your Inner Neopet This Month: Kyrii

Gemini

That said, make sure to focus on projects that truly inspire you. Just because it  has the potential to make money doesn’t mean it’s a good bet right now. Focus on your own joy first. By mid-month, you may have even more lightbulb moments that could turn into future success.

Near the end of the month, your energy may wane. This is not a bad thing. Take the time to finalize any projects that you can, then settle in for a recharge. Your close relationships will help keep you feeling full.

At the end of the month, Uranus moves into Gemini for the next seven years. For you, this begins a transformation in how you present yourself to the world. Maybe you’ll change your appearance, or maybe you’ll change your whole persona. That’s up to you, but be open to breakthrough!

Your Inner Neopet This Month: Lenny

Cancer

Outside of work, home takes on even more importance than usual. Bigger changes, such as a move or a home project, could be on the horizon. But more likely, you’ll be happily entangled in simpler affairs. This is the time to bond with your closest confidants.

As April comes to a close, Uranus will move into Gemini for the next seven years. For Cancers this influence could lead to a time of spiritual healing and an emphasis on your inner world. The lifetime project of healing old wounds deepens.

Your Inner Neopet This Month: Bruce

Leo

Communication is also at the forefront for you this April. Is there a conversation you’ve been meaning to have? Now’s the time. Your words could carry extra influence this month. That said, be diplomatic in how you handle people.

Near the end of the month, Uranus moves into Gemini for the next seven years. For Leos, this indicates transformation in the realm of relationships and partnerships. Your community could do a 180 in the coming years. Be thoughtful in how you approach your relationships.

Your Inner Neopet This Month: Wocky

Virgo

Other forms of security are also at the forefront this month. Whether you’ve been having an internal struggle or a conflict with someone close to you, now may be the time to give the situation more attention. Instead of steamrolling ahead, take care to strategize before having any difficult situations.

By mid-month, you may have some excitement on the horizon in the form of a big idea you’re raring to pursue or a fun trip in the works. Keeping financial and interpersonal struggles in mind, what adventures can you go on?

By the end of April, a big shift will happen in the stars. Uranus moves into Gemini for the next seven years. For Virgos, this indicates a time of transformation in your professional life. Career pivots, new jobs, and interesting opportunities could be on the horizon.

Your Inner Neopet This Month: Acara

Libra

That said, don’t put yourself on the backburner. Passion projects could get a boost early in the month. Is there something you’d like to be working on? Block out some time to get it done.

At the end of the month, Uranus moves into Gemini for the next seven years. For Libras, this could mean adventurous new opportunities. You may see new chances to travel or relocate. Likewise, this influence could also lead to new spiritual or intellectual pursuits. Use the coming weeks to ready yourself for this bold new chapter.

Your Inner Neopet This Month: Gelert

Scorpio

Self care is also on the menu for you this month. Take time to destress and focus on wellness. By mid-month, you’ll feel more ready to work with others. Take some time to connect with your inner circle. If you’re up for it, a new collaborative project may come into focus.

At the end of the month, Uranus moves into Gemini for the next seven years. A major transformation could be in the books, particularly around finances.

Your Inner Neopet This Month: Meerca

Sagittarius

By mid-month, the boost of creative energy mellows. You may find yourself more focused on wellness in the form of healthier eating habits or exercise. Instead of meeting up for working lunches, spend time outside.

Near the end of April, Uranus moves into Gemini for the next seven years. For you, this could mean changes in your relationships. You may form deeper partnerships, experiment with relationship dynamics, or collaborate with interesting new people.

Your Inner Neopet This Month: Scorchio

Capricorn

Other people are more likely to be amenable to any changes you need to make as the month unfolds. At mid-month, your playfulness begins to come out. A fun and flirty vibe takes hold in interpersonal relationships. At work, you’ll be full of ideas.

At the end of the month, Uranus moves into Gemini for the next seven years. This influence will bring transformation into your daily routines and health. You may see health take a front seat or productivity transformed.

Your Inner Neopet This Month: Grundo

Aquarius

Early in the month you may have a chance to take a trip, sign up for a class, or do something else that will help you expand intellectually. The pace will slow down by mid-month, so be sure to make the best of it. You may feel like staying closer to home as the weeks pass. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing; go ahead and take some time to recharge. Get cozy!

On April 25, Uranus moves into Gemini for the next seven years. For you, this could lead to a time of change in areas of love and creativity. What are you passionate about? Get ready to feel the spark!

Your Inner Neopet This Month: Zafara

Pisces

How you earn is also at the forefront. Is it time to start a job hunt? Start making moves this April.

Money matters aren’t the only concerns this April. A few weeks into the month, you may get a boost in the relationship sector. Your ability to collaborate with charisma is at a high, so be sure to put your best foot forward now.

At the end of the month, Uranus moves into Gemini for the next seven years. For Pisces natives, this puts a focus on all things family and home related. Will you move? Will there be a shakeup in your close relationships? Keep hold of the reins as you decide what changes are worth making.

Your Inner Neopet This Month: JubJub ]]> https://oopsiedoodle.com/posts/2026/horse-meeting https://oopsiedoodle.com/posts/2026/horse-meeting Mon Mar 23 2026 00:00:00 GMT

Some Michael Simon sweaters are truly insane. They are so fun, and I love them. But unless I happen upon them for cheap at a thrift store, they probably won’t join my collection.

Here are my favorites, in no particular order.

(Images stolen with remorse (that I don't own the sweaters) from various eBay, Poshmark, and Etsy listings.)

Green Cow Cardigan

This looks like a cow’s Instagram grid. I love it for its audacity. The more I look at it, the more I like it. But it would probably just sit unworn.

I would more seriously consider this red one, though:

And this cow print sweater recently sold for $550. I’m insanely jealous of whoever was able to add that to their collection.

One last sweater on the cow theme. I came across this cattle brand (!?!?!) cardigan. I’m not into… ranching? But I am intrigued by the novelty of it.

Tennis Ball Cardigan

A wacky idea gone gloriously wrong.

Swimmers Poncho

Obviously, this thing is a work of art. I love it.

This chainlink sweater has the same vibe. Glorious.

I lifted these photos from this Michael Simon appreciation post on Reddit, by the way. There are some other great ones shown there too.

Plastic Cardigan


The plastic element is kind of ridiculous. But I also kind of love it. It feels very Y2K to me.

There are also vests. This one is particularly ridiculous:

Hunting Cardigan

What in the Downton Abbey is this? A damn fox hunting sweater?

I wanna know the thought process for this one. Who was the target audience? The number of blue bloods who like insanely tacky sweaters has got to be in the single digits.

But it does deserve some kudos. Michael is a knitwear genius. He obviously knew what he was doing. This thing is super detailed, even for a Michael Simon sweater.

Striped Flamingo Vest

This thing is so loud it could shatter windows on the other side of the globe. I like the heart buttons, though.

For the record, this would be my preferred flamingo sweater:



Smiling Lobster Cardigan

MICHAEL. Who was going to wear this!? I have to imagine it was made solely to amuse the designer. It is so funny. I’m so happy for these happy lobsters.

America Cardigan

Generally, I cringe at American flag clothing. But I dunno. I also think progressives should reclaim the flag. Star spangle your everything, then go demand universal health care, unionize, punch Nazis, etc. Show that it’s the patriotic thing to do.

Flag or not, I think this sweater is pretty fun. The hot dogs, the hamburgers, the ice cream.

This one is really something too. For when you need a more tasteful, sophisticated sweater to pledge allegiance to:

Or what about this one? You are not only flag but flagpole too. Incredible.

Face Cardigan

Dafuq? ]]> https://oopsiedoodle.com/posts/2026/i-want-to-believe https://oopsiedoodle.com/posts/2026/i-want-to-believe Oopsie Doodle Mon Mar 16 2026 00:00:00 GMT posted about a pencil I've been looking for since approximately 2004. If you happened to read that post, maybe you thought I was kidding.

I wasn't. This a mostly earnest search for a long-lost pencil.

So here is my quarterly reminder of the pencil, with the hope that anyone who reads this post joins in the hunt.

My memory of the pencil is this: it was a round silver pencil with writing that said "NEW MILLENNIUM PENCIL" in larger black letters and "Y2K" a bunch of times in smaller letters. Here's a drawing I made of it:

The drawing still does not seem quite right. Maybe it's the font. I remember it being sort of pixely. Or maybe it's the eraser. Was it actually black or white?

Part of me also wonders if there was some type of computer graphic on the pencil, or maybe a little Y2K bug. I'm not sure. Nothing is off the table, so a pencil that almost matches the drawing or description could still be a winner. I'll know it when I see it.

It's out there somewhere. Have you seen this pencil? ]]> https://oopsiedoodle.com/posts/2026/big-leaf https://oopsiedoodle.com/posts/2026/big-leaf Oopsie Doodle Wed Mar 11 2026 00:00:00 GMT

First and foremost, look at this giant leaf I found in an alley during my walk on Tuesday:

I carried it home like a dog with a cool stick. It's on a shelf in my garage now. The big leaf mausoleum.

I love walking in the alleys, by the way. A lot of life is happening back there. There's a lot to see.

I was pretty upset about this news when it was announced. And I still am, because it's one in a line of several soft pay cuts I've experienced in the past year. As someone who is not paid well in the first place, I would like my damn retirement to be funded at least.

I keep second-guessing whether it's valid for me to be this upset about it. Most of my coworkers seem unbothered. At my team's weekly meeting, our manager said, "It's annoying, but it's not the worst thing happening in the world." Annoying is a fly buzzing in your face. This is a cut to my pay.

The second point is true though, and of course I am glad that they're not laying people off (yet). But I feel like I am being gaslit. They're really giving me "Kim, there's people that are dying."? I can't be angry about yet another cut to my compensation because the world is on fire? When has it not been, and why didn't it matter before?

Obviously, I'm glad to still be employed. Today it was reported that the U.S. labor market lost 92,000 jobs in February. I'm not taking my employment for granted.

But it's a step too far to expect me to put on a grateful face and give a standing ovation. Believe it or not, the bare minimum of having employees is keeping them employed. You don't get to be applauded for that when it comes at their own expense.

This has been a rough year for me at work. If it weren't for that, I probably wouldn't be as irritated as I am. I've complained a lot on this website about returning to the office last year. We have a hybrid situation now. It's not my favorite thing in the world, and I do consider it a pay cut. But it's also not the end of the world for me.

No, the biggest chop to the throat was being passed over for promotion last spring. After almost a decade in my role, I was not even considered; they hired someone from outside of the company.

I think there are several reasons why they made this decision. I have mixed feelings about all of them. But I would have liked to at least be considered. They also didn't consider any of my coworkers, which is even more unforgivable. Any one of them would have done a fantastic job.

Most people would tell me it's past time find a new job. Most people have told me this. I'm squeezing down into a job cannon as we speak.

The truth is, I think I've painted myself into a corner. As an editor, my profession has many job seekers and few job openings. My specific industry has 7 quintillion applicants for every job opening. I don't see myself finding another gig like this.

I could try to pivot to another industry. Despite the shitty job market, and despite AI, there are still a few jobs out there. A marketing role, maybe.

But honestly, my current work might be the only type of work I want to do in the realm of editing. I'm good at it, and the work itself is often interesting. Our mission is literacy, which is something I care a lot about. If I lose my job, my plan is to just... Do something else entirely.

I feel like I might have to make that change regardless. Life is long, and it seems I'm already at the pinnacle of what I can do in my current situation. I ruminate on whether I can or should do this until I retire (assuming retirement still exists in 30 years). I'm decades from that point, so this is a real concern for me. Am I really going to be doing the same job until then? A 65-year-old cranking out another book about, like, Octagons Around Us? Ridiculous.

But what to do? Basically everything I have interest in would require continuing my education. In theory that would be great. In reality, my existing student loan will finally be paid off this year. It kills me to think about taking on student debt yet again.

I'm also just tired of working, man. Aren't we all?

For most of the time that I've been in my current job, I was also a freelance writer for a website. I had something due every single day, including weekends and holidays, for almost six years. I think they gave us Christmas off once. It amounted to over 2,000 consecutive days of work.

At the time that I started, I was making like $13 an hour in my full-time job. The freelance gig didn't pay the greatest either, but the volume of work made it a life-changing amount of money for me at the time.

Financial stability came out of that experience. But also, I think it permanently altered my brain.

For a long time, I couldn't go anywhere without rushing to get home so that I could do my work. If I had free time, it felt imperative to write something extra to get ahead. Except there was no true getting ahead, because the work stretched out forever. I often wrote while watching TV, playing games, or hanging out with people.

I don't do that work anymore, but the effects still linger. I still feel rushed all the time. Sometimes I still break into an anxious sweat when I go to the store and take "too long" even though I am under no real time restrictions. I rarely make meals that take longer than 10 or 15 minutes; why waste that time when I could be doing something productive?

All of this to say that I think I am burnt out, which is not helping me make good decisions about my work situation. I'm angry, but it's probably not a good time to complain so much when my livelihood is on the chopping block. Seems like every time I gain some leverage, the economy tanks or there's a global pandemic or a shiny new war starts and I'm back where I started. ]]> https://oopsiedoodle.com/freestuff/horoscopes https://oopsiedoodle.com/freestuff/horoscopes Oopsie Doodle Sun Mar 01 2026 00:00:00 GMT AriesIf you were a cooler, you’d be the busted out Bee Brand relic from the 1980s that my neighbor dumped in our alley last summer. Why? Because your chill is gone. It has evaporated, and it took a tiny piece of your sanity with it.

This month, you bring it back. Aries natives who have been feeling frazzled will be pleased to know that opportunities to relax are around the corner in March. This is your time to fold out the lawn chair, lean back, and enjoy a little dream time. If you’re able to take some time away from your obligations, do it.

If not, work on fine-tuning your routines so that you can squeeze out an ounce or two of tranquility. By the end of the month, you’ll be better equipped to handle the busy year ahead. Is a mind-expanding project on the horizon? Starting in on that would be a great way to end your March.

Your Inner Thing I Found In The Alley: A 1980s Bee Brand cooler, of course.

Taurus

In doing so, look outward. Can your projects connect other people? The stars invite you to prioritize improving the world around you while you enjoy your creative boost.

Opportunities to connect also abound this month. If communication has been difficult lately, it should smooth out soon. You’ll find more opportunities to connect with others, though you should be sure not to overdo it. You may want to step away to recharge late in the month.

Your Inner Thing I Found In The Alley: A Kraftwerk cassette tape.

Gemini

That’s you this month, Gemini. You’re making your mark as you climb to the top. This March, the stars shine their light onto your work. Whether you’re in school or have a 9-to-5—or anything in between—you have the opportunity to accomplish something good and grow your reputation.

New ideas will be abundant for Geminis who seek them out, so be sure to keep your Notes app open to jot down your light bulb moments. These may come in handy as you catch people’s attention.

Speaking of attention, you may find yourself drawn to new partnerships, romantic and otherwise. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the whirlwind of new people, but make sure you’re taking care of your old standbys too. Now’s the time to patch up any trouble spots.

Your Inner Thing I Found In The Alley: A mid-century display cabinet, lightly cigarette scented.

Cancer

Expansion is also a call to adventure. This month is a good one to set a lofty goal, then put a plan in motion. Not everything will happen at once, but if you stretch yourself—and not just on a lounge chair—you could see big results. Just make sure you have a clear idea in mind so that you can go forward with confidence.

Speaking of confidence, Cancers who have felt down lately may feel a surge in energy this March. If you do end up leaving the house, you could attract more attention just for being you. Nice.

Your Inner Thing I Found In The Alley: Don the Gunman. He’s an old man named Don who carries a holstered gun. He’s nice, though.

Leo

For Leos who have been worried about money matters, March may finally bring an existing financial situation to a head. If you’ve been overspending, it may be time to get on the right track. Even if your bank account has been hunky dory, you may be presented with a challenging financial situation. Be careful with your wallet and you’ll be more likely to come out ahead.

At mid-month, you’ll find yourself looking outward yet again. You may be drawn to new people, new places, new ideas. Let all of these in as you make peace with past situations.

Your Inner Thing I Found In The Alley: A blue plastic Adirondack chair.

Virgo

Apply this question not only to people, but to dynamics. Is there a change you can make to alter the course of a relationship? If you find the need to have tough conversations, make sure you stay authentic to yourself.

Speaking of authenticity, are you living the life you want to live? Many Virgos will feel drawn to making changes in how they present themselves. Don’t be afraid to transform yourself.

This month could also be an exciting time for those who have been working on a long-term project. You could make good progress this month—or even finish it. What comes next for you?

Your Inner Thing I Found In The Alley: Two large bouquets of flowers, left atop my trash can by a neighbor.

Libra

It may also be time to set some boundaries. Are there people or things that are asking too much of you right now? It’s OK to say no if you need to. This is especially true for new relationships, which may come to the forefront this month. It’s always exciting to meet new people, but be sure to prioritize yourself.

At work, you may find that previously stalled projects are moving again. Once you get your routine settled, you might be ready to step up into the spotlight. By the end of the month, you should be ready to move forward.

Your Inner Thing I Found In The Alley: Douglas and Fuglas. A man and his dog, frequently spotted.

Scorpio

First things first: what are you excited for? Whether it’s silly or serious, embrace it! Follow your whims, and don’t stop until it isn’t fun anymore. Make art. Dance. Mush all the Play-Doh colors together. The universe says “Explore!” and you should listen. What do you have to lose?

Exploration is for all parts of life, even work. This month, you may find yourself excited by new projects, or even a new role. Likewise, a new relationship may begin to bloom. Is there someone you want to get to know better? Now’s the time to make it happen.

Your Inner Thing I Found In The Alley: A garage door with a troll mural painted on it.

Sagittarius

Even if there are no knock-down drag-outs among those closest to you, there could still be issues at home. It might be a good idea to do a sweep to make sure everything is in good repair. Make sure your finances are in a good place too.

Decisions may need to be made at work too. Do you want to stay where you are, or is it time to move on? It’s OK to change course, but make sure you have a plan in place. It might be best to wait until the end of the month to take big steps. By that point, things should be more clear.

Your Inner Thing I Found In The Alley: My car, spinning wheels on ice.

Capricorn

The power of persuasion is in your hands this month. Communication projects have the chance to attract more interest, so be sure to give your projects the attention they deserve. And don’t be afraid to go out of your comfort zone. Off-the-wall ideas could lead to deeper connections.

While your brain will be buzzing, don’t forget to tend to your garden at home. Make a point to connect deeply with your inner circle and to make your surroundings the peaceful sanctuary that you deserve. By the end of the month, you’ll be ready to head home for some much-needed cuddle time.

Your Inner Thing I Found In The Alley: A trash bag full of discarded mail, ripped open.

Aquarius

Not all is doom and gloom, though. Where austerity is advised in matters of the wallet, expansion is possible in your relationships. You could make new inroads in your inner circle this month, especially if you’re willing to get real with deep conversations. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice. Some of these people may end up being good partners for a future project.

By the end of the month, things will look more clear. With effort, a financial plan will help you face the future with optimism.

Your Inner Thing I Found In The Alley: An old mattress, reported to the city.

Pisces

On the relationship front, this month may be the time to make a decision. Are you in or out? Don’t be afraid to have difficult conversations, and don’t be afraid to get your needs met. It’s OK to need more. Just make sure you’re clear about voicing your needs.

If you’ve been working on a creative project or getting to the bottom of a relationship issue, you could hit a milestone for it this March. Keep working at it, and things should be more clear by the end of the month.

Your Inner Thing I Found In The Alley: A discarded City of Lakes recycle bin. ]]> https://oopsiedoodle.com/posts/2026/kiko-fu https://oopsiedoodle.com/posts/2026/kiko-fu Oopsie Doodle Fri Feb 27 2026 00:00:00 GMT When I went grocery shopping last week, I got lost in thought and drove like 6 miles past my exit. When I finally remembered that I was a sentient being piloting a vehicle, I took the next exit and turned in the general direction of the store. I ended up using GPS, even though I vaguely knew the way, so that I wouldn't drive past my turns again. I wonder if I am letting my phone think for me too much.

In maybe 2009 I took a road trip to South Dakota with a couple of friends. None of us had a smartphone at the time, so I'm pretty sure we must have printed out MapQuest directions to get there.

We stayed at a campground near Mount Rushmore, but midway through the trip we decided to backtrack to Rapid City for a day. I think the only reason we went there was to visit Dinosaur Park, which is a charming spot with cartoonish 1930s dinosaur statues (a WPA project) overlooking the city.

The view from Dinosaur Park that day. Why I didn't take any photos of the actual dinosaurs is a mystery.

Anyway, we wanted to eat at Olive Garden for dinner. Our sophistication knew no bounds. Except we got lost immediately after asking someone for directions to the Olive Garden. We ended up calling our friend Mindy (the poet laureate of this website) and begging her to look up the directions on the internet and guide us, turn by turn, to the Olive Garden.

I don't know why I'm telling this story. I guess to further underscore my previous point about being a brainless driver. Before the Maps app, there was MapQuest. Before MapQuest, there was Mindy.

In other news, I logged in to Neopets for the first time in an eon and discovered that I'm no longer filthy rich. Due to inflation, I am middle class at best. It seems that true wealth now starts at 100 million Neopoints, which I am not close to.

According to JellyNeo, the average price for a dozen eggs in Neopia is about 1,000 Neopoints. In the U.S., the average price for eggs is about $2.58. Based on this, 1 NP is .003 cents. My fortune is around 13 million NP, which is equivalent to $33,540 USD. Certainly not enough to retire on. The Meerca Chase grind continues.

Though my liquid assets are not substantial, I do have over 5,000 items in my Safety Deposit Box. Among them, 131 copies of a book called Kiko - Fu. Back when I was an active player, I would buy large amounts of consumable items when they were retired and store them for future profit. I'd venture to guess that I bought all of my Kiko - Fu books for less than 1,000 NP each (JellyNeo says they were 750 NP in 2008, which was years after I stopped playing). Now they are listed for over 900,000 NP.

If only my instinct for capitalism on Neopets translated to real life.

The stupidest thing in my Safety Deposit Box is 1,459 Golden Medallions. This is not a consumable item. It's a useless, nearly worthless toy. I'm 90% sure I bought almost all of these in 2002, when they were 1 NP. I had a plan to spend a few hours flooding the Money Tree with them. Twelve-year-old me was a little Neopets troll.

Despite being a troll, I met one of my IRL best friends on Neopets when we were 12 and 13 years old. We've kept in touch for over 20 years and still talk nearly every day. We've met each other's families. She came to my wedding. Neopets is awful now, but that cursed website still means a lot to me for this reason.

(It doesn't escape my notice that Neocities and Neopets have similar names. On Neopets, friends are called Neofriends. I often think of the people I interact with on Neocities as my Neofriends as well.)

And now to bring this dumb post full circle: the first time my Neopets BFF visited me in Minnesota, I got us lost while driving. Shocking. She later told me that my laissez-faire attitude around getting lost helped her become a less anxious driver. At least my brainless driving has has helped someone. ]]> https://oopsiedoodle.com/posts/2026/toast-reviewed https://oopsiedoodle.com/posts/2026/toast-reviewed Oopsie Doodle Tue Feb 24 2026 00:00:00 GMT Beans on Toast
Recommended by tabf5 and ratlands

Of course I knew beans on toast to be a favorite British comfort food. But my thoughts before trying it were: Do beans belong on toast? I’m supposed to eat a bean sandwich? I suppose I can expect nothing less from the people who gave us the toast sandwich.

But this was better than I expected. I couldn’t find the traditional Heinz Beanz at my grocery store, so I opted for some American-style baked beans instead. My understanding is that Heinz Beanz are more tomatoey, whereas American beans have more of a barbecue flavor. I think either would be good.

For me, this was more enjoyable than some common American comfort foods, like grilled cheese or macaroni and cheese, both of which I tend to find far too cheesy. I would eat it again.

Rating: 8/10

Avocado Toast with Chili Flakes and a Sunny Side Up Egg
Recommended by garfriend

I was already a fan of avocado toast. Avocados are delicious. I don’t usually add egg because I am usually way too lazy to make an egg. But I forced myself to endure that ordeal, opting for over easy instead of sunny side up. Obviously, the egg made the meal a lot better.

My sprinkle of chili flakes should have been more generous; I will rectify that next time. This was a great toast experience, though I have to admit I might like beans on toast more.

Rating: 7.5/10

French Toast
Recommended by zerock

I didn’t actually make this toast. But having had French toast many times, I’ll give my review anyway. French toast is a food, like pancakes and s’mores, that I eat approximately once per year. That’s my limit.

The eggy flavor is not my favorite, though a good amount of cinnamon can make up for it. The likelihood of me making French toast at home is basically zero, but I would consider ordering it if out for breakfast.

Rating: 5/10

Tomato and Ricotta Toast
Recommended by me

Toast topped with ricotta cheese and sauteed cherry tomatoes with garlic. This is my favorite toast.

Rating: 10/10

Toast with Honey
Recommended by myrtletribe

I wish I liked honey. I’ve tried. As an ingredient cooked or baked into something, no problem. But as a topping or an addition to tea, it makes me grimace.

Still, I tried this toast. I knew I wouldn’t like it, so I only added honey to the corner of one slice. Ugh.

Rating: 2/10

Pea Toast with Ricotta and Parmesan
Recommended by me

Mash up (I use a food processor) some peas with parmesan, olive oil, garlic, maybe a little basil. Add to toast. Top with ricotta. Consume.

This is my second favorite toast.

Rating: 9/10

Swiss Cheese with Tomato and Pepper on Toast
Recommended by shnu-world

My confession is that I’ve eaten the exact same thing for lunch nearly every day for the past three years. I decided to get wild and upend my routine one Friday afternoon by making this toast.

It was not bad, though I’m sure it would’ve been a lot better if I’d had a less sad tomato. But alas, it’s February in Minnesota. Maybe I’ll make this one again next summer when my tomatoes come in.

Rating: 5/10

Toast with Strawberry Jelly and a Sunny Side Up Egg
Recommended by sadnightcrimes

I was confused by this one. An egg on jelly toast?

I did a search and was surprised to find some people on Reddit singing the praises of jelly egg toast. So I did begrudgingly try it, substituting raspberry jam and an over easy egg.

I like a sweet and savory combination, but this one was just OK for me. I’ll admit I slid the egg off of the bread after a single bite.

Rating: 4/10 ]]> https://oopsiedoodle.com/posts/2026/furbys-against-fascism https://oopsiedoodle.com/posts/2026/furbys-against-fascism Oopsie Doodle Tue Feb 17 2026 00:00:00 GMT

Like any spoiled 90s child, I had a Furby. I got it for Christmas in 1998 and annoyed the shit out of my family with it. I’m not sure about today’s Furbys, but the OG ones came with a little dictionary of Furbish words so that you could better communicate with your Furby as it "learned" English.

As a kid who loved all things words, this addition may have been better than the Furby itself. I did my best to string together silly sentences in my new language, further irritating my family for weeks.

Meanwhile, trouble was brewing for Mattel’s latest fad toy. Furbys made headlines in 1999 when they were deemed a threat by the United States government. Eventually, the controversy passed along with the fad, and Furbys faded into toy aisle obscurity.

I held on to my Furby for the next decade or so, finally letting it go at a family garage sale in the early 2010s. But I remembered the controversy and brought it up each time I reminisced about Furbys with other nostalgic 90s kids.

I thought about Furbys again last summer, when I had the very stupid idea to translate a children’s religious tract into Furbish. I wisely chose not to do that project (though I did translate the Lord’s Prayer), but I did fall into a Furby rabbit hole and learned more about Furby’s origins (both fictitious and factual) and its scuffle with the U.S. government.

Here is the official Furby lore in a nutshell: Furbys are creatures from a place called A-loh May-lah. Because of changes to the climate in their home, Furbys have come to Earth for survival. Yes, really. Furbys are climate refugees.

Shortly after their arrival, Furbys came under fire when U.S. government officials incorrectly believed their "learning" ability meant they could record audio. In order to prevent "spying" and "security issues," Furbys were banned from some government buildings. In other words, unsubstantiated claims from the government resulted in the toy’s unfair expulsion.

Does that sound familiar? Innocent immigrants indiscriminately removed by the U.S. government? If you’ve been paying attention to the news, it should.

Given Furby’s background, I can only imagine that these resilient creatures would take up arms against the current administration and its destructive policies. So I created a pamphlet that explores more of Furby’s history and translates several phrases for resistance into Furbish.

Why? Because it’s fun and silly, and I know that I could use a little bit of that right now.

The pamphlet is below, if you’re interested (or download the PDF here). Feel free to print it out and share it with other weirdos who might be amused by it.

I’m also mailing them out for free to anyone who wants one, along with the Furbys Against Fascism sticker you see above. Email me here if you want one:

Front

Back

That year I took a standardized writing test administered by Columbus Public Schools and, in the glue-smelling prison of Mrs. Roberts's second grade classroom, crafted the influential essay "How I Got My Hamster Fluffy." No one yet knew what a game changer it would be.

That summer the test scorers toiled over paper piles in search of a golden ticket among the masses of detritus written by eight-year-olds across the city. The driveling self-indulgence of these failed child writers compelled several scorers to lay down their red pens and retire from scoring on the spot.

But then at last, snatched from the landfill, a work which appeared at first glance to be a humble essay but in reality turned out to be the seminal hamster writing of the 1990s, written by me, the undiscovered genius of the second grade whose highest literary achievement up to that point was reading Hanson: The Official Book cover to cover.

But now I had ascended. Finally, a second grader—a scholar, a scribe—whose works could be shelved alongside the greats.

The scorers sent home a permission slip begging me to please, please, please allow teachers to use my essay as a teaching tool. My benevolent permission was granted, and from then on thousands of children pored over the essay each year, studying its many intricacies and complexities to learn not to write but to compose. It was the least that I could do.

But more important than those children’s education was me, the newest literary genius of Columbus, Ohio. "How I Got My Hamster Fluffy" was my first published work, and not even the sky was the limit. This was the beginning of my not at all lackluster career as a writer. The essay that launched 1,000 clickbait articles. The success that led to impossible riches beyond your wildest——

OK sorry sorry sorry. Did I mention driveling self-indulgence?

In all seriousness, I found my essay while digging through a box last week and thought it would be funny to share this truly mortifying piece of childhood writing.

It genuinely (and hilariously) was used as a teaching tool, and the praise that eight-year-old me received from it most definitely sparked my interest in writing... and led me to spurn other more lucrative options in pursuit of a "writing" "career." (Dumdum since second grade.)

Anyway that’s enough chatter. Here’s the original essay, followed by a transcription further down the page (lightly edited for clarity):

How I Got My Hamster Fluffy

I got my hamster at a pet store. I was going to have to save my own money to buy it. The day after the day I wanted a hamster my stepdad took my step brother, my sister, and I to the pet store. We all waited an hour because the pet store was closed.

So we went to another pet store. We looked at all the animals. There were so many animals. We looked at fish, lizards, rabbits, snakes, turtles, dogs, birds, rats, cats, kittens and frogs. There were so many different kinds of animals.

Then we looked for hamster food. Next we looked for a drinking bottle. Then we looked for a cage. Then a wheel. Then we got the pet store man and we picked out our hamsters. He put them in a box. Then we got in the car and went home.

When we got home, the hamsters played together. A few months after that my hamster had babies. I got to keep one of them.

A few months after that my step brother’s hamster died and then my sister’s died. They threw them in the lake afterwards.

Then I had to move so I had to give my hamsters away. I don’t care about them anymore. I know I’ll never see them again. It was fun while it lasted for me, my sister, and my step brother.

It’s the "I don’t care about them anymore" for me. No love for the hamster I raised.

Maybe working isn’t enough, either. What would it take for you to do the work with a little dance in your step? Try to make it pretty, Aries. People are watching. You might want to invite one or two of your favorites to join you. Collaboration could be just the thing you need to get your goals off the ground.

Your Inner Beanie Baby for February: Arabesque

Taurus

That goes double for personal relationships. If you’re able to set your stubbornness aside, you may finally find a resolution for a long-standing issue at home. Other people’s ideas may be the ticket to troubleshooting a difficult project or peacefully settling a dispute.

The universe may also treat you to an unexpected blast from the past this month. Proceed with caution, but do proceed: how you act now could set the stage for months to come.

Your Inner Beanie Baby for February: Manny

Gemini

All of that said, don’t be afraid to go after those stretch goals you’ve been dreaming of. As long as you prepare, there’s no harm in striving this month. You’ll likely find yourself in good company: your usual charm is cranked up even higher, making it easier than ever for you to connect with like-minded people. Achieving your goals will be that much richer if you’re able to partner with others along the way. Go for it!

Your Inner Beanie Baby for February: Freckles

Cancer

Your partnerships, both personal and professional, could come into play. There may be a rebalancing of power. Fiscal matters are also important this month. You may get the urge to re-evaluate how you handle your finances. At work, this could mean going after more money. A new chapter in your career is opening, and this may be the time to take a leap.

At home, it might mean creating a debt payoff plan or saving up for a new worldly pursuit such as education or a trip. Now’s the time to pursue your passions.

Your Inner Beanie Baby for February: Frills

Leo

But don’t forget to come up for air. Strike a balance between getting lost in the throes of passion and doing a little planning. Your goals will be much easier to achieve if you strategize. Likewise, don’t let passion get in the way of serious conversation. Is there a discussion you need to have? Don’t avoid difficult topics; now’s the time to be honest. Your natural charm will help you smooth over any prickly parts.

Your Inner Beanie Baby for February: Prance

Virgo

Starting mid-month, you may find that your focus on your favorites deepens. Take some time to prioritize your partnerships, both romantic and platonic. Share a meal together, or make plans to collaborate on a fun project or an upcoming outing. You’ll find it easier to connect with people, so you might as well take advantage.

Near the end of February, some old disagreements might come out of the woodwork. Others may expect more than you’re willing to give. Set boundaries, and make it clear what you’re able to give others. Collaboration doesn’t mean not having an individual voice.

Your Inner Beanie Baby for February: Fluffball

Libra

With the busyness of February, you may find yourself overlooking important details near the end of the month. Take a moment to slow down and assess that everything is getting done. A new routine or a calendar update may help you keep your affairs in order.

To-do lists aren’t the only thing to make routine, however. Build in some time for self care. Libras have a real appreciation for beauty and peace. Why not make it an indispensable part of your life this month? Set aside some time in your social calendar for some self care. Take a bath, burrow into a soft blanket, make some art. Whatever helps you appreciate beauty, take some time to do it.

Your Inner Beanie Baby for February: Rocket

Scorpio

While you’re nesting, you may also be inspired to make some big changes to your surroundings. Is your home due for a fresh coat of paint? Take some time to make your space your own, and you just might come out of this month feeling that much more relaxed.

The focus on home will also help you evaluate the relationships closest to you. Is everything in order? Now is the time to make big decisions on the dynamics you want to keep in the future. It’s also possible that someone from the past could reemerge. Will you reignite the spark, or let it fade once and for all? Your decision could have lasting effects.

Your Inner Beanie Baby for February: Tiptoe

Sagittarius

As the month winds down, you’ll set your sights on more domestic matters. Communication may break down with family members, especially around domestic issues. Are you pulling your weight around the house? Are the household finances in order? Get those difficult conversations out of the way so that you can go forward without baggage.

Your Inner Beanie Baby for February: Divalectable

Capricorn

Though you might be feeling strapped for cash, you may find yourself rich in other areas this month. Creativity abounds for Caps, as long as you’re willing to take some time away from work to foster your inspiration. Your ideas will be extra persuasive, so it may be a good time to start up a writing project you’ve been meaning to get to, or to dive back into that draft that you set aside months ago.

In between your busyness, be sure to set your eyes toward home every once in a while. Take care of your close relationships. The key to this month is balancing: your checkbook, your ideas, your work life, and your home. Sound difficult? Hardworking Capricorns always find a way.

Your Inner Beanie Baby for February: Paul

Aquarius

Pay close attention to how you communicate. Are you an effective speaker or writer? Start honing your skills for the future. You are often a visionary, but it won’t matter if you struggle to communicate effectively.

New opportunities may also come out of the woodwork this month. You’ll want to be diligent in considering them; not all are worth taking, especially those that require you to sacrifice your independence. Be sure that you enter obligations or relationships by choice, and be wary of anyone who seeks to mire you. Similarly, stay level-headed when it comes to finances. Your situation could change suddenly, so make sure you have a safety net.

Your Inner Beanie Baby for February: Honor Roll

Pisces

In the midst of your nesting season, it’s also time to think about what happens next. It may be time for a fresh coat of paint in some parts of your life, particularly how you earn money. You may find yourself floundering at first, but stability will arrive when you’ve come up with a solid plan. Don’t be afraid to call on your network for ideas or leads.

But also don’t be too hard on yourself if things move more slowly than expected. You’re starting a new chapter, and taking your time only means that you’re more sure-footed as you step into the future.

Your Inner Beanie Baby for February: Jake

All I can really bring myself to write for now is that it's absolutely insane that an estimated 50,000 of us marched peacefully in Minneapolis with no issues and no violence on Friday, yet the next day another person was murdered simply for having their phone out near ICE. It's almost as if the moment ICE gets involved, things get violent. Shocking that untrained wannabe soldiers would be the true violent, terrorist agitators.

Also had a lot on my mind as far as the happenings where I live (Minneapolis) and wanted to write something down about it before I get caught up in my navel-gazing and news obsession yet again.

I found a pocketknife on the sidewalk while walking home from voting in the last presidential election. I picked it up and brought it home, shoved it into a drawer in my kitchen, and promptly forgot about it. Then I settled in to watch the election results trickle in, my cautious optimism morphing into pit-in-the-stomach dread.

Ever since, it’s been hard to look away from the news. So much is happening. War, genocide, political assassinations, rollbacks of environmental protections, violations of international law... The list goes on. It’s hard to keep up. You can only look in so many directions at once.

Right now I find myself able to look in only one direction: towards my city. I’ve lived in Minneapolis for eight years, in the Twin Cities for eleven. I lived here when Philando Castile was murdered, when George Floyd was murdered, when Daunte Wright was murdered. Justine Damond. Amir Locke. I’m sure I am missing several people.

The point is, none of those times felt the same as the current situation. There is still immense anger and despair, yes. But there is more fear in the air now than there ever was during those earlier incidents.

And why shouldn’t there be? Federal agents are kidnapping people from the street. They executed a woman in front of a crowd in broad daylight. They shot a man as he tried to flee. Did you know that tear gas is banned for use in war, but American authorities regularly use it on their own people?

To top it all off, the president has threatened to deploy the military on a quiet Midwestern metro. Why? The Twin Cities are neither a criminal hub nor an immigration hotspot. This is about retribution against a city represented by the president's political enemies. It’s about testing the waters for rolling back constitutional rights in an authoritarian power grab.

It’s hard to know what to do. You donate what you can, you protest when you can, you blow your whistle on ICE and report their movements to your Signal chats. You feel a brief surge of joy when those fuckers bust their asses on the ice. You hope it hurts. You ebb and flow between hope and rage.

You think of your pocketknife. I found mine again last week as I did my annual junk drawer declutter. In hindsight, it seems like an omen, finding it as I walked home on election day. Was the universe telling me get ready, prepare?

It’s a cheap thing, a little grimy, clearly intended to be purely utilitarian. Not flashy, but you could use it for so much: opening boxes, cutting rope. Hunting, fishing, carving, chopping.

It’s really not a weapon, but it could be. In a desperate pinch, it could be one. But that would be a risk; a pocketknife was never intended for that purpose. Your opponent could overpower you and turn your blade against you. They could register your grubby little knife as a threat and turn their gun against you.

That’s how I imagine Twin Cities residents in this current situation: like my sidewalk pocketknife. Ordinary but useful, working with purpose. Helping where help is needed. Doing what needs to be done. Possessing a hidden sharpness, yes, but folding that away in favor of peace. Understanding the risk of violence.

The eternal optimist in me wants to believe the situation will improve. Organizers here continue to advocate for peace. ICE has been ordered not to detain or tear gas peaceful protestors (though whether they follow the order is another story). In what is shaping up to be true fascist intruder fashion, Jake Lang busted his dork ass on the ice as he was literally chased out of the city.

But ICE is still here.

A relative asked why I care so much. I’m white. I’m an American citizen. What do I have to worry about? As if the murder of white American citizen Renee Good wasn’t enough to prove that everyone loses when fascism comes to town.

Obviously (or so I thought), I care because this is my home. The best days of my life have been spent here. It’s heartbreaking to know that since ICE has been here, innocent people have been experiencing the worst days of theirs at the hands of the federal government.

These people are my neighbors. Frankly, I don’t care if they are here legally or not. I don’t care if they have criminal records. The government’s methods of detaining people are neither safe nor fair, and I would rather welcome people with open arms than condemn them to untold injustices.

But again, I don’t think this is about immigration. The constitutional violations, violent attacks, and threats from the president suggest there is something more at play. And if ICE can come and terrorize Minneapolis, they can do that in any other city. They already are.

So what should we do? Protest, donate, call representatives, connect with neighbors, organize, take training to be a constitutional observer. Other than that: I don’t know. I wish I had some rousing call to action to end with, but I don’t. I’m not an organizer or a particularly great leader. I’m just a normal person writing this to bear witness. So I guess my advice is just: be a pocketknife, and wield your blade with care.