O L D C A R A V A N

oldcaravan — Mon, 19 Nov 2018 18:25:46 GMT

a l p h a b e t o f l o v e a n d d e s p a i r

p a r t ii

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her. Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

(Pablo Neruda)

Irresistible
Hanbin / Nayeon

To be a masochist of love is a life choice of Im Nayeon and an everlasting black hole called Kim Hanbin caused it all. If only she could turn back the time, she would do anything in her life to stop her from coming to Momo’s New Year Party two years ago.

“You should come. So, my other Korean friend won’t be lonely.”
“What, you only have two Korean friends?” Nayeon found Momo was being ridiculous. She was suspected that it is one of her way to playing cupid – again.
“Yes, in this Department of Astronomy.”

So, there was Hanbin and Nayeon, two lost stars, with their own constellation. It started with the story of how they landed in Japan, being away from home only to study a bizarre major. Then, they exchanged story of their life, creating their own orbit.

They were not really lost anymore.

Joy
Sungjae / Joy

He has his heads in the cloud; in the form an artificial feeling named joy.

The joy when he saw Sooyoung from afar, laughing to her friends with her beaming eyes. Sungjae making the scene of how to greet Park Sooyoung in his head only to find that he went silent whenever he caught a glimpse of her, strolling around hallway. People say it was about the first move and Sungjae couldn’t fabricate the fate as he wanted yet his feeling to her was too real.

And so, at the end of December, gripping to the feeling, he took first step.

“Hi, I’m Sungjae.”

He couldn’t feel anything but outburst of feeling.

Kiss
Eunwoo / Doyeon

“Why…?”

They had just ran away from a party which Doyeon wished never happened. He hated Ong SeongWoo with all her heart for inviting her only to announce that he was getting married. As if he never noticed or perceived what had been happened between him and Doyeon.

Five glasses of Soju and she took Eunwoo, her friend, to run away from the party with her despite the heavy rain.

“Why…?”

She breathed it between her tears. It was raining so hard but Doyeon still could trace a hint of wistful smile on Eunwoo’s face. And just like that, he felt his warm on her, graze her wound, and penetrated her with a bunch of feeling.

“Please, after this, only see me,” pleaded him amidst her tear.

She was too engulfed in her sadness to realize that was a kiss, he was too drunk in love to let her go.

Lie
Jungkook / Mina

“You are a good girl, Mina. A good person deserves a good person. You will find him.”

Jungkook said that, one night, when Mina asked him to have dinner together and talk about life. Mina only smiled and sipped her tea bitterly. She told Jungkook everything. Her protective parents, her dislike toward her colleague, her dreams, her thoughts, everything that she never told to anyone. She only told it to him. And yet, when she started to talk about love that was always Jungkook’s reply. That she was a good girl and also deserved someone good.

Maybe it’s you.

Mina could only say that in silence. Let him exchanged a secret stare with her. A light stomp on her foot when they are having dinner with their friends together. His face went blank as if he did nothing when he actually teased her under the table.

And so, when Mina saw his photo with a girl, she felt crushed.

“You could tell me, you know.”

And she saw it, his infamous glassy eyes, and she knew why he didn’t.

Marshmallow
Daniel / Sana

Dear Sana,

I don’t know whether you know me or not. I’m Kang Daniel. I was in baking class with you last year. You didn’t pay attention that much to me. You are busy with your recipe of sweets and cake to be aware of my six months existence in that class. I just want to tell you that I took that class because of the free cookies that you give to all your classmate during our orientation day. One of your classmate, Woojin – my friend, gave me crumbs of your cookies, and I fell for it. Then I saw you, giving the same cookies to the topokki grandma, and I fell for you.

I send you this marshmallow as I saw you cried this morning. That was surely one of gloomiest morning in my life. I don’t know the reason of it, but I hope now you can smile again.

Here, have this marshmallow and smile again. As always.

Never
Namjoon / Rose

It was too comfortable for Namjoon to see Rose wearing his oversized hoodie in his studio, legs dangling on the couch while humming a nameless song. It was too comfortable and dangerous for him.

“Are you finished?”

“Uhm, yeah.” Namjoon cleared his throat. It was the third time Rose coming to his studio. The first time was last month, when her group suddenly barged in to their dormitory due to Seungri’s queer variety show’s episode was to visit other group’s dormitory. She was coming with her other members, eyes twinkling and pinkish makeup, as if she was a fairy coming to the grim house.

“Let’s play, then.”

She always like that. Saying something so suddenly that he couldn’t have time to react properly.

She already stood up and take a bottle of Soju from Namjoon’s table. She sat on the couch while signaling him to come close. As foolish as he was, Namjoon moved his body to sit on the floor, facing her.

“Let’s play ‘Never have I ever’,” she smiled mischievously and Namjoon had to restrain himself to pinch her nose endearingly. “I want to play it at our home but Jennie and Lisa doesn’t want it. Jisoo doesn’t understand it. So you have to make my wish come true.”

Always.

Namjoon tried to focus himself.

“Okay, first one, never have I ever … completely forgot my lines in a song!”

Namjoon didn’t drink his soju.

“Really?” Rose was surprised.

“Too clever to forget my lines.”

Rose let out a soft laugh then drink her soju in one shot.

“My turn.” Namjoon pretended that he was thinking hard. “Never have I ever cried in public because of a song.”

Rose flashed him a tender smile then drink her next glass.

“What song?” He was so curious.

“Spring Day. I heard it at a CD Shop in Japan when I really missed home then I cried.”

Namjoon was dumbstruck.

“Okay, next question… never have I ever broken someone’s heart.”

Both of them drink their soju then laughed together. “So both of us are cruel then?”

Namjoon could feel he was getting excited. “Never have I ever fallen in love at first sight.”

Rose didn’t raise her glass and she was thrilled. “Woah, my first!”

Namjoon smiled then took another shot.

“Really? How could you love someone at first sight?” Rose looked puzzled.

2016. Melon Music Award. The girl who was panicked because she spilled her pomegranate juice to Jin’s shirt.

“Okay, next question…” Her forehead was crinkled and she pouted as she was thinking. Namjoon was amused of it and couldn’t hide it. Rose saw it and was shy of his stare.

Namjoon then realized it was his turn. “Uhm, so, yeah, maybe the next question will be… never have I ever accidentally kissed someone.”

Rose was sit still and gave no response. Namjoon felt anxious of her action but after a minute passed and there was nothing, he realized that was her answer. He lovingly whispered ‘cute’ while looking down at his glass and was ready to gulp it down. As he rising his glass, he could feel warm on his right hand, preventing him to drink, then suddenly, he felt her lips on his very quickly. He still can feel the vanilla scent on his lips and he was too numb to say anything.

Rose glanced at him shyly then drink her soju. “That was my answer.”

And, that was the best answer.

time of our love

oldcaravan — Sun, 30 Oct 2016 17:29:58 GMT

time of our love

kai / krystal

In one second, Jongin’s eyes lied on the figure of the ethereal girl which he had been waiting in all his hopes. His heart went somersault and he could only smiled when she looked at him in mirth – wide and beautiful smile. His heart beat faster after the girl whom had been his friends for three years linked her arms with him percipitately, not realizing that the boy had been stuck on his track.
In every second of his life, Jongin realized that Jung Soojung, was no longer only a friend for him.

In a minute the feeling came back without he knew what to do to restrain this feeling. Whenever they joked together the laugh that came out from his mouth wasn’t the sincere laugh from a friend, it was an awkward laugh from an admirer. He suffered from lost of words which sometimes being classified as a sign of fall in love syndrome – because there was someone who made you breathless and tongue tied. It was no doubt that Soojung had been the constant shadow of his reverie. In every minute of his life, Jongin knew very well the tickling time couldn’t hide the love that was getting bigger in his heart.

iii

In countless hours, they spent time together. Sitting on the beach of the nearest park which they had been visiting frequently since high school. They took their time to adore the wan sky or maybe the colorful afternoon, contemplating about the world where worry didn’t like to come even for one second. No words were being spoken. The coyly glance became the solely unspoken communication. Their fingers intertwined in such a high hope. That moment made Kai realized that in every hour of his life, he could never been away from Jung Soojung.

On one sunny days, the love was declared. Not in a way where the man said it with hundreds of poetic words or maybe the simple yet meanigful of one line. It was spoken by Jongin, the man who never been good at creating words. A confusion was colored in Soojung as she thought that it was a joke from this funny guy. But that was denied when one simple yet meanigful was said by him. When their hearts were finally linked to each other, there was no happiness could be hide. All the words could see it from their face. That moment was the time when Jongin promised to himself that he would never forget that for the next million days ahead.

On one gloomy month, the rainbow was slowly faded. The communication was getting lesser and the selfishness became the following reason. No more affectionate kiss at the first of meeting, it had been tranformed into a simple ‘hi’ and ‘hello’ like a two long lost bestfrend which finally met each other. The miles away of distance became the barrier of feeling. The feeling was slowly faded when two people realized that they had some differences that couldn’t be unite. A hiss and curse as the closing of every conversation became a sign that this relationship maybe should come to the end. In every month they were struggling to make it better and patiently wait, until it was no longer could be hold.

In some season the flower was withered. Without any cries as if they already knew it would happen eventually. A brisk hug delivered the dying love. A soft pat on the shoulder was a final touch of sincere support from the girl who had been painting Jongin’s day with colors for years. The kiss on top of her head was his way of saying that he finally realized the love was gone. In every season, Jongin knew that there was a time to begin and there was a time to end it.

vii

In some years he recalled the past. It wasn’t that easy to escape from the arrow of cupid that had been stuck in his heart even it was just for a while. There was always another woman on his side but the remembrance of first love was something that he couldn’t forget completely. It sometimes came up out of nowhere without him knowing – made the man who wasn’t in his seventeen anymore – smiled forlornly. In every year there would be a tons of new memory, but Jongin could never erase the past memory.

viii

In some moment the love would be remembered even he couldn’t have it anymore. It behaved like a main actor from a stage of Jongin’s love. This middle-age man still couldn’t completely forget his story with a girl named Jung Soojung. Because her name was already written in the corner of his heart by an everlasting feeling from the past. At last, in every second of his life, the love would never be gone even in the nothingness.

this is an old collection of mine. i didn't use kaistal in the previous one, but when i reread this story, i just miss them and decide to use them as the characters. in the meantime, i'm writing the next chapter of Interpreter of Pink. in the end, when life gets hard, i write.

( chapter 2 ) a road in the sky

oldcaravan — Sun, 18 Oct 2015 18:06:46 GMT

prev : ( chapter 1 : january )

CHAPTER 2

- - -
FEBRUARY
- - -

2009

“She just made a chocolate but it looked like as if he had a vendetta toward my kitchen.” Jongin moved his chopstick up and down eagerly as he told Kyungsoo about his sister. “Yoojin noona should stop pretending that she can cook because she can’t.”

“It’s just chocolate, I don’t think it could make your kitchen that bad,” commented Kyungsoo. He took a bit large of his bread and ate it slowly. Jongin had offered him his lunch but Kyungsoo refused it politely. He knew the capacity of Jongin’s stomach after the dancing practice. Not to mention that his lunch was fried chicken, the boy was pretty crazy when it came to chicken.

“But it was really that bad. Hyeyoung noona and I helped her to clean up the kitchen. The splatter was everywhere. Hyeyoung noona then helped her to make the chocolate. Girls and their chocolate ritual are unbelieveable, don’t you think?”

Kyungsoo only gave him a simple nod.

Today was Valentine’s Day and everyone was pretty much in love. Maybe. Also, the expectation of people getting a chocolate – and confession – was pretty high. Kyungsoo wasn’t in for this ritual. The last time a girl gave him chocolate was when he was in sixth grade. The girl was pretty cute and seemed very shy when she gave him the chocolate box. Kyungsoo kind of forget why he rejected her confession, but after that, he didn’t get any confession for years ahead. Maybe the girl cursed him after the rejection. Or maybe because he was just too involved with study and his training days thus he never got a chance to socialize with his classmates.

He wonder what would happen in high school.

“Valentine’s Day…” Jongin let his word hung out in the air. Kyungsoo waited him to complete the sentence but he didn’t. They had already finished their lunch and going to the practice room. Kyungsoo had schedule for public speaking lesson and Jongin had his advanced dance class. He climbed up the rank in dance department easily and Kyungsoo wasn’t surprised. He remembered the magic of his dance when he saw him one year ago.

Enchanting.

That was what Kyungsoo thought about Jongin’s dance.

They parted in the hallway. Kyungsoo walked to the studio 3 while Jongin took the stair to the dance room.

It was a small room and only had two chairs and an electric piano. Kyungsoo sat across the piano and started to warm up his voice. He had been practising Jo Hee sunbae’s song for this week. The teacher was impressed by his interpretation of the song. It wasn’t only because Kyungsoo’s voice, he had personal sentimental with the song. It was his grandmother’s favorite song and she used to sing him the song when he was a child.

Kyungsoo was close with his grandparents. They lived in Daegu and he usually went there in summer. But the visiting ritual stopped when he was in junior high school. His mom took him to a summer class, course, then he had to practice so it was really no time to visit her grandmother. He missed her, so much. Especially now, when she was alone after his grandfather died last year.

The teacher came to the room ten minutes later and they started the practice. It was a smooth and exciting lesson. Kyungsoo always loved the vocal lesson because he could do it well. Not like in that dance class, because that was Jongin’s forte. His ability to learn a dance move was amazing. Kyungsoo wanted to dance like that but always fail miserably.

“He has no bones,” was Yifan’s comment when he and Kyungsoo looked at Jongin’s dancing.

Kyungsoo bowed to his teacher and then left the room quietly after the lesson ended. He planned to spend this afternoon to go to a billiard place with Chanyeol, Suho, and Jongin after the practice ended. The school hadn’t started until March so they all had quite time to enjoy the time by playing before schoolwork and training took their time again. Especially, Kyungsoo. It was well-known that his school had a bunch of homework and project. That made the other questioned him. Because his high school wasn’t invented to produce a singer, it was for those who wanted to pursue their academic excellence, got into Seoul University or maybe KAIST.

“Hyung!” Kyungsoo turned around and found that Jongin had also already finished his practice, sweat all over his clothes but he still managed to smile. They packed their belongings in the locker and went to the lounge, waiting for Chanyeol and Suho finished their acting class. Kyungsoo was playing with his phone when he heard a pack of giggling sound came near. He and Jongin turned their head and found a group of girl trainee, talking and gossiping. He guessed they were excited about this Valentine’s Day. Maybe their love was blooming and somewhat. Jongin looked at them then to Kyungsoo. He shrugged then continue to tap on the floor.

“Actually, I brought you chocolate, hyung.”

“What?” Kyungsoo was surprised. His eyes went wider and his face suddenly turned pale.

“Relax, it’s not I’m gonna confess to you.” Jongin made a face but then stuck out a box of chocolate to Kyungsoo. “It was Hyeyoung noona’s. Yeah, she also gave me the chocolate. She asked me to give it to – ,” Jongin looked anxious,” – girl, I mean, someone.” It was an awkward silence. Kyungsoo didn’t know what he had to do because it was too sudden and confusing. He never got a chocolate from a boy and he never expected before and – “Gosh, hyung, relax! I told you, I’m not going to confess or whatsoever.” Now Jongin seemed irritated.

“Then what’s with this chocolate?”

Jongin looked hesitant at first and then he took a deep breath. “Okay, I’m gonna make a confession – no, not to you.” Jongin corrected his word after seeing the look of horror in Kyungsoo’s face. “So… I know this girl. Uhm, no. I actually don’t know her. Not in the way I know you, Suho, and Chanyeol. But – “

“So you like this girl. And?”

Jongin suddenly blushed. “Yeah…” Kyungsoo took that as an affirmation of ‘ so you like this girl’.

“Go on.”

Jongin looked around, he wanted to make sure that there was no one in the hall besides them. “So, yeah there is this girl, and maybe I have a crush on her. I don’t know.”

“Stop denying, and go on,” Kyungsoo cut off, again.

“Alright, alright, so I like this girl and I have this crazy thought yesterday that maybe I should give her chocolate, today. Especially after Hyeyoung noona made this chocolate. But – “

“Is she someone from our company?”

Jongin fell silent. He didn’t say a yes or a no but Kyungsoo already knew the answer.

“Soojung, isn’t it?”

Jongin looked aghast and became frantic. “Wait, what? No. No, it’s not – “ he went to the panic state, “How did you kn– no. I mean, you – “

“Jongin, relax,” Now it was Kyungsoo turned to tell Jongin to relax. “I guessed it was her because she was the only official couple that happened today. You know, with Minho hyung, and sometimes I saw you glanced at her with that puppy eyes of yours when you saw puppy so yeah, I think it’s her. Right?”

Jongin was speechless. He didn’t know what to express but suddenly he gave in and slowly nodded.

“Yeah… I saw it with my own eyes. Minho gave her flower. And she, in return gave him a box of chocolate. I already had a feeling about them. Their chemistry in Dream Team is just… ” Kyungsoo nodded along. “But I just want to give it, as a friend, perhaps. Maybe I want to try to have a chance? But now she’s already someone else’s, my chocolate doesn’t have any right to go to her. In the end, Juliette would chose Romeo, right?” He grinned pathetically.

Kyungsoo could see his sadness.

“So here, have my chocolate, hyung. I guess I’m stuck with you.”

2012

Kyungsoo was confused seeing his grandmother getting excited with the Valentine’s Day. She took him to stroll around the city, buying pink stuff, chocolate, even The Greatest Love Song of All The Time CD. Now they were heading to have ramyeon in her favorite restaurant, Yuksangyin. They were about to arrive when it turned out there was commotion in front of the restaurant.

His grandmother looked enchanted by the commotion. It was schoolgirls, all busy choosing the right chocolate for their crush or boyfriend. Then there was this girl, she looked she didn’t belong to that crowd. She was wearing a yellow coat and her hair in ponytail; bringing a basket full of chocolate. Kyungsoo spotted the price tag on each chocolate box. His grandmother, however, was very excited when they approached them. And Kyungsoo was surprised when actually, his grandmother knew this girl.

She looked like Christmas Tree in Kyungsoo’s eyes. Her attire was the combination of red, green, and brown. Kyungsoo didn’t know what this girl aim to do with her fashion sense. Not to mention she brought all the chocolate.

“Grandma!” The girl greeted his grandmother in such a tone, full of endearing, as he heard it but he found it irritating. Her eyes beamed and she hugged his grandmother, warmly. They hugged each other for maybe, half a minute. When they released the hug, it turned out the two was in need of catching up each other. So they went chattering outside the restaurant.

Kyungsoo needed to fake a cough to get their attention.

“Ah, right, why won’t we get inside?”

“I can’t. I need to sell these, right?” she pointed to all boxes. His grandmother gave the girl an indescribable look. Kyungsoo tried to decipher that cryptic stare but to no avail. He didn’t know what did that mean, however, he finally spoke out that their real intention was to eat ramyeon.

“Well, we will wait you to sell these things. Just go inside when you finish, alright?”

The girl smiled then nodded eagerly. She went to the customer as Kyungsoo and his grandmother went to the store. Kyungsoo had been in this place twice, first one was in his first summer with grandma, eight years ago. The second one was when his grandfather died. His grandmother took all his grandchildren – Kyungsoo, his cousin, his cousin’s sister – to the store then started to tell them the story of how she and their grandfather met. A classic story between a soldier and a nurse who later went to this small town and started their new life as a farmer and sold classic things.

They waited the girl to finish about one hour later. She came to the store, eyes beaming, and full of smile. But there was something strange with her smile and Kyungsoo already realized what was that. This girl, she had a scar on her face and it was right under his eyes. Weirdly, the scar was a thin line, started from the corner of her eyes and went down near the tip of her mouth. Just like a tear ran down from her face. So it looked like she had permanent tears came from her right eye. It was like the sorrow rested on her face and never wanted to leave her. Even when she laughed, the sorrow dangling on the tip of her lips and made her smile painful.

She sat in front of his grandmother then casted him a sidelong glance. Kyungsoo didn’t say anything and let her and his grandmother chatted in such a great enthusiast.

“He’s my grandchild, Kyungsoo,” finally his grandmother introduced him to her.

“Oh, so, this is Kyungsoo.” She emphasized on the word Kyungsoo. The way you did when you had this personal feeling toward someone but the person who introduced you to this person didn’t have a clue.

“Jieun just moved to this town three years ago. She is such a sweetheart, accompany me and your grandfather. We both felt lonely when you and your parents stopped visiting us.”

Now Kyungsoo started fidgeting in his seat. He could tell that this Jieun girl now was staring at him like his grandmother did. But his grandmother had a face of someone who was feeling nostalgic while Jieun’s face was more curious – and judging, he could tell.

“I always wanted you both to meet, and now it’s happening,” she smiled, warmly. Jieun replied the smiled – sincerely, Kyungsoo thought. But his was an awkward smile, because his grandmother opened the line with his family absent for about four years. It wasn’t a pleasant fact, of course.

They continued talking – Jieun and his grandmother, to be exact – about a lot of stuffs. From this conversation, Kyungsoo caugh a few things : 1. This Jieun was living with her uncle and he was a priest (and this explained her brochure); 2. She was two years younger than Kyungsoo, a sophomore; and 3. His grandmother really really liked this girl.

“You know Jieun, you could ask Kyungsoo to help you.”

Kyungsoo was back into reality upon his name being mentioned. “Me helping her?”

His grandmother seemed quite unpleased with the tone Kyungsoo used when he said those words. “Yes, you can help her in the church. They are going to hold a service for the youth for this month of love.”

Kyungsoo frowned.

“I made that name,” Jieun butted in and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but let out a snicker sound.

His grandmother seemed hated that expression.

“She mostly did it by herself. Young people nowadays didn’t like to do… that stuff.”

Kyungsoo believed his grandmother also didn’t know how to put it into words. Because as far as he remembered, his grandparent wasn’t religious or believe about that thing – which made his mother didn’t believe it either – so when she suddenly talked about helping this girl, in a church, it sounded bizarre and kind of crazy. God and other celestial thing that made Kyungsoo shuddered.

“I don’t believe in that stuff.” Kyungsoo chose to use his grandmother choice of word. He could tell Jieun felt a bit uncomfortable with their way of saying. As if it was something simple, weird, and unnecessary. Stuff, yes, talking about God was merely a stuff.

“It’s okay, Grandma. I usually do it alone anyway.”

“No, no. It’s alright. Kyungsoo doesn’t have any activity either. He has a lot of spare time.” His grandmother concluded his life in one simple sentence. And yes, he had a lot of spare time but he didn’t want to use it over this… stuff.

“But – “

“Saturday, right?” His grandmother cut him off.

Jieun looked at both, his grandmother and Kyungsoo. He gave her a signal by his countenance that he, surely, didn’t want to help her nor did this stuff. Their meeting had already explained it all. There was a hesitation on her face before finally nodded and looked at him gleefully, “It would be interesting. Trust me.”

Yet Kyungsoo knew he shouldn’t believe this girl.

2011

“We are alien.”

After saying that word, Kyungsoo and Jongin burst in laughter. The boys were laying on the rooftop, side by side. They had just had their first practice as a group, preparing for their album and all. It was fun and tiring at the same time. Twelve wasn’t a small number for a group and not everyone could dance well like Jongin or maybe Sehun, or Yixing. So, when they learned the choreography, somehow it turned out like a disharmonious flock. Kyungsoo was happy when he knew Yifan was also in the group. At least there was someone else whom he was close and also bad at dancing. But turned out Yifan and Kyungsoo were lucky, there were other people whose dance was worse than them – Jongdae and Chanyeol.

And the most interesting part was when the staff explained to them about their concept – alien and power.

Kyungsoo cringed when he knew that his power was strength. It seemed so in contrary with his physic. Jongin, though, had teleportation as his. Kyungsoo imagined it would be cool, like a sci-fi movie. He wondered what his strength would do. As far as he knew, the superheroes whose power was strength was Hulk and that guy from Fantastic Four. If he compared his feature with them, hell, it would be a joke.

Jongin also teased him about it but he later apologized when Kyungsoo’s face showed no interest in his joke and looked upset.

“It’s okay, Hyung. Strength is cool.”

By the time Jongin said that, the door in the rooftop was opened and Seulgi emerged to their sight. She was wearing a black t-shirt and a red beanie – her favorite – and looked exhausted. She, too, was preparing hard but it was for the monthly evaluation. She sat besides Jongin and lied down.

“How’s your day, Seulgi?”

“Same old, same old,” she answered curtly. She looked at her side, eye contact with Jongin, “How about yours?”

Jongin lied still and held his gaze to her. “Extraordinary.” Then, he smiled widely. “Guess what, me and Kyungsoo hyun, we are alien.”

“You guys what?”

The next hour was used for Kyungsoo and Jongin explaining their concept to Seulgi, also their first day of practice. Seulgi laughed when they told about the superpower part.

“Kyungsoo hyung got strength?” She chuckled with amusement. Jongin nodded eagerly when Kyungsoo turned somber.

“And yours is teleportation? That’s cool,” added her.

“Everyone said that,” Kyungsoo groaned in annoyance. It was kind of irritating, everyone’s reaction when they knew about his superpower. When people heard that he was in charge of strength, their facial expression would turn confused and some suppressed their chuckle. But whenever people heard that Jongin’s was teleportation, they would praise it and said it suited him. Kyungsoo wasn’t annoyed with that or Jongin, but he actually disliked it. Why it had to be him who had this superpower. They could other member to have it, like, maybe Kris or Chanyeol? The tall guys seemed suit with strength concept. Or maybe Yixing hyung? He was also good at dance, just like Jongin, and his body was well-trained. He had muscle, but the company chose his superpower as healing. Maybe it because his good nature, but Kyungsoo thought he also could pull that concept. Strength was just…

“By the way, I had something for you guys.” Seulgi sat up and then took out two chocolate bars from her bag. “Seungwan gave this to all trainees. I mean, all trainees in her group practice. But she made a lot of chocolate and was confused who else she could give, so I took two and tada, this is for you,“ Seulgi gave one to Jongin,” and this is for you, hyung.”

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo said politely with smile.

Jongin was quiet and inspected the chocolate. He held it up and started to look at it front and back. He then turned to Seugi and said a dry ‘thanks’. Kyungsoo didn’t say anything but he knew why Jongin became that quiet. He saw it, today, in Jongin’s locker, a box he had prepared for someone. He did see whose name on it, and he guessed, tonight, maybe when they were going home, he would give that to her.

finally, i can update something *sobs*

( chapter 1 ) a road in the sky

oldcaravan — Sat, 25 Jul 2015 13:03:24 GMT

CHAPTER 1

- - -
JANUARY
- - -

2008

Kyungsoo looked around and felt agitated. All he wanted to do now was going home and have some sleep. It was already nine and he was still nowhere near home; trapped in pojangmacha with the other trainees he hardly knew. If only it wasn’t Suho who asked him to come, he would have refused the invitation. Suho was the first trainee who treated him genuinely as a fellow trainee – without throwing him a look of competition or underestimates him for his timidity. Thus, when he asked Kyungsoo to come to the mini celebration for his first filming (along with Jongin and Chanyeol), he accepted it politely.

“I’m already curious with the result,” said Chanyeol before munched his gopchang excitedly.

“Isn’t it a commercial film for a happy life campaign? I think we would be in the last seconds of the video. Perhaps when DBSK sunbae danced around and went crazy.” Jongin lips curved a boyish grin as he pictured himself in the video, dancing and goofing around with the seniors.

Kyungsoo squinted at Jongin unconsciously, trying to look at the boy’s expression clearly when he was talking. It was the first time he saw Kim Jongin from a close distance. Usually, it was just a glimpse of him heading to the practice room or passing by the hallway. They were practically never in the same training group so he didn’t have a chance to be around him (or befriended him). Also, Kyungsoo usually left the practice room as soon as the practice ended, to avoid any unnecessary attention from others, and headed home straight away after training.

“Anyway, do you guys know that our company plan to debut a new girl group next year?”

Kyungsoo shifted his intense gaze to Sehun whose face was beaming over the news. It came to Kyungsoo that the boy has a very pale face and kind of looked like a foreigner. He was much taller than Kyungsoo and that made Kyungsoo felt a bit intimated; even though they were in sitting position, the height gap between them was inevitable. Kyungsoo liked to think that all trainees around him, with their perfect figure and all, made him felt that he was out of place and wasn’t someone who was ready to debut.

The conversation soon switched to the girl group topic. News about upcoming group was always a hot topic to discuss even though it wasn’t a boy group, but it was still unnecessary in Kyungsoo’s opinion. He didn’t have any interest in company gossip, moreover a girl group gossip. The boys, though, nodded in unison as Sehun kept babbling that this group would be different from their company’s previous girl group – Girl’s Generation. They would have a unique music and style; a fusion of girly, sweet, fierce, and even, bizarre concept. Kyungsoo only threw a look once in a while to Sehun, focusing on his food rather than hearing the boys started to guess the girls.

They kept talking about it and so, at last, Kyungsoo tried to give Sehun his attention. He stared at him blankly and then unconsciously, his gaze transfixed at the other boy next to Sehun.

Jongin noticed it and held his gaze for a second before turned his head to Sehun, watched him talking attentively. Kyungsoo could feel there was something different in that one fleeting gaze. Curiosity? Or worse, distaste?

Kyungsoo didn’t want it to slip into his mind and finished his food quickly.

The group finally stopped talking at ten after Suho got a call from his father. Suho answered the phone in a low voice and nodded in every word his father was saying to him. He, indeed, was a well-mannered guy and perhaps that was something which made Kyungsoo felt comfortable around him. He wasn’t as loud as Chanyeol or as chatty as Sehun. Kyungsoo could tolerate him.

“Time to go home,” he announced it in a strange fatherly voice.

Kyungsoo mentally nodded and grabbed his backpack immediately. He looked at the other boys and they were still putting their belongings into their own backpack. Kyungsoo then stood up and readied himself to go to the station as soon as possible. He had a big urge to pay his food himself and went home first.

“Shit.”

Yet, that word distracted him to do so.

“What?” Sehun seemed confused seeing Jongin started to dart around, looking under the table and everywhere in panic.

“My wallet.”

Kyungsoo heard the other boys let out a heavy sigh upon his explanation. Anyhow, the boys started to help Jongin searching his wallet before left the restaurant, eventually. Suho had to go home first and Chanyeol gave up at the first try.

“Are you sure you bring your wallet?” Sehun finally said, he sat on one of the chairs and looked tired. Jongin nodded and realized Sehun’s fatigue face.

“Just go home. It should be around, or maybe, someone already took it. I don’t know.”

Jongin gave Sehun a slight nod which Sehun replied with the same gesture.

“You should chain your wallet to your hand, you know.”

Jongin flashed a wry smile and stopped immediately after realized there was another person at there, Kyungsoo, and he was still inspecting every corner of the place.

“To be honest, it’s kind of unexpected. Him.” Sehun tilted his head to Kyungsoo’s direction, amused. The boy was scanning the area nearby the pojangmacha, hoping to find a trace of Jongin’s wallet. The boys was silent for a brief few minutes, staring at Kyungsoo, until Sehun stood up, bid a goodbye, and left the place – leaving Jongin and Kyungsoo alone.

“Hey - “ Jongin called hesitantly, “ – Hyung, Kyungsoo hyung.” The hyung word lingered in the air with an odd atmosphere. It was the first time he ever said something to Kyungsoo though.

The older boy stopped sighting the ground then looked up, impassively; a sign that he was waiting what was Jongin going to say.

“Uhm, thank you for your help. But I think it’s alright, you can go home. It’s already ten,” remarked him. “Do you take bus or subway?”

“But you haven’t found your wallet.” Kyungsoo sounded hesitant. Jongin almost laughed when he heard the tone of Kyungsoo’s voice; it had a motherly feeling in it.

“It’s okay. I lost thing every single day. It is not a big deal anymore.” Jongin tried to reassure him as if it was common to lose a wallet.

There was a doubt on Kyungsoo’s face. “Are you sure? What about your money?”

“Nah, there was only ten bucks in that wallet as I recall. As I said before, it’s not a big deal. I had lost a wallet, like what, four times?” Jongin counted with his fingers.

Kyungsoo looked bewildered. His round eyes bulged even more. That expression somehow made him looked like a Pororo and as an avid fan of Pororo himself, Jongin, in a split-second had a big urge to pat the older boy’s top of head.

“Just, let’s go home, okay? And I’m sorry for… wasting your time, though. I should have not asked you to help in the first place.” Jongin rubbed his nape, felt twitchy. “I keep forgetting everything.” He continued and laughed awkwardly.

Kyungsoo transfixed his eyes on him and it gave Jongin a sudden chill. “Let’s search for one more time, if we still can’t find it, then I guess you should do what Sehun told, chain your wallet.”

Is he making a joke?

Jongin was startled at first, quite surprised, and couldn’t decide whether he should laugh or not. It wasn’t… funny. But, it turned quite funny because finally Do Kyungsoo was trying to make a joke. So what Jongin did was a forced laugh and he kind of regretted it when a look of shame appeared in Kyungsoo’s face, yes, he was ashamed of his own joke.

Afterward, they looked at every corner once again and decided to go home since they really couldn’t find it anywhere.

On the way to the station Jongin was thinking about how to borrow money from Kyungsoo without sounding compelling. Yet, on their halfway to the station, Kyungsoo unexpectedly stuck out some money and said quietly, “I think it would be helpful?”

Jongin was surprised at first. It was weird, really, really weird. But, he received it nonetheless and slurred his ‘thanks’.

As they arrived at the station, Jongin went to buy the ticket while Kyungsoo already walked over to the ticket gate. They both then waited at the platform in silent. Kyungsoo looked down at his shoes while Jongin stared at a birthday banner for one of his senior in the company. Five minutes later, their train arrived and Kyungsoo went in without looking at Jongin. He sat in the corner, next to an elder, whilst Jongin awkwardly seated himself beside him.

Kyungsoo gave Jongin a sidelong glance. He was looking down and his arms folded across his chest. Kyungsoo supposed that he was about to nod off and didn’t want to disturb his inchoate sleeping phase. So he distanced himself from Jongin quietly. He chose to look outside the window as the view whirled and intermingled with the dark.

Jongin, however, couldn’t stand the silence and in the end opened his eyes then looked at Kyungsoo. At least, maybe, it was the time to make a new friend. They were in the same company after all (though he was already in the second year and Kyungsoo had just passed his first year there).

“So, where do you go to school, hyung?” asked Jongin so suddenly and almost made Kyungsoo jumped.

“Hyungsan,” replied him curtly without asking Jongin in return.

“Woah, isn’t that a popular school? You must be clever.”

Kyungsoo fell silent but Jongin sensed his uneasiness on his face. “Not like that. I just – my mom wanted me to go there. So it would be easier for me to go straight to Jungsin High.”

“Oh.” Jongin nodded understandingly. He guessed this Kyungsoo boy was a studious person. Not in the same level with that Seohyun noona from SNSD, but maybe he was the same type with… Suho hyung?

The trip then felt longer because Jongin didn’t know how to converse comfortably with Kyungsoo without feeling anxious. He didn’t know why he became nervous. Maybe it was because Kyungsoo gave an aura that made people felt uneasy especially when his round eyes stared at you (which sometimes squinted vindictively) and his cold attitude. He also never talked that much and rarely played with the other boys. Jongin actually felt quite surprised when Kyungsoo accepted Suho’s offer to join their mini celebration and as he expected, the boy didn’t say anything during their dinner. He only congratulated them once in the beginning (though it was likely he only said it to Suho) then he fell silent for the entire night.

Actually, that made Kyungsoo a trainee that Jongin tried to avoid.

Kyungsoo, however, seemed fine with their quietness. He sat still and looked outside the window; his face was stern and blank. Jongin didn’t know what he was thinking about. Perhaps it was homework or maybe, his practice tomorrow? He seemed like that person who planned and organized his schedule one day before and did exactly like what he wrote on the list.

The torturous silence was broken by the announcement lady and Jongin felt relief. He readied himself as his destination was only one station away.

It finally arrived at his stop. He got up and was about to walk out of the door before suddenly he turned back. He looked at Kyungsoo whose gaze was also at him. Jongin looked hesitant at first but at last he flashed Kyungsoo a tiny smile. “Thanks, hyung.”

It was just a brief gratitude yet it made Kyungsoo contemplated about it. Perhaps he was referring to the wallet accident but somehow Kyungsoo heard it as something that was more than just lending him money. Kyungsoo was about to reply his smile but Jongin had already walked out of the door. The door swiftly closed and the train started to go again
.
And Kyungsoo, for the first time, felt a pang of regret for not being able to smile back.
.

2012

Kyungsoo looked around at his almost vacant bedroom. He already packed all of his things, mostly clothes and books, yesterday. It had been empty anyway. Ever since the beginning of 2012, he had thrown out most of his belongings which reminded him of his training days. He only saved five Polaroid photos and a cardboard box full of trifle yet meaningful thing for him and hid it in the attic.

He walked toward his desk and sat on the chair. The desk was already clear from his book stack or his collection of figure. Also all post-it-notes that he deliberately put on the wall near the desk were gone. He sat silently and just sat still. His mind wandered and he started to think about his choice to move. He was usually scared of fitting in the new place, but in this case, he was more than ready for a change; he wanted it.

He was grateful that his mom finally gave a permission to leave the prestige high school and moved to a school in his grand mom’s place. It was a pity, though. He indeed kind of felt bad for his mom. The Jungsin High was his mom’s dream and it was also a requirement for him if he wanted to continue his training as an idol. But now, being an idol wasn’t his dream anymore. He didn’t even want to remember it at all. So, he didn’t have to go that pretentious high school anymore.

Kyungsoo glanced at his watch. His bus would go in four hours. The trip would take six hours long. He mentally checked the things he should bring during the ride. He already charged his iPod and everything so he wouldn’t be bored on the bus. After reassuring himself that he already brought everything he needed, he looked at his phone somberly. He had been thinking for days, whether to text her or not. He wasn’t sure if she wanted to know his news. He realized he was no longer in position to tell her any news about him for her resentment toward him was very clear. But, of all people, she was the only person who deserved this news. At least, he told where he lived so maybe, in the future, if she wanted to throw a tantrum to him, or kicked him (or worse, killed him), she knew where to go.

Taking a deep breath, Kyungsoo took his phone and started to type.

I just want to tell you that I’m leaving for Daeyong. I’m sorry for being a coward. I’m really sorry.
I hope you are okay.... I’m sorry for everything.
I’m sorry.

He pressed ‘send’ and leaned backward. He exhaled a heavy sigh and looked out of his window.The cloud and the blue sky was so clear and bright. It reminded him of some room; full of clouds, laughter, tears, and dreams. It was like he hadn’t been there for eon. He faintly could hear a clamorous chat, harmonious step, and noisy upbeat mingled in vaporous memory, jabbing him with its bitter nostalgia. He could only smile because after all, that was no longer his place anymore. He didn’t belong there. He didn’t deserve to be in that room.

And yet, he felt his heart told him otherwise.

2008

After that wallet accident, Jongin acted more friendly toward Kyungsoo. The boy would greet him with a slight nod or tiny smile if they passed each other in the hallway, doorway, or training room. However, Kyungsoo still felt awkward and just gave Jongin an impassive smile. Kyungsoo thought, his awkwardness maybe would finally fade away if he could have been in the same training group with Jongin. But, they were never in the same group.

Kyungsoo though learned some trivia about Jongin. The boy was known for his dancing skill and sometimes he was trained along with the back dancer of SME. His audition story also became a hot item among the trainee. He failed at first audition, took three years of ballet, then come back and made the reviewer felt amused and proud.

On the contrary, dancing was never Kyungsoo’s forte. His petite body sometimes made him felt ashamed to dance, he thought he would look funny. He always felt behind in dancing and he hated it. He distasted the feeling of it. It didn’t mean he had to be the first or the top three; he only wanted to do well. But it seemed that he was born under this ill-fated star which prevented him to dance. It was also not helping that people threw him a weird look every time he danced. It discouraged him even more.

Just like today.

He had been training for one month for the choreography of DBSK’s Balloons. Hell, it wasn’t that hard but he kept making a mistake. But, this time he didn’t feel that bad because there was another loser in this class – a Chinese guy named Yifan. He was also rigid and kept making mistake like him.

Kyungsoo guessed it was his height that made him looked awkward while danced.

And just like the other days, they were sitting on the floor together, looking at the other boys who already mastered the choreography. Most trainees only took two weeks for this choreography, but Kyungsoo and Yifan had been learning for one month and failed miserably.

“I’m quite glad that I’m not the only one who is lousy in this department,” said Yifan in his broken Korean.

Kyungsoo chuckled bitterly. He and Yifan became closer because of this dance class. Yifan had just come to Seoul eight months ago and was clueless. Most trainees liked to fool him and told him the wrong word to make fun and Kyungsoo hated that. It might be funny at first, but they constantly did it in purpose which made Kyungsoo furious.

“You should master this. This song suits you. Aegyo,” said Yifan. He was also someone who Kyungsoo thought didn’t make a joke out of his height vindictively. At least, this Yifan guy didn’t say it in the tone that making Kyungsoo felt nauseated. He said it in the way a friend joked around with his friend.

“I’m suck at doing aegyo. It makes me cringe,” told Kyungsoo. One thing he couldn’t do aside from dancing was ‘aegyo’. He never understood the other trainee (the boys) who was able to do that. It felt weird for him seeing a guy acting all cute and whiny like a girl.

Yifan laughed and stopped when he realized that the other trainees were looking at them. They already finished practicing and were about to leave the room. It was the second group’s turn. Kyungsoo and Yifan stood up in the time the second group went it. Kyungsoo’s eyes caught a glimpse of someone he knew. Today, he wore a brown t-shirt with a puppy cartoon on it. A black cap shaded his countenance and he sauntered in the room quietly. He went straight to the front row, doing stretching and all.

Yifan realized that Kyungsoo was staring at Jongin. He nudged Kyungsoo and said in a low voice, “That boy is that mad boy right?” he asked Kyungsoo.

“Mad boy?” Kyungsoo looked confused. Sometimes he couldn’t understand what Yifan was telling him due to the language barrier.

“He’s crazy.” Yifan was trying to explain. “You know, one practice, “ Yifan showed his point finger, “He already mastered the dance. Other days, I saw him practicing the senior’s song. It was hard, but he did it well.”

“Yeah, he is that kind of person.”

Yifan raised an eyebrow. “You know him?”

“A little.”

Yifan only nodded. After that, he and Kyungsoo headed toward the doorway. The music was started to play and the second group prepared their position. Kyungsoo glanced to Jongin once more before he left the room. He was startled when he realized that Jongin was also looking at him. Jongin flashed him a friendly smile then started to move along with the beat.

Kyungsoo wanted to stop walking and stayed in the room to see Jongin’s dancing, but Yifan had already dragged him to the locker.

He hoped, someday, he had a chance to see it.

2013

Kyungsoo and Jieun sat on the couch and watched the TV in silent. Only the sound of chips crashing against the teeth was heard. It was Monday and Kyungsoo and Jieun decided to spend the night with watching TV – or to be precise, doing nothing.

Kyungsoo started to watch TV again after his memorable visit to Seoul in December last year.

He glanced at Jieun and a warm smile spread across his face. Jieun said that because he had finally moved on, he should start doing thing he stopped doing during his recluse phase. He didn’t know if it was right or not, but at the first time he watched TV, he saw them and it seemed like a sign.

He saw them, finally, achieving their dreams. They all wore weird clothes, blinking and bizarre, just like the concept that Sooman songsaenim told him couple years ago in the practice room.

You guys are alien who came from EXO Planet.

Kyungsoo remembered how embarrassed he was when heard that. He never thought that we would get an alien concept.

He laughed over that recollection and gained a frown from Jieun. He whispered ‘nothing’ and decided not to tell her why he laughed. At least, not this time.

It became vivid in his mind – the reaction, the suppressed laugh, also the excitement. He looked at the TV and found Sehun was dancing gracefully. He moved lithely along with the rhythm of the beat under the spotlight. Luhan appeared shortly after Sehun swirled in motion, dancing in synch with Sehun.

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but smiled. Their teaser had been out since the first day of January. As of now, they had already released six teasers.

Seventeen more to go, thought Kyungsoo. He counted it. He didn’t know if they had changed the amount or not.

Kyungsoo was staring in mesmeric of the choreography when the screen showed something that made him breathless. Something ominous. His heart twinged. It felt like a dream, unreal, and unwanted.

Jieun could feel he was tense and saw his face had already turned pale.

She took his hand and held it gently.

You are alright.

Kyungsoo knew that was what she wanted to say.

So here they were, sitting on the couch, watching a boy danced passionately and gracefully on the screen. He wore a red jeans adorned with chain and other weird thing as the accessories. A silhouette of him and a shadow piano blended to their vision, creating a thrill of adoration and a tinge of yearning. Kyungsoo felt his heart was about to explode. He couldn’t bear seeing this. It was too familiar. It was like the past was teasing him.

Kyungsoo reassured himself that it was alright. Everything was alright and he could deal with this – but he couldn’t.

Not after he realized the background song of the video. He knew it. He knew it very well. It was his own voice.

And there was the boy, still moving, dancing full of passion like he always did; telling people that he was born for that.

It was the fourteenth day of January, and he couldn’t believe what he saw.

They remembered him.

They remembered.

alphabet of love and despair (part i)

oldcaravan — Sat, 11 Jul 2015 07:14:02 GMT

a l p h a b e t o f l o v e a n d d e s p a i r

p a r t i

Tonight I can write the saddest line
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too

(Pablo Neruda)

Angst
Jaejoong/Boa, 75w

Jaejoong wrote better when he was a hollow of sorrow (lame, he knew that). But writing when you were sad was nothing to brag about, it was common. So when Boa broke up with him, he didn’t go crazy. Instead, he took a paper and a pen, then he wrote. It wasn’t a love letter nor a sad poem. It was just a confession, that he once loved her, and sometimes, she loved him too.

Baby
Yoochun/Dana, 60w

Dana hated it when Yoochun called her with baby. B-A-B-Y. It irked her with its mushiness. She told Yoochun that, but he ignored it and kept calling her with that – baby, his baby, baby doll. Dana hated it even more, and she was sure it wasn’t because it’s mushiness, but because she knew, she wasn’t the only ‘baby’ in his world.

Cracked
Baekhyun/Taeyeon, 122w

He was new, awkward, and kind of bizarre. With his Darth Vader mask he went around the neigborhood, scared the cats and dogs, and gained a look of horror in his friend’s face. But it didn’t bother Baekhyun, a fourteen-year-old boy should do what he loved, and he loved Star Wars (and he hated his friends). So he kept walking, running, and laughing (alone) until someone approached him. Baekhyun looked at her, yes, he was sure it was a ‘she’ because of her rumple skirt. He didn’t know if she also looked at him or not. Maybe she did, but he wasn’t sure if she also had the adoration in her eyes. Because she hid it, beneath the smiley face of Minnie.

Doom
Junsu-centric, 258w

People assumed it had something to do with summer of 2007, when Junsu’s love was still blooming, untouched and untainted. He smiled too much that season, but talked reticently whenever people asked him ‘why’. He would glanced at his flip phone anxiously, waiting, or hoping. His face lit up in comical way when the phone vibrated or rang, a call from heaven, people joked. Then he would talk, talk, and talk as if he had all seconds and hours in the world for himself. So people assumed he was in love, in summer of 2007. He was so happy, some people added.

They tought that would be last, his happiness, but they were wrong. In autumn of 2007, his smile vanished, his laughter was bitter, and still, people could only wonder.

Are you alright?

He would only nod. Or sometimes he shook his head reluctantly.

Did something happen?

He would nervously laugh. People didn’t understand why he laughed, for the reason or the question? Because neither of those were funny.

In the end, they brushed it off, as if his gloomy season was merely a season which they could forget when the other season came. It was true, because in winter of 2007, Junsu was gone. Some people said he went to his hometown. Some people said he flew to Japan because that was where his girfriend lived.

Or maybe, he got tired of his lousy life– some people said that, as if his leaving was a joke.

Then, it was spring of 2008. Sadly, no one cared.

Enigma
Eric/Stephanie, 113w

Iwant to tell you something and I hope you are okay with this. Here is what I really want to tell. On October 8, Lina is going to marry Yunho. Perhaps you already guessed it, Eric. You don’t have to be sad, though, you already know what kind of person she is. Or maybe, she already know what kind of person you are. Unbelieveable, if I had the right to say. Don’t act like she is the one who hurt you. I know what you had done to her last year and it was bad, so so bad. Ehm, you know what you have to do after you read this email, right?

Fool
Taemin/Sulli, 59w

She couldn’t look at him. His eyes was too clear and bright, and she was scared that her words would dim it with its sorrow. her heart was hurt, but she was sure if she said the thing she wanted to say, it would be his heart that hurt. Jinri didn’t want that to happen and so, she smiled.

Gone
Suho/Irene, 151w

“She is my bestfriend, my love, my everything. Three years ago, the first time I met her, I knew she was the one. She was a gift for me. She was a girl full of love. She cared for her family, her friends, me. She was never angry, even when I did mistake or hurt her. She would only cry, silently, as if she didn’t want me to know that she was sad. She was too kind, she was too good for me. But she never said that I was bad for her. She kept loving me, and I was grateful for that. I am. Bae Joohyun, you brightened my days, my life, and there was no one who could do better than you. I love you, and I know, your soul is already there, in the greatest place. A place where no one could hurt you or hurt you anymore.”

Hurt
Kyungsoo/IU, 124w

People told him it was great to fall in love, and it was okay if he was scared of getting rejected. It happened, he fell in love but she didn’t. So he gave her his best smile, enough to assure her that she didn’t do anything bad. It was just a rejection, he reminded himself in hope of wafting the sadness away. Then she gave him her last hug, turned her back, and walked away. Maybe all Jieun meant was ‘I don’t love you like the way you love me’, but still, it meant she didn’t love him. After days of waiting and hoping, he had nothing. Then it came to him, the realization, that everything was in vain.

It started to suffocate him.

sixteen

oldcaravan — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 22:42:17 GMT

sixteen
kai/krystal

Two days ago JongIn and SooJung talked about what they would do when they were college student. She wanted to study architecture while his choice was law school. JongIn told SooJung that she would have a hard time in managing her time between study and career because college was more complicated than high school, it really would consume her time.

He could only guess.

Then they started imagining about what route they would take when they hit twenty.

JongIn shared his plan to her, he wanted to go abroad to continue his study, and that was it.

SooJung laughed.

You are boring.

So, she asked him further. She added the years up to the age he never thought of.

How about when you are fifty?

He pondered for a moment.

Perhaps I’m already married to you. But, he didn’t say that. Instead, he said, I don’t know.

After that, she started telling him her list of what she wanted to do when she was twenty – a very long list. She also blabbered about her fondness toward paintings and jazz, a little part of herself that JongIn didn’t know before. She declared to him that twenty would definitely be her favorite age. JongIn asked why, she replied with ‘because I can feel it’. So Jongin only nodded along with her answer and decided to ask her next time.

SooJung then asked him to accompany her if she finally got a chance to explore all the places she would like to visit. He gave her a solid ‘yes’ by nodding and intertwining their fingers.

Surely, that April night was a solely witness of the pristine dreams of those two clueless teenagers.

SooJung and JongIn were sixteen – and SooJung was already popular.

She was someone he saw on TV or magazines. He remembered how his little sister gawking at her picture on a printed colorful magazine which interviewed her about life, love, and other stuffs. JongIn also remembered his first comment when her sister showed him that picture – she’s okay.

To be honest, he was about to blurt out ‘beautiful’.

SooJung remembered when he met JongIn for the first time. It was the first day of school. She wanted to hide in the library to avoid the horde of her fans in that school because she was still tired from yesterday schedules.

She roamed the room to search the best spot and she found something else – JongIn. He was sitting on the aisle. The bookshelf surrounded him as if they wanted to protect his imaginary being from outside world. His back leaned comfortably to the shelf. He looked so serious while reading. His face scrunched up as if he was trying to decipher a difficult code.

What are you doing?

That was her first word to him which she later considered as silly. It was so obvious that he was in the middle of reading a book.

Even so, he still looked up.

JongIn was breathless when their gaze met. SooJung lost her words when she looked into his eyes. There was a hazy confusion in JongIn’s eyes demanding to be deciphered. The next thing he knew, they were in the same class and he turned into some kind of messenger to her. He would pass her the copy of today’s lesson or his own notes so she wouldn’t miss the subject. One day, she returned his math book and he found a bunch of cute and quirk monster drawings on the last page of the book. He was surprised.

Wow.

She remembered he said that to her as he laughed heartily as if she had just told him the funniest joke he ever heard.

Well, thank you?

His eyes flickered in content.

One year later he told her his first impression of her and she laughed. She told him, he didn’t leave any impressions to her when they met at the library.

So why you greeted me?
I don’t know. I just did.

He didn’t confess to her that when they first met, he was actually wonderstruck.

JongIn didn’t tell SooJung that he was keeping track of her social life. He would steal glance at her sister’s magazine when he saw her face on it. Sometimes she was smiling; sometimes she was laughing; sometimes she was hugging someone handsome. He also checked her social media frequently to find a bunch of pictures of her and a lot of idols, actors, and her sister – also her ramblings about fashion or trifle things. He was sure everyone in her industry knew her and adored her.

One afternoon, SooJung told JongIn that she was once a quirk girl. She showed him her old pictures – all with the braces and glasses. JongIn silently admitted that she had transformed from a little stiff girl to a beautiful and lively sixteen-year-old girl. He sometimes joked to her that he would release her old pictures. She told him that was okay, because at age twenty, she would quit her idol life.

Really? He sounded disbelief.

Yes. Idol life isn’t my real dream. I will tell you my dream sometime.

She told him the dream one year later.

Your face looked weird in those Nylon photo shoots, told him one night when she had no schedules. They were in her room, watching an old movie. She was lying on his lap and his hand playing with her hair.

But pretty, right? She answered with a soft smile on her face. He didn’t answer, but his heart said inaudible yes.

She never knew that.

So he cried when he saw her car crashed into a big truck. The TV played the scene repeatedly as if they intended to torture him cruelly. He watched the car burned slowly in a flame which color he would never forget in his life. He couldn’t believe it. He could still feel her warmth from two days ago. He remembered vividly how their fingers intertwined as they talked about their dreams. He remembered the way her eyes lit up when she confided to him her wish list.

He arrived at the hospital devastated and depressed.

People surrounded the area, whispering to each other, some were also cried. There were people who tried to eternalize the moment with camera in their hands. Other recorded it as a memento. Their attention then slowly moved to him, the boy who came to the hospital screaming her name.

They later just addressed him as ‘one of her fans’.

At age sixteen, SooJung’s life stopped; her dreams vanished.

She died three months ago.

JongIn had been drowning in grief for three months.

Right now, he was drinking his third beer with the silent tears and withered dreams. He never imagined himself to turn out this way – drinking the liquor which he and SooJung claimed as a temporary elixir for all miseries in this whole world. They had naively planned to try when they were twenty one but she broke the promise and he barely could hold himself for the temptation of escaping the grief through every shot and gulp.

JongIn started to hiccup shamelessly. He was sure if SooJung knew about this she would laugh and also playfully punched his shoulder.

If only she were there.

Faintly, a verse of incoherent words was heard, breaking the night like a tragic soliloquy. He didn’t express his feeling in front of other people. He still went to the school but he secluded himself. His friend sometimes would find him lying on the library’s floor – clutching a peculiar book. They wondered about his behavior and started to correlate it with SooJung’s dead yet they didn’t get the picture. It was because they were never there when SooJung and JongIn was hiding in the library together. They weren’t aware of those two who liked to sneak around at midnight when SooJung had just finished her schedule. They also didn’t know about monster drawings and secret confessions on the last page of JongIn’s math book. They never knew that a story about one young boy named Kim JongIn and one young girl named Jung SooJung existed.

On the floor, a pile of magazines and newspapers scattered with SooJung’s face on the front page – she was smiling, widely. People were still mourning over their loss of their beloved idol. But, for JongIn, he had lost his beloved one.

He looked at the picture on the front page of the national newspaper. It was her debut picture. She was fifteen and debuted as a solo while the other girls mostly formed a girl group. The news claimed her as the next BoA.

It was sad that her life stopped at sixteen and crushed the prediction.

The next day, he roamed the street in the midnight, alone.

He walked past the dim closed store and quiet road. He didn’t know where he was right now. It was already two in the morning and the night life only filled by silence and flickering street lamp. He was still in his uniform and didn’t have any intentions to come home soon. He just kept walking as the silence consumed him. It was at the time like this that he usually had SooJung around him either by meeting her or simply heard her voice through phone. He was drowning into the pool of memories and the longing started stabbing him.

All the things that happened this past weeks scared and saddened him. And the scariest thing was her non-existence in every tomorrow he would have. There would be no her in his future.

SooJung.

The name escaped from his mouth in the midst of the pain laughter, softly yet hideously deafening. He kept walking through the dreary night. His head lowered down as if he was searching her in every step he made. He never thought that it would be this painful.

At first, it was only a drop of tear came out from the corner of his eyes, dripping to the opaque asphalt. In a minute, a drop turned into a flood of mournful tears like the Acheron river. He just fell deeper into the abyss of despair.

JongIn was just sixteen and too naive to learn about loss. His blooming love was just too early to wither in the beautiful April. And so, as the grief excruciated him mercilessly, he cried.

His wail and anguish shattered the night.

Four years later he had lived the new dreams without her name lingering over the list. He created those two years ago when the grief had slowly faded. But he hadn’t forgotten her. She still existed in every ‘what ifs’ he ever thought of. He hoarded her deep down in his memory. Indeed, he still felt bitter when her story came up. He had avoided any news regarding her. He would turn off the TV when it showed the footage of her accident. His family never talked about her in front of him ever since her sister told them that she was his friend. But, they all know, she was more than that to him from the banging and howling sound that came from his room every night.

Two weeks after the accident, her sister burned all of her magazines that had SooJung in it.

JongIn still visited the cemetery and brought her favorite flower. He would tell his days and stories to her.

It was every day for three months after she died; it turned to once in a month two years after; now, he only went there on the day she was gone.

Six years after she was gone, he was no longer in the hollow of sorrow. He didn’t know what encouraged him to gather all the things about her – photographs, movie ticket, notes, everything – in a box. He bought it to the backyard. He got back into his house then came out with a match and gasoline.

In just a blink of eyes, the color that he hated for a long time appeared and created such a melancholy atmosphere. He was surprised that it actually calmed him.

Six years ago, the flame took her life and turned it into ashes of tragedy. Now, it transformed the tragedy into a mere memory.

Then, it was sixteen years after he turned sixteen.

Now, Kim JongIn was a surgeon and had two daughters and one son.

I had once loved an idol.

He would tell that to his children when he saw them watching a music show or a variety show of their favorite idols. The first time he said that, those limpid eyes of them would brighter in excitement.

Was she pretty?

He smiled upon that question. He started recollecting anything about her. Her warm smile and her habit to cover her face with hand when she was laughing, her clear eyes that matched her beautiful face, and the day before she was gone – the day when they shared their dreams.

She was beautiful.

Later, if he told them that he had once loved an idol, they only flashed him a sad smile.

It had been twenty four years after she died.

His youngest child had just turned sixteen. His family celebrated it in a café owned by his wife. They sang a cheerful ‘happy birthday’ song and clapped happily when his son blew the candles.

A rush of nostalgic feeling of sixteen-year-old SooJung’s birthday wrapped his mind. It was a simple celebration. He gave her a little surprise when she had just finished her schedule. SooJung’s sister, Jessica, and her manager, DongHae, helped him to prepare the surprise. He waited in her car with a cake and a gift. He remembered SooJung’s happy expression that day. Because of that memory, now he wondered how they were doing right now. The last time he met Jessica was one week after SooJung’s funeral. She came to his house to tell that her family was going to move to London.

DongHae was gone the day after SooJung lost her life.

JongIn smiled bitterly at this sudden remembrance. JongIn liked to imagine what would happen if the life he had been living were the life he dreamt when he was sixteen. The answer could be a thousand of airy scenarios.

And so, the sixteen-year-old JongIn who loved SooJung with all his heart had turned into sixty-year-old JongIn who couldn’t remember how SooJung looked like when she was sixteen and spent most of his time besides his wife. They loved to sit side by side on a rocking chair every morning, him with the daily newspaper and her with tangled yarn and lawn, enjoying each other’s presence with Schubert’s Serenade as their companion. When the nightfall came, they would open and looked through dozens of photo albums. Smiling and relishing the misty recollection of their old days.

SooJung, though, was still sixteen in memory.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Inspired by this beautiful piece.

saturday night confusion

oldcaravan — Fri, 03 Apr 2015 18:34:20 GMT

saturday night confusion
chanyeol-centric; kai/krystal; implied!sehun/suzy
g, 1064 words

“Stop it, Jinri. I’m driving.” Chanyeol fidgeted on his seat as he tried to gently release himself from his sister tight grip on his sleeve. Jinri only responded with a childish giggle then plunged back into her seat. She then randomly started to sing the intro of Little Richard’s Tutti Frutti loudly as her fingers tapping on the dashboard. The result was out of tune and clamorous but no one complained about that. Her friends were as half-conscious as her while her brother could only sigh seeing her behavior – and the other three.

Today was one of the bizarre Saturday nights in Chanyeol’s life – stuck with four drunken kids in a car.

He stopped at the red light then glanced to the three half-sober-and-almost-passed-out people in the back seat. Then he averted his gaze to his little sister. They all looked like a collection of chaos, with messy hair, smoke and beer smell, and the intermittent gibberish. When the green light lit up, he hit the gas pedal and continued driving to his first destination, Sehun and JongIn’s apartment.

Chanyeol had known them for the past three years since this coming-of-age quartet was in high school. They used his home as their favorite hangout, mostly for watching movies and creating mess in the living room with the scattered magazines, popcorn, and cola can. The boys then would go to his room, knocking noisily, and asked him a bunch of questions about girls or games or just simply came to annoy him.

Sometimes, Chanyeol wondered about their relationship. Two young boys and two young girls started a ‘friendship’ at the age of seventeen was rarely ended up with a pure friendship. Usually, it included some feelings of –

“You change your perfume.”

Chanyeol eyes went wide with surprise when he heard someone mumbled that line from the backseat. He waited for the next line and readied himself to catch the words clearly.

“You usually smell like candy. I miss that, Jung…” The person continued mumbling in dreamy voice. The words came out smoothly from his mouth like a foregone confession.

Jongin? Chanyeol realized whose voice was that.

Now it started to get interesting.

Soojung only replied Jongin with a reckless ‘what’ as if she was replying in her subconscious, far away from the reality of them being stuck together in a car. She sat next to Jongin in a way that made him looked like her private seat. He leaned toward the window while she rested herself in his embrace, snuggling comfortably. Chanyeol watched the two in the rearview mirror. Jongin’s head placed on the top of SooJung’s head and looked so serene.

“Minho hates that candy smell,” unexpectedly Soojung continued her answer regarding the perfume thing. Jongin’s lips twitched a bit when Minho’s name came up. He slightly opened his eyes then looked into Soojung’s face. The girl still had her eyes closed. Jongin stared at her with a mix of questionable look and annoyance.

“Then he’s a jerk.” His eyes flickered self-contentedly.

Chanyeol softly laughed at JongIn’s remark. It sounded silly and hateful yet adorable at the same time.

Chanyeol surely never expected that he would be in this spill the beans situation. With Jongin and Soojung vaguely hinted a hidden feeling of each other, Chanyeol wondered what would happen with Jinri and Sehun. And it didn’t need a long time for the two to start revealing their problems. Sehun burst out into a weird laughter out of the blue.

The boy continued to laugh until his laughter turned into a hurtful cry. He then started to mumble a name – Suzy. Chanyeol didn’t know who was this Suzy but judging by Sehun’s outcry, she must be really meant something to him.

Her sister did the honor to explain that.

“Shut up, Sehun,” Jinri groaned impatiently. “Move on.”

Sehun stopped whining like a child then glared half-consciously to Jinri – to be exact, to the Jinri’s seat back. “You don’t know how it feels, Jinri,” he retaliated curtly. Chanyeol remained silent as the two started bickering with each other. They spoke incoherent words but surprisingly knew what each other meant. It only needed five minutes for Chanyeol to know that Suzy was Sehun’s long-term ex-girlfriend who just got engaged one month ago with someone else.

Sehun looked annoyed with Jinri’s persistence in mocking his love to Suzy.

“You, who change boyfriend, like, in every fucking month, will not understand this.”

Chanyeol actually got uneasy with the actual anger in Sehun’s voice – and his cursing – while Jinri, on the other hand, fell silent. Her eyes turned dim and she didn’t complain again when Sehun continued whining – though this time it was because his dizziness. Chanyeol stole a glance at his sister. Her face turned sour and gloomy. She bit her nails as she was anxious. Chanyeol was sure that she was thinking about what Sehun had just said. He didn’t blame the young boy to say that words. Actually, he was always worried with Jinri’s inconsistent relationship. He once brought this up to her but she brushed it off like it wasn’t an important matter. But, maybe, in her twenty, she began to realize it was.

A minute later, an abrupt peculiar ringtone of a smartphone disrupted the silence. It was Soojung’s and she answered the phone after the second call. No one responded the loudness of the ringtone that kept blasting. Soon the ringtone changed into Soojung’s hoarse voice. Everyone was still in their deep thought, or maybe, slumber. She answered the call tersely, hinted that this call was unwelcome. Chanyeol could hear JongIn purposely coughed during the call.

Jinri and Sehun didn’t say anything. But, their eyes gradually started to close.

Soojung was in the phone quite long. Chanyeol could tell that Jongin must be felt uneasy every time he heard her answer to the caller. But the most surprising thing was his last strike to this momentary confusion when Soojung hung up the phone.

“I love you, Jung,” he whispered in her ear with all the wish and yearning he had hold for these past months.

There was a brief pause before Soojung answered hesitantly, “I know…”

At the last word, Soojung’s eyes started to close and slowly she drifted into another dreamland. Jongin also went into a deep slumber afterward, leaving his bitter confession lingering on the air.

Now Chanyeol wondered about tomorrow.

never in his life

oldcaravan — Sat, 28 Mar 2015 18:38:23 GMT

never in his life
sehun/krystal

Oh SeHun, a hotshot lawyer, believed everything that happened in his life was created under a strict law – whether law of nature, God’s law, or simply his own law. Everyone who heard him saying that would only stare at him in confusion, and maybe laughed at him inwardly.

Oh SeHun hated it when someone broke a law right under his nose. But it didn’t happen when Jung SooJung scratched his car with her pink bike. SeHun didn’t say anything when he saw what she had just done to his expensive car. He didn’t throw a tantrum nor preach the girl about a hundred ways to be a careful and responsible person. He also didn’t tell what law she’d just breached. SeHun only stared at this girl who frantically said all sorry words she knew. It was no doubt he was in a blank state, feeling his world stopped for a minute. It was surely a new thing for him.

Oh SeHun never thought that he would sacrifice his god-like face into a stranger’s filthy hands. He never imagined himself fighting with a bunch of crooks for a silly reason. He had beaten four guys only to save this girl who sat across him. He let his expensive tux covering the fragile body of Jung SooJung. She trembled and looked like a broken doll which made him really wanted to hug her. He knew she was scared.

The most surprise thing was when he braved himself to hug the girl.

“Don’t be scared. I will always protect you.” That was the silliest thing he had ever said.

Oh SeHun never wanted to remember people’s names whom he classified as non-important person. But, once again, it didn’t happen to Jung SooJung. He always remembered that name as if it was carved in his mind so that he wouldn’t forget it. Kim JongIn, his one and only best friend, teased him by saying that soon he would forget his own name because the only name he would remember was Jung SooJung. SeHun could only laugh.

Oh SeHun also never thought he would do such nonsense thing like pulling up his car in front of a small cream-painted café. He did that for one reason – to meet his girl, Jung SooJung. He claimed her as his girl in 48 hours after he hugged her.

He went into the café and found SooJung was serving a customer. He smiled when he saw her sweet face, a cliché action of a man in love. At that time, she didn’t smile back.

Oh SeHun was never nervous to say anything. He was that lawyer whom everyone scared of. He never experienced loss of words – but not in front of Jung SooJung. He was tongue-tied and if he opened his mouth, he would slur his words. But, after two sequence weeks of visiting the café every afternoon, he finally chatted with his dream girl. Stuttering, he asked her an obscure question, “Do you remember me?” When she nodded, his heart burst out with joy.

Oh SeHun never felt this enthusiast just because he was going to walk someone home, but it was different with SooJung. He acted like a five-year-old boy, smiling perpetually as he walked beside her.

He needed one week to finally ask SooJung to have dinner with him. They spent the night in the café then went to the park to know each other further. When he told JongIn about that, this friend of him couldn’t stop laughing. “That was lame.” He said that and continued to laugh. Then, SeHun pouted. It was new.

JongIn was astonished with this new version of SeHun.

“Kimbab?”
Oh SeHun never giggled. Never. But, Jung SooJung proved that he was wrong. He giggled like a teenage girl when she made him lunch. She handed him the lunchbox and mumbled a cheesy ‘fighting’. SeHun’s face reddened. Oh SeHun never thought that this face would be this crimson. Not even when he was angry. But, it was always different with Jung SooJung. This girl, with her bright and clear eyes, could make him anxious and did silly things.

One night SooJung unexpectedly gave a quick peck on SeHun’s lips. He thought he was going to faint.

Oh SeHun never thought time would pass so slowly when he was going to say thing he never told anyone before. He only said this to Jung SooJung.

“I love you.”

And, that was the time SeHun realized he had done everything he never thought he would do in his life.

the aftereffect

oldcaravan — Tue, 24 Mar 2015 19:17:56 GMT

the aftereffect
kai/krystal, sehun/krystal

The sun slightly shines the cream-painted room, making the two bodies which are sleeping peacefully on the bed flinch. The man who has his hands placed on the woman's waist opens his eyes groggily. He glances to the beautiful woman besides him, thinking how wonderful this morning to him. He moves his body toward her carefully then buries his head in her hair, breathing her vanilla scent. Slowly, he kisses her neck and nuzzled his nose there in order to wake her up.

"JongIn..." She mumbles his name like a song.

"Morning, sleepy head..." He whispers to her right ear then bites the earlobe a bit. Her body shivers because of his action. She finally opens her eyes and turns her body to face him.

"What time is it?" asks her as she caresses his chest using the tip of her point finger.

"I don’t know. Eight?" answered him heavily as she strokes his chest with her delicate fingers.

"Then it's breakfast time.” She says playfully as she stretches her hands out, propping on her elbow to support her body to get up. But, a pair of hands drag her back to the bed.

"Do you have any plans today with SeHun?" whispers JongIn while caressing her hair.

"No... But he will be home by ten. And, he knows you are here.”

“Really? What did you tell him?”

“That… you'd just broken up with your girlfriend, then you felt stressed, you wanted to come to his flat but he was out of town, and then,” she pauses to create a dramatic effect, “I let you to sleepover her. You, slept, at the couch.” SooJung tells him with seductive smile. JongIn chuckles then hugs her tightly. Their bare skins slap each other. Then he gently plants numerous kisses to her shoulder, neck, and behind her ears which make her giggling uncontrollably.

"Stop it!" demands her between the laughter.

"I won't." JongIn turns SooJung’s body to face him. In a second their mouth has locked to each other. SooJung partly opens her mouth to breathe which later used by JongIn to slip his tongue in. He explores her mouth, tasting her sweet scent. Burning in passion, SooJung grabs JongIn's hair as he kisses her deeper. She moans when his left hand rubs her waist gently. JongIn smiles a bit between the kiss. Slowly, his right hand runs down to her thighs, asking permission to do something that he been longing for a long time.

SooJung breaks the kiss and breathes heavily. JongIn can see the lust in her eyes, something that she always denies whenever they are together. She knows what his gaze means and flicks his nose. "You, naughty boy. Where do you learn that thing?"

"I learnt that from my brother's fiancée last night..." His husky-voice makes her trembling a little. A flash of what happened last night comes to her mind. They were drunk and did some stupid things. But, she is sure, it will never reach that level of stupidity. She rolls her body to the left and gets off from the bed - not forgetting to cover her naked body with the blanket.

"Hey, you already dressed up?" asks her.

"I'm not." He grins widely. "Why? Do you expect me to do the something right now?"

SooJung gives him a look. "Never. I'm not that crazy to do that with you."

"Yeah, because I'm the crazy one who didn't dare to touch the woman I love even when she was sleeping naked beside me."

SooJung blushes as he says that words casually. A minute later, JongIn gets up and walks toward SooJung.

"W-wait," she stutters when he's coming closer. Then without saying any words, he carries her bridal style.

"Hey!" yells her as she tries to release herself from his trap.

"Don't move. You make me so hard in here!" he jokes. He can feel her body beneath the quilt.

"Kim JongIn! Put me down!" SooJung hits his broad chest but to no avail. JongIn nuzzles his nose onto hers, kissing her forehead. Sweetly he whispers to her ear, "I love you, Jung SooJung…"

SooJung’s face reddens of his words. He circles the bedroom like some cheesy movies SooJung likes to watch then lays her on the bed. Her hands grip the blanket tightly as if she is scared it will fall and exposes her body. Seeing her like that makes him burst out laugh.

"SooJung, I won't do anything to you.” He pats her head lovingly. “Get dress while I’m making breakfast, okay?” He kisses her forehead. He takes his shirt and pant that lays carelessly on the floor then steps out of the room. SooJung feels her heart is beating so fast. JongIn always does that corny thing which weirdly can make her melt. She touches her forehead and feels it has burnt by the kiss before. "I think I'm going crazy."

She rushes to the cupboard and takes her fiancee's blue shirt. She wears that without any shorts covering her long legs. She strides out of the room and goes to the kitchen. JongIn has been there, fully dressed with blue apron on him.

"What are you cooking?" asks SooJung as she slips her hand to encircle his waist from behind.

He doesn't answer her question. Instead, he asks, "Have you dressed up?" JongIn says while chopping a carrot.

"Uh-huh..." she nods slightly. She can smell his cologne and that makes her tightening her hug.

"JongIn, may I eat you as breakfast?" She blurts out huskily.

JongIn laughs at her question and turns his body. JongIn smiles and cups her chins in his hands. "Who teach you to say that in such a tone?" He kisses her top head and pats her like he always does. "Just a moment, please? I’m making the best breakfast ever for you." JongIn breaks the hug, shooing her to out. She pouts, stomping her feet, then going to sit at the dining room. JongIn chuckles at her childish act.

SooJung sits impatiently, plays the fork and spoon - making the bam sound like she is five-year-old girl.

"Tada, special fried rice for my special SooJung." Minutes later, JongIn comes to her and places a plate of fried rice on the table. He drags one chair and sits beside SooJung. He takes the spoon from SooJung and fills it with food. After that, he feigns an airplane trick to her. "Open up. Ah..." SooJung scoffs at first but opens her mouth eventually. The food comes into SooJung’s mouth, making her cheeks full and bouncy.

"Is it good?" JongIn waits her response excitedly. SooJung frowns, pushing her chin up with her finger, then she nods approvingly.

"Eat well." JongIn pinches her cheek. SooJung continues eating her breakfast. JongIn smiles whenever she does silly expression after swallowing the food.

Suddenly, the door's bell rings. SooJung stops eating. She and JongIn exchange look. JongIn slightly nod as he realizes who is coming. He stands up and hesitantly walk to the door to open the door.

"Hey," JongIn faintly smiles to the person in front of him.

SeHun grins then hugs him. JongIn pats his back and flinches a little because he feels his heart aches.

“How’s your heart?” asks SeHun.

“Bad,” answered JongIn.

SeHun laughs and gives JongIn a little punch. "Where’s SooJung?"

JongIn just motions him to get in the apartment. SeHun strides in, leaves JongIn alone near the door. JongIn has no intention to follow him but he can’t prevent himself from the self-torture, seeing SooJung and SeHun together. Slowly, he moves his body - letting his legs bring him toward the couple. He stops in his track when he sees SeHun is hugging SooJung, kissing her passionately, forgetting his brother who’s now clenching his fist to control his emotion.

SooJung smiles evilly in the corner of her lips as she returns SeHun’s kiss. She slowly opens her eyes and looks at JongIn. His intense stare meets her demanding eyes. JongIn replies with a faint smirk.

Tonight, SooJung will get her punishment.

----

a/n :
I think I'm drunk. I don't know why I wrote this .___.

prologue

oldcaravan — Tue, 24 Mar 2015 17:34:51 GMT

e l e n ' s j o u r n a l . b i a s l i s t . o t p l i s t

hope you will enjoy this ride <3

O N E S H O T / D R A B B L E

The Aftereffect
(Jung SooJung | Kim JongIn | Oh SeHun)
SeHun never knows what JongIn and SooJung do when he’s away – it involves a lot of kisses and hugs.

[x]

Never in His Life
(Oh SeHun | Jung SooJung)
This girl, with her bright and clear eyes, could make him anxious and did silly things.
[x]

Saturday Night Confusion
(Park Chanyeol | Choi Jinri | Kim Jongin | Jung Soojung | Kim Jongin)
Sometimes, Chanyeol wondered about their relationship. Two young boys and two young girls started a ‘friendship’ at the age of seventeen was rarely ended up with a pure friendship. His question was answered in one bizarre saturday night.
[x]

Sixteen
(Kim JongIn | Jung SooJung)
And so, the sixteen-year-old JongIn who loved SooJung with all his heart had turned into sixty-year-old JongIn who couldn’t remember how SooJung looked like when she was sixteen.
[x]

Alphabet of Love and Despair
[part i]

C H A P T E R E D

The Interpreter of Pink
(Kim Jongin | Jung Soojung | Kang Seulgi )
Kim Jongin - a young and enigmatic saxophonist - had been living in monochrome for years. One day he found a red book which led him to a mysterious woman who later taught him about all colors he never saw (and became his own chaos of color).
[ i ] [ ii ]

A Road in the Sky
(Do Kyungsoo | Lee Jieun | Kim Jongin | Kang Seulgi)
In the midst of forgetting and forgiving the past, Do Kyungsoo left his trainee life behind and decided to move to Daeyong for a fresh start. His escapism was almost perfect until he encountered Lee Jieun, a quirky girl with a scare on her face, who soon became his archenemy.
[ i ]