Leilani

oddesy — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 04:32:21 GMT

So I apparently tried to kill myself last weekend...

I had an Angelo show Friday, and a Micro Head 4n's show on Sunday...then my friend/awkward nanpa boy asked me if I wanted to go see his friend's band on Saturday...

and like a dumbass I did @_@

The lives were all awesome.
Angelo is always good (and Takeo, once again, can do NO wrong)

マイフォ was very fun, light, happy, and I was having creepy highschool crush feels.

DISGUST (friend's band) was surprisingly enjoyable.

Angelo pics for this time

I have decided, however, that I am getting too old for this stand around for six hours in a tiny smokey livehouse thing. Just too old -_-;;

In real life news, it's almost 2013 and I'm a little shocked.
I've been trying to fathom the future recently and it's making my head hurt.

How long do I want to do this?
How long do I want to stay here?
What the fuck is happening?

I'm still having feels of wanting to make more of a permanent life somewhere but the implications of choosing to do that here are still a little scary.

Madison, my niece, turned three the other day.
I'm way freaked out by that as well.
The whole of everything back home is so different to me now that I'm scared to go back...and it's only been a little over a year DX

Hmm...I feel like these thoughts are all the same though and they just resurface every few months.
So it goes.

I've decided that I need to start by trying to organize my life a little better.
I'm not overly concerned with the fact that I live in a chaotic hole, that's never going to change, but I feel like if I can remove some of the extraneous chaos I might feel better.
I still think I may want to move too o.O

I borrowed a book from mynameisdish about style and life and it's very...motivating I guess.

Maybe once I figure out day to day I can figure out month to month and then year to year?
I dunno...maybe...

CAMEROOOOOOOOON~

oddesy — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 17:59:47 GMT

I posted in my ameblo

I feel so accomplished even though it was like...7 lines.

These are the things I do when I should be sleeping.

凛？

oddesy — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 16:22:51 GMT

Holy shit....

dude, I saw Kisaki

in PERSON D8

No lie, I was excited.
I am not a fan of his but I was so enthralled by seeing someone that has been basically whoring all over VK since...well since ever.

I'm fairly certain he lives in someone's basement.
...and we saw him in a basement...

He also has ginormous horse teeth.
That made the night hilarious~

That and Rame singing a Phantasmagoria song in what was basically live karaoke XD

Unfortunately I didn't get a picture of any sign outside of the club (because I'm a dumbass and forgot)

I did, however, get this lovely, blurry picture of the inside of the venue as everyone was leaving.

perspective: I was leaning on the bar at the front left corner of the stage when I took this.
Yes that IS the back wall there on the right.
We were standing right in front of that blue line, all the way to the side opposite from the door.

No, there was nowhere in that room to hide from the judgemental stares of every single band member on stage @_@

雨にも．．．

oddesy — Sat, 17 Nov 2012 01:19:25 GMT

It's raining.

Again...

Two days of work left before the weekend.
I have a live to go to on Tuesday but it doesn't FEEL like I'm going to a live on Tuesday.
What is gonna happen???

I've been awake for a while just listening to the rain and waiting for the KuroNeko man to deliver my tickets that I missed yesterday.

Sitting in a dark room listening to the rain does weird things to my brain...
I think next year I'll start a journal.
...like a real journal.

I was just thinking about some old journals my mom wrote when she was in boot camp that I found last summer before I moved...
I feel like it would be a good idea but I also feel like I can't rely on myself to ACTUALLY keep up writing in it.

Hmm...
In other news:

Take your damn sunglasses off you stunted freak!!

Also, Kirito, I feel like we need to talk.
This may change your life...
Noone ever told you...but I think you're a gay midget.

Retina

oddesy — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 15:23:38 GMT

No, I haven't listened to it yet.
I am currently slaving over a hot DVD ripper grappling with difficult audio and video input and output settings while categorizing everything meticulously and....

fuck it, I'm sitting on the couch like a college boy drinking Dr.Pepper and I'm sure if I had any I'd be scratching my balls. ~~I apologize for the disgusting visual but that's my feel right now~~

As I wait for the DVD to slowly rip, I want to make a few pre-listen predictions.

The booklet is uninteresting and the packaging is...well a little uninspired and unartistic.
Not that it looks like crap or anything...it's not really what I was expecting.

Every page looks like this.
Same black page with white text.
Different boring picture.
NOTHING else...

As usual, Kirito is the sole lyricist, I wasn't expecting anything else and honestly would have been kinda meh if he wasn't.
Karyu has scooted right on into songwriter position with exactly half of the music on this album crediting him.

Giru has yet to give anything beyond his adorable stage presence and apparent fear of Kirito.
I don't even expect anything from Takeo since I'm convinced he's secretly the CEO of some huge ass company somewhere and this is actually just his side gig XD

As for pre-listen thoughts...
I'm a little weirded out by how Kirito has been going recently.
All of his music has been...well...happier.
It's not bad, FAR from bad but...just different.

I think all of his rage is finally gone.

Karyu, on the other hand, has been consistently writing heavier stuff for them and while I can tell that is has a distinct cohesive....feel, it's still all different enough that it's exciting.

In closing, if this album sucks I'm divorcing them all for at LEAST a week.

except Takeo.

Takeo can do no wrong.

Ever.

what just happened...

oddesy — Wed, 04 Jul 2012 17:17:10 GMT

You guys...

ChildFOOD.

That is the back of my lovely new used copy of Hyde's book.
Title: the HYDE

My title: Childfood DEATH

I haven't read much but it is fascinating
....and I also need to work on my kanji skillz D8

I'm off to the good ole' Land of the Free and Home of the Brave in around three weeks.

Can anyone explain to me why I am both really excited and really not?

I want to grow my hair a little longer but the growing out of the last cut I got is not gelling.
I need some style cut into it...some layers or something.
I need to resist cutting it off again.
I need to stop coveting boy hair.

I also need someone to tell me where I can get leopard print hotpants.

adult what??

oddesy — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 15:23:33 GMT

Oh HAY I never posted about Fukuoka.

So there was KxK goodness.
Karyu is an Ero Terrorist.
Kirito has a crush on Giru,
while Giru has a crush on Kohta.
Kohta cried *wibble*
...and Takeo stoically takes in the boobs.

Tomorrow is the Osaka show at the Hatch, followed by the instore on Friday.
I'm a little disappointed that only Kirito and Karyu are coming...
but really more than that I'm just wondering what the fuck everyone else is doing.

....also I wanna know if FM Osaka allows visitors to their radio shows....

Newsflash: I am 12.

oddesy — Sat, 19 May 2012 15:04:24 GMT

So, does anyone want to tell me how intensely stupid I am right now?

That damn piece of paper cost me 5,040 yen (getting close to in the neighborhood of $70 US)

So yeah, I am 12.
But I don't feel so bad because elektrajolt and jadesun are right with me.

June is Angelo month now and forever.
Take that loserface Jun.

oddesy — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 13:47:11 GMT

mynameisdish and I went on an impromptu shopping day today.

The plan was Loft.
Loft for bath salts...that is all

So, we got the bath salts...

but how the HELL did this happen???

....they have Superman too...
I kinda want to go get more >_>

After a stupidly long time spent in Hep 5 and Loft we had parfaits

I'm gonna go eat a banana now and pretend like my room is not an utter mess.
Somebody suggest some new icons for me...I'm bored with my six ;_;

oddesy — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 02:44:31 GMT

My whole being hurts but in a kinda good, weird, live workout kinda way.

Anyway, been a while, oops >.>...
Japan has finally "settled" for me a little (after half a year) and work really doesn't bug me too much. I'm not getting screwed half as hard as some other people so I'm just going to ride it out until the contract is up and then see about moving on or sticking around. At any rate, my job is easy as fuck and doesn't require even half of my attention most of the time so I figure I have a sweet enough deal for the time being.

As far as life outside of work...been to a few lives recently, gone and done some shopping, generally need to stop spending money.
ALL of the lives were fun (regardless of knowing the band or not) but really I'm mostly looking forward to Angelo's Summer tour.
elektrajolt and I are travelling to Fukuoka to meet jadesun for the show there (the day before Kohta's birthday ♥). I'm stupid happy to 1) see them again, 2) see them with my beautiful, wonderful, magical Pierrot lovelies, and 3) see what they're gonna do to torture poor baby brother as he turns 37.
A week and a half later will be the Namba Hatch show with elektrajolt again and mynameisdish. I'm excited for her to see Kirito in person XD

On the Kyushuu note, I am also going to spend a lovely long week away from Osaka, in Kawatana and the surrounding area, with my darling lovely wonderful dearest jadesun. I am ridiculously excited for vacation times and friend times and just fuckin' YAY!!!!

ライブ記念プリ～☆♪

oddesy — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 03:57:20 GMT

Why am I so lazy when it comes to LJ?? Not like I don't have the TIME...I just need to discover some sort of motivation.

So last night, elektrajolt and I had an emotional night watching Dictator's Circus VII. The concert has been out for over 6 years and this is the first time I've seen the whole thing.
It hurt my heart a little.
Something about it just felt like the END.

Fortunately we were watching it together so there was minimal bawling but the feeling was still there.
I also realized that jadesun and I are so long overdue for an all night Pierrot/KxK love fest I just can't even....

My love for this band never dies, it just hibernates.
So on that note, Angelo (admittedly my sad substitute) announced their spring/summer tour.
I'm still waiting on my FC stuff to come so I can pay, get an ID number, and enter the ticket lottery.
.....and there may need to be a Kyushuu concert experience, if you catch my drift Jade darling (the Fukuoka date is on a Saturday the day before darling baby brother's birthday...) as my paid leave will finally be usable by that point.

Kirito is also, as of last week, now 40 and the realization that I have been listening to them since he was 30 is a little....surreal.

All of my strange Pierrot-y feeling aside
and trust me, there are many and they are varied from wooby to ragekill
mynameisdish and I have decided to start a pretentious musician book club.
That is what I shall call it for the duration anyway since here is the first book:

I'm only three pages in and it is already MAGICAL and even crazier than I hoped for.
...also I am going to make a damn concentrated effort to actually learn to read the fucking kanji instead of just recognize their meaning since holy SHIT I suck at reading ;_;

Where did I go???

oddesy — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 07:18:38 GMT

So life is well....life.
I feel like I am so lazy since coming back to Japan. I do NOTHING but work and look forward to the weekend when I can sleep on Monday and go karaoke on Tuesday.

WTF has my world become?

I missed what was apparently an epic Angelo show last night because I put off buying the ticket.
Live and learn I guess.

On the live radar:
☆ Darling 皿 got tickets to a SCREW live next month with some pretty awesome entry numbers. I know and recognize all of one song of theirs but I think it will be fun. I want to see a show where the boys all still dress up in sparkly stuff and makeup. (yes I am aware that JE would get me the same thing....I'm working on that)
★ Again, 皿 dear got tickets to Gazette's 10 year anniversary live in Tokyo. While I really want to see them at least once, a lot of my thoughts concerning the matter have been "WTF am I even doing, why am I going to this??" I paid for the ticket already though so I'm just going to think of it as a NOVA vacation.
☆ Last, the MICRO HEAD 4Ns.
Please don't ask. Zero will be there and I decided that even if they suck, Jiroko has to go see her dweeby boy. Also Shun and Kazuya from Fanatic Crisis. I think I'm actually pretty excited to see them...mostly because I still love Fanatic Crisis more than a little and I get the feeling it will be like some sort of strange twilight zone moment to see them.

Now I am seriously torn between walking to DonQui to buy a keyboard and some french fries or finishing a Korean drama that I don't know why I STARTED watching but I fucking love it.

Seriously you guys, what has my life turned into??

don't look now, but that fish is plotting your death

あけおめ～☆

oddesy — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 16:17:58 GMT

I would say I resolve to LJ more but I know I probably won't ;_;

So New Year's Eve consisted of nabe, wine, 懐かしい jrock videos, the Utagassen, ugly QVC dresses, and the Johnny's countdown live.
How exciting my life is.

Seriously not gonna lie, I am having violent mood swings between 'yay Japan' and 'fuck your shit I wanna go back home.'

Now I'm a crotchety old lady:
It's late,
my head hurts,
bedtime NAO.

oddesy — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 03:38:05 GMT

Well...ok.

I just woke up later than I have in MONTHS.

Takui last night was pretty awesome.
He's damn adorable and looks like a freaking twelve year old 8D
Despite knowing none of what he played it was very enjoyable. I'd go see him again♥

As he apparently pulled out a bunch of old shit I shall now re-attempt my listen through of his music from old to new since I was doing new to old before.

Also that guitarist *_*
Boy looked like baby Toshiya. Only he wasn't a baby.
And he can STAY

Anyway....it's now totally chore day.
Dishes have not been done in a week.
Laundry has not been done in longer.
Shit is everywhere in my living room.
In short, my house is a MESS.

I would like to leave you with crack dealer cat...but Photoshop is being a royal bitch and won't stay open. Oh joy~

oddesy — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 01:40:59 GMT

TODAY.....

I make a ridiculous blog and hopefully do something with it.

I wish...

oddesy — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 06:47:08 GMT

I wish people would start acting their goddamned age already.

If you're an adult, fucking BE an adult.
If you want to act like a child, stop trying to make adult decisions with your life.

Most importantly, fucking realize that your life is your life and someone else's life is THEIR damn life.
You do not get to make decisions for them.
You do not get to judge them for what they decide.
You do not get to act like you are the better person.

You are not the center of the damn universe.

This is all real life, stupid, petty, fucked up, crazy people drama...

But I do not remember the last time I wanted to fucking break someone's face as badly as I do right now.

It's my day off and I haven't done anything...
It's only 4 and I feel exhausted.
Fucking home.

oddesy — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 02:10:09 GMT

Woah...my paid account finally ate itself o.o

Maybe I'll get it again when I get paid.

Gotta go to the Post Office and set up an account D8

In other news, I re-arranged the cords behind my TV so it looked less like spaghetti and more like a mildly controlled chaos....
Surprise, surprise, my internet randomly works again.

I'm still going to check and see if maybe my computer may be causing a problem.
Worth a shot.

So without further ado, I give you today's plans:

I am so behind.

Gokaiger too...
ILU so much Joe ♥

oddesy — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 14:24:22 GMT

What the fucking HELL?!??

Why is my internet randomly not working again?
Is it prejudiced against my computer or something???

*RAGEKILL*

oddesy — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 03:22:17 GMT

OMG, I love watching them @_@

Watching Tsunehito is so entrancing....and for ONCE not because I think he's gorgeous (because ew ;_;)...he's just that at ease when he's playing...
Also....well....all of them. I love this concert so much o.o

In real life news, I applied for my spaceman card today so I should have it by Halloween.
I also head out in just a few minutes to meet jiroko to go on my AU adventure to get a phone.

Then shopping.

I might go buy the super sketch AnAn issue with Ohkura in it.
OMG I AM JUDGING MYSELF SO HARD RIGHT NOW D8

Also Babel comes out on...Wednesday I think?
damn >.>

oddesy — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 02:34:36 GMT

So, shopping/exploring yesterday was a lot of fun. I killed my feet, but they'll be okay eventually.

Made live plans with noir_shiroi for in November and even though I'd never heard of the guy, she showed me a concert last night and it looks like it'll be a lot of fun XD

We also found Pure Sound, a used Jrock store and I bought a couple of Pierrot cds. Not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but it makes me happy but with a heavy dose of that permeating sad feeling I get every time I think about them.
There was also a seek book.
I was going to be good.
I bought it anyway.

Next morning and I look at it with no regrets so I'm happy XD

I'm still feeling those waves of melancholy, but I know it will pass.
Eventually >.>

In other news, Pure Sound put me in a super 懐かしい mood.....

Jade, I misses you!!!!!!!!!!
I want to sit on my bed back home with Shadow watching Pierrot until 3 am again ;_;

Growing up sucks D8

oddesy — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 01:26:17 GMT

GET BACKERS!!!!!!!

Uh, I have spent the last few days just laying in my room watching anime, which I can say with complete confidence I have NOT done since like...high school? Unless you count Jade and I watching all manner of BL stuff during our first couple of years at UGA.

MEEEEEEEEMORIES~

My morning melancholy is still sucking.
I have no idea how to cure it (so to speak) other than just ignore it.

Everyone in my life is telling me to just go with the flow, kinda muck through it all...and I know they're all right. I love them ALL for it.
It's still hard and it's still a pain in the ass.

Allison (the older niece) took all of a DAY to tell my sister that she wanted me to come back now. When Stephanie told her that I couldn't, Allison proceeded to pack a bag and go tell my dad that he had to take her to get on an airplane to go get me.
That is the kind of shit that sucks the worst. Their dad left them and I was terrified to disappear too...even though I know that I have to go make my OWN life. It's still hard to know that Allison wants to go get me and Madison walks up to my room and pushes the door open calling for me.....

On the better side though, I'm going exploring with noir_shiroi today. We have no real destination yet, but I think that'll make it more fun~
Maybe I'll stop somewhere really quick and get a picture for my spaceman card (since that entire endeavor got shot to hell yesterday)

I am going to take my やる気 from doing laundry earlier, giggle over lulzy Diru pictures from Jiroette, then get dressed and go to the 100 yen shop and look for a lint brush >.>...

Oh yes and the GAY....I'm going to enjoy more of the epic GAY that comes with this show ♥

oddesy — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:12:12 GMT

I dub today "the Monday off that never was."

I got up today (albeit very early), took a shower, and intended to take my first weekend day off to go to the ward office and apply for my spaceman card (read: alien registration card)

Then I decided to call my dad.
See, I have been feeling very off since I got here. No surprise there.
I feel like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, why I'm doing it, or why it seems to be translating into pure physical illness.
I have been having this general...OFF feeling for the past several days but truly I have been hoping some good sleep is the answer to it.

Calling home, I think may not have been my best move.
Just about 4 hours later and I feel sick from crying so much (for no real apparent reason), and all I really want to do is crawl into a hole and die since I can't just go home.
Maybe I'm experiencing backlash of emotions since this is really the first so to speak fully quiet time I have had since Stanley died...really since my mom died even. I woke up thinking about her by the way, I'm sure that didn't help the desperate, lost feeling.

So really, all that happened during my conversation with home is I told my dad that I feel like I got here and...that's it. I don't really know what the fuck to do anymore.
I got so damn used to everyone being around me at home, it was a huge shock to go back to living alone.
I LIKE my job allright, but I don't really want to do it.
I WANT to go out and do stuff, but I feel this hollow, useless feeling when I try to get ready.
I'm TRYING to feel human but I just can't seem to kick it in....

In short, I didn't even leave the apartment today. I felt like shit after basically crying for 4 hours straight so I turned my AC on just so that I could cuddle under my blanket.
I'm taking a sleeping pill in a little while to try and trick myself into sleeping for more than three or four hours so maybe I can try the human bit again tomorrow.

Holy shit, when did I turn into such a whiny little bitch D8

oddesy — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 23:54:28 GMT

So my first day at work started with a lovely, rainy, LATE arrival (being late irritates me so much) followed by a very long feeling day.
This possibly has a LOT to do with the jetlag which, by the way, has kicked me harder than ever before. I think that might have something to do with being sick when I left Georgia...

Oh yeah, I also tore my heel open while I was walking around trying to find my way to the office. There is no better way to say that. I have a huge, gaping HOLE in my heel, my shoe is covered in blood, and I have a new appreciation for my pain tolerance when I am stressed.

I hope day two goes a little more smoothly, I just have to figure out how to control my nerves when I'm teaching *sigh*

Oh yes.....this apartment building apparently has no problem with animals.
This makes me sad.
I wish I could have my family mail my cat to me.
I'm not even kidding when I say that every time I think about her it makes me cry.
Lets not even get started on how much I worry about Steph, my dad, and the girls.....

Holy shit I think I need to go out and go shopping or do something fun. Being in this apartment alone is a little bit depressing....

oddesy — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 11:05:50 GMT

Just gonna say, 4:30 is the armpit of the morning @_@

Buh bai Houston.
San Fransisco here I come.

Damn I hope there's free wi-fi in that airport......
Osaka, I hope I'm ready for you.

really?

oddesy — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 05:37:42 GMT

Sorry JK, I stand by what I have always said:
I don't think I will ever mesh with Gryffindor.

whatever man *shrug*